October 3, 2025 • 26 mins
It's officially spooky season, and we're kicking off October with a conversation so many of my clients needed this week: conviction. If you've been second-guessing your choices - taking a break from school, choosing a 2-year program over a 4-year degree, heading into cosmetology or a trade - this one’s for you. Pageantry invites judgment by design, but leadership looks like standing by your decisions and your opinions without apologizing for them.
In this episode, I share the mindset shifts I coach on during local season: how to stop editing your paperwork out of fear, how to anchor your choices in your "why," and how to communicate with calm confidence in interview - even on tough issues. Conviction isn't stubbornness; it's clarity + ownership. You can consider every perspective and still stand firm in your values. Let's talk about owning your path, telling the truth of your story, and leading your life your way.
You'll learn:
- How to reframe "nontraditional" paths as strengths in interview
- What conviction sounds like (and what apology language to drop)
- Simple lines to explain a gap year, program changes, or pivots with confidence
- Why judges respond to authenticity over perfection
- A go-watch example of conviction in action from Miss America interview history
Leave today with this mantra: I live with conviction.
Free App Download: Click here to download the Fearlessly Authentic App!
Socials: @sashandsoul | @fearlesslyauthenticcoach | @raeannajohnson
Websites: www.fearlesslyauthentic.com | www.sashandsoul.com
Email: info@fearlesslyauthenticcoach.com
If you’re looking for more than just surface-level prep—and you’re ready to prepare with strategy, support, and confidence that actually lasts—I’d love to be part of your process.
Schedule a FREE Consultation: Book a Call
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
What's up, you guys?
Welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Excited to have you here thisweek.
We are officially in October,and I honestly can't believe it.
Like, where in the world didSeptember go?
Where did summer go?
Like, I don't I'm well, it'scrazy.
We take for the dogs for a walkalmost every day, and it just
reminds me of back to school,especially because we had a
(00:23):
street repaved in ourneighborhood.
So you know that like that smellof black top in the sunshine,
but also like crisp fall leaves.
That brings me back to likeelementary school for some
reason.
So just very much in the back toschool vibes today.
But anyway, this week has beenreally good.
(00:43):
I have had a lot of reallywonderful conversations with
clients about initiative andplatform development, really
breaking things down, divinginto messaging and looking at
paperwork.
It just seems like that's kindof the common theme with a lot
of my calls right now because itis local season and we're kind
of revamping paperwork, editing,adjusting initiative paperwork
(01:06):
and messaging and stuff for thenew season.
And something kept kind ofcoming up for me within these
calls.
And it it involves beingconfident and sure of yourself
in the choices that you've madefor your life.
For example, um the idea thatbecause you went to, because
(01:32):
you're going to a two-yearschool rather than a four-year
college, um, that the judges aregonna judge you for that, or um
being nervous that becauseyou're not on a traditional
path, that somehow makes youless than, or that the judges
are gonna really like lean intothat.
And so what I was seeing quite abit this week was girls that
(01:53):
were avoiding putting morespecifics on their paperwork
because of that, that kind ofinsecurity.
And so as I was thinking aboutthis, it really brought me back
to the coach that I worked with.
And this, this actually, likesomething clicked.
A light bulb went off for me inmy mind because he would always
(02:15):
say, you need to hold yourselfas a strong woman with high
expectations who cuts her ownpath and lives by example.
And like on the surface level, Iget that, right?
We're all role models, we areall standing up for what we
believe, we're all really strongand independent, we have high
expectations.
(02:36):
But what really hit me this weekwas this concept of having
conviction for your decisions.
So today we're gonna talk aboutconviction, the leadership skill
of standing by your decisionswithout fear of judgment.
And that also dives intostanding by your opinions, your
(02:59):
morals and values where youstand on certain issues, having
conviction for those feelings.
That doesn't mean that you don'tunderstand multiple sides of the
matter.
But if you have strong feelingsabout it, standing by those
without worrying what otherpeople think of you.
So we're gonna dive into all ofthat today.
So let's start off by like, whyis this so difficult to really
(03:23):
feel good about what we've putdown on our paperwork and what
we're talking about ininterview?
Well, it all comes down to thefear of judgment.
We as human beings are worriedabout what other people think of
us.
And when we're putting ourselvesout there in pageant land, we're
quite literally standing infront of people welcoming
(03:44):
judgment.
In fact, like that, that is theessence of pageantry, is to be
judged.
And so then to combine the factthat that is just the
environment naturally with afear of judgment compounds this
desire and this need forpresenting yourself as perfect.
Because if you're perfect, noone can judge you.
(04:06):
It's a lot more difficult to bevulnerable and to be real
because that really opens uppeople to have their opinions
about you.
But some of the common fearsthat I often hear, and a lot of
this is leaning into limitingbeliefs, which we work through a
lot in Fearlessly Authentic, butsome of the common fears that I
hear are that judges won't takeme seriously if I choose a
(04:28):
two-year program instead of afour-year degree.
Or that my career path isn'tlike prestigious enough because
maybe you're in a trade schoolor you're going to cosmetology
or something along those lines.
And the other thing that I hearquite a bit, and I had a client
this week that literally did nothave going after an MBA as one
of her college or one of herscholastic ambitions, because
(04:52):
she's going to be taking abreak.
And so that fear of looking lazyor unmotivated when you talk
about the in-between time thatyou had in between programs, or
the fact that you're planning ontaking a break from school to
work or to travel or tovolunteer or whatever it might
(05:13):
be, um, it's such a commonthing.
But the fear of looking likewe're not motivated, or that I
don't know if your parents haveever said this, but like if you
take a break, you'll never comeback to it.
And that's just a very oldschool thing that we hear from
older generations that we haveto keep going or we will become
unmotivated, we'll lose thatdrive, and we won't actually
(05:35):
come back and finish what wesaid we were going to do.
So this fear is really commonand it exists largely due to
comparison culture, which weknow runs rampant in pageants.
It's also there because we havefalse beliefs about success.
Those false beliefs are oftenwidely accepted socially.
(05:58):
The very clear-cut path togetting your bachelor's degree
and then going on for yourmaster's degree right away.
And then, of course, if you'regoing to be a doctor or a
lawyer, then you go on to schoolafter that as well.
And so there it's just lined upfor you.
And the expectation is that wewill follow that path in order
(06:20):
to achieve the American dream.
So this institutes a lot ofdiffering beliefs, um, or a
false belief rather, about whatsuccess actually looks like when
we're over here in our ownlittle worlds trying to just
navigate and define what successlooks like for us.
The fear also exists, honestly,because of pageant stereotypes,
(06:42):
stereotypes that have beenperpetuated within the pageant
industry, but also stereotypesof things that we kind of create
in our own minds in thatcomparison.
When we're looking at women thathave won Miss America, Miss USA,
Miss Universe, state leveltitles that go on to do really
incredible things with theireducation and they're incredibly
(07:04):
successful.
And we look at them thinkinglike we're not going to get to
that level if we aren't also ona really prestigious, amazing,
aspirational path.
But the thing of that is youhave to look at how many Miss
Americas have on their paperworkthat they're going to go to
school to be a lawyer or adoctor or whatever else.
(07:26):
And they end up changing theirmind because they have some
other amazing opportunitythroughout their year, or they
learn something about themselvesand decide like that's not
actually the path that they wantto go down.
I think if we actually sat downto look at the title holders of
the past that have actuallychanged their minds, it might
actually become more normal forus to be okay with also changing
(07:50):
our mind, to be okay with nothaving a very clear vision for
what we want to do.
And let me tell you, like, Iknow this.
I have felt this fear ofjudgment.
I have felt the angst of notknowing what I wanted to do.
So when I was in high school, Ithought I was gonna go to school
to be a teacher, to be a middleschool teacher.
(08:12):
And I quickly realized in myfirst year of school, and I went
to a two-year, um, a two-yearprogram just to get my my
generals, and then I was gonnatransfer to a four-year college
from there.
So I took a non-traditionalpath, though it's becoming a lot
more common now.
And the program that I was inactually had me doing some
hands-on, like in classroomthings with students, and I
(08:37):
quickly discovered that I didnot want to build a career off
of working with children or withyoung children in the middle
school years.
It just, it was not somethingthat I could see myself doing of
being in a classroom everysingle day during the school
year, doing that kind of work,and then going home to raising
my own children.
Um, part of my inspiration forwanting to do that was because
(08:59):
my mom ran a daycare and Ithought, okay, well, I'm I'm
good with kids.
I taught dance classes, allthese things.
And I had such an appreciationfor some of the teachers that I
had in middle school that helpedme through some really difficult
things.
So this was where my mindset waswhen it came to wanting to be an
educator.
Well, then I changed my mind andthought, well, maybe I want to
be a broadcaster, maybe I wantto go into broadcasting and
(09:20):
become a news anchor reportersomeday.
Changed my mind again because Ididn't want to have to keep
traveling the world to, youknow, up-level into different
markets.
And like the idea of getting upsuper early in the morning and
have really wonky hours like wasnot ideal to me.
And then maybe I was gonna be anutritionist, and that sounded
exciting to me, or go intokinesthesiology, um, even though
(09:44):
like I really didn't have awhole lot of passion for any of
that, other than being a dancer.
But like, other than that, thescience behind it, all those
things, like just wasn't reallymy jam.
So I was really floating outthere, not knowing what in the
world I was going to do.
So imagine being in the mix ofall of that and also competing
in pageants, where my factsheet, I needed to write down
(10:05):
what my scholastic and careerambition was, and then to be
able to talk about it ininterview.
So there was a lot of fear and alot of angst with that for me
because I didn't feel confidenttalking about where I was.
And I know looking back, a lotof that was the pressure that I
was feeling, the externalpressure and seeing my
classmates from high school goon to four-year degrees and then
(10:27):
going on for their MBA rightaway, or some of my roommates
taking that track and justfeeling like there was something
wrong with me, or that I wasn'tdoing enough or doing well
enough.
So I struggled with that.
And so with my clients oranybody that I talk to, I can
now easily say, like, there isno clear path from my personal
experience, from my husband'spersonal experience.
(10:49):
Like my sisters, my youngersisters are also um going
through that right now, too,where they're just kind of
navigating and trying to figureit out as they go.
And and that is actually thenorm, uh I think more so than
someone knowing exactly whatthey want to do straight out the
gate and doing that thenthroughout their entire career,
(11:12):
their educational career, andum, and winding up where they
thought they were going to whenthey graduated high school.
So um, but I think in pageants,there's just this added pressure
that most other people might nothave because we're literally
facing judges and answeringquestions about why we've
decided to go the route thatwe're going or why we're taking
(11:34):
a break.
And that's really challenging.
So, what we need to do is beable to reframe our choices, our
different choices from otherpeople to see that no matter
what path we're on, it hasvalue.
And knowing that leadershiprequires a diversity of
(11:55):
experience.
So for me, I went to school,finally landed on being a
organizational andcommunication, organizational
and professional communicationsmajor.
And I was gonna be a women ingender studies minor until I
ended up taking enough creditsto double major.
So I had a double major in orgcommunications and women in
(12:17):
gender studies.
And there's no really clear-cutuh career path to go down with
that.
It's kind of very open-ended,which I think worked for me, but
that also created a lot of angstof like, what am I gonna do with
these degrees?
Well, through my pageantexperience, I thought maybe I
want to do something innonprofit work, which is what I
did.
(12:37):
I did that for a little whileafter I was done competing.
And then I did some outreach andbusiness development for some
nonprofit behavioral healthprograms and ultimately burnt
out.
If you've been listening, youknow my story.
I burnt out, I had some mentalhealth issues, and I had to
spend some time getting healthybefore I finally launched my
(12:57):
coaching business, which is whatI've been doing now very
healthfully for the last fewyears of my life.
And I can't imagine doinganything other than working for
myself for the rest of my life.
But it took that zigzagging andtaking a pause and backing up
and rerouting for me to gethere.
(13:18):
And there was no way back at 17when I filled up my very first
pageant fact sheet for thejudges that I would have known
this is ultimately where I wantto end up.
I had to do all of thein-between.
But the value that I bring tothe table because of all that
zigzagging and pausing andbacking up and loop-de-looping
that I did is something that Iabsolutely appreciate and don't
(13:43):
take for granted at this pointin my life.
I'm so grateful for all of thatbecause of the person that I am
today and the leadership valuethat I bring to the table.
And the same goes for you, nomatter where you are at in your
path.
If you're stuck, if you're lost,if you are on a clear
trajectory, if you are inbetween things, no matter where
(14:05):
you're at, it is adding value towhere you're going.
Also remember, as we'rereframing our choices, our
different choices, thatauthenticity is incredibly
important.
Your unique story is going to bewhat sets you apart.
Your unique experiences set youapart from everybody else.
(14:25):
We don't want to be cookiecutter.
We don't always all want to beon the same path.
That would be really boring.
I know that sounds really clicheto say, but it's so true.
I would be so bored as a coachif all of my clients were doing
the same thing.
That would be such a boringexperience for me.
And same for the judges.
That would just get boring.
So, for example, you need tolook at what trade or um program
(14:55):
you're in going into, what yourcareer career path is, um, and
how that might be preparing youfor real-world skills or
entrepreneurship, uh, theservice impact that's just as
valuable as any other experiencethat you might have.
So if you are going to schoolfor cosmetology, think about the
(15:19):
skills that you are gaining inthat program because that's what
it's all about.
Higher education is teaching ussoft skills that we will use for
the rest of our lives.
Yes, when you're in a trade, youare learning very, very specific
skills that you'll bring to thetable in whatever career you're
going into.
But ultimately, any time thatwe're educating ourselves, we
(15:43):
are learning and we're growingand we're expanding.
And that provides value to theworld.
So it does not matter what routeyou decided to take in order to
do that, it is providing value.
Okay.
So now that we know all of that,it's really important to talk
about conviction and convictionas a leadership skill.
(16:04):
So, what do I mean byconviction?
I mean having conviction meansthat you have a firm belief in
your decisions and your values.
So I looked up some other wordsthat are similar to conviction,
just for a little bit more um Idon't know, background and
support in this.
(16:24):
So conviction is having a firmbelief, being grounded, being
confident.
Having resolve means that you'redetermined, you're steady even
when under pressure.
Having assurance means that youhave a calm confidence and you
have clarity.
Certainty is clear andunwavering.
(16:47):
Taking ownership isresponsibility and
accountability.
Having integrity means thatyou're value-oriented, your
values are aligned, and you'revery principled.
And finally, having confidence,being straightforward and
empowering.
So all of these are leadershipskills that we need to bring to
(17:08):
the table when we're presentingourselves, whether that is on
paper or in person.
Having conviction in thedecisions that you've made.
That is something that I havetold multiple clients this week,
because, like I said, thisconversation has come up
multiple times.
If you've decided to take abreak, it's not willy-nilly.
You thought about it and youunderstand that taking a break
(17:29):
and working first is going toaid you so much more before you
go on for your master's program.
Because the chances of youfinding an employer, employer
that's going to pay for yourmaster's program is pretty darn
good than if you were to just gostraight into a master's program
and pay for it for yourself.
Or if you decided that you justare burnt out on school and you
(17:50):
need to take a break for a year,have conviction in that
decision.
And the bottom line is we cannotworry about what other people
think of us.
If people are judging you forthat decision, then they clearly
have some kind of an internalbias or insecurity or doubt
about that that has nothing todo with you.
(18:11):
Bottom line is it's your life.
If you have conviction and standby your decisions for your life,
for your scholastic ambitions,for your career ambitions, no
one can question that.
I mean, sure, they can questionbecause they want to understand
better, but no one's gonna tellyou, well, that's dumb or that's
wrong.
At least not in a pageantinterview.
(18:32):
And if they do, man, theyshouldn't be judging.
That's just horrible.
So it matters to have convictionbecause judges typically will
respond to that confidence andthat ownership rather than
perfection.
Because it's real.
It's real and it's down toearth, and people connect with
(18:53):
that so much more than someonethat's out there doing
everything perfectly, quoteunquote, by the book, as if
there is a book.
Conviction also builds trust.
And that's something that Ireally push when I'm working
with clients on interviewskills.
It's important to build arelationship with the judges
because that relationship meansthat you are building trust with
them and they are developing atrust in you to lead as that
(19:17):
title holder and to do a greatjob with that job with that
title for the 365 days that youwill own it.
And just a quick tip instead ofapologizing for your path or
being insecure about it, sharethe why behind it.
Know your why and share that.
(19:37):
Because chances are you're gonnahelp somebody else if you're
honest about why you decided totake a break.
The number of times I haveshared my crazy story of
loop-de-loops and really weirdturns as to where I was gonna go
in my life.
Um I have received so muchpositive feedback from other
people that are like, oh mygosh, me too.
It's so crazy.
(19:58):
It's wild.
Thank you.
I don't feel alone, you're notalone.
It's just this is where weconnect with people, is through
that vulnerability and throughbeing real.
So stop apologizing for yourdecisions.
Own them.
Have belief behind them.
Same goes for your opinions, youguys.
I have had a couple of toughconversations this week with
(20:19):
clients because we're in such apolitically divisive um
circumstances and and um time inour country right now that I'll
be honest, I have contrastingpolitical opinions personally
from a lot of my clients.
But my job is not to changeanybody's opinion.
(20:40):
My job is not to um argue withmy clients.
It is to help them be able toarticulate their opinion no
matter what it is.
And I take that very, veryseriously.
I will always say do your bestto understand all sides.
You will be a better debater,you'll be a better communicator
(21:02):
if you know all differentperspectives of this.
But knowing all perspectivesdoesn't mean that you have to
compromise on your ethics andmorals and personal beliefs
behind the topic.
So conviction goes with whatyou're doing for the rest of
your life and the decisions thatyou're making personally, as
well as your conviction in yourdecisions and your opinions
(21:25):
about world issues and socialissues.
So don't apologize for it.
Be really direct and own whatyou're saying.
If you need a great example ofthis, I always say to go to
YouTube and look up Miss America2009, Katie Stam's Miss America
interview.
They ask her back-to-backquestions about her beliefs on
(21:46):
abortion and the way she handlesherself with so much conviction,
but without dividing oroffending, is so beautiful and
aspirational.
So I always tell my clients togo check that out.
Do that, let me know what youthink.
Finally, I just I want to giveyou permission to lead your life
(22:10):
your way.
You are a leader in your ownlife.
You are the only person thatwill ever live in your head.
24-7, your entire life, from thetime you're born to the time
that you pass on, you are theonly one living in your head.
You need to be the leader ofyour own life.
(22:31):
Judges or anyone else are notliving your life.
You are.
And remember that success isn'tone size fits all.
And even when we're looking atlevels of intelligence, like I
feel like I'm pretty darnintelligent when it comes to
mindset.
I've got a lot to learn, butmindset, because there's always
(22:52):
more to learn, communicationskills, still always more to
learn, and other various thingsthat I feel really passionately
about.
But I'm not gonna go out thereand say that I'm intelligent as
a biomedical engineer.
I'm not.
So own the areas that you arepassionate about and feel very
intelligent in and haveconviction in those as well.
(23:16):
You don't have to be perfect ineverything.
Also, having conviction does notmean that you're stubborn.
Okay, I want to be very clearabout that before I wrap up wrap
up here.
Yes, have conviction.
Stand by what you believe, standby your decisions, but you don't
need to be stubborn.
Conviction just means clarityand ownership.
(23:39):
That doesn't mean that you haveto stop learning or stop taking
in other people's perspectivesat the same time.
So, with that, conviction isclarity and confidence in your
decisions, in your opinions, nomatter how non-traditional.
So your path is yours to claim.
You gotta own it, you gottaspeak it, and you gotta lead
with conviction.
(23:59):
Remember what my coach told meyou are a strong woman, you have
high expectations for yourself,you cut your own path, and you
live with conviction.
That last part I added.
I think that's a really greatmonster mantra to end with this.
I live with conviction.
So with that, y'all, enjoy thisearly October.
(24:24):
It's from my perspective,officially spooky season.
I do wait until at least October1st.
That's just my own personalpreference.
Um, so with that, enjoy thisearly spooky season.
Stay well.
Uh, check back for more nextweek.
I will talk to you then.
Bye.
What's up, you guys?
Welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Excited to have you here thisweek.
We are officially in October,and I honestly can't believe it.
Like, where in the world didSeptember go?
Where did summer go?
Like, I don't I'm well, it'scrazy.
We take for the dogs for a walkalmost every day, and it just
reminds me of back to school,especially because we had a
(00:23):
street repaved in ourneighborhood.
So you know that like that smellof black top in the sunshine,
but also like crisp fall leaves.
That brings me back to likeelementary school for some
reason.
So just very much in the back toschool vibes today.
But anyway, this week has beenreally good.
(00:43):
I have had a lot of reallywonderful conversations with
clients about initiative andplatform development, really
breaking things down, divinginto messaging and looking at
paperwork.
It just seems like that's kindof the common theme with a lot
of my calls right now because itis local season and we're kind
of revamping paperwork, editing,adjusting initiative paperwork
(01:06):
and messaging and stuff for thenew season.
And something kept kind ofcoming up for me within these
calls.
And it it involves beingconfident and sure of yourself
in the choices that you've madefor your life.
For example, um the idea thatbecause you went to, because
(01:32):
you're going to a two-yearschool rather than a four-year
college, um, that the judges aregonna judge you for that, or um
being nervous that becauseyou're not on a traditional
path, that somehow makes youless than, or that the judges
are gonna really like lean intothat.
And so what I was seeing quite abit this week was girls that
(01:53):
were avoiding putting morespecifics on their paperwork
because of that, that kind ofinsecurity.
And so as I was thinking aboutthis, it really brought me back
to the coach that I worked with.
And this, this actually, likesomething clicked.
A light bulb went off for me inmy mind because he would always
(02:15):
say, you need to hold yourselfas a strong woman with high
expectations who cuts her ownpath and lives by example.
And like on the surface level, Iget that, right?
We're all role models, we areall standing up for what we
believe, we're all really strongand independent, we have high
expectations.
(02:36):
But what really hit me this weekwas this concept of having
conviction for your decisions.
So today we're gonna talk aboutconviction, the leadership skill
of standing by your decisionswithout fear of judgment.
And that also dives intostanding by your opinions, your
(02:59):
morals and values where youstand on certain issues, having
conviction for those feelings.
That doesn't mean that you don'tunderstand multiple sides of the
matter.
But if you have strong feelingsabout it, standing by those
without worrying what otherpeople think of you.
So we're gonna dive into all ofthat today.
So let's start off by like, whyis this so difficult to really
(03:23):
feel good about what we've putdown on our paperwork and what
we're talking about ininterview?
Well, it all comes down to thefear of judgment.
We as human beings are worriedabout what other people think of
us.
And when we're putting ourselvesout there in pageant land, we're
quite literally standing infront of people welcoming
(03:44):
judgment.
In fact, like that, that is theessence of pageantry, is to be
judged.
And so then to combine the factthat that is just the
environment naturally with afear of judgment compounds this
desire and this need forpresenting yourself as perfect.
Because if you're perfect, noone can judge you.
(04:06):
It's a lot more difficult to bevulnerable and to be real
because that really opens uppeople to have their opinions
about you.
But some of the common fearsthat I often hear, and a lot of
this is leaning into limitingbeliefs, which we work through a
lot in Fearlessly Authentic, butsome of the common fears that I
hear are that judges won't takeme seriously if I choose a
(04:28):
two-year program instead of afour-year degree.
Or that my career path isn'tlike prestigious enough because
maybe you're in a trade schoolor you're going to cosmetology
or something along those lines.
And the other thing that I hearquite a bit, and I had a client
this week that literally did nothave going after an MBA as one
of her college or one of herscholastic ambitions, because
(04:52):
she's going to be taking abreak.
And so that fear of looking lazyor unmotivated when you talk
about the in-between time thatyou had in between programs, or
the fact that you're planning ontaking a break from school to
work or to travel or tovolunteer or whatever it might
(05:13):
be, um, it's such a commonthing.
But the fear of looking likewe're not motivated, or that I
don't know if your parents haveever said this, but like if you
take a break, you'll never comeback to it.
And that's just a very oldschool thing that we hear from
older generations that we haveto keep going or we will become
unmotivated, we'll lose thatdrive, and we won't actually
(05:35):
come back and finish what wesaid we were going to do.
So this fear is really commonand it exists largely due to
comparison culture, which weknow runs rampant in pageants.
It's also there because we havefalse beliefs about success.
Those false beliefs are oftenwidely accepted socially.
(05:58):
The very clear-cut path togetting your bachelor's degree
and then going on for yourmaster's degree right away.
And then, of course, if you'regoing to be a doctor or a
lawyer, then you go on to schoolafter that as well.
And so there it's just lined upfor you.
And the expectation is that wewill follow that path in order
(06:20):
to achieve the American dream.
So this institutes a lot ofdiffering beliefs, um, or a
false belief rather, about whatsuccess actually looks like when
we're over here in our ownlittle worlds trying to just
navigate and define what successlooks like for us.
The fear also exists, honestly,because of pageant stereotypes,
(06:42):
stereotypes that have beenperpetuated within the pageant
industry, but also stereotypesof things that we kind of create
in our own minds in thatcomparison.
When we're looking at women thathave won Miss America, Miss USA,
Miss Universe, state leveltitles that go on to do really
incredible things with theireducation and they're incredibly
(07:04):
successful.
And we look at them thinkinglike we're not going to get to
that level if we aren't also ona really prestigious, amazing,
aspirational path.
But the thing of that is youhave to look at how many Miss
Americas have on their paperworkthat they're going to go to
school to be a lawyer or adoctor or whatever else.
(07:26):
And they end up changing theirmind because they have some
other amazing opportunitythroughout their year, or they
learn something about themselvesand decide like that's not
actually the path that they wantto go down.
I think if we actually sat downto look at the title holders of
the past that have actuallychanged their minds, it might
actually become more normal forus to be okay with also changing
(07:50):
our mind, to be okay with nothaving a very clear vision for
what we want to do.
And let me tell you, like, Iknow this.
I have felt this fear ofjudgment.
I have felt the angst of notknowing what I wanted to do.
So when I was in high school, Ithought I was gonna go to school
to be a teacher, to be a middleschool teacher.
(08:12):
And I quickly realized in myfirst year of school, and I went
to a two-year, um, a two-yearprogram just to get my my
generals, and then I was gonnatransfer to a four-year college
from there.
So I took a non-traditionalpath, though it's becoming a lot
more common now.
And the program that I was inactually had me doing some
hands-on, like in classroomthings with students, and I
(08:37):
quickly discovered that I didnot want to build a career off
of working with children or withyoung children in the middle
school years.
It just, it was not somethingthat I could see myself doing of
being in a classroom everysingle day during the school
year, doing that kind of work,and then going home to raising
my own children.
Um, part of my inspiration forwanting to do that was because
(08:59):
my mom ran a daycare and Ithought, okay, well, I'm I'm
good with kids.
I taught dance classes, allthese things.
And I had such an appreciationfor some of the teachers that I
had in middle school that helpedme through some really difficult
things.
So this was where my mindset waswhen it came to wanting to be an
educator.
Well, then I changed my mind andthought, well, maybe I want to
be a broadcaster, maybe I wantto go into broadcasting and
(09:20):
become a news anchor reportersomeday.
Changed my mind again because Ididn't want to have to keep
traveling the world to, youknow, up-level into different
markets.
And like the idea of getting upsuper early in the morning and
have really wonky hours like wasnot ideal to me.
And then maybe I was gonna be anutritionist, and that sounded
exciting to me, or go intokinesthesiology, um, even though
(09:44):
like I really didn't have awhole lot of passion for any of
that, other than being a dancer.
But like, other than that, thescience behind it, all those
things, like just wasn't reallymy jam.
So I was really floating outthere, not knowing what in the
world I was going to do.
So imagine being in the mix ofall of that and also competing
in pageants, where my factsheet, I needed to write down
(10:05):
what my scholastic and careerambition was, and then to be
able to talk about it ininterview.
So there was a lot of fear and alot of angst with that for me
because I didn't feel confidenttalking about where I was.
And I know looking back, a lotof that was the pressure that I
was feeling, the externalpressure and seeing my
classmates from high school goon to four-year degrees and then
(10:27):
going on for their MBA rightaway, or some of my roommates
taking that track and justfeeling like there was something
wrong with me, or that I wasn'tdoing enough or doing well
enough.
So I struggled with that.
And so with my clients oranybody that I talk to, I can
now easily say, like, there isno clear path from my personal
experience, from my husband'spersonal experience.
(10:49):
Like my sisters, my youngersisters are also um going
through that right now, too,where they're just kind of
navigating and trying to figureit out as they go.
And and that is actually thenorm, uh I think more so than
someone knowing exactly whatthey want to do straight out the
gate and doing that thenthroughout their entire career,
(11:12):
their educational career, andum, and winding up where they
thought they were going to whenthey graduated high school.
So um, but I think in pageants,there's just this added pressure
that most other people might nothave because we're literally
facing judges and answeringquestions about why we've
decided to go the route thatwe're going or why we're taking
(11:34):
a break.
And that's really challenging.
So, what we need to do is beable to reframe our choices, our
different choices from otherpeople to see that no matter
what path we're on, it hasvalue.
And knowing that leadershiprequires a diversity of
(11:55):
experience.
So for me, I went to school,finally landed on being a
organizational andcommunication, organizational
and professional communicationsmajor.
And I was gonna be a women ingender studies minor until I
ended up taking enough creditsto double major.
So I had a double major in orgcommunications and women in
(12:17):
gender studies.
And there's no really clear-cutuh career path to go down with
that.
It's kind of very open-ended,which I think worked for me, but
that also created a lot of angstof like, what am I gonna do with
these degrees?
Well, through my pageantexperience, I thought maybe I
want to do something innonprofit work, which is what I
did.
(12:37):
I did that for a little whileafter I was done competing.
And then I did some outreach andbusiness development for some
nonprofit behavioral healthprograms and ultimately burnt
out.
If you've been listening, youknow my story.
I burnt out, I had some mentalhealth issues, and I had to
spend some time getting healthybefore I finally launched my
(12:57):
coaching business, which is whatI've been doing now very
healthfully for the last fewyears of my life.
And I can't imagine doinganything other than working for
myself for the rest of my life.
But it took that zigzagging andtaking a pause and backing up
and rerouting for me to gethere.
(13:18):
And there was no way back at 17when I filled up my very first
pageant fact sheet for thejudges that I would have known
this is ultimately where I wantto end up.
I had to do all of thein-between.
But the value that I bring tothe table because of all that
zigzagging and pausing andbacking up and loop-de-looping
that I did is something that Iabsolutely appreciate and don't
(13:43):
take for granted at this pointin my life.
I'm so grateful for all of thatbecause of the person that I am
today and the leadership valuethat I bring to the table.
And the same goes for you, nomatter where you are at in your
path.
If you're stuck, if you're lost,if you are on a clear
trajectory, if you are inbetween things, no matter where
(14:05):
you're at, it is adding value towhere you're going.
Also remember, as we'rereframing our choices, our
different choices, thatauthenticity is incredibly
important.
Your unique story is going to bewhat sets you apart.
Your unique experiences set youapart from everybody else.
(14:25):
We don't want to be cookiecutter.
We don't always all want to beon the same path.
That would be really boring.
I know that sounds really clicheto say, but it's so true.
I would be so bored as a coachif all of my clients were doing
the same thing.
That would be such a boringexperience for me.
And same for the judges.
That would just get boring.
So, for example, you need tolook at what trade or um program
(14:55):
you're in going into, what yourcareer career path is, um, and
how that might be preparing youfor real-world skills or
entrepreneurship, uh, theservice impact that's just as
valuable as any other experiencethat you might have.
So if you are going to schoolfor cosmetology, think about the
(15:19):
skills that you are gaining inthat program because that's what
it's all about.
Higher education is teaching ussoft skills that we will use for
the rest of our lives.
Yes, when you're in a trade, youare learning very, very specific
skills that you'll bring to thetable in whatever career you're
going into.
But ultimately, any time thatwe're educating ourselves, we
(15:43):
are learning and we're growingand we're expanding.
And that provides value to theworld.
So it does not matter what routeyou decided to take in order to
do that, it is providing value.
Okay.
So now that we know all of that,it's really important to talk
about conviction and convictionas a leadership skill.
(16:04):
So, what do I mean byconviction?
I mean having conviction meansthat you have a firm belief in
your decisions and your values.
So I looked up some other wordsthat are similar to conviction,
just for a little bit more um Idon't know, background and
support in this.
(16:24):
So conviction is having a firmbelief, being grounded, being
confident.
Having resolve means that you'redetermined, you're steady even
when under pressure.
Having assurance means that youhave a calm confidence and you
have clarity.
Certainty is clear andunwavering.
(16:47):
Taking ownership isresponsibility and
accountability.
Having integrity means thatyou're value-oriented, your
values are aligned, and you'revery principled.
And finally, having confidence,being straightforward and
empowering.
So all of these are leadershipskills that we need to bring to
(17:08):
the table when we're presentingourselves, whether that is on
paper or in person.
Having conviction in thedecisions that you've made.
That is something that I havetold multiple clients this week,
because, like I said, thisconversation has come up
multiple times.
If you've decided to take abreak, it's not willy-nilly.
You thought about it and youunderstand that taking a break
(17:29):
and working first is going toaid you so much more before you
go on for your master's program.
Because the chances of youfinding an employer, employer
that's going to pay for yourmaster's program is pretty darn
good than if you were to just gostraight into a master's program
and pay for it for yourself.
Or if you decided that you justare burnt out on school and you
(17:50):
need to take a break for a year,have conviction in that
decision.
And the bottom line is we cannotworry about what other people
think of us.
If people are judging you forthat decision, then they clearly
have some kind of an internalbias or insecurity or doubt
about that that has nothing todo with you.
(18:11):
Bottom line is it's your life.
If you have conviction and standby your decisions for your life,
for your scholastic ambitions,for your career ambitions, no
one can question that.
I mean, sure, they can questionbecause they want to understand
better, but no one's gonna tellyou, well, that's dumb or that's
wrong.
At least not in a pageantinterview.
(18:32):
And if they do, man, theyshouldn't be judging.
That's just horrible.
So it matters to have convictionbecause judges typically will
respond to that confidence andthat ownership rather than
perfection.
Because it's real.
It's real and it's down toearth, and people connect with
(18:53):
that so much more than someonethat's out there doing
everything perfectly, quoteunquote, by the book, as if
there is a book.
Conviction also builds trust.
And that's something that Ireally push when I'm working
with clients on interviewskills.
It's important to build arelationship with the judges
because that relationship meansthat you are building trust with
them and they are developing atrust in you to lead as that
(19:17):
title holder and to do a greatjob with that job with that
title for the 365 days that youwill own it.
And just a quick tip instead ofapologizing for your path or
being insecure about it, sharethe why behind it.
Know your why and share that.
(19:37):
Because chances are you're gonnahelp somebody else if you're
honest about why you decided totake a break.
The number of times I haveshared my crazy story of
loop-de-loops and really weirdturns as to where I was gonna go
in my life.
Um I have received so muchpositive feedback from other
people that are like, oh mygosh, me too.
It's so crazy.
(19:58):
It's wild.
Thank you.
I don't feel alone, you're notalone.
It's just this is where weconnect with people, is through
that vulnerability and throughbeing real.
So stop apologizing for yourdecisions.
Own them.
Have belief behind them.
Same goes for your opinions, youguys.
I have had a couple of toughconversations this week with
(20:19):
clients because we're in such apolitically divisive um
circumstances and and um time inour country right now that I'll
be honest, I have contrastingpolitical opinions personally
from a lot of my clients.
But my job is not to changeanybody's opinion.
(20:40):
My job is not to um argue withmy clients.
It is to help them be able toarticulate their opinion no
matter what it is.
And I take that very, veryseriously.
I will always say do your bestto understand all sides.
You will be a better debater,you'll be a better communicator
(21:02):
if you know all differentperspectives of this.
But knowing all perspectivesdoesn't mean that you have to
compromise on your ethics andmorals and personal beliefs
behind the topic.
So conviction goes with whatyou're doing for the rest of
your life and the decisions thatyou're making personally, as
well as your conviction in yourdecisions and your opinions
(21:25):
about world issues and socialissues.
So don't apologize for it.
Be really direct and own whatyou're saying.
If you need a great example ofthis, I always say to go to
YouTube and look up Miss America2009, Katie Stam's Miss America
interview.
They ask her back-to-backquestions about her beliefs on
(21:46):
abortion and the way she handlesherself with so much conviction,
but without dividing oroffending, is so beautiful and
aspirational.
So I always tell my clients togo check that out.
Do that, let me know what youthink.
Finally, I just I want to giveyou permission to lead your life
(22:10):
your way.
You are a leader in your ownlife.
You are the only person thatwill ever live in your head.
24-7, your entire life, from thetime you're born to the time
that you pass on, you are theonly one living in your head.
You need to be the leader ofyour own life.
(22:31):
Judges or anyone else are notliving your life.
You are.
And remember that success isn'tone size fits all.
And even when we're looking atlevels of intelligence, like I
feel like I'm pretty darnintelligent when it comes to
mindset.
I've got a lot to learn, butmindset, because there's always
(22:52):
more to learn, communicationskills, still always more to
learn, and other various thingsthat I feel really passionately
about.
But I'm not gonna go out thereand say that I'm intelligent as
a biomedical engineer.
I'm not.
So own the areas that you arepassionate about and feel very
intelligent in and haveconviction in those as well.
(23:16):
You don't have to be perfect ineverything.
Also, having conviction does notmean that you're stubborn.
Okay, I want to be very clearabout that before I wrap up wrap
up here.
Yes, have conviction.
Stand by what you believe, standby your decisions, but you don't
need to be stubborn.
Conviction just means clarityand ownership.
(23:39):
That doesn't mean that you haveto stop learning or stop taking
in other people's perspectivesat the same time.
So, with that, conviction isclarity and confidence in your
decisions, in your opinions, nomatter how non-traditional.
So your path is yours to claim.
You gotta own it, you gottaspeak it, and you gotta lead
with conviction.
(23:59):
Remember what my coach told meyou are a strong woman, you have
high expectations for yourself,you cut your own path, and you
live with conviction.
That last part I added.
I think that's a really greatmonster mantra to end with this.
I live with conviction.
So with that, y'all, enjoy thisearly October.
(24:24):
It's from my perspective,officially spooky season.
I do wait until at least October1st.
That's just my own personalpreference.
Um, so with that, enjoy thisearly spooky season.
Stay well.
Uh, check back for more nextweek.
I will talk to you then.
Bye.
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