February 25, 2025 • 25 mins
Tired of feeling like you need a vacation to "reset" your life?
In this episode, your host Laurie Reynoldson talks about the importance of designing a lifestyle that leaves you feeling refreshed every single day. Learn how to align your work, passions, and personal life in a way that creates constant fulfillment and peace.
It's all about small changes that lead to big impact—so you can stop dreaming about vacation and start living your ideal life right now.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In this week's episode of theSchool of Midlife podcast, we're
talking about creating a lifethat you don't need to take a
vacation from.
This is gonna be a good one.
Let's get started.
Welcome to the School of Midlifepodcast.
I'm your host, LaurieReynoldson.
This is the podcast for themidlife woman who starting to
ask herself big life questions.
(00:22):
Like, what do I want?
Is it too late for me?
And what's my legacy beyond myfamily and my work.
Each week we're answering thesequestions and more.
At the School of Midlife, we'relearning all of the life lessons
they didn't teach us in schooland we're figuring out finally
what it is we want to be when wegrow up.
(00:43):
Let's make midlife your bestlife.
Well, hey friends, welcome backto another episode of the School
of Midlife podcast.
I am your host, LaurieReynoldson, and I am so excited
to be back in the podcast studiothis week.
If you listened to last week'sepisode, you know that I was
(01:03):
traveling, and although I had aportable Podcasting mic setup,
the whole like, take the podcaston the road travel setup.
I just couldn't get themicrophone to work with a way
that I thought that the audiosounded good.
So we did a replay last week,but I am back in the podcast
(01:23):
studio today.
I was away last week, kind of onvacation, part work trip, part
vacation trip.
I got a really incredibleinspiration for a podcast
episode while I was waiting topick up a pizza on Valentine's
Day.
I mean, nothing says, wow,we've, we've been married almost
(01:44):
22 years and celebratedValentine's Day before that.
Um, like a pizza to go dinner onValentine's Day.
We were in Sun Valley andwaiting to pick up a pizza.
We order it from a local'sfavorite pizza joint.
And this pizza restaurant isjust like all other small
(02:07):
restaurants in ski towns, resorttowns, where all the locals go.
And what I mean by that is thereare stickers.
On every square inch of the ovenhood, there are local posters on
the walls.
It's, uh, it's all very skioriented, so advertising ski
gear, brand names.
(02:28):
Athletes, everything to do withskiing.
And there, there was one stickeron the oven hood that really
caught my eye.
It said, my life is better thanyour vacation.
I read it once, and it hit me,and I read it again.
My life is better than yourvacation.
And I thought, wow.
Wouldn't that be incredible tobe able to say that?
(02:51):
I think so many of us get inthis Habit of we spend so much
time working to be able to takea vacation like it's the the
cherry on top that we areputting the time and the effort
in to do which is go on vacationand It's been it's been a while
obviously since I have been in alaw firm or in a corporate
environment But I just I I wasthinking back to how many hours
(03:16):
it took Before the vacation tobe able to go on vacation, and
I'm not just talking aboutplanning the flights and the
hotel rooms and the activitiesand that aside because yes, that
takes a while too.
But what I was mostly focused onwas How much time and energy it
took from a work perspective tobe able to go on vacation.
(03:38):
I mean think about it.
There are so many projects thatyou have to wrap up or put a pin
in before you go.
So that Your client doesn'tthink that you've dropped the
ball while you've left.
And you either finish thoseprojects or you transition them
to somebody else.
So you spend a decent amount oftime with your co workers trying
to get someone else up to speedto be able to cover for you
(04:00):
while you're away.
have to remember to put the outof office message on your email.
Maybe you even do that on yourvoicemail.
You look at the calendar.
You either have to reschedulethings.
Or, if you're, like the old me,you tell your colleagues that
you're really not availableexcept for maybe just these.
handful of really importantmeetings, you know, just go
(04:21):
ahead and patch me in for thesecouple of meetings because
they're really important and youhave this, this self importance,
this feeling that you absolutelymust be there like no one can
handle the client, no one canhandle the meeting as well as
you can, even though you'regoing to be on a beach or in
Europe or in Asia or travelingaround the U.
(04:42):
S.
in an RV.
You're not even going to bethere, but you still feel this
obligation or thisresponsibility to just show up
for these 3, 4, 5, reallyimportant meetings because for
some reason you feel like it'sjust not going to be As fruitful
if you're not there, like theteam that you have hired to
support you can't do it unlessyou're there, which is a whole
(05:04):
other topic for another episode,but you get the gist of what I'm
saying.
Right where we spend so muchtime on the front end to be able
to go on vacation and then we goon vacation, which is great.
And I personally like to take atleast two vacations a year.
And there's, I think thatthere's a difference between a
trip.
(05:25):
I've got a friend who took hertwo youngest kids to Europe on a
trip last year.
Right?
Because her husband wasn't ableto go.
She had the two teenagers.
And she was talking about, itwas great.
We were in Europe, but it was atrip.
It was not a vacation.
There was nothing relaxing aboutit.
We were on the go the wholetime.
So when I talk about taking avacation, I talking about
(05:47):
getting out of the office, butalso spending some downtime.
Whether that is every day of thevacation while you're away,
you're gonna maybe, I like tohave one beach vacation where
really all we do is sit on ourass all day long.
Yeah, yeah, we might get up andwe might go for a run in the
morning or we might hit the gymbefore breakfast.
And we probably go out for areally nice dinner, but most of
(06:11):
the vacation is just spentrelaxing because there, there is
a need, especially in oursociety today to just get away,
to put down the phone, to not beon, to let our brains and our
bodies rest and recover andrecover.
Cooperate because we just, we'reconstantly on to the next,
(06:33):
we're, what is the nextobligation that we have?
What's the next thing on our todo list?
And because we are so connectednow, I mean, think about it.
There, there are really noboundaries between you and your
clients anymore with respect towhat time they're going to text
you, what time they're going tosend you an email that they can
send you an email late at night,one night, and expect to have a
(06:56):
response early the next morning.
Part of the reason that theyexpect that is because we
haven't set good boundaries withthem.
This is getting a little farafield.
Let's finish this and then we'llcome back to the vacation.
But if our clients were bettereducated about what we would and
would not tolerate from them.
(07:19):
And by that I mean, if you emailme after 6pm, I'm not going to
get back to you until 10 or 11or 12 the next day.
Because yes, you reached out tome after business hours.
Yes, I have been in the officebefore 10, the next morning, but
I probably have some otherthings that I have to do.
That doesn't mean that you'renot important to me.
(07:40):
It just means that In order tokeep my schedule on time and to
be as productive as I can whileI'm in the office, I have a
certain order in which I dothings.
So, if you are someone who feelslike you have to respond as soon
as the email comes in, orrespond as soon as the text
(08:00):
message dings, Maybe you do.
Maybe what you are correspondingwith your clients about is that
important.
But I think it's probably worthasking yourself the question,
which is, is this something thatcan wait till tomorrow?
And if I don't jump up andimmediately respond, What is the
message that I'm sending forthem next time that they reach
(08:21):
out?
Right?
You're adjusting theexpectations.
You're, you're actually holdingand setting some healthy
boundaries for yourself.
Again, way far afield from whatthis episode is about.
But, the boundaries come into ita little bit, right?
Whether that is responding tothe text messages, responding to
the emails, deciding that youare going to be available for a
(08:41):
couple of meetings while you'reaway, even though you're
supposed to be on vacation.
Even with the out of officemessage on, on your email, I
don't know how many times I haveclients get the automatic
response and then immediatelytext me or immediately email me.
And it's what I do, how Irespond in those instances that
(09:03):
makes the whole relationship,right?
If somebody gets my out ofoffice message, and then calls
me on my phone or sends me atext.
I have to be really carefulabout how I'm going to handle
that because it's just about,about training them, training
the clients to respect your needto have some away time, because
(09:23):
you're going to be moreeffective when you get back
anyway.
Again, far field there.
Okay, so you're on vacation.
You've spent a lot of timegetting everything in order so
that you can leave the office.
You go on vacation, andinvariably, when you're away, do
you ever notice that Even thoughpeople in your office know that
(09:44):
you're gone, you might get anemail that says, I know that
you're out of the office and I'mso sorry to bother you with
this.
If you are checking the emailthough, would you mind just.
Answering this quick questionand it never is a quick
question, is it?
It's always something that,that, like, there's no way that
you can respond in a quickmanner.
(10:06):
This is, there's no way.
So then you kind of get pulledin.
There's, you know, I'm, I'msorry to bother you.
I have a quick question for you.
When we do decide to respond tothose things, then we're sending
a message that.
I am on vacation, but I amavailable to you.
And if you want to be availableto those people, great.
(10:26):
Absolutely.
That's your prerogative.
But sometimes maybe we need totake a step back and say.
I'll take care of this when I'mback in the office, whenever
that is.
You going on vacation?
I am constantly amazed by, whenI get back, how much time it
takes for me to go through everysingle email and voicemail that
(10:47):
I have received while I'm gone.
Email is like breeding rabbits.
It, it is, The number of emailsthat come in in a day is
astounding.
It's just, it's a staggeringamount.
And for the most part, you know,it's mostly junk mail.
But you can't just wholesaledelete it all because what if,
what if there is somethingimportant in there that you need
(11:10):
to respond to?
One of the business coaches thatI've had over the years, Talked
about when he would go onvacation, his out of office
message would read, I'm out ofthe office for the next 15 days.
Here's the date when I willreturn.
I've programmed my email todelete every email I have
received while I'm gone.
(11:31):
If this is still important on Xdate when I return, then please
send me another email.
I love that approach.
I've never, I've never done it,but I always think about it
because wouldn't that bewonderful Transcribed To go on
vacation, come back, just havethis super relaxing re entry
where you weren't having torespond to all of the things
(11:54):
that happened while you weregone.
You wouldn't have to siftthrough the thousands of emails
that you received in the littlebit of time that you were away
from the office just to figureout, is this still important?
Because that's, that's the otherthing, right?
Even though this was importantlast week, it doesn't mean that
it's still important becausemaybe it's already been handled.
(12:14):
Maybe somebody else took care ofit while you were away.
But I love the idea that, it'sall going to be deleted.
So if this is still an issuewhen I return, then send me
another email and I'll respondto it then.
Because let's face it, when wespend hours and upwards of days,
Trying to get back to zero,trying to dig ourselves out of
(12:36):
that hole when we return fromvacation, then all of that
vacation glow, it's gone, right?
It takes so long to earn it, toget it, to feel like you're in
vacation mode.
I mean, for me, it takes me agood, Three or four days just to
settle into vacation mode,because certainly just because
(12:57):
you're on vacation on day one,you mostly there's travel
involved and airports and Wadelines, and just getting to the
point where you can start thevacation is a lot.
So then it takes me just acouple of days to feel like I'm
in vacation mode to really easeinto it.
And that.
(13:17):
Post vacation glow that all thatrelaxation and that recovery
that I've done It's gone like by10 o'clock the day that I
returned to the office do youknow what I'm talking about?
And if we had some mechanismlike that out of the office that
everything was going to bedeleted When that would be
helpful for sure, right?
(13:39):
I want to take it one stepfurther and go back to the
sticker on the pizza oven at thepizza restaurant.
My life is better than yourvacation.
And it got me thinking that thatis exactly what I do with my
coaching clients.
Is we get really intentionalabout building a life for them
(13:59):
that they don't need a vacationfrom.
Sure, they're gonna, most ofthem still want to be able to
travel, whether that's abroad oracross the U.
S.
Or they want to be able totravel to see friends and
relatives.
Absolutely, travel is still apiece of it.
When you are living a life thatis full of personal satisfaction
and happiness and fulfillment,whatever that looks like for
(14:23):
you.
When that is your normal, whenthat is your everyday life, you
don't want to take a vacationfrom it.
you just want to wake up andlive your life.
And again, this doesn't meanthat, you know, all of a sudden,
once you, you build this bestlife, this dream life.
That you don't want to traveland go and do new things and
(14:45):
learn new things and see newcultures.
That's not it at all.
But there's not this pressure orthis need or this desire to just
get away from everything.
In fact, when we were in Europein November, we were gone.
Uh, 15 days and by about day 10or 11, I was ready to get home,
(15:05):
not because I wasn't having agreat time.
we had the most incrediblevacation in London and Paris.
Two amazing cities.
Paris, one of my favorite citiesin the whole world.
London, this was my first timethere.
I really, really liked it a lot.
Can't wait to go back there.
So it wasn't so much what wewere doing.
Or where we were that createdthis desire in me to get back.
(15:29):
It was because I love the lifethat I'm living.
I love the life that I'vecreated.
And I didn't have that when Iwas sitting in an office,
billing 40 to 60 hours a weekworking as an attorney.
You might be an attorney, andyou might love every minute of
every day, and it's not evenabout every minute of every day,
but you love that, What type ofwork that you're doing.
(15:52):
You love going to work.
That's great.
For me, that wasn't, that's notwhat filled my cup.
and that's what you have tofigure out.
What is going to bring youhappiness?
What is going to bring you joy?
when you close your eyes and youthink about your perfect day,
you think about your perfectweek, where are you?
(16:13):
What are you doing?
Do you work?
Do you not work?
Who are you around?
How do you spend your day?
Like, if you were to close youreyes and really think about,
okay, perfect day.
What time am I waking up?
Where am I waking up?
Who is beside me?
What do I do as soon as my feethit the ground after I get out
(16:33):
of bed?
and you just visualize in asmuch detail as you can.
In fact, the more specific, thebetter.
What does that perfect day looklike?
Probably, it doesn't includepacking up a suitcase, getting
on the subway somewhere, flyingsomewhere.
Maybe it does.
But what if you could live alife that you were already in
(16:56):
those places that you dreamabout being?
Like, that's your home base.
For me, I will get to the pointwhere I spend Part of the year,
every year in France, probablythe south of France, maybe
Paris, but I will live in Francefor part of the year, every
year.
I will probably also live inMexico for part of the year
because I really like the hotsun.
(17:18):
And I'll tell you, the older Iget, I like traveling to the
snow.
I like going skiing.
I like being on the ski hill.
It's beautiful.
Man, I don't need to live in itthough.
I really don't.
The scraping of the windshieldand it's cold.
And I don't know, the older Iget, the less I enjoy winter.
But that's what you have tofigure out for yourself, is,
(17:39):
okay, if I want to split timebetween here and there, where
are those places?
What will I be doing?
I think the thing to, understandthough, to be present with, is
happiness is the journey.
So you can't think to yourself,I'll be happy when, I'll be
happy when I retire.
I'll be happy when the, thekids, Leave the house and I have
(18:01):
a lot more free time.
I'll be happy when my husbandand I have more time to devote
to ourselves.
I'll be happy I open up my 401kthe, the statement from my
financial advisor, and there areso many zeros on the page.
If you're not happy now, thewaiting until something else
happens, you're, you're notgoing to get there.
(18:21):
related to that, if you don'thave gratitude for your life
right now, who you are, what youhave, everything around you,
then it's not going to matterhow many zeros are on that
statement from your financialplanner.
It's not going to matter thatyou've retired from your job.
It's not going to matter thatAll of a sudden, you're an empty
(18:43):
nester and you have all thisfree time to go and explore and
do the things that you want todo.
Happy now, not happy when.
Fulfilled now, not fulfilledwhen.
Satisfied right now.
And, and that doesn't mean thatyou can't want for more.
That, I'm happy now witheverything that I have and I
don't want anything else.
Like, if I never did anotherthing in my entire life, if I
(19:06):
never saw anything new, if Inever learned anything new,
That's not what I'm saying.
Happy now.
Satisfied now.
Fulfilled now.
And still be interested ingrowing, and going, and doing,
and learning new things.
Because that's all part of thejourney.
It's all part of life tounderstand.
(19:28):
And I think it's a reallyimportant thing to do is to
really understand the differentseasons that we're in and enjoy
all of them.
And, for, for many of us, notreally want to go back to the
ones that we've experiencedbefore.
Even though when we were young,you know, oh, God, I wish I was
16 and then I wouldn't have tosit here and be bored.
Cause I could, I could have mydriver's license and I would go
pick up my friends and we wouldgo do this.
(19:49):
Oh, I can't wait until I'm 21and, and then we can go on party
and I can have a glass of wineat dinner and.
Oh, I can't wait until I'm 30because then I'll be established
in my career.
I can't wait until I'm, I'm,we've done that so long where we
constantly have our focus onwhat's going to happen in the
future.
(20:10):
It's one thing to dream aboutthings to come.
It's one thing to be excited forfuture opportunities.
It's a completely other thing towait until you get to that next
thing, that next achievement,the next opportunity, the next
whatever it is.
(20:30):
When you are waiting until thento live the life that you want,
to feel the emotions that youwant to feel, to be grateful for
all that you have, you're nevergoing to get there.
It doesn't matter how long youwork.
It doesn't matter how many zerosyou have on your bank account
statement.
Happy now.
Grateful now.
Fulfilled now.
(20:52):
And with that, how would yourlife change if you could create
a life, you could live a lifetoday, that you didn't need to
take a vacation from?
And I don't mean go in and quityour job and move to a new city.
You don't have to, you don'thave to burn everything down or
start completely over or pressthe reset button.
(21:14):
You do, absolutely do not haveto do that.
That's not what I'm saying.
But You can be reallyintentional about showing up,
becoming the woman who you wantto be, who lives the type of
life that you want.
You can start doing that rightnow.
It doesn't, like I said, itdoesn't have to be a wholesale
(21:34):
start over.
There are ways in which you caninfuse moments.
Future self, you, there are waysin which you can make decisions.
There are ways in which you canwork your job that get you
closer to living the life thatyou don't need to take a
vacation from, and you can startdoing that right now.
(21:56):
Like I said, though, I mean,that doesn't mean that you can
just decide, okay, this is whatI want and tomorrow I'm going
to, I'm going to go get it.
I mean, I, I shouldn't say youcan't do that.
If you have the funds and themeans and financially set so
that you can make big decisionslike that.
I call that the, the, the threeday rule, which is three bad
(22:18):
days and I'm out of here.
If you are in a situation whereyou can do that.
Then what are you waiting for?
Absolutely go do that.
For the rest of us though, thereis some planning that needs to
happen.
But again, that doesn't meanthat you can't start making
small steps in the directionthat you want to go right now.
(22:42):
You can start living in a waythat is closer to Your best life
that's closer to you living thelife that you don't need to take
a vacation from and you canstart doing that right now.
I would love to hear from you.
What was your biggest takeawayfrom this week's episode?
What are you going to do withthis information?
(23:04):
Now knowing that you areactually closer.
Then maybe you thought waspossible before to living a life
that you don't need to take avacation from.
What, what are you going to dowith that information?
How is your life going tochange?
When you think about your veryperfect day, what are you doing
(23:24):
and how are you going to startinfusing a little bit of that
into your life right now so thatyou can get closer to living the
life that you've always wantedto live and starting that
earlier than maybe you everthought possible.
Because, I'm telling you, Ipromise you, just like the
sticker at the pizza restaurant,you can create a life that you
(23:47):
don't need a vacation from.
You can create a life that isbetter than someone else's
vacation.
And you, as a high performingwoman, you have so many more
means to do that than you maybeever thought possible.
So take a screenshot of thisepisode.
Tag me on social.
Let me know how close are you toliving a life that you don't
(24:09):
need a vacation from.
I cannot wait to read all ofyour responses.
Thank you so much for being heretoday.
As always, I just, I, I lovethis time that we get to spend
together each week.
And it means so much to me thatyou show up here to the School
of Midlife to participate inthese really important
(24:32):
conversations that midlife womenare having.
everywhere.
Finally, someone is, is talkingabout so many of these topics
when for a long time there,there was no outlet.
So I'm grateful for you to be apart of our community at the
School of Midlife.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
(24:52):
With that, I will sign off onthis week's episode.
I will see you back here nextweek when the School of Midlife
is back in session, and untilthen, take good care.
Thank you so much for listeningto the School of Midlife
podcast.
It means so much to have youhere each week.
If you enjoyed this episode,could you do me the biggest
favor and help us spread theword to other midlife women?
(25:16):
There are a couple of easy waysfor you to do that first.
And most importantly, if you'renot already following the show,
would you please subscribe?
That helps you because you'llnever miss an episode.
And it helps us because you'llnever miss an episode.
Second, if you'd be so kind toleave us a five-star rating,
that would be absolutelyincredible.
(25:38):
And finally, I personally readeach and every one of your
reviews.
So if you take a minute and saysome nice things about the
podcast, well, that's just goodkarma.
Thanks again for listening.
I'll see you right back here.
Next week when the School ofMidlife is back in session until
then take good care.
In this week's episode of theSchool of Midlife podcast, we're
talking about creating a lifethat you don't need to take a
vacation from.
This is gonna be a good one.
Let's get started.
Welcome to the School of Midlifepodcast.
I'm your host, LaurieReynoldson.
This is the podcast for themidlife woman who starting to
ask herself big life questions.
(00:22):
Like, what do I want?
Is it too late for me?
And what's my legacy beyond myfamily and my work.
Each week we're answering thesequestions and more.
At the School of Midlife, we'relearning all of the life lessons
they didn't teach us in schooland we're figuring out finally
what it is we want to be when wegrow up.
(00:43):
Let's make midlife your bestlife.
Well, hey friends, welcome backto another episode of the School
of Midlife podcast.
I am your host, LaurieReynoldson, and I am so excited
to be back in the podcast studiothis week.
If you listened to last week'sepisode, you know that I was
(01:03):
traveling, and although I had aportable Podcasting mic setup,
the whole like, take the podcaston the road travel setup.
I just couldn't get themicrophone to work with a way
that I thought that the audiosounded good.
So we did a replay last week,but I am back in the podcast
(01:23):
studio today.
I was away last week, kind of onvacation, part work trip, part
vacation trip.
I got a really incredibleinspiration for a podcast
episode while I was waiting topick up a pizza on Valentine's
Day.
I mean, nothing says, wow,we've, we've been married almost
(01:44):
22 years and celebratedValentine's Day before that.
Um, like a pizza to go dinner onValentine's Day.
We were in Sun Valley andwaiting to pick up a pizza.
We order it from a local'sfavorite pizza joint.
And this pizza restaurant isjust like all other small
(02:07):
restaurants in ski towns, resorttowns, where all the locals go.
And what I mean by that is thereare stickers.
On every square inch of the ovenhood, there are local posters on
the walls.
It's, uh, it's all very skioriented, so advertising ski
gear, brand names.
(02:28):
Athletes, everything to do withskiing.
And there, there was one stickeron the oven hood that really
caught my eye.
It said, my life is better thanyour vacation.
I read it once, and it hit me,and I read it again.
My life is better than yourvacation.
And I thought, wow.
Wouldn't that be incredible tobe able to say that?
(02:51):
I think so many of us get inthis Habit of we spend so much
time working to be able to takea vacation like it's the the
cherry on top that we areputting the time and the effort
in to do which is go on vacationand It's been it's been a while
obviously since I have been in alaw firm or in a corporate
environment But I just I I wasthinking back to how many hours
(03:16):
it took Before the vacation tobe able to go on vacation, and
I'm not just talking aboutplanning the flights and the
hotel rooms and the activitiesand that aside because yes, that
takes a while too.
But what I was mostly focused onwas How much time and energy it
took from a work perspective tobe able to go on vacation.
(03:38):
I mean think about it.
There are so many projects thatyou have to wrap up or put a pin
in before you go.
So that Your client doesn'tthink that you've dropped the
ball while you've left.
And you either finish thoseprojects or you transition them
to somebody else.
So you spend a decent amount oftime with your co workers trying
to get someone else up to speedto be able to cover for you
(04:00):
while you're away.
have to remember to put the outof office message on your email.
Maybe you even do that on yourvoicemail.
You look at the calendar.
You either have to reschedulethings.
Or, if you're, like the old me,you tell your colleagues that
you're really not availableexcept for maybe just these.
handful of really importantmeetings, you know, just go
(04:21):
ahead and patch me in for thesecouple of meetings because
they're really important and youhave this, this self importance,
this feeling that you absolutelymust be there like no one can
handle the client, no one canhandle the meeting as well as
you can, even though you'regoing to be on a beach or in
Europe or in Asia or travelingaround the U.
(04:42):
S.
in an RV.
You're not even going to bethere, but you still feel this
obligation or thisresponsibility to just show up
for these 3, 4, 5, reallyimportant meetings because for
some reason you feel like it'sjust not going to be As fruitful
if you're not there, like theteam that you have hired to
support you can't do it unlessyou're there, which is a whole
(05:04):
other topic for another episode,but you get the gist of what I'm
saying.
Right where we spend so muchtime on the front end to be able
to go on vacation and then we goon vacation, which is great.
And I personally like to take atleast two vacations a year.
And there's, I think thatthere's a difference between a
trip.
(05:25):
I've got a friend who took hertwo youngest kids to Europe on a
trip last year.
Right?
Because her husband wasn't ableto go.
She had the two teenagers.
And she was talking about, itwas great.
We were in Europe, but it was atrip.
It was not a vacation.
There was nothing relaxing aboutit.
We were on the go the wholetime.
So when I talk about taking avacation, I talking about
(05:47):
getting out of the office, butalso spending some downtime.
Whether that is every day of thevacation while you're away,
you're gonna maybe, I like tohave one beach vacation where
really all we do is sit on ourass all day long.
Yeah, yeah, we might get up andwe might go for a run in the
morning or we might hit the gymbefore breakfast.
And we probably go out for areally nice dinner, but most of
(06:11):
the vacation is just spentrelaxing because there, there is
a need, especially in oursociety today to just get away,
to put down the phone, to not beon, to let our brains and our
bodies rest and recover andrecover.
Cooperate because we just, we'reconstantly on to the next,
(06:33):
we're, what is the nextobligation that we have?
What's the next thing on our todo list?
And because we are so connectednow, I mean, think about it.
There, there are really noboundaries between you and your
clients anymore with respect towhat time they're going to text
you, what time they're going tosend you an email that they can
send you an email late at night,one night, and expect to have a
(06:56):
response early the next morning.
Part of the reason that theyexpect that is because we
haven't set good boundaries withthem.
This is getting a little farafield.
Let's finish this and then we'llcome back to the vacation.
But if our clients were bettereducated about what we would and
would not tolerate from them.
(07:19):
And by that I mean, if you emailme after 6pm, I'm not going to
get back to you until 10 or 11or 12 the next day.
Because yes, you reached out tome after business hours.
Yes, I have been in the officebefore 10, the next morning, but
I probably have some otherthings that I have to do.
That doesn't mean that you'renot important to me.
(07:40):
It just means that In order tokeep my schedule on time and to
be as productive as I can whileI'm in the office, I have a
certain order in which I dothings.
So, if you are someone who feelslike you have to respond as soon
as the email comes in, orrespond as soon as the text
(08:00):
message dings, Maybe you do.
Maybe what you are correspondingwith your clients about is that
important.
But I think it's probably worthasking yourself the question,
which is, is this something thatcan wait till tomorrow?
And if I don't jump up andimmediately respond, What is the
message that I'm sending forthem next time that they reach
(08:21):
out?
Right?
You're adjusting theexpectations.
You're, you're actually holdingand setting some healthy
boundaries for yourself.
Again, way far afield from whatthis episode is about.
But, the boundaries come into ita little bit, right?
Whether that is responding tothe text messages, responding to
the emails, deciding that youare going to be available for a
(08:41):
couple of meetings while you'reaway, even though you're
supposed to be on vacation.
Even with the out of officemessage on, on your email, I
don't know how many times I haveclients get the automatic
response and then immediatelytext me or immediately email me.
And it's what I do, how Irespond in those instances that
(09:03):
makes the whole relationship,right?
If somebody gets my out ofoffice message, and then calls
me on my phone or sends me atext.
I have to be really carefulabout how I'm going to handle
that because it's just about,about training them, training
the clients to respect your needto have some away time, because
(09:23):
you're going to be moreeffective when you get back
anyway.
Again, far field there.
Okay, so you're on vacation.
You've spent a lot of timegetting everything in order so
that you can leave the office.
You go on vacation, andinvariably, when you're away, do
you ever notice that Even thoughpeople in your office know that
(09:44):
you're gone, you might get anemail that says, I know that
you're out of the office and I'mso sorry to bother you with
this.
If you are checking the emailthough, would you mind just.
Answering this quick questionand it never is a quick
question, is it?
It's always something that,that, like, there's no way that
you can respond in a quickmanner.
(10:06):
This is, there's no way.
So then you kind of get pulledin.
There's, you know, I'm, I'msorry to bother you.
I have a quick question for you.
When we do decide to respond tothose things, then we're sending
a message that.
I am on vacation, but I amavailable to you.
And if you want to be availableto those people, great.
(10:26):
Absolutely.
That's your prerogative.
But sometimes maybe we need totake a step back and say.
I'll take care of this when I'mback in the office, whenever
that is.
You going on vacation?
I am constantly amazed by, whenI get back, how much time it
takes for me to go through everysingle email and voicemail that
(10:47):
I have received while I'm gone.
Email is like breeding rabbits.
It, it is, The number of emailsthat come in in a day is
astounding.
It's just, it's a staggeringamount.
And for the most part, you know,it's mostly junk mail.
But you can't just wholesaledelete it all because what if,
what if there is somethingimportant in there that you need
(11:10):
to respond to?
One of the business coaches thatI've had over the years, Talked
about when he would go onvacation, his out of office
message would read, I'm out ofthe office for the next 15 days.
Here's the date when I willreturn.
I've programmed my email todelete every email I have
received while I'm gone.
(11:31):
If this is still important on Xdate when I return, then please
send me another email.
I love that approach.
I've never, I've never done it,but I always think about it
because wouldn't that bewonderful Transcribed To go on
vacation, come back, just havethis super relaxing re entry
where you weren't having torespond to all of the things
(11:54):
that happened while you weregone.
You wouldn't have to siftthrough the thousands of emails
that you received in the littlebit of time that you were away
from the office just to figureout, is this still important?
Because that's, that's the otherthing, right?
Even though this was importantlast week, it doesn't mean that
it's still important becausemaybe it's already been handled.
(12:14):
Maybe somebody else took care ofit while you were away.
But I love the idea that, it'sall going to be deleted.
So if this is still an issuewhen I return, then send me
another email and I'll respondto it then.
Because let's face it, when wespend hours and upwards of days,
Trying to get back to zero,trying to dig ourselves out of
(12:36):
that hole when we return fromvacation, then all of that
vacation glow, it's gone, right?
It takes so long to earn it, toget it, to feel like you're in
vacation mode.
I mean, for me, it takes me agood, Three or four days just to
settle into vacation mode,because certainly just because
(12:57):
you're on vacation on day one,you mostly there's travel
involved and airports and Wadelines, and just getting to the
point where you can start thevacation is a lot.
So then it takes me just acouple of days to feel like I'm
in vacation mode to really easeinto it.
And that.
(13:17):
Post vacation glow that all thatrelaxation and that recovery
that I've done It's gone like by10 o'clock the day that I
returned to the office do youknow what I'm talking about?
And if we had some mechanismlike that out of the office that
everything was going to bedeleted When that would be
helpful for sure, right?
(13:39):
I want to take it one stepfurther and go back to the
sticker on the pizza oven at thepizza restaurant.
My life is better than yourvacation.
And it got me thinking that thatis exactly what I do with my
coaching clients.
Is we get really intentionalabout building a life for them
(13:59):
that they don't need a vacationfrom.
Sure, they're gonna, most ofthem still want to be able to
travel, whether that's abroad oracross the U.
S.
Or they want to be able totravel to see friends and
relatives.
Absolutely, travel is still apiece of it.
When you are living a life thatis full of personal satisfaction
and happiness and fulfillment,whatever that looks like for
(14:23):
you.
When that is your normal, whenthat is your everyday life, you
don't want to take a vacationfrom it.
you just want to wake up andlive your life.
And again, this doesn't meanthat, you know, all of a sudden,
once you, you build this bestlife, this dream life.
That you don't want to traveland go and do new things and
(14:45):
learn new things and see newcultures.
That's not it at all.
But there's not this pressure orthis need or this desire to just
get away from everything.
In fact, when we were in Europein November, we were gone.
Uh, 15 days and by about day 10or 11, I was ready to get home,
(15:05):
not because I wasn't having agreat time.
we had the most incrediblevacation in London and Paris.
Two amazing cities.
Paris, one of my favorite citiesin the whole world.
London, this was my first timethere.
I really, really liked it a lot.
Can't wait to go back there.
So it wasn't so much what wewere doing.
Or where we were that createdthis desire in me to get back.
(15:29):
It was because I love the lifethat I'm living.
I love the life that I'vecreated.
And I didn't have that when Iwas sitting in an office,
billing 40 to 60 hours a weekworking as an attorney.
You might be an attorney, andyou might love every minute of
every day, and it's not evenabout every minute of every day,
but you love that, What type ofwork that you're doing.
(15:52):
You love going to work.
That's great.
For me, that wasn't, that's notwhat filled my cup.
and that's what you have tofigure out.
What is going to bring youhappiness?
What is going to bring you joy?
when you close your eyes and youthink about your perfect day,
you think about your perfectweek, where are you?
(16:13):
What are you doing?
Do you work?
Do you not work?
Who are you around?
How do you spend your day?
Like, if you were to close youreyes and really think about,
okay, perfect day.
What time am I waking up?
Where am I waking up?
Who is beside me?
What do I do as soon as my feethit the ground after I get out
(16:33):
of bed?
and you just visualize in asmuch detail as you can.
In fact, the more specific, thebetter.
What does that perfect day looklike?
Probably, it doesn't includepacking up a suitcase, getting
on the subway somewhere, flyingsomewhere.
Maybe it does.
But what if you could live alife that you were already in
(16:56):
those places that you dreamabout being?
Like, that's your home base.
For me, I will get to the pointwhere I spend Part of the year,
every year in France, probablythe south of France, maybe
Paris, but I will live in Francefor part of the year, every
year.
I will probably also live inMexico for part of the year
because I really like the hotsun.
(17:18):
And I'll tell you, the older Iget, I like traveling to the
snow.
I like going skiing.
I like being on the ski hill.
It's beautiful.
Man, I don't need to live in itthough.
I really don't.
The scraping of the windshieldand it's cold.
And I don't know, the older Iget, the less I enjoy winter.
But that's what you have tofigure out for yourself, is,
(17:39):
okay, if I want to split timebetween here and there, where
are those places?
What will I be doing?
I think the thing to, understandthough, to be present with, is
happiness is the journey.
So you can't think to yourself,I'll be happy when, I'll be
happy when I retire.
I'll be happy when the, thekids, Leave the house and I have
(18:01):
a lot more free time.
I'll be happy when my husbandand I have more time to devote
to ourselves.
I'll be happy I open up my 401kthe, the statement from my
financial advisor, and there areso many zeros on the page.
If you're not happy now, thewaiting until something else
happens, you're, you're notgoing to get there.
(18:21):
related to that, if you don'thave gratitude for your life
right now, who you are, what youhave, everything around you,
then it's not going to matterhow many zeros are on that
statement from your financialplanner.
It's not going to matter thatyou've retired from your job.
It's not going to matter thatAll of a sudden, you're an empty
(18:43):
nester and you have all thisfree time to go and explore and
do the things that you want todo.
Happy now, not happy when.
Fulfilled now, not fulfilledwhen.
Satisfied right now.
And, and that doesn't mean thatyou can't want for more.
That, I'm happy now witheverything that I have and I
don't want anything else.
Like, if I never did anotherthing in my entire life, if I
(19:06):
never saw anything new, if Inever learned anything new,
That's not what I'm saying.
Happy now.
Satisfied now.
Fulfilled now.
And still be interested ingrowing, and going, and doing,
and learning new things.
Because that's all part of thejourney.
It's all part of life tounderstand.
(19:28):
And I think it's a reallyimportant thing to do is to
really understand the differentseasons that we're in and enjoy
all of them.
And, for, for many of us, notreally want to go back to the
ones that we've experiencedbefore.
Even though when we were young,you know, oh, God, I wish I was
16 and then I wouldn't have tosit here and be bored.
Cause I could, I could have mydriver's license and I would go
pick up my friends and we wouldgo do this.
(19:49):
Oh, I can't wait until I'm 21and, and then we can go on party
and I can have a glass of wineat dinner and.
Oh, I can't wait until I'm 30because then I'll be established
in my career.
I can't wait until I'm, I'm,we've done that so long where we
constantly have our focus onwhat's going to happen in the
future.
(20:10):
It's one thing to dream aboutthings to come.
It's one thing to be excited forfuture opportunities.
It's a completely other thing towait until you get to that next
thing, that next achievement,the next opportunity, the next
whatever it is.
(20:30):
When you are waiting until thento live the life that you want,
to feel the emotions that youwant to feel, to be grateful for
all that you have, you're nevergoing to get there.
It doesn't matter how long youwork.
It doesn't matter how many zerosyou have on your bank account
statement.
Happy now.
Grateful now.
Fulfilled now.
(20:52):
And with that, how would yourlife change if you could create
a life, you could live a lifetoday, that you didn't need to
take a vacation from?
And I don't mean go in and quityour job and move to a new city.
You don't have to, you don'thave to burn everything down or
start completely over or pressthe reset button.
(21:14):
You do, absolutely do not haveto do that.
That's not what I'm saying.
But You can be reallyintentional about showing up,
becoming the woman who you wantto be, who lives the type of
life that you want.
You can start doing that rightnow.
It doesn't, like I said, itdoesn't have to be a wholesale
(21:34):
start over.
There are ways in which you caninfuse moments.
Future self, you, there are waysin which you can make decisions.
There are ways in which you canwork your job that get you
closer to living the life thatyou don't need to take a
vacation from, and you can startdoing that right now.
(21:56):
Like I said, though, I mean,that doesn't mean that you can
just decide, okay, this is whatI want and tomorrow I'm going
to, I'm going to go get it.
I mean, I, I shouldn't say youcan't do that.
If you have the funds and themeans and financially set so
that you can make big decisionslike that.
I call that the, the, the threeday rule, which is three bad
(22:18):
days and I'm out of here.
If you are in a situation whereyou can do that.
Then what are you waiting for?
Absolutely go do that.
For the rest of us though, thereis some planning that needs to
happen.
But again, that doesn't meanthat you can't start making
small steps in the directionthat you want to go right now.
(22:42):
You can start living in a waythat is closer to Your best life
that's closer to you living thelife that you don't need to take
a vacation from and you canstart doing that right now.
I would love to hear from you.
What was your biggest takeawayfrom this week's episode?
What are you going to do withthis information?
(23:04):
Now knowing that you areactually closer.
Then maybe you thought waspossible before to living a life
that you don't need to take avacation from.
What, what are you going to dowith that information?
How is your life going tochange?
When you think about your veryperfect day, what are you doing
(23:24):
and how are you going to startinfusing a little bit of that
into your life right now so thatyou can get closer to living the
life that you've always wantedto live and starting that
earlier than maybe you everthought possible.
Because, I'm telling you, Ipromise you, just like the
sticker at the pizza restaurant,you can create a life that you
(23:47):
don't need a vacation from.
You can create a life that isbetter than someone else's
vacation.
And you, as a high performingwoman, you have so many more
means to do that than you maybeever thought possible.
So take a screenshot of thisepisode.
Tag me on social.
Let me know how close are you toliving a life that you don't
(24:09):
need a vacation from.
I cannot wait to read all ofyour responses.
Thank you so much for being heretoday.
As always, I just, I, I lovethis time that we get to spend
together each week.
And it means so much to me thatyou show up here to the School
of Midlife to participate inthese really important
(24:32):
conversations that midlife womenare having.
everywhere.
Finally, someone is, is talkingabout so many of these topics
when for a long time there,there was no outlet.
So I'm grateful for you to be apart of our community at the
School of Midlife.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
(24:52):
With that, I will sign off onthis week's episode.
I will see you back here nextweek when the School of Midlife
is back in session, and untilthen, take good care.
Thank you so much for listeningto the School of Midlife
podcast.
It means so much to have youhere each week.
If you enjoyed this episode,could you do me the biggest
favor and help us spread theword to other midlife women?
(25:16):
There are a couple of easy waysfor you to do that first.
And most importantly, if you'renot already following the show,
would you please subscribe?
That helps you because you'llnever miss an episode.
And it helps us because you'llnever miss an episode.
Second, if you'd be so kind toleave us a five-star rating,
that would be absolutelyincredible.
(25:38):
And finally, I personally readeach and every one of your
reviews.
So if you take a minute and saysome nice things about the
podcast, well, that's just goodkarma.
Thanks again for listening.
I'll see you right back here.
Next week when the School ofMidlife is back in session until
then take good care.
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