Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, welcome back
to Sash and Soul.
Happy Easter weekend to thoseof you that will be celebrating.
I always love this time of yearbecause it's just all about new
beginnings and opportunity tocheck in with ourselves on where
we're at and where we're goingand just kind of breathing new
(00:23):
life and new energy into ourpersonal experiences.
I just got back from VirginiaBeach with my husband.
We were there visiting my momand my stepdad for a long
weekend and came back to a lotof stuff to do, but it was a
really nice time away, muchneeded family time and beach
(00:48):
time, and it was a little chilly, but the sun was really nice
and just a good change of pace,change of scenery for a little
bit.
When I got back, though, it wasa lot of like I really had to
focus on resetting, and Ihonestly this morning so it was
a few days ago that we got backin the.
This morning I finally unpackedmy suitcase.
(01:08):
It had been like spilled out,exploded all over my floor, and
it was the only thing that Icould see.
But I was also like I have tofocus on getting these things
done, and that can wait and itwill get done eventually getting
these things done and that canwait and it will get done
eventually.
But look, that's real life andsometimes we just can't get to
(01:29):
everything.
Which actually leads me intothe topic that I want to talk
about today.
It was requested by one of you.
I had posted on Instagram justkind of a poll of like what do
you want to hear about, whatwould be pertinent to you and
where you're at right now?
And the topic of burnout andhow to overcome burnout,
especially in pageantry.
(01:50):
And honestly, it couldn't bemore timely, because right now
it is the season of throwingeverything.
We've got into preparation forMAO state competitions, we've
got USA state competitions.
Spring just seems to be areally busy time for pageantry
in general, and so I know fromexperience and from the women
(02:15):
that I work with every week thatwe push and we push and we push
, and oftentimes we get to thisspace of burnout, of exhaustion,
of like wondering if we'redoing all the right things, if
we're doing enough, andsometimes that can lead into
just like a depletion of energyand lack of joy in what we're
(02:36):
doing.
So if you've ever felt like youare doing all the things and
all the right things but it justdoesn't feel good anymore.
This one is definitely a goodepisode for you and I also.
You know I talked about inepisode 30, new Year, new Vision
of my experience of burnoutlast year too, and a lot of that
(02:58):
started around this time ofyear when I started burning out
last year.
So this is a really good timingepisode for all of us to just
kind of take a step back,reassess, like I said, that
Easter, spring time, to look atnew beginnings and new
opportunities and kind of assesswhere we've come from and where
(03:19):
we're going here for the restof the year and into this
pageant season.
So let's dive in.
What is burnout?
Because we hear about it a lot.
I feel like it's become a bitof a cliche or a buzzword.
But burnout is this state ofemotional, mental and even
physical exhaustion that happenswhen you are putting out,
(03:47):
exhaustion that happens when youare putting out consistently
more than you're taking in, whenyour output outweighs your
input oftentimes.
So that comes in the idea ofpouring from an empty cup.
And it happens when you've beenpushing yourself so hard
whether in pageant prep or workor school or honestly, just
trying to hold it all togetherthat your mind, your body and
your heart start waving thiswhite flag of like I give up, I
(04:08):
can't take much more.
So there are some pretty keycharacteristics of burnout to
keep in mind.
The first is this emotionaldepletion.
It can feel like numbness, itcan also come across as
irritability Oftentimes, and forme it's just a lack of
motivation or even overwhelm bythings that used to energize me.
(04:31):
And that's really frustratingbecause you want to do the
things that are fun, and it'sconfusing and disheartening when
the things that used to be funto you are just like bleh now
and you start to wonder, likewhat is wrong with me which
we're going to get into?
It's not a you problem, it'sburnout, is not because you've
(04:53):
done something wrong.
But the next characteristic ofburnout is physical fatigue.
Even when you have taken timeto rest, you still somehow feel
drained or sluggish or tense,and that's when you know that
you need to be giving yourselfeven more opportunities to rest
(05:13):
and relax your mind and be verymindful during that time of rest
.
You know I get reallyfrustrated when I give myself a
day of rest and yet the next dayI still feel exhausted.
And that can happen fromvarious different things.
Maybe you're just run down, notfeeling well.
There may be illness, but withburnout it's especially
(05:35):
frustrating because you may bephysically feeling well but
mentally, like you, just youcan't get there.
There the next characteristicwould be like a detachment or
cynicism, like you start askingyourself, like what is the point
of all of this?
Or even like distancingyourself from the things that
you usually would care about.
(05:56):
In this case, like this burnoutof pageantry.
Like you used to love competing, used to love the glam of it,
used to love the appearances,love the sisterhood, all these
the glam of it.
Used to love the appearances,love the sisterhood, all these
other things.
But you're getting to a pointwhere it's like this is just
feeling like work, it's feelingdraining.
I'm just constantly likepushing myself and not enjoying
(06:17):
it anymore.
So you become a little bitdetached from the reason why you
started doing it in the firstplace, which would then lead
into like a decrease in yourperformance.
So you might feel like you'reworking twice as hard but you're
producing half as much, whichcan also be really frustrating
because we just don't have thatmuch time in the day to be
(06:38):
wasting our time without as muchproduction as we want to be
experiencing.
And then, finally, I mentioneda little bit already, but that
disconnect from your why, likeyou're checking all of these
boxes but maybe it feels likeyou're just going through the
motions, and that in and ofitself is exhausting, because
the reason that we startedcompeting in pageantry in the
(06:58):
first place was passion passionfor performance, passion for
service, passion for community,passion for the glitz and the
glam, passion for theself-development piece, and so
when we're doing all the thingsthat we're supposed to be doing
quote unquote but you just don'tfeel the feels anymore.
That's really frustrating.
(07:20):
It is a very key sign ofburnout.
So in the context of pageantry,it's going to look like
dreading your mock interviews oreven rehearsals that maybe you
used to love, comparing yourselfmore than usual, or feeling
like maybe you're not doingenough this one's a big one
feeling guilty for resting, butyet you're constantly exhausting
(07:42):
, sorry, exhausted, but yetyou're constantly exhausting,
sorry, exhausted.
Losing sight of your platform'spurpose or your personal
mission, struggling to celebratesmall wins because they never
feel big enough.
When I've experienced burnout inthe past, I noticed it started
with a lot of internal pressure,kind of this fear that other
(08:05):
people were watching me andthinking that I wasn't doing
enough.
No one ever said that or gaveme any reason to believe that,
but this was the pressure that Iwas feeling internally.
I had a lot of negativeself-talk, the stuff that sounds
like you're lazy, you're notdoing enough, you're not good
enough.
And my favorite slash the worstis get over it, pick yourself
(08:30):
up, move forward.
You just have to do the things.
And all that rhetoric in myhead was really painful and I
couldn't seem to shake thisnegative energy, which then only
made me feel more tired.
Of course, right, it was justlike this revolving door, this
cycle that I was trapped in, andso I wasn't enjoying what I was
doing anymore and it just feltlike I was going through the
(08:54):
motions, very likecomatose-esque.
I couldn't shift my perspectiveback to why I was doing it in
the first place or reconnect tothe parts that I enjoyed and I
talked about this specificallyin the episode on building a
platform, developing yourservice initiative.
(09:14):
When I needed to give up myplatform, when I was talking
about my brother so much losinghim to suicide, and it was just
so emotionally draining that Icouldn't feel the passion behind
it anymore.
I didn't have the drive.
It wasn't fulfilling me anymore.
I was burnt out on thatinitiative.
I needed to take a break fromit.
(09:38):
Burnout can often feel a littlebit like a depressive episode,
where it's not full depression,because for me, it wasn't about
everything in my life.
There were things that werebringing me joy and that I found
enjoyable, but there was thisreal heaviness in that specific
area where burnout had set in.
(09:58):
So, for example, before Istarted coaching, I burnt out at
my job.
My career at the time was inbusiness development for mental
health and addiction treatmentprograms and no matter how much
I tried to reshift myperspective on what I was doing
(10:21):
and why I was doing it, andtrying to find the passion
behind it again, I just couldn't.
I reached a point where mymental health, the burnout, had
started affecting other areas ofmy life and my mental health
was so bad, so low, that I endedup quitting my job without a
(10:43):
backup plan and I needed to takesome time off and I ended up.
That was a time in my lifewhere I ended up hospitalized
for my depression.
So this I guess all to say thatcatching burnout early on and
empowering yourself to dosomething about it is really,
really important so that you cancontinue living a healthy,
(11:04):
productive, happy life and doingthe things that you enjoy.
My burnout at work took so muchmore mental energy just to do
the smallest thing because Iwasn't fully there in my heart.
But the thing we all need toremember about burnout is that
it's not a personal flaw, andoftentimes we do that to
(11:27):
ourselves, where we blameourselves and we think it's some
kind of a character trait orwe're being lazy.
That's where all this negativeinternal rhetoric comes from.
But burnout isn't a flaw.
It's just your mind and yourbody saying I need a break.
So let's talk about why highachievers like you and me burn
out.
When it comes to pageant womenand, honestly, most people, I
(11:51):
think the reason that we getburnt out is often because of
perfectionism.
In this industry and pageantry.
We are often taught or weinternalize that in order to
succeed in competition, ourperformance needs to be perfect.
In order to get the top scores,performance needs to be perfect
.
In order to get the top scores,we need to be performing at
this level and if we don't winthe crown, at least we can look
(12:14):
back and say that we dideverything that we possibly
could, and so that mindseteasily turns into this cycle of
perfectionism.
I also think it shows up whenwe compare ourselves to other
title holders or women that weadmire.
And what ends up happening whenwe do that and I'm hearing that
a lot recently in conversationsis that we put them on this
(12:37):
pedestal, as if they've reachedthis untouchable level of
excellence.
And so then we feel like wehaven't gotten there yet, and
when they're on that pedestal,it makes us feel like we have to
reach some level of excellence,so we push even harder to live
up to the standard that we arecreating in our head.
That is not even real.
(12:59):
And there's all of thispressure then to prove ourselves
Like if we've succeeded before.
We think we have to keepachieving in order to maintain
this image that we've built orthat people we think expect from
us.
And so for high achievers,especially those who've been
celebrated for their drive, it'sreally hard to stop pushing.
(13:22):
We start to believe that ifwe've had any kind of setback,
then we are completely failing.
For me, burnout also happenswhen I've been in a really high
productive, high energy seasonand I'm feeling really good.
I want to get things done.
I push hard, and then somethingcircumstantial happens and then
I get tired and then lifeshifts and suddenly I can't keep
(13:45):
up that same level ofperformance.
So that frustration with myselffor not keeping up becomes a
really huge trigger whichreinforces my practice and
ongoing practice of needing tokeep myself balanced, and that's
something that we're going todive into today.
(14:07):
The way to combat or preventburnout is regularly assessing
your balance, your life balance.
Are you balancing pageant prepwith work, with school, with
social time, with self-care,with just being who you are,
(14:28):
outside of all of the otherthings and the responsibilities
that you have going on?
And if that balances off kilterand you're pushing yourself too
hard, that is where you need tokind of reassess and take a
step back.
There are certain times in ourlives when we need to push
harder than others, and Icompletely understand that we
can't always be like perfectlybalanced.
(14:49):
That's not a thing, that's notlife.
There's no perfection in this.
But if we can practiceassessing and keeping this at
top of mind for ourselves, likeat the end of the day, how was
my day today?
How am I feeling?
What can I do tomorrow to makesure that I'm maintaining that
balance?
Do I need a little bit morerest tomorrow?
Am I feeling a little sluggish?
It's just something that wehave to be mindful of.
(15:13):
So practicing that mindfulnessis key to preventing and
overcoming burnout, because ifwe don't do that, there is a
really hefty cost of pushingthrough, because burnout is
going to disconnect you fromyour joy, from your purpose,
from your passion and ultimately, when that happens, you're not
(15:36):
going to succeed, especially inpageantry.
We know this, that you couldpresent yourself as perfectly as
possible, but if you're burntout, your real joy, your real
passion, that comes from theauthenticity behind who you are
you're not going to win, becausethe judges are not going to
(15:58):
feel connected to perfectionism.
They're going to feel connectedto vulnerability and
transparency.
They're going to feel connectedto vulnerability and
transparency, and when you'reburnt out and when you're
exhausted, it's truly impossibleto be at that level of
authenticity.
It really really is, and sothat's where overcoming burnout
and taking care of yourself istruly essential to succeeding in
(16:18):
competition and succeeding inall areas of your life and
succeeding as a title holder.
What's your big picture?
Do your life, and succeeding asa title holder.
What's your big picture?
Do you want the job of thetitle holder?
Do you just want to win a crown?
If you just want to win a crown.
You're missing the mark andyou're going to burn yourself
out.
If you want the title, you wantthe job, then you've got to
practice taking care of yourselfand showing up every single day
(16:41):
exactly how you would as atitle holder, every single day,
exactly how you would as a titleholder.
I don't think that burnoutitself causes the disconnect
from your purpose.
I really think it's the otherway around.
I think burnout creates theexhaustion that leads to the
disconnect.
You cannot feel the joy orremember your why because you
(17:03):
are way too depleted to accessit.
So the more you push, theharder it becomes to remember
your why, to remember the bigpicture of why you're there in
the first place.
Burnout is going to make youfeel like you're failing even
when you're not.
And I had a conversation with aclient this week about failure,
and I'm like with a client thisweek about failure and I'm like
(17:26):
is there really failure in life?
Is it truly possible to fail inlife?
And the reason that I'm sayingthis is I equate failure to an
exam in school.
You can fail an exam becauseyou can get the questions wrong
and you wouldn't get a passinggrade, but in life there's no
end point.
I mean there's no finish linereally.
Like I understand, like somedaywe will no longer be here and
(17:50):
that is the end point, I suppose, but like there's no finish
line in the things that we aredoing while we're here on this
earth.
It's all just about growth andit's about contribution, and
it's about figuring things outas we go, and it's about the
relationships and theconnections that we have.
I think, in pageantry, we often,often get to the space of like
(18:15):
I'm going to reach this finishline, which is winning this
thing, but we forget thatthere's so much more after that,
and so we're pushing and we'repushing, and we're pushing to
get to this finish line that weburn ourselves out before we get
there and then have nothingleft to give afterward.
I don't think that there'sreally failure.
I think that there's lessonslearned and I think that there
may be some difficult thingsthat we experience, but this
(18:35):
fear of failure is it's a falsefear, because there is no
failure.
It's a construct that we makeup in our mind.
We get to decide if we'vefailed or not because we tell
ourselves if we failed or not.
We've failed or not because wetell ourselves if we failed or
not.
And so if you can just look atsetbacks or stressors as
opportunities for growth andimprovement, then you'll never
(18:56):
feel like a failure in that way.
And I'm going to say let mepause and say that's so much
easier said than done, because Ican't tell you how many times I
have said and probably will sayto the people that are closest
to me I just feel like I'mfailing.
I feel like I'm failing as acoach.
I feel like I'm failing as anentrepreneur.
I feel like I'm failing as awife, as a grownup, like that
(19:20):
feeling that it's there and likewe all feel it, but is it real?
It's a word that we're using todescribe this feeling of not
getting to where we want to be,but it doesn't mean that we have
failed in the sense of thisblack and white concept.
All right off of that soapbox,back to burnout.
(19:40):
Burnout stems from notprioritizing ourselves.
We start to believe thatsuccess is tied only in action,
so we always have to be doing,doing, doing, producing and
achieving, and that drains usbecause we're not taking time to
refuel or re-energize ourselveswith things that we love.
(20:02):
And I've been reminding myclients lately that, yeah,
pageant prep is important.
You have big goals, but youalso need to be yourself,
outside of prep, outside of yourpageant persona, outside of
your professional life, outsideof classes and the program that
(20:23):
you're in for school.
You need to find activitiesthat have nothing to do with
improvement or productivity.
Find the things that are justfun, purely for the joy of it,
and that is going to help youwith that balance that we've
been talking about and it'sgoing to offset this fear of
(20:45):
failure, because there's nofailure in doing things that you
love just for the joy of it.
There's no feeling of failurethere.
So offset that, thatperspective, that drive, that
constant need forself-improvement because that's
what we hear all the time inpageantry Like we do it because
(21:05):
we want to grow, we want to gainskills, we want to improve
ourselves, we want to build anetwork, we want to be
successful later on because ofall these things that we're
doing now.
Yeah, all of that is lovely andwonderful, but if that's the
only thing that you're focusingon, and you're not focusing on
living life for the purpose ofliving, then you are going to
(21:26):
burn out of living.
Then you are going to burn out.
So let's talk about, if you arefeeling burnt out, how to reset,
but doing so in a very gentleway.
It's going to come from amindset shift, but a mindset
shift is not drastic, it's apivot.
A mindset shift can help inmany ways, but it really has to
(21:50):
be gentle.
So this is not about throwingsome big affirmation at yourself
to snap out of it.
We're not going for toxicpositivity here.
There's not a real that's not areal mindset shift.
When you just are like I'mgoing to be really positive now,
I'm just going to decide tosnap out of this.
I'm going to say good things tomyself in the mirror.
(22:12):
Shifting means pivoting, slowlyclimbing out of where you're at.
It's subtle, it's not dramatic.
It's a matter of going easy onyourself and being gentle with
yourself.
It's like if someone is reallydizzy and they're, you know,
maybe they just fainted andyou're not going to tell them to
(22:34):
just hop back up and keepmoving, like come on, let's
finish the race.
No, you're going to have themlay down for a little while and
take a break, slowly, ease intositting up and then maybe
standing up after that, maybewalking a little bit.
We're going to ease into it.
And so it's the same thing thatwe have to do with our
(22:55):
mentality.
Knowing that rest when you needit is not quitting.
I think sometimes we feel likeif we pause to take a break,
somehow we're giving up or we'rebeing lazy.
It's not quitting, it's notbeing lazy.
The number one thing that helpsreset burnout is taking a break
(23:15):
.
I've done it.
I've taken a break fromcoaching.
I've taken a break from workingout.
I've taken a break from my.
We take vacations because weneed to prevent burnout and we
need to take care of ourselves.
When we're doing that, taking abreak is essential.
There's a reason why we do itin other areas of our life, so
you should also be doing it inpageantry as well.
(23:38):
It can be really hard whenyou've built your identity
around being productive orperforming at a really high
level, and so sometimes it takessomeone else giving you
permission or someone sayinglike you need to rest, and
resting is going to elevate you,not slow you down.
And that's something I actuallyassigned to clients.
If I see that they'reover-practicing or stuck in a
(24:00):
cycle of perfectionism, I havesaid you're not allowed to do
any prep this week.
Your assignment is to be anormal human no self-development
, no goal setting, just be.
Go live your life.
Go be your 20-some-year-oldself, because burnout is like an
injury.
If you've been working outconsistently at the gym without
(24:23):
rest days, or you're working outin a way that's harmful, you'll
end up hurt, and then you can'tgrow or build strength because
you can't keep working out.
When you're hurt, you have topause and recover.
Burnout is the mental andemotional version of that.
Sometimes you're forced to takea break, but your own habits
(24:44):
won't let you, and that's whenyou need to either give yourself
permission, take permissionfrom someone else or have
someone assign it to you, andit's something that I have to do
for myself all the time.
So yesterday, for example, Ihad mentioned like we had gotten
back from the trip.
I was tired and I was jetlagged.
My suitcase was still wide openon the floor, clothes spilling
(25:06):
out.
I had to give myself permissionwide open on the floor, clothes
spilling out.
I had to give myself permissionto do nothing about it and I
had to be okay with the factthat it would get done later.
And that's part of being kindto yourself.
And look, I did it this morning.
I had some time this morningthat I didn't need to be doing
anything else and I got it doneand I feel so much better.
But I would have felt worse ifI had kept kicking myself in the
(25:29):
butt for not doing all thethings.
And I tell my husband the samething.
It's not going to help you tobeat yourself up for not having
the energy.
Give yourself a break.
You'll feel better tomorrow andyou'll get back to it then,
Okay.
So assign yourself a nothingday every once in a while,
(25:50):
unplug from pageant content.
Give your brain a break torecoup and recover, to process
all the things that you've beentaking in recently.
Do something joyful andunproductive, but at the end of
the day, here's the truth thatyou always need to come back to.
If you take nothing else awayfrom this episode, take this.
(26:17):
Burnout does not mean thatyou're not cut out for this.
Burnout is not a reflection ofyour ability.
It has nothing to do with yourvalue, your intelligence or your
strength.
It is simply your brain andyour body saying I need rest.
Burnout is not failure, it'sfeedback.
(26:37):
You're not lazy, you are tired.
You are a human being.
You are not a machine, and yourworth was never and never will
be tied to your productivity.
So remember there's no finishline.
You're not running out of time.
The whole point of being aliveis to achieve endlessly.
(26:59):
It's to grow, to experiencelife, to be a part of the world
by showing up as you.
You bring value simply byexisting.
There's no catastrophe waitingfor you.
If you take a break from prep,you'll still get where you're
going, and when you do, you'llbring a healthier, more present
version of yourself with you.
Rest is part of the prep, not apause from it.
(27:24):
It is necessary in order foryou to achieve success.
You're going to return to yourgoals, and you will return
stronger, clearer and lighter,or you'll uncover that your
goals have changed, and that'sokay too.
You do not have to prove yourworth by pushing through the
(27:47):
pain.
You are already valuable beforethe crown, before the checklist
and before the win.
That should be your affirmation.
So take that with you.
All right, if this resonatedwith you, I invite you to share
this message with anybody elsethat might be feeling the
(28:07):
burnout.
Share this message with anybodyelse that might be feeling the
burnout, and if you are feelingthis, reach out to me, because
I'd love to hold space for you.
You know what it feels like toget to that space, and I know
that it's frustrating when yourdream is to win this title, but
it just feels like there'snothing you can do to get out of
this rut.
It is real, it is valid, butthere are things that you can do
(28:37):
for yourself so that you walkinto competition feeling the
most alive and the mostrejuvenated, the most like
yourself, because, truly, thatis what is going to lead to you
succeeding.
Because think about who youwill be as a title holder.
It's going to be fun.
You're going to be going toappearances, you're going to be
putting yourself out there onsocial media, you're going to be
going to the next level ofcompetition, which is also fun.
(28:58):
And if you want to show up theway that you would every single
day as that title holder duringcompetition, then you have to
get to that headspace forcompetition as well.
So reach out to me if you arefeeling this burnout.
I get it.
I will absolutely hold thatspace for you.
You can also sign up for acoaching consultation.
(29:20):
So if you're tired of reallypushing and you want to prep
from a place of balance andclarity, of course I would love
to be part of that shift withyou.
So click the link in theepisode description or reach out
to me on social media and wewill get you set up so that we
can sit down and chat aboutwhere you're at, where you want
to be and how I can help you getthere Right.
(29:43):
And next, I'm really excited.
I was inspired by many of yourmessages and by my clients as
they're preparing to start a newseries in Sash and Soul.
I'm really excited.
This is going to start nextweek already and it's perfect
timing for competition season.
It will be called Crowned andCandid.
(30:06):
I am bringing on current titleholders at the state level that
will be bringing giving up theirtitle to talk about what is
life really like with that crownon your head, so that you have
a realistic job preview goinginto competition, going into
interviews, so that you can setyourself up for success, set
your game plan for the year ofeverything that you want to
(30:27):
achieve.
So that's going to be kickingoff next week with brand new
series, crowned and Candid, onSash and Soul.
So stay tuned.
Be sure to subscribe to Sashand Soul so you get notified
when these new episodes drop,and I will talk to you next week
Friday.
(30:48):
So thank you for showing up.
Continue showing up exactly whoyou are.
Give yourself a break.
Give yourself love.
I believe in you.
Believe in yourself.
All right, we'll talk to youlater.
Bye.