May 26, 2025 • 22 mins
Why do some school counselors get a seat at the table while others get sidelined, no matter how qualified they are? In this episode, we’re breaking down what actually builds trust with school leaders and how to develop the on-the-fly fluency and presence that turn you into the go-to, not the afterthought.
-----
Being good at your job isn’t always enough. You can have the training, the data, and a deep commitment to students... and still get left out of the decision-making process on your campus.
Why? Because influence in schools isn’t about credentials.
It’s about trust.
In this episode, we’re talking about what actually earns school counselors a seat at the table, and why the real key isn’t advocacy, a perfect program, or another use-of-time chart.
You’ll learn:
- Why some school counselors get access and others don’t
- The five relational traits that build real trust with administrators
- How to develop on-the-fly fluency that earns instant credibility
- When it’s time to stop chasing influence and pivot strategically
- And how to start showing up like a trusted advisor, even without the title
If you’ve ever been passed over, second-guessed, or told to “just follow the model,” this episode is your blueprint for stepping into leadership the right way, without burning out or selling out.
Because trusted advisors aren’t appointed.
They’re revealed- one moment at a time.
Need a downloadable recap of this episode? Say no more!
Go here to get a free copy.
*********************************
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**********************************
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if I told you that being good at your job,
maybe even great at your job, isnot enough to earn you a seat
of the table of influence?
What if I told you that youcould show up every day
consistently helping students invery meaningful ways, follow
(00:24):
all the right quote-unquoteframeworks for school counseling
and still get dismissed orexcluded or sidelined by your
school's leadership team?
This episode came about becauseevery single year, without fail
, I start seeing posts fromschool counselors on social
(00:47):
media that absolutely break myheart.
They are people who are beingtold that they are losing their
counseling spaces, they're beingmoved to subprime locations on
their school campuses and theydon't understand why.
Or, even worse, they're beingrelegated to a different role
(01:09):
than they've served, usually asthat of an SEL teacher instead
of a school counselor.
And these folks show up onsocial media.
They want to vent, they want toget advice and they want
desperately to find out whatwent wrong.
And my heart goes out to themevery single time, because
(01:31):
here's the truth that nobodytold you in grad school
Decisions on a school campus arenot made by the most qualified
person qualified person.
They're made by the person whois most trusted, and trust does
not come from data, it doesn'tcome from ASCA frameworks and it
(01:58):
definitely does not come fromadvocating for your program, at
least not in the way you weretaught.
If you have ever watched youradministrator turn to the golden
one for input, you know who I'mtalking about all while they're
ignoring your expertise.
Or if you've ever felt stuckand wondering how you can build
influence on your campus when noone seems interested in what
(02:22):
you bring to the table, thisepisode is for you.
Hey, my friend, welcome back.
I'm Steph Johnson, a licensedprofessional counselor and
full-time school counselor, justlike you.
If you're tired of schoolcounseling advice that sounds
like it came from Pinterest,you're in the right place Around
(02:44):
.
Here, we're keeping it real,we're keeping it grounded and
I'm giving you tools and ideasthat actually work, because you
deserve more than prettygraphics and empty promises.
Okay, so today we're talkingabout something that your school
counselor training andprofessional development
(03:04):
probably never covered how tobecome the kind of school
counselor that your principalactually listens to.
And they don't listen to youbecause of your credentials or
because you printed off anotherdata report.
They listen because you'vebuilt the kind of presence that
(03:26):
earns influence, whether or notyour school district officially
considers school counselors asleaders or not.
So let's jump into this.
I will tell you that I havebeen on a little bit of a
tangent lately, especially inthe past couple of weeks and in
my mastermind about how weprepare school counselors to
(03:48):
work on campuses, because, I'mgoing to be very blunt, I think
we are doing it wrong.
You can walk into a schoolbuilding as the most competent,
ethical, well-trained schoolcounselor they have ever seen
and odds are, you're still goingto get ignored.
(04:10):
You could be making hugeimpacts with students right off
the bat.
You might be bringingresearch-based solutions or
strong data, you might be ableto show real results, but when
your campus administrationstarts making decisions, you are
nowhere in that room.
(04:31):
You're not consulted, you'renot invited, you're not even
heard, and y'all that hurts.
So many school counselors haveshared different versions of
this story throughout my yearsin this field, and the problem,
I think, isn't that you're notdoing enough.
(04:52):
The problem is you haven't beentold the truth about how trust
works in schools, because we'retold to advocate for our
programs right, put quotationmarks around that.
We're told to log our time.
We are told to use ASCA-alignedlanguage and frameworks.
(05:13):
We're told to share the resultsof our use of time data and
inform administrators about whatwe should and should not be
doing.
But the trust that you needdoes not come from shows of
competence.
It doesn't come from endlesslyeducating people about the
(05:35):
national model and it doesn'tcome from barking about what we
should or should not be asked todo.
Trust comes from closeness andrelationship and being someone
that your administrator feelssafe with, even if they don't
(05:57):
completely understand what youdo all day.
You can have all thecredentials in the world, you
can have all the accolades andall the data and all the things,
but if you have not builtrelational capital with your
administrator, if you have notfirst laid that personal
foundation, you're going to bedead in the water.
(06:19):
Here's what I mean, and you'regoing to know when I say this
that this is the truth.
Many, many school campuses arecliques and many, many
administrators tend to keep onlycertain people close to them,
(06:44):
and these are usually people wholook like them, think like them
or tell them what they want tohear.
In our mastermind.
We recently had a Saturdaymorning coffee chat and we
called these people the goldenones.
You know what I mean.
You probably have some on yourcampus.
These are the staff memberswhose ideas are always
(07:06):
considered, whose mistakes arealways forgiven and whose
influence is pretty unquestioned.
And then there's you, who'strying to offer strategies and
insight and solutions, andyou're getting ignored.
So let me be very clear rightoff the bat If you have done all
(07:28):
the right things and you stillfeel locked out of influence on
your campus, it's probably notyou.
It might just be the culture ofthe campus, culture of the
campus, and so it's important toremember that is not a personal
failure.
Instead, you have to frame itas an opportunity to build
(07:58):
yourself into a trusted advisor.
Now, if you're looking to becomea trusted advisor, that does
not mean that you are aiming tobe your principal's bestie.
It doesn't mean that you haveto be their sidekick or their
yes person or their emotionaldumping ground.
Being a trusted advisor meansthat your administrator seeks
(08:20):
your insight, that you know yourinput is going to be respected,
even if it challenges whatother people are saying, and it
means that your ideas are goingto be acted on in some way, not
just tolerated.
When you are a trusted advisor,you are a thought partner.
(08:41):
You are a translator betweenschool systems and family
systems and community systems.
You become that solid, reliablepresence in the room when
everything else is swirling inthis crazy vortex of emotion.
But in order to become thattrusted advisor, you have to get
(09:03):
really clear on not only whatit is but how you get there.
I think that there are fiverelational qualities that lay
the foundation for becoming thiskind of advisor or developing
more influence on your campus.
First is your emotionalconsistency.
(09:27):
When the fires start burning,you're not the one pouring
gasoline on them.
You are the calm one, you'rereliable, you're grounded, you
are unshakable and unfortunatelyI'm going to be real here A lot
of school counselors think theyprovide that emotional
consistency.
But when you see them in realtime and people walk by and say
(09:50):
things like, hey, how are youdoing?
They're saying things like ohmy gosh, I just can't wait for
Friday.
Or oh, I'm so overwhelmed, I'mso busy.
When we have responses likethat on campus, not saying you
can't be real, but you need tobe selective in who you talk to
in that way, because it is goingto reflect on your role as a
(10:14):
whole and your administrator islooking for someone who is
emotionally consistent.
That's how they know they cantrust you.
They're gonna be able to trustyour responses.
Second is mutual respect.
You have to communicate thatkind of respect to your
administrator overtly.
If you're expecting them justto notice that you respect them
(10:40):
or just to pick up on your vibe,they might not.
They're pretty busy, they'vegot a lot of decisions going and
they might not grasp whatyou're trying to communicate
indirectly.
So be direct about it.
Third, share humanity.
Be a person and not a position.
Show warmth, ask questions.
Don't always be all businessand then wonder why you're not
(11:03):
connecting with your principal.
Now let's be honest.
Some administrators are reallyhard to connect with.
They play things very close tothe vest, but the good news is
you have the skill set to breakthrough that because you are a
trained counselor.
You can handle that.
You're just going to have to goin with intention.
(11:25):
Fourth, you need to providegentle honesty.
You have to be able to speakthe truth about people and
situations, but do so in a waythat feels very kind.
Use language that invitesreflection instead of
defensiveness.
(11:45):
So instead of saying somethinglike, well, that's a good idea,
but I think maybe we should trythis, you say things like I'm
wondering if we tried this thing, if we might see better results
, or I'm wondering if we triedthis, if we might see that.
(12:05):
And five, in the midst of allof this, don't forget to protect
your own emotional boundaries.
You can be supportive and bethat source of emotional
consistency for the peoplearound you, but you've got to be
careful not to absorb everyoneelse's anxiety or big feelings,
(12:31):
because when you're the onethat's always remaining calm or
grounded, that becomes emotionallabor, right.
So you just need to make sureyou're managing it wisely so you
don't lose that emotionalconsistency.
So that's all great, it soundsawesome in theory, but how do we
actually put this all in motion?
Here is kind of an action planof steps that you can follow in
your day-to-day work, and ifyou've ended your school year
(12:53):
already, you can go grab theprintable of these and just
stick it in your file folder fornext year as a reminder of a
different way to start theschool year.
First, when we talk aboutemotional consistency, we need
to be the first to name theemotion without feeding the
(13:14):
dumpster fire.
So we say things like man, thisis really intense, but we can
get through it.
Or man, it seems like thisreally has you on edge, but I
think I have a solution.
Principles will remember, whohelped them stay calm and
grounded and who see them in thesituation, who are able to
(13:37):
empathize with where they are,as a human being as well as a
leader.
We can also offer help in theform of direct solutions, not
just vague support, so we cansay things like do you want me
to handle this parent call soyou can go prep for your
walkthroughs?
Do you want me to check in withthis kiddo really quickly so
(14:01):
that you are not late for yourIEP meeting?
Whatever it is, it shows thatyou see the reality that they're
working in and you can lightentheir load without stepping on
their toes.
Now, this doesn't mean takingon all the things right and then
making your job feeloverwhelming because you're
trying to build mutual respectwith these folks, but if it's
(14:23):
something that you can take on,that you can accomplish in a
minute or two and it's not goingto overwhelm, you definitely
offer to do that.
You can reference somethingreal when you happen to pass by
these folks or you check in intheir office and just be a real
human being and let them knowthat you see them as a real
(14:44):
human being.
How did your daughter'stournament go this weekend?
Or how's the new puppy?
Those small, consistentconnections build closeness.
You know this right.
But for some reason in thecontext of our relationships
with our administrators, weoften forget that Sometimes they
come across as very terse orall business and we feel like we
(15:07):
cannot engage in that stuff.
But if we keep our ears openand we watch for the
opportunities, they are going topay off so big.
We need to position ourselvesas thoughtful advisors and not
confrontational Administrators.
I think are pretty used tobeing confronted about things
(15:27):
when others think they've got adifferent idea.
So let's flip the script onthat and let's say things like I
wonder if we've considereddoing this.
I wonder if anybody's evertried this thing To offer
solutions in a way that doesn'tfeel like well, I mean, I think
we should do this and if youdon't agree with me, then we
might have a problem.
(15:48):
Sometimes that's the way thatstuff comes across.
So we're just going to bereally gentle and really
wondering, just like we do inour counseling sessions.
I'm noticing, I'm wonderinghave you ever thought about
those kinds of things instead ofautomatically just launching
into?
Here's what I think we shoulddo, and then we can empathize
(16:14):
with our administrators in toughsituations without becoming a
sponge for their distress.
Do you want some ideas forsolutions or you just need to
vent for a minute Because thatwas big right?
That totally changes theparadigm of the conversation, if
it's delivered correctly.
But you could just periodicallychoose one of these tactics to
(16:34):
try and see how it goes over,because becoming a trusted
advisor isn't about justoverhauling everything overnight
and expecting to be seen in acompletely different light.
That's not the way it works.
But it's about intentionallyand incrementally acting like
the trusted advisor that youwant to become, and this is a
(16:55):
timeline that's not going to bemeasured in weeks or maybe even
months.
This could be a year or more asyou're turning this
relationship around.
So keep your eye on that longgame.
But then let's take this even astep deeper, because
administrators rely on peoplethat not only see them and hear
them and provide emotionalstability and all that great
(17:17):
stuff, but who also can deliverthe goods.
One of the fastest ways to buildcredibility with your principal
is to know what to do in themoment and to be able to talk
about it with clarity.
When you have a kid that'smelting down in the hallway and
nobody can bring them down, or ateacher is overwhelmed and they
(17:41):
don't know what else to try, ora parent is in the middle of a
meeting and they drop thisinsane curveball.
Can you offer insight on thespot?
Because that kind of on-the-flyfluency is what really builds
clout.
It shows your principal thatyou don't just care and you're
(18:03):
not just good at feelings andideas, but you're someone who
knows.
And that kind of fluency buildsrelationships.
It helps your principal andadministrators feel not just
emotionally safe around you butprofessionally safe.
(18:23):
They start to listen, theydefer to you, they begin to
trust you because they can seethat you know what you're
talking about.
You move up the ladder fromgood coworker to eventually the
go-to.
But, my friend, that does nothappen by accident.
It's built through reps, it'sbuilt through reflection and
(18:48):
it's built through the kinds ofsupports that help sharpen your
heart and your skill.
You're going to have to investin your own fluency development
to be able to be that person.
So, as we kind of wrap up thisconversation, ask yourself what
(19:08):
would you change on your campusif your principal already saw
you as their trusted advisor?
How would you speak to oneanother?
What kinds of suggestions wouldyou be making?
Where would you lead and thenthink about what is stopping you
from doing those things.
Now, even if your title doesn'tsupport those activities.
(19:34):
People don't think the schoolcounselor should do that.
Well, maybe they should right.
Trusted advisors are notappointed, they're revealed, and
that comes through yourconsistent action and showing up
.
Because when you start showingup like that kind of advisor,
(19:55):
things start to change and thosechanges are going to be amazing
.
If this hit home, I really wantyou to sit in this.
I want you to remember that,becoming the kind of trusted
advisor who gets to be at thetable, who gets to be part of
the decision making and who getsconsidered when big changes are
(20:19):
being made.
That isn't about charm or luckor waiting to finally be
acknowledged.
It's about fluency in howschools work, what students need
and how you respond in realtime when things start to hit
the fan.
But it's also about relationship, because your principal isn't
(20:42):
just listening for thosesolutions.
They're watching how you show up, how steady you are, how
clearly you think in the momentand how much safer the room
feels when you're standing in it.
That's what makes someone atrusted advisor and that is what
we are building each and everyweek in our School for School
(21:04):
Counselors Mastermind.
Through real consultation, realsupport, real strategy, not
just conversations designed todrive your consumption of some
random resource.
We want to make you not justtechnically capable which we do
but also personally credible.
(21:24):
So if you are tired of beingsecond guest on your campus, if
you're ready to feel undeniablewhen you speak up on certain
situations, and if you are readyfor your leadership to finally
see you as a leader on yourcampus, you need to come join us
, because we're not just talkingabout how to be liked, we're
(21:47):
talking about how to be trusted,and the mastermind can give you
the tools and the confidence tobe able to earn that trust.
All right, I'll be back soonwith another episode of the
School for School Counselorspodcast.
In the meantime, I hope youhave the best week, take care.
What if I told you that being good at your job,
maybe even great at your job, isnot enough to earn you a seat
of the table of influence?
What if I told you that youcould show up every day
consistently helping students invery meaningful ways, follow
(00:24):
all the right quote-unquoteframeworks for school counseling
and still get dismissed orexcluded or sidelined by your
school's leadership team?
This episode came about becauseevery single year, without fail
, I start seeing posts fromschool counselors on social
(00:47):
media that absolutely break myheart.
They are people who are beingtold that they are losing their
counseling spaces, they're beingmoved to subprime locations on
their school campuses and theydon't understand why.
Or, even worse, they're beingrelegated to a different role
(01:09):
than they've served, usually asthat of an SEL teacher instead
of a school counselor.
And these folks show up onsocial media.
They want to vent, they want toget advice and they want
desperately to find out whatwent wrong.
And my heart goes out to themevery single time, because
(01:31):
here's the truth that nobodytold you in grad school
Decisions on a school campus arenot made by the most qualified
person qualified person.
They're made by the person whois most trusted, and trust does
not come from data, it doesn'tcome from ASCA frameworks and it
(01:58):
definitely does not come fromadvocating for your program, at
least not in the way you weretaught.
If you have ever watched youradministrator turn to the golden
one for input, you know who I'mtalking about all while they're
ignoring your expertise.
Or if you've ever felt stuckand wondering how you can build
influence on your campus when noone seems interested in what
(02:22):
you bring to the table, thisepisode is for you.
Hey, my friend, welcome back.
I'm Steph Johnson, a licensedprofessional counselor and
full-time school counselor, justlike you.
If you're tired of schoolcounseling advice that sounds
like it came from Pinterest,you're in the right place Around
(02:44):
.
Here, we're keeping it real,we're keeping it grounded and
I'm giving you tools and ideasthat actually work, because you
deserve more than prettygraphics and empty promises.
Okay, so today we're talkingabout something that your school
counselor training andprofessional development
(03:04):
probably never covered how tobecome the kind of school
counselor that your principalactually listens to.
And they don't listen to youbecause of your credentials or
because you printed off anotherdata report.
They listen because you'vebuilt the kind of presence that
(03:26):
earns influence, whether or notyour school district officially
considers school counselors asleaders or not.
So let's jump into this.
I will tell you that I havebeen on a little bit of a
tangent lately, especially inthe past couple of weeks and in
my mastermind about how weprepare school counselors to
(03:48):
work on campuses, because, I'mgoing to be very blunt, I think
we are doing it wrong.
You can walk into a schoolbuilding as the most competent,
ethical, well-trained schoolcounselor they have ever seen
and odds are, you're still goingto get ignored.
(04:10):
You could be making hugeimpacts with students right off
the bat.
You might be bringingresearch-based solutions or
strong data, you might be ableto show real results, but when
your campus administrationstarts making decisions, you are
nowhere in that room.
(04:31):
You're not consulted, you'renot invited, you're not even
heard, and y'all that hurts.
So many school counselors haveshared different versions of
this story throughout my yearsin this field, and the problem,
I think, isn't that you're notdoing enough.
(04:52):
The problem is you haven't beentold the truth about how trust
works in schools, because we'retold to advocate for our
programs right, put quotationmarks around that.
We're told to log our time.
We are told to use ASCA-alignedlanguage and frameworks.
(05:13):
We're told to share the resultsof our use of time data and
inform administrators about whatwe should and should not be
doing.
But the trust that you needdoes not come from shows of
competence.
It doesn't come from endlesslyeducating people about the
(05:35):
national model and it doesn'tcome from barking about what we
should or should not be asked todo.
Trust comes from closeness andrelationship and being someone
that your administrator feelssafe with, even if they don't
(05:57):
completely understand what youdo all day.
You can have all thecredentials in the world, you
can have all the accolades andall the data and all the things,
but if you have not builtrelational capital with your
administrator, if you have notfirst laid that personal
foundation, you're going to bedead in the water.
(06:19):
Here's what I mean, and you'regoing to know when I say this
that this is the truth.
Many, many school campuses arecliques and many, many
administrators tend to keep onlycertain people close to them,
(06:44):
and these are usually people wholook like them, think like them
or tell them what they want tohear.
In our mastermind.
We recently had a Saturdaymorning coffee chat and we
called these people the goldenones.
You know what I mean.
You probably have some on yourcampus.
These are the staff memberswhose ideas are always
(07:06):
considered, whose mistakes arealways forgiven and whose
influence is pretty unquestioned.
And then there's you, who'strying to offer strategies and
insight and solutions, andyou're getting ignored.
So let me be very clear rightoff the bat If you have done all
(07:28):
the right things and you stillfeel locked out of influence on
your campus, it's probably notyou.
It might just be the culture ofthe campus, culture of the
campus, and so it's important toremember that is not a personal
failure.
Instead, you have to frame itas an opportunity to build
(07:58):
yourself into a trusted advisor.
Now, if you're looking to becomea trusted advisor, that does
not mean that you are aiming tobe your principal's bestie.
It doesn't mean that you haveto be their sidekick or their
yes person or their emotionaldumping ground.
Being a trusted advisor meansthat your administrator seeks
(08:20):
your insight, that you know yourinput is going to be respected,
even if it challenges whatother people are saying, and it
means that your ideas are goingto be acted on in some way, not
just tolerated.
When you are a trusted advisor,you are a thought partner.
(08:41):
You are a translator betweenschool systems and family
systems and community systems.
You become that solid, reliablepresence in the room when
everything else is swirling inthis crazy vortex of emotion.
But in order to become thattrusted advisor, you have to get
(09:03):
really clear on not only whatit is but how you get there.
I think that there are fiverelational qualities that lay
the foundation for becoming thiskind of advisor or developing
more influence on your campus.
First is your emotionalconsistency.
(09:27):
When the fires start burning,you're not the one pouring
gasoline on them.
You are the calm one, you'rereliable, you're grounded, you
are unshakable and unfortunatelyI'm going to be real here A lot
of school counselors think theyprovide that emotional
consistency.
But when you see them in realtime and people walk by and say
(09:50):
things like, hey, how are youdoing?
They're saying things like ohmy gosh, I just can't wait for
Friday.
Or oh, I'm so overwhelmed, I'mso busy.
When we have responses likethat on campus, not saying you
can't be real, but you need tobe selective in who you talk to
in that way, because it is goingto reflect on your role as a
(10:14):
whole and your administrator islooking for someone who is
emotionally consistent.
That's how they know they cantrust you.
They're gonna be able to trustyour responses.
Second is mutual respect.
You have to communicate thatkind of respect to your
administrator overtly.
If you're expecting them justto notice that you respect them
(10:40):
or just to pick up on your vibe,they might not.
They're pretty busy, they'vegot a lot of decisions going and
they might not grasp whatyou're trying to communicate
indirectly.
So be direct about it.
Third, share humanity.
Be a person and not a position.
Show warmth, ask questions.
Don't always be all businessand then wonder why you're not
(11:03):
connecting with your principal.
Now let's be honest.
Some administrators are reallyhard to connect with.
They play things very close tothe vest, but the good news is
you have the skill set to breakthrough that because you are a
trained counselor.
You can handle that.
You're just going to have to goin with intention.
(11:25):
Fourth, you need to providegentle honesty.
You have to be able to speakthe truth about people and
situations, but do so in a waythat feels very kind.
Use language that invitesreflection instead of
defensiveness.
(11:45):
So instead of saying somethinglike, well, that's a good idea,
but I think maybe we should trythis, you say things like I'm
wondering if we tried this thing, if we might see better results
, or I'm wondering if we triedthis, if we might see that.
(12:05):
And five, in the midst of allof this, don't forget to protect
your own emotional boundaries.
You can be supportive and bethat source of emotional
consistency for the peoplearound you, but you've got to be
careful not to absorb everyoneelse's anxiety or big feelings,
(12:31):
because when you're the onethat's always remaining calm or
grounded, that becomes emotionallabor, right.
So you just need to make sureyou're managing it wisely so you
don't lose that emotionalconsistency.
So that's all great, it soundsawesome in theory, but how do we
actually put this all in motion?
Here is kind of an action planof steps that you can follow in
your day-to-day work, and ifyou've ended your school year
(12:53):
already, you can go grab theprintable of these and just
stick it in your file folder fornext year as a reminder of a
different way to start theschool year.
First, when we talk aboutemotional consistency, we need
to be the first to name theemotion without feeding the
(13:14):
dumpster fire.
So we say things like man, thisis really intense, but we can
get through it.
Or man, it seems like thisreally has you on edge, but I
think I have a solution.
Principles will remember, whohelped them stay calm and
grounded and who see them in thesituation, who are able to
(13:37):
empathize with where they are,as a human being as well as a
leader.
We can also offer help in theform of direct solutions, not
just vague support, so we cansay things like do you want me
to handle this parent call soyou can go prep for your
walkthroughs?
Do you want me to check in withthis kiddo really quickly so
(14:01):
that you are not late for yourIEP meeting?
Whatever it is, it shows thatyou see the reality that they're
working in and you can lightentheir load without stepping on
their toes.
Now, this doesn't mean takingon all the things right and then
making your job feeloverwhelming because you're
trying to build mutual respectwith these folks, but if it's
(14:23):
something that you can take on,that you can accomplish in a
minute or two and it's not goingto overwhelm, you definitely
offer to do that.
You can reference somethingreal when you happen to pass by
these folks or you check in intheir office and just be a real
human being and let them knowthat you see them as a real
(14:44):
human being.
How did your daughter'stournament go this weekend?
Or how's the new puppy?
Those small, consistentconnections build closeness.
You know this right.
But for some reason in thecontext of our relationships
with our administrators, weoften forget that Sometimes they
come across as very terse orall business and we feel like we
(15:07):
cannot engage in that stuff.
But if we keep our ears openand we watch for the
opportunities, they are going topay off so big.
We need to position ourselvesas thoughtful advisors and not
confrontational Administrators.
I think are pretty used tobeing confronted about things
(15:27):
when others think they've got adifferent idea.
So let's flip the script onthat and let's say things like I
wonder if we've considereddoing this.
I wonder if anybody's evertried this thing To offer
solutions in a way that doesn'tfeel like well, I mean, I think
we should do this and if youdon't agree with me, then we
might have a problem.
(15:48):
Sometimes that's the way thatstuff comes across.
So we're just going to bereally gentle and really
wondering, just like we do inour counseling sessions.
I'm noticing, I'm wonderinghave you ever thought about
those kinds of things instead ofautomatically just launching
into?
Here's what I think we shoulddo, and then we can empathize
(16:14):
with our administrators in toughsituations without becoming a
sponge for their distress.
Do you want some ideas forsolutions or you just need to
vent for a minute Because thatwas big right?
That totally changes theparadigm of the conversation, if
it's delivered correctly.
But you could just periodicallychoose one of these tactics to
(16:34):
try and see how it goes over,because becoming a trusted
advisor isn't about justoverhauling everything overnight
and expecting to be seen in acompletely different light.
That's not the way it works.
But it's about intentionallyand incrementally acting like
the trusted advisor that youwant to become, and this is a
(16:55):
timeline that's not going to bemeasured in weeks or maybe even
months.
This could be a year or more asyou're turning this
relationship around.
So keep your eye on that longgame.
But then let's take this even astep deeper, because
administrators rely on peoplethat not only see them and hear
them and provide emotionalstability and all that great
(17:17):
stuff, but who also can deliverthe goods.
One of the fastest ways to buildcredibility with your principal
is to know what to do in themoment and to be able to talk
about it with clarity.
When you have a kid that'smelting down in the hallway and
nobody can bring them down, or ateacher is overwhelmed and they
(17:41):
don't know what else to try, ora parent is in the middle of a
meeting and they drop thisinsane curveball.
Can you offer insight on thespot?
Because that kind of on-the-flyfluency is what really builds
clout.
It shows your principal thatyou don't just care and you're
(18:03):
not just good at feelings andideas, but you're someone who
knows.
And that kind of fluency buildsrelationships.
It helps your principal andadministrators feel not just
emotionally safe around you butprofessionally safe.
(18:23):
They start to listen, theydefer to you, they begin to
trust you because they can seethat you know what you're
talking about.
You move up the ladder fromgood coworker to eventually the
go-to.
But, my friend, that does nothappen by accident.
It's built through reps, it'sbuilt through reflection and
(18:48):
it's built through the kinds ofsupports that help sharpen your
heart and your skill.
You're going to have to investin your own fluency development
to be able to be that person.
So, as we kind of wrap up thisconversation, ask yourself what
(19:08):
would you change on your campusif your principal already saw
you as their trusted advisor?
How would you speak to oneanother?
What kinds of suggestions wouldyou be making?
Where would you lead and thenthink about what is stopping you
from doing those things.
Now, even if your title doesn'tsupport those activities.
(19:34):
People don't think the schoolcounselor should do that.
Well, maybe they should right.
Trusted advisors are notappointed, they're revealed, and
that comes through yourconsistent action and showing up
.
Because when you start showingup like that kind of advisor,
(19:55):
things start to change and thosechanges are going to be amazing
.
If this hit home, I really wantyou to sit in this.
I want you to remember that,becoming the kind of trusted
advisor who gets to be at thetable, who gets to be part of
the decision making and who getsconsidered when big changes are
(20:19):
being made.
That isn't about charm or luckor waiting to finally be
acknowledged.
It's about fluency in howschools work, what students need
and how you respond in realtime when things start to hit
the fan.
But it's also about relationship, because your principal isn't
(20:42):
just listening for thosesolutions.
They're watching how you show up, how steady you are, how
clearly you think in the momentand how much safer the room
feels when you're standing in it.
That's what makes someone atrusted advisor and that is what
we are building each and everyweek in our School for School
(21:04):
Counselors Mastermind.
Through real consultation, realsupport, real strategy, not
just conversations designed todrive your consumption of some
random resource.
We want to make you not justtechnically capable which we do
but also personally credible.
(21:24):
So if you are tired of beingsecond guest on your campus, if
you're ready to feel undeniablewhen you speak up on certain
situations, and if you are readyfor your leadership to finally
see you as a leader on yourcampus, you need to come join us
, because we're not just talkingabout how to be liked, we're
(21:47):
talking about how to be trusted,and the mastermind can give you
the tools and the confidence tobe able to earn that trust.
All right, I'll be back soonwith another episode of the
School for School Counselorspodcast.
In the meantime, I hope youhave the best week, take care.
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