Relax and Struggle: This is the Way

Ever found yourself wondering why traditional meditation techniques don't seem to resonate with you? What if the key to effective meditation is simply finding your unique approach to staying present? I, your host, struggled to see the value in conventional meditation until I discovered my unorthodox methods that involve hiking and playing the piano. Just as a hiker navigates through the trails, I guide you through my journey, highlighting how essential it is to welcome the wandering mind and celebrate when it's caught, rather than reprimanding it.

I introduce a mantra that I discovered: "When you catch yourself wandering, congratulate yourself for catching it and then get back to the task." This central theme resonates through the episode as I uncover the power of 'Relax and Struggle,' a concept prevalent in sports, arts, and trades. Understand how the mind and the body can both move freely when tension is released. I share how the mantra, my unconventional meditation techniques, and maintaining a relaxed state amidst struggles have helped me deal with negative thoughts and stay resilient during challenges. Come join me in this enlightening dialogue, and perhaps, you'll find a fresh perspective on how to manage your struggles with grace and ease.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't meditate in a traditional sense.
I used to worry about thisbecause so many people that I
admire talk about how beneficialit is, but I tried many days
and many ways and it neverreally did much for me.
I even had people tell me thatI must be doing something wrong,
but those people weren't ableto clearly explain exactly what
was wrong, so I explained tothem.

(00:20):
That's often just becausesomething that's available to
you doesn't mean the ritual orthe result is available to
someone else in the same way.
I came to the conclusion thatI'm just not the person who's
going to meditate in atraditional way, and that's okay
for me to make that decision.
Now I meditate by hikingthrough the woods for a couple
hours, sometimes listening to abook, sometimes in complete

(00:40):
silence, and I also meditate bylosing myself and playing the
piano and singing, sometimes forhours at a time.
I don't feel like I'm missing athing, but there is a principle
of meditation that I heard thatreally stuck with me, and it's
something I use often in myregular life.
I even built my own mantraaround it and it's been life
changing.
Let's talk about that in five,four, three, two, one.

(01:06):
I was listening to a guidedmeditation one day and the guide
said pay attention to yourbreathing.
Your mind is going to wanderand when you catch yourself
wandering, congratulate yourselfon catching this and go back to
focusing on your breathing.
That's it.
I woke up from my nap and Iwrote that phrase down in my
journal, along with a coupleother words that came to my mind

(01:27):
relax and struggle.
When you catch yourselfwandering, congratulate yourself
for catching it and then getback to the task.
What a freeing thought.
Instead of being angry withyourself or chastising yourself
for not doing the right thing,use this phrase to recognize
that perhaps your mind wanderingwas the right thing and

(01:49):
bringing yourself back to thetask is also the right thing.
Even if the wandering wasn'tthe right thing, it's gone.
There's nothing you can doabout it now.
So forgive, forget and justmove on to the next right thing.
Can you imagine, as you setabout your tasks for the day, if
you gave yourself the freedomto wander and think freely and

(02:09):
creatively and then, when youcatch yourself doing this, you
feel good about what justhappened and return to your task
?
About two years ago, i beganrunning my life this way and a
surprising thing happened When Ihad a difficult task ahead of
me, i wasn't worried about itanymore.
It was something I had to doanyways.
So what is the point offighting it in my mind?

(02:32):
What was the point of allowingall that poisonous thinking to
go on and on, thoughts of howmuch I'm going to hate the task,
how I wish I didn't have to doit, or constantly seeking ways
to avoid what was coming.
All of these negative thoughtsdid come, but now it was a lot
easier to handle because of thatpractice of pure
self-compassion, just allowingmyself to come back to what I'm

(02:53):
supposed to be doing or what Iwanted to be doing my intention.
I congratulated myself forcatching the thoughts and then
moved on to a more productiveway of thinking.
There's real truth to the factthat we are not our thoughts and
that the voice inside our headisn't really us, although it's
deceptive enough at times tomake us think so.

(03:13):
But you're something more thanyour thoughts, because you are
able to be outside of yourthoughts, observing them and
changing them, just like you'reable to be outside of your body,
observing your body andchanging what your body does.
So this phrase relax andstruggle that I came up with, no

(03:34):
matter what your mission is.
The more you tense up againstit, the harder it's gonna be.
The more you're able to observethe products of your own brain
and purposefully choose which tohang on to and which to let go
of, the more you're gonnarealize how much control you
actually have over your mind andyour thinking.
It's not always easy, but aperiodical checkup on your

(03:56):
thinking is definitely possible.
You can set reminders on yourphone every hour, every 15
minutes, however long you thinkyou need to have between
checking in to say, hey, whatare my thoughts, what am I
thinking?
right now I'm researchinginformation for a book as we
speak.
Don't worry, i am not trying tosell it to you here.
I can't even promise that it'sever gonna be written or

(04:18):
published because of where mydedications are.
But the book is called Relaxand Struggle.
The theme is constant throughsports and art and the martial
arts, trades and pretty mucheverywhere I look, the best of
the best are able to relax whilethey struggle.
In the martial arts, if youtense up, you are slower and
less powerful.

(04:38):
Mechanics know how to use theright tool for the right job and
contractors know how to let thetool do its work.
Piano players stay loose toplay those difficult passages
and they practice staying loosebecause tensing up makes it so
much harder to play thosepassages, if not impossible.
Magicians are on the lookout toalways move.
Naturally, they never tense upat the time they do any sleight

(05:01):
of hand, because that tension isgonna be recognized by the
audience and someone's gonna seewhat they did or at least
expect that something oddhappened.
Tension blocks movement in yourbody and your mind.
You can relax and let yourselfbe yourself.
If you end up somewhere youdon't want to be, congratulate
yourself for realizing that andthen just head towards somewhere

(05:24):
you want to be.
All of this started for me whenI heard the phrase congratulate
yourself and then bring yourfocus back to what you want to
focus on.
Now, for example, when it comestime to exercise and I just
don't feel like it and I findmyself internally fighting about
the whole situation, i'm ableto observe those thoughts and
ask myself why I don't want to,and then let those thoughts fly

(05:47):
away or dissipate.
While I get to work onexercising, thoughts seem to
become heavier and heavier themore you hold on to them, and
the thoughts that oppose yourpurpose can be a stronghold that
is difficult to overcome.
As soon as you let them go,that weight disappears.
I will never say this is easy.
It's probably gonna besomething that I struggle with

(06:10):
all my life, and there are timesthat I have to remind myself of
something I heard Jim Rohn say.
He's one of my favorite modernphilosophers.
He said if it's easy, do iteasy.
If it's hard, do it hard, justget it done.
Hey, thanks for listening.
Send me an email at matt atsecondmixnet and let me know

(06:31):
what you're struggling with.
I respond to every email.
I'll see you when I see you.