We’re pre-gaming Enoch—the apocryphal fever dream Christians can’t stop half-quoting when angels get horny and giants show up. Consider this your atheist field guide to the Watchers, their disastrous “heavenly HR violations,” and how this book helped turbocharge demon lore, apocalyptic fanfic, and every YouTuber who thinks fallen angels invented metallurgy just to ruin your day.

We also get into why Enoch didn’t make the Protest...

Adam’s on his deathbed, Seth’s asking angels for a dab of “oil of mercy,” and somehow we end up with a medieval fan-theory where a magic tree grows out of Adam’s grave and later becomes the Cross. Yes, really. In this irreverent romp through the final chapters of the Life of Adam and Eve (aka Vita Adae et Evae / Apocalypse of Moses), we pick apart apocryphal add-ons that try way too hard to stitch Genesis to Golgotha—complete with ...

Adam is 930, everything hurts, and Seth wants a definition of “pain.” (Spoiler: nobody has one.) While the angels step out for a worship break, the Adversary clocks in and Eve gets blamed for…well, everything, again. The hosts roast the logic of angelic babysitters who take a coffee break right when the talking snake shows up, and we head down a rabbit hole of “divine consequences” that read more like management malpractice than co...

We pick up where things got gloriously unhinged: Eve gives birth and the kid stands up and sprints off like the Gingerbread Man. Yes, still canon in this wild text. From there, the hosts unpack why the scene mentions “twelve angels and two virtues” (no, not moral traits—an angelic rank), then riff on hierarchy, bowing, and celestial office politics. It’s irreverent, nerdy, and exactly the kind of Pseudepigrapha detour we live for.

Vita Adae et Evae

We crack open the Latin version of Vita Adae et Evae (aka The Life of Adam and Eve)—a pseudepigrapha text pinned to Moses long after the fact—and immediately trip over multiple editions, from Greek to Armenian, because of course the Bible multiverse needed DLC. We’re reading the English translation of the Latin because it’s the most readable for non-scholars who still want the tea without the footnote hangover.

Your favorite godless duo kicks off a new arc by shoving Genesis back under the microscope—then gleefully coloring outside the canonical lines. We define Apocrypha (the “hidden/secret” stuff) and Pseudepigrapha (the “falsely attributed” stuff) before diving into why so much juicy lore lives outside the official cut. Think origin-story patch notes: second-Temple authors, bonus angels, Satan cameos, and the ultimate “deleted scenes” ...

This week we ditch the Apocrypha to confront the political cyclone around Charlie Kirk’s killing—and the even uglier spin machine that followed. The episode opens with a scorching montage of right-wing grievance and Bible-thumping clobber verses (yes, the “abomination” greatest hits), setting the stage for how faith is weaponized to police gender, empathy, and civil rights. The hosts are crystal clear: murder is not okay, full stop...

Cue the confetti: we officially wrapped the Old Testament—and yes, we took a moment of celebratory silence (not prayer… obviously) before plotting what’s next. This one’s an on-air planning sesh where we celebrate the milestone and lay out how we’ll untangle the Bible’s utterly bonkers ordering—because the OT you grew up with is the same content as the Hebrew Bible, just shuffled by theology and tradition rather than history.

We...

Malachi Wrap-Up & Contradictions: Ezra’s Ghostwriter Gig, Divorce Drama, and God’s Eternal Grudge

📝 Episode Summary:

Five years, countless smitings, and one accidental Rickroll later, we’ve officially finished the Old Testament—and we’re sending Malachi off with a bang (and a Bon Jovi cameo). In this wrap-up special, the hosts dig into the so-called “minor prophet” who might not even be real—spoiler: Malachi probab...

Malachi 4: Frolicking Calves, Ashy Corpses, and the Old Testament’s Murdery Curtain Call”

📝 Episode Summary:

We did it—five years, countless smitings, and more divine mood swings than a soap opera marathon—and Malachi 4 finally drags the Old Testament across the finish line. The chapter itself? A tiny four-verse fireball where God promises the wicked will be torched into stubble while the righteous get to skip around l...

Malachi 3: Tithes, Threats, and That Petty Little “God’s Naughty List”

📝 Episode Summary:

We dive headfirst into Malachi 3—the Old Testament’s penultimate guilt trip—where God allegedly sends a “messenger,” talks about refiner’s fire, and then pivots straight into shaking down the peasants for tithes. Yes, the chapter that prosperity preachers love to tattoo on their wallets makes a cameo, and we drag it appropriate...

Malachi’s Divine Dung-Fest: When God Calls You a Poop Face and Means It

This week, we dive headfirst into Malachi Chapter 2, where God’s big message to the priests boils down to: You’re all unworthy, you give me crappy sacrifices, and also—poop face. No, really. The Almighty threatens to smear dung on their faces because apparently that’s the ancient Hebrew equivalent of “bless your heart.” From hypocritical Levite nost...

Moon Shit and Menstrual Calendars: How Judaism Synced Up with Space

📝 Episode Summary:

Strap in for a lunar-laced detour from our usual Bible bashing as we dive headfirst into ancient Israel’s moon obsession, and no, not in a sexy Wiccan way. This isn’t your typical “let’s stare at the stars” moment. We’re talking about how the Jewish calendar was built around the moon’s ass and how fire poles, moon seekers, and period-power...

Suck My Johnson (Act): How the IRS Just Gutted Church-State Separation (and Called It a ‘Family Discussion’)

📝 Episode Summary:

Buckle up, blasphemers—this week’s episode of Sacrilegious Discourse takes a red-hot poker to the Johnson Amendment, that dusty 1954 rule designed to keep churches from morphing into tax-free political machines. Spoiler alert: the IRS just whispered “go ahead” to pulpit endorsements—so long as it’s ...

Malachi, Messenger of Mayhem: When God Hates Esau and Slams Your Goat Sacrifices

📝 Episode Summary:

Welcome to the divine roast of Malachi Chapter 1, where God kicks things off by saying “I love you” and then immediately follows it up with a detailed description of how much he hates Esau. Romantic, right? In this snark-laced breakdown, your favorite atheist duo dives into the last book of the Hebrew Bible—Malachi (or as we l...

Zechariah’s Zombie Apocalypse, Divine Meltdowns, and a Bible Book Wrap-Up from Hell

📝 Episode Summary:

Hold onto your prophetic horses—this ain’t your grandma’s Bible study. In this irreverent breakdown of Zechariah Chapters 12–14, we hit peak theological absurdity: God turns Jerusalem into a drunken stumbling block, demands loyalty through magical fountains and plague-stricken horses, and ends with a bizarre image of people...

Zechariah's Contradictions: God Is Furious. Unless He Isn't.

📝 Episode Summary:

Buckle up, heretics—it's our last dance with Zechariah, and we’re sending him off with a contradictions episode so absurd, even God might need a flowchart. In this glorious finale, our snarky hosts debate whether Zechariah was Iddo's son or grandson (because apparently genealogy is as hard for the Lord as kindness). Then it's on to God’s rage iss...

Zechariah's Prophetic Fever Dream: Donkeys, Flying Scrolls, and the Jesus Retcon

📝 Episode Summary:

Hold onto your chariots, folks—this episode is a wild theological autopsy of Zechariah, where prophecy, PTSD, and political propaganda come together like a DIY apocalypse starter kit. The hosts finally wrap up the Book of Zechariah, dissecting its two-part structure (First Zechariah: dreams and dates, Second Zechariah: undated mes...