July 1, 2025 • 28 mins
Mental framing might be the most powerful tool you never knew you had. David Sage delves into this cornerstone of psychological strength that allows you to take back control of your life by simply changing the lens through which you view your circumstances.
We've all experienced days where everything seems to go wrong—spilled coffee, traffic jams, frustrating emails—and it's easy to spiral into negativity. But what if you could completely transform your experience not by changing these often unchangeable circumstances, but by changing how you view them? That's the power of framing.
Through vivid metaphors involving camera angles, picture frames, and eyeglasses, David explains how framing works and why it matters so much to our daily experience. He distinguishes between objective reality and our perspective of it—making clear that while we don't create reality, we absolutely create our experience of it through the stories we tell ourselves. The episode walks you through a practical three-step process for cognitive reframing: catching negative frames, challenging them, and creating empowering alternatives. You'll learn specific questions to ask yourself that instantly shift your perspective from victimhood to agency.
David backs these techniques with compelling scientific research showing how reframing literally changes brain activity, decreasing emotional reactivity while increasing rational thinking. Through a detailed example of reframing job loss, you'll see exactly how to apply these principles to even the most challenging life circumstances.
Ready to transform your life by mastering the art of framing? Subscribe to the Sage Solutions Podcast for more powerful tools that help you become your best self, and share this episode with anyone who might benefit from learning how to change their frame and change their world.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
I'm so glad that you've chosento invest this time in yourself
(00:25):
today.
Have you ever had one of thosedays where everything just seems
to go wrong?
You spill your coffee on yourshirt, you hit every single red
light on your commute and thevery first email that greets you
is just a frustrating one.
It feels like the universe hasa personal vendetta against you.
(00:47):
It's easy to spiral into a moodthat taints the rest of the day
.
Now, legitimately, all thosethings suck.
Nobody wants to have their daystart like that.
However, are the conclusionsthat we just drew from the
events that happened a fact, orare there other conclusions that
(01:10):
we could come to, Other ways ofseeing it, another perspective
of reality?
I'm here to tell you that it'snot the events themselves that
hold the ultimate power, but howyou choose to see them.
Selves that hold the ultimatepower, but how you choose to see
them.
What if you could shift yourentire experience of life, not
(01:30):
by changing your oftenunchangeable circumstances, but
simply by changing the lensthrough which you view them, and
that is exactly what we'recovering today.
We're talking about acornerstone of psychological
strength called framing and howyou can use it to take back
control of your perspective and,ultimately, of your entire life
(01:54):
.
This isn't denying reality andliving in your own little world.
It's about strategic thinkingwhich is realistic, practical
and pragmatic.
Welcome to framing.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
(02:16):
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action, subscribe andshare this podcast with them.
What exactly is framing?
In the simplest terms, framingis the story we tell ourselves
(02:37):
about what's happening.
It's the mental filter thatinformation passes through
before we form a judgment aboutit.
Sound familiar?
Think of it like a pictureframe.
The very same photograph canlook dramatically different
depending on the picture framethat you use.
(02:58):
Is it in a cheap, crackedplastic frame or a beautiful,
ornate wood one?
In a cheap, cracked plasticframe or a beautiful, ornate
wood one?
The picture itself hasn'tchanged, but the frame
transforms our perception of itsvalue and meaning.
But the power of framing has amuch greater effect than a
picture frame does on a picture.
(03:20):
Let's take a look at another useof the word frame the glasses
that somebody wears.
They put the lenses into aframe right.
So the frames or the lenses,the glasses that you're wearing,
dramatically changes how yousee the same object.
It is the lens in which you areusing that can either make
(03:44):
things much more clear thatseemed hazy or they can actually
make things much more blurry ifyou were already seeing it
clear.
A positive or helpful frame ora negative or unhelpful frame
can work, just like theseglasses can work, just like
(04:09):
these glasses.
Another helpful way that we canvisualize a mental frame is the
actual taking of a picture witha camera.
Certain things are inside ofthat picture, inside of the
frame.
When you zoom in, it's focusingon a specific area, making that
much bigger and cutting out awhole bunch of the frame.
When you zoom out, you actuallysee much more of the picture,
(04:30):
much more of reality and what'saround, while not focusing on or
hyper-focusing on a specificdetail.
If you turn around with thesame camera, you'll be taking a
picture of something completelydifferent while standing in the
same spot.
And even after you take thepicture, if it's taken from your
phone, you can put filters onit to make it look different or
(04:53):
give it a totally different vibe.
You can crop it, you can zoomin, you can change small details
, you can add a story or acaption that explains it.
Then print that picture, put itin a picture frame a really
nice one to give it a verydifferent look, and then wear
glasses that make it muchclearer.
(05:14):
Mental framing is that powerful.
This is the reason that mentalframing is the most powerful
tool that we have to change ourconscious perspective of reality
, while it's not the only one.
For instance, looking at thesame tree from on the ground
versus from the top of abuilding gives you a very
(05:35):
different perspective of thesame thing.
Framing is easily the numberone tool for reshaping our
perspective of reality.
Reality is reality.
It is objective and real.
If we are describing things intrue, factual statements, we are
(05:56):
taking away the judgments andjust reporting the facts.
Reality is reality.
You do not create your ownreality, with the exception of
the fact that the choices youmake and the actions you take
have an effect on the outerworld and, in a small way, do
create your reality.
(06:17):
And if you remember from wayback at the beginning of this
podcast.
The first core, fundamentalthat I covered was about our
perspectives of reality and howour perspective shapes the mass
majority of our experience ofreality.
Now, some of our perspective isunconscious and outside of our
(06:40):
control.
Though we can shift and slowlyshape that as well.
The largest part of our controlof our experience of reality is
our conscious perspective.
Your perception of reality isprimarily influenced by your
perspective of reality, and thebiggest factor in your
(07:03):
perspective of reality are thelenses, the frames that you see
it through, the angle, the shot,the zoom, the lenses of your
eyes, the glasses, the filtersand even the emotional state
from which you're viewing it,and especially the stories you
tell yourself about it.
(07:23):
Framing is the primary tool thatwe use to adjust our conscious
perspective of reality.
So to rein it back in here, I'mgoing to use one of the most
classic examples of framing.
There's a glass of water.
(07:44):
50% of the glass has water init.
This is an objective statement.
Now tell me, is that glass halfempty or half full?
This is the perfect everydayexample of framing.
It's the same amount of water,but your perspective on it, your
frame, changes everything abouthow you feel about that class.
(08:10):
One frame suggests scarcity andloss, while the other suggests
abundance and opportunity.
Now this frame is oftenoversimplified into optimism and
pessimism, which we will do afull, deep dive on in a future
episode.
Now I'm sure some of you aresaying, yeah, that's nice and
(08:30):
all, but it sounds a little toosimple to make a real difference
.
But the reality is our brainsare wired for efficiency.
They create these mentalshortcuts what psychologists
call cognitive biases to processthe immense amount of
information that we encounter.
Very often, these defaultshortcuts lead us to frame
(08:55):
things in a negative lightwithout us even realizing it.
We have a negativity bias atendency to focus on what we've
lost rather than what we'vegained, to ruminate on a single
criticism while ignoring praise,or to catastrophize a minor
setback into a major,life-altering disaster.
(09:17):
This causes us to pay twice asmuch attention to negative
information as positiveinformation.
Now, I am personally thankfulfor this.
It's easy to get upset aboutour cognitive biases, because
they often don't serve us in ourmodern day, but we wouldn't be
(09:37):
alive if they didn't exist.
We survived because of them.
We will also be doing an episode, or episodes, on our different
cognitive biases, because beingaware of our conscious biases
helps us overcome them.
So let's go back to thatfrustrating email and notice how
our negativity bias affects theway we view it.
(10:00):
The default unexamined framemight be something like this is
a disaster, my boss is clearlyunhappy with my work, I'm
probably going to get in troubleand now my whole day, maybe my
whole week is ruined.
This negative frame is a recipefor stress, anxiety and
(10:22):
demotivation.
It's a passive frame whereyou're the victim of your
circumstances and you're givingin to an external locus of
control.
Now this is where I want toremind you you are not your
thoughts.
You have thoughts that aren'tindicative of who you are all
(10:43):
the time.
You are the consciousness thatexperiences your thoughts, and
not just that.
Your thoughts are primarilyframed as stories, or another
way of looking at it is thatyour frame is usually the story
that you're telling yourselfabout an event.
Our brains are meaning-makingmachines and we are wired for
(11:06):
narrative.
We constantly tell ourselvesstories about our lives and the
things that happen in them tohelp us make sense of the world.
So I'm talking to you, theconsciousness, who's listening
to this podcast.
What if we pause andconsciously reframe it?
What if we decide to see it asokay?
(11:30):
This email contains some directfeedback.
It might not feel good to hear,but this is a clear opportunity
for me to understand what'sexpected and to improve my
skills.
It is a challenge, yes, but Iam fully capable of handling
challenges and growing from them.
(11:52):
I've done it before and I cando it now.
Can you feel the difference?
Can you feel the difference?
The email is the same.
The words on the screen haven'tchanged, but by consciously
(12:12):
choosing a more positive andempowering frame, we've shifted
our entire emotional and mentalstate.
We've moved from a position ofvictimhood to one of agency and
control.
Now, just as it is in realframing, the actual thing that
you're taking a picture of,seeing or putting a frame around
, makes a difference, and whatI'm not advocating for is
(12:33):
denying reality, believing thatyou can create it and anything
is what you believe it to be, orlooking at a totally different
picture altogether.
We're not living in our ownlittle world here.
We're shifting the way that wesee it and the way that we
experience it, which is whyframing isn't about toxic
positivity or ignoring reality.
(12:55):
It's not about pretending thenegative events are actually
good.
Denial and lying to yourselfare actually very disempowering
and they often disconnect youfrom other people in the real
world, we still have toacknowledge and accept a reality
.
But remember reality plays amuch smaller role than
(13:19):
perspective in your experienceof life.
Mental framing is aboutconsciously choosing the most
empowering and usefulinterpretation of that reality.
It's about asking yourself apivotal question what's a more
useful way to look at this?
This concept is beautifullycaptured in a quote by the
(13:44):
novelist Marcel Proust, whowrote the real voyage of
discovery consists not inseeking new landscapes, but in
having new eyes.
That's what we're doing heredeveloping new eyes to see our
existing lives.
By using our mind's eye, we aretaking control of the frame
(14:08):
that we see it through.
So how do we start becomingmore intentional with our
framing and develop these neweyes?
Here are a few practical,step-by-step techniques that we
can start using today.
These are often calledcognitive reframing techniques.
First, and this is thenon-negotiable first step, catch
(14:31):
the negative frame.
You cannot change a thoughtpattern that you aren't aware of
.
It starts with awareness, whichis really the essence of your
being being more conscious.
You are the observer of yourlife.
You cannot change a thoughtpattern that you aren't aware of
.
You have to become a detectiveof your own mind.
(14:53):
Start paying close attention toyour automatic self-talk.
When you face a setback, what'sthe very first story you tell
yourself?
Just observe and listen to it.
Don't judge it.
Don't try and fix itimmediately.
Just notice it.
Right now we're buildingawareness.
(15:16):
A great way to build thismuscle if you have the time is
to keep a thought journal.
Whenever you feel a strongnegative emotion anxiety, anger,
sadness take a moment to writedown the situation and the
precise thoughts running throughyour head.
After a few days, you'll startto see your personal patterns,
(15:38):
your go-to negative frames.
Second, challenge the frame.
Once you've caught a negativeframe, it's time to put it on
trial.
Interrogate it.
Ask yourself is this thought100%, objectively true?
Is there any other possible wayto look at this situation?
What evidence do I have againstthis thought?
(16:01):
And my personal favorite, whatwould I tell a dear friend or
family member if they were inthe exact same situation and
said this to me?
It can be truly amazing howmuch more compassionate and
rational we are with our friendsthan with ourselves.
So let's take the disempoweringthought.
I'm a complete failure becauseI made a mistake in that
(16:24):
presentation.
Alright, challenge it directly.
Is one mistake really thedefinition of your entire worth
and identity.
Has anyone in history ever beenperfect?
Of course not.
A more accurate and empoweringframe or story would be.
I'm a human who made a mistake,and that's okay.
(16:46):
Everyone makes mistakes.
In the grand scheme of things,this is just one data point, not
a verdict.
I'll learn from this and makemy next presentation even
stronger.
By shifting from shamingyourself and making yourself
frankly feel like crap to givingyourself some grace and
(17:09):
building a plan for succeedingbetter in the future, you've
challenged that negative thoughtwith a much more helpful and
empowering one.
So here we move on to our thirdstep creating a new empowering
frame by changing the story thatwe tell ourselves.
It makes all the difference.
(17:31):
This is the active, creativepart.
You've dismantled the old,faulty frame and now you build a
new one that serves you better.
Here are a few powerfulreframing questions to get you
started.
What can I learn from this?
This immediately shifts yourfocus from the pain of the
failure to the promise of growth.
(17:52):
What's the hidden opportunityin this challenge?
This helps you see thepotential upside.
In a difficult situation, aproject cancellation might open
up time for something moreimportant.
What am I grateful for?
Even in this moment, gratitudeis one of the fastest ways to
(18:13):
shift your frame.
Even on a tough day, findingone small thing that you can be
grateful for can break anegative spiral.
In five years will this matter?
This time travel question helpsyou gain a much wider
perspective and reduces theemotional intensity of the
(18:34):
present moment.
And for those of you who mightstill be skeptical, it's
important to know that thisisn't something that I'm just
making up.
This is backed by robustscientific research.
A leading researcher in thisfield, dr James J Gross from
Stanford University, hasconducted numerous studies on
(18:56):
what is scientifically known ascognitive reappraisal and more
commonly known as reframing.
The findings are fascinating.
When people are taught toreframe a negative situation, it
doesn't just make them feelbetter.
It actually changes their brainactivity.
Using fMRI scans, studies showthat cognitive reframing
(19:20):
increases activity in theprefrontal cortex, which is the
part of our brain responsiblefor reasoning and self-control.
Simultaneously, it decreasesactivity in the amygdala, which
is the brain's emotional alarmsystem.
By reframing, you are literallycausing your higher-level
thinking brain to calm yourprimal reactive brain.
(19:42):
The research also shows thatpeople who regularly use these
techniques have lower rates ofdepression, better relationships
and show greater resilience inthe face of stress.
It is a scientificallyvalidated tool for a better life
.
Let's put this into practicewith one final and unfortunately
(20:04):
common scenario.
This with one final andunfortunately common scenario.
I've just been laid off from myjob.
The initial devastating andvery common frame usually goes
(20:26):
something like this my life isover, I've been rejected, I'm
not good enough.
How will I ever recover?
Why am I such a screw up?
If I would have worked just alittle bit harder, I wouldn't
have been the one who was laidoff.
It's all my fault.
Now I'm going to play this outhow I would in reality.
First, I'm going to be reallyupset Understandably so, when
(20:49):
you hear really really crappynews like this.
It's human to feel upset, it'snormal, it's healthy, and so I'm
going to start by allowingmyself to feel the emotions
surrounding this loss.
The first part I'm going tochallenge are the self-shaming
(21:13):
parts.
I don't need to blame myself.
Layoffs happen to people allover the world and they're
usually totally out of yourcontrol.
I'm going to give myself graceand compassion, and one of the
ways that you give yourselfgrace is by allowing yourself to
(21:35):
be present with your emotions.
When you have those strongemotions come After, I've given
myself a reasonable amount oftime to actually feel and
experience the natural emotionsthat I'm having surrounding this
, without shaming myself andmaking space for grace and
(21:56):
compassion.
I can step into the reframingprocess.
First, remember that I am theconsciousness who experiences my
life.
I am an awareness and thereforeI can bring my present
conscious awareness to mythoughts, to my frame, to the
(22:18):
story that I'm telling myselfsurrounding this event.
In the Perspectives of Realityepisode, we talked about using a
psychological anchor to helpkeep yourself grounded in a
tough situation.
For me, that's remembering thatViktor Frankl could even feel
lucky in a concentration camp.
(22:39):
It helps me remember that thisisn't the end of the world and
puts me in a prime situation tochallenge the story that I'm
telling myself.
Is this really the worst thingthat could ever happen?
Was I personally rejected?
Is my life over?
Does this mean that I am notgood enough, that me, the one
(23:03):
experiencing this event, doesn'thave value?
Is it really true that I willnever recover?
I existed before this job andmy life wasn't in shambles.
I've switched jobs before andmy life didn't end.
Now that I've challenged thedisempowering frame the
disempowering frame I canreplace it with one of several
(23:27):
more empowering frames, so let'sconsciously reframe it, giving
ourselves time and grace.
We could use a learning frame.
This job taught me a lot aboutthe skills and processes needed
to do it.
I improved in my ability towork with other people and I get
(23:48):
to take all of those skillsforward with me in the future to
find a position that's an evenbetter fit.
The opportunity frame Multiple.
Other times that I've left thejob I ended up with an even
better one.
This is just a catalyst.
I've been wanting to explore anew industry or start my own
(24:10):
business or go back to school.
This is just the push that Ineeded.
A gratitude frame I'm honestlygrateful for the stable income
that I had and I'm grateful forthe friends that I made.
Now I have a chance for a newbeginning, possibly a higher
income and an opportunity tomake even more friends and learn
(24:34):
new skills.
Can you feel the profound shiftin energy and possibility?
That is the power that you hold.
We can now take this newempowering frame which, by the
way, has changed both our focusand our language two of the
emotional state change leversthat we talked about in last
(24:57):
episode and compound that bychanging our physiology, getting
our heart rate up, changing ourphysical stance, our body, our
breathing, our temperature,something to shock us into a
different emotional state.
By combining all three levers,we can now change our state to a
much more functional andproductive one to match or
(25:21):
create congruence with the framethat we've created.
My next step would be to focuson my locus of control.
No amount of pleading orbegging is going to change the
fact that this happened to me.
I'm going to let go of what Ican't control and focus on what
I can Start looking at newopportunities, doing what I can,
(25:45):
learning, educating myself.
This is why the most powerfulsynergy comes from combining
focusing on our locus of controlwith taking control of our
conscious perspective, withframing.
This isn't just a one-and-donefix.
It is a mental muscle.
You wouldn't go to the gym onceand expect to be fit for life.
(26:08):
Framing is a daily skill,something that we have the
opportunity to use in many, manydifferent situations, which
means it's easy to make this adaily conscious practice, and if
you do this with consistency,you can rewire your brain's
default settings.
You'll find yourself much moreresilient, more optimistic and
(26:32):
more fundamentally in control ofyour own happiness, and the
default stories that you tellyourself will be much more
empowering as well.
If you're looking for somewhereto start, then let's start with
this.
Pick one reoccurring negativethought or situation in your
life.
If you're looking for somewhereto start, then let's start with
this.
Pick one reoccurring negativethought or situation in your
(26:52):
life Just one.
Become a scientist of your ownmind.
Observe your current frame,challenge its validity and then
intentionally craft a new, moreempowering narrative.
Write it down on a sticky note,put it on your bathroom mirror,
say it out loud, do whatever ittakes to make this new frame
(27:13):
your new reality.
Well, that's all I have for youtoday here on the Sage Solutions
Podcast.
If you found this episodehelpful and want to support our
mission, I'd be so grateful ifyou'd take 30 seconds to leave a
rating or a review on yourfavorite podcast platform.
This is the single best waythat you can help us reach more
people who are already takingcontrol of their lives.
(27:35):
You hold the frame andtherefore you hold the power.
Go out there and create amasterpiece.
Go out there and create amasterpiece and remember you are
enough and you deserve to fillup your inner cup with happiness
(28:01):
, confidence and self-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad that you choose to learn
and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
(28:27):
miss out on more Sage advice.
One last thing the legallanguage.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist or otherqualified professional.
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
I'm so glad that you've chosento invest this time in yourself
(00:25):
today.
Have you ever had one of thosedays where everything just seems
to go wrong?
You spill your coffee on yourshirt, you hit every single red
light on your commute and thevery first email that greets you
is just a frustrating one.
It feels like the universe hasa personal vendetta against you.
(00:47):
It's easy to spiral into a moodthat taints the rest of the day
.
Now, legitimately, all thosethings suck.
Nobody wants to have their daystart like that.
However, are the conclusionsthat we just drew from the
events that happened a fact, orare there other conclusions that
(01:10):
we could come to, Other ways ofseeing it, another perspective
of reality?
I'm here to tell you that it'snot the events themselves that
hold the ultimate power, but howyou choose to see them.
Selves that hold the ultimatepower, but how you choose to see
them.
What if you could shift yourentire experience of life, not
(01:30):
by changing your oftenunchangeable circumstances, but
simply by changing the lensthrough which you view them, and
that is exactly what we'recovering today.
We're talking about acornerstone of psychological
strength called framing and howyou can use it to take back
control of your perspective and,ultimately, of your entire life
(01:54):
.
This isn't denying reality andliving in your own little world.
It's about strategic thinkingwhich is realistic, practical
and pragmatic.
Welcome to framing.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
(02:16):
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action, subscribe andshare this podcast with them.
What exactly is framing?
In the simplest terms, framingis the story we tell ourselves
(02:37):
about what's happening.
It's the mental filter thatinformation passes through
before we form a judgment aboutit.
Sound familiar?
Think of it like a pictureframe.
The very same photograph canlook dramatically different
depending on the picture framethat you use.
(02:58):
Is it in a cheap, crackedplastic frame or a beautiful,
ornate wood one?
In a cheap, cracked plasticframe or a beautiful, ornate
wood one?
The picture itself hasn'tchanged, but the frame
transforms our perception of itsvalue and meaning.
But the power of framing has amuch greater effect than a
picture frame does on a picture.
(03:20):
Let's take a look at another useof the word frame the glasses
that somebody wears.
They put the lenses into aframe right.
So the frames or the lenses,the glasses that you're wearing,
dramatically changes how yousee the same object.
It is the lens in which you areusing that can either make
(03:44):
things much more clear thatseemed hazy or they can actually
make things much more blurry ifyou were already seeing it
clear.
A positive or helpful frame ora negative or unhelpful frame
can work, just like theseglasses can work, just like
(04:09):
these glasses.
Another helpful way that we canvisualize a mental frame is the
actual taking of a picture witha camera.
Certain things are inside ofthat picture, inside of the
frame.
When you zoom in, it's focusingon a specific area, making that
much bigger and cutting out awhole bunch of the frame.
When you zoom out, you actuallysee much more of the picture,
(04:30):
much more of reality and what'saround, while not focusing on or
hyper-focusing on a specificdetail.
If you turn around with thesame camera, you'll be taking a
picture of something completelydifferent while standing in the
same spot.
And even after you take thepicture, if it's taken from your
phone, you can put filters onit to make it look different or
(04:53):
give it a totally different vibe.
You can crop it, you can zoomin, you can change small details
, you can add a story or acaption that explains it.
Then print that picture, put itin a picture frame a really
nice one to give it a verydifferent look, and then wear
glasses that make it muchclearer.
(05:14):
Mental framing is that powerful.
This is the reason that mentalframing is the most powerful
tool that we have to change ourconscious perspective of reality
, while it's not the only one.
For instance, looking at thesame tree from on the ground
versus from the top of abuilding gives you a very
(05:35):
different perspective of thesame thing.
Framing is easily the numberone tool for reshaping our
perspective of reality.
Reality is reality.
It is objective and real.
If we are describing things intrue, factual statements, we are
(05:56):
taking away the judgments andjust reporting the facts.
Reality is reality.
You do not create your ownreality, with the exception of
the fact that the choices youmake and the actions you take
have an effect on the outerworld and, in a small way, do
create your reality.
(06:17):
And if you remember from wayback at the beginning of this
podcast.
The first core, fundamentalthat I covered was about our
perspectives of reality and howour perspective shapes the mass
majority of our experience ofreality.
Now, some of our perspective isunconscious and outside of our
(06:40):
control.
Though we can shift and slowlyshape that as well.
The largest part of our controlof our experience of reality is
our conscious perspective.
Your perception of reality isprimarily influenced by your
perspective of reality, and thebiggest factor in your
(07:03):
perspective of reality are thelenses, the frames that you see
it through, the angle, the shot,the zoom, the lenses of your
eyes, the glasses, the filtersand even the emotional state
from which you're viewing it,and especially the stories you
tell yourself about it.
(07:23):
Framing is the primary tool thatwe use to adjust our conscious
perspective of reality.
So to rein it back in here, I'mgoing to use one of the most
classic examples of framing.
There's a glass of water.
(07:44):
50% of the glass has water init.
This is an objective statement.
Now tell me, is that glass halfempty or half full?
This is the perfect everydayexample of framing.
It's the same amount of water,but your perspective on it, your
frame, changes everything abouthow you feel about that class.
(08:10):
One frame suggests scarcity andloss, while the other suggests
abundance and opportunity.
Now this frame is oftenoversimplified into optimism and
pessimism, which we will do afull, deep dive on in a future
episode.
Now I'm sure some of you aresaying, yeah, that's nice and
(08:30):
all, but it sounds a little toosimple to make a real difference
.
But the reality is our brainsare wired for efficiency.
They create these mentalshortcuts what psychologists
call cognitive biases to processthe immense amount of
information that we encounter.
Very often, these defaultshortcuts lead us to frame
(08:55):
things in a negative lightwithout us even realizing it.
We have a negativity bias atendency to focus on what we've
lost rather than what we'vegained, to ruminate on a single
criticism while ignoring praise,or to catastrophize a minor
setback into a major,life-altering disaster.
(09:17):
This causes us to pay twice asmuch attention to negative
information as positiveinformation.
Now, I am personally thankfulfor this.
It's easy to get upset aboutour cognitive biases, because
they often don't serve us in ourmodern day, but we wouldn't be
(09:37):
alive if they didn't exist.
We survived because of them.
We will also be doing an episode, or episodes, on our different
cognitive biases, because beingaware of our conscious biases
helps us overcome them.
So let's go back to thatfrustrating email and notice how
our negativity bias affects theway we view it.
(10:00):
The default unexamined framemight be something like this is
a disaster, my boss is clearlyunhappy with my work, I'm
probably going to get in troubleand now my whole day, maybe my
whole week is ruined.
This negative frame is a recipefor stress, anxiety and
(10:22):
demotivation.
It's a passive frame whereyou're the victim of your
circumstances and you're givingin to an external locus of
control.
Now this is where I want toremind you you are not your
thoughts.
You have thoughts that aren'tindicative of who you are all
(10:43):
the time.
You are the consciousness thatexperiences your thoughts, and
not just that.
Your thoughts are primarilyframed as stories, or another
way of looking at it is thatyour frame is usually the story
that you're telling yourselfabout an event.
Our brains are meaning-makingmachines and we are wired for
(11:06):
narrative.
We constantly tell ourselvesstories about our lives and the
things that happen in them tohelp us make sense of the world.
So I'm talking to you, theconsciousness, who's listening
to this podcast.
What if we pause andconsciously reframe it?
What if we decide to see it asokay?
(11:30):
This email contains some directfeedback.
It might not feel good to hear,but this is a clear opportunity
for me to understand what'sexpected and to improve my
skills.
It is a challenge, yes, but Iam fully capable of handling
challenges and growing from them.
(11:52):
I've done it before and I cando it now.
Can you feel the difference?
Can you feel the difference?
The email is the same.
The words on the screen haven'tchanged, but by consciously
(12:12):
choosing a more positive andempowering frame, we've shifted
our entire emotional and mentalstate.
We've moved from a position ofvictimhood to one of agency and
control.
Now, just as it is in realframing, the actual thing that
you're taking a picture of,seeing or putting a frame around
, makes a difference, and whatI'm not advocating for is
(12:33):
denying reality, believing thatyou can create it and anything
is what you believe it to be, orlooking at a totally different
picture altogether.
We're not living in our ownlittle world here.
We're shifting the way that wesee it and the way that we
experience it, which is whyframing isn't about toxic
positivity or ignoring reality.
(12:55):
It's not about pretending thenegative events are actually
good.
Denial and lying to yourselfare actually very disempowering
and they often disconnect youfrom other people in the real
world, we still have toacknowledge and accept a reality
.
But remember reality plays amuch smaller role than
(13:19):
perspective in your experienceof life.
Mental framing is aboutconsciously choosing the most
empowering and usefulinterpretation of that reality.
It's about asking yourself apivotal question what's a more
useful way to look at this?
This concept is beautifullycaptured in a quote by the
(13:44):
novelist Marcel Proust, whowrote the real voyage of
discovery consists not inseeking new landscapes, but in
having new eyes.
That's what we're doing heredeveloping new eyes to see our
existing lives.
By using our mind's eye, we aretaking control of the frame
(14:08):
that we see it through.
So how do we start becomingmore intentional with our
framing and develop these neweyes?
Here are a few practical,step-by-step techniques that we
can start using today.
These are often calledcognitive reframing techniques.
First, and this is thenon-negotiable first step, catch
(14:31):
the negative frame.
You cannot change a thoughtpattern that you aren't aware of
.
It starts with awareness, whichis really the essence of your
being being more conscious.
You are the observer of yourlife.
You cannot change a thoughtpattern that you aren't aware of
.
You have to become a detectiveof your own mind.
(14:53):
Start paying close attention toyour automatic self-talk.
When you face a setback, what'sthe very first story you tell
yourself?
Just observe and listen to it.
Don't judge it.
Don't try and fix itimmediately.
Just notice it.
Right now we're buildingawareness.
(15:16):
A great way to build thismuscle if you have the time is
to keep a thought journal.
Whenever you feel a strongnegative emotion anxiety, anger,
sadness take a moment to writedown the situation and the
precise thoughts running throughyour head.
After a few days, you'll startto see your personal patterns,
(15:38):
your go-to negative frames.
Second, challenge the frame.
Once you've caught a negativeframe, it's time to put it on
trial.
Interrogate it.
Ask yourself is this thought100%, objectively true?
Is there any other possible wayto look at this situation?
What evidence do I have againstthis thought?
(16:01):
And my personal favorite, whatwould I tell a dear friend or
family member if they were inthe exact same situation and
said this to me?
It can be truly amazing howmuch more compassionate and
rational we are with our friendsthan with ourselves.
So let's take the disempoweringthought.
I'm a complete failure becauseI made a mistake in that
(16:24):
presentation.
Alright, challenge it directly.
Is one mistake really thedefinition of your entire worth
and identity.
Has anyone in history ever beenperfect?
Of course not.
A more accurate and empoweringframe or story would be.
I'm a human who made a mistake,and that's okay.
(16:46):
Everyone makes mistakes.
In the grand scheme of things,this is just one data point, not
a verdict.
I'll learn from this and makemy next presentation even
stronger.
By shifting from shamingyourself and making yourself
frankly feel like crap to givingyourself some grace and
(17:09):
building a plan for succeedingbetter in the future, you've
challenged that negative thoughtwith a much more helpful and
empowering one.
So here we move on to our thirdstep creating a new empowering
frame by changing the story thatwe tell ourselves.
It makes all the difference.
(17:31):
This is the active, creativepart.
You've dismantled the old,faulty frame and now you build a
new one that serves you better.
Here are a few powerfulreframing questions to get you
started.
What can I learn from this?
This immediately shifts yourfocus from the pain of the
failure to the promise of growth.
(17:52):
What's the hidden opportunityin this challenge?
This helps you see thepotential upside.
In a difficult situation, aproject cancellation might open
up time for something moreimportant.
What am I grateful for?
Even in this moment, gratitudeis one of the fastest ways to
(18:13):
shift your frame.
Even on a tough day, findingone small thing that you can be
grateful for can break anegative spiral.
In five years will this matter?
This time travel question helpsyou gain a much wider
perspective and reduces theemotional intensity of the
(18:34):
present moment.
And for those of you who mightstill be skeptical, it's
important to know that thisisn't something that I'm just
making up.
This is backed by robustscientific research.
A leading researcher in thisfield, dr James J Gross from
Stanford University, hasconducted numerous studies on
(18:56):
what is scientifically known ascognitive reappraisal and more
commonly known as reframing.
The findings are fascinating.
When people are taught toreframe a negative situation, it
doesn't just make them feelbetter.
It actually changes their brainactivity.
Using fMRI scans, studies showthat cognitive reframing
(19:20):
increases activity in theprefrontal cortex, which is the
part of our brain responsiblefor reasoning and self-control.
Simultaneously, it decreasesactivity in the amygdala, which
is the brain's emotional alarmsystem.
By reframing, you are literallycausing your higher-level
thinking brain to calm yourprimal reactive brain.
(19:42):
The research also shows thatpeople who regularly use these
techniques have lower rates ofdepression, better relationships
and show greater resilience inthe face of stress.
It is a scientificallyvalidated tool for a better life
.
Let's put this into practicewith one final and unfortunately
(20:04):
common scenario.
This with one final andunfortunately common scenario.
I've just been laid off from myjob.
The initial devastating andvery common frame usually goes
(20:26):
something like this my life isover, I've been rejected, I'm
not good enough.
How will I ever recover?
Why am I such a screw up?
If I would have worked just alittle bit harder, I wouldn't
have been the one who was laidoff.
It's all my fault.
Now I'm going to play this outhow I would in reality.
First, I'm going to be reallyupset Understandably so, when
(20:49):
you hear really really crappynews like this.
It's human to feel upset, it'snormal, it's healthy, and so I'm
going to start by allowingmyself to feel the emotions
surrounding this loss.
The first part I'm going tochallenge are the self-shaming
(21:13):
parts.
I don't need to blame myself.
Layoffs happen to people allover the world and they're
usually totally out of yourcontrol.
I'm going to give myself graceand compassion, and one of the
ways that you give yourselfgrace is by allowing yourself to
(21:35):
be present with your emotions.
When you have those strongemotions come After, I've given
myself a reasonable amount oftime to actually feel and
experience the natural emotionsthat I'm having surrounding this
, without shaming myself andmaking space for grace and
(21:56):
compassion.
I can step into the reframingprocess.
First, remember that I am theconsciousness who experiences my
life.
I am an awareness and thereforeI can bring my present
conscious awareness to mythoughts, to my frame, to the
(22:18):
story that I'm telling myselfsurrounding this event.
In the Perspectives of Realityepisode, we talked about using a
psychological anchor to helpkeep yourself grounded in a
tough situation.
For me, that's remembering thatViktor Frankl could even feel
lucky in a concentration camp.
(22:39):
It helps me remember that thisisn't the end of the world and
puts me in a prime situation tochallenge the story that I'm
telling myself.
Is this really the worst thingthat could ever happen?
Was I personally rejected?
Is my life over?
Does this mean that I am notgood enough, that me, the one
(23:03):
experiencing this event, doesn'thave value?
Is it really true that I willnever recover?
I existed before this job andmy life wasn't in shambles.
I've switched jobs before andmy life didn't end.
Now that I've challenged thedisempowering frame the
disempowering frame I canreplace it with one of several
(23:27):
more empowering frames, so let'sconsciously reframe it, giving
ourselves time and grace.
We could use a learning frame.
This job taught me a lot aboutthe skills and processes needed
to do it.
I improved in my ability towork with other people and I get
(23:48):
to take all of those skillsforward with me in the future to
find a position that's an evenbetter fit.
The opportunity frame Multiple.
Other times that I've left thejob I ended up with an even
better one.
This is just a catalyst.
I've been wanting to explore anew industry or start my own
(24:10):
business or go back to school.
This is just the push that Ineeded.
A gratitude frame I'm honestlygrateful for the stable income
that I had and I'm grateful forthe friends that I made.
Now I have a chance for a newbeginning, possibly a higher
income and an opportunity tomake even more friends and learn
(24:34):
new skills.
Can you feel the profound shiftin energy and possibility?
That is the power that you hold.
We can now take this newempowering frame which, by the
way, has changed both our focusand our language two of the
emotional state change leversthat we talked about in last
(24:57):
episode and compound that bychanging our physiology, getting
our heart rate up, changing ourphysical stance, our body, our
breathing, our temperature,something to shock us into a
different emotional state.
By combining all three levers,we can now change our state to a
much more functional andproductive one to match or
(25:21):
create congruence with the framethat we've created.
My next step would be to focuson my locus of control.
No amount of pleading orbegging is going to change the
fact that this happened to me.
I'm going to let go of what Ican't control and focus on what
I can Start looking at newopportunities, doing what I can,
(25:45):
learning, educating myself.
This is why the most powerfulsynergy comes from combining
focusing on our locus of controlwith taking control of our
conscious perspective, withframing.
This isn't just a one-and-donefix.
It is a mental muscle.
You wouldn't go to the gym onceand expect to be fit for life.
(26:08):
Framing is a daily skill,something that we have the
opportunity to use in many, manydifferent situations, which
means it's easy to make this adaily conscious practice, and if
you do this with consistency,you can rewire your brain's
default settings.
You'll find yourself much moreresilient, more optimistic and
(26:32):
more fundamentally in control ofyour own happiness, and the
default stories that you tellyourself will be much more
empowering as well.
If you're looking for somewhereto start, then let's start with
this.
Pick one reoccurring negativethought or situation in your
life.
If you're looking for somewhereto start, then let's start with
this.
Pick one reoccurring negativethought or situation in your
(26:52):
life Just one.
Become a scientist of your ownmind.
Observe your current frame,challenge its validity and then
intentionally craft a new, moreempowering narrative.
Write it down on a sticky note,put it on your bathroom mirror,
say it out loud, do whatever ittakes to make this new frame
(27:13):
your new reality.
Well, that's all I have for youtoday here on the Sage Solutions
Podcast.
If you found this episodehelpful and want to support our
mission, I'd be so grateful ifyou'd take 30 seconds to leave a
rating or a review on yourfavorite podcast platform.
This is the single best waythat you can help us reach more
people who are already takingcontrol of their lives.
(27:35):
You hold the frame andtherefore you hold the power.
Go out there and create amasterpiece.
Go out there and create amasterpiece and remember you are
enough and you deserve to fillup your inner cup with happiness
(28:01):
, confidence and self-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad that you choose to learn
and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
(28:27):
miss out on more Sage advice.
One last thing the legallanguage.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist or otherqualified professional.
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