Voices and Visions: Finding Myself Amidst Schizophrenia

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Have you ever wondered what it's like to navigate the complex world of paranoid schizophrenia while trying to hold on to your true self?  My debut novel, "The Overlife: A Tale of Schizophrenia," provides insights into this dilemma. In this heartfelt episode, I open up about my experiences with multiple relapses and psychotic breaks, highlighting the daily challenges and the constant battle to maintain my sense of identity amidst auditory and visual hallucinations.

Get ready to gain a compassionate understanding of schizophrenia, and learn the crucial role caregivers play in the lives of those affected by this illness. I discuss the often misunderstood distinction between schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder, shedding light on the unique ways schizophrenia impacts one's reality. You'll hear about my personal strategies for preserving my true self, which include prioritizing time with loved ones and indulging in activities that bring me joy. This episode aims to foster empathy and awareness, providing a window into the life of someone living with severe mental illness.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #schizophrenia #paranoidschizophrenia #schizoaffective #mentalillness #psychosis #depressionsawareness #fictionwriting #family #relationships #nomorestigma #fightthestigmaofmentalillness #letstalk #lookafteryourself #schizophreniaawareness #mentalillnessrecovery #mentalillnesstreatment #motherdaughter #brainhealth 

Pastime With Good Company by King Henry VIII, played by The Chestnut Brass Company 

Pastime With Good Company, composed by King Henry VIII, played by The Chestnut Brass Company

Episode Transcript

Diana Dirkby (00:00):
Hello, my name is Diana Dirkby and I live with
paranoid schizophrenia.
Today's podcast will be rathershort and it's a little bit late
, as those who follow thepodcast will have noticed.
The reason is that I am workingon the penultimate version of

(00:23):
the proofs for my forthcomingbook entitled " Three Kidnapped,
Three Siblings, T three Furies,and I haven't really got time
to do much else once I startthat because it's kind of
obsessional work.
I read the proofs through and Ilook for grammar mistakes and I
look for inconsistencies andeven though I've done this

(00:45):
several times, I need to do itagain several times to be really
sure.
Of course, the editor with whomI'm publishing works on that,
but you have to cross-checkeverything yourself.
So today I wanted to talk aboutschizophrenia and identity,

(01:07):
what could be calledschizophrenia identity disorder.
However, one should contrastschizophrenia with dissociative
identity disorder, as they arenot the same mental illness
illness as I have shared withyou.
My debut fiction novel about amother and daughter both living

(01:28):
with schizophrenia has now beenpublished and is entitled " T
the Overlife A Tale ofSchizophrenia.
It's available from a Amazon.
com and other leadingbooksellers.
It is also available as aKindle and an audiobook o n the
Audible app.
After the second book hasappeared that I just referenced,

(01:53):
my third fiction novel willinvite readers to reflect on the
concept of ' self,' so that'smy upcoming project.
The concept of self is highlycomplex for those living with a
severe mental illness, like, asI do, paranoid schizophrenia.

(02:16):
A relapse of paranoidschizophrenia, or the
schizophrenia symptoms that canoccur daily, involves auditory
and visual hallucinations thatthe consumer of mental health
struggles to control.
Part of that fight forces youto disbelieve the information
you receive from the basicsenses you use to operate as a

(02:39):
functioning human being.
Your caregiver or others inyour circle of trusted friends
and relatives, usually with goodintentions, pressure you to
change, to become healthier, bynegating part of what seems
natural to you.
The danger is to throw the babyout with the bath water.

(03:04):
I am a veteran of multiplerelapses of paranoid
schizophrenia.
Such relapses are often calledpsychotic breaks, as the
symptoms usually includepsychosis.
.
Psychosis refers to a collectionof symptoms that affect the
mind where there has been someloss of contact with reality.

(03:24):
During an episode of psychosis,a person's thoughts and
perceptions may be disrupted andthey may have difficulty
recognizing what is real andwhat is not.
I have discussed aspects ofpsychosis in my other podcast
episodes\ podcasts.
As scary as the symptoms ofschizophrenia may be for those

(03:48):
who observe them, they are farmore terrifying for those who
endure them, even if they sufferfrom anosognosia, a
neurological condition in whichthe patient is unaware of their
neurological deficit orpsychiatric condition.
As we discussed in our podcaston the LEAP method, the priority

(04:10):
for someone undergoingpsychosis is to get the
treatment that will help themcontrol .
schizophreniasymptoms
.
Observers often overlook that,despite the crisis of a relapse,
there is still a person whoexists, independently of their
symptoms.
Even those close to a consumerof mental health can make this

(04:32):
misjudgment.
When undergoing a struggle withmental health, there is a
parallel struggle to preserve asense of self that is at the
core of identity.
Those parts of the mentalhealth consumer that have
nothing to do with their illnessare often ignored by those who

(04:53):
care for them and are underattack from the symptoms they
are trying to control.
Although I am not diagnosed withDID, standing for dissociative
identity disorder, what used tobe called multiple personalities
, a mental illness distinct fromschizophrenia, my psychiatric

(05:14):
symptoms can lead at their worstto me feeling outside my body
and in somebody else's, thoughthat person is always fictitious
.
I don't believe I am importantin such circumstances.
I hide inside someone else toescape the symptoms.
It is more like a mind gamethan a total switch to another

(05:38):
identity, like with DID.
What I am looking for in suchmental journeys is not another
identity.
I am defending my real one.
To further hold on to my trueself, it is vital to cultivate
my interest in the activitiesand people I love, and to do so

(05:59):
to a greater extent than I wouldnormally.
I love my spouse, a terrificcaregiver, and spend more time
with him than usual.
I love nature, music and films,and I prioritize those
activities above what I have toget done, like shopping or
paying bills, leaving some tasksfor my husband to do that I

(06:20):
would typically do.
Most importantly, even amid myworst relapses, some strong
sense of my authentic selffights back, and I need people
to talk to me about my interestsand passions, the ones they
know I have.
As important as controlling thesymptoms is if contact with

(06:42):
people is only about my mentalhealth, that is self-defeating.
Every consumer of mental healthis much more than their
diagnosis, so I thank you forlistening and hope you tune in
next time.