May 27, 2025 • 52 mins
What if everything you thought you knew about self-care was incomplete? In this eye-opening conversation, David and Anna Sage challenge conventional wisdom about what it means to truly take care of yourself in a world obsessed with hustle culture and Instagram-worthy self-care rituals.
The siblings explore how authentic self-care transcends bubble baths and expensive spa treatments. It's not about what looks good to others—it's about what genuinely restores you. "Self-care is about what feels restorative to you and what helps you restore the areas of your life that are feeling a little bit dry," Anna explains, offering a refreshingly practical perspective that cuts through the commercialized noise.
Together, they navigate the complex territory between selfishness, selflessness, and where meaningful self-care fits into this spectrum. Through their engaging conversation, they introduce a powerful metaphor: "Rather than being a candle that consumes itself to light the way for others, be a lighter that can be refueled." This sustainable approach to caring for yourself allows you to continue showing up fully for others without burning out.
The discussion takes unexpected turns as they differentiate between restorative self-care and momentary self-indulgence, challenging listeners to consider how their actions affect not just their present selves but their future selves too. They reveal how science backs the importance of consistent self-care practices, with research showing significant reductions in stress, anxiety, and depression among those who prioritize small, regular acts of self-replenishment.
Whether you've dismissed self-care as too feminine, too indulgent, or too time-consuming, this episode offers practical wisdom for integrating moments of genuine restoration into your daily life. Identify what truly fills your cup—then make it a non-negotiable priority. Your well-being isn't just a luxury; it's the foundation upon which everything else in your life is built. Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who needs permission to prioritize their own restoration.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey everyone.
My name is Anna Sage.
I'm David's younger sister andone of the regular co-hosts on
the Sage Solutions podcast.
It's been a little while.
I'm glad to be back.
Life has been very crazy, butI'm very excited to discuss the
topic we have for you here today.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
In this episode, we're going to be talking about
self-care.
Now, self-care is an importanttopic and a big part of how we
fill up our inner cup, but,somewhat paradoxically, this is
not actually a topic that I havethought that much about, at
(01:02):
least in comparison to most ofthe other topics that we talk
about.
I just don't have as muchexperience with self-care.
I'm sure that I do self-care inmy own way, I just haven't been
as conscious about it.
It hasn't been something thatis on top of my mind.
However, anna is actually theperfect co-host for me to have
(01:27):
for this episode.
She has approached self-care abit more consciously, she's put
more thought into it and I thinkshe has some more lived
experience with it than I do.
So I'm going to let her take alittle bit more of the lead on
this one and, just like the restof you, I'm also hoping to
(01:48):
learn a thing or two.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action, subscribe andshare this podcast with them.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Thanks, David.
That's really kind of you.
I wouldn't necessarily considermyself any sort of expert on
self-care.
However, it is something I haveput a lot of thought into.
It's something that I've foundvery interesting and something
that I've prioritized for myselfintentionally.
So if sharing my thoughts andour thoughts about it can help
(02:36):
other people, I'm happy to dothat.
So, first of all, what isself-care?
Well, if you search that onGoogle, the little AI overview
gives you that self-care refersto the proactive steps
individuals take to preserve andimprove their physical, mental
and emotional well-being.
It encompasses a range ofactivities that empower
(02:59):
individuals to prioritize theirhealth and maintain a balanced
lifestyle.
Now, that sounds very fancy,but the way that I conceptualize
it is this Self-care is notabout what things look like.
It's not about looking relaxed.
It's about how it feels for you.
(03:21):
Self-care is about what feelsrestorative to you and what
helps you restore the areas ofyour life that you're feeling,
or maybe those buckets, likeyou've talked about, those
pockets of your bucket that arefeeling a little bit dry and
need some energy and attention.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, I know you visualize it as like separate
buckets that are each named.
Yeah, I know you visualize itas like separate buckets that
are each named and I've kind oftalked about it as this overall
cup.
That is, you that have thedifferent pockets, but really
we're talking about the samething and that's not to say that
(04:00):
anything that fills up your cupis necessarily self-care.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, is it?
What's the distinction there?
I guess?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I think we risk getting a little caught up in
the nuances of definition, butat least when I'm talking about
the core fundamental of fillingup your cup, there are many ways
to do that.
Some of those things are withdifferent traits or things that
(04:26):
make you feel full, happy,fulfilled.
Not all of those things arenecessarily restorative, if that
makes sense.
Yeah, it does about taking careof yourself, as the name
(04:51):
suggests, and restoring thingsor filling up areas that are
feeling empty, as opposed tolike fulfilling things that make
you feel alive.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, now I kind of chuckled because it does sound
funny that we're saying, well,self-care is about caring for
yourself, like people are goingto be listening and being like
no duh.
But there really is a lot ofnuance and gray area and things
to flesh out here.
Like David and I were talkingabout this before we even
started recording and there's alot that we had to be like wait,
(05:20):
is that self-care or is thatselfish, or is that
self-indulgence or is that like?
There's so many differentlayers here to work through.
So hang in there with us.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And maybe I'm a little off here, but one of the
filters that I'll use forthinking about self-care is
would I be caring for someoneelse if I did these things, If I
was taking care of a pet, if Iwas doing things that are and
I'm not talking about likecaretaking, where you're
enabling or you know this iswhere this gets a little
(05:55):
complicated, but I mean takingcare of yourself, doing things
that are for your own good, foryour benefit, that are for your
own good, for your benefit,right?
The easiest way to know whetherit's self-care is to use a
filter of.
If it's a net positive to youand your life, it makes you feel
(06:16):
restored and it's not harminganyone else or yourself in the
future, it's very likely a goodform of self-care.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay.
So let me just make sure I'munderstanding this, because
sometimes I can get a little bitlost in when we're really
fleshing things out.
So self-care is something youdo that restores yourself for
you in an area that you need it,and it can look totally
different depending on what youneed, but it has to be something
(06:51):
you're doing intentionally foryourself, not just like, oh, I
accomplished something at workand that made me feel good.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Or I got lucky and I found $5 on the ground and it
made me feel happy.
That's not, you didn't care foryourself there, that was just a
positive event.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, it just happened.
So self-care is moreintentional than that but we
talked about for you.
Just because you aren'tconsciously thinking about
self-care a lot doesn't mean youaren't practicing it, because
you're still intentionally doingthings that care for you, that
restore you.
You're just not like labelingit as oh, right now I am
(07:29):
practicing self-care, right.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Right, and when I was giving an example about an
unambiguous way of figuring outwhether something is self-care,
there are a lot of things thatdon't fall into that that are
self-care.
I'm more saying if it checksall of those boxes, it's pretty
much for sure self-care.
(07:52):
Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Which?
What boxes?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's restorative.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
It's intentional.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
It's not hurting anyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
And it's not harming you in the long run.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Okay, I do want to talk through those last two
points, or those last two checkboxes for self-care that you
gave, because, while I agreewith them, I think there is some
little bit of shades of graythere that we do need to discuss
.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I actually think there's a lot of shades of gray
there that we do need to discuss.
I actually think there's a lotof shades of gray there.
I think there are things thatcan be self-care that don't
check those last two boxes.
I'm just saying if those twoboxes are both checked with the
other two, it is for sureself-care.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay so let's go through the first of those last
two.
Wow, this is getting very wordy.
Okay, so self-care restorative,intentional.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I would say restorative and intentional are
the two that have to be there.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Okay, and then what was the third one you said?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I think where it gets a bit more complicated is
balancing how it affects otherpeople and how it affects
yourself in the long run.
Okay, so let's go through howit affects other people and how
it affects yourself in the longrun.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Okay, so let's go through how it affects other
people.
That third checklist pointright.
I agree with you for the mostpart that self-care should be
something that isn't causingharm to someone else for your
benefit, because being selfishin and of itself is that benefit
(09:28):
.
Because being selfish in and ofitself is that Selfishness
would be doing things for yourown benefit even if it causes
harm to other people, right?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
That's a good question.
We could probably look up adefinition of selfishness.
On it, but I think it does comedown to a combination of
intention and effect on otherpeople.
I think if you're doingsomething that is just a net
positive to you now and you inthe future and it harms no one
(09:57):
else, I would not say thatthat's selfish.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Yeah, I agree, and I did just look up a definition.
The Oxford Dictionarydefinition of selfish is of a
person, action or motive lackingconsideration for others,
concerned chiefly with one's ownpersonal profit or pleasure.
So it is both of those thingsit is your own benefit and
lacking consideration of how itaffects other people.
(10:24):
So if you're doing somethingfor your own benefit but you are
aware of if that is going tonegatively influence other
people, it's not selfish.
But if you are doing somethingfor your own benefit and you're
not really caring about theimpact it has on other people,
(10:44):
or you're aware of the fact thatit's harming someone and you do
it really caring about theimpact it has on other people,
or you're aware of the fact thatit's harming someone and you do
it anyways, that's selfish.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
What if someone?
I understand that this is aside question, but what if you
change the equation to where,let's say, I am jealous of what
somebody else has right and Isabotage them or do something
bad to them, and it doesn'tactually get me anything, it's
(11:13):
just to tear them down?
Would that also be selfish,even though I don't actually
benefit?
Or would we argue that I, inthis hypothetical situation, am
getting satisfaction out oftearing them down, so it is to
my benefit?
I mean, I'm just trying toprocess how that plays out,
(11:36):
because people do that.
There is a part of humanpsychology that causes humans
not all humans, not in allsituations that causes humans
not all humans, not in allsituations but it causes people
to want to tear others down fortheir successes, because it
makes them aware of what they'renot doing.
(11:59):
And if they pull somebody downto their level then they don't
feel bad.
So I guess it is a selfishthing in a way, because they are
doing it, so then they don'tfeel bad.
So I guess it is a selfishthing in a way, because they are
doing it so that they don'tfeel bad.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Right.
If they're doing it so thatultimately they don't feel bad,
that is having a personal profitto them, I suppose.
So yes, that would still beselfish.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
It's awful but it's selfish.
Yeah, if you find yourselfdoing this which, honestly, to
some degree it's easy for peopleto do this to a really minor
degree without being consciousof it, like just as a resistance
to a change within someone,especially like a diet Think
about how many times somebodygoes on a diet and then all of
(12:41):
their friends are offering themFrench fries and stuff
immediately Like, oh, come on,just one bite.
What I'm saying is it's easierto fall into this than it being
like this big, malicious thing,and if you find yourself in that
place, please don't do this.
This is the worst.
Sabotaging other people'ssuccess is one of the worst
(13:06):
things you can do to someone.
Don't do that.
I realize we've gotten a bitoff on a tangent.
I was like so circling backPeople actually do this towards
others' self-care.
Somebody will start practicing aform of self-care no-transcript
(13:38):
conscious.
You know whether they're doingthis consciously or not, for
doing that self-care make themfeel bad, like they're being
selfish, like yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Or sometimes, in order to not feel bad about
yourself and your own lack ofself-care, you will reframe it
to view them judgmentally like,oh, they're just blah, blah,
blah, because then that doesn'tmean that you are the one that's
actually lacking in some way.
(14:06):
So I understand it and I'm sureyou know I've been there.
If I'm honest, I thinkeverybody probably to some
extent has done this and caughtthemselves at some point.
But yeah, the point here iswhen it happens at some point.
But yeah, the point here iswhen it happens, when you are
aware of it happening withinyourself.
(14:26):
Stop and reframe and reshiftyour perspective, because it's
not a helpful way to be.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Can you look up the definition of selfless?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Selfless is an adjective that means being
concerned more with the needsand wishes of others than with
one's own, and it gives a colonthere and says unselfish.
So it's essentially theopposite, but I don't know that
it's a good thing either.
I think it's almost like theextremes the black and the white
(14:59):
.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Well, I think it can be good to be selfless, right.
I think there are times wheresetting yourself aside
especially if it's a minorinconvenience to you to make a
major difference for someoneelse, right can be a wonderful
thing and like, if you're goingto lean towards either selfish
(15:19):
or selfless, selfless is waybetter.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh, obviously yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
But I think the problem is we truly view them as
a light switch dichotomy not adimmer switch, a on or off, and
people don't have a goodunderstanding of those
definitions.
They actually just see it asselfish means doing something
for me.
Selfless means it can't haveany benefit for me.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Yeah, and that's where I was saying I don't think
it's a good thing when it'staken to an extreme like that.
Of course, it's a good thingwhen you are being selfless and
taking selfless action for thebenefit of others, but when
you're seeing it as I can onlydo things for others and I need
to neglect myself and my needsin order to do that, that's when
(16:07):
it's destructive and you end updestroying yourself and not
being able to then serve others.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
And I've found that this belief, this system of
viewing being selfish orselfless, with those
misrepresentative definitionsmaybe not consciously but just
sort of subconsciously sittingin people's heads, really causes
(16:39):
a lot of problems.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I think this unhelpful mindset is especially
pervasive in helping professionslike nursing, teaching
professions, where your job isto put the good of the people
you serve as the main priorityof the work you do.
This quote was shared with meearlier this week.
(17:02):
It says a good teacher is likea candle it consumes itself to
light the way for others.
And that, I think, is exactlywhat we're talking about.
It can be very unhelpful when aquote like this is shared with
the intention of motivating you.
If you're consuming yourself tolight the way for others,
(17:26):
eventually there's going to benone of you left to continue
lighting the way for others.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
It's not a very long-term way to make an impact.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Exactly.
Rather than being a candle, Iwould rather be what do you call
that thing that matches goacross, that ignites them?
You know the little matchboxsheet guy.
Yeah, that I'd rather be thatwhere people can, where people
can, can be ignited and servedthrough my effort.
But it doesn't take away fromwhat I need to be able to
(17:57):
continue sparking that light inothers so I love light, love,
light metaphors.
So that's just me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Let's bring it into this century.
Maybe you're the lighter thatlights candles and then, when
you need to, we refill yourlighter fluid.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Use the lighter, okay , okay.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Instead of the whatever it is that you strike a
match against.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
All right.
Either way, that is a greatanalogy.
You want to be something thatyou can refuel yourself, to
continue producing light, ratherthan using yourself up and then
being useless.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
In fact, I'm going to double down on this I think the
first metaphor you know In fact, I'm going to double down on
this I think the first metaphoryou know talking about a candle,
but like a candle, eventuallyit's literally talking about
burnout.
I think it's even bettervisualized, actually, as the
match or the lighter.
The match only has so much burnin it and you can light a
(18:57):
certain amount of candles beforeit dies.
Yes, but the lighter can alwaysbe refilled.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yes, yes, absolutely.
So let's circle this backaround.
I love these conversations.
I hope other people do too.
When you think aboutselflessness versus selfishness,
be the lighter, refuel yourselfso that you can continue to
ignite and serve others withoutusing yourself up and not being
able to continue to serve.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
So I think that sets some good groundwork for really
diving into self-care as a topic.
But to circle back arounddirectly to self-care, let me
ask you this this is actuallymore of a question for the
listener how often do you trulyintentionally make time for
yourself Not just the leftoverscraps of time after every other
(19:59):
demand in your life has beenmet, but take actual, dedicated,
non-negotiable time foryourself?
This is one of the most commonexamples of self-care.
This term self-care gets thrownaround a lot.
It's sometimes mistaken forpure indulgence and, yes, a
(20:25):
bubble bath or a massage can bea part of it.
But true self-care runs muchdeeper than those stereotypical
forms of self-care.
It's really about activelypreserving, improving and
(20:51):
restoring your own physical,mental and emotional health.
It's about recognizing yourneeds and taking steps to meet
them.
Think of it as preventativemaintenance for your mind and
for your body.
You wouldn't drive a car for100,000 miles without an oil
change, would you?
Yet so many of us pushourselves relentlessly without
(21:13):
ever pausing to refuel andreplenish.
Now we have been talking a lotabout getting things done,
taking action, having disciplinenot avoiding the important
things that we need to do andbuilding intrinsic motivation,
(21:33):
building the muscles of our life, especially things like grit.
However, if we take this to anextreme, we can get to what's
often talked about as hustleculture, and hustle culture is
often taken to an extreme.
It's all about just work, putyour head down, go hard, find no
(21:56):
balance, kill it, be thehardest worker, we don't need
sleep, you know.
Kill it, be the hardest worker,we don't need sleep.
It gets taken to a crazy degree.
It's almost virtue, signalingof how hard you work and that
you're a grinder, a hustler.
We need to be in this constantstate of motion, striving and
achieving, and while ambitionand many of the topics that
(22:20):
we've talked about that can helpyou achieve your ambitions are
fantastic, when unchecked,without some shades of gray, it
can lead to burnout, anxiety,overwhelm and a profound
disconnect from ourselves.
Taking care of yourself isn'tselfish, it's essential.
(22:44):
It's the foundation upon whichwe build our resilience, filling
up your inner cup, doing whatyou need to do and, yes,
self-care is one of the ways todo it is how you have the fuel,
the reservoir, the ability to doall of the things that you want
to do in your life the thingsthat you need to do and should
(23:08):
do, as well as the things thatyou want to do and live to do.
Taking care of yourself is thefoundation upon which we build
resilience.
It sets us up to actuallyexperience joy and fulfillment
and to show up as our bestselves in all areas of our life
(23:29):
for our families, our friends,our careers and our communities.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I want to touch on what you were saying about
hustle culture.
I think people get into or buyinto the hustle culture because
they care so much about howthey're perceived by others.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
They want to be perceived as a hard worker, as
Almost like high statusEntrepreneurs are often linked
with hustle culture, likebusiness owners.
Success.
They want to be that they wantto be successful.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah absolutely no.
Yeah, you want to be seen wellby others and that's
understandable and that's okay,to an extent right.
It's when we care more abouthow we're being perceived by
others than about our ownwell-being that it becomes a
problem.
I know earlier I was talkingabout self-care isn't about what
(24:28):
self-care looks like.
I know that's the questionpeople often ask what does
self-care look like?
Well, that doesn't reallymatter because it's not about
how it's perceived by others.
It's not about what otherpeople see you doing that looks
like self-care.
It's about what it feels likeand how it restores you.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That makes a lot of sense, and I think it implies
that it would be highlyindividualized.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah, agreed In more ways than just one right.
It's highly individualizedbetween different people.
Different people can berestored by very different
actions and also it can differ alot depending on what area of
your life needs restoration.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And maybe what phase of your life you're in.
Yeah, be what phase of yourlife you're in, and there's so
many factors that make this morecomplicated than most people
realize, because I do think itis often portrayed as getting
your nails done and bubble bathsand drinking a glass of wine
(25:36):
after work and-.
Getting a massage, all thethings you'll see on social
media type of thing Absolutely,absolutely, and sometimes that
might be what I need.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Sometimes I don't know about need, but sometimes
that might feel really good andbe restorative.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I'm not trying to demonize any of those things, to
be clear.
I think people almost see thatas like they're the same thing,
like that's how it has to be.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Right Like that is self-care, and if you're not
doing that, then you're notdoing self-care.
But that's not necessarily it.
Sometimes self-care for me canbe setting aside 40 extra
minutes before bed to have awhole wind-down routine that
helps me feel more relaxedbefore I sleep.
Sometimes it might look liketaking a walk by myself, because
(26:26):
I sat around at work all dayand my body needs some movement
and I need some fresh air.
Sometimes it might look likehaving a conversation with a
friend, because I haven't beenvery social and I miss
connection with others, andthat's the piece of me that I
need to restore.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
This is causing me to think a lot more about
self-care.
I think the stereotypicalperception has caused me to not
write it off, but just not payas much attention to it.
I guess, but just not pay asmuch attention to it.
(27:04):
I guess it caused me to notdive deeper because I was like,
oh, that's good, but like youknow, also, I think it can be
taken.
I think those same things can betaken to extremes, because and
(27:29):
maybe there's a little bit of anextra business agenda here, but
I think some of thestereotyping of self-care is
around… Expensive, monetizedthings, and I think, as a result
, it has turned the publicperception of self-care into
something that takes money thatcan be reasonably expensive to
(27:50):
do all of these quote unquoteself-care things you know.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Almost like it can become a justification for
spending money on things thatyou don't need in a way.
Oh my gosh, you just got methinking a lot about how
self-care can be perceived aslike a privilege or a status
almost right of like.
Well, yeah, that guy has timefor self-care because he has the
money and the opportunity totake off of work.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
He's not hustling just to try to make ends meet
right, in which case it's almostthe opposite of the status that
people want from a hustleculture.
It's a different type of statusor perception on the other end.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Right that I have enough to be able to take the
time to practice self-care, oryou know?
The other thing I was thinkingabout with what you were just
saying is how maybe a barrierfor men in practicing self-care
is that sometimes self-care canbe seen as a very feminine thing
to do.
Oh, women go and do self-care.
(29:00):
They get their nails done, theyget a massage, have a spa day,
but men are the ones that arehustling and that are getting
the work done and providing forthe family.
And so you know, when are yousupposed to self-care?
That's a lady thing, right?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I mean, not that I'm saying that's how it is no, but
I think it is kind of perceivedthat way sometimes, especially
because of what isstereotypically talked about or
shown as self-care.
And I think there's the otherdanger of misintentioned
self-care I guess would be doingself-care practices just to get
(29:40):
social media clout type of athing, like you're not actually,
it's not restorative, becauseyou had to make sure that it
looked just perfect with thecandles, just perfect, and
you're stressing out over howmany people are going to like
this post about you doing abubble bath with a glass of wine
or something and at the end ofthe day it wasn't even for your
(30:01):
own self-care, you just wantedpopularity clout.
And not that those things don'tfeel good, and I'm not trying to
say anybody who has a socialmedia presence.
There's nothing inherentlywrong with social media.
But if your self-care practiceis actually causing you stress
(30:22):
or you're doing it just forattention, is it really
self-care?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It's not right Because, like we said, it's
about intentionality and whatfeels restorative to you.
If you come out of thatself-care time feeling more
stressed, then that's not reallyself-care.
Stressed, then that's notreally self-care.
So this connects back to theconversation we were having
earlier about finding thebalance between selfishness,
(30:50):
selflessness and where self-carefits into those two things.
Although self-care should besomething that is restorative
for you, taking into accountthat it isn't harming others, so
it's not being selfish thereare circumstances where I think
(31:11):
it is okay to give yourselfpermission to choose to
prioritize something that'sgoing to restore yourself, even
though it may disappoint someoneelse.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
So, if we're thinking about selflessness as something
that doesn't benefit you,benefits other people.
I think there are times wheresomething that is selfless can
become synergistic, even if itdoesn't benefit you on paper.
(31:46):
Right, where you do somethingthat doesn't benefit you, you
know it takes your time, butcare of other people that you
care about, yeah, in which caseyou are sort of getting
(32:06):
something out of it.
So I guess it's no longer fullyselfless, but, like, the
intention was selfless, so wedon't have to get so caught up
in this.
Like, does it fit thisdefinition exactly?
Because there's nothing wrongwith you also getting something
out of it, a win-win is a greatthing.
Now, there are going to beplenty of times where it is a
(32:27):
trade-off.
Now, like we said, thetrade-off might be that you
don't actually get something outof this selfless act.
Right, it is really drainingfor you, but you know that you
are doing something incrediblygood.
Right, it's hard to truly dosomething 100% altruistically,
(32:48):
with no gain of self, because ifyou are helping other people,
you usually feel good about it.
But, to get across, you mayrealize, right, logically or
whatever, that this person is indire need and you may not get
any enjoyment out of helpingthem, but you know it was the
right thing to do.
That would be selfless.
(33:08):
However, there are times whereyou know that you are in dire
need and it might minorlyinconvenience somebody else.
Like somebody else was like,yeah, we could hang if they're
already doing something, andthey invited you, but it wasn't
a big deal.
Might be a minor inconvenienceto them, but you've just gotten
clobbered at work all week.
You just need a little bit oftime to yourself to recuperate.
(33:29):
Your social battery is drained.
Just because it has a minornegative effect on that other
person doesn't mean that you arebeing selfish by taking care of
yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Agreed, agreed.
I think there's a distinctionbetween harm and disappointment,
or a minor inconvenience orletdown.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
There are going to be times where you are going to
let other people down.
That's just how expectationswork.
You can't constantly placateand try and do absolutely no
annoyance or harm to anyone ever.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Right, but you can't.
But I think there is also someshades of gray here of if this
same person has asked you tomeet up with them and you, you
know, chose to prioritizeyourself once, and then they ask
again and you're like, nah,it's still, you know, chose to
prioritize yourself once, andthen they ask again and you're
like, nah, it's still, you know,I'm still really busy, and
you're still choosing yourself,maybe by like the fourth time.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
And let's say the fourth time, they're like hey, I
really haven't seen you in awhile.
You can tell that they reallywant to see you.
It's not like it was just thisextra little addition.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Right, that changes things right.
Then it really is importantthat maybe you still need that
self-care.
You're still exhausted, you'vebeen in a season of busyness,
but if it's the fourth time,you've already had to say no
three other times, or you'vealready chosen to say no three
other times, then, yeah, maybeyou do need to prioritize that
(34:59):
other person's needs in thatmoment.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
It's almost like you know it's a nerdy way of saying
it, but it's almost a bit of anequation, right Like you have
two different sides what it'sdoing for you and how it's.
The balance has shifted enoughthen, even though it could be a
(35:23):
restorative thing for you, thatdoesn't necessarily mean you
should always make that choice.
You know if it's going toreally brighten that person's
day and make them really upset.
If you don't go and you'regonna get some restoration, then
you need to reassess that,because maybe it is being a
little bit selfish if you'redisproportionately har your
(35:46):
self-care to the point ofself-indulgence.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Being self-indulgent is characterized by doing, or
tending to do, exactly what youwant, especially when it
involves pleasure or idleness.
So it's almost like the extremeof always choosing you rather
than having some considerationfor choosing other people.
Or, for example, let's say youdecide oh man, I really just
(36:36):
want to enjoy this deliciouscheeseburger, I really want this
over the top cheeseburger andI'm going to get the fries and
all the dipping sauces and I'mgoing to have dessert and I'm
really just treating myself.
I think it's when you treatyourself every day, at every
meal of the day for years and itbecomes oh gosh, now I'm
(36:59):
severely overweight andunhealthy, that's self-indulgent
.
It's not about never being ableto treat yourself and have a
meal or something you do.
That is just indulgent.
Self-indulgence sometimes isgreat.
It's when you take it to anextreme that it ends up not
actually restoring you andcreating harm to you.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
So this is the other part of what makes self-care a
little tricky, and until westarted doing this podcast
episode, I don't think Irealized that there was so much
shades of gray to this topic andthat's why so many people
struggle to navigate it.
But I think having theawareness of the bounds and
(37:43):
trying to do a little bit ofthis calculation not that it has
to be super complicated, butjust like thinking about these
factors a bit in your head willhelp you understand when you are
taking care of yourself.
Now.
Self-indulgence, as you said.
It can be nice to treatyourself sometimes, but I think
(38:05):
it really becomesself-indulgence when it's all
about the now and you're notthinking about the long-term.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Effects.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yeah, the long-term effects it's going to have on
you.
In my eyes, if the wordrestorative generally doesn't
just mean that it feels good inthe moment, Agreed, it's a form
of filling you up, going forward, and sometimes a splurge can do
that.
But if every single day I amordering three entrees and
(38:42):
they're all unhealthy things andI'm going way over a calorie
amount you know I'm not tryingto get super into health stuff
but if I am eating in a mannerthat is bad for my long-term
health by eating way too much ofunhealthy things and I start
(39:04):
doing that more consistently,I'm not being very kind to the
long-term me, to the me of thefuture.
Right, I'm getting a hit ofdopamine, a shot of happy, now
and then likely I'm not feelingso good even later that night,
and then I am not going to feelas good or be as healthy in the
(39:28):
long term.
And not only that in thissituation, especially if maybe
we're going out to a restauranteach time, I'm now also not
being very kind to my futurefinancial self because I'm
buying multiple entrees at arestaurant on a regular basis.
So now I'm sabotaging myselffinancially long term by
(39:51):
indulging.
I'm sabotaging myself from ahealth standpoint long term,
which both of those things canhave a trickle down on mental
health and many other things.
I don't think that that'sself-care.
I'm not really restoring myselfby doing those things.
It's really a band-aid approachthat's actually making a series
(40:14):
of problems worse.
So no, I think we have to becareful about what's actually
taking care of yourself.
I think we have to be carefulabout what's actually taking
care of yourself.
When you think of, like gettinghealthy doing these things,
people say like, oh good, you'retaking care of yourself.
I think that wording is helpful.
I think that's how I'veactually thought about self-care
(40:36):
, without thinking of the wordself-care.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Agreed as you were talking about this, though, it
made me realize I am somebodywho, if I really care about you
and you're very close in my lifeand I see you doing something
that I perceive could be adetriment to you, I have a hard
time not saying something to tryto or doing something to try to
(41:02):
help you, because I care aboutyou and I want you to be okay,
right.
Where I have to be careful withthis is understanding that what
is restorative to me may not bewhat's restorative to you,
(41:23):
what's restorative to you.
So, while you may find watchingseveral episodes of a show that
you're really into as beingrestorative, I may see that as
being indulgent, because if Isit down and watch more than a
few shows in a row, I start tonot feel restored by that.
I start to feel like, oh, I'vewasted all this time.
I could have done this, I couldhave.
You know, it ultimately doesn'tmake me feel refreshed.
(41:44):
It makes me feel likefrustrated with myself.
So I typically am not somebodywho can do a whole marathon.
I like to watch TV, but only insmaller amounts, okay, and so I
have to be careful of eventhough that seems indulgent in
my experience and it doesn't dowell for my long term well being
(42:05):
.
That doesn't mean that's yourexperience and I have to be
careful not to judge you basedon my experience of the balance
of what's restorative and what'sindulgent.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, Because I actually am somebody that can
get a lot of enjoyment out ofwatching a good amount of a show
and I think to some degree itis about how much I actually
enjoy that show.
Sometimes it's about somethingI'm learning from the show.
Sometimes it's a show that haslike a fantasy world that I can
get lost in and just take abreak from all of the
(42:43):
practicality.
That is my life with this typeof career.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Yeah, which I get that from books.
I have the same thing.
I can sit down and read booksfor a few hours and feel totally
restored.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
But there are shows that I can start or try that
don't make me feel that way,right?
So like I think the quality orthe specifics of a show can make
me feel like I'm wasting timeif I'm not into it enough, you
know.
So the framing if it'ssomething I really enjoy and I
(43:19):
know I get a lot of enjoymentout of it, it does feel
restorative for me.
But that doesn't mean that allmediums of show do that.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yeah, that makes sense, but again, there's some
nuance here.
I just said, reading a book forhours can feel very restorative
for me.
However, if I'm in my room andit is super cluttered and messy
because I've had a very busyweek and I've let things go, I'm
somebody who can't really feelrelaxed unless I'm in a space
(43:52):
that is neat and tidy and itgenuinely does affect me
physiologically and mentally.
So I can't feel restored fromreading that book.
If the bucket or the pocket inmy bucket that's the most dry,
is the cleanliness and tidinessof my space.
(44:13):
Or, giving a different example,if I sat at work all day and I
skipped my workouts the last fewdays and my body is feeling
like man, I really need to moveand I choose to read that book
instead.
I'm also not going to feelrestored because really what I
need is to take a walk or go toyoga and get my body moving and
(44:33):
to feel physically restoredfirst.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And I think that's why we hear quotes like
discipline is the highest formof self-love or of self-care.
And you know, I'm not going tosay whether I agree or disagree
with that.
I think it's too, too black andwhite for me.
But I will say that I think ina lot of situations, even if
(45:02):
something is mild pain in themoment, if it is a big time
long-term gain, it is a form ofkindness to yourself.
It is taking care of yourselfin the long run.
So I think what it's reallygetting at is that there are
plenty of times where it's noteven about filling up your
bucket now.
(45:22):
It is about setting yourself upin the long run.
I think that can also be a formof self-care.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Yeah, agreed.
Now I know what some of youmight be thinking I don't have
time, and I hear you Life isdemanding.
But let me ask you this Can youafford not to make time?
(45:51):
The consequences of neglectingself-care are far more costly in
the long run.
Consider this A fascinatingstudy published in the Journal
of Affective Disorders in 2022explored the relationship
between self-care practices andmental health outcomes in a
large sample of adults.
The researchers found asignificant inverse correlation,
(46:11):
meaning the more individualsengaged in self-care activities,
the lower their reported levelsof stress, anxiety and
depression.
It's not just a nice idea.
It's backed by evidence.
Engaging in consistentself-care practices which they
defined broadly to includethings like mindfulness,
(46:34):
physical activity, healthyeating and even setting
boundaries remarkably improvedparticipants' psychological
well-being.
This wasn't about grand,expensive gestures or huge
vacations.
It was about small, consistentactions.
And on the topic of being busy,just ask my partner, will.
(46:59):
He says you sages, keepyourselves so busy.
We get it.
We've got calendars that looklike rainbows, with different
events at different times ofyear.
We know how crazy and hecticthings can be and how hard it
can be to set aside time, buttruly making it a priority to
even schedule in your calendarto make time for yourself, for
(47:22):
self-care, or finding littlebits and pieces of time here and
there is so beneficial.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
You have to take care of yourself before you can take
care of others.
Don't be a match others Don't bea match.
In a world that often demandsso much of us, that pushes us to
conform or to put others' needsconstantly before our own,
choosing to prioritize yourwell-being can be a radical act.
(47:52):
It's a statement that youmatter, that your health and
your happiness are important.
It's about preserving yourenergy, your spirit, so that you
can contribute at a higherlevel than wearing yourself
ragged.
So what does this look like inpractical terms?
(48:12):
Well, like we said, self-careisn't one-size-fits-all.
What replenishes one personmight drain another.
The key is to identify whattruly nourishes you.
It can look like physicalself-care sleeping enough,
(48:41):
drinking enough water, maybemeditating.
Mental self-care Are youengaging your mind?
Are you doing things that pushyou, that excite you, that sate
your curiosity?
Are you learning new things?
Are you growing?
Emotional self-care this can besetting boundaries.
This can be being in tune withyour emotions.
(49:02):
It can be doing things thatmake you happy.
It can be crying when you needto and for some.
Spiritual self-care this caninvolve religious practices, it
can include forms of meditation,and it usually involves
(49:24):
connecting to something largerthan yourself.
Right now, I'm encouraging youto think of at least one small
act of self-care that you canintegrate into your life this
week, not next month, not whenthings calm down, but this week.
Heck, how about today?
Maybe it's you dedicate 15minutes before bed to do
(49:49):
something that you actuallyenjoy instead of scrolling on
social media.
Maybe it's doing a skincareroutine because it makes you
feel like you're prioritizingyourself.
It doesn't matter how itactually looks.
It just needs to come down tothe couple things that we talked
about.
Is it restorative, is itintentional?
(50:12):
Is it not disproportionatelyputting someone else out and is
it disproportionately hurtinglong-term you or the you of the
future?
If it checks all of those boxes,it's a great form of self-care
and, of course, like Anna saidbefore, is it the bucket that
(50:35):
you need the most right now?
Remember that consistencytrumps intensity.
Small, regular acts ofself-care accumulate over time.
They fill up your inner cup andthey build a powerful reserve
of well-being.
It's not about adding anotheroverwhelming item to your to-do
(50:55):
list.
It's about weaving moments ofreplenishment into the fabric of
your normal daily life.
You are worthy of your ownself-care.
In fact, you are the personmost responsible for it.
So take that responsibilityseriously, lovingly, and watch
how it transforms not only yourlife but also your ability to
(51:17):
engage with the world around you.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Take care of yourselves, guys.
Thanks for having me on, David.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
And remember you are enough and you deserve to fill
up your inner cup with happiness, confidence, self-care and
self-compassion.
Confidence, self-care andself-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.
(51:45):
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad you continue to choose
to learn and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
miss out on more sage advice.
One last thing the legallanguage.
(52:07):
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician.
No-transcript.
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey everyone.
My name is Anna Sage.
I'm David's younger sister andone of the regular co-hosts on
the Sage Solutions podcast.
It's been a little while.
I'm glad to be back.
Life has been very crazy, butI'm very excited to discuss the
topic we have for you here today.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
In this episode, we're going to be talking about
self-care.
Now, self-care is an importanttopic and a big part of how we
fill up our inner cup, but,somewhat paradoxically, this is
not actually a topic that I havethought that much about, at
(01:02):
least in comparison to most ofthe other topics that we talk
about.
I just don't have as muchexperience with self-care.
I'm sure that I do self-care inmy own way, I just haven't been
as conscious about it.
It hasn't been something thatis on top of my mind.
However, anna is actually theperfect co-host for me to have
(01:27):
for this episode.
She has approached self-care abit more consciously, she's put
more thought into it and I thinkshe has some more lived
experience with it than I do.
So I'm going to let her take alittle bit more of the lead on
this one and, just like the restof you, I'm also hoping to
(01:48):
learn a thing or two.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action, subscribe andshare this podcast with them.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Thanks, David.
That's really kind of you.
I wouldn't necessarily considermyself any sort of expert on
self-care.
However, it is something I haveput a lot of thought into.
It's something that I've foundvery interesting and something
that I've prioritized for myselfintentionally.
So if sharing my thoughts andour thoughts about it can help
(02:36):
other people, I'm happy to dothat.
So, first of all, what isself-care?
Well, if you search that onGoogle, the little AI overview
gives you that self-care refersto the proactive steps
individuals take to preserve andimprove their physical, mental
and emotional well-being.
It encompasses a range ofactivities that empower
(02:59):
individuals to prioritize theirhealth and maintain a balanced
lifestyle.
Now, that sounds very fancy,but the way that I conceptualize
it is this Self-care is notabout what things look like.
It's not about looking relaxed.
It's about how it feels for you.
(03:21):
Self-care is about what feelsrestorative to you and what
helps you restore the areas ofyour life that you're feeling,
or maybe those buckets, likeyou've talked about, those
pockets of your bucket that arefeeling a little bit dry and
need some energy and attention.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, I know you visualize it as like separate
buckets that are each named.
Yeah, I know you visualize itas like separate buckets that
are each named and I've kind oftalked about it as this overall
cup.
That is, you that have thedifferent pockets, but really
we're talking about the samething and that's not to say that
(04:00):
anything that fills up your cupis necessarily self-care.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, is it?
What's the distinction there?
I guess?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I think we risk getting a little caught up in
the nuances of definition, butat least when I'm talking about
the core fundamental of fillingup your cup, there are many ways
to do that.
Some of those things are withdifferent traits or things that
(04:26):
make you feel full, happy,fulfilled.
Not all of those things arenecessarily restorative, if that
makes sense.
Yeah, it does about taking careof yourself, as the name
(04:51):
suggests, and restoring thingsor filling up areas that are
feeling empty, as opposed tolike fulfilling things that make
you feel alive.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, now I kind of chuckled because it does sound
funny that we're saying, well,self-care is about caring for
yourself, like people are goingto be listening and being like
no duh.
But there really is a lot ofnuance and gray area and things
to flesh out here.
Like David and I were talkingabout this before we even
started recording and there's alot that we had to be like wait,
(05:20):
is that self-care or is thatselfish, or is that
self-indulgence or is that like?
There's so many differentlayers here to work through.
So hang in there with us.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And maybe I'm a little off here, but one of the
filters that I'll use forthinking about self-care is
would I be caring for someoneelse if I did these things, If I
was taking care of a pet, if Iwas doing things that are and
I'm not talking about likecaretaking, where you're
enabling or you know this iswhere this gets a little
(05:55):
complicated, but I mean takingcare of yourself, doing things
that are for your own good, foryour benefit, that are for your
own good, for your benefit,right?
The easiest way to know whetherit's self-care is to use a
filter of.
If it's a net positive to youand your life, it makes you feel
(06:16):
restored and it's not harminganyone else or yourself in the
future, it's very likely a goodform of self-care.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay.
So let me just make sure I'munderstanding this, because
sometimes I can get a little bitlost in when we're really
fleshing things out.
So self-care is something youdo that restores yourself for
you in an area that you need it,and it can look totally
different depending on what youneed, but it has to be something
(06:51):
you're doing intentionally foryourself, not just like, oh, I
accomplished something at workand that made me feel good.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Or I got lucky and I found $5 on the ground and it
made me feel happy.
That's not, you didn't care foryourself there, that was just a
positive event.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, it just happened.
So self-care is moreintentional than that but we
talked about for you.
Just because you aren'tconsciously thinking about
self-care a lot doesn't mean youaren't practicing it, because
you're still intentionally doingthings that care for you, that
restore you.
You're just not like labelingit as oh, right now I am
(07:29):
practicing self-care, right.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Right, and when I was giving an example about an
unambiguous way of figuring outwhether something is self-care,
there are a lot of things thatdon't fall into that that are
self-care.
I'm more saying if it checksall of those boxes, it's pretty
much for sure self-care.
(07:52):
Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Which?
What boxes?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's restorative.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
It's intentional.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
It's not hurting anyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
And it's not harming you in the long run.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Okay, I do want to talk through those last two
points, or those last two checkboxes for self-care that you
gave, because, while I agreewith them, I think there is some
little bit of shades of graythere that we do need to discuss
.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I actually think there's a lot of shades of gray
there that we do need to discuss.
I actually think there's a lotof shades of gray there.
I think there are things thatcan be self-care that don't
check those last two boxes.
I'm just saying if those twoboxes are both checked with the
other two, it is for sureself-care.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay so let's go through the first of those last
two.
Wow, this is getting very wordy.
Okay, so self-care restorative,intentional.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I would say restorative and intentional are
the two that have to be there.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Okay, and then what was the third one you said?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I think where it gets a bit more complicated is
balancing how it affects otherpeople and how it affects
yourself in the long run.
Okay, so let's go through howit affects other people and how
it affects yourself in the longrun.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Okay, so let's go through how it affects other
people.
That third checklist pointright.
I agree with you for the mostpart that self-care should be
something that isn't causingharm to someone else for your
benefit, because being selfishin and of itself is that benefit
(09:28):
.
Because being selfish in and ofitself is that Selfishness
would be doing things for yourown benefit even if it causes
harm to other people, right?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
That's a good question.
We could probably look up adefinition of selfishness.
On it, but I think it does comedown to a combination of
intention and effect on otherpeople.
I think if you're doingsomething that is just a net
positive to you now and you inthe future and it harms no one
(09:57):
else, I would not say thatthat's selfish.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Yeah, I agree, and I did just look up a definition.
The Oxford Dictionarydefinition of selfish is of a
person, action or motive lackingconsideration for others,
concerned chiefly with one's ownpersonal profit or pleasure.
So it is both of those thingsit is your own benefit and
lacking consideration of how itaffects other people.
(10:24):
So if you're doing somethingfor your own benefit but you are
aware of if that is going tonegatively influence other
people, it's not selfish.
But if you are doing somethingfor your own benefit and you're
not really caring about theimpact it has on other people,
(10:44):
or you're aware of the fact thatit's harming someone and you do
it really caring about theimpact it has on other people,
or you're aware of the fact thatit's harming someone and you do
it anyways, that's selfish.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
What if someone?
I understand that this is aside question, but what if you
change the equation to where,let's say, I am jealous of what
somebody else has right and Isabotage them or do something
bad to them, and it doesn'tactually get me anything, it's
(11:13):
just to tear them down?
Would that also be selfish,even though I don't actually
benefit?
Or would we argue that I, inthis hypothetical situation, am
getting satisfaction out oftearing them down, so it is to
my benefit?
I mean, I'm just trying toprocess how that plays out,
(11:36):
because people do that.
There is a part of humanpsychology that causes humans
not all humans, not in allsituations that causes humans
not all humans, not in allsituations but it causes people
to want to tear others down fortheir successes, because it
makes them aware of what they'renot doing.
(11:59):
And if they pull somebody downto their level then they don't
feel bad.
So I guess it is a selfishthing in a way, because they are
doing it, so then they don'tfeel bad.
So I guess it is a selfishthing in a way, because they are
doing it so that they don'tfeel bad.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Right.
If they're doing it so thatultimately they don't feel bad,
that is having a personal profitto them, I suppose.
So yes, that would still beselfish.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
It's awful but it's selfish.
Yeah, if you find yourselfdoing this which, honestly, to
some degree it's easy for peopleto do this to a really minor
degree without being consciousof it, like just as a resistance
to a change within someone,especially like a diet Think
about how many times somebodygoes on a diet and then all of
(12:41):
their friends are offering themFrench fries and stuff
immediately Like, oh, come on,just one bite.
What I'm saying is it's easierto fall into this than it being
like this big, malicious thing,and if you find yourself in that
place, please don't do this.
This is the worst.
Sabotaging other people'ssuccess is one of the worst
(13:06):
things you can do to someone.
Don't do that.
I realize we've gotten a bitoff on a tangent.
I was like so circling backPeople actually do this towards
others' self-care.
Somebody will start practicing aform of self-care no-transcript
(13:38):
conscious.
You know whether they're doingthis consciously or not, for
doing that self-care make themfeel bad, like they're being
selfish, like yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Or sometimes, in order to not feel bad about
yourself and your own lack ofself-care, you will reframe it
to view them judgmentally like,oh, they're just blah, blah,
blah, because then that doesn'tmean that you are the one that's
actually lacking in some way.
(14:06):
So I understand it and I'm sureyou know I've been there.
If I'm honest, I thinkeverybody probably to some
extent has done this and caughtthemselves at some point.
But yeah, the point here iswhen it happens at some point.
But yeah, the point here iswhen it happens, when you are
aware of it happening withinyourself.
(14:26):
Stop and reframe and reshiftyour perspective, because it's
not a helpful way to be.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Can you look up the definition of selfless?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Selfless is an adjective that means being
concerned more with the needsand wishes of others than with
one's own, and it gives a colonthere and says unselfish.
So it's essentially theopposite, but I don't know that
it's a good thing either.
I think it's almost like theextremes the black and the white
(14:59):
.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Well, I think it can be good to be selfless, right.
I think there are times wheresetting yourself aside
especially if it's a minorinconvenience to you to make a
major difference for someoneelse, right can be a wonderful
thing and like, if you're goingto lean towards either selfish
(15:19):
or selfless, selfless is waybetter.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh, obviously yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
But I think the problem is we truly view them as
a light switch dichotomy not adimmer switch, a on or off, and
people don't have a goodunderstanding of those
definitions.
They actually just see it asselfish means doing something
for me.
Selfless means it can't haveany benefit for me.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Yeah, and that's where I was saying I don't think
it's a good thing when it'staken to an extreme like that.
Of course, it's a good thingwhen you are being selfless and
taking selfless action for thebenefit of others, but when
you're seeing it as I can onlydo things for others and I need
to neglect myself and my needsin order to do that, that's when
(16:07):
it's destructive and you end updestroying yourself and not
being able to then serve others.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
And I've found that this belief, this system of
viewing being selfish orselfless, with those
misrepresentative definitionsmaybe not consciously but just
sort of subconsciously sittingin people's heads, really causes
(16:39):
a lot of problems.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I think this unhelpful mindset is especially
pervasive in helping professionslike nursing, teaching
professions, where your job isto put the good of the people
you serve as the main priorityof the work you do.
This quote was shared with meearlier this week.
(17:02):
It says a good teacher is likea candle it consumes itself to
light the way for others.
And that, I think, is exactlywhat we're talking about.
It can be very unhelpful when aquote like this is shared with
the intention of motivating you.
If you're consuming yourself tolight the way for others,
(17:26):
eventually there's going to benone of you left to continue
lighting the way for others.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
It's not a very long-term way to make an impact.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Exactly.
Rather than being a candle, Iwould rather be what do you call
that thing that matches goacross, that ignites them?
You know the little matchboxsheet guy.
Yeah, that I'd rather be thatwhere people can, where people
can, can be ignited and servedthrough my effort.
But it doesn't take away fromwhat I need to be able to
(17:57):
continue sparking that light inothers so I love light, love,
light metaphors.
So that's just me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Let's bring it into this century.
Maybe you're the lighter thatlights candles and then, when
you need to, we refill yourlighter fluid.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Use the lighter, okay , okay.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Instead of the whatever it is that you strike a
match against.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
All right.
Either way, that is a greatanalogy.
You want to be something thatyou can refuel yourself, to
continue producing light, ratherthan using yourself up and then
being useless.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
In fact, I'm going to double down on this I think the
first metaphor you know In fact, I'm going to double down on
this I think the first metaphoryou know talking about a candle,
but like a candle, eventuallyit's literally talking about
burnout.
I think it's even bettervisualized, actually, as the
match or the lighter.
The match only has so much burnin it and you can light a
(18:57):
certain amount of candles beforeit dies.
Yes, but the lighter can alwaysbe refilled.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yes, yes, absolutely.
So let's circle this backaround.
I love these conversations.
I hope other people do too.
When you think aboutselflessness versus selfishness,
be the lighter, refuel yourselfso that you can continue to
ignite and serve others withoutusing yourself up and not being
able to continue to serve.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
So I think that sets some good groundwork for really
diving into self-care as a topic.
But to circle back arounddirectly to self-care, let me
ask you this this is actuallymore of a question for the
listener how often do you trulyintentionally make time for
yourself Not just the leftoverscraps of time after every other
(19:59):
demand in your life has beenmet, but take actual, dedicated,
non-negotiable time foryourself?
This is one of the most commonexamples of self-care.
This term self-care gets thrownaround a lot.
It's sometimes mistaken forpure indulgence and, yes, a
(20:25):
bubble bath or a massage can bea part of it.
But true self-care runs muchdeeper than those stereotypical
forms of self-care.
It's really about activelypreserving, improving and
(20:51):
restoring your own physical,mental and emotional health.
It's about recognizing yourneeds and taking steps to meet
them.
Think of it as preventativemaintenance for your mind and
for your body.
You wouldn't drive a car for100,000 miles without an oil
change, would you?
Yet so many of us pushourselves relentlessly without
(21:13):
ever pausing to refuel andreplenish.
Now we have been talking a lotabout getting things done,
taking action, having disciplinenot avoiding the important
things that we need to do andbuilding intrinsic motivation,
(21:33):
building the muscles of our life, especially things like grit.
However, if we take this to anextreme, we can get to what's
often talked about as hustleculture, and hustle culture is
often taken to an extreme.
It's all about just work, putyour head down, go hard, find no
(21:56):
balance, kill it, be thehardest worker, we don't need
sleep, you know.
Kill it, be the hardest worker,we don't need sleep.
It gets taken to a crazy degree.
It's almost virtue, signalingof how hard you work and that
you're a grinder, a hustler.
We need to be in this constantstate of motion, striving and
achieving, and while ambitionand many of the topics that
(22:20):
we've talked about that can helpyou achieve your ambitions are
fantastic, when unchecked,without some shades of gray, it
can lead to burnout, anxiety,overwhelm and a profound
disconnect from ourselves.
Taking care of yourself isn'tselfish, it's essential.
(22:44):
It's the foundation upon whichwe build our resilience, filling
up your inner cup, doing whatyou need to do and, yes,
self-care is one of the ways todo it is how you have the fuel,
the reservoir, the ability to doall of the things that you want
to do in your life the thingsthat you need to do and should
(23:08):
do, as well as the things thatyou want to do and live to do.
Taking care of yourself is thefoundation upon which we build
resilience.
It sets us up to actuallyexperience joy and fulfillment
and to show up as our bestselves in all areas of our life
(23:29):
for our families, our friends,our careers and our communities.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I want to touch on what you were saying about
hustle culture.
I think people get into or buyinto the hustle culture because
they care so much about howthey're perceived by others.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
They want to be perceived as a hard worker, as
Almost like high statusEntrepreneurs are often linked
with hustle culture, likebusiness owners.
Success.
They want to be that they wantto be successful.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah absolutely no.
Yeah, you want to be seen wellby others and that's
understandable and that's okay,to an extent right.
It's when we care more abouthow we're being perceived by
others than about our ownwell-being that it becomes a
problem.
I know earlier I was talkingabout self-care isn't about what
(24:28):
self-care looks like.
I know that's the questionpeople often ask what does
self-care look like?
Well, that doesn't reallymatter because it's not about
how it's perceived by others.
It's not about what otherpeople see you doing that looks
like self-care.
It's about what it feels likeand how it restores you.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That makes a lot of sense, and I think it implies
that it would be highlyindividualized.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah, agreed In more ways than just one right.
It's highly individualizedbetween different people.
Different people can berestored by very different
actions and also it can differ alot depending on what area of
your life needs restoration.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And maybe what phase of your life you're in.
Yeah, be what phase of yourlife you're in, and there's so
many factors that make this morecomplicated than most people
realize, because I do think itis often portrayed as getting
your nails done and bubble bathsand drinking a glass of wine
(25:36):
after work and-.
Getting a massage, all thethings you'll see on social
media type of thing Absolutely,absolutely, and sometimes that
might be what I need.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Sometimes I don't know about need, but sometimes
that might feel really good andbe restorative.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I'm not trying to demonize any of those things, to
be clear.
I think people almost see thatas like they're the same thing,
like that's how it has to be.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Right Like that is self-care, and if you're not
doing that, then you're notdoing self-care.
But that's not necessarily it.
Sometimes self-care for me canbe setting aside 40 extra
minutes before bed to have awhole wind-down routine that
helps me feel more relaxedbefore I sleep.
Sometimes it might look liketaking a walk by myself, because
(26:26):
I sat around at work all dayand my body needs some movement
and I need some fresh air.
Sometimes it might look likehaving a conversation with a
friend, because I haven't beenvery social and I miss
connection with others, andthat's the piece of me that I
need to restore.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
This is causing me to think a lot more about
self-care.
I think the stereotypicalperception has caused me to not
write it off, but just not payas much attention to it.
I guess, but just not pay asmuch attention to it.
(27:04):
I guess it caused me to notdive deeper because I was like,
oh, that's good, but like youknow, also, I think it can be
taken.
I think those same things can betaken to extremes, because and
(27:29):
maybe there's a little bit of anextra business agenda here, but
I think some of thestereotyping of self-care is
around… Expensive, monetizedthings, and I think, as a result
, it has turned the publicperception of self-care into
something that takes money thatcan be reasonably expensive to
(27:50):
do all of these quote unquoteself-care things you know.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Almost like it can become a justification for
spending money on things thatyou don't need in a way.
Oh my gosh, you just got methinking a lot about how
self-care can be perceived aslike a privilege or a status
almost right of like.
Well, yeah, that guy has timefor self-care because he has the
money and the opportunity totake off of work.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
He's not hustling just to try to make ends meet
right, in which case it's almostthe opposite of the status that
people want from a hustleculture.
It's a different type of statusor perception on the other end.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Right that I have enough to be able to take the
time to practice self-care, oryou know?
The other thing I was thinkingabout with what you were just
saying is how maybe a barrierfor men in practicing self-care
is that sometimes self-care canbe seen as a very feminine thing
to do.
Oh, women go and do self-care.
(29:00):
They get their nails done, theyget a massage, have a spa day,
but men are the ones that arehustling and that are getting
the work done and providing forthe family.
And so you know, when are yousupposed to self-care?
That's a lady thing, right?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I mean, not that I'm saying that's how it is no, but
I think it is kind of perceivedthat way sometimes, especially
because of what isstereotypically talked about or
shown as self-care.
And I think there's the otherdanger of misintentioned
self-care I guess would be doingself-care practices just to get
(29:40):
social media clout type of athing, like you're not actually,
it's not restorative, becauseyou had to make sure that it
looked just perfect with thecandles, just perfect, and
you're stressing out over howmany people are going to like
this post about you doing abubble bath with a glass of wine
or something and at the end ofthe day it wasn't even for your
(30:01):
own self-care, you just wantedpopularity clout.
And not that those things don'tfeel good, and I'm not trying to
say anybody who has a socialmedia presence.
There's nothing inherentlywrong with social media.
But if your self-care practiceis actually causing you stress
(30:22):
or you're doing it just forattention, is it really
self-care?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It's not right Because, like we said, it's
about intentionality and whatfeels restorative to you.
If you come out of thatself-care time feeling more
stressed, then that's not reallyself-care.
Stressed, then that's notreally self-care.
So this connects back to theconversation we were having
earlier about finding thebalance between selfishness,
(30:50):
selflessness and where self-carefits into those two things.
Although self-care should besomething that is restorative
for you, taking into accountthat it isn't harming others, so
it's not being selfish thereare circumstances where I think
(31:11):
it is okay to give yourselfpermission to choose to
prioritize something that'sgoing to restore yourself, even
though it may disappoint someoneelse.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
So, if we're thinking about selflessness as something
that doesn't benefit you,benefits other people.
I think there are times wheresomething that is selfless can
become synergistic, even if itdoesn't benefit you on paper.
(31:46):
Right, where you do somethingthat doesn't benefit you, you
know it takes your time, butcare of other people that you
care about, yeah, in which caseyou are sort of getting
(32:06):
something out of it.
So I guess it's no longer fullyselfless, but, like, the
intention was selfless, so wedon't have to get so caught up
in this.
Like, does it fit thisdefinition exactly?
Because there's nothing wrongwith you also getting something
out of it, a win-win is a greatthing.
Now, there are going to beplenty of times where it is a
(32:27):
trade-off.
Now, like we said, thetrade-off might be that you
don't actually get something outof this selfless act.
Right, it is really drainingfor you, but you know that you
are doing something incrediblygood.
Right, it's hard to truly dosomething 100% altruistically,
(32:48):
with no gain of self, because ifyou are helping other people,
you usually feel good about it.
But, to get across, you mayrealize, right, logically or
whatever, that this person is indire need and you may not get
any enjoyment out of helpingthem, but you know it was the
right thing to do.
That would be selfless.
(33:08):
However, there are times whereyou know that you are in dire
need and it might minorlyinconvenience somebody else.
Like somebody else was like,yeah, we could hang if they're
already doing something, andthey invited you, but it wasn't
a big deal.
Might be a minor inconvenienceto them, but you've just gotten
clobbered at work all week.
You just need a little bit oftime to yourself to recuperate.
(33:29):
Your social battery is drained.
Just because it has a minornegative effect on that other
person doesn't mean that you arebeing selfish by taking care of
yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Agreed, agreed.
I think there's a distinctionbetween harm and disappointment,
or a minor inconvenience orletdown.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
There are going to be times where you are going to
let other people down.
That's just how expectationswork.
You can't constantly placateand try and do absolutely no
annoyance or harm to anyone ever.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Right, but you can't.
But I think there is also someshades of gray here of if this
same person has asked you tomeet up with them and you, you
know, chose to prioritizeyourself once, and then they ask
again and you're like, nah,it's still, you know, chose to
prioritize yourself once, andthen they ask again and you're
like, nah, it's still, you know,I'm still really busy, and
you're still choosing yourself,maybe by like the fourth time.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
And let's say the fourth time, they're like hey, I
really haven't seen you in awhile.
You can tell that they reallywant to see you.
It's not like it was just thisextra little addition.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Right, that changes things right.
Then it really is importantthat maybe you still need that
self-care.
You're still exhausted, you'vebeen in a season of busyness,
but if it's the fourth time,you've already had to say no
three other times, or you'vealready chosen to say no three
other times, then, yeah, maybeyou do need to prioritize that
(34:59):
other person's needs in thatmoment.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
It's almost like you know it's a nerdy way of saying
it, but it's almost a bit of anequation, right Like you have
two different sides what it'sdoing for you and how it's.
The balance has shifted enoughthen, even though it could be a
(35:23):
restorative thing for you, thatdoesn't necessarily mean you
should always make that choice.
You know if it's going toreally brighten that person's
day and make them really upset.
If you don't go and you'regonna get some restoration, then
you need to reassess that,because maybe it is being a
little bit selfish if you'redisproportionately har your
(35:46):
self-care to the point ofself-indulgence.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Being self-indulgent is characterized by doing, or
tending to do, exactly what youwant, especially when it
involves pleasure or idleness.
So it's almost like the extremeof always choosing you rather
than having some considerationfor choosing other people.
Or, for example, let's say youdecide oh man, I really just
(36:36):
want to enjoy this deliciouscheeseburger, I really want this
over the top cheeseburger andI'm going to get the fries and
all the dipping sauces and I'mgoing to have dessert and I'm
really just treating myself.
I think it's when you treatyourself every day, at every
meal of the day for years and itbecomes oh gosh, now I'm
(36:59):
severely overweight andunhealthy, that's self-indulgent
.
It's not about never being ableto treat yourself and have a
meal or something you do.
That is just indulgent.
Self-indulgence sometimes isgreat.
It's when you take it to anextreme that it ends up not
actually restoring you andcreating harm to you.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
So this is the other part of what makes self-care a
little tricky, and until westarted doing this podcast
episode, I don't think Irealized that there was so much
shades of gray to this topic andthat's why so many people
struggle to navigate it.
But I think having theawareness of the bounds and
(37:43):
trying to do a little bit ofthis calculation not that it has
to be super complicated, butjust like thinking about these
factors a bit in your head willhelp you understand when you are
taking care of yourself.
Now.
Self-indulgence, as you said.
It can be nice to treatyourself sometimes, but I think
(38:05):
it really becomesself-indulgence when it's all
about the now and you're notthinking about the long-term.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Effects.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yeah, the long-term effects it's going to have on
you.
In my eyes, if the wordrestorative generally doesn't
just mean that it feels good inthe moment, Agreed, it's a form
of filling you up, going forward, and sometimes a splurge can do
that.
But if every single day I amordering three entrees and
(38:42):
they're all unhealthy things andI'm going way over a calorie
amount you know I'm not tryingto get super into health stuff
but if I am eating in a mannerthat is bad for my long-term
health by eating way too much ofunhealthy things and I start
(39:04):
doing that more consistently,I'm not being very kind to the
long-term me, to the me of thefuture.
Right, I'm getting a hit ofdopamine, a shot of happy, now
and then likely I'm not feelingso good even later that night,
and then I am not going to feelas good or be as healthy in the
(39:28):
long term.
And not only that in thissituation, especially if maybe
we're going out to a restauranteach time, I'm now also not
being very kind to my futurefinancial self because I'm
buying multiple entrees at arestaurant on a regular basis.
So now I'm sabotaging myselffinancially long term by
(39:51):
indulging.
I'm sabotaging myself from ahealth standpoint long term,
which both of those things canhave a trickle down on mental
health and many other things.
I don't think that that'sself-care.
I'm not really restoring myselfby doing those things.
It's really a band-aid approachthat's actually making a series
(40:14):
of problems worse.
So no, I think we have to becareful about what's actually
taking care of yourself.
I think we have to be carefulabout what's actually taking
care of yourself.
When you think of, like gettinghealthy doing these things,
people say like, oh good, you'retaking care of yourself.
I think that wording is helpful.
I think that's how I'veactually thought about self-care
(40:36):
, without thinking of the wordself-care.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Agreed as you were talking about this, though, it
made me realize I am somebodywho, if I really care about you
and you're very close in my lifeand I see you doing something
that I perceive could be adetriment to you, I have a hard
time not saying something to tryto or doing something to try to
(41:02):
help you, because I care aboutyou and I want you to be okay,
right.
Where I have to be careful withthis is understanding that what
is restorative to me may not bewhat's restorative to you,
(41:23):
what's restorative to you.
So, while you may find watchingseveral episodes of a show that
you're really into as beingrestorative, I may see that as
being indulgent, because if Isit down and watch more than a
few shows in a row, I start tonot feel restored by that.
I start to feel like, oh, I'vewasted all this time.
I could have done this, I couldhave.
You know, it ultimately doesn'tmake me feel refreshed.
(41:44):
It makes me feel likefrustrated with myself.
So I typically am not somebodywho can do a whole marathon.
I like to watch TV, but only insmaller amounts, okay, and so I
have to be careful of eventhough that seems indulgent in
my experience and it doesn't dowell for my long term well being
(42:05):
.
That doesn't mean that's yourexperience and I have to be
careful not to judge you basedon my experience of the balance
of what's restorative and what'sindulgent.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, Because I actually am somebody that can
get a lot of enjoyment out ofwatching a good amount of a show
and I think to some degree itis about how much I actually
enjoy that show.
Sometimes it's about somethingI'm learning from the show.
Sometimes it's a show that haslike a fantasy world that I can
get lost in and just take abreak from all of the
(42:43):
practicality.
That is my life with this typeof career.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Yeah, which I get that from books.
I have the same thing.
I can sit down and read booksfor a few hours and feel totally
restored.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
But there are shows that I can start or try that
don't make me feel that way,right?
So like I think the quality orthe specifics of a show can make
me feel like I'm wasting timeif I'm not into it enough, you
know.
So the framing if it'ssomething I really enjoy and I
(43:19):
know I get a lot of enjoymentout of it, it does feel
restorative for me.
But that doesn't mean that allmediums of show do that.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yeah, that makes sense, but again, there's some
nuance here.
I just said, reading a book forhours can feel very restorative
for me.
However, if I'm in my room andit is super cluttered and messy
because I've had a very busyweek and I've let things go, I'm
somebody who can't really feelrelaxed unless I'm in a space
(43:52):
that is neat and tidy and itgenuinely does affect me
physiologically and mentally.
So I can't feel restored fromreading that book.
If the bucket or the pocket inmy bucket that's the most dry,
is the cleanliness and tidinessof my space.
(44:13):
Or, giving a different example,if I sat at work all day and I
skipped my workouts the last fewdays and my body is feeling
like man, I really need to moveand I choose to read that book
instead.
I'm also not going to feelrestored because really what I
need is to take a walk or go toyoga and get my body moving and
(44:33):
to feel physically restoredfirst.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And I think that's why we hear quotes like
discipline is the highest formof self-love or of self-care.
And you know, I'm not going tosay whether I agree or disagree
with that.
I think it's too, too black andwhite for me.
But I will say that I think ina lot of situations, even if
(45:02):
something is mild pain in themoment, if it is a big time
long-term gain, it is a form ofkindness to yourself.
It is taking care of yourselfin the long run.
So I think what it's reallygetting at is that there are
plenty of times where it's noteven about filling up your
bucket now.
(45:22):
It is about setting yourself upin the long run.
I think that can also be a formof self-care.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Yeah, agreed.
Now I know what some of youmight be thinking I don't have
time, and I hear you Life isdemanding.
But let me ask you this Can youafford not to make time?
(45:51):
The consequences of neglectingself-care are far more costly in
the long run.
Consider this A fascinatingstudy published in the Journal
of Affective Disorders in 2022explored the relationship
between self-care practices andmental health outcomes in a
large sample of adults.
The researchers found asignificant inverse correlation,
(46:11):
meaning the more individualsengaged in self-care activities,
the lower their reported levelsof stress, anxiety and
depression.
It's not just a nice idea.
It's backed by evidence.
Engaging in consistentself-care practices which they
defined broadly to includethings like mindfulness,
(46:34):
physical activity, healthyeating and even setting
boundaries remarkably improvedparticipants' psychological
well-being.
This wasn't about grand,expensive gestures or huge
vacations.
It was about small, consistentactions.
And on the topic of being busy,just ask my partner, will.
(46:59):
He says you sages, keepyourselves so busy.
We get it.
We've got calendars that looklike rainbows, with different
events at different times ofyear.
We know how crazy and hecticthings can be and how hard it
can be to set aside time, buttruly making it a priority to
even schedule in your calendarto make time for yourself, for
(47:22):
self-care, or finding littlebits and pieces of time here and
there is so beneficial.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
You have to take care of yourself before you can take
care of others.
Don't be a match others Don't bea match.
In a world that often demandsso much of us, that pushes us to
conform or to put others' needsconstantly before our own,
choosing to prioritize yourwell-being can be a radical act.
(47:52):
It's a statement that youmatter, that your health and
your happiness are important.
It's about preserving yourenergy, your spirit, so that you
can contribute at a higherlevel than wearing yourself
ragged.
So what does this look like inpractical terms?
(48:12):
Well, like we said, self-careisn't one-size-fits-all.
What replenishes one personmight drain another.
The key is to identify whattruly nourishes you.
It can look like physicalself-care sleeping enough,
(48:41):
drinking enough water, maybemeditating.
Mental self-care Are youengaging your mind?
Are you doing things that pushyou, that excite you, that sate
your curiosity?
Are you learning new things?
Are you growing?
Emotional self-care this can besetting boundaries.
This can be being in tune withyour emotions.
(49:02):
It can be doing things thatmake you happy.
It can be crying when you needto and for some.
Spiritual self-care this caninvolve religious practices, it
can include forms of meditation,and it usually involves
(49:24):
connecting to something largerthan yourself.
Right now, I'm encouraging youto think of at least one small
act of self-care that you canintegrate into your life this
week, not next month, not whenthings calm down, but this week.
Heck, how about today?
Maybe it's you dedicate 15minutes before bed to do
(49:49):
something that you actuallyenjoy instead of scrolling on
social media.
Maybe it's doing a skincareroutine because it makes you
feel like you're prioritizingyourself.
It doesn't matter how itactually looks.
It just needs to come down tothe couple things that we talked
about.
Is it restorative, is itintentional?
(50:12):
Is it not disproportionatelyputting someone else out and is
it disproportionately hurtinglong-term you or the you of the
future?
If it checks all of those boxes,it's a great form of self-care
and, of course, like Anna saidbefore, is it the bucket that
(50:35):
you need the most right now?
Remember that consistencytrumps intensity.
Small, regular acts ofself-care accumulate over time.
They fill up your inner cup andthey build a powerful reserve
of well-being.
It's not about adding anotheroverwhelming item to your to-do
(50:55):
list.
It's about weaving moments ofreplenishment into the fabric of
your normal daily life.
You are worthy of your ownself-care.
In fact, you are the personmost responsible for it.
So take that responsibilityseriously, lovingly, and watch
how it transforms not only yourlife but also your ability to
(51:17):
engage with the world around you.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Take care of yourselves, guys.
Thanks for having me on, David.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
And remember you are enough and you deserve to fill
up your inner cup with happiness, confidence, self-care and
self-compassion.
Confidence, self-care andself-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.
(51:45):
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad you continue to choose
to learn and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
miss out on more sage advice.
One last thing the legallanguage.
(52:07):
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician.
No-transcript.
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