May 3, 2022 • 33 mins
How far will you go to date him? One of the greatest tips we can offer in every one of our podcasts is that we are not experts, but sharing our trial and errors may help you to feel a bit like one! On this SASSover50 episode, we address how long the wait "should" be before getting fully intimate with a new partner (remember, there is no expert answer revealed here, just our experience ;) How Far Will you go to date him?
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Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:14):
Welcome to another episode of sexy and singles over
affinity. Welcome to anotherepisode tonight we have Kate and
we have Danny and of course mySnow Owl. Okay, so we have some
updates because I know that Ipersonally have met a few guys
(00:35):
from Bumble in the last coupleof weeks. I have some
interesting stories and Dannyyou don't know about one of
them. But I promise you it'sinteresting. And Kate rich ago
Kate's gonnahave to get a dog tree
from mascot Hunter. Yes, my boyI love.
(00:58):
He is very excited that I'mhere. So he's busy busy.
Yes. He wants to give a Auntiekisses.
Oh, gosh. Oh, lucky AuntieDanny. I promise you I'd love
that job. Okay, so Kate, anyrecent dates? Anybody new?
(01:20):
No recentdates. But I'm talking to a guy
on the other coast before?
How did that happen?
I met him on one of the apps.
And do you want to say whichapps? Yes. And to our listeners?
I do not suggest this app. Fornewbies, I do not suggest this
(01:42):
app. It's Facebook. Okay. Okay.
I've heard that. All right. SoFacebook dating is very scary.
Or the word that Yeah. So I'm afan of me swiping and liking
somebody and then swiping andthen toggle because that at
least I know that I've approvedthem. Basically, I like them
(02:05):
were on this thing is kind ofanybody can message you, you
know. And so I get a lot ofmessages from guys where it's
like, it's like, you wake up andyou're like, well, let's see
what the morning looks like.
So it's because you go throughthe dating part. And now people
can find you easier, because ifanybody can message you today,
(02:27):
but now they've got a new avenueof finding you on Facebook,
because of the dating cards thatwhy it's
well, okay, so it's like, it'snot like match. It's not with
Yes, it's like a match or likehinge. So we're in match and
hinge. Anybody can message you.
So even if you didn't like them,so And these people can message
you basically. Sothrough the messenger on face
(02:50):
no, no. So it is through. It'sjust separate.
Yeah, it's a separate thing onFacebook. So but you know, I'm a
fan of Bing, you have to bothlike each other. Yeah. To talk.
Yeah. That becomesa job to get rid of those
people. Yes.
And so it's very Danny, it'svery entertaining in the morning
(03:14):
when I wake up and you see allthese matches, and you're like,
Alright, I got 2020 likes, let'ssee. And you're like, Oh, you go
through all 20 And you're like,yep, now the more you know. So
but anyway, so this guy,actually I was like, oh, okay, I
like this one. This one is goodlooking, you know, checks a
(03:34):
bunch of boxes. So anyway, so helives in Fort Myers and like I
said, he checks a bunch ofboxes. I like Yeah, we were
trying to arrange a meeting andfigure that out. So hopefully we
will do that soon. And yeah,okay. He's He's relationship you
(03:57):
know, he's ready for arelationship. So as we've
discussed so many men you know,we're we live down here in South
Florida. You know, relationshipready. So this guy definitely
is, you know, but obviously, wegot to check a few other boxes
see with yesterday and he can'tdo that, you know, until you
meet in person, whereaschemistry over texting and video
(04:21):
calls and this that thing is onething actually meeting
physically in person is, isanother thing, so I'm trying to
meet him. We were going to tryto meet this weekend, but it's
just not gonna work. I don'tthink so. Maybe next weekend is
our next time that we're goingto try to meet so because I
don't I don't like the pen palthing as you guys know. Yeah. So
(04:42):
I'd rather meet very quickly andhopefully and figure this out
whether or not this is longdistance, so Right. And anyway,
so you know, let's saythat's a commitment, you know,
in and of itself to have a longdistance relationship.
Which you know, as you guysknow, I'm open to I I've had a
long distance relationship. Lastone started as a long distance
(05:04):
relationship. So I'm open tomoving. It's not like I'm locked
down here in South Florida, butright person I've moved. Yeah.
Right. So it's tough to findsomebody in the dating world
right now. All all the chemistrywith and I'm gonna be with,
right. All right. So if theperson is two hours away, it's
not that bad. I can move.
(05:25):
Right? Yeah. Okay, fair enough.
Well, good. Well, good luck withthat and keep us posted. Danny,
last, we talked to you, you kindof were in a good place to chat
about your existing relationshipis that relationship so going
on?
No, it's the same. I feel likeI'm in a same spot with him than
(05:47):
I was when I first startedtalking about him, which was he
didn't really know if he wantedto be in a relationship. And
here we go all through all thistime. And he really is in that
same spot. And so I moved out ofmy apartment and home
it from right Kentucky, okay,yeah, moved to Florida.
(06:07):
But before I came down here, Istayed with him for a week, I
didn't plan on that I was justgoing to stay for a day or two,
because I still had to wrap upall the loose ends from my
apartment that I put intostorage. And some of it I
actually put in his place. So Iwould have easy access to it
like clothes and stuff that Iknew I wouldn't wear here. But
were there, whatever. And Iended up being there for a week.
(06:31):
And you know, every day it waslike, you know, you don't have
wild rush. You don't have torush, you can stay awake. I
don't care how long you stay. Soanyway, and this has been a
pattern all along. When we'retogether. He's great. And he
likes being together. And theminute we're apart, it's like
he's forgotten. I am a forgottenperson, because he's also just
as happy to be alone and go intothat world that he goes into.
(06:53):
Yeah. And then so I was downhere with in that got ready. And
my kids came down for a week.
And he called a couple of timesa day, that first week. And then
he didn't he didn't call for afew days. But I figured just
because I was with the kids andI really didn't care. But then I
heard from him. We hung up thephone, and I just sent him a
text and said I miss you. And Ididn't hear back which I wasn't
necessarily shocked by that orsurprised because he doesn't.
(07:16):
Anyway, so the next day I sentanother text, and it was a
joking text. And I got a messagesaying sorry, I went to
Nashville with one of my buddiesas well through a rough time.
I'll call you tomorrow. Okay,whatever. So then I talked to
him, it was it felt so distant.
And I'm always on eggshells,because I know you there's no
(07:38):
emotional boundary to kind ofcannot cross the emotional
boundaries. So the conversationsget really hard to be had.
There's you can't, you can onlytalk about what each other does
in a day, so many times becauseit's the same thing that we do
everyday. Yeah, you don't have that
intimacy, like you were talkingabout. Oh,
there is nothing, no, nothing.
So the conversation was prettyshort in so before he hung up,
(08:01):
and I was agitated. So I said,are you planning on coming down
here? Because we had alreadytalked about we looked at
flights for him? This was asurprise question. But because
he's so hard for me to talk toI'm I didn't it wasn't a great
way to approach it. But anyway,he was he got frustrated that I
asked the question, and he waslike, I don't know, I hadn't
even thought about it. Whichwasn't true. Because we either
(08:23):
already so anyway, we hung up. Isent a text, he sent a text back
and his text back was I know, Ican't be the person you want me
to be I I'm not an emotion andemotional place right now. Would
we not just be better asfriends? So there's no
expectations. So I'm, I'mshowing the text to my kids. And
(08:43):
I'm like, is he saying you'resupposed to be friends? Yeah,
like, you've been waiting for meto tell you this for a long
time. And I said, yeah, yeah. SoI just didn't respond anymore.
So he calls the next day toaddress, you know, these text
messages. And honestly, I don't.
So we kind of got to this pointwhere I said, you know, I can't
(09:04):
even talk about this anymore.
And I like, we're not gonnawe're not getting anywhere. And
he said, Well, there's no reasonto solve all the world's
problems tonight. Oh, we'll seewhat happens. So that's where
we're at. He like he calledyesterday and I talked to him he
didn't know I was in FortLauderdale just I don't ever
call him I don't and I neverhave because I've just let him
and so he knows I'm down hereand then say call tonight I just
(09:26):
let the phone go to voicemailbecause he calls when he feels
like it I should be able to talkto him when I feel like it
right ii and you should be able to call
him and feel comfortable thatwell and he'll he says you know
the phone works both ways, but Idon't feel comfortable calling
him okay, that'sa huge red. It's
(09:47):
all black. I don't know thatwhich is why I'm kind of just
letting it fizzle. I mean,they're just letting it fizzle.
But I don't know what to doabout it either. So I was kind
of hoping you're about me outthat because my, when I left, we
left in a good place, we've hada great week, you know, he's
stay another day, all thethings, arranged all the storage
(10:10):
in his place with my stuff init, you know, he's got some
other stuff stashed in closets,whatever knowing that when I go
back in town for Derby and allthat I wouldn't be staying with
him. And so I don't really knowwhere we stand. I've got two
Derby events that I told himabout and and said, you know,
this is something you'd beinterested in doing, thinking he
would, because we are a couple,a couple. And I didn't get a
(10:34):
commitment. And that was acouple of weeks ago. But that's
him. He doesn't commit toanything until the week before.
But now I'm kind of like, Idon't really want to take him
down to one aman that can commit to you. You
say, Yes, I want to go with you,Danny.
i Yeah, the answer is yes, ithas forced me to make some steps
that for the past five years, Ihave not been able to take it, I
(11:00):
have become more comfortablewith being independent, I have
always been an independentperson until my divorce and
snapped. I don't know whathappened. But anyway, so I've
learned some things aboutmyself. And it's also pushed me
to go back to the person I usedto be, which was only anybody.
So I've allowed myself to havethe comfort of knowing there is
(11:22):
somebody that I know, he caresabout me, he can't he's not
filling me up the way I want tobe filled up by a man. But it
got me he's kind of sitting overthere. So have a little bit of
that safety net that lets mebreathe and not panic over being
alone. While I'm being alone,right? I'm tired of it. Like at
this point. I've heard of it. Idon't know why it's not easier
(11:43):
than this.
Okay, so you can't have aconversation, hey, you need to
know what you want to do withthis relationship. You need to
figure that out. So if you wantto stay in this relationship and
move forward in thisrelationship, great. If you
don't, if you just want to walkaway from it, you need to figure
that out. What do you want? Andthat's what you need to figure
out? And then once you figuredthat out at answer, then you
(12:04):
have to have that conversationwith him whether or not you
you're walking away from therelationship, you have to have
conversation, being adultbasically, don't just let it
fizzle out and feed those toeach other. You know, at this
point, you guys had arelationship? Like
really? I don't want to I don'tmean it like that. I'm not going
to like like, I'll call himtomorrow. Okay, but, um, I
guess, maybe there's a littlebit of me that's trying to keep
(12:28):
him at arm's length, just sohe's there. And we do talk, but
we don't we don't have I mean,our conversations are nothing
more than friends friendshipbased. But to have somebody that
can't even say I miss you, too.
And it's stupid text. That's toomuch like he's got some stuff he
needs to fix. Because that's,that's not
(12:48):
you can't say that. I mean, I'msorry. You've got he's got some
issues if he can't, right, Iagree. And you deserve to be
with somebody said, I met youa while and I did. I said to
him, I said, you know, when I'mwhen I'm sorry about that. And I
said it feels very unkind toknow that you can't just say
that to me. I said, I know thatI'm worth far more than any of
(13:10):
that. And he agreed. So whenhe's fun, he's fun when he's not
in the mood, or he'spreoccupied. He's, he's not fun.
Okay, so Wait, when did you allactually first start kind of
like being more dating? I mean,when did you? Yeah. When was
(13:30):
your first date? I mean,roughly, you know, was are we
talking six months, eightmonths, three months? I can't
remember how long I feel likeDC would have been last St.
Patrick's Day. However, ourfirst date date was, I mean,
I've known him for a year and ahalf. And yeah, we had such a
different dynamic. Our friendsare so different. Right? Right.
(13:52):
Right. Yeah. Even relationshipsmaterial.
I don't he's not somebody I'mgoing to end up with. Right.
Okay.
So why do you feel such a senseof obligation? Well,
I don't, I don't necessarilycare about the couple's thing,
right? Because I don't actuallyhave to All spelling but there's
(14:13):
enough people that I'll have funanyway. I don't know. It just
gets harder and harder to talkto him. Because the
conversations don't ever goanywhere. Because there's
nothing to talk about.
There's no substance, there's nointimacy in the conversation.
It's the same thing that that'sbeen lacking. And unfortunately,
you're right, that's probablynot going to change. So it is
(14:34):
what it is. And if you're okaywith that to pass the time, then
then use that to pass the timeat least it at least you're
being honest with yourselfsaying I'm not going to end up
with them. I know that so atleast you know where that is.
But he is, you know, it's niceto have a plus one on certain
things. So, you know,because he keeps in his mind
thinking that because I say Imiss him that means I want more
right? And it doesn't.
(14:57):
I think it's going to fade outon its own Since you've moved,
because I think you are going tomeet more people and do
different things and so forth. Imean, I surely if I was dating a
guy and he moved to anotherstate, the first thing on my
mind would be our relationships.
Probably not going to make itthrough this. It's not it's not
close. Now. That's exactlywhat everybody at home has said.
Like, y'all aren't dating, youjust moved to Florida.
(15:20):
And I know he's, you know, he'sfilling the void and stuff. So I
get it, but I hope you don't.
And I don't think you would, youwouldn't exclude any options if
you met a great guy. Oh, you'dbe okay with it. That's what I
mean. So, so he's just reallyyour plus one.
Like, trying to make up adifferent name for him. But
there's somebody here that thatI've I've actually met him one
(15:41):
other time when I was here.
First time was not a good firstimpression. It was a bad night.
But this it was happenstancethat he came by when we were all
talking. And we ended up we allhung out for a while. And we had
a great time.
So Oh, good. So there could beHey, you know what I mean? But
yes, I am not closing any doors.
Okay. All the doors ofopportunity are wide open.
(16:05):
Good. I'm glad. That's good. Sowith my last relationship, I was
just exhausted and tired of notknowing worse. Yeah. And if I
don't know where I stand in arelationship, and I can't have
that conversation with with mypartner. Yeah. Yeah. So I think
that's a very hard answer. But Ithink, well,
(16:31):
I mean, I know we're talking alot about it. But I think a lot
of people sit in this same spot,but continue on in a
relationship, not being honestabout this exact thing. Like, I
know where he stands with me,and I have to face the fact that
he's not going to be emotional,and he's not, and he doesn't
show me that he cares about me.
And that's sometimes I'm like,Are you being a dumbass because
you know this and you don't wantit. But there, I do also know
(16:53):
that it's been a safety net, toallow me to take the baby steps
that I need to take to be okayover
here, which I think is okay,sometimes. But I think it's
sometimes you got to put yourbig girl pants on and be like, I
gotta do this on my own, aswell. And I think that also, in
a lot of ways, I feel like, aslong as you're connected to him,
(17:16):
you're not going to be able toallow the right person in your
life, or that person's not gonnacome in your life, you know, so
I've gone with you, lso well, you know, after talking
to so many people, all myfriends are like, you just have
to stop being so picky and allthat. So I had a date with
someone from Bumble. And, youknow, I, I'm gonna make it a
(17:40):
short story and just say itbecause it is I want to just
wrap that part up. But I'll callhim John, just to keep it
simple. So I mentioned thepodcast. And he seemed to think
that every question I had forhim was geared around that,
like, I was trying to getinformation and report back and
I'm like, Oh, my gosh, no, ofcourse not. I mean, no, I was
(18:00):
being forthright with you bytelling you about the podcast.
So absolutely. That is not why.
And I'm thinking, oh my gosh,and he was much more handsome
than I thought he was going tobe and so forth. But anyway, he
was very nice guy. You seempretty likable and everything. I
started just asking randomquestions like, you know, Coke
or Pepsi, or, you know, toiletpaper over the roll or under the
(18:24):
roll or, you know, whatever. Iwas asking just random things.
And then I asked him ever beenarrested? Oh, even Hunter had
something to say about that. Sohe said, no comment, and then my
Oh, okay. More than once. Hunteris like really getting this, but
(18:48):
I said more more than once. Andhe said, No comment. And I was
like, oh, you know, who have Iinvited into my home, you know,
so I'm trying to just play itcool. And I'm like, Okay, well,
was it a fella? It was a longtime ago. I don't want to talk
about like, Okay, I mean, was ita felony or an assault or
anything? And he said, No, hesaid, it was a DUI. Okay, I
(19:12):
just, it was a long time ago,and I want to go back anyway, he
wanted to leave shortlythereafter, which I thought was
very weird. Because before that,I mean, he brought me flowers,
and oh, you know, all thesecompliments and all these great
things. Everything was goingwell, but it was just very
strange how it just kind offaded out suddenly. So I asked
him, or are you squirting yourdog with water?
(19:35):
Because he was trying to get afood?
Oh, okay. Good. So I, I couldjust sense that things
definitely changed as after Iasked that question. So the long
story to make it shorter is Iwas not going to hear back from
him, I suppose. Because he leftshortly thereafter. He said he
(19:55):
was just like, he saw me yawn,which he did. I was exhausted.
But he said Ilan message, but itwasn't on my checks. So I
thought, let me get back onBumble, because I'm so
surprised. I haven't heard from,you know, one way or the other,
I could tell, you know, he leftand he kissed me goodbye and all
that. But I mean, I thoughtthings might have gotten hot and
heavy a little bit. But thatafter that question now, so I
(20:17):
decided I was gonna check themout a little bit in public
records. And I saw that heactually was arrested a year and
a half ago. Oh, for abuseagainst his girlfriend, his live
in girlfriend. Yeah, in the car,and he actually had to wear an
ankle monitor. And anyway, Igave him my word that I would
never talk about any of thisstuff. Well, he didn't. He lied
(20:38):
to me. I don't care, I owe younothing. So if you happen to
listen to podcasts, and you'relistening, buddy, too bad, at
least I'm not saying his realname. I didn't like the fact
that he lied to me, don't tellme something happened 20 years
ago, and it was a DUI when youknow, were arrested for assault
to your girlfriend, and you hadto wear an ankle monitor a year
(20:59):
and a half ago. So that's notgonna fly. So then that kind of
made me very wary. And I waslike, You know what, I'm getting
off Bumble. And the nextmorning, I think it was yeah,
the next morning, I woke up,maybe it was like a week later
or something. I think I decided,You know what, I'm just gonna
get off the dating apps andstuff and just focus on the real
life thing. So I got I'm gonnadelete my account on Bumble. So
(21:21):
I'm like, Well, let me just gothrough and see if there's
anybody interesting. And I foundsomebody interesting. And I was
like, swipe on him. So then I'mnot quite ready. Yeah.
Everything.
I know. Well, I was traveling totown. And I was like, I feel
(21:45):
like I'm, you know, we hit itoff on the phone, we end up
talking about this app. And thenI got my gosh, I'm going out of
town for a week. And I feel likeI need to meet him before I go.
Because the rule is, my rule Istick with my rule is you meet
in that three to five daywindow, really, we say three to
a week, but I say three to five,I say two to five days,
honestly, meet him soon. Becauseotherwise, they're going to meet
(22:06):
somebody else. Or maybe I'llmeet somebody else. Or maybe you
lose that excitement. So I mean,it was just one day that we had
talked. And the next morning, Iwas like before I go out of
town. So I actually texted himlike, Hey, if you want to get
together, you know, before Ileave. So we did. And we hung
out for a couple of hours andhit it off. And you know, really
nice guy. And I'll call himSean. So Sean is he's a very
(22:30):
nice guy. And we've gone out acouple times and had a lot of
fun. But my point is, I guessthat you don't know. And
sometimes I'm like, I hardlyever go on the app. But I really
get one there. When I'm reallythinking there's gotta be
somebody. So the meanwhile I hada friend who wanted to introduce
me to somebody. So the date Ishowed you guys a picture about
and told you about. So that wasthe day that was the day before
(22:53):
yesterday. So that was not alove connection or anything.
There's another guy that Iactually had a date with a
couple of, gosh, Your Honor RollWoman Well, well, now I didn't
get I didn't actually go on thisone. And hey, I've been in dry
season for a while. So I deservea little rolling. Yes, but I
(23:13):
wanted to. Okay, so the one thatI was going to go out with the
night before that I actually Ibelieve that all and because I
think he was I couldn't think hewas a player. But I didn't get
that relationship vibe. And I'mlike, I'm not gonna waste my
time with anybody who if they'rejust looking for something
casual. That's fine if I am, butI'm not so but I wanted to
address what we were saying. Asfar as like, guys, they're
(23:35):
letting us know where we stand.
So the guy had the date withthat, you know, a few dates that
you know, Shawn, I told him justpoint blank. I'm like, Hey, I
just want you to know, this iswhy the phone before we even
met, I said I want you to knowI'm looking for a relationship.
I don't know what you're lookingfor. But I'm letting you know.
I'm very transparent. That'swhat I'm looking for. I'm not
saying it has to happeninstantly. I'm not necessarily
(23:55):
looking for marriage. I'm notopposed to it in the future, but
I definitely don't need it. Sohe knew where it was coming from
from the get go. But at least itknows where I am like, I don't
want to scare him away. And Ihope it didn't. But hey, anyway,
so that's my, I've had a littlebit of action to that. I think
he kind of like laughed it off.
He still wants to see me so heknows where I stand. Let me just
(24:19):
back up at the end of our date.
We actually met at this place.
He didn't pick me up because Iwas on my way out anyway. But
our cars were parked near eachother. When we walked to our
cars, we went to his car for alittle bit and just you know
kiss a little bit and stuff. Andyou know, I enjoy talking to
him. I actually have a bettertime. The more time I spend with
him the more I actually like himbecause he's got a little wild
(24:40):
side which I like he Oh, I lefthis car went to my car about
1015 minutes later, I'm drivinghome. I'm literally like a half
mile from my house and I'm like,where's my phone? My phone? I
left in his car? Oh, yeah. Solike, holy crap. A I had a date
the next day and I was soworried that my date message
would pop up with my son Green,I haven't a code, but you get
(25:02):
the brief messages. So what ifthere was a message can't wait
till tomorrow, you know, so Iwas a little worried about that.
But more importantly, I want myphone, you know, so and what
made me even think about it wasThat's unusual for Shawn not to
text me, you know, after I leavebecause usually there's a fun
message, you know, I had a greattime or something and there was
no ping on my phone like,where's my phone? Where's my
(25:22):
phone on My holy crap? It's inhis car. So what can I do? I
don't know his number. I mean,does anybody save no or memorize
numbers anymore now that Ididn't have a phone to call on
if I wanted to. So I was like,okay, I can drive to his house
where I had gone on our seconddate, and we had dinner and
(25:42):
stuff at his place. But I thankGod, I can't remember where he
lives. Yeah, I had to show up athis door without any notice, you
know, it is like, hi, it's owl.
So he comes down, he opens upthe door. He's like, Hi. And I
said, I'm so sorry. I can'tbelieve I left my phone in your
car. He's like, Oh, no, really.
And I was like, I'm soembarrassed. So thank God, my
(26:04):
phone was in his car. And thatwas that. But you know, I didn't
say much longer but but yeah,that was just kind of a funny
thing. I'm like, Oh my gosh, howembarrassing you know, I don't
know what's gonna happen. SoI'm, I'm keeping my options
open. You know?
How are you? Like, I don't wantto go on a lot of first dates,
but I tend to be the kissingbandit. Date I'll make out.
(26:30):
Okay, like, I love to make outwith people, apparently. But I
even when I first got mydivorce, I referred to there's a
state judge called my drunkenslept face because Oh, Ma, I
mean, I it was bad. Like I wasbad. Yeah, but I don't feel like
I don't think I have a rule.
Yeah.
(26:51):
Do it. Yeah, yeah. And you don'thave to, you don't have to,
you know, and I've heard otherpeople talk about it, or present
the situation in a way thatsays, I want to get to know you.
And I, you know, I am I amdating people. But when I find
somebody that I'm attracted to,I like to put my focus on that
one person and give that a shotbefore I start to date somebody
(27:13):
else. So sort of making it alinear dating, linear dating
situation, without it being arelationship or a commitment.
It's just, if Okay, phase in ourlives, where if I'm gonna give
you my time, I want to know thatwe're doing this together. And
if it doesn't work out after aweek, it doesn't work out. But
so how do you? How do youintegrate him to say the same
(27:37):
because I can do that. Andthat's kind of what I was doing.
I actually think that it was adating a male dating coach. And
in for him, he said, he likes toat the same time that you're
kind of asking people, whatthey're looking for a
relationship or whatever. Thatwas one of the ways that he
leads in with their datingstyle.
(27:59):
Yeah.
What is your dating? So are youdating multiple? I don't have
enough prospects to datemultiple people at one time. So
that's not a problem. But Imean, and I don't know how many
people out there actually do.
Well, you just and you wentthrough that?
I usually don't. I usually justsay one person at a time. This
is new to me. Yeah. I don'tusually date multiple people
(28:20):
cake does, but I don't.
Sometimes.
It's very slow right now. Andthere's only one right now. So
I'llsee if I can come up with some
more entertaining stories. I dowant to say when I broach that
topic of relationship before weeven met, so I just I assumed
that I wasn't going to reallylike Oh, I'm so used to not, you
(28:43):
know, I meet these guys. And I'mlike, they're not what I want,
you know, whatever. But youknow, off so it's fine
with that. No, it didn't. That'sright. That's how I look at it.
And also the other thing is, Isaid, I want to put this out
here, because I've heard this acouple of times. Now. I'm like,
so I think you're two yearsyounger than I am. You say
(29:04):
you're 54 He's like, No, I'm 62.
And I'm like, Oh, he said youbut you can't change your age on
Bumble. And I've heard thatbefore. And I said, he said my
friends told me to do that.
Otherwise, I was gonna get a lotof older women. And then I was
like, Okay, well, thank you forbeing honest with me. So as I
had talked to my other friends,like, you know, elle, you got to
stop being so picky, you know,and, and so there were a couple
(29:26):
of boxes. He did not check and Iknew he didn't check and I was
like, I'm so I want to meet him.
And I'm glad I did. So I justcan't predict anything anymore.
I feel like that. I'm so worthit. Like, I agree with you. Life
is unpredictable. It is and Ifeel like with all the bad luck
I've had in in that department,like my 17 year marital
(29:49):
anniversary would have been thesame night that we were out the
other night and I gotta say, youknow, I was feeling I was in my
feelings. It if you will, and Iwas so I was grateful to be out
with him. And but I thought thisisn't what I wanted, you know, I
wanted my marriage to work out.
(30:09):
And I digress sometimes becauseI think, did I do the right
thing? You know, I'm secondguessing myself. And that's been
a question in my mind anyway.
But obviously I didn't I mean,you know,
this. So I listening to you talkabout all of those scenarios and
your situations, like it hasgiven me anxiety.
(30:30):
I have a lot of anxiety.
I want a relationship, becauseI'm hearing her talk about it.
And I'm thinking, Oh, that's awhole lot of stuff to be
thinking about. I don't thinkI'm there. Like I those things
don't occur to me. It'sliterally making me feel
anxious. I'm sorry. No, no, no,I can try and figure something
out about myself here. But if itI don't think I think I don't
(30:51):
know, if you overthink things,you know, like, like L you know,
I think you have caughtI think I had I don't overthink,
I think I had because I'm atechnical person. So I'm always
thinking, what is the endresult? And that's just my
nature, technical people thinkthat way, what's the end result?
You want to know? It equals whata plus b equals what? And you
(31:13):
want to know? Sothat's why relationships are
organic rice, right? You knowthat it's not a to z, always so.
And you're never going to knowif it's A to Z was a different
equation each time? Yeah. Whatis this whole all this anxiety
and all this stressing about?
(31:35):
You know, when you should sleepwith this guy? What if you go
down the path and you sleep withhim? And this
horrible, right? Yeah. Well,or, or, or if it was great. It
only add to the relationship ifit's great. Yeah. So guess what?
I kind of feel like just do it.
(31:56):
Right. I have a question. Allright. What is
next? I don't know what bed sexwhen? When there's so many. When
you can't feel them? For what?
Okay, when they come to us? WeYeah, yeah. When when they come
too soon, and you're still like,Hey, hang on.
I don't think I could mark thatagainst them. Especially the
(32:17):
first time because you justnever know what's gonna happen.
Like, yeah, I think it wouldtake me a few times to decide
that was good or bad sex.
Yeah, I think same will givethem that second try and Kate
Yeah.
They may not be much of a giverupfront because there's too
many. Like, there's a lot ofnervousness and yeah, because I
(32:38):
need a giver but I don't knowthat they're always going to be
a giver at firstwith a lot of gamers, okay. And
I've been fortunate enough to bethe saint but anyway, I we have
gone way over it's like two anda half hours, I'm gonna be
editing to this thing. And soand I really want to talk about
the hormone thing because Imean, we have to, you know, we
have to talk about that subjectbecause a lot of us are going
(33:01):
through and I wanted to talkabout like changes in our
bodies. Okay, ladies, we'regonna wrap up this episode,
listeners. Thanks for joiningnice shout SAS over
fifty@gmail.com Follow us onInstagram, SAS over 50 We
appreciate it. Thank you. Byebye.
Welcome to another episode of sexy and singles over
affinity. Welcome to anotherepisode tonight we have Kate and
we have Danny and of course mySnow Owl. Okay, so we have some
updates because I know that Ipersonally have met a few guys
(00:35):
from Bumble in the last coupleof weeks. I have some
interesting stories and Dannyyou don't know about one of
them. But I promise you it'sinteresting. And Kate rich ago
Kate's gonnahave to get a dog tree
from mascot Hunter. Yes, my boyI love.
(00:58):
He is very excited that I'mhere. So he's busy busy.
Yes. He wants to give a Auntiekisses.
Oh, gosh. Oh, lucky AuntieDanny. I promise you I'd love
that job. Okay, so Kate, anyrecent dates? Anybody new?
(01:20):
No recentdates. But I'm talking to a guy
on the other coast before?
How did that happen?
I met him on one of the apps.
And do you want to say whichapps? Yes. And to our listeners?
I do not suggest this app. Fornewbies, I do not suggest this
(01:42):
app. It's Facebook. Okay. Okay.
I've heard that. All right. SoFacebook dating is very scary.
Or the word that Yeah. So I'm afan of me swiping and liking
somebody and then swiping andthen toggle because that at
least I know that I've approvedthem. Basically, I like them
(02:05):
were on this thing is kind ofanybody can message you, you
know. And so I get a lot ofmessages from guys where it's
like, it's like, you wake up andyou're like, well, let's see
what the morning looks like.
So it's because you go throughthe dating part. And now people
can find you easier, because ifanybody can message you today,
(02:27):
but now they've got a new avenueof finding you on Facebook,
because of the dating cards thatwhy it's
well, okay, so it's like, it'snot like match. It's not with
Yes, it's like a match or likehinge. So we're in match and
hinge. Anybody can message you.
So even if you didn't like them,so And these people can message
you basically. Sothrough the messenger on face
(02:50):
no, no. So it is through. It'sjust separate.
Yeah, it's a separate thing onFacebook. So but you know, I'm a
fan of Bing, you have to bothlike each other. Yeah. To talk.
Yeah. That becomesa job to get rid of those
people. Yes.
And so it's very Danny, it'svery entertaining in the morning
(03:14):
when I wake up and you see allthese matches, and you're like,
Alright, I got 2020 likes, let'ssee. And you're like, Oh, you go
through all 20 And you're like,yep, now the more you know. So
but anyway, so this guy,actually I was like, oh, okay, I
like this one. This one is goodlooking, you know, checks a
(03:34):
bunch of boxes. So anyway, so helives in Fort Myers and like I
said, he checks a bunch ofboxes. I like Yeah, we were
trying to arrange a meeting andfigure that out. So hopefully we
will do that soon. And yeah,okay. He's He's relationship you
(03:57):
know, he's ready for arelationship. So as we've
discussed so many men you know,we're we live down here in South
Florida. You know, relationshipready. So this guy definitely
is, you know, but obviously, wegot to check a few other boxes
see with yesterday and he can'tdo that, you know, until you
meet in person, whereaschemistry over texting and video
(04:21):
calls and this that thing is onething actually meeting
physically in person is, isanother thing, so I'm trying to
meet him. We were going to tryto meet this weekend, but it's
just not gonna work. I don'tthink so. Maybe next weekend is
our next time that we're goingto try to meet so because I
don't I don't like the pen palthing as you guys know. Yeah. So
(04:42):
I'd rather meet very quickly andhopefully and figure this out
whether or not this is longdistance, so Right. And anyway,
so you know, let's saythat's a commitment, you know,
in and of itself to have a longdistance relationship.
Which you know, as you guysknow, I'm open to I I've had a
long distance relationship. Lastone started as a long distance
(05:04):
relationship. So I'm open tomoving. It's not like I'm locked
down here in South Florida, butright person I've moved. Yeah.
Right. So it's tough to findsomebody in the dating world
right now. All all the chemistrywith and I'm gonna be with,
right. All right. So if theperson is two hours away, it's
not that bad. I can move.
(05:25):
Right? Yeah. Okay, fair enough.
Well, good. Well, good luck withthat and keep us posted. Danny,
last, we talked to you, you kindof were in a good place to chat
about your existing relationshipis that relationship so going
on?
No, it's the same. I feel likeI'm in a same spot with him than
(05:47):
I was when I first startedtalking about him, which was he
didn't really know if he wantedto be in a relationship. And
here we go all through all thistime. And he really is in that
same spot. And so I moved out ofmy apartment and home
it from right Kentucky, okay,yeah, moved to Florida.
(06:07):
But before I came down here, Istayed with him for a week, I
didn't plan on that I was justgoing to stay for a day or two,
because I still had to wrap upall the loose ends from my
apartment that I put intostorage. And some of it I
actually put in his place. So Iwould have easy access to it
like clothes and stuff that Iknew I wouldn't wear here. But
were there, whatever. And Iended up being there for a week.
(06:31):
And you know, every day it waslike, you know, you don't have
wild rush. You don't have torush, you can stay awake. I
don't care how long you stay. Soanyway, and this has been a
pattern all along. When we'retogether. He's great. And he
likes being together. And theminute we're apart, it's like
he's forgotten. I am a forgottenperson, because he's also just
as happy to be alone and go intothat world that he goes into.
(06:53):
Yeah. And then so I was downhere with in that got ready. And
my kids came down for a week.
And he called a couple of timesa day, that first week. And then
he didn't he didn't call for afew days. But I figured just
because I was with the kids andI really didn't care. But then I
heard from him. We hung up thephone, and I just sent him a
text and said I miss you. And Ididn't hear back which I wasn't
necessarily shocked by that orsurprised because he doesn't.
(07:16):
Anyway, so the next day I sentanother text, and it was a
joking text. And I got a messagesaying sorry, I went to
Nashville with one of my buddiesas well through a rough time.
I'll call you tomorrow. Okay,whatever. So then I talked to
him, it was it felt so distant.
And I'm always on eggshells,because I know you there's no
(07:38):
emotional boundary to kind ofcannot cross the emotional
boundaries. So the conversationsget really hard to be had.
There's you can't, you can onlytalk about what each other does
in a day, so many times becauseit's the same thing that we do
everyday. Yeah, you don't have that
intimacy, like you were talkingabout. Oh,
there is nothing, no, nothing.
So the conversation was prettyshort in so before he hung up,
(08:01):
and I was agitated. So I said,are you planning on coming down
here? Because we had alreadytalked about we looked at
flights for him? This was asurprise question. But because
he's so hard for me to talk toI'm I didn't it wasn't a great
way to approach it. But anyway,he was he got frustrated that I
asked the question, and he waslike, I don't know, I hadn't
even thought about it. Whichwasn't true. Because we either
(08:23):
already so anyway, we hung up. Isent a text, he sent a text back
and his text back was I know, Ican't be the person you want me
to be I I'm not an emotion andemotional place right now. Would
we not just be better asfriends? So there's no
expectations. So I'm, I'mshowing the text to my kids. And
(08:43):
I'm like, is he saying you'resupposed to be friends? Yeah,
like, you've been waiting for meto tell you this for a long
time. And I said, yeah, yeah. SoI just didn't respond anymore.
So he calls the next day toaddress, you know, these text
messages. And honestly, I don't.
So we kind of got to this pointwhere I said, you know, I can't
(09:04):
even talk about this anymore.
And I like, we're not gonnawe're not getting anywhere. And
he said, Well, there's no reasonto solve all the world's
problems tonight. Oh, we'll seewhat happens. So that's where
we're at. He like he calledyesterday and I talked to him he
didn't know I was in FortLauderdale just I don't ever
call him I don't and I neverhave because I've just let him
and so he knows I'm down hereand then say call tonight I just
(09:26):
let the phone go to voicemailbecause he calls when he feels
like it I should be able to talkto him when I feel like it
right ii and you should be able to call
him and feel comfortable thatwell and he'll he says you know
the phone works both ways, but Idon't feel comfortable calling
him okay, that'sa huge red. It's
(09:47):
all black. I don't know thatwhich is why I'm kind of just
letting it fizzle. I mean,they're just letting it fizzle.
But I don't know what to doabout it either. So I was kind
of hoping you're about me outthat because my, when I left, we
left in a good place, we've hada great week, you know, he's
stay another day, all thethings, arranged all the storage
(10:10):
in his place with my stuff init, you know, he's got some
other stuff stashed in closets,whatever knowing that when I go
back in town for Derby and allthat I wouldn't be staying with
him. And so I don't really knowwhere we stand. I've got two
Derby events that I told himabout and and said, you know,
this is something you'd beinterested in doing, thinking he
would, because we are a couple,a couple. And I didn't get a
(10:34):
commitment. And that was acouple of weeks ago. But that's
him. He doesn't commit toanything until the week before.
But now I'm kind of like, Idon't really want to take him
down to one aman that can commit to you. You
say, Yes, I want to go with you,Danny.
i Yeah, the answer is yes, ithas forced me to make some steps
that for the past five years, Ihave not been able to take it, I
(11:00):
have become more comfortablewith being independent, I have
always been an independentperson until my divorce and
snapped. I don't know whathappened. But anyway, so I've
learned some things aboutmyself. And it's also pushed me
to go back to the person I usedto be, which was only anybody.
So I've allowed myself to havethe comfort of knowing there is
(11:22):
somebody that I know, he caresabout me, he can't he's not
filling me up the way I want tobe filled up by a man. But it
got me he's kind of sitting overthere. So have a little bit of
that safety net that lets mebreathe and not panic over being
alone. While I'm being alone,right? I'm tired of it. Like at
this point. I've heard of it. Idon't know why it's not easier
(11:43):
than this.
Okay, so you can't have aconversation, hey, you need to
know what you want to do withthis relationship. You need to
figure that out. So if you wantto stay in this relationship and
move forward in thisrelationship, great. If you
don't, if you just want to walkaway from it, you need to figure
that out. What do you want? Andthat's what you need to figure
out? And then once you figuredthat out at answer, then you
(12:04):
have to have that conversationwith him whether or not you
you're walking away from therelationship, you have to have
conversation, being adultbasically, don't just let it
fizzle out and feed those toeach other. You know, at this
point, you guys had arelationship? Like
really? I don't want to I don'tmean it like that. I'm not going
to like like, I'll call himtomorrow. Okay, but, um, I
guess, maybe there's a littlebit of me that's trying to keep
(12:28):
him at arm's length, just sohe's there. And we do talk, but
we don't we don't have I mean,our conversations are nothing
more than friends friendshipbased. But to have somebody that
can't even say I miss you, too.
And it's stupid text. That's toomuch like he's got some stuff he
needs to fix. Because that's,that's not
(12:48):
you can't say that. I mean, I'msorry. You've got he's got some
issues if he can't, right, Iagree. And you deserve to be
with somebody said, I met youa while and I did. I said to
him, I said, you know, when I'mwhen I'm sorry about that. And I
said it feels very unkind toknow that you can't just say
that to me. I said, I know thatI'm worth far more than any of
(13:10):
that. And he agreed. So whenhe's fun, he's fun when he's not
in the mood, or he'spreoccupied. He's, he's not fun.
Okay, so Wait, when did you allactually first start kind of
like being more dating? I mean,when did you? Yeah. When was
(13:30):
your first date? I mean,roughly, you know, was are we
talking six months, eightmonths, three months? I can't
remember how long I feel likeDC would have been last St.
Patrick's Day. However, ourfirst date date was, I mean,
I've known him for a year and ahalf. And yeah, we had such a
different dynamic. Our friendsare so different. Right? Right.
(13:52):
Right. Yeah. Even relationshipsmaterial.
I don't he's not somebody I'mgoing to end up with. Right.
Okay.
So why do you feel such a senseof obligation? Well,
I don't, I don't necessarilycare about the couple's thing,
right? Because I don't actuallyhave to All spelling but there's
(14:13):
enough people that I'll have funanyway. I don't know. It just
gets harder and harder to talkto him. Because the
conversations don't ever goanywhere. Because there's
nothing to talk about.
There's no substance, there's nointimacy in the conversation.
It's the same thing that that'sbeen lacking. And unfortunately,
you're right, that's probablynot going to change. So it is
(14:34):
what it is. And if you're okaywith that to pass the time, then
then use that to pass the timeat least it at least you're
being honest with yourselfsaying I'm not going to end up
with them. I know that so atleast you know where that is.
But he is, you know, it's niceto have a plus one on certain
things. So, you know,because he keeps in his mind
thinking that because I say Imiss him that means I want more
right? And it doesn't.
(14:57):
I think it's going to fade outon its own Since you've moved,
because I think you are going tomeet more people and do
different things and so forth. Imean, I surely if I was dating a
guy and he moved to anotherstate, the first thing on my
mind would be our relationships.
Probably not going to make itthrough this. It's not it's not
close. Now. That's exactlywhat everybody at home has said.
Like, y'all aren't dating, youjust moved to Florida.
(15:20):
And I know he's, you know, he'sfilling the void and stuff. So I
get it, but I hope you don't.
And I don't think you would, youwouldn't exclude any options if
you met a great guy. Oh, you'dbe okay with it. That's what I
mean. So, so he's just reallyyour plus one.
Like, trying to make up adifferent name for him. But
there's somebody here that thatI've I've actually met him one
(15:41):
other time when I was here.
First time was not a good firstimpression. It was a bad night.
But this it was happenstancethat he came by when we were all
talking. And we ended up we allhung out for a while. And we had
a great time.
So Oh, good. So there could beHey, you know what I mean? But
yes, I am not closing any doors.
Okay. All the doors ofopportunity are wide open.
(16:05):
Good. I'm glad. That's good. Sowith my last relationship, I was
just exhausted and tired of notknowing worse. Yeah. And if I
don't know where I stand in arelationship, and I can't have
that conversation with with mypartner. Yeah. Yeah. So I think
that's a very hard answer. But Ithink, well,
(16:31):
I mean, I know we're talking alot about it. But I think a lot
of people sit in this same spot,but continue on in a
relationship, not being honestabout this exact thing. Like, I
know where he stands with me,and I have to face the fact that
he's not going to be emotional,and he's not, and he doesn't
show me that he cares about me.
And that's sometimes I'm like,Are you being a dumbass because
you know this and you don't wantit. But there, I do also know
(16:53):
that it's been a safety net, toallow me to take the baby steps
that I need to take to be okayover
here, which I think is okay,sometimes. But I think it's
sometimes you got to put yourbig girl pants on and be like, I
gotta do this on my own, aswell. And I think that also, in
a lot of ways, I feel like, aslong as you're connected to him,
(17:16):
you're not going to be able toallow the right person in your
life, or that person's not gonnacome in your life, you know, so
I've gone with you, lso well, you know, after talking
to so many people, all myfriends are like, you just have
to stop being so picky and allthat. So I had a date with
someone from Bumble. And, youknow, I, I'm gonna make it a
(17:40):
short story and just say itbecause it is I want to just
wrap that part up. But I'll callhim John, just to keep it
simple. So I mentioned thepodcast. And he seemed to think
that every question I had forhim was geared around that,
like, I was trying to getinformation and report back and
I'm like, Oh, my gosh, no, ofcourse not. I mean, no, I was
(18:00):
being forthright with you bytelling you about the podcast.
So absolutely. That is not why.
And I'm thinking, oh my gosh,and he was much more handsome
than I thought he was going tobe and so forth. But anyway, he
was very nice guy. You seempretty likable and everything. I
started just asking randomquestions like, you know, Coke
or Pepsi, or, you know, toiletpaper over the roll or under the
(18:24):
roll or, you know, whatever. Iwas asking just random things.
And then I asked him ever beenarrested? Oh, even Hunter had
something to say about that. Sohe said, no comment, and then my
Oh, okay. More than once. Hunteris like really getting this, but
(18:48):
I said more more than once. Andhe said, No comment. And I was
like, oh, you know, who have Iinvited into my home, you know,
so I'm trying to just play itcool. And I'm like, Okay, well,
was it a fella? It was a longtime ago. I don't want to talk
about like, Okay, I mean, was ita felony or an assault or
anything? And he said, No, hesaid, it was a DUI. Okay, I
(19:12):
just, it was a long time ago,and I want to go back anyway, he
wanted to leave shortlythereafter, which I thought was
very weird. Because before that,I mean, he brought me flowers,
and oh, you know, all thesecompliments and all these great
things. Everything was goingwell, but it was just very
strange how it just kind offaded out suddenly. So I asked
him, or are you squirting yourdog with water?
(19:35):
Because he was trying to get afood?
Oh, okay. Good. So I, I couldjust sense that things
definitely changed as after Iasked that question. So the long
story to make it shorter is Iwas not going to hear back from
him, I suppose. Because he leftshortly thereafter. He said he
(19:55):
was just like, he saw me yawn,which he did. I was exhausted.
But he said Ilan message, but itwasn't on my checks. So I
thought, let me get back onBumble, because I'm so
surprised. I haven't heard from,you know, one way or the other,
I could tell, you know, he leftand he kissed me goodbye and all
that. But I mean, I thoughtthings might have gotten hot and
heavy a little bit. But thatafter that question now, so I
(20:17):
decided I was gonna check themout a little bit in public
records. And I saw that heactually was arrested a year and
a half ago. Oh, for abuseagainst his girlfriend, his live
in girlfriend. Yeah, in the car,and he actually had to wear an
ankle monitor. And anyway, Igave him my word that I would
never talk about any of thisstuff. Well, he didn't. He lied
(20:38):
to me. I don't care, I owe younothing. So if you happen to
listen to podcasts, and you'relistening, buddy, too bad, at
least I'm not saying his realname. I didn't like the fact
that he lied to me, don't tellme something happened 20 years
ago, and it was a DUI when youknow, were arrested for assault
to your girlfriend, and you hadto wear an ankle monitor a year
(20:59):
and a half ago. So that's notgonna fly. So then that kind of
made me very wary. And I waslike, You know what, I'm getting
off Bumble. And the nextmorning, I think it was yeah,
the next morning, I woke up,maybe it was like a week later
or something. I think I decided,You know what, I'm just gonna
get off the dating apps andstuff and just focus on the real
life thing. So I got I'm gonnadelete my account on Bumble. So
(21:21):
I'm like, Well, let me just gothrough and see if there's
anybody interesting. And I foundsomebody interesting. And I was
like, swipe on him. So then I'mnot quite ready. Yeah.
Everything.
I know. Well, I was traveling totown. And I was like, I feel
(21:45):
like I'm, you know, we hit itoff on the phone, we end up
talking about this app. And thenI got my gosh, I'm going out of
town for a week. And I feel likeI need to meet him before I go.
Because the rule is, my rule Istick with my rule is you meet
in that three to five daywindow, really, we say three to
a week, but I say three to five,I say two to five days,
honestly, meet him soon. Becauseotherwise, they're going to meet
(22:06):
somebody else. Or maybe I'llmeet somebody else. Or maybe you
lose that excitement. So I mean,it was just one day that we had
talked. And the next morning, Iwas like before I go out of
town. So I actually texted himlike, Hey, if you want to get
together, you know, before Ileave. So we did. And we hung
out for a couple of hours andhit it off. And you know, really
nice guy. And I'll call himSean. So Sean is he's a very
(22:30):
nice guy. And we've gone out acouple times and had a lot of
fun. But my point is, I guessthat you don't know. And
sometimes I'm like, I hardlyever go on the app. But I really
get one there. When I'm reallythinking there's gotta be
somebody. So the meanwhile I hada friend who wanted to introduce
me to somebody. So the date Ishowed you guys a picture about
and told you about. So that wasthe day that was the day before
(22:53):
yesterday. So that was not alove connection or anything.
There's another guy that Iactually had a date with a
couple of, gosh, Your Honor RollWoman Well, well, now I didn't
get I didn't actually go on thisone. And hey, I've been in dry
season for a while. So I deservea little rolling. Yes, but I
(23:13):
wanted to. Okay, so the one thatI was going to go out with the
night before that I actually Ibelieve that all and because I
think he was I couldn't think hewas a player. But I didn't get
that relationship vibe. And I'mlike, I'm not gonna waste my
time with anybody who if they'rejust looking for something
casual. That's fine if I am, butI'm not so but I wanted to
address what we were saying. Asfar as like, guys, they're
(23:35):
letting us know where we stand.
So the guy had the date withthat, you know, a few dates that
you know, Shawn, I told him justpoint blank. I'm like, Hey, I
just want you to know, this iswhy the phone before we even
met, I said I want you to knowI'm looking for a relationship.
I don't know what you're lookingfor. But I'm letting you know.
I'm very transparent. That'swhat I'm looking for. I'm not
saying it has to happeninstantly. I'm not necessarily
(23:55):
looking for marriage. I'm notopposed to it in the future, but
I definitely don't need it. Sohe knew where it was coming from
from the get go. But at least itknows where I am like, I don't
want to scare him away. And Ihope it didn't. But hey, anyway,
so that's my, I've had a littlebit of action to that. I think
he kind of like laughed it off.
He still wants to see me so heknows where I stand. Let me just
(24:19):
back up at the end of our date.
We actually met at this place.
He didn't pick me up because Iwas on my way out anyway. But
our cars were parked near eachother. When we walked to our
cars, we went to his car for alittle bit and just you know
kiss a little bit and stuff. Andyou know, I enjoy talking to
him. I actually have a bettertime. The more time I spend with
him the more I actually like himbecause he's got a little wild
(24:40):
side which I like he Oh, I lefthis car went to my car about
1015 minutes later, I'm drivinghome. I'm literally like a half
mile from my house and I'm like,where's my phone? My phone? I
left in his car? Oh, yeah. Solike, holy crap. A I had a date
the next day and I was soworried that my date message
would pop up with my son Green,I haven't a code, but you get
(25:02):
the brief messages. So what ifthere was a message can't wait
till tomorrow, you know, so Iwas a little worried about that.
But more importantly, I want myphone, you know, so and what
made me even think about it wasThat's unusual for Shawn not to
text me, you know, after I leavebecause usually there's a fun
message, you know, I had a greattime or something and there was
no ping on my phone like,where's my phone? Where's my
(25:22):
phone on My holy crap? It's inhis car. So what can I do? I
don't know his number. I mean,does anybody save no or memorize
numbers anymore now that Ididn't have a phone to call on
if I wanted to. So I was like,okay, I can drive to his house
where I had gone on our seconddate, and we had dinner and
(25:42):
stuff at his place. But I thankGod, I can't remember where he
lives. Yeah, I had to show up athis door without any notice, you
know, it is like, hi, it's owl.
So he comes down, he opens upthe door. He's like, Hi. And I
said, I'm so sorry. I can'tbelieve I left my phone in your
car. He's like, Oh, no, really.
And I was like, I'm soembarrassed. So thank God, my
(26:04):
phone was in his car. And thatwas that. But you know, I didn't
say much longer but but yeah,that was just kind of a funny
thing. I'm like, Oh my gosh, howembarrassing you know, I don't
know what's gonna happen. SoI'm, I'm keeping my options
open. You know?
How are you? Like, I don't wantto go on a lot of first dates,
but I tend to be the kissingbandit. Date I'll make out.
(26:30):
Okay, like, I love to make outwith people, apparently. But I
even when I first got mydivorce, I referred to there's a
state judge called my drunkenslept face because Oh, Ma, I
mean, I it was bad. Like I wasbad. Yeah, but I don't feel like
I don't think I have a rule.
Yeah.
(26:51):
Do it. Yeah, yeah. And you don'thave to, you don't have to,
you know, and I've heard otherpeople talk about it, or present
the situation in a way thatsays, I want to get to know you.
And I, you know, I am I amdating people. But when I find
somebody that I'm attracted to,I like to put my focus on that
one person and give that a shotbefore I start to date somebody
(27:13):
else. So sort of making it alinear dating, linear dating
situation, without it being arelationship or a commitment.
It's just, if Okay, phase in ourlives, where if I'm gonna give
you my time, I want to know thatwe're doing this together. And
if it doesn't work out after aweek, it doesn't work out. But
so how do you? How do youintegrate him to say the same
(27:37):
because I can do that. Andthat's kind of what I was doing.
I actually think that it was adating a male dating coach. And
in for him, he said, he likes toat the same time that you're
kind of asking people, whatthey're looking for a
relationship or whatever. Thatwas one of the ways that he
leads in with their datingstyle.
(27:59):
Yeah.
What is your dating? So are youdating multiple? I don't have
enough prospects to datemultiple people at one time. So
that's not a problem. But Imean, and I don't know how many
people out there actually do.
Well, you just and you wentthrough that?
I usually don't. I usually justsay one person at a time. This
is new to me. Yeah. I don'tusually date multiple people
(28:20):
cake does, but I don't.
Sometimes.
It's very slow right now. Andthere's only one right now. So
I'llsee if I can come up with some
more entertaining stories. I dowant to say when I broach that
topic of relationship before weeven met, so I just I assumed
that I wasn't going to reallylike Oh, I'm so used to not, you
(28:43):
know, I meet these guys. And I'mlike, they're not what I want,
you know, whatever. But youknow, off so it's fine
with that. No, it didn't. That'sright. That's how I look at it.
And also the other thing is, Isaid, I want to put this out
here, because I've heard this acouple of times. Now. I'm like,
so I think you're two yearsyounger than I am. You say
(29:04):
you're 54 He's like, No, I'm 62.
And I'm like, Oh, he said youbut you can't change your age on
Bumble. And I've heard thatbefore. And I said, he said my
friends told me to do that.
Otherwise, I was gonna get a lotof older women. And then I was
like, Okay, well, thank you forbeing honest with me. So as I
had talked to my other friends,like, you know, elle, you got to
stop being so picky, you know,and, and so there were a couple
(29:26):
of boxes. He did not check and Iknew he didn't check and I was
like, I'm so I want to meet him.
And I'm glad I did. So I justcan't predict anything anymore.
I feel like that. I'm so worthit. Like, I agree with you. Life
is unpredictable. It is and Ifeel like with all the bad luck
I've had in in that department,like my 17 year marital
(29:49):
anniversary would have been thesame night that we were out the
other night and I gotta say, youknow, I was feeling I was in my
feelings. It if you will, and Iwas so I was grateful to be out
with him. And but I thought thisisn't what I wanted, you know, I
wanted my marriage to work out.
(30:09):
And I digress sometimes becauseI think, did I do the right
thing? You know, I'm secondguessing myself. And that's been
a question in my mind anyway.
But obviously I didn't I mean,you know,
this. So I listening to you talkabout all of those scenarios and
your situations, like it hasgiven me anxiety.
(30:30):
I have a lot of anxiety.
I want a relationship, becauseI'm hearing her talk about it.
And I'm thinking, Oh, that's awhole lot of stuff to be
thinking about. I don't thinkI'm there. Like I those things
don't occur to me. It'sliterally making me feel
anxious. I'm sorry. No, no, no,I can try and figure something
out about myself here. But if itI don't think I think I don't
(30:51):
know, if you overthink things,you know, like, like L you know,
I think you have caughtI think I had I don't overthink,
I think I had because I'm atechnical person. So I'm always
thinking, what is the endresult? And that's just my
nature, technical people thinkthat way, what's the end result?
You want to know? It equals whata plus b equals what? And you
(31:13):
want to know? Sothat's why relationships are
organic rice, right? You knowthat it's not a to z, always so.
And you're never going to knowif it's A to Z was a different
equation each time? Yeah. Whatis this whole all this anxiety
and all this stressing about?
(31:35):
You know, when you should sleepwith this guy? What if you go
down the path and you sleep withhim? And this
horrible, right? Yeah. Well,or, or, or if it was great. It
only add to the relationship ifit's great. Yeah. So guess what?
I kind of feel like just do it.
(31:56):
Right. I have a question. Allright. What is
next? I don't know what bed sexwhen? When there's so many. When
you can't feel them? For what?
Okay, when they come to us? WeYeah, yeah. When when they come
too soon, and you're still like,Hey, hang on.
I don't think I could mark thatagainst them. Especially the
(32:17):
first time because you justnever know what's gonna happen.
Like, yeah, I think it wouldtake me a few times to decide
that was good or bad sex.
Yeah, I think same will givethem that second try and Kate
Yeah.
They may not be much of a giverupfront because there's too
many. Like, there's a lot ofnervousness and yeah, because I
(32:38):
need a giver but I don't knowthat they're always going to be
a giver at firstwith a lot of gamers, okay. And
I've been fortunate enough to bethe saint but anyway, I we have
gone way over it's like two anda half hours, I'm gonna be
editing to this thing. And soand I really want to talk about
the hormone thing because Imean, we have to, you know, we
have to talk about that subjectbecause a lot of us are going
(33:01):
through and I wanted to talkabout like changes in our
bodies. Okay, ladies, we'regonna wrap up this episode,
listeners. Thanks for joiningnice shout SAS over
fifty@gmail.com Follow us onInstagram, SAS over 50 We
appreciate it. Thank you. Byebye.
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