September 19, 2025 • 28 mins
This week is a reset for anyone grinding through back-to-back locals. I break down how to treat every competition as an opportunity, not an ultimatum, using a growth-mindset lens. We walk through smart ways to study competitors without slipping into self-judgment, why "busy" isn't the same as "making progress," and evidence-backed self-care that actually improves performance (think boundaries, short breaks, movement, and celebrating small wins). You'll get a simple game plan to structure prep weeks with balance, use locals as practice for bigger stages, and stay anchored to your why - so you show up refreshed, authentic, and consistent. The crown isn't worth your peace; this season is about growth, joy, and becoming.
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Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, welcome back to Session Soul, so glad to have
you here this week.
I hope that you have taken thelast week to reset, regroup,
take a breath of fresh air.
There has been so much going onin our world and it really
hasn't stopped, so hopefully youhave been taking time to take
care of yourself and findingbalance in the things that you
are listening to and what you'rewatching.
(00:21):
So this is actually one ofthose episodes that might be a
really good reset for you and abit of a distraction from the
things going on outside of ourcontrol, because today I want to
talk about the things that arewithin your control.
We're going to be talking aboutlocal season and competing in
(00:41):
back-to-back locals.
So I know that this is a verycommon experience when you start
local season and you want towin the local title to get back
to state.
So you're going to competeweekend after weekend after
weekend until you get thatticket to state.
I have a lot of clients thatare competing this year after a
year of back-to-back localcompetitions, and with that is
(01:04):
going to come a lot ofanticipation and hopefulness and
excitement.
It's also going to come withsome anxiety and maybe some
pressure, and so we've had a lotof conversations about this in
my coaching calls, and so Ithought maybe this would be a
really relevant topic for manyof you as well.
If you already have a local andyou're getting ready for state,
(01:24):
or you are planning on competingat state after many, many years
of competing and not gettingthe crown, or if you're
struggling with any of thoseexperiences of I just keep going
after this and nothing'schanging and I'm not reaching my
goal and I'm feeling a littleburnt out, I think this episode
is for you.
So I'm going to be talkingabout some mindset changes, some
(01:49):
burnout and how to avoid it.
I'm going to be talking aboutyour self-care and how to
actively practice self-care, andthen just some practical tips
for you.
So that's kind of the rundownof what this episode is going to
entail.
But as I was thinking about andbrainstorming for this episode
this week, I realized thatsometimes self-care and mindset
changes can seem a little bitfluffy or cliche.
(02:11):
So today I'm going to betalking about how to avoid
burnout and to balance yourenergy with evidence-based
approaches, and so I went on therabbit hole because I'm a geek
about mindset stuff.
So there was a lot of researchthat I've already read that I
brought back up that I wanted touse in this episode today to
share with you so that you couldhave an actual, like
(02:33):
evidence-based, research-basedunderstanding of why these
things are important and why youshould be applying these
approaches to your life rightnow so that you can achieve your
goals.
So let's get started with somemindset shifts how to reset your
mindset going into local seasonor competing for a title that
(02:53):
you've competed for many timeswithout achieving that goal.
Here's the first thing Localcompetitions or state
competitions or really anycompetitions in pageantry are
opportunities.
They're not ultimatums.
When you see a competition as ado or die ultimatum, it's going
(03:13):
to increase your anxiety andit's going to decrease your
performance.
So this is like the desperationenergy when you're putting so
much pressure on yourself to winthat it becomes almost
everything to you.
And the thing with desperationenergy is that the judges are
going to feel that and theaudience is going to feel that
and, honestly, you're going tohave a crappy time because it's
not going to feel good.
(03:34):
So let's talk about someevidence-based approaches and
understanding behind mindsetshifts when it comes to going
after your goals.
So first of all and I talk aboutthis quite a bit.
There's growth mindset andthere's fixed mindset, and this
all comes from research by DrCarol Dweck.
(03:56):
It's in her book Mindset.
I highly suggested it's on myrecommended reading list in the
Fearlessly Authentic app InMindset she outlines growth
versus fict mindset In the scopeof pageantry.
A growth mindset looks likeviewing competitions as
opportunities to buildresilience and motivation, and
(04:18):
similar research says that whenyou view challenges as
opportunities to grow, it'sgoing to lead to greater
persistence, confidence andlong-term success.
Having a high pressure or thisultimatum mindset is actually
going to weaken your performanceunder stress because it's going
to trigger overthinking andself-consciousness and, as we
(04:41):
know, overthinking andself-consciousness is going to
cause you to turn inward and youwill no longer be open and
authentic and vulnerable andreal and therefore you will not
be 100% yourself, which is whatwe want when we're competing.
I like to use the wordaccurately reframe our
(05:07):
experiences and see them asstepping stones rather than
final judgments.
It's going to reduce yourstress and it's going to improve
your performance quality.
So, in essence, eachcompetition that you participate
in is part of your biggerjourney.
It's not the whole story whenyou reframe competition as an
opportunity to practice skillsin a real setting to connect
(05:30):
with community leaders andjudges, to test your messaging
and refine your initiative, tobuild relationships with the
other contestants and to learnand to grow.
Then you can approach theexperience with curiosity and
confidence instead of fear.
So remember that locals are notultimatums.
Consider it like a dressrehearsal with the judges so
(05:51):
that every time that you step onstage, you're going to gain
data, you're going to gainclarity and, of course,
confidence that's going to moveyou closer to your crown or
whatever goal it is that you'retrying to achieve.
The other key piece of mindsetshifts is that you need to avoid
comparison while competingduring local season, and mostly
(06:14):
what I'm hearing when it comesto comparison during local
season is that you guys arecounting yourself out because
you're competing against someonewho was in the top five at
state or consistently has wonlocal titles immediately like
their first time out.
But what happens when youcompare yourself to someone who
placed higher in a previouspageant?
(06:35):
There are two different pathsthat open up for you.
The first path is adiscouragement path, and this is
the fixed mindset that I wasjust explaining.
It looks like she's better thanme or I'll never measure up.
That's going to lead toself-doubt, it's going to lead
to that imposter syndrome and,of course, then you will
underperform.
The other path is the growthpath, or the opportunity mindset
(07:00):
, and it kind of looks likebelieving that she's showing you
what the judge has valued andwhat you can refine.
So this is going to createclarity, it's going to create
motivation and it's going tocreate skill building.
Comparison in essence is not bad.
We have been doing it naturallyas part of our human existence
(07:21):
forever.
It's partly how we grow andlearn, especially as children,
because we're comparingourselves to those around us and
our parents and we're learningfrom what we're seeing.
It becomes problematic when youare devaluing yourself by
looking at someone else andelevating them above you.
It's also problematic when youare using it as an ego boost,
(07:46):
when you're looking at otherpeople and then building
yourself up by thinking thatyou're better than them.
So we want to find a reallybeautiful in-between that's
healthy when you are comparingyourself to other people.
Learn from them, decide whatyou like, take what you like,
leave what you don't and applythat to yourself.
Research backs all of this up.
(08:10):
So upward comparison like I'msaying isn't inherently bad.
All of this up so upwardcomparison, like I'm saying,
isn't inherently bad.
It depends on whether it'sinterpreted as proof of your
inadequacy or as a model forpossibility.
So the key here is how to studywithout diving into self-shame
(08:30):
or self-judgment.
So in practice, it means thatyou're going to look at what the
higher placing contestant didwell.
Maybe they had a betterinterview, maybe they have more
clarity with their platform,maybe they have a stronger stage
presence.
Then you need to ask yourselfwhat can I learn and apply to my
(08:50):
own growth?
And, most importantly, you haveto remember that the judges are
going to change, scores arealways going to vary and
authenticity means so much morethan intimidate, than not
intimidation, than imitation.
When you are trying to imitateothers, or when you are trying
to be perfect because you'reseeing all these other things
(09:12):
and you're trying to emulatethose things.
When you're trying to beperfect, that is performative.
Performative is not authentic.
It's not real.
When I say performative, Itruly mean that you're behaving
in a way that you think otherpeople are going to appreciate.
But when you're performative,you're not actually showing
(09:35):
authentic emotions and authenticreactions to people.
You're showing them what youthink they want to see.
That's not authentic.
It's also sometimesintimidating and there's a very
uncomfortable disconnect whenyou do that.
So comparison is helpful, aslong as you are using it as an
(09:56):
opportunity to grow, to learnand to apply what you're
learning so that you can growand improve, but always staying
true to who you are and applyingit to you strategically so that
you can build up your skill setwhile remaining authentic in
exactly who you are.
So the mindset reset looks likehaving a growth mindset,
(10:25):
reframing your competition sothat you're looking at
competitions as opportunities,not ultimatums, so that you
become desperate to win, andthen, of course, reframing the
way that you compare yourself toothers, reframing the way that
you approach competition whenyou are competing with someone
that has been historicallysuccessful on stage.
(10:46):
Okay, so now that you have aclear understanding of some of
these mindset changes that needto happen as you're approaching
local season or in the middle oflocal season, the other thing
we really have to focus on isavoiding burnout, because, no
matter how great your mindset is, you can still burn yourself
out by competing weekend afterweekend after weekend, because
(11:08):
it's exhausting.
It takes a lot of mental,emotional and physical stamina
to do that, so we need to avoidburnout.
The first step is to recognizethe signs of burnout.
Burnout looks like constantfatigue.
It looks like dreading eachcompetition rather than being
excited about it, and it lookslike losing the joy in your
(11:28):
preparation, like you're nothaving fun anymore.
Like you're not having funanymore.
So to avoid burnout or to resetif you're feeling some of those
symptoms of burnout, we need toreframe the idea of rest.
That rest is actually an activepart of your preparation.
(11:51):
So high achievers, like most ofus in pageantry, are often
confuse productivity withprogress.
Let me repeat that because Ithink this is really really
important to remember.
We tend to confuse beingproductive with progressing
(12:12):
towards our goals.
Here's what happens for us whenwe complete a task we get a
dopamine hit.
It makes us feel reallyproductive, but being busy does
not mean that you're beingeffective.
So rather than focusing on theactivities and getting all these
things done and checking allthe things off of the to-do list
and being at all theappearances, you want to focus
(12:33):
on the outcomes.
What is the quality of youractivity rather than the
quantity?
So there's a lot of evidencefrom organizational psychology
and motivation research Progressis tied to clarity of direction
, not the volume of activity.
(12:54):
So when you aren't aligningyour daily actions with your big
picture.
You're going to risk burnoutand frustration Because, despite
all of the productivity, you'renot going to feel closer to
achieving your dream.
You're going to be doing awhole heck of a lot of stuff,
but it's not actually moving youforward.
It's not driving the needletowards what you want to achieve
(13:16):
.
So what this looks like for manyof us is spending hours
practicing, practicing ourwalking or redoing our hair and
makeup, instead of doing thethings that are important, like
refining your interview skillsor really honing in on your
self-development interviewskills, or really honing in on
(13:36):
your self-development, buildingyour vocabulary, researching for
your initiative.
Those are the things thatreally earn you the crown.
It's that internal work, andthat internal work is hard work,
and so I know that's partly whywe avoid it.
It feels like we're making moreprogress when we're doing
something active versus whenwe're doing something internal.
It seems like a more tangiblething that we're doing, so.
(14:02):
It's also going to look likefilling your schedule just for
the sake of busyness or to lookgood to others, rather than
choosing partnerships that alignwith your social impact
initiative.
So what we have to do is we haveto shift from this.
How much did I get done today?
Mentality to did today'sactions move me closer to my
(14:25):
goals in order to reframe yourenergy around progress rather
than productivity.
And this is something that Ihave to actively practice for
myself as well, because I couldeasily fill my day with a whole
bunch of mindless tasks and feellike I got a lot done but, in
the same breath, also realizethat I didn't actually get much
done because I'm not any closerto what I actually want to
(14:50):
achieve.
So busyness is a habit, andshifting it into a
progress-focused energy insteadof being productivity-focused
certainly comes with somestruggles and I know that from
lived experience and it's justlike breaking any other habit
that you have.
But with shifting to aprogress-focused energy comes a
(15:14):
fear that you're not doingenough, or a fear that other
people may think that you're notdoing enough, or a fear of
failure, and so that's why weneed to focus on balance, and it
really helps when you have anoutside perspective that is
actively focused on helping youfind that balance to rest and
reset while still helping youprogress toward your goals.
(15:35):
That's why I have historicallyloved working with a business
coach.
That is why I really focus onbalance with my clients and I'm
not afraid to tell you you needto take a break.
You are not allowed to focus onanything pageant for the next
week, because you need to justbe you.
Guys, we have to remember thatpageants are supposed to be fun,
(15:57):
and if they're not fun anymore,we really need to start
reassessing why we're doing themin the first place or assess
how we can get back to the funof it.
And part of that is going tocome from self-care.
So let's talk about whatself-care is, and I've done
podcasts about self-care, buttoday I brought in some more
(16:18):
evidence and some research tosupport why self-care is
important, because self-word hasbecome and is sort of a
buzzword and it's oftenassociated with
misunderstandings on whatself-care actually means.
So here's some evidence behindthe value of self-care in
relation to your success.
The World Health Organizationrecognizes burnout as an
(16:44):
occupational phenomenon.
In 2016 and 2019, studies haveshown that rest, recovery and
self-care practices reduceburnout risk.
In addition, research from theearly 2000s shows that self-care
improves resilience.
It improves stress managementand, of course, then improves
(17:04):
your overall performance byreplenishing your mental and
physical resources.
And if you think about that,how much mental and physical
stamina do you need to competeweekend after weekend.
If you're not resting, you'renot going to be able to do that,
and you're certainly not goingto be able to do it well even if
you're doing it.
In 2011, a study showed thateven short breaks and exercise
(17:29):
or mindfulness practicessignificantly improve focus,
decision-making and creativity.
How important is focus for youin not just competing, but in
your preparation for competing?
I'll have clients that come tome, and if they're having a bad
day, we are not working onanything that takes a whole lot
of brain power.
We are going to focus onsomething else that is just as
(17:51):
productive but much more helpfulin progressing towards goal
achievement, versus pushing andpushing and pushing to do a mock
interview for an hour when youjust don't have the mental
stamina and focus.
And in 2008, a study found thatengaging in consistent self-care
(18:15):
reduces anxiety, reducesdepression and reduces physical
health risks, while alsoboosting life satisfaction and
longevity.
Life satisfaction how nicewould it be that, even if you
are competing weekend afterweekend and you're hitting that
runner-up placement every time,you're just not quite there yet,
(18:36):
as you're growing and as you'relearning, and as you're
improving while competing overand over again, you're still
feeling satisfied.
How nice would that be?
So maybe that in and of itselfis enough motivation for you to
maintain that balance.
If you combine the growthmindset that we've been talking
about today with self-care, howmuch more satisfied are you
(19:02):
going to be in this experience?
How much more fun and joy areyou going to have within it?
So self-care is notself-indulgence.
It so self-care is notself-indulgence.
It's evidence-based performancestrategy.
Let me repeat this isevidence-based performance
strategy.
If you are looking for acompetition preparation strategy
(19:23):
, self-care needs to be a partof it.
Period.
Self-compassion and self-carelower your levels of cortisol,
which is the stress hormone, andit's going to increase your
resilience.
Athletes, professionals whenthey practice intentional rest,
they show higher long-termachievement than those who
(19:46):
overtrain or overwork.
And those who overtrain oroverwork, you guys so often high
achievers like us, think thatself-care is taking time away
from our goals, like we're beinglazy or we're wasting our time.
But the research proves thatit's what gives you the energy
and the presence to actuallyachieve your goals.
(20:07):
So, taking breaks from yourprep, investing in your joy,
prioritizing your mental health,these things are actually going
to make you more competitivebecause you'll show up refreshed
, authentic, and you'll be ableto connect with the judges and
the audience so real quick.
I know we know what self-careis.
I know we know that there are alot of practices out there, but
(20:29):
just some really quick resetsjournaling, going for a quick
10-minute walk, having a funonly day where nothing has to be
productive, doing a guidedmeditation.
I have a whole list of guidedmeditations in the Fearlessly
Authentic app as part of themonthly membership, and they're
(20:50):
all based on specific thingsthat you might be struggling
with, whether that's comparisonor fear of failure or
achievement.
I'm trying to think of all ofthem.
There's a handful of them inthere, but doing a really quick,
like 10 minute guidedmeditation is powerful as a
self-care practice and quickreset.
(21:13):
Another self-care practice thatis also kind of a buzzword and
we actually need to practicethis healthfully is boundaries
Saying no when your schedule isfull or, honestly, saying no
when you've been invited tocompete but you had already
decided you were going to take aweekend off.
It's so nice to be invited,that's so flattering, that's so
nice of them, but stick to yourboundary.
(21:36):
Set a boundary for yourself sothat you're taking care of
yourself.
Boundaries are not always aboutsetting boundaries for other
people.
We have to set boundaries forourselves too.
And finally, a really solidself-care practice that I preach
over and over again iscelebrating your small wins.
Small wins are not placements,they're not awards.
(21:58):
They're little things thathappen to you in your
preparation, in your day-to-dayat a competition that feel good,
that are elevating you.
Those are small wins.
So when you celebrate yoursmall wins, it will help keep
your motivation really nice andfresh.
So, as I wrap up here today,quick and easy podcast episode
(22:22):
for you.
Here are some practical tipsfor you when you are competing.
Plan your prep week withbalance.
Okay.
So I'm always going toemphasize you need to set
priorities.
Prioritize your school or yourwork that is top priority.
Prioritize your wellness that'seven top top priority.
(22:42):
Then focus on the areas thatare going to help you progress
towards your goal Interview,mindset, business plan, etc.
You progress towards your goalInterview, mindset, business
plan, etc.
And absolutely schedule time torest and reboot.
Add it to your to-do list to doa guided meditation or a quick
10-minute walk or whatever it isthat you need to do for just a
(23:03):
short bout of regrouping in themiddle of the day.
Treat your local competition inthe local season as practice for
the bigger stages.
This is going to take thepressure off.
If it's a practice round, thenthere is no pressure.
You're going to go out there,you're going to do your best.
You're going to learn from themistakes.
(23:23):
You're going to come backbetter because you just
practiced and finally anchoreverything in your why.
Why do you want the crown?
Why does this matter to you?
What is your big picture?
And that's deep and it'scomplex.
So focus on that.
When you can focus on your why,when you can focus on the big
(23:44):
picture and that is where yourmind's eye is turned and you
have blinders onto everythingelse, everything else is going
to fade away into the background.
You're not even going to noticeit.
You're not going to notice whoelse is competing and what they
placed earlier.
You're not going to notice atiny mistake that you made or a
face that a judge made duringyour interview.
(24:06):
None of that's going to matter,because you're focused on your
big picture and your progressionto achieving those goals.
I started Fearlessly Authenticbecause I wanted to offer a new
approach to pageant competitionprep, because I've been there
with the internal pressure andI've been there with the
external pressure.
I've been there with theburnout, external pressure.
(24:31):
I've been there with theburnout and when I was competing
I struggled quite a bit withmental health issues, and the
burnout that I felt on my way toMiss America really led me to
some pretty severe mindsetglitches and took away from my
experience.
And when I started coaching andhearing women from around the
country talking about their ownmindset struggles, talking about
(24:54):
their own mental healthstruggles, and then when Chesley
Chris died by suicide and we'rehearing of other young women
completing suicide within thepageant industry or in the
pageant world rather, I just Ithink to myself, like in this
industry that is supposed to beempowering and uplifting women,
what's missing?
There's a disconnect somewhere,because in so many ways it does
(25:16):
empower and uplift, but forsome reason there are other
things that are really gettingto us that are causing some
catastrophic issues for uslong-term.
And so that is why I want to bea voice for self-care, a voice
for healthy mindset, a voice forlearning how to avoid burnout,
(25:36):
because that's what you guysneed.
You deserve to be successful.
More importantly than that, youdeserve to be happy and
satisfied and experience joy.
That's what this is supposed tobe about.
So the crown is not worthsacrificing your peace.
(25:57):
This season is about yourgrowth, it's about your joy and
it's about becoming, not justwinning.
So please reflect on how you'regoing to weave rest into your
prep this week.
How are you going to shift yourmindset into a growth mindset?
How are you going to shift yourapproach to comparison so that
(26:19):
you're not putting yourself downand self-judgment all over
yourself rather than using it asa tool to elevate your skill
set and learn something new?
How are you going to applyself-care to your daily
(26:40):
activities so that you canmaintain that energy, so that
you can perform at your best, nomatter what it is that you're
doing?
Focus on progress, notperfection.
Focus on progress, notproductivity.
Most important, take care ofyourselves.
Okay, with that, you guys enjoyyour week.
I think it's just beautifulsoon-to-be fall weather.
(27:02):
Fall officially starts onMonday and I told my husband
that I wasn't going to make himchili until officially fall had
started, so I may be makingchili next week.
Stay tuned.
I'll talk to you next week.
Take care, bye.
Hello, welcome back to Session Soul, so glad to have
you here this week.
I hope that you have taken thelast week to reset, regroup,
take a breath of fresh air.
There has been so much going onin our world and it really
hasn't stopped, so hopefully youhave been taking time to take
care of yourself and findingbalance in the things that you
are listening to and what you'rewatching.
(00:21):
So this is actually one ofthose episodes that might be a
really good reset for you and abit of a distraction from the
things going on outside of ourcontrol, because today I want to
talk about the things that arewithin your control.
We're going to be talking aboutlocal season and competing in
(00:41):
back-to-back locals.
So I know that this is a verycommon experience when you start
local season and you want towin the local title to get back
to state.
So you're going to competeweekend after weekend after
weekend until you get thatticket to state.
I have a lot of clients thatare competing this year after a
year of back-to-back localcompetitions, and with that is
(01:04):
going to come a lot ofanticipation and hopefulness and
excitement.
It's also going to come withsome anxiety and maybe some
pressure, and so we've had a lotof conversations about this in
my coaching calls, and so Ithought maybe this would be a
really relevant topic for manyof you as well.
If you already have a local andyou're getting ready for state,
(01:24):
or you are planning on competingat state after many, many years
of competing and not gettingthe crown, or if you're
struggling with any of thoseexperiences of I just keep going
after this and nothing'schanging and I'm not reaching my
goal and I'm feeling a littleburnt out, I think this episode
is for you.
So I'm going to be talkingabout some mindset changes, some
(01:49):
burnout and how to avoid it.
I'm going to be talking aboutyour self-care and how to
actively practice self-care, andthen just some practical tips
for you.
So that's kind of the rundownof what this episode is going to
entail.
But as I was thinking about andbrainstorming for this episode
this week, I realized thatsometimes self-care and mindset
changes can seem a little bitfluffy or cliche.
(02:11):
So today I'm going to betalking about how to avoid
burnout and to balance yourenergy with evidence-based
approaches, and so I went on therabbit hole because I'm a geek
about mindset stuff.
So there was a lot of researchthat I've already read that I
brought back up that I wanted touse in this episode today to
share with you so that you couldhave an actual, like
(02:33):
evidence-based, research-basedunderstanding of why these
things are important and why youshould be applying these
approaches to your life rightnow so that you can achieve your
goals.
So let's get started with somemindset shifts how to reset your
mindset going into local seasonor competing for a title that
(02:53):
you've competed for many timeswithout achieving that goal.
Here's the first thing Localcompetitions or state
competitions or really anycompetitions in pageantry are
opportunities.
They're not ultimatums.
When you see a competition as ado or die ultimatum, it's going
(03:13):
to increase your anxiety andit's going to decrease your
performance.
So this is like the desperationenergy when you're putting so
much pressure on yourself to winthat it becomes almost
everything to you.
And the thing with desperationenergy is that the judges are
going to feel that and theaudience is going to feel that
and, honestly, you're going tohave a crappy time because it's
not going to feel good.
(03:34):
So let's talk about someevidence-based approaches and
understanding behind mindsetshifts when it comes to going
after your goals.
So first of all and I talk aboutthis quite a bit.
There's growth mindset andthere's fixed mindset, and this
all comes from research by DrCarol Dweck.
(03:56):
It's in her book Mindset.
I highly suggested it's on myrecommended reading list in the
Fearlessly Authentic app InMindset she outlines growth
versus fict mindset In the scopeof pageantry.
A growth mindset looks likeviewing competitions as
opportunities to buildresilience and motivation, and
(04:18):
similar research says that whenyou view challenges as
opportunities to grow, it'sgoing to lead to greater
persistence, confidence andlong-term success.
Having a high pressure or thisultimatum mindset is actually
going to weaken your performanceunder stress because it's going
to trigger overthinking andself-consciousness and, as we
(04:41):
know, overthinking andself-consciousness is going to
cause you to turn inward and youwill no longer be open and
authentic and vulnerable andreal and therefore you will not
be 100% yourself, which is whatwe want when we're competing.
I like to use the wordaccurately reframe our
(05:07):
experiences and see them asstepping stones rather than
final judgments.
It's going to reduce yourstress and it's going to improve
your performance quality.
So, in essence, eachcompetition that you participate
in is part of your biggerjourney.
It's not the whole story whenyou reframe competition as an
opportunity to practice skillsin a real setting to connect
(05:30):
with community leaders andjudges, to test your messaging
and refine your initiative, tobuild relationships with the
other contestants and to learnand to grow.
Then you can approach theexperience with curiosity and
confidence instead of fear.
So remember that locals are notultimatums.
Consider it like a dressrehearsal with the judges so
(05:51):
that every time that you step onstage, you're going to gain
data, you're going to gainclarity and, of course,
confidence that's going to moveyou closer to your crown or
whatever goal it is that you'retrying to achieve.
The other key piece of mindsetshifts is that you need to avoid
comparison while competingduring local season, and mostly
(06:14):
what I'm hearing when it comesto comparison during local
season is that you guys arecounting yourself out because
you're competing against someonewho was in the top five at
state or consistently has wonlocal titles immediately like
their first time out.
But what happens when youcompare yourself to someone who
placed higher in a previouspageant?
(06:35):
There are two different pathsthat open up for you.
The first path is adiscouragement path, and this is
the fixed mindset that I wasjust explaining.
It looks like she's better thanme or I'll never measure up.
That's going to lead toself-doubt, it's going to lead
to that imposter syndrome and,of course, then you will
underperform.
The other path is the growthpath, or the opportunity mindset
(07:00):
, and it kind of looks likebelieving that she's showing you
what the judge has valued andwhat you can refine.
So this is going to createclarity, it's going to create
motivation and it's going tocreate skill building.
Comparison in essence is not bad.
We have been doing it naturallyas part of our human existence
(07:21):
forever.
It's partly how we grow andlearn, especially as children,
because we're comparingourselves to those around us and
our parents and we're learningfrom what we're seeing.
It becomes problematic when youare devaluing yourself by
looking at someone else andelevating them above you.
It's also problematic when youare using it as an ego boost,
(07:46):
when you're looking at otherpeople and then building
yourself up by thinking thatyou're better than them.
So we want to find a reallybeautiful in-between that's
healthy when you are comparingyourself to other people.
Learn from them, decide whatyou like, take what you like,
leave what you don't and applythat to yourself.
Research backs all of this up.
(08:10):
So upward comparison like I'msaying isn't inherently bad.
All of this up so upwardcomparison, like I'm saying,
isn't inherently bad.
It depends on whether it'sinterpreted as proof of your
inadequacy or as a model forpossibility.
So the key here is how to studywithout diving into self-shame
(08:30):
or self-judgment.
So in practice, it means thatyou're going to look at what the
higher placing contestant didwell.
Maybe they had a betterinterview, maybe they have more
clarity with their platform,maybe they have a stronger stage
presence.
Then you need to ask yourselfwhat can I learn and apply to my
(08:50):
own growth?
And, most importantly, you haveto remember that the judges are
going to change, scores arealways going to vary and
authenticity means so much morethan intimidate, than not
intimidation, than imitation.
When you are trying to imitateothers, or when you are trying
to be perfect because you'reseeing all these other things
(09:12):
and you're trying to emulatethose things.
When you're trying to beperfect, that is performative.
Performative is not authentic.
It's not real.
When I say performative, Itruly mean that you're behaving
in a way that you think otherpeople are going to appreciate.
But when you're performative,you're not actually showing
(09:35):
authentic emotions and authenticreactions to people.
You're showing them what youthink they want to see.
That's not authentic.
It's also sometimesintimidating and there's a very
uncomfortable disconnect whenyou do that.
So comparison is helpful, aslong as you are using it as an
(09:56):
opportunity to grow, to learnand to apply what you're
learning so that you can growand improve, but always staying
true to who you are and applyingit to you strategically so that
you can build up your skill setwhile remaining authentic in
exactly who you are.
So the mindset reset looks likehaving a growth mindset,
(10:25):
reframing your competition sothat you're looking at
competitions as opportunities,not ultimatums, so that you
become desperate to win, andthen, of course, reframing the
way that you compare yourself toothers, reframing the way that
you approach competition whenyou are competing with someone
that has been historicallysuccessful on stage.
(10:46):
Okay, so now that you have aclear understanding of some of
these mindset changes that needto happen as you're approaching
local season or in the middle oflocal season, the other thing
we really have to focus on isavoiding burnout, because, no
matter how great your mindset is, you can still burn yourself
out by competing weekend afterweekend after weekend, because
(11:08):
it's exhausting.
It takes a lot of mental,emotional and physical stamina
to do that, so we need to avoidburnout.
The first step is to recognizethe signs of burnout.
Burnout looks like constantfatigue.
It looks like dreading eachcompetition rather than being
excited about it, and it lookslike losing the joy in your
(11:28):
preparation, like you're nothaving fun anymore.
Like you're not having funanymore.
So to avoid burnout or to resetif you're feeling some of those
symptoms of burnout, we need toreframe the idea of rest.
That rest is actually an activepart of your preparation.
(11:51):
So high achievers, like most ofus in pageantry, are often
confuse productivity withprogress.
Let me repeat that because Ithink this is really really
important to remember.
We tend to confuse beingproductive with progressing
(12:12):
towards our goals.
Here's what happens for us whenwe complete a task we get a
dopamine hit.
It makes us feel reallyproductive, but being busy does
not mean that you're beingeffective.
So rather than focusing on theactivities and getting all these
things done and checking allthe things off of the to-do list
and being at all theappearances, you want to focus
(12:33):
on the outcomes.
What is the quality of youractivity rather than the
quantity?
So there's a lot of evidencefrom organizational psychology
and motivation research Progressis tied to clarity of direction
, not the volume of activity.
(12:54):
So when you aren't aligningyour daily actions with your big
picture.
You're going to risk burnoutand frustration Because, despite
all of the productivity, you'renot going to feel closer to
achieving your dream.
You're going to be doing awhole heck of a lot of stuff,
but it's not actually moving youforward.
It's not driving the needletowards what you want to achieve
(13:16):
.
So what this looks like for manyof us is spending hours
practicing, practicing ourwalking or redoing our hair and
makeup, instead of doing thethings that are important, like
refining your interview skillsor really honing in on your
self-development interviewskills, or really honing in on
(13:36):
your self-development, buildingyour vocabulary, researching for
your initiative.
Those are the things thatreally earn you the crown.
It's that internal work, andthat internal work is hard work,
and so I know that's partly whywe avoid it.
It feels like we're making moreprogress when we're doing
something active versus whenwe're doing something internal.
It seems like a more tangiblething that we're doing, so.
(14:02):
It's also going to look likefilling your schedule just for
the sake of busyness or to lookgood to others, rather than
choosing partnerships that alignwith your social impact
initiative.
So what we have to do is we haveto shift from this.
How much did I get done today?
Mentality to did today'sactions move me closer to my
(14:25):
goals in order to reframe yourenergy around progress rather
than productivity.
And this is something that Ihave to actively practice for
myself as well, because I couldeasily fill my day with a whole
bunch of mindless tasks and feellike I got a lot done but, in
the same breath, also realizethat I didn't actually get much
done because I'm not any closerto what I actually want to
(14:50):
achieve.
So busyness is a habit, andshifting it into a
progress-focused energy insteadof being productivity-focused
certainly comes with somestruggles and I know that from
lived experience and it's justlike breaking any other habit
that you have.
But with shifting to aprogress-focused energy comes a
(15:14):
fear that you're not doingenough, or a fear that other
people may think that you're notdoing enough, or a fear of
failure, and so that's why weneed to focus on balance, and it
really helps when you have anoutside perspective that is
actively focused on helping youfind that balance to rest and
reset while still helping youprogress toward your goals.
(15:35):
That's why I have historicallyloved working with a business
coach.
That is why I really focus onbalance with my clients and I'm
not afraid to tell you you needto take a break.
You are not allowed to focus onanything pageant for the next
week, because you need to justbe you.
Guys, we have to remember thatpageants are supposed to be fun,
(15:57):
and if they're not fun anymore,we really need to start
reassessing why we're doing themin the first place or assess
how we can get back to the funof it.
And part of that is going tocome from self-care.
So let's talk about whatself-care is, and I've done
podcasts about self-care, buttoday I brought in some more
(16:18):
evidence and some research tosupport why self-care is
important, because self-word hasbecome and is sort of a
buzzword and it's oftenassociated with
misunderstandings on whatself-care actually means.
So here's some evidence behindthe value of self-care in
relation to your success.
The World Health Organizationrecognizes burnout as an
(16:44):
occupational phenomenon.
In 2016 and 2019, studies haveshown that rest, recovery and
self-care practices reduceburnout risk.
In addition, research from theearly 2000s shows that self-care
improves resilience.
It improves stress managementand, of course, then improves
(17:04):
your overall performance byreplenishing your mental and
physical resources.
And if you think about that,how much mental and physical
stamina do you need to competeweekend after weekend.
If you're not resting, you'renot going to be able to do that,
and you're certainly not goingto be able to do it well even if
you're doing it.
In 2011, a study showed thateven short breaks and exercise
(17:29):
or mindfulness practicessignificantly improve focus,
decision-making and creativity.
How important is focus for youin not just competing, but in
your preparation for competing?
I'll have clients that come tome, and if they're having a bad
day, we are not working onanything that takes a whole lot
of brain power.
We are going to focus onsomething else that is just as
(17:51):
productive but much more helpfulin progressing towards goal
achievement, versus pushing andpushing and pushing to do a mock
interview for an hour when youjust don't have the mental
stamina and focus.
And in 2008, a study found thatengaging in consistent self-care
(18:15):
reduces anxiety, reducesdepression and reduces physical
health risks, while alsoboosting life satisfaction and
longevity.
Life satisfaction how nicewould it be that, even if you
are competing weekend afterweekend and you're hitting that
runner-up placement every time,you're just not quite there yet,
(18:36):
as you're growing and as you'relearning, and as you're
improving while competing overand over again, you're still
feeling satisfied.
How nice would that be?
So maybe that in and of itselfis enough motivation for you to
maintain that balance.
If you combine the growthmindset that we've been talking
about today with self-care, howmuch more satisfied are you
(19:02):
going to be in this experience?
How much more fun and joy areyou going to have within it?
So self-care is notself-indulgence.
It so self-care is notself-indulgence.
It's evidence-based performancestrategy.
Let me repeat this isevidence-based performance
strategy.
If you are looking for acompetition preparation strategy
(19:23):
, self-care needs to be a partof it.
Period.
Self-compassion and self-carelower your levels of cortisol,
which is the stress hormone, andit's going to increase your
resilience.
Athletes, professionals whenthey practice intentional rest,
they show higher long-termachievement than those who
(19:46):
overtrain or overwork.
And those who overtrain oroverwork, you guys so often high
achievers like us, think thatself-care is taking time away
from our goals, like we're beinglazy or we're wasting our time.
But the research proves thatit's what gives you the energy
and the presence to actuallyachieve your goals.
(20:07):
So, taking breaks from yourprep, investing in your joy,
prioritizing your mental health,these things are actually going
to make you more competitivebecause you'll show up refreshed
, authentic, and you'll be ableto connect with the judges and
the audience so real quick.
I know we know what self-careis.
I know we know that there are alot of practices out there, but
(20:29):
just some really quick resetsjournaling, going for a quick
10-minute walk, having a funonly day where nothing has to be
productive, doing a guidedmeditation.
I have a whole list of guidedmeditations in the Fearlessly
Authentic app as part of themonthly membership, and they're
(20:50):
all based on specific thingsthat you might be struggling
with, whether that's comparisonor fear of failure or
achievement.
I'm trying to think of all ofthem.
There's a handful of them inthere, but doing a really quick,
like 10 minute guidedmeditation is powerful as a
self-care practice and quickreset.
(21:13):
Another self-care practice thatis also kind of a buzzword and
we actually need to practicethis healthfully is boundaries
Saying no when your schedule isfull or, honestly, saying no
when you've been invited tocompete but you had already
decided you were going to take aweekend off.
It's so nice to be invited,that's so flattering, that's so
nice of them, but stick to yourboundary.
(21:36):
Set a boundary for yourself sothat you're taking care of
yourself.
Boundaries are not always aboutsetting boundaries for other
people.
We have to set boundaries forourselves too.
And finally, a really solidself-care practice that I preach
over and over again iscelebrating your small wins.
Small wins are not placements,they're not awards.
(21:58):
They're little things thathappen to you in your
preparation, in your day-to-dayat a competition that feel good,
that are elevating you.
Those are small wins.
So when you celebrate yoursmall wins, it will help keep
your motivation really nice andfresh.
So, as I wrap up here today,quick and easy podcast episode
(22:22):
for you.
Here are some practical tipsfor you when you are competing.
Plan your prep week withbalance.
Okay.
So I'm always going toemphasize you need to set
priorities.
Prioritize your school or yourwork that is top priority.
Prioritize your wellness that'seven top top priority.
(22:42):
Then focus on the areas thatare going to help you progress
towards your goal Interview,mindset, business plan, etc.
You progress towards your goalInterview, mindset, business
plan, etc.
And absolutely schedule time torest and reboot.
Add it to your to-do list to doa guided meditation or a quick
10-minute walk or whatever it isthat you need to do for just a
(23:03):
short bout of regrouping in themiddle of the day.
Treat your local competition inthe local season as practice for
the bigger stages.
This is going to take thepressure off.
If it's a practice round, thenthere is no pressure.
You're going to go out there,you're going to do your best.
You're going to learn from themistakes.
(23:23):
You're going to come backbetter because you just
practiced and finally anchoreverything in your why.
Why do you want the crown?
Why does this matter to you?
What is your big picture?
And that's deep and it'scomplex.
So focus on that.
When you can focus on your why,when you can focus on the big
(23:44):
picture and that is where yourmind's eye is turned and you
have blinders onto everythingelse, everything else is going
to fade away into the background.
You're not even going to noticeit.
You're not going to notice whoelse is competing and what they
placed earlier.
You're not going to notice atiny mistake that you made or a
face that a judge made duringyour interview.
(24:06):
None of that's going to matter,because you're focused on your
big picture and your progressionto achieving those goals.
I started Fearlessly Authenticbecause I wanted to offer a new
approach to pageant competitionprep, because I've been there
with the internal pressure andI've been there with the
external pressure.
I've been there with theburnout, external pressure.
(24:31):
I've been there with theburnout and when I was competing
I struggled quite a bit withmental health issues, and the
burnout that I felt on my way toMiss America really led me to
some pretty severe mindsetglitches and took away from my
experience.
And when I started coaching andhearing women from around the
country talking about their ownmindset struggles, talking about
(24:54):
their own mental healthstruggles, and then when Chesley
Chris died by suicide and we'rehearing of other young women
completing suicide within thepageant industry or in the
pageant world rather, I just Ithink to myself, like in this
industry that is supposed to beempowering and uplifting women,
what's missing?
There's a disconnect somewhere,because in so many ways it does
(25:16):
empower and uplift, but forsome reason there are other
things that are really gettingto us that are causing some
catastrophic issues for uslong-term.
And so that is why I want to bea voice for self-care, a voice
for healthy mindset, a voice forlearning how to avoid burnout,
(25:36):
because that's what you guysneed.
You deserve to be successful.
More importantly than that, youdeserve to be happy and
satisfied and experience joy.
That's what this is supposed tobe about.
So the crown is not worthsacrificing your peace.
(25:57):
This season is about yourgrowth, it's about your joy and
it's about becoming, not justwinning.
So please reflect on how you'regoing to weave rest into your
prep this week.
How are you going to shift yourmindset into a growth mindset?
How are you going to shift yourapproach to comparison so that
(26:19):
you're not putting yourself downand self-judgment all over
yourself rather than using it asa tool to elevate your skill
set and learn something new?
How are you going to applyself-care to your daily
(26:40):
activities so that you canmaintain that energy, so that
you can perform at your best, nomatter what it is that you're
doing?
Focus on progress, notperfection.
Focus on progress, notproductivity.
Most important, take care ofyourselves.
Okay, with that, you guys enjoyyour week.
I think it's just beautifulsoon-to-be fall weather.
(27:02):
Fall officially starts onMonday and I told my husband
that I wasn't going to make himchili until officially fall had
started, so I may be makingchili next week.
Stay tuned.
I'll talk to you next week.
Take care, bye.
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