June 13, 2025 • 59 mins
What does it truly mean to hold a state title in the Miss America Organization? In this heart-to-heart conversation, Miss Indiana 2024 Kalyn Melham pulls back the curtain on her journey through pageantry with refreshing candor and wisdom.
Kalyn's path wasn't the typical one – she started competing in college at 18, not as a little girl with a childhood dream. Her story reveals the power of authenticity in a world often associated with perfection. "You can either wear the title or it can wear you," she shares, capturing the essence of her approach to the crown. Throughout our discussion, Kalyn emphasizes that pageantry is simply one chapter in life's larger story, not something that defines your worth or future.
The conversation takes us through the business side of being Miss Indiana – from restructuring her service initiative to make a broader impact, navigating social media pressures, and building partnerships across the state. We explore the unexpected challenges of wearing a crown in serious settings and how she learned when sparkle was appropriate versus when a more subdued approach better served her purpose. Kalyn candidly discusses her Miss America experience, sharing how different it felt from her state preparation and the emotions of returning home afterward.
What makes this episode particularly special is Kalyn's perspective on transition. In just one year, she graduated with her master's degree, won Miss Indiana, competed at Miss America, started a new job at Butler University, moved to a new apartment, and got engaged! Through it all, she maintained a beautiful outlook that embraces each experience for what it is, without placing her entire identity in any single achievement.
As her reign comes to a close, Kalyn leaves us with a powerful message about kindness – not just toward others, but toward yourself. Her refreshing honesty about what success really looks like will resonate whether you're considering competing, currently hold a title, or simply want to approach life with more authenticity. Listen now to discover why sometimes letting go of expectations leads to our greatest victories.
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Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
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If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Raeanna Johnson (00:00):
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
We're at it again withpotentially one of our last
Crowned and Candid episodes inSash and Soul.
And just as a reminder, and tothose of you that are new, well,
first of all, welcome andthanks for tuning in.
But just to share Crowned andCandid was really born out of
this idea that we really want toprovide more transparency for
(00:21):
you about what the life of astate title holder looks like
the good, the bad, everything inbetween the business side, the
personal side because I thinkoftentimes when we build
something up in our head,something that we dream of
becoming or we've dreamt ofbecoming in the past, we kind of
build up this idea of it andsometimes that idea feels
(00:43):
unattainable and we kind ofbuild up this idea of like
perfectionism, of what we thenneed to attain personally in
order to achieve that goal.
And that's just not it.
I always encourage my clientsto sit down with the outgoing
title holder or very recenttitle holder, if they can't sit
down with a current title holderto get a realistic job preview
(01:04):
what this looks like.
If you're serious about doingthis job, you have to be very
clear on what that big picture,what the job looks like for you,
so that you can see yourself init.
And so that's what this seriesis really meant to be.
And today I have the pleasure ofintroducing to you Kaylin
Mellom.
This is Miss Indiana 2024.
And I can already tell fromjust like the brief little
(01:27):
conversation that we've hadtogether, that this is going to
be a really heartfeltconversation.
So I'm excited to dive in but,as always, want to share her
overall message with you that wewere just chatting about, and I
typed it up almost verbatim,which I was excited to like
capture because the words are sobeautiful.
She says it's important foreveryone to understand that this
is just another experience inlife and regardless of if it's
(01:49):
your first time competing, or ifyou never make it to Miss
America or never make it to thestate level, it in no way
defines the next steps for you.
It can be a world that youvisit and you have a great time,
and then you go back to lifeoutside of it.
We're just people on this earthand you can either wear the
title or it can wear you, and Iliterally have chills as I'm
(02:10):
reading that.
So thank you for thosebeautiful words.
I'm excited to hear more fromyou, Kaylin, Welcome.
Thanks for being here.
Kalyn Melham (02:16):
Thank you.
Raeanna Johnson (02:17):
This is so exciting.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Kalyn Melham (02:22):
Okay, well, I'm coming to you from Carmel,
indiana.
I actually just moved to thisapartment, not even a week ago,
so life is busy.
I started a new job at ButlerUniversity Go Dawgs.
I'm also currently rooting forour Indiana Pacers.
They have their first playoffgame in the NBA finals tonight.
So those are some things thatare just fresh in my mind right
(02:44):
now.
But, yes, I am miss Indiana2024, two weeks left in my year.
Boy, has it been an amazingexperience.
I don't even know where tobegin.
There are so many words that Iget like.
Some people are like there's nowords and I'm like, no, there's
so many words, so much to share.
It's been incredible.
I am thankful mostly for thecommunity of people that have
(03:08):
been through all thesetransitions with me in my life,
especially my new fiance,because I did just get engaged,
like three weeks ago.
So, it's fresh.
It's fresh Congratulations,thank you, thank you and
transitions in life all over theplace.
But that is that's what life isit's made up of transitions.
(03:30):
There are so many blessingsamong the chaos and I'm trying
to think about other things.
I can just say about megenerally.
I did grow up in Indiana.
I have an undergrad and amaster's degree from Ball State
University and I'm so excited toget acclimated in the Indy area
.
Raeanna Johnson (03:47):
What are you going to do with your degrees?
Were you working before youwere crowned?
Kalyn Melham (03:52):
I was finishing up my graduate program, so I was a
grad student during the week ofMiss Indiana.
I had to take off classes and Iwas a grad assistant as well.
So I worked part time duringgrad school and three weeks
after I was crowned as MissIndiana I graduated with my
master's degree.
I decided to pursue MissIndiana full-time so I could
(04:12):
optimize the experience and tryto just say yes to everything.
That was kind of the goal I setfor myself.
And upon returning home fromMiss America was when I decided
okay, I think it's time to thinkabout a more traditional career
path for myself.
And that is what ultimatelylanded me to be an admission
counselor at Butler University.
(04:32):
So I work in admissions.
I'll be traveling to Michiganand different parts of Indiana
to recruit prospective studentsto come to Butler.
Raeanna Johnson (04:40):
What a fulfilling job.
Kalyn Melham (04:44):
It's really cool because, especially at Butler
University, that is where theMiss Indiana candidates stay
during Miss Indiana Week, and sothat was like the first time I
was introduced to Butler andButler.
The first time I saw Butler'scampus was my first time at Miss
Indiana Week and somethingabout it was just, it was
(05:06):
special and it just goes to showagain that you know, miss
Indiana Week and pageants initself is just another life
experience that can open otherdoors for us, and I'm so excited
to be in a career path thatencourages prospective students
to continue their education andfind where their passions align
academically.
Raeanna Johnson (05:26):
What a wild year.
You graduate from grad school,you go to Miss America, you
start a new job and then you getengaged.
That's right, and I moved ontop of it all.
That's a lot, yeah, okay, howlong have you been competing?
(05:48):
What was the journey to MissIndiana like for you?
Kalyn Melham (05:52):
I did not start competing in pageants until
college.
I was 18 years old and I reallywanted to compete for Miss Ball
State University in 2020.
Of course, 2020 has a littlebit of a ring to it where the
pandemic comes into play, and somy first half of my pageant
experience was kind of shelvedfor a while, and that's okay.
(06:13):
I mean that time of life camewith its own scenarios for
everybody.
But I did pageants over thecourse of 2020 until 2024, when
I became Miss Indiana and I onlywent to state twice.
And before punching my ticket tothe Miss Indiana stage, I was
the Delaware County Fair Queenand I got to compete at the Miss
(06:35):
Indiana State Fair pageant andthat placement and so there were
114 girls at the state fairpageant and I was able to walk
away as the second runner up.
And that was the first time thatI thought, hey, if I just relax
and don't worry so much aboutthe outcome or put every ounce
of my wellbeing into where I'mgoing to place, it's crazy how
(06:58):
much you can, how much you cando when you don't worry about it
, cause then I didn't sit thereand think, oh, I need to impress
the judges.
It was more of a.
I just want them to get to knowme and I want to get to know
them and if they have a questionfor me, I'm just going to
answer it, as Caitlin and it was.
It was just.
It was astonishing to me to seehow, if I just relaxed, it
(07:21):
always worked out better thanwhen I put a bunch of pressure
on myself Was there a pivotalmoment, that you realized that,
that it just clicked.
I think it was that pageant,because then, after that pageant
, that's what motivated me totry to compete for Miss Ball
State University again as asenior.
And then I became Miss BallState and competed at Miss
Indiana for the first time, andI went back to that anxious
(07:44):
mindset what's the girl doingnext to me?
How can I be more like her?
How do I follow the footstepsof a girl who placed well last
year, when, at the end of theday, it's so obvious if someone
is trying to mimic themannerisms or habits of the
person next to them?
And that it never got meanywhere and it got me in my
head.
It was, I felt, stuck, and soI'm thankful that I had another
(08:07):
opportunity to go to MissIndiana.
I think that Miss Indiana 2024was going to be the last year I
competed for it either way, andI remember kind of having that
moment of closure, regardless ofthe outcome.
But I had a wonderful team oflocal directors that just
reminded me that you don't haveto show up as anyone else but
(08:29):
yourself.
You don't have to put apressure on yourself or an
expectation.
Just show up as you see whereit takes you.
You're prepared, go in there,hit, play and have fun, and I
walked away as Miss Indiana.
Raeanna Johnson (08:43):
It happens when you let it go All of a sudden.
I used to call it I haven'tsaid it in so long but I used to
call it like the little Bo Peepeffect, like if you let it go
it will come to you, like leavethem alone and they'll come home
, kind of concept of the sheep.
Kalyn Melham (08:59):
Absolutely.
What I think is hard about that, though, is we don't always
choose when we actually let itgo, and that I don't know how to
.
I don't know how to tellsomeone oh, just let it go.
Like you, we don't reallydecide that Like.
I think you just have to learnto let things go.
You have to learn how to relaxin certain environments, and
that's why I was so glad I gotto do Miss Indiana twice,
(09:21):
because I'm someone who needs tobe familiar with her
environment literally the stage,the backstage, the dressing
room.
What does it look like?
That way, I can actuallyvisualize myself there.
I don't know if it's an elementof, maybe it's a mental thing
that I have.
I don't know if there's a wordor a diagnosis for that, but I'm
not going to be fullycomfortable or relaxed or let
(09:44):
things go until I can visualizewhat I'm going to be doing.
So the first time I do anything, I don't think it is going to.
I don't think I'm going to berelaxed.
Raeanna Johnson (09:54):
You know what I mean.
Right, there's always an era ofthe like uncomfortability with
the unknown.
Kalyn Melham (10:01):
Yo yeah absolutely Right.
Raeanna Johnson (10:03):
Right, and it's interesting because I think
it's a common experience youknow talking about like you
don't really choose when you letit go.
It just kind of happens, orlike it clicks all of a sudden.
I think it's really common forwomen to go and compete for the
first time not know what they'redoing, like super green, and
just like, have a great time.
Or like you know, whatever, I'mjust, I'm just here soaking it
(10:26):
in, trying to get a hang of this.
And then the next year, if, ifthey've had some success, or
they get that bug and they'relike, oh my gosh, I really want
this, I'm going to go after itThen you push too hard and you
work too hard and you're lookingfor all the things that you're
supposed to be doing or shouldbe doing, and that's when, like
it doesn't work.
Usually I mean rarely wouldthat ever work and then you're
(10:48):
kind of forced to realize itLike, oh well, that didn't work
the first time around it worked.
What's different?
What's changed?
Kalyn Melham (10:56):
And it's different from person to person.
I've learned Because I know,like I knew, that the Miss
America opportunity wouldn't besomething I would get to do
again.
So I think for me, like Ididn't even know where to begin
when it came to goal setting andthere was so much momentum
building up to it that I thoughtI had to want something or had
(11:18):
to feel a certain way, or it allhad to be special when, at the
end of the day, I think I wasjust so happy having a seat at
the table, had to be specialwhen, at the end of the day, I
think I was just so happy havinga seat at the table, like I
think I was just happy that Igot to be there as Miss Indiana.
And I think I let that get awayfrom me, because all the hype
and the send off and this is howwe measure success and pageants
and it's like no, like what wetalk about on podcasts, like
(11:41):
this is how we measure pageants,cause when I got home, I got a
job and I think that's verysuccessful, and I think moving
and being in a new space andtaking care of myself is very
successful and all of thoseintertwined together to work out
for me.
And so, looking back, I thinkit's like I had that pressure of
, well, you won't get to do MissAmerica again, you won't get to
(12:03):
become familiar with the space,like you just have to go.
And maybe now I realized mygoal was to just be there and to
take it all in and enjoy theweek for whatever came with it.
And I think that that's okay,because most of the time a
girl's probably going to gothere and not know what to
expect, and that's okay.
(12:23):
Like I think it's okay if youdon't have a vision for your
week.
I think it's okay if you don'teven have like hard set goals,
like you can just show upsometimes.
It is okay.
Raeanna Johnson (12:36):
Yes and practice trusting yourself to
just show up and be okay in thatspace, because you'll be able
to handle yourself no matterwhat comes at you.
This concept of don't expectanything but know that you're
prepared for everything.
Kalyn Melham (12:53):
Right, absolutely.
And I think that there's somany different personalities
that come and go in the pageantworld and I also feel like I've
been on a glorified detour inlife with pageants.
I didn't grow up doing pageantsworld and I also feel like I've
been on a glorified detour inlife with pads, like I didn't
grow up doing pageants and Idon't think that that kept me
from embracing them fully in anycapacity.
But I wasn't really the girlwho put on a dress and started
(13:15):
crying Like I think that'llhappen for me when I go wedding
dress shopping soon, cause it'slike your wedding day and it's
it's the boy and it's the fam.
Like you know, it's a familyring Like that, to me, is very
emotional.
It comes to family.
But I I didn't, you know, crywhen I would put dresses on and
it felt like I was doingsomething wrong.
I didn't journal like a frontto back pages every night at
(13:40):
Miss America Cause I would besleeping and I didn't like I
didn't have like when I hadfalse eyelashes on.
I didn't like it was itchy youknow, like there were just parts
of me that I was like I don'tfully fit the same mold that the
girl next to me might.
And that's okay, cause I'mstill here, I'm still at this
(14:04):
table and I'm really gratefulfor that.
Raeanna Johnson (14:06):
What was it like as you kicked off your year
as Miss Indiana?
So, this is something I don'tknow that I've really talked
about with anyone on Crown andCandid yet, but it is kind of a
pivotal time in your yearbecause you're like diving in
and trying to adjust and getused to it all.
So what was that experiencelike for you?
Kalyn Melham (14:27):
That was, I would say, the most exhilarating part
of the Miss Indiana year for me,in the best way too.
I did graduate, I did move backhome so I could do this full
time, and so, again, it wasanother scenario of transitions,
but I loved the freedom ofbeing able to just be Miss
(14:50):
Indiana and showing up and, yes,I will be there, yes, I'll sing
the national anthem, yes, I'llcome speak to the kids.
Yes, like I think, I justembraced it fully and I didn't
think twice about anything, Ididn't look back, I just enjoyed
it and it was so much fun.
I felt very alive, it felt verysurreal until like month two or
(15:13):
three, and I think it was uh.
I mean it took some time to toadjust to, hey, every weekend or
even days of the week, you'reyou're going to be driving
hundreds of miles, sometimesYou're going to be going all
over the state and sometimes tosister states, and so getting
into that rhythm and routine ittook a little bit of adjusting,
(15:34):
but I wanted to.
I remember telling my directorsI'm trying to.
Right before state last year Iwas envisioning the year as Miss
Indiana, not a crowning moment,because I think everyone's like
, oh, the end would be crownedas Miss Indiana and you
visualize a crowning moment.
There's nothing wrong with that,but I think to truly put
yourself in the position ofbeing a purposeful title holder
(15:57):
and understanding what comeswith the year as Miss so-and-so,
is visualizing yourself in thatposition, having a plan, having
a plan that is almost mimickinglike a business structure, like
.
I think it's important toreally prepare yourself for what
that would look like, becausethat's what the first chunk of
my year was was okay, let's dothis, this, this, and now, let's
(16:18):
, let's go do it, let's go liveit out.
Um, it's a lot of fun.
My directors sat me down noteven 12 hours after being
crowned as miss indiana and theyjust said you know, we are here
to guide you however we can,but this is your year and
however we can help you, let usknow.
And I think, as someone who I'ma pretty independent girl I am
(16:42):
that was wonderful because itallowed a space for
collaboration and I didn't feellike I had to surrender any
passion of mine or give upsomething that I was really
wanting to pursue as MissIndiana.
Raeanna Johnson (16:56):
Were there parts about the job that you
were surprised by or looked waydifferent than what you expected
?
Kalyn Melham (17:01):
Definitely yes.
I think what surprised me washow, how much responsibility we
have on social media, and I dounderstand that in some cases
that's just a choice, like youcan choose how active or how
non-active you want to be onsocial media, and either way is
(17:23):
okay.
But I think to really optimizeand reach as many people as
possible or make the most out ofthe memories that you're you're
creating for yourself, having acamera can help with that.
You know, having other peopleto connect with in a digital
space, it's a tool.
Social media can ultimately bea tool if we allow it to work as
(17:44):
one.
And so I was shocked with notlike creating content or the
feedback, necessarily, but Icontinued to kind of raise the
bar for myself, based on what Iwould see on social media and
how I thought the way peopleview you is only social media
and there are some elements tothat.
(18:05):
That's true.
But I think with social mediacomes a lot of peer pressure and
not the peer pressure that youhear, like in middle school, of
like, oh, do this becauseso-and-so is doing it.
But it's more of a live up toan expectation that this
industry may have had about thistitle you're having have had
(18:26):
about this title you you'rehaving, there's an expectation
that maybe was there at onepoint.
So, I think, adjusting to thatthroughout the year and keeping
up with a platform that I hadnever I mean, I'd never had a
platform with that muchsignificance or inspiration, I
guess I I tried to be reallycareful and purposeful at the
same time, but it was a reallygreat opportunity too, and it
(18:47):
didn't scare me.
Raeanna Johnson (18:48):
It wasn't something I I ran from, but
that's something that didsurprise me, what were your most
negative or maybe one of yourmost negative experiences with
social media?
Kalyn Melham (18:58):
Oh, I have a sensitive heart, and so I've
compared myself to other womenmultiple times.
I'm not afraid to admit that,just because I think how you
handle those comparisons in yourhead and how you pick yourself
back up from maybe that negativemindset, that's what shapes you
into who you are.
I mean, I'm so proud of how farI've come from, like the middle
(19:23):
school girl I once was, whowould look at some influencer
who probably edited a photo, youknow, and then somehow took it
to heart and it like would makeme really hard on myself, and I
can confidently say that, as a24 year old woman now, I would
look back at my middle schoolself and just like, be like girl
you're.
(19:43):
You are so special, you're sounique and beautiful.
It's okay, and I'm so proud ofthat.
So it's okay If there are younggirls or boys listening to this
that have done that before,because we've all been there, I
can guarantee it whether peopleare willing to share or not, and
it's okay if you're not willingto share.
Um one time I was, though I wasat a Riley Children's Hospital
(20:04):
visit.
As a former Riley patient, rileyChildren's Hospital was one of
my all-time favoriteorganizations to collaborate
with this year and RileyHospital shared photos of my
visit and I don't know why thisis the post that some user
decided to comment on, but youknow they were like, wow, this
(20:28):
girl looks like she shopped atGoodwill for her outfit and oh
her, look at all the work she'shad done on her face, especially
her teeth.
I'm just sitting there readingit like oh my gosh, like one,
okay, ouch, a little bit.
It like oh my gosh, like one,okay, ouch, a little bit.
But also I haven't done all my.
You know what I mean.
Like my first thought was liketo defend, and then I was like
(20:57):
we don't need to engage withinternet trolls, like I'm trying
to give back to the hospitalthat literally touched my life.
But again, a title holdershould be aware of the fact that
it's not always going to beeasy, no matter what space you
go into, and just be prepared.
I I again like I have asensitive heart, but you've got
to be able to just let that goand that's one of those things
that you do have to like justthat does not matter.
Raeanna Johnson (21:18):
Like let that go, but it happens, it does
matter, like let that go, youknow, but it happens, it does.
Why?
What?
I don't know.
I'm like I when people do that,I'm like like, aren't you tired
?
Like what a waste of energy gofor a walk yeah, it's like go
(21:40):
eat a cookie.
Kalyn Melham (21:41):
Literally, yeah, yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (21:47):
Uh, as as a title holder, there's all like
the business side of things, too, that we just don't really talk
about.
We don't see on social media.
We see the uh, the appearances,we see like the end product of
all the work behind it.
So what was the business sideof things for you as Miss
Indiana, or is I should say,we're not done yet?
Kalyn Melham (22:08):
I would start by saying that Indiana has a really
unique state organization inthe sense that there there's a
lot of, there's a lot ofliberties, like from girl to
girl year to year it's not goingto look the same, and I love
that.
I know there are some stateswhere you kind of have one
structure and then a differentgirl every year, and I don't
(22:30):
think there's one right way todo it.
I think that both of those arepurposeful.
We're making a difference.
Either way, deanna, this yearsomething that I think was
really cool for me to take onwas a little bit of
restructuring on my serviceinitiative.
So my CSI began as ACT, which isAdvocating for Change Through
(22:50):
Theater.
So anytime that I would perform, sing, have a cabaret, anything
involving performing, I wouldfundraise at those events.
So a cabaret for hunger relief,a cabaret for Riley Children's
Hospital, or inviting audiencemembers to our theater
production and having them bringcanned goods for the ministry
(23:12):
down the road.
Any chance I had to perform, wewould fundraise simultaneously,
although I have that passionthat aligns with theater.
We thought it would bepurposeful to broaden the
service initiative to generalacts of service, because what I
found in my first two months asMiss Indiana is that I would go
(23:34):
and sing in third gradeclassrooms or volunteer at
nursing homes or just lend ahand wherever I could.
So it, although it did usetheater a lot, it wasn't the
only thing that I was doing tofundraise or make a difference,
and we thought it at a nationallevel too.
It would be a little more of a,an optimal experience for
sponsorships or collaborationsat that national level, and it
(23:56):
wouldn't just limit us totheater partnerships.
So as a from a businessperspective, I guess, like
you're saying, I just had tokind of think about okay, how do
I want to realign this on mypaperwork, or what other
organizations and businesses canI collaborate with?
And it was a lot of fun.
It opened a lot of new doors.
There's an accounting firm herein Carmel, just down the road,
(24:19):
that they were able to donate acheck to the American Heart
Association fund when wefundraised for Miss America, and
so I liked it because, eventhough it kind of morphed a
little bit into somethingdifferent, it also opened more
doors and I think it just itgrew me as an individual and, I
think, really added some depthto my year.
Raeanna Johnson (24:41):
What was bringing on sponsors, bringing
on collaborating with businesses?
What was that process like foryou?
Kalyn Melham (24:50):
You really do have to lean into the connections
that you have, which that's kindof the case with anything again
, like looking for jobs ormoving, like connections it's
huge and the Miss Americaopportunity is filled with
connections.
So again, that's a great, greatplugin for girls all over the
nation.
I am fortunate enough to have abrother who worked at that
(25:13):
business.
So he was like, oh, he was soexcited my family, they were so
excited when I got crowned asMiss Indiana, and so he was like
, let's do something.
Let me try to talk to ourpartners and see if they'd be
interested in funding this anddonating.
And then I kind of looked atthat process that we had in the
conversations that we had overat that company and tried to
(25:36):
apply that same structure tolocal theaters and seeing how I
can plug in there.
Because, again, even though wegrew the platform to reach a
wider audience, I didn't want toleave what started at all,
which was theater.
So I would kind of use thatsame structure and plan and go
into theaters and do the samething.
Raeanna Johnson (25:53):
That's a really cool thought too, that like I
guess it's what we do, but Ihadn't really thought about it
in that way of like you kind ofjust build a blueprint off of
doing it right, like you justjust do something, get started
and take what, what works, andbuild on it and like in this
case, talking about bringing onpartners, like what those
(26:16):
conversations look like, theprocess to get those
conversations started and toonboard them as partners and
build what that collaborationlooks like and then copy paste
and edit based on the otherorganization that you'll be
working with.
Kalyn Melham (26:31):
Right, and it definitely.
It can change because, like onebeing an accounting firm and
then one being a communitytheater, super different but
both have that heart of wantingto give and help out in their
community as much as possible.
Raeanna Johnson (26:46):
Did you ever have any personal insecurity or
self-doubt about asking fordonations or sponsorships or
building those collaborations,and how did you work through
that?
Kalyn Melham (26:59):
I thankfully didn't have self-doubt, but it
is awkward to you know what'sawkward?
Sometimes showing up in a sashand a crown period can be really
awkward.
I remember just going to ahospital event and I mean some
of these kids are in their bedsand can't really get up and do
(27:21):
anything and I think that theyloved the sparkles.
But sometimes I just thoughtwhy do I feel a little bit out
of pocket here?
Why do I feel like I'm kind ofcoming in a little too loud in
an environment that's sosensitive?
you know, and so I think thatthat's.
I don't think it's somethingthat people necessarily like,
don't take seriously, but Ialways thought in certain
(27:43):
scenarios, like even singing thenational anthem sometimes,
which I had the opportunity todo a lot I love doing that, but
the crown can be distracting andI in some scenarios I thought
it would be wise to maybe justhave the sash and have a little
bit of a classier etiquette toit and it changes.
(28:03):
Sometimes people are like, ohno, sash and crown, oh the kids
will love that, oh the guestswill love that, and of course.
But there are some elements to,I think, just being a pageant
title holder in general whetherit is asking for donations or
showing up and how you presentyourself that can be a little
uncomfortable and it's followedwith insecurity sometimes.
Raeanna Johnson (28:26):
Thank you for saying all of that.
That is something that I havenot thought about in so long and
it's so true.
But one appearance type that Inever wore my sash and crown was
when I was speaking to middleschoolers or high schoolers,
because my initiative was soserious and I wanted to connect
(28:47):
with the students through mystories and through my words.
That you're right.
Like it would be a distractionA and B, it felt so
inappropriate for theconversation that I wanted to
have with those students,inappropriate for the
conversation that I wanted tohave with those students and I
think there was a video I saw.
Kalyn Melham (29:07):
I want to say last year it was when Madison, miss
America, madison Marsh, when shewent to an event it was a
military related event and Ihappened to recognize that I
think she just had the sash andmy immediate thought was like I
was like I know she didn'tforget the crown.
It's an event where you maybedon't need to have a sparkly hat
(29:30):
glistening in every direction.
Like this is a very serious,somber time and I think that
that's okay.
I think that that's okay.
What was managing yourappearances and all of your
travel like.
Raeanna Johnson (29:38):
What was managing your appearances and
all of your travel like?
Kalyn Melham (29:41):
Oh, my goodness, I love Indiana for this, because
we have an event manager namedMarietta Height.
She is I don't want to get itwrong, but she is somewhere
between I want to say 75, 85years old Sweetest lady ever.
I love her, she is.
(30:05):
So whenever someone books MissIndiana through the website, she
is the one who coordinates itand she gives us the address,
the time, the place, everythingthat we need to know, and then
we take that information andpack up and show up when we're
needed.
And Marietta is a doll.
She lives in Northern Indiana,so whenever we'd have events up
there, she would let us staywith her.
And I will never forget stayingat her house one night and she
(30:30):
was like okay, well, I am notthe hostess with the mostest, so
if you are hungry, just go lookin the kitchen for something.
I just remember thinking forsome reason that made me feel
more welcome in her home.
Then if someone was like youneed anything, let me know.
If you want me to make yousomething, I'll do it.
Cause then I was like you'reright, marietta, I'm going to go
(30:50):
downstairs and just look for amuffin.
And then I found a muffin andthen I took the muffin upstairs,
like I loved.
I loved staying with Mariettaand she has done so much for
this organization.
She's there all week long atstate week and stays in the
Butler dorms with all the girls.
She is just there to support usin any way she can and she's
amazing.
Raeanna Johnson (31:09):
Were there any unexpected like business
responsibilities that you had tolearn?
Kalyn Melham (31:14):
I would say something that paralleled a lot
with my graduate studies, andthen the role of Miss Indiana
was always having a pitch, whichthat phrase alone, I think,
sounds a little like.
I don't want it to seem likeelevator memorized, like I don't
love that, but it's more so beable to communicate effectively
(31:36):
and authentically on the on thespot, and I think that that's a
skill that everyone should have,and it's very much business
related.
But again, like having amicrophone handed to me is like
the number one thing that I didas Miss Indiana.
I would sing a lot, I wouldcompete sometimes, I would, you
know, go out in a space and haveone-on-one conversations with
(31:57):
people, but more than anything,you are handed a microphone and
you have to be willing to speakeffectively, and so I think that
that's something that I had tolearn more about, and certainly
polish.
Raeanna Johnson (32:10):
How did you build that skill?
Kalyn Melham (32:11):
Just experience.
I think that Miss Indiana Weeklast year which I cannot believe
that this is a year ago but youprepare for the onstage
question and you prepare for theinterview, every phase of
competition.
You find different ways toprepare for that.
But when you are crowned as astate title holder, you aren't
preparing to compete anymore.
(32:32):
At least I didn't.
I know some girls like they'recrowned and they're like okay,
the next goal is Miss America.
The next goal is competitionfor Miss America and I I very
much had the dream of likeliving out the years Miss
Indiana and I think everyone hadthat dream too, but I was.
I put pretty much everythinginto that Like I just want to do
this all and, yes, miss Americaprep.
But I feel like I learned thatskill by going out there and
(32:55):
continuously doing it andlearning it in an environment
that was like face-to-face andreally purposeful, as opposed to
like continue to just preparein a competition mindset.
I think that that kind ofseparates the two a little bit,
if that makes sense.
Raeanna Johnson (33:09):
Absolutely, because experiences teach.
Oh yeah, yeah, right, yeah, ahundred percent.
So you was that kind of yourmindset too in preparation for
the Miss Indiana competitionlast year Was prepare by doing
yes, I think it was.
Kalyn Melham (33:27):
I also think it was knowing exactly who I was in
every room that I would go intoand every competition phase
that I would compete in.
I remember walking into myinterview and just talking,
getting to know them, notworrying so much about like, did
(33:48):
that sound impressive?
Was that good enough?
Was that?
And?
And just talking to them, Imean I, I remember just going in
there and one of the questionsthat the judges asked me, like
they said like hey, I read yourCSI and I'm still confused by it
.
Like, can you explain it alittle more?
And on the inside for a secondI was like well, that's not good
(34:11):
that they're confused by mypaperwork, like that's pretty
bad.
But then it was like no, justjust explain it more, just tell
them.
Like.
Oh, I think I literally said I'mI'm sorry that it was a little
bit confusing.
Here's more about it.
And I just clarified in about30 seconds or 45 seconds and it
was no problem and it just waslike a good reminder that it's
(34:32):
okay If things don't seemperfect or come out super
polished, it's okay If thequestions are super random,
because you're prepared for this.
They just want to get to knowyou.
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (34:44):
I was just talking to a client about
interview today.
She's very well-spoken, veryarticulate, very poised,
professional, and I asked herare you prepared for the fluff
questions?
Because I think you should be,because the judges are going to
see immediately that you gotthis handled, but they're going
(35:05):
to want to see can she handle acurve ball?
Can she handle like can shelighten up and have a little fun
here?
And I think your approach, likejust talking to them, reminds
me of like that's how you showup at appearances as Miss
Indiana, reminds me of likethat's how you show up at
appearances as Miss Indiana.
So if the judges are lookingfor the next Miss Indiana,
(35:26):
shouldn't you show up and talkto them as if you were talking
to people at an appearance?
Absolutely.
Kalyn Melham (35:32):
And I even can add to your point by saying like,
yes, the first few questions inmy interview were a little more
like job related.
Tell us more about this.
And then, out of nowhere, thejudge in the middle with like
dagger eyes just goes what's thecraziest thing you've ever done
?
And you're you, you, I mean itstumps you Cause.
(35:53):
Then you're like, oh my gosh,like first of all I don't even
know.
And then you're like, how do Iphrase this?
And what's what do you?
You know, cause defining crazy,you know, right.
And um, I told a story about mychildhood.
Like my sister and I we were atlike church camp and then we
jumped in a pool with ourclothes on and we thought it was
so funny that we jumped in apool at church camp with our
clothes on.
(36:13):
Like that's such a child, likeeight and nine year old girls.
Like we were like, oh my gosh,we're jumping in, we don't even
have our bathing suit, Likeagain, like that was like a
funny, crazy memory and I justtold it in a way to kind of be
like isn't that so silly?
But again, like you just haveto be prepared for them to say,
well, what is your favoritecolor and it's a little awkward.
If you're just like a blue, youknow cause.
(36:34):
Then it's like, well, why blue?
Is there a childhood memoryabout blue?
Like about, but like I do thinkit's important, like just
remind yourself you're gettingto know these people and it's
okay If you don't feel likeyou're on a Ted talk or you know
just uh, just show up as whoyou are.
Raeanna Johnson (36:50):
And don't judge your interview by the questions
that they asked you.
Absolutely Right.
Like people get to know you byhow you handle yourself, not
with what you talk about.
So so often I think we hearthis like I want them to know
this, this, this and this aboutme by the time I leave that room
and I'm like you got to showthem who you are.
(37:12):
You can't tell them who you areLike because when you're at
appearances and I'm sure you canvouch for this too like you're
not going to show up and justgive everyone the verbal resume
of your life, but they're goingto get a feel for who you are
and they're going to see yourwarmth and your compassion and
(37:32):
your character just by how youlisten to them and how you
genuinely interact with them,and so if judges are asking you
off the wall questions,genuinely interact with them.
And so if judges are asking youoff the wall questions, don't
spin it into your CSI, don'tspin it into how you're going to
do the job, like answer thequestion, because they genuinely
want to know, yes, and I agreewith everything you're saying,
(37:54):
especially the part of warmth.
Kalyn Melham (37:57):
You know, are you super rehearsed?
Are you robotic?
Are you know?
If they ask you like, you know,is your favorite color yellow?
That's my favorite color, Ilove yellow.
I have a.
I have a yellow cup right here.
But you know, if they ask youthat, are you gonna say yellow
was first defined by like it'slike no, I had a blanket when I
was a baby and it was yellow andI love you know?
(38:21):
And also, like, if they do askyou, if someone over here asks
you the question, includeeverybody, because a really good
state title holder is going toinclude every single person in
that room, even the person inthe back, even the kid who is
looking down.
Like, you have to find a way tobe inclusive and that's it's
got to be genuine, you know?
I think that that's that'swhere that warms the image.
(38:43):
I love that word.
That's where that comes in.
Raeanna Johnson (38:47):
Yeah, how was preparing for Miss America
different?
You know we've touched on thisa little bit.
You know, like you knew whatyou were going into at Miss
Indiana because you had beenthere before, and so we had a
different mindset going in.
The second time around, whenyou won, there was no way of
really knowing what it was goingto look like and feel like at
Miss America.
So how was the preparationdifferent with that in mind?
Kalyn Melham (39:10):
I think that I just full transparency.
I think, preparing for MissIndiana, I knew exactly what I
wanted, and I think what Iwanted was to leave it all out
there and walk away as MissIndiana and have that year as
Miss Indiana.
So then, while preparing forMiss America, I had moments
(39:31):
where I was like, but I'm beingMiss Indiana right now, you know
, and I think that that again,it's okay and, in my opinion
anyway, if you are fully goingto the Miss America competition
to just be there, I think thatthat's okay.
I did prep for it.
I practiced walking for likethree hours one day.
(39:53):
We worked on my talent.
I loved the talent element atMiss America.
That was like a dream come trueelement at Miss America.
That was like a dream come true.
And again, though, it was justlike I walked off stage after
seeing my talent and that didbring me to tears because of the
immense gratitude that I felt.
And so I do think that,preparing for Miss Indiana, I
think I was preparing to beKaylin as Miss Indiana, whereas
(40:17):
Miss America I think you'repreparing to be Miss America
because it's Miss America, andit's okay if that rule is
already kind of laid out andthere's a structure or a plan or
you know national sponsorshipsthat align specifically with
someone's CSI or someone's.
(40:37):
The branding that you're like, Ithink that that's okay.
The branding that you're like,I think that that's okay.
And if you are changing everylittle thing about yourself to
be a certain title, then it'd bereally hard if you became that
title.
Do you know what I mean?
And it's not in any way comingfrom a place of negativity.
I do not want it to come offthat way.
I just want it to be known thatyou know all but one girl will
(41:03):
walk away as their state titlevoter when they return from Miss
America.
And for the one girl, I'm likebeyond impressed, proud, like
I'm just like, oh my gosh,you're Miss America.
That is like the coolest thingever At the same time that we
get to come back to our Statesand live out a dream that we
(41:24):
once prepared for or prayed forand I think sometimes that can
get lost in translation, and sopreparing for the two can be
very different and they're Imean, they're completely
different competitions too, butI'm just so thankful I got to be
part of of both.
It's it's really, it's reallycool to be able to see that.
Raeanna Johnson (41:47):
What I'm loving about this conversation that
I'm picking up on a lot is thatyou are very like that's okay
and that's okay too, and there'snothing wrong with that.
And if it's not that, thenthat's okay too.
And what you're doing abeautiful job of and I don't
know if I can explain this verywell but like you're talking
(42:12):
about circumstances, you'retalking about ways that things
are run, you're talking aboutchoices, but you're also doing
this really beautiful thingwhere you're like and I'm okay
with like not fitting into thator not wanting that, or you know
, like it's very much like allof that's okay, and it's okay if
you don't like that and and I'mokay too, like over here just
doing me, just being me.
Kalyn Melham (42:29):
Well, I think that most girls will probably see
themselves in that and thinklike, oh, like, I guess I didn't
.
Like there's a student thatworks at Butler and she's a
sophomore right now and she's astudent intern.
And she was like well, Ihaven't done pageants in so long
, so I probably wouldn't startthem again.
And I'm like no, I didn't dothem until college.
(42:50):
I started them when I was 18years old and I was like you
don't have to, there doesn'thave to be a one, a one model.
One shoe fits like you fillyour own shoes.
You absolutely do that.
And if you're in the middle ofyour science, dream your theater
, dream your whatever it is, youcan throw a pageant in there.
(43:12):
You can, and you can have itlast for one year, you can have
last for 10 years, you can dowhatever you want with it.
And so that is my hope, that,like, my story ended up this way
, and it is okay, because moreoften than not, I think that's
where people will see themselves, no matter what their title is.
Raeanna Johnson (43:30):
I judged a national competition, the Miss
Petite USA, here in Milwaukee afew years back and I judged,
like the, the Mrs, ms and elitedivision, the older women, and I
mean there were women that weregrandmothers competing in their
very first pageant.
(43:51):
That's so cool, exactly.
So, as you're talking aboutthis, like just saying, like
just go for it, even if ithasn't been a while, like if
it's on your heart, just do it,because why not?
Kalyn Melham (44:03):
Yeah, it's, and again it is.
It's okay, like I, you know,miss Indiana is coming to a
close, but there are so manythings beginning for me and I
think that sometimes we think wehave to have a certain outcome
or placement or feeling or bringsomething back home and it's
like no, you're coming back homeas Miss Indiana or, you know,
(44:28):
miss Michigan, miss Illinois,whatever it is, and you did
something really phenomenal, andso I just hope that local title
holders feel that way gettingto compete at their state
competition for the first timeand moving forward.
I just, I really hope that thatmessage is hey, if your goal is
to literally just do it or orbe there or some days is, if
(44:52):
your goal is to get out of bedand you do, then that's also
okay, like life is so.
Oh, I don't, there's, that'ssomething I don't have a word
for it.
Life is so be kind to oneanother and help the next girl
online, however you can, andjust remind each other, it's
(45:14):
okay.
Raeanna Johnson (45:15):
Right, I have a few clients right now that are
going to state and they do notwant to win, and there's a
limiting belief that comes withthat, because so often I've
heard maybe you've heard thistoo like why wouldn't you want
to win?
You're going to be there.
Like, why wouldn't you want towin?
Well, a lot of reasons.
(45:36):
And so I just want to likevalidate that.
If you're listening right nowand you're preparing and you're
feeling all this pressure,because you know you feel like
you're supposed to want thisreally bad, but like in your gut
you just don't.
Because you love being thelocal title holder, or like you
were talking about Kaylin, likeloved being Miss Indiana, and
(45:56):
it's not that like you wouldn'ttake on the opportunity if it
was given to you and run with itand be so grateful for it, but
like it's okay to not want thatnext level.
Kalyn Melham (46:09):
Yeah, I agree 100% , and I think that some people
maybe don't recognize whatwanting it means.
Do you know what you're wanting?
And if you do and you're likeyes, I want all of it, it's like
that's awesome, you should, youshould, go for it.
You're doing everything right,you know?
Um, but it's okay, like.
If you're like I do want it,but I don't want to say I want
(46:32):
it, that's okay too.
You don't have to say anything.
It's okay.
If you go in and you're like Idon't, I don't know what to say,
just show up.
But the one foot in front ofthe other.
It's just important that Ithink you don't have to arrive
at some specific conclusion forevery little thing in your life.
You're allowed to just go withthe flow, just prepare for it,
(46:53):
prepare for the flow, have yourown back, but it's okay, it's
just, it is.
Raeanna Johnson (47:03):
Yeah, it's okay to enjoy other things in life,
and in fact you should beenjoying other things in life,
not just pageants.
Like, if pageants are your life, then I think you maybe need to
get a life.
Sorry to sound so harsh, my, my, my coach that I had worked
with way back when used to saythat or something very similar
to that.
Like yeah you know, that's sotrue.
Kalyn Melham (47:25):
I agree, I agree with you and I think that a
pageant, especially in MissAmerica, has so many elements
that can spark an interest, likethe talent aspect as a theater
girl oh my gosh, like that kindof got me into it.
And then growing incommunication skills, the
scholarship opportunities wehave other things going on
(47:47):
outside of it, and how how couldyou possibly be in it only for
the pageant when there's so manyother things it's prepared me
for?
Like that is advice I'd give toany girl competing is, think
about why you're here and whatyou can truly take away from
this down the road, like there'sagain, like there's so much
more to life.
Raeanna Johnson (48:05):
There is, yeah, and there's also like this big
buildup to achieving your dreamgetting to the national stage
and then it's done.
How did you feel coming homefrom your experience at Miss
America?
Kalyn Melham (48:22):
Oh my goodness, I don't think I had the most
reliable emotions because I getmotion sick so bad it's like my
war, it's the worst.
So flying from Indiana toFlorida, I I had, I was on
Dramamine.
I took Dramamine like the flylike, not like the drowsy,
non-drowsy.
And so when I was boarding theflight after Miss America, like
(48:44):
after it was all over, after allthese emotions, and then this
Dramamine made me like reallytired.
I was like oh my gosh, and Iwas like eating.
I was like eating a steak andshake burger because they're so
good.
And then I started like cryingand I remember looking at my mom
and I was like I think I'mreally tired.
I was like I'm like I need tosleep and I was like but I'm so
(49:06):
hungry at the same time and Iwas like I think I'm just
feeling it all, like I was likeI have so much gratitude.
I'm also kind of sad that it'sover, like I don't know how to
feel and I was like but thisburger is so good and so like
just you feel it all and I think, like we're, we are women, we
have hormones.
That's also okay to feel thingsthat you're like.
(49:28):
Why am I so like emotional?
That's also part of life andthat's also okay.
But you know, all jokes aside,there is an element of like what
just happened, like that was socrazy.
Did I?
Did I capitalize on everyopportunity?
I was there right, like youwould just kind of have all
these oh my goodness, it was.
(49:50):
I mean, it was a 10 day stretchof like.
I think before I could reallyrealize what was happening I was
already on my way back home.
But I think that that proves,like my director told me he was
like, that means you were livingin the moment and I was already
on my way back home.
But I think that that proves,like my director told me he was
like, that means you were livingin the moment and I was like,
oh okay, yeah, you're right.
Like I think I was so presentthat it happened and then all of
a sudden I was on my way backand it's because I was there
(50:12):
full throttle and it is hard,you don't sleep a whole lot and
there is hair and makeup at fourin the morning and you got to
keep up.
But again, like it's, it's anexperience and it's one
experience and this beautifulrun of life and I'm really glad
I got to do it and I lovedgetting to come back home to
(50:35):
Indiana too.
Raeanna Johnson (50:36):
How did you handle motion sickness driving,
or do you not get it when you're?
Kalyn Melham (50:38):
driving.
When I'm driving, I'm okay,Unless there's like really
intense start stop traffic, I'mfine, which is so like I really
want to.
I really want to study that.
I'm not a science girl, somaybe I want someone else to
study that.
But I just get so severelymotion sick and it's, yeah, it's
, it's not great.
Raeanna Johnson (51:06):
Yeah, yeah, oh, I wanted to say when you said,
um, you know about beinghormonal and we're women and we
have, like, all of thesedifferent feelings, um, like,
why am I feeling this way, is avery common thing that I ask
myself and I hear other peopleask themselves, and I think it's
important to remember.
We don't need to know why, likewe don't have to have a reason
for why we're feeling what we'refeeling.
It's more important to figureout how you're going to manage
(51:26):
it and take care of yourself inthat moment with those big
feelings.
Kalyn Melham (51:30):
Yes, ma'am, I have learned new feelings over the
last year and maybe it wasbecause of the role that I've
had.
Like I have had differentemotions that I didn't know I
could feel, or different levelsof exhaustion that I didn't know
my body could actually reach.
And take care of yourself.
That is very important to takecare of yourself, whether that's
(51:51):
sleep or your diet, gettingexercise, your skin.
You know, like we wear makeup alot as pageant women Give your
skin like that, like let itbreathe.
Raeanna Johnson (52:00):
You know as pageant women give your skin
like that, like let it breathe.
You know, yes, exactly all theself-care call that the glam
plan, and fearlessly authentic,just like all the little things
drinking enough water, gettingto sleep, doing some skincare
that's all part of the glam planto help you feel your best.
Oh, yeah, okay, sadly we arerunning out of time, um, and I
(52:24):
feel like we could talk forhours because there's just so
much beautiful insight thatyou're bringing to the table and
it's also sparking all of theselike thoughts for me, like
going deeper.
So I just I really reallyappreciate your just heart and
sharing that with me and withthe Sash and Soul community
today.
So, as we wrap up, let's talkabout, like, the legacy that
(52:48):
you're leaving and what you hopefor the next Miss Indiana.
Kalyn Melham (52:54):
Oh man, I hope I can convey this and you know,
like a good few sentences.
But just as cliche as it sounds, kindness can go so far.
It can literally change theworld.
And I know there's acompetition, I know there's a
wardrobe and material, and Iknow when you think of a pageant
(53:17):
, I know a lot of things come tomind immediately.
But when you really help thatnext girl in line, whether
that's zipping her up in a dressor literally just giving her a
smile backstage, hugging someonewhen they they're at a low and
this goes beyond a pageantcompetition just being there for
(53:39):
people, like waving at someoneacross the street, smile, I mean
like life is so precious andpeople are the ultimate reason
that we're here.
I think it's to lean on oneanother and go through this
together.
That's why there's so manypeople on this planet.
In my opinion, and I think Godwants this place to be really
(54:02):
happy.
And if you have an opportunityto be a leader and in a role
where people look up to you, bepositive, be kind.
Do not underestimate the powerof of just being there for
somebody.
Um, I don't know.
I just hope that that legacy is.
It can be a year, that'sunexpected, it can be messy, it
(54:24):
can be random, it can looknothing like the year before,
but again it's okay and alwayscome back to being a really a
good person and kind to thewoman next to you.
Raeanna Johnson (54:36):
I'm going to add onto that too, if you don't
mind.
Be kind to yourself.
I'm going to add on to that too, if you don't mind.
Be kind to yourself Like thisis part of the energy that I'm
feeling from you.
Is like I hear the love thatyou put out there to other
people and the grace that yougive other people for their
human experiences and thechoices they make and how they
(55:00):
see the world, even if it'sdifferent from you.
The lesson that I've learnedhere with you is that when we're
able to be kind to ourselvesand have that self-compassion,
we are able to see other peoplefor the human that they are.
And I say this like thatcompetition stress is going to
(55:22):
magnify and personify indifferent ways for different
people and for those that mightbe struggling with some, you
know, lack of self-confidence orcomparison or stress or
pressure or whatever it might be, sometimes that personification
of their stress comes out aslike a mean girl or saying
things that are maybe off colorfor what they would typically do
(55:44):
, and I think the best thingsthat we can do for ourselves and
for that person and for ourexperience all around is to have
compassion for them andunderstand that it's not about
us, that maybe they're having abad day.
That does not by any meansexcuse behavior, but at least we
can release that and not, youknow, take that on ourselves and
, like, add to our stress thatthat we're already experiencing
(56:06):
as well.
So I just I loved that.
That was my takeaway from thisconversation with you and that
aha for me of like I havenoticed the more that I've been
able to be self-accepting andkind to myself, the more
compassion I'm able to extend toother people and see them for
the beautiful human that theyare in all of their experiences
and existence.
So thank you for that.
(56:27):
No, thank you, oh my goodness,thank you so much for your time
tonight.
It was a pleasure, good, I'm soglad.
Congratulations to you onexperiencing a dream year and
achieving your goal and gettingengaged and going on to like
more amazing things in your life, because you are a living
(56:47):
example that, like you saidearlier on, like the like, you
can be part of this world for atime and then you can leave this
world and go do other thingsand live your life in so many
different beautiful ways, andyou're doing that, and so just
that's so awesome.
Congratulations.
Thank you so so much.
Yeah, absolutely All right.
(57:09):
And as for the rest of you, Ihave to go take care of a client
who texted me as we wererecording.
I was like do you have time fora mindset call?
She's at competition this week.
And I'm like, heck, yeah, let'sdo it.
So I'm going to hop off andcall her.
I will be back again next weekwith more for you on Sash and
Soul.
Until then, take care ofyourselves, be kind to yourself
and others, as Kalem said, andwe'll talk to you later.
(57:32):
Bye.
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
We're at it again withpotentially one of our last
Crowned and Candid episodes inSash and Soul.
And just as a reminder, and tothose of you that are new, well,
first of all, welcome andthanks for tuning in.
But just to share Crowned andCandid was really born out of
this idea that we really want toprovide more transparency for
(00:21):
you about what the life of astate title holder looks like
the good, the bad, everything inbetween the business side, the
personal side because I thinkoftentimes when we build
something up in our head,something that we dream of
becoming or we've dreamt ofbecoming in the past, we kind of
build up this idea of it andsometimes that idea feels
(00:43):
unattainable and we kind ofbuild up this idea of like
perfectionism, of what we thenneed to attain personally in
order to achieve that goal.
And that's just not it.
I always encourage my clientsto sit down with the outgoing
title holder or very recenttitle holder, if they can't sit
down with a current title holderto get a realistic job preview
(01:04):
what this looks like.
If you're serious about doingthis job, you have to be very
clear on what that big picture,what the job looks like for you,
so that you can see yourself init.
And so that's what this seriesis really meant to be.
And today I have the pleasure ofintroducing to you Kaylin
Mellom.
This is Miss Indiana 2024.
And I can already tell fromjust like the brief little
(01:27):
conversation that we've hadtogether, that this is going to
be a really heartfeltconversation.
So I'm excited to dive in but,as always, want to share her
overall message with you that wewere just chatting about, and I
typed it up almost verbatim,which I was excited to like
capture because the words are sobeautiful.
She says it's important foreveryone to understand that this
is just another experience inlife and regardless of if it's
(01:49):
your first time competing, or ifyou never make it to Miss
America or never make it to thestate level, it in no way
defines the next steps for you.
It can be a world that youvisit and you have a great time,
and then you go back to lifeoutside of it.
We're just people on this earthand you can either wear the
title or it can wear you, and Iliterally have chills as I'm
(02:10):
reading that.
So thank you for thosebeautiful words.
I'm excited to hear more fromyou, Kaylin, Welcome.
Thanks for being here.
Kalyn Melham (02:16):
Thank you.
Raeanna Johnson (02:17):
This is so exciting.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Kalyn Melham (02:22):
Okay, well, I'm coming to you from Carmel,
indiana.
I actually just moved to thisapartment, not even a week ago,
so life is busy.
I started a new job at ButlerUniversity Go Dawgs.
I'm also currently rooting forour Indiana Pacers.
They have their first playoffgame in the NBA finals tonight.
So those are some things thatare just fresh in my mind right
(02:44):
now.
But, yes, I am miss Indiana2024, two weeks left in my year.
Boy, has it been an amazingexperience.
I don't even know where tobegin.
There are so many words that Iget like.
Some people are like there's nowords and I'm like, no, there's
so many words, so much to share.
It's been incredible.
I am thankful mostly for thecommunity of people that have
(03:08):
been through all thesetransitions with me in my life,
especially my new fiance,because I did just get engaged,
like three weeks ago.
So, it's fresh.
It's fresh Congratulations,thank you, thank you and
transitions in life all over theplace.
But that is that's what life isit's made up of transitions.
(03:30):
There are so many blessingsamong the chaos and I'm trying
to think about other things.
I can just say about megenerally.
I did grow up in Indiana.
I have an undergrad and amaster's degree from Ball State
University and I'm so excited toget acclimated in the Indy area
.
Raeanna Johnson (03:47):
What are you going to do with your degrees?
Were you working before youwere crowned?
Kalyn Melham (03:52):
I was finishing up my graduate program, so I was a
grad student during the week ofMiss Indiana.
I had to take off classes and Iwas a grad assistant as well.
So I worked part time duringgrad school and three weeks
after I was crowned as MissIndiana I graduated with my
master's degree.
I decided to pursue MissIndiana full-time so I could
(04:12):
optimize the experience and tryto just say yes to everything.
That was kind of the goal I setfor myself.
And upon returning home fromMiss America was when I decided
okay, I think it's time to thinkabout a more traditional career
path for myself.
And that is what ultimatelylanded me to be an admission
counselor at Butler University.
(04:32):
So I work in admissions.
I'll be traveling to Michiganand different parts of Indiana
to recruit prospective studentsto come to Butler.
Raeanna Johnson (04:40):
What a fulfilling job.
Kalyn Melham (04:44):
It's really cool because, especially at Butler
University, that is where theMiss Indiana candidates stay
during Miss Indiana Week, and sothat was like the first time I
was introduced to Butler andButler.
The first time I saw Butler'scampus was my first time at Miss
Indiana Week and somethingabout it was just, it was
(05:06):
special and it just goes to showagain that you know, miss
Indiana Week and pageants initself is just another life
experience that can open otherdoors for us, and I'm so excited
to be in a career path thatencourages prospective students
to continue their education andfind where their passions align
academically.
Raeanna Johnson (05:26):
What a wild year.
You graduate from grad school,you go to Miss America, you
start a new job and then you getengaged.
That's right, and I moved ontop of it all.
That's a lot, yeah, okay, howlong have you been competing?
(05:48):
What was the journey to MissIndiana like for you?
Kalyn Melham (05:52):
I did not start competing in pageants until
college.
I was 18 years old and I reallywanted to compete for Miss Ball
State University in 2020.
Of course, 2020 has a littlebit of a ring to it where the
pandemic comes into play, and somy first half of my pageant
experience was kind of shelvedfor a while, and that's okay.
(06:13):
I mean that time of life camewith its own scenarios for
everybody.
But I did pageants over thecourse of 2020 until 2024, when
I became Miss Indiana and I onlywent to state twice.
And before punching my ticket tothe Miss Indiana stage, I was
the Delaware County Fair Queenand I got to compete at the Miss
(06:35):
Indiana State Fair pageant andthat placement and so there were
114 girls at the state fairpageant and I was able to walk
away as the second runner up.
And that was the first time thatI thought, hey, if I just relax
and don't worry so much aboutthe outcome or put every ounce
of my wellbeing into where I'mgoing to place, it's crazy how
(06:58):
much you can, how much you cando when you don't worry about it
, cause then I didn't sit thereand think, oh, I need to impress
the judges.
It was more of a.
I just want them to get to knowme and I want to get to know
them and if they have a questionfor me, I'm just going to
answer it, as Caitlin and it was.
It was just.
It was astonishing to me to seehow, if I just relaxed, it
(07:21):
always worked out better thanwhen I put a bunch of pressure
on myself Was there a pivotalmoment, that you realized that,
that it just clicked.
I think it was that pageant,because then, after that pageant
, that's what motivated me totry to compete for Miss Ball
State University again as asenior.
And then I became Miss BallState and competed at Miss
Indiana for the first time, andI went back to that anxious
(07:44):
mindset what's the girl doingnext to me?
How can I be more like her?
How do I follow the footstepsof a girl who placed well last
year, when, at the end of theday, it's so obvious if someone
is trying to mimic themannerisms or habits of the
person next to them?
And that it never got meanywhere and it got me in my
head.
It was, I felt, stuck, and soI'm thankful that I had another
(08:07):
opportunity to go to MissIndiana.
I think that Miss Indiana 2024was going to be the last year I
competed for it either way, andI remember kind of having that
moment of closure, regardless ofthe outcome.
But I had a wonderful team oflocal directors that just
reminded me that you don't haveto show up as anyone else but
(08:29):
yourself.
You don't have to put apressure on yourself or an
expectation.
Just show up as you see whereit takes you.
You're prepared, go in there,hit, play and have fun, and I
walked away as Miss Indiana.
Raeanna Johnson (08:43):
It happens when you let it go All of a sudden.
I used to call it I haven'tsaid it in so long but I used to
call it like the little Bo Peepeffect, like if you let it go
it will come to you, like leavethem alone and they'll come home
, kind of concept of the sheep.
Kalyn Melham (08:59):
Absolutely.
What I think is hard about that, though, is we don't always
choose when we actually let itgo, and that I don't know how to
.
I don't know how to tellsomeone oh, just let it go.
Like you, we don't reallydecide that Like.
I think you just have to learnto let things go.
You have to learn how to relaxin certain environments, and
that's why I was so glad I gotto do Miss Indiana twice,
(09:21):
because I'm someone who needs tobe familiar with her
environment literally the stage,the backstage, the dressing
room.
What does it look like?
That way, I can actuallyvisualize myself there.
I don't know if it's an elementof, maybe it's a mental thing
that I have.
I don't know if there's a wordor a diagnosis for that, but I'm
not going to be fullycomfortable or relaxed or let
(09:44):
things go until I can visualizewhat I'm going to be doing.
So the first time I do anything, I don't think it is going to.
I don't think I'm going to berelaxed.
Raeanna Johnson (09:54):
You know what I mean.
Right, there's always an era ofthe like uncomfortability with
the unknown.
Kalyn Melham (10:01):
Yo yeah absolutely Right.
Raeanna Johnson (10:03):
Right, and it's interesting because I think
it's a common experience youknow talking about like you
don't really choose when you letit go.
It just kind of happens, orlike it clicks all of a sudden.
I think it's really common forwomen to go and compete for the
first time not know what they'redoing, like super green, and
just like, have a great time.
Or like you know, whatever, I'mjust, I'm just here soaking it
(10:26):
in, trying to get a hang of this.
And then the next year, if, ifthey've had some success, or
they get that bug and they'relike, oh my gosh, I really want
this, I'm going to go after itThen you push too hard and you
work too hard and you're lookingfor all the things that you're
supposed to be doing or shouldbe doing, and that's when, like
it doesn't work.
Usually I mean rarely wouldthat ever work and then you're
(10:48):
kind of forced to realize itLike, oh well, that didn't work
the first time around it worked.
What's different?
What's changed?
Kalyn Melham (10:56):
And it's different from person to person.
I've learned Because I know,like I knew, that the Miss
America opportunity wouldn't besomething I would get to do
again.
So I think for me, like Ididn't even know where to begin
when it came to goal setting andthere was so much momentum
building up to it that I thoughtI had to want something or had
(11:18):
to feel a certain way, or it allhad to be special when, at the
end of the day, I think I wasjust so happy having a seat at
the table, had to be specialwhen, at the end of the day, I
think I was just so happy havinga seat at the table, like I
think I was just happy that Igot to be there as Miss Indiana.
And I think I let that get awayfrom me, because all the hype
and the send off and this is howwe measure success and pageants
and it's like no, like what wetalk about on podcasts, like
(11:41):
this is how we measure pageants,cause when I got home, I got a
job and I think that's verysuccessful, and I think moving
and being in a new space andtaking care of myself is very
successful and all of thoseintertwined together to work out
for me.
And so, looking back, I thinkit's like I had that pressure of
, well, you won't get to do MissAmerica again, you won't get to
(12:03):
become familiar with the space,like you just have to go.
And maybe now I realized mygoal was to just be there and to
take it all in and enjoy theweek for whatever came with it.
And I think that that's okay,because most of the time a
girl's probably going to gothere and not know what to
expect, and that's okay.
(12:23):
Like I think it's okay if youdon't have a vision for your
week.
I think it's okay if you don'teven have like hard set goals,
like you can just show upsometimes.
It is okay.
Raeanna Johnson (12:36):
Yes and practice trusting yourself to
just show up and be okay in thatspace, because you'll be able
to handle yourself no matterwhat comes at you.
This concept of don't expectanything but know that you're
prepared for everything.
Kalyn Melham (12:53):
Right, absolutely.
And I think that there's somany different personalities
that come and go in the pageantworld and I also feel like I've
been on a glorified detour inlife with pageants.
I didn't grow up doing pageantsworld and I also feel like I've
been on a glorified detour inlife with pads, like I didn't
grow up doing pageants and Idon't think that that kept me
from embracing them fully in anycapacity.
But I wasn't really the girlwho put on a dress and started
(13:15):
crying Like I think that'llhappen for me when I go wedding
dress shopping soon, cause it'slike your wedding day and it's
it's the boy and it's the fam.
Like you know, it's a familyring Like that, to me, is very
emotional.
It comes to family.
But I I didn't, you know, crywhen I would put dresses on and
it felt like I was doingsomething wrong.
I didn't journal like a frontto back pages every night at
(13:40):
Miss America Cause I would besleeping and I didn't like I
didn't have like when I hadfalse eyelashes on.
I didn't like it was itchy youknow, like there were just parts
of me that I was like I don'tfully fit the same mold that the
girl next to me might.
And that's okay, cause I'mstill here, I'm still at this
(14:04):
table and I'm really gratefulfor that.
Raeanna Johnson (14:06):
What was it like as you kicked off your year
as Miss Indiana?
So, this is something I don'tknow that I've really talked
about with anyone on Crown andCandid yet, but it is kind of a
pivotal time in your yearbecause you're like diving in
and trying to adjust and getused to it all.
So what was that experiencelike for you?
Kalyn Melham (14:27):
That was, I would say, the most exhilarating part
of the Miss Indiana year for me,in the best way too.
I did graduate, I did move backhome so I could do this full
time, and so, again, it wasanother scenario of transitions,
but I loved the freedom ofbeing able to just be Miss
(14:50):
Indiana and showing up and, yes,I will be there, yes, I'll sing
the national anthem, yes, I'llcome speak to the kids.
Yes, like I think, I justembraced it fully and I didn't
think twice about anything, Ididn't look back, I just enjoyed
it and it was so much fun.
I felt very alive, it felt verysurreal until like month two or
(15:13):
three, and I think it was uh.
I mean it took some time to toadjust to, hey, every weekend or
even days of the week, you'reyou're going to be driving
hundreds of miles, sometimesYou're going to be going all
over the state and sometimes tosister states, and so getting
into that rhythm and routine ittook a little bit of adjusting,
(15:34):
but I wanted to.
I remember telling my directorsI'm trying to.
Right before state last year Iwas envisioning the year as Miss
Indiana, not a crowning moment,because I think everyone's like
, oh, the end would be crownedas Miss Indiana and you
visualize a crowning moment.
There's nothing wrong with that,but I think to truly put
yourself in the position ofbeing a purposeful title holder
(15:57):
and understanding what comeswith the year as Miss so-and-so,
is visualizing yourself in thatposition, having a plan, having
a plan that is almost mimickinglike a business structure, like
.
I think it's important toreally prepare yourself for what
that would look like, becausethat's what the first chunk of
my year was was okay, let's dothis, this, this, and now, let's
(16:18):
, let's go do it, let's go liveit out.
Um, it's a lot of fun.
My directors sat me down noteven 12 hours after being
crowned as miss indiana and theyjust said you know, we are here
to guide you however we can,but this is your year and
however we can help you, let usknow.
And I think, as someone who I'ma pretty independent girl I am
(16:42):
that was wonderful because itallowed a space for
collaboration and I didn't feellike I had to surrender any
passion of mine or give upsomething that I was really
wanting to pursue as MissIndiana.
Raeanna Johnson (16:56):
Were there parts about the job that you
were surprised by or looked waydifferent than what you expected
?
Kalyn Melham (17:01):
Definitely yes.
I think what surprised me washow, how much responsibility we
have on social media, and I dounderstand that in some cases
that's just a choice, like youcan choose how active or how
non-active you want to be onsocial media, and either way is
(17:23):
okay.
But I think to really optimizeand reach as many people as
possible or make the most out ofthe memories that you're you're
creating for yourself, having acamera can help with that.
You know, having other peopleto connect with in a digital
space, it's a tool.
Social media can ultimately bea tool if we allow it to work as
(17:44):
one.
And so I was shocked with notlike creating content or the
feedback, necessarily, but Icontinued to kind of raise the
bar for myself, based on what Iwould see on social media and
how I thought the way peopleview you is only social media
and there are some elements tothat.
(18:05):
That's true.
But I think with social mediacomes a lot of peer pressure and
not the peer pressure that youhear, like in middle school, of
like, oh, do this becauseso-and-so is doing it.
But it's more of a live up toan expectation that this
industry may have had about thistitle you're having have had
(18:26):
about this title you you'rehaving, there's an expectation
that maybe was there at onepoint.
So, I think, adjusting to thatthroughout the year and keeping
up with a platform that I hadnever I mean, I'd never had a
platform with that muchsignificance or inspiration, I
guess I I tried to be reallycareful and purposeful at the
same time, but it was a reallygreat opportunity too, and it
(18:47):
didn't scare me.
Raeanna Johnson (18:48):
It wasn't something I I ran from, but
that's something that didsurprise me, what were your most
negative or maybe one of yourmost negative experiences with
social media?
Kalyn Melham (18:58):
Oh, I have a sensitive heart, and so I've
compared myself to other womenmultiple times.
I'm not afraid to admit that,just because I think how you
handle those comparisons in yourhead and how you pick yourself
back up from maybe that negativemindset, that's what shapes you
into who you are.
I mean, I'm so proud of how farI've come from, like the middle
(19:23):
school girl I once was, whowould look at some influencer
who probably edited a photo, youknow, and then somehow took it
to heart and it like would makeme really hard on myself, and I
can confidently say that, as a24 year old woman now, I would
look back at my middle schoolself and just like, be like girl
you're.
(19:43):
You are so special, you're sounique and beautiful.
It's okay, and I'm so proud ofthat.
So it's okay If there are younggirls or boys listening to this
that have done that before,because we've all been there, I
can guarantee it whether peopleare willing to share or not, and
it's okay if you're not willingto share.
Um one time I was, though I wasat a Riley Children's Hospital
(20:04):
visit.
As a former Riley patient, rileyChildren's Hospital was one of
my all-time favoriteorganizations to collaborate
with this year and RileyHospital shared photos of my
visit and I don't know why thisis the post that some user
decided to comment on, but youknow they were like, wow, this
(20:28):
girl looks like she shopped atGoodwill for her outfit and oh
her, look at all the work she'shad done on her face, especially
her teeth.
I'm just sitting there readingit like oh my gosh, like one,
okay, ouch, a little bit.
It like oh my gosh, like one,okay, ouch, a little bit.
But also I haven't done all my.
You know what I mean.
Like my first thought was liketo defend, and then I was like
(20:57):
we don't need to engage withinternet trolls, like I'm trying
to give back to the hospitalthat literally touched my life.
But again, a title holdershould be aware of the fact that
it's not always going to beeasy, no matter what space you
go into, and just be prepared.
I I again like I have asensitive heart, but you've got
to be able to just let that goand that's one of those things
that you do have to like justthat does not matter.
Raeanna Johnson (21:18):
Like let that go, but it happens, it does
matter, like let that go, youknow, but it happens, it does.
Why?
What?
I don't know.
I'm like I when people do that,I'm like like, aren't you tired
?
Like what a waste of energy gofor a walk yeah, it's like go
(21:40):
eat a cookie.
Kalyn Melham (21:41):
Literally, yeah, yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (21:47):
Uh, as as a title holder, there's all like
the business side of things, too, that we just don't really talk
about.
We don't see on social media.
We see the uh, the appearances,we see like the end product of
all the work behind it.
So what was the business sideof things for you as Miss
Indiana, or is I should say,we're not done yet?
Kalyn Melham (22:08):
I would start by saying that Indiana has a really
unique state organization inthe sense that there there's a
lot of, there's a lot ofliberties, like from girl to
girl year to year it's not goingto look the same, and I love
that.
I know there are some stateswhere you kind of have one
structure and then a differentgirl every year, and I don't
(22:30):
think there's one right way todo it.
I think that both of those arepurposeful.
We're making a difference.
Either way, deanna, this yearsomething that I think was
really cool for me to take onwas a little bit of
restructuring on my serviceinitiative.
So my CSI began as ACT, which isAdvocating for Change Through
(22:50):
Theater.
So anytime that I would perform, sing, have a cabaret, anything
involving performing, I wouldfundraise at those events.
So a cabaret for hunger relief,a cabaret for Riley Children's
Hospital, or inviting audiencemembers to our theater
production and having them bringcanned goods for the ministry
(23:12):
down the road.
Any chance I had to perform, wewould fundraise simultaneously,
although I have that passionthat aligns with theater.
We thought it would bepurposeful to broaden the
service initiative to generalacts of service, because what I
found in my first two months asMiss Indiana is that I would go
(23:34):
and sing in third gradeclassrooms or volunteer at
nursing homes or just lend ahand wherever I could.
So it, although it did usetheater a lot, it wasn't the
only thing that I was doing tofundraise or make a difference,
and we thought it at a nationallevel too.
It would be a little more of a,an optimal experience for
sponsorships or collaborationsat that national level, and it
(23:56):
wouldn't just limit us totheater partnerships.
So as a from a businessperspective, I guess, like
you're saying, I just had tokind of think about okay, how do
I want to realign this on mypaperwork, or what other
organizations and businesses canI collaborate with?
And it was a lot of fun.
It opened a lot of new doors.
There's an accounting firm herein Carmel, just down the road,
(24:19):
that they were able to donate acheck to the American Heart
Association fund when wefundraised for Miss America, and
so I liked it because, eventhough it kind of morphed a
little bit into somethingdifferent, it also opened more
doors and I think it just itgrew me as an individual and, I
think, really added some depthto my year.
Raeanna Johnson (24:41):
What was bringing on sponsors, bringing
on collaborating with businesses?
What was that process like foryou?
Kalyn Melham (24:50):
You really do have to lean into the connections
that you have, which that's kindof the case with anything again
, like looking for jobs ormoving, like connections it's
huge and the Miss Americaopportunity is filled with
connections.
So again, that's a great, greatplugin for girls all over the
nation.
I am fortunate enough to have abrother who worked at that
(25:13):
business.
So he was like, oh, he was soexcited my family, they were so
excited when I got crowned asMiss Indiana, and so he was like
, let's do something.
Let me try to talk to ourpartners and see if they'd be
interested in funding this anddonating.
And then I kind of looked atthat process that we had in the
conversations that we had overat that company and tried to
(25:36):
apply that same structure tolocal theaters and seeing how I
can plug in there.
Because, again, even though wegrew the platform to reach a
wider audience, I didn't want toleave what started at all,
which was theater.
So I would kind of use thatsame structure and plan and go
into theaters and do the samething.
Raeanna Johnson (25:53):
That's a really cool thought too, that like I
guess it's what we do, but Ihadn't really thought about it
in that way of like you kind ofjust build a blueprint off of
doing it right, like you justjust do something, get started
and take what, what works, andbuild on it and like in this
case, talking about bringing onpartners, like what those
(26:16):
conversations look like, theprocess to get those
conversations started and toonboard them as partners and
build what that collaborationlooks like and then copy paste
and edit based on the otherorganization that you'll be
working with.
Kalyn Melham (26:31):
Right, and it definitely.
It can change because, like onebeing an accounting firm and
then one being a communitytheater, super different but
both have that heart of wantingto give and help out in their
community as much as possible.
Raeanna Johnson (26:46):
Did you ever have any personal insecurity or
self-doubt about asking fordonations or sponsorships or
building those collaborations,and how did you work through
that?
Kalyn Melham (26:59):
I thankfully didn't have self-doubt, but it
is awkward to you know what'sawkward?
Sometimes showing up in a sashand a crown period can be really
awkward.
I remember just going to ahospital event and I mean some
of these kids are in their bedsand can't really get up and do
(27:21):
anything and I think that theyloved the sparkles.
But sometimes I just thoughtwhy do I feel a little bit out
of pocket here?
Why do I feel like I'm kind ofcoming in a little too loud in
an environment that's sosensitive?
you know, and so I think thatthat's.
I don't think it's somethingthat people necessarily like,
don't take seriously, but Ialways thought in certain
(27:43):
scenarios, like even singing thenational anthem sometimes,
which I had the opportunity todo a lot I love doing that, but
the crown can be distracting andI in some scenarios I thought
it would be wise to maybe justhave the sash and have a little
bit of a classier etiquette toit and it changes.
(28:03):
Sometimes people are like, ohno, sash and crown, oh the kids
will love that, oh the guestswill love that, and of course.
But there are some elements to,I think, just being a pageant
title holder in general whetherit is asking for donations or
showing up and how you presentyourself that can be a little
uncomfortable and it's followedwith insecurity sometimes.
Raeanna Johnson (28:26):
Thank you for saying all of that.
That is something that I havenot thought about in so long and
it's so true.
But one appearance type that Inever wore my sash and crown was
when I was speaking to middleschoolers or high schoolers,
because my initiative was soserious and I wanted to connect
(28:47):
with the students through mystories and through my words.
That you're right.
Like it would be a distractionA and B, it felt so
inappropriate for theconversation that I wanted to
have with those students,inappropriate for the
conversation that I wanted tohave with those students and I
think there was a video I saw.
Kalyn Melham (29:07):
I want to say last year it was when Madison, miss
America, madison Marsh, when shewent to an event it was a
military related event and Ihappened to recognize that I
think she just had the sash andmy immediate thought was like I
was like I know she didn'tforget the crown.
It's an event where you maybedon't need to have a sparkly hat
(29:30):
glistening in every direction.
Like this is a very serious,somber time and I think that
that's okay.
I think that that's okay.
What was managing yourappearances and all of your
travel like.
Raeanna Johnson (29:38):
What was managing your appearances and
all of your travel like?
Kalyn Melham (29:41):
Oh, my goodness, I love Indiana for this, because
we have an event manager namedMarietta Height.
She is I don't want to get itwrong, but she is somewhere
between I want to say 75, 85years old Sweetest lady ever.
I love her, she is.
(30:05):
So whenever someone books MissIndiana through the website, she
is the one who coordinates itand she gives us the address,
the time, the place, everythingthat we need to know, and then
we take that information andpack up and show up when we're
needed.
And Marietta is a doll.
She lives in Northern Indiana,so whenever we'd have events up
there, she would let us staywith her.
And I will never forget stayingat her house one night and she
(30:30):
was like okay, well, I am notthe hostess with the mostest, so
if you are hungry, just go lookin the kitchen for something.
I just remember thinking forsome reason that made me feel
more welcome in her home.
Then if someone was like youneed anything, let me know.
If you want me to make yousomething, I'll do it.
Cause then I was like you'reright, marietta, I'm going to go
(30:50):
downstairs and just look for amuffin.
And then I found a muffin andthen I took the muffin upstairs,
like I loved.
I loved staying with Mariettaand she has done so much for
this organization.
She's there all week long atstate week and stays in the
Butler dorms with all the girls.
She is just there to support usin any way she can and she's
amazing.
Raeanna Johnson (31:09):
Were there any unexpected like business
responsibilities that you had tolearn?
Kalyn Melham (31:14):
I would say something that paralleled a lot
with my graduate studies, andthen the role of Miss Indiana
was always having a pitch, whichthat phrase alone, I think,
sounds a little like.
I don't want it to seem likeelevator memorized, like I don't
love that, but it's more so beable to communicate effectively
(31:36):
and authentically on the on thespot, and I think that that's a
skill that everyone should have,and it's very much business
related.
But again, like having amicrophone handed to me is like
the number one thing that I didas Miss Indiana.
I would sing a lot, I wouldcompete sometimes, I would, you
know, go out in a space and haveone-on-one conversations with
(31:57):
people, but more than anything,you are handed a microphone and
you have to be willing to speakeffectively, and so I think that
that's something that I had tolearn more about, and certainly
polish.
Raeanna Johnson (32:10):
How did you build that skill?
Kalyn Melham (32:11):
Just experience.
I think that Miss Indiana Weeklast year which I cannot believe
that this is a year ago but youprepare for the onstage
question and you prepare for theinterview, every phase of
competition.
You find different ways toprepare for that.
But when you are crowned as astate title holder, you aren't
preparing to compete anymore.
(32:32):
At least I didn't.
I know some girls like they'recrowned and they're like okay,
the next goal is Miss America.
The next goal is competitionfor Miss America and I I very
much had the dream of likeliving out the years Miss
Indiana and I think everyone hadthat dream too, but I was.
I put pretty much everythinginto that Like I just want to do
this all and, yes, miss Americaprep.
But I feel like I learned thatskill by going out there and
(32:55):
continuously doing it andlearning it in an environment
that was like face-to-face andreally purposeful, as opposed to
like continue to just preparein a competition mindset.
I think that that kind ofseparates the two a little bit,
if that makes sense.
Raeanna Johnson (33:09):
Absolutely, because experiences teach.
Oh yeah, yeah, right, yeah, ahundred percent.
So you was that kind of yourmindset too in preparation for
the Miss Indiana competitionlast year Was prepare by doing
yes, I think it was.
Kalyn Melham (33:27):
I also think it was knowing exactly who I was in
every room that I would go intoand every competition phase
that I would compete in.
I remember walking into myinterview and just talking,
getting to know them, notworrying so much about like, did
(33:48):
that sound impressive?
Was that good enough?
Was that?
And?
And just talking to them, Imean I, I remember just going in
there and one of the questionsthat the judges asked me, like
they said like hey, I read yourCSI and I'm still confused by it
.
Like, can you explain it alittle more?
And on the inside for a secondI was like well, that's not good
(34:11):
that they're confused by mypaperwork, like that's pretty
bad.
But then it was like no, justjust explain it more, just tell
them.
Like.
Oh, I think I literally said I'mI'm sorry that it was a little
bit confusing.
Here's more about it.
And I just clarified in about30 seconds or 45 seconds and it
was no problem and it just waslike a good reminder that it's
(34:32):
okay If things don't seemperfect or come out super
polished, it's okay If thequestions are super random,
because you're prepared for this.
They just want to get to knowyou.
Yeah.
Raeanna Johnson (34:44):
I was just talking to a client about
interview today.
She's very well-spoken, veryarticulate, very poised,
professional, and I asked herare you prepared for the fluff
questions?
Because I think you should be,because the judges are going to
see immediately that you gotthis handled, but they're going
(35:05):
to want to see can she handle acurve ball?
Can she handle like can shelighten up and have a little fun
here?
And I think your approach, likejust talking to them, reminds
me of like that's how you showup at appearances as Miss
Indiana, reminds me of likethat's how you show up at
appearances as Miss Indiana.
So if the judges are lookingfor the next Miss Indiana,
(35:26):
shouldn't you show up and talkto them as if you were talking
to people at an appearance?
Absolutely.
Kalyn Melham (35:32):
And I even can add to your point by saying like,
yes, the first few questions inmy interview were a little more
like job related.
Tell us more about this.
And then, out of nowhere, thejudge in the middle with like
dagger eyes just goes what's thecraziest thing you've ever done
?
And you're you, you, I mean itstumps you Cause.
(35:53):
Then you're like, oh my gosh,like first of all I don't even
know.
And then you're like, how do Iphrase this?
And what's what do you?
You know, cause defining crazy,you know, right.
And um, I told a story about mychildhood.
Like my sister and I we were atlike church camp and then we
jumped in a pool with ourclothes on and we thought it was
so funny that we jumped in apool at church camp with our
clothes on.
(36:13):
Like that's such a child, likeeight and nine year old girls.
Like we were like, oh my gosh,we're jumping in, we don't even
have our bathing suit, Likeagain, like that was like a
funny, crazy memory and I justtold it in a way to kind of be
like isn't that so silly?
But again, like you just haveto be prepared for them to say,
well, what is your favoritecolor and it's a little awkward.
If you're just like a blue, youknow cause.
(36:34):
Then it's like, well, why blue?
Is there a childhood memoryabout blue?
Like about, but like I do thinkit's important, like just
remind yourself you're gettingto know these people and it's
okay If you don't feel likeyou're on a Ted talk or you know
just uh, just show up as whoyou are.
Raeanna Johnson (36:50):
And don't judge your interview by the questions
that they asked you.
Absolutely Right.
Like people get to know you byhow you handle yourself, not
with what you talk about.
So so often I think we hearthis like I want them to know
this, this, this and this aboutme by the time I leave that room
and I'm like you got to showthem who you are.
(37:12):
You can't tell them who you areLike because when you're at
appearances and I'm sure you canvouch for this too like you're
not going to show up and justgive everyone the verbal resume
of your life, but they're goingto get a feel for who you are
and they're going to see yourwarmth and your compassion and
(37:32):
your character just by how youlisten to them and how you
genuinely interact with them,and so if judges are asking you
off the wall questions,genuinely interact with them.
And so if judges are asking youoff the wall questions, don't
spin it into your CSI, don'tspin it into how you're going to
do the job, like answer thequestion, because they genuinely
want to know, yes, and I agreewith everything you're saying,
(37:54):
especially the part of warmth.
Kalyn Melham (37:57):
You know, are you super rehearsed?
Are you robotic?
Are you know?
If they ask you like, you know,is your favorite color yellow?
That's my favorite color, Ilove yellow.
I have a.
I have a yellow cup right here.
But you know, if they ask youthat, are you gonna say yellow
was first defined by like it'slike no, I had a blanket when I
was a baby and it was yellow andI love you know?
(38:21):
And also, like, if they do askyou, if someone over here asks
you the question, includeeverybody, because a really good
state title holder is going toinclude every single person in
that room, even the person inthe back, even the kid who is
looking down.
Like, you have to find a way tobe inclusive and that's it's
got to be genuine, you know?
I think that that's that'swhere that warms the image.
(38:43):
I love that word.
That's where that comes in.
Raeanna Johnson (38:47):
Yeah, how was preparing for Miss America
different?
You know we've touched on thisa little bit.
You know, like you knew whatyou were going into at Miss
Indiana because you had beenthere before, and so we had a
different mindset going in.
The second time around, whenyou won, there was no way of
really knowing what it was goingto look like and feel like at
Miss America.
So how was the preparationdifferent with that in mind?
Kalyn Melham (39:10):
I think that I just full transparency.
I think, preparing for MissIndiana, I knew exactly what I
wanted, and I think what Iwanted was to leave it all out
there and walk away as MissIndiana and have that year as
Miss Indiana.
So then, while preparing forMiss America, I had moments
(39:31):
where I was like, but I'm beingMiss Indiana right now, you know
, and I think that that again,it's okay and, in my opinion
anyway, if you are fully goingto the Miss America competition
to just be there, I think thatthat's okay.
I did prep for it.
I practiced walking for likethree hours one day.
(39:53):
We worked on my talent.
I loved the talent element atMiss America.
That was like a dream come trueelement at Miss America.
That was like a dream come true.
And again, though, it was justlike I walked off stage after
seeing my talent and that didbring me to tears because of the
immense gratitude that I felt.
And so I do think that,preparing for Miss Indiana, I
think I was preparing to beKaylin as Miss Indiana, whereas
(40:17):
Miss America I think you'repreparing to be Miss America
because it's Miss America, andit's okay if that rule is
already kind of laid out andthere's a structure or a plan or
you know national sponsorshipsthat align specifically with
someone's CSI or someone's.
(40:37):
The branding that you're like, Ithink that that's okay.
The branding that you're like,I think that that's okay.
And if you are changing everylittle thing about yourself to
be a certain title, then it'd bereally hard if you became that
title.
Do you know what I mean?
And it's not in any way comingfrom a place of negativity.
I do not want it to come offthat way.
I just want it to be known thatyou know all but one girl will
(41:03):
walk away as their state titlevoter when they return from Miss
America.
And for the one girl, I'm likebeyond impressed, proud, like
I'm just like, oh my gosh,you're Miss America.
That is like the coolest thingever At the same time that we
get to come back to our Statesand live out a dream that we
(41:24):
once prepared for or prayed forand I think sometimes that can
get lost in translation, and sopreparing for the two can be
very different and they're Imean, they're completely
different competitions too, butI'm just so thankful I got to be
part of of both.
It's it's really, it's reallycool to be able to see that.
Raeanna Johnson (41:47):
What I'm loving about this conversation that
I'm picking up on a lot is thatyou are very like that's okay
and that's okay too, and there'snothing wrong with that.
And if it's not that, thenthat's okay too.
And what you're doing abeautiful job of and I don't
know if I can explain this verywell but like you're talking
(42:12):
about circumstances, you'retalking about ways that things
are run, you're talking aboutchoices, but you're also doing
this really beautiful thingwhere you're like and I'm okay
with like not fitting into thator not wanting that, or you know
, like it's very much like allof that's okay, and it's okay if
you don't like that and and I'mokay too, like over here just
doing me, just being me.
Kalyn Melham (42:29):
Well, I think that most girls will probably see
themselves in that and thinklike, oh, like, I guess I didn't
.
Like there's a student thatworks at Butler and she's a
sophomore right now and she's astudent intern.
And she was like well, Ihaven't done pageants in so long
, so I probably wouldn't startthem again.
And I'm like no, I didn't dothem until college.
(42:50):
I started them when I was 18years old and I was like you
don't have to, there doesn'thave to be a one, a one model.
One shoe fits like you fillyour own shoes.
You absolutely do that.
And if you're in the middle ofyour science, dream your theater
, dream your whatever it is, youcan throw a pageant in there.
(43:12):
You can, and you can have itlast for one year, you can have
last for 10 years, you can dowhatever you want with it.
And so that is my hope, that,like, my story ended up this way
, and it is okay, because moreoften than not, I think that's
where people will see themselves, no matter what their title is.
Raeanna Johnson (43:30):
I judged a national competition, the Miss
Petite USA, here in Milwaukee afew years back and I judged,
like the, the Mrs, ms and elitedivision, the older women, and I
mean there were women that weregrandmothers competing in their
very first pageant.
(43:51):
That's so cool, exactly.
So, as you're talking aboutthis, like just saying, like
just go for it, even if ithasn't been a while, like if
it's on your heart, just do it,because why not?
Kalyn Melham (44:03):
Yeah, it's, and again it is.
It's okay, like I, you know,miss Indiana is coming to a
close, but there are so manythings beginning for me and I
think that sometimes we think wehave to have a certain outcome
or placement or feeling or bringsomething back home and it's
like no, you're coming back homeas Miss Indiana or, you know,
(44:28):
miss Michigan, miss Illinois,whatever it is, and you did
something really phenomenal, andso I just hope that local title
holders feel that way gettingto compete at their state
competition for the first timeand moving forward.
I just, I really hope that thatmessage is hey, if your goal is
to literally just do it or orbe there or some days is, if
(44:52):
your goal is to get out of bedand you do, then that's also
okay, like life is so.
Oh, I don't, there's, that'ssomething I don't have a word
for it.
Life is so be kind to oneanother and help the next girl
online, however you can, andjust remind each other, it's
(45:14):
okay.
Raeanna Johnson (45:15):
Right, I have a few clients right now that are
going to state and they do notwant to win, and there's a
limiting belief that comes withthat, because so often I've
heard maybe you've heard thistoo like why wouldn't you want
to win?
You're going to be there.
Like, why wouldn't you want towin?
Well, a lot of reasons.
(45:36):
And so I just want to likevalidate that.
If you're listening right nowand you're preparing and you're
feeling all this pressure,because you know you feel like
you're supposed to want thisreally bad, but like in your gut
you just don't.
Because you love being thelocal title holder, or like you
were talking about Kaylin, likeloved being Miss Indiana, and
(45:56):
it's not that like you wouldn'ttake on the opportunity if it
was given to you and run with itand be so grateful for it, but
like it's okay to not want thatnext level.
Kalyn Melham (46:09):
Yeah, I agree 100% , and I think that some people
maybe don't recognize whatwanting it means.
Do you know what you're wanting?
And if you do and you're likeyes, I want all of it, it's like
that's awesome, you should, youshould, go for it.
You're doing everything right,you know?
Um, but it's okay, like.
If you're like I do want it,but I don't want to say I want
(46:32):
it, that's okay too.
You don't have to say anything.
It's okay.
If you go in and you're like Idon't, I don't know what to say,
just show up.
But the one foot in front ofthe other.
It's just important that Ithink you don't have to arrive
at some specific conclusion forevery little thing in your life.
You're allowed to just go withthe flow, just prepare for it,
(46:53):
prepare for the flow, have yourown back, but it's okay, it's
just, it is.
Raeanna Johnson (47:03):
Yeah, it's okay to enjoy other things in life,
and in fact you should beenjoying other things in life,
not just pageants.
Like, if pageants are your life, then I think you maybe need to
get a life.
Sorry to sound so harsh, my, my, my coach that I had worked
with way back when used to saythat or something very similar
to that.
Like yeah you know, that's sotrue.
Kalyn Melham (47:25):
I agree, I agree with you and I think that a
pageant, especially in MissAmerica, has so many elements
that can spark an interest, likethe talent aspect as a theater
girl oh my gosh, like that kindof got me into it.
And then growing incommunication skills, the
scholarship opportunities wehave other things going on
(47:47):
outside of it, and how how couldyou possibly be in it only for
the pageant when there's so manyother things it's prepared me
for?
Like that is advice I'd give toany girl competing is, think
about why you're here and whatyou can truly take away from
this down the road, like there'sagain, like there's so much
more to life.
Raeanna Johnson (48:05):
There is, yeah, and there's also like this big
buildup to achieving your dreamgetting to the national stage
and then it's done.
How did you feel coming homefrom your experience at Miss
America?
Kalyn Melham (48:22):
Oh my goodness, I don't think I had the most
reliable emotions because I getmotion sick so bad it's like my
war, it's the worst.
So flying from Indiana toFlorida, I I had, I was on
Dramamine.
I took Dramamine like the flylike, not like the drowsy,
non-drowsy.
And so when I was boarding theflight after Miss America, like
(48:44):
after it was all over, after allthese emotions, and then this
Dramamine made me like reallytired.
I was like oh my gosh, and Iwas like eating.
I was like eating a steak andshake burger because they're so
good.
And then I started like cryingand I remember looking at my mom
and I was like I think I'mreally tired.
I was like I'm like I need tosleep and I was like but I'm so
(49:06):
hungry at the same time and Iwas like I think I'm just
feeling it all, like I was likeI have so much gratitude.
I'm also kind of sad that it'sover, like I don't know how to
feel and I was like but thisburger is so good and so like
just you feel it all and I think, like we're, we are women, we
have hormones.
That's also okay to feel thingsthat you're like.
(49:28):
Why am I so like emotional?
That's also part of life andthat's also okay.
But you know, all jokes aside,there is an element of like what
just happened, like that was socrazy.
Did I?
Did I capitalize on everyopportunity?
I was there right, like youwould just kind of have all
these oh my goodness, it was.
(49:50):
I mean, it was a 10 day stretchof like.
I think before I could reallyrealize what was happening I was
already on my way back home.
But I think that that proves,like my director told me he was
like, that means you were livingin the moment and I was already
on my way back home.
But I think that that proves,like my director told me he was
like, that means you were livingin the moment and I was like,
oh okay, yeah, you're right.
Like I think I was so presentthat it happened and then all of
a sudden I was on my way backand it's because I was there
(50:12):
full throttle and it is hard,you don't sleep a whole lot and
there is hair and makeup at fourin the morning and you got to
keep up.
But again, like it's, it's anexperience and it's one
experience and this beautifulrun of life and I'm really glad
I got to do it and I lovedgetting to come back home to
(50:35):
Indiana too.
Raeanna Johnson (50:36):
How did you handle motion sickness driving,
or do you not get it when you're?
Kalyn Melham (50:38):
driving.
When I'm driving, I'm okay,Unless there's like really
intense start stop traffic, I'mfine, which is so like I really
want to.
I really want to study that.
I'm not a science girl, somaybe I want someone else to
study that.
But I just get so severelymotion sick and it's, yeah, it's
, it's not great.
Raeanna Johnson (51:06):
Yeah, yeah, oh, I wanted to say when you said,
um, you know about beinghormonal and we're women and we
have, like, all of thesedifferent feelings, um, like,
why am I feeling this way, is avery common thing that I ask
myself and I hear other peopleask themselves, and I think it's
important to remember.
We don't need to know why, likewe don't have to have a reason
for why we're feeling what we'refeeling.
It's more important to figureout how you're going to manage
(51:26):
it and take care of yourself inthat moment with those big
feelings.
Kalyn Melham (51:30):
Yes, ma'am, I have learned new feelings over the
last year and maybe it wasbecause of the role that I've
had.
Like I have had differentemotions that I didn't know I
could feel, or different levelsof exhaustion that I didn't know
my body could actually reach.
And take care of yourself.
That is very important to takecare of yourself, whether that's
(51:51):
sleep or your diet, gettingexercise, your skin.
You know, like we wear makeup alot as pageant women Give your
skin like that, like let itbreathe.
Raeanna Johnson (52:00):
You know as pageant women give your skin
like that, like let it breathe.
You know, yes, exactly all theself-care call that the glam
plan, and fearlessly authentic,just like all the little things
drinking enough water, gettingto sleep, doing some skincare
that's all part of the glam planto help you feel your best.
Oh, yeah, okay, sadly we arerunning out of time, um, and I
(52:24):
feel like we could talk forhours because there's just so
much beautiful insight thatyou're bringing to the table and
it's also sparking all of theselike thoughts for me, like
going deeper.
So I just I really reallyappreciate your just heart and
sharing that with me and withthe Sash and Soul community
today.
So, as we wrap up, let's talkabout, like, the legacy that
(52:48):
you're leaving and what you hopefor the next Miss Indiana.
Kalyn Melham (52:54):
Oh man, I hope I can convey this and you know,
like a good few sentences.
But just as cliche as it sounds, kindness can go so far.
It can literally change theworld.
And I know there's acompetition, I know there's a
wardrobe and material, and Iknow when you think of a pageant
(53:17):
, I know a lot of things come tomind immediately.
But when you really help thatnext girl in line, whether
that's zipping her up in a dressor literally just giving her a
smile backstage, hugging someonewhen they they're at a low and
this goes beyond a pageantcompetition just being there for
(53:39):
people, like waving at someoneacross the street, smile, I mean
like life is so precious andpeople are the ultimate reason
that we're here.
I think it's to lean on oneanother and go through this
together.
That's why there's so manypeople on this planet.
In my opinion, and I think Godwants this place to be really
(54:02):
happy.
And if you have an opportunityto be a leader and in a role
where people look up to you, bepositive, be kind.
Do not underestimate the powerof of just being there for
somebody.
Um, I don't know.
I just hope that that legacy is.
It can be a year, that'sunexpected, it can be messy, it
(54:24):
can be random, it can looknothing like the year before,
but again it's okay and alwayscome back to being a really a
good person and kind to thewoman next to you.
Raeanna Johnson (54:36):
I'm going to add onto that too, if you don't
mind.
Be kind to yourself.
I'm going to add on to that too, if you don't mind.
Be kind to yourself Like thisis part of the energy that I'm
feeling from you.
Is like I hear the love thatyou put out there to other
people and the grace that yougive other people for their
human experiences and thechoices they make and how they
(55:00):
see the world, even if it'sdifferent from you.
The lesson that I've learnedhere with you is that when we're
able to be kind to ourselvesand have that self-compassion,
we are able to see other peoplefor the human that they are.
And I say this like thatcompetition stress is going to
(55:22):
magnify and personify indifferent ways for different
people and for those that mightbe struggling with some, you
know, lack of self-confidence orcomparison or stress or
pressure or whatever it might be, sometimes that personification
of their stress comes out aslike a mean girl or saying
things that are maybe off colorfor what they would typically do
(55:44):
, and I think the best thingsthat we can do for ourselves and
for that person and for ourexperience all around is to have
compassion for them andunderstand that it's not about
us, that maybe they're having abad day.
That does not by any meansexcuse behavior, but at least we
can release that and not, youknow, take that on ourselves and
, like, add to our stress thatthat we're already experiencing
(56:06):
as well.
So I just I loved that.
That was my takeaway from thisconversation with you and that
aha for me of like I havenoticed the more that I've been
able to be self-accepting andkind to myself, the more
compassion I'm able to extend toother people and see them for
the beautiful human that theyare in all of their experiences
and existence.
So thank you for that.
(56:27):
No, thank you, oh my goodness,thank you so much for your time
tonight.
It was a pleasure, good, I'm soglad.
Congratulations to you onexperiencing a dream year and
achieving your goal and gettingengaged and going on to like
more amazing things in your life, because you are a living
(56:47):
example that, like you saidearlier on, like the like, you
can be part of this world for atime and then you can leave this
world and go do other thingsand live your life in so many
different beautiful ways, andyou're doing that, and so just
that's so awesome.
Congratulations.
Thank you so so much.
Yeah, absolutely All right.
(57:09):
And as for the rest of you, Ihave to go take care of a client
who texted me as we wererecording.
I was like do you have time fora mindset call?
She's at competition this week.
And I'm like, heck, yeah, let'sdo it.
So I'm going to hop off andcall her.
I will be back again next weekwith more for you on Sash and
Soul.
Until then, take care ofyourselves, be kind to yourself
and others, as Kalem said, andwe'll talk to you later.
(57:32):
Bye.
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