October 10, 2025 • 25 mins
This week on Sash and Soul, Raeanna dives deep into one of the most universal parts of competition: nerves. Whether it's your heart racing before interview or your stomach flipping before walking on stage, that anxious energy isn't a sign of weakness... it's your body's way of saying, this matters to you. Raeanna breaks down the science behind the fight-or-flight response, shares her favorite mindset reframes, and offers practical tools to turn that adrenaline into focus and flow. From gentle mantras to grounding techniques and confidence-building reminders, this episode will help you see nerves not as the enemy, but as proof that you're showing up for something you care about.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey, what's up you guys?
Welcome back to Sash and Soul.
It is Friday for me and a lovelyday.
It did start off raining though,but I think it's gonna be drying
up a bit.
I'm actually really excited.
It feels a little bit likeChristmas for me because it was
prime week or prime day thisweek, and I ordered a new desk
(00:21):
chair that feels like a reclinerand it has like a footrest and
everything, and I'm so happywith it.
The chair that I had before hadlike no lumbar support, and I
realized like that might be partof the reason why I don't want
to sit at my desk as much as Ishould be to be creating content
and doing all the things that Ineed to be doing.
(00:42):
So I'm super excited becausethis chair is amazing.
Um, my husband thought it wasgonna be too big for this space,
but I'm like, bet.
So I put it together and it'sperfect.
I love it.
So anyway, that's my win for theday.
It's the little things.
And honestly, I think that'swhat we need to focus on these
days is the little things thatmake us happy and bring us a
(01:02):
little bit of joy.
So that's mine for today.
I have a new chair.
Yay for me.
Um, but lately, as we dive intothis episode, I was really
thinking about like what's beengoing on lately with my clients,
and I've been having a lot ofconversations with clients who
are getting ready to compete.
And a theme that keeps coming upand will always come up because
(01:23):
it's just an inevitable part ofthe experience is nerves.
So nerves being that veryjittery, like heart-racing,
can't sit still kind of energythat shows up right when you
wish it wouldn't, like rightbefore your interview or right
before you need to walk out onstage for onstage question or
talent or whatever it is, andyou wish that you were just
feeling calm and collected.
(01:44):
So, like last weekend, forexample, I had a client who had
been feeling amazing all week.
And this was her third localpageant of the season.
So, another one of those where,like my recent episodes on Sash
and Soul have been kind ofderiving from my clients'
experiences of competing weekendafter weekend after weekend.
And this week, in preparation,she was feeling really good.
(02:08):
Like she had had a couple ofpractice runs, she was working
out some of the kinks here andthere.
And so she was feeling supercalm.
She had this really positiveenergy and she was generally
feeling at ease.
And then the day of competitioncame.
And so we hopped on ourinterview warm-up call, which I
do with my clients before theywalk into interview.
We do just a little bit of easywarm-up to get your mind and
(02:29):
mouth moving and um talk somemindset stuff to make sure that
you're like really in that inthat ideal space, right?
Before walking into the room.
And she told me how much anxietyshe was having that morning.
And it was completely throwingher off because she had been
feeling so good.
And I think she had thisexpectation that she would
maintain that peaceful feeling.
(02:51):
And I laughed to myself, Ididn't laugh at her by any means
because this is such a realexperience.
I told her that I wasn'tsurprised and that I was
actually expecting it for her.
Um, and I almost warned herabout it, you guys.
I almost warned her in her inour last call that don't I
almost told her, don't beconcerned if all of a sudden you
(03:12):
wake up and you're like, whereis this anxiety?
Where are these nerves comingfrom?
I wasn't expecting this.
I'd been feeling so good.
Um, because oftentimes when wefeel good like that, leading up
to a stressful or like highpressure situation, it hits us
out of nowhere.
And so I was sharing with herthat nerves are okay.
(03:34):
They are totally just ouradrenaline showing and up in a
really uneasy way.
Um, I had an eight-year-oldclient.
I don't know if I've talkedabout this on the podcast
before, but it's one of myfavorite stories.
Um, my youngest client that I'veever had was eight years old.
She was competing in a localcounty fair pageant.
And we had a lot ofconversations about nerves.
(03:54):
And we had decided that, like,our mantra was now that nerves
are welcome to the party becausethey're a natural part of the
experience, but they're notallowed to ruin the party.
And so just hearing that thiswas normal and a typical
response to feel really good andthen all of a sudden, out of
nowhere, feel this anxiety rushreally helped this client feel
(04:15):
so much better.
She ended up kind of makingpeace with that anxiety.
Because part of it is like whenyou feel yucky, you get like
worried that that is somehow abad sign.
But really, it's just our bodyand our mind's response to
stress.
Um, so once she kind of madepeace with that, um, the day
(04:35):
went really well and she endedup titling that day.
So she's on her way to state,super excited for her.
Um, but you know, it alsoreminds me of like for me, like
it's so normal to have nerves,even after years of competing,
after years of coaching, like Istill get nervous.
And the thing is that nervesdon't go away.
It's that we get morecomfortable with the feeling
(04:59):
because we're familiar with it.
So the more that we're puttingourselves out there and
experiencing that nervousness,the more comfortable and at
peace we get with it.
So, for example, when I wasspeaking about my brother's
story, which was highlyemotional and vulnerable, which
is a very scary place to be, Ihad a mantra that helped me make
(05:21):
peace with my nerves.
And no matter how many times Igave a variation of that
presentation, I still gotnervous.
But I would tell myself, you aregoing to say exactly what you're
supposed to say, when you'resupposed to, and how you're
supposed to.
And the people who need to hearit will.
And that was enough to just kindof like allow myself to let go
(05:43):
of the ownership that I wasfeeling of other people's
experiences of my presentationand remind myself that I've I've
done this before.
This isn't new.
I I'm going to present it justas passionately and genuinely as
I've ever done before.
And I have to let the rest go.
And I think that if you have amantra like that, that isn't so
(06:08):
far into the affirmations ofsaying, like, you're gonna nail
this, it's gonna be amazing.
Because honestly, like oursubconscious mind doesn't always
vibe with that.
It might be like, nah, I don'tbelieve you.
I'm still really nervous.
And that's not really helpingyou.
It may actually add increaseyour nerves.
Um, instead, having a reallygentle mantra that just kind of
(06:29):
allows you to release it alittle bit and put the trust and
the faith back into yourself.
So today we're gonna dive intothis.
We're gonna dive into how do wenormalize the feeling of nerves,
how do we shift our mindset whenwe need to, when we're feeling
that nervousness, andultimately, like how to just
trust in your prep.
Okay.
So let's dive in.
(06:50):
We spend so much time trying tomake nerves go away.
But honestly, nerves are justenergy looking for direction.
So you know how right beforeinterview or walking on stage,
your heart starts racing, yourstomach feels like it's
flipping, maybe you're a littlenauseous, your hands get shaky,
(07:11):
maybe your palms are sweating.
That's not you being unpreparedor dramatic.
That is your body's naturalfight or flight response kicking
in.
So consider this (07:21):
that our what our brains are wired for
protection.
So, thousands of years ago, thatsame surge of adrenaline would
have helped us run from dangeror fight to survive.
And that's what it does for usnow if we're actually in some
kind of physical danger.
Still has that same immediatereaction.
It's a survival mode.
(07:43):
But now that same system in ourbrain can't really tell the
difference between a real threatand a high-stakes situation,
like a panel of judges orwalking out into the spotlight.
So here's what happens (07:55):
your brain says something is
important is coming.
And then your body releasesadrenaline and cortisol.
Your heart rate is going toincrease to send more oxygen to
your muscles, your breathingquickens, and your senses
heighten.
And all signs of the all ofthese are signs that your body
(08:19):
is preparing you to perform.
But the thing is, in ahigh-stakes situation, like
interview or performing yourtalent or on stage question, is
that you don't need to fight orflee.
You just need to focus.
So instead of trying to shut thenerves off, the goal then is to
(08:40):
reframe them as readiness.
So that fluttering feeling,that's just energy.
That fast heartbeat, that's yourbody gearing up to show you, uh,
to help you show up powerfully.
And when you understand thatnerves are your body's way of
saying, hey, this matters toyou, let's just rise to the
(09:01):
occasion, then it changes theentire experience.
From there, you can take a deepbreath, ground yourself, and
remind your brain, I'm not indanger.
I'm just about to do somethingbrave.
And that's a really, reallyimportant mindset shift.
If you can be mindful, and Ithink that's a key component
(09:23):
here when you're experiencingheightened nerves, is being
mindful that this experience isa physiological reaction to this
stressor.
And again, if you can get intothat rational space, which is
hard to do when you're feelingreally emotional, but get into
that rational space of this ismy brain going back a thousand
(09:47):
years because it's wired toprotect me.
It's not noticing the differencebetween like the fact that
there's no lion chasing me rightnow and trying to eat me.
This is just me putting myselfout there.
I'm just being brave.
If you can do that, then youtake back control.
You can normalize that feelingrather than feeling like it's
(10:10):
controlling you.
And so that tiny shift turns thefight or flight response into a
focus and flow response, whichhelps you channel that
adrenaline into presence, intoconfidence and excitement
instead of fear.
And this takes practice and ittakes consistency, as does
(10:31):
anything with mindset work.
So I mentioned shifting themindset.
And so let me let me give yousome examples and some tools
that you can actually use topractice shifting your mindset.
So we have to reframe what we'retelling ourselves.
Like we constantly are gonnasay, like, I'm so nervous, I'm
(10:52):
so nervous, I'm so nervous.
What if I mess up?
Like, what if I'm not preparedenough?
What if, what if, what if?
All these things that we'resaying to ourselves in our brain
is not actually helping us.
So we have to reframe thesethoughts.
Instead of I'm so nervous, it'sI'm excited.
That's true, right?
That's accurate.
And here's the point, too.
It I'm don't go from like thisscary, like overwhelming thought
(11:17):
of I'm so nervous, I'm sonervous, what if I mess up?
to I'm gonna nail this if yourbrain isn't gonna be on board
with that, like I said earlier.
Instead, you have to shift theperspective to like, okay, the
nerves that I'm feeling that I'minterpreting as nerves are just
excitement.
I'm excited.
(11:38):
And it's uncomfortable becauseit feels really overwhelming,
but that's okay.
This is just excitement.
So that's what I mean by thisgentle reframing.
You have to look at what'saccurate.
I've prepared for this, I'vepracticed, I've warmed up, I
know myself and what I standfor.
(11:59):
I have a mission, a vision, anda purpose.
I know my why, and I'm focusedon my big picture.
Other things that I say to myclients are, I am who I am.
I'm not trying to fit a mold.
I'm gonna walk into that roomand stay in my peace.
And I'm gonna show them my heartand show them who I am.
And it doesn't matter what theythink of me, because this is me.
(12:22):
And those are really hard thingsto grapple with, but that's the
work.
That's that's the preparationgoing into interview or going
out into any kind of onstageperformance is like this
back-end work can't just be yourpractice.
It has to be the mentalpreparation as well, of knowing
yourself and knowing what youstand for and focusing on your
(12:43):
big picture.
And that's why mindset is soincredibly important because it
will show up for you in thetimes when your adrenaline is
taking over and making you thinkthat you're not ready.
You can also do a quick mentalreset and shift in your
perspective.
So instead of what if I mess up,try what if this is one of those
(13:06):
moments that I surprise myself.
So you don't have to say, like,like an absolute statement of
I'm gonna be awesome.
You can pose it as a question tobe a little more gentle.
What if I do really well?
And think about that, likeanswer that question for
yourself.
What if you did really well?
That'd be great.
That'd be so exciting.
That'd be wonderful.
(13:27):
Like you'd have nothing toregret.
What if I perform better thanI've ever performed?
What if everything goes well?
So we have to stop askingourselves what the negative
outcome could possibly be andask ourselves instead, what is
the positive outcome here?
What if this goes off without ahitch?
Doesn't that feel lighter?
(13:48):
Like, even just talking about itright now to all of you, like I
feel lighter from that space.
And it's actually a really goodreminder that I need to do that
in other aspects of my liferight now, too.
Um, so this definitelytranscends just preparing for a
pageant and being their day ofand managing your nerves.
This is for anything in life.
What if everything turns outjust fine?
(14:10):
That is just enough to help yournervous system calm down, right?
Your body does not know thedifference between anxiety and
excitement.
It is the same physiologicalresponse.
So the story that you tellyourself or the questions that
you ask yourself or the thingsthat you focus on is what will
change everything.
(14:33):
And the next thing that you cando when you're shifting your,
and there's there's multipletools here, right?
And this is this is the part ofthe work that we work on in
Fearlessly Authentic isunderstanding the tools that we
have and understanding when touse them.
If your mental resets or shiftsin perspective or reframing
isn't quite doing it for you,then we got to go to grounding
(14:53):
and distraction.
So you gotta go to your gethyped playlist.
You can try movement, whichoften helps ease that nervous
energy.
It gives it a place to go.
You can try circular breathing,like breathing in for four,
breathing out for four.
You can try physicallygrounding.
So pressing your feet into thefloor and feeling the weight of
(15:15):
your body.
Um, one that I find to be reallysilly and uncomfortable for me,
but I know it works, is smilingintentionally because it relaxes
your nervous system.
Because I literally just foundout that laugh, laughter yoga is
a thing.
It's like a newer thing that wasdeveloped in the 1990s.
Um, a client of mine was tellingme about it.
She had just come back from aconference, and like I like, I
(15:40):
got so cringy when she wastelling me, but literally, it's
just you like fake laughingwhile looking at other people
and like doing some randommovement that's just silly.
Um, but it like it's true, ittriggers something in your
nervous system to relax.
Um you could, and this issomething I always advise, call
(16:01):
a friend, call a mentor or acoach for have for a grounding
conversation.
And that is what I offer all thetime.
That was one of my biggestmistakes when I was competing,
was not actually reaching outfor help when I needed it
because I felt like I would bejudged for it.
If or I needed help, then Iwasn't good enough or I wasn't
prepared enough.
And all of that were that wasjust lies, complete lies that I
(16:22):
was telling myself.
And when you are talking to thatfriend or that mentor, that
coach, this is the difficultpart.
You have to practice believingtheir positive and uplifting
validation of who you are andwhat you bring to the table.
That's tough.
You actually have to try to takeit in and see it as truth.
(16:44):
That's what will really help youduring that grounding
conversation.
And remember, doing that, takingcompliments, hearing people give
you their love doesn't mean thatyou are overconfident or cocky
if you believe them.
That's humble confidence.
Like show up with gratitude andlove when people pour love into
(17:06):
you.
That's that's humility.
Take it and pour it into othersat the same time.
That's humble confidence from myperspective.
And the bottom line here is thatyou can't think away your
nerves.
You can't think your way out ofyour nerves.
You have to breathe your waythrough them.
So think of it as like wavescrashing onto the shoreline that
(17:28):
will retreat.
And they may crash back again,but then they will retreat.
This is not a permanent feeling,and they're not in control of
you.
You are in control of yourself.
So do the things that you knowthat you have control over, and
breathing is one of them, andfocusing on that breath,
practicing the destruction,reframing, giving yourself that
mental reset and shift inperspective.
(17:50):
All incredibly helpful tools.
And finally, you need to trustyour prep.
You need to believe that you'veput the work in.
Caveat, if you haven't put thework in, these nerves are going
to be way worse because they mayactually be grounded in some
reality.
(18:10):
But chances are, more often thannot, you have done more than
enough in preparation for this.
So nerves don't mean that you'reunprepared.
They mean that you're human.
Nerves don't take away from thework that you've put in.
So don't let your emotionsconvince you that you haven't
(18:30):
done enough or that you're notready.
This is again back to thereframing, like I said before.
I've prepared for this, I'vepracticed, I've warmed up, I
know myself and what I standfor.
I have a mission, a vision, anda purpose.
I know my why, and I'm focusedon my big picture.
If all of that is accurate, thenlean into that.
(18:54):
At a certain point, it's nolonger about knowing more
because the work is done.
And I learned that from a formerMiss America that was um
speaking at an event that I wasin.
And she said she used to comewith her binder of information
and studying all the articlesthat she had printed off and
studying her paperwork and allof the practice questions and
(19:16):
answers.
And she said, when she got toMiss America, she finally
realized, like, no, the work isdone.
Now it's time to just show up.
And so it's not about knowingmore because there's no amount
of cramming that is going tohelp you succeed in a pageant
competition.
It's about trusting yourselfmore.
And that's what you learn everytime that you put yourself out
(19:39):
there.
The thing is, is that we cannotgrow and evolve without
contrast.
Think about that.
Like without somethingchallenging us and without
overcoming a challenge, how dowe learn new skills?
As a baby, when you werelearning to walk every single
time you fell on your bottom,you had to get back up and try
(20:01):
again.
And you learned every singletime that you fell.
Same with riding a bike, samewith getting math problems wrong
and having to figure out whatyou did wrong and learning from
those mistakes.
There's a thing called aconfidence formula.
And this is where you trysomething outside of your
comfort zone, you experiencesuccess with that, you celebrate
(20:25):
that success, and that buildsconfidence.
And then you do it all overagain.
Like there's a reason why womenin pageantry grow exponentially.
It's because they keepchallenging themselves by
putting themselves out there.
So always, always, always anchoryourself in your why.
(20:46):
It's the reason that you're onthat stage or in that interview.
Focusing on your why is likeputting blinders on to the
things that will distract ordisrupt your energy.
Things outside of your control,like what other people do,
think, or say, or comparison,the judges, the outcome, all of
these things are outside of yourcontrol.
(21:09):
So the only thing you can do istrust what you've done.
Trust where you've come from andhow much you've grown by putting
yourself out there over and overagain.
And see this as anotheropportunity to grow, another
opportunity to learn.
It's just contrast, and we don'thave to be afraid of the
(21:30):
contrast.
In fact, if you think about it,we should be celebrating the
contrast.
How many people out there avoidhard things and then they get
stuck?
They're not growing.
They may be comfortable, butit's a false sense of comfort
because they're not reallyevolving into everything that
(21:54):
they could possibly be andachieving all of the things that
they could possibly achievebecause they're not putting
themselves out there.
But you are.
You keep showing up over andover and over again because you
believe in yourself, even inthose moments where you don't,
you still do deep down, and yougotta lean into that.
(22:17):
So trust yourself.
Let your nerves be proof thatyou're showing up for something
that you deeply care about.
Practice the skills and usethese tools to manage the
adrenaline rush or this fight orflight response that you're
biologically feeling.
Lean into what's accurate andfocus on your purpose.
(22:41):
And remember that you don't haveto call them the butterflies.
I love this.
You just teach them to fly information.
I love that.
I think that's so beautiful.
That comes with practice andrepetition.
And when you keep puttingyourself out there, those nerves
will feel more like friends,more like this familiar feeling
(23:04):
that you know you're doingsomething powerful because
you're having this biologicalnatural reaction, which means
that you're putting yourself outthere.
So own it.
Enjoy it.
Because honestly, like withoutthat experience, would it really
be as fun?
Without the challenge, would itreally be as fun?
Like, why would we do it?
(23:25):
You're doing this because youlove the personal growth.
You're doing it because you'recompetitive.
You do it, you're doing itbecause you want to be validated
for the work that you're puttingin, and you want to go out there
and do incredible things.
So don't let those nerves standin your way.
Own them, feel them, get used tothem, and work with them.
(23:48):
Okay.
All right, my friends.
Have an incredible week.
Keep putting yourself out there,keep doing that deep work.
Reach out if you have anythingelse that's on your heart or on
your mind that you want to hearme talk about that's really,
really relevant to you rightnow.
I'm always looking for inputfrom you guys.
(24:09):
So feel free to DM me.
And I will be back next weekwith the same heart and love for
you from Sash and Soul.
All right, you guys, take care.
I'll talk to you then.
Bye.
Hey, what's up you guys?
Welcome back to Sash and Soul.
It is Friday for me and a lovelyday.
It did start off raining though,but I think it's gonna be drying
up a bit.
I'm actually really excited.
It feels a little bit likeChristmas for me because it was
prime week or prime day thisweek, and I ordered a new desk
(00:21):
chair that feels like a reclinerand it has like a footrest and
everything, and I'm so happywith it.
The chair that I had before hadlike no lumbar support, and I
realized like that might be partof the reason why I don't want
to sit at my desk as much as Ishould be to be creating content
and doing all the things that Ineed to be doing.
(00:42):
So I'm super excited becausethis chair is amazing.
Um, my husband thought it wasgonna be too big for this space,
but I'm like, bet.
So I put it together and it'sperfect.
I love it.
So anyway, that's my win for theday.
It's the little things.
And honestly, I think that'swhat we need to focus on these
days is the little things thatmake us happy and bring us a
(01:02):
little bit of joy.
So that's mine for today.
I have a new chair.
Yay for me.
Um, but lately, as we dive intothis episode, I was really
thinking about like what's beengoing on lately with my clients,
and I've been having a lot ofconversations with clients who
are getting ready to compete.
And a theme that keeps coming upand will always come up because
(01:23):
it's just an inevitable part ofthe experience is nerves.
So nerves being that veryjittery, like heart-racing,
can't sit still kind of energythat shows up right when you
wish it wouldn't, like rightbefore your interview or right
before you need to walk out onstage for onstage question or
talent or whatever it is, andyou wish that you were just
feeling calm and collected.
(01:44):
So, like last weekend, forexample, I had a client who had
been feeling amazing all week.
And this was her third localpageant of the season.
So, another one of those where,like my recent episodes on Sash
and Soul have been kind ofderiving from my clients'
experiences of competing weekendafter weekend after weekend.
And this week, in preparation,she was feeling really good.
(02:08):
Like she had had a couple ofpractice runs, she was working
out some of the kinks here andthere.
And so she was feeling supercalm.
She had this really positiveenergy and she was generally
feeling at ease.
And then the day of competitioncame.
And so we hopped on ourinterview warm-up call, which I
do with my clients before theywalk into interview.
We do just a little bit of easywarm-up to get your mind and
(02:29):
mouth moving and um talk somemindset stuff to make sure that
you're like really in that inthat ideal space, right?
Before walking into the room.
And she told me how much anxietyshe was having that morning.
And it was completely throwingher off because she had been
feeling so good.
And I think she had thisexpectation that she would
maintain that peaceful feeling.
(02:51):
And I laughed to myself, Ididn't laugh at her by any means
because this is such a realexperience.
I told her that I wasn'tsurprised and that I was
actually expecting it for her.
Um, and I almost warned herabout it, you guys.
I almost warned her in her inour last call that don't I
almost told her, don't beconcerned if all of a sudden you
(03:12):
wake up and you're like, whereis this anxiety?
Where are these nerves comingfrom?
I wasn't expecting this.
I'd been feeling so good.
Um, because oftentimes when wefeel good like that, leading up
to a stressful or like highpressure situation, it hits us
out of nowhere.
And so I was sharing with herthat nerves are okay.
(03:34):
They are totally just ouradrenaline showing and up in a
really uneasy way.
Um, I had an eight-year-oldclient.
I don't know if I've talkedabout this on the podcast
before, but it's one of myfavorite stories.
Um, my youngest client that I'veever had was eight years old.
She was competing in a localcounty fair pageant.
And we had a lot ofconversations about nerves.
(03:54):
And we had decided that, like,our mantra was now that nerves
are welcome to the party becausethey're a natural part of the
experience, but they're notallowed to ruin the party.
And so just hearing that thiswas normal and a typical
response to feel really good andthen all of a sudden, out of
nowhere, feel this anxiety rushreally helped this client feel
(04:15):
so much better.
She ended up kind of makingpeace with that anxiety.
Because part of it is like whenyou feel yucky, you get like
worried that that is somehow abad sign.
But really, it's just our bodyand our mind's response to
stress.
Um, so once she kind of madepeace with that, um, the day
(04:35):
went really well and she endedup titling that day.
So she's on her way to state,super excited for her.
Um, but you know, it alsoreminds me of like for me, like
it's so normal to have nerves,even after years of competing,
after years of coaching, like Istill get nervous.
And the thing is that nervesdon't go away.
It's that we get morecomfortable with the feeling
(04:59):
because we're familiar with it.
So the more that we're puttingourselves out there and
experiencing that nervousness,the more comfortable and at
peace we get with it.
So, for example, when I wasspeaking about my brother's
story, which was highlyemotional and vulnerable, which
is a very scary place to be, Ihad a mantra that helped me make
(05:21):
peace with my nerves.
And no matter how many times Igave a variation of that
presentation, I still gotnervous.
But I would tell myself, you aregoing to say exactly what you're
supposed to say, when you'resupposed to, and how you're
supposed to.
And the people who need to hearit will.
And that was enough to just kindof like allow myself to let go
(05:43):
of the ownership that I wasfeeling of other people's
experiences of my presentationand remind myself that I've I've
done this before.
This isn't new.
I I'm going to present it justas passionately and genuinely as
I've ever done before.
And I have to let the rest go.
And I think that if you have amantra like that, that isn't so
(06:08):
far into the affirmations ofsaying, like, you're gonna nail
this, it's gonna be amazing.
Because honestly, like oursubconscious mind doesn't always
vibe with that.
It might be like, nah, I don'tbelieve you.
I'm still really nervous.
And that's not really helpingyou.
It may actually add increaseyour nerves.
Um, instead, having a reallygentle mantra that just kind of
(06:29):
allows you to release it alittle bit and put the trust and
the faith back into yourself.
So today we're gonna dive intothis.
We're gonna dive into how do wenormalize the feeling of nerves,
how do we shift our mindset whenwe need to, when we're feeling
that nervousness, andultimately, like how to just
trust in your prep.
Okay.
So let's dive in.
(06:50):
We spend so much time trying tomake nerves go away.
But honestly, nerves are justenergy looking for direction.
So you know how right beforeinterview or walking on stage,
your heart starts racing, yourstomach feels like it's
flipping, maybe you're a littlenauseous, your hands get shaky,
(07:11):
maybe your palms are sweating.
That's not you being unpreparedor dramatic.
That is your body's naturalfight or flight response kicking
in.
So consider this (07:21):
that our what our brains are wired for
protection.
So, thousands of years ago, thatsame surge of adrenaline would
have helped us run from dangeror fight to survive.
And that's what it does for usnow if we're actually in some
kind of physical danger.
Still has that same immediatereaction.
It's a survival mode.
(07:43):
But now that same system in ourbrain can't really tell the
difference between a real threatand a high-stakes situation,
like a panel of judges orwalking out into the spotlight.
So here's what happens (07:55):
your brain says something is
important is coming.
And then your body releasesadrenaline and cortisol.
Your heart rate is going toincrease to send more oxygen to
your muscles, your breathingquickens, and your senses
heighten.
And all signs of the all ofthese are signs that your body
(08:19):
is preparing you to perform.
But the thing is, in ahigh-stakes situation, like
interview or performing yourtalent or on stage question, is
that you don't need to fight orflee.
You just need to focus.
So instead of trying to shut thenerves off, the goal then is to
(08:40):
reframe them as readiness.
So that fluttering feeling,that's just energy.
That fast heartbeat, that's yourbody gearing up to show you, uh,
to help you show up powerfully.
And when you understand thatnerves are your body's way of
saying, hey, this matters toyou, let's just rise to the
(09:01):
occasion, then it changes theentire experience.
From there, you can take a deepbreath, ground yourself, and
remind your brain, I'm not indanger.
I'm just about to do somethingbrave.
And that's a really, reallyimportant mindset shift.
If you can be mindful, and Ithink that's a key component
(09:23):
here when you're experiencingheightened nerves, is being
mindful that this experience isa physiological reaction to this
stressor.
And again, if you can get intothat rational space, which is
hard to do when you're feelingreally emotional, but get into
that rational space of this ismy brain going back a thousand
(09:47):
years because it's wired toprotect me.
It's not noticing the differencebetween like the fact that
there's no lion chasing me rightnow and trying to eat me.
This is just me putting myselfout there.
I'm just being brave.
If you can do that, then youtake back control.
You can normalize that feelingrather than feeling like it's
(10:10):
controlling you.
And so that tiny shift turns thefight or flight response into a
focus and flow response, whichhelps you channel that
adrenaline into presence, intoconfidence and excitement
instead of fear.
And this takes practice and ittakes consistency, as does
(10:31):
anything with mindset work.
So I mentioned shifting themindset.
And so let me let me give yousome examples and some tools
that you can actually use topractice shifting your mindset.
So we have to reframe what we'retelling ourselves.
Like we constantly are gonnasay, like, I'm so nervous, I'm
(10:52):
so nervous, I'm so nervous.
What if I mess up?
Like, what if I'm not preparedenough?
What if, what if, what if?
All these things that we'resaying to ourselves in our brain
is not actually helping us.
So we have to reframe thesethoughts.
Instead of I'm so nervous, it'sI'm excited.
That's true, right?
That's accurate.
And here's the point, too.
It I'm don't go from like thisscary, like overwhelming thought
(11:17):
of I'm so nervous, I'm sonervous, what if I mess up?
to I'm gonna nail this if yourbrain isn't gonna be on board
with that, like I said earlier.
Instead, you have to shift theperspective to like, okay, the
nerves that I'm feeling that I'minterpreting as nerves are just
excitement.
I'm excited.
(11:38):
And it's uncomfortable becauseit feels really overwhelming,
but that's okay.
This is just excitement.
So that's what I mean by thisgentle reframing.
You have to look at what'saccurate.
I've prepared for this, I'vepracticed, I've warmed up, I
know myself and what I standfor.
(11:59):
I have a mission, a vision, anda purpose.
I know my why, and I'm focusedon my big picture.
Other things that I say to myclients are, I am who I am.
I'm not trying to fit a mold.
I'm gonna walk into that roomand stay in my peace.
And I'm gonna show them my heartand show them who I am.
And it doesn't matter what theythink of me, because this is me.
(12:22):
And those are really hard thingsto grapple with, but that's the
work.
That's that's the preparationgoing into interview or going
out into any kind of onstageperformance is like this
back-end work can't just be yourpractice.
It has to be the mentalpreparation as well, of knowing
yourself and knowing what youstand for and focusing on your
(12:43):
big picture.
And that's why mindset is soincredibly important because it
will show up for you in thetimes when your adrenaline is
taking over and making you thinkthat you're not ready.
You can also do a quick mentalreset and shift in your
perspective.
So instead of what if I mess up,try what if this is one of those
(13:06):
moments that I surprise myself.
So you don't have to say, like,like an absolute statement of
I'm gonna be awesome.
You can pose it as a question tobe a little more gentle.
What if I do really well?
And think about that, likeanswer that question for
yourself.
What if you did really well?
That'd be great.
That'd be so exciting.
That'd be wonderful.
(13:27):
Like you'd have nothing toregret.
What if I perform better thanI've ever performed?
What if everything goes well?
So we have to stop askingourselves what the negative
outcome could possibly be andask ourselves instead, what is
the positive outcome here?
What if this goes off without ahitch?
Doesn't that feel lighter?
(13:48):
Like, even just talking about itright now to all of you, like I
feel lighter from that space.
And it's actually a really goodreminder that I need to do that
in other aspects of my liferight now, too.
Um, so this definitelytranscends just preparing for a
pageant and being their day ofand managing your nerves.
This is for anything in life.
What if everything turns outjust fine?
(14:10):
That is just enough to help yournervous system calm down, right?
Your body does not know thedifference between anxiety and
excitement.
It is the same physiologicalresponse.
So the story that you tellyourself or the questions that
you ask yourself or the thingsthat you focus on is what will
change everything.
(14:33):
And the next thing that you cando when you're shifting your,
and there's there's multipletools here, right?
And this is this is the part ofthe work that we work on in
Fearlessly Authentic isunderstanding the tools that we
have and understanding when touse them.
If your mental resets or shiftsin perspective or reframing
isn't quite doing it for you,then we got to go to grounding
(14:53):
and distraction.
So you gotta go to your gethyped playlist.
You can try movement, whichoften helps ease that nervous
energy.
It gives it a place to go.
You can try circular breathing,like breathing in for four,
breathing out for four.
You can try physicallygrounding.
So pressing your feet into thefloor and feeling the weight of
(15:15):
your body.
Um, one that I find to be reallysilly and uncomfortable for me,
but I know it works, is smilingintentionally because it relaxes
your nervous system.
Because I literally just foundout that laugh, laughter yoga is
a thing.
It's like a newer thing that wasdeveloped in the 1990s.
Um, a client of mine was tellingme about it.
She had just come back from aconference, and like I like, I
(15:40):
got so cringy when she wastelling me, but literally, it's
just you like fake laughingwhile looking at other people
and like doing some randommovement that's just silly.
Um, but it like it's true, ittriggers something in your
nervous system to relax.
Um you could, and this issomething I always advise, call
(16:01):
a friend, call a mentor or acoach for have for a grounding
conversation.
And that is what I offer all thetime.
That was one of my biggestmistakes when I was competing,
was not actually reaching outfor help when I needed it
because I felt like I would bejudged for it.
If or I needed help, then Iwasn't good enough or I wasn't
prepared enough.
And all of that were that wasjust lies, complete lies that I
(16:22):
was telling myself.
And when you are talking to thatfriend or that mentor, that
coach, this is the difficultpart.
You have to practice believingtheir positive and uplifting
validation of who you are andwhat you bring to the table.
That's tough.
You actually have to try to takeit in and see it as truth.
(16:44):
That's what will really help youduring that grounding
conversation.
And remember, doing that, takingcompliments, hearing people give
you their love doesn't mean thatyou are overconfident or cocky
if you believe them.
That's humble confidence.
Like show up with gratitude andlove when people pour love into
(17:06):
you.
That's that's humility.
Take it and pour it into othersat the same time.
That's humble confidence from myperspective.
And the bottom line here is thatyou can't think away your
nerves.
You can't think your way out ofyour nerves.
You have to breathe your waythrough them.
So think of it as like wavescrashing onto the shoreline that
(17:28):
will retreat.
And they may crash back again,but then they will retreat.
This is not a permanent feeling,and they're not in control of
you.
You are in control of yourself.
So do the things that you knowthat you have control over, and
breathing is one of them, andfocusing on that breath,
practicing the destruction,reframing, giving yourself that
mental reset and shift inperspective.
(17:50):
All incredibly helpful tools.
And finally, you need to trustyour prep.
You need to believe that you'veput the work in.
Caveat, if you haven't put thework in, these nerves are going
to be way worse because they mayactually be grounded in some
reality.
(18:10):
But chances are, more often thannot, you have done more than
enough in preparation for this.
So nerves don't mean that you'reunprepared.
They mean that you're human.
Nerves don't take away from thework that you've put in.
So don't let your emotionsconvince you that you haven't
(18:30):
done enough or that you're notready.
This is again back to thereframing, like I said before.
I've prepared for this, I'vepracticed, I've warmed up, I
know myself and what I standfor.
I have a mission, a vision, anda purpose.
I know my why, and I'm focusedon my big picture.
If all of that is accurate, thenlean into that.
(18:54):
At a certain point, it's nolonger about knowing more
because the work is done.
And I learned that from a formerMiss America that was um
speaking at an event that I wasin.
And she said she used to comewith her binder of information
and studying all the articlesthat she had printed off and
studying her paperwork and allof the practice questions and
(19:16):
answers.
And she said, when she got toMiss America, she finally
realized, like, no, the work isdone.
Now it's time to just show up.
And so it's not about knowingmore because there's no amount
of cramming that is going tohelp you succeed in a pageant
competition.
It's about trusting yourselfmore.
And that's what you learn everytime that you put yourself out
(19:39):
there.
The thing is, is that we cannotgrow and evolve without
contrast.
Think about that.
Like without somethingchallenging us and without
overcoming a challenge, how dowe learn new skills?
As a baby, when you werelearning to walk every single
time you fell on your bottom,you had to get back up and try
(20:01):
again.
And you learned every singletime that you fell.
Same with riding a bike, samewith getting math problems wrong
and having to figure out whatyou did wrong and learning from
those mistakes.
There's a thing called aconfidence formula.
And this is where you trysomething outside of your
comfort zone, you experiencesuccess with that, you celebrate
(20:25):
that success, and that buildsconfidence.
And then you do it all overagain.
Like there's a reason why womenin pageantry grow exponentially.
It's because they keepchallenging themselves by
putting themselves out there.
So always, always, always anchoryourself in your why.
(20:46):
It's the reason that you're onthat stage or in that interview.
Focusing on your why is likeputting blinders on to the
things that will distract ordisrupt your energy.
Things outside of your control,like what other people do,
think, or say, or comparison,the judges, the outcome, all of
these things are outside of yourcontrol.
(21:09):
So the only thing you can do istrust what you've done.
Trust where you've come from andhow much you've grown by putting
yourself out there over and overagain.
And see this as anotheropportunity to grow, another
opportunity to learn.
It's just contrast, and we don'thave to be afraid of the
(21:30):
contrast.
In fact, if you think about it,we should be celebrating the
contrast.
How many people out there avoidhard things and then they get
stuck?
They're not growing.
They may be comfortable, butit's a false sense of comfort
because they're not reallyevolving into everything that
(21:54):
they could possibly be andachieving all of the things that
they could possibly achievebecause they're not putting
themselves out there.
But you are.
You keep showing up over andover and over again because you
believe in yourself, even inthose moments where you don't,
you still do deep down, and yougotta lean into that.
(22:17):
So trust yourself.
Let your nerves be proof thatyou're showing up for something
that you deeply care about.
Practice the skills and usethese tools to manage the
adrenaline rush or this fight orflight response that you're
biologically feeling.
Lean into what's accurate andfocus on your purpose.
(22:41):
And remember that you don't haveto call them the butterflies.
I love this.
You just teach them to fly information.
I love that.
I think that's so beautiful.
That comes with practice andrepetition.
And when you keep puttingyourself out there, those nerves
will feel more like friends,more like this familiar feeling
(23:04):
that you know you're doingsomething powerful because
you're having this biologicalnatural reaction, which means
that you're putting yourself outthere.
So own it.
Enjoy it.
Because honestly, like withoutthat experience, would it really
be as fun?
Without the challenge, would itreally be as fun?
Like, why would we do it?
(23:25):
You're doing this because youlove the personal growth.
You're doing it because you'recompetitive.
You do it, you're doing itbecause you want to be validated
for the work that you're puttingin, and you want to go out there
and do incredible things.
So don't let those nerves standin your way.
Own them, feel them, get used tothem, and work with them.
(23:48):
Okay.
All right, my friends.
Have an incredible week.
Keep putting yourself out there,keep doing that deep work.
Reach out if you have anythingelse that's on your heart or on
your mind that you want to hearme talk about that's really,
really relevant to you rightnow.
I'm always looking for inputfrom you guys.
(24:09):
So feel free to DM me.
And I will be back next weekwith the same heart and love for
you from Sash and Soul.
All right, you guys, take care.
I'll talk to you then.
Bye.
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