Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do you ever feel like
school is one giant stress ball
of negativity?
I bet you do.
We have so many challenges, somany stressors, especially at
this time of year, but there isone ridiculously simple thing
(00:21):
that could turn it all around,and you can do it starting this
week.
I want to talk about it in thisweek's episode of the School
for School Counselors podcast.
Hey, if this is your first timetuning in, thanks so much for
joining me.
I'm Steph Johnson, a full-timeschool counselor, just like you,
(00:41):
on a mission to make schoolcounseling more sustainable and
more enjoyable.
I want you to look forward towalking through the doors of
that school building everymorning, to look forward to
seeing your students' faces,saying hello to your colleagues
and even smelling the fishsticks in the air.
I want you to love it all, andI'm here to do my best to help
(01:06):
you get there.
Like I said y'all, school canfeel heavy.
Just this last week on mycampus, we were inundated with
illness, as I know many of youwere as well.
We had an office staff of sevenreduced to two people.
I was one of them, and thosewere a couple of crazy days.
(01:28):
We had staff emergencies in themidst of all the illness we had
goings on with students.
It was just a lot.
And some days are like thatcrisis after crisis.
Some days seem to be moment tomoment nonstop intervention and
pretty soon you look up, it'sdismissal and your lunch is
(01:51):
still sitting in the microwave.
When the stress starts to pileup, it is so easy to begin
feeling defeated, to believethat nothing's ever going to
change, nothing's getting betterand no one on your campus
notices what you're doing.
(02:13):
Well, my friend, this week isRandom Acts of Kindness Week,
and I know what you're thinking.
As soon as the words hit yourears, you probably thought
fantastic stuff, one moreschool-wide initiative that I
have to plan or that people aregoing to roll their eyes at.
(02:34):
But before you completelydismiss it, I want to talk about
why kindness isn't just aboutfeeling good, and how kindness
can actually be aresearch-backed strategy for
shifting your school climate,protecting your mental health
(02:56):
and making your schoolcounseling job feel more
fulfilling.
And the best part about all ofthat is that it takes almost no
effort at all.
Y'all, kindness works.
It's not just a fluff, it'schemical.
When you give kindness or whenyou receive it, your brain
(03:21):
releases oxytocin.
That's that bonding hormonethat causes us to feel connected
, and it also releases dopamine,that feel-good hormone that
we're always searching for.
When these hormones arereleased, it lowers cortisol,
which you know is our stresshormone, and that's going to
(03:42):
help reduce anxiety and alsoreduce depression.
And it's why something assimple as a compliment in
passing in the hallway caninstantly shift your mood.
And it's also why smallpositive interactions in your
(04:02):
school building matter.
Positive interactions in yourschool building matter.
It's like when you're having areally bad day or a super busy,
overwhelming day and you'reflying down the hallway and
along the way, somebody randomlycompliments you.
It changes your mood almostinstantly, doesn't it?
I know it does mine.
(04:23):
So imagine what happens whenthis is happening consistently
in the school setting, not onlyfor the grown-ups, but for the
kids too.
Studies show that when peoplewitness an act of kindness, they
are significantly more likelyto pay it forward.
(04:45):
So when our kids are watchingus model kindness in the
hallways, in the front office,they're going to seek to emulate
that, because they're watchingand learning and absorbing the
things that we do every second.
We also know that schools thathave more positive interactions
(05:07):
see fewer behavioral issues andhigher emotional resilience
among their students.
That's what we're all aimingfor, isn't it?
And this concept also works inreverse A toxic school culture
can spread like wildfire ifnegativity is the dominant
(05:30):
energy man.
Ask me how I know that.
I once worked on one of themost toxic school campuses that
I think has ever existed on theplanet, and it was draining, it
was demoralizing, and I foundthat negativity seeping into
(05:51):
every aspect of my life, so thatit wasn't only affecting me
when I was at work, but I wascarrying that home, I was
carrying it to my family and tomy children, and it just was not
a good place to be.
You may be working in anenvironment like that right now
(06:13):
and you know exactly what I meanwhen I'm talking about how
toxicity spreads.
So let's focus on the kindnessaspect, even if we are in a
dysfunctional school environment.
Let's focus on how can we bringeven a little smidge of
kindness into our worlds.
(06:34):
One thing that we don't oftentalk about with regard to
kindness is how it can bufferburnout for school counselors,
because we spent all day helpingto solve other people's
problems.
But when we engage in thesesmall positive interactions of
(06:55):
kindness, it counteracts ourstress, and engaging in
pro-social behavior, likehelping others, like.
Distributing kindness isdirectly linked to lower burnout
rates and also increased jobsatisfaction.
So, my friend, kindness isn'tjust something nice to do.
(07:19):
It's not something that we doon Random Acts of Kindness Week,
that's trendy and then weforget about it the rest of the
time.
What we really need to be doingis looking at kindness as a
strategy to up-level our schoolclimate, to improve our mental
health and to sustain usprofessionally.
(07:42):
Now I've talked quite a bitabout how kindness can affect
the grown-ups, and I've talked alittle bit about how kindness
can affect us as a whole on aschool campus.
Let's talk specifically abouthow our acts of kindness can
help our students.
First, acts of kindnessincrease sense of belonging.
(08:06):
We know we have kids walkingthrough the doors every morning
at our schools who do not hearpositive words at home.
Their entire home experience isfilled with shouting,
accusations or burns.
So when they walk through thedoors and they encounter a kind
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word or a small act even if theyact like it does not affect
them at all we know it can havea huge impact on their
self-esteem and also convincethem to engage more in their
schoolwork.
Research also tells us thatkindness can boost peer
(08:49):
connection and reduce loneliness, boost peer connection and
reduce loneliness.
Especially when we're talkingabout marginalized students,
this is super important.
We want all of our students tofeel connected and like they
belong and kindness is a mightytool to get us in that corner.
Kindness also helps improveclassroom behavior because kids
(09:16):
who feel seen and who feelvalued are less likely to act
out.
And those students who arewatching us be kind to our
co-workers and colleagues oncampus.
When they begin to regularlyengage in those kinds of
kindness acts, they developstronger emotional regulation
(09:36):
skills.
So they're not going to be asimpulsive, we're not going to
have as many disciplinaryincidents with them because
they're learning how to regulatethemselves.
And third, kindness justcreates a more positive school
climate overall.
Third, kindness just creates amore positive school climate
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overall.
If negativity is the dominantenergy in your building, the
kids are going to mirror that.
But if we can engage in smallpositive interactions, we can
use those to shift the emotionaltone of the entire school the
emotional tone of the entireschool and on the grown-up side
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of things.
I mentioned this briefly before.
But kindness can be a burnouthat for school counselors.
You know you can't control thedecisions that your
administrators make.
You can't control the mandatesthat come down from your
district office, you can't evencontrol when the fire drills are
going to happen.
But you can control everything.
(10:38):
Small moments of kindness andon tough days, if you can walk
away knowing that you made asmall positive impact on someone
else at your school, it canoffset the stress of the entire
rest of your day.
Even better, it reconnects youto your why?
(11:01):
Because we know schoolcounseling is about people, it's
not about paperwork, and whenwe perform acts of kindness we
are bringing those people backinto focus.
I will tell you I had a studenton my campus once who was really
(11:22):
difficult to work with.
He was one of the kids that theteachers wanted to send to the
office on a daily basis.
He was loud, he was defiant tohis teachers, he was constantly
talking back, refusing tocomplete work and his teachers
were exhausted.
(11:42):
To complete work, and histeachers were exhausted.
All the kids in his classavoided him like the plague and
most of the time he seemed to beseeking negative attention.
This kiddo genuinely thought noone liked him because he didn't
have really any friends inclass.
He didn't have any positiverelationships with adults at his
(12:06):
school and so he had nomotivation to change anything.
It was like it was easier to bebad than to be ignored, right?
And so we started working on anundercover kindness challenge.
We started working on anundercover kindness challenge.
I gave him a small kindnesschallenge every day that he had
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to complete.
It was just finding someone inthe school to give a compliment
to, didn't matter who it was,didn't matter what the
compliment was about, but he hadto give one genuine compliment
every day.
We worked on it for a week.
We talked about what changeswere happening.
(12:50):
He really didn't noticeanything different, but we kept
going and after a while, after afew weeks, he noticed people
started acting differentlytoward him.
People started actingdifferently toward him.
His teacher said you know, hestill has trouble focusing, but
(13:14):
he's not yelling and accusingpeople all the time anymore.
It was pretty cool to watch thiskiddo's self-perception start
to shift and starting to feellike he was building some
connections with his classmates,that he could ask for help and
not get laughed at.
That he didn't have to lash outto get attention.
He didn't become a modelstudent.
I wish I could say that.
(13:35):
That would make me soundamazing.
Right, he didn't become a modelstudent.
He still struggled withacademics, but he started to see
himself as a part of hisclassroom community and as part
of our school community, and forme, that was a win.
And it all came out of onesmall act of kindness every day.
(14:01):
Small act of kindness every day.
Day two and Park 2019 exploredthe relationship between
students' perception of schoolkindness and their academic
engagement, and they found thatwhen students perceived higher
levels of kindness in theirschool, they reported greater
(14:23):
engagement in academics.
So as we're rolling into RandomActs of Kindness Week, let's
keep this in perspective.
Some folks have planned bigawareness weeks and I think
that's wonderful, but a lot ofus didn't have the bandwidth for
that this year, did we?
Education is a mess right now.
(14:45):
There are so many unknowns anduncertainties.
We're coming off of NationalSchool Counseling Week, which
often gives us all a lot ofmixed emotions, and so some of
us just didn't have the capacityto do anything big for Random
Acts of Kindness Week, and I getit because I'm one of those
people.
That's why I'm using the wordwe.
(15:06):
But we can still utilize thisweek to not only our benefit,
but to the benefit of ourschools and our students.
Schools are stressful places.
Some days you feel like you arejust dancing inside of a
dumpster fire, right, butkindness gives us small moments
(15:33):
in our days that matter.
Remember that a kind word thatyou give to a student might be
the only encouragement they hearall day, that a simple thank
you that you offer to a teacherin the hallway could be the one
thing that convinces them not towalk out the door and never
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come back, or even y'all.
A quick note to yourselfReminding you that you
accomplished something great.
That day might be what helpsyou push through some of the
burnout you're feeling.
And the best part about all ofthis is that you don't need
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permission, you don't needfunding, you don't need a
meeting with your administratorto start changing the energy in
your school.
You just have to decide thatkindness is going to be part of
your daily game plan.
Now I know, I know you are kindeach and every day.
I get it.
(16:37):
But when you demonstratekindness with more
intentionality rather than justas the moments present
themselves, you areintentionally walking through
the doors with the goal ofspreading kindness.
The game changes a little bit,and I want to help you do that
this week.
Every day, during Random Actsof Kindness Week, I'm going to
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post a quick, simple kindnesschallenge on our Facebook page.
These are going to be thingsthat you can do immediately,
with no prep, that will actuallymake a difference for other
people at your school.
So, as we wrap up this episode,make sure that you've gone to
our School for School CounselorsFacebook page.
(17:22):
Make sure that you hit, followand join in on all the kindness
fun this week.
Stay consistent with it, set aphone alarm so you don't forget
to check it out every day, andlet's just see what happens this
week, because sometimes thelittle things you do are
actually the things that changeeverything.
(17:44):
I'll be back soon with anotherepisode of the School for School
Counselors podcast.
In the meantime, keeppracticing those random acts of
kindness and I'll see you againvery soon.
Take care.