February 14, 2025 • 23 mins
Humble confidence" might sound like a contradiction, but it's part of a Winning Mindset that can set you on the path to success. After years of equating humility with self-deprecation, I discovered the transformative power of balancing self-awareness with self-worth. This episode sheds light on redefining humility—it's not about minimizing your achievements or self-worth but rather, appreciating your strengths and weaknesses in equal measure. We explore the fine line between confidence and arrogance, and how staying true to yourself is key to authentic self-expression.
Navigating high-pressure situations with humble confidence can be a game changer. Authenticity and self-acceptance become essential tools, allowing us to walk our paths with genuine ease. Learn strategies for maintaining humble confidence, particularly when the stakes are high, by fostering self-awareness and personal growth. Embrace your journey, recognize your accomplishments, and let's talk about how you can own who you are without falling into the trap of comparison.
Join us for an exploration into a mindset that welcomes both humility and confidence as partners in your personal and professional growth.
Free App Download: Click here to download the Fearlessly Authentic App!
Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
Schedule a FREE Consultation: Book a Call
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, beautiful friends, welcome back to Sash
and Soul and happy Valentine'sDay.
It is February 14th, the day oflove, and I for one, am really
practicing that self-love thisweek and practicing what it
actually means to feel worthyand actively take care of myself
(00:25):
and show myself the grace thatI need in the day-to-day.
So I hope you're doing the samething for yourself.
You know, like last week'sepisode, I talked quite a bit
about kind of giving yourselfthat grace and taking it easy.
It was a shorter episode lastweek.
This week we're back into it.
It was a shorter episode lastweek.
(00:45):
This week we're back into it.
I'm going to stay on a themetoday based on the upcoming
February Masterclass, which ison confidence and mindset.
That is coming up on February25th and it's called Unshakable
Confidence Building a WinningMindset.
And today we are going to talkabout one key aspect of the
winning mindset, which isbuilding humble confidence.
(01:08):
So as we dive in, I want you tojust be really self-reflective
and think about, like, where doyou stand in the scope between
humility?
And we're going to go as far asarrogance, because I want to
break down what's the differencebetween humility and confidence
?
Where do they intersect?
(01:28):
How do we go too far toself-deprecation or to arrogance
?
How do we find like a reallyhealthy happy medium and I think
the key component here ishealthy how do we have a really
healthy frame of mind?
How do we see ourselves througha lens of self-awareness and
(01:51):
self-understanding that reallysets us up for success, for
anything that we're doing andfor joy and peace in the things
that we do, whether we aresucceeding or we are
experiencing setbacks, so thatwe aren't connecting it to our
(02:12):
own self-worth.
So I want to start off bytalking a little bit about how
humble confidence came to be forme when I was growing up and I
think in general as a woman insociety, we have this idea that
humility is about not lettingyourself get too confident.
(02:36):
We have a misunderstanding thathumility is a space where we're
not bragging, we're not overlyinflated in our sense of self,
and so I practiced humility byputting myself down and by not
letting my head get too high inthe clouds, not dreaming too big
(02:57):
or putting myself out there toomuch.
I was quiet and I oftenminimized my accomplishments and
all that did was leave mefeeling stuck and incapable.
These tactics of what I thoughtwas practicing humility really
didn't serve me and they justkept me back from accomplishing
(03:18):
the things that I wanted to.
And so, as I've grown intoadulthood, I started adapting a
new concept of humble confidence, meaning that I know my
self-worth.
And even though I know myself-worth, I often still battle
these difficult default habitsof the self-deprecating thoughts
, because this is just a part ofwho I am and it's a constant
(03:41):
battle.
Mindset is not perfect I'vetalked about this before but I
use my strengths to provideservice to others and build the
life that I want.
Meanwhile, I'm also in a space,in this humble confidence, of
being able to appreciate others'accomplishments too.
Something that I struggle withquite deeply and I know many of
you can relate because we'vetalked about it is comparison,
(04:04):
and humble confidence is a wayof helping you overcome that
comparison, so that when you arelooking outward and seeing
other people, any kind ofcomparison that you might be
doing is only to better serveyourself, so that you can grow,
rather than to put yourself downin this old means of practicing
humility put yourself down inthis old means of practicing
(04:29):
humility.
So today I want to talk aboutwhat are the misconceptions
about humility?
What is confidence versusarrogance and the power of
humble confidence and actuallyhow to practice that humble
confidence in your life.
So let's get started.
Humility is not self-deprecation.
Self-deprecation is any kind ofactivity that you are doing to
diminish your own worth.
(04:50):
It could be limiting beliefsthat have a really strong hold
on you and when you are in thatself-deprecating place, the only
thing that that is doing foryou is keeping you stuck.
It may be giving you this falsesense of security, but
ultimately you are stuck whereyou are and growth does not
(05:12):
happen where self-deprecationlives.
Humility is also not shamingyourself, or in other words, not
believing in yourself orbelieving that you are not good
enough.
I, for one, struggle a lot withshame.
It is kind of a default emotionfor me when I'm going through a
really difficult time.
So when I'm fighting with myhusband, or I make a big mistake
(05:35):
or something's just not workingright in my day-to-day life, or
health issues come up and I'mnot able to function at my best,
like shame is my go-to.
So humility is not shame, eventhough I think sometimes it can
be masked as humility.
And finally, humility is notdownplaying your achievements or
(05:57):
your potential out of fear ofsomething and being like or
sounding boastful, okay.
So humility does not mean thatyou are hiding the things that
you have accomplished.
It does not mean that you arenot sharing those things openly.
So, for example, like if you'rein a pageant interview, being
(06:18):
humble doesn't mean not talkingdirectly about the things that
you've accomplished.
If you've ever receivedfeedback in practice interview
about, like, how you don't usethe word I enough, like we need
to hear more about what you haveactually done with this, that
may be a sign that you struggleto actually talk about the
things that you've done and youmay have this limiting fear that
(06:38):
you're going to sound likeyou're bragging or something
along those lines.
On the flip side, humility is avery grounded sense of yourself,
awareness of your strengths andof your weaknesses, and this is
really important.
The weakness component, right,I think.
Oftentimes we find it prettyeasy to come up with a list of
(06:59):
our weaknesses, really easy forus to come up with a list of our
challenges or our failures.
I hear that very often and it'smore difficult to come up with
a list of our strengths or ourinner qualities.
But we need both.
We need to be aware of both andin that awareness of both, our
strengths and our weaknesses orour challenge areas.
(07:20):
We need to have some neutralityof thinking so as to not judge
ourselves about those weaknessesand challenges and also not to
allow ourselves to get tooegocentric or egotistical about
our strengths at the same time.
So a very grounded sense ofself and a balance between those
two things.
Another part of humility is awillingness to learn, to grow
(07:44):
and to acknowledge otherpeople's contributions.
I oh sorry, my dog is barkingin the background.
There must be another dogwalking by.
I have a book about mindset anda very key component.
Oh my goodness, she is just themost fierce guard dog ever,
although if we're out for a walkand we pass somebody walking by
(08:06):
and they try to pet her, shelike cowers away.
So she's really not that toughAnyway.
So in this book on mindsettalks about growth mindset, and
so growth mindset to me is areally key component of where
any kind of setback or failureor perception of failure doesn't
(08:27):
mean that there's somethingwrong with us.
It just means that there's anopportunity to learn.
And finally, humility is a senseof confidence without needing
external validation.
One of the love languages, ifyou're familiar with the love
language, is words ofaffirmation, excuse me, and so
(08:51):
that external need, that needfor that external words of
affirmation, gives us a falsesense of confidence, a false
sense of security.
When you need somebody else toboost you up, then you are also
at risk of other people tearingyou down.
And so when we can develop ourown sense of confidence
(09:12):
internally again, going back torecognizing our strengths and
being okay with our weaknessesand seeing them as an
opportunity to learn and grow,then we are much more grounded
in our sense of self.
Okay, I had to pause there formy dog to stop barking, although
now she's whining.
(09:33):
So you know what.
I'm just going to be authenticabout this.
This is my life.
I work from home, I have twodogs and they haven't been able
to be outside very much becauseit's been so cold.
So I do apologize for that, butI'm going to keep it real and
I'm not editing this out.
So, humility when you thinkabout humility in pageant,
competition, competitors andcontestants often struggle with
(09:56):
accepting compliments or owningtheir successes without feeling
guilty.
I hear this frequently.
I would imagine that, as you'relistening to this, this is
probably hitting home for you.
So one thing that I like totalk about is like a real
concept for you to consider realconcept, for you to consider
it's like you yourself, as agenuine, wonderful human being.
(10:23):
Give compliments to other people, whether they are family
members or your close friends ora perfect stranger.
When you give that compliment,are you being genuine and does
it feel good to you?
Chances are the answer to bothis yes.
Yes, you are being genuine,otherwise you probably wouldn't
have given that compliment inthe first place.
And yes, it feels good to youto compliment somebody else.
Otherwise you might not givethat compliment in the first
(10:45):
place.
How do you want people toreceive your genuine compliment?
Does it feel good to you whenthey brush you off or when they
deny it, or is it nice when theyacknowledge and say thank you?
Wow, that really means a lot tome that you say that.
Now consider it on the flipside.
Consider how someone else wantsyou to receive a compliment
(11:09):
that they give you.
Really, really think about that.
It may be, for some reason,uncomfortable to you to receive
that compliment, but if you doreceive that compliment with
grace, you may be helping thatother person feel good too.
(11:30):
A compliment is not justone-sided, it is dual-sided.
So keep that in mind when youmaybe find yourself struggling
with accepting a compliment fromsomebody else.
I think the best thing that Istarted practicing when I first
really started diving intohumble confidence is saying
thank you, genuinely sayingthank you, even if I'm not
(11:51):
necessarily believing it at thetime.
And I'm going to tell you, it'sstill not easy.
My husband, especially when I'mfeeling really low, likes to
provide those words ofaffirmations, but for some
reason sometimes I really justdon't believe it in myself and I
have a hard time taking thatcompliment from him.
But if you can start practicingtaking compliments and actually
(12:12):
looking for evidence that thosecompliments are accurate, you
will be setting yourself up forbuilding your confidence in a
humble way.
Next, confidence versusarrogance.
I think one of the reasons thatwe try so hard to maintain
humility is because we don'twant to come across as arrogant,
(12:34):
and there's a big problem withthat because sometimes we go too
far to the self-deprecatingside and that's not healthy or
helpful, as we've alreadyestablished.
So what is confidence?
Confidence is simply believingin yourself and your abilities,
it's owning your achievementsand your strengths and it's
(12:56):
trusting your preparation andyour skills.
Easier said than done, Icompletely understand that.
However, confidence comes withsome practice and putting
yourself out there andcelebrating and recognizing your
wins.
These are all ways to buildyour confidence.
On the flip side, confidence isnot arrogance.
(13:17):
Arrogance is thinking thatyou're better than other people.
I think arrogance is a trapthat we fall into when we're
struggling with a lack ofconfidence.
It can also be a trap that wefall into when we do really
think that we're the best, andso that comparison goes both
ways.
Sometimes we may find ourselvescomparing ourselves to others
and feeling really yucky aboutourselves, and other times we
(13:39):
may find ourselves comparingourselves to others and feeling
really inflated about ourselves.
Be self-aware.
Check yourself when you'redoing that comparison.
Are you feeling better andreally awesome about yourself?
You may be struggling a littlebit with some arrogance.
(14:01):
Confidence is also not conceitor exaggerating your abilities
to seek approval from otherpeople.
That essentially is bragging.
We don't want to hear that ininterview, because we want to
hear your genuine person.
We want to hear exactly who youare, that authentic self and
honestly.
Perfectionism and bragging justgive people the yucky feeling
and they don't connect to you.
(14:22):
Perfectionism is.
It can be intimidating and itcan be really off-putting.
So there's a difference betweenowning your accomplishments and
exaggerating your abilities.
And finally, confidence is notegotism or centering everything
around yourself.
Oftentimes in pageant interviewor when we're public speaking
(14:45):
because we've practiced so longto learn how to speak about
ourselves and speak aboutourselves in positive ways, so
that we sound good in interviews, so that we're showcasing
everything that we have to offerto the job we go a little bit
too far and now, all of a sudden, all we're doing is talking
about everything that we'veaccomplished.
I think a really good way tobalance that out is to answer
(15:10):
questions directly and sharefacts about what you've done and
in turn, as you are sharingexamples of things that you've
accomplished and ways that youapproach things, you're using it
as a lesson.
You've got some level of tryingto inspire the audience.
You're sharing maybe evenanecdotes about what other
(15:32):
people have done that have beensimilar, or ways that you
learned and grew in that momentas well.
It's different than bringing upexamples of your awesomeness
for the sake of making yourselfsound good.
It's a red flag for me whensomeone's doing that, and the
red flag usually is telling methat that person actually
(15:54):
struggles with a lack ofconfidence.
When there is that arrogance,when there's that level of
self-inflation, my first thoughtis that you don't actually have
a sense of self-confidence anda sense of self-worth.
Otherwise you wouldn'tnecessarily need to boost
yourself up like that, to boostyourself up like that.
(16:15):
So another area for just thatself-awareness, and also not
going so far as to beself-deprecating and
experiencing that shame because,as we know, shame and
self-deprecation are also nothumble.
How do we combine humility andconfidence?
For me, the way that I definehumble confidence is that I'm
not better than anyone else andI'm not less than anyone else
(16:39):
either.
So I'm walking this verybeautiful line of the in-between
, of being really content in andof myself.
It's the ability to walk into aroom perfectly content with who
you are and comfortable in yourown skin, that you don't need
to be in the spotlight, youdon't need to be the loudest
(17:00):
voice in the room, you don'tneed all eyes on you.
And in doing that, when you'rewalking into a room and just
being your own beautiful self,you are much more approachable
and enjoyable to be around, andso that humble confidence then
shows up in your presence.
There's a quote that I reallylike that I heard from Brene
(17:22):
Brown.
If you're familiar with BreneBrown, she's obviously very well
known, but some people are notaware, she is a researcher and
author and public speaker.
She has a very powerful TEDtalk on the power of
vulnerability, so check that outif you haven't watched it yet.
But she says when she walksinto a room she tells herself
(17:42):
don't puff up, don't shrink down, stay in your sacred space.
And I just love that.
I think that epitomizes andputs a visual to what humble
confidence in action actuallylooks like.
So how do you actually balancehumility and confidence in your
day-to-day life, especially whenyou are in a high-stakes
(18:04):
situation, a high-stresssituation like pageants or an
interview or public speaking?
Because we know in these spacesof stress or public speaking,
because we know in these spacesof stress, insecurities
personify and magnify, and theycan magnify in the sense of the
self-deprecation or they canmagnify in the sense of the
arrogance.
And we want to stay in thatbeautiful space in between.
My number one baseline on howto balance humility and
(18:29):
confidence is knowing yourselfand, most importantly, accepting
yourself as you are.
When you can know yourself andaccept yourself, you will be
more balanced and you'll bebetween that humility and
confidence in that balancedspace.
(18:49):
Knowing and accepting yourselvesmeans knowing your strengths
and your inner qualities.
We work on that a lot inFearlessly Authentic.
It also means knowing yourshortcomings, owning your
mistakes and recognizing areasfor improvement without judgment
of yourself.
Again, it's that growth mindsetthat just because you have a
shortcoming, just because youmake a mistake, just because you
have areas of improvement,doesn't mean that you are
(19:11):
somehow less than or not worthyor incapable.
Let's not judge it.
Let's get to a neutral zone andwork on focusing on the things
that we can control.
Okay, so, overall, when you'repracticing humble confidence, it
means owning your strengths andremaining open to growth.
So, as you're listening and asyou're processing this, I wonder
(19:37):
where do you lean?
Do you lean on the side of toohumble or self-doubt, or do you
lean on the side of tooconfident and borderline
arrogance?
And as you're processing this,think about one step that you
can take to strengthen yourhumble confidence this week.
Think about it in terms of thatself-love that I just keep
(19:59):
talking about, and having gracefor yourself.
And also think about it inloving other people and having
grace for them and theirshortcomings and recognizing
that, if they are seeming tooconfident, maybe they're
struggling with someinsecurities of their own, and
in that way you can practicehaving some empathy as well.
(20:20):
All right, so for more onconfidence and mindset, and
we're going to dive into deeperstrategies.
Be sure to click the link inthe episode description for the
upcoming February masterclass onFebruary 25th it's going to be
an hour long, 7 to 8 pm incentral time, because I'm
located in Wisconsin calledUnshakable Confidence Building a
(20:44):
Winner's Mindset.
We are going to focus onovercoming self-doubt, reframing
your negative thoughts andcultivating self-belief.
We're going to talk about toolsthat you can use to stay
mentally strong and confidentunder pressure.
Okay, so you're going to learnhow to reframe those negative
thoughts into empowering beliefs.
We're going to work on dailypractices to build and maintain
(21:05):
that confidence and you're goingto learn tools to stay mentally
strong under pressure.
So this is for any one of youthat struggles with self-doubt
or you want to exude confidentin every aspect of not only
competition and being a titleholder, but of your life as well
.
Mindset is the baseline ofFearlessly Authentic Mindset is
80% of your success.
This is if you're going to makeit to any masterclass.
(21:27):
Sign up for this one.
You will also have access tothe recording afterwards, so be
sure to click that link and signup.
Also, be sure to subscribe toSash and Soul.
I want you to follow on socialmedia so that you can stay
updated on any new episodes,including some guests that we've
got coming up in the comingweeks.
Until then, please be well,practice that self-love and move
(21:49):
towards humble confidence ineverything that you do.
We'll talk to you next time.
Bye.
Hello, beautiful friends, welcome back to Sash
and Soul and happy Valentine'sDay.
It is February 14th, the day oflove, and I for one, am really
practicing that self-love thisweek and practicing what it
actually means to feel worthyand actively take care of myself
(00:25):
and show myself the grace thatI need in the day-to-day.
So I hope you're doing the samething for yourself.
You know, like last week'sepisode, I talked quite a bit
about kind of giving yourselfthat grace and taking it easy.
It was a shorter episode lastweek.
This week we're back into it.
It was a shorter episode lastweek.
(00:45):
This week we're back into it.
I'm going to stay on a themetoday based on the upcoming
February Masterclass, which ison confidence and mindset.
That is coming up on February25th and it's called Unshakable
Confidence Building a WinningMindset.
And today we are going to talkabout one key aspect of the
winning mindset, which isbuilding humble confidence.
(01:08):
So as we dive in, I want you tojust be really self-reflective
and think about, like, where doyou stand in the scope between
humility?
And we're going to go as far asarrogance, because I want to
break down what's the differencebetween humility and confidence
?
Where do they intersect?
(01:28):
How do we go too far toself-deprecation or to arrogance
?
How do we find like a reallyhealthy happy medium and I think
the key component here ishealthy how do we have a really
healthy frame of mind?
How do we see ourselves througha lens of self-awareness and
(01:51):
self-understanding that reallysets us up for success, for
anything that we're doing andfor joy and peace in the things
that we do, whether we aresucceeding or we are
experiencing setbacks, so thatwe aren't connecting it to our
(02:12):
own self-worth.
So I want to start off bytalking a little bit about how
humble confidence came to be forme when I was growing up and I
think in general as a woman insociety, we have this idea that
humility is about not lettingyourself get too confident.
(02:36):
We have a misunderstanding thathumility is a space where we're
not bragging, we're not overlyinflated in our sense of self,
and so I practiced humility byputting myself down and by not
letting my head get too high inthe clouds, not dreaming too big
(02:57):
or putting myself out there toomuch.
I was quiet and I oftenminimized my accomplishments and
all that did was leave mefeeling stuck and incapable.
These tactics of what I thoughtwas practicing humility really
didn't serve me and they justkept me back from accomplishing
(03:18):
the things that I wanted to.
And so, as I've grown intoadulthood, I started adapting a
new concept of humble confidence, meaning that I know my
self-worth.
And even though I know myself-worth, I often still battle
these difficult default habitsof the self-deprecating thoughts
, because this is just a part ofwho I am and it's a constant
(03:41):
battle.
Mindset is not perfect I'vetalked about this before but I
use my strengths to provideservice to others and build the
life that I want.
Meanwhile, I'm also in a space,in this humble confidence, of
being able to appreciate others'accomplishments too.
Something that I struggle withquite deeply and I know many of
you can relate because we'vetalked about it is comparison,
(04:04):
and humble confidence is a wayof helping you overcome that
comparison, so that when you arelooking outward and seeing
other people, any kind ofcomparison that you might be
doing is only to better serveyourself, so that you can grow,
rather than to put yourself downin this old means of practicing
humility put yourself down inthis old means of practicing
(04:29):
humility.
So today I want to talk aboutwhat are the misconceptions
about humility?
What is confidence versusarrogance and the power of
humble confidence and actuallyhow to practice that humble
confidence in your life.
So let's get started.
Humility is not self-deprecation.
Self-deprecation is any kind ofactivity that you are doing to
diminish your own worth.
(04:50):
It could be limiting beliefsthat have a really strong hold
on you and when you are in thatself-deprecating place, the only
thing that that is doing foryou is keeping you stuck.
It may be giving you this falsesense of security, but
ultimately you are stuck whereyou are and growth does not
(05:12):
happen where self-deprecationlives.
Humility is also not shamingyourself, or in other words, not
believing in yourself orbelieving that you are not good
enough.
I, for one, struggle a lot withshame.
It is kind of a default emotionfor me when I'm going through a
really difficult time.
So when I'm fighting with myhusband, or I make a big mistake
(05:35):
or something's just not workingright in my day-to-day life, or
health issues come up and I'mnot able to function at my best,
like shame is my go-to.
So humility is not shame, eventhough I think sometimes it can
be masked as humility.
And finally, humility is notdownplaying your achievements or
(05:57):
your potential out of fear ofsomething and being like or
sounding boastful, okay.
So humility does not mean thatyou are hiding the things that
you have accomplished.
It does not mean that you arenot sharing those things openly.
So, for example, like if you'rein a pageant interview, being
(06:18):
humble doesn't mean not talkingdirectly about the things that
you've accomplished.
If you've ever receivedfeedback in practice interview
about, like, how you don't usethe word I enough, like we need
to hear more about what you haveactually done with this, that
may be a sign that you struggleto actually talk about the
things that you've done and youmay have this limiting fear that
(06:38):
you're going to sound likeyou're bragging or something
along those lines.
On the flip side, humility is avery grounded sense of yourself,
awareness of your strengths andof your weaknesses, and this is
really important.
The weakness component, right,I think.
Oftentimes we find it prettyeasy to come up with a list of
(06:59):
our weaknesses, really easy forus to come up with a list of our
challenges or our failures.
I hear that very often and it'smore difficult to come up with
a list of our strengths or ourinner qualities.
But we need both.
We need to be aware of both andin that awareness of both, our
strengths and our weaknesses orour challenge areas.
(07:20):
We need to have some neutralityof thinking so as to not judge
ourselves about those weaknessesand challenges and also not to
allow ourselves to get tooegocentric or egotistical about
our strengths at the same time.
So a very grounded sense ofself and a balance between those
two things.
Another part of humility is awillingness to learn, to grow
(07:44):
and to acknowledge otherpeople's contributions.
I oh sorry, my dog is barkingin the background.
There must be another dogwalking by.
I have a book about mindset anda very key component.
Oh my goodness, she is just themost fierce guard dog ever,
although if we're out for a walkand we pass somebody walking by
(08:06):
and they try to pet her, shelike cowers away.
So she's really not that toughAnyway.
So in this book on mindsettalks about growth mindset, and
so growth mindset to me is areally key component of where
any kind of setback or failureor perception of failure doesn't
(08:27):
mean that there's somethingwrong with us.
It just means that there's anopportunity to learn.
And finally, humility is a senseof confidence without needing
external validation.
One of the love languages, ifyou're familiar with the love
language, is words ofaffirmation, excuse me, and so
(08:51):
that external need, that needfor that external words of
affirmation, gives us a falsesense of confidence, a false
sense of security.
When you need somebody else toboost you up, then you are also
at risk of other people tearingyou down.
And so when we can develop ourown sense of confidence
(09:12):
internally again, going back torecognizing our strengths and
being okay with our weaknessesand seeing them as an
opportunity to learn and grow,then we are much more grounded
in our sense of self.
Okay, I had to pause there formy dog to stop barking, although
now she's whining.
(09:33):
So you know what.
I'm just going to be authenticabout this.
This is my life.
I work from home, I have twodogs and they haven't been able
to be outside very much becauseit's been so cold.
So I do apologize for that, butI'm going to keep it real and
I'm not editing this out.
So, humility when you thinkabout humility in pageant,
competition, competitors andcontestants often struggle with
(09:56):
accepting compliments or owningtheir successes without feeling
guilty.
I hear this frequently.
I would imagine that, as you'relistening to this, this is
probably hitting home for you.
So one thing that I like totalk about is like a real
concept for you to consider realconcept, for you to consider
it's like you yourself, as agenuine, wonderful human being.
(10:23):
Give compliments to other people, whether they are family
members or your close friends ora perfect stranger.
When you give that compliment,are you being genuine and does
it feel good to you?
Chances are the answer to bothis yes.
Yes, you are being genuine,otherwise you probably wouldn't
have given that compliment inthe first place.
And yes, it feels good to youto compliment somebody else.
Otherwise you might not givethat compliment in the first
(10:45):
place.
How do you want people toreceive your genuine compliment?
Does it feel good to you whenthey brush you off or when they
deny it, or is it nice when theyacknowledge and say thank you?
Wow, that really means a lot tome that you say that.
Now consider it on the flipside.
Consider how someone else wantsyou to receive a compliment
(11:09):
that they give you.
Really, really think about that.
It may be, for some reason,uncomfortable to you to receive
that compliment, but if you doreceive that compliment with
grace, you may be helping thatother person feel good too.
(11:30):
A compliment is not justone-sided, it is dual-sided.
So keep that in mind when youmaybe find yourself struggling
with accepting a compliment fromsomebody else.
I think the best thing that Istarted practicing when I first
really started diving intohumble confidence is saying
thank you, genuinely sayingthank you, even if I'm not
(11:51):
necessarily believing it at thetime.
And I'm going to tell you, it'sstill not easy.
My husband, especially when I'mfeeling really low, likes to
provide those words ofaffirmations, but for some
reason sometimes I really justdon't believe it in myself and I
have a hard time taking thatcompliment from him.
But if you can start practicingtaking compliments and actually
(12:12):
looking for evidence that thosecompliments are accurate, you
will be setting yourself up forbuilding your confidence in a
humble way.
Next, confidence versusarrogance.
I think one of the reasons thatwe try so hard to maintain
humility is because we don'twant to come across as arrogant,
(12:34):
and there's a big problem withthat because sometimes we go too
far to the self-deprecatingside and that's not healthy or
helpful, as we've alreadyestablished.
So what is confidence?
Confidence is simply believingin yourself and your abilities,
it's owning your achievementsand your strengths and it's
(12:56):
trusting your preparation andyour skills.
Easier said than done, Icompletely understand that.
However, confidence comes withsome practice and putting
yourself out there andcelebrating and recognizing your
wins.
These are all ways to buildyour confidence.
On the flip side, confidence isnot arrogance.
(13:17):
Arrogance is thinking thatyou're better than other people.
I think arrogance is a trapthat we fall into when we're
struggling with a lack ofconfidence.
It can also be a trap that wefall into when we do really
think that we're the best, andso that comparison goes both
ways.
Sometimes we may find ourselvescomparing ourselves to others
and feeling really yucky aboutourselves, and other times we
(13:39):
may find ourselves comparingourselves to others and feeling
really inflated about ourselves.
Be self-aware.
Check yourself when you'redoing that comparison.
Are you feeling better andreally awesome about yourself?
You may be struggling a littlebit with some arrogance.
(14:01):
Confidence is also not conceitor exaggerating your abilities
to seek approval from otherpeople.
That essentially is bragging.
We don't want to hear that ininterview, because we want to
hear your genuine person.
We want to hear exactly who youare, that authentic self and
honestly.
Perfectionism and bragging justgive people the yucky feeling
and they don't connect to you.
(14:22):
Perfectionism is.
It can be intimidating and itcan be really off-putting.
So there's a difference betweenowning your accomplishments and
exaggerating your abilities.
And finally, confidence is notegotism or centering everything
around yourself.
Oftentimes in pageant interviewor when we're public speaking
(14:45):
because we've practiced so longto learn how to speak about
ourselves and speak aboutourselves in positive ways, so
that we sound good in interviews, so that we're showcasing
everything that we have to offerto the job we go a little bit
too far and now, all of a sudden, all we're doing is talking
about everything that we'veaccomplished.
I think a really good way tobalance that out is to answer
(15:10):
questions directly and sharefacts about what you've done and
in turn, as you are sharingexamples of things that you've
accomplished and ways that youapproach things, you're using it
as a lesson.
You've got some level of tryingto inspire the audience.
You're sharing maybe evenanecdotes about what other
(15:32):
people have done that have beensimilar, or ways that you
learned and grew in that momentas well.
It's different than bringing upexamples of your awesomeness
for the sake of making yourselfsound good.
It's a red flag for me whensomeone's doing that, and the
red flag usually is telling methat that person actually
(15:54):
struggles with a lack ofconfidence.
When there is that arrogance,when there's that level of
self-inflation, my first thoughtis that you don't actually have
a sense of self-confidence anda sense of self-worth.
Otherwise you wouldn'tnecessarily need to boost
yourself up like that, to boostyourself up like that.
(16:15):
So another area for just thatself-awareness, and also not
going so far as to beself-deprecating and
experiencing that shame because,as we know, shame and
self-deprecation are also nothumble.
How do we combine humility andconfidence?
For me, the way that I definehumble confidence is that I'm
not better than anyone else andI'm not less than anyone else
(16:39):
either.
So I'm walking this verybeautiful line of the in-between
, of being really content in andof myself.
It's the ability to walk into aroom perfectly content with who
you are and comfortable in yourown skin, that you don't need
to be in the spotlight, youdon't need to be the loudest
(17:00):
voice in the room, you don'tneed all eyes on you.
And in doing that, when you'rewalking into a room and just
being your own beautiful self,you are much more approachable
and enjoyable to be around, andso that humble confidence then
shows up in your presence.
There's a quote that I reallylike that I heard from Brene
(17:22):
Brown.
If you're familiar with BreneBrown, she's obviously very well
known, but some people are notaware, she is a researcher and
author and public speaker.
She has a very powerful TEDtalk on the power of
vulnerability, so check that outif you haven't watched it yet.
But she says when she walksinto a room she tells herself
(17:42):
don't puff up, don't shrink down, stay in your sacred space.
And I just love that.
I think that epitomizes andputs a visual to what humble
confidence in action actuallylooks like.
So how do you actually balancehumility and confidence in your
day-to-day life, especially whenyou are in a high-stakes
(18:04):
situation, a high-stresssituation like pageants or an
interview or public speaking?
Because we know in these spacesof stress or public speaking,
because we know in these spacesof stress, insecurities
personify and magnify, and theycan magnify in the sense of the
self-deprecation or they canmagnify in the sense of the
arrogance.
And we want to stay in thatbeautiful space in between.
My number one baseline on howto balance humility and
(18:29):
confidence is knowing yourselfand, most importantly, accepting
yourself as you are.
When you can know yourself andaccept yourself, you will be
more balanced and you'll bebetween that humility and
confidence in that balancedspace.
(18:49):
Knowing and accepting yourselvesmeans knowing your strengths
and your inner qualities.
We work on that a lot inFearlessly Authentic.
It also means knowing yourshortcomings, owning your
mistakes and recognizing areasfor improvement without judgment
of yourself.
Again, it's that growth mindsetthat just because you have a
shortcoming, just because youmake a mistake, just because you
have areas of improvement,doesn't mean that you are
(19:11):
somehow less than or not worthyor incapable.
Let's not judge it.
Let's get to a neutral zone andwork on focusing on the things
that we can control.
Okay, so, overall, when you'repracticing humble confidence, it
means owning your strengths andremaining open to growth.
So, as you're listening and asyou're processing this, I wonder
(19:37):
where do you lean?
Do you lean on the side of toohumble or self-doubt, or do you
lean on the side of tooconfident and borderline
arrogance?
And as you're processing this,think about one step that you
can take to strengthen yourhumble confidence this week.
Think about it in terms of thatself-love that I just keep
(19:59):
talking about, and having gracefor yourself.
And also think about it inloving other people and having
grace for them and theirshortcomings and recognizing
that, if they are seeming tooconfident, maybe they're
struggling with someinsecurities of their own, and
in that way you can practicehaving some empathy as well.
(20:20):
All right, so for more onconfidence and mindset, and
we're going to dive into deeperstrategies.
Be sure to click the link inthe episode description for the
upcoming February masterclass onFebruary 25th it's going to be
an hour long, 7 to 8 pm incentral time, because I'm
located in Wisconsin calledUnshakable Confidence Building a
(20:44):
Winner's Mindset.
We are going to focus onovercoming self-doubt, reframing
your negative thoughts andcultivating self-belief.
We're going to talk about toolsthat you can use to stay
mentally strong and confidentunder pressure.
Okay, so you're going to learnhow to reframe those negative
thoughts into empowering beliefs.
We're going to work on dailypractices to build and maintain
(21:05):
that confidence and you're goingto learn tools to stay mentally
strong under pressure.
So this is for any one of youthat struggles with self-doubt
or you want to exude confidentin every aspect of not only
competition and being a titleholder, but of your life as well
.
Mindset is the baseline ofFearlessly Authentic Mindset is
80% of your success.
This is if you're going to makeit to any masterclass.
(21:27):
Sign up for this one.
You will also have access tothe recording afterwards, so be
sure to click that link and signup.
Also, be sure to subscribe toSash and Soul.
I want you to follow on socialmedia so that you can stay
updated on any new episodes,including some guests that we've
got coming up in the comingweeks.
Until then, please be well,practice that self-love and move
(21:49):
towards humble confidence ineverything that you do.
We'll talk to you next time.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.