May 29, 2024 • 54 mins
In this episode, we pour a glass of red wine and dive into the complex world of relationships. From the joys and struggles of marriages and long-term partnerships to the delicate matters of infidelity, secrets, sexuality, and money, no topic is too taboo. With a mix of candid, unfiltered conversation and light-hearted moments, let’s explore these important issues together, with honesty, understanding, and a little bit of wine.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
K M O R E Hello, hello, hello,and welcome to Sage and
Sunshine, where we talk aboutall things life, adulting,
(00:23):
parenthood, and any other sexydetails of life that we'd like
to discuss, honey.
As you know, I am your host,Brittany Marie, your new
favorite.
Okay, today, yall I'm a little,I'm, I'm a little, Tipsy, I
think, from, recording the lastvideo, so I thought it would be
(00:43):
really fun to, essentially givesome drunk advice, honey.
people say I give great advice.
Um, I don't think me being tipsywould change anything, it just
might make me a little funnier.
What made me even want to dothis episode is because I saw a
tweet on Twitter last week and Iwas like, um, okay.
(01:09):
I was just like, what would Ido?
WW BD, what would Brittany do?
Let me take another sip y'all,I'll read this to you, She said,
Dropped my boyfriend off at theairport to go to Mexico with a
few friends.
(01:30):
Now these few friends includedmen and women.
Okay.
Okay.
Why when leaving this morning?
My boyfriend asked me did I feelcomfortable with him bringing
condoms?
Because his male friend askedthat shit seemed so fucking off
to me.
Please help me just get throughit Cuz this trip been booked for
(01:57):
months and of all people Whatthe fuck he ask you?
I'm really trying to see if I'mtripping or not.
Trying not to spaz, justthinking.
And see, and see, this, this,this, mm, this be wrong.
This, this be wrong.
Look, I can't even get my wordstogether.
(02:17):
See, this be what the fuck iswrong, too.
Cause we try to be good, and wetry to sit back and be like,
Bro, am I trippin I don't wannabe, I don't wanna be on no
fugazi shit, you know what I'msayin Am I actually trippin I
hate that we second guess and westop and we step back and really
look at the whole situation andbe like bro, like am I actually
(02:37):
tripping because I don't want tobe tripping right now.
But girl, you was not trippingso far.
Anyways.
I want to read, um, theresponse.
She didn't really add much to itbut saying, um, You know, thank
you for validating her feelingsthat, you know, something's off,
I'm gonna get back into that,but the text message, so
(02:59):
essentially, her, her responseis kind of cut off a little bit,
but essentially, she starts offby saying like, Y'all knew this
trip was coming up just likeyou.
And last time I checked, likeyou can buy them in Mexico
talking about condoms.
Duh.
You can buy them everywhere.
You can buy them in Mexico.
If you're gonna do something,you better make sure it's worth
(03:19):
it.
I don't like the sneaky vibes atall, period.
Now, me.
Me?
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tellyou you better make sure it's
worth it, bitch.
Cuz I don't know what the fuckyou doing out there, and if I
already feel some type of wayyou want some foozy type of
shit, then I don't trust you,and it needs to be done right
(03:41):
here and right now.
Cuz you're not gonna go off inMexico and have fun, and I feel
like you on some shit, on somesneaky shit.
I don't like that.
I don't like that.
I don't like that.
Am I coming with you now?
No, actually matter of fact, Idon't even want to come with you
because it's getting weird.
It's getting weird.
Anyways He replied talking aboutI asked you multiple times for a
(04:02):
reason so that it wouldn't be aproblem Why did you wait again
until we were separated to dothis?
I'm gonna pause and stop rightthere Now if she's anything like
me and a lot of people Who justhave a lot of self control and
don't want to be flying off thegoddamn handle for stupid shit
(04:25):
And really want to make sure youknow, you have a grasp on the
situation and understand thefull picture of everything we're
We are not gonna wild out andsometimes shit takes time to
really process.
So even though you got aresponse in that exact moment,
the true response was reallystill processing, bitch, okay?
(04:48):
It was still processing, hoe.
Just because I said yeah, okay,reluctantly, didn't mean a
goddamn thing.
I'm still processing, cause whywould you even fuckin ask me?
I should hit you upside yourgoddamn head.
But I don't promote domesticviolence, so, not too much,
y'all.
Um, he goes on to say, um,Obviously, he could just buy
(05:14):
them, but that's why he askedbeforehand if I had any so he
wouldn't have to spendunnecessary money.
You act like condoms are an armand a leg, you are going out the
country to Mexico, I'm sure thathe can get his own, and how do
y'all even know if it's all thesame size?
Weeeeeeeird.
(05:37):
Nothing sneaky, which is why Ilooked you in your eyes and I
just feel like asking a grownman, asking as a grown man going
on vacation, knowing that hefinna fuck, asking another grown
man who has a woman that's goingto stay out at home for fucking
condoms is fucking wild.
It's wild and at your big age,why are you asking another grown
(05:59):
man?
The only instance I understandasking a grown man that's not
involved in the activity thatyou're about to partake in
because either party can havecondoms the male or female
whatever or whatever partiesthat are involved can have
condoms, but to be a grown manand to ask Before leaving the
(06:22):
country to like that that givesrope.
That's crazy before leaving thecountry To see if he can bring
some condoms or ask him forcondoms is insanity is insanity.
It's crazy It doesn't make anysense to me.
It doesn't make any sense.
You're a grown ass man.
(06:43):
Go get your condom That wouldhave flew maybe when y'all were
like younger teens or maybe ify'all are out and about and
thotting around sure, or if it'slike really spur of the moment
y'all are both out in the cluband he's you know, he has um, He
has a girl back home, but y'allout in the club Enjoying
yourselves and then you knowfriend wants to take off for the
girl And he says yo, you got acondom on you because I ain't
(07:05):
got none at home.
I mean You Yeah, sure.
But then again, why would youhave a condom on you?
Because your girl's not withyou.
So again, like What scenariosare we talking about?
That your friend would need acondom from you in a
relationship.
Okay.
(07:25):
Nothing sneaky, which is why Ilooked you in your eyes and
asked if you were comfortablewith this multiple times.
I'm not on any type of sneakyshit.
I hate that you would thinkthat, which is why I tried
responsibly communicating withyou.
about the situation.
I apologize for putting myselfin a position that makes you
question my actions.
(07:48):
Boo.
I thought I made the correctdecision by speaking with you
about it, but next time I willjust make sure to do better with
not making you question myactions and keeping myself out
of that position.
A.
K.
A.
he will make sure to never tellyour ass anything and he'll be
sneaky about it because.
Yeah, and then he says, I loveyou and hope you have a great
(08:11):
Friday with work and justoverall.
And that part, that part for me,I really didn't like.
Now I'm reading this like Ireally don't like because I feel
like you just, I feel like youended the conversation and there
(08:32):
was no real feelings of, like,resolve for anybody and you're
going to go on about yourbusiness and I feel a way over
here.
I don't like that.
I don't like that at all.
I don't like that.
and honestly talking about hopeyou have a great Friday.
So it's just like, okay, so ourcommunication ends here.
(08:56):
So, you're not going to talk tome Friday?
It's just, it's just not giving.
I don't like the dismissal.
I don't like the dismissal.
Because who told you that wewere finished with this
conversation?
Do not dismiss and end thisconversation.
honestly, that response is like,giving like, stay blessed.
Who are you talking to?
(09:17):
chile, exactly.
The classic ask a question tonot look guilty approach.
And just imagine if it was theother way around.
Oh, my homegirl wants to know,can I bring condoms on the
vacation to Miami?
(09:40):
To Mexico, to, to fucking,Louisiana, New Orleans.
How would that sound?
Get the fuck.
Y'all niggas ain't shit.
Chao.
So my advice to you, which is,which a lot of women have said
(10:02):
already, and I think you'vealready taken this advice, is to
leave that man where he lay.
Let him have his time and soilhis royal oats in Mexico,
because that's what I assumethat he's doing.
There is no way that.
Any man of mine is going to, um,ask me the day of the, um, even,
(10:23):
even if it was weeks, monthsbefore, uh, uh, get your own
shit.
But gonna ask me the day of if Ifeel comfortable with him
bringing condoms.
But, oh no, the condoms are notfor him.
They're gonna be for his friend.
Absolutely the fuck not yourfriend can go to the store or
you can stay your ass home.
(10:44):
And it's just like, as a man,why would you even, why would
you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Even if he's really not gonna doanything.
As a man, why would you putyourself in that predicament?
And I don't mean like, oh,don't, don't fucking, um, tell
her and just bring the condomsor whatever.
Have your broke, dick, down assman of yours, okay, your friend
(11:08):
of yours, get his own fuckingshit.
What the fuck?
If you want to fuck bitches, getthe shit that you need to fuck
them.
The fuck?
Protect yourself.
What the fuck is what the fuckyour friend helping you for,
nigga?
You're a grown.
Be so fucking for real.
(11:29):
You're a friend in a wholerelationship.
Okay, absolutely not.
So I would have left him exactlywhere the fuck he laid.
By him motherfuckin self.
Because nah.
Absolutely nah.
Okay.
Mmm.
Okay, now we're gonna get intosome like, real stuff.
(11:50):
And stuff that I've absolutelynever even read before.
Cause, honestly, I reallycouldn't even help that girl
that much.
She already did what she did,and she did right thing.
This stuff.
Now, y'all, I haven't read thisat all.
We gon try to help y'all now.
It reads, Found Husband SecretOnly Fans.
(12:16):
First, just so you know, I'mgoing to end up deleting this
post later because my spouse ison Reddit and I don't want him
to see this.
Even if this were a throwaway,he would easily know that I
wrote the following.
I am in desperate need ofadvice.
On Wednesday night, my spouseand I were joking around about
porn.
We have a very healthy sex life,what we call a cosmic mouth
(12:39):
teeth sex, and are very openabout our kinks and indulging
those kinks with one another.
I have absolutely no problemwith my husband watching porn.
He should, he could find anyporn he wanted to watch as long
as it was legal, caused no harm,and took place between
consenting adults.
I can't remember exactly what myhusband said when we were
(13:01):
playing around, but I respondedto a comment with, well, at
least you don't got an OnlyFansaccount, and I laughed until I
saw his face.
He has no poker face.
My heart just sank.
Initially, I just askedquestions about it, more curious
about why he would choose tocreate a private secret account
(13:24):
with a fake email and a prepaidvanilla Visa gift cards
purchased with cash so Iwouldn't see the transactions on
our bank or credit cardstatements.
To spend money for something hecalled Just for more, just more
porn to look at because I'vewatched a lot of porn.
He wouldn't give me straightanswers about anything, evaded
(13:46):
questions, etc.
The most he said was that he'dpay for a monthly subscription
for 5 and that he didn't use itoften.
I was still pissed off becausefrankly OnlyFans seems like
infidelity to me.
Intimate, emotional, andphysical.
Okay, let me start off by sayingwhen I read the title, I did not
(14:07):
think like, okay He's buyingporn on OnlyFans.
I was thinking this was He hasan OnlyFans, and he is
performing on there He isperforming on there, but I see
that that's not where we'regoing with this.
Anyways, um I was so pissed offBecause, frankly, OnlyFans seems
(14:34):
like infidelity to me, intimate,emotional, and physical.
Especially because we've agreedto allow one another to have sex
with other people as long as wewere each comfortable with the
other party, vetted them, so tospeak.
We've also agreed to allowpeople into our sex life with
us.
We also have a plethora of toysand gear.
(14:55):
In my opinion, people who useOnlyFans because they want to
directly connect with otherpeople.
It bothered me because I gavehim an open door to walk through
as far as sex and porn wereconcerned and instead he dug a
secret tunnel and lied to me.
And like I said, I thought thiswas going in a different
(15:17):
direction, but.
When she puts it like that, Iunderstand, and Honestly,
clearly it's a, it's an issuebecause he hid it, you know what
I'm saying, and she only foundout because she joked about it,
so that is an issue.
Two hours after he fell asleep,I was a mess, so I looked at his
computer.
(15:37):
We have an open door policy withdevices, computers, etc.
My husband is lazy, so when Iopened the browser, there was
already a tab open with himlogged into his account.
I saw how much money he wasspending.
On messages, private videos,subscriptions to specific
(15:58):
people, one of whom he knows inreal life who resides in our
town.
I saw how often and compulsivelyhe was using the platform.
He spent hundreds of dollars,hundreds of dollars.
I screenshotted everything.
Now we're getting into Dangerousterritory.
(16:23):
Thursday morning over coffee, Iasked him point blank, How much
money do you estimate you'vespent on OnlyFans and how long
have you had this account?
Ugh! He said max 50 spent andthat he opened the account a few
months ago.
I sent him the screenshot of hismost recent purchase.
Two purchases took place on theday I was in the hospital with
(16:44):
my dad while he was undergoingheart surgery and the other was
on the day of our weddinganniversary.
Within 48 hours of these threetransactions were made totaling
more than 60 dollars alone inthose days.
He had the audacity to say youhacked my account to which I
(17:07):
replied it's pretty easy toaccess someone's account when
they leave it open andaccessible.
More importantly, why did youjust lie to me?
You needed me to have proof foryou to admit it?
When did you create thisaccount?
He lied again.
So I sent a screenshot to himproving once again that I caught
him in a lie.
(17:28):
And that is when the dam broke.
He said he knew from the outsetthat what he was doing was
wrong.
And said he never intended it togo as long as it did.
I told him that I tookscreenshots of everything and
that I needed answers.
I needed to know why he wasspending our money on private
(17:49):
messages from people onOnlyFans.
I needed to know why regularfree porn wasn't enough for him.
I needed to know why he wasalways insisting we were broke
when he was secretly spendingmoney we supposedly didn't have.
And that bitch is really whatyou had me thinking.
(18:12):
I think it's one thing.
I think, you know, if you wantto partake and engage in
OnlyFans cool, people don'tunderstand that, um, people buy
porn, specifically throughthings like OnlyFans.
Only fan because one it can bemore personalized You can
(18:32):
actually have potential tocommunicate with the people get
them to do specific things.
It's just Yeah, and like to seea specific person that you want.
Yeah, it's gonna be worth it tofuck to some people so like I
understand that aspect and Inthat regard, that would really
(18:58):
irritate me.
That would really irritate me tose to see him, um, spending so
much money, not only on, like,the content, but private
messages and things like that,because now you're, like, really
engaging.
You're really engaging or tryingto engage with this person and
(19:21):
one of what she said was intheir hometown So I mean, I
don't know if that was theperson he's communicating with
but that's the person hesubscribed to Like that's really
uncomfortable and it's crossinga lot of boundaries.
Absolutely not.
Um Why so many birthdayschristmases anniversaries had
passed with well, we cannotafford to get each other gifts
(19:43):
He wouldn't even drop money on abirthday card And that even more
it just shows where yourpriorities are aligned And
clearly it's not with your wifeand this is pissing me the fuck
off I cannot even begin toexpress how the lying has made
me feel I feel lost I feel likefoundational trust has been
(20:06):
broken and i'm not sure how torepair it and girl.
I understand you feeling thatway because girl You've already
been pretty open, you know, noteverybody Feels comfortable with
their partner Um Even watchingporn, let alone to be able to
(20:28):
share your partner or share yourpartner with somebody else or
allow them to engage with otherpeople as long as you know
you've vetted them and talked orwhatever.
Um, so to already be able to dothat and be getting that and to
spend all this money and timeand truly investing so much, so
(20:56):
much in OnlyFans, yeah.
Well.
Your wife already gives you somuch, so much motherfucking
leeway that a lot of wives wouldnever.
I think you have a problem.
I think we might be dealing witha problem here.
To say to your wife thatimportant events like birthdays,
(21:17):
anniversaries, things we don'thave money for but you have
money for OnlyFans?
You have a problem and you needto seek help.
Ugh, my gosh.
Um.
I feel like foundational trusthas been broken and I'm not sure
how to repair it.
I actually do love my husbandand I don't want to divorce him,
but this whole situation hascaused quite the upheaval.
(21:42):
I don't know what to do.
He feels terrible, but I'mhaving trouble accepting that he
feels terrible for doing this.
I think he only feels terriblebecause I caught him and girl, I
agree.
Also, I'm having troublebelieving anything he says right
now.
What the fuck do I ever do here,even do here?
How do I process this?
I don't want to be in thisstate.
(22:03):
I feel so damn, I feel so damnunfair and it just hurts.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is sober.
Brittany stepping in real quick.
To talk to you.
I don't think I really.
Went into detail.
when I was giving advice ortalking about this, went into
detail and really highlighted.
The lengths.
(22:24):
That this man went to conceal.
This only fans accounts andcontinue to be disingenuous.
And then multiple times when hewas caught.
in a lie.
The only time that he wouldadmit to that lie was if she
came with proof.
(22:45):
So he would have allowed her tofeel like.
To essentially make her feellike she was crazy.
And she was delusional.
That in itself.
It's honestly, reallytriggering.
Um, Like really think he tookthe time to think.
(23:09):
I don't want this.
I don't want her to have, like,there be any possibility that
she will ever.
Find this on any bankstatements.
So I'm going to withdraw cash.
In 2024.
I'm going to withdraw cash.
(23:30):
Every time I need something ononly fans.
And purchase a gift card.
Okay.
Or a loaded on a gift card sothat she will never know.
Like how disrespectful andcrazy.
Is that.
Especially when you're alreadyin such a.
Essentially open marriage.
(23:51):
If it's one thing, men willhave, it will always be the
audacity.
But anyways.
Yeah.
Let me get back to on drunk,Brittany over here.
Um, advice.
In this instance, I wouldprobably advise some counseling.
(24:12):
I would advise more open andhonest communication, which I
know you thought you werealready getting.
But, um, Yeah, if you want tostay in this relationship, we,
we, y'all gotta start puttingeverything on the table.
I'm probably by y'all, I meanhim, um, being more transparent
(24:34):
about what he wants, what heneeds, why he feels like, you
know, He needs to partake soheavily in OnlyFans and things
like that.
Um, but I feel like there's,it's just a lot to unpack here,
(24:55):
especially being married.
It's just a lot of, like,deceitfulness and Things that I
feel, really feel like shouldn'teven be involved in this
relationship that's seemingly soopen and, um, vulnerable.
But girl, unless you gonna leavehim because you feel betrayed
and feel lied to and things likethat, girl, you, you better off
(25:18):
just, you know, going totherapy, trying to talk through
it, um, get him some help, causeI, I think he probably needs
some help.
And yeah, girl, I'll just chill.
Um, Uh, Um, Uh, and maybe youneed to start monitoring
accounts, okay?
We need to, we need to have thesame accounts because you can't
(25:42):
be spending money willy nilly.
Okay?
That, that affects both of us,especially as a husband and
wife.
Okay?
That's our money.
I don't care what anybody says.
That's our money.
I ain't even married yet and myboyfriend's money is our money.
His money is my money.
Okay?
(26:02):
Okay?
What's wrong with you?
Chile.
Okay, this one was interestingto me because, you know, I'm a
little bisexual queen over here.
And it says, um, wife cheated onme with a woman.
(26:23):
I surprised them in our bed.
They thought I was at work.
Her partner is, or was, my bestfriend.
Someone I trusted.
I was suspecting for some timethere was something going on.
Didn't think it would be slammedin my face like that.
Of course they both confessedthis was going on for two months
(26:43):
and of course they begged me tonot leave my wife.
They showed me everything, allthe texts and the nudes they
sent of each other, how theyplanned around me.
Ex best friend said, said she'lldisappear and I won't see her
ever again.
And to be honest, I don't care.
(27:04):
Wife is sleeping on the couchnow, but I'm planning to have
in-laws, take her in for sometime while I process things.
I asked my wife if she was fullgay or what.
She reassured me that she'sattracted to me and enjoys sex
with me, but she was curious.
I told her why she didn't tellme about this.
Curiosity, maybe we could havetalked about it.
(27:25):
Ex bestfriend wouldn't stoptexting me how sorry she is, and
she doesn't want for us todivorce.
I replied to not contact me ormy wife unless I contact her
first.
I should be angry, but I justfeel numb.
The two people I trusted themost betrayed me.
This sucks.
I feel, honestly, and nowreading that, that makes me feel
(27:45):
really sad, because I know a lotof people Men's fantasy is to
maybe see, um, their womanpartake in some sexual activity
with a woman.
And although that may be truefor many people, it's not for
everybody.
And even if that is true, to bea desire or want for you, I
(28:09):
think to see, to walk in on yourwife cheating on you, And then
to have that person be your bestfriend, who is a woman which you
hadn't known your partner toever be interested in, like,
that's, that's a lot to take in.
(28:31):
That's a lot to take in, andit's also a lot of, um,
definitely a lot of trust thatis broken between, um, The wife
and the husband and the husbandand um, best friend and I truly
do feel for the husband Becausethere's nothing like living your
life and just being likebamboozled out of nowhere.
(28:55):
You know what I mean?
My advice for him is todefinitely sit down and have a
conversation um well if youdon't want to leave her, honey,
sit down have a conversation andwith I would say with both of
them, but you know, I don't knowif you necessarily owe your
(29:21):
Bestfriend anything right now.
The only person and I don't evenwant to say like you owe it to
but the only person that likeNeeds a response You To see how,
(29:43):
you know, things are going tomove now is your wife, your
partner.
And, she, oof.
This is just so tough because Iwould never do that.
That's crazy.
Yeah, if you're not gonna leaveher, like, this really needs to
be like a big conversation.
(30:03):
I always suggest therapy, honey,because In a marriage,
especially in marriages, honey.
If, if, as long as there's nocrazy abuse, you know, I think
that And when we think abuse,we're not just thinking
physical, okay?
Verbal, emotional, Financial,abuse, none of that.
(30:25):
So if there's no like real bigthings of abuse, and there's
just, you know, points ofcontention or some things that
have happened, I think, um, Um.
I think it's always beneficialto go to therapy first.
Sober Brittany here again.
I think it's always beneficialto go to therapy first, for
(30:49):
those reasons.
Stated above.
However, I think it's also veryimportant to stick.
to your.
Your values and like your bigno's.
Your deal breakers.
So, if any of those are crossedand you feel like you need to
go, then go chile.
(31:10):
But if none of those werecrossed your values and things.
Or if you feel like you canstill work through that.
Then go to therapy.
But, like I said, if somebodycrossed you feel like that's it.
Then that's it.
Live your life.
I just think that's crazy.
I don't know.
I felt like I would be able togive more advice on this.
(31:32):
I just feel like I'm blanking.
I'm not being the bisexual queenthat I know to be.
Because I do, I do understandthe wife's side, of course, I
understand the curiosity, and Iunderstand not necessarily going
to him and asking him and justengaging.
(31:55):
Um, is it right?
Absolutely not.
But I understand.
even he says, you know, he don'teven know if you want to stay or
leave her.
Um, yeah.
But realistically, I think it'sabout what you value and what
you're able to tolerate.
(32:17):
If you truly value like, youknow, honesty, loyalty, and you
feel like once that has beentrust and once that has been
dissolved, there's really nogoing back.
Um, Then leave that hoe, but ifyou feel like it's something you
can work on and work through andyou just need more
understanding, then hey, butit's going to be quite a
(32:43):
challenge, quite a challengereally, um, accepting and moving
on from that, especially I thinkfrom a man's point of view, from
a woman, women, I feel like inhistory have done that a lot.
Taken up and forgiven.
I'm cheating.
That's okay.
Well, when it's the opposite mendon't really know how to do
(33:05):
that, honey They don't know howto do that and honestly, I'm,
I'm not sure if women reallyknow how to fully do that
either, and that's anotherreason why I will personally not
stay with somebody who cheatsbecause I know that I would make
that person's life a livinghell.
I would make every situationuncomfortable.
I would bring up theirtransgressions all the time.
(33:26):
I would make sure that you'renot comfortable because you've
made me uncomfortable in thisrelationship by cheating on me.
So Moving on.
Whew.
Okay.
is, this is going crazy.
Ah.
Female, who's 30.
I'm about to cheat on myboyfriend.
Male, who's 40.
(33:47):
How can I say this?
Excuse me?
First of all, if you, it's onething to have like a spur of the
moment cheat.
And when I say it's one thing, Idon't mean that it's acceptable.
It's just a different thing, youknow what I'm saying?
Like, when in the heat of themoment, it's another thing to go
(34:12):
on Reddit and be like, Ciao.
Yeah, I'm finna cheat.
So, can you help me save this ornot?
Like, huh?
Baby, you don't want to save it.
Anyway.
I am about to cheat on myboyfriend.
Basically describes my situationpretty good.
(34:35):
We are in a relationship forover 9 years.
And he is an amazing man.
He supports me in every way thathe can.
He went through so much.
We went through so muchtogether.
And I really love him.
He is the best that could havebeen.
ever happened to me.
He helped me to get better andbe a better person.
I am who I am due to him and Idon't want to lose him.
(34:55):
The feelings about losing himhurt so much.
Every time we are in a fight, ithurts because I don't want him
to be hurt.
Unfortunately, the last fewnights, we had all the same
topic.
Sex.
The last time we had sex.
Whoa.
The last time we had sex wasover two years ago.
The last time he touched me in asexual way was over one year
(35:18):
ago.
At the beginning it started withgetting less and less over time.
At some point I talked with himand he just doesn't feel horny.
We tried a few things.
We took some natural supplementswhich should have helped, but he
felt really weird and didn'twant to take them.
I bought a lot of different toysand tried to initiate things
with those, but it never seemedto help.
(35:39):
Waiting in bed when he gets offof work.
He works from home and cuddles,and when he chooses to join me,
more won't happen.
Every time I tried, but he justfalls asleep.
He always says that the bed isfor sleeping, and he gets tired
when he's in the bed.
I get it, but come on.
(36:00):
Hoo, what changed?
You know, I was judging you forthat child, that child.
I was judging you for that titlegirl, but I mean, I still don't
know.
Doesn't make it right, doesn'tmake it right, but I understand.
Now, next.
Only touching myself won't do itany longer.
(36:22):
I don't feel attractive and Idon't feel confident.
That's another thing that canreally take a hit when you're
constantly being rejected ornot.
Felt feeling like you'reattractive.
I talked to him about thisissues, and he told me that he
thinks he falls in the asexualspectrum Okay, so my thing would
(36:42):
be okay When do you when did youfigure out that you fall on the
asexual spectrum because we'vebeen together for years So I'm
assuming that in those years youhave touched and pleasured me.
You know I'm saying and I It'sonly been the last two that we
haven't done, so, and you guyshave been together for nine, so,
(37:03):
what's, what's, what's tea?
Um, there is one where you canbe intimate with someone you
know, but not that good, but youlose your libido when there is a
much greater emotional bond.
Okay.
He identifies with this.
I told him that I would be finewith only being touched.
(37:24):
But after six months, nothinghas changed.
I feel like he doesn't want meanymore.
We talked about solutions andthe option of an open
relationship came up.
This was a year ago.
But the thoughts about him beingwith somebody else hurt so much
and I can't Look over this pain.
The thought about others beingable to sleep with my boyfriend
while he can't fuck me hurts.
(37:44):
Some of you may think that he ischeating, but I know for sure he
isn't.
We share our locations 24 7.
He works from home, and I amonly gone half the day.
We have one car with a GPS, andI would see if he moves.
We have a ring similar bell, andit has activated my movement.
It's activated by movement dueto some crimes in my
(38:05):
neighborhood.
It's the only door I would seeif he leaves.
A few days ago, I downloaded achat app.
You register and can join chatrooms.
And a guy wrote me.
We talked, and it felt so good.
We started setting, and Westarted setting and he likes the
kinks I like as well.
(38:27):
Maybe she meant sexting.
We started sexting and he likesthe kinks that I like as well.
My boyfriend never liked themthat much in our sex life,
wasn't that great, but it wasn'tabout sex, but the connection
and feeling attractive andconfident.
We started to exchange photosand videos.
I only took them without faceand identifying features, and I
(38:48):
haven't felt this attractive andwanted in over four years.
When it started to get less andless, it feels, it feels just
fucking good and right.
We talked about meeting, and Iam about to set a date with him.
I don't want to hurt myboyfriend because I really love
him, but I don't know what Ishould do.
He doesn't try.
And I am anxious about losinghim.
(39:08):
How can I save this situationwith my boyfriend?
What should I do?
Thank you for reading.
Girl, go have a conversationwith that man.
Y'all have brought up the wholeopen relationship thing and I
really don't think that heshould feel no type of way about
it.
I know that you have had somereservations about it, but if
we're being honest here, youknow, we all have needs, We all
(39:30):
have needs, and I understandyour qualms about wanting or not
wanting to see him or being withother people.
I feel like I would have thesame hang ups, but But, but,
but, at the end of the day, ifyou're so stuck on not leaving
him and like, want to continueto be with him, then you have to
(39:54):
find something, you gotta give alittle, you gotta give a little.
And if that means by letting gosome control and letting him
explore in his own right too,then, hey! You said you feel
good, and if this is really whatyou want, then be honest about
it.
Don't be hiding behind the bush,babes.
(40:15):
That's only gonna, like, makeshit worse.
Everybody be over herepussyfooting and shit.
Do what you want to do.
Live your life.
Nobody else is going to live itfor you.
Nobody else has to do that, butyou.
So you have to be set.
And you have to be okay withyour decisions in life, and you
(40:35):
have to live it.
You made the bed, now lay in it.
Pick what direction you want togo.
Do you want a messy one?
Where he can potentially findout, and it destroys everything
in an instant.
And he feels betrayed, and hefeels this, this, this, and
that.
And I mean, he probably alreadywill, if you, um, explain to him
(40:57):
that you've already been, um, Inconversation with somebody else.
Um, however, I feel like, Idon't know, that conversation
needs to be had immediately.
Immediately, immediately.
Okay, yeah.
I think I'm gonna read one more.
One more.
(41:18):
Oh, my, she's a 25 year oldfemale.
Husband, who's a 25, a 24 yearold male, using me.
So she's saying is my husbandusing me?
So, a bit of context.
We got married about a week agoand worked together for over
nine years.
Never had another relationship,neither did he.
(41:38):
I have a job where I make a lotof money, but I'm self employed.
So money varies and it mightdepend on how much I work.
I also go to school again to geta better degree.
He works at his 40 hour job andsometimes helps me at my work.
Most of the money for stuffcomes from me.
I was also the person who didover 90 percent of our cooking,
(42:00):
food planning, wedding planning,and general household planning.
The household chores were mostlyhis responsibility, But we got
household help from my moneyevery two to four weeks because
he couldn't keep up.
Excuse me.
let me, let me, let me not talkbecause for me instantly I was
just like, um, why are youspending money every two to four
(42:23):
weeks to help with the householdcleaning?
Because I just feel like ifeverybody's cleaning up behind
themselves, like grown adults,then they're really, it really
shouldn't be like such a problemwith the cleaning.
Mind you, I was working frommorning till I was going to bed,
often times, and also planning,etc.
(42:46):
Date plans and all that.
Also come from my side.
I was almost begging him to helpme with those things But he only
really did wedding things in thelast week including his outfit.
He said everything will getbetter after the wedding Excuse
me.
I would never believe a man whotells me that.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
(43:07):
That's actually like reallyscary.
I feel like it's the completeopposite It's the complete
opposite.
A man is not going to wait.
Oh my god.
It is literally a completeopposite.
A man is not going to sit thereand wait until you guys are
married to basically prove howvaluable he is and like how much
(43:28):
he can change if there needs tobe changes and things like that.
Absolutely not.
A man will do so before, beforethat, before that.
Because They will do everythingthey need to do in their power
before they make thatdeclaration That they want to
marry you.
(43:50):
Be so for real.
Nothing's going to change aftermarriage.
If anything I would be more soconcerned in any and any in all
situations that A man mightswitch up in a negative way
after the marriage.
So I'm not gonna, I'm not gonnaexpect you to positively change
(44:13):
and do what I've been asking forhowever long after we're
married.
After it's more difficult to,you know, separate and to get,
absolutely not.
Absolutely not, it's feelinglike trap, trap, run away, run
away, He said everything willget better after the wedding,
will it though?
On top of that, I want to saythat we often eat out or get
(44:36):
takeout and it's always with mymoney.
In this economy, no, no, no.
don't know I feel like it's kindof ingrained in some of us to
kind of have like an escape planOr to just have, a certain means
for life, you know what I mean?
so for a man to constantly toconstantly being relying on you
(45:01):
for money.
And before you're even married.
Insanity to me and it justdoesn't feel right and it
shouldn't feel right foranybody.
It just it just don't sit rightI'm just a girl.
Why am I paying you?
I'm paying for it.
It's not even paying you.
Why am I paying for everythingnow child?
(45:22):
um I feel like he purposelyforgets that we need to buy
groceries.
I'm often thinking about work,so I asked him to remind me of
it, so we can just get takeout.
he also got a credit card whenmoney was tight in November, and
I gave him the rest of the moneyyesterday.
(45:45):
The total of that money was 1.
6k, and not even, oh, God, thankyou! And it's little things like
that, even when you are, um, ina relationship, married or not.
Being thankful and saying thankyou for little things or things.
(46:07):
I mean, I don't think that's alittle thing, but even things
that you think are little orinsignificant, I think are very
important.
Everybody wants to be seen andacknowledged.
So that is crazy.
That is crazy.
I would have wanted that moneyback.
That's how crazy that is.
Give me back my shit back.
Cuz who the fuck?
(46:29):
I waited a few hours until Icouldn't hold it anymore.
Off and confronted him and hesaid he was sorry for not doing
that and he thought about a wayto thank me He said he'll give
me flowers and the card is athank you.
He never really got the flowersHe knows I hate flower bouquets
(46:50):
I don't want to be dramatic orwhatever, but bitch he might
hate you Because why would youever Why would you tell me that
you're gonna get flowers in thecard and know that I fucking
despise flowers That is just soI don't know.
It's just so rude and so lowdown dirty to me.
I don't know.
It's just weird.
It's just weird.
I'm sorry, girl.
(47:12):
Now to the advice I'm asking of,is this marriage worth it?
Hell No, I don't think it is.
I don't think I don't thinkmarriage is a game where like
you marry and then you start toshow and prove I think you have
to show and prove at least alittle bit until all parties are
satisfied And then you go aheadthat is absolutely ridiculous
(47:34):
and absolutely insane.
I think that you will always beThat man will always be
comfortable up under you sometype of way and will continue to
allow you to just spend all yourgoddamn money and you won't have
nothing to your name while heover there racking up and I
don't think that's okay.
Um, I find it really odd that.
(47:55):
Um, he's not even interested ingrocery shopping and the
probably why he's not interestedin grocery shopping is because
he might have to pull his walletout and he knows that hey if He
knows that hey, you're hungryand you're gonna eat so you're
gonna order some food and he'sthere So yeah, he gonna get some
too and I think that'sabsolutely ridiculous and insane
(48:15):
I would not marry that manbecause I would not trust that
man and for somebody to say Youknow To know that like shit is
not okay before marriage and tobe like, oh, but it'll be fine
Like it'll be better after thewedding.
I don't trust you because whycan't you show and prove now?
You're lying.
You're lying.
You're lying.
You're lying Girl, I would runaway.
(48:36):
I don't think that marriage isworth it I mean, I don't know if
it ins and outs, but I just feellike a marriage is not only
like, um I know people like tothink of it as It's, you know, a
spiritual love union, yaddayadda yadda.
But it's also very much acontract and it's a business
decision.
And business wise, this is aterrible decision.
(48:56):
It seems like all he will do ishold you back and hold you up.
So, like I said, would I suggestthis marriage?
Absolutely not.
I think you should run, girl.
I think you should run.
Run.
Marriage is not the end all beall and you you will find
somebody who is willing To giveand do more and show and prove
(49:19):
Okay, you shouldn't feel likeyou have to break your back or
give your all to somebody Whilethey can sit up there and say,
Oh, I'll show you after thewedding.
It'll be better after thewedding.
Fuck you.
No it won't.
It might get worse.
Do not fall for it, girl.
Do not fall for it.
You were lucky there were nochildren involved.
So, I'm assuming because youdidn't include any.
(49:41):
So Girl, girl, go on about yourbusiness.
You're still young, you're 25and you're older than him.
Girl, now I don't want to be anageist motherfucker, but I will
be an ageist motherfucker whenit comes to these boys and
dealing with them.
Do not date no boy younger thanyou.
And that does not mean go get agranddaddy.
But do not date no young assboy.
(50:01):
I don't care.
One year, just no.
Just don't do it.
They stupid.
They stupid as they come old asfuck and young as fuck.
So you need to get somebody thatis at least the same age or
maybe a little bit above you.
Don't, don't ever trip yourselfup.
Of course there will be peoplewho are outliers, okay?
(50:24):
Duh.
But that is not the majority andhe is not an outlier, okay?
He is definitely a 24 year oldboy.
Boy, not man.
Boy, okay?
They, they have a lot ofdevelopment until they become
young men, okay?
(50:45):
Well, okay, I will say he's ayoung man, but he's not a man.
Okay, I won't call him a boy.
He's not a boy, but yeah, youngman.
He's not a man yet.
So, um, and I wouldn't suggestyou wait around for him to show
and prove either girl, you knowUm, how long y'all even been
(51:06):
together?
Cuz I think you said he wasquite a lot over nine years,
babe I think the whole you knowFinding your soulmate as a minor
thing is cute, and if it worksfor you, great, but this is not
working and this is not it.
(51:27):
Hang the fuck up.
You haven't even experiencedlife.
There is so much to experience.
There is SO much to experience.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Go outside, girl.
Go outside.
okay, and I do want to read oneof the comments, cause he kinda,
(51:47):
he kinda ate a little bit.
But he said, This is the way theaverage dude is socialized
growing up.
It's fucking crazy.
I was the same way when I wasyounger, just expecting things
to work.
Kinda like how it did when myparents were together.
Nope, it's not like that at all.
That's man baby shit.
I don't think he's using you.
I think he's unaware of how muchhe's slacking on.
(52:09):
Men traditionally rely on womento manage their emotions and to
do all the house labor, butthat's some bullshit not fair
adding on to that, it'ssomething we can fix as well if
we put in the effort.
Unfortunately, it caused manylong term relationships to fall,
fail, before I realized I wasthe problem the whole time.
Um, we love an introspective,reflective king! Because, yes,
(52:35):
this is how many of boys aresocialized.
The reflection of this man.
Amazing, beautiful.
Chef's kiss.
Um, and that's why I say raiseyour boys.
They over here, out herethinking that the world is just
gonna work by them not havingto.
Yeah, but I'm tired now, yo.
(53:00):
Those kind of made my head hurta little bit.
I really had to think.
But yeah, y'all, I think this,finally, the sun has set on this
episode of Sage and Sunshine.
It was really nice, kind of justchatting and um, Giving a little
(53:20):
bit of advice and having alittle bit of a kiki.
I hope that, um, some of y'allwere able to take my advice well
and take some positive thingsout of it.
Um, don't, don't be lookingcrazy out here on these streets.
(53:40):
We all have our moments, butpick yourself up.
Okay.
I hope you all have a wonderful,wonderful rest of your week and
enjoy your weekend.
Let me know what you're sippinon, chill.
But yeah, it's been Rui, y'all.
Signing off.
(54:01):
Oh,
K M O R E Hello, hello, hello,and welcome to Sage and
Sunshine, where we talk aboutall things life, adulting,
(00:23):
parenthood, and any other sexydetails of life that we'd like
to discuss, honey.
As you know, I am your host,Brittany Marie, your new
favorite.
Okay, today, yall I'm a little,I'm, I'm a little, Tipsy, I
think, from, recording the lastvideo, so I thought it would be
(00:43):
really fun to, essentially givesome drunk advice, honey.
people say I give great advice.
Um, I don't think me being tipsywould change anything, it just
might make me a little funnier.
What made me even want to dothis episode is because I saw a
tweet on Twitter last week and Iwas like, um, okay.
(01:09):
I was just like, what would Ido?
WW BD, what would Brittany do?
Let me take another sip y'all,I'll read this to you, She said,
Dropped my boyfriend off at theairport to go to Mexico with a
few friends.
(01:30):
Now these few friends includedmen and women.
Okay.
Okay.
Why when leaving this morning?
My boyfriend asked me did I feelcomfortable with him bringing
condoms?
Because his male friend askedthat shit seemed so fucking off
to me.
Please help me just get throughit Cuz this trip been booked for
(01:57):
months and of all people Whatthe fuck he ask you?
I'm really trying to see if I'mtripping or not.
Trying not to spaz, justthinking.
And see, and see, this, this,this, mm, this be wrong.
This, this be wrong.
Look, I can't even get my wordstogether.
(02:17):
See, this be what the fuck iswrong, too.
Cause we try to be good, and wetry to sit back and be like,
Bro, am I trippin I don't wannabe, I don't wanna be on no
fugazi shit, you know what I'msayin Am I actually trippin I
hate that we second guess and westop and we step back and really
look at the whole situation andbe like bro, like am I actually
(02:37):
tripping because I don't want tobe tripping right now.
But girl, you was not trippingso far.
Anyways.
I want to read, um, theresponse.
She didn't really add much to itbut saying, um, You know, thank
you for validating her feelingsthat, you know, something's off,
I'm gonna get back into that,but the text message, so
(02:59):
essentially, her, her responseis kind of cut off a little bit,
but essentially, she starts offby saying like, Y'all knew this
trip was coming up just likeyou.
And last time I checked, likeyou can buy them in Mexico
talking about condoms.
Duh.
You can buy them everywhere.
You can buy them in Mexico.
If you're gonna do something,you better make sure it's worth
(03:19):
it.
I don't like the sneaky vibes atall, period.
Now, me.
Me?
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tellyou you better make sure it's
worth it, bitch.
Cuz I don't know what the fuckyou doing out there, and if I
already feel some type of wayyou want some foozy type of
shit, then I don't trust you,and it needs to be done right
(03:41):
here and right now.
Cuz you're not gonna go off inMexico and have fun, and I feel
like you on some shit, on somesneaky shit.
I don't like that.
I don't like that.
I don't like that.
Am I coming with you now?
No, actually matter of fact, Idon't even want to come with you
because it's getting weird.
It's getting weird.
Anyways He replied talking aboutI asked you multiple times for a
(04:02):
reason so that it wouldn't be aproblem Why did you wait again
until we were separated to dothis?
I'm gonna pause and stop rightthere Now if she's anything like
me and a lot of people Who justhave a lot of self control and
don't want to be flying off thegoddamn handle for stupid shit
(04:25):
And really want to make sure youknow, you have a grasp on the
situation and understand thefull picture of everything we're
We are not gonna wild out andsometimes shit takes time to
really process.
So even though you got aresponse in that exact moment,
the true response was reallystill processing, bitch, okay?
(04:48):
It was still processing, hoe.
Just because I said yeah, okay,reluctantly, didn't mean a
goddamn thing.
I'm still processing, cause whywould you even fuckin ask me?
I should hit you upside yourgoddamn head.
But I don't promote domesticviolence, so, not too much,
y'all.
Um, he goes on to say, um,Obviously, he could just buy
(05:14):
them, but that's why he askedbeforehand if I had any so he
wouldn't have to spendunnecessary money.
You act like condoms are an armand a leg, you are going out the
country to Mexico, I'm sure thathe can get his own, and how do
y'all even know if it's all thesame size?
Weeeeeeeird.
(05:37):
Nothing sneaky, which is why Ilooked you in your eyes and I
just feel like asking a grownman, asking as a grown man going
on vacation, knowing that hefinna fuck, asking another grown
man who has a woman that's goingto stay out at home for fucking
condoms is fucking wild.
It's wild and at your big age,why are you asking another grown
(05:59):
man?
The only instance I understandasking a grown man that's not
involved in the activity thatyou're about to partake in
because either party can havecondoms the male or female
whatever or whatever partiesthat are involved can have
condoms, but to be a grown manand to ask Before leaving the
(06:22):
country to like that that givesrope.
That's crazy before leaving thecountry To see if he can bring
some condoms or ask him forcondoms is insanity is insanity.
It's crazy It doesn't make anysense to me.
It doesn't make any sense.
You're a grown ass man.
(06:43):
Go get your condom That wouldhave flew maybe when y'all were
like younger teens or maybe ify'all are out and about and
thotting around sure, or if it'slike really spur of the moment
y'all are both out in the cluband he's you know, he has um, He
has a girl back home, but y'allout in the club Enjoying
yourselves and then you knowfriend wants to take off for the
girl And he says yo, you got acondom on you because I ain't
(07:05):
got none at home.
I mean You Yeah, sure.
But then again, why would youhave a condom on you?
Because your girl's not withyou.
So again, like What scenariosare we talking about?
That your friend would need acondom from you in a
relationship.
Okay.
(07:25):
Nothing sneaky, which is why Ilooked you in your eyes and
asked if you were comfortablewith this multiple times.
I'm not on any type of sneakyshit.
I hate that you would thinkthat, which is why I tried
responsibly communicating withyou.
about the situation.
I apologize for putting myselfin a position that makes you
question my actions.
(07:48):
Boo.
I thought I made the correctdecision by speaking with you
about it, but next time I willjust make sure to do better with
not making you question myactions and keeping myself out
of that position.
A.
K.
A.
he will make sure to never tellyour ass anything and he'll be
sneaky about it because.
Yeah, and then he says, I loveyou and hope you have a great
(08:11):
Friday with work and justoverall.
And that part, that part for me,I really didn't like.
Now I'm reading this like Ireally don't like because I feel
like you just, I feel like youended the conversation and there
(08:32):
was no real feelings of, like,resolve for anybody and you're
going to go on about yourbusiness and I feel a way over
here.
I don't like that.
I don't like that at all.
I don't like that.
and honestly talking about hopeyou have a great Friday.
So it's just like, okay, so ourcommunication ends here.
(08:56):
So, you're not going to talk tome Friday?
It's just, it's just not giving.
I don't like the dismissal.
I don't like the dismissal.
Because who told you that wewere finished with this
conversation?
Do not dismiss and end thisconversation.
honestly, that response is like,giving like, stay blessed.
Who are you talking to?
(09:17):
chile, exactly.
The classic ask a question tonot look guilty approach.
And just imagine if it was theother way around.
Oh, my homegirl wants to know,can I bring condoms on the
vacation to Miami?
(09:40):
To Mexico, to, to fucking,Louisiana, New Orleans.
How would that sound?
Get the fuck.
Y'all niggas ain't shit.
Chao.
So my advice to you, which is,which a lot of women have said
(10:02):
already, and I think you'vealready taken this advice, is to
leave that man where he lay.
Let him have his time and soilhis royal oats in Mexico,
because that's what I assumethat he's doing.
There is no way that.
Any man of mine is going to, um,ask me the day of the, um, even,
(10:23):
even if it was weeks, monthsbefore, uh, uh, get your own
shit.
But gonna ask me the day of if Ifeel comfortable with him
bringing condoms.
But, oh no, the condoms are notfor him.
They're gonna be for his friend.
Absolutely the fuck not yourfriend can go to the store or
you can stay your ass home.
(10:44):
And it's just like, as a man,why would you even, why would
you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Even if he's really not gonna doanything.
As a man, why would you putyourself in that predicament?
And I don't mean like, oh,don't, don't fucking, um, tell
her and just bring the condomsor whatever.
Have your broke, dick, down assman of yours, okay, your friend
(11:08):
of yours, get his own fuckingshit.
What the fuck?
If you want to fuck bitches, getthe shit that you need to fuck
them.
The fuck?
Protect yourself.
What the fuck is what the fuckyour friend helping you for,
nigga?
You're a grown.
Be so fucking for real.
(11:29):
You're a friend in a wholerelationship.
Okay, absolutely not.
So I would have left him exactlywhere the fuck he laid.
By him motherfuckin self.
Because nah.
Absolutely nah.
Okay.
Mmm.
Okay, now we're gonna get intosome like, real stuff.
(11:50):
And stuff that I've absolutelynever even read before.
Cause, honestly, I reallycouldn't even help that girl
that much.
She already did what she did,and she did right thing.
This stuff.
Now, y'all, I haven't read thisat all.
We gon try to help y'all now.
It reads, Found Husband SecretOnly Fans.
(12:16):
First, just so you know, I'mgoing to end up deleting this
post later because my spouse ison Reddit and I don't want him
to see this.
Even if this were a throwaway,he would easily know that I
wrote the following.
I am in desperate need ofadvice.
On Wednesday night, my spouseand I were joking around about
porn.
We have a very healthy sex life,what we call a cosmic mouth
(12:39):
teeth sex, and are very openabout our kinks and indulging
those kinks with one another.
I have absolutely no problemwith my husband watching porn.
He should, he could find anyporn he wanted to watch as long
as it was legal, caused no harm,and took place between
consenting adults.
I can't remember exactly what myhusband said when we were
(13:01):
playing around, but I respondedto a comment with, well, at
least you don't got an OnlyFansaccount, and I laughed until I
saw his face.
He has no poker face.
My heart just sank.
Initially, I just askedquestions about it, more curious
about why he would choose tocreate a private secret account
(13:24):
with a fake email and a prepaidvanilla Visa gift cards
purchased with cash so Iwouldn't see the transactions on
our bank or credit cardstatements.
To spend money for something hecalled Just for more, just more
porn to look at because I'vewatched a lot of porn.
He wouldn't give me straightanswers about anything, evaded
(13:46):
questions, etc.
The most he said was that he'dpay for a monthly subscription
for 5 and that he didn't use itoften.
I was still pissed off becausefrankly OnlyFans seems like
infidelity to me.
Intimate, emotional, andphysical.
Okay, let me start off by sayingwhen I read the title, I did not
(14:07):
think like, okay He's buyingporn on OnlyFans.
I was thinking this was He hasan OnlyFans, and he is
performing on there He isperforming on there, but I see
that that's not where we'regoing with this.
Anyways, um I was so pissed offBecause, frankly, OnlyFans seems
(14:34):
like infidelity to me, intimate,emotional, and physical.
Especially because we've agreedto allow one another to have sex
with other people as long as wewere each comfortable with the
other party, vetted them, so tospeak.
We've also agreed to allowpeople into our sex life with
us.
We also have a plethora of toysand gear.
(14:55):
In my opinion, people who useOnlyFans because they want to
directly connect with otherpeople.
It bothered me because I gavehim an open door to walk through
as far as sex and porn wereconcerned and instead he dug a
secret tunnel and lied to me.
And like I said, I thought thiswas going in a different
(15:17):
direction, but.
When she puts it like that, Iunderstand, and Honestly,
clearly it's a, it's an issuebecause he hid it, you know what
I'm saying, and she only foundout because she joked about it,
so that is an issue.
Two hours after he fell asleep,I was a mess, so I looked at his
computer.
(15:37):
We have an open door policy withdevices, computers, etc.
My husband is lazy, so when Iopened the browser, there was
already a tab open with himlogged into his account.
I saw how much money he wasspending.
On messages, private videos,subscriptions to specific
(15:58):
people, one of whom he knows inreal life who resides in our
town.
I saw how often and compulsivelyhe was using the platform.
He spent hundreds of dollars,hundreds of dollars.
I screenshotted everything.
Now we're getting into Dangerousterritory.
(16:23):
Thursday morning over coffee, Iasked him point blank, How much
money do you estimate you'vespent on OnlyFans and how long
have you had this account?
Ugh! He said max 50 spent andthat he opened the account a few
months ago.
I sent him the screenshot of hismost recent purchase.
Two purchases took place on theday I was in the hospital with
(16:44):
my dad while he was undergoingheart surgery and the other was
on the day of our weddinganniversary.
Within 48 hours of these threetransactions were made totaling
more than 60 dollars alone inthose days.
He had the audacity to say youhacked my account to which I
(17:07):
replied it's pretty easy toaccess someone's account when
they leave it open andaccessible.
More importantly, why did youjust lie to me?
You needed me to have proof foryou to admit it?
When did you create thisaccount?
He lied again.
So I sent a screenshot to himproving once again that I caught
him in a lie.
(17:28):
And that is when the dam broke.
He said he knew from the outsetthat what he was doing was
wrong.
And said he never intended it togo as long as it did.
I told him that I tookscreenshots of everything and
that I needed answers.
I needed to know why he wasspending our money on private
(17:49):
messages from people onOnlyFans.
I needed to know why regularfree porn wasn't enough for him.
I needed to know why he wasalways insisting we were broke
when he was secretly spendingmoney we supposedly didn't have.
And that bitch is really whatyou had me thinking.
(18:12):
I think it's one thing.
I think, you know, if you wantto partake and engage in
OnlyFans cool, people don'tunderstand that, um, people buy
porn, specifically throughthings like OnlyFans.
Only fan because one it can bemore personalized You can
(18:32):
actually have potential tocommunicate with the people get
them to do specific things.
It's just Yeah, and like to seea specific person that you want.
Yeah, it's gonna be worth it tofuck to some people so like I
understand that aspect and Inthat regard, that would really
(18:58):
irritate me.
That would really irritate me tose to see him, um, spending so
much money, not only on, like,the content, but private
messages and things like that,because now you're, like, really
engaging.
You're really engaging or tryingto engage with this person and
(19:21):
one of what she said was intheir hometown So I mean, I
don't know if that was theperson he's communicating with
but that's the person hesubscribed to Like that's really
uncomfortable and it's crossinga lot of boundaries.
Absolutely not.
Um Why so many birthdayschristmases anniversaries had
passed with well, we cannotafford to get each other gifts
(19:43):
He wouldn't even drop money on abirthday card And that even more
it just shows where yourpriorities are aligned And
clearly it's not with your wifeand this is pissing me the fuck
off I cannot even begin toexpress how the lying has made
me feel I feel lost I feel likefoundational trust has been
(20:06):
broken and i'm not sure how torepair it and girl.
I understand you feeling thatway because girl You've already
been pretty open, you know, noteverybody Feels comfortable with
their partner Um Even watchingporn, let alone to be able to
(20:28):
share your partner or share yourpartner with somebody else or
allow them to engage with otherpeople as long as you know
you've vetted them and talked orwhatever.
Um, so to already be able to dothat and be getting that and to
spend all this money and timeand truly investing so much, so
(20:56):
much in OnlyFans, yeah.
Well.
Your wife already gives you somuch, so much motherfucking
leeway that a lot of wives wouldnever.
I think you have a problem.
I think we might be dealing witha problem here.
To say to your wife thatimportant events like birthdays,
(21:17):
anniversaries, things we don'thave money for but you have
money for OnlyFans?
You have a problem and you needto seek help.
Ugh, my gosh.
Um.
I feel like foundational trusthas been broken and I'm not sure
how to repair it.
I actually do love my husbandand I don't want to divorce him,
but this whole situation hascaused quite the upheaval.
(21:42):
I don't know what to do.
He feels terrible, but I'mhaving trouble accepting that he
feels terrible for doing this.
I think he only feels terriblebecause I caught him and girl, I
agree.
Also, I'm having troublebelieving anything he says right
now.
What the fuck do I ever do here,even do here?
How do I process this?
I don't want to be in thisstate.
(22:03):
I feel so damn, I feel so damnunfair and it just hurts.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is sober.
Brittany stepping in real quick.
To talk to you.
I don't think I really.
Went into detail.
when I was giving advice ortalking about this, went into
detail and really highlighted.
The lengths.
(22:24):
That this man went to conceal.
This only fans accounts andcontinue to be disingenuous.
And then multiple times when hewas caught.
in a lie.
The only time that he wouldadmit to that lie was if she
came with proof.
(22:45):
So he would have allowed her tofeel like.
To essentially make her feellike she was crazy.
And she was delusional.
That in itself.
It's honestly, reallytriggering.
Um, Like really think he tookthe time to think.
(23:09):
I don't want this.
I don't want her to have, like,there be any possibility that
she will ever.
Find this on any bankstatements.
So I'm going to withdraw cash.
In 2024.
I'm going to withdraw cash.
(23:30):
Every time I need something ononly fans.
And purchase a gift card.
Okay.
Or a loaded on a gift card sothat she will never know.
Like how disrespectful andcrazy.
Is that.
Especially when you're alreadyin such a.
Essentially open marriage.
(23:51):
If it's one thing, men willhave, it will always be the
audacity.
But anyways.
Yeah.
Let me get back to on drunk,Brittany over here.
Um, advice.
In this instance, I wouldprobably advise some counseling.
(24:12):
I would advise more open andhonest communication, which I
know you thought you werealready getting.
But, um, Yeah, if you want tostay in this relationship, we,
we, y'all gotta start puttingeverything on the table.
I'm probably by y'all, I meanhim, um, being more transparent
(24:34):
about what he wants, what heneeds, why he feels like, you
know, He needs to partake soheavily in OnlyFans and things
like that.
Um, but I feel like there's,it's just a lot to unpack here,
(24:55):
especially being married.
It's just a lot of, like,deceitfulness and Things that I
feel, really feel like shouldn'teven be involved in this
relationship that's seemingly soopen and, um, vulnerable.
But girl, unless you gonna leavehim because you feel betrayed
and feel lied to and things likethat, girl, you, you better off
(25:18):
just, you know, going totherapy, trying to talk through
it, um, get him some help, causeI, I think he probably needs
some help.
And yeah, girl, I'll just chill.
Um, Uh, Um, Uh, and maybe youneed to start monitoring
accounts, okay?
We need to, we need to have thesame accounts because you can't
(25:42):
be spending money willy nilly.
Okay?
That, that affects both of us,especially as a husband and
wife.
Okay?
That's our money.
I don't care what anybody says.
That's our money.
I ain't even married yet and myboyfriend's money is our money.
His money is my money.
Okay?
(26:02):
Okay?
What's wrong with you?
Chile.
Okay, this one was interestingto me because, you know, I'm a
little bisexual queen over here.
And it says, um, wife cheated onme with a woman.
(26:23):
I surprised them in our bed.
They thought I was at work.
Her partner is, or was, my bestfriend.
Someone I trusted.
I was suspecting for some timethere was something going on.
Didn't think it would be slammedin my face like that.
Of course they both confessedthis was going on for two months
(26:43):
and of course they begged me tonot leave my wife.
They showed me everything, allthe texts and the nudes they
sent of each other, how theyplanned around me.
Ex best friend said, said she'lldisappear and I won't see her
ever again.
And to be honest, I don't care.
(27:04):
Wife is sleeping on the couchnow, but I'm planning to have
in-laws, take her in for sometime while I process things.
I asked my wife if she was fullgay or what.
She reassured me that she'sattracted to me and enjoys sex
with me, but she was curious.
I told her why she didn't tellme about this.
Curiosity, maybe we could havetalked about it.
(27:25):
Ex bestfriend wouldn't stoptexting me how sorry she is, and
she doesn't want for us todivorce.
I replied to not contact me ormy wife unless I contact her
first.
I should be angry, but I justfeel numb.
The two people I trusted themost betrayed me.
This sucks.
I feel, honestly, and nowreading that, that makes me feel
(27:45):
really sad, because I know a lotof people Men's fantasy is to
maybe see, um, their womanpartake in some sexual activity
with a woman.
And although that may be truefor many people, it's not for
everybody.
And even if that is true, to bea desire or want for you, I
(28:09):
think to see, to walk in on yourwife cheating on you, And then
to have that person be your bestfriend, who is a woman which you
hadn't known your partner toever be interested in, like,
that's, that's a lot to take in.
(28:31):
That's a lot to take in, andit's also a lot of, um,
definitely a lot of trust thatis broken between, um, The wife
and the husband and the husbandand um, best friend and I truly
do feel for the husband Becausethere's nothing like living your
life and just being likebamboozled out of nowhere.
(28:55):
You know what I mean?
My advice for him is todefinitely sit down and have a
conversation um well if youdon't want to leave her, honey,
sit down have a conversation andwith I would say with both of
them, but you know, I don't knowif you necessarily owe your
(29:21):
Bestfriend anything right now.
The only person and I don't evenwant to say like you owe it to
but the only person that likeNeeds a response You To see how,
(29:43):
you know, things are going tomove now is your wife, your
partner.
And, she, oof.
This is just so tough because Iwould never do that.
That's crazy.
Yeah, if you're not gonna leaveher, like, this really needs to
be like a big conversation.
(30:03):
I always suggest therapy, honey,because In a marriage,
especially in marriages, honey.
If, if, as long as there's nocrazy abuse, you know, I think
that And when we think abuse,we're not just thinking
physical, okay?
Verbal, emotional, Financial,abuse, none of that.
(30:25):
So if there's no like real bigthings of abuse, and there's
just, you know, points ofcontention or some things that
have happened, I think, um, Um.
I think it's always beneficialto go to therapy first.
Sober Brittany here again.
I think it's always beneficialto go to therapy first, for
(30:49):
those reasons.
Stated above.
However, I think it's also veryimportant to stick.
to your.
Your values and like your bigno's.
Your deal breakers.
So, if any of those are crossedand you feel like you need to
go, then go chile.
(31:10):
But if none of those werecrossed your values and things.
Or if you feel like you canstill work through that.
Then go to therapy.
But, like I said, if somebodycrossed you feel like that's it.
Then that's it.
Live your life.
I just think that's crazy.
I don't know.
I felt like I would be able togive more advice on this.
(31:32):
I just feel like I'm blanking.
I'm not being the bisexual queenthat I know to be.
Because I do, I do understandthe wife's side, of course, I
understand the curiosity, and Iunderstand not necessarily going
to him and asking him and justengaging.
(31:55):
Um, is it right?
Absolutely not.
But I understand.
even he says, you know, he don'teven know if you want to stay or
leave her.
Um, yeah.
But realistically, I think it'sabout what you value and what
you're able to tolerate.
(32:17):
If you truly value like, youknow, honesty, loyalty, and you
feel like once that has beentrust and once that has been
dissolved, there's really nogoing back.
Um, Then leave that hoe, but ifyou feel like it's something you
can work on and work through andyou just need more
understanding, then hey, butit's going to be quite a
(32:43):
challenge, quite a challengereally, um, accepting and moving
on from that, especially I thinkfrom a man's point of view, from
a woman, women, I feel like inhistory have done that a lot.
Taken up and forgiven.
I'm cheating.
That's okay.
Well, when it's the opposite mendon't really know how to do
(33:05):
that, honey They don't know howto do that and honestly, I'm,
I'm not sure if women reallyknow how to fully do that
either, and that's anotherreason why I will personally not
stay with somebody who cheatsbecause I know that I would make
that person's life a livinghell.
I would make every situationuncomfortable.
I would bring up theirtransgressions all the time.
(33:26):
I would make sure that you'renot comfortable because you've
made me uncomfortable in thisrelationship by cheating on me.
So Moving on.
Whew.
Okay.
is, this is going crazy.
Ah.
Female, who's 30.
I'm about to cheat on myboyfriend.
Male, who's 40.
(33:47):
How can I say this?
Excuse me?
First of all, if you, it's onething to have like a spur of the
moment cheat.
And when I say it's one thing, Idon't mean that it's acceptable.
It's just a different thing, youknow what I'm saying?
Like, when in the heat of themoment, it's another thing to go
(34:12):
on Reddit and be like, Ciao.
Yeah, I'm finna cheat.
So, can you help me save this ornot?
Like, huh?
Baby, you don't want to save it.
Anyway.
I am about to cheat on myboyfriend.
Basically describes my situationpretty good.
(34:35):
We are in a relationship forover 9 years.
And he is an amazing man.
He supports me in every way thathe can.
He went through so much.
We went through so muchtogether.
And I really love him.
He is the best that could havebeen.
ever happened to me.
He helped me to get better andbe a better person.
I am who I am due to him and Idon't want to lose him.
(34:55):
The feelings about losing himhurt so much.
Every time we are in a fight, ithurts because I don't want him
to be hurt.
Unfortunately, the last fewnights, we had all the same
topic.
Sex.
The last time we had sex.
Whoa.
The last time we had sex wasover two years ago.
The last time he touched me in asexual way was over one year
(35:18):
ago.
At the beginning it started withgetting less and less over time.
At some point I talked with himand he just doesn't feel horny.
We tried a few things.
We took some natural supplementswhich should have helped, but he
felt really weird and didn'twant to take them.
I bought a lot of different toysand tried to initiate things
with those, but it never seemedto help.
(35:39):
Waiting in bed when he gets offof work.
He works from home and cuddles,and when he chooses to join me,
more won't happen.
Every time I tried, but he justfalls asleep.
He always says that the bed isfor sleeping, and he gets tired
when he's in the bed.
I get it, but come on.
(36:00):
Hoo, what changed?
You know, I was judging you forthat child, that child.
I was judging you for that titlegirl, but I mean, I still don't
know.
Doesn't make it right, doesn'tmake it right, but I understand.
Now, next.
Only touching myself won't do itany longer.
(36:22):
I don't feel attractive and Idon't feel confident.
That's another thing that canreally take a hit when you're
constantly being rejected ornot.
Felt feeling like you'reattractive.
I talked to him about thisissues, and he told me that he
thinks he falls in the asexualspectrum Okay, so my thing would
(36:42):
be okay When do you when did youfigure out that you fall on the
asexual spectrum because we'vebeen together for years So I'm
assuming that in those years youhave touched and pleasured me.
You know I'm saying and I It'sonly been the last two that we
haven't done, so, and you guyshave been together for nine, so,
(37:03):
what's, what's, what's tea?
Um, there is one where you canbe intimate with someone you
know, but not that good, but youlose your libido when there is a
much greater emotional bond.
Okay.
He identifies with this.
I told him that I would be finewith only being touched.
(37:24):
But after six months, nothinghas changed.
I feel like he doesn't want meanymore.
We talked about solutions andthe option of an open
relationship came up.
This was a year ago.
But the thoughts about him beingwith somebody else hurt so much
and I can't Look over this pain.
The thought about others beingable to sleep with my boyfriend
while he can't fuck me hurts.
(37:44):
Some of you may think that he ischeating, but I know for sure he
isn't.
We share our locations 24 7.
He works from home, and I amonly gone half the day.
We have one car with a GPS, andI would see if he moves.
We have a ring similar bell, andit has activated my movement.
It's activated by movement dueto some crimes in my
(38:05):
neighborhood.
It's the only door I would seeif he leaves.
A few days ago, I downloaded achat app.
You register and can join chatrooms.
And a guy wrote me.
We talked, and it felt so good.
We started setting, and Westarted setting and he likes the
kinks I like as well.
(38:27):
Maybe she meant sexting.
We started sexting and he likesthe kinks that I like as well.
My boyfriend never liked themthat much in our sex life,
wasn't that great, but it wasn'tabout sex, but the connection
and feeling attractive andconfident.
We started to exchange photosand videos.
I only took them without faceand identifying features, and I
(38:48):
haven't felt this attractive andwanted in over four years.
When it started to get less andless, it feels, it feels just
fucking good and right.
We talked about meeting, and Iam about to set a date with him.
I don't want to hurt myboyfriend because I really love
him, but I don't know what Ishould do.
He doesn't try.
And I am anxious about losinghim.
(39:08):
How can I save this situationwith my boyfriend?
What should I do?
Thank you for reading.
Girl, go have a conversationwith that man.
Y'all have brought up the wholeopen relationship thing and I
really don't think that heshould feel no type of way about
it.
I know that you have had somereservations about it, but if
we're being honest here, youknow, we all have needs, We all
(39:30):
have needs, and I understandyour qualms about wanting or not
wanting to see him or being withother people.
I feel like I would have thesame hang ups, but But, but,
but, at the end of the day, ifyou're so stuck on not leaving
him and like, want to continueto be with him, then you have to
(39:54):
find something, you gotta give alittle, you gotta give a little.
And if that means by letting gosome control and letting him
explore in his own right too,then, hey! You said you feel
good, and if this is really whatyou want, then be honest about
it.
Don't be hiding behind the bush,babes.
(40:15):
That's only gonna, like, makeshit worse.
Everybody be over herepussyfooting and shit.
Do what you want to do.
Live your life.
Nobody else is going to live itfor you.
Nobody else has to do that, butyou.
So you have to be set.
And you have to be okay withyour decisions in life, and you
(40:35):
have to live it.
You made the bed, now lay in it.
Pick what direction you want togo.
Do you want a messy one?
Where he can potentially findout, and it destroys everything
in an instant.
And he feels betrayed, and hefeels this, this, this, and
that.
And I mean, he probably alreadywill, if you, um, explain to him
(40:57):
that you've already been, um, Inconversation with somebody else.
Um, however, I feel like, Idon't know, that conversation
needs to be had immediately.
Immediately, immediately.
Okay, yeah.
I think I'm gonna read one more.
One more.
(41:18):
Oh, my, she's a 25 year oldfemale.
Husband, who's a 25, a 24 yearold male, using me.
So she's saying is my husbandusing me?
So, a bit of context.
We got married about a week agoand worked together for over
nine years.
Never had another relationship,neither did he.
(41:38):
I have a job where I make a lotof money, but I'm self employed.
So money varies and it mightdepend on how much I work.
I also go to school again to geta better degree.
He works at his 40 hour job andsometimes helps me at my work.
Most of the money for stuffcomes from me.
I was also the person who didover 90 percent of our cooking,
(42:00):
food planning, wedding planning,and general household planning.
The household chores were mostlyhis responsibility, But we got
household help from my moneyevery two to four weeks because
he couldn't keep up.
Excuse me.
let me, let me, let me not talkbecause for me instantly I was
just like, um, why are youspending money every two to four
(42:23):
weeks to help with the householdcleaning?
Because I just feel like ifeverybody's cleaning up behind
themselves, like grown adults,then they're really, it really
shouldn't be like such a problemwith the cleaning.
Mind you, I was working frommorning till I was going to bed,
often times, and also planning,etc.
(42:46):
Date plans and all that.
Also come from my side.
I was almost begging him to helpme with those things But he only
really did wedding things in thelast week including his outfit.
He said everything will getbetter after the wedding Excuse
me.
I would never believe a man whotells me that.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
(43:07):
That's actually like reallyscary.
I feel like it's the completeopposite It's the complete
opposite.
A man is not going to wait.
Oh my god.
It is literally a completeopposite.
A man is not going to sit thereand wait until you guys are
married to basically prove howvaluable he is and like how much
(43:28):
he can change if there needs tobe changes and things like that.
Absolutely not.
A man will do so before, beforethat, before that.
Because They will do everythingthey need to do in their power
before they make thatdeclaration That they want to
marry you.
(43:50):
Be so for real.
Nothing's going to change aftermarriage.
If anything I would be more soconcerned in any and any in all
situations that A man mightswitch up in a negative way
after the marriage.
So I'm not gonna, I'm not gonnaexpect you to positively change
(44:13):
and do what I've been asking forhowever long after we're
married.
After it's more difficult to,you know, separate and to get,
absolutely not.
Absolutely not, it's feelinglike trap, trap, run away, run
away, He said everything willget better after the wedding,
will it though?
On top of that, I want to saythat we often eat out or get
(44:36):
takeout and it's always with mymoney.
In this economy, no, no, no.
don't know I feel like it's kindof ingrained in some of us to
kind of have like an escape planOr to just have, a certain means
for life, you know what I mean?
so for a man to constantly toconstantly being relying on you
(45:01):
for money.
And before you're even married.
Insanity to me and it justdoesn't feel right and it
shouldn't feel right foranybody.
It just it just don't sit rightI'm just a girl.
Why am I paying you?
I'm paying for it.
It's not even paying you.
Why am I paying for everythingnow child?
(45:22):
um I feel like he purposelyforgets that we need to buy
groceries.
I'm often thinking about work,so I asked him to remind me of
it, so we can just get takeout.
he also got a credit card whenmoney was tight in November, and
I gave him the rest of the moneyyesterday.
(45:45):
The total of that money was 1.
6k, and not even, oh, God, thankyou! And it's little things like
that, even when you are, um, ina relationship, married or not.
Being thankful and saying thankyou for little things or things.
(46:07):
I mean, I don't think that's alittle thing, but even things
that you think are little orinsignificant, I think are very
important.
Everybody wants to be seen andacknowledged.
So that is crazy.
That is crazy.
I would have wanted that moneyback.
That's how crazy that is.
Give me back my shit back.
Cuz who the fuck?
(46:29):
I waited a few hours until Icouldn't hold it anymore.
Off and confronted him and hesaid he was sorry for not doing
that and he thought about a wayto thank me He said he'll give
me flowers and the card is athank you.
He never really got the flowersHe knows I hate flower bouquets
(46:50):
I don't want to be dramatic orwhatever, but bitch he might
hate you Because why would youever Why would you tell me that
you're gonna get flowers in thecard and know that I fucking
despise flowers That is just soI don't know.
It's just so rude and so lowdown dirty to me.
I don't know.
It's just weird.
It's just weird.
I'm sorry, girl.
(47:12):
Now to the advice I'm asking of,is this marriage worth it?
Hell No, I don't think it is.
I don't think I don't thinkmarriage is a game where like
you marry and then you start toshow and prove I think you have
to show and prove at least alittle bit until all parties are
satisfied And then you go aheadthat is absolutely ridiculous
(47:34):
and absolutely insane.
I think that you will always beThat man will always be
comfortable up under you sometype of way and will continue to
allow you to just spend all yourgoddamn money and you won't have
nothing to your name while heover there racking up and I
don't think that's okay.
Um, I find it really odd that.
(47:55):
Um, he's not even interested ingrocery shopping and the
probably why he's not interestedin grocery shopping is because
he might have to pull his walletout and he knows that hey if He
knows that hey, you're hungryand you're gonna eat so you're
gonna order some food and he'sthere So yeah, he gonna get some
too and I think that'sabsolutely ridiculous and insane
(48:15):
I would not marry that manbecause I would not trust that
man and for somebody to say Youknow To know that like shit is
not okay before marriage and tobe like, oh, but it'll be fine
Like it'll be better after thewedding.
I don't trust you because whycan't you show and prove now?
You're lying.
You're lying.
You're lying.
You're lying Girl, I would runaway.
(48:36):
I don't think that marriage isworth it I mean, I don't know if
it ins and outs, but I just feellike a marriage is not only
like, um I know people like tothink of it as It's, you know, a
spiritual love union, yaddayadda yadda.
But it's also very much acontract and it's a business
decision.
And business wise, this is aterrible decision.
(48:56):
It seems like all he will do ishold you back and hold you up.
So, like I said, would I suggestthis marriage?
Absolutely not.
I think you should run, girl.
I think you should run.
Run.
Marriage is not the end all beall and you you will find
somebody who is willing To giveand do more and show and prove
(49:19):
Okay, you shouldn't feel likeyou have to break your back or
give your all to somebody Whilethey can sit up there and say,
Oh, I'll show you after thewedding.
It'll be better after thewedding.
Fuck you.
No it won't.
It might get worse.
Do not fall for it, girl.
Do not fall for it.
You were lucky there were nochildren involved.
So, I'm assuming because youdidn't include any.
(49:41):
So Girl, girl, go on about yourbusiness.
You're still young, you're 25and you're older than him.
Girl, now I don't want to be anageist motherfucker, but I will
be an ageist motherfucker whenit comes to these boys and
dealing with them.
Do not date no boy younger thanyou.
And that does not mean go get agranddaddy.
But do not date no young assboy.
(50:01):
I don't care.
One year, just no.
Just don't do it.
They stupid.
They stupid as they come old asfuck and young as fuck.
So you need to get somebody thatis at least the same age or
maybe a little bit above you.
Don't, don't ever trip yourselfup.
Of course there will be peoplewho are outliers, okay?
(50:24):
Duh.
But that is not the majority andhe is not an outlier, okay?
He is definitely a 24 year oldboy.
Boy, not man.
Boy, okay?
They, they have a lot ofdevelopment until they become
young men, okay?
(50:45):
Well, okay, I will say he's ayoung man, but he's not a man.
Okay, I won't call him a boy.
He's not a boy, but yeah, youngman.
He's not a man yet.
So, um, and I wouldn't suggestyou wait around for him to show
and prove either girl, you knowUm, how long y'all even been
(51:06):
together?
Cuz I think you said he wasquite a lot over nine years,
babe I think the whole you knowFinding your soulmate as a minor
thing is cute, and if it worksfor you, great, but this is not
working and this is not it.
(51:27):
Hang the fuck up.
You haven't even experiencedlife.
There is so much to experience.
There is SO much to experience.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Go outside, girl.
Go outside.
okay, and I do want to read oneof the comments, cause he kinda,
(51:47):
he kinda ate a little bit.
But he said, This is the way theaverage dude is socialized
growing up.
It's fucking crazy.
I was the same way when I wasyounger, just expecting things
to work.
Kinda like how it did when myparents were together.
Nope, it's not like that at all.
That's man baby shit.
I don't think he's using you.
I think he's unaware of how muchhe's slacking on.
(52:09):
Men traditionally rely on womento manage their emotions and to
do all the house labor, butthat's some bullshit not fair
adding on to that, it'ssomething we can fix as well if
we put in the effort.
Unfortunately, it caused manylong term relationships to fall,
fail, before I realized I wasthe problem the whole time.
Um, we love an introspective,reflective king! Because, yes,
(52:35):
this is how many of boys aresocialized.
The reflection of this man.
Amazing, beautiful.
Chef's kiss.
Um, and that's why I say raiseyour boys.
They over here, out herethinking that the world is just
gonna work by them not havingto.
Yeah, but I'm tired now, yo.
(53:00):
Those kind of made my head hurta little bit.
I really had to think.
But yeah, y'all, I think this,finally, the sun has set on this
episode of Sage and Sunshine.
It was really nice, kind of justchatting and um, Giving a little
(53:20):
bit of advice and having alittle bit of a kiki.
I hope that, um, some of y'allwere able to take my advice well
and take some positive thingsout of it.
Um, don't, don't be lookingcrazy out here on these streets.
(53:40):
We all have our moments, butpick yourself up.
Okay.
I hope you all have a wonderful,wonderful rest of your week and
enjoy your weekend.
Let me know what you're sippinon, chill.
But yeah, it's been Rui, y'all.
Signing off.
(54:01):
Oh,
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