May 30, 2025 • 62 mins
What happens when you refuse to give up on a dream, even after 13 straight losses? Paris Matthews, Miss Utah 2024, reveals the extraordinary journey that led her from wearing "evening gowns from Ross" at her first pageant to representing Utah on the Miss America stage.
This conversation peels back the glossy veneer of pageantry to explore something far more valuable: the power of authentic self-compassion. Paris shares how she lost 13 competitions without ever placing before finally winning her first local title. Rather than becoming discouraged, she found value in each competition, viewing the Miss America program as professional development that enhanced her career as a child life specialist—a healthcare professional who helps children cope with hospital experiences.
Paris' candid revelations about her mental health struggles following Miss America are particularly poignant. Despite professionally teaching coping skills to children, she found herself experiencing panic attacks and anxiety that required her to practice the self-compassion she preaches. Her vulnerability in discussing these challenges demonstrates the courage that defines her reign far more than any crown.
The most powerful takeaway? "Don't count yourself out." Paris describes how she finally succeeded when she stopped trying to be what she thought judges wanted and instead embraced her authentic self—from her natural speaking style to her passion for helping hospitalized children through her "Power of Play" initiative. As she prepares to crown her successor, Paris reflects on maintaining identity beyond the title and the importance of allowing yourself to dream big enough to include even the seemingly impossible.
Whether you're interested in pageantry or simply seeking inspiration to persist through repeated setbacks, this conversation offers wisdom applicable far beyond the stage. Listen now, and discover what becomes possible when you stop counting yourself out and embrace authentic self-compassion.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Raeanna Johnson (00:00):
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
It is another, of course,episode in the Crowned and
Candid series and before we diveback into these awesome
conversations, I realized that Ihadn't given any updates on the
last episode as to where I'm at.
But I'm officially back home.
After my dad had a stroke threeweeks ago yesterday and it was
(00:24):
a huge roller coaster last weekbecause insurance issues and all
this stuff so he was dischargedfrom inpatient rehab and we
kind of had to scramble tofigure out what we were going to
do next.
My husband and I decided totemporarily move him in with us
because back home, where helives three hours away, and they
didn't have any openings fortherapies, especially speech
therapy, which is what he needsuntil July, and so we knew that
(00:47):
coming back to Milwaukee andhaving more healthcare options
here we might be able to get himin quicker, which we did.
He had his first therapysession in speech last Friday.
He's making improvements everyday.
We're kind of settling intothis just like comfortable norm
that we're in right now and I'mjust I'm recuperating and I'm
really starting to just feellike I'm letting my guard down
(01:08):
again and feeling like safe andthat he's going to be okay and
that is all up from here.
So, god willing of course, butthat's the update on me.
I'm doing great and I justappreciate all of you sending
your prayers and positive,hopeful vibes for me too.
I appreciate all of you.
So with that, let's dive in.
(01:31):
I have Miss Utah 2024, parisMatthews, with me today for Sash
and Soul Grounded, candid, andas we were chatting before we
hit record, I asked Paris whather overall message would be
like from her unique perspective, and the first thing she said
was self-compassion.
And it was just this, like youknow, understanding that
(01:53):
sometimes we're really hard onourselves.
And she even said like she wasreally hard on herself because
she lost so many times beforewinning Miss Utah, and
specifically like lost at thelocal title, which I'm really
excited to talk about this,about the hard work, the
dedication, the drive, theperseverance, the getting back
up and building that resilienceevery time.
(02:13):
Because I know that that is acommon story and I think we get
into our heads that you know wehave to be always winning and
always, you know, improving andreaching that next step in order
to reach this overall goal.
And so I think Paris is here tobreak that myth and really have
this message of self-compassionand just being really gracious
(02:34):
throughout your year as well.
So, paris, thank you forjoining me, thanks for being
here.
Paris Matthews (02:39):
Yes, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here andhave a candid chat with you.
Raeanna Johnson (02:44):
Good, yay.
Well, start off by telling us alittle bit more about yourself.
Paris Matthews (02:48):
Yeah, so I'm Paris.
I just turned 27, which iscrazy in my head I'm still 17.
But I am born and raised inSalt Lake City, utah, and I'm
currently a certified child lifespecialist.
And most people are like whatis that job?
I've never heard of that in mylife.
And a child life specialist issomebody that helps kids and
families cope with hospitals.
(03:10):
So right now I'm working in theER and I come in and I teach a
kid what's going to happenbefore it happens.
I use soft language.
We do a lot of play, I dodistraction throughout
procedures, I do bereavementsupport for families who say
goodbye to children for the lasttime and help siblings say
goodbye and do end of lifemementos.
But I'm also in charge of allthe fun stuff and fun visitors
(03:33):
and all the toys at the hospital.
So it is a lot of jobs kind ofall in one.
But it's a dream come true.
I've been doing that for thelast four and a half years and
that was a pretty competitivefield for me to get into and I
kind of think pageants helped mealong the way with getting this
career, which has been reallyfull circle for me to kind of
reflect on.
(03:54):
So that's what I do in myprofessional life.
But I love pageantry and I lovepageants and I've been
competing since I was 19 yearsold and I've been competing
since I was 19 years old andkind of like you mentioned
earlier, I lost 13 competitionsbefore I ever even heard my name
called on a stage and it wasn'teven just oh, I lost and I got
(04:15):
first runner up over and over.
I was not hearing my namecalled once, all 13 times and I
just kept competing because Ilove the growth that you can
have in the Miss America program.
I kind of call it aprofessional development program
because it helped me so much inmy career and who I am.
But besides my job andpageantry I really just love
(04:36):
service and helping other peopleand the outdoors and relaxing
and reading and binging realityTV shows and I'm really excited
to do some more of that when myreign is over in just two weeks.
Raeanna Johnson (04:50):
Are you working full-time at the same time that
you are being Miss Utah?
Paris Matthews (04:54):
So I worked full-time for the first four
months and that was quite thecrazy commitment for me.
I really wanted to try to juggleboth, because child life is my
passion and I really loved myarea that I was working in in
the ER.
But it became very apparent veryquickly that I was kind of not
(05:14):
being able to give my whole selfto either Miss Utah or my work.
I'd be really checked out andbe focusing on Miss Utah stuff
and so I made the decision to gopart time the rest of my year
and it was a really greatdecision for me and I kind of
wish I would have done it soonerbecause I think I got pretty
burnt out pretty fast because Iwould go to work for eight hours
a day and then go to Miss Utahstuff all night or I would have
(05:37):
to call out of work prettysuddenly, because I got an
amazing opportunity that Iwouldn't have ever had as Miss
Utah and it was really hard tobalance both.
But luckily I had a reallygreat relationship with my child
life team and they allowed meto be flexible.
And now I've been working parttime since those first four
(05:57):
months and I'm still workingpart time now.
Raeanna Johnson (06:00):
And that must have really impacted your prep
for Miss America too, and thatmust have really impacted your
prep for Miss America too?
Paris Matthews (06:04):
Yeah, I just kind of felt like I was not
present and I was very scatteredand not myself either.
I felt really present when Iwas at Miss Utah events, but
every other area of my lifeincluding how messy my room was
and my interactions I was evenhaving at work I just was not
giving it my all.
Raeanna Johnson (06:26):
All right, let's go back before the
crowning way, way, way, way, wayback eight years ago, when you
were 19 and you decided tocompete for the first time.
How did you get started?
Paris Matthews (06:32):
I always have liked to do the fun new, weird
thing and push myself out of mycomfort zone.
And I stumbled upon a localnon-Miss America pageant that
I'd never heard of before.
And I stumbled upon a localnon-Miss America pageant that
I'd never heard of before and Iasked my mom if I could do it
and I was probably like 15 atthe time and she's like maybe
let's think about this later.
(06:53):
And I'm a competitive dancer.
So life got very busy and I wason drill team, our dance team
here in Utah, for four years andyou know I'm captain of that
and so I didn't have any othertime to pursue that like little
dream I had, and she just kindof brushed it off and didn't
think I really wanted to do itthat badly.
But ever since I had that dreamI kind of kept in the back of
(07:15):
my head and I once randomly sawa different pageant
advertisement and it wasn't forMiss America competition and I
signed up and I did thatcompetition and I fell in love
with pageantry.
But I knew I wanted to go toMiss America and at that time I
had no idea of the differentsystems.
I knew like USA and America,but I didn't know that there
(07:36):
were even more behind beyondthat, but I knew I wanted to
stick with the Miss Americasystem and my mom actually grew
up doing the Miss USA system.
And so I heard her stories ofdoing pageants and I didn't
think she ever thought I woulddo it either.
But I then signed up to do alocal in Utah and in my city we
(07:57):
don't have a local competition,so I had to only do open
competition.
So it's, any girl from anyplace in the state of Utah could
compete.
And so I went and there wereabout 20 other girls and most of
them had been to Miss Utahalready.
And so I was 19 years old,never done a Miss America
competition, so scared, had noidea what I was doing.
I think my evening gown wasfrom Ross and I got on stage.
(08:21):
I said an onstage question, Imaybe said two or three words
and I walked away and I justthought that was the funnest
thing in the world.
I wasn't even discouraged whenI didn't place or didn't win
because I knew I was just.
I had no idea what I was doingat all.
But what I really took awayfrom that competition was Miss
Utah was emceeing and her name'sJessie Craig Bailey, and I had
(08:47):
this moment with her where shewas so encouraging to me and
complimented me and made me feelreally empowered in who I was,
even though at age 19,.
I had no idea who I was, what Iwanted to be, what I believed
in, and she just kind of changedmy perspective.
I was like I just I want to bejust like her.
She made me feel so welcome inthis organization that I had no
idea about and I'm sure to herthat was just in her hundreds
(09:09):
nights thing that she said thatday and didn't think that'd make
an impact on me and um, thatreally stuck with me and we
actually get to MC Miss Utahtogether, um this year, which is
really special because she'sjust my favorite, most impactful
Miss Utah.
She's the first one I met.
But after I did that firstcompetition, I signed up again
and I lost.
And I signed up again and Ilost and I just kept doing it
(09:31):
and I kept trying my Rossdresses and but every time I was
improving in my interview, whenI interviews my favorite
competition phase by far,because I can so clearly see
where and how I'm improving andso I loved seeing that growth
and on stage question was alwaysvery nerve wracking for me and
(09:54):
so seeing how every time I did acompetition I'd say a couple
more words, I wouldn't be asshaky, I wouldn't say um, and it
just kept getting better andbetter.
And so I just decided I kind ofwant to try again and try again
, and try again.
And people always say, well,didn't you?
Um, and it just kept gettingbetter and better.
And so I just decided I kind ofwant to try again and try again
, try again.
And people always say, well,didn't you want to give up?
And my short answer is no, notreally, because I was having so
much fun learning more aboutmyself, really developing myself
(10:16):
professionally, but also I lovedoing service and it was great
excuse to get out in thecommunity and make a difference.
But but also, in the back of mymind, I had a lot of shame
almost for failing so much, eventhough I was really mentally
positive about it.
I felt like I wasn't doingenough.
What do I need to do better?
(10:37):
Is everyone making fun of methat I keep trying and I'm not
winning?
Is this just?
Is everyone talking about methat I'm signing up for another
competition even though I'venever placed?
I'm going against these peoplewho just got runner up at Miss
Utah, and.
But I just decided to keepgoing because I loved it so much
and I think that the judgesreally saw through that because
I really enjoyed and loved andadored the program so much and I
(11:02):
won my first title on my 13thtry and that was just the
biggest dream come true in mylife.
I didn't think that that wouldhave ever been me.
I kind of expected I was justnever going to win.
I just love Miss America.
And then I went to Miss Utah andI made top 10, which was insane
(11:22):
because that year we had, Ithink, like 55 girls and these
were girls that I had, quoteunquote lost to um many times
over.
And so I just wanted to go toMiss Utah and do my very best
and have so much fun because Ihad made it to my dream.
And then I made top 10 and allof a sudden everyone started
kind of looking at medifferently, which I thought was
(11:44):
kind of disappointing, becauseI was the same person I was
before that week of thatplacement.
I was the same exact person andit didn't matter how I was
placing, but the way I was beingtreated was unfortunately
better by the other competitorsand directors and I was just sad
that my worth was kind ofdependent on how I was placing
(12:06):
and not on my service or mypersonality or just being a
competitor.
It was really based on myplacement and that's something I
really try to be cognizant ofand tell girls who are competing
at locals is somebody in thisroom could very well be Miss
Utah one day.
And even if they're not MissUtah, even if no one else places
(12:27):
, it doesn't determine yourworth or your value or you
should treat this girl reallyamazing because she plays so
well and then this girl's neverplaced, so pay her no attention
because that completely defeatsthe purpose, and I found that a
struggle for sure.
But then I competed one moretime and I won the title Miss
(12:48):
Panorama Land, which is the mosthilarious local title name ever
, and I noticed that eyes werefinally really on me at Miss
Utah, and Miss Utah is verycompetitive.
We have a lot of girls, a lotof girls who are returners
almost always our entire topfive returns and I just noticed
(13:11):
a lot of people were kind ofwhispering, looking at me, kind
of paying attention, when I hadfor so many years nobody would
even pay me the time of day.
And then I won, which was quiteshocking, because of course
everyone likes to make theirpredictions and decide who's
going to win and other girls aretalking about who they think
they was that was going to winand it was never me and I didn't
(13:34):
take that personally.
But I kind of thought, well,why is no one saying me?
Why?
Why is everyone counting me out?
But it was because I wasn'tever publicly boasting about my
prep or winning.
I really was just enjoying theprocess and really loving
serving, loving being a localtitle holder, going to as many
events as I could and enjoyingcompetition week.
(13:56):
I think that's a big part too.
But then I won.
On my 16th try.
I won the title of Miss Utah,something I never thought was
going to happen when, a decadeprior, I was so scared and so
out of place and had no ideawhat I was doing.
And I think it just made a lotof girls realize that where you
place previous years does notmatter at all for any kind of
(14:19):
title, but also placing is notwhat matters at the end of the
day.
And, of course, being Miss Utahhas been the biggest dream come
true.
I could have ever asked for andI'm so grateful for it every
day.
But even if I had walked awaywithout that crown, that
experience would have beenenough for me.
Raeanna Johnson (14:39):
This attitude of gratitude is really powerful
and it's emanating from you.
Gratitude is really powerfuland it's emanating from you.
I'm so curious, though how, howdifferent or how maybe not how
different, but how yourcompetition preparation evolved
throughout those you said 16competitions.
Paris Matthews (15:00):
Yeah, miss America was my 17th.
Yeah, yeah, I would say,preparation wise, I finally
started giving myself a chance.
Once I won a local title I kindof thought, okay, wow, I won
this opportunity to go competeat Miss Utah, I have a chance.
Whether I get 55th place orfirst place, I have a chance at
(15:22):
this.
But more importantly, I can seehow much better I can get from
the last time.
And so I did a lot of interviewprep very intentionally.
But my first year at Miss Utah Iwas just kind of trying to copy
what everyone else does, andthat's what a lot I see a lot of
girls doing, especially withmock interviews.
I was like, okay, let me seewhat this girl said.
How can I incorporate that intowhat I believe?
(15:44):
But then I didn't sound how Isound at all.
My tone was different and thecontent wasn't as strong.
And so then, my final yearbefore I won, I really just
wanted to be exactly myself,talk how I talk on stage and off
stage, and be the exact sameperson.
And I think that's where a lotof girls kind of miss the mark
(16:07):
is.
They think in the pageantinterview room you have to talk
a certain way and you can't moveyour hands as much or you can't
talk too fast, and I was just ahundred percent myself the
entire time and that way I couldreally connect with the judges
because I believed what I wassaying.
I was just being myself.
I have a habit of talkingreally fast and I got feedback
from somebody saying you talktoo fast and you need to slow
(16:29):
down.
And then one of the positivejudges feedback was like I love
how you just talked so quicklyand I was so engaged, and so it
just goes to show that beingyourself is always going to be
what helps you succeed in anyinterview room.
But just in life, and Itranslated that to every area of
competition.
I knew I loved jazz dancing.
(16:50):
I want to do super upbeat dance.
I didn't want to do lyrical.
I knew I wanted to wear a gownthat I felt beautiful in.
I didn't care how many othergirls have black gowns.
I think the year I won therewere like 20 girls that had
black gowns and I didn't care.
I wanted to still stick with myblack gown and I was just
authentically myself and I thinkthat's what you'll hear from
every state title holders.
(17:12):
They were finally themselvesand that's when they were able
to win.
But also it makes it easier asa state title holder because I
don't have to put on this faceevery day and pretend I'm Miss
Utah Paris when I'm at events.
I can just be Paris all thetime and I'm Miss Utah, with and
without the crown.
Raeanna Johnson (17:29):
Yeah, I really think it's so similar to any
other job title that you hold Imean, even you now, as a child
life specialist.
I mean, you are Paris with thattitle of child life specialist.
I'm, you know, I'm a businessowner and a coach, but I'm
always me with those titlesattached.
(17:51):
Um, so I think that's reallypowerful.
Um, what were some of thebiggest mindset hurdles that you
had to really work through onyour way to miss Utah the first
time?
So you competed for miss Utahtwice.
Um, did you have any mindsethurdles that you really needed
(18:11):
to overcome on your way thatfirst year?
And then, what did it look likethe second year?
Paris Matthews (18:17):
So my mindset the first year I was just very
caught up about other girls andwhat they were doing and what
they thought of me and how I canbe more like them, kind of like
I mentioned before.
But it just really wasn't.
I didn't feel happy that way.
And so then I kind of startedtaking a step up for myself,
(18:38):
standing up for myself andsetting some boundaries.
So, like I have amazing friendsin the pageant system and
sometimes they want to talkabout predictions, and one of my
boundaries both years was Idon't want to talk about who
your top 10 is.
I don't want to know who yourtop five is.
I don't know who you want toknow, who you think is going to
win.
And I think that really, reallyhelped with my mindset.
(18:59):
Because if a girl would come upto me and be like, oh, I think
so-and-so is going to win, Iwould kind of feel really hurt
by that.
I'd be like, well, why isn't itme?
Why do you think I can't do it?
Are you counting me outcompletely?
And I would overthink it.
And even if I wasn't going tooverthink it, it still put a
damper on my spirit almost.
And so I just really focused onnot talking about predictions
(19:24):
with anybody, including myfamily, and that was just really
important for me.
I didn't want to bring any ofthat negative juju in and even
if somebody started talkingabout a prediction to me I'd say
you know, I actually think thatI have a great shot at this.
So I don't really want to talkabout this and that was kind of
hard to say sometimes to friendsbut that my mindset, especially
(19:46):
that week of Miss Utah was soimportant that I was like let's
talk about something else.
I think we should talk aboutsomething else because also my
friends competing too and thatcould hurt them.
Making predictions or, you know, checking forums or seeing
who's saying what or talking toyour directors about that kind
of thing is just reallyimportant for mindset both my
(20:07):
years.
Raeanna Johnson (20:08):
You really have to protect your own energy and
protect the the you know kind ofinfiltration of thoughts that
may infiltrate your mind whenyou're really not not wanting
them to being really intentionalabout the things that you're
thinking about and the thingsthat you're talking about
because you're absolutely rightthey completely affect your
(20:30):
energy.
I think back to what you weretalking about with the feedback
from judges and getting kind ofconflicting feedback.
That just goes to show thatthere is no perfect recipe for
success in pageantry.
There's just not.
There's way too many differingopinions and perspectives and
ideas on what makes a greattitle holder.
(20:52):
I think if we can just focus onbuilding up qualifications what
are your qualifications forthis job?
What are the skills that youbring to the table?
And then also like leaning intothe uniqueness that is you and
like your personality, yourcharacteristics, your value that
you bring, based on yourpassions, your insight, your
intellect, your skills, allthose things I mean that's all
(21:14):
you can do and the rest is, youknow.
Up for God and the universe todecide.
Paris Matthews (21:21):
Exactly.
You can't count on any of thefeedback.
Feedback's always helpful and Irely a lot on it, especially
for, like Miss America prep.
But I would just get so muchconflicting feedback that I had
to go with my intuition of whatI thought would be best and what
I would be happiest with.
Raeanna Johnson (21:39):
All right.
So it was quite the journeygetting to crowning moment last
year.
What was going through yourhead on that final night of
competition?
Paris Matthews (21:49):
So I was having a very spiritual week I'm not
very religious, but I would sayI'm very spiritual and I kept
getting these weird likethoughts and feelings, like I
think I might win this.
And that was kind of crazybecause, I mean, I at that point
I didn't feel great about myinterview and I had been
complaining to my roommate like,oh man, I really didn't think I
(22:11):
did very well in that, but Ikept having this like really
weird feeling that I hadn't everhad before, which is like I
think you're gonna win.
And so I got called to the topfive and I just had this feeling
.
I was like, oh my gosh, Ireally think that this is about
to happen for me.
And I just had this weird piecelike this overwhelming,
(22:32):
overwhelming sensation where Iwas confident in whatever I was
going to say was going to comeout.
Okay, cause there's the topfive final question and, as I
mentioned, like on stagequestion is something I always
was very nervous about and I'venever felt so much peace and I
just knew whatever I was goingto say it was meant to happen
that way.
And then I said my final answer.
(22:53):
I was like, oh my gosh, Ireally think this is about to be
me.
And then I stood there with myfirst runner-up and she was
actually the first runner upfrom the year before and so I
knew in that moment that one ofour dreams was about to come
true and one of us is going tobe really devastated, because I
don't think there was one of usthat wanted it more than the
(23:14):
other by any means.
And I think that was a reallysurreal moment too to you know,
not want to hurt someone else bygetting your own dream, but
also really wishing and hopingit for yourself.
Um, but I had quite theout-of-body experience I think I
have, like the most dramaticcrowning in the entire universe,
um, where I was just completelynumb and shocked and stood
(23:37):
there with my mouth wide openfor the entire crowning and just
saying is this real, is thisreal?
And I wasn't just saying it, tosay it or to fake act.
Surprise, I really was that,genuinely, absolutely shocked,
and I quickly got rushed off thestage to do a private interview
with the news and I just was asshocked as ever, saying is this
(23:58):
real, is this real?
And then Miss Utah has an afterparty at the hotel with her
friends and family, and theentire time I was like is this
real?
And that feeling went on for acouple months of just, is this
real, is this actually happening?
And I kept thinking this has tokick in sometime.
And it never really did for me,to be completely honest, even
(24:20):
to this day I don't think I'vehad, of course, realizations
like I'm living my dream.
How lucky am I.
I get to do so many amazingthings.
And it's been like almost 365days, but it still didn't ever
like kick in, like emotionally,like I won the job of Miss Utah,
which was kind of funny.
I thought like one day I haveto wake up here and I really
(24:43):
feel it and realize it.
But it's just another titlethat you have.
Kind of like I said I'm stillParis, I nothing changed when
that crown was placed on my head.
I am exactly the same.
And I thought, for some reasonthe crown goes on your head and
your personality somehow changes.
You feel something different,you act different, but you are
(25:04):
the exact same person and I actthe exact same today as I did on
that day.
Raeanna Johnson (25:10):
The judges must have really sensed that about
you, that you were the real deal, no matter what title you had
or didn't have Yeah's yeah,Strengthen a weakness when you
are can't hide anything abouthow you feel.
I get that.
Yeah, sometimes my husband'slike Rihanna, check your face.
(25:32):
I'm like oh sorry.
Yeah, what did you think thiswas going to look like for you
as Miss Utah, versus whatreality is?
Paris Matthews (25:42):
I thought that I wouldn't have to be sending as
many emails.
Truly, there's so much behindthe scenes that goes on in your
year.
As a title holder a state titleholder I don't just have events
coming my way, pouring to me.
Please come to this event.
You know I have to work hardabout pitching myself to
(26:04):
organizations to have me attendand speak and emcee.
And I think a really big thingfor me was I created a Miss Utah
bucket list, almost my likefirst week of organizations.
I promised judges I was goingto partner with and who I really
wanted to partner with and whatI wanted my year to look like
and like what my mission was.
(26:25):
And that really helped becauseevery week I would just send out
emails, do checklists andeverything I wanted to do had
come true.
Now I can say that and itwouldn't have happened if I
wasn't super intentional with myyear.
I think looking at other MissUtahs before I kind of just
thought that's so cool to get toshow up to this.
(26:46):
They live really busy lives.
I knew that they were busy butI didn't understand how much
work really went into it.
So a lot of hard behind thescenes work.
What did?
Raeanna Johnson (26:57):
your relationship look like with the
board of directors and thevolunteers that you worked with
throughout your year.
Paris Matthews (27:01):
Yeah, I have a great relationship with the
entire board.
They have really been alifesaver for me.
Truly.
I asked them a millionquestions every single day, but
they really helped me feelempowered, and I think a part of
that was their gratitude for mewhen they really saw how hard I
(27:22):
was working and how much I wasreally trying to promote our
organization and how much Iwanted to be doing as Miss Utah,
I think, as well.
So how thankful they were forme made me want to just keep
doing more and more and more.
But also I have a businessmanager who helps me with the
scheduling of my events, whichis a huge help.
(27:43):
But also sometimes it can bechallenging to have to go
through a second person.
But that's kind of the naturewhen you're getting booked for
events to be a professionalspeaker also Because you know
I'm not just showing up andspeaking for fun In the role as
a state title holder, you are aprofessional and to be treated
as such, you are a professionaland, um to be treated as such,
you need a business manager whocan help negotiate that for you,
(28:06):
and so I'm glad that he I'vehad him to uh, be on that side
of things as well.
Um, but it's just a lot ofemails.
Raeanna Johnson (28:15):
So you mentioned negotiation, so do you
get paid for most of yourappearances?
Paris Matthews (28:19):
Yeah, so I have a stipend as Miss Utah, but the
payments of the appearances I dojust go straight to the Miss
Utah organization and notdirectly to me as a state title
holder.
So no matter how many events Ido, if I do a lot one month or
less the other month, I get paidthe same stipend every month
throughout my year.
Raeanna Johnson (28:41):
Does that limit you on what kind of events that
you could do, like if youwanted to do an event pro bono?
Paris Matthews (28:49):
Not necessarily.
I think the one thing wouldprobably be like school
assemblies.
I love children.
I mean that's my entire careerand I knew I wanted to make a
big impact as Miss Utah withyouth and so assemblies are a
hard thing because schools werequired Miss Utah to be paid to
(29:09):
present at assemblies andluckily I still had a lot of
amazing support through schoolsand I got to do a lot.
But if it was up to me I wouldhave been doing an assembly out
of school every single day,every single day, and I still
did dozens.
But I think I just it limitsyou that way, but I think for
the better I probably would havebeen very burnt out if I was
(29:30):
doing an assembly every singleday and I still was able to do
everything I wanted to do.
Raeanna Johnson (29:37):
So, speaking of funding, did you have any role
in sponsorships or donorrelations, or even like
representing corporate partners?
Paris Matthews (29:47):
Yeah, miss Utah has some really great
sponsorships.
I get a car for my entire year,which is amazing, and I drive
all over the state of Utah andI've had about six cars this
year that I trade in and that'sbeen an amazing lifesaver.
But I do a lot with sponsors andI have certain criteria that I
(30:09):
need to meet every month, week,whenever is needed, within the
sponsorship contract that I haveto keep up with the
organization and that's a hugething as well.
That's a lot of pressure for meas a state title holder is I
represent the entireorganization that there's dozens
of volunteers of and hundredsof girls, and it's my singular
(30:32):
job to make sponsors happy withwhat content I'm posting.
And so I didn't think Irealized.
Of course, I knew I was goingto be posting on social media
quite frequently, but how often?
I would be the like, plannerand producer of this content for
the sponsors and I always wantto make sure that they're
extremely happy with the contentI'm producing and they're
(30:54):
feeling loved and valued ummutually.
And that has been a huge chunkof my life as well, that I spend
many hours a week doing.
Raeanna Johnson (31:04):
This is a lot of like almost like
entrepreneurial work in so manyways, Like you do have a board
behind you and you've got abusiness manager and everything.
But is it how similar is it ordifferent, from the work that
you do in your career?
Paris Matthews (31:21):
I think my work in my career has really helped
me as a professional.
I've really learned some greatprofessional skills and I work
with a lot of different, youknow, multidisciplinary teams,
so I know how to work with alldifferent kinds of people, which
is nice, but not so muchcorporate kind of organizations
(31:42):
is what I'm not used to, becausea lot of my work is patient
facing and family facing andreally individualized and less
about like the entireorganization will see this
sponsored post.
But it's really helped me in myconfidence in myself also of
what I'm capable of as aprofessional.
(32:03):
I think these, like connectionsI've made and how I'm able to
meet deadlines and, you know,work closely with partnerships
has made me realize that I canhandle that as a professional as
well.
And I graduate with my master'sin healthcare administration in
October and I'd love to, youknow, utilize my skills that
I've been practicing as MissUtah for a year in the
(32:24):
professional field, because Ithink there are so many great
qualities I've learned that areso transferable to being a
leader in the workplace.
Raeanna Johnson (32:33):
Yeah, absolutely, and congrats on that
.
That is amazing.
You've been doing that on topof work and being Miss Utah.
Paris Matthews (32:41):
Yes, yes, I like to keep it busy, for sure.
I took a pause on school duringMiss America, but I resumed it
right when I got back.
Raeanna Johnson (32:50):
Gosh, good for you, wow.
So let's talk about yourcommunity service initiative.
We've, like, really not touchedon that at all today, so tell
me about it.
How has it evolved throughoutyour year?
Paris Matthews (33:06):
Have you been able to do all the things that
you had hoped to do?
Yeah, so it has to do withchild life, which is my career.
My CSI is the power of play,advocating for hospitalized
children.
So we kind of touched on whatmy job is as a professional.
But my CSI is to provideone-time use play items to
hospitalized kids.
So when a kid comes to the ERI'll give them Play-Doh or
stress balls or tools tonormalize the hospital
(33:27):
environment and help them withtheir coping in a therapeutic
way.
But we really don't like germsat the hospital, so these get
either taken home or thrown away, these one-time use items that
we distribute frequently at thehospital.
And so I saw a huge lack inthese items.
I would get called for coloringbook and I'd have like three
options, and I just saw a hugeneed for the community to know
(33:52):
really that we needed more itemsbecause it's community,
dependent on donations, and so Icreated this charity, the Power
of Play, to collect toy items.
So I do toy drives, I docommunity events where we create
play kits and craft kits, I doa lot of blanket tying and just
collaborating with othercommunity people to give back to
(34:17):
hospitalized kids and, as MissUtah.
I've done several toy drivesand blanket tying.
I do it with different churchgroups, with different Girl
Scout groups and other localtitle holders have gotten
involved and that's been reallyexciting and fun.
But what my favorite part asMiss Utah is, I've gotten to
work kind of as a representativeof the hospital I work at,
(34:37):
which has been really cool to dointerviews as a chart life
specialist and Miss Utah butalso just representing the
hospital.
We have a Seacrest Studios,which is a radio station that
helps kids cope with thehospital, and we have special
visitors.
And I've gone as Miss Utah andI'm actually going to go again
for the third time on Thursdayand it's really cool to see my
(34:58):
patients and they don't know andrealize it's me because I don't
wear makeup to the ER ever.
Get to interact with kids asMiss Utah and not as a child
life specialist is just soimpactful and special to me and
I just wouldn't have dreamed ofanything more.
Fulfilling that's a great wordto use for my year is just true
(35:22):
fulfillment.
But sharing about child lifewith other people when so many
people don't even know what thejob is, has been really
rewarding.
And I also have a book.
I wrote a book Maple's HospitalAdventure and that's a book
that I read to all the kids whenI do school visits and it's
about a little girl that getsappendicitis and we learn about
all the tests and like what anIV is, a CT scan, an ultrasound,
(35:44):
and that's been really cool togo to schools and teach them
about these procedures whenthey're not getting them but
they're still learning aboutthem and how play can be used as
a coping tool and we practiceother coping tools, like deep
breathing, and they learn aboutwhat a child life specialist is,
and so that's been a reallycool part about my community
service initiative as well.
Raeanna Johnson (36:02):
Has this always been your initiative or has it
changed throughout the yearssince you started at 18?
Paris Matthews (36:08):
It has changed and I think I started to succeed
more in pageants when it becamemore solidified to what I am
passionate about.
So it started out as autismadvocacy, which is something I
am still passionate about and Iwork on a lot at the hospital,
but it wasn't exactly my niche.
And then it changed to Go Goldfor Childhood Cancer, which I'm
still extremely passionate about, but something more vague
(36:32):
towards my job, like the powerof play just really encompasses
all children, all illness, alldiagnoses.
Children, all illness, alldiagnoses.
And I just found such a passionand, you know, picking that
route instead of just puttingmyself in a hole like childhood
cancer.
But I still do a lot ofchildhood cancer advocacy work.
(36:54):
I was able to go to DC with MissRhode Island a few months ago.
We were able to lobby for somechildhood cancer acts and my
last event as Miss Utah isactually going to be at a
childhood cancer camp that Ilove and I've been really sad.
I haven't been able to go thelast few years because it's
during Miss Utah Week, but I getto go this year as Miss Utah,
so I'm very excited.
Raeanna Johnson (37:11):
It's amazing how things come full circle.
Yes, so cool and also it'sinteresting, like, from a
marketing perspective.
You narrowed your scope in yourcsi, because you narrowed it to
like one specific thing thatyou are an expert in and one
unique like niche need, which is, you know, like getting
(37:33):
donations, soliciting donationsfor for kids, um, but, yeah, you
broadened it so that you didn'tfeel like you had to be maybe
an expert in childhood cancer,an expert in autism, and you,
you really just led with yourheart and I think that's
something that so often, like,we have this idea that we're
(37:54):
supposed to be catering it towhat we think the judges might
like or what we might be able tosell at Miss America.
But when everything changes iswhen you finally land on
something that is so personal toyou and uniquely part of who
you are.
Paris Matthews (38:11):
And on stage, question and interview becomes
way less scary because you knowwhat you're talking about.
It's coming from your heart,you truly believe and know what
you're saying, and so that'slike the biggest piece of advice
I give is just pick a CSI thatis truly you.
It doesn't matter truly what itis, as long as it's you know,
(38:31):
advocating for some cause thatyou believe in.
If you can speak to it, thenit's what you should do.
Raeanna Johnson (38:37):
Right Shifting gears to Miss America.
What does your prep for MissAmerica look like?
I mean, I know you were workingfull time for those first four
months.
Paris Matthews (38:45):
I'm sure you had to kind of cram a little bit't
stress yourself out, and I'mreally glad I did that because I
was really present when I wasat Miss Utah events and, you
(39:09):
know, not putting that pressureon me yet, but I still was
really excited about the process, and so when I began prepping I
knew I just wanted to beauthentically myself as I've
already mentioned multiple timesbut really just the interview I
wanted to make sure that Iwasn't just saying things that I
thought would look good at MissAmerica, just like you just
(39:32):
mentioned as well.
I didn't want to justregurgitate what every other
girl was going to be saying.
I wanted to stay true to who Iwas, but also being so confident
and well-spoken that I could bea Miss America, and so just
making sure that I wasn'tteetering to, you know, be too
pageanty or to just say what Ithought people were wanting to
(39:54):
say, or to be overly marketable.
I just wanted to be Paris anddisplay that as well as I could.
And I think my favorite partwas actually doing my paperwork
because I was knowing that thiswas my last time competing in a
pageant.
You know this is my one moreopportunity and so really just
fine tuning those little thingswas really exciting for me.
(40:16):
Like what do I want the MissAmerica judges to know?
Because it was so surreal thatI was going, having to fine tune
exactly what I wanted them toknow about me, but also just
having fun.
And with the health and fitnessportion, I think I previously
put a lot of pressure on myself.
You know, within my nine yearsof competing, before I'd won I
(40:40):
had lost over 40 pounds and thatwas something that I really
needed to live a healthylifestyle.
And I've never felt better thanwhen I won Miss Utah because I
was finally eating and living ina healthy way.
But I didn't want to take ittoo far at Miss America and
think I needed to be a certainsize to be on the national stage
(41:03):
.
So I knew I wanted and I knewlittle girls somewhere were
going to be seeing me andlooking up to me and seeing how
I was acting and talking aboutmy body, and so I knew I didn't
want to try to shrink myself inany way at Miss America.
I didn't want to shrink the waymy body looked, I didn't want
to shrink my personality, Ididn't want to shrink my beliefs
(41:25):
, I just really wanted to befully myself the entire time and
that was something I reallyfocused on and wanted,
especially in the health andfitness competition.
Raeanna Johnson (41:36):
What was the experience like at Miss America?
Paris Matthews (41:39):
Oh man, it was a busy, busy couple of weeks.
I mean flying after the dayafter Christmas I felt like I
didn't really even get aChristmas because I was just in
such Miss America mode, um.
And once I was there it justkept kind of feeling like, wow,
this is what Miss America is.
I mean, this is here we are, um.
But it was a lot more calm thanI was expecting.
(42:03):
I kind of thought it was alwaysgoing to be this like hubbub
crazy, and we had a lot moredowntime than I expected, even
though we were staying upcompletely late, getting no
sleep the entire time.
I was surprised at how relaxedI felt the entire time.
Raeanna Johnson (42:20):
What do you think you attribute your relaxed
mindset to?
Paris Matthews (42:27):
I think it wasn't putting any pressure on
the outcome and enjoying theprocess.
I went into it thinking whatcan I do?
That when I walk away from this, no matter the outcome, that
this was the best week of mylife?
And because of that I did havethe best week of my life because
I was having fun, I was makingfriends, I was really enjoying
(42:50):
the entire process, even thehard parts.
And people would say, like whatwas your favorite part?
And I'm like all of it becauseit really was my favorite part.
And I think part of that isalso my mindset is that
gratitude If you have theattitude of gratitude within
anything in life, but especiallyin pageantry, I think that will
(43:10):
be reflected in your experienceand in your reality.
Because even though a girl whowent to Miss America could have
had a completely differentnegative experience than me, my
mindset was so gracious to evenbe there that I loved truly
every single moment, even whenmy alarm went off at four in the
morning to get up in themorning, I was like, okay, let's
(43:30):
get ready for Miss America.
Raeanna Johnson (43:32):
How did you emotionally handle the buildup
of going to Miss America andthen, of course, everything
afterwards after coming home?
Paris Matthews (43:42):
Yeah, I think the buildup was very exciting.
In Utah we do a send off, as alot of states do, but my send
off just felt really specialbecause all my friends and
family were there, all mypageant friends were there and I
got to do it with my teen,which was even more special.
And I had gone to thosesend-offs year after year and
(44:03):
never thought and sat in theaudience and thought, wow, this
is going to be me one day.
And so realizing it was me andmy opportunity was so cool and I
just felt nothing butexcitement leading up to Miss
America, excitement andhappiness the whole week of Miss
America.
And then coming home I wasstill just kind of riding off
(44:23):
that high and really excited.
But something that was kind ofhard for me is I have some
flight anxiety and some of thisstems from a fear called
clithrophobia, and clithrophobiais the fear of being trapped.
So it's not the fear of smallspaces but the fear of like not
being able to get out ofsomewhere, and I've the only
(44:46):
place I really struggle is inelevators.
But on my way home from MissAmerica I had a pretty bad
anxiety attack on the plane ridehome, the entire flight home,
and it's a five-hour flight fromOrlando to Salt Lake City, and
so I had never experiencedanything like that before and
you know, this kind of didn'tcome on from anything other than
(45:08):
my like underlyingclaustrophobia and probably just
to come down from a veryexciting high stress, high
pressure week.
Raeanna Johnson (45:17):
Yeah, exhausting I mean good stress
and bad stress, there's both,and so you were, you were
processing all of that.
Paris Matthews (45:25):
Yeah, completely .
Your nervous system is justkind of discombobulated in every
single way, and since thatexperience I've had some really
bad panic attacks that I havehad traveling, when there's like
a glyphophobia situation that Ihadn't have ever had to deal
(45:46):
with previously.
I've always had the fear, butI've never really had it where
it's impacting my daily life,and so now it's been, you know,
almost six months since MissAmerica, and sometimes it's
really hard for me to drive inevents in traffic and sometimes
I'll be sitting at work and I'llhave a random panic attack, and
these are experiences that Ihave never had.
(46:09):
I've always had anxiety hereand there, as most people do,
but you know, I teach kidscoping skills and so I know how
to implement coping skillsmyself, but it's kind of past
the point of where I'm able tohandle it, and so I've had to
work really closely with peopleI trust and therapists, and I've
(46:29):
, you know, consulted with mydirectors and my amazing travel
companions that come with me toall my events as Miss Utah.
They know that I've been havingthese struggles and it's really
hard, but it's also hard for mebecause I love going to events
as Miss Utah, I love traveling,I love to do as much as I
(46:49):
possibly can, and so to feelthese anxious feelings when I'm
doing something that I love hasbeen really challenging for me.
But also, I've just had to givemyself a lot of grace that I'm
doing my best.
And you know, these feelingsaren't, you know, in my control.
But what's in my control is howI respond to them and, you know
(47:11):
, reaching out to others forhelp, which is just something
I've never had to do before andI've, you know, heard and helped
others when they're havinganxiety or hard times.
But now that it's me, I've justrealized how much I really do
have to rely on those I love andgive myself that grace and
self-compassion.
Raeanna Johnson (47:28):
Yeah, I was going to say this is really
where I'm seeing theself-compassion practice come in
, and that's what I wouldemphasize race and
self-compassion are practiced.
These are not like skills thatyou just like pull out and
you're like, all right, I'msuper compassionate for myself
now.
No, you have to activelypractice it and there's like
(47:48):
skills that you need to be ableto pull out in those moments
when you need it the most.
How has that journey been foryou of figuring out the way to
practice self-compassion andgrace for yourself?
Paris Matthews (48:03):
I am a very overly independent person and I
think I wanted to just deal withit on my own for such a long
time, but I was seeing it reallyjust impact the way I was
acting, even though, like inside, I would just be having such
deep panic.
The outside I could manage it alittle bit, but it just came to
(48:27):
a point where I knew I needed torely on other people, to a
point where I knew I needed torely on other people.
And that started withself-compassion, which is
acknowledging like it's okay toask for help.
It's okay to tell other peoplewhat you're going through and
what you're thinking, whatyou're feeling.
And I think a lot of part, abig part that I feel a little
(48:47):
bit of shame about is that Ididn't want to have other people
have to help me.
I didn't want to like burdenthem and, you know, didn't want
to take away from any of theirexperiences and, realizing that
I needed to still ask for help,even though I didn't want to and
(49:08):
I wasn't being a burden toother people, that they wanted
to help me and, you know, makemy experience as it continues
the last little bit as easy aspossible.
Raeanna Johnson (49:19):
That is such a beautiful sentiment that we do
as humans, and I thinkespecially as women, where we
don't want to put that burden onanybody else.
But you're so right People wantto help if they can.
And I think the other thing toremember too is that if they
can't, they may say no, but it'snot because they don't want to,
(49:41):
but maybe they don't have thecapacity to in some way shape or
form, but it's never becauseyou're not deserving of it or
worthy of it.
But being able to allow peopleto have, like, make their own
decision on whether or not theycan be helpful to you, whether
that's financially or by givingof their time or lending an ear,
(50:02):
being emotional support.
And there's certainly times likeeven recently for me like I
cannot be at the level ofemotional support that I would
like to be for certain people inmy life, and I think that's why
it's important that we all havea lot of different resources
and different people that we cango to, because relying on one
person, I mean, it's going toburn them out too, and so we can
(50:25):
kind of spread our our you know, like mini string, many.
What is it?
Many strings, many strings,that analogy you know what I'm
talking about.
Like the more strings that youhave together, the stronger it
is.
Like builds the rope, and sohaving like building up that
support system for ourselves andknowing who we need to turn to
in those times is it's apowerful tool and it's hard to
(50:46):
navigate when you are, like yousaid, as independent and
strong-willed as you are.
Paris Matthews (50:52):
Yeah, definitely , and I think with me, a lot of
my anxiety is triggered by likequote unquote, silly things that
I know aren't like directthreats or they're just not
easily fixable.
Things Like I think a lot ofpeople just will like feel like
general anxiety or it's becausethey're stressed at work and
(51:12):
that's really fixable becauseyou know what the problem is
when my things are just kind ofreally sudden and really quick
and really intense.
That's also hard because when Ido ask people, when I like
communicate that I need somehelp or relying on other people,
it's hard because as people, wewant to problem solve.
Or relying on other people,it's hard because as people, we
(51:33):
want to problem solve and a lotof my problem solving is just
being a support person for meand me, sharing that I'm going
through something hard and youunderstanding and also giving me
compassion as a resource andfriend.
Raeanna Johnson (51:44):
Validation goes so far.
Paris Matthews (51:45):
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (51:47):
Yeah, validation is so powerful for
someone when they're strugglingwith depression or anxiety or
any kind of emotional struggle,because, with anxiety and
speaking from my own experience,when I'm feeling and what I
have to practice is radicalacceptance and self-validation.
And it's even more helpful andimpactful when someone else is
(52:20):
validating.
Like you know, they don't haveto understand exactly how it
feels, but to just acknowledgethat I'm having a hard time and
that I'm okay and it's okay andit's not dumb or silly or
anything like that Like justhelping me kind of alleviate my
own judgmental thoughts onmyself is so validating and so
helpful.
I completely agree.
(52:42):
This has been a long journeyfor you.
You're finally here, you'rewrapping it up.
Paris Matthews (52:48):
How does that feel I keep saying I'm going to
be devastated.
And that's just because I knowmyself so well and I know how
much I truly love this job and Idon't know what the next steps
are.
I think a lot of people arelike, what are you going to do
next?
And for me it's like, well, I'min my dream job, I'm about to
(53:09):
graduate my master's degree.
I guess you know I don't knowwhat you want me to say about
what's next, because I have noidea.
And I think that's also reallybeautiful because I have so many
opportunities that I couldpursue, which is exciting.
But also I feel like at thisend of your reign, every girl is
kind of asked like, what areyou gonna do?
(53:35):
And I'm like I don't know whatyou're expecting from me.
Do you want me to go to medicalschool?
Do you want me like yeah, um.
And so I think that's also apart of my life that I need to
kind of expect.
Accept of myself is, you know, Idon't know what's next.
This next phase of my life isgoing to be really unknown and
as somebody that loves controland loves to know what's going
to happen, I kind of have tojust go with the flow and see
(53:58):
what's going to happen.
But along with that I've workedwith a therapist and she knows
how much I've worked for thisopportunity and how it's going
to be quite a lifestyleadjustment for me when it
changes.
It's going to be quite alifestyle adjustment for me when
it changes and that's beenreally helpful too, that her,
and along with everyone in mylife, knows how hard this is
going to be for me.
(54:19):
And so I am going to have thosesupports and my friends have
already started like let's getsome plans in your schedule for
the week after Miss Utah andlet's go to a show together and
let's make sure we're spendingsome time and you're going to
spending some time and you'regoing to have some time to
yourself.
But I'm also really excitedbecause I feel like a lot of my
(54:39):
self-care stuff has taken theback burner this year.
Like I usually cycle once everysingle day and I haven't gone
to a cycling class in like sixmonths.
And it's not because I don'twant to or I'm feeling lazy,
it's not.
My schedule simply doesn'tallow it at this time.
And so I'm excited to kind ofcome back to myself, in a way,
and see what my life is likewithout this constant huge goal,
(55:01):
um, that for so long felt sounattainable, and to see like
what other hobbies are going tofill it, and just to get to know
myself, like who I am, withoutpageantry.
But also, my entire year I'vebeen planning, you know what's
this going to look like whenit's over?
Because it does always come toend and I always say, like the
(55:22):
worst part about winning MissUtah is it has to be over one
day.
And I made sure that being MissUtah was my number one priority
throughout this year.
But it wasn't the only thingabout me, it wasn't my whole
identity.
And by making sure that itwasn't my whole identity, I know
I'm going to be just okay, justfine, when this comes to an end
(55:43):
.
I'm still going to have all myfriends I've really made sure to
maintain those relationshipswith.
I'm going to have my career tomaintain those relationships
with.
I'm going to have my career.
I'm going to have my job, myfriends, my family and what I
love to do, all outside of thetitle, because kind of what we
touched on earlier is we're somuch more than the titles that
we give ourselves and I know I'mgoing to be just fine and also
(56:06):
just the same person when I'mnot Miss Utah.
We talked about when I wascrowned Miss Utah.
I thought something was goingto change and I'm just the same.
And when I take that crown offfor the last time, I'm going to
be the same person all overagain.
Raeanna Johnson (56:17):
Yeah, and I'm so glad you have those supports
in place.
I'm glad that you have theseamazing people in your life that
are, that are going to havelike this, just beautiful soft
landing for you, um for for, onthe other side of this, because
there is absolutely a grievingprocess to this and I think
(56:37):
people really underestimate thator they are completely unaware
of that when you have spentyears of your life pouring every
fiber of your being into thisdream and this goal and it's
wrapping up up like there'sheartache in that, there's
sadness, there's so much joy andthere's so much gratitude.
But but there's a finality toit, and I will say it's pretty
(57:02):
awesome, being a former too,though.
Paris Matthews (57:05):
I am excited and I think the way that I'm going
to cope with it is still stayingreally involved.
I'm really excited to see likethat I'm going to cope with it
is still staying really involved.
I'm really excited to see, like, how I'm going to stay involved
and like if I'm going to join alocal board, if I someday want
to, you know, join the board ofdirectors, or if I want to help
girls in my state, you know,with winning their local
competitions.
I'm not sure what it's going tolook like, but I'm really
(57:27):
excited and I'm already planningto go to Miss America in
September.
So I'm excited.
I'm really excited and I'malready planning to go to Miss
America in September.
So I'm excited.
Raeanna Johnson (57:32):
Good, all good things to come.
That's really, really exciting.
So, as we wrap up, what advicewould you give to the next Miss
Utah or truly like anyonelistening right now that may win
their state title and be ontheir way to Miss America?
Paris Matthews (57:49):
I would say, like, even beyond state title
holders, don't count yourselfout.
I think it's really easy tolike place expectations on other
people or look at patterns ofyou know placements or even what
state you come from, and Ithink it's just important to
believe in yourself a true, deepbelief that you can achieve
what you're trying to achieveand that there's not any method
(58:13):
or rhyme or reason and that youfull heartedly can go after your
dreams and it can happen foryou.
Because my biggest regret is Icounted myself out for so long
and, like here I am, I did itand I think I've enjoyed the
process more if I really letmyself dream all the way big to
the very top.
So I think, just dream big anddon't count yourself out.
Raeanna Johnson (58:37):
I love that because so often, like when I'm
doing a consultation withsomeone new and I asked them
like what are your goals?
And frequently it's I want tohave fun, I want to feel good
about myself and I'm like that'swonderful, we can absolutely do
that.
But do you have competitiongoals, Like do you want to win.
Well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I can.
I've never placed before andI'm like okay, well, whether or
(58:59):
not you know it will or won'thappen, do you want it to like?
That is the question, and Ithink that's the question that
everyone needs to answer forthemselves.
It's like what do you want?
Strip away any of the fears orthe self-doubt or the ideas of
what has happened or couldhappen or won't happen or
whatever.
All of that stuff is justlimiting, because it's just
(59:20):
obscure, guessing at this point.
Truly find out in your heartwhat do you want and why?
And then I love that, paris,don't count yourself out.
Put yourself in the position tolearn and grow and get after
what you want.
Paris Matthews (59:38):
Yeah, it's vulnerable to admit out loud
your biggest dreams, becausesometimes it might not come true
.
But you never know until youreally work towards it and admit
that that's something thatyou're wanting.
Raeanna Johnson (59:50):
So I love that work towards it and admit that
that's something that you'rewanting.
So I love that.
Yeah, for sure.
Right, is there anything elseon your heart and your mind that
you want to make sure we talkabout today, or any kind of last
words of wisdom before we wrapup today's conversation?
Paris Matthews (01:00:06):
You know, I just say keep trying to win your
title until you can no longertry, until you're aged out.
I think is something.
That one piece of advice.
And then also, if anybody wantsto become a child life
specialist, I love helpingpeople in this very niche field.
You can always message me andreach out, and I love to help
people on that journey as well.
Raeanna Johnson (01:00:25):
So I love it.
Cool, awesome, paris, thank youso much.
This was my last like I don'tknow how many calls I had today.
It's been a really long day, awonderful day, so many amazing
things going on, but this wasthe best way to wrap up my night
was this conversation with you.
Thank you for being such alight, and just your humble
(01:00:46):
confidence is so beautiful andit's so aspirational.
I just like want to bottle itup and like divvy it out to
everyone I meet because it'sjust such a beautiful thing.
So thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for sharing yourheart and for being candid with
me tonight.
Paris Matthews (01:01:01):
Thank you so much for inviting me.
It's been a beautifulconversation.
Raeanna Johnson (01:01:05):
Yeah, good, all right, good luck with the rest
of your year.
Congratulations.
Can't wait to see what happensnext for you and for those of
you that are along for thislovely ride.
I will talk with you again nextweek.
Take care of yourselves, andI'll talk to you then.
Bye.
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
It is another, of course,episode in the Crowned and
Candid series and before we diveback into these awesome
conversations, I realized that Ihadn't given any updates on the
last episode as to where I'm at.
But I'm officially back home.
After my dad had a stroke threeweeks ago yesterday and it was
(00:24):
a huge roller coaster last weekbecause insurance issues and all
this stuff so he was dischargedfrom inpatient rehab and we
kind of had to scramble tofigure out what we were going to
do next.
My husband and I decided totemporarily move him in with us
because back home, where helives three hours away, and they
didn't have any openings fortherapies, especially speech
therapy, which is what he needsuntil July, and so we knew that
(00:47):
coming back to Milwaukee andhaving more healthcare options
here we might be able to get himin quicker, which we did.
He had his first therapysession in speech last Friday.
He's making improvements everyday.
We're kind of settling intothis just like comfortable norm
that we're in right now and I'mjust I'm recuperating and I'm
really starting to just feellike I'm letting my guard down
(01:08):
again and feeling like safe andthat he's going to be okay and
that is all up from here.
So, god willing of course, butthat's the update on me.
I'm doing great and I justappreciate all of you sending
your prayers and positive,hopeful vibes for me too.
I appreciate all of you.
So with that, let's dive in.
(01:31):
I have Miss Utah 2024, parisMatthews, with me today for Sash
and Soul Grounded, candid, andas we were chatting before we
hit record, I asked Paris whather overall message would be
like from her unique perspective, and the first thing she said
was self-compassion.
And it was just this, like youknow, understanding that
(01:53):
sometimes we're really hard onourselves.
And she even said like she wasreally hard on herself because
she lost so many times beforewinning Miss Utah, and
specifically like lost at thelocal title, which I'm really
excited to talk about this,about the hard work, the
dedication, the drive, theperseverance, the getting back
up and building that resilienceevery time.
(02:13):
Because I know that that is acommon story and I think we get
into our heads that you know wehave to be always winning and
always, you know, improving andreaching that next step in order
to reach this overall goal.
And so I think Paris is here tobreak that myth and really have
this message of self-compassionand just being really gracious
(02:34):
throughout your year as well.
So, paris, thank you forjoining me, thanks for being
here.
Paris Matthews (02:39):
Yes, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here andhave a candid chat with you.
Raeanna Johnson (02:44):
Good, yay.
Well, start off by telling us alittle bit more about yourself.
Paris Matthews (02:48):
Yeah, so I'm Paris.
I just turned 27, which iscrazy in my head I'm still 17.
But I am born and raised inSalt Lake City, utah, and I'm
currently a certified child lifespecialist.
And most people are like whatis that job?
I've never heard of that in mylife.
And a child life specialist issomebody that helps kids and
families cope with hospitals.
(03:10):
So right now I'm working in theER and I come in and I teach a
kid what's going to happenbefore it happens.
I use soft language.
We do a lot of play, I dodistraction throughout
procedures, I do bereavementsupport for families who say
goodbye to children for the lasttime and help siblings say
goodbye and do end of lifemementos.
But I'm also in charge of allthe fun stuff and fun visitors
(03:33):
and all the toys at the hospital.
So it is a lot of jobs kind ofall in one.
But it's a dream come true.
I've been doing that for thelast four and a half years and
that was a pretty competitivefield for me to get into and I
kind of think pageants helped mealong the way with getting this
career, which has been reallyfull circle for me to kind of
reflect on.
(03:54):
So that's what I do in myprofessional life.
But I love pageantry and I lovepageants and I've been
competing since I was 19 yearsold and I've been competing
since I was 19 years old andkind of like you mentioned
earlier, I lost 13 competitionsbefore I ever even heard my name
called on a stage and it wasn'teven just oh, I lost and I got
(04:15):
first runner up over and over.
I was not hearing my namecalled once, all 13 times and I
just kept competing because Ilove the growth that you can
have in the Miss America program.
I kind of call it aprofessional development program
because it helped me so much inmy career and who I am.
But besides my job andpageantry I really just love
(04:36):
service and helping other peopleand the outdoors and relaxing
and reading and binging realityTV shows and I'm really excited
to do some more of that when myreign is over in just two weeks.
Raeanna Johnson (04:50):
Are you working full-time at the same time that
you are being Miss Utah?
Paris Matthews (04:54):
So I worked full-time for the first four
months and that was quite thecrazy commitment for me.
I really wanted to try to juggleboth, because child life is my
passion and I really loved myarea that I was working in in
the ER.
But it became very apparent veryquickly that I was kind of not
(05:14):
being able to give my whole selfto either Miss Utah or my work.
I'd be really checked out andbe focusing on Miss Utah stuff
and so I made the decision to gopart time the rest of my year
and it was a really greatdecision for me and I kind of
wish I would have done it soonerbecause I think I got pretty
burnt out pretty fast because Iwould go to work for eight hours
a day and then go to Miss Utahstuff all night or I would have
(05:37):
to call out of work prettysuddenly, because I got an
amazing opportunity that Iwouldn't have ever had as Miss
Utah and it was really hard tobalance both.
But luckily I had a reallygreat relationship with my child
life team and they allowed meto be flexible.
And now I've been working parttime since those first four
(05:57):
months and I'm still workingpart time now.
Raeanna Johnson (06:00):
And that must have really impacted your prep
for Miss America too, and thatmust have really impacted your
prep for Miss America too?
Paris Matthews (06:04):
Yeah, I just kind of felt like I was not
present and I was very scatteredand not myself either.
I felt really present when Iwas at Miss Utah events, but
every other area of my lifeincluding how messy my room was
and my interactions I was evenhaving at work I just was not
giving it my all.
Raeanna Johnson (06:26):
All right, let's go back before the
crowning way, way, way, way, wayback eight years ago, when you
were 19 and you decided tocompete for the first time.
How did you get started?
Paris Matthews (06:32):
I always have liked to do the fun new, weird
thing and push myself out of mycomfort zone.
And I stumbled upon a localnon-Miss America pageant that
I'd never heard of before.
And I stumbled upon a localnon-Miss America pageant that
I'd never heard of before and Iasked my mom if I could do it
and I was probably like 15 atthe time and she's like maybe
let's think about this later.
(06:53):
And I'm a competitive dancer.
So life got very busy and I wason drill team, our dance team
here in Utah, for four years andyou know I'm captain of that
and so I didn't have any othertime to pursue that like little
dream I had, and she just kindof brushed it off and didn't
think I really wanted to do itthat badly.
But ever since I had that dreamI kind of kept in the back of
(07:15):
my head and I once randomly sawa different pageant
advertisement and it wasn't forMiss America competition and I
signed up and I did thatcompetition and I fell in love
with pageantry.
But I knew I wanted to go toMiss America and at that time I
had no idea of the differentsystems.
I knew like USA and America,but I didn't know that there
(07:36):
were even more behind beyondthat, but I knew I wanted to
stick with the Miss Americasystem and my mom actually grew
up doing the Miss USA system.
And so I heard her stories ofdoing pageants and I didn't
think she ever thought I woulddo it either.
But I then signed up to do alocal in Utah and in my city we
(07:57):
don't have a local competition,so I had to only do open
competition.
So it's, any girl from anyplace in the state of Utah could
compete.
And so I went and there wereabout 20 other girls and most of
them had been to Miss Utahalready.
And so I was 19 years old,never done a Miss America
competition, so scared, had noidea what I was doing.
I think my evening gown wasfrom Ross and I got on stage.
(08:21):
I said an onstage question, Imaybe said two or three words
and I walked away and I justthought that was the funnest
thing in the world.
I wasn't even discouraged whenI didn't place or didn't win
because I knew I was just.
I had no idea what I was doingat all.
But what I really took awayfrom that competition was Miss
Utah was emceeing and her name'sJessie Craig Bailey, and I had
(08:47):
this moment with her where shewas so encouraging to me and
complimented me and made me feelreally empowered in who I was,
even though at age 19,.
I had no idea who I was, what Iwanted to be, what I believed
in, and she just kind of changedmy perspective.
I was like I just I want to bejust like her.
She made me feel so welcome inthis organization that I had no
idea about and I'm sure to herthat was just in her hundreds
(09:09):
nights thing that she said thatday and didn't think that'd make
an impact on me and um, thatreally stuck with me and we
actually get to MC Miss Utahtogether, um this year, which is
really special because she'sjust my favorite, most impactful
Miss Utah.
She's the first one I met.
But after I did that firstcompetition, I signed up again
and I lost.
And I signed up again and Ilost and I just kept doing it
(09:31):
and I kept trying my Rossdresses and but every time I was
improving in my interview, whenI interviews my favorite
competition phase by far,because I can so clearly see
where and how I'm improving andso I loved seeing that growth
and on stage question was alwaysvery nerve wracking for me and
(09:54):
so seeing how every time I did acompetition I'd say a couple
more words, I wouldn't be asshaky, I wouldn't say um, and it
just kept getting better andbetter.
And so I just decided I kind ofwant to try again and try again
, and try again.
And people always say, well,didn't you?
Um, and it just kept gettingbetter and better.
And so I just decided I kind ofwant to try again and try again
, try again.
And people always say, well,didn't you want to give up?
And my short answer is no, notreally, because I was having so
much fun learning more aboutmyself, really developing myself
(10:16):
professionally, but also I lovedoing service and it was great
excuse to get out in thecommunity and make a difference.
But but also, in the back of mymind, I had a lot of shame
almost for failing so much, eventhough I was really mentally
positive about it.
I felt like I wasn't doingenough.
What do I need to do better?
(10:37):
Is everyone making fun of methat I keep trying and I'm not
winning?
Is this just?
Is everyone talking about methat I'm signing up for another
competition even though I'venever placed?
I'm going against these peoplewho just got runner up at Miss
Utah, and.
But I just decided to keepgoing because I loved it so much
and I think that the judgesreally saw through that because
I really enjoyed and loved andadored the program so much and I
(11:02):
won my first title on my 13thtry and that was just the
biggest dream come true in mylife.
I didn't think that that wouldhave ever been me.
I kind of expected I was justnever going to win.
I just love Miss America.
And then I went to Miss Utah andI made top 10, which was insane
(11:22):
because that year we had, Ithink, like 55 girls and these
were girls that I had, quoteunquote lost to um many times
over.
And so I just wanted to go toMiss Utah and do my very best
and have so much fun because Ihad made it to my dream.
And then I made top 10 and allof a sudden everyone started
kind of looking at medifferently, which I thought was
(11:44):
kind of disappointing, becauseI was the same person I was
before that week of thatplacement.
I was the same exact person andit didn't matter how I was
placing, but the way I was beingtreated was unfortunately
better by the other competitorsand directors and I was just sad
that my worth was kind ofdependent on how I was placing
(12:06):
and not on my service or mypersonality or just being a
competitor.
It was really based on myplacement and that's something I
really try to be cognizant ofand tell girls who are competing
at locals is somebody in thisroom could very well be Miss
Utah one day.
And even if they're not MissUtah, even if no one else places
(12:27):
, it doesn't determine yourworth or your value or you
should treat this girl reallyamazing because she plays so
well and then this girl's neverplaced, so pay her no attention
because that completely defeatsthe purpose, and I found that a
struggle for sure.
But then I competed one moretime and I won the title Miss
(12:48):
Panorama Land, which is the mosthilarious local title name ever
, and I noticed that eyes werefinally really on me at Miss
Utah, and Miss Utah is verycompetitive.
We have a lot of girls, a lotof girls who are returners
almost always our entire topfive returns and I just noticed
(13:11):
a lot of people were kind ofwhispering, looking at me, kind
of paying attention, when I hadfor so many years nobody would
even pay me the time of day.
And then I won, which was quiteshocking, because of course
everyone likes to make theirpredictions and decide who's
going to win and other girls aretalking about who they think
they was that was going to winand it was never me and I didn't
(13:34):
take that personally.
But I kind of thought, well,why is no one saying me?
Why?
Why is everyone counting me out?
But it was because I wasn'tever publicly boasting about my
prep or winning.
I really was just enjoying theprocess and really loving
serving, loving being a localtitle holder, going to as many
events as I could and enjoyingcompetition week.
(13:56):
I think that's a big part too.
But then I won.
On my 16th try.
I won the title of Miss Utah,something I never thought was
going to happen when, a decadeprior, I was so scared and so
out of place and had no ideawhat I was doing.
And I think it just made a lotof girls realize that where you
place previous years does notmatter at all for any kind of
(14:19):
title, but also placing is notwhat matters at the end of the
day.
And, of course, being Miss Utahhas been the biggest dream come
true.
I could have ever asked for andI'm so grateful for it every
day.
But even if I had walked awaywithout that crown, that
experience would have beenenough for me.
Raeanna Johnson (14:39):
This attitude of gratitude is really powerful
and it's emanating from you.
Gratitude is really powerfuland it's emanating from you.
I'm so curious, though how, howdifferent or how maybe not how
different, but how yourcompetition preparation evolved
throughout those you said 16competitions.
Paris Matthews (15:00):
Yeah, miss America was my 17th.
Yeah, yeah, I would say,preparation wise, I finally
started giving myself a chance.
Once I won a local title I kindof thought, okay, wow, I won
this opportunity to go competeat Miss Utah, I have a chance.
Whether I get 55th place orfirst place, I have a chance at
(15:22):
this.
But more importantly, I can seehow much better I can get from
the last time.
And so I did a lot of interviewprep very intentionally.
But my first year at Miss Utah Iwas just kind of trying to copy
what everyone else does, andthat's what a lot I see a lot of
girls doing, especially withmock interviews.
I was like, okay, let me seewhat this girl said.
How can I incorporate that intowhat I believe?
(15:44):
But then I didn't sound how Isound at all.
My tone was different and thecontent wasn't as strong.
And so then, my final yearbefore I won, I really just
wanted to be exactly myself,talk how I talk on stage and off
stage, and be the exact sameperson.
And I think that's where a lotof girls kind of miss the mark
(16:07):
is.
They think in the pageantinterview room you have to talk
a certain way and you can't moveyour hands as much or you can't
talk too fast, and I was just ahundred percent myself the
entire time and that way I couldreally connect with the judges
because I believed what I wassaying.
I was just being myself.
I have a habit of talkingreally fast and I got feedback
from somebody saying you talktoo fast and you need to slow
(16:29):
down.
And then one of the positivejudges feedback was like I love
how you just talked so quicklyand I was so engaged, and so it
just goes to show that beingyourself is always going to be
what helps you succeed in anyinterview room.
But just in life, and Itranslated that to every area of
competition.
I knew I loved jazz dancing.
(16:50):
I want to do super upbeat dance.
I didn't want to do lyrical.
I knew I wanted to wear a gownthat I felt beautiful in.
I didn't care how many othergirls have black gowns.
I think the year I won therewere like 20 girls that had
black gowns and I didn't care.
I wanted to still stick with myblack gown and I was just
authentically myself and I thinkthat's what you'll hear from
every state title holders.
(17:12):
They were finally themselvesand that's when they were able
to win.
But also it makes it easier asa state title holder because I
don't have to put on this faceevery day and pretend I'm Miss
Utah Paris when I'm at events.
I can just be Paris all thetime and I'm Miss Utah, with and
without the crown.
Raeanna Johnson (17:29):
Yeah, I really think it's so similar to any
other job title that you hold Imean, even you now, as a child
life specialist.
I mean, you are Paris with thattitle of child life specialist.
I'm, you know, I'm a businessowner and a coach, but I'm
always me with those titlesattached.
(17:51):
Um, so I think that's reallypowerful.
Um, what were some of thebiggest mindset hurdles that you
had to really work through onyour way to miss Utah the first
time?
So you competed for miss Utahtwice.
Um, did you have any mindsethurdles that you really needed
(18:11):
to overcome on your way thatfirst year?
And then, what did it look likethe second year?
Paris Matthews (18:17):
So my mindset the first year I was just very
caught up about other girls andwhat they were doing and what
they thought of me and how I canbe more like them, kind of like
I mentioned before.
But it just really wasn't.
I didn't feel happy that way.
And so then I kind of startedtaking a step up for myself,
(18:38):
standing up for myself andsetting some boundaries.
So, like I have amazing friendsin the pageant system and
sometimes they want to talkabout predictions, and one of my
boundaries both years was Idon't want to talk about who
your top 10 is.
I don't want to know who yourtop five is.
I don't know who you want toknow, who you think is going to
win.
And I think that really, reallyhelped with my mindset.
(18:59):
Because if a girl would come upto me and be like, oh, I think
so-and-so is going to win, Iwould kind of feel really hurt
by that.
I'd be like, well, why isn't itme?
Why do you think I can't do it?
Are you counting me outcompletely?
And I would overthink it.
And even if I wasn't going tooverthink it, it still put a
damper on my spirit almost.
And so I just really focused onnot talking about predictions
(19:24):
with anybody, including myfamily, and that was just really
important for me.
I didn't want to bring any ofthat negative juju in and even
if somebody started talkingabout a prediction to me I'd say
you know, I actually think thatI have a great shot at this.
So I don't really want to talkabout this and that was kind of
hard to say sometimes to friendsbut that my mindset, especially
(19:46):
that week of Miss Utah was soimportant that I was like let's
talk about something else.
I think we should talk aboutsomething else because also my
friends competing too and thatcould hurt them.
Making predictions or, you know, checking forums or seeing
who's saying what or talking toyour directors about that kind
of thing is just reallyimportant for mindset both my
(20:07):
years.
Raeanna Johnson (20:08):
You really have to protect your own energy and
protect the the you know kind ofinfiltration of thoughts that
may infiltrate your mind whenyou're really not not wanting
them to being really intentionalabout the things that you're
thinking about and the thingsthat you're talking about
because you're absolutely rightthey completely affect your
(20:30):
energy.
I think back to what you weretalking about with the feedback
from judges and getting kind ofconflicting feedback.
That just goes to show thatthere is no perfect recipe for
success in pageantry.
There's just not.
There's way too many differingopinions and perspectives and
ideas on what makes a greattitle holder.
(20:52):
I think if we can just focus onbuilding up qualifications what
are your qualifications forthis job?
What are the skills that youbring to the table?
And then also like leaning intothe uniqueness that is you and
like your personality, yourcharacteristics, your value that
you bring, based on yourpassions, your insight, your
intellect, your skills, allthose things I mean that's all
(21:14):
you can do and the rest is, youknow.
Up for God and the universe todecide.
Paris Matthews (21:21):
Exactly.
You can't count on any of thefeedback.
Feedback's always helpful and Irely a lot on it, especially
for, like Miss America prep.
But I would just get so muchconflicting feedback that I had
to go with my intuition of whatI thought would be best and what
I would be happiest with.
Raeanna Johnson (21:39):
All right.
So it was quite the journeygetting to crowning moment last
year.
What was going through yourhead on that final night of
competition?
Paris Matthews (21:49):
So I was having a very spiritual week I'm not
very religious, but I would sayI'm very spiritual and I kept
getting these weird likethoughts and feelings, like I
think I might win this.
And that was kind of crazybecause, I mean, I at that point
I didn't feel great about myinterview and I had been
complaining to my roommate like,oh man, I really didn't think I
(22:11):
did very well in that, but Ikept having this like really
weird feeling that I hadn't everhad before, which is like I
think you're gonna win.
And so I got called to the topfive and I just had this feeling
.
I was like, oh my gosh, Ireally think that this is about
to happen for me.
And I just had this weird piecelike this overwhelming,
(22:32):
overwhelming sensation where Iwas confident in whatever I was
going to say was going to comeout.
Okay, cause there's the topfive final question and, as I
mentioned, like on stagequestion is something I always
was very nervous about and I'venever felt so much peace and I
just knew whatever I was goingto say it was meant to happen
that way.
And then I said my final answer.
(22:53):
I was like, oh my gosh, Ireally think this is about to be
me.
And then I stood there with myfirst runner-up and she was
actually the first runner upfrom the year before and so I
knew in that moment that one ofour dreams was about to come
true and one of us is going tobe really devastated, because I
don't think there was one of usthat wanted it more than the
(23:14):
other by any means.
And I think that was a reallysurreal moment too to you know,
not want to hurt someone else bygetting your own dream, but
also really wishing and hopingit for yourself.
Um, but I had quite theout-of-body experience I think I
have, like the most dramaticcrowning in the entire universe,
um, where I was just completelynumb and shocked and stood
(23:37):
there with my mouth wide openfor the entire crowning and just
saying is this real, is thisreal?
And I wasn't just saying it, tosay it or to fake act.
Surprise, I really was that,genuinely, absolutely shocked,
and I quickly got rushed off thestage to do a private interview
with the news and I just was asshocked as ever, saying is this
(23:58):
real, is this real?
And then Miss Utah has an afterparty at the hotel with her
friends and family, and theentire time I was like is this
real?
And that feeling went on for acouple months of just, is this
real, is this actually happening?
And I kept thinking this has tokick in sometime.
And it never really did for me,to be completely honest, even
(24:20):
to this day I don't think I'vehad, of course, realizations
like I'm living my dream.
How lucky am I.
I get to do so many amazingthings.
And it's been like almost 365days, but it still didn't ever
like kick in, like emotionally,like I won the job of Miss Utah,
which was kind of funny.
I thought like one day I haveto wake up here and I really
(24:43):
feel it and realize it.
But it's just another titlethat you have.
Kind of like I said I'm stillParis, I nothing changed when
that crown was placed on my head.
I am exactly the same.
And I thought, for some reasonthe crown goes on your head and
your personality somehow changes.
You feel something different,you act different, but you are
(25:04):
the exact same person and I actthe exact same today as I did on
that day.
Raeanna Johnson (25:10):
The judges must have really sensed that about
you, that you were the real deal, no matter what title you had
or didn't have Yeah's yeah,Strengthen a weakness when you
are can't hide anything abouthow you feel.
I get that.
Yeah, sometimes my husband'slike Rihanna, check your face.
(25:32):
I'm like oh sorry.
Yeah, what did you think thiswas going to look like for you
as Miss Utah, versus whatreality is?
Paris Matthews (25:42):
I thought that I wouldn't have to be sending as
many emails.
Truly, there's so much behindthe scenes that goes on in your
year.
As a title holder a state titleholder I don't just have events
coming my way, pouring to me.
Please come to this event.
You know I have to work hardabout pitching myself to
(26:04):
organizations to have me attendand speak and emcee.
And I think a really big thingfor me was I created a Miss Utah
bucket list, almost my likefirst week of organizations.
I promised judges I was goingto partner with and who I really
wanted to partner with and whatI wanted my year to look like
and like what my mission was.
(26:25):
And that really helped becauseevery week I would just send out
emails, do checklists andeverything I wanted to do had
come true.
Now I can say that and itwouldn't have happened if I
wasn't super intentional with myyear.
I think looking at other MissUtahs before I kind of just
thought that's so cool to get toshow up to this.
(26:46):
They live really busy lives.
I knew that they were busy butI didn't understand how much
work really went into it.
So a lot of hard behind thescenes work.
What did?
Raeanna Johnson (26:57):
your relationship look like with the
board of directors and thevolunteers that you worked with
throughout your year.
Paris Matthews (27:01):
Yeah, I have a great relationship with the
entire board.
They have really been alifesaver for me.
Truly.
I asked them a millionquestions every single day, but
they really helped me feelempowered, and I think a part of
that was their gratitude for mewhen they really saw how hard I
(27:22):
was working and how much I wasreally trying to promote our
organization and how much Iwanted to be doing as Miss Utah,
I think, as well.
So how thankful they were forme made me want to just keep
doing more and more and more.
But also I have a businessmanager who helps me with the
scheduling of my events, whichis a huge help.
(27:43):
But also sometimes it can bechallenging to have to go
through a second person.
But that's kind of the naturewhen you're getting booked for
events to be a professionalspeaker also Because you know
I'm not just showing up andspeaking for fun In the role as
a state title holder, you are aprofessional and to be treated
as such, you are a professionaland, um to be treated as such,
you need a business manager whocan help negotiate that for you,
(28:06):
and so I'm glad that he I'vehad him to uh, be on that side
of things as well.
Um, but it's just a lot ofemails.
Raeanna Johnson (28:15):
So you mentioned negotiation, so do you
get paid for most of yourappearances?
Paris Matthews (28:19):
Yeah, so I have a stipend as Miss Utah, but the
payments of the appearances I dojust go straight to the Miss
Utah organization and notdirectly to me as a state title
holder.
So no matter how many events Ido, if I do a lot one month or
less the other month, I get paidthe same stipend every month
throughout my year.
Raeanna Johnson (28:41):
Does that limit you on what kind of events that
you could do, like if youwanted to do an event pro bono?
Paris Matthews (28:49):
Not necessarily.
I think the one thing wouldprobably be like school
assemblies.
I love children.
I mean that's my entire careerand I knew I wanted to make a
big impact as Miss Utah withyouth and so assemblies are a
hard thing because schools werequired Miss Utah to be paid to
(29:09):
present at assemblies andluckily I still had a lot of
amazing support through schoolsand I got to do a lot.
But if it was up to me I wouldhave been doing an assembly out
of school every single day,every single day, and I still
did dozens.
But I think I just it limitsyou that way, but I think for
the better I probably would havebeen very burnt out if I was
(29:30):
doing an assembly every singleday and I still was able to do
everything I wanted to do.
Raeanna Johnson (29:37):
So, speaking of funding, did you have any role
in sponsorships or donorrelations, or even like
representing corporate partners?
Paris Matthews (29:47):
Yeah, miss Utah has some really great
sponsorships.
I get a car for my entire year,which is amazing, and I drive
all over the state of Utah andI've had about six cars this
year that I trade in and that'sbeen an amazing lifesaver.
But I do a lot with sponsors andI have certain criteria that I
(30:09):
need to meet every month, week,whenever is needed, within the
sponsorship contract that I haveto keep up with the
organization and that's a hugething as well.
That's a lot of pressure for meas a state title holder is I
represent the entireorganization that there's dozens
of volunteers of and hundredsof girls, and it's my singular
(30:32):
job to make sponsors happy withwhat content I'm posting.
And so I didn't think Irealized.
Of course, I knew I was goingto be posting on social media
quite frequently, but how often?
I would be the like, plannerand producer of this content for
the sponsors and I always wantto make sure that they're
extremely happy with the contentI'm producing and they're
(30:54):
feeling loved and valued ummutually.
And that has been a huge chunkof my life as well, that I spend
many hours a week doing.
Raeanna Johnson (31:04):
This is a lot of like almost like
entrepreneurial work in so manyways, Like you do have a board
behind you and you've got abusiness manager and everything.
But is it how similar is it ordifferent, from the work that
you do in your career?
Paris Matthews (31:21):
I think my work in my career has really helped
me as a professional.
I've really learned some greatprofessional skills and I work
with a lot of different, youknow, multidisciplinary teams,
so I know how to work with alldifferent kinds of people, which
is nice, but not so muchcorporate kind of organizations
(31:42):
is what I'm not used to, becausea lot of my work is patient
facing and family facing andreally individualized and less
about like the entireorganization will see this
sponsored post.
But it's really helped me in myconfidence in myself also of
what I'm capable of as aprofessional.
(32:03):
I think these, like connectionsI've made and how I'm able to
meet deadlines and, you know,work closely with partnerships
has made me realize that I canhandle that as a professional as
well.
And I graduate with my master'sin healthcare administration in
October and I'd love to, youknow, utilize my skills that
I've been practicing as MissUtah for a year in the
(32:24):
professional field, because Ithink there are so many great
qualities I've learned that areso transferable to being a
leader in the workplace.
Raeanna Johnson (32:33):
Yeah, absolutely, and congrats on that
.
That is amazing.
You've been doing that on topof work and being Miss Utah.
Paris Matthews (32:41):
Yes, yes, I like to keep it busy, for sure.
I took a pause on school duringMiss America, but I resumed it
right when I got back.
Raeanna Johnson (32:50):
Gosh, good for you, wow.
So let's talk about yourcommunity service initiative.
We've, like, really not touchedon that at all today, so tell
me about it.
How has it evolved throughoutyour year?
Paris Matthews (33:06):
Have you been able to do all the things that
you had hoped to do?
Yeah, so it has to do withchild life, which is my career.
My CSI is the power of play,advocating for hospitalized
children.
So we kind of touched on whatmy job is as a professional.
But my CSI is to provideone-time use play items to
hospitalized kids.
So when a kid comes to the ERI'll give them Play-Doh or
stress balls or tools tonormalize the hospital
(33:27):
environment and help them withtheir coping in a therapeutic
way.
But we really don't like germsat the hospital, so these get
either taken home or thrown away, these one-time use items that
we distribute frequently at thehospital.
And so I saw a huge lack inthese items.
I would get called for coloringbook and I'd have like three
options, and I just saw a hugeneed for the community to know
(33:52):
really that we needed more itemsbecause it's community,
dependent on donations, and so Icreated this charity, the Power
of Play, to collect toy items.
So I do toy drives, I docommunity events where we create
play kits and craft kits, I doa lot of blanket tying and just
collaborating with othercommunity people to give back to
(34:17):
hospitalized kids and, as MissUtah.
I've done several toy drivesand blanket tying.
I do it with different churchgroups, with different Girl
Scout groups and other localtitle holders have gotten
involved and that's been reallyexciting and fun.
But what my favorite part asMiss Utah is, I've gotten to
work kind of as a representativeof the hospital I work at,
(34:37):
which has been really cool to dointerviews as a chart life
specialist and Miss Utah butalso just representing the
hospital.
We have a Seacrest Studios,which is a radio station that
helps kids cope with thehospital, and we have special
visitors.
And I've gone as Miss Utah andI'm actually going to go again
for the third time on Thursdayand it's really cool to see my
(34:58):
patients and they don't know andrealize it's me because I don't
wear makeup to the ER ever.
Get to interact with kids asMiss Utah and not as a child
life specialist is just soimpactful and special to me and
I just wouldn't have dreamed ofanything more.
Fulfilling that's a great wordto use for my year is just true
(35:22):
fulfillment.
But sharing about child lifewith other people when so many
people don't even know what thejob is, has been really
rewarding.
And I also have a book.
I wrote a book Maple's HospitalAdventure and that's a book
that I read to all the kids whenI do school visits and it's
about a little girl that getsappendicitis and we learn about
all the tests and like what anIV is, a CT scan, an ultrasound,
(35:44):
and that's been really cool togo to schools and teach them
about these procedures whenthey're not getting them but
they're still learning aboutthem and how play can be used as
a coping tool and we practiceother coping tools, like deep
breathing, and they learn aboutwhat a child life specialist is,
and so that's been a reallycool part about my community
service initiative as well.
Raeanna Johnson (36:02):
Has this always been your initiative or has it
changed throughout the yearssince you started at 18?
Paris Matthews (36:08):
It has changed and I think I started to succeed
more in pageants when it becamemore solidified to what I am
passionate about.
So it started out as autismadvocacy, which is something I
am still passionate about and Iwork on a lot at the hospital,
but it wasn't exactly my niche.
And then it changed to Go Goldfor Childhood Cancer, which I'm
still extremely passionate about, but something more vague
(36:32):
towards my job, like the powerof play just really encompasses
all children, all illness, alldiagnoses.
Children, all illness, alldiagnoses.
And I just found such a passionand, you know, picking that
route instead of just puttingmyself in a hole like childhood
cancer.
But I still do a lot ofchildhood cancer advocacy work.
(36:54):
I was able to go to DC with MissRhode Island a few months ago.
We were able to lobby for somechildhood cancer acts and my
last event as Miss Utah isactually going to be at a
childhood cancer camp that Ilove and I've been really sad.
I haven't been able to go thelast few years because it's
during Miss Utah Week, but I getto go this year as Miss Utah,
so I'm very excited.
Raeanna Johnson (37:11):
It's amazing how things come full circle.
Yes, so cool and also it'sinteresting, like, from a
marketing perspective.
You narrowed your scope in yourcsi, because you narrowed it to
like one specific thing thatyou are an expert in and one
unique like niche need, which is, you know, like getting
(37:33):
donations, soliciting donationsfor for kids, um, but, yeah, you
broadened it so that you didn'tfeel like you had to be maybe
an expert in childhood cancer,an expert in autism, and you,
you really just led with yourheart and I think that's
something that so often, like,we have this idea that we're
(37:54):
supposed to be catering it towhat we think the judges might
like or what we might be able tosell at Miss America.
But when everything changes iswhen you finally land on
something that is so personal toyou and uniquely part of who
you are.
Paris Matthews (38:11):
And on stage, question and interview becomes
way less scary because you knowwhat you're talking about.
It's coming from your heart,you truly believe and know what
you're saying, and so that'slike the biggest piece of advice
I give is just pick a CSI thatis truly you.
It doesn't matter truly what itis, as long as it's you know,
(38:31):
advocating for some cause thatyou believe in.
If you can speak to it, thenit's what you should do.
Raeanna Johnson (38:37):
Right Shifting gears to Miss America.
What does your prep for MissAmerica look like?
I mean, I know you were workingfull time for those first four
months.
Paris Matthews (38:45):
I'm sure you had to kind of cram a little bit't
stress yourself out, and I'mreally glad I did that because I
was really present when I wasat Miss Utah events and, you
(39:09):
know, not putting that pressureon me yet, but I still was
really excited about the process, and so when I began prepping I
knew I just wanted to beauthentically myself as I've
already mentioned multiple timesbut really just the interview I
wanted to make sure that Iwasn't just saying things that I
thought would look good at MissAmerica, just like you just
(39:32):
mentioned as well.
I didn't want to justregurgitate what every other
girl was going to be saying.
I wanted to stay true to who Iwas, but also being so confident
and well-spoken that I could bea Miss America, and so just
making sure that I wasn'tteetering to, you know, be too
pageanty or to just say what Ithought people were wanting to
(39:54):
say, or to be overly marketable.
I just wanted to be Paris anddisplay that as well as I could.
And I think my favorite partwas actually doing my paperwork
because I was knowing that thiswas my last time competing in a
pageant.
You know this is my one moreopportunity and so really just
fine tuning those little thingswas really exciting for me.
(40:16):
Like what do I want the MissAmerica judges to know?
Because it was so surreal thatI was going, having to fine tune
exactly what I wanted them toknow about me, but also just
having fun.
And with the health and fitnessportion, I think I previously
put a lot of pressure on myself.
You know, within my nine yearsof competing, before I'd won I
(40:40):
had lost over 40 pounds and thatwas something that I really
needed to live a healthylifestyle.
And I've never felt better thanwhen I won Miss Utah because I
was finally eating and living ina healthy way.
But I didn't want to take ittoo far at Miss America and
think I needed to be a certainsize to be on the national stage
(41:03):
.
So I knew I wanted and I knewlittle girls somewhere were
going to be seeing me andlooking up to me and seeing how
I was acting and talking aboutmy body, and so I knew I didn't
want to try to shrink myself inany way at Miss America.
I didn't want to shrink the waymy body looked, I didn't want
to shrink my personality, Ididn't want to shrink my beliefs
(41:25):
, I just really wanted to befully myself the entire time and
that was something I reallyfocused on and wanted,
especially in the health andfitness competition.
Raeanna Johnson (41:36):
What was the experience like at Miss America?
Paris Matthews (41:39):
Oh man, it was a busy, busy couple of weeks.
I mean flying after the dayafter Christmas I felt like I
didn't really even get aChristmas because I was just in
such Miss America mode, um.
And once I was there it justkept kind of feeling like, wow,
this is what Miss America is.
I mean, this is here we are, um.
But it was a lot more calm thanI was expecting.
(42:03):
I kind of thought it was alwaysgoing to be this like hubbub
crazy, and we had a lot moredowntime than I expected, even
though we were staying upcompletely late, getting no
sleep the entire time.
I was surprised at how relaxedI felt the entire time.
Raeanna Johnson (42:20):
What do you think you attribute your relaxed
mindset to?
Paris Matthews (42:27):
I think it wasn't putting any pressure on
the outcome and enjoying theprocess.
I went into it thinking whatcan I do?
That when I walk away from this, no matter the outcome, that
this was the best week of mylife?
And because of that I did havethe best week of my life because
I was having fun, I was makingfriends, I was really enjoying
(42:50):
the entire process, even thehard parts.
And people would say, like whatwas your favorite part?
And I'm like all of it becauseit really was my favorite part.
And I think part of that isalso my mindset is that
gratitude If you have theattitude of gratitude within
anything in life, but especiallyin pageantry, I think that will
(43:10):
be reflected in your experienceand in your reality.
Because even though a girl whowent to Miss America could have
had a completely differentnegative experience than me, my
mindset was so gracious to evenbe there that I loved truly
every single moment, even whenmy alarm went off at four in the
morning to get up in themorning, I was like, okay, let's
(43:30):
get ready for Miss America.
Raeanna Johnson (43:32):
How did you emotionally handle the buildup
of going to Miss America andthen, of course, everything
afterwards after coming home?
Paris Matthews (43:42):
Yeah, I think the buildup was very exciting.
In Utah we do a send off, as alot of states do, but my send
off just felt really specialbecause all my friends and
family were there, all mypageant friends were there and I
got to do it with my teen,which was even more special.
And I had gone to thosesend-offs year after year and
(44:03):
never thought and sat in theaudience and thought, wow, this
is going to be me one day.
And so realizing it was me andmy opportunity was so cool and I
just felt nothing butexcitement leading up to Miss
America, excitement andhappiness the whole week of Miss
America.
And then coming home I wasstill just kind of riding off
(44:23):
that high and really excited.
But something that was kind ofhard for me is I have some
flight anxiety and some of thisstems from a fear called
clithrophobia, and clithrophobiais the fear of being trapped.
So it's not the fear of smallspaces but the fear of like not
being able to get out ofsomewhere, and I've the only
(44:46):
place I really struggle is inelevators.
But on my way home from MissAmerica I had a pretty bad
anxiety attack on the plane ridehome, the entire flight home,
and it's a five-hour flight fromOrlando to Salt Lake City, and
so I had never experiencedanything like that before and
you know, this kind of didn'tcome on from anything other than
(45:08):
my like underlyingclaustrophobia and probably just
to come down from a veryexciting high stress, high
pressure week.
Raeanna Johnson (45:17):
Yeah, exhausting I mean good stress
and bad stress, there's both,and so you were, you were
processing all of that.
Paris Matthews (45:25):
Yeah, completely .
Your nervous system is justkind of discombobulated in every
single way, and since thatexperience I've had some really
bad panic attacks that I havehad traveling, when there's like
a glyphophobia situation that Ihadn't have ever had to deal
(45:46):
with previously.
I've always had the fear, butI've never really had it where
it's impacting my daily life,and so now it's been, you know,
almost six months since MissAmerica, and sometimes it's
really hard for me to drive inevents in traffic and sometimes
I'll be sitting at work and I'llhave a random panic attack, and
these are experiences that Ihave never had.
(46:09):
I've always had anxiety hereand there, as most people do,
but you know, I teach kidscoping skills and so I know how
to implement coping skillsmyself, but it's kind of past
the point of where I'm able tohandle it, and so I've had to
work really closely with peopleI trust and therapists, and I've
(46:29):
, you know, consulted with mydirectors and my amazing travel
companions that come with me toall my events as Miss Utah.
They know that I've been havingthese struggles and it's really
hard, but it's also hard for mebecause I love going to events
as Miss Utah, I love traveling,I love to do as much as I
(46:49):
possibly can, and so to feelthese anxious feelings when I'm
doing something that I love hasbeen really challenging for me.
But also, I've just had to givemyself a lot of grace that I'm
doing my best.
And you know, these feelingsaren't, you know, in my control.
But what's in my control is howI respond to them and, you know
(47:11):
, reaching out to others forhelp, which is just something
I've never had to do before andI've, you know, heard and helped
others when they're havinganxiety or hard times.
But now that it's me, I've justrealized how much I really do
have to rely on those I love andgive myself that grace and
self-compassion.
Raeanna Johnson (47:28):
Yeah, I was going to say this is really
where I'm seeing theself-compassion practice come in
, and that's what I wouldemphasize race and
self-compassion are practiced.
These are not like skills thatyou just like pull out and
you're like, all right, I'msuper compassionate for myself
now.
No, you have to activelypractice it and there's like
(47:48):
skills that you need to be ableto pull out in those moments
when you need it the most.
How has that journey been foryou of figuring out the way to
practice self-compassion andgrace for yourself?
Paris Matthews (48:03):
I am a very overly independent person and I
think I wanted to just deal withit on my own for such a long
time, but I was seeing it reallyjust impact the way I was
acting, even though, like inside, I would just be having such
deep panic.
The outside I could manage it alittle bit, but it just came to
(48:27):
a point where I knew I needed torely on other people, to a
point where I knew I needed torely on other people.
And that started withself-compassion, which is
acknowledging like it's okay toask for help.
It's okay to tell other peoplewhat you're going through and
what you're thinking, whatyou're feeling.
And I think a lot of part, abig part that I feel a little
(48:47):
bit of shame about is that Ididn't want to have other people
have to help me.
I didn't want to like burdenthem and, you know, didn't want
to take away from any of theirexperiences and, realizing that
I needed to still ask for help,even though I didn't want to and
(49:08):
I wasn't being a burden toother people, that they wanted
to help me and, you know, makemy experience as it continues
the last little bit as easy aspossible.
Raeanna Johnson (49:19):
That is such a beautiful sentiment that we do
as humans, and I thinkespecially as women, where we
don't want to put that burden onanybody else.
But you're so right People wantto help if they can.
And I think the other thing toremember too is that if they
can't, they may say no, but it'snot because they don't want to,
(49:41):
but maybe they don't have thecapacity to in some way shape or
form, but it's never becauseyou're not deserving of it or
worthy of it.
But being able to allow peopleto have, like, make their own
decision on whether or not theycan be helpful to you, whether
that's financially or by givingof their time or lending an ear,
(50:02):
being emotional support.
And there's certainly times likeeven recently for me like I
cannot be at the level ofemotional support that I would
like to be for certain people inmy life, and I think that's why
it's important that we all havea lot of different resources
and different people that we cango to, because relying on one
person, I mean, it's going toburn them out too, and so we can
(50:25):
kind of spread our our you know, like mini string, many.
What is it?
Many strings, many strings,that analogy you know what I'm
talking about.
Like the more strings that youhave together, the stronger it
is.
Like builds the rope, and sohaving like building up that
support system for ourselves andknowing who we need to turn to
in those times is it's apowerful tool and it's hard to
(50:46):
navigate when you are, like yousaid, as independent and
strong-willed as you are.
Paris Matthews (50:52):
Yeah, definitely , and I think with me, a lot of
my anxiety is triggered by likequote unquote, silly things that
I know aren't like directthreats or they're just not
easily fixable.
Things Like I think a lot ofpeople just will like feel like
general anxiety or it's becausethey're stressed at work and
(51:12):
that's really fixable becauseyou know what the problem is
when my things are just kind ofreally sudden and really quick
and really intense.
That's also hard because when Ido ask people, when I like
communicate that I need somehelp or relying on other people,
it's hard because as people, wewant to problem solve.
Or relying on other people,it's hard because as people, we
(51:33):
want to problem solve and a lotof my problem solving is just
being a support person for meand me, sharing that I'm going
through something hard and youunderstanding and also giving me
compassion as a resource andfriend.
Raeanna Johnson (51:44):
Validation goes so far.
Paris Matthews (51:45):
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (51:47):
Yeah, validation is so powerful for
someone when they're strugglingwith depression or anxiety or
any kind of emotional struggle,because, with anxiety and
speaking from my own experience,when I'm feeling and what I
have to practice is radicalacceptance and self-validation.
And it's even more helpful andimpactful when someone else is
(52:20):
validating.
Like you know, they don't haveto understand exactly how it
feels, but to just acknowledgethat I'm having a hard time and
that I'm okay and it's okay andit's not dumb or silly or
anything like that Like justhelping me kind of alleviate my
own judgmental thoughts onmyself is so validating and so
helpful.
I completely agree.
(52:42):
This has been a long journeyfor you.
You're finally here, you'rewrapping it up.
Paris Matthews (52:48):
How does that feel I keep saying I'm going to
be devastated.
And that's just because I knowmyself so well and I know how
much I truly love this job and Idon't know what the next steps
are.
I think a lot of people arelike, what are you going to do
next?
And for me it's like, well, I'min my dream job, I'm about to
(53:09):
graduate my master's degree.
I guess you know I don't knowwhat you want me to say about
what's next, because I have noidea.
And I think that's also reallybeautiful because I have so many
opportunities that I couldpursue, which is exciting.
But also I feel like at thisend of your reign, every girl is
kind of asked like, what areyou gonna do?
(53:35):
And I'm like I don't know whatyou're expecting from me.
Do you want me to go to medicalschool?
Do you want me like yeah, um.
And so I think that's also apart of my life that I need to
kind of expect.
Accept of myself is, you know, Idon't know what's next.
This next phase of my life isgoing to be really unknown and
as somebody that loves controland loves to know what's going
to happen, I kind of have tojust go with the flow and see
(53:58):
what's going to happen.
But along with that I've workedwith a therapist and she knows
how much I've worked for thisopportunity and how it's going
to be quite a lifestyleadjustment for me when it
changes.
It's going to be quite alifestyle adjustment for me when
it changes and that's beenreally helpful too, that her,
and along with everyone in mylife, knows how hard this is
going to be for me.
(54:19):
And so I am going to have thosesupports and my friends have
already started like let's getsome plans in your schedule for
the week after Miss Utah andlet's go to a show together and
let's make sure we're spendingsome time and you're going to
spending some time and you'regoing to have some time to
yourself.
But I'm also really excitedbecause I feel like a lot of my
(54:39):
self-care stuff has taken theback burner this year.
Like I usually cycle once everysingle day and I haven't gone
to a cycling class in like sixmonths.
And it's not because I don'twant to or I'm feeling lazy,
it's not.
My schedule simply doesn'tallow it at this time.
And so I'm excited to kind ofcome back to myself, in a way,
and see what my life is likewithout this constant huge goal,
(55:01):
um, that for so long felt sounattainable, and to see like
what other hobbies are going tofill it, and just to get to know
myself, like who I am, withoutpageantry.
But also, my entire year I'vebeen planning, you know what's
this going to look like whenit's over?
Because it does always come toend and I always say, like the
(55:22):
worst part about winning MissUtah is it has to be over one
day.
And I made sure that being MissUtah was my number one priority
throughout this year.
But it wasn't the only thingabout me, it wasn't my whole
identity.
And by making sure that itwasn't my whole identity, I know
I'm going to be just okay, justfine, when this comes to an end
(55:43):
.
I'm still going to have all myfriends I've really made sure to
maintain those relationshipswith.
I'm going to have my career tomaintain those relationships
with.
I'm going to have my career.
I'm going to have my job, myfriends, my family and what I
love to do, all outside of thetitle, because kind of what we
touched on earlier is we're somuch more than the titles that
we give ourselves and I know I'mgoing to be just fine and also
(56:06):
just the same person when I'mnot Miss Utah.
We talked about when I wascrowned Miss Utah.
I thought something was goingto change and I'm just the same.
And when I take that crown offfor the last time, I'm going to
be the same person all overagain.
Raeanna Johnson (56:17):
Yeah, and I'm so glad you have those supports
in place.
I'm glad that you have theseamazing people in your life that
are, that are going to havelike this, just beautiful soft
landing for you, um for for, onthe other side of this, because
there is absolutely a grievingprocess to this and I think
(56:37):
people really underestimate thator they are completely unaware
of that when you have spentyears of your life pouring every
fiber of your being into thisdream and this goal and it's
wrapping up up like there'sheartache in that, there's
sadness, there's so much joy andthere's so much gratitude.
But but there's a finality toit, and I will say it's pretty
(57:02):
awesome, being a former too,though.
Paris Matthews (57:05):
I am excited and I think the way that I'm going
to cope with it is still stayingreally involved.
I'm really excited to see likethat I'm going to cope with it
is still staying really involved.
I'm really excited to see, like, how I'm going to stay involved
and like if I'm going to join alocal board, if I someday want
to, you know, join the board ofdirectors, or if I want to help
girls in my state, you know,with winning their local
competitions.
I'm not sure what it's going tolook like, but I'm really
(57:27):
excited and I'm already planningto go to Miss America in
September.
So I'm excited.
I'm really excited and I'malready planning to go to Miss
America in September.
So I'm excited.
Raeanna Johnson (57:32):
Good, all good things to come.
That's really, really exciting.
So, as we wrap up, what advicewould you give to the next Miss
Utah or truly like anyonelistening right now that may win
their state title and be ontheir way to Miss America?
Paris Matthews (57:49):
I would say, like, even beyond state title
holders, don't count yourselfout.
I think it's really easy tolike place expectations on other
people or look at patterns ofyou know placements or even what
state you come from, and Ithink it's just important to
believe in yourself a true, deepbelief that you can achieve
what you're trying to achieveand that there's not any method
(58:13):
or rhyme or reason and that youfull heartedly can go after your
dreams and it can happen foryou.
Because my biggest regret is Icounted myself out for so long
and, like here I am, I did itand I think I've enjoyed the
process more if I really letmyself dream all the way big to
the very top.
So I think, just dream big anddon't count yourself out.
Raeanna Johnson (58:37):
I love that because so often, like when I'm
doing a consultation withsomeone new and I asked them
like what are your goals?
And frequently it's I want tohave fun, I want to feel good
about myself and I'm like that'swonderful, we can absolutely do
that.
But do you have competitiongoals, Like do you want to win.
Well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I can.
I've never placed before andI'm like okay, well, whether or
(58:59):
not you know it will or won'thappen, do you want it to like?
That is the question, and Ithink that's the question that
everyone needs to answer forthemselves.
It's like what do you want?
Strip away any of the fears orthe self-doubt or the ideas of
what has happened or couldhappen or won't happen or
whatever.
All of that stuff is justlimiting, because it's just
(59:20):
obscure, guessing at this point.
Truly find out in your heartwhat do you want and why?
And then I love that, paris,don't count yourself out.
Put yourself in the position tolearn and grow and get after
what you want.
Paris Matthews (59:38):
Yeah, it's vulnerable to admit out loud
your biggest dreams, becausesometimes it might not come true
.
But you never know until youreally work towards it and admit
that that's something thatyou're wanting.
Raeanna Johnson (59:50):
So I love that work towards it and admit that
that's something that you'rewanting.
So I love that.
Yeah, for sure.
Right, is there anything elseon your heart and your mind that
you want to make sure we talkabout today, or any kind of last
words of wisdom before we wrapup today's conversation?
Paris Matthews (01:00:06):
You know, I just say keep trying to win your
title until you can no longertry, until you're aged out.
I think is something.
That one piece of advice.
And then also, if anybody wantsto become a child life
specialist, I love helpingpeople in this very niche field.
You can always message me andreach out, and I love to help
people on that journey as well.
Raeanna Johnson (01:00:25):
So I love it.
Cool, awesome, paris, thank youso much.
This was my last like I don'tknow how many calls I had today.
It's been a really long day, awonderful day, so many amazing
things going on, but this wasthe best way to wrap up my night
was this conversation with you.
Thank you for being such alight, and just your humble
(01:00:46):
confidence is so beautiful andit's so aspirational.
I just like want to bottle itup and like divvy it out to
everyone I meet because it'sjust such a beautiful thing.
So thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for sharing yourheart and for being candid with
me tonight.
Paris Matthews (01:01:01):
Thank you so much for inviting me.
It's been a beautifulconversation.
Raeanna Johnson (01:01:05):
Yeah, good, all right, good luck with the rest
of your year.
Congratulations.
Can't wait to see what happensnext for you and for those of
you that are along for thislovely ride.
I will talk with you again nextweek.
Take care of yourselves, andI'll talk to you then.
Bye.
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