October 31, 2025 • 62 mins
Alayna Wilson, recently crowned Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, joins me for a real, heart-forward conversation about service, healing, and growth. We trace her journey from small-town Nebraska to PhD student and state titleholder, unpacking the story behind her initiative "Love & Light: Giving Back, Moving Forward," and how grief, family addiction, and losing a friend to childhood cancer shaped her purpose. We talk confidence through action (not perfection), leaving the "runner-up club" mindset, switching systems, protecting your energy, and finding balance when life is full. If you've been chasing a crown or a goal on overdrive, this episode will help you re-ground, redefine winning, and lead with authenticity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Raeanna (00:28):
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Oh my gosh.
I cannot even tell you howexcited I am for this episode
today because one of my favoritepeople is our guest.
Um, this is Elena Wilson.
She is our Miss KansasVolunteer 2026, very recently
ground.
But I've known Elena for quitesome time now.
(00:48):
She came to me as a prospectiveclient like a year and a half
ago, I think.
And um the journey has beenincredible.
And watching her growth andlearning from her and the deep
conversations that we've hadhave just been really
incredible.
So I'm just so excited towelcome her onto the show to
share her heart with all of you.
Um, it's like a blessing for methat I get to create this
(01:11):
platform for her to be able todo that with all of you because
I've just been so, so blessed tohear her heart throughout the
last year and a half.
So here she is for all of you.
So, Elena, welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you so much for havingme.
I am so excited.
Good, good.
Tell us about yourself.
Give us give us the rundown ofwho Elena Wilson is.
Alayna (01:32):
All right.
Well, hey everyone.
Like Rihanna said, my name isElena Wilson, recently crowned
Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, butthat is just a small, small
piece of who I am as an actualperson.
I grew up in a small towncalled Columbus, Nebraska.
And not only did I live in thatsmall town, I lived on the
(01:54):
outskirts of that small town.
So it was very normal for me tobe barefoot every single day
running around with the farmcats and the dogs.
We have a huge cornfield in myparents' backyard, which is very
Nebraska of us.
Um, I graduated sixth grade.
We did have a sixth gradegraduation with 14 kids.
(02:16):
So if that paints a picture foryou, this whole world of
pageantry is nothing that I everthought I would get a taste of.
It was so distant to me.
I grew up watching Miss USA,Miss America, but never in my
life did I think I could be oneof those women.
(02:37):
So then grew up, graduated fromhigh school.
I went to my undergrad programat the University of Nebraska
Lincoln.
And it was the best, I saythree and a half years of my
life because COVID happenedduring that point.
Um, kind of changed thetrajectory of what I thought my
life would look like.
I joined a sorority, and thatwas one of the best decisions I
(03:01):
ever made, alpha fee.
I served on a bunch ofleadership roles.
I became the president mysenior year, and that really
launched me into all of myleadership positions that I've
held since.
So I graduated with a degree incommunication sciences and
disorders, which then brought mehere to Kansas for my master's
(03:22):
program, where I got my master'sin speech language pathology in
2023.
And I decided I love school somuch, I don't want to quit yet.
So now I'm a third-year PhDstudent, still at the University
of Kansas, and I'm just rockingand rolling with that.
And then about three weeks ago,I was crowned as Kansas
(03:43):
volunteer.
So that is my 24-7 job that Ilike to joke about.
But then I'm a full-time PhDstudent, and then I also work
clinically as a speech languagepathologist in a Title I high
school.
Raeanna (03:57):
Aspirational, essentially.
If we were to sum you up in oneword, you are the girl that I
would have looked at back when Ihad started competing and
thinking, oh my gosh, I willnever be as awesome as her.
You are the girl that like fromthe outside looks intimidating
because you're so aspirational.
But you dig deeper and you'rejust real.
(04:22):
And that's that's what I mean,that's what's awesome about
pageantry in general, right?
Because we have women from allsorts of different backgrounds,
incredibly dynamic people, uh,intelligent, talented, driven,
outgoing, charismatic, and yetstill human beings at the end of
the day.
And so that's what I am excitedto dive into today with you is
(04:42):
like the human part of yourjourney.
Because on paper, girl, youlook like you just like set out
one day to be awesome and thenyou did it.
But the reality is life happensand change, causes you to
change course and causes you togrow and take pause and learn
from mistakes and all thethings.
(05:03):
So can we talk?
I really want to dive in firstwith your serve initiative
because it's so deeply rooted insome trauma and loss for you.
But it's also really, you know,I know from my perspective,
it's so multifaceted in terms ofwhere your heart for service
(05:26):
really comes from, that it's notjust one experience that you've
had, it's a multitude of thingsthat you've been through.
So talk about your serveinitiative and how it got
started.
Like I know it's a long story.
So, girl, just go off.
Alayna (05:37):
All right.
Thank goodness this is apodcast and not like an actual
pageant interview, because Iwould take up the entire 10
minutes just going in depthabout this.
And as you were introing this,like talking about how um you
have to be a real person outsideof pageantry.
And it's those types of traitsthat actually make you
(05:58):
successful, not only inpageantry, but in the real
world.
And my serve initiative is thetestament of that.
So it's called Love and Light,Giving Back, Moving Forward.
And it's all about creatingspaces for the next generation
of volunteers.
So growing up, we're gonna goway, way, way back.
(06:19):
So, growing up, I did not growup in like a white picket fence
type of home.
We struggled a lot, like infull transparency, my dad is a
small business owner and wefiled for bankruptcy in 2011.
So there were a lot offinancial hardships, um, but
(06:41):
there were also other thingsgoing on.
People that I loved that weresuffering from addiction.
And when you are close tosomeone who is suffering from
something like that, it's hardto make sense of it.
Because in my mind, like, whydon't you just stop drinking?
Isn't it that easy?
(07:02):
Or just make the decision tonot purchase liquor or to not go
to the bar.
Like when you're younger, it'sa lot more black and white in
your brain.
And then you grow up andrealize, oh, it is all gray,
everything.
So I had to help my loved onesgo through that in any way I
(07:23):
knew how at a very young age.
Um, I had my loved ones in andout of rehab essentially until I
started high school.
So not only do you love someoneand you don't understand what's
going on in their lives, butthey're also inconsistent on top
of that.
So that really shaped the waythat I see the world.
(07:45):
And I think that everyone canlook at the same thing, but it's
always through a differentlens.
And so I started from a veryyoung age looking at the world
in a lens of, oh, people arehurting.
And if someone like me, who isthis little blonde-haired,
blue-eyed girl that was theteacher's pet, that got straight
(08:06):
A's, that always helped everynew kid that would come to my
school, I was like their umgreeter.
I was their automatic friendthat the teachers assigned
because they knew I would do it.
But I think I was so wired todo that because I knew everybody
was hurting.
(08:26):
Even if they looked perfect,everybody was hurting.
And that was a big part of myhurt.
So then we fast forward, and Iam now in my sophomore year of
college.
Everything's going perfectly.
Like I have the dream sorority,I have an amazing roommate, I
am joining all these clubs, I ammaking friends left and right,
(08:49):
I'm finally out of my smalltown.
And then I get this phone callthat one of my previous dance
partners was diagnosed withchildhood cancer.
And in my mind, I just thought,well, he's healthy, he's the
most athletic person I know.
He'll be fine.
Like the doctors will know whatto do, and he'll be back
(09:12):
dancing in no time.
But unfortunately, from hisdiagnosis date to the day he
eventually passed was only 11months.
So it happened very quickly.
And I had never really lostsomeone like that before.
I had lost grandparents, butthat you have time to process
(09:34):
that, and you know it's coming.
With this scenario, I rememberwalking into the funeral and
like the casket was just toosmall.
Like I remember thinking thereis no way that this should be
happening.
So then with my previousexperiences and now with this
new grief and this cycle ofdepression, that I just I did
(09:59):
not know how to use my energy ina productive way, but I knew
what I was doing wasn't going toget me anywhere.
So then I joined the SammySuperheroes Junior board.
Sammy Superheroes is anonprofit that was actually
founded in my hometown thatraises funds and awareness for
all types of childhood cancer.
So I thought I can't bring myfriend back to this earth, but I
(10:24):
can help other kids like him.
So I poured all of that energyI had into this organization.
Fast forward my senior year, Ibecome the president of that
club and I reached hundreds offamilies.
I got to go to children'shospital and share my personal
experience and actually bondwith the families.
(10:44):
I didn't come here on thispedestal saying, if you just, if
you just hope that it goesaway, it'll go away and every
day is awesome and every day'sfun.
That is not what childhoodcancer looks like.
It is ugly and disgusting.
And I saw it firsthand.
And so I think that also put mein a different position to meet
(11:07):
with these families and toactually help them through it
instead of just preach at themthat they should be grateful for
every day they have.
So, with my previousexperiences of just watching
people hurt, that's what fueledme to do something when my
friend passed away.
Because he had plenty offriends.
But why was I the one thatwanted to take this next step
(11:32):
and do something more?
And even though my childhoodwas not perfect by any means, I
can look back now and bethankful for it because that
pushed me and motivated me to dosomething and to take action
when I was going through thatreally hard time in my life.
So since then, I then dipped mytoe in other things.
(11:53):
I got into the cystic fibrosiscommunity, I got into the
mentoring community.
Um, I am now working at like achild advocacy center and doing
story times with kids that havegone through traumatic
experiences like I have.
And it is so healing.
So part of my SERB initiativeis to have people reflect on
(12:14):
their own stories.
Because it might not bechildhood cancer, it might be,
like I mentioned in a previouspodcast, I just recorded, it
might be homelessness, it mightbe poverty, it might be someone
you love is battling addiction.
Maybe you yourself is battlingaddiction or bullying.
Like you name it.
And when you put that energy,that negative energy and flip it
(12:40):
and give back to the thing thatyou thought you were missing,
that's done more healing for methan years of therapy has.
Raeanna (14:17):
And ultimately, we landed on this evolution of you,
you know, what service did foryou and your healing and the
power that it gave you in thissituation that you had no
control.
And you want to empower otherpeople to step up into their own
power and do that too.
So tell me about the work thatyou want to do now with your
Serve initiative that is reallyall about mentoring other people
(14:40):
and encouraging them to get outand get involved.
Alayna (14:43):
Right.
So a big part of this wasknowing I can't fix everything.
That is a really hard thing asa professional, like as a speech
language pathologist, but alsoas a title holder.
You want to come in and justsave everyone and do all the
things all the time, and youcan't.
But what you can do is equippeople to be in those
(15:04):
communities that they areactively living in, knowing the
gaps that are happening dailyaround them.
And so that's where I reallywant to focus is saying, here
are the opportunities you cangive back.
What skills do you have thatyou can put forth and really
make a difference?
And that doesn't always looklike time.
It might be financial means, itmight be coming in and teaching
(15:28):
your community a skill.
It might be offering a place tohost fundraisers, any of those
things.
It doesn't have to be this likeblack and white.
Well, you're gonna go to thisevent and you're gonna say this
script and then you're gonna behealed.
Congratulations.
It takes the work, and that'ssomething I want to be very
transparent with.
When I started my Serveinitiative, it was just
(15:50):
childhood cancer because that'sreally what made me pivot in my
life.
But then I took a step back andsaid, wow, you're right.
It was the healing that I did.
It was giving back in otherways.
And only talking aboutchildhood cancer was wonderful
because it needs attention, butthat's not going to sit with
(16:12):
everyone the same way that itdoes for me or for other
families affected by it.
Maybe that one thing is, like Isaid, childhood advocacy,
poverty, homelessness,addiction.
So then if I can give peoplethe tools and just the
confidence, most of the time itjust takes the confidence to
(16:33):
reach out to an organization andsay, I want to partner with
you.
Can I help you make giftbaskets?
Can I just like stand thereduring one of your meetings and
listen to what you're talkingabout?
Because it's those small,imperfect actions that actually
lead to a lot of change withinyourself.
Did you ever lack confidence inyour service?
(16:54):
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
At the beginning of thisjourney, I would cold call
schools and say, Hey, can I cometalk to your students about
childhood cancer?
And that was tough the firstcouple of times because you get
hit with a lot of questions thatyou've never practiced.
You don't really know how toanswer.
(17:15):
Um, or you think you know theright answer and then it gets
perceived in a completelydifferent way.
So when I started this journey,there were a lot of times I
would get in my car afterwardsand be like, you know what?
We're gonna be better nexttime.
But it's saying that you'regoing to go back again and do it
again and be better, that'swhere you get confidence.
(17:37):
It's not by having perfectperformances.
Raeanna (17:40):
100%.
You gain confidence by doingand putting yourself out there.
And then you have the littlewins, and that just builds up
your confidence.
And then you got to putyourself out there again.
Yeah.
And risk it all again.
And then you'll have littlewins and you build that
confidence.
It's the confidence formula inaction.
So speaking of action, like youare incredibly action-oriented.
(18:02):
Um, so there's three modes ofoperation.
There's feelings or emotions,there's action, like the
physical, and then there's theintellectual or the thinking,
right?
And we know to be true that youare very much action-oriented.
Like that is your firstinstinct is to take action.
(18:24):
Whereas my first instinct is Igotta feel the feels.
I gotta, I gotta feel all ofthis out.
I'm just a very emotionallydeep person.
And then thinking and thenaction.
So action is third for me,which is why people like you
tend to intimidate me morebecause I'm like, how do you do
all of this stuff?
I don't have the emotionalbandwidth for it.
(18:44):
But action isn't everything.
And I think you recognize thatin your pageant journey when it
was a lot of action, you weredoing all the things, but not
getting the results.
So let's let's start goingthere.
Let's talk about your pageantjourney and what it looked like,
especially early on and inthroughout your journey in the
(19:05):
Miss Nebraska organization.
Alayna (19:07):
Wonderful.
Okay.
So, viewers, yes, I started offin the Miss Nebraska
organization when I was 18 yearsold.
And it just kind of happened onaccident, I'll be honest with
you.
Um, but my platform was stillchildhood cancer because Sammy's
superheroes was in my hometown.
And so I just thought, I'll doa couple events, I'll shake some
(19:29):
hands, I'll take some pictures.
Like it wasn't that deep to meyet, because this was before my
friend had passed away.
But I knew childhood cancer,you know, who's going to say
that's not a good thing tosupport?
So um I went through my firstyear of Miss Nebraska.
I think if they were to giveout a last place award, I
(19:50):
probably would have won thataward.
And that is not to sound meanto myself.
It was just, I was completelyunprepared.
But I had the best time.
So then I took a couple ofyears off when I started
college, and that's when myfriend Trevor had passed, and
that's when everything changed.
And I was like, oh, I don'tjust have to go to events, but I
(20:12):
have to be the keynote speaker.
I have to greet everyone at theevent, I have to make a point
of contact with as many peopleas possible.
And then I need to expand, Ineed to be part of this national
partnership and not just bepart of it.
I need to be the staterepresentative, I need to do
this bill.
Like I had so many thoughts.
My brain was spinning at allmoments of the day.
(20:34):
But I needed to do that.
I needed to have a lot ofaction and I needed to know what
was happening in thesecommunities.
So then what was driving thataction though?
You said you needed to, butwhere did that need come from?
I think the need came from thevoid that I had within myself.
Because if I couldn't keep myfriend Trevor here on earth,
(20:59):
then at least I could try tokeep other kids here through
financial means of finding acure or finding better treatment
options.
So I'm glad that you pointedthat out.
It was this like internal driveof like, I can't let this
happen to anyone else.
Raeanna (21:16):
Yeah, and it's incredibly relatable because it
that was a similar experiencethat I had when I was presenting
my platform, which waseverything to do with my brother
and losing him to suicide anddrug addiction.
And it was like this drive tomake sure that everyone heard
the story and everyone was awareof the dangers and was making
(21:37):
better decisions and just tryingto prevent it from happening to
other people.
Like this drive to saveeveryone else.
Yeah, it was like filling avoid.
And it was also like thatbusyness was a coping strategy
for my grief and for the traumathat I was still experiencing in
the throes of grief and andlife happening around that and
(22:00):
outside of it.
Um, and so I think that's sucha common experience that that
many people have in grief.
It's not everyone's, but it isa common experience.
So it makes sense that then youget into this role where it
almost becomes habitual, itbecomes a lifestyle that you
(22:21):
just have to keep busy and youhave to keep going, even when it
has no, it's no longer servingthat purpose.
Absolutely.
Alayna (22:28):
And so that was my life for let's see, four or five
years.
And that's why my resume isit's jam-packed.
Like it, pretty much anythingyou can think of, it's probably
on my resume.
But then, you know, there'salways a caveat, there's always
a tipping point.
You can only do everything forso long.
(22:51):
So then I keep going back toMiss Nebraska.
I got second runner up, andthen first runner up, first
runner-up, first runner up,first runner up.
It was a journey where I keptdoing more.
I just thought, well, if I justdo more, if my resume is more
impressive, if I have a bettergown, if I have a better walk,
(23:13):
if I have a better talent, likethen they have to choose me.
And if they don't choose me,then it's it's something that
was never meant to be, um, whichI know now.
It was just something thatwasn't meant to be in that
moment of my life.
But doing more did not producethe results that I wanted.
(23:35):
And I think that that is atestament to everybody
listening.
I want that to be like, if youdon't take anything else that I
say today, it's this if you arejust going to events to add a
number, to add a statistic onyour resume, that's not gonna
get you closer to the outcomeyou want.
I really think the turningpoint for me this year, when I
(23:59):
took a step back, was saying,what did these events mean to
me?
What did I learn from them?
What did I learn about myself?
Why am I even passionate aboutthis?
Am I just like falsely going toall of these things out of
habit?
Out of like expectations ofother people?
What is going to serve me?
(24:19):
So I stopped doing all thethings and I took a couple
months to just reflect.
And that was probably like themost important thing that I
could have done for not justmyself as a pageant person, but
like as a human being.
And that's when I like reallygot deep into how does my
childhood affect what I'm doingnow?
(24:41):
Why do I feel the need to helpother people?
Why am I not complacent andjust like, oh yeah, these bad
things happen to me, but likebad things happen to people all
the time, and they don't feelthe need to start a nonprofit.
Why do I feel that need?
And it was because I so badlynow need to be and want to be
(25:06):
the person I needed growing up.
And that is what has groundedme throughout this whole
process.
I don't get nervous beforewalking into interview anymore
because I don't care what theyask me.
And I'll be honest, like, Idon't really care about the
exact words that come out of mymouth.
When I leave that room, I want10-year-old, 12-year-old Elena
(25:31):
to be so proud.
Because at the end of the day,that's all that matters.
Raeanna (25:35):
What a pivotal moment when all of a sudden you
yourself start filling the voidthat younger you felt.
Alayna (25:46):
Right.
Raeanna (25:47):
Wow.
And that is definitely like acoming into your own kind of
journey and a healing journey.
Was there a point that a lightbullipped in your head that you
were like, this isn't workinganymore?
Some I'm missing something.
Alayna (26:11):
Yeah, like something's gotta give.
So well, when you get firstrunner up four years in a row,
you need to take a step back andsay, What am I doing that's not
working?
So when I did that, I tookmyself outside of the pageant.
(26:33):
And I thought, okay, if I tookaway all the outcomes, all the
competitors, everything whatdon't I like about that
experience?
And it was how much anxiety andfrustration I felt throughout
the entire week.
Miss Nebraska's a whole week.
Before interview, I would getso nervous, I would feel sick.
(26:55):
In months leading up to MissNebraska, I wouldn't sleep.
And I thought, if I became MissNebraska tonight, my life can't
go on like this.
Something something has tostop.
This is miserable.
Like I love competing, and thisis making me hate it.
(27:16):
It's turning into somethingthat causes anxiety instead of
empowers me.
So taking that reflectiveglance at everything.
The moment was, I think it wasa couple a couple weeks after
Miss Nebraska, I was talkingwith the like new title holder.
(27:41):
And she just seemed so calm.
And she seemed so at peace.
And like I was asking her abouther schedule, and she was like,
you know what?
Like, I can't go to everything,and that's okay.
And I was like, wait, what?
Like, you're not freaking outright now, you're not like only
getting five hours of sleep anight, and you're not packing
(28:03):
your schedule so full that youcan't do anything else.
You're going to continue yourjob.
You're not making this yourwhole life.
And when I stopped making it myentire life, everything
changed.
Like having that conversationgave me the permission to not
(28:25):
let it be my whole life.
Raeanna (28:27):
In that journey of trying to win Miss Nebraska, who
what were you trying to prove?
Alayna (28:34):
I think I was trying to prove and here's the fallacy in
all this.
I was no longer proving it tomyself.
Because in my head, I knew Iwould have been a great Miss
Nebraska.
I would have been everythingthey wanted.
In the back of my mind, I waslike, and when I witness
Nebraska, I'm gonna be the bestone they've ever seen, and I'm
(28:54):
gonna give up everything.
I'm not gonna have a job, I'mnot gonna go to school.
And again, some states in theircontracts, it looks different
than the way Nebraska's looks.
But I'm gonna be the best onethey've ever seen.
Because I'm gonna give upeverything.
I'm gonna pour all of my heartand soul into this organization.
And how awful would my lifehave been if I would have done
(29:18):
that?
Not because Miss Nebraska'sbad, but because my entire
identity was rooted in that.
So I was trying to prove maybeto the judges.
I was proving it to them thewhole time, or the volunteers,
or the board members, I deservethis.
You need to crown me.
Not just should you want to,but you need to because my
(29:40):
resume is the most impressive.
Ugh.
I'm like gagging thinking aboutthat.
Like what an ugly, terriblemindset to be in.
And even if you win, you're notgonna be fulfilled.
Raeanna (29:52):
No, there's something to be said about feeling
fulfilled before you even getthere.
Uh-huh.
Alayna (29:58):
Yep.
Louder for the people in theback.
Because as soon as I did that,look what happened.
We're sitting here.
Raeanna (30:05):
Yeah, let's talk about that.
Because I was there with youwhen you competed for Miss
Nebraska this last June.
And then I was there with youwhen you competed for Miss
Kansas Volunteer very recently.
And it was night and day to thepoint where you said that you
had people in your close circlethat were like, Are you are you
sure you even want this?
(30:26):
Just because you were yourenergy was.
So different.
So tell us about the dichotomybetween the two experiences.
Alayna (30:35):
Like you said, it was night and day difference.
I, from that moment where I wasspeaking to now, like the
current Miss Nebraska, to Ithink I signed up for Miss
Kansas Volunteer maybe like thelast day registration was open.
And don't get me wrong, I'm aresearcher.
Like I said, I'm a PhD student.
(30:55):
So like I didn't just like signup without knowing what the
organization stood for.
Like I knew that my morals andvalues aligned with this
organization so well.
And I knew that stepping awayfrom Nebraska would be really
hard.
Like I still love all of mylocal directors, executive
(31:15):
directors, volunteers, the womenI competed with.
Like it was like giving up myfamily, truly.
And I knew everyone.
But what made me switch from,first of all, Nebraska to Kansas
was the fact I live here.
If I'm gonna spend a yearmaking connections and doing the
job of a title holder, whywould I move to Nebraska to do
(31:38):
that for a year just to comeback here?
That didn't make any sense tome.
And I also didn't have to giveup as like I didn't have to give
up as much as I would for MissNebraska.
I could stay living in theapartment that I'm in.
I could continue with theschool program I'm in.
Um I didn't have to say goodbyeto my friends for a year that
I've made here.
My life could continue.
(31:59):
I wasn't giving up everything.
So that was a huge weight offof my shoulders, just knowing
Kansas is where I want tocompete.
And then when I got to MissKansas Volunteer, I just
realized I love this board.
Even if I don't win, thesewomen are so amazing.
(32:19):
And they genuinely care aboutme.
So okay, I don't have to win tohave friendship with people on
the board.
Okay, check that off.
And then I realized, you knowwhat?
Even if I don't win Miss KansasVolunteer, what else am I gonna
gain?
And I vowed to myself, nomatter what, I'm gonna have the
(32:41):
best weekend ever.
And you know, I would alwaysget mad at my mom, like, oh,
just go out and have a goodtime.
Okay, thanks, mom.
That really helps.
That takes all my anxiety away.
Thank you.
But what really grounded me wasI'm in charge of my happiness
this week, not these random fiveor six people.
I would give the judges so muchpower.
(33:03):
I would stalk them, I wouldknow everything about them, I'd
find them on Facebook.
I'll be honest with you, Ididn't even know the names of
the judges when I walked intothat room because it didn't
matter.
And I vowed to myself, afterinterview, I'm just gonna have a
good time.
I'm gonna have a good timeduring it, I'm gonna have a good
time before, I'm gonna have agood time after.
(33:24):
And nobody else is in charge ofthat.
And when you take ownership ofthat, everything changes.
Raeanna (33:31):
Yeah.
Isn't that wild?
That that tipping point fromyou know, relying on
circumstances to influence yourexperience and how you feel, to
recognizing that you havecomplete ownership of your
experiences and how you feel.
It's so empowering.
Alayna (33:51):
It is up to you whether you win or not.
Yeah.
Raeanna (33:53):
Like because winning doesn't mean the crown.
Alayna (33:56):
Yeah.
Raeanna (33:58):
Okay, if that cut out, because sometimes uh when we
talk over each other, it does,but we literally just said the
exact same thing at the sametime, and I loved it.
That was amazing.
Alayna (34:08):
But it's when you realize that.
And for me, you know, maybe ittook until I was 26 years old to
realize that.
But I also think, like, I'm abeliever, I'm a Christian.
I also think God knew if Ibecame Miss Nebraska or any
title holder for that matter,before I was ready and before I
found my identity outside ofpageantry, it would have ruined
(34:29):
me.
Because at the end of the day,this opportunity, that's what it
is.
It's an opportunity, it's notan identity.
And then what happens once youryear's over?
And so that's what reallygrounded me that entire week was
I have all of this life outsideof pageantry that is beautiful
(34:50):
and wonderful and messy.
And winning a pageant doesn'tchange that.
That's gonna be there no matterwhat.
Raeanna (35:00):
You did a Instagram or an Instagram live with Miss
Volunteer America 2026, LaurenCelimini.
Is that Celim?
We were trying to figure outhow to say Celimbini, yeah.
All right, yeah.
Sorry, Lauren, if you'relistening, I was really working
on it before I hit record.
Um, but what one of the thingsthat she had asked you was what
(35:22):
advice would you give to othercompetitors?
Maybe they're just starting outor you know, they haven't quite
met those goals yet.
What would you say to them?
And I absolutely loved theperspective that you came from.
And it was, you know, let go ofall the noise, let go of what
everybody else is telling you.
So could you elaborate on whatyou had told Lauren of like let
(35:45):
go of all the feedback?
Because you can ask for adviceand feedback and critiques all
day long and try and fit thatmold.
But it's when you let go of allof that and just work on who
you are outside of pageants,that's when that's when you
really start to flourish.
So I'd love to hear youelaborate on that.
Alayna (36:04):
Yeah.
So this is a hard piece ofadvice to get if you are not in
the mental space to hear it.
So, for the girls that arelistening and you're like, this
is my entire life, there'snothing I want more.
Like, I'm so desperate forthis.
Like, I'll give up everythingand anything.
I've been in your position andI get it.
And I wish someone would havetold me, it's just not it's just
(36:28):
not.
It's okay.
So then when you work onyourself outside of pageantry,
one of the things that aprevious director told me was
well, what you talk about ininterview, like if you're at a
cocktail party with someone,what are they going to be
interested in hearing?
Is it just bullets on a resume?
No, it's going to be thingslike, oh, I got stranded in
(36:52):
Paris for 24 hours with noluggage.
Talk about what you learned inthat experience.
Because let me tell you, beingstuck in Paris taught me a lot
more than many of my collegecourses.
But people think it's thecollege courses you have to talk
about and the prestige andthese like really highly valued
(37:15):
experiences on a resume, butthat's not what builds you.
It's all of those in-betweenthings.
What about?
Oh goodness, there are so manycircumstances.
I showed up and I recentlyfilmed a commercial with Patrick
Mahomes with 24 hours notice.
That taught me how to interactwith people who have high
(37:37):
influence.
Are you gonna fangirl?
Are you gonna be a normalperson?
That is a really valuablecharacteristic to have,
especially if I go on to be anational title holder where you
turn quote unquote famousovernight with no training.
So it's about working on all ofthose things within myself.
Why do I get frustrated aboutcertain things?
(38:00):
Be curious about yourself.
Why do I care so much aboutinterview?
Come to realize I was trying tocontrol the judges.
You're never gonna besuccessful if you try to control
other people.
Or in my talent, I was tryingto throw tricks and do things
that I thought the judges werelooking for, even though I
didn't feel comfortable doingthose tricks.
(38:22):
The minute I took them out, Iwon a talent prelim.
And was it the most like highscoring or the most impressive
dance in the world?
No, but I had fun doing it, andthe judges could feel that.
And so getting your aura right,getting your energy right,
that's what matters.
(38:43):
It's not about having theperfect delivery of everything.
Because I can guarantee you,even on this podcast, I haven't
said everything correctly.
Maybe I should have saidsomething and I said something
else, like, but that doesn'tmatter.
What matters is connecting.
Well, and also should have,according to who?
Raeanna (39:02):
According to you, according to me, as the host,
according to the audiencelistening, like should have said
something different accordingto who.
It's the exact same thing ininterview.
You walk out of that interviewand you could should all over
yourself with, I should havesaid that thing instead of that
thing.
And oh my gosh, I didn't evenhave an opportunity to talk
about that.
And I really should have triedto weave that in.
But why?
Should have according to who?
(39:24):
And how do you know that thatwould actually change it that
much?
Alayna (39:30):
Right.
There's also, this reminds me,um, a trend that was going on
TikTok where it's like, um,there is like a montage of like
different videos of like womensaying, like, oh, well, I'm best
friends with her because shehas a flat stomach.
I'm best friends with herbecause she says the same
perfect thing every single time.
I'm actually best friends withher because she denies herself
(39:51):
any type of fun.
Or I'm best friends with herbecause she works 80 hours a
week.
No, the same thing goes withconmagentry.
Why do you love your bestfriends?
It's not because they'reperfect, it's actually probably
because they're like wacky andwild and silly and have all
these like kooky experiences, orthey made this mistake and
learned from it.
(40:12):
That's like think about it inthat way.
You're making friends with thejudges.
And I was in that perfectionloophole for so long of like,
well, if I'm just perfect,they're going to love me because
they have to love me because Ican control it.
Ha! Laughs, because that is nothow it works.
(40:32):
In this past interview withMiss Kansas Volunteer, we
laughed, we cried, we jokedaround, and I never once felt
any sort of anxiety.
Because it didn't matter, wewere just friends, right, right.
Raeanna (40:49):
So, in your journey of self-discovery and peeling back
the layers, trying to betterunderstand where you're coming
from, where you want to go, howto let go of you know, the
control, so to speak, howdifficult was that?
Like, there's so much fear ingetting started on a
(41:14):
self-discovery journey, amindset journey, a therapy
journey.
There's so much fear in thatbecause there's a lot of
unknown.
It's a scary place.
And and so, how how was thatexperience for you?
Alayna (41:25):
It doesn't happen overnight.
And there are gonna be a lot ofdays where you're like, oh,
maybe I shouldn't have openedthis can of worms because now
I'm feeling all these feelingsand I don't really want to, and
I don't really know what to dowith them.
But like, am I gonna feel thisway forever?
I think that's everybody'sfear.
It's like, oh, if I like openup that door of sadness or
(41:47):
anxiety or worry or insertembarrassment, then I'm never
gonna get through it.
But we know that's not true.
You can read any psych article,and they are going to tell you
to feel your feelings willalways be better, and that's
where you learn.
Ooh, that's a hard truth toswallow.
(42:09):
Because, okay, for example, Ithink a really pivotal part was
coming to the surface witheverything that I dealt with in
childhood.
There was a lot of trauma thathappened in my neighborhood, a
lot of trauma with loving peoplethat are addicted to
substances.
Um, having another parent thatdealt with anxiety and I didn't
(42:32):
know how to help my loved onesthrough it.
There's also just life is hard.
You're going to witness andyou're going to see a lot of
things.
But if you just say, saw it,push it to the back of your
mind, you don't learn anylessons from that.
You don't learn anything aboutyourself.
And so by going on this mindsetjourney, being real with
(42:55):
yourself is probably the hardestperson to be real with.
And I used to live in thiswonderful la la fantasy land
where everything was great andno one had to worry about me,
and no one needed to beconcerned, and I was there to
help everyone and to fixeverything and to come with my
little fairy wand and just thinkeverything's great.
(43:16):
And don't get me wrong, thereare times and places and moments
where that saved me, where Ihad to do that growing up in
order to keep on moving forward.
But as an adult, you don't haveto do that anymore.
You're not responsible for yourparents or your financial
situation that you grew up in orany of those other
(43:38):
circumstances.
But you are responsible foryourself.
And that means making sensewith everything that made you
into who you are.
Because it's not the Disneytrips that made you into who you
are, it's not the perfectfamily vacations, but it's those
moments where things were idealbecause that gives you
(44:03):
compassion and it gives youunderstanding, and it gives you
a servant's heart, and it givesyou grace and patience and all
of these traits that areactually really wonderful about
you.
Authenticity.
But if you don't tap into thoseugly things that you're hiding
from everyone, even yourself,unfortunately, you're never
(44:24):
going to get the full benefit ofany of those emotions that you
actually do have within you.
What does being vulnerable meanto you?
It depends on the circumstance.
Um, I work with high schoolersand I keep my private life very
different than my professionallife, mostly because I still
(44:46):
look like a high schooler.
So, like getting the respectand the authority and um just
that like our dynamic is reallyhard.
But when I'm vulnerable atwork, it's you know what?
I don't always want to read theresearch articles that my
teachers assign me.
It's hard.
Or I actually don't know theanswer to that question.
(45:07):
Let's work it out together.
But then being vulnerable, likein my mindset coaching, like
when we talk together, it can belike, oh my gosh, there was
that random time when I wasgrowing up.
And wait, that influences theway that I feel about this.
And that's why I have thispolitical opinion.
Ding ding ding, thinking aboutany type of political question
(45:30):
in your interview.
That's where that comes from.
Nobody cares that you have thisbelief because your mom told
you to have it, or because youwere raised in this type of
family.
No, that's not what it's about.
Everybody has a different wayin which they view the world,
and you need to figure outyours.
Raeanna (45:50):
Yeah, I love that description of it.
And it ties in so well withwhat I've learned vulnerability
to be as well.
And I think so many peoplethink being vulnerable means
like opening up your wounds forthe entire world to see.
But we had thoseheart-to-hearts in our coaching
calls where I said, okay, Ithink it's it's good to talk
(46:12):
about some of these things thatyou've been through with me, but
know that you don't have tobring it up in interview.
It's not for the world to know.
The world doesn't need to knowthat.
And just because you don'tshare that particular part of
your experience doesn't meanyou're not vulnerable.
You have to haveself-protective boundaries with
yourself as well.
Alayna (46:31):
Right.
That um, just to add on tothat, it's like, so we had these
like really deep,heart-to-heart, like you said,
moments where like I'm sobbing,we're like working through it.
Oh, dude, I was sobbing too.
Oh, yeah, everybody's crying.
Everybody's crying, like in agood, healthy way.
Um, it's not just traumadumping, because I don't think
(46:52):
trauma dumping helps anyoneever, but talking through some
of these like really adversechildhood experiences.
Like, and don't get me wrong,like, I love my parents.
I grew up in honestly, like avery nice, loving home.
But everyone, even if you havea wonderful family, you have
(47:12):
these experiences.
And so I am just like pouringmy heart out.
And I was like, in order to bevulnerable, do I have to like
say this in my Miss Nebraskainterview?
And you gave me the permissionto be comfortable disclosing
this, but that doesn't mean thatyou have to say it in an
interview.
But take the lessons youlearned through that experience
(47:37):
and show them in your interview,show them in your everyday
life.
Because that's why I care somuch about working with like
child advocacy centers.
That's why I would just want tohelp everyone, especially
children.
And I wouldn't have had thatrealization without really
coming to know how thatchildhood experience really
(48:01):
shaped me.
But there are other things I'mwilling to say, other things I'm
willing to talk about.
I'm pretty much an open book,but being an open book, like you
said, doesn't mean you'repouring your deepest, darkest
secret to anyone that willlisten, because that's also not
helpful.
Raeanna (48:16):
Yeah, it's not healthy and it's it's not safe for you
to do.
Right.
So, what does authenticity meanto you?
Alayna (48:30):
The one way that I like gauge it, even like throughout
this like interview, as we'retalking, I keep asking myself,
would 10-year-old Elena approveof this?
Because I think that is areally good test of saying,
like, okay, am I beating myself?
Am I putting on a face?
Am I faking it?
(48:50):
And kids never lie, you know,like kids will tell you straight
up.
So I'm like, okay, wouldyounger Elena agree with this?
Would she approve?
Would she look at me and say,that's the type of girl that I
want to be with that, the waythat she's carrying herself and
what she's doing?
And so I think being authenticis not letting anyone's opinion
(49:16):
influence the way you conductyourself, besides the younger
version of you.
Raeanna (49:21):
Yeah.
Alayna (49:22):
I hope that makes sense.
Raeanna (49:23):
It makes perfect sense.
I actually I love I love thatperspective on it because it's
it's true.
I think one of the reasons thatwe we turn inward, we uh we act
or put a face on is in fear ofwhat other people think of us or
what other people have said.
Right.
Or hiding from ourselves.
(49:44):
Or hiding from ourselves.
But being authentic is exactlywhat you said that that
fearlessly authentic piece of ofnot being afraid to show up as
you.
And the fear is rooted in whatother people might think of you,
not being afraid of what otherpeople might think of you, or
what other people might say, or,you know, truly anybody else's
perspectives or your ownlimiting beliefs and just
(50:07):
showing up real.
Definitely.
Okay, we recently had aconversation about all the
things that you want to do thisyear as Miss Kansas volunteer,
and you've got a laundry list,plus you're going to school,
plus you're working, plus you'rein a committed relationship,
(50:30):
and you have an amazing sociallife.
You are doing your ownvolunteer service and you're
influencing other people tovolunteer as well.
You're working with sponsors,trying to make the most of all
of this.
And so the word balance comesto mind for me.
How are you planning to findbalance and sustainability
(50:50):
throughout this year foryourself?
Alayna (50:54):
That's probably the hardest part of this job.
Because it's not just doing theevents you want to do, but it's
also am I supporting the localtitle holders the best that I
can?
Am I talking to my directorsenough?
Am I reaching out to sponsors?
Am I posting enough?
Like, do people know what'sgoing on in my life?
(51:14):
There are so many things thatare involved with being a state
title holder, which I've neverhad that experience.
And so it was kind of a crazyfirst three weeks for me because
there are all of these, like wesaid, shoulds.
You should be on social mediamore.
You should be at this event,you should be doing this.
(51:34):
And those comments, thosestatements are not helpful at
all.
So finding a balance, I breakup my week into certain things
on certain days.
So, like Monday, Tuesday, I goto work, I only focus on school.
Wednesday, focus on school.
Thursdays, I take all mymeetings, I do all my Miss
(51:55):
Kansas volunteer stuff.
Fridays are kind of my flexdays.
So whatever I didn't have timeto do during the week is now
what I do on Fridays.
And you have to stayconsistent.
That's the piece that I thinkis really hard.
And there are going to be someweeks where I have to prioritize
school, like during finals.
Gotta prioritize that.
(52:16):
Or I have to prioritize workduring certain times.
And then Miss Cancel Volunteer,when we get closer to
nationals, that is going to bemy top priority.
But it's knowing when to giveit a rest.
I think that is reallyimportant in finding balance
because oh, I could be on socialmedia all day.
(52:37):
I could post 17 things, I couldhave all these drafts, I could
do it all.
But then is that gonna burn meout and I'm not gonna want to do
it for a month?
So it's not necessarily thisbalance of time management, but
energy management is probablymore important and knowing
yourself.
I am a mid-morning gal, loveit.
(52:58):
That's when my brain works thebest.
That's when we're recordingthis podcast.
Um, but if I wake up at 5 a.m.
to do homework, it's nothappening.
If I go to the gym at 10 p.m.,you're not gonna get my best
effort.
So it's really knowing you andfinding a balance that works for
you.
And if it doesn't work, changeit.
You're in charge of your life.
Raeanna (53:20):
I think perspective is really important too.
Like we had talked about theother day.
I said, Alina, are you gettingpaid for your appearances as
Miss Kansas Kansas volunteer?
And she said, no.
I said, so it's really avolunteer position.
Yeah.
Okay, please treat it as such.
Like, yes, it's a job.
It is, you're under contractand you have certain
(53:43):
expectations.
But at the end of the day, thisis a volunteer position.
And you're gonna pour yourheart and soul into it because
that's what you do witheverything.
But I think that's one way offinding balance for all of you
guys.
It's like perspective, span,like pan out.
I just hit my mic, pan out andlook at all the things you have
(54:04):
going on and really narrow downlike what are the priorities
here and check yourselfregularly.
I think that's another reallyimportant tactic.
Now, if you have a differenttitle where you do get paid for
appearances, or maybe thecontract looks a little bit
different, then priorities shiftwith that too.
So it's all about perspectiveand how you're looking at it.
Alayna (54:27):
And there's so much freedom in that too, where it's
like, you know what?
I really need a career someday.
Like school has to takepriority and it will.
But then you gave me so muchlike confidence and like
reassurance when you said treatit like a volunteer position.
Like, you're not spending 20hours a week volunteering,
usually as like a normaleveryday person.
(54:50):
Maybe five hours a week, ifyou're lucky, but just having
that perspective of like, okay,you're right.
I am a 26-year-old woman.
I need to pay my bills.
How am I going to manage mytime to reflect that?
Raeanna (55:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
I want to be mindful of yourtime because I know.
So we're recording this on aThursday, and I know that
Thursday is her day to like geta whole bunch of stuff done and
have her meetings andeverything.
Um, so I kind of want to wrapthis up.
First off, what my like secondto last question that I want to
(55:26):
ask you is what advice do youhave for the girls in the
runner-up club?
Because you consider yourselfto be the queen of the runner-up
club.
Alayna (55:35):
Yeah, I'm the president of the first runner-up club.
If anybody wants to join,formal application.
No, I'm just if you are in thefirst runner-up club, there's a
lot of heart and soul and timethat gets put into that.
And I am not going to sit hereand say it's easy to switch
things up.
But what I am saying, it mightbe necessary.
(55:57):
If you keep going after thesame goal and you keep just
adding and you want to do more,do more, either take a step back
and work on your mindset, likewe've been talking about, or
take a leap of faith and join adifferent organization.
If you're eligible in more thanone state, try a different
state.
Because when you are laying onyour deathbed someday, are you
(56:21):
going to be thankful that youcompeted at the same competition
10 times?
Or will you have a betterexperience and meet more people
and have a larger network if youtry other organizations and do
different things?
And if it doesn't work, okay,go back to square one.
But what if it does work?
And that's exactly whathappened for me this year.
(56:43):
But if you're in the firstrunner-up club, you have the
hardest job on that stage andyou already did it.
You literally did the hardestthing that could possibly happen
on that stage.
So don't give up.
But sometimes your dreamsshould change.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Raeanna (57:05):
Caveat to all of that.
If you've made it to FirstRunner Up, and maybe you've made
it to First Runner-Up multipletimes or top five multiple
times, something is working.
So be careful not to flip it onthe head and like do everything
different.
Elena and I had deepconversations about her talent
because she was going to switchup her talent.
(57:26):
And it from my perspective as acoach, I was more concerned
about the stress level ofswitching up that talent and
doing a brand new talent than Iwas about her tweaking an
already pretty great talent thatshe already had.
And then she kept it and wonover one uh prelim talent.
Yeah.
And so I'm a huge fan of, youknow, if it ain't broke, don't
(57:49):
fix it.
I performed the exact sametalent four years in a row and
took that same talent to MissAmerica.
So, like, be cautious of that,that that there's a lot of the
like wardrobe stuff, hair andmakeup, walking practice, like
all these things that are likemore tangible that maybe don't
need fixing.
And that it really is more ofan internal and energy thing, to
(58:12):
Elena's Elena's point, orswitching it up into a different
system.
Um, you know, and before we hitrecord, we were talking about
this.
Like, don't get so specific onexactly what your dream should
look like and what you want itto look like, that you close
yourself off to otheropportunities.
And that's what Elena did forherself this year is she stepped
(58:34):
out of that very specificvision of being Miss Nebraska,
going to Miss America as MissNebraska, and said, let's see if
if this dream can show up in adifferent space.
Alayna (58:44):
And it did.
And I still get to doeverything I wanted to do as
Miss Nebraska.
That's the dream.
The dream of serving people andhelping people and traveling
the state and making all theseconnections didn't change.
The title just did.
unknown (59:02):
Yep.
Raeanna (59:03):
100%.
Oh my gosh.
This oh was everything I wantedit to be and dreamt of it being
and more.
Elena, thank you so much forsharing your heart with us
today.
I want to give you the lastword though.
What else is on your hearttoday that you want to make sure
that you share with our Sashand Soul community before we
(59:24):
sign off?
Alayna (59:28):
Investing in yourself is the best thing you'll ever do.
And if you catch yourselfpouring more money into better
talent, better evening gown,better this, better that, just
think about how you can makeyourself better because that
influences everything else.
And it goes so far beyondpageantry, it goes into every
(59:53):
single other aspect of yourlife.
So my little piece of advice isto find how you can work on
yourself.
What ways can you improve?
But most importantly, insteadof looking at it through a lens
of pageantry, look at it justthrough a lens of who you are as
a person.
And I guarantee there are goingto be things in your life that
(01:00:14):
fall into place that you neverthought would be imaginable.
Raeanna (01:00:20):
I love it.
Beautifully said.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you again forspending some time with me today
and sharing your heart, sharingyour journey.
With everyone.
It's um, yeah, again, like Isaid at the beginning, just
aspirational.
Aspirational for everythingthat you've accomplished, but
more so aspirational for the waythat you've grown and the way
that you've challenged yourselfto grow internally.
(01:00:41):
It's just such a beautifulthing.
And you're able to do so muchmore for humanity when you've
done that for yourself.
So thank you so much.
Thank you.
All right.
Enjoy the rest of your day,Elena.
Thanks again for joining us.
And for the rest of you, I willbe back again next week for
another episode of Sash andSoul.
Until then, take care ofyourselves and I will talk to
you then.
Bye.
Hey you guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
Oh my gosh.
I cannot even tell you howexcited I am for this episode
today because one of my favoritepeople is our guest.
Um, this is Elena Wilson.
She is our Miss KansasVolunteer 2026, very recently
ground.
But I've known Elena for quitesome time now.
(00:48):
She came to me as a prospectiveclient like a year and a half
ago, I think.
And um the journey has beenincredible.
And watching her growth andlearning from her and the deep
conversations that we've hadhave just been really
incredible.
So I'm just so excited towelcome her onto the show to
share her heart with all of you.
Um, it's like a blessing for methat I get to create this
(01:11):
platform for her to be able todo that with all of you because
I've just been so, so blessed tohear her heart throughout the
last year and a half.
So here she is for all of you.
So, Elena, welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you so much for havingme.
I am so excited.
Good, good.
Tell us about yourself.
Give us give us the rundown ofwho Elena Wilson is.
Alayna (01:32):
All right.
Well, hey everyone.
Like Rihanna said, my name isElena Wilson, recently crowned
Miss Kansas Volunteer 2026, butthat is just a small, small
piece of who I am as an actualperson.
I grew up in a small towncalled Columbus, Nebraska.
And not only did I live in thatsmall town, I lived on the
(01:54):
outskirts of that small town.
So it was very normal for me tobe barefoot every single day
running around with the farmcats and the dogs.
We have a huge cornfield in myparents' backyard, which is very
Nebraska of us.
Um, I graduated sixth grade.
We did have a sixth gradegraduation with 14 kids.
(02:16):
So if that paints a picture foryou, this whole world of
pageantry is nothing that I everthought I would get a taste of.
It was so distant to me.
I grew up watching Miss USA,Miss America, but never in my
life did I think I could be oneof those women.
(02:37):
So then grew up, graduated fromhigh school.
I went to my undergrad programat the University of Nebraska
Lincoln.
And it was the best, I saythree and a half years of my
life because COVID happenedduring that point.
Um, kind of changed thetrajectory of what I thought my
life would look like.
I joined a sorority, and thatwas one of the best decisions I
(03:01):
ever made, alpha fee.
I served on a bunch ofleadership roles.
I became the president mysenior year, and that really
launched me into all of myleadership positions that I've
held since.
So I graduated with a degree incommunication sciences and
disorders, which then brought mehere to Kansas for my master's
(03:22):
program, where I got my master'sin speech language pathology in
2023.
And I decided I love school somuch, I don't want to quit yet.
So now I'm a third-year PhDstudent, still at the University
of Kansas, and I'm just rockingand rolling with that.
And then about three weeks ago,I was crowned as Kansas
(03:43):
volunteer.
So that is my 24-7 job that Ilike to joke about.
But then I'm a full-time PhDstudent, and then I also work
clinically as a speech languagepathologist in a Title I high
school.
Raeanna (03:57):
Aspirational, essentially.
If we were to sum you up in oneword, you are the girl that I
would have looked at back when Ihad started competing and
thinking, oh my gosh, I willnever be as awesome as her.
You are the girl that like fromthe outside looks intimidating
because you're so aspirational.
But you dig deeper and you'rejust real.
(04:22):
And that's that's what I mean,that's what's awesome about
pageantry in general, right?
Because we have women from allsorts of different backgrounds,
incredibly dynamic people, uh,intelligent, talented, driven,
outgoing, charismatic, and yetstill human beings at the end of
the day.
And so that's what I am excitedto dive into today with you is
(04:42):
like the human part of yourjourney.
Because on paper, girl, youlook like you just like set out
one day to be awesome and thenyou did it.
But the reality is life happensand change, causes you to
change course and causes you togrow and take pause and learn
from mistakes and all thethings.
(05:03):
So can we talk?
I really want to dive in firstwith your serve initiative
because it's so deeply rooted insome trauma and loss for you.
But it's also really, you know,I know from my perspective,
it's so multifaceted in terms ofwhere your heart for service
(05:26):
really comes from, that it's notjust one experience that you've
had, it's a multitude of thingsthat you've been through.
So talk about your serveinitiative and how it got
started.
Like I know it's a long story.
So, girl, just go off.
Alayna (05:37):
All right.
Thank goodness this is apodcast and not like an actual
pageant interview, because Iwould take up the entire 10
minutes just going in depthabout this.
And as you were introing this,like talking about how um you
have to be a real person outsideof pageantry.
And it's those types of traitsthat actually make you
(05:58):
successful, not only inpageantry, but in the real
world.
And my serve initiative is thetestament of that.
So it's called Love and Light,Giving Back, Moving Forward.
And it's all about creatingspaces for the next generation
of volunteers.
So growing up, we're gonna goway, way, way back.
(06:19):
So, growing up, I did not growup in like a white picket fence
type of home.
We struggled a lot, like infull transparency, my dad is a
small business owner and wefiled for bankruptcy in 2011.
So there were a lot offinancial hardships, um, but
(06:41):
there were also other thingsgoing on.
People that I loved that weresuffering from addiction.
And when you are close tosomeone who is suffering from
something like that, it's hardto make sense of it.
Because in my mind, like, whydon't you just stop drinking?
Isn't it that easy?
(07:02):
Or just make the decision tonot purchase liquor or to not go
to the bar.
Like when you're younger, it'sa lot more black and white in
your brain.
And then you grow up andrealize, oh, it is all gray,
everything.
So I had to help my loved onesgo through that in any way I
(07:23):
knew how at a very young age.
Um, I had my loved ones in andout of rehab essentially until I
started high school.
So not only do you love someoneand you don't understand what's
going on in their lives, butthey're also inconsistent on top
of that.
So that really shaped the waythat I see the world.
(07:45):
And I think that everyone canlook at the same thing, but it's
always through a differentlens.
And so I started from a veryyoung age looking at the world
in a lens of, oh, people arehurting.
And if someone like me, who isthis little blonde-haired,
blue-eyed girl that was theteacher's pet, that got straight
(08:06):
A's, that always helped everynew kid that would come to my
school, I was like their umgreeter.
I was their automatic friendthat the teachers assigned
because they knew I would do it.
But I think I was so wired todo that because I knew everybody
was hurting.
(08:26):
Even if they looked perfect,everybody was hurting.
And that was a big part of myhurt.
So then we fast forward, and Iam now in my sophomore year of
college.
Everything's going perfectly.
Like I have the dream sorority,I have an amazing roommate, I
am joining all these clubs, I ammaking friends left and right,
(08:49):
I'm finally out of my smalltown.
And then I get this phone callthat one of my previous dance
partners was diagnosed withchildhood cancer.
And in my mind, I just thought,well, he's healthy, he's the
most athletic person I know.
He'll be fine.
Like the doctors will know whatto do, and he'll be back
(09:12):
dancing in no time.
But unfortunately, from hisdiagnosis date to the day he
eventually passed was only 11months.
So it happened very quickly.
And I had never really lostsomeone like that before.
I had lost grandparents, butthat you have time to process
(09:34):
that, and you know it's coming.
With this scenario, I rememberwalking into the funeral and
like the casket was just toosmall.
Like I remember thinking thereis no way that this should be
happening.
So then with my previousexperiences and now with this
new grief and this cycle ofdepression, that I just I did
(09:59):
not know how to use my energy ina productive way, but I knew
what I was doing wasn't going toget me anywhere.
So then I joined the SammySuperheroes Junior board.
Sammy Superheroes is anonprofit that was actually
founded in my hometown thatraises funds and awareness for
all types of childhood cancer.
So I thought I can't bring myfriend back to this earth, but I
(10:24):
can help other kids like him.
So I poured all of that energyI had into this organization.
Fast forward my senior year, Ibecome the president of that
club and I reached hundreds offamilies.
I got to go to children'shospital and share my personal
experience and actually bondwith the families.
(10:44):
I didn't come here on thispedestal saying, if you just, if
you just hope that it goesaway, it'll go away and every
day is awesome and every day'sfun.
That is not what childhoodcancer looks like.
It is ugly and disgusting.
And I saw it firsthand.
And so I think that also put mein a different position to meet
(11:07):
with these families and toactually help them through it
instead of just preach at themthat they should be grateful for
every day they have.
So, with my previousexperiences of just watching
people hurt, that's what fueledme to do something when my
friend passed away.
Because he had plenty offriends.
But why was I the one thatwanted to take this next step
(11:32):
and do something more?
And even though my childhoodwas not perfect by any means, I
can look back now and bethankful for it because that
pushed me and motivated me to dosomething and to take action
when I was going through thatreally hard time in my life.
So since then, I then dipped mytoe in other things.
(11:53):
I got into the cystic fibrosiscommunity, I got into the
mentoring community.
Um, I am now working at like achild advocacy center and doing
story times with kids that havegone through traumatic
experiences like I have.
And it is so healing.
So part of my SERB initiativeis to have people reflect on
(12:14):
their own stories.
Because it might not bechildhood cancer, it might be,
like I mentioned in a previouspodcast, I just recorded, it
might be homelessness, it mightbe poverty, it might be someone
you love is battling addiction.
Maybe you yourself is battlingaddiction or bullying.
Like you name it.
And when you put that energy,that negative energy and flip it
(12:40):
and give back to the thing thatyou thought you were missing,
that's done more healing for methan years of therapy has.
Raeanna (14:17):
And ultimately, we landed on this evolution of you,
you know, what service did foryou and your healing and the
power that it gave you in thissituation that you had no
control.
And you want to empower otherpeople to step up into their own
power and do that too.
So tell me about the work thatyou want to do now with your
Serve initiative that is reallyall about mentoring other people
(14:40):
and encouraging them to get outand get involved.
Alayna (14:43):
Right.
So a big part of this wasknowing I can't fix everything.
That is a really hard thing asa professional, like as a speech
language pathologist, but alsoas a title holder.
You want to come in and justsave everyone and do all the
things all the time, and youcan't.
But what you can do is equippeople to be in those
(15:04):
communities that they areactively living in, knowing the
gaps that are happening dailyaround them.
And so that's where I reallywant to focus is saying, here
are the opportunities you cangive back.
What skills do you have thatyou can put forth and really
make a difference?
And that doesn't always looklike time.
It might be financial means, itmight be coming in and teaching
(15:28):
your community a skill.
It might be offering a place tohost fundraisers, any of those
things.
It doesn't have to be this likeblack and white.
Well, you're gonna go to thisevent and you're gonna say this
script and then you're gonna behealed.
Congratulations.
It takes the work, and that'ssomething I want to be very
transparent with.
When I started my Serveinitiative, it was just
(15:50):
childhood cancer because that'sreally what made me pivot in my
life.
But then I took a step back andsaid, wow, you're right.
It was the healing that I did.
It was giving back in otherways.
And only talking aboutchildhood cancer was wonderful
because it needs attention, butthat's not going to sit with
(16:12):
everyone the same way that itdoes for me or for other
families affected by it.
Maybe that one thing is, like Isaid, childhood advocacy,
poverty, homelessness,addiction.
So then if I can give peoplethe tools and just the
confidence, most of the time itjust takes the confidence to
(16:33):
reach out to an organization andsay, I want to partner with
you.
Can I help you make giftbaskets?
Can I just like stand thereduring one of your meetings and
listen to what you're talkingabout?
Because it's those small,imperfect actions that actually
lead to a lot of change withinyourself.
Did you ever lack confidence inyour service?
(16:54):
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
At the beginning of thisjourney, I would cold call
schools and say, Hey, can I cometalk to your students about
childhood cancer?
And that was tough the firstcouple of times because you get
hit with a lot of questions thatyou've never practiced.
You don't really know how toanswer.
(17:15):
Um, or you think you know theright answer and then it gets
perceived in a completelydifferent way.
So when I started this journey,there were a lot of times I
would get in my car afterwardsand be like, you know what?
We're gonna be better nexttime.
But it's saying that you'regoing to go back again and do it
again and be better, that'swhere you get confidence.
(17:37):
It's not by having perfectperformances.
Raeanna (17:40):
100%.
You gain confidence by doingand putting yourself out there.
And then you have the littlewins, and that just builds up
your confidence.
And then you got to putyourself out there again.
Yeah.
And risk it all again.
And then you'll have littlewins and you build that
confidence.
It's the confidence formula inaction.
So speaking of action, like youare incredibly action-oriented.
(18:02):
Um, so there's three modes ofoperation.
There's feelings or emotions,there's action, like the
physical, and then there's theintellectual or the thinking,
right?
And we know to be true that youare very much action-oriented.
Like that is your firstinstinct is to take action.
(18:24):
Whereas my first instinct is Igotta feel the feels.
I gotta, I gotta feel all ofthis out.
I'm just a very emotionallydeep person.
And then thinking and thenaction.
So action is third for me,which is why people like you
tend to intimidate me morebecause I'm like, how do you do
all of this stuff?
I don't have the emotionalbandwidth for it.
(18:44):
But action isn't everything.
And I think you recognize thatin your pageant journey when it
was a lot of action, you weredoing all the things, but not
getting the results.
So let's let's start goingthere.
Let's talk about your pageantjourney and what it looked like,
especially early on and inthroughout your journey in the
(19:05):
Miss Nebraska organization.
Alayna (19:07):
Wonderful.
Okay.
So, viewers, yes, I started offin the Miss Nebraska
organization when I was 18 yearsold.
And it just kind of happened onaccident, I'll be honest with
you.
Um, but my platform was stillchildhood cancer because Sammy's
superheroes was in my hometown.
And so I just thought, I'll doa couple events, I'll shake some
(19:29):
hands, I'll take some pictures.
Like it wasn't that deep to meyet, because this was before my
friend had passed away.
But I knew childhood cancer,you know, who's going to say
that's not a good thing tosupport?
So um I went through my firstyear of Miss Nebraska.
I think if they were to giveout a last place award, I
(19:50):
probably would have won thataward.
And that is not to sound meanto myself.
It was just, I was completelyunprepared.
But I had the best time.
So then I took a couple ofyears off when I started
college, and that's when myfriend Trevor had passed, and
that's when everything changed.
And I was like, oh, I don'tjust have to go to events, but I
(20:12):
have to be the keynote speaker.
I have to greet everyone at theevent, I have to make a point
of contact with as many peopleas possible.
And then I need to expand, Ineed to be part of this national
partnership and not just bepart of it.
I need to be the staterepresentative, I need to do
this bill.
Like I had so many thoughts.
My brain was spinning at allmoments of the day.
(20:34):
But I needed to do that.
I needed to have a lot ofaction and I needed to know what
was happening in thesecommunities.
So then what was driving thataction though?
You said you needed to, butwhere did that need come from?
I think the need came from thevoid that I had within myself.
Because if I couldn't keep myfriend Trevor here on earth,
(20:59):
then at least I could try tokeep other kids here through
financial means of finding acure or finding better treatment
options.
So I'm glad that you pointedthat out.
It was this like internal driveof like, I can't let this
happen to anyone else.
Raeanna (21:16):
Yeah, and it's incredibly relatable because it
that was a similar experiencethat I had when I was presenting
my platform, which waseverything to do with my brother
and losing him to suicide anddrug addiction.
And it was like this drive tomake sure that everyone heard
the story and everyone was awareof the dangers and was making
(21:37):
better decisions and just tryingto prevent it from happening to
other people.
Like this drive to saveeveryone else.
Yeah, it was like filling avoid.
And it was also like thatbusyness was a coping strategy
for my grief and for the traumathat I was still experiencing in
the throes of grief and andlife happening around that and
(22:00):
outside of it.
Um, and so I think that's sucha common experience that that
many people have in grief.
It's not everyone's, but it isa common experience.
So it makes sense that then youget into this role where it
almost becomes habitual, itbecomes a lifestyle that you
(22:21):
just have to keep busy and youhave to keep going, even when it
has no, it's no longer servingthat purpose.
Absolutely.
Alayna (22:28):
And so that was my life for let's see, four or five
years.
And that's why my resume isit's jam-packed.
Like it, pretty much anythingyou can think of, it's probably
on my resume.
But then, you know, there'salways a caveat, there's always
a tipping point.
You can only do everything forso long.
(22:51):
So then I keep going back toMiss Nebraska.
I got second runner up, andthen first runner up, first
runner-up, first runner up,first runner up.
It was a journey where I keptdoing more.
I just thought, well, if I justdo more, if my resume is more
impressive, if I have a bettergown, if I have a better walk,
(23:13):
if I have a better talent, likethen they have to choose me.
And if they don't choose me,then it's it's something that
was never meant to be, um, whichI know now.
It was just something thatwasn't meant to be in that
moment of my life.
But doing more did not producethe results that I wanted.
(23:35):
And I think that that is atestament to everybody
listening.
I want that to be like, if youdon't take anything else that I
say today, it's this if you arejust going to events to add a
number, to add a statistic onyour resume, that's not gonna
get you closer to the outcomeyou want.
I really think the turningpoint for me this year, when I
(23:59):
took a step back, was saying,what did these events mean to
me?
What did I learn from them?
What did I learn about myself?
Why am I even passionate aboutthis?
Am I just like falsely going toall of these things out of
habit?
Out of like expectations ofother people?
What is going to serve me?
(24:19):
So I stopped doing all thethings and I took a couple
months to just reflect.
And that was probably like themost important thing that I
could have done for not justmyself as a pageant person, but
like as a human being.
And that's when I like reallygot deep into how does my
childhood affect what I'm doingnow?
(24:41):
Why do I feel the need to helpother people?
Why am I not complacent andjust like, oh yeah, these bad
things happen to me, but likebad things happen to people all
the time, and they don't feelthe need to start a nonprofit.
Why do I feel that need?
And it was because I so badlynow need to be and want to be
(25:06):
the person I needed growing up.
And that is what has groundedme throughout this whole
process.
I don't get nervous beforewalking into interview anymore
because I don't care what theyask me.
And I'll be honest, like, Idon't really care about the
exact words that come out of mymouth.
When I leave that room, I want10-year-old, 12-year-old Elena
(25:31):
to be so proud.
Because at the end of the day,that's all that matters.
Raeanna (25:35):
What a pivotal moment when all of a sudden you
yourself start filling the voidthat younger you felt.
Alayna (25:46):
Right.
Raeanna (25:47):
Wow.
And that is definitely like acoming into your own kind of
journey and a healing journey.
Was there a point that a lightbullipped in your head that you
were like, this isn't workinganymore?
Some I'm missing something.
Alayna (26:11):
Yeah, like something's gotta give.
So well, when you get firstrunner up four years in a row,
you need to take a step back andsay, What am I doing that's not
working?
So when I did that, I tookmyself outside of the pageant.
(26:33):
And I thought, okay, if I tookaway all the outcomes, all the
competitors, everything whatdon't I like about that
experience?
And it was how much anxiety andfrustration I felt throughout
the entire week.
Miss Nebraska's a whole week.
Before interview, I would getso nervous, I would feel sick.
(26:55):
In months leading up to MissNebraska, I wouldn't sleep.
And I thought, if I became MissNebraska tonight, my life can't
go on like this.
Something something has tostop.
This is miserable.
Like I love competing, and thisis making me hate it.
(27:16):
It's turning into somethingthat causes anxiety instead of
empowers me.
So taking that reflectiveglance at everything.
The moment was, I think it wasa couple a couple weeks after
Miss Nebraska, I was talkingwith the like new title holder.
(27:41):
And she just seemed so calm.
And she seemed so at peace.
And like I was asking her abouther schedule, and she was like,
you know what?
Like, I can't go to everything,and that's okay.
And I was like, wait, what?
Like, you're not freaking outright now, you're not like only
getting five hours of sleep anight, and you're not packing
(28:03):
your schedule so full that youcan't do anything else.
You're going to continue yourjob.
You're not making this yourwhole life.
And when I stopped making it myentire life, everything
changed.
Like having that conversationgave me the permission to not
(28:25):
let it be my whole life.
Raeanna (28:27):
In that journey of trying to win Miss Nebraska, who
what were you trying to prove?
Alayna (28:34):
I think I was trying to prove and here's the fallacy in
all this.
I was no longer proving it tomyself.
Because in my head, I knew Iwould have been a great Miss
Nebraska.
I would have been everythingthey wanted.
In the back of my mind, I waslike, and when I witness
Nebraska, I'm gonna be the bestone they've ever seen, and I'm
(28:54):
gonna give up everything.
I'm not gonna have a job, I'mnot gonna go to school.
And again, some states in theircontracts, it looks different
than the way Nebraska's looks.
But I'm gonna be the best onethey've ever seen.
Because I'm gonna give upeverything.
I'm gonna pour all of my heartand soul into this organization.
And how awful would my lifehave been if I would have done
(29:18):
that?
Not because Miss Nebraska'sbad, but because my entire
identity was rooted in that.
So I was trying to prove maybeto the judges.
I was proving it to them thewhole time, or the volunteers,
or the board members, I deservethis.
You need to crown me.
Not just should you want to,but you need to because my
(29:40):
resume is the most impressive.
Ugh.
I'm like gagging thinking aboutthat.
Like what an ugly, terriblemindset to be in.
And even if you win, you're notgonna be fulfilled.
Raeanna (29:52):
No, there's something to be said about feeling
fulfilled before you even getthere.
Uh-huh.
Alayna (29:58):
Yep.
Louder for the people in theback.
Because as soon as I did that,look what happened.
We're sitting here.
Raeanna (30:05):
Yeah, let's talk about that.
Because I was there with youwhen you competed for Miss
Nebraska this last June.
And then I was there with youwhen you competed for Miss
Kansas Volunteer very recently.
And it was night and day to thepoint where you said that you
had people in your close circlethat were like, Are you are you
sure you even want this?
(30:26):
Just because you were yourenergy was.
So different.
So tell us about the dichotomybetween the two experiences.
Alayna (30:35):
Like you said, it was night and day difference.
I, from that moment where I wasspeaking to now, like the
current Miss Nebraska, to Ithink I signed up for Miss
Kansas Volunteer maybe like thelast day registration was open.
And don't get me wrong, I'm aresearcher.
Like I said, I'm a PhD student.
(30:55):
So like I didn't just like signup without knowing what the
organization stood for.
Like I knew that my morals andvalues aligned with this
organization so well.
And I knew that stepping awayfrom Nebraska would be really
hard.
Like I still love all of mylocal directors, executive
(31:15):
directors, volunteers, the womenI competed with.
Like it was like giving up myfamily, truly.
And I knew everyone.
But what made me switch from,first of all, Nebraska to Kansas
was the fact I live here.
If I'm gonna spend a yearmaking connections and doing the
job of a title holder, whywould I move to Nebraska to do
(31:38):
that for a year just to comeback here?
That didn't make any sense tome.
And I also didn't have to giveup as like I didn't have to give
up as much as I would for MissNebraska.
I could stay living in theapartment that I'm in.
I could continue with theschool program I'm in.
Um I didn't have to say goodbyeto my friends for a year that
I've made here.
My life could continue.
(31:59):
I wasn't giving up everything.
So that was a huge weight offof my shoulders, just knowing
Kansas is where I want tocompete.
And then when I got to MissKansas Volunteer, I just
realized I love this board.
Even if I don't win, thesewomen are so amazing.
(32:19):
And they genuinely care aboutme.
So okay, I don't have to win tohave friendship with people on
the board.
Okay, check that off.
And then I realized, you knowwhat?
Even if I don't win Miss KansasVolunteer, what else am I gonna
gain?
And I vowed to myself, nomatter what, I'm gonna have the
(32:41):
best weekend ever.
And you know, I would alwaysget mad at my mom, like, oh,
just go out and have a goodtime.
Okay, thanks, mom.
That really helps.
That takes all my anxiety away.
Thank you.
But what really grounded me wasI'm in charge of my happiness
this week, not these random fiveor six people.
I would give the judges so muchpower.
(33:03):
I would stalk them, I wouldknow everything about them, I'd
find them on Facebook.
I'll be honest with you, Ididn't even know the names of
the judges when I walked intothat room because it didn't
matter.
And I vowed to myself, afterinterview, I'm just gonna have a
good time.
I'm gonna have a good timeduring it, I'm gonna have a good
time before, I'm gonna have agood time after.
(33:24):
And nobody else is in charge ofthat.
And when you take ownership ofthat, everything changes.
Raeanna (33:31):
Yeah.
Isn't that wild?
That that tipping point fromyou know, relying on
circumstances to influence yourexperience and how you feel, to
recognizing that you havecomplete ownership of your
experiences and how you feel.
It's so empowering.
Alayna (33:51):
It is up to you whether you win or not.
Yeah.
Raeanna (33:53):
Like because winning doesn't mean the crown.
Alayna (33:56):
Yeah.
Raeanna (33:58):
Okay, if that cut out, because sometimes uh when we
talk over each other, it does,but we literally just said the
exact same thing at the sametime, and I loved it.
That was amazing.
Alayna (34:08):
But it's when you realize that.
And for me, you know, maybe ittook until I was 26 years old to
realize that.
But I also think, like, I'm abeliever, I'm a Christian.
I also think God knew if Ibecame Miss Nebraska or any
title holder for that matter,before I was ready and before I
found my identity outside ofpageantry, it would have ruined
(34:29):
me.
Because at the end of the day,this opportunity, that's what it
is.
It's an opportunity, it's notan identity.
And then what happens once youryear's over?
And so that's what reallygrounded me that entire week was
I have all of this life outsideof pageantry that is beautiful
(34:50):
and wonderful and messy.
And winning a pageant doesn'tchange that.
That's gonna be there no matterwhat.
Raeanna (35:00):
You did a Instagram or an Instagram live with Miss
Volunteer America 2026, LaurenCelimini.
Is that Celim?
We were trying to figure outhow to say Celimbini, yeah.
All right, yeah.
Sorry, Lauren, if you'relistening, I was really working
on it before I hit record.
Um, but what one of the thingsthat she had asked you was what
(35:22):
advice would you give to othercompetitors?
Maybe they're just starting outor you know, they haven't quite
met those goals yet.
What would you say to them?
And I absolutely loved theperspective that you came from.
And it was, you know, let go ofall the noise, let go of what
everybody else is telling you.
So could you elaborate on whatyou had told Lauren of like let
(35:45):
go of all the feedback?
Because you can ask for adviceand feedback and critiques all
day long and try and fit thatmold.
But it's when you let go of allof that and just work on who
you are outside of pageants,that's when that's when you
really start to flourish.
So I'd love to hear youelaborate on that.
Alayna (36:04):
Yeah.
So this is a hard piece ofadvice to get if you are not in
the mental space to hear it.
So, for the girls that arelistening and you're like, this
is my entire life, there'snothing I want more.
Like, I'm so desperate forthis.
Like, I'll give up everythingand anything.
I've been in your position andI get it.
And I wish someone would havetold me, it's just not it's just
(36:28):
not.
It's okay.
So then when you work onyourself outside of pageantry,
one of the things that aprevious director told me was
well, what you talk about ininterview, like if you're at a
cocktail party with someone,what are they going to be
interested in hearing?
Is it just bullets on a resume?
No, it's going to be thingslike, oh, I got stranded in
(36:52):
Paris for 24 hours with noluggage.
Talk about what you learned inthat experience.
Because let me tell you, beingstuck in Paris taught me a lot
more than many of my collegecourses.
But people think it's thecollege courses you have to talk
about and the prestige andthese like really highly valued
(37:15):
experiences on a resume, butthat's not what builds you.
It's all of those in-betweenthings.
What about?
Oh goodness, there are so manycircumstances.
I showed up and I recentlyfilmed a commercial with Patrick
Mahomes with 24 hours notice.
That taught me how to interactwith people who have high
(37:37):
influence.
Are you gonna fangirl?
Are you gonna be a normalperson?
That is a really valuablecharacteristic to have,
especially if I go on to be anational title holder where you
turn quote unquote famousovernight with no training.
So it's about working on all ofthose things within myself.
Why do I get frustrated aboutcertain things?
(38:00):
Be curious about yourself.
Why do I care so much aboutinterview?
Come to realize I was trying tocontrol the judges.
You're never gonna besuccessful if you try to control
other people.
Or in my talent, I was tryingto throw tricks and do things
that I thought the judges werelooking for, even though I
didn't feel comfortable doingthose tricks.
(38:22):
The minute I took them out, Iwon a talent prelim.
And was it the most like highscoring or the most impressive
dance in the world?
No, but I had fun doing it, andthe judges could feel that.
And so getting your aura right,getting your energy right,
that's what matters.
(38:43):
It's not about having theperfect delivery of everything.
Because I can guarantee you,even on this podcast, I haven't
said everything correctly.
Maybe I should have saidsomething and I said something
else, like, but that doesn'tmatter.
What matters is connecting.
Well, and also should have,according to who?
Raeanna (39:02):
According to you, according to me, as the host,
according to the audiencelistening, like should have said
something different accordingto who.
It's the exact same thing ininterview.
You walk out of that interviewand you could should all over
yourself with, I should havesaid that thing instead of that
thing.
And oh my gosh, I didn't evenhave an opportunity to talk
about that.
And I really should have triedto weave that in.
But why?
Should have according to who?
(39:24):
And how do you know that thatwould actually change it that
much?
Alayna (39:30):
Right.
There's also, this reminds me,um, a trend that was going on
TikTok where it's like, um,there is like a montage of like
different videos of like womensaying, like, oh, well, I'm best
friends with her because shehas a flat stomach.
I'm best friends with herbecause she says the same
perfect thing every single time.
I'm actually best friends withher because she denies herself
(39:51):
any type of fun.
Or I'm best friends with herbecause she works 80 hours a
week.
No, the same thing goes withconmagentry.
Why do you love your bestfriends?
It's not because they'reperfect, it's actually probably
because they're like wacky andwild and silly and have all
these like kooky experiences, orthey made this mistake and
learned from it.
(40:12):
That's like think about it inthat way.
You're making friends with thejudges.
And I was in that perfectionloophole for so long of like,
well, if I'm just perfect,they're going to love me because
they have to love me because Ican control it.
Ha! Laughs, because that is nothow it works.
(40:32):
In this past interview withMiss Kansas Volunteer, we
laughed, we cried, we jokedaround, and I never once felt
any sort of anxiety.
Because it didn't matter, wewere just friends, right, right.
Raeanna (40:49):
So, in your journey of self-discovery and peeling back
the layers, trying to betterunderstand where you're coming
from, where you want to go, howto let go of you know, the
control, so to speak, howdifficult was that?
Like, there's so much fear ingetting started on a
(41:14):
self-discovery journey, amindset journey, a therapy
journey.
There's so much fear in thatbecause there's a lot of
unknown.
It's a scary place.
And and so, how how was thatexperience for you?
Alayna (41:25):
It doesn't happen overnight.
And there are gonna be a lot ofdays where you're like, oh,
maybe I shouldn't have openedthis can of worms because now
I'm feeling all these feelingsand I don't really want to, and
I don't really know what to dowith them.
But like, am I gonna feel thisway forever?
I think that's everybody'sfear.
It's like, oh, if I like openup that door of sadness or
(41:47):
anxiety or worry or insertembarrassment, then I'm never
gonna get through it.
But we know that's not true.
You can read any psych article,and they are going to tell you
to feel your feelings willalways be better, and that's
where you learn.
Ooh, that's a hard truth toswallow.
(42:09):
Because, okay, for example, Ithink a really pivotal part was
coming to the surface witheverything that I dealt with in
childhood.
There was a lot of trauma thathappened in my neighborhood, a
lot of trauma with loving peoplethat are addicted to
substances.
Um, having another parent thatdealt with anxiety and I didn't
(42:32):
know how to help my loved onesthrough it.
There's also just life is hard.
You're going to witness andyou're going to see a lot of
things.
But if you just say, saw it,push it to the back of your
mind, you don't learn anylessons from that.
You don't learn anything aboutyourself.
And so by going on this mindsetjourney, being real with
(42:55):
yourself is probably the hardestperson to be real with.
And I used to live in thiswonderful la la fantasy land
where everything was great andno one had to worry about me,
and no one needed to beconcerned, and I was there to
help everyone and to fixeverything and to come with my
little fairy wand and just thinkeverything's great.
(43:16):
And don't get me wrong, thereare times and places and moments
where that saved me, where Ihad to do that growing up in
order to keep on moving forward.
But as an adult, you don't haveto do that anymore.
You're not responsible for yourparents or your financial
situation that you grew up in orany of those other
(43:38):
circumstances.
But you are responsible foryourself.
And that means making sensewith everything that made you
into who you are.
Because it's not the Disneytrips that made you into who you
are, it's not the perfectfamily vacations, but it's those
moments where things were idealbecause that gives you
(44:03):
compassion and it gives youunderstanding, and it gives you
a servant's heart, and it givesyou grace and patience and all
of these traits that areactually really wonderful about
you.
Authenticity.
But if you don't tap into thoseugly things that you're hiding
from everyone, even yourself,unfortunately, you're never
(44:24):
going to get the full benefit ofany of those emotions that you
actually do have within you.
What does being vulnerable meanto you?
It depends on the circumstance.
Um, I work with high schoolersand I keep my private life very
different than my professionallife, mostly because I still
(44:46):
look like a high schooler.
So, like getting the respectand the authority and um just
that like our dynamic is reallyhard.
But when I'm vulnerable atwork, it's you know what?
I don't always want to read theresearch articles that my
teachers assign me.
It's hard.
Or I actually don't know theanswer to that question.
(45:07):
Let's work it out together.
But then being vulnerable, likein my mindset coaching, like
when we talk together, it can belike, oh my gosh, there was
that random time when I wasgrowing up.
And wait, that influences theway that I feel about this.
And that's why I have thispolitical opinion.
Ding ding ding, thinking aboutany type of political question
(45:30):
in your interview.
That's where that comes from.
Nobody cares that you have thisbelief because your mom told
you to have it, or because youwere raised in this type of
family.
No, that's not what it's about.
Everybody has a different wayin which they view the world,
and you need to figure outyours.
Raeanna (45:50):
Yeah, I love that description of it.
And it ties in so well withwhat I've learned vulnerability
to be as well.
And I think so many peoplethink being vulnerable means
like opening up your wounds forthe entire world to see.
But we had thoseheart-to-hearts in our coaching
calls where I said, okay, Ithink it's it's good to talk
(46:12):
about some of these things thatyou've been through with me, but
know that you don't have tobring it up in interview.
It's not for the world to know.
The world doesn't need to knowthat.
And just because you don'tshare that particular part of
your experience doesn't meanyou're not vulnerable.
You have to haveself-protective boundaries with
yourself as well.
Alayna (46:31):
Right.
That um, just to add on tothat, it's like, so we had these
like really deep,heart-to-heart, like you said,
moments where like I'm sobbing,we're like working through it.
Oh, dude, I was sobbing too.
Oh, yeah, everybody's crying.
Everybody's crying, like in agood, healthy way.
Um, it's not just traumadumping, because I don't think
(46:52):
trauma dumping helps anyoneever, but talking through some
of these like really adversechildhood experiences.
Like, and don't get me wrong,like, I love my parents.
I grew up in honestly, like avery nice, loving home.
But everyone, even if you havea wonderful family, you have
(47:12):
these experiences.
And so I am just like pouringmy heart out.
And I was like, in order to bevulnerable, do I have to like
say this in my Miss Nebraskainterview?
And you gave me the permissionto be comfortable disclosing
this, but that doesn't mean thatyou have to say it in an
interview.
But take the lessons youlearned through that experience
(47:37):
and show them in your interview,show them in your everyday
life.
Because that's why I care somuch about working with like
child advocacy centers.
That's why I would just want tohelp everyone, especially
children.
And I wouldn't have had thatrealization without really
coming to know how thatchildhood experience really
(48:01):
shaped me.
But there are other things I'mwilling to say, other things I'm
willing to talk about.
I'm pretty much an open book,but being an open book, like you
said, doesn't mean you'repouring your deepest, darkest
secret to anyone that willlisten, because that's also not
helpful.
Raeanna (48:16):
Yeah, it's not healthy and it's it's not safe for you
to do.
Right.
So, what does authenticity meanto you?
Alayna (48:30):
The one way that I like gauge it, even like throughout
this like interview, as we'retalking, I keep asking myself,
would 10-year-old Elena approveof this?
Because I think that is areally good test of saying,
like, okay, am I beating myself?
Am I putting on a face?
Am I faking it?
(48:50):
And kids never lie, you know,like kids will tell you straight
up.
So I'm like, okay, wouldyounger Elena agree with this?
Would she approve?
Would she look at me and say,that's the type of girl that I
want to be with that, the waythat she's carrying herself and
what she's doing?
And so I think being authenticis not letting anyone's opinion
(49:16):
influence the way you conductyourself, besides the younger
version of you.
Raeanna (49:21):
Yeah.
Alayna (49:22):
I hope that makes sense.
Raeanna (49:23):
It makes perfect sense.
I actually I love I love thatperspective on it because it's
it's true.
I think one of the reasons thatwe we turn inward, we uh we act
or put a face on is in fear ofwhat other people think of us or
what other people have said.
Right.
Or hiding from ourselves.
(49:44):
Or hiding from ourselves.
But being authentic is exactlywhat you said that that
fearlessly authentic piece of ofnot being afraid to show up as
you.
And the fear is rooted in whatother people might think of you,
not being afraid of what otherpeople might think of you, or
what other people might say, or,you know, truly anybody else's
perspectives or your ownlimiting beliefs and just
(50:07):
showing up real.
Definitely.
Okay, we recently had aconversation about all the
things that you want to do thisyear as Miss Kansas volunteer,
and you've got a laundry list,plus you're going to school,
plus you're working, plus you'rein a committed relationship,
(50:30):
and you have an amazing sociallife.
You are doing your ownvolunteer service and you're
influencing other people tovolunteer as well.
You're working with sponsors,trying to make the most of all
of this.
And so the word balance comesto mind for me.
How are you planning to findbalance and sustainability
(50:50):
throughout this year foryourself?
Alayna (50:54):
That's probably the hardest part of this job.
Because it's not just doing theevents you want to do, but it's
also am I supporting the localtitle holders the best that I
can?
Am I talking to my directorsenough?
Am I reaching out to sponsors?
Am I posting enough?
Like, do people know what'sgoing on in my life?
(51:14):
There are so many things thatare involved with being a state
title holder, which I've neverhad that experience.
And so it was kind of a crazyfirst three weeks for me because
there are all of these, like wesaid, shoulds.
You should be on social mediamore.
You should be at this event,you should be doing this.
(51:34):
And those comments, thosestatements are not helpful at
all.
So finding a balance, I breakup my week into certain things
on certain days.
So, like Monday, Tuesday, I goto work, I only focus on school.
Wednesday, focus on school.
Thursdays, I take all mymeetings, I do all my Miss
(51:55):
Kansas volunteer stuff.
Fridays are kind of my flexdays.
So whatever I didn't have timeto do during the week is now
what I do on Fridays.
And you have to stayconsistent.
That's the piece that I thinkis really hard.
And there are going to be someweeks where I have to prioritize
school, like during finals.
Gotta prioritize that.
(52:16):
Or I have to prioritize workduring certain times.
And then Miss Cancel Volunteer,when we get closer to
nationals, that is going to bemy top priority.
But it's knowing when to giveit a rest.
I think that is reallyimportant in finding balance
because oh, I could be on socialmedia all day.
(52:37):
I could post 17 things, I couldhave all these drafts, I could
do it all.
But then is that gonna burn meout and I'm not gonna want to do
it for a month?
So it's not necessarily thisbalance of time management, but
energy management is probablymore important and knowing
yourself.
I am a mid-morning gal, loveit.
(52:58):
That's when my brain works thebest.
That's when we're recordingthis podcast.
Um, but if I wake up at 5 a.m.
to do homework, it's nothappening.
If I go to the gym at 10 p.m.,you're not gonna get my best
effort.
So it's really knowing you andfinding a balance that works for
you.
And if it doesn't work, changeit.
You're in charge of your life.
Raeanna (53:20):
I think perspective is really important too.
Like we had talked about theother day.
I said, Alina, are you gettingpaid for your appearances as
Miss Kansas Kansas volunteer?
And she said, no.
I said, so it's really avolunteer position.
Yeah.
Okay, please treat it as such.
Like, yes, it's a job.
It is, you're under contractand you have certain
(53:43):
expectations.
But at the end of the day, thisis a volunteer position.
And you're gonna pour yourheart and soul into it because
that's what you do witheverything.
But I think that's one way offinding balance for all of you
guys.
It's like perspective, span,like pan out.
I just hit my mic, pan out andlook at all the things you have
(54:04):
going on and really narrow downlike what are the priorities
here and check yourselfregularly.
I think that's another reallyimportant tactic.
Now, if you have a differenttitle where you do get paid for
appearances, or maybe thecontract looks a little bit
different, then priorities shiftwith that too.
So it's all about perspectiveand how you're looking at it.
Alayna (54:27):
And there's so much freedom in that too, where it's
like, you know what?
I really need a career someday.
Like school has to takepriority and it will.
But then you gave me so muchlike confidence and like
reassurance when you said treatit like a volunteer position.
Like, you're not spending 20hours a week volunteering,
usually as like a normaleveryday person.
(54:50):
Maybe five hours a week, ifyou're lucky, but just having
that perspective of like, okay,you're right.
I am a 26-year-old woman.
I need to pay my bills.
How am I going to manage mytime to reflect that?
Raeanna (55:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
I want to be mindful of yourtime because I know.
So we're recording this on aThursday, and I know that
Thursday is her day to like geta whole bunch of stuff done and
have her meetings andeverything.
Um, so I kind of want to wrapthis up.
First off, what my like secondto last question that I want to
(55:26):
ask you is what advice do youhave for the girls in the
runner-up club?
Because you consider yourselfto be the queen of the runner-up
club.
Alayna (55:35):
Yeah, I'm the president of the first runner-up club.
If anybody wants to join,formal application.
No, I'm just if you are in thefirst runner-up club, there's a
lot of heart and soul and timethat gets put into that.
And I am not going to sit hereand say it's easy to switch
things up.
But what I am saying, it mightbe necessary.
(55:57):
If you keep going after thesame goal and you keep just
adding and you want to do more,do more, either take a step back
and work on your mindset, likewe've been talking about, or
take a leap of faith and join adifferent organization.
If you're eligible in more thanone state, try a different
state.
Because when you are laying onyour deathbed someday, are you
(56:21):
going to be thankful that youcompeted at the same competition
10 times?
Or will you have a betterexperience and meet more people
and have a larger network if youtry other organizations and do
different things?
And if it doesn't work, okay,go back to square one.
But what if it does work?
And that's exactly whathappened for me this year.
(56:43):
But if you're in the firstrunner-up club, you have the
hardest job on that stage andyou already did it.
You literally did the hardestthing that could possibly happen
on that stage.
So don't give up.
But sometimes your dreamsshould change.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Raeanna (57:05):
Caveat to all of that.
If you've made it to FirstRunner Up, and maybe you've made
it to First Runner-Up multipletimes or top five multiple
times, something is working.
So be careful not to flip it onthe head and like do everything
different.
Elena and I had deepconversations about her talent
because she was going to switchup her talent.
(57:26):
And it from my perspective as acoach, I was more concerned
about the stress level ofswitching up that talent and
doing a brand new talent than Iwas about her tweaking an
already pretty great talent thatshe already had.
And then she kept it and wonover one uh prelim talent.
Yeah.
And so I'm a huge fan of, youknow, if it ain't broke, don't
(57:49):
fix it.
I performed the exact sametalent four years in a row and
took that same talent to MissAmerica.
So, like, be cautious of that,that that there's a lot of the
like wardrobe stuff, hair andmakeup, walking practice, like
all these things that are likemore tangible that maybe don't
need fixing.
And that it really is more ofan internal and energy thing, to
(58:12):
Elena's Elena's point, orswitching it up into a different
system.
Um, you know, and before we hitrecord, we were talking about
this.
Like, don't get so specific onexactly what your dream should
look like and what you want itto look like, that you close
yourself off to otheropportunities.
And that's what Elena did forherself this year is she stepped
(58:34):
out of that very specificvision of being Miss Nebraska,
going to Miss America as MissNebraska, and said, let's see if
if this dream can show up in adifferent space.
Alayna (58:44):
And it did.
And I still get to doeverything I wanted to do as
Miss Nebraska.
That's the dream.
The dream of serving people andhelping people and traveling
the state and making all theseconnections didn't change.
The title just did.
unknown (59:02):
Yep.
Raeanna (59:03):
100%.
Oh my gosh.
This oh was everything I wantedit to be and dreamt of it being
and more.
Elena, thank you so much forsharing your heart with us
today.
I want to give you the lastword though.
What else is on your hearttoday that you want to make sure
that you share with our Sashand Soul community before we
(59:24):
sign off?
Alayna (59:28):
Investing in yourself is the best thing you'll ever do.
And if you catch yourselfpouring more money into better
talent, better evening gown,better this, better that, just
think about how you can makeyourself better because that
influences everything else.
And it goes so far beyondpageantry, it goes into every
(59:53):
single other aspect of yourlife.
So my little piece of advice isto find how you can work on
yourself.
What ways can you improve?
But most importantly, insteadof looking at it through a lens
of pageantry, look at it justthrough a lens of who you are as
a person.
And I guarantee there are goingto be things in your life that
(01:00:14):
fall into place that you neverthought would be imaginable.
Raeanna (01:00:20):
I love it.
Beautifully said.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you again forspending some time with me today
and sharing your heart, sharingyour journey.
With everyone.
It's um, yeah, again, like Isaid at the beginning, just
aspirational.
Aspirational for everythingthat you've accomplished, but
more so aspirational for the waythat you've grown and the way
that you've challenged yourselfto grow internally.
(01:00:41):
It's just such a beautifulthing.
And you're able to do so muchmore for humanity when you've
done that for yourself.
So thank you so much.
Thank you.
All right.
Enjoy the rest of your day,Elena.
Thanks again for joining us.
And for the rest of you, I willbe back again next week for
another episode of Sash andSoul.
Until then, take care ofyourselves and I will talk to
you then.
Bye.
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