May 15, 2025 • 58 mins
Authenticity beats perfection every time. That's the powerful message from Miss Hawaii 2024 Hayley Cheyney Kane, who joins us for a transformative conversation about wellness, identity, and the healing power of being unapologetically yourself.
As the first openly gay Miss Hawaii, Haley has navigated her year with a refreshing blend of candor and compassion. Her journey reveals how radical self-acceptance forms the foundation of true wellbeing. "You cannot fully love yourself without fully knowing yourself," she shares, explaining how embracing her identity allowed her to prioritize her health in ways she never could before.
Through her work as a preventative medicine educator serving underserved communities, Hayley has witnessed firsthand how lifestyle-related illnesses disproportionately affect Native Hawaiians. After her partner lost her mother to a preventable heart attack at just 45, her mission became deeply personal. Now, she champions an approach to wellness built on small, sustainable changes rather than overwhelming overhauls—an extra 15 minutes of sleep, a morning high-five in the mirror, one additional vegetable in your meals.
What makes this conversation particularly powerful is Hayley's willingness to discuss the challenges of her year, from experiencing burnout to encountering resistance within her own community. Yet through it all, she discovered that the authenticity she initially feared might be criticized became her greatest strength. Her self-described personality as a "local tita"—more tomboyish, blunt, and less concerned with conventional pageant polish—resonated with audiences who found her approachable and genuine.
Hayley's message of "Aloha is for everyone" encapsulates her belief that we all possess the capacity to breathe life into ourselves and others. This Hawaiian concept of endless compassion, respect, and love offers what she calls "the healing antidote America needs" in divided times. Whether you're facing health challenges, supporting a loved one through illness, or simply seeking to live more authentically, Hayley's insights remind us that self-compassion isn't selfish—it's essential for helping others. As she beautifully puts it: "You can only take care of other people when your cup is full."
Free App Download: Click here to download the Fearlessly Authentic App!
Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
Schedule a FREE Consultation: Book a Call
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Raeanna Johnson (00:00):
Hey guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Thanks so much for joiningagain for another episode in the
Crowned and Candid series.
This guest, you guys, is kindof coming at a very
serendipitous time for me.
If you listen to my episode 47with Miss Ohio, stephanie
Finotti, you will know that mydad is currently in the hospital
(00:22):
.
He suffered a stroke a week agoand so Haley and I were just
talking and she's like, oh mygosh, this is like everything
that I do Like perfect.
So we're going to talk a lottoday about, like taking care of
yourself as a title holder andin life in general.
So excited to introduce MsHawaii.
Did I do it right, haley?
(00:42):
You did Good, great job, great,ms Hawaii, I'm learning.
We had like a whole conversationabout this 2024, haley, cheney,
kanye, kanye Okay, I almostsaid Kanye, I'm like, well,
that's not it.
So we were talking before andshe said her overall message for
this episode is just all aboutliving authentically and how
(01:03):
that helps you take care ofyourself and prioritize your
wellbeing, which I love becauseyou all know like being
fearlessly authentic is kind ofmy shtick, but by, she says, by
loving yourself so fiercely thatyou're able to know what you
need at all times.
That's physically, mentally,emotionally, and that's what she
teaches through herrepresentation, through her
(01:23):
career, and you're going to geta whole beautiful message about
that today from her as well.
So thanks for tuning in and,haley, thanks for joining me,
welcome.
Yes, thank you so much forhaving me, rhianna.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (01:36):
So excited, yeah, absolutely.
Raeanna Johnson (01:38):
Yeah, it's going to be a great conversation
.
They've all been funconversations, but let's hear
from you for a bit.
Tell us about yourself.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (01:44):
they've all been fun conversations, so, um,
but let's hear from you for abit.
Tell us about yourself.
Yeah, so my name is HaleyCheney Kane.
I am from Hawaii.
I'm from Oahu, specifically, um, the Island of Oahu, the town
of Kane'ohe.
Um, I am 28 years old.
Yeah, I, I'm coming to the endof my year as Miss Hawaii 2024.
(02:05):
So the brain cells are really,they're really working on it.
This is the very last, the verylast push.
So we got three weeks left.
Three weeks, wow.
I decided to run in this pageantsystem because I want to go to
medical school, I want to becomea medical doctor.
(02:26):
I'm currently a preventativemedicine educator at a federally
qualified health center here.
So health centers thatspecifically help the
disenfranchised about how toprevent lifestyle-related
illnesses like diabetes, highblood pressure, which leads to
(02:49):
stroke, and kidney disease.
I'm personally motivated toteach these things, one because
Native Hawaiians aredisproportionately affected by
heart disease and diabetes, butalso because my partner lost her
mother at only 45 years old ayear ago, um to to a heart
(03:10):
attack, and it was it's really,it was really difficult, um,
personally, because she was sucha vibrant person and that could
have that heart attack thatended her life too soon could
have been prevented, and so I'mreally passionate about making
sure that no one else loses amother like that.
Raeanna Johnson (03:28):
Yeah, and I certainly appreciate that just
in the position that I'm inright now, I was telling Haley
that like I finally checked intoa hotel after spending seven
nights on a couch in my dad'shospital room, partly because I
needed the comfort, but also Ijust really felt he needed
someone to be there to advocatefor him, because he's nonverbal
(03:50):
right now and we're workingthrough things and he's said my
name and he's starting to saythings here and there, but it's
pretty quiet and he's there,he's all there.
His personality is certainlythere.
So it could have been so muchworse.
He was found really quickly atwork, so that was really good.
But as we're talking about justlike taking care of ourselves
(04:11):
and the preventative care, likeabsolutely this could have been
prevented.
He's only 63.
And so I'm on, as I'm listeningto you, kind of on this
opposite side of like it's nolonger prevention Now we're in
intervention and we are in thehealing stage of, you know, post
crisis.
But it's definitely eyeopeningfor me as a 35 year old woman
(04:37):
looking to be a mother and, youknow, have that longevity for
myself that, like your work isso incredibly important and we
we live our lives so often justlike forgetting that, like it's
consistency that counts intaking care of ourselves and
that, as I'm sure, you're goingto talk about too at some level
(04:59):
today, like consistent nutrition, consistent rest, consistent,
play, consistent, you know, justcaring for ourselves in general
in a way that, like our parentsused to care for us when we
were little and now they patchedthe torch to us and we need to
care for ourselves in that waytoo.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (05:16):
It's just it's difficult to do so in our
current society, right, becausewe live.
We live in an age and in a in astructure that says you need to
keep going and you can put offthe sleep later, you can put off
the good nutrition and do allof that when you're retired or
when you have energy.
But the truth is that it needsto start now in order for that
(05:42):
quality of life to be good,going forward.
Right, and it doesn't.
And I think the biggest thingthat I've taught is that it
doesn't have to be big, right,it shouldn't be big.
In fact, it needs to be smallin order for it to be
sustainable.
And so when you're makingchanges toward better sleep,
toward better food, towardbetter self-talk, even, it needs
(06:05):
to be something as small as 15minutes extra.
15 minutes extra sleep at night, a high five in the mirror to
feel like you're worth theenergy of positivity, and an
extra carrot stick in your inyour lunch.
You know like it doesn't needto be this big mountain.
In fact, it needs to be tinymolehills so that we feel
(06:28):
accomplished.
Raeanna Johnson (06:29):
Talk to me about the power of the way that
we talk to ourselves, because,as a mindset coach and in the
world of pageantry and of womenthat are type A, most likely
many of us are perfectionists,putting this pressure on
ourselves, feeling the pressurefrom the outside in Um, tell me
(06:49):
about, like from yourperspective, the influence of
that positive talk and like thesteps to just get started on
that.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (06:56):
I'm going to quote lots of Mel Robbins
right now.
Raeanna Johnson (06:58):
I think oh yes, I am a huge Mel Robbins fan
right now.
Let them, let them, let themand let me yes.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (07:06):
Yes, okay, beautiful.
To be honest with you, I thinkthe biggest thing for self-talk
is what Mel Robbins says, likehigh fives in the mirror and
just doing that little mind gameof I'm the only one that's
(07:28):
going to make that differenceand I'm powerful enough, right,
and it's just consistency andconsistently being fine to
yourself, you know, and thinkingbecause it, because it's not
going to work if we, if we'retrying to make these big,
drastic changes, right.
Raeanna Johnson (07:46):
So in pageantry for me, especially because I'm
like the first openly gay MissHawaii, and one of the sorry and
one of the first openly gay,like state title holders too,
there haven't been a lot.
So I mean kudos to you andthank you for being open and
being fearless in that.
Well, I mean kudos to you andthank you for for being open and
(08:07):
being fearless in that.
Well, I, I probably shouldn'tspeak for you I don't know if
you're fearless in that or notbut like, oh yeah, I feel pretty
good.
Yeah, thank you for that Cause Ihave clients that that are are
open to and um, I think it'sit's great for great for
everyone to see representationof the way that they identify
(08:28):
themselves as well.
So thanks for being thatrepresentation.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (08:37):
Thank you for acknowledging it.
I appreciate that when I thinkmy body is trying to anticipate,
trying to myself in theself-talk, when my body is
trying to anticipate the thingsthat other people might say
about me as I was running forMiss America.
But, like I said to myselfevery single day and like I said
(08:58):
in my Miss America interview,my only responsibility is to be
myself.
So it doesn't matter how manypeople have input or come up to
the window of my life.
My only job is to be me,because I'm the only one that
has to live in my body.
I'm the only one that has tolive with myself, and I spent 22
(09:23):
years trying to hide from thefact that I was gay, and once I
finally got over that, itdoesn't matter.
It's not a big deal.
My like you deserve to becomfortable.
Once I started believing that Iwas freer, I feel more
confident, I feel more at easeand I have the peace that I had
(09:44):
been searching for.
And so when I ran for MissAbout you, when I ran for Miss
America, I was just like peopleneed to know that it's normal to
be you and that nobody elsereally has input.
It's just you and that nobodyelse really has input.
(10:07):
It's just.
It's just about you and whatmakes you feel most you, you
know authenticity, authenticity,it's such a buzzword.
Raeanna Johnson (10:13):
How would you describe being authentic?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (10:17):
You know that feeling when, when you're
like giving a speech or you'reanswering a question on stage
and you have like all of thisbuzz in your body because you're
like anxious, and then you takea deep breath and you let it go
and you're finally in your bodyand you can think.
Clearly, that's what beingauthentic feels like to me that
(10:42):
letting go of the tension,letting go of the pressure and
just kind of like encapsulatingmyself in my own bubble and
reminding and listening to thatinner voice and reminding myself
again that my only job is to beme and I'm the only one that
can provide the uniqueperspective that I have, that
(11:04):
can provide the uniqueperspective that I have and my
job in answering the question.
The thing that's going to makeit good is me.
Raeanna Johnson (11:15):
There's been a bit of a theme for me in the
past couple of weeks, and thisweek especially, of grounding
and recognizing that I and Ihave I've worked really hard on
learning how to regulate myemotions during times of stress
uh, because historically I'vereally struggled with that.
(11:35):
So I've been in therapy formany years to learn the tools
and the skills to regulate when,when I'm under stress, and so I
think without that I don't knowhow I would have managed this
past week as well as I did, andI'm very proud of how I was able
to handle that.
I'm proud of articulating whenI needed something, even if I
didn't even know what I needed.
But I just needed somebody elseto step up.
(11:56):
I told my husband I need you tobe my caretaker while I'm my
dad's caretaker, so being ableto articulate those things.
But one of the things that Irecognized was I couldn't think
clearly until I took a moment torelax my nervous system, until
(12:16):
I felt like I was in my bodyagain.
So that has become step one forme of doing the deep breathing
or literally getting up andwalking around or going and
feeling the sun on my face orsomething that was going to
remind me that I'm physicallyhere and grounded.
And then it was like I couldstart taking those steps to
think rationally, to have thoseconversations with myself where
(12:39):
I'm talking positively to myselfand encouraging myself.
And so I just wanted to pointthat out, that I feel like that
can oftentimes be that firststep, because when you mentioned
and I'm, yes, I do know whatthat feels like when you're on
stage or before you go on stage,and you have that like nervous
energy, just like buzzing insideof you, when you can feel
physically in your body andrelaxed and attached to
(13:00):
something again, then all of asudden you're like free to have
that clarity of thought andreally let that passion and that
power come out through yoursoul and through your mouth.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (13:11):
Because I feel like that's when the most
beautiful things happen, right.
Like when people are justburying their souls and being
vulnerable, whether it's onstage or just like in a
conversation that you're having,like when you can just make
space for yourself other peoplefeel comfortable making space
for themselves, and that andlike when people can live
comfortably in themselves.
(13:32):
Like that.
That's when the true power ofauthenticity comes, shines
through.
Raeanna Johnson (13:37):
I think that is so beautiful when you can make
space for yourself.
Other people feel safe in thatspace with you and feel safe to
make space for themselves too.
Yeah, and a beautiful visualtoo, because that's so true.
Absolutely, let's talk aboutyour year a little bit.
I want to.
I want to know.
(13:57):
I've kind of been asking.
The way we've been diving in islike take me back to crowning
night and what was going throughyour mind.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (14:12):
Oof.
Okay, so I, when I won thisyear, it was my second year
running and the year prior I hadbeen first runner up.
So they call um all the otherrunners up and it's just me and
my first runner up standingthere and I was like, oh no,
please, please, not again,please, not again, cause that
hurts so bad the ego, that hurtmy ego so bad last, the last
time.
Um, so that's what was runningthrough my mind initially, but
(14:37):
then I was also standing therebecause of because the million
years that it feels like betweenwhen they announce it yes,
because then they're also likebetween when they announce it
yes.
Raeanna Johnson (14:45):
Because then they're also like they're
usually doing it for dramaticeffect, but then also, like our
MC in Wisconsin does, this wholething where he's like the first
runner up is a very importantjob and he goes into explaining
like what happens if, for somereason, blah, blah, blah and so
then it just like takes forever,but yeah, it feels like forever
.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (15:04):
That's true .
I'm like it feels like amillion and five years.
So in those million and fiveyears that I was standing there,
I was like, okay, well, hereare all the things I'm proud of
in this moment, regardless ofwhat happens, because I have no
control.
I have no control and, honestly, whatever is meant to happen
will happen.
(15:25):
So I was just standing therethinking, ok, I'm proud of, I'm
proud of, advocating for theLGBTQ community.
I'm proud of talking about mypartner's mom.
I'm proud of talking about theimportance of sisterhood and how
(15:50):
this andant system has helpedme create the Haley that is here
now.
And I'm proud of being in mybody.
And I'm proud I slayed thatwalk.
And I'm proud of my talent,because I sang and danced at the
same time and my teacher'sprobably so proud of me now.
So, regardless of, regardlessof what happens, I I did what I
came here to do.
And then then they called myname.
(16:11):
I was like, oh my gosh, no way.
Raeanna Johnson (16:15):
Like that gut, like punch of oh, this is real
yeah.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, um, and then, and then I was
supposed to wave and I was, andthe first thing I thought was
did I shave my armpits?
I don't remember.
So I'm like I'm like breathingreally hard and really deeply
(16:40):
and then I'm like not sure if Ishould raise my hand or not
deeply.
Raeanna Johnson (16:47):
And then I'm like not sure if I should raise
my hand or not, especiallybecause you know that they're
going to be like close up takingthat photo of you during the
wave and it's like they're gonna, yeah, hone in on that and
that's going to become yourlegacy for the whole year.
The girl who shaved her armpitsyes, exactly so.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (17:00):
When they handed me the plaque and after I
had been crowned, I was justlike you'll see a picture of me
holding my plaque.
It goes like this elbows in,yeah, elbows in, and like
there's a picture of me wavinglike this, like if there's so,
like not completely up, butthere's like a bit of a shadow,
a little bit of a shadow, yeah,like cat, just a little bit
(17:22):
amazing oh my gosh yeah, I lovethat.
Raeanna Johnson (17:28):
So who were you then and who are you now?
How much have you changed?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (17:33):
oh my gosh, I think I had no idea.
I had no idea what I wasgetting myself into, honestly,
and I really thought that I had,because I grew up in this
system with the same directorsor with the same people
different directors, same peopleum, because I was Miss Hawaii's
(17:53):
Outstanding Teen 2013.
Oh, okay, so, yeah, yeah.
So I had been in this systemfor a long time and I was like
feeling, hoping that it wouldfeel like coming home, which it
did in many ways, but Haley atthe beginning of the year was a
(18:13):
bit naive and a lot more anxiousthan Haley now, because it's
really difficult to live inHawaii and so all of our
directors have multiple otherjobs, slash things that they
need to do, and so a lot of thethings that I've done have been
because I wanted to go do it, soit has been me needing to go
(18:35):
advocate for myself.
Difference is I cry a loteasier now.
I I just am, so I'm so.
I had no idea how much of animpact it would make, um being
the first openly gay Miss Hawaiiand um, talking about lifestyle
(18:57):
changes.
I didn't realize how manypeople would come to me during
my year and say thank you,because I was just doing what I
felt passionate about.
I wasn't really thinking abouthow it would positively or
negatively impact people, I wasjust trying to do it.
So now I just I feel moved bythe things that kind of came
(19:28):
through me this year, because ithas been more amazing than I
could have dreamt of, you know,being able to travel
internationally and representHawaii in a way that hasn't been
done in a long time.
You know, first, I'm like thefirst native Hawaiian that like
(19:50):
also speaks Hawaiian in a longtime and I just they're just
really big strides for ourpeople.
That wouldn't have been done andI just feel really grateful for
(20:13):
the opportunity to be thatperson and to be that vessel.
And then separately, as a queerperson in this election year,
it's been I mean, it's been alot harder than it could have
been.
And so watching myselffearlessly step into that space
of representation and say Idon't care what happens to me, I
don't care what people say tome, because I think it's so
(20:35):
important for people likeyounger Haley to have someone to
look to that they can relate to.
That makes tomorrow a littlebit easier.
To have someone to look to thatthey can relate to, that makes
tomorrow a little bit easier.
I think that's way moreimportant than censoring myself
because I'm scared.
Raeanna Johnson (20:53):
Did you mindfully or purposely, or was
there a reason that you didn'tchoose, like queer advocacy or
something along those lines foryour initiative versus the
wellness that you did instead?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (21:13):
I didn't want it to be my whole thing.
I didn't want, I didn't want myqueerness to be my shtick and
because I want it to be normal,I want it to be something that
people don't think twice about.
It's, it's a characteristicabout me, but it's not all of me
.
And Haley is actually reallypassionate about wellness and
(21:36):
and and how authenticity tiesinto that wellness.
Right, because you cannot, youcannot love yourself without
fully knowing yourself.
You cannot love yourselfwithout fully knowing yourself.
So I couldn't fully love myselfand prioritize my health,
emotionally or physically,without being radically honest
about the fact that I was gayand dating men.
(21:57):
I would say, you know, um, soyes, it was intentional, and I
think the more powerful messagewas loving and accepting
yourself, because that's how youtake care and, as a total nerd,
(22:20):
I need it.
I needed to wrap it in themedicine because it's like how I
move through the world.
Raeanna Johnson (22:26):
I think that's brilliant because it's also
being a role model to women toshow like we are multifaceted,
we are dynamic, we have a lot ofcomponents to ourselves that
make us who we are.
We are not identified as justone thing, and that makes an
(22:46):
incredibly powerful statement.
And yet you also chose to bevery loud about all of those
aspects of who you are and whatyou bring to the table, about
all of those aspects of who youare and what you bring to the
table.
And there's so much alreadylike just in this short
conversation, that you havedisplayed of who Haley is.
And that's so cool because oneof the most powerful things you
(23:08):
can do as a human being and as atitle holder is showing up and
showing all of those facets ofwho you are, so that the people
that need to see representationof themselves in that space will
see that.
And so I think that's brilliantthat you opened up and allowed
(23:29):
yourself to show all these veryunique sides of you and so that
little girls that you met,little boys that you met, could
see just pieces of themselves inyou.
I was just talking to a clientabout this earlier, about
vulnerability and storytelling,and that you know it's like we
(23:53):
have this desire to to show upfor younger us and be this
person that others could look atand say, wow, so I could do it
too.
But the only way that they'regoing to say, oh, wow, I could
do that too, is if they seetheir own faults in you, if they
see the things they'restruggling with in your story,
(24:17):
if they see the things they'restruggling with in your story
and that's where thatvulnerability and that
authenticity is so powerful,because that's what connects
people is those livedexperiences.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (24:26):
You've just described a lot.
I'm gonna say that.
So the name of my CSI is Alohais for everyone, and the point
is, by having Allah, which whichmeans to breathe into other
(24:48):
people, breathe life into otherpeople, yeah, so Allah, face, or
facing ha, meaning breath.
It's the life that we breatheinto one another when our lives
collide.
It means having never endingcompassion, never ending respect
and never ending love forourselves, other people and the
land that we come from, becauseit's all connected, and so I
(25:09):
think the most powerful way toshow that we are compassionate
for the person in front of us islike you're describing being
vulnerable and showing them likethis is so normal and you are
so seen and you are so cared for.
Raeanna Johnson (25:24):
Validating, validating.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (25:27):
Yes.
Raeanna Johnson (25:29):
Absolutely.
I feel like that's most of thework that I do in the mindset
work that I'm doing is likelearning to validate ourselves,
learning to just practice.
That radical acceptance of thisis what I've been through, this
is what I'm feeling and it'sokay.
I'm okay.
I don't have to necessarilylike it, but it's valid and it's
okay for me to feel what I'mfeeling.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (25:50):
Yes, mel Robbins and Brene Brown, the two
leaders in these areas ofshadow work or emotional work.
Raeanna Johnson (26:00):
Right yeah, yeah for sure.
I want to dive deeper into yourwellbeing and how you work to
manage that in the midst of.
You had already mentioned theelection season, the being
openly gay, the living on thisisland, where you didn't
(26:22):
necessarily have a lot ofsupport, for good reason,
because everyone's busy andyou're surrounded by volunteers,
and so you have to pick up theslack in a lot of ways, and
that's commendable and so common, I think, in a lot of different
states that you know.
These organizations are run byvolunteers and we can't expect
them to do all this stuff for us.
So let's talk about wellbeingin the midst of all of that
(26:43):
complexity.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (26:45):
When we, when I started my year, my
partner and I, she said she said, haley, we're just going to
take everything one coffee at atime.
So that's that's kind of how Itook care of myself and
maintained my sanity just doingone thing at a time and doing
everything bite-sized, and alsoremembering that the things that
(27:08):
are meant to fall off will, andit's okay, as long as you're
doing everything well andapproaching it in a way that you
feel proud of that.
That's all that matters.
And then, honestly again, mypartner.
She took a lot, she took careof me a lot.
She's doing the laundry, she'sdriving me to places, she's
(27:29):
making sure I'm eating, she'smaking sure I'm sleeping and
reminding me that I'm doing agood job, even when I feel super
spread thin and I can't remindmyself, you know.
So, having my tribe, I also havemy family.
My sister, particularly, isvery, she's very near and dear
to me and she reminds me of whoI am, you know.
(27:52):
So, having people that remindme that you are still Haley.
So, having people that remindme that you are still Haley, and
even though the pressure of canfeel like a lot, you're, you're
still just just a person thatis only meant to follow the
passion that was instilled inyour heart.
So you're just doing the thingsthat feel Peely or um,
(28:14):
connected to you and you don'thave to do anything extra.
It just you, can just be.
I guess I'm saying thateverybody else is how I kept my,
how I took care of myself, allthe people around me is really
how I did it.
I also grew up.
I grew up in a foster home whenI was in high school and so
that that foster family reallycame and cradled me.
(28:35):
This year, my drag mother, hertoo.
This year, my drag mother, hertoo.
Raeanna Johnson (28:40):
Yeah, so my tribe, you say your drag mother.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (28:44):
Yes, Tell me more.
Have you heard of every dragQueens favorite drag queen,
Sasha?
Raeanna Johnson (28:52):
Colby, it sounds really familiar, but no.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (28:56):
I don't think.
Have you heard of?
Raeanna Johnson (28:56):
RuPaul's Drag Race?
Yes, I have.
I haven't watched it thoughreally familiar, but no, I don't
think I have.
Have you heard of RuPaul's DragRace?
Yes, I have.
I haven't watched it though, oh, I know, I know for shame.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (29:06):
No shame, no shame, um anyway.
So Sasha Colby, when she wasannouncing Chapel Roan at the
VMAs, it's like my drag daughter, so it's kind of like a, like a
, like a queer mother like yourfather, right, okay?
(29:27):
So, oh yes, my drag mother issomebody that I go to when I
need help navigating the queerspace, because that's not
something that my biologicalmother or my foster mother can
really understand.
Right, just another, justanother person in my tribe that,
(29:48):
like, really sees me in a waythat other people can't.
Raeanna Johnson (29:51):
Yeah, the fairy drag mother.
Yes, exactly.
I want one.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (30:01):
We all need one.
We all need one.
It's so true, it's so true shealso made all my dresses, so
that too.
Raeanna Johnson (30:11):
Yeah, amazing.
Which makes it so fun and sopersonal too, keeps you grounded
, which is so nice.
You would mention that, thatyou were given a lot of
encouragement to let things goand to that you don't have to do
it all.
How did that feel for you?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (30:32):
that was.
It was hard to hear, because II was like fighting with myself
because I wanted to doeverything.
The mindset that I had was it'sonly one year.
I only get one year to livethis fabulous life.
Right, but it's not so fabulousif I am so burnt out, if I'm so
burnt out that I can't put asentence together.
I noticed that when I was likepiling too many things on my
(30:55):
plate, I couldn't.
I couldn't function well in mymock interviews or or even when
I'm speaking at events.
I I felt so in my head, soanxious because I had not been
taking care of my body, thatwhen I went to go be myself,
nothing was coming out, becausemy well was dry.
Raeanna Johnson (31:16):
How did you fill that?
Well, I mean, you have yourcircle of people, but what were
the tools that you pulled out ofyour toolbox?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (31:23):
So sleep and exercise are two really big
ones for me.
That's kind of how, that's kindof how I rest, obviously
through sleep, but like that'show I recuperate, you know, um,
because your brain does, doesall of the reorganizing while
you're sleeping, and then yourbody will store the stress, and
(31:46):
so the exercise helps you tokind of like shake that out, or
it helps me to shake that out.
And then I, I love to eat.
So eating, eating deliciousfoods that make my body feel
good, um, is also how I takecare of myself.
Raeanna Johnson (32:04):
So you had this beautiful inner circle of
people, but were there momentsthat you felt lonely,
misunderstood or or burnt outthroughout your year?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (32:15):
Oh yes, I think burnout was probably the
most.
It's probably the mostappropriate word to use there.
I mean, I feel like I hadback-to-back things.
I think I also feltmisunderstood.
I felt misunderstood from mywork, quite a bit Emotionally
burnt out from all of theexpectation I put on myself to
(32:39):
be well put together and what Ithought other people were
expecting of me when I went toappearances or went into
practices and anytime I postmyself as like even getting out
of my car to go to the grocerystore.
I was just putting all thisexpectation on myself and that
kind of burnt me out emotionally.
And then I felt misunderstoodat my job, because healthcare is
(33:06):
a whole nother world thatdoesn't understand like the
positive things that could comefrom being a title holder or
like how that could help topromote the health center itself
.
So when it came to I need tokeep my job because I'm 28 years
old and don't have healthinsurance, so like I need to
continue to work, can you pleasework with me on this?
(33:27):
Their expectation was that Iwould be there at all times or
that I would be there andwithout any schedule, flexing,
and that's just not how it worksas a title holder.
Um, so dealing with thebacklash of that and the
resentment that has kind ofbuilt, even though I'm promoting
(33:49):
what we provide as a healthcenter and also promoting myself
and like making better formyself.
So it was really hard to likehave to defend this achievement
to my workplace that hashistorically just wanted me to
(34:12):
do better and like excel in mycareer, did you?
Raeanna Johnson (34:15):
feel like it was a lot of pageant stereotypes
that was causing some of thismisunderstanding, or where do
you think it came from?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (34:24):
I think it's just the like.
Nobody really understandspageantry in Hawaii, like there
are no stereotypes here otherthan it's a beauty pageant and
like because I get a lot of, whydo I care?
Why do we care about you beingin a crown and banner?
Why do I care that you are?
(34:45):
Why do I want to have MissHawaii come speak at my event?
I don't really.
I don't really know what thatmeans.
So there was a lot of likeadvocating for how Miss Hawaii
can elevate your experience orhow it can elevate your event or
promote my health center.
(35:06):
You know, like it was a lot ofpeople being like why is this
relevant?
Not so much the stereotypes.
Raeanna Johnson (35:14):
That is a huge contributor to burnout when you
feel so passionately aboutsomething and you know the value
about something that you'redoing, and then constantly being
met with this misunderstandingand and devaluing of this thing
that you find and know to beincredibly powerful.
(35:35):
You find and know to beincredibly powerful.
So what was that like then whenyou were?
What was your appearancebooking like and the outreach
that you did for, for trying tobook appearances what?
What did that look like for?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (35:48):
you.
Well, initially it was just mekind of cold calling, cold
emailing people and the initialresponse was oh, I want to
highlight you because you'reopenly gay in a public space, or
I want to highlight you becauseyou're beautiful and so I want
you to be like a model in my formy clothing line, um, and not
(36:10):
so much the like speaking andadvocating that I really wanted
to do.
So that just was me meeting theright people, because in Hawaii
it's all about who you know mereading me meeting the right
people, because in Hawaii it'sall about who you know me
reading, meeting the rightpeople and then having those
conversations that says, hey,this is actually what I can do.
I can, um, I can talk about myexperience as a native Hawaiian,
(36:34):
as a foster care child, asfirst openly gay person in a
public space.
I can, as a as a healthcareprovider like I, I can talk
about things that our peopleneed to hear, that Hawaii needs
to hear, and then, on a nationallevel, so for for people that
aren't native Hawaiian, inHawaii I can talk about how
Aloha is.
(36:54):
The is the healing antidotethat we, that we so desperately
need in our country because ofall the division that's
happening and so when peoplecome to hawaii, I can talk to
them about the importance oftaking full advantage of that
aloha and really understandingit and not just feeling like
you're a tourist that needs tostay in your own lane.
So, yeah, it was just a lot ofme like messaging people, trying
(37:16):
to get into the circles thatwill hear me out, and sometimes
it worked and sometimes itdidn't.
Raeanna Johnson (37:24):
But when we're preparing for a state
competition or a nationalcompetition, we work really hard
to like what's your game plan,what's your messaging, who are
you going to partner with All ofthese things of like?
Because we're preparing for thisjob right, with all of these
things of like, cause we'repreparing for this job Right,
and then you kind of get into itand you start realizing there's
all these aspects of it thatyou didn't really anticipate and
(37:44):
so much of that is what youjust described of trying to
advocate for why you are avaluable, um potential component
to an event or as a speaker oryou know whatever facet that you
were showing up for.
What what you're describing isis this idea of like your
(38:05):
messaging, trying to alreadyanticipate kind of the
objections that you're going toget and so getting those
workarounds of how, how doesthis message of whatever
component you were talking about, how does this relate to a lot
of different types of people, sothat you can really broaden the
(38:27):
scope of who you can connectwith and why your messaging can
make an impact.
We talk about that in FearlesslyAuthentic of what are the
problems that you're addressing,what are the impacts of those
problems, what are the solutions.
When we're talking about theimpacts, it's what are the
impacts on a lot of differentpeople and what are the impacts
on a different communities andwhat are the impacts fiscally
(38:48):
and for the government and likeall these different areas, so
that when you're making yourcase as to why your message, why
your initiative, why theproblem that you're fighting is
important, it doesn't reallymatter who you're talking to,
because you can make a case forit, no matter who it is and what
they find important forthemselves.
And that's what I was hearingas you were describing how you
(39:09):
approached it.
Was that something that youplanned for or did you kind of
learn along the way?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (39:15):
I kind of learned along the way.
I mean, when I was preparingfor the state competition, I
knew that I needed to have anexplanation for my specific CSI
and I also needed to have abroad understanding of how I
would make that translatablenationally so that I could be
successful at nationals.
(39:36):
But I didn't have to.
I didn't have a specific planin place.
I didn't have like all of thekinks worked out like how I did
once I became, or once I finallystepped into the role and like
actively practiced by trial anderror, having to advocate on my
(39:58):
own for myself.
I knew I mean I think it's fairto say that I that I had to
anticipate explaining Aloha toin a broad way, right Like I
think I needed to already havethat, and I felt like I did that
.
So the hard part wasn'tcommunicating to people from the
continent, it was actuallycommunicating to people from
(40:19):
Hawaii, Like locally.
It was difficult to promotemyself and kind of talk about my
worth, Because on a local levelthere's this intergenerational
trauma that makes it reallydifficult for us to uplift one
another, and it's getting better, it's getting a lot better.
(40:41):
But I think that that was kindof what I was running into when
it, when it came to me beingMiss Hawaii and trying to be on
those bigger platforms that talkto the state and, like all the
people in the state, because,yeah, we're not quite there yet,
but I but on.
On the other hand, I will saythat people have stepped in to
(41:05):
lift me up and um and and helpme to advocate for myself.
But that whole, that wholeprocess was very surprising.
That, like the most resistanceI ran into, was locally.
Raeanna Johnson (41:16):
That is really surprising.
Surprising, but like the mostresistance I ran into was
locally.
That is really surprisingno-transcript.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (41:25):
I kind of just took in stride because it
was.
It was surprising that as a, asa title holder, like with a
crown on my head and achievementon my, on my papers, that they
would still, that I would stillbe met with this resistance.
But it was something that I wasmet with before, as as Haley,
and so in in a sense, I kind ofwas not surprised because it was
(41:48):
nothing new Like this isn't.
This isn't new behavior.
This system has been in placeand this intergenerational
trauma, trauma healing, issomething that we've all been
working on since the overthrowin the 1800s.
But I made me realize like, oh,it doesn't matter what
achievement I have, this isstill an area of healing and an
(42:10):
area of trauma that we have toaddress, regardless of how many
hats I or how many levels Ilevel up to, you know it, it
will never be gone.
It will always be something toaddress and move through.
Raeanna Johnson (42:28):
What do you think your legacy is as a Miss
Hawaii?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (42:32):
I think I'm the Miss Hawaii that was not
scared, that did it despite allodds, that like pushed through
it despite all odds.
I think I'm also the real MissHawaii, like I'm not your
(42:53):
typical pageant hottie.
So my personality is what wewould call a local tira.
So that's somebody that's likemore tomboyish, more likely to
be blunt and tell you exactlywhat she thinks and feels, and
not so polished, not so worriedabout palatability, you know.
(43:16):
So that's my, that's mypersonality.
So I think I would be known formy shock factor a little bit,
you know, just kind of like,here I am, here's what I stand
for, and I'm not afraid, but ina respectful way, you know,
right, right I.
Raeanna Johnson (43:35):
I definitely pick up on some of what you're
saying in your personality justin this conversation, but it's
also refreshing, you know it'syeah, it's, it's approachable
and refreshing and, and you know, talking about wanting to be
real and authentic, that's it.
You're not trying to be what wethink other people think we
(44:01):
should be as a title holder, andthat's really important,
because one of the reasons thatI started crowned and candid as
a series was because there'sthere's a lot of misconceptions
about what is expected of you asa state title holder, as a
title holder in general.
But, like you know, here are alot of.
(44:22):
You know you win, and then theimposter syndrome kind of sets
in because you feel like there'sall these expectations of you
behaving a certain way andshowing up a certain way and you
had kind of mentioned some ofthat kind of expectation of
yourself that led to someexhaustion and burnout too, like
early on.
And so I feel like there'susually this learning curve and
(44:45):
period of discovery and growth,especially for the first few
months of wearing that crown andsash, and I think so much of it
is because we've built it up inour heads that a state title
holder is supposed to, isusually, or is X, Y and Z in our
heads, and so that's partly whyI started Crown and Candidate,
(45:06):
because I'm like that's just notit.
I know that's not it, but I'vebeen there and you don't really
know that that's not it untilyou've walked in those shoes.
And so, of course, like we cantalk about this, all we want to,
um, but like actuallyexperiencing it is is that's
where the growth happens, that'swhere real learning happens is
by experiencing it.
But can you, can you speak tothat too?
(45:28):
Just that, like bridging thatgap from this is what we think a
title holder is to this is thereality of being a title holder.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (45:37):
So because I grew up in Hawaii, where there
are less pageant stereotypes,and I was a title holder as a
teen and a title holder as aMiss, I think I have a little
bit of a different approach thanmaybe other states would, but
for me the idea of being MissHawaii was more glamorous than
the reality.
(45:57):
I'm sure it's true for a lot ofpeople, but more interestingly
for me, like when I was a teenand I had an older miss, I
thought that, like when I, if Iwere to ever become older miss,
I thought that, like when I, ifI were to ever become the miss,
that I would be this very mature, very put together version of
myself.
And then, when I became miss, Iwas like wait, I'm still.
(46:19):
I'm still a person, I'm still amessy human that, like, has to
figure out her own stuff.
Um and so the reality was thatI needed to still be a human and
I felt really called torepresenting that as Miss Hawaii
.
I felt really called to becontinuing to be the local tera,
(46:42):
the fearless, blunt, radicallyhonest Haley that I was prior to
being crowned, radically honestHaley that I was prior to being
crowned.
And, on one hand, I kind ofexpected to be shut down for
that, initially by my directorsor by people that hired me for
appearances, but it was actuallythe thing that made people want
(47:05):
me more.
You know so that thatauthenticity and that bluntness
was refreshing, like you haddescribed to other people, and I
was not expecting that.
The imposter syndrome washardest for me when I went to
nationals, actually, because Ifelt like Hawaii was a lot less
competitive compared to otherstates, less competitive
(47:26):
compared to other states.
But when I went to nationals,the reality was that, again,
we're all girls trying to betterourselves and the world around
us, and we can all add to eachother's lives.
We can all contribute to thebetterment of America.
We, the Miss contestants, aregoing to be the next leaders,
(47:49):
and so it's not so much aboutthe, it's not so much of a focus
on the intimidation.
It was easier for me to go upthere and just be and exist and
do my best, because I knew thatI was just going.
I knew that I had theopportunity to shine and and
(48:11):
help everyone else shine aroundme too, because we're all doing
the same thing.
Do you have any regrets fromyour year?
No, I did everything.
I did everything I possiblycould.
I went to the Olympics, I wentto Japan twice, I got to travel
to other states and meet otherMiss contestants before which
Miss Hawaii doesn't really getto do because it's so far away,
(48:35):
and I made lots of friends atMiss America.
So no regrets.
I also probably wouldn't letmyself think about the regrets,
even if I had them, because itdoesn't matter.
Raeanna Johnson (48:47):
And there comes in again that self-talk and
choosing to talk to yourself ina way that is helpful and not
hurtful.
Yes, yeah, good stuff.
Yeah, for sure I do need topractice the high-fiving.
Um, I was just talking aboutthat with someone a couple of
weeks ago who had started doingthat for herself every day, like
(49:09):
yeah, you guys should do that.
I'm like, do you physically hitthe mirror?
And she said, yeah, like okay,all right, bring it all I love
it.
So, to the next Miss Hawaii orother, you know, women that are
listening, what do you want themto take away?
(49:30):
What do you want them to knowto be true about themselves and
about this process and theexperience?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (49:36):
Pageantry is like the self-growth pressure
cooker and the Miss Americasystem is like the self-growth
pressure cooker, of allself-growth pressure cookers,
and what you gain from theexperience is what you put into
it.
So I would say it takes a lotof courage to get on that stage,
(50:01):
to enter the system, to bewilling to hold the mirror up to
yourself and look at all of thethings that you could improve
on.
So you are already brave,regardless of what happens in
the outcome To the next MissHawaii.
You have such a uniqueopportunity to represent our
(50:23):
state and our culture.
Hawaii is different from all theother states because the native
Hawaiian aloha is what makesHawaii so magical, it's what
makes people so drawn to ourstate, and and so I would say to
(50:44):
her to just to, just to just bethe aloha that is that that
exists here and remind yourselfthat you have it in you to
breathe life into yourself.
You have it in you to breathelife into the people that you
meet, and that healing lifeantidote is what America could
really benefit from.
(51:05):
And that's what makes people sodrawn to you as a person, when
you have the Aloha in you, andthat's what makes that's what
makes people so drawn to you asa person.
When you have the Aloha in youand that's translatable I would
just say relish in that, be thatlight and get out of your own
way.
Raeanna Johnson (51:21):
Get out of your own way, absolutely.
I love it.
Right as we come to a closetoday, haley, is there anything
that is on your heart that wedidn't quite get to, that you
wanted to make sure we talkedabout?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (51:38):
I really hope your dad is okay.
I just keep thinking about him.
I just think that it'simportant for family members who
have aging family members andthat are dealing with lifestyle
issues or lifestyle illnesses,to remember that you can only do
(51:59):
the best next thing.
You can't do anything aboutwhat has already happened.
And the best medicine is thatself-compassion, because having
compassion for yourself iswhat's going to heal your heart.
And when you heal your heart,you feel compelled to make
(52:22):
better decisions for your bodybecause it's second nature.
It's second nature to think I'mnot going to smoke this
cigarette because it doesn'tfeel good, and I don't really.
I'm not interested in notfeeling good, but that only
happens when you have thatself-compassion.
And then for family members whoare like you, who have aging
(52:44):
parents that are struggling fromthis, just remembering that you
can only take care of otherpeople when your cup is full.
So you are just as worth theprioritization as you're giving
to your dad.
Just remember that getting goodsleep is really important for
(53:05):
your immune system, for youreating habits, for your mental
wellbeing and et cetera, etcetera.
So I just want to make surethat I'm giving you that
compassion and reminding youthat you're worth that
compassion to yourself too.
Raeanna Johnson (53:42):
Thank you.
That is such a challenge and Ithink it's a constant practice
that we all need to do ofnavigating what do.
We are actively practicing thatself-care and trying to uncover
exactly what it is that we needto fill our well or to fill our
cup, as you had talked about.
But I love what you said, too,about it doesn't help us to look
(54:03):
back at the past and the thingsthat have been done.
The only thing that helps us isto look at what is the next
best thing that we can be doing,and I think that translates to
so many things.
If you're listening and you arefeeling some level of shame
because of a mistake that youmade or the person that you used
to be, that just isn't youanymore and you're just that's
(54:24):
holding you back, because youthink that somehow now you're
not deserving of all of theseamazing things in your life.
I think that is a beautifulmessage to take away that we
can't change the things thathave happened in the past, but
what we can do is the next bestthing for ourselves and for our
communities and for the peoplethat we love, and I think that's
(54:45):
a great way to wrap up thisconversation.
And, haley, I needed thisconversation.
I think the last fewconversations it's been really
fills me with joy when my guestshave been like, oh, this was so
healing.
I needed to process my year outloud and I'm like that's
amazing, that was a benefit thatI didn't even think would be
the case, but I'm so glad thatthat happened for you.
(55:07):
But this time around, this wasa healing conversation for me
and so I really appreciate yourenergy and your compassion and
the passion that you have forpeople and the work that you do
and just try to show up asyourself and make space for
other people in doing that.
So thank you so much.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:26):
Thank you, you know, one coffee at a time.
Raeanna Johnson (55:29):
That's right, I'm almost done with mine.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:35):
Yes, what time is it there?
Like like 6 pm it's 530.
Raeanna Johnson (55:39):
It's quarter to 7 pm.
Quarter to 7.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:42):
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (55:42):
Right, yeah, it's pretty bright still, which
it's, I mean, it's springtime,so the days are just getting
longer.
From here until June, I thinkis the first day of summer.
So, yeah, yeah, I love it.
I need the sunshine.
I'd rather be living in a statelike yours.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (56:00):
You still live in Seattle, so I get it.
Raeanna Johnson (56:03):
So you do get it.
Yeah, the seasons for sure.
Yeah, and I have.
I have one more call after thisand then I'm going to go say
goodnight to my dad and check inand make sure everything's good
, um, and really, reallypractice compassion for myself
and giving myself the grace tobe okay with sleeping away from
(56:24):
the hospital tonight.
He's okay, he's in good hands,it's good for me.
I'm going to take what you saidto heart.
It's all good.
Yes, yeah, cool, all right.
Well, congratulations to you.
Good luck on the rest of youryear, excited to see what you do
next.
And, for those of you listening, you can certainly follow Haley
for the last bit of her reignas Miss Hawaii and, of course,
(56:46):
follow everything that she'sdoing next.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (56:47):
I think she's going to be a force to be
reckoned with, so thank you,rihanna, so good chatting with
you and yeah, this conversationhas been very healing for me.
So thank you for theopportunity and, yeah, I hope
everything goes well with yourdad's healing.
It sounds like he's on the upand up.
He is.
Raeanna Johnson (57:08):
He's strong, he's strong.
That's where I get a lot of itfrom.
So, yeah, cool, all right.
Well, thanks again, haley, andthank you all for tuning in.
We'll be back again very soonwith another episode of Sash and
Soul in our Crowned and Candidseries.
We'll talk to you then.
Bye.
Hey guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Thanks so much for joiningagain for another episode in the
Crowned and Candid series.
This guest, you guys, is kindof coming at a very
serendipitous time for me.
If you listen to my episode 47with Miss Ohio, stephanie
Finotti, you will know that mydad is currently in the hospital
(00:22):
.
He suffered a stroke a week agoand so Haley and I were just
talking and she's like, oh mygosh, this is like everything
that I do Like perfect.
So we're going to talk a lottoday about, like taking care of
yourself as a title holder andin life in general.
So excited to introduce MsHawaii.
Did I do it right, haley?
(00:42):
You did Good, great job, great,ms Hawaii, I'm learning.
We had like a whole conversationabout this 2024, haley, cheney,
kanye, kanye Okay, I almostsaid Kanye, I'm like, well,
that's not it.
So we were talking before andshe said her overall message for
this episode is just all aboutliving authentically and how
(01:03):
that helps you take care ofyourself and prioritize your
wellbeing, which I love becauseyou all know like being
fearlessly authentic is kind ofmy shtick, but by, she says, by
loving yourself so fiercely thatyou're able to know what you
need at all times.
That's physically, mentally,emotionally, and that's what she
teaches through herrepresentation, through her
(01:23):
career, and you're going to geta whole beautiful message about
that today from her as well.
So thanks for tuning in and,haley, thanks for joining me,
welcome.
Yes, thank you so much forhaving me, rhianna.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (01:36):
So excited, yeah, absolutely.
Raeanna Johnson (01:38):
Yeah, it's going to be a great conversation
.
They've all been funconversations, but let's hear
from you for a bit.
Tell us about yourself.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (01:44):
they've all been fun conversations, so, um,
but let's hear from you for abit.
Tell us about yourself.
Yeah, so my name is HaleyCheney Kane.
I am from Hawaii.
I'm from Oahu, specifically, um, the Island of Oahu, the town
of Kane'ohe.
Um, I am 28 years old.
Yeah, I, I'm coming to the endof my year as Miss Hawaii 2024.
(02:05):
So the brain cells are really,they're really working on it.
This is the very last, the verylast push.
So we got three weeks left.
Three weeks, wow.
I decided to run in this pageantsystem because I want to go to
medical school, I want to becomea medical doctor.
(02:26):
I'm currently a preventativemedicine educator at a federally
qualified health center here.
So health centers thatspecifically help the
disenfranchised about how toprevent lifestyle-related
illnesses like diabetes, highblood pressure, which leads to
(02:49):
stroke, and kidney disease.
I'm personally motivated toteach these things, one because
Native Hawaiians aredisproportionately affected by
heart disease and diabetes, butalso because my partner lost her
mother at only 45 years old ayear ago, um to to a heart
(03:10):
attack, and it was it's really,it was really difficult, um,
personally, because she was sucha vibrant person and that could
have that heart attack thatended her life too soon could
have been prevented, and so I'mreally passionate about making
sure that no one else loses amother like that.
Raeanna Johnson (03:28):
Yeah, and I certainly appreciate that just
in the position that I'm inright now, I was telling Haley
that like I finally checked intoa hotel after spending seven
nights on a couch in my dad'shospital room, partly because I
needed the comfort, but also Ijust really felt he needed
someone to be there to advocatefor him, because he's nonverbal
(03:50):
right now and we're workingthrough things and he's said my
name and he's starting to saythings here and there, but it's
pretty quiet and he's there,he's all there.
His personality is certainlythere.
So it could have been so muchworse.
He was found really quickly atwork, so that was really good.
But as we're talking about justlike taking care of ourselves
(04:11):
and the preventative care, likeabsolutely this could have been
prevented.
He's only 63.
And so I'm on, as I'm listeningto you, kind of on this
opposite side of like it's nolonger prevention Now we're in
intervention and we are in thehealing stage of, you know, post
crisis.
But it's definitely eyeopeningfor me as a 35 year old woman
(04:37):
looking to be a mother and, youknow, have that longevity for
myself that, like your work isso incredibly important and we
we live our lives so often justlike forgetting that, like it's
consistency that counts intaking care of ourselves and
that, as I'm sure, you're goingto talk about too at some level
(04:59):
today, like consistent nutrition, consistent rest, consistent,
play, consistent, you know, justcaring for ourselves in general
in a way that, like our parentsused to care for us when we
were little and now they patchedthe torch to us and we need to
care for ourselves in that waytoo.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (05:16):
It's just it's difficult to do so in our
current society, right, becausewe live.
We live in an age and in a in astructure that says you need to
keep going and you can put offthe sleep later, you can put off
the good nutrition and do allof that when you're retired or
when you have energy.
But the truth is that it needsto start now in order for that
(05:42):
quality of life to be good,going forward.
Right, and it doesn't.
And I think the biggest thingthat I've taught is that it
doesn't have to be big, right,it shouldn't be big.
In fact, it needs to be smallin order for it to be
sustainable.
And so when you're makingchanges toward better sleep,
toward better food, towardbetter self-talk, even, it needs
(06:05):
to be something as small as 15minutes extra.
15 minutes extra sleep at night, a high five in the mirror to
feel like you're worth theenergy of positivity, and an
extra carrot stick in your inyour lunch.
You know like it doesn't needto be this big mountain.
In fact, it needs to be tinymolehills so that we feel
(06:28):
accomplished.
Raeanna Johnson (06:29):
Talk to me about the power of the way that
we talk to ourselves, because,as a mindset coach and in the
world of pageantry and of womenthat are type A, most likely
many of us are perfectionists,putting this pressure on
ourselves, feeling the pressurefrom the outside in Um, tell me
(06:49):
about, like from yourperspective, the influence of
that positive talk and like thesteps to just get started on
that.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (06:56):
I'm going to quote lots of Mel Robbins
right now.
Raeanna Johnson (06:58):
I think oh yes, I am a huge Mel Robbins fan
right now.
Let them, let them, let themand let me yes.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (07:06):
Yes, okay, beautiful.
To be honest with you, I thinkthe biggest thing for self-talk
is what Mel Robbins says, likehigh fives in the mirror and
just doing that little mind gameof I'm the only one that's
(07:28):
going to make that differenceand I'm powerful enough, right,
and it's just consistency andconsistently being fine to
yourself, you know, and thinkingbecause it, because it's not
going to work if we, if we'retrying to make these big,
drastic changes, right.
Raeanna Johnson (07:46):
So in pageantry for me, especially because I'm
like the first openly gay MissHawaii, and one of the sorry and
one of the first openly gay,like state title holders too,
there haven't been a lot.
So I mean kudos to you andthank you for being open and
being fearless in that.
Well, I mean kudos to you andthank you for for being open and
(08:07):
being fearless in that.
Well, I, I probably shouldn'tspeak for you I don't know if
you're fearless in that or notbut like, oh yeah, I feel pretty
good.
Yeah, thank you for that Cause Ihave clients that that are are
open to and um, I think it'sit's great for great for
everyone to see representationof the way that they identify
(08:28):
themselves as well.
So thanks for being thatrepresentation.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (08:37):
Thank you for acknowledging it.
I appreciate that when I thinkmy body is trying to anticipate,
trying to myself in theself-talk, when my body is
trying to anticipate the thingsthat other people might say
about me as I was running forMiss America.
But, like I said to myselfevery single day and like I said
(08:58):
in my Miss America interview,my only responsibility is to be
myself.
So it doesn't matter how manypeople have input or come up to
the window of my life.
My only job is to be me,because I'm the only one that
has to live in my body.
I'm the only one that has tolive with myself, and I spent 22
(09:23):
years trying to hide from thefact that I was gay, and once I
finally got over that, itdoesn't matter.
It's not a big deal.
My like you deserve to becomfortable.
Once I started believing that Iwas freer, I feel more
confident, I feel more at easeand I have the peace that I had
(09:44):
been searching for.
And so when I ran for MissAbout you, when I ran for Miss
America, I was just like peopleneed to know that it's normal to
be you and that nobody elsereally has input.
It's just you and that nobodyelse really has input.
(10:07):
It's just.
It's just about you and whatmakes you feel most you, you
know authenticity, authenticity,it's such a buzzword.
Raeanna Johnson (10:13):
How would you describe being authentic?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (10:17):
You know that feeling when, when you're
like giving a speech or you'reanswering a question on stage
and you have like all of thisbuzz in your body because you're
like anxious, and then you takea deep breath and you let it go
and you're finally in your bodyand you can think.
Clearly, that's what beingauthentic feels like to me that
(10:42):
letting go of the tension,letting go of the pressure and
just kind of like encapsulatingmyself in my own bubble and
reminding and listening to thatinner voice and reminding myself
again that my only job is to beme and I'm the only one that
can provide the uniqueperspective that I have, that
(11:04):
can provide the uniqueperspective that I have and my
job in answering the question.
The thing that's going to makeit good is me.
Raeanna Johnson (11:15):
There's been a bit of a theme for me in the
past couple of weeks, and thisweek especially, of grounding
and recognizing that I and Ihave I've worked really hard on
learning how to regulate myemotions during times of stress
uh, because historically I'vereally struggled with that.
(11:35):
So I've been in therapy formany years to learn the tools
and the skills to regulate when,when I'm under stress, and so I
think without that I don't knowhow I would have managed this
past week as well as I did, andI'm very proud of how I was able
to handle that.
I'm proud of articulating whenI needed something, even if I
didn't even know what I needed.
But I just needed somebody elseto step up.
(11:56):
I told my husband I need you tobe my caretaker while I'm my
dad's caretaker, so being ableto articulate those things.
But one of the things that Irecognized was I couldn't think
clearly until I took a moment torelax my nervous system, until
(12:16):
I felt like I was in my bodyagain.
So that has become step one forme of doing the deep breathing
or literally getting up andwalking around or going and
feeling the sun on my face orsomething that was going to
remind me that I'm physicallyhere and grounded.
And then it was like I couldstart taking those steps to
think rationally, to have thoseconversations with myself where
(12:39):
I'm talking positively to myselfand encouraging myself.
And so I just wanted to pointthat out, that I feel like that
can oftentimes be that firststep, because when you mentioned
and I'm, yes, I do know whatthat feels like when you're on
stage or before you go on stage,and you have that like nervous
energy, just like buzzing insideof you, when you can feel
physically in your body andrelaxed and attached to
(13:00):
something again, then all of asudden you're like free to have
that clarity of thought andreally let that passion and that
power come out through yoursoul and through your mouth.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (13:11):
Because I feel like that's when the most
beautiful things happen, right.
Like when people are justburying their souls and being
vulnerable, whether it's onstage or just like in a
conversation that you're having,like when you can just make
space for yourself other peoplefeel comfortable making space
for themselves, and that andlike when people can live
comfortably in themselves.
(13:32):
Like that.
That's when the true power ofauthenticity comes, shines
through.
Raeanna Johnson (13:37):
I think that is so beautiful when you can make
space for yourself.
Other people feel safe in thatspace with you and feel safe to
make space for themselves too.
Yeah, and a beautiful visualtoo, because that's so true.
Absolutely, let's talk aboutyour year a little bit.
I want to.
I want to know.
(13:57):
I've kind of been asking.
The way we've been diving in islike take me back to crowning
night and what was going throughyour mind.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (14:12):
Oof.
Okay, so I, when I won thisyear, it was my second year
running and the year prior I hadbeen first runner up.
So they call um all the otherrunners up and it's just me and
my first runner up standingthere and I was like, oh no,
please, please, not again,please, not again, cause that
hurts so bad the ego, that hurtmy ego so bad last, the last
time.
Um, so that's what was runningthrough my mind initially, but
(14:37):
then I was also standing therebecause of because the million
years that it feels like betweenwhen they announce it yes,
because then they're also likebetween when they announce it
yes.
Raeanna Johnson (14:45):
Because then they're also like they're
usually doing it for dramaticeffect, but then also, like our
MC in Wisconsin does, this wholething where he's like the first
runner up is a very importantjob and he goes into explaining
like what happens if, for somereason, blah, blah, blah and so
then it just like takes forever,but yeah, it feels like forever
.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (15:04):
That's true .
I'm like it feels like amillion and five years.
So in those million and fiveyears that I was standing there,
I was like, okay, well, hereare all the things I'm proud of
in this moment, regardless ofwhat happens, because I have no
control.
I have no control and, honestly, whatever is meant to happen
will happen.
(15:25):
So I was just standing therethinking, ok, I'm proud of, I'm
proud of, advocating for theLGBTQ community.
I'm proud of talking about mypartner's mom.
I'm proud of talking about theimportance of sisterhood and how
(15:50):
this andant system has helpedme create the Haley that is here
now.
And I'm proud of being in mybody.
And I'm proud I slayed thatwalk.
And I'm proud of my talent,because I sang and danced at the
same time and my teacher'sprobably so proud of me now.
So, regardless of, regardlessof what happens, I I did what I
came here to do.
And then then they called myname.
(16:11):
I was like, oh my gosh, no way.
Raeanna Johnson (16:15):
Like that gut, like punch of oh, this is real
yeah.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, um, and then, and then I was
supposed to wave and I was, andthe first thing I thought was
did I shave my armpits?
I don't remember.
So I'm like I'm like breathingreally hard and really deeply
(16:40):
and then I'm like not sure if Ishould raise my hand or not
deeply.
Raeanna Johnson (16:47):
And then I'm like not sure if I should raise
my hand or not, especiallybecause you know that they're
going to be like close up takingthat photo of you during the
wave and it's like they're gonna, yeah, hone in on that and
that's going to become yourlegacy for the whole year.
The girl who shaved her armpitsyes, exactly so.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (17:00):
When they handed me the plaque and after I
had been crowned, I was justlike you'll see a picture of me
holding my plaque.
It goes like this elbows in,yeah, elbows in, and like
there's a picture of me wavinglike this, like if there's so,
like not completely up, butthere's like a bit of a shadow,
a little bit of a shadow, yeah,like cat, just a little bit
(17:22):
amazing oh my gosh yeah, I lovethat.
Raeanna Johnson (17:28):
So who were you then and who are you now?
How much have you changed?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (17:33):
oh my gosh, I think I had no idea.
I had no idea what I wasgetting myself into, honestly,
and I really thought that I had,because I grew up in this
system with the same directorsor with the same people
different directors, same peopleum, because I was Miss Hawaii's
(17:53):
Outstanding Teen 2013.
Oh, okay, so, yeah, yeah.
So I had been in this systemfor a long time and I was like
feeling, hoping that it wouldfeel like coming home, which it
did in many ways, but Haley atthe beginning of the year was a
(18:13):
bit naive and a lot more anxiousthan Haley now, because it's
really difficult to live inHawaii and so all of our
directors have multiple otherjobs, slash things that they
need to do, and so a lot of thethings that I've done have been
because I wanted to go do it, soit has been me needing to go
(18:35):
advocate for myself.
Difference is I cry a loteasier now.
I I just am, so I'm so.
I had no idea how much of animpact it would make, um being
the first openly gay Miss Hawaiiand um, talking about lifestyle
(18:57):
changes.
I didn't realize how manypeople would come to me during
my year and say thank you,because I was just doing what I
felt passionate about.
I wasn't really thinking abouthow it would positively or
negatively impact people, I wasjust trying to do it.
So now I just I feel moved bythe things that kind of came
(19:28):
through me this year, because ithas been more amazing than I
could have dreamt of, you know,being able to travel
internationally and representHawaii in a way that hasn't been
done in a long time.
You know, first, I'm like thefirst native Hawaiian that like
(19:50):
also speaks Hawaiian in a longtime and I just they're just
really big strides for ourpeople.
That wouldn't have been done andI just feel really grateful for
(20:13):
the opportunity to be thatperson and to be that vessel.
And then separately, as a queerperson in this election year,
it's been I mean, it's been alot harder than it could have
been.
And so watching myselffearlessly step into that space
of representation and say Idon't care what happens to me, I
don't care what people say tome, because I think it's so
(20:35):
important for people likeyounger Haley to have someone to
look to that they can relate to.
That makes tomorrow a littlebit easier.
To have someone to look to thatthey can relate to, that makes
tomorrow a little bit easier.
I think that's way moreimportant than censoring myself
because I'm scared.
Raeanna Johnson (20:53):
Did you mindfully or purposely, or was
there a reason that you didn'tchoose, like queer advocacy or
something along those lines foryour initiative versus the
wellness that you did instead?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (21:13):
I didn't want it to be my whole thing.
I didn't want, I didn't want myqueerness to be my shtick and
because I want it to be normal,I want it to be something that
people don't think twice about.
It's, it's a characteristicabout me, but it's not all of me
.
And Haley is actually reallypassionate about wellness and
(21:36):
and and how authenticity tiesinto that wellness.
Right, because you cannot, youcannot love yourself without
fully knowing yourself.
You cannot love yourselfwithout fully knowing yourself.
So I couldn't fully love myselfand prioritize my health,
emotionally or physically,without being radically honest
about the fact that I was gayand dating men.
(21:57):
I would say, you know, um, soyes, it was intentional, and I
think the more powerful messagewas loving and accepting
yourself, because that's how youtake care and, as a total nerd,
(22:20):
I need it.
I needed to wrap it in themedicine because it's like how I
move through the world.
Raeanna Johnson (22:26):
I think that's brilliant because it's also
being a role model to women toshow like we are multifaceted,
we are dynamic, we have a lot ofcomponents to ourselves that
make us who we are.
We are not identified as justone thing, and that makes an
(22:46):
incredibly powerful statement.
And yet you also chose to bevery loud about all of those
aspects of who you are and whatyou bring to the table, about
all of those aspects of who youare and what you bring to the
table.
And there's so much alreadylike just in this short
conversation, that you havedisplayed of who Haley is.
And that's so cool because oneof the most powerful things you
(23:08):
can do as a human being and as atitle holder is showing up and
showing all of those facets ofwho you are, so that the people
that need to see representationof themselves in that space will
see that.
And so I think that's brilliantthat you opened up and allowed
(23:29):
yourself to show all these veryunique sides of you and so that
little girls that you met,little boys that you met, could
see just pieces of themselves inyou.
I was just talking to a clientabout this earlier, about
vulnerability and storytelling,and that you know it's like we
(23:53):
have this desire to to show upfor younger us and be this
person that others could look atand say, wow, so I could do it
too.
But the only way that they'regoing to say, oh, wow, I could
do that too, is if they seetheir own faults in you, if they
see the things they'restruggling with in your story,
(24:17):
if they see the things they'restruggling with in your story
and that's where thatvulnerability and that
authenticity is so powerful,because that's what connects
people is those livedexperiences.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (24:26):
You've just described a lot.
I'm gonna say that.
So the name of my CSI is Alohais for everyone, and the point
is, by having Allah, which whichmeans to breathe into other
(24:48):
people, breathe life into otherpeople, yeah, so Allah, face, or
facing ha, meaning breath.
It's the life that we breatheinto one another when our lives
collide.
It means having never endingcompassion, never ending respect
and never ending love forourselves, other people and the
land that we come from, becauseit's all connected, and so I
(25:09):
think the most powerful way toshow that we are compassionate
for the person in front of us islike you're describing being
vulnerable and showing them likethis is so normal and you are
so seen and you are so cared for.
Raeanna Johnson (25:24):
Validating, validating.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (25:27):
Yes.
Raeanna Johnson (25:29):
Absolutely.
I feel like that's most of thework that I do in the mindset
work that I'm doing is likelearning to validate ourselves,
learning to just practice.
That radical acceptance of thisis what I've been through, this
is what I'm feeling and it'sokay.
I'm okay.
I don't have to necessarilylike it, but it's valid and it's
okay for me to feel what I'mfeeling.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (25:50):
Yes, mel Robbins and Brene Brown, the two
leaders in these areas ofshadow work or emotional work.
Raeanna Johnson (26:00):
Right yeah, yeah for sure.
I want to dive deeper into yourwellbeing and how you work to
manage that in the midst of.
You had already mentioned theelection season, the being
openly gay, the living on thisisland, where you didn't
(26:22):
necessarily have a lot ofsupport, for good reason,
because everyone's busy andyou're surrounded by volunteers,
and so you have to pick up theslack in a lot of ways, and
that's commendable and so common, I think, in a lot of different
states that you know.
These organizations are run byvolunteers and we can't expect
them to do all this stuff for us.
So let's talk about wellbeingin the midst of all of that
(26:43):
complexity.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (26:45):
When we, when I started my year, my
partner and I, she said she said, haley, we're just going to
take everything one coffee at atime.
So that's that's kind of how Itook care of myself and
maintained my sanity just doingone thing at a time and doing
everything bite-sized, and alsoremembering that the things that
(27:08):
are meant to fall off will, andit's okay, as long as you're
doing everything well andapproaching it in a way that you
feel proud of that.
That's all that matters.
And then, honestly again, mypartner.
She took a lot, she took careof me a lot.
She's doing the laundry, she'sdriving me to places, she's
(27:29):
making sure I'm eating, she'smaking sure I'm sleeping and
reminding me that I'm doing agood job, even when I feel super
spread thin and I can't remindmyself, you know.
So, having my tribe, I also havemy family.
My sister, particularly, isvery, she's very near and dear
to me and she reminds me of whoI am, you know.
(27:52):
So, having people that remindme that you are still Haley.
So, having people that remindme that you are still Haley, and
even though the pressure of canfeel like a lot, you're, you're
still just just a person thatis only meant to follow the
passion that was instilled inyour heart.
So you're just doing the thingsthat feel Peely or um,
(28:14):
connected to you and you don'thave to do anything extra.
It just you, can just be.
I guess I'm saying thateverybody else is how I kept my,
how I took care of myself, allthe people around me is really
how I did it.
I also grew up.
I grew up in a foster home whenI was in high school and so
that that foster family reallycame and cradled me.
(28:35):
This year, my drag mother, hertoo.
This year, my drag mother, hertoo.
Raeanna Johnson (28:40):
Yeah, so my tribe, you say your drag mother.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (28:44):
Yes, Tell me more.
Have you heard of every dragQueens favorite drag queen,
Sasha?
Raeanna Johnson (28:52):
Colby, it sounds really familiar, but no.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (28:56):
I don't think.
Have you heard of?
Raeanna Johnson (28:56):
RuPaul's Drag Race?
Yes, I have.
I haven't watched it thoughreally familiar, but no, I don't
think I have.
Have you heard of RuPaul's DragRace?
Yes, I have.
I haven't watched it though, oh, I know, I know for shame.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (29:06):
No shame, no shame, um anyway.
So Sasha Colby, when she wasannouncing Chapel Roan at the
VMAs, it's like my drag daughter, so it's kind of like a, like a
, like a queer mother like yourfather, right, okay?
(29:27):
So, oh yes, my drag mother issomebody that I go to when I
need help navigating the queerspace, because that's not
something that my biologicalmother or my foster mother can
really understand.
Right, just another, justanother person in my tribe that,
(29:48):
like, really sees me in a waythat other people can't.
Raeanna Johnson (29:51):
Yeah, the fairy drag mother.
Yes, exactly.
I want one.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (30:01):
We all need one.
We all need one.
It's so true, it's so true shealso made all my dresses, so
that too.
Raeanna Johnson (30:11):
Yeah, amazing.
Which makes it so fun and sopersonal too, keeps you grounded
, which is so nice.
You would mention that, thatyou were given a lot of
encouragement to let things goand to that you don't have to do
it all.
How did that feel for you?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (30:32):
that was.
It was hard to hear, because II was like fighting with myself
because I wanted to doeverything.
The mindset that I had was it'sonly one year.
I only get one year to livethis fabulous life.
Right, but it's not so fabulousif I am so burnt out, if I'm so
burnt out that I can't put asentence together.
I noticed that when I was likepiling too many things on my
(30:55):
plate, I couldn't.
I couldn't function well in mymock interviews or or even when
I'm speaking at events.
I I felt so in my head, soanxious because I had not been
taking care of my body, thatwhen I went to go be myself,
nothing was coming out, becausemy well was dry.
Raeanna Johnson (31:16):
How did you fill that?
Well, I mean, you have yourcircle of people, but what were
the tools that you pulled out ofyour toolbox?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (31:23):
So sleep and exercise are two really big
ones for me.
That's kind of how, that's kindof how I rest, obviously
through sleep, but like that'show I recuperate, you know, um,
because your brain does, doesall of the reorganizing while
you're sleeping, and then yourbody will store the stress, and
(31:46):
so the exercise helps you tokind of like shake that out, or
it helps me to shake that out.
And then I, I love to eat.
So eating, eating deliciousfoods that make my body feel
good, um, is also how I takecare of myself.
Raeanna Johnson (32:04):
So you had this beautiful inner circle of
people, but were there momentsthat you felt lonely,
misunderstood or or burnt outthroughout your year?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (32:15):
Oh yes, I think burnout was probably the
most.
It's probably the mostappropriate word to use there.
I mean, I feel like I hadback-to-back things.
I think I also feltmisunderstood.
I felt misunderstood from mywork, quite a bit Emotionally
burnt out from all of theexpectation I put on myself to
(32:39):
be well put together and what Ithought other people were
expecting of me when I went toappearances or went into
practices and anytime I postmyself as like even getting out
of my car to go to the grocerystore.
I was just putting all thisexpectation on myself and that
kind of burnt me out emotionally.
And then I felt misunderstoodat my job, because healthcare is
(33:06):
a whole nother world thatdoesn't understand like the
positive things that could comefrom being a title holder or
like how that could help topromote the health center itself
.
So when it came to I need tokeep my job because I'm 28 years
old and don't have healthinsurance, so like I need to
continue to work, can you pleasework with me on this?
(33:27):
Their expectation was that Iwould be there at all times or
that I would be there andwithout any schedule, flexing,
and that's just not how it worksas a title holder.
Um, so dealing with thebacklash of that and the
resentment that has kind ofbuilt, even though I'm promoting
(33:49):
what we provide as a healthcenter and also promoting myself
and like making better formyself.
So it was really hard to likehave to defend this achievement
to my workplace that hashistorically just wanted me to
(34:12):
do better and like excel in mycareer, did you?
Raeanna Johnson (34:15):
feel like it was a lot of pageant stereotypes
that was causing some of thismisunderstanding, or where do
you think it came from?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (34:24):
I think it's just the like.
Nobody really understandspageantry in Hawaii, like there
are no stereotypes here otherthan it's a beauty pageant and
like because I get a lot of, whydo I care?
Why do we care about you beingin a crown and banner?
Why do I care that you are?
(34:45):
Why do I want to have MissHawaii come speak at my event?
I don't really.
I don't really know what thatmeans.
So there was a lot of likeadvocating for how Miss Hawaii
can elevate your experience orhow it can elevate your event or
promote my health center.
(35:06):
You know, like it was a lot ofpeople being like why is this
relevant?
Not so much the stereotypes.
Raeanna Johnson (35:14):
That is a huge contributor to burnout when you
feel so passionately aboutsomething and you know the value
about something that you'redoing, and then constantly being
met with this misunderstandingand and devaluing of this thing
that you find and know to beincredibly powerful.
(35:35):
You find and know to beincredibly powerful.
So what was that like then whenyou were?
What was your appearancebooking like and the outreach
that you did for, for trying tobook appearances what?
What did that look like for?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (35:48):
you.
Well, initially it was just mekind of cold calling, cold
emailing people and the initialresponse was oh, I want to
highlight you because you'reopenly gay in a public space, or
I want to highlight you becauseyou're beautiful and so I want
you to be like a model in my formy clothing line, um, and not
(36:10):
so much the like speaking andadvocating that I really wanted
to do.
So that just was me meeting theright people, because in Hawaii
it's all about who you know mereading me meeting the right
people, because in Hawaii it'sall about who you know me
reading, meeting the rightpeople and then having those
conversations that says, hey,this is actually what I can do.
I can, um, I can talk about myexperience as a native Hawaiian,
(36:34):
as a foster care child, asfirst openly gay person in a
public space.
I can, as a as a healthcareprovider like I, I can talk
about things that our peopleneed to hear, that Hawaii needs
to hear, and then, on a nationallevel, so for for people that
aren't native Hawaiian, inHawaii I can talk about how
Aloha is.
(36:54):
The is the healing antidotethat we, that we so desperately
need in our country because ofall the division that's
happening and so when peoplecome to hawaii, I can talk to
them about the importance oftaking full advantage of that
aloha and really understandingit and not just feeling like
you're a tourist that needs tostay in your own lane.
So, yeah, it was just a lot ofme like messaging people, trying
(37:16):
to get into the circles thatwill hear me out, and sometimes
it worked and sometimes itdidn't.
Raeanna Johnson (37:24):
But when we're preparing for a state
competition or a nationalcompetition, we work really hard
to like what's your game plan,what's your messaging, who are
you going to partner with All ofthese things of like?
Because we're preparing for thisjob right, with all of these
things of like, cause we'repreparing for this job Right,
and then you kind of get into itand you start realizing there's
all these aspects of it thatyou didn't really anticipate and
(37:44):
so much of that is what youjust described of trying to
advocate for why you are avaluable, um potential component
to an event or as a speaker oryou know whatever facet that you
were showing up for.
What what you're describing isis this idea of like your
(38:05):
messaging, trying to alreadyanticipate kind of the
objections that you're going toget and so getting those
workarounds of how, how doesthis message of whatever
component you were talking about, how does this relate to a lot
of different types of people, sothat you can really broaden the
(38:27):
scope of who you can connectwith and why your messaging can
make an impact.
We talk about that in FearlesslyAuthentic of what are the
problems that you're addressing,what are the impacts of those
problems, what are the solutions.
When we're talking about theimpacts, it's what are the
impacts on a lot of differentpeople and what are the impacts
on a different communities andwhat are the impacts fiscally
(38:48):
and for the government and likeall these different areas, so
that when you're making yourcase as to why your message, why
your initiative, why theproblem that you're fighting is
important, it doesn't reallymatter who you're talking to,
because you can make a case forit, no matter who it is and what
they find important forthemselves.
And that's what I was hearingas you were describing how you
(39:09):
approached it.
Was that something that youplanned for or did you kind of
learn along the way?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (39:15):
I kind of learned along the way.
I mean, when I was preparingfor the state competition, I
knew that I needed to have anexplanation for my specific CSI
and I also needed to have abroad understanding of how I
would make that translatablenationally so that I could be
successful at nationals.
(39:36):
But I didn't have to.
I didn't have a specific planin place.
I didn't have like all of thekinks worked out like how I did
once I became, or once I finallystepped into the role and like
actively practiced by trial anderror, having to advocate on my
(39:58):
own for myself.
I knew I mean I think it's fairto say that I that I had to
anticipate explaining Aloha toin a broad way, right Like I
think I needed to already havethat, and I felt like I did that
.
So the hard part wasn'tcommunicating to people from the
continent, it was actuallycommunicating to people from
(40:19):
Hawaii, Like locally.
It was difficult to promotemyself and kind of talk about my
worth, Because on a local levelthere's this intergenerational
trauma that makes it reallydifficult for us to uplift one
another, and it's getting better, it's getting a lot better.
(40:41):
But I think that that was kindof what I was running into when
it, when it came to me beingMiss Hawaii and trying to be on
those bigger platforms that talkto the state and, like all the
people in the state, because,yeah, we're not quite there yet,
but I but on.
On the other hand, I will saythat people have stepped in to
(41:05):
lift me up and um and and helpme to advocate for myself.
But that whole, that wholeprocess was very surprising.
That, like the most resistanceI ran into, was locally.
Raeanna Johnson (41:16):
That is really surprising.
Surprising, but like the mostresistance I ran into was
locally.
That is really surprisingno-transcript.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (41:25):
I kind of just took in stride because it
was.
It was surprising that as a, asa title holder, like with a
crown on my head and achievementon my, on my papers, that they
would still, that I would stillbe met with this resistance.
But it was something that I wasmet with before, as as Haley,
and so in in a sense, I kind ofwas not surprised because it was
(41:48):
nothing new Like this isn't.
This isn't new behavior.
This system has been in placeand this intergenerational
trauma, trauma healing, issomething that we've all been
working on since the overthrowin the 1800s.
But I made me realize like, oh,it doesn't matter what
achievement I have, this isstill an area of healing and an
(42:10):
area of trauma that we have toaddress, regardless of how many
hats I or how many levels Ilevel up to, you know it, it
will never be gone.
It will always be something toaddress and move through.
Raeanna Johnson (42:28):
What do you think your legacy is as a Miss
Hawaii?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (42:32):
I think I'm the Miss Hawaii that was not
scared, that did it despite allodds, that like pushed through
it despite all odds.
I think I'm also the real MissHawaii, like I'm not your
(42:53):
typical pageant hottie.
So my personality is what wewould call a local tira.
So that's somebody that's likemore tomboyish, more likely to
be blunt and tell you exactlywhat she thinks and feels, and
not so polished, not so worriedabout palatability, you know.
(43:16):
So that's my, that's mypersonality.
So I think I would be known formy shock factor a little bit,
you know, just kind of like,here I am, here's what I stand
for, and I'm not afraid, but ina respectful way, you know,
right, right I.
Raeanna Johnson (43:35):
I definitely pick up on some of what you're
saying in your personality justin this conversation, but it's
also refreshing, you know it'syeah, it's, it's approachable
and refreshing and, and you know, talking about wanting to be
real and authentic, that's it.
You're not trying to be what wethink other people think we
(44:01):
should be as a title holder, andthat's really important,
because one of the reasons thatI started crowned and candid as
a series was because there'sthere's a lot of misconceptions
about what is expected of you asa state title holder, as a
title holder in general.
But, like you know, here are alot of.
(44:22):
You know you win, and then theimposter syndrome kind of sets
in because you feel like there'sall these expectations of you
behaving a certain way andshowing up a certain way and you
had kind of mentioned some ofthat kind of expectation of
yourself that led to someexhaustion and burnout too, like
early on.
And so I feel like there'susually this learning curve and
(44:45):
period of discovery and growth,especially for the first few
months of wearing that crown andsash, and I think so much of it
is because we've built it up inour heads that a state title
holder is supposed to, isusually, or is X, Y and Z in our
heads, and so that's partly whyI started Crown and Candidate,
(45:06):
because I'm like that's just notit.
I know that's not it, but I'vebeen there and you don't really
know that that's not it untilyou've walked in those shoes.
And so, of course, like we cantalk about this, all we want to,
um, but like actuallyexperiencing it is is that's
where the growth happens, that'swhere real learning happens is
by experiencing it.
But can you, can you speak tothat too?
(45:28):
Just that, like bridging thatgap from this is what we think a
title holder is to this is thereality of being a title holder.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (45:37):
So because I grew up in Hawaii, where there
are less pageant stereotypes,and I was a title holder as a
teen and a title holder as aMiss, I think I have a little
bit of a different approach thanmaybe other states would, but
for me the idea of being MissHawaii was more glamorous than
the reality.
(45:57):
I'm sure it's true for a lot ofpeople, but more interestingly
for me, like when I was a teenand I had an older miss, I
thought that, like when I, if Iwere to ever become older miss,
I thought that, like when I, ifI were to ever become the miss,
that I would be this very mature, very put together version of
myself.
And then, when I became miss, Iwas like wait, I'm still.
(46:19):
I'm still a person, I'm still amessy human that, like, has to
figure out her own stuff.
Um and so the reality was thatI needed to still be a human and
I felt really called torepresenting that as Miss Hawaii
.
I felt really called to becontinuing to be the local tera,
(46:42):
the fearless, blunt, radicallyhonest Haley that I was prior to
being crowned, radically honestHaley that I was prior to being
crowned.
And, on one hand, I kind ofexpected to be shut down for
that, initially by my directorsor by people that hired me for
appearances, but it was actuallythe thing that made people want
(47:05):
me more.
You know so that thatauthenticity and that bluntness
was refreshing, like you haddescribed to other people, and I
was not expecting that.
The imposter syndrome washardest for me when I went to
nationals, actually, because Ifelt like Hawaii was a lot less
competitive compared to otherstates, less competitive
(47:26):
compared to other states.
But when I went to nationals,the reality was that, again,
we're all girls trying to betterourselves and the world around
us, and we can all add to eachother's lives.
We can all contribute to thebetterment of America.
We, the Miss contestants, aregoing to be the next leaders,
(47:49):
and so it's not so much aboutthe, it's not so much of a focus
on the intimidation.
It was easier for me to go upthere and just be and exist and
do my best, because I knew thatI was just going.
I knew that I had theopportunity to shine and and
(48:11):
help everyone else shine aroundme too, because we're all doing
the same thing.
Do you have any regrets fromyour year?
No, I did everything.
I did everything I possiblycould.
I went to the Olympics, I wentto Japan twice, I got to travel
to other states and meet otherMiss contestants before which
Miss Hawaii doesn't really getto do because it's so far away,
(48:35):
and I made lots of friends atMiss America.
So no regrets.
I also probably wouldn't letmyself think about the regrets,
even if I had them, because itdoesn't matter.
Raeanna Johnson (48:47):
And there comes in again that self-talk and
choosing to talk to yourself ina way that is helpful and not
hurtful.
Yes, yeah, good stuff.
Yeah, for sure I do need topractice the high-fiving.
Um, I was just talking aboutthat with someone a couple of
weeks ago who had started doingthat for herself every day, like
(49:09):
yeah, you guys should do that.
I'm like, do you physically hitthe mirror?
And she said, yeah, like okay,all right, bring it all I love
it.
So, to the next Miss Hawaii orother, you know, women that are
listening, what do you want themto take away?
(49:30):
What do you want them to knowto be true about themselves and
about this process and theexperience?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (49:36):
Pageantry is like the self-growth pressure
cooker and the Miss Americasystem is like the self-growth
pressure cooker, of allself-growth pressure cookers,
and what you gain from theexperience is what you put into
it.
So I would say it takes a lotof courage to get on that stage,
(50:01):
to enter the system, to bewilling to hold the mirror up to
yourself and look at all of thethings that you could improve
on.
So you are already brave,regardless of what happens in
the outcome To the next MissHawaii.
You have such a uniqueopportunity to represent our
(50:23):
state and our culture.
Hawaii is different from all theother states because the native
Hawaiian aloha is what makesHawaii so magical, it's what
makes people so drawn to ourstate, and and so I would say to
(50:44):
her to just to, just to just bethe aloha that is that that
exists here and remind yourselfthat you have it in you to
breathe life into yourself.
You have it in you to breathelife into the people that you
meet, and that healing lifeantidote is what America could
really benefit from.
(51:05):
And that's what makes people sodrawn to you as a person, when
you have the Aloha in you, andthat's what makes that's what
makes people so drawn to you asa person.
When you have the Aloha in youand that's translatable I would
just say relish in that, be thatlight and get out of your own
way.
Raeanna Johnson (51:21):
Get out of your own way, absolutely.
I love it.
Right as we come to a closetoday, haley, is there anything
that is on your heart that wedidn't quite get to, that you
wanted to make sure we talkedabout?
Hayley Cheyney Kane (51:38):
I really hope your dad is okay.
I just keep thinking about him.
I just think that it'simportant for family members who
have aging family members andthat are dealing with lifestyle
issues or lifestyle illnesses,to remember that you can only do
(51:59):
the best next thing.
You can't do anything aboutwhat has already happened.
And the best medicine is thatself-compassion, because having
compassion for yourself iswhat's going to heal your heart.
And when you heal your heart,you feel compelled to make
(52:22):
better decisions for your bodybecause it's second nature.
It's second nature to think I'mnot going to smoke this
cigarette because it doesn'tfeel good, and I don't really.
I'm not interested in notfeeling good, but that only
happens when you have thatself-compassion.
And then for family members whoare like you, who have aging
(52:44):
parents that are struggling fromthis, just remembering that you
can only take care of otherpeople when your cup is full.
So you are just as worth theprioritization as you're giving
to your dad.
Just remember that getting goodsleep is really important for
(53:05):
your immune system, for youreating habits, for your mental
wellbeing and et cetera, etcetera.
So I just want to make surethat I'm giving you that
compassion and reminding youthat you're worth that
compassion to yourself too.
Raeanna Johnson (53:42):
Thank you.
That is such a challenge and Ithink it's a constant practice
that we all need to do ofnavigating what do.
We are actively practicing thatself-care and trying to uncover
exactly what it is that we needto fill our well or to fill our
cup, as you had talked about.
But I love what you said, too,about it doesn't help us to look
(54:03):
back at the past and the thingsthat have been done.
The only thing that helps us isto look at what is the next
best thing that we can be doing,and I think that translates to
so many things.
If you're listening and you arefeeling some level of shame
because of a mistake that youmade or the person that you used
to be, that just isn't youanymore and you're just that's
(54:24):
holding you back, because youthink that somehow now you're
not deserving of all of theseamazing things in your life.
I think that is a beautifulmessage to take away that we
can't change the things thathave happened in the past, but
what we can do is the next bestthing for ourselves and for our
communities and for the peoplethat we love, and I think that's
(54:45):
a great way to wrap up thisconversation.
And, haley, I needed thisconversation.
I think the last fewconversations it's been really
fills me with joy when my guestshave been like, oh, this was so
healing.
I needed to process my year outloud and I'm like that's
amazing, that was a benefit thatI didn't even think would be
the case, but I'm so glad thatthat happened for you.
(55:07):
But this time around, this wasa healing conversation for me
and so I really appreciate yourenergy and your compassion and
the passion that you have forpeople and the work that you do
and just try to show up asyourself and make space for
other people in doing that.
So thank you so much.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:26):
Thank you, you know, one coffee at a time.
Raeanna Johnson (55:29):
That's right, I'm almost done with mine.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:35):
Yes, what time is it there?
Like like 6 pm it's 530.
Raeanna Johnson (55:39):
It's quarter to 7 pm.
Quarter to 7.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (55:42):
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (55:42):
Right, yeah, it's pretty bright still, which
it's, I mean, it's springtime,so the days are just getting
longer.
From here until June, I thinkis the first day of summer.
So, yeah, yeah, I love it.
I need the sunshine.
I'd rather be living in a statelike yours.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (56:00):
You still live in Seattle, so I get it.
Raeanna Johnson (56:03):
So you do get it.
Yeah, the seasons for sure.
Yeah, and I have.
I have one more call after thisand then I'm going to go say
goodnight to my dad and check inand make sure everything's good
, um, and really, reallypractice compassion for myself
and giving myself the grace tobe okay with sleeping away from
(56:24):
the hospital tonight.
He's okay, he's in good hands,it's good for me.
I'm going to take what you saidto heart.
It's all good.
Yes, yeah, cool, all right.
Well, congratulations to you.
Good luck on the rest of youryear, excited to see what you do
next.
And, for those of you listening, you can certainly follow Haley
for the last bit of her reignas Miss Hawaii and, of course,
(56:46):
follow everything that she'sdoing next.
Hayley Cheyney Kane (56:47):
I think she's going to be a force to be
reckoned with, so thank you,rihanna, so good chatting with
you and yeah, this conversationhas been very healing for me.
So thank you for theopportunity and, yeah, I hope
everything goes well with yourdad's healing.
It sounds like he's on the upand up.
He is.
Raeanna Johnson (57:08):
He's strong, he's strong.
That's where I get a lot of itfrom.
So, yeah, cool, all right.
Well, thanks again, haley, andthank you all for tuning in.
We'll be back again very soonwith another episode of Sash and
Soul in our Crowned and Candidseries.
We'll talk to you then.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.