Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Sage
Solutions Podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development and
becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
Today, we have a very specialepisode, an episode that I've
(00:28):
been waiting to do for a whilewith a very special person.
This is possibly the mostpowerful episode of the Sage
Solutions podcast that we willever record, at least for me,
and I just want to give a littlebit of a warning that we're
(00:50):
going to be talking about somesensitive topics, and for anyone
that is going through or hashad a close loved one go through
a cancer diagnosis, this mightbe a little bit of a triggering
episode.
I would also like to clarifythat this episode is part one of
(01:13):
our two-part interview withJohn Azalina about his
experience with cancer and theinsights that he's learned.
That he's learned Before we getinto it.
Our goal with this podcast isto share free, helpful tools
with you and anyone you know whois looking to improve their
(01:34):
life, so take action, subscribeand share this podcast with them
.
Today's guest is somebody that Ilove and care about deeply, and
he is someone that has been amajor part of my life for about
15 years now.
While he isn't technically mystepfather, I've considered him
(01:57):
that for a long time now.
I've been lucky enough to have abonus parent in my life, one
that has taught me so manythings about the world and how
to become a man.
In fact, I would not be theperson that I am today without
the lessons that he has taughtme and without the major
(02:18):
influence that he's had on mylife.
He's always had a little bit ofa tough guy, italian bravado,
but, to be fair, he always hadthe muscle to back it up.
He is a combination of one ofthe strongest individuals I've
ever met, fiercely loyal andprotective of the people he
loves, while also being one ofthe softest and most caring
(02:41):
people anyone could meet.
He's that guy that's there foryou in the middle of the night,
and not just for his family, butfor his friends too.
I learned so many lessons abouthow to have a good relationship
by watching the relationshipthat you and my mom have, and I
truly don't believe that mymarriage would be what it is
(03:01):
today if it weren't for you.
I would never believe that mymarriage would be what it is
today if it weren't for you.
So everyone, please welcome mystepfather, john Azalina.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Good afternoon, david
.
Thank you for having me ontoday.
I appreciate everything.
I've been following yourpodcast from the beginning and
you've been doing an amazing job.
I also want to acknowledge thefact that this is going to be
difficult for me, as well aseveryone else my loved ones that
(03:36):
are listening you, the audience.
It's going to be very difficultfor me because I feel I'm the
most vulnerable I've ever beenin my life.
I was scared in the beginningto even come on.
I'm doing this, hopefully, tohelp anyone else in their
(04:00):
situation, whether it be theperson being diagnosed with
terminal cancer or their lovedones.
If I can help one person, thenmy job is done.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Well, thank you for
that, John.
So we've already alluded to it.
But why don't we take a stepback and, uh, why don't you walk
them through your diagnosis andyour situation and a little bit
, or at least the the broadstrokes of the journey that
(04:38):
you've been on?
We can get into the the deeperparts of it in a bit, just so
that people have the context ofwhat you're going through right
now.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
So I'm going to take
you back to 2024, everything
leading up to my diagnosis.
I'm 50 years old at the time.
I changed doctors so theywanted to establish some kind of
baseline.
They ran blood work At thatparticular time.
They said my liver enzymes wereslightly elevated.
(05:12):
I had asked should I beconcerned?
They said no, it's very normal.
So a few weeks went by.
I hadn't heard anything.
My better half, which isDavid's mom, she had asked you
know, have you gotten theresults?
I said no.
She are you sure?
I said no, I haven't.
(05:32):
I'd let you know.
A few more weeks go by, theywanted to get an ultrasound on
me.
The original doctor appointmentwas June 6th.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
And then we proceeded
on with an ultrasound.
They came back, said they sawsome fatty tissue.
Should I be concerned?
They said no.
I said okay.
So we continued on.
A few weeks went by and theywanted to get a CAT scan.
That's when it became real andthe doctor made me aware of the
(06:06):
situation.
He didn't know exactly at thattime and I conveyed that to
David's mom, laura.
We weren't sure of what it wasgoing to be or what the
situation was.
A few weeks go by and thedoctor calls me and he wants me
to get a complete CAT scan of mywhole abdomen area.
(06:27):
And this is August 7th.
He goes I need you to do thatright away.
So I scheduled that for thenext morning.
August 8th Went in, got a CATscan of everything.
He put a stat on it which meanshe wants the results ASAP.
(06:47):
He calls me about noon.
I ask him can I put you on holdand bring in my better half?
He goes that would probably bea good idea.
So I bring in Laura on the call.
It's a three-way call betweenme, the doctor and Laura, and he
(07:09):
alludes to the C-word.
Everyone hates to hear itC-word's cancer.
He tells me pack a bag, you'vegot to go to the emergency room
right now.
I said what he goes you need togo now.
So we go to the emergency room.
They determine that they have abetter facility through Aurora
(07:38):
at St Luke's, so they put me inan ambulance and take me to St
Luke's Now.
Mind you, throughout this wholetime all these doctors,
appointments and everything Ifeel normal.
I don't have any pain anywhere.
Everything's from myperspective.
I'm fine, right, I you know.
(07:58):
And even while I'm going there,I'm like do they even have the
right person?
Are they looking at the rightcharts?
I feel fine.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Right, I'm sure this
whole thing, especially feeling
fine and having it escalate andescalate, was a bit of a
mindfuck for you.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I've been using that
phrase, david, for God knows how
long.
Even right now I'm not in pain.
It's a mindfuck.
Yes, it has been.
If I was in pain it would makeit real.
I'm lucky, I'm not.
I thank the Lord and the factthat I'm not.
(08:37):
So I've been lucky that way.
Going back to the timeline, Iwas diagnosed August 8th of 2024
with terminal liver cancer.
My initial reaction obviouslyit was the defense mechanism.
I'm cracking jokes trying tomake light of the situation.
(08:59):
My brother was not happy withme.
He's like this isn't a joke.
I'm like I know.
This is the only way I know howto right now cope with
everything.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
And right around this
time slightly before in the
timeline, when they first foundout and there were a bit more
unknowns going on I wasbabysitting our niece and nephew
with my wife, hannah, and abouta week maybe two weeks before
(09:35):
this phone call, I had beengiving my mom a hard time
because, for those of you whoremember the episode that we had
with my mom, laura Sage, onmindfulness, she is a pretty
incredible person.
In addition to being reallyreally adept at mindfulness, she
(09:58):
is a rock.
She is the type of person whoeveryone leans on.
She's kind of the epitome of amindful stoic who uses which
strategy is best for the time,and her and I are similar in
that way.
(10:18):
I was poking fun at her kind oftelling her hey, you're always
there for everyone, but if youever need someone to talk to,
you can always lean on me.
And so I got a call from my momand her voice was wavering and I
(10:39):
said hey, how's it going?
What's up?
And she said you know how.
You said if I needed to talk,you were there for me.
I said yeah, of course.
What do you need?
And then I just heard her voicebreak and she said John has
(10:59):
terminal cancer.
And then I heard her cry and Ikind of froze up a bit and I
said, okay, tell me what youknow.
And she said there are a lot ofunknowns.
Right now I'm paraphrasing justa tiny bit because I don't
remember the exact wording, butshe told me that there was
(11:23):
terminal cancer in the liver andpossible cancer in the colon,
possible cancer in the lungs,possible cancer in the pancreas
and a tumor going up the bloodvessel from the liver towards
the heart, as well as cirrhosisof the liver.
(11:49):
I didn't know how to respond.
I was in a state of shock.
But I talked to her, asked herwhatever she needed.
She just told me how much ithurt and she said he's my person
(12:15):
.
I said I know, I know I lovehim too.
I know I love him too.
And from that point we spent alot of time going to the
hospital visiting with John.
(12:38):
I got this phone call when theywere sending him to the
emergency room and I'm going tolet John pick back up in the
story when they were sending himto the emergency room.
And I'm going to let John pickback up in the story, but I just
wanted to stress thatespecially right at that
beginning there was a heck of alot going on all at the same
(13:02):
time and a lot of unknowns.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
So I'm going to pick
back up here.
August 8th, when I'm sitting inthe hospital, I'm listening to
several different doctors comein and out and give their expert
opinions on what's going on.
I heard several different.
Are you having troublesbreathing?
Are you in pain?
None of those applied to me.
(13:24):
The biggest one are you havingtroubles breathing?
Are you in pain?
None of those applied to me.
The biggest one are you havingtroubles breathing?
Everyone kept asking that andthe biggest reason they were
asking that, as David hadalluded to, they found a tumor
that was growing in my vein,from my liver to my heart.
The doctor pretty much said hedidn't know how I was even
(13:47):
standing there, the situation itwas always real, if that makes
sense.
But that particular dayeverything got more real.
He was shocked.
I was even alive.
So then I had a decision tomake.
Obviously, as we've discussedhere my situation's terminal,
(14:07):
they gave me possibly two years.
At this point my goal is I'mgoing to try and just prove
everyone wrong, whether that betwo years and one day I got a
little fight in me left.
The biggest obstacle I had togo through was if I was going to
allow him to cut me open andremove the tumor in the vein.
(14:27):
That was the mostlife-threatening situation.
I was scared.
I was very scared.
I didn't want to die in thehospital.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Given the situation
and the specifics with his liver
, it was a high-risk surgery.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, david's being
very generous, One of the
doctors that was on the surgeryteam.
Him and I were in the roomafter everyone had left that
evening and I had asked him I go, do you have kids?
He said yeah, I go, would youdo it?
He didn't answer me.
(15:06):
A few minutes went by and thenI acknowledged I go, I
appreciate the answer.
He goes.
I didn't say anything.
I go.
Your lack of answering me I gogave me the answer I needed.
This was no joke.
When the doctor described thesurgery he was going to do, I
literally asked him I go, haveyou done this before?
Because it sounds crazy.
(15:27):
And he goes yeah, I go.
You seem a little arrogant.
He goes no, I'm confident.
I wanted to hear that out of mysurgeon.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, he did a great job.
I'm not going to lie.
I spent five weeks in thathospital going through my own
(15:50):
things that occurred after thesurgery.
I had 1.75 liters of fluid thatbuilt up around my heart.
They removed that.
My heart got to one nightalmost 200.
They shocked me in order to geteverything back.
If that didn't work, they wererunning out of options.
So at the end I was getting forlack of better terms.
(16:15):
I had to get out of there.
I couldn't do it anymore, andif that meant me leaving and God
forbid not being around, I hadto.
I couldn't take much more beingin the hospital the way the
situation was.
I just didn't want to die thereper se.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
So no, being in the
hospital for a very extended
period of time, like that was.
We all saw how hard it was onyour mental health and I haven't
been in that situation so I canonly imagine.
But it's not exactly a funscenery.
(16:54):
It's not exactly a there's notmuch to do and you're laid up in
a bed and, honestly, we wereall just praying for you to be
able to come home.
I also want to stress that itreally was a roller coaster
while he was in the hospital.
(17:15):
Every time we would get goodnews, like there isn't cancer in
the colon.
You know there isn't cancer inthe colon.
You know obviously an upside.
And then there would be badnews like you have at max, six
months to live if you don't dothis surgery.
And then there would be goodnews like there's actually no
(17:39):
cancer in the pancreas, and thenthere would be bad news, like
there is cancer in the lungs.
Needless to say, this issomething that it was obviously
tough on all of us who love youand were around.
I know it was really tough onyour mom and your brother and my
(18:03):
mom and my sister and I andHannah, who's grown really close
to you throughout the time thatwe've been dating and now
married.
I wanted you to do what youwanted to do when it came to the
surgery, but obviously therewas a part of me that wanted you
(18:23):
to do the surgery so that wecould just have more time with
you.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
So I probably should
know the date that I was
released from the hospital.
But to be honest with you, Idon't.
I was so overjoyed to begetting out.
I couldn't get out of therefast enough from that
perspective.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Somebody else can do
the math.
You gave the date that you wentto the hospital and you said it
was like five weeks.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Correct, correct At
that point.
Once I was released there'sstill been a little
rollercoaster of a ride to thisday being released everything
was okay.
So once I was released, it wasjust overwhelming the fact that
I was out of the hospital.
I'm thankful.
Once I was back home, david'swife, my daughter-in-law she's
(19:17):
an amazing person, woman, chefshe said what do you want?
Chef?
She said what do you want?
Can I make you something?
I have the best chocolate chippancakes.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
You can ever imagine.
I almost forgot about that.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Those pancakes.
But anything she puts together,she puts together with love and
it's always amazing.
It was nice to be home.
Part of the reason I brought upthe chocolate chip pancakes is
when I entered the hospital Iweighed 223.
I thought for the most part Iwore well.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I'd agree.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
I wasn't obese, I had
a frame of muscles, whatnot,
and then when I was releasedfrom the hospital, I got
released at 179.
So you do the math there,that's 44 pounds I lost in the
(20:21):
hospital.
It wasn't just the weight thatI lost, it was the strength,
some of the other things thatyou don't notice on a regular
basis, but in my particularsituation you do.
You go in and out of the showerand you're like, oh my God, I
used to have arms, I used tohave shoulders.
I don't anymore.
I've gained weight and somestrength back and I'm thankful
(20:44):
for that.
I'm still still.
Every day is.
It has its own challenges, uh,sometimes fatigue, depending on
what's going on, but, um, forthe most part, as I said, this
ain't my last dance yet.
I'm going to fight, um and doit to the best of my ability,
(21:06):
with the best I can, and just gofrom there.
It's been amazing being home.
I'm probably the most fortunateindividual that you know, and
it's hard for people to say whatdo you mean.
I am blessed beyond any wordscan say with the family and the
(21:28):
friends that I have.
I wouldn't be here without them, without David, without his mom
, his sister, his wife, my mom,my brother and I can't tell him
how much I love him enough.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Thank you, we're just
happy to have you, john.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So what was the next
step in your cancer treatment
After I was released from thehospital?
They did immune therapy.
It's a form of I don't want tosay chemo, because there's two
different things.
The immune therapy I didn'tknow anything about it, so what
(22:13):
I'm telling you now is what I'velearned.
It essentially is in a form ofthe chemo, but the reactions
differently.
They said I wouldn't survivechemo, probably.
So immune therapy takes yourown white blood cells and
hopefully tries to attack thecancer wherever it may be.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It's chemo in the
form that it's a drug
essentially that's given, or theway that they're doing it, but
it's almost more like a hackingof your immune system to get it
to target the cancer.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I would agree with
that, but the form that it, how
it's given, is same as chemo and, as David alluded to, it's yeah
, for the lack of better termsit's hacking your own body to
hopefully fight it.
First three months went well.
They saw some positive things.
First three months went well.
(23:04):
They saw some positive things.
Unfortunately, that did notcontinue.
After the first three monthsthey wanted to continue and they
did, and they based that uponthe scans that I was given.
Everything looked to beimproving, so they went another
three rounds.
After the six months they didanother scan Immediately.
(23:34):
I got a call from the doctor.
Obviously, when you get a callfrom the doctor immediately
after your scan, you can assumeit's probably not great.
So they said they were going tostop the immune therapy.
It wasn't taken anymore.
I don't know if my body becameimmune to it.
Everybody's body actsdifferently.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Well, and cancer is
known to adapt.
So that is some of the risk inwhat has made cancer such a hard
fight is its pure adaptability.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Obviously, neither
one of us have a medical degree,
but yeah, in broad terms.
Right, exactly what David said.
So at that point it was adifficult phone call they put me
on cancer pills.
I take those daily.
They can up the ante Right now.
They're waiting to see how mybody reacts to it and they'll do
(24:28):
a scan.
At the same time of that phonecall they made me aware that the
tumor in the vein was comingback a little bit.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
The one from your
liver to your heart, heart.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Correct.
The doctor said he got 95% ofit out, but he said he couldn't
get that last five.
So now the question was isthere a way?
Can we do anything to treatment?
And when I say treatment, mindyou everyone, it's not going to
(25:09):
cure me.
This is terminal.
I know that.
I deal with this every day.
So they decided, in order tohopefully prolong my life and
prove these people wrong,they're going to do radiation
and they've done it.
Radiation has its own ups anddowns.
That's where we currently are.
I'm done with my radiationtreatment.
I may need more, but that willbe based upon my oncology team
(25:31):
and going from there.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
So you haven't seen
the results of your radiation
treatment yet, correct?
I mean, besides, likephysically how you feel.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Correct.
They said the radiation.
It takes a little while to takeeffect.
So no, we had asked that, yourmother and I in our last doctor
visit.
The positive thing that I cantake from the last doctor visit
is they run blood work everytime I go in.
My blood work has been improved, it's continued to improve, so
(26:04):
that gives me some hope.
As I tell everyone, and eventhe nurses that particular day
they kind of just chuckle nowbecause I'm probably the
healthiest terminal patient youguys will ever talk to or meet
or listen to.
It's kind of the running jokethat I have to make for everyone
(26:25):
else and myself yeah, I'm thehealthiest one you're going to
find.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
One thing I do want
to point out is that your
treatment had some extracomplications due to the fact
that you had separate liver andlung cancer, which are both
pretty aggressive cancers andare treated in somewhat
different ways.
So it makes it harder than ifyou're just trying to treat one
(26:55):
cancer.
And the cirrhosis of the liveralso definitely restricts what
treatments can be done, becauseyour liver in its current state
between the cancer and thecirrhosis can only handle so
much.
So on the one hand, you'reprobably one of the luckier
(27:16):
cancer patients in the fact thatyou feel fine, but on the other
hand, you have had anunfortunate situation of being
more limited in the approachesthat they can take.
So I'm actually going to shiftgears a little bit here.
I want to make it clear thatyour life and your value isn't
(27:40):
defined solely by having hadcancer.
So I want to get into a littlebit of context and background
around your life before thecancer.
If you'd be willing to share alittle bit about your upbringing
and just some of the thingsthat you've dealt with
(28:00):
throughout life.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think for the most
part I had a very normal
childhood.
I was lucky to have two lovingparents in the picture.
All the time we were raised ina blue collar environment.
My dad worked his butt off.
There was always food on thetable, nothing crazy.
We always had what we needed.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
And correct me if I'm
wrong, but your parents, Vince
and Maria, were first-generationimmigrants from Italy, right?
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Correct.
My dad came over here when hewas, I think, seven years old.
My mom came over here when shewas 20.
At the time when she came over,she married my dad in Italy.
So they came over here for abetter life, to provide for
themselves and, obviously, theirfamily, shortly after my mom
(28:51):
came over.
Like I said, she came over herewhen she was 20.
Age of 21, she had me.
We lived downtown and probablynot in a great neighborhood.
At that point my dad bought ahouse in a better neighborhood.
He didn't want to raise hisgrowing family down in that area
.
I was born in 74.
My brother was born in 78.
(29:14):
My sister was born in 80.
My sister died in 82.
She was born with a brain tumor.
Before passing away, she hadseveral different surgeries.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
So you were seven or
eight at the time that she
passed.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I was eight Eight.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
So do you have
memories of that time?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Yeah, I have very
clear memories.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I'm sure that that
couldn't have been easy for you.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
No one of the biggest
things that I take away, and
maybe, in a stubborn assholethat I am, they didn't want me
to go to the funeral slashburial, neither me or my brother
.
To be honest with you, I forgot.
If my brother went, I threwsuch a tantrum that it was best
(30:02):
suited that they just let me go.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So you always had
some fight in you.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Yeah, you could say
that Absolutely.
So I went to the funeral.
That was difficult in itself,just being in that situation,
eight years old, watchingeveryone grieve.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Well, I'm sure it was
especially tough on your
parents.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah, that threw my
mom in a tailspin.
Since then she's a strong womanin how she's handling the
situation of her oldest son now,but at the time it wasn't easy
and I think looking back on thatsituation made her who she is
today and how she's dealing withit, with me having cancer,
(30:47):
terminal cancer as horrible asit is for someone to go through
(31:09):
something like that in a way,she's a little more prepared for
or as prepared as she can be Iguess is the best way to say it
for the situation that you guysare in now.
I would agree, David, 100% withwhat you said.
Yeah, you don't wish any ofthis on anyone, but she is as
best prepared for this situationas any mother can be.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
So after the loss of
your sister, growing up you
participated in a series ofdifferent sports.
You were an athlete, rightdifferent sports.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
You were an athlete,
right, that is correct, david.
Football, basketball and track.
And when I say track I say thatvery loosely.
I did track to stay in shapefor football.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Football was my
passion.
It's what I excelled in.
Do you feel that participatingin those sports growing up,
taught you any lessons foreither life or for drive, or
even in a form of fight, thatyou think have served you either
in your life or for yourcurrent situation?
Speaker 2 (32:20):
I do feel as though
participating in some of those
sports prepared me for life, notjust the current situation that
I'm in and let me explain whatI mean by that.
I think playing football,basketball, those are the most
team-oriented sports, and inorder to succeed in those and
(32:42):
win at a high level, everyonehas to be on the same page.
You can accomplish more as ateam than you can individually,
and that holds true to this day,probably more than ever.
I couldn't accomplish what I'maccomplishing right now, even
being here on this podcasttalking to you guys, if it
(33:02):
wasn't for the team I have andmy team.
I can't even tell you how bigof a team I have.
It's almost like a smallvillage, whether it be David,
hannah, his wife Hannah, hissister, laura, his mom, my mom,
my uncle, my everyone.
(33:23):
I'm lucky to have a group offriends going back as far as
freshman year in high school.
There's about 17 of us.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I believe a couple of
them were almost like back from
elementary or something right.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Correct, damian and
Pat.
They go back as far askindergarten and some of them
most of them are from freshmanyear on and we all just got
together for dinner.
Most of us went up northtogether.
Without that support team andthat team, I wouldn't be here
talking to you guys.
(33:56):
I'm thankful and appreciateeach and every one of them,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
In fact, you just got
back from a weekend up north
with that same friend group,right?
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Most of them.
There was a few.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Or who could make it.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Correct, there were
17 of us in four different
cabins.
It was a great time justspending time with the guys
getting back to somewhat of anormalcy.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
It was very enjoyable
mostly, it was very enjoyable.
So I will say you areincredibly lucky to have such a
long-standing friend group of somany close individuals to this
day.
Moving past high school, whatwas the next step in your life?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
After high school, I
thought the next logical step
was college.
For some people it is.
For some people it isn't.
I'm one of the people that itprobably wasn't.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And there's nothing
wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I met a lot of good
people that I still communicate
and talk to from college and,unfortunately, from the
standpoint of academics, therewas some things that lacked.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Some things to be
desired.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, those were all
on me.
But I went home after a bit,brushed off the dust and I ended
up finding a career path.
So I went home and told myparents that I was going to go
back to school.
I just needed to save somemoney because at the time I was
(35:30):
paying for everything.
That didn't happen.
I ended up getting a job incommunications.
At the time for my age and whatI was making, I couldn't beat
it.
I was making some good coin, soI never went back to school.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
When you did a bunch
of the cabling for GE Healthcare
and actually I rememberspecifically at the hospital,
aurora, st Luke's that we wereat you were pointing out because
you guys had done a bunch ofthe cabling there were at, you
were pointing out because youguys had done a bunch of the
cabling there.
So that was one small littleglimmer of interesting stuff
going on at the hospital whenthere wasn't.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Absolutely.
Aurora is one of our biggestaccounts.
At the time when everything gotdiagnosed, I worked for a
company called CCNN CableCommunications and Network.
I can't say enough positivethings about them and how
they've treated me throughoutthis whole situation.
They've always had my back andhelped in numerous ways that I
don't want to get into at theparticular time, but they've
(36:37):
been nothing but gracious,accommodating.
The company has been inoperations, I think, for 31
years.
I don't think this is the firsttime they've ever faced an
employee having terminal cancer.
Now they've handled it.
Kudos to them, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
So, if you haven't
figured it out, my parents are
divorced because obviouslyotherwise I wouldn't have a
stepfather.
But I'd like to shift gears alittle and skip forward a bit
into would you be willing toshare the story of how you and
my mother met, or how you met mymother, sure David.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
I'll gladly share the
story.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
And this is the first
time that we've ever heard this
story.
In fact, my sister, my mom,hannah, and I will.
We've never heard this storybefore.
So, um, it'll be new for all ofus, not like we've heard it a
thousand times or could tell itby heart.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
So at the time when
we had met, I had established a
second job bartender.
This one particular evening,his mom, Laura, I better have
came strolling into the bar withher girlfriends and obviously
(38:08):
there was a spark there, I knewthere was a spark on my end.
I'm not sure about her end, butnothing obviously occurred that
night.
She was there with someone else.
This was the beginning of thebeginning, I guess, because I
started frequently seeing hercome in with her girlfriends and
(38:29):
at a particular time I don'tthink either one of us were in a
place to be involved in arelationship.
I don't know how long this wenton.
I know I'm exaggerating, but Icontinue to tell everyone I'll
tell you.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I know how long this
went on, because I've heard this
once or twice.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I'm pretty sure it
went on for five years.
I kept getting rejected.
There was times where neitherone of us were with anyone and I
still got rejected.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
You were persistent,
though yes, I was.
There was a lot of fight in youyou weren't giving up.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
No, no, it was a long
, challenging situation, but
well worth it.
I wouldn't have it any otherway.
It's built a strongrelationship for us.
Have it any other way, it'sbuilt a strong relationship for
us.
Obviously, we're not married.
If you guys haven't figuredthat out, we've been together 15
(39:32):
years this past March.
Neither one of us needs thatpiece of paper.
I should probably marry Laura.
The only reason it neverhappened was I was in some bad
relationships prior to meetingLaura and she got the brunt of
the worst, I guess for lack ofbetter terms.
(39:54):
When we met, I told her I'mlike, I'm not getting married.
I remember her response.
Ever I said yeah, I go if youwant to change me.
I ain't going to work.
She's like I didn't say that Igo.
Yeah, I go if you want tochange me I ain't going to work.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
She's like I didn't
say that I go okay.
So what changed that sparkedthe shift from the five-year?
Speaker 2 (40:27):
pursuit from the, you
know, delving through the
trenches that you were dodgingnose left and right.
David, I love you, I can'tbelieve you're bringing this up.
My opinion is I shaved my head,I think.
I think, uh, some people areattracted to bald guys.
I shaved my head.
(40:48):
Granted, I was in decent shapeat the time.
I was going to the gym four tofive times a week.
That didn't hurt.
But there was one particularinstance.
I went to meet a friend at abar, and this bar is actually at
the time right where Lauralived near.
That's not why I was goingthere, but she walked in.
(41:10):
I was so mad at her.
She walked in oh you're lookinggood.
Starts rubbing my head.
I'm like are you kidding me?
So I called my buddy.
I'm like listen, we got to gosomewhere else.
There's no one here.
He's like what do you mean?
I go, let's just go somewhereelse.
So I left.
I was so agitated with her atthat particular moment, but we
(41:33):
obviously got past that.
So it's my belief it was thebald head.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
I mean it couldn't
have been anything else, right?
I don't think so.
Someday maybe we'll hear herside of the story on this
podcast, but right now you havethe floor.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Well, I appreciate it
.
Hopefully I can hear her sideof it at one point.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
And then for context
what year did you and my mom get
together?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Laura and I got
together march 25th 2010.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
Uh, so we've been
together now 15 years so you've
been a big part of my life for15 years now, or 14, I think.
She waited a chunk to introduceyou, but I'm just grateful for
all of that time.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Thank you, david.
I appreciate you saying that,and you and your sister have
been a huge part of my life andeven my growing.
You guys have taught me so muchand showed me so much love.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
So, john, before your
current cancer diagnosis, there
was another major event thathappened in your life
surrounding your father.
Would you mind touching on whathappened and how that affected
you?
Speaker 2 (43:12):
Yeah, january 5th of
2016, my father passed away.
He went in for a surgery.
He had cancer.
At the time, we thoughteverything was good.
They saw a spot they wanted toaddress and they wanted to
determine if it was cancerous ornot.
The determination was nevermade.
(43:33):
He never left the hospital.
From my understanding, obviouslyI was not the individual that
was making the decisions.
That was my mom and, from whatmy mom portrayed, my dad didn't
want to be on machines.
But, looking back at thesituation, he was on machines.
(43:54):
My mom had asked at one point,had said hey, listen, you know,
I know.
You said but he's on machines,mom, he's being kept alive by
this breathing machine.
I go, whether you want tobelieve it or not, and I
understand her situation.
It was the person that she hadbeen with for 40-plus years and
(44:20):
that she loved and I understoodthat, and that she loved and I
understood that.
Finally, we came to a decisionthat they were going to pull the
plug on the machines, and thatwas January 5th of 2016.
(44:41):
At that particular moment, Idecided, hey, there's no way I'm
going, I'm going to be onmachines.
There's no way I'm going to bein a hospital this way.
The other, I guess, situationthat affected me dramatically
(45:03):
was the doctor had to come overand ask and wanted to know if we
wanted to know if what theyremoved was cancerous or not.
Ultimately, it was my mom'sdecision.
I told her I did not want toknow, for the simple fact that I
wasn't going to bring my dadback.
(45:23):
My mom chose not to find out ifit was or not.
I mean, if it was, people havesaid well, you know, it may have
been an inclination of yourcurrent situation.
No, I don't think so.
Inclination of your currentsituation?
(45:46):
No, I don't think so.
Not one bit.
I think the situations weredifferent in so many ways, but
that particular, it was adifficult time for me.
It was a difficult time for myfamily, my mom, my brother.
(46:06):
I didn't realize until recentlyhow much it really affected my
brother, which I understand.
Yeah, I was fortunate enough atthe time to have your mother in
my life.
She was an amazing supportsystem for me.
(46:29):
Without her, I think I wouldhave gone down a darker road
than I did.
I'm not saying I didn't go downa dark road.
For about a good month Iindulged maybe indulge is the
wrong word.
I hit the bottle pretty hard, Iwasn't going to sleep, I was
(46:53):
passing out.
Finally, your mother gave me akick in the ass.
She's like you know, Iunderstand what you're going
through, but this is going tostop Right, Cause I'm not going
to.
I go, yeah, and that's the, thekick in the ass that I needed
and I, you know I got out ofthat, Thank God.
I mean and uh, I couldn't havedone it without your mom.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
I remember that
timeframe and I remember how it
had a pretty profound impact onyou.
I know you ended up getting atattoo in memoriam of your
father and I always really likedVince.
He was just a good guy, he wasreally nice.
I really enjoyed his company.
(47:38):
I also know that you and Hannahbonded over an unfortunate but
shared trauma of having bothlost your fathers, and I know
that you have been an incrediblyhelpful presence for her in
(48:00):
that healing and grievingprocess.
Is there anything you'd like tosay on that?
Speaker 2 (48:07):
No, I'd be happy to
Please bear with me on this.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Take your time.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Hannah means a great
deal to me.
You found an amazing young ladyand, yeah, you're right, we did
bond because of hardship orpain and it sucks the thing that
right now for me, how I feel iswithout Hannah.
(48:45):
She's done so much in mysituation here and helping me
through it and I feel really badbecause I feel and I've told
her this that I'm making herrelive that pain that she had
when she lost her dad, relivethat pain that she had when she
(49:05):
lost her dad.
Never meant to do that, neverwanted to put that on her or
anyone else.
As I said, it's hard enoughgoing through it once, but then
trying to deal with it again isalmost twice as hard.
But, as I said, I love her.
I'm in a lot better state ofmind than I was a few months ago
and part of that is because ofHannah and everything that she's
(49:26):
done on her days off.
She takes the time to come overand spend some time with me,
talk with me.
We listen to audiobooks together, listened to audio books
(49:47):
together.
One of the most profound,inspiring audio books I've ever
read was Tuesdays with Maury.
She wanted to share that withme.
Her dad had read that and I'mso thankful that she shared that
with me.
I recommend that book to anyone.
Whether you're going throughwhat I'm going through or not,
maury is my hero in everythingthat he dealt with and how he
(50:11):
handled the situation.
If I handle my situation with alittle bit of grace and dignity
, as he did, I will be a betterperson for it.
He handled himself with nothingbut grace and I hope I can do
half that.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Okay, so we'll touch
on your mindset and how you've
been processing and handlingyour current situation in just a
bit.
But I do want to explicitlystate here and I'm not speaking
for her, I'm saying this becauseHannah and I have had numerous
(50:52):
conversations about this andI've actually been with you when
she said this to you you aren'tdoing this to her.
She's grateful for theopportunity to use her
experience to help somebodywho's in a time of need and she
doesn't regret getting close toyou and building a relationship
(51:14):
with you because you've helpedher so much, and she's just
grateful for the time that she'shad with you.
We both are and, yes, therewill be pain, but grief is also
an expression of love.
(51:35):
You don't feel grief if youdidn't love someone.
You don't feel grief if youdidn't love someone.
It's a horrible, painfulexpression of love, but it's
still love.
This has been part one of ourinterview with John Ezelina,
(51:57):
talking about the uniqueexperience and the mindset
shifts he's went through afterreceiving his terminal cancer
diagnosis.
Please tune in for part two,coming next week Tuesday, and
remember you are enough and youdeserve to fill up your inner
(52:18):
cup with happiness, confidenceand self-compassion.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions Podcast.
Your time is valuable and I'mso glad you choose to learn and
grow here with me.
(52:38):
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
miss out on more sage advice.
One last thing the legallanguage.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only
(53:00):
.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist or otherqualified professional.
The opinions of guests aretheir own and may not
necessarily reflect the opinionsof the podcast.