Stripping, Bodybuilding and Self-Discovery | Consciously Ash

In this episode Consciously Ash talks about his journey from a turbulent childhood in Australia to a life of transformation. Ash shares insights from his time in the military, adult entertainment, Britain’s Got Talent, as well as his path to healing through spirituality and personal growth. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Appoche production. Welcome to Secrets of the Underworld. I am
Neil the muscle comments and in.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
This episode I speak to consciously Ash, a former stripper
and sex worker turn spiritualistic monk.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
I found the military was like college. I spent more
time drinking, partying, and played rugby. I reached out to
my friend again and he got me a job as
a stripper. My justification behind it was I used to
get naked in the army for free whilst I was drinking.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
I may as well get paid for it.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
First time I hadn't got a button naked in front
of one hundred and twenty people was the event where.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
My parents found out that I was a stripper.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
So I jumped back into only fans where I felt
like I was really selling my soul. And basically, it's
a thirty day retreat where you can go live as
a month for thirty days experience the life of a monk.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Before we get into the nitty gritty of your life,
because I've kind of had to google and search your
whole life, and yeah, a lot comes up, A lot
comes up. We'll start off like with you growing up
and you know your first job and through school and
your family, and then we'll get into the nitty.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Gritty, well do it. I was. I was born in Sydney.
I was born in the Northern Beaches in Manley.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
And then over the years like my family and I'm
moving to golden Southern table Lands in between Camber and Sydney,
and for them, man like, I never liked it. I
was teased a lot as a kid. I remember there
was one moment because we used to have little lump
somewhere as you kind of see one there still, And
bless my mum, she did the right thing, what she
thought was right. She goes told the kids that Sato

(01:40):
won't give them any presents because the kids used to
call me elf ears, so she's I told the kids
are never going to get any presents from Santa.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
So I did that.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Obviously we know exactly how that turned out. I played rugby,
so I played rugby a lot, so I love playing rugby.
I played for the Southern table Lands. I played in Canberra.
I played in the Black Division like I played like
good level rugby. Then at seventeen I joined the military,
which was good like today. So as soon as I
left school, like I did the whole work at McDonald's work,
at Hungry Jack's work, at all those places. I left

(02:10):
school in year ten because I didn't like being told
what to do and it just never registered with me.
So I, for some reason I joined the military, where
I was.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Told what to do again, And is that always what
you wanted to do?

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Look, so I did air cannets when I was younger,
and I was always really into that sort of military
style thing, but I never thought about joining them until
like when I was seventeen. They I had left school,
I was working the Abatwise. I hated the advatise because
I remember seeing I got in there and there were
these guys that had never left Goldwin that were working

(02:40):
in the abbatwires that were going on the knives. There
were only one thousand dollars a week, and this is
back in two thousand and six, two and seven, and
they're like, mate, this is the best job in the world.
You can literally on a thousand dollars a week. You
work half the day and then you're off. And it
was like the place stunk. It was a dead end
sort of place. And I remember these guys were telling me,
this is what I aspired to be in life. And
I was just like no. So I got to the

(03:02):
point I wasn't working anymore and I was arguing with
my mom. There was one day, I remember it clear
as day. She was basically in the kitchen. She was
screaming at me. I was screaming back at her, and
I basically stood up and I was like I went,
grabbed the keys and walked out the door.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Mom goes, where are you going?

Speaker 3 (03:16):
I said, I'm joining the fucking army. So I drove
from Golden to Camera when got the actual when said
to the people the recruitment center, I want to join,
and they go, yeah, here's a CD, look at what
job you want to do. So I did that, didn't
say drove back to Golden, didn't say a word to Mum,
looked at everything, then basically left again and went back

(03:37):
into the car and drove back to Camera, and I
said to the lady, I'm like, I want to join transport,
and she's like, well that one. I can't make that
for you too. You call the number on the back
of the CD. You don't come back. So I drove
the entire way back and all I had to do
was call the phone number. Anyway, as soon as I
told mom I was joining the army. We got along

(03:58):
like that because I was how long how long you
are in the military for I did five years, so
didn't go overseas. I started off as infantry, tore my
knee finally to go on a transport, and then when
I was there, I missed out three times. There was
the first time I got done drinking when I shouldn't
have been. Yeah, yeah, I got drinking, done drinking when

(04:20):
I shouldn't have been. The second time, my sergeant told
me that he could do my job, so he took
my spot and he went over. And the third time
was I'll get ready for it to pre deployment training,
and my RSM didn't like the fact that I used
to play rugby in touch the whole time, so he
was basically like, you're not going overseas. You're getting hosted
to Darwin on Townsville. I was like, definitely not. So
I put my discharge in. Try to call his buff

(04:42):
and I discharged. Wow. So I found the military was
like college. I spent more time drinking, partying and playing rugby.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
And that was great.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
From there, I ended up working on the train line
for BHP out in Western Australia and I did that
for a year and it was amazing that I think
in that year I made one hundred and sixty K,
and I have no idea where it went. At the
age of like, you're given a twenty one year old,
twenty two year old one hundred and sixty K with
zero money guidance is going to disappear very quickly. So

(05:17):
I was out there and one of my best friends, Blake,
he was like, dude, just go get some life experience, travel,
go to the UK. And I was like, fuck it,
why not? So I handed my resignation and basically went
back to live with my parents for a couple of months. Now,
at this point in time, my family had all moved
up to Queensland on the Sunshine Coast, so I was

(05:39):
over there living and working with them, helping them run
their business for a bit. Whilst I was there, prepping
to go over to the UK, I got their two
year youth mobility scheme, so as I went over, I
was able to work. But I decided it was a
great idea to travel at the start. Stupid me because
I went traveling, did a lot of Europe. I drank
my way through Europe. I experienced so much I got

(06:00):
to see.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
It was incredible. Dude, I did some.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
There was a point, like I went, we were partying
up until November. November I went and joined my mum,
who was working in Cyprus at that point in time,
and this is twenty and thirteen. I went and joined
her because she was working for the UN. So I
went and joined her and spent a month of drinking,
which was good. From that, I went traveling started December,
and dude, I drank. I went through Istanbul, Budapest, Crack

(06:29):
of Barcelona, Paris, Edinburgh, Berlin, like I did all these things.
But after a month of straight drinking, I remember we
were in We're kogamany So the world's biggest street party
in Edinburgh for New Years, and my liver had stopped
hurting by this point in time, Like I think that
night I did a bottle of Cafe Patron, a bottle
of wine, a bottle of vodka and something else, and

(06:52):
I was still the last man standing the following day.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Like that was ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
So from that point I ended up spending all my
money and I was like, I'm gonna go home, don't I?
So I went home, and then I stopped drinking. Like
as soon as I landed Man, I could feel my
live up just punching me for how much I'd been drinking.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
And so a little bit it happened.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I was there working for business with mom and dad again,
and my parents said, look, you're wasting an opportunity here.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
You're twenty three years old.

Speaker 3 (07:20):
Get your ass back to the UK, find yourself a job,
will pay for you to get over there.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
You're not wasting this. She got a two year visa.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
So I reached out to my friend again who convinced
me to go in the first place, and he got
me a job as a stripper. Now my justification behind
it was I used to get naked in the army
for free whilst I was drinking.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
I may as well get paid for it. So I.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Told my parents that I was doing security because I
wouldn't have let me go if I was a stripper.
So they paid for my flight and I remember getting
down to Cornwall and now at this point in time,
the guy that I was living with doing all this with,
he also wanted me to go door knocking. Now I
had no idea what he meant by door knocking. Found
out when I got there. He was a dealer as
well well, so he was asking me to go collect money.

(08:07):
Fuck so I was like, no, that's not fucking happening, mate,
I am not doing that. That's that's just against my
moral compass completely. I don't wrong, I've taken my fair
show in Nicothics in my life, but I'm not going
knocking on doors to try to get.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Money for people. Anyway.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
He promised me the world of what the stripping was
going to be, and it was nowhere near that. Like
I think in three months, I made three four hundred
quid the entire.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
Time I was there, and I think, what were you
doing private parties or what?

Speaker 3 (08:37):
So they had private parties and we did two events
so funny enough. Actually the first event, first time I'd
ever got button naked in front of one hundred and
twenty people, was the event where my parents found out
that I was a stripper. So basically we'd been doing it.
I've done like two privates and two main shows. The
main show again the first time I've done this, he

(08:59):
was like, just basically get on stage, wiggle around, take
your jacket off, go to that set of table, rip
your shirt off, come down this set of tables, rip
your trousers off, get on stage, take your underwear off,
and do a windmill.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
So I fucking I did exactly that. I did exactly that.
I got on stage and did a windmill. Now there
is a photo.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
It's a very blurry photo, but someone took a photo
of me standing on stage go be like that stark naked,
and basically my friend found it and tagging me on Facebook.
So about a couple of days later, I get a
message from my mum going, we're not upset, We're just disappointed,
and I was just like.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Okay. So I obviously told him what I was doing.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
But at the same time, we were working for defense
contractors for the military, so we were still getting paid.
We were able to go to Germany do things for
the military as enemy party. From that, I wanted to
get away from where I was. I didn't like it,
so I'm like, okay, I want to get a job.
I want to start model because everyone kept saying, dude,
you're a good looking lad.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
Start modeling.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
So I went to London. I did photo shoot with
this company which was called Raw and Models. It turned
out it was one of those scam things where They
basically asked you to pay a shipload of money, give
you average ass photos and to the industry is going
to do this anyway. So I did that, and I
remember I was on the phone call to him and
the guy was like, if you want to make it
be a model, you've got to move to London. So

(10:24):
I was like done. So I basically reached out to
a company called Forbidden Nights and for bidd Nights had
a Saturday show at Pasha, which used to be across
the road from Victoria Station. So they said, yeah, come in,
let's let's have a chat. So I went up to
London and basically I said to him, I remember I
got there early, dude. I remember looking at these boys
on the website and I was like, my god, they're

(10:45):
all famous. Look at and they've got show real they've
got all these sort of things. And I remember walking
in there and I remember looking at them all thinking
they all looked like ken dolls. But I watched the
show and the show was incredible. Not only were there
three hundred screaming women, these boys were on stage having fun,
just a bunch of lads. So at the end of
the show they bade he said, ladies, this is Ossie

(11:07):
at his birthday, who thinks he should do a strip.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
So I got on stage and I did a strip.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
I jumped on some girl bump and grind, took a
shirt off, and then had to lead the girls upstairs
to where the photos were. Anyway, a few days later,
the boss gave me a phone call and he's like, look,
we can't afford to have you, which is not in
our budget. And I was like, dude, I will work
for free. I just want to be a part of
what we're doing. I really love this this. And then
as you hear that I want so he gave me,

(11:35):
he goes, I give you a call back, called me back,
and about thirty minutes later I was like, I'll give
you fifty quit a show. So at this point we
were only doing Saturday shows. I was living on a
friend's couch. I just started work as a personal trainer
in New Barnett, North London, and I was like, cool,
I need to find a place to live because I
couldn't live on my friend's couch for fucking ever. So

(11:56):
I remember I had gone to this I found this place,
this lady I'd convinced her to do the four hundred
pound a month's read and instead of paying the bond,
I will look after the garden.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
Because I used to be do some gardening as well,
So that fucking hell, man of all trades, you aren't man, fucking.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
Jack of all trades. Marshals and nine and I was
working at the gym. So I was working at the
gym around the corners of pt And at this point
I was paying four and a pound a month rent
to the house. I was paying five hundred pound a
month rent to the gym. I got a one thousand
pound loan off a friend, which took me about a
year and a half to payback. And I only had
one client in the gym, and I was only making

(12:33):
two hundred pound a month doing the show as a
stage hand. So I'm like, I don't remember how I
was making money. I think I was doing like there
were some events things where I could have been, like
you know, you know where you go to like common
Garden or wherever you go into the streets during Christmas
and people are handing things out. I think I was
doing that for like maybe eighty quid, it for like
eight hours or ten an hour or something. So I

(12:55):
was doing that, and I then started bodybuilding at the
same time, so fucking God did everything.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
So I was like, look, I've got nothing I was
to lose.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
I was going through this phase of someone gave me
a book called Asking. It is given by Esther Hicks,
which is at Channeled Work. So I was like, Okay,
let's read this. And this got me started on the
power of affirmation and manifestation. So like, I usually go
to bed every night with the external affirmations of I
am successful, I'm rich, I'm wealthy, I'm financially free, all
these things that I'd say to myself this moment I

(13:27):
wake up, the moment I go to bed, I was prepping.
I was mill prepping, I was training. I had a
solid routine of what was going on, and because I
had nothing to lose, everything was just happening.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
I was there with the flow.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
I'm like, I'm twenty three years old, living in the UK,
i am a stage hand at a strip show.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
I'm working in a gym.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
I'm able to bodybuild, I can somehow afford to live,
like I was just on this cloud night. Anyway, a
few weeks after I'd started working as a stage hand,
I had finished it in the stage. I turned up
early every Saturday. I was setting the chairs, I was
setting the rigs, I was doing everything like I'm at work.
So I was like, I'm going to just show these

(14:07):
boys what I'm worth, because at the end of the day,
man he took a chance on me when no one
else would and for that I'm forever grapeful with that.
We then had I picked up the fire staff, so
I'm a fire performer as well. So I picked up
the fire staff and started playing with it and they
were like, we didn't know you could do that, and

(14:28):
I was like, oh, yeah, it's something I can do.
Didn't think anything of it. A few weeks later, one
of my friends, Lewis was he became our host. He
was like, bro, they're going to put you in the show.
They're going to put your rehearsals. And I was like,
fuck no, man, I'm a rubbing player. I don't know
how to dance. And they're like, no, no, they're going to
teach you. So basically what had happened. The fire guy
was leaving just by a chance, so they put me

(14:49):
into rehearsals. I took his spot. It took me three
weeks to learn half a routine. It was wild. But
what we were rehearsing for was that Britain's Got Talent
audition in twenty fourteen, so I was trying to learn
how to do that at the same time, I was
then trying to learn all the routines. Now, dude, I
for years, I'm talking up until I left, the only
playlist I'd really have in my ears was the routines

(15:13):
that I needed to know and learn. I'd be rehearsing
in the shower, in the gym, at home, anywhere, because
I'm not strong dancer, so I needed to make sure
that I was going to be the best I could. Anyway,
we did Britain's Got Talent. That was amazing. There was
so much that was meant to come from it. But
because it's Britain's Got Talent as a show, if you
make it past the first round, you have to sign
a contract, which means anything that you do Britain's Got

(15:35):
Talent home. So we were like, well, there's no point.
We already have a show, so we couldn't create something new.
So we were like, fuck it, let's just continue on.
So what we did was we got over eighty nine
million views on that video. Like, we went from doing
probably about forty shows a year up to one hundred
and seventy shows a year. We were traveling in the
UK before me in theaters like we do shows. I

(15:56):
remember we did a show of like ten people one time,
and we've also done shows of twelve, thirteen hundred people.
It was wild. We were a bunch of lads that
were brothers. We were a family. We did literally did
everything together. We traveled the UK in a sprinter van
with our faces on the side of it that we
did all the theaters, everywhere we could.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
It was amazing and you were making good money from
it too.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
No, dude, the thing is with male strippers, the ones
that I've done, when you're in those kind of shows
like look dream Boys. Yes they did, but they had
more of a budget and a bigger name. We were
a family that was working hard. So I think per
show the max I get was two hundred and fifty quick.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
But on top the thing on top of that was like, look,
I could make we do four shows a week. You're
walking away with one thousand pounds so and that was
a lot more than a lot of people were making.
Plus I was a personal trainer. Plus I was doing
only fans, Plus I was doing muscle work. I was
doing all these things where I was performing in other areas. Yeah,

(16:58):
I'll do There's so much to this story. I was
making good money with muscle worship, only fans, codline coaching,
and performing. I was still living a life where I
was still very comfortable in my time. But I was
still earning about eight k a month, like eight pounds
a month, and I was literally living on my terms.

(17:18):
So I've gone from this kid who didn't know how
he was living to make an eight k a month.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
Fuck.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah. But all in this time, Like I then got married,
So I was married. We were like best friendly. Yeah,
so we were both sort of in the same industry.
Like the story how it unfolded was beautiful because we
were we were like best friends, but it was also
one thing where I had to learn so much in
this relationship. So what ended up happening was during this

(17:46):
time was like I was going through this whole awakening subconsciously,
Like I wasn't really aware of what was happening, but
there were things that were going on. I was always learning,
listening to podcasts, listening to audiobooks, always trying to better myself,
improve myself. It came to COVID, we lost everything, so
I really had to start diving into breath work and
learning things about myself within that sort of space. As

(18:07):
all this was happening as well, Like I had become
a professional bodybuilder in three federations, so PCA, w BFF
and I FBB I.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Had was that natural? Natural or natural? No no, no
no no.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
No no no.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
I'm only saying I'm only saying natural because I'm trying
to think where you're gonna get the money from PA
to get the step.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
Me. It is so cheap. Like I remember I came
back to Australia.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
At one point I was going through my post cycle
and the lady was like she went through my bag,
and like every time I came back to Australia to
visit family because of my size, you they'd inconspicuously walk
over to me as if they weren't targeting me at all,
and You're like, excuse me, circle check your bags or
your bodybuilder.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
You know, they spent two hours going through my bag.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
And I remember how I had this one lady she
was let's just say a not very athletic individual going
through my bag and she's pulling out all of my
supplements like protein in creating, glued to me and all
these sorts of things as well as I had my
post cycle in this. I commet into mooxiphon, but basically
she was pulling through everything and she was like, excuse me, so, oh,
this is illegal. I go to supplements stores. I know

(19:16):
you can't buy this, and I'm like, that's incorrect. That's
protein powder, that's glue to me and that's creating. Like
all of this stuff is legal. You can buy this
all at a shop. Maybe this the colomet intomoxiphon. You're
probably not, Like I'm from the UK. You can buy
these things. These are a part of the post psychotherapy,
but everything else probably not. So anyway, after about two

(19:39):
hours they decided to let me go with all of
my supplements.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (19:42):
So I was doing all of this stuff whilst growing
through a big awakening, that is the big thing. Like
I was bodybuilding, I was stripping, I was only fans.
I was in a marriage that was failing. I was
in pushing myself to the limit of competitions, where like, look,
the height of vulnerability is pushing yourself through twenty weeks

(20:03):
of the most intense prep to then stand on stage
with forty other guys to be judged by people who
have no idea who I am, to be told if
I'm good enough or not. Then combine that with stripping.
I'm not a strong dancer. I found my passion being
on stage as an entertainer. But going from not being
able to dance to then stand in front of a

(20:25):
crowd three hundred women half naked, mess something up and
then be okay with it Within myself was another thing
of learning how to become okay with not being okay.
That makes sense, and I think there was a running
joke because my legs were so big. Whenever I'd tear
my trousers off, it wasn't sexy. I'd do a trouser
riper I'd taken down, but they get caught over my

(20:46):
quads or over my car, so you'd see me basically
jumping around on the stage trying to get it off.
It turned into more of comedy show what should happen,
but basically COVID happened.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
We lost everything.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
I was getting deep into breath work, and this is
where my marriage really started.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Falling apart.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
I got diagnosed with ADHD after COVID and I was
then like, okay, I'm not stripping anymore. I'd stepped away
from stripping and I started. I was like, I'm going
to focus on my personal training business. So being a
bodybuilder having the name I did, I was like, I
had a really well, doing well coaching business. From that after,
my marriage was getting to the point I'm like, I

(21:20):
can't be here anymore. I can't be in this energy.
I moved out to try to save the marriage, to
see if the removing our energies could work a bus
getting back together. Unfortunately it didn't. I got back in
about two days later. I ended up moving out. I'm like,
I can't do this. And at that point in time,
I was prepping for the biggest show of my life,
which was the Arnolds. So I think a month before

(21:41):
the Arnolds I moved out. I then found a new
place to live at that point in time because I
was in such a bad state with the two shows
prior that year. I was cheating, I was running so
much gear. I was with the Empro Classic and the
Sharu Classic and the Yarnolds. I was following my calories
more than anything, but using an air fry for chicken

(22:01):
and chips, bait chicken, chips and vegetables. So I was
really slacking on my die. I was heavily relying on
the gear. I was in a very depressed stag, smoking
so much weed every day. And I remember the second show,
so the Shrew Classic. I was standing at the back
and I look, I've torn my lap. So if you
see that I've tore my lap, waitboar him so I

(22:22):
don't have the wits anymore. I remember standing on that
stage and out of fifteen guys who were there, they
did the callouts, and they only called the top fourteen
and I was stood there and never got called out.
And straight away, when you're going through a breakup, when
you're that depressed, when you're that messed up, everything is
running through your head going am I fucking good enough?

Speaker 1 (22:42):
Like man, I was in such a bad state.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
And even the judge when I finally got a hold
of him a few days later, which is like, oh, sorry,
it was a mistake, I was just like, oh, I
could have if he was there, I could have punched
out shit and do it anyway. I then did the
final show, I dropped ten kilos in three weeks just
to get myself into the condition that I could be
on that stage. Because I switched coaches as well, I

(23:05):
was like, okay, what do I do now. I'm not
going to bodybuild it anymore. So I stepped out and
I started trying to really focus on my own personal development.
I was like, to be fair, I actually jumped on
a bulking cycle. I started running insulin. I started running everything.
I got myself to one hundred and five kilos. I
was trying to still numb the pain of what was
going on, still smoking a lot of weed whilst trying

(23:26):
to work through this struggle. I was facing of losing
a marriage, losing who I was trying to refine myself again,
trying to find out who I am, trying to find
out what I'm going to do with my life. All
at the same time, my coaching business was slowly failing.
There was so much happening, and I was like, what
do I do? So I jumped back into OnlyFans. My
friend convinced me, is like, open it up and see

(23:48):
how much is in there. I opened up and there
was a couple of grand in there, and I was like, yeah, okay,
let's resell our content again. So I started reselling the
old content that then stopped selling. So then I had
to jump into making new content. And I was just like, fuck,
here we go. So I started doing collaborations, I started
making other videos again, and I was like, I got

(24:08):
to the point where I felt like I was really
selling my soul. Like the same reason why I left
in the first place was the same reason why I
left in the second place.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
I was selling my soul. Like I look at my friends, like,
I love the more of it.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
They're still doing a lot of my friends back in
the UK still do the only fans.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
But I see the progression that has to happen with it.

Speaker 3 (24:27):
You start, a lot of people start off with I'm
never going to show my face to their showing their face.
Next you know they're using toys. Next you know they're
going down there doing collaborations. Next you know they're going
down and then going gay room. Now, look, there's zero
judgment whatsoever. But for you to promote yourself on any fans,
you have to be promoting on social media, and for

(24:48):
you to get the kind of content that you want
to get that people through, there has to be a
type of content you're doing. Like, look, I get it.
I'm very open about only fans. I know a lot
of my stuff, of the videos that I did, are
out there. They're never going away. I get it. Like
one day when I'm on stage speaking to stage's round, well,
doing what I'm doing, Someone's gonna pull it out and

(25:08):
there's gonna be something kicks off about it. And the
more opra I am honest about it, it's like, well,
you can't fuck me over.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
But the stuff that you're.

Speaker 3 (25:15):
Putting on social media for it, I find is a
very different story and you can't come back from that anyway. Again,
there's there is zero judges there. I still support every
single one of them in exactly.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
So I'm surprised. I'm surprised because you've done a lot
of things.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
I'm surprised you haven't done like porn or doty collaborations.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
You didn't do that kind of you wait, you actually
go down.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
That only fans collaborations. Man, So I think I shot
with Funny four collaborations.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
I think it was so when you said you were
going to do collaborations, I thought you're just doing you know,
the odd bit of like nudity and all like that,
but I didn't know actually you went down there.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
I do know it was.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
It was down in the collaboration side with other women.
So it was right down that root man, because it
was that was the way to go forward. There was
there was only so much I could do to myself
on camera down until it got boring. So it was like,
what's the next stage for him? So I went down
that route and like when I moved back to Australia,
is I continued doing it. I started stripping with magic men.

(26:14):
But from the get go, man, what was promised wasn't happening.
We were promised Melbourne wages living in Brisbane. It was
just those guys in Melbourn can earn a load of money.
We barely made one thousand dollars a week living in Brisbane,
and I remember thinking I moved out from my parents'
house because I was staying with him for a few months.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
With my friend.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
We got over an apartment and him got an apartment
down in Brisbane, and I was like, this is great.
I'm back doing only fans. I've got this going on.
Sweet money's kind of still working. I'm making about two
grand a week. But okay, it's doable. But I wasn't
happy I was being undervalued at the show, and I
remember the kicker, like this thing really really pissed me off.
We were promised at the start when we joined that

(26:53):
because they were doing a UK tour. He's like, you
can go through. We'll put you boys in the UK
tour and I were like, amazing because we had the
fan base over there.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
I basically said to him.

Speaker 3 (27:02):
They were like, we can't get inside the m twenty
five because of Magic and I'm like, dude, I literally
know the manager of the Grand, which is where they
feel Magic Mike three. I can get you in there,
which is obviously kicking the teeth to Magic Mike. So
I was like, I can give you the contact.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Anyway. They got the.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
Contact, they got it. I had their final show at
the Grand. They didn't put me on the tour. They
didn't put me on the tour, and he gave me
so many excuses behind it, and I was just from
that moment, man, I was like, you know what, no,
just I can't. I don't.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
I just know.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
The thing was, man, It's like, look, there are guys
that can dance, and I'm a performer.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
I'm an entertainer.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
What I made don't what I don't do in dancing,
I make up for a stage presence and everything else,
and funny enough matter. Most of the shows, I was
the one that had a lot of the attention because
I was the one that was ground hugging and doing
everything and caught me getting involved. From that, I wasn't
feeling valid, so I'm like, I'm done, I'm out. I
need to do something different. My best friend wasn't liking
with me at the time. He was with me, but
he was spending more time away, and I remember sitting

(28:03):
in the house just thinking, I've had a falling out
my family or my parents. We're good now, who are
very good now, but I had a falling out with them,
and I was just like, I don't like any fans.
Nothing is working. What the fuck is going on my life?
I'm thirty four years old. I'm like, where am I
going with my life? My dog came into my life,
so he was a rescue, a friend. I looked after
him for a bit, so he came into my life

(28:24):
and he saved my life. Once I had something, Yes
it's external, but I had something that gave nothing but
pure unconditional love that gave me love in a moment
that I needed at most. And from that I was
able to put my attention into him, which then switched
me doing back into personal development, listening to podcast audio books.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
I had my routine. I was back doing breath work, stretching,
doing everything.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
I was trying to learn to do handstands, I was
learning guitar, I was learning Spanish, like I wanted to
start doing things to start improving my mind and improve
my mental health. And then what happened from there was
I did a breath work session and the breath work
session was a download, which, like its clear as day
man zed needed to be a breathwork facilitator. So I
reached out to two people. I reached out to the

(29:09):
guy that I work with now doing retreats here in
Dubai we do all around the world, and another guy
I invited me over to Perth and said, look, this
is going to be perfect for you. We've got a videographer.
You don't need to do social media because I come
away from social media. You don't need to worry. We'll
qualify you as a breathwork facilitator. You can come here
and do what you need to do and just kind

(29:30):
of restart your life. I'm like banging done. So I
uped and left and went to Perth. I sold everything
I could, moved stuff back to my parents, sold my
car and went. I got over there. I was living
rent free. We were in this beautiful villa. I was
creating these guys, helping them build what they were building,
which was saudas some ice bars that were building a

(29:51):
retreat space. But the retreat space never came to fruition.
There were so much promises of things that were happening
that weren't happening. But at the same time, I was
able to be connected with the spiritual community over there
to start getting with sound healings, to start diving deeper
into my own journey, which was needed.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
From that, I flew my dog over.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
I realized that I had to start looking after myself
because I said something was off, so I had to
start doing something for myself. So what I did was,
just before were meant to go to Thailand to look
for retreat spaces, I did another breath work and I
had this other download which said it's time for you
to get back onto social media. The only condition is

(30:34):
you aren't posting for lights. You're posting to share your story.
You've been on such a journey over the past years.
You're sharing what feels authentic to you while sharing your
story and complete putability so people can resonate what you're doing.
So what I did was I spoke to my friend
that I was living with in Brisbane and what we'd
actually done back when I was there was we'd started
a podcast called got Swollen.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
The podcast We've Got Swolled was.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
Me and him were doing only fans together, doing duo
tag teams, and we're also stripping together. We said it
to each other, it's like, well, let's start a podcast
because there's so much more to us than me and strippers, Like,
there's a lot of depth to us, and so far
everyone just sees this as the good looking guys coming
in tattoos at a jack that just take their kid off.
Let's show you there's a different vulnerability to it. So
we started a podcast called got Swallowed, and we started

(31:20):
building an Instagram page and things like that, and we
got to talk about three thousand people and then we
both stopped. I then when I had this download, saying
let's start back up again. I said to him, I'm like, dude,
do you mind if I take over that page? People
are resonating with us there for personal development instead of
me starting again, let me just use this And he
was like, yeah, cool, dude, do a thing. So that's
how I restarted consciously ash and everything I started filming

(31:43):
was stretching fitness, mobility, mindset, all around personal development and
sharing the things that I've been doing. And I remember
when we were in Thailand, like I'd stopped smoking weed
for about six months, and when we got to Thailand
and I started up again. This time I had a
better relationship with a much better relationship with him. Plus
I found it made me creative, especially in this sort

(32:05):
of space. So I was able to become creative working
with working the smoking wheed. I'd seen this video and
from his video that I'd seen, i'd come home one night,
I'd opened Instagram and I'd see this video of a
guy called Kevin and basically he was sitting on the
plane and he had he had hair, video like this.
He went like this, and then he had no hair
and no eyebrows, and I was like, the fuck just happened?

(32:26):
So I dove into his page, and that's where I
found he'd gone and lived in a monastery called Eye Monastery,
and basically it's a thirty day retreat where you can
go live as a monk for thirty days experience the
life of a monk. So I was like, this is perfect,
this is I've always wanted to do this, but I've
never known how. I'm in a space where this is

(32:47):
the moment I can really dive into who I am,
remove social media everything from my life, and literally go
quiet for thirty days.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
And I'm like, let's apply, Let's see what happens.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
So I applied, I got accepted, and I was like,
this is incredible, because look, Buddhism is dying out. Thairrivita,
Buddhism is dying out nowhere near as many as what
they used to be. And from my understanding, it's because
in Thailand it's still a very big honor for your children,
for the men in the family to go with Buddhist months.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
But a lot of.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
People don't stay past a year or two years because
it's again the rules haven't shifted until and a half
thousand years, Like you still can't listen to music, watch movies,
Swinger arms in public, seeing dance, touch a woman, all
these sorts of things you can't do that, And for me,
like I don't want to be father. So I was like,
thirty days is enough, we can do this. Okay. So

(33:37):
we're gone back to Perth and this is where everything
slowly started really coming undone. I started seeing everything start
going completely wrong. We had the people that were telling
us that things were happening that were never happening. We
had promises of a shop launching which never launched. Just
everything started going wrong and not feeling right. So basically
in August last year, I'd gone to Bali to work

(34:02):
on a retreat, which is the people I work with now,
and we did with retreating Valley, and straight from there
as I went to Thailand and I lived at the
monastery for a month. Now that time at the monastery
is I had the option to stay longer, but for
me it was my calling. I had my awakening in
the second week. So the awakening, you call it the awakening.

(34:22):
There's also in Buddhism they say it's like when you
reached the first level of enlightenment with Dammagaya, which is
their thirteen stages. What happens is you get the rush
of a Buddha and basically, like I can't visualize, but
I remember sitting down and as I was sitting down,
I had this Buddha, a blue.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Or white like vision of a budder just go like
that my face.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
And I remember thinking that didn't just happen, That's not it,
that's not it. But then what happened was I had
the rush of emotion come straight up. I felt the
love of the universe. I felt the love of everything
around me. I felt warm and fuzzy. I was in
tears with joy, pure joy happenings. Everything just came up.

(35:05):
And then in my meditation, I could part the clouds
and see a starry sky like one of the most
stariust skies you've ever seen, but I attached to it.
Then it would close, but I was able to keep
opening and closing, opening and closing. So I had that experience.
I think it was later that night. I was there
meditating and it felt like someone basically stepped in front
of me with a torch. I was shining it right

(35:26):
in my face, and again I had those feelings come
rushing up and I was almost like on the other
side of this white wall. I could feel goodden, I
could feel like he was there and I was trying
to get through it. I remember feeling like that, but
it wasn't happening. I couldn't get through, and then it
pulled me out. So this was the start of me
promptly learning about non attachment. So it's like with any experience,

(35:50):
with breathwork, meditation, any plant medicine, anything like that, you
can't have an expectation of the outcome or the result
because if you do, you never have the same experience,
and if you attached to an experience, you never get there.
So this was me learning that over the coming weeks
and three more experiences. One was, as I said, I
can't visualize, so I have aphanatia. I had this picture

(36:11):
clear as I see you, where it was a baby
here and a dark haired woman here. A few days later,
I had another vision where it's me feeding a baby
and a dark haired woman coming around the corner. And
I was like, Okay, what's going on? Why am I
able to see this? I asked the monks and I
was like, is this a real experience?

Speaker 1 (36:26):
This vision?

Speaker 3 (36:27):
And they're like, there are two ways to tell. Is
there's zero doubt and did it feel one hundred percent real?
And I was like, yes, he goes well, that's a
true experience. So then a few days later, going into
the fourth week, what it happened is I got another
download and that download said you need to move to Dubai.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
The buy is a safe city. Dubai is a.

Speaker 3 (36:47):
Place where there is so much going on energetically that
it needs people that are grounded, that are integral, that
can help the shift that's happening in the world because
a lot of people are coming to Dubai at the moment,
and the world has a really distorted picture of Dubai.
They see the bay as this social media thing of cars, money,

(37:07):
and women. But there's a deeper spiritual side to Dubai
that does it that people don't know about.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
So I was like, cool, what do I do with that?

Speaker 3 (37:17):
So I kind of sat with it for a bit,
journal about it and thought, Okay, I've been told to
go to Dubai.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
How do I follow this. I've got my dog, I'm
living in Perth. I can't.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
I was also seeing a girl at the time and
I'm like, but I can't just up and leave and
go there. Anyway, I got out of the monastery and
two days later, I don't think it was even two
days later.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
So you were seeing a girl while you were in
the monastery. Yeah, yeah, So basically I was in the
monastery for a month.

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Okay, there was only there for a month, So I
was seeing this girl from during the entire time at
the monastery. And basically what had happened was when I
came out of the monastery two days later, I had
a phone call saying you have to be out of
your house within two weeks.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Back in Perth.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
Basically, the guy who were in the house and basically
got me and some of the boys to sign a
document saying it was for one thing and then basically
forudulently use the signatures and then put it in a
load of other people to basically stop them coming up.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
In for money.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
So he had all these court cases against him. So
basically I was told how to be out of the house.
So I was like, well, there's my sign. The universe
has literally taking my accommodation away from me and told
me go to Dubai.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
So that's what I did.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
I was literally within two weeks I was here in Dubai,
I was staying with a friend. He was looking after
me for a few weeks, and then I ended up
moving in with the guy that I live with now.
And one of the most beautiful things is since I've
been here, I've been living in surrender. And when I
say living in surrender, I'm controlling what I can control
and what I can't control is I'm just surrendering to

(38:44):
the universe and going it is what it.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Is, It it bears at be. But what's happened is its been.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
Everything has moved so quickly from doing that because I'm
not living in resistance.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
I've gone being. It's this November.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
I now run some of the biggest best breath works here,
which is a floating breathwork in or a skypool in
the middle of the palm, big building sky call that over. Yeah,
so we run a closing breathwork. I run one at
five on the palm. We've got a few others that
we're in the talks of running at the moment. I
run an ice bath and breathwork every Saturday morning. I've

(39:19):
got coaching clients that I coach through removing limiting beliefs
and remembering who they are. We've got retreats that we
do in Zanzibar, Thailand and Bali. There is I've been
working at festivals, running breathworks and ice baths. I've got
a few events in the planning. There are so many
things happening, and all of this has come because I've
surrendered to what the universe is, what it's showing me,

(39:41):
and it's been one of the most beautiful experiences of
learning to not attach to an outcome, but also in
the same time, learning about myself, learning about this whole
journey of everything that has been a trigger, everything that
has been something that I've needed to go through and
work through my shadows. And the thing is, I remember
my ex wife used to say to me, she goes,

(40:03):
you do so much breath work, why you can't, And
I was like, you look at like I do. I've
had the past couple of days have been very heavy.
There's a lot happening at the moment behind the scenes,
and there are moments that have been incredibly triggering. And
instead of being the person that I used to be
that would react as I've taken time and I responded.
I've addressed what I'm feeling and understood what they are

(40:25):
and then acted accordingly to that. At the end of
the day, we don't get just because you've done the
work with yourself doesn't mean you're still on a trigger,
doesn't mean you still don't get frustrated or upset and
these sorts of things. What it means is you know
how to address it easier. It means you know how
when it does arise, you know how to handle the situation.
But a lot of people think it's like, oh, if
you do the work, then you've done you never get
angry again.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
That's not the case.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
So it's been a whole beautiful journey that's brought me
to exactly where I am now. Where Look, I don't
regret a single thing in my life because every single
thing has brought me to exactly where I am now,
and every experience is putting me in the position of
where I'm going to be. Like, I want to be
speaking on stages around the world, transforming life power of
words of breath. I want to be making an impact

(41:07):
where my social media has been doing that. I received
messages daily about thank you. I needed this, thank you
so much. I couldn't have done this without watching your video.
It's like I'm and everything that I post, I have
no structure. Everything I post is something that comes to
me and goes, okay, post this, so I post it
and it's resonating. And the thing is, everything I've been

(41:28):
through has got me to this stage, and I wouldn't
be here without any of that, and I'm so grateful
I am in the position now where, like everything I
learned through my previous marriage, I hope that my next
relationship is the person that I can have a family with.
I hope I have that person. But if I don't
have that person, then the next person someone that I
learn and grow from and move forward. I never would

(41:50):
have had this look on life, but I've learned non attachment.
I've learned that attachment is suffering through Buddhism, and it's
allowed me to have this different outlook on life, which
has allowing me to live in this surrendered state of
where I am now.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
You don't miss it at all, what you're of a
life at all?

Speaker 3 (42:06):
No, Like my favorite memory is the I think it's
a waterfront theater in Belfast.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
I will never forget this. There was twelve hundred people there.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
I walked on stage and I remember I looked up
and it was black and I'm standing there in naval
officers outfit. I come to attention, turn, come to attention,
lift my head up. As I lift my head up,
all I see is a light come on. As a
light comes on, there's twelve hundred people dead quiet, and
I just go ha so loud, but then everyone goes wow.

(42:37):
I will never forget that. Like I used to party
so hard with the boys, and I had so many
sessions with him where it was like it was just fun,
just talking, just up talking or not partying and having
fun doing silly shit. I will never forget that. But
it was a part of my life. That doesn't serve
you anymore. Let's serve the purpose that it was meant
to for that point in time.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
But what about when you were you know, you went
in the monastery for a month, like that would have
been a big life change for you having that lifestyle
and then doing that for a month.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
What was an average day of being a monk?

Speaker 3 (43:12):
So you'd wake up at four thirty, you do morning
chanting at five thirty five point thirty till six thirty
was morning meditation. Six thirty till seven or quarter past
seven was morning chores from morning chores. You'd go into breakfast.
You then have time off until nine nine am. You'd
do some like ap probably about forty minutes dama, which

(43:32):
is the truth, which is almost like the Bible and
the Koran, like the version in Buddhism. You then do meditation.
You'd then do lunch at eleven. From that, you'd then
do you time off until two. You then go through
darma classes and meditation again, and then you'd have time
off until six, and then you'd do evening chanting meditation
and go to bed for nine o'clock.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
And that was every.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Day's communication with the outside world.

Speaker 3 (43:58):
No like okay, so I had because I was doing
a collaboration with them. They asked me to do some
social media posts and some collaborations.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
I was like okay.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
At start, I said yes, and I remember I did
one post and I was like, I can't. You're giving
me access to my phone. This is ruining the experience.
I can't do this. And it was funny enough. After
I made that decision where I'm like, I can't do this,
I then had that really deep experience like a day later.
But the first one where I had the light, the
bright light because I'd made that conscious decision to make

(44:26):
sure I was. But dude, I'm grateful because we had
eight guys with us and doing the thing. We all
got along very well. We were in the middle of
the rainforest in chang Mine. We'd see villages because there
were some villages that were around, but most of it
was away from everything. Like, look, they want you to follow,
you go there, you follow the rules. The good thing
that I found with us is because we were we

(44:47):
all got along very well. We weren't trying to prove
to each other that my way is better at meditating
all this or we.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
All got along very well.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
The monks were very lenient with us, so like I
was still telling Dick jokes, I was still like telling
stories about my time stripping because a lot of the
boys wanted to know, and we had to share some
of these stories. But everyone was there for their own
different journey. One guy was there because it was the
only way that could save his life. He was heavily
addicted to drugs. He'd been in and out of rehab

(45:16):
for years, and he was like, if I don't do this,
I'm going to kill myself. So he's now been there
for almost a year. One of the other guys had
been searching for his understanding his own spirituality through Taoism,
through Hinduism, through all different religions, and he was there
to try to understand that. Now he had some very beautiful,

(45:36):
deep experiences as well, and I got to share a
few very deep conversations with him through all of this.
And look, if I'm honest, he was actually one person
who's really inspired me to continue doing what I'm doing, because.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
He said to me at once.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
There was one day, so in the first week, we
had a breakfast, the monk was reading something and then
what he was reading, this guy just broke down on
the table and started boiling his eyes out, and everyone
was trying to make sure he was okay, and I
was just like, let's let him do his thing, let
him have this, because you want to take away his
pain by trying to a squashing. Afterwards, I went and
spoke to him and we kind of we gotten a
bit of a deep conversation about the experience he was

(46:10):
having and why the reason was here.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
From that, he.

Speaker 3 (46:13):
Dove really deep into it, like really really really deep,
to the point like there were times, man, you'd literally
think that he was floating around the place like he
was having some really deep meditations.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
You thought he was levitating. That's how that's how calm
he was.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
He was so out of what was happening besides what
was happening inside it was. It was beautiful to see.
But towards the end he ended up saying like, I
didn't want to be too serious. I still wanted to
be able to joke. So we started joking and opening
up a lot more with us. And then within the
last week he basically stood up from breakfast one morning
and went and sat in the shallow And now the
shallow is this beautiful place we could meditate by the river.

(46:49):
And I was watching him and he was you can
see he's bailing his eyes out, he was crying. He
was wiping his tears off on his robes. So after
we finished breakfast, I walked over to him and I
just sat with him and just listened to what was
going on.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
And he was going through a lot.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
He was going through a lot there, and basically at
the end of it, he was like, you know what, Ash,
you are going to change the world. Just promise me
you maintain your honesty and you maintain you're intriguity. If
you maintain those things, but the person you are and
the gift that you have, you're going to change the world.
And from that, man, I was just like, Okay, cool, sweet,

(47:26):
Now this is a dude, I admired heavily. Like again,
he'd been living in ash Rams, he'd been traveling India,
he'd been traveling through the bet he'd been traveling through
all these countries to understand spirituality. So that meant a
lot to him. But again for me, I had the
opportunity to stay. But my mission in life is service
to others. I can't stay in service to self. I

(47:50):
can't stay secluded away from the world when there are
so many people that need guidance in where they're going
with understanding their own life. Because the word the world
is awakening right now, the world, the world is awaking.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
We're seeing it.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
But you think you're in a comfortable place right now.
As you've told your story, you stay somewhere for a
couple of years and then you find.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Something else and you move on. You move on, you
move on. Do you think you're you're in a happy
place now? Oh?

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Yeah, Like whateverthing's going on around me at the moment,
that is external. My happy place is withinside me. The
happiness comes from within. The good thing now is we
live in a day where social media is able to
get my message in what I'm sharing to the world,
so I could be anywhere in the world and still
do exactly what I'm doing and make sure I'm still
having the impact that I'm happy. The thing is like Australia.

(48:36):
For me, going back to Australia never felt like home.
Australia never felt home. It never felt comfortable to me.
But if I look at the UK, I spent ten
years there. Those ten years I was able to discover
who I was and live my adult life. I only
left because I was because I got divorced.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
I had to.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
But from what I do now, like again, seeing the
shift that's happening in the world and how many people
are coming here and knowing the spirituality that's here, is
I feel I'm in the right place to be doing
what I'm doing. And with that everything that's been happening
around me, with the path of zero resistance and just
following and surrendering to the universe. With everything happening, it's
showing me that I'm exactly where I it to be Okay,

(49:16):
here's a question.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Do you think if you left Dubai tomorrow, went to
the UK or come back to Australia, that you would
change and go back to your old ways.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
Nope, not a chance to help, Not a chance because
the people that I associated with then are on a
different frequency to where I am. I don't resonate with
going back and partying. I don't resonate with stripping anymore.
I don't resonate with that lifestyle. It's a very toxic lifestyle,
a very toxic lifestyle. I removed myself because like, look,
the stripping in the UK was one thing. It was
amazing on stages in theaters around the UK. In Australia,

(49:51):
we were performing fifteen minute routines, getting five people on
stage with each routine, and in that you're bringing people
into your intimate zone. When you're bringing them into your
intimate zone, you're bringing their energies in with you.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
They're coming to the strip show.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
Drinking, shitty energies, breakups, divorces, all these things. And next
you know, I'm trying to have this routine whilst her
energy is right there.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
I started taking that in.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
And as I started taking that in I fell back
into drinking drugs and sleeping around and it just felt
empty and hollow.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
And that's the same with only fans. It felt empty
and hollow.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
The only stripping I enjoyed, and the only thing working
the outer industry that I enjoyed was with forbidding nights.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
That was it. And what do you think the most
important thing is that you've learned from all this?

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Through all of this to there's so many one thing
is never attached to the outcome. The reason I say
that is every single time I've done something, I thought
I would be a bodybuilder fear of the rest of
my life. When I was stripping, I thought I was
doing that for the rest of my life. When I
was personal training, I thought I'd be doing that for
the rest of my life. I'm doing none of those now,
and I feel more aligned with my purpose than I

(50:54):
ever had before. I think the other one as well,
is the biggest thing I learned about was myself. I
learned that I can achieved so much more in my life.
The more in tune with who I am, the more
authentic I can be to myself. The more I don't
feel like I fit in with the crowd, and I
don't have to feel with the crowd. But the more
I do that, the more I am who I am,

(51:16):
the more people resonate with it. And then it taught
me the two biggest things.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
Okay, so you still to me, you still look fit,
all right? You must you still work out? Yeah? Yeah,
not as much as I used to. But yeah, So
how have you come.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
To terms with not using steroids and just going down
that natural path now? Is it just your whole sense
of everything that you've done now by giving up everything,
you just feel like you don't need that anymore in
your life because you told me you abused it for
massively as you said before, Yeah, I am so.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
When I was competing.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
When I first started competing, it wasn't I was taking
little doses. When I got to the pro leagues, and
the person that I was using as a coach for
the cycle, he had me on a heavy dose. When
I switched that coach, is I went back to a
low dose again. I was doing everything I was doing.
Everything is just following blindly. Now I'm on TRT now

(52:11):
because my testosterone is after years of doing things I
am everything's low.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
So I'm on TRT I've been running a.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
TRT cycle and then from that is I am then
able to I'll come off the TRT and work on
my natural levels coming back. But the tit when I
came off, it was that whole thing, and instead it's
coming straight off and that everything just crash has come
off and just let everything happens slowly.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
So I've been doing that for a year.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
So what's the future hole for ash?

Speaker 3 (52:39):
Running retreats, running events, speaking on stages around the world,
running the floating breath work in there's some of the
best pools in the world, married with kids, traveling the
world at the freedom that I want to travel, being
able to make the biggest impact.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
That I can.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
And no regret, no never even the things that I,
like you would have thought would be regret, like cool,
like the fact that I did it happened, the fact
that I did. Those things happen. But there's nothing I
can do to change those things. And again, if I
didn't do those things, the emotions and the experiences that
came from that experience, I wouldn't be here right now.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Describe yourself in one word, Oh, a student, A student,
student of life. Man, I'm always learning I'm always growing,
I'm always understanding more of myself, I'm always learning more
about people.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
I'm always learning something to grow.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
To become the best version of myself, but also to
make sure as I can show up the best for
the people that need.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
Me before we end. Just because there's a question of
what I asked and you kind of answered it before
you brought it off. But what happens if you're you're
doing one of your classes and then someone brings up
about your past or they realize who you are?

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Do you think that will be awkward? Now? How are
you you know? You don't?

Speaker 3 (54:00):
No, this is the thing I'm I'm very aware it's
going to happen at some point.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
I'm very happened.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
Yet. Look, I've had people that have been following me
through only fans and stripping that have now become clients
of mine that like, they literally became clients because they
saw the transition, they saw the journey. So they went
from literally seeing me play with myself to then watching
me educate them on how to live.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
A better life. Really funny.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
But it's like it's going to happen at some point.
I've already had people previously that have tried to extort me,
have tried to go like look at these things that
he used to do and all this sort of stuff
like this is the one sorry, this is the one
thing that gets me because I see the comments that
I put on I've seen on some of my social
media posts stripping a month videos. So many people are
so misinformed and literally sharing their uneducated opinions about their

(54:48):
ideas of what my life is that they're making these
judgments on it. But not only that, for men it's
so much easier to do this transition. For women it's
so much harder, but it's so much more empowering for
them to go through and do this because people have
this idea of like if you get an only fans
get into adult work, or you're a stripper that you
don't know how to make money and you're a crackle. No,

(55:10):
that's not the case. Like back in the eighties, one
hundred percent cool, that's what a lot of people may
have been doing.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
But these days, a lot of.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
People that are strippers that are working only fans in
the autult industry are a shitload more money than these
people making judgments. Most of these people are making criticisms
about them, but are signed up to their things behind
the scenes, and at the end of the day, that's
a person going through the life experiences that have landed
in this position because that's where life took them. Just
like fucking Bob who ended up being a janitor, his

(55:38):
life took him down that place of him being a janitor.
The job in the role makes no difference to who
that person is, and most of these people are very intelligent,
deep spiritual, deeper connected they are.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Don't get wrong.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
There are a lot of materialistic people in there that
are shallow as fuck, but there are a lot of people,
especially going through this transition now, that are understanding more
of who they are, realizing that that isn't who I
am anymore. That resonates it at that point in time,
it doesn't resonate anymore. So they're making a shit shift.
And too many people are judging these people and they're
put on their past instead of going, you know what,

(56:10):
well done for coming out and doing something different about it.
So I bring this up because I've got a lot
of my friends females who are going through this thing
at the moment. I want them to know that it's
okay what you're going through and how powerful and strong
it is to be able to stand up and share
a story in the face of judgment from so many people.
But yeah, people come to me with my videos and

(56:30):
they say I saw this video of you, or I
remember doing this. I had a beer, like did you
have fun? Did you enjoy the video?

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Oh? Man, Well, I'll say this, you know what, it
was worth contacting you for this interview.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
But you know what I mean, because, as I said
at the start of.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
The interview, I seen it, I ready, and I just
went I got to have this person on my podcast
because I know he's got more to tell them what
he's fucking saying.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Oh yeah, yeah, I'm I'm a complete open book.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
I know, because you've actually said a lot of things
that I actually couldn't fucking find on Google. You're welcome,
but you know what, it's been a pleasure, and I
hope all the success for you in the future. But
I really appreciate you coming on my podcast and sharing
your story.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Bro Bro, thank you very much much for having me