October 13, 2025 • 11 mins
Don't Tell Comedy- Stand Up Comedy
2.21M subscribers
528,632 views Sep 1, 2025
Comedian Erica Nicole Clark jokes about going from teaching kindergartners to substitute teaching high schoolers, new teen slang, and a crazy story about her professional wrestler dad
Comedy is at its best when there's a surprise – that's why Don't Tell Comedy puts on events where the performers and location are kept secret until the day of the show. With over 200 cities already in on the joke, you never know where we'll set up shop, or who might pop in. Want to be let in on the secret? Visit our website below to find an upcoming show near you:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
I am just going to tell you guysa little bit about myself.
That's what I do in my comedy. Do we have any teachers here?
Make some noise. Yeah, I am a teacher in the
daytime. You're a teacher, Sir.
What's your name? And what do you teach, Von?
Spanish. OK, Von.
Anybody else teach? All right, give it up for Von.
And I'm going to show you guys amagic trick.
(00:27):
All right, because Vaughn is a teacher.
I'm a teacher. We have the same heart.
If you guys aren't teachers, youprobably don't know this, but
every teacher wants every non teacher to know.
From the bottom of our hearts, fuck these kids.
Fuck. Fuck each and every one of your
fucking kids. I if you're on the fence, do not
(00:47):
have any fucking children. Please stop, OK?
They're not the future, they're not anything.
They're I went back to school toget my law degree because I
thank you. Thank you because I believe that
children need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the
law. I taught kindergarten for 12
(01:14):
years. I taught, I'm from Chicago.
I taught up in the northern suburbs of Chicago.
I taught like an all white school.
All my students were white. Taught there for like 12 years.
Right after the pandemic I quit and I was just like, I can't
take it anymore. But I got bored so I went back.
But I'm like, if I go back, it has to be totally different.
So now I'm substituting in high schools on the South side of
(01:35):
Chicago. Yeah, y'all in Ohio?
No, that's fucking different, right?
Because the first day of class when I walked in, I was subbing
sophomores. This boy came in and he was
like, hell yeah, I just passed the driver's Ed exam, right?
And and a boy came in behind himand was like, you don't need no
car to fuck these hoes. I was like, Oh my God, Darius,
(01:58):
what the fuck, right? He was like, I caught 22 hoes on
foot. I was like, Oh my God, the price
of pussy has dropped. What the fuck, right?
Another thing I love because like I said, I always work with
little white kids. I'm working with all teenage
(02:19):
black kids. Black kids come up with the best
slang terms, right? I can figure out what any slang
term means except if you use it the right way.
Like if you use it in the right context, I can figure it out.
But I don't know if you guys know this.
Teenagers are taking slang termslike I'm 40, they're taking
slang terms that I use as a teenager and they're flipping
them to make them mean somethingelse, right?
(02:39):
I'll give you 2 examples, 1 I don't know.
I love you guys. There's a couple black people
here, but do you guys know what a bus down is?
OK, a bus down is a hoe. It's a slut, right?
It's a really derogatory term today.
A bus down is a middle part wig.Look at the shock at everybody's
faces. That's me when I was in class
(03:03):
and these two girls were like girl, I just paid $300.00 for
this bus down. I was like what?
Where, Where the fuck you find a$300?
Who's that? Right?
Here's another one. These boys were like, this is so
fucked up. These boys were looking at their
phone and they were like, yeah, that girl's a face fucker.
Yeah, you can fuck that girl's face.
(03:23):
Oh, yeah, she's a face fucker. I was like, whoa, right.
And I walked behind them to see what they were looking at.
They were just looking at pictures of pretty women, right?
Not naked women, not girls with their asses out, just whatever.
And so I'm like, why do you keepcalling those girls face
fuckers? And this boy was like oh Miss
Clark, a face fucker is a girl that's so pretty that you'll
(03:44):
fuck her while staring at her face.
No it's not. I was like Google face fucking
and tell me what y'all see right?
You'll see a bunch of bitches crying and she's like, right,
(04:07):
This boy was like, why are you tripping, Miss Clark?
You a face fucker? I was like, stop it.
Stop before I get arrested. Are you a junior?
Right. That is so fucking cute.
Don't worry about. Oh shit, you all right?
If you're in need of a new air conditioning system by not
watching this video, I'm tellingyou you're going to cost
(04:27):
yourself a lot of money all. Right.
I don't know if anybody asked you guys about this, but do we
have weed smokers here? Yeah, we got weed smokers.
Do y'all buy from dispensary or do you buy from like off the
block? Dispensary block.
See, it's a race question. You don't understand it.
(04:48):
Like if you ask what white people are like, I want to pay
taxes, Black people, Mexican, whatever they like.
Nah, I support black businesses.Right.
We OK, so I'm not even like whenI, I do have like a weed man in
Chicago. But like to my people who call
the weed man the plug, the Kinect, like have you ever
(05:08):
called him and he was busy and he pissed you off?
Like I called the weed man before I came out here and I'm
like, oh, I need some weed. I'm going out to Ohio.
He was like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm at the park with my sons.
I was like, Sir, get the fuck back on the block.
Like I don't give a fuck about your kids.
(05:28):
You're a drug dealer bitch right?
Like I call the police on your ass right?
And like I'm not even like I know people are like oh I smoke
blunts. I can like if I smoked an entire
blunt by myself y'all would never see me again ever.
I take off running like Forrest Gump right?
Like like I'm a 2 puffer 4 puff like that's it.
(05:50):
And then I become like the question lady and shit like like
because I think I'm dead. So I have to interact with
people and if they're not payingattention, I had to keep asking
like and I will would you ratheryou to death?
Like I'll be like, would you rather have a Dick in the center
of your chest or on the bottom of your foot?
Like I I can't, I can't stop right?
(06:11):
Like my boyfriend smoked so muchweed and like like I was with OK
this is OK. I had an epiphany last weekend.
This is my epiphany. If given the chance, don't get
tight on me y'all. If given the chance to be the
opposite of who you are, you will be the most toxic version
of that thing. I'll give you an example.
Me and my boyfriend super high whatever we're watching, I think
(06:34):
we're watching temptation islandwhatever on Netflix.
I love watching shows like that.Like I love watching
documentaries too, like where like white women get scammed and
show Oh, it makes me laugh so hard because it's your own
fucking fault. OK, you need to get some black
friends in your life. But so we were, we were high.
(06:55):
We're watching temptation Island, right?
And I had an epiphany. I asked my boyfriend, what would
you do if you were a woman for one day, right?
And he's like, what are you talking about?
I'm like, you have your brain right outside.
You're a bad bitch. Yeah.
Got titties, ass for days, whatever.
You know, I'm like, what would you do?
He's like, shit, stand on the block.
(07:15):
I was like, wait, what? Right.
You like, stand on the block, you know what I'm saying?
Off a little pussy, you know what I'm saying?
He was like, I have various prices, you know, $300.00 for a
hand job, 500 for some Dick or what?
What? Right.
He like, I'll probably even go over to where the Cubs play at.
I was like, you stand in front of Wrigley Field selling pussy,
(07:36):
right? Are you crazy?
He was like, OK, what would you do if you was a man?
I was like, shit, Drive around looking for your whole ass, try
to get my Dick sucked. You fucking bust down, right?
God damn. Bust down.
I'm going to tell y'all a littlebit something else about my
(07:59):
life. Yeah, I'm in a relationship.
That's all right. Is anybody in a relationship
here? Make some noise later.
Ladies, I want you to clap if you've lived with your
significant other for like longer than two years, OK, keep
clapping. If you've made it past 3, you
see how the energy shifted. They hate you.
(08:23):
Every woman in here who's lived with a man has woken up in the
middle of the night and looked at that man sleeping and thought
to yourself, I should smack the fuck out of him.
Oh, what woke you up, baby? You had a dream.
Had a dream about them pigeons again.
(08:44):
Right. All right, I'm gonna leave you
guys with this story. I am.
I'm from Chicago. Do we have people who grew up in
the 80s here? Yeah.
I have a famous father. My dad is Mr. T.
Yeah, yeah, the Mohawk culture. Most people think I'm lying when
I say that, but I'm like, why would I pick him?
(09:05):
Like, who the fuck is lying about Mr. T?
Right. And I grew up in the 80s and
90s, so either everyone believedme or no one believed me.
Like, there was no in between. I grew up in a very wealthy
neighborhood, so everybody believed me there because they
were like, why the fuck else is your black ass here, right.
Like when I was a kid, we lived on the South Side of Chicago.
And like, I get it. Like I'm a black girl at all
(09:27):
black school. And I'm trying to explain to my
friends that the reason why they've never seen my dad before
is because he's doing WrestleMania with Hulk Hogan,
right? Like everybody was like, shut
the fuck up, Erica. Right?
And those were the teachers, right?
So I got this complex and this is for real.
My friends will tell you or likepeople I meet if I'm on stage,
(09:48):
I'll talk about my dad. But I never tell people like who
my dad is or like stuff I've seen because no one ever
believes me. And they like really don't like.
I will give you an example like,because like when I was in
kindergarten, first grade, like kids kind of like ostracized me
and wouldn't talk to me because I was like little lying ass
Erica, you know, like they didn't believe me.
And so this one weekend, all right, I'm telling you guys
this. Don't tell anybody the story,
(10:09):
but this one weekend went to this Wrestle Mania event with my
dad, and he was partners with Hulk Hogan, right?
And my dad was the first time I was seeing wrestling live,
right? So my dad's like, don't worry
about it. It's fake.
He's telling me I have a sister who's eight years older than me.
He's like, oh, don't worry aboutit, it's all fake, whatever,
blah, blah. And he's in this wrestling match
(10:29):
with this guy named Roddy, RoddyPiper.
Do you guys know who that is? OK, and it's another dude or
whatever, right? So my dad gets into the ring and
immediately Roddy, Roddy Piper flips my dad in a way and he
cracks my dad's ribs, right? So my dad has to go to the
emergency room, right? So me and my sister are crying,
whatever. They take my dad to the ER, they
bring him back to the he comes back to the hotel room.
(10:51):
He's all bandaged up and like Hulk Hogan's in our hotel room
and Hulk Hogan's doing like lines of cocaine, right?
And he's still has the yellow shorts on, right?
And he's like, T I'm going to fuck him up when I see, I swear
to God, I'm going to fuck him up.
And my dad's just like, oh, God,my ribs hurt so badly, right?
And then there's a knock at the door.
(11:12):
And it was rowdy Roddy Piper, right?
And he goes AT, I'm real sorry about what happened.
And Hulk Hogan's like, fuck that, and grabs Roddy, Roddy
Piper and brings him into the hotel room, throws him against
the wall, smashes the mirror. They're beating him.
My dad's trying to break it up. Hulk Hogan's wife, Linda's
there. And she's like, Terry, stop,
right? And I'm like, wow, I didn't know
that was his name, right? So.
(11:34):
And my mom is trying to make my dad stop, and they're just
beating and all this stuff is flipped over and shit like that.
Me and my sister are crying. And then we get on a plane.
We come back to Chicago. I go to class.
We're sitting in a sharing circle.
And the teacher's like, what'd you do this weekend?
And I was like, not a fucking thing.
All right? I was Erica Clark.
Thanks.
I am just going to tell you guysa little bit about myself.
That's what I do in my comedy. Do we have any teachers here?
Make some noise. Yeah, I am a teacher in the
daytime. You're a teacher, Sir.
What's your name? And what do you teach, Von?
Spanish. OK, Von.
Anybody else teach? All right, give it up for Von.
And I'm going to show you guys amagic trick.
(00:27):
All right, because Vaughn is a teacher.
I'm a teacher. We have the same heart.
If you guys aren't teachers, youprobably don't know this, but
every teacher wants every non teacher to know.
From the bottom of our hearts, fuck these kids.
Fuck. Fuck each and every one of your
fucking kids. I if you're on the fence, do not
(00:47):
have any fucking children. Please stop, OK?
They're not the future, they're not anything.
They're I went back to school toget my law degree because I
thank you. Thank you because I believe that
children need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the
law. I taught kindergarten for 12
(01:14):
years. I taught, I'm from Chicago.
I taught up in the northern suburbs of Chicago.
I taught like an all white school.
All my students were white. Taught there for like 12 years.
Right after the pandemic I quit and I was just like, I can't
take it anymore. But I got bored so I went back.
But I'm like, if I go back, it has to be totally different.
So now I'm substituting in high schools on the South side of
(01:35):
Chicago. Yeah, y'all in Ohio?
No, that's fucking different, right?
Because the first day of class when I walked in, I was subbing
sophomores. This boy came in and he was
like, hell yeah, I just passed the driver's Ed exam, right?
And and a boy came in behind himand was like, you don't need no
car to fuck these hoes. I was like, Oh my God, Darius,
(01:58):
what the fuck, right? He was like, I caught 22 hoes on
foot. I was like, Oh my God, the price
of pussy has dropped. What the fuck, right?
Another thing I love because like I said, I always work with
little white kids. I'm working with all teenage
(02:19):
black kids. Black kids come up with the best
slang terms, right? I can figure out what any slang
term means except if you use it the right way.
Like if you use it in the right context, I can figure it out.
But I don't know if you guys know this.
Teenagers are taking slang termslike I'm 40, they're taking
slang terms that I use as a teenager and they're flipping
them to make them mean somethingelse, right?
(02:39):
I'll give you 2 examples, 1 I don't know.
I love you guys. There's a couple black people
here, but do you guys know what a bus down is?
OK, a bus down is a hoe. It's a slut, right?
It's a really derogatory term today.
A bus down is a middle part wig.Look at the shock at everybody's
faces. That's me when I was in class
(03:03):
and these two girls were like girl, I just paid $300.00 for
this bus down. I was like what?
Where, Where the fuck you find a$300?
Who's that? Right?
Here's another one. These boys were like, this is so
fucked up. These boys were looking at their
phone and they were like, yeah, that girl's a face fucker.
Yeah, you can fuck that girl's face.
(03:23):
Oh, yeah, she's a face fucker. I was like, whoa, right.
And I walked behind them to see what they were looking at.
They were just looking at pictures of pretty women, right?
Not naked women, not girls with their asses out, just whatever.
And so I'm like, why do you keepcalling those girls face
fuckers? And this boy was like oh Miss
Clark, a face fucker is a girl that's so pretty that you'll
(03:44):
fuck her while staring at her face.
No it's not. I was like Google face fucking
and tell me what y'all see right?
You'll see a bunch of bitches crying and she's like, right,
(04:07):
This boy was like, why are you tripping, Miss Clark?
You a face fucker? I was like, stop it.
Stop before I get arrested. Are you a junior?
Right. That is so fucking cute.
Don't worry about. Oh shit, you all right?
If you're in need of a new air conditioning system by not
watching this video, I'm tellingyou you're going to cost
(04:27):
yourself a lot of money all. Right.
I don't know if anybody asked you guys about this, but do we
have weed smokers here? Yeah, we got weed smokers.
Do y'all buy from dispensary or do you buy from like off the
block? Dispensary block.
See, it's a race question. You don't understand it.
(04:48):
Like if you ask what white people are like, I want to pay
taxes, Black people, Mexican, whatever they like.
Nah, I support black businesses.Right.
We OK, so I'm not even like whenI, I do have like a weed man in
Chicago. But like to my people who call
the weed man the plug, the Kinect, like have you ever
(05:08):
called him and he was busy and he pissed you off?
Like I called the weed man before I came out here and I'm
like, oh, I need some weed. I'm going out to Ohio.
He was like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm at the park with my sons.
I was like, Sir, get the fuck back on the block.
Like I don't give a fuck about your kids.
(05:28):
You're a drug dealer bitch right?
Like I call the police on your ass right?
And like I'm not even like I know people are like oh I smoke
blunts. I can like if I smoked an entire
blunt by myself y'all would never see me again ever.
I take off running like Forrest Gump right?
Like like I'm a 2 puffer 4 puff like that's it.
(05:50):
And then I become like the question lady and shit like like
because I think I'm dead. So I have to interact with
people and if they're not payingattention, I had to keep asking
like and I will would you ratheryou to death?
Like I'll be like, would you rather have a Dick in the center
of your chest or on the bottom of your foot?
Like I I can't, I can't stop right?
(06:11):
Like my boyfriend smoked so muchweed and like like I was with OK
this is OK. I had an epiphany last weekend.
This is my epiphany. If given the chance, don't get
tight on me y'all. If given the chance to be the
opposite of who you are, you will be the most toxic version
of that thing. I'll give you an example.
Me and my boyfriend super high whatever we're watching, I think
(06:34):
we're watching temptation islandwhatever on Netflix.
I love watching shows like that.Like I love watching
documentaries too, like where like white women get scammed and
show Oh, it makes me laugh so hard because it's your own
fucking fault. OK, you need to get some black
friends in your life. But so we were, we were high.
(06:55):
We're watching temptation Island, right?
And I had an epiphany. I asked my boyfriend, what would
you do if you were a woman for one day, right?
And he's like, what are you talking about?
I'm like, you have your brain right outside.
You're a bad bitch. Yeah.
Got titties, ass for days, whatever.
You know, I'm like, what would you do?
He's like, shit, stand on the block.
(07:15):
I was like, wait, what? Right.
You like, stand on the block, you know what I'm saying?
Off a little pussy, you know what I'm saying?
He was like, I have various prices, you know, $300.00 for a
hand job, 500 for some Dick or what?
What? Right.
He like, I'll probably even go over to where the Cubs play at.
I was like, you stand in front of Wrigley Field selling pussy,
(07:36):
right? Are you crazy?
He was like, OK, what would you do if you was a man?
I was like, shit, Drive around looking for your whole ass, try
to get my Dick sucked. You fucking bust down, right?
God damn. Bust down.
I'm going to tell y'all a littlebit something else about my
(07:59):
life. Yeah, I'm in a relationship.
That's all right. Is anybody in a relationship
here? Make some noise later.
Ladies, I want you to clap if you've lived with your
significant other for like longer than two years, OK, keep
clapping. If you've made it past 3, you
see how the energy shifted. They hate you.
(08:23):
Every woman in here who's lived with a man has woken up in the
middle of the night and looked at that man sleeping and thought
to yourself, I should smack the fuck out of him.
Oh, what woke you up, baby? You had a dream.
Had a dream about them pigeons again.
(08:44):
Right. All right, I'm gonna leave you
guys with this story. I am.
I'm from Chicago. Do we have people who grew up in
the 80s here? Yeah.
I have a famous father. My dad is Mr. T.
Yeah, yeah, the Mohawk culture. Most people think I'm lying when
I say that, but I'm like, why would I pick him?
(09:05):
Like, who the fuck is lying about Mr. T?
Right. And I grew up in the 80s and
90s, so either everyone believedme or no one believed me.
Like, there was no in between. I grew up in a very wealthy
neighborhood, so everybody believed me there because they
were like, why the fuck else is your black ass here, right.
Like when I was a kid, we lived on the South Side of Chicago.
And like, I get it. Like I'm a black girl at all
(09:27):
black school. And I'm trying to explain to my
friends that the reason why they've never seen my dad before
is because he's doing WrestleMania with Hulk Hogan,
right? Like everybody was like, shut
the fuck up, Erica. Right?
And those were the teachers, right?
So I got this complex and this is for real.
My friends will tell you or likepeople I meet if I'm on stage,
(09:48):
I'll talk about my dad. But I never tell people like who
my dad is or like stuff I've seen because no one ever
believes me. And they like really don't like.
I will give you an example like,because like when I was in
kindergarten, first grade, like kids kind of like ostracized me
and wouldn't talk to me because I was like little lying ass
Erica, you know, like they didn't believe me.
And so this one weekend, all right, I'm telling you guys
this. Don't tell anybody the story,
(10:09):
but this one weekend went to this Wrestle Mania event with my
dad, and he was partners with Hulk Hogan, right?
And my dad was the first time I was seeing wrestling live,
right? So my dad's like, don't worry
about it. It's fake.
He's telling me I have a sister who's eight years older than me.
He's like, oh, don't worry aboutit, it's all fake, whatever,
blah, blah. And he's in this wrestling match
(10:29):
with this guy named Roddy, RoddyPiper.
Do you guys know who that is? OK, and it's another dude or
whatever, right? So my dad gets into the ring and
immediately Roddy, Roddy Piper flips my dad in a way and he
cracks my dad's ribs, right? So my dad has to go to the
emergency room, right? So me and my sister are crying,
whatever. They take my dad to the ER, they
bring him back to the he comes back to the hotel room.
(10:51):
He's all bandaged up and like Hulk Hogan's in our hotel room
and Hulk Hogan's doing like lines of cocaine, right?
And he's still has the yellow shorts on, right?
And he's like, T I'm going to fuck him up when I see, I swear
to God, I'm going to fuck him up.
And my dad's just like, oh, God,my ribs hurt so badly, right?
And then there's a knock at the door.
(11:12):
And it was rowdy Roddy Piper, right?
And he goes AT, I'm real sorry about what happened.
And Hulk Hogan's like, fuck that, and grabs Roddy, Roddy
Piper and brings him into the hotel room, throws him against
the wall, smashes the mirror. They're beating him.
My dad's trying to break it up. Hulk Hogan's wife, Linda's
there. And she's like, Terry, stop,
right? And I'm like, wow, I didn't know
that was his name, right? So.
(11:34):
And my mom is trying to make my dad stop, and they're just
beating and all this stuff is flipped over and shit like that.
Me and my sister are crying. And then we get on a plane.
We come back to Chicago. I go to class.
We're sitting in a sharing circle.
And the teacher's like, what'd you do this weekend?
And I was like, not a fucking thing.
All right? I was Erica Clark.
Thanks.
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