86: On How to Survive Your 20s

Learn this ONE ~crazy trick~ to not just survive your 20s, but to THRIVE! Nah, there's not one trick, but we got some ideas. As two ladies who lived through this tumultuous era and lived it hard, we learned a few things along the way and wanna share that wisdom with you. With love from the kooky aunts <3

**Therapy resource for people without insurance! >> Open Path Collective
One-time fee to join, then very reduced rates (between $40-70 per session for individual therapy and $30 student intern sessions). Website: https://openpathcollective.org/

Patreon ~ patreon.com/sadgap
Merch ~ sadgap-podcast.com/merch 

ig: @sadgap.podcast / @misandristmemes / @txgothgf / music producer @iamjonnibrooks.eth 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi, Hello, and welcome to Sad Girls against the Patriarchy.
I'm Alison and I'm Alexis, and we are your sad girls.
We're talking about surviving your twenties and we're going to

(00:30):
inject some life advice today. And in the car, I
sprayed antibacterial fabric spray right in my face. As I
was thinking about the advice, I was going to di
spell to the youths.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
I mean, maybe that'll be a good but not to do.
The lesson is not to take yourself too seriously. Laugh
it off.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
That is absolutely definitely one of the lessons.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
And flesh your eyeballs with water as needed. Oh no,
I'm pretty sure. My cat to my bag. It was
kind of like what else could this be? You know
that kind of right, yeah, And I didn't notice till
I left. And so I had this fabric spray and
I was looking at it thinking there was like a
release and I'm literally it was like a slapstick like
movie kind of a thing. I'm looking at it like

(01:15):
is this the button, and then just rained right in
my face. I'm like, oh, there it is. It hurt
a lot less than I thought it would, just a
little light stinging.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yeah, that's okay, that probably means it's working right.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, I'm actually very clean right now. But we're gonna
do some It's gonna be a little bit of a
mix of like how to set yourself up for your
future and some personal stories of our own adventures during
a second puberty. Yeah, yeah, I like to call it.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, this will be mostly I mean I'm speaking for
my part, mostly just anecdotal and opinion based things. I
did listen to a podcast that Allison suggested that had
some great information, so check that out.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
It was what's called the Psychology of your Twenties. Yeah,
so there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
It was an entire podcast dedicated to that. But don't
go over there and listen to it. Just stay here
and listen ours.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Not yet, you could go after sometimes she's come up
with hundreds of episodes.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I know there I saw it was like two hundred
and eighty episodes or something like that.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Apparently there's a lot going on I.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
Mean in your twenties, there absolutely is.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, And I'm going to try to get too preachy
because I have a lot of opinions. So just say
pineapple if it's like, okay, shut up, we got it
we understand.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
I mean, I'll probably get the same way, So I
don't know if we'll be able to regulate each other.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
Pineapple pineapple. Yeah. Someone one time was like, Alison, do
you have an opinion on and then they paused and
I was like, yes, I don't know what you're gonna say.
Whatever you're about to say. The answer is yes, I'll
come up with one and I'll come right. Yeah, you
don't even I need no preparation. Yeah, but first we
had a review that we're just gonna mention because we
always like to bring up our reviews that have been wonderful.

(02:52):
We did get a four star review, but from someone
who listens to us. So it's a little different because
I feel like at some point there's gonna be some
one star, like stupid bitches, women are dumb.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
I'm sure we already have some of those, just without
the text to accompany them.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yes, but it's different when it's someone who actually listens
and is into our content and has thoughts. And we
always do say that we welcome that, so in practice
we also have to welcome it. Yeah, there's theory and
there's practice, and we're practicing. Yes, it was someone who
pointed out that we totally got a fact wrong and

(03:27):
that people who live in Transylvania are not Slavic. We
mentioned that in No Sparatu episode, and the common was
that a simple Google search would have told us that
those kind of things, which is very yes, very well
received and definitely want to put that out there. We
looked up all the Slavic countries and they're in the
same region, but not Romania.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Romania is not a Slavic country. So we did speak
our apologies. It was not with ill intent, and we
do like a correction on something like that. Especially, you know,
we are very American centric, so it is good to
get an outside perspective.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Sure, we're definitely more of a chatty podcast than not
that we're not informative, but then I don't want to
say like not research driven. So there's a couple of
our favorites. There's stuff you should know where they don't
gab about their personal lives quite as much, but like
I know their wives' names, I know their pets names,
I know where they live, I know about them, and
they very much skim the surface of everything, and that's

(04:22):
what they say, just skim me the surface and then
there's your wrong about where they do like twenty pages
of thoroughly fact checked research. We're more on the first one.
Yeah yeah, and it's hopefully more like we're hanging out
with you as you like do the dishes and fight
to survive. There's also a mention here of like if
you get things wrong, it's not as effective in taking

(04:46):
down the patriarchy and making your point against men. I
will say, I see our demographics and it's like ninety
percent women listening, and I think the ten percent men
are like insults passing through to get mad, or like
someone's cool boyfriend or maybe someone who is not a
says het Man. But other than that, I know the
description says taking down the patriarchy. When Spotify stream of

(05:07):
Time it is someone a joke. I don't, unfortunately, think
this education is going to take down the patriarchy.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
I wish, I wish.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Maybe it can inspire someone who actually will take down
the patriarchy, but I don't think it will be us, unfortunately.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
I wish.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
I think we need more bombs. I think we need
more Luigi moments to take down the patriarchy. It's bigger
than anyone podcast. And I agree that we want to
make ourselves sound very credible, and that's part of why
I edit words filler words out because I want because
I want men listening to respect us. But I don't know.

(05:44):
I've talked to a lot of dudes. They don't sound
very smart. They don't sound as smart as us. I
think we're pretty good at that. But also there's a
lot of qualifying words that I'll call fem qualifiers or
there's another word for that, where we're using words like
I sink or I feel your softening thing.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Right.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Women are taught to do that much more so than men.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Right, And you know we have the nice exclamation points
in our emails and yeah, the way we have to
tone police ourselves.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
And when we get something wrong and correct it. Like,
I don't think this episode is out before this one,
things are coming out as the universities fit. But we
talked about Meers Briggs test, and I did not get
information right about Catherine Briggs, the women who created the
test and then corrected it. I don't think those kind
of corrections are a bad thing at all. Because we
have full time jobs, we have no assistance, we have

(06:32):
no research team, we have no editor. When we get
things wrong, we'll just correct them.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, And sometimes we don't know stuff and we do
our best, we really do.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
It's usually things that are straying from the notes yes,
and conversations that follow of like oh, like do you
know more about this? Because it gets us talking about
it and it might plan to question in your mind.
But there's just a lot of different directions that we
can go with this, and the most important thing is
that we dry for accuracy. We get our point across.
We talk about the feminine experience.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
We're not going to know everything. We don't know totally don't.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Like Alison said, we're busy gals. We work full time jobs.
We got other hobbies and multiple other jobs and we
do this.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
But if a man ever asks if we know everything.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yes, yes, absolutely, and we'll find out If nothing, we
will find out to know everything.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
I'll act like I do.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
I will fact check.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Myself in real time on my phone in my pocket,
just like typing away, not looking like actually the answer is.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yes. So I think that was all that we kind
of Oh, if you have any of your own assoughts
on what you like about our podcast or we don't like,
but hopefully what you like and if you like the
style that we have going, and if you like the
way we're doing this in the conversational element, then you
are also very welcome to leave it in a review

(07:56):
because it helps us a lot. Yes, in your twenties
and you feel like you're drowning in expectations, uncertainty, and burnout.
You're not alone.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
You're not.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
We are too, and we're not even in our twenties.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
No, but boy, did we live our twenties. I tell
you what I lived at heart.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yes, I feel like I lived many lifetimes in my twenties.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
There's also something here of the twenties are just something
we kind of came up with, and the same that,
like the calendar year is something some dude came up with,
is having importance. So even though it does hold a
certain like, oh, I'm in my twenties and that means
such and such, at the same time, no, it doesn't. No, Yeah,
you can be immature or mature for your age like

(08:40):
that just means you're at your own pace, which is
better than being like, oh my god, I'm twenty nine,
I have to have it all together now, or like
oh my god, I'm thirty one. Now I'm a fuck
up if I don't such and such. No, it's like
you're just doing you.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
And I think that's a lot of the twenties is
there is so much expectations to get basically all of
the big life check mark done in your twenties. There
is the expectation that, like, you'll probably find your like
lifelong partner in your twenties and or possibly even get married,
Like you should buy a house, like you should have
like your you know, established career going at least like
working up an upward trajectory in your career, and you

(09:14):
should have xyz the thirty before thirty blah blah blah.
And sometimes it's you can plan and plan and do
all the right things, and sometimes that's just not the
right trajectory for you, or shit happens that's out of
our control. Like don't compare yourself to others, I think
is a big thing in the twenties. Yes, where you're
constantly like, am I on the right track? Am I?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Where I'm supposed to be?

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, so and so is doing this So like I'm
obviously fucking up, but also so and so over.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Here is a fucking up way worse than me. So
maybe I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Okay, you're just doing you, baby, that's right. But there
are some things that I'm glad that I started doing younger.
And I was thinking now of like what do I
wish I'd known? I wish I started doing younger. I
feel pretty good of like, okay, like started going to therapy,
started doing these things, like that was all pretty good.
I didn't get everything right, but if you are able

(10:04):
to look back and be like, at least I'm glad
I took the time to think about this and make
a choice. It doesn't have had to be the right choice,
even right, but I think that brings you comfort as
you get older, to be like, Okay, like I stopped
and I decided I wanted to specifically the two things
that came to mind first or I started doing yoga

(10:25):
and I started a roth ira, and I'm really fucking
glad that I did. And I'm going to tell you why,
tell us, Allison, tell us why? Well, I am a
yoga evangelist, and I used to think it was so dumb.
I don't know, I just thought it was like for
rich women and just very exclusionary. And I just pictured
a lot of just like you're ligning your chakras. I'm

(10:47):
not a very spiritual person, so it's turned off by
all that. Yeah, and then the kind of appropriating element
of like you've taken something from this ancient culture and
you've just turned it into this massive industry of workout class, Yeah,
doesn't sit well with me either. Then I had to
do it as part of a dance class, and after
like my third week, and I'm just sobbing in Shavasa,
I'm like.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Okay, shit, they got me.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
I get it now. Six years, seven years later and we.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Still go in Yeah. No, it' the same thing. I
was like, oh my god, Yoga's so like yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Like white woman Lululemon ass like shut the fuck up.
You guys are yeah, like appropriating Indian culture like uh gross.
And then I'm like, oh my god, Yoga's actually like
so amazing, and like I know he's on like French
of Californians, but like, trust me, we are not those
fucking people like at all, but it is. It's so
nice and you get in your body and you like

(11:41):
it surprises you what you can still do with your body.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
I think for me, I was like, oh shit, I
could still do that.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
That's amazing, and then you feel really good about yourself
and you feel good afterwards without feeling like someone hit
you with a truck like you do after doing like
a major workout.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
I haven't found a list of specific benefits like strength,
balance and flexibility, increasing and proving of course, easing back
pain using arthritis symptoms. Raising levels of stress, which.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Nope, nope, nope, yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
I stress said no one ever. Yeah, reducing levels of stress,
which also helps with body wide inflammation and that contributes
to healthier hearts.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
It relaxes you, which leads to better sleeps, many sleeps,
and numerous studies show the benefits. This information, By the way,
it is from John Hopkins medicine. It is not from
Happy Chakras dot Ne.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
This is real promise, real medicine from real science people.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yes, I've learned that yoga is actually like physically very
good for your body. Yeah, but I kind of have
this later, I mean know, it's what I'll put it here.
It's really just like finding the thing that works for you.
There's a lot of like, you should do this so
you'd get this out of it. You should do yoga
so you feel better, so you such and such it

(13:02):
doesn't have to be yoga. Yeah, you just gotta find
your thing. I don't fucking meditate. I'm not a no no,
that's torture, yuck.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
Clear your mind, no thoughts, it would not be me.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
You know what's gonna come in instead of those thoughts
the devil.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, literally, the intrusive thoughts exactly.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yoga is meditative in that you are just very present
in your body and it pushes away those intrusive thoughts.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
There's also the thing with exercise of when you do
start things younger, they continue to be easier than if
you started them older.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
And then becomes more of like a habit in green.
So it's not like totally upending your life.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Oh yeah, yeah, No, I think it's from the Seven
Habits of Highly Effective People. Of course it is, yes,
which I read in a business class in community college.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yes she did.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
She's a business Coin associates a business, she said, guys.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh, yes. The line is habits are stronger than lots
and stuck with me of like anything I'm in the
habit of doing of Like, Okay, every Saturday morning, I
get up and I go to this ballet class. I
don't really want to go, but I do it every
week and I see the same people and the teacher
knows I'm there. But it's a habit. So getting in
the habit of doing things as people who have a
problem with like structure and discipline.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yes, yeah, it is so hard. We both have we
have some executive dysfunction, that is, it's it's very much
an uphill battle for us to have routine.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Our executive dysfunction functions very well. Yes, I'm going to
go into iras next unless you would like to say
other things.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Now I need to know tell me all about your
IRA because I'm terrible with money.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Let's go.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
So I've never had a traditional job with a retirement plan,
and at some point in my mid twenties, I was
just kind of looking ahead and being like, well, I
don't want to get a different job just so there's
a retirement plan, right, just for benefits. Yeah, that because
I get my health insurance. To the state, and hopefully
other people listening like if you don't and have health insurance,

(15:01):
I don't know what it is. Depends on where you live.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, that's the whole problem is that we are we
are very lucky to live in California where you can
access non employment insurance.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yeah, having to choose your employment based on benefits is
limiting very so. Another option is an IRA, which is
I'm going to do my best here. But I know
there are two kinds.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
I knew that.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
I think there's more that there's I know there's the
ROTH IRA. There's two main ones, Roth and traditional. We
are not accountants, I'm so sorry. I think we'd actually
have to be like stock people, fighter marketers. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
My sister in law's a CPA and she knows.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Oh, I don't know if it's like a hobby because
she's like really type A into this stuff, or if
it's to do with her job.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Either way, she is great with this stuff. Okay, well
that makes sense. The main difference is between the roth
and the traditional iras are that with the roth arays,
you are contributing money after already been taxed.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
You're doing it off your gross income, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
And then you are putting it into mutual funds or
usually the go too. That's what I'm doing as far
as I know. That is the way of it, which
are a collection of low risk investment funds. And then
there's an investment manager who's making decisions about that. But
you don't have to be involved, you don't have to
think about it. I have an automatic transfer that goes

(16:26):
from my bank account into a Charles Schwab account and
then every month is invested into a mutual fund. It
happens without me thinking about it at all. And then
when I look at that, it's now worth more than
twenty five dollars a month, and I could withdraw it,
but don't do that. But don't, don't. Don't don't do that. Nope,
not unless you are about to retire. There are rules

(16:47):
about how much you can withdraw also, and there are
rules around like income limits, like you can't start a
roth ira if you earn over I think it's like
one hundred and fifty grand, or if you're married, it's
a different number. But I don't think most of our
listeners are worried about that yet, especially if you're in
your twenties, so you are probably in a good position
to do this. A traditional ira you can get a

(17:08):
tax deduction on now, so you can count this in
your taxes. You're going to be like, I made these deposits,
these transfers, and now it helps me in my taxes,
but then you end up paying taxes later in retirement
when you withdraw that amount. Now it's taxable. The ross
doesn't help your taxes at all now, but later you

(17:30):
can just withdraw without being taxed as long as you
followed the rules. I don't know how much money is there,
and I also think that our version of society might
kind of change in a very negative way.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, I think unfortunately all of our money might be disappearing.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
And shortly I did run a little thought experiment of like, okay,
let's say let's say you guys, you live another fifty
some years. You haven't died of an accidental fentanyl overdose,
just yet, still going strong.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
It still happens.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
The economy sucks. But if there is any kind of
structure like there is now and the stock market exists,
which I know, wealthy people want these kind of investments
to continue existing.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yes, around the world, this is their bread and butter. Yeah,
the oligarchs will continue to uphold the stock market.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yes, that's the thing. And then I imagine, like, do
I have basically an insurance policy of this money tucked
away that's now accrued. It's probably not going to be
you know, wells and riches. It's a very low risk,
just safety fund. If you have that and the world sucks,
aren't you in a better spot? Yeah? I was like,
oh my god, wait, I don't want to be. I

(18:36):
know some people in they're like sixties who are just
like still really hustling for gig work and really struggling,
and I'm just like, oh man, I don't. I barely
have the energy for it now.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
Right.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's an insurance policy. And if you don't have any
kind of retirement fund through a job that I really
think you go to it's like a financial services company. Yeah,
there's a certain person who can advise you on where
to vest in mutual funds to set up an IRA.
Not everyone there can do it.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
I learned.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
It was like no, no, you have to talk to
someone who is They can't just be like ooh, I
don't know, like figure it out. No, They'll like sit
you down and be like, yeah, this is probably the
right choice, and then you can set up the recurring
thing and then you literally don't have to think about
it until you're older and want that fuck of money.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
That's so nice.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
It was a process. It really took me like a year.
It was like talking to people I knew and like
looking online. It was such a pain in the ass
just to like get it done. But once it was
and it was set up, even that company has evolved
as it's been like bought and merge and it's just
still going. I don't have to touch it, and sometimes
I look at it and I'm.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
Like, cool, there's money in there.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
Yeah, that might be good. I could use that one day. Yeah.
So that's one of those things where, yeah, if you
don't have a job with benefits, that's gonna help you
out in the future. And starting younger is better, but
that doesn't mean if you're like thirty five you should
just like not do it because there's no time living
on this.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
Some money is better than no money, That.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
Is very true. Yeah, yes, it does have more time
to grow the younger you start, but yeah, definitely that
what's it called like the cost sunk fallacy or something.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
That sunk sunk cost fallacy.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, I didn't do it then,
so I can't do it now. But it's like in
ten years you're gonna be like, well, I wish i'd
done it at that point too.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, I definitely did that to myself because I didn't
start a four oh one K and asked me if
I have now Nope, I mean I do have retirement.
I have multiple retirement funds. Like I'm good, I just
don't have a four oh one K. And my sister
in law who's in the accountant, She's like, okay, but
you could have started it when we talked about it
last time, and then you had had three years worth
of eight percent in your company matching and bul bah.

(20:37):
I'm like, listen, but I also went to Europe. Did
you think about that when you had this conversation with me?
Because I don't think you thought about that.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
So four and K means I'm looking online that they're
taking a portion of each paycheck. Yes, right, so it
is reducing the amount that is being sent to you.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Correct.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
And for a while I was working as little as
humanly possible because I was acting more so I was.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
Like, no, I need literally every dollar right now.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, there's a lot of where you at, like what
is your financial situation at, which is why I think
just having in mind, like even just twenty five dollars
a month, like it's small, but it's better than nothing,
And if you can do one hundred dollars a month,
that's even better. And if you know there really is
no stock market or banks and we're in mad max
Land and a later time at least to feel good

(21:21):
about having made a smart choice for the current state. Yeah,
for the time that's now. Yeah, I don't think you're
ever going to be like, damn, I never should have
tucked awte some money for.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
Later, right, Yeah, that's not like a regrettable decision.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
I mean, like maybe investing in like a terrible stock
could be a regrettable decision, but you know, IRA is
not a regrettable decision.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
No, that's the saying, Yeah, this isn't gambling on something.
These are like these are collections of again I'm getting now,
I'm getting self costous, like I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
It's it's a more stable financial choice, yes, rather than like, oh,
you know, Gabe stops looking hot this week, we should
all invest in dump pump and dump it.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Okay, So that was boring and money stuff, but it's
good to think about. Yeah, what about relationships? I really
feel like you just got to play it out the
way you want to. I don't there's no way if
I'm like, break up with your toxic boyfriend, I know
you're not going to do it.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
No, No, I know, I know you, I know me. Yeah,
I think.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
I mean, relationships are complicated. There's some you know, there's
the data that shows your frontal lobe develops by twenty five,
So you know, if you do feel a big difference
from your college boyfriend to like now you're twenty five,
that's going to be a normal thing. Like people grow,
people change. We're developing a lot in our twenties. So
I mean, that's what happened with me personally. I had
a very long term boyfriend that was from high school.

(22:48):
We were together from sixteen to twenty two, so I
was with him for six and a half years, and
it wasn't like a big, bombastic breakup. We just kind
of turned into different people. We just grew in a
different way. Like I was going to school, I wanted
to move to the city. I wanted to do all
that stuff. And he'd been working since he was, you know, nineteen,

(23:08):
outside of high school. He was an electrician, and he
wanted to live in the burbs and like have a
family and do all this stuff. And neither of us
were wrong, right, he just wanted different things, And I
think it's okay to like, like we're talking about the
sunk cost fallacy. Don't be like, oh, well, I've been
with him for six years, so that means and now
I'm in my twenties, so I should just stay with
them and just get married because it's safe and it's

(23:30):
it's easier, it's comfortable. Sure, but you're always gonna regret
the things that you didn't do, not the things that
you did.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
More than likely.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
They say that, no, I mean, yeah, of course there's
things you do that you fucking regret.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
But like I'm a doer.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I was like, for me personally, I kind of do everything. Yeah,
as I think myself, like it's because it itches in
my brain. You're like, if I have the thought and
I want to do it, yeah, it doesn't go away,
and for most people it won't. If you're like, oh man,
I always wanted to live in Paris, it's gonna be
with you till you're sixteen.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Maybe just do it.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
For a year, you know, like yeah, just those feelings
of things that are like in your bones will never
go away and will never be satisfied unless you do.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Them Yes, when there's something that makes you happy and
that you really want to do, you take a big
problem and you break it down into tiny steps. It's overwhelming.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I always tell people that too. It's like, don't make
you know, like a mountain of this problem, Like do
it and step by step and just like focus on
like I'm just gonna do step one this week and
give yourself like a timeline doesn't have to be all
at once, because I do that too, where I'm like.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
No, I have to clean the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
It's like, okay, well, why don't we just start with
like let's just take off the stuff off the countertop
and put it underneath.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
We'll just do that this week. That's it.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
That's a good start. Yeah, that's it. That's all I
have to do. How do you eat an elephant? One time?

Speaker 3 (24:46):
Exactly?

Speaker 1 (24:46):
And that was that was like the same business class.
That's the kind of shit you learn in your associates
business and then.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
Some fucking white dude says it to you and you're like,
shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Marcus, it's Marcus, yeah, Raiden. But relationships, yes, I just

(25:18):
wanted to I think that's something that a lot of
people are thinking about in their twenties, particularly romantic relationships.
And I think there's a lot of things you just
have to figure out for yourself. Because we've all had
that friend who's dating that asshole. We're like just run.
She did not run.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
And we've said before on multiple episodes that data shows
that people are happier single than they are in an
unhappy relationship. So being a relationship isn't the end all
be all. It's not going to complete you. I mean
that's not like, oh I have to be in a
relationship or I'm what like lesser or like half half

(25:55):
of a unit. It just wait for the right person.
It's not an necessity to have a partner.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
No.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
Literally, I have a roommate now who is gay and
who I've just been like hanging out with a lot
and like someone to like talk to when I get home.
And that is just like such a nice platonic but
still like close friendship. That's like fulfilling that like, oh
you know, it's just nice like have someone around you,
have someone to talk to. It is very okay that
we're platonic because it also means we're going to have

(26:24):
an easier time of being friends and of hanging out
because the other elements they just make things more complicated
and intense. You can have these very fulfilling, nourishing, long
term friendships that will fulfill so much that you might
think only comes from a romantic relationship.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, And I don't know if that is specifically American,
where like we have our hyper individualistic point of view
on everything, where we kind of put all of our
relationships into one basket, which is our romantic relationships. And
I feel like this is again my opinion, I feel
like men do it a little bit more than women
do because I feel like women usually have more community
around us. No, we learned that in one of the episodes.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
Is Yeah, that was definitely the deprioritize platonic friendship.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yes, but yeah, you can.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
You can get so much out of friendships and that
can be really meaningful. I mean it takes effort to
continue relationships.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Good roommates too, Yeah, hard to find, but I've had
some of my best friends, and that is it's more
intimate in some ways than friendships that are not roommates,
just because like they're seeing you every morning with your
bad hair, right, like they're hearing you bring people. You
can't hide a lot from roommates. Yes, they won't say
anything if they're a good roommate, but they'll know when
you're getting up in the middle of the night to

(27:37):
you know, pour that bottle, to eat that cake, whatever like.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
And that's a different kind of intimacy. There's multiple types
of intimacies.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yes, yeah, totally. So if you're in a bad romantic relationship, yes, absolutely,
we want you to leave, we want you to prioritize
other kinds of things, but I know a lot of
the time you just got to play it out and
when it's time to go, you'll you'll know that. Something
that helped me is that, like when you see in
a relationship, just because you want to be in a relationship,

(28:06):
you rob yourself of the chance to actually meet.

Speaker 3 (28:08):
The better person. Yes, because if.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
You meet them while you're in the bad relationship, you're
not going to see that for what it is and
you're probably gonna miss it. So it really is actually
helping you move towards your goal of that healthy relationship.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
Okay. I was going to talk about diet and food
maybe a little bit, maybe just more like kind of
going to self care and like doing things to help
your body and help yourself, even if it's kind of
a workaround. I was saying about V eight, Okay, V
eight was on the mind. I ran out about to

(28:42):
order more from Amazon because I hate eating vegetables, but
I know I need to.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah, I mean, that's a great way to get vegetables
in like all those you know, some of them have
a shit ton of sugar in them. But like even
some of those what's that naked whatever that brand is
where it's just like a shit ton of vegetables. Yeah,
but it has like fruit, and so it just tays
it's like fruit and then yeah, you're getting you know,
all of your iron and full eate and shit.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
We're not like wellness curlies. But I know we both
like to sleep and we like to stay hydrated just
because it feels good, right, And we're in the habit
of carrying water bottle all the time.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
Oh yeah, I hear, I keep that thing on me.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah. Habits are stronger than laws, if you just Oh
and by the way, I buy plastic water bottles and
then I just reuse them. I don't I don't like
I lose metal water bottles, and I don't want to
buy water every day because I'm cheap, motherfuckers, So just
work around, so, like, find a way to make it
work for you.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Right, And that's the thing. Everyone's different. Don't subscribe to
one person's plan for success. Like there's that fucking meme
going around with that fucking guy that's like put my
face in an ice bath and all this crazy shit,
Like maybe that works for that fucking weirdo, but like that,
that doesn't mean that's gonna make you successful overnight by
following the exact same habits as somebody else, because it might.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
Not work for you.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Yeah, maybe you don't like yoga, but swimming feels really good,
or like riding a bike, like a lot of people
love bike. I dance tune. I'm very active and I
have had people ask how, like how do you maintain that,
like how do you keep it going? And the answers
that you have to find something that you enjoy that's
not awful. Yeah, And of course for everyone like yeah,
so daily routine would change their life of like wake
up at the same time in journal and drink coffee.

(30:15):
But if that's not your wheelhouse, then venting in your
notes app is okay too.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
Yeah, and making time for creativity even if you feel
like you're like quote unquote not a creative person, everyone
has something that is a good creative expression that they
like doing because that also data shows that having like
creative activities decreases your amount of stress. So whether that's
even if you're not good at it, that's fucking drawing,
that's fucking painting, that's doing crafting, whatever, sewing, whatever, it

(30:44):
may be, just something creative to have an outlet to
is really healthy for your mind.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Yeah, everything we're saying is just if you're making yourself
a healthier happy not just making yourself, if you're learning
how to help yourself be this healthier person, it's going
to make this whole time period not just tolerable but enjoyable.
It's an exploratory period. Well, we should definitely touch on
skincare because I always I always liked.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
To have We not talked that to death.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Just in case this is their first time listening. True true, true,
true Retino is your friend. No, it is totally dermatologist approved.
If you use too much or use it too frequently,
you might have some redness and kind of just a
feeling of like almost like a sunburn, like a some Yeah,
but That doesn't mean you have an allergic reaction or

(31:31):
it's bad for you necessarily. It could just mean it's
working how it's supposed to you, but you need to
lighten lighten it a bit.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Yeah, and a lot of dermatologists say too, if you
are maybe it's teeny bit more sensitive to and it
is causing that irritation, just mix it up a moisturizer
of your choice because that kind of dilutes it and
puts the moisture back in. Because sometimes the retinel can
have a drying effect too.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
My dermatologist said, it's one of the only things that
is strong enough to actually penetrate the layer of moisturizer,
which isn't usually your layering something on. It's protecting your skin.
But you can put on your moisturizer and then you
can pull a retin all over it and it will
still do its thing. Yep. And if you're not vain
at all like us, and you don't care about looking young,

(32:12):
then that's that's okay. You don't have to wear retin a.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
Yeah, there's those are things that have the added benefit
of helping you esthetically that it's also good for you,
like sunscreen regardless of vanity. You don't want to get
skin cancer, yes, and that also will help you with
anti aging properties and also no cancer, which is you know,
I hear a good thing.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
I've heard. That's a good thing. Yep, yep, good thing
to do in your twenties, not get sick.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
And then moisturizers are just good, especially if you are
someone that like wears makeup. When you're washing your face
and stripping your face of all those natural oils, you
need to kind of replenish that moisture.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
That's good. Yeah, I just realized that in my mind
skincare meant anti aging, and then I was like, wait,
that's kind of fucked up. That shouldn't just be what
skincare is. Skinn cares more than that it is.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
But you can have a particular goal in mind if
it helps you adhere to a skincare regiment, because skincare
can be really beneficial for everybody, male, female, makeup, not makeup,
anti aging or what have you.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
It's it's good to come in a routine and take
care of your skin, and starting earlier is better, and
smoking is horrible.

Speaker 3 (33:19):
But not too early.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Okay, Sorry, I'm just I have a whoop I had
a coworker went over to her house. She has a
seven year old daughter who is yep, seven or so
chie just turned eight. Oh in that case, has the
same fucking expensive skincare stuff I do. Because the tiktokification
is telling seven year old she has a retinal I cream.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Okay, that's absurd.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
That is going to harm your skin.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Okay, twenties, fine teens, the retinal just for usually for acne.
And if you have acne, slap that bad boy on.
Your dermatology will probably prescribe it anyways, and also.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
Your insurance, if you have it, will likely cover prescription
grade retinal. No, I assume they were ac acne.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
That's what mine says.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, I mean I break out sometimes, sure.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Yeah, I mean, And unfortunately I also have bad news.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
People in your twenties, you'll you'll probably break out, not
like majorly, but like it will never go away. People
within their sixties still get pimples. So sorry.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
Finding the skincare routine that works for you is very beneficial. Yeah,
even at that age yep. And also your birth control
might be giving you acne.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
Usually it clears it up, but it can cause act
can't right, Yeah, I hadn't. I had an IUD that
was amazing. I had like no symptoms, no period, no cramping,
no anything. But let me tell you about my skin.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Bad with a bummer. Hate to be the exception to
the rule, but it happens.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
It does happen.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
We did a whole episode in all the different kinds
of birth control. If you are also in a place
of trying to figure out the right one.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
For you, yes, that's also a fucking journey. I feel
like birth control and psychiatric medicines are both can be
very exhaustive and frustrating journeys, but you do have to
find it's right for you because.

Speaker 5 (35:04):
We're all different, special little snowflakes.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Speaking of psychiatric medications, we could go to therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy,
go to fucking therapy, yes, and reluctantly, I have to admit,
there's evidence that therapy is not beneficial to everyone. Oh yeah,
of course, So people are going to give you advice
of like you should do therapy because result what it

(35:43):
really is is like you should take the time to
get to know yourself so that you will be more
emotionally healthy going forward and for a lot of people,
that means go to therapy. Yeah, it's a good.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Way to have introspection, to reflect, to understand how you
and the world, how the world interprets you, and different
skill sets so that if you do have a hard
time dealing with a certain aspect of life, that you
have the tools to be able to manage it better.
And usually therapy is where people learn those tools.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
And sometimes it doesn't work because there's a therapist client mismatch,
some find the right person, or sometimes people just start
that engaged or into it. You can't lie, you can't
pretend everything's fine.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, I've definitely know people that are like, yeah, I
just I didn't tell my therapist X, y Z, and
like then stop fucking going.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah, it's just counter productive to you.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah, it's not helping you out. Like what's the therapist
gonna do. Like people want I don't know, adoration from
their fucking therapists, Like I'm I'm the teacher's pet, Like
I'm doing the best in therapy right now, Like that's
not what it's for.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
Be a mess, But they'll actually think that if you
are honest with them. I've directly had a therapist say
when she had to leave for medical leagu which was very,
very sad. I hope she's okay. Now I need to
email her and find out. But as we were parting ways,
she said, I always appreciate your candor. Yeah, thank you.
I can't help it.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, my therapist has been like you, you have a
grasp on you know how how you're doing, and you
know you're honest with how you're ye doing or.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Not doing well in the world.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
And it's good that you recognize that. And it's still
frustrating and sometimes you still don't know what to do
with that, but acknowledging it and knowing it is half
the battle.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
They literally want to hear if you're a mess, Yes,
that's it's such a big part of being in that
process is learning to be maybe more honest with yourself.
You don't already have that comfort. It's not always comfortable
to be honest like that, but doing it in a
safe environment with someone who is being paid by the
way they're getting paid. Yeah, so fucking yap, fucking yap away. Yeah,

(37:50):
I expect you know, my massage therapists are going to
get in there. I don't get massages, but they're gonna
get in there, like I expect my doctor. You know,
there's your samples, Like it's not always an easy process
for everyone, but like they're there to do a job,
and you need to be the client that participates. Yeah.
I don't know why I went to urine samples. I
was just thinking about, like, what's the thing a healthcare
provider has to do that may not always be easy

(38:10):
or fun, but it's part of it. Yeah, and be
part of him.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Say those intrusive thoughts to your therapist, let them know
about them.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
There's also a lot of different styles, yes, and like
EMDR is really unique in its approach. It's really good
at healing past traumas, especially if they're connected to one
specific memory CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, cock and ball torture. Yep,
that one isn't always enough for people. Every therapist I've

(38:39):
gone to, I'm like, what style are we doing? They're like,
it's a mix, Like we pull from this and pull
from this. It's a multi dimensional approach. Some therapists have
had have been like me and Mommy, who are like,
I don't think what you're doing is okay, and I
think you should do something different. And the lady i'm
with now is just like you're so you're such a
good one. And I've told her I was like, could
you be meaner to me? And she's like, I can't.

(39:00):
I'm sorry, it's not what I don't know how.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's like, okay, yeah, nothing, you just have to It
might not be perfect your first time around. You might
meet a therapist that you're like this person like if
you're not comfortable with them, if it doesn't feel like
you're talking to like a trusted family member or a friend,
then like that's probably. Like my first therapist that I
went to regularly, she felt like a mom, kind of
like a mom, like I sent her pictures sometimes and

(39:23):
like she would tell me like, alexis you really need
to set a boundary, you need to stop doing that.
I'd be like, yes, ma'am, Like that was great, and
that was in my one. Now she's like a galpal,
like I feel like we could hang out here and
go get drinks.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
I had a male therapist that I stayed with for
way too long when I was nineteen, and yeah, when
I finally realized it wasn't me, it was him or
it was us, he said, oh, are you leaving because
of your you know, your kind of inappropriate relationships with
older men in the past. It very much felt like
he was insinuatd that I had a crush on him

(39:55):
and he was kind of a silver fox, but you know,
emotionally it wasn't there obviously, not that I ever would
with well, you know, maybe in the right never mind, anyway,
the reason for BA, you're not helping your case here. No,
I really didn't like him. He definitely jumped to the
wrong conclusion, which was very offensive because I already voiced that,

(40:17):
like I just I don't think this is like the
right kind of therapy for me, or like whatever, this
isn't working for me, so I'm definitely gonna.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
Go now, Well, it couldn't possibly be him, It must
be you.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yes, yes, And it's like it's sometimes it's not it's
just not a good it's not a good mesh. Yes, right,
like like I was saying with my past relationship, neither
or wrong. It's just ITAI doesn't work out together anymore.
And that's okay. But you were more right than he was,
you know, Yeah, absolutely, I know I was right, but.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
I used Alma. It's actually hello, Alma, dot com a
l M A Alma to find a therapist just probably
only works in the States because healthcare is very specific
to area. But it had me input all my insurance information,
like my policy number before connecting me to someone, because

(41:07):
psycholo you today lists therapists, but then it'll show you
the insurances they accept and it's been wrong.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Oh yeah, actually yeah, or some of the just specific
policies they take, or it's like outdate information.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
Yeah yeah, I'm not saying yeah, it's not intentional to
cont you, but I've gone in on an appointment and
poured my heart out with this gal who was cool,
and then afterwards she was like, oh, actually it's not accepted,
so it's gonna be three. It was sliding scale, so
she's like the lowest ego chargey was eighty dollars, but
I'm guessing you probably won't be coming back, and it

(41:40):
just felt very bad. It's like, Wow, I just did
this whole thing with you, and now I'm goodbye to you. Yeah,
goodbye forever. So Alma not only narrows down by like
are you looking for someone who has specific kind of specialties?
I'm pretty sure it was also like are you looking
for a female therapist. Are you looking for just online
and very specifically, like we're gonna cross check your insurance

(42:02):
before you even make the appointment, so you know if
it's going to be accepted. And some of these portals too,
I don't remember if Alma did it. They'll have you
do a fifteen minute phone call before setting up an
appointment so you can screen people. I always if they'll
let me, if it's like, hey, can we just like
talk on the phone for ten minutes, because that'll tell
you a lot.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
Oh. Yeah, I wish I had better advice for people
that don't have insurance, I really, I really do. I
wish I could, because I know some people don't have
to go around the world and have a job that
doesn't offer it and are in a state that doesn't
have good support in that way, and that fucking sucks,
and I wish I had something better to say.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Well, I wish there were options for them.

Speaker 4 (42:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
The thing, if anyone knows something that we're not aware of,
please let us know. But absolutely, it's usually clinics, But
it's not like in other countries where they have real healthcare.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Yeah, where they support their citizens and a lot of
people to do well because they realize that having a
good community helps everybody.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
What I know here, if you don't have insurance, then
finding you're fucked. Yeah, you're pretty fucked. But trying to
find local resources is going to be Yeah, see what's
around in your community.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
There's it's not usually advertised or offered because these are
usually small nonprofits that rely on donations and try to
help their community out.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
So it might take a.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Little bit of work, but most or at least, you know,
most bigger cities will have some sort of community resources.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
And if anyone knows where to direct us, let us know.
So Weekly used it and put it in the show notes.
And it's so funny that when you meet therapy the
most is when you're the least capable.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Oh I know. That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
It's like, why don't you just go get help? It's
like I can barely get out of fucking bed.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
And you want me to go like go through internet
databases and call my insurance company and schedule appointments. No,
but but try.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
Hey, you're depressed, why don't you just like go exercise
and I go outside and then go do this.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Okay, cool, there's that saying like make hay while the sunshines.
Of Like, when things are going well and you don't
need help as much, it's hard to be like, oh,
I should put something in place for the future. This
is the time when I should make this planner, do
this thing. But that's something I've gotten better at when
I'm not in crisis, Like when I am not doing well,
that's when I'm like, I really need to like pursue

(44:16):
a different kind of job, not to let go of anything,
but just to provide more structure. And then if I'm
not doing well, I don't have the energy. And then
when I am doing well, I'm like, no, I don't
need that, right, So then I mean to do it.
I write notes to myself all the time, like Allison,
I am speaking to you from the past, do this
thing for me please.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Yeah, that's when my checklist of my notes up come up.
I'm like to do March twenty twenty five, and I
have a whole list of things, and it's like, you gotta.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
Do it, Okay.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
I had a couple other notes. It's going to talk
about people pleasing and then I was also going to
talk about comparing it with others, but we already talked
about that, but I kind of had some social media
specific Yeah we all know this, but living in a
LA really rubs in your face that social media is
a lie. The hottest girl you know, she lives in Squalor.

(45:09):
I just had that experience where I met someone who
has some celebrity status who just seems this like gorgeous, stunning,
amazing person. And then I saw where she lives and
it was literally like the bedroom with empty food containers
and like it was just the most like like a
gross man I slept with when I was nineteen lived there,
and it was just so funny of like, wow, this

(45:30):
is not what I expected. Yeah, I'm not sitting here like, oh,
how dare you do this? It's just not the picture
I had of you. Yeah, well, social media is a lie. Yeah,
and that's all I knew her from. Really, we see
this perfect representation that people want us to believe, and
no one is able to see just behind the camera,
where it's like they probably shoved all the shit they

(45:51):
didn't want you to see just off camera.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
I feel like social media is sort of like your
resume for life, where it's like I'm just going to
show you the highlights. I'm just going to show you
my act. I'm just going to show you what I'm
good at. I'm not going to show you that like,
oh yeah, I had to go through like three jobs
before I had to get here, Like, you're not going
to highlight that for the world.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
It's become easier to compare ourselves to others now that
so much is online. And this includes celebrities too, because
you're not just seeing them in a movie. Now you're
seeing I mean, there's always been tabloids, but now that
we're seeing someone with the Instagram, you're seeing more of
their life, which their day to day. Yeah, it feels
more personal until you realize how much misrepresenting or careful

(46:30):
representation goes into that too. Yeah, it's still not real
unless you're jk Rowling with the black mold.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
That was real. That was so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 (46:39):
She could have taken a little page out of an
influencer's book, like how to set up your camera so
it doesn't show your black molt.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
It doesn't show the black mold brought in your fucking brain.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
That's gotta be like a reductrosus article already or so
oh I think it definitely they reductors.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
Definitely touched on the JK rolling black mold for sure.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
Yes. Oh, we also have a friend who has a
very sinister job because we know everyone is editing their pictures.
But did you know everything you see in video, like
music videos, documentaries, in movies too, is being touched up
frame by frame.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Yeah, so it's not even just pictures those music videos
of those pop icons. Our friends meticulously pixel by pixel,
frame by frame, edit out their waistline, touch up their skin,
whatever it may be to make them look like a
fucking Instagram photo. Our friends do that for video.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
I have seen them before and after. It was very shocking.
Double chin is a big one because everyone everyone listen
all yeah, a little, even if you're very thin. You
don't see that in media because they just know it's gone. Yep.
So everything is a lie, which means you don't have
to feel bad if someone's life looks better than yours,

(47:54):
because well, maybe it is, but probably there's a lot
of things you don't know. They could be in credit
card debt, they could be they could have a horrible
situationship who only text them after ten pm. We don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Yeah, and I think something you come to terms with
the older you get to is realizing what's important to you.
So you might look at someone and be like, oh
my god, they're so like rich or whatever, and it's like, okay, cool,
but they maybe they work sixty hours a week and
they you know, don't have a relationship and they don't
travel or they don't x y Z. It's like, is
that more important to you? Like is being rich more

(48:25):
important than experiencing life? That's the things you have to
think about, like what's actually important to you and what
sacrifices you have to make to uphold that.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yeah, trying to make yourself more like someone else isn't
ever going to pay off in a positive way, and
more like leaning into what you like and what you're already.
Like I used to want to be tall and lanky.
For a long time, I was like, oh man, I
wish it was like very like slender like ballerina body
and whatever, and I'm sure. And then at some point

(48:53):
I was like I could just like get a pixie
cut and like be the weird short girl who sits
on the floor Like that's great, Like be good at
what you are working with, and like you don't have
to stay in the same place. But wishing for things
that are unattainable or that just don't make sense isn't
going to be productive either. So in order to be irreplaceable,

(49:14):
you have to be different. You have to be you,
and you have to be unique. And that's exactly the
way to be. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
They even say that in acting classes in Los Angeles, like,
don't try to be you know, fucking Scarlett Johansson, be you, like,
be yourself? What do you bring into the picture? Like
I can already get Scarlett Johansson for this, Like what
are you going to bring to the role? That's same
thing with acting. If everyone was the same, we were
just trying to be like one person all the time,
why would we see the same play? Like I can

(49:40):
see fucking Romeo and Juliette five hundred times, but it'll
be different every single time because people are bringing their
own genesiqua to the role, to the directing, to the art, you.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Know, to the set, to the costumes, to the whatever. Yeah,
there is a meme that was, you don't like your
art because it looks like your art. But the thing is,
if you took that away, then wouldn't be yours anymore?

Speaker 2 (50:00):
Right, then it would just be a replica if someone
else that's already existed, and that person already exists, that
art style already, it happened.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
It's not needed, no, Yeah, so leaning into your strengths
and your interests and just enhancing that but on your
own path. And I know this, I'm starting to sound
a little like trite to myself, like just be you.
But I think that is something I've gotten a lot
better as I've got older, like specifically like not being
dissatisfied with myself but being really happy about certain things,

(50:29):
finding other things I want to improve, and not looking
at someone like ooh, like I think they're happier and
more successful than me, so I should be like them. No,
I should be my own version of that.

Speaker 4 (50:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
I have a coworker who she's like twenty seven, and
she is like so stressed that she doesn't even have
a boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
And she's like, but you don't understand all my friends do.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:50):
So yeah, And I was like, Okay, is there even
a guy you like?

Speaker 2 (50:53):
She's like, well no, Like okay, so then what what
are you just gonna grab some random fucking guy at
the bar and be like you're my boyfriend now, just
to say you have a boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (50:59):
I was like, that's insane, yeah, and.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
She was like yeah that yeah, it's like right, Like yeah,
who gives a shit that fucking Carol has a fucking boyfriend?
Like you're you know, successful at your job? Is she's
successful at her job? And she's like, well not really.
I'm like, okay, cool, what do you prioritize more?

Speaker 3 (51:16):
Right now?

Speaker 1 (51:17):
Fuck?

Speaker 3 (51:17):
You can't, like fuck it.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
Yeah. There are always gonna be things you're doing quote
unquote better than other people and other things you're gonna
be doing worse. The comparison is just it steals your joy. Absolutely,
you should be another like trite like only compare yourself
to yourself in the past, but really, like that's that's
the measure. Am I happier in my career and my
personal relationships than I was last year? Look at that

(51:40):
separately than your community, because everyone is just worrying about
themselves more than.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Oh god you we're all self upsesssed Yes, And it's
okay for like timelines to change too. Like when I
was younger, I had in my head that like this
is gonna happen at twenty four, and this is gonna
happen at twenty six, and this is gonna.

Speaker 3 (51:57):
Happen, like fuck it.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
Like maybe when you get to twenty four, you're like,
it's not even close to going to happen right now,
but this is going to happen. I didn't think that
was gonna happen till I was thirty. Be okay with
like letting go of timelines. Yes, something I just wanted
to get specifically about current twenty year olds. Oh, we
need to acknowledge the pandemic and how much that has really,

(52:19):
i mean fucked up everybody. And we were both on
the tail end of our You were way worn your
twenties in the pandemic than I was. But I turned
thirty like during twenty twenty one.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
But it's still so different than being like eighteen nineteen, right.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
But I felt like I felt robbed of a certain way.
So I can't imagine people now like gen Z being
like in high school or college during all of this
and feeling like part of your you feel like you've
lost time. You feel like you've missed some of that
time to attain the goals. But you're not the only
one feeling that way, and a lot of people are
feeling sort of this a little bit of an arrested

(52:54):
development where it's like, Okay, well, I'm you know, say,
twenty seven now, but I still feel kind of like
I did five years ago when the pandemic hit, because
we didn't really get to have a lot of the
same linear time and we weren't able to do things
at one hundred percent for like three fucking years.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
Yeah, and you're again not alone in this feeling.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
We even feel it, and we were out of college
working professionals.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
Time passes differently as you get older. I mean this
is a real thing of like when you're five, a
year's a fifth of your life. You know, when you're fifty,
a years one fiftieth of your life, your perspective changes.
It does noticeably start going faster as you get older.
Your brain creates more and more shortcuts where it's like, oh,
I drove to work the same way every day. I
no longer need to think about or process it. What

(53:40):
I'm trying to say is that when you are younger,
those two years are a much bigger chunk of your
life than when you get older, which is scary. I mean,
I definitely start to think about like, oh, how can
I like value this more? But it means that losing
three years from eighteen to twenty one is much more
significant than even like twenty five to twenty eight. Yes,
there's a lot more change happening too. Things are changing

(54:02):
really quickly. After a certain point, every year is like
no major life changes, and so you find your own
I find ways to remind myself of like, oh, that
was year I went to Europe. That was the ROI moved,
Like that was ear I got my cat. But twenty
one everyone knows, like that's the year you're even if
you're not focused on drinking, that's you. You can go out.
And if that's the year when the world was shut down,

(54:23):
that fucking sucks, does And it's okay to grieve that
and feel sad about it. But also a lot of
people are on the same boat as you.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
And it's shit.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
I mean, gen Z's gone through shit that we didn't
necessarily have to go through in the same time period,
and it's shit for everyone. And there's data coming out
that gen Z's burning out at work quicker than previous generations,
and millennials are as well.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
But gen Z's significantly more and.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
The Internet provides so much more stresses, different kind of stresses. Yeah,
Like in person bullying isn't much of a thing anymore,
but online bullying sure is.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
And that's what a lot of older people say too,
like you know, older than us, because I feel like
we still grew up with some minor amounts of the
Internet during middle school, which is like the worst fucking time.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
But it's like bulling.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
You stop in at school and then you could come
home and you could get away from the bullying. You
could have a reprieve. But now it's inescapable.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
Yeah, I think finding more in person ways, even if
we got out of the habit of it when we
were going through the pandemic. And also that's like forming
habits younger is good if you're generally like, oh, I
go out and meet my friends and do such and such.
If you stopped doing that at a young age, doing
more of that whenever possible is better for the mind.

(55:37):
I hate to say this, but going outside is so
good for you.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
I hate to say it too because I hate outside,
but I've forced myself to do it, I really do.
If it's a nice day out, and for me, a
nice day is like cloudy I'm like.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Let's go to the park.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
Fuck it.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
I know it's like it's a to do, but we
need to go. We'll just do a lap around and
enjoy the outside.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Yeah, Andrew Huberman says you're supposed to get twenty minutes
of sunlight not directly looking in the sun. But even
if you take vitamin dcapsules, he says, like wear sunscreen,
like it just literally makes wonderful differences. And I'm like,
shut up, I believe you.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
I know.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
And some of my like when I think of like
fond memories or like when it is a nice day
and I'm like, oh, I want to like go do something.
I think about days where it's like I was outside,
like on a cute patio and like I had like
a nice day with my friends and.

Speaker 3 (56:24):
The sun was out.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
And I don't even like the sun, but it's just
like it is good for you, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
Yeah, there's some things that are good for me that
I've figured out how to enjoy, like exercise or even
therapy or outside. Have not hacked yet, but there's gotta
be a way. Someone told me start small to someone
who's like a wilderness guide or something. Oh, that's that's extreme.
That's an extremist right there.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
And he told me just to even if it's just
like sitting outside on your porch, maybe just that. And
I was like, yeah, I gotta like set some time
and just fucking sit on my porch. Damn it.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Just sit on your porch and doom scroll. You know,
you don't have to do anything productive. You can just
sit on your phone and be outside.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
The harder something is, the more you have to make
it easy for yourself so that you actually do it.
If it's not something where external structure forces it.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Yes, you got to find how to live life for
you because we all have our hang ups, we all
have things that we're not inherently good at. We all
have things that life works this way, but it doesn't
work for you. You have to find the tools to help
yourself get through life because a lot of us are
euro divergent and things don't come super easily and we've
had to find, like we've all had to navigate how

(57:35):
to do things strategies.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Yeah, yeah, developing the strategies.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
And my husband specifically wanted me to say this during
this episode because I was like, do you have anything
to say about surviving your twenties. Sure, and he's like,
I just want you to shout out because my husband
has like very severe ADHD. That people with ADHD, their
frontal lobes usually don't fully developed till thirty five. So
if you have ADHD and you're feeling like fuck, man,

(58:03):
I'm like twenty eight and I'm still not feeling it,
Like it's also okay, yeah, fine, even if you're twenty
you don't have ADHD, Like there's not a timeline.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
There's this very sweet spot of giving yourself grace but
also realizing self care isn't bedriding all the time. Like yeah,
if you need a day, for sure, but once it's
been two weeks and you're like, I'm just taking care
of it. No, at that point, self care is going outside.
It sucks, but it's a it's a line to ride
of not getting angry at yourself but still I think

(58:32):
pushing yourself as much as you can while still enjoying life.
I definitely feel like a lot of things are a
struggle that shouldn't be but they are, and then struggling
through it and overcoming that's the part that feels really good.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Absolutely, I keep saying absolutely, but I'm agreeing so wholeheartedly.
This entire episode on the psychology in Your Twenties podcast,
she made a really good She had a really good
tip about like if it's like a really nice day
and you're like feeling the energy and you feel motivated,
which isn't like an everyday feeling, take advantage of it.
Even if you were planning like, oh, today's the day
I'm going to like do a bunch of laundry, it's like, no,

(59:05):
fuck it, Today's the day that you're going to do
whatever you want to do.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
Go to a fucking museum, go enjoy the day, or
get work done that you wanted to get done that.

Speaker 2 (59:13):
You keep putting off, Like I do that where it's like,
oh my god, I have to fill out this form,
but it's like, oh god, I just can't do it,
Like those are the days that's just like fuck it,
just do it. Fuck the agenda. I'm feeling good today.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Yeah, harness it. Yeah totally. So how do you survive
your twenties? Don't die? That's number one numerono we said.
Also sunscreen, we said, figure out how to do exercise
in a way that works. Drinking water, get out of
that toxic relationship. But also you know it's going to

(59:45):
be what it is, and it'll get easier later too,
because you'll have learned from those experiences too. That's the
thing by going by doing it wrong, you learn how
to do it right.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Yeah, you learn what your your boundaries are, what you're
willing to deal with or not.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
Oh, I said. Figuring out how to save money too, Yeah,
I alrit specifically, but I have factor out a lot of
the time of like, oh, if I get this bottle
of water, it's only four dollars. But then if I
do it twice a week, it's eight dollars. Then if
I do it four times a month, thirty two dollars.
Then if I do it for a full year, well
that's half a plane ticket right there. It's a daily
stupid thing you have to do. Of like, I want

(01:00:21):
this thing now, but if I delay gratification, then several
months down the line, I get to do this thing
I wouldn't have otherwise been able to do. That's what
works for me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Same I My number one thing I want to spend
money on is traveling. So I try to tell myself
that's like, nope, we gotta we gotta hold off on this.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
We've gotta save up money for tickets, and I think traveling,
if you have.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
The means, please do it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Oh yeah, even if you're staying in a fucking hostel
and you're flying Ryanair Spirit like some shit, just like
fucking do it. It's invaluable experiences. That just really it's great.

Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
I love traveling.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
I yeah, that's I always do it with the most
minimal budget possible. CouchSurfing is free. Unfortunately it's mostly dudes
who use it, but it's about culture sharing. So you
create an account and you can list yourself as a
host or be a traveler, and then you're just like, oh,
I'm flying into Brussels and then I'm going to message
this random dude. Usually, unfortunately, I will say I've never
had a bad experience, but there are review systems, so

(01:01:17):
it's someone who's a regular host, and it'll be like
here's thirty people being like I stayed with Adrian. He
was cool and such and such. But I've noticed, for
safety reasons, it's primarily men using it, because obviously women
are not as comfortable going into a foreign country and
staying with a random man or opening up their house
to random men like, don't blame you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
Yeah, it could not be, but that is an option.
And again hostels. Some hosteles even have private rooms so
you don't necessarily have to be in a room with.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Though huh, they're way more expensive. I mean it depends
on the thought.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
I mean, then couch surfing, sure, because that's basically free,
but you know there for cheaper.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
The bunk bedrooms are usually are the cheapest. But then yeah,
you're running in to the safety factor of that. But
just yes, there are other options also, like work away
and waffing are those sites you can sign up for
where you can travel and work instead of hangout, which
I really loves the idea of that too. Yes, traveling
it is good for the soul, It is good for

(01:02:16):
the mind. Forces you to slow down and take things
in because you're in very new environments. So if that's possible,
twenties for a lot of people are the best time
to do it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
And then you know what, move to that new city.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
Oh yeah, dude, I was about today go run coming
from few people that left their hometowns, like this is
the time you're most adaptable to like your twenties, like
you can you're more spongy than you are.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
When you get older, like your brain.

Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
Move now and give that new city. The girl in
the podcast had six months, I say two years. If
you're planning on like moving, moving, I feel like I'm
gonna get my core friend group till like a year
and a.

Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
Half a year after I moved.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Yeah, so it takes time to learn a city, to
build a community. But if you've ever wanted to do it,
and you can, you can get a job. And it's
just like in your bones, fucking do it. Couldnt recommend
it more.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Getting out of your hometown is very good for you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
Yeah, even if you just do it for like UNI
for lot four, yeas you and you'll.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Go somewhere else. I mean, even that is helpful for
a lot of people. I a lot people that went
away to college and that was enough for them. But
they loved it and it was an invaluable experience and
they got to get out of their hometown. And maybe
they moved back and that's fine and that works for them.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
You can always go back. It forces you to be independent,
to take in new experiences, in the same way that
traveling forces you to just like stop and look at
your environment. In a brand new way moving. We'll do
that too. I am miss Andrews Memes on Instagram.

Speaker 3 (01:03:43):
And I am t x GOTHGF and we are sad
Gap dot podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
You can email us at Sadgap dot podcast at gmail
dot com, visit our website sad Gap dash podcast dot com.
Follow us on Patreon for ad free episodes and a
special bonus episode with the fabulous bre s Rig streaming now.
We are on other places too, like Discord and Reddit.
You can find it all in our link tree on
our instagrams.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
That is right, and go on over to your podcast
platform of choice and give us a five star rating.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
If you could go on over to Apple and rise review,
we would love.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
To hear what you have to say. Any feedback is welcomed.
Rate review, subscribe and share with a friend.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Please. The older you get, the more time you have
to get to know the most important person in your life.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
And that's you all, and we're stronger together.

Speaker 5 (01:04:28):
We'll see you next time, ye ye