Learning to Laugh at Yourself

Laughter might just be your secret superpower for building unshakable confidence. In this revealing episode, I share my personal journey from crippling self-criticism to embracing a lighter approach to life's inevitable stumbles and missteps.

The science is clear - when we learn to laugh at ourselves, we create a psychological buffer against setbacks that makes us more resilient. One fascinating study from the University of Kansas reveals that people who practice self-deprecating humor report higher life satisfaction and stronger social connections. But there's a crucial balance to maintain - too much self-directed humor can signal deep insecurity rather than confidence.

This paradoxical relationship between humor, ego, and confidence creates one of personal development's most interesting dynamics. Those operating primarily from ego (whether manifesting as arrogance or insecurity) struggle to genuinely laugh at themselves because they're protecting a fragile self-image. True confidence allows for self-directed humor because you're secure enough in your worth to acknowledge imperfections without being diminished by them.

I offer practical strategies for incorporating this powerful tool into your life, from embracing imperfections to practicing mindful laughter. The vulnerability required to laugh at yourself demonstrates courage, and courage builds confidence. As my father wisely told me growing up: "It's important to be able to laugh at yourself. It shows that you can take a joke and that you don't take yourself too seriously."

Ready to reclaim your power through laughter? Subscribe now and join our community of growth-minded individuals who are discovering that lightness and self-compassion might be the most direct path to authentic confidence and deeper human connection.

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The Sage Solutions Podcast and content posted by David Sage is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. No coaching client relationship is formed by listening to this podcast. No Legal, Medical or Financial advice is being given. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a psychotherapist, physician, professional coach, Lawyer or other qualified professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I am aself-worth and confidence coach
with Sage Coaching Solutions.
Today, we're going to be divinginto a topic that might just

(00:26):
change the way that you seeyourself, why it's so important
not to take yourself tooseriously and to learn how to
laugh at yourself.
Now, look, I'm not just takingthis episode to crack jokes.
This is about buildingresilience, deepening our
self-awareness and ultimatelyconnecting more authentically

(00:50):
with the world around us.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action, subscribe andshare this podcast with them.

(01:11):
Have you ever found yourselfcaught in a loop of
self-criticism where everylittle mistake feels like this
catastrophic failure?
Well, trust me, we've all beenthere, as we talked about on the
last episode.
Today, I want to share a littlebit about how I personally had

(01:31):
a journey A journey from alwaysbeing overly self-critical and
severely lacking self-esteem andconfidence to embracing a
lighter, more humorous take onlife.
Confidence to embracing alighter, more humorous take on
life I learned that laughing atyourself isn't about making fun
of your shortcomings.

(01:51):
It's actually about reclaimingyour power.
It's a reminder that, no matterhow serious life gets, we're
all human and that a littlelaughter can be the best
medicine.
I was first introduced to thisby my father, john Sage.
He would regularly say it'simportant to be able to laugh at

(02:15):
yourself.
It shows that you can take ajoke and that you don't take
yourself too seriously, andgrowing up I partially embraced
this.
But the problem was I got to apoint where my self-esteem was
too low for me to really be ableto do this.
If I did make fun of myself, itwas very calculated.

(02:38):
It was only in something that Ifelt safe making fun of myself
for, not something I wasinsecure about.
I always had a good sense ofhumor and frankly, I find a lot
of things funny.
I once took a test that toldyou which types of humor you
find funny.
I ended up scoring high in allof the ones that were tested.

(03:00):
I've even had friends tell methat maybe I should raise the
standards for my sense of humor.
They might be right, butfrankly I disagree.
I think finding the humor inlife and the little things in
life was one of the thingsthat's brought my life a lot of

(03:21):
light, a sense of levity thatjust makes things more enjoyable
.
But that didn't mean thatmaking fun of myself came
natural.
This reminds me of a quote thatI once heard by Albert Hubert
Don't take life too seriously,you'll never get out of it alive
.
You see, there's three parts toa joke.

(03:42):
There's the setup, thepunchline and the explanation.
The explanation is clearly thefunniest part of a joke.
So here we go.
Basically, what he's saying isnobody.
The only way out of life isdeath.
We're all going to die.
So no matter how seriously youtake life, you can't avoid that

(04:03):
fact.
So just relax, it's gonna beokay.
This simple yet profound truth,while not directly because of
this quote, has been a guidinglight for me and hopefully it
resonates with someone out therelistening to this today.
But let's not just take my wordfor it.

(04:23):
Let's get into the science abit.
Research shows that humor,especially when directed at
ourselves, can be incrediblybeneficial for our mental health
.
A study by Cooper and Martinexplored how self-deprecating
humor can reduce stress andbuild resilience in a
challenging situation.

(04:43):
The study found that whenpeople laugh at themselves, they
create a psychological bufferagainst negative emotions,
making it easier to bounce backfrom setbacks.
It also makes it harder forpeople to actually make fun of
you mean-spiritedly, becauseyou've already acknowledged it,

(05:03):
taking away their power.
So then they just end uplooking like a dick.
Another fascinating piece ofresearch from a team at the
University of Kansas examinedthe role of humor in fostering
social connections and improvingyour overall well-being.
They discovered thatindividuals who practice
self-deprecating humor reportedhigher levels of satisfaction

(05:27):
and a greater sense of belonging.
In other words, learning tolaugh at your own quirks and
weaknesses not only lightensyour mood, but also strengthens
the bonds you share with others.
It can be a fun form ofvulnerability, showing that
you're human and connecting withthe people you love.

(05:51):
So why does this work?
Well, humor essentially acts asa bridge.
It connects us with ourimperfections in a gentle way.
Instead of being weighed downby the pressure of perfection,
we start to see our mishaps aspart of the shared human
experience, a kind of cosmicjoke that we're all in on

(06:14):
together.
Think about the last time youlaughed at yourself.
Perhaps it was during apresentation, when you tripped
over your words, or when yousent an email with a hilarious
typo.
In those moments, you probablyfelt a weight lift off your
shoulders instead of thecrippling embarrassment of

(06:34):
taking it super seriously.
That's the magic of self-humor.
It's an act of self-compassion,even though it doesn't seem
like it.
By embracing our imperfections,we invite self-forgiveness, and
that opens the door to realpersonal growth.
Now you might be wondering howcan I start practicing this in

(06:57):
my own life?
Well, here are a few practicaltips that I found incredibly
helpful.
Embrace the imperfection.
Start by accepting thatmistakes are not only inevitable
, but are also opportunities forlearning and growth.
Keep a journal where you jotdown moments when things didn't

(07:20):
go as planned and later reflecton the humor in those moments.
As just one example of anactive way of doing this, you
can practice self-compassion.
When you catch yourself beingoverly self-critical, pause and
ask what would I say to a friendin this situation?
And either treat yourself withthe same kindness or take that

(07:44):
little jab, like you would witha close friend, in a fun and not
mean-spirited way.
Share your funny moments,whether it's with friends,
family or even on social media,sharing your humorous
experiences that everyone hastheir own moments of screw-ups
and mistakes, as well asweaknesses.

(08:08):
Another interesting tactic is touse mindful laughter by
dedicating a few minutes eachday to simply laugh, watch a
funny video, recall a humorousmemory, or even engage in
laughter yoga, which is apractice that's been shown to
improve your mood and reducestress.
Now, I don't personally dolaughter yoga.

(08:30):
I've never even tried it.
I've just seen some interestingstuff about it.
Pick whichever strategy worksbest for you.
By integrating which practicesnaturally fit into your routine,
you'll gradually build a habitof not taking yourself too
seriously.
It's not about forcing laughter.

(08:52):
It's about allowing yourself toexperience joy in the everyday,
imperfect moments of life.
So what does it mean to nottake yourself too seriously?
It means understanding thatlife's ups and downs are part of
a larger, imperfect and humanstory.
It means giving yourselfpermission to be human and to

(09:16):
laugh at your mistakes.
This shift in our consciousperspective can make you more
adaptable, more resilient and,ultimately, more fulfilled.
Remember, humor is a universallanguage.
It breaks down barriers,softens the blow of adversity
and brings us closer together.

(09:39):
Learning to laugh at myself wasone of the core things I had to
work on to become more confident, and I think it's actually one
of the foundations, when used inthe right proportions, that is
necessary for this concept oftrue confidence that I talk
about.
If you're arrogant, you're notgoing to laugh at yourself.

(10:01):
If you're arrogant, you're notgoing to laugh at yourself.
If you are overconfident andyou think you are just the shit
and that you are better thaneveryone else, you're not going
to laugh at yourself.
It takes humility to laugh atyourself.
If you're operating from ego,you're not going to laugh at

(10:29):
yourself because your ego can'thandle it.
Ego is both our sense of selfand it's a way of protecting our
sense of self.
We use it to pretend that we'reconfident, to act cool, to make
others think that we're betterthan we are.
We also use it when we feelthreatened, when we get
defensive, to protect ourselves.
It's both a costume and aflimsy shield, and operating

(10:54):
from ego doesn't allow forsomething like genuinely making
fun of yourself because of theinsecurity that's actually
behind it.
It's interesting because egoand arrogance can seem similar,

(11:15):
and sometimes they are.
When people are arrogant whichis different than overconfidence
, but they're related, which isdifferent than overconfidence,
but they're related.
When people lack humility, theycan also have such a strong

(11:36):
sense of self that ego flaresthen too.
Now, anything that goes againsttheir strong sense of self that
may also come with entitlementis a threat, and certainly
making fun of yourself wouldfall into this category.
Now, on the flip side beingwildly insecure, it's hard to
make fun of yourself.
But if you can learn to takeyourself lightly, if you can

(11:57):
just relax and let the humorpart of it take over, you'll see
how freeing it is.
For me, I was the second one.
I was coming from a place ofinsecurity and lacking of
confidence, but it was actuallywhen I leaned into my humility

(12:18):
that I learned to laugh atmyself, and the self-compassion
and courage that it takes to dothat actually helped me build
confidence over time.
See, vulnerability, whichlaughing at yourself is, when
done genuinely, is a form ofshowing that you're not afraid.

(12:40):
It takes courage and, as we'vetalked about before, courage
builds confidence.
Standing up in the face of fear, being courageous, teaches you
that you are more confident.
So this was one of the majorlevers that I utilized to become

(13:02):
more confident and to stoptaking myself so seriously,
because true confidence allowsyou to be humble and to make fun
of yourself, because it's okayto be wrong.
It's okay to screw things up.
This is why we give ourselvesself-compassion and show some
vulnerability so that we canconnect with others and use

(13:25):
courage to then show that we areconfident enough to do that.
Making fun of yourself is a signof confidence within reason.
If you take it to an extreme, ashade of black or white where
it is all or nothing, it canactually mean the opposite.

(13:49):
I once coached a client who,while being wildly insecure, his
defense mechanism had justbecome egregiously
self-deprecating humor and hewould use it all the time.
He used it so often that it nolonger had the same effect.

(14:09):
It would just make other peoplesad for him because you could
feel the insecurity coming fromit.
If all you're doing, if theonly reason that you're doing
this is to protect or beatyourself up, shame yourself
before others can.
This is no longer a form ofself-compassion, it's no longer

(14:32):
vulnerability, it becomesoversharing, it makes other
people uncomfortable and,frankly, it shows bleeds your
insecurity.
So, at the same time, use thiswithin reason and it's about the
intention, because when it'sdone in this lighthearted manner

(14:53):
to connect with others and nottake yourself too seriously,
it's a very powerful strategy.
I want to leave you with onefinal thought.
Life is unpredictable andtrying to control every outcome
only adds to our stress.
Instead, let go lean into theimperfections and find the humor

(15:20):
in your journey.
And find the humor in yourjourney.
Every moment, every misstep isan opportunity for growth.
When you laugh at yourself, youreclaim a part of your power.
So go ahead, be a little silly,take a risk and allow yourself

(15:44):
to experience the lighter sideof life.
And remember you are enough andyou deserve to fill up your
inner cup with happiness,confidence and self-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.

(16:06):
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad that you choose to learn
and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
miss out on more Sage advice.
Out on more sage advice.

(16:32):
One last thing the legallanguage.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist or otherqualified professional.