December 23, 2024 • 51 mins
Have you ever felt trapped in the cycle of constantly doing instead of simply being? We return from our hiatus to share the transformative journey of embracing presence over productivity. Navigating personal growth and the healing power of plant medicine, we open up about the challenges and triumphs of stepping back from social media, finding solace in solitude, and the empowerment that comes with embracing uncertainty. Join us as we unravel the intricacies of learning to "be" rather than "do," and the gratitude we hold for our community through this enlightening journey.
Creativity and play take center stage as we explore the profound impact of letting go of perfection and diving headfirst into the messiness of life. Reflecting on the human design concept of the "3/5" personality, we share personal stories of transitioning from risky youthful experimentation to a more meaningful exploration of interests. This chapter is an ode to self-discovery, the healing journey through creativity, and the freedom of self-expression, encouraging both ourselves and our children to embrace the healing power of play and creativity without fear of getting a little messy along the way.
Social media burnout is real, and we candidly discuss the pressure of maintaining an online presence that often feels inauthentic. The balance between personal growth and social media's demands becomes a focal point, as we consider taking breaks to prioritize family and self-care. We celebrate the enduring friendships that support us, the joy of simple pleasures, and the realization that sometimes, healing means stepping back and enjoying the peace we’ve worked so hard to achieve. Join us as we reflect on three years of growth, friendship, and the shared journey of navigating life’s complexities, with a promise of more adventures to come.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, oh my God, hello everyone.
Hi.
Have you guys missed us?
I feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I've missed you guys.
I've missed you and you, I'veseen you.
Yes, but yes, yeah, I feel likethere's probably a lot of
speculation happening.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We have a lot of explaining to do.
We've been a little MIA and Ifeel like sometimes when people
go MIA, especially on socialmedia, you kind of create like
your own narrative oh, a hundredpercent, Like we had a message
where they were like are youguys?
Okay, Like where are you?
And I'm like well, we'll tellyou guys soon, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, so I guess this is that episode.
Yeah, oh God, I don't even knowwhere to start.
Okay, well, first off, let'sjust kind of set the scene.
Where have you been?
Is that a good place to start?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay.
So I've told everyone this.
Um, if you haven't listened tothose episodes, I did a journey
in July and that journey wasabout me being a projector and
me learning to not do and tojust be.
(01:31):
And if you are not, if you area conditioned projector, you are
probably like what the fuckdoes that mean?
And so all of my journeysbefore that, they clicked.
They really made sense, like Iknew what to do and I knew how
to integrate.
This was the opposite, and youcalled me out on this.
(01:55):
Did I?
Yes, you did, which is it wasgood.
I needed to hear it.
Like I, I like to be called out.
What'd I say?
You said that after thatjourney, I was like, okay, I'm
going to do this, I'm going todo this, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do this, so then Ican be, and you're like, um, I
(02:15):
love you, but you're still,you're like, doing that's a very
that's.
It's been a very hard conceptfor me.
I remember saying that.
But I didn't realize like thatstuck with you, like that oh,
absolutely, it very much so did,because I wasn't intentionally,
(02:37):
I was trying to be, but stilltrying to do things to then be
yeah, um, and so that has been ahard, a really hard thing for
me to integrate Um.
And then I did a human designreading with uh, nadia, she's
wonderful Um, and that also cameup of doing less learning to be
(03:02):
more um, don't have to chasethings, things are just going to
come to me if I just kind ofhave that trust in being um
which I think I sent you a meme.
Well, I've probably shared itmultiple times, but that's like
you have sent me 300 000 memesand vice versa.
Which one are?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
you talking about the one that's like I don't chase,
I attract yes.
Vice versa, which one are youtalking about?
The one that's like I don'tchase, I attract yes.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And it seems, when you've been chasing your whole
life yeah, I'm 37.
Like who has chased everythingand has been very, um, like I'm
always doing and pushing, andlike, obviously that I'm I'm now
realizing that is, uh, a partof my conditioning.
The other thing is, um,obviously, before the podcast, I
(03:55):
owned a gym and then, beforethe gym, I managed a few gyms
and then, before that, I was apersonal trainer.
Um, I have always had, I havealways shown up on social media
Always.
I've never taken a break fromit.
(04:17):
And after the gym closed, Iliterally went right into my
mushroom journey and was like Iliterally went right into my
mushroom journey and was likethis is it?
Why isn't anybody talking aboutthis?
We got to go talk about it andwe got to start this podcast and
we got to do this and this andthis and this and this.
Um, so I'll be totally honest,it's been, it's been, harder for
(04:40):
me to show up online,especially after this journey.
Um, really hard and it's it'snot like an insult to to the
podcast or the community that wehave built, and so I don't want
it to sound that way because,like the way, I am so grateful
(05:02):
for plant medicine for you, forour listeners.
Oh shit, it's already starting.
Fuck me.
I really am so thankful and I'mso grateful for all of the
things that have happened inthis journey and all of the
healing and all of theintegration work that I've done
on this road too, but this isnot coming from a place of, like
(05:25):
sadness or depression right now.
It gets clearer and clearer tome every day that I want some
solitude, to give myself theopportunity to just be and not
commit to anything, not doanything, because I have this
(05:46):
opportunity right now.
Um, tony, my boo, he is workingin an.
Uh, he got a new job and he'sworking in Atlanta, and so he
was like listen, I'm, I havethis new job and I'm gone a lot.
So like, if you want to take astep back and like, rest more,
like we have that opportunityright now, and I felt like all
(06:08):
of the stars were aligning.
Um, so it's, it's, it's almostlike it's coming from this place
of empowerment where I amlooking forward to just being
with myself, cause I've neverreally done that before and
seeing what comes up.
I love that and I'm reallyexcited for it.
(06:45):
Mom, be with myself maybe.
Uh, do some things that sparksome creativity and like there's
not a plan and I'm really notplanned, I'm really I, but I've
never not had a plan.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think people in the last few years have have
thought that I'm crazy for nothaving a plan.
Yeah, I would be one of thosepeople and I feel like now
you're like oh yeah, maybe Ishouldn't, also should not have
a plan.
Yeah, and you know and itdoesn't mean that like I don't
(07:27):
have plans for life, sure, Ijust am like I don't know, we'll
see.
Yeah, I don't know what happensnext.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I'm still in that place and we have been MIA, so
it's it's almost like I'm I'mkind of starting to dip my toe
in it right now.
Starting to dip my toe in itright now and I've noticed, like
allowing myself to be certainthings have happened, like
people have gravitated towardsme or things have just been
working out and so I'm likehaving trust in the process.
(07:56):
So it's not this thing whereit's like you know, a lot of
times when I've isolated myselfand withdrawn, it's come from a
place of like being wounded ordepression, where this it's it.
It really like I'm excited tosit with myself and see what
comes up and not feel like Ihave to do this and do that and
do this.
(08:16):
I love that.
So that's where I'm at.
What about you, leah?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, I kind of want to piggyback off of that a
little bit, because I feel likethe more time we've taken away,
the more permission we've givenourselves to take more time away
.
Like at first it was just likewhat if we?
(08:47):
What if we don't put an episodeout this week?
I know what if we wait two weeks?
And then that two weeks turnedinto like what if we just put
one out once a month?
What if we stopped doing?
What if we stop schedulingguests?
It it almost felt like the morepermission we gave ourselves,
the better it felt to step away.
(09:15):
Yeah, hang on.
But I remember when, when, likeafter your journey and you had
you were.
I remember that very vividlybecause we were like you were
very much like we need to dothis and this and this and this
and this and this, and I'm likein the back like what?
This is more like I don't, I'malready burning out and now this
(09:36):
is like more stuff.
And that's why I said that I'mlike hold on, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yeah, no, I'm glad I'm, I'm, I'm really grateful
that you said that, because it'slike I, I had to like I want to
be held accountable when I'mnot like that.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
No, I know.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But like it's, it's been a really hard thing for me
to grasp.
It's been a very hard conceptfor me to grasp.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It was interesting to watch because it was very and I
know it wasn't just with thepodcast Like I know it was like
in life in general, like if wedo A, b, c and D, then I can
relax Right.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Well, and that's the thing too.
It's, it wasn't just thepodcast, it was all the things
that stem from before it too.
Yes, and it was.
You know, the UTIs and therashes and like I did not know
how to just be.
Yeah, and I'm.
I'm now in this place where I'mlike I'm learning.
I'm not perfect, but I'm, I'mlearning.
(10:42):
And then I'm I'm seeing, evenjust now, like things happen for
me, because I'm just allowingit to happen, if that makes
sense.
It makes so much sense, no itreally does to me.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So I guess and this is something that I I said to
you recently too like after Idid my first mushroom journey, I
had like 18 months to play, Iknow, and to kind of like.
I took pottery classes, I tookjewelry classes.
(11:15):
I started like playing withlike fucking concrete art and
like I really just jumped aroundand to the point that, like to
the outside world it probablylooked like I was having an
identity crisis and it wasbecause I was like, not in the
way that like I was freaking outabout who I was, but I was
(11:37):
trying to find the intention wasvery different.
Yeah, like, I'm like.
So I remember at the time myhusband, I would start doing
something.
He's like you should do thatand sell it.
And I'm like I don't want to dothat and sell it.
I just want to do it.
Yeah, not for any other reasonthan to just get my hands dirty
and learn a new craft and getcreative and learn how to be
(12:00):
messy, cause.
This is another thing too.
Learn how to be messy, causethis is another thing too.
Um, little side note here Um, Inever let my kids get messy,
like.
I didn't let them help me cleanor or like or not clean, clean,
not clean.
I didn't let them help me bake,I didn't let them help me do
arts and crafts, like everythinghad to be picked up.
(12:24):
And now you come over and myhouse is always a mess.
But I remember, like goingthrough the shift where it was
like, no, I need to let themplay.
I don't play because I makemesses and messes are okay.
But during that time, like that18 months, like I, I, I was kind
(12:44):
of forced into solitude becauseit was during COVID and
everything anyway.
But I was okay with that.
And I said to you I don't thinkyou got that opportunity
because we jumped right intothis.
Yeah, and I'm not saying thatthat was a bad thing either, it
(13:05):
was meant to happen.
How it happened?
Yes, I think it's been afucking trip.
Like it is felt like a journey,like the two of us learning and
exploring together.
(13:26):
And here's the thing too, like Ithink for a very long time I
didn't think I could do it alone, so I always had to have
somebody like exploring anddoing things with me.
I'm just now having thisrealization, and so you're the
only other three, five that Iknow.
So, like the fact that I amalways down.
(13:51):
That's what I'm saying.
Like I'm like you are alwaysdown.
Like hey, you want to go doayahuasca?
Fuck, yeah, I do.
Like I don't have anybody elsewho's willing to jump into
something new, same like anexperience like that.
Like all hands on deck, let'sfucking go Um.
And it's not to say I don'thave friends in this space, like
(14:13):
I, just the three five in mesees the three five in you like
we are all about, likeexperiencing life at its fullest
and experiencing things forourself.
And if you're not into humandesign, the three in human
(14:33):
design is like an experimenter.
I have a child who was a three,austin.
Oh, not shocking at all, likeif, if you tell him something's
hot, he wants to touch it to seehow hot for himself.
He asked me the other day if hecould help me cut onions,
because he's always wanted toknow what makes people cry when
(14:54):
they cut onions.
And I'm like, oh my God, he'ssuch a three Like.
He just wants to experience it,like you can't tell him that
you'll cry when you cut onions.
He wants to know why, and hewants to experience it for
himself.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
And I think that that's how you and I are, and I
kind of want to piggyback onthat because, yes, I am that way
, but I think it's verydifferent now, since being on my
healing journey, and so I wantto explore more of that because,
you were talking about like youdid all these projects I have.
(15:28):
I was somebody who I also didn'tdo things because I didn't want
to get dirty or messy.
Um, I never cooked, I never didthis.
And now I have a different like.
I want to get dirty and messyand I want to.
Yeah, maybe in high school andcollege I experimented, but it
was like drinking, like thosetypes of things where now it's
(15:52):
coming from a more likeempowered and healed place.
So it's like I literally got atext message I was interested in
learning how to be a DJ and gotgot a text where from the the
like like I was looking atdifferent places and they texted
(16:12):
me and they're like hey, likewould you be interested in doing
DJ lessons?
And I'm like I could so seemyself doing that.
I've been curious about likesound baths and doing something
with that, or like I don't.
I don't know and it's notsaying that I'm going to do that
(16:33):
, but there's just thiscuriosity there and I have this
opportunity and I kind of wantto like well, how do you?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
know if you're not playing with those things.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Well, and I never thought that I was creative.
I was just that person who I'mlike.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
It's not just with you.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I felt my stepdaughter says it as well,
but you're so creative, well, I.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I've done a lot of digging to find that creativity.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Well, and then, when we started getting investment
properties and then I starteddecorating them.
People were like you're, likeyou're, you keep getting better
and better at this, Like you'rereally creative.
And that was the first timesomeone, people, had told me
that I was creative, and so thatwas almost like a little seed
that got planted.
(17:19):
I'm like, well, I was some.
I was well, I grew up poor, soI was always the kid who never
had decorations in their room inhigh school and college and
never got into that stuffbecause I couldn't afford it.
And so I'm like, oh, I'm kindof creative, like I do kind of
have good ideas, like what elsecan I do with that creativity
(17:41):
that I didn't even know or Ididn't get to experiment with?
And like, what if I do trysomething new and I'm super
creative with it?
Or what if I do something andI'm not good at it?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Okay, so then I can try something else, or I can get
better at it, or you know,learn something from that
experience, that that you takewith you to try something
different, like that's howcreativity works, that's how
power in play happens, like youjust play and figure out as you
(18:17):
go what resonates with you andwhat doesn't.
And I also think there's a lotof healing in allowing yourself
to play, yeah, and get messy andget creative.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
And I don't know if any of your kids had like
sensory issues with liketouching things.
Yeah, my oldest Okay, well, Irealize my son has those, but I
also have those so I don't likeshit.
So maybe this is an like, so hedoes these things in ot and
(18:51):
maybe this is an opportunity forme to also not go to an
occupational therapist but tofigure it out to to touch things
that are dirty, or to touchthings that are slimy, or to get
like to get, get dirty, getmessy, get dirty and it be okay,
maybe messy is the better wordfor you Cause I know that you
(19:13):
have some.
I have some weird things withstuff Dirty.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I get that.
I understand that messy to meis a little bit different than
dirty, yes, but get messy getmessy.
Yeah, and I've, I've neverreally done that when I think as
a, I'm still a little bit of aperfectionist and that's just
part of my human design and Ican never like that'll never go
(19:36):
away.
I can't help that Like that'sliterally like something that I
learned recently is just part ofwho I am.
I can't help that Like that'sliterally like something that I
learned recently is just part ofwho I am.
I can never get rid of all ofthat.
Um, but one of the lessons forme in like creating was just
that it like it doesn't alwayshave to be perfect, and
sometimes when it's not as whenit's better like my sweatshirt
(19:57):
like your sweatshirt you guys.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Leah made this sweatshirt, it's's so, and she
had a hard time because it'sit's random patches on it.
It's not like perfectly lined,but that's kind of I love it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And then mine is just bloop because I I have such a
hard time with like, yeah, notdoing a pattern or making
something uneven.
And who was I saying that to?
This past weekend, at yourbirthday party, I was saying to
someone like I love a gallerywall but I can't do it.
(20:31):
I won't do it Like someone elsecan do it and I can appreciate
it and I can love it, like froma distance, but like for me, it
would it.
They would all be even and likeperfectly lined up.
That would be my gallery wall.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah.
So, I mean this gallery wall ispretty amazing.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Literally proving my point here.
I didn't do this.
Someone else had the fullcreative freedom for this, but,
um, let me, okay.
So I want to go back a littlebit too, because I think that
we're both in a season of liferight now where, um, life looks
different for us.
(21:11):
Yeah, um, one of the things thathappened this year is our
school took the bus buses away,and I don't think I've ever
talked about that on herebecause it has nothing to do
with, like psychedelics orhealing, um, but for the first
time ever, I am a carpool mom,and that, as you know, I'm in
(21:35):
the car so often and it's a lot,oh yeah, and while your boo is
working in Atlanta, my boo isstill in his second year of law
school, almost going into histhird year of law school.
He's gone three nights, threedays a week.
(21:57):
It's a lot, and I couldn't workright now even if I wanted to.
I think it's a blessing, though, because someone's got to
wrangle these kids and I'm ableto do that, with that being said
, when school started this yearand without the bus system and
(22:19):
me being in the car as often, Ihave a lot less free time than I
did last year, and so thethought of like here's another
thing.
I don't know if our listenersknow either, but like we do
everything from content toediting, to reaching out to
(22:43):
people, to scheduling Calls,calls, trip sitting.
We do all of it ourselves, andit was starting to feel
overwhelming, something thatused to be so easy to knock out
in a day or two, like now.
I'm like fuck, I just like, Iliterally just want to lay here
(23:05):
and do nothing because I'mexhausted.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, I've never not been on social media in some
capacity, because it was, ohyeah, that's what we were
talking about too.
Yeah, like managing a gym,being a personal trainer, owning
a gym, like, and it's you know.
I feel like if you are anentrepreneur, you're, you have a
social media presence.
You have to kind of you kind ofhave to, but it was.
I think it was getting reallyhard for the both of us to keep
(23:30):
up, show up, show up, becausesometimes I'm like I don't know
what I want to say, and now I'min this point where I've been
given a little bit of solitudeand alone time, and now I'm in
this place where I can't getenough of it.
I want more and more and moreof it.
So then showing up online feelseven more inauthentic.
(23:53):
And it's not to say we don'tlove our followers, or but
social media is a hard.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Like it's like you're forcing yourself to show up.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Kind of and and and.
Social media can be a hardthing place to be on and show up
.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I have a love hate relationship with social media
and I didn't even think aboutthis until you said it, but,
like you know, I had a waxingbusiness for 12 years and so I
had to keep that page up andrunning and posting before and
afters and keeping peopleengaged and and we have always
(24:30):
had multiple pages, which is anever.
I just want to have one page,like I never post my kids
because I don't have the time orthe energy.
Not saying that I should orshouldn't, but like I just want
to exist on my own page for onceand not have multiple pages.
Cause, you're right, like I'veall, like we've always had a
(24:54):
different page to have to manage.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah, and I don't know if you ever experienced
this, but it was starting to getto a point, too, where I
noticed like I would be tryingto come up with content or
trying to come up with somethingto say on social media and I'm
like, oh, mike, really kind of Icould be hanging out with my
(25:17):
child, but I'm like on my phonethinking of what to say or to
post and, um, I want to justgive myself a break from that.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Do you know how many times my kids have called me out
for being on my phone and I'vebeen like I'm literally editing
a post right now.
I'm not like scrolling and I Idon't even think about that, but
I'm like, I'm working, I'm notplaying on my phone, I'm working
.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
But they don't know the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
They don't know the difference and it is.
It is what it kind of did.
It was just like I'm just nowhaving that realization.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I think the way that things are with social media is
it.
It can be really toxic.
I like my algorithm, mypersonal algorithm.
I love it.
Same Like.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I and I love to see you on the other side's
algorithm as well.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, we have a good algorithm too.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, yeah, and it's, it's kind of wild because you
kind of build your own algorithm, you know, but like I like just
seeing what I want to see, yeah, but I also really really like
again the more time that I'vesat on this, I want to take like
a really really clean breakfrom social media, like I'm
(26:38):
dying to take it and I've justbeen waiting for us to record
this episode.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
So we can finally start.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
And finally be like OK, so we're like taking a
little break for you knowwhatever, but and just see how
that feels and and you know whatthat does and what the things
that I can do with my timewithout being on it and like
just I feel like people alwaysthink that something's wrong
because you take a break fromsocial media and sometimes I
(27:07):
actually think the completeopposite, it's the opposite so,
like, actually, I'm just, I'mjust, I'm vibing, vibing with my
show, with myself.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Another thing I was thinking about is um, damn it, I
lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Keep talking, you go um, I'll figure it out keep
talking you go um, I'll figureit out.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
What.
What are?
So we're obviously taking okay,go ahead.
I remember I said this to youthe other day.
Um, there is a a point you getto when you're on a healing
journey where it's like in thebeginning it becomes your
identity.
Yeah, like you're like I'm on ahealing journey, I'm on a
healing journey and this is whatI'm.
It's like in the beginning.
It becomes your identity.
Yeah, Like you're like I'm on ahealing journey, I'm on a
healing journey and this is whatI'm doing and there is nothing
wrong with that.
(27:58):
I think it's part of theprocess.
I really do.
I think it's part of theprocess.
But there also comes a pointwhere you're like I just want to
take a break.
I don't want to be learning allof this stuff.
I want to go down other likedifferent.
I want to go down some funrabbit holes.
I want to go.
I don't want to be learningabout, like narcissistic
(28:20):
behavior or you know, all ofthese ways to heal right now,
because I'm like this is goingto sound crazy, but where I am
in my life right now feels good.
I don't need to do like anayahuasca journey.
(28:41):
I don't need to to learn abouta different modality of healing,
Like, um I don't know if thatsounds bad or not no, I'm like I
did a breath work sessionrecently and they were like we
will get more benefits if you dolike once a week and I'm like,
but I don't need it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, and I'm glad you saidthat and my life is good right
(29:04):
now and peaceful, and it feelslike the last three years of
really hard work is like I'mreaping the benefits of that.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, when we had Megan Sylvester on.
Yeah, that was a really goodepisode because she brought that
up.
I'm going to have to re-listento that, because healing is not
just about doing like the heavyshit.
It also can be just likelearning to be taking a break
(29:35):
laughing joy Instead of readinga book about narcissism, you're
reading a smut book instead,Like I think I forgot about that
episode.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, and finding pleasure.
Um, so it is, it's.
It's this weird thing where Ifeel like we have like again, I
cannot stress enough the waythat we have we've interviewed
so many wonderful people.
I feel like each episode hasbeen integration and we learn
(30:04):
new things with each interviewwe have and each guest we have
on, and when it's just us and weget to laugh and all of those
things.
But I think there is alsosomething to say with not always
having to talk about that stuffand allowing yourself to have a
break to just be, don't talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Be it, Is that a thing?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So a thing, a saying don't, don't talk, about it Be
it.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Is that a thing, is that a saying?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Don't, don't talk about it, be about it, there it
is.
Thank you yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yeah, that's what it feels like.
It's like instead of likepreaching this stuff and and
like just existing in what we'velearned over the last three
years and and embodying it inour day-to-day life.
Yeah, it feels good, like it.
(30:57):
It feels and I know that, likeI feel I don't want to speak on
your behalf, but I do feel likethis past year, for the two of
us in our like lives has, liveshas, has felt good.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yes, we all have very parallel lives.
Have you ever noticed that?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
A hundred percent.
Yes, I've noticed it's likeit's kind of wild.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I'm dealing with a narcissist.
Congrats, you are too, let'sget through this together.
Your husband is in law school,congrats.
Mine's working in Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Right, oh, now we have a single time, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it is a lot of parallels,but it got to a point where okay
, I'm like you know you would.
You would send me things causeyou would go down these rabbit
holes and I'd be like, oh, Idon't want to read this book
about the DSM-5.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
And that is not a fun book, by the way.
I know that's a terrible book,that's not a book to read.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I don't want to read a book about psychedelics.
I don't want to read a bookabout narcissistic personality
disorder.
I want to read a book aboutfairies having sex with each
other.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Okay, allie, we've met some awesome.
I want to read a book aboutfairies having sex with each
other.
Okay, allie, we've met someawesome people on this journey.
Love you, allie.
That was not a dig, that was acompliment.
She knows that.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
But it is.
It's like I want to do somearts and crafts at my house when
we get us at school.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, I want to take a nap.
I don't want to have to like goto a sound bath or that does
sound fun.
If I want to go, I'll go.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
But I think there has maybe been a little bit of
pressure for us to continue toexperiment with those things.
Experiment and we were thego-tos where it's like okay,
they're going to do a mushroomjourney, and then we're going to
hear all about it.
And they're going to doayahuasca and we're going to
(32:54):
hear all about it, and thenthey're going to do Hoppe, and
then we're going to hear allabout how they were puking their
guts out, and then Christinefell asleep during the interview
afterwards that actuallyhappened.
It really did.
We didn't put that one outthere.
We should air it, though werescheduled.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
There's a part of me that thinks we should air it.
That would be hilarious.
It is on our YouTube.
It's just private.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
We should put it out there, we should make it public.
Make it public.
Jappe fucked my ass up.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
You're right.
And so now we've just kind ofreached this plateau where we're
like I don't want to have to doall of that right now yeah, it
doesn't mean I'm never going to,and maybe we do.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
It's we do it privately.
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe we do it's we do itprivately, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, but that's that'skind of where I'm at, and I feel
like we are leaving this veryopen ended.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I I, I do feel like that and I and I think that it's
not giving very many answers.
It's not, but we don't know theanswer.
We can't give an answer when wedon't know an answer.
It's not, but we don't know theanswer.
We can't give an answer when wedon't know an answer.
So, and I love that we're goingto kind of have to leave this
open ended.
This is what what go ahead.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
I was just going to say finish your thought, but I
want you to also share with ourlisteners something that you've
been up to during this time.
Okay, I think that's important.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Um I have been working on my human design
certificates, working through mytraining, the way that I'm
going to use you.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Oh my God, use me so hard.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I mean, here's the thing.
Like this is another like oh myGod.
I think back on like one of thefirst few episodes we did,
where we were just figuring outwhat human design was, and how
much I have like immersed myselfin that over the last three
years.
I am finally, finally, finallyand I started these classes like
(34:41):
in August, but like it's my ownpace I'll sit in the carpool
line.
I sit in carpool line for likean hour and a half to two hours
every day and I just like well,sometimes I have the capacity to
like listen and take notes, andother times I'm listening to a
podcast.
That's another thing too.
We I listened to a lot ofpodcasts to learn information to
bring to our podcast, and sonow it'll be really good to just
(35:05):
listen to like shit I want tolisten to.
That's not learning.
I don't want to learn.
I don't want to be learning allthe time.
So, yeah, I'm excited because Idon't know when I'll be done
because, like I said, it's likemy own pace.
But I think if you've been along time listener, you know
(35:27):
this is something that I'm likesuper passionate about and was
kind of afraid to do the jumpinto it.
I had a lot of impostersyndrome about it.
You do, I do and you you don't.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
You're right to piggyback off of off of what you
said earlier.
You do not like to do thingsalone.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I really don't, but bitch, you're the trailblazer.
You're going to do things alone.
I think that's the.
That's the scary part aboutbeing a manifester is that, like
you're, you don't have anybodyto follow and you don't have
anybody to hold your hand.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, so that's your conditioning.
It's now I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
It's a really weird place to be.
Yeah, why is that making me cry?
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I think, because I think, because if you've been
conditioned to like follow, yeah, and be a follower and cause,
manifestors are the biggestpeople pleasers, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Could the conditioned manifestor Right?
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Right, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
So and I still there are still parts of me that are
that way- Totally.
It's been.
It's been really hard to not be.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah, it's weird because you have this weird
thing with like sticking out oryou need somebody by your side
and I don't like to stick out.
Yeah, you with your pink hair.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Oh my God, First off, let me that doesn't stick out
at all.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
I no, but I think in those ways those are.
Those ways are safe for you.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah.
You know, yeah, it's hair, it'shair.
Everybody has pink hair.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
No, but it big steps.
Yeah, I think that it's harderfor you and you have like I
think I've been somebody who hasbeen great at like holding your
hand and being like bitch, youcan do this, like you're a
badass, like go get them.
But now I'm like go get themand I'm still going to be
rooting you on, but this is you.
(37:18):
Yeah, this is all you.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
This is all me.
Yeah, it's terrifying, totally.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
But how awesome is that.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Oh my God, are you like a guru or something.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I'm a projector bitch , bitch projector yeah, so I'm
your guide.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
I think that that's like that's what's next for me,
and I guess what I can say, whatI can leave our listeners with,
is we're still gonna hold on tothe platforms for now.
I think it'll be.
Really I don't want to letthose go.
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
That's like that's our baby, like we built that,
and and what if we giveourselves some solitude and
we're like you know what?
Okay, so there's this person onTik TOK who is literally
running 500 miles on mushroomsand LSD.
Oh yeah, I'm like they're doinga documentary about it.
They're doing a documentary.
We've been talking to them andI'm like shit, leo, we're taking
(38:17):
a break, but this person soundsfascinating.
We might interview them, wemight, I don't know, but they
sound super interesting.
There might be a time where I'min my social media hibernation
and then I feel like postingsomething and I do, and it's not
about the likes, it's not aboutthe engagement, it's about like
(38:39):
I just not about like keepingup with, like the algorithm and
weekly posts and I love thepeople who have helped us along
the way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
but we have had there were a lot of rules.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We have had people who helped us with our social
media and that is what they weresupposed to do.
I totally understand that it'sit's definitely not a knock on
them, but it was like you haveto post this many times, three,
many times, three times a weekon Instagram and you have to
post at least once a day, and ithas to be engaging and you have
to do these hashtags you can,you need to post stories on
(39:12):
instagram, but not too manystories because then it's too
smothering, but not no stories,because you need engagement.
And it got to a point where I'mlike this isn't us, it doesn't
feel authentic.
It doesn't feel authentic andit's not us.
And also the entire point ofour podcast is learning to kind
of be you, do your own thing anddo your own thing and be the
(39:36):
most authentic version of you,and I don't want to follow a
fucking algorithm.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Okay, so here's what I can say to that Like I have
like wanted to post somethingevery now and then about like
psychedelics or healing and thatdoesn't live on my personal
page.
Like I don't want to put thaton.
Not that I don't put that stuffon a personal page I do but I'm
like you know what?
The co toast page would be agood place for this, but we're
(40:03):
taking a break right now so I'mnot gonna post it.
But you don't have to put ruleson it, that's what I'm saying,
even if I take, it'll feelreally good to just post just
whenever, randomly often or notoften at all, and have no rules
or expectations around it.
You know, um, I will say likemaybe we're probably not going
to be checking the dms as much,but that got sometimes got
(40:26):
overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
overwhelmingming Because we did.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
We got a.
There were some deep, heavyconversations in there, yeah,
where the responses would belike a mile long and I love that
, but it would get to the likeit started to get overwhelming
because it happened so oftenwith a lot of people, not just
one or two.
So no rules, no expectations.
(40:51):
We are not rule followerseither.
We might show up and we mightnot, but what I would encourage
all of our listeners to do,because we're both kind of doing
our own things right now followour personal pages to.
If you are curious about wherewe are and where we're going
(41:12):
next.
Is that a good way to say that?
Yeah, okay, do you haveanything you want to say?
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Um, if you do follow me personally and I'm, am I on
Instagram.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Oh yeah, you're taking a break.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
It's because I'm hibernating and I'm crafting and
doing the things, but I'm good,I promise, um, but yeah, doing
the things, but I'm good, Ipromise, but yeah, like I.
I think the biggest thing thatI want to say is we've known
each other for a minute now.
(41:44):
It's been like a decade.
It's been a decade and I wantyou to hold my hand.
Oh God, no, I really am sograteful for, like this journey
Cause it has it's been like afucking trip and to have a
friend in this space whereyou're doing mushrooms, you're
(42:06):
doing ayahuasca, you're you'regoing on retreats, you're having
these conversations, you'redoing integration work with
somebody who you consider yourbest friend, Like not many.
A lot of messages that we'vegotten have been like I don't
have anybody to do this with,yeah, and the fact that I get to
do this with you, like I get tocome to your house and have
(42:28):
these conversations, I get to dohot bay with you and you watch
me like fall asleep during aninterview, like I get to do all
this stuff, I really am like sograteful for this friendship
because it is unlike any otherfriendship that I have ever had
and that is so special to me andI hope that you know that, like
(42:49):
I would not have done any ofthis stuff without you.
But I really mean that I loveyou for that and I really like I
think about all of the growththat we have had in just these
three years.
And I looked up to you and Isaw, like this version of you,
(43:14):
and I'm like, oh my God, I wantto do this, I want to be this,
and like, but you are all ofthem, I know, I know I am, and
but now it's like we aretogether, you know, and not very
many people have friendshipslike that on this level, where
it's like we've, we've we'vegone through some deep shit in
this last three years, causeit's a lot of healing and a lot
(43:36):
of work that we've done, andlike, really, like I'm so
grateful where I'm at and I'vedone that journey with you.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
So I feel like you are so much better at words than
I am right now.
I don't know about that.
I don't know about that.
Well, I take I need some timeto think about what to say.
That's what happens with me.
But, like Dr Sheely in our lastinterview said something about
having a journey partner andactually I don't even think he
said it in the interview, Ithink he said it like after we
stopped recording.
Oh yeah, and I am using thatbecause the last three years
(44:17):
with you have been life changing, incredible, and I didn't even
know that journey partner waslike a word or a phrase.
I love that.
I feel like you've been myjourney partner through all of
this, and hopefully we can belifelong journey partners.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Fuck Tony and Jason.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
No like they don't journey with me.
Like this Like you want to godo some ayahuasca, Jason's like
I don't know, I'll think aboutit and I'm like yeah, when sign
me up, let's go.
Let's go right now, dmt, okay,Right, like, whatever you want
to do, babe, I got you.
So I I feel like you wereforever, like you were locked in
(45:00):
with me Sorry, anything newthat comes up like I'm.
You're the first person I'mcalling to see.
If you want to go, do itAbsolutely, and it doesn't even
have to be like it doesn't haveto just be psychedelics.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
No, but no.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
We go in.
I just want to experience lifeman.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Yeah, all the good, all the bad.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And I also think in the last three years we've
really seen each other in someof our lowest lows but also our
highest highs, and those havebeen incredible to like witness
and to watch.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
um, I do have a surprise hold on, oh my god it's
not a table oh, my, oh, my godhold on, hold mine okay what is
(45:59):
it?
What is it?
What is it?
Speaker 2 (46:04):
hell, yes, we're gonna do.
We're gonna do a toast, sincewe don't drink.
Yeah, we're to do a toast.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Since we don't drink.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Yeah, we're going to do a toast with the psychedelic
water Link in bio.
What flavor is it?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Raspberry blackberry yuzu.
Okay, sounds amazing.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
I want this to be a toast for our community too.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Jesus.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Sorry, that's a lot.
This is like a very big toast.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
God, what do you want me to?
Fucking chug this, yeah, chugit.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
We'll have so much gas.
Don't drink it yet.
Don't drink it yet.
I'm not going to Okay.
Okay, we have met someincredible people in the last
three years.
We fucking have.
We have had some incredibleconversations with amazing
(47:04):
people.
Um, we have witnessed eachother's growth, which is, I hope
, one day, everybody canexperience that, because that
has been like the best part forme, like watching someone grow
with you, and I think the thingthat's been incredible about
(47:27):
that is that we also know thaton this journey, you lose a lot
of people.
That is that we also know thaton this journey, you lose a lot
of people.
So thank you for like keepingit going, for keeping on growing
.
So this is to the last threeyears to see you on the other
(47:49):
side, to who knows what comesnext, who fucking knows?
To being curious, to stayingopen, and to our listeners and
the community that we've built,and we hope you guys stick
around for whatever comes.
That's all I got.
That was beautiful.
See you guys on the other side.
Aw, I love you, love you.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
I hope everyone finds if you're a golden retriever,
their feral cat, and if you're agolden retriever, their feral
cat, and then if you're a feralcat, their golden retriever,
where you can kind of meet inthe middle.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah, because I think you've become a little bit of a
golden retriever, a little bit,I mean A little bit, maybe, a
little bit Maybe I got a littlebit of feral cat in me.
Yeah, you got some Cali energy.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
You know Lydia Leah, she is not one to be fucked with
.
Don't fuck with Lydia.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Leah, do not fuck with Lydia.
Leah, and we'll leave it atthat.
Okay, thank you guys.
We love you.
We'll see what happens.
Yeah, see you guys on the otherside, all right, cheers.
Okay, oh my God, hello everyone.
Hi.
Have you guys missed us?
I feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I've missed you guys.
I've missed you and you, I'veseen you.
Yes, but yes, yeah, I feel likethere's probably a lot of
speculation happening.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We have a lot of explaining to do.
We've been a little MIA and Ifeel like sometimes when people
go MIA, especially on socialmedia, you kind of create like
your own narrative oh, a hundredpercent, Like we had a message
where they were like are youguys?
Okay, Like where are you?
And I'm like well, we'll tellyou guys soon, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, so I guess this is that episode.
Yeah, oh God, I don't even knowwhere to start.
Okay, well, first off, let'sjust kind of set the scene.
Where have you been?
Is that a good place to start?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay.
So I've told everyone this.
Um, if you haven't listened tothose episodes, I did a journey
in July and that journey wasabout me being a projector and
me learning to not do and tojust be.
(01:31):
And if you are not, if you area conditioned projector, you are
probably like what the fuckdoes that mean?
And so all of my journeysbefore that, they clicked.
They really made sense, like Iknew what to do and I knew how
to integrate.
This was the opposite, and youcalled me out on this.
(01:55):
Did I?
Yes, you did, which is it wasgood.
I needed to hear it.
Like I, I like to be called out.
What'd I say?
You said that after thatjourney, I was like, okay, I'm
going to do this, I'm going todo this, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do this, so then Ican be, and you're like, um, I
(02:15):
love you, but you're still,you're like, doing that's a very
that's.
It's been a very hard conceptfor me.
I remember saying that.
But I didn't realize like thatstuck with you, like that oh,
absolutely, it very much so did,because I wasn't intentionally,
(02:37):
I was trying to be, but stilltrying to do things to then be
yeah, um, and so that has been ahard, a really hard thing for
me to integrate Um.
And then I did a human designreading with uh, nadia, she's
wonderful Um, and that also cameup of doing less learning to be
(03:02):
more um, don't have to chasethings, things are just going to
come to me if I just kind ofhave that trust in being um
which I think I sent you a meme.
Well, I've probably shared itmultiple times, but that's like
you have sent me 300 000 memesand vice versa.
Which one are?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
you talking about the one that's like I don't chase,
I attract yes.
Vice versa, which one are youtalking about?
The one that's like I don'tchase, I attract yes.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And it seems, when you've been chasing your whole
life yeah, I'm 37.
Like who has chased everythingand has been very, um, like I'm
always doing and pushing, andlike, obviously that I'm I'm now
realizing that is, uh, a partof my conditioning.
The other thing is, um,obviously, before the podcast, I
(03:55):
owned a gym and then, beforethe gym, I managed a few gyms
and then, before that, I was apersonal trainer.
Um, I have always had, I havealways shown up on social media
Always.
I've never taken a break fromit.
(04:17):
And after the gym closed, Iliterally went right into my
mushroom journey and was like Iliterally went right into my
mushroom journey and was likethis is it?
Why isn't anybody talking aboutthis?
We got to go talk about it andwe got to start this podcast and
we got to do this and this andthis and this and this.
Um, so I'll be totally honest,it's been, it's been, harder for
(04:40):
me to show up online,especially after this journey.
Um, really hard and it's it'snot like an insult to to the
podcast or the community that wehave built, and so I don't want
it to sound that way because,like the way, I am so grateful
(05:02):
for plant medicine for you, forour listeners.
Oh shit, it's already starting.
Fuck me.
I really am so thankful and I'mso grateful for all of the
things that have happened inthis journey and all of the
healing and all of theintegration work that I've done
on this road too, but this isnot coming from a place of, like
(05:25):
sadness or depression right now.
It gets clearer and clearer tome every day that I want some
solitude, to give myself theopportunity to just be and not
commit to anything, not doanything, because I have this
(05:46):
opportunity right now.
Um, tony, my boo, he is workingin an.
Uh, he got a new job and he'sworking in Atlanta, and so he
was like listen, I'm, I havethis new job and I'm gone a lot.
So like, if you want to take astep back and like, rest more,
like we have that opportunityright now, and I felt like all
(06:08):
of the stars were aligning.
Um, so it's, it's, it's almostlike it's coming from this place
of empowerment where I amlooking forward to just being
with myself, cause I've neverreally done that before and
seeing what comes up.
I love that and I'm reallyexcited for it.
(06:45):
Mom, be with myself maybe.
Uh, do some things that sparksome creativity and like there's
not a plan and I'm really notplanned, I'm really I, but I've
never not had a plan.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think people in the last few years have have
thought that I'm crazy for nothaving a plan.
Yeah, I would be one of thosepeople and I feel like now
you're like oh yeah, maybe Ishouldn't, also should not have
a plan.
Yeah, and you know and itdoesn't mean that like I don't
(07:27):
have plans for life, sure, Ijust am like I don't know, we'll
see.
Yeah, I don't know what happensnext.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I'm still in that place and we have been MIA, so
it's it's almost like I'm I'mkind of starting to dip my toe
in it right now.
Starting to dip my toe in itright now and I've noticed, like
allowing myself to be certainthings have happened, like
people have gravitated towardsme or things have just been
working out and so I'm likehaving trust in the process.
(07:56):
So it's not this thing whereit's like you know, a lot of
times when I've isolated myselfand withdrawn, it's come from a
place of like being wounded ordepression, where this it's it.
It really like I'm excited tosit with myself and see what
comes up and not feel like Ihave to do this and do that and
do this.
(08:16):
I love that.
So that's where I'm at.
What about you, leah?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, I kind of want to piggyback off of that a
little bit, because I feel likethe more time we've taken away,
the more permission we've givenourselves to take more time away
.
Like at first it was just likewhat if we?
(08:47):
What if we don't put an episodeout this week?
I know what if we wait two weeks?
And then that two weeks turnedinto like what if we just put
one out once a month?
What if we stopped doing?
What if we stop schedulingguests?
It it almost felt like the morepermission we gave ourselves,
the better it felt to step away.
(09:15):
Yeah, hang on.
But I remember when, when, likeafter your journey and you had
you were.
I remember that very vividlybecause we were like you were
very much like we need to dothis and this and this and this
and this and this, and I'm likein the back like what?
This is more like I don't, I'malready burning out and now this
(09:36):
is like more stuff.
And that's why I said that I'mlike hold on, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yeah, no, I'm glad I'm, I'm, I'm really grateful
that you said that, because it'slike I, I had to like I want to
be held accountable when I'mnot like that.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
No, I know.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
But like it's, it's been a really hard thing for me
to grasp.
It's been a very hard conceptfor me to grasp.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It was interesting to watch because it was very and I
know it wasn't just with thepodcast Like I know it was like
in life in general, like if wedo A, b, c and D, then I can
relax Right.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Well, and that's the thing too.
It's, it wasn't just thepodcast, it was all the things
that stem from before it too.
Yes, and it was.
You know, the UTIs and therashes and like I did not know
how to just be.
Yeah, and I'm.
I'm now in this place where I'mlike I'm learning.
I'm not perfect, but I'm, I'mlearning.
(10:42):
And then I'm I'm seeing, evenjust now, like things happen for
me, because I'm just allowingit to happen, if that makes
sense.
It makes so much sense, no itreally does to me.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So I guess and this is something that I I said to
you recently too like after Idid my first mushroom journey, I
had like 18 months to play, Iknow, and to kind of like.
I took pottery classes, I tookjewelry classes.
(11:15):
I started like playing withlike fucking concrete art and
like I really just jumped aroundand to the point that, like to
the outside world it probablylooked like I was having an
identity crisis and it wasbecause I was like, not in the
way that like I was freaking outabout who I was, but I was
(11:37):
trying to find the intention wasvery different.
Yeah, like, I'm like.
So I remember at the time myhusband, I would start doing
something.
He's like you should do thatand sell it.
And I'm like I don't want to dothat and sell it.
I just want to do it.
Yeah, not for any other reasonthan to just get my hands dirty
and learn a new craft and getcreative and learn how to be
(12:00):
messy, cause.
This is another thing too.
Learn how to be messy, causethis is another thing too.
Um, little side note here Um, Inever let my kids get messy,
like.
I didn't let them help me cleanor or like or not clean, clean,
not clean.
I didn't let them help me bake,I didn't let them help me do
arts and crafts, like everythinghad to be picked up.
(12:24):
And now you come over and myhouse is always a mess.
But I remember, like goingthrough the shift where it was
like, no, I need to let themplay.
I don't play because I makemesses and messes are okay.
But during that time, like that18 months, like I, I, I was kind
(12:44):
of forced into solitude becauseit was during COVID and
everything anyway.
But I was okay with that.
And I said to you I don't thinkyou got that opportunity
because we jumped right intothis.
Yeah, and I'm not saying thatthat was a bad thing either, it
(13:05):
was meant to happen.
How it happened?
Yes, I think it's been afucking trip.
Like it is felt like a journey,like the two of us learning and
exploring together.
(13:26):
And here's the thing too, like Ithink for a very long time I
didn't think I could do it alone, so I always had to have
somebody like exploring anddoing things with me.
I'm just now having thisrealization, and so you're the
only other three, five that Iknow.
So, like the fact that I amalways down.
(13:51):
That's what I'm saying.
Like I'm like you are alwaysdown.
Like hey, you want to go doayahuasca?
Fuck, yeah, I do.
Like I don't have anybody elsewho's willing to jump into
something new, same like anexperience like that.
Like all hands on deck, let'sfucking go Um.
And it's not to say I don'thave friends in this space, like
(14:13):
I, just the three five in mesees the three five in you like
we are all about, likeexperiencing life at its fullest
and experiencing things forourself.
And if you're not into humandesign, the three in human
(14:33):
design is like an experimenter.
I have a child who was a three,austin.
Oh, not shocking at all, likeif, if you tell him something's
hot, he wants to touch it to seehow hot for himself.
He asked me the other day if hecould help me cut onions,
because he's always wanted toknow what makes people cry when
(14:54):
they cut onions.
And I'm like, oh my God, he'ssuch a three Like.
He just wants to experience it,like you can't tell him that
you'll cry when you cut onions.
He wants to know why, and hewants to experience it for
himself.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
And I think that that's how you and I are, and I
kind of want to piggyback onthat because, yes, I am that way
, but I think it's verydifferent now, since being on my
healing journey, and so I wantto explore more of that because,
you were talking about like youdid all these projects I have.
(15:28):
I was somebody who I also didn'tdo things because I didn't want
to get dirty or messy.
Um, I never cooked, I never didthis.
And now I have a different like.
I want to get dirty and messyand I want to.
Yeah, maybe in high school andcollege I experimented, but it
was like drinking, like thosetypes of things where now it's
(15:52):
coming from a more likeempowered and healed place.
So it's like I literally got atext message I was interested in
learning how to be a DJ and gotgot a text where from the the
like like I was looking atdifferent places and they texted
(16:12):
me and they're like hey, likewould you be interested in doing
DJ lessons?
And I'm like I could so seemyself doing that.
I've been curious about likesound baths and doing something
with that, or like I don't.
I don't know and it's notsaying that I'm going to do that
(16:33):
, but there's just thiscuriosity there and I have this
opportunity and I kind of wantto like well, how do you?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
know if you're not playing with those things.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Well, and I never thought that I was creative.
I was just that person who I'mlike.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
It's not just with you.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I felt my stepdaughter says it as well,
but you're so creative, well, I.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I've done a lot of digging to find that creativity.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Well, and then, when we started getting investment
properties and then I starteddecorating them.
People were like you're, likeyou're, you keep getting better
and better at this, Like you'rereally creative.
And that was the first timesomeone, people, had told me
that I was creative, and so thatwas almost like a little seed
that got planted.
(17:19):
I'm like, well, I was some.
I was well, I grew up poor, soI was always the kid who never
had decorations in their room inhigh school and college and
never got into that stuffbecause I couldn't afford it.
And so I'm like, oh, I'm kindof creative, like I do kind of
have good ideas, like what elsecan I do with that creativity
(17:41):
that I didn't even know or Ididn't get to experiment with?
And like, what if I do trysomething new and I'm super
creative with it?
Or what if I do something andI'm not good at it?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Okay, so then I can try something else, or I can get
better at it, or you know,learn something from that
experience, that that you takewith you to try something
different, like that's howcreativity works, that's how
power in play happens, like youjust play and figure out as you
(18:17):
go what resonates with you andwhat doesn't.
And I also think there's a lotof healing in allowing yourself
to play, yeah, and get messy andget creative.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
And I don't know if any of your kids had like
sensory issues with liketouching things.
Yeah, my oldest Okay, well, Irealize my son has those, but I
also have those so I don't likeshit.
So maybe this is an like, so hedoes these things in ot and
(18:51):
maybe this is an opportunity forme to also not go to an
occupational therapist but tofigure it out to to touch things
that are dirty, or to touchthings that are slimy, or to get
like to get, get dirty, getmessy, get dirty and it be okay,
maybe messy is the better wordfor you Cause I know that you
(19:13):
have some.
I have some weird things withstuff Dirty.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I get that.
I understand that messy to meis a little bit different than
dirty, yes, but get messy getmessy.
Yeah, and I've, I've neverreally done that when I think as
a, I'm still a little bit of aperfectionist and that's just
part of my human design and Ican never like that'll never go
(19:36):
away.
I can't help that Like that'sliterally like something that I
learned recently is just part ofwho I am.
I can't help that Like that'sliterally like something that I
learned recently is just part ofwho I am.
I can never get rid of all ofthat.
Um, but one of the lessons forme in like creating was just
that it like it doesn't alwayshave to be perfect, and
sometimes when it's not as whenit's better like my sweatshirt
(19:57):
like your sweatshirt you guys.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Leah made this sweatshirt, it's's so, and she
had a hard time because it'sit's random patches on it.
It's not like perfectly lined,but that's kind of I love it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And then mine is just bloop because I I have such a
hard time with like, yeah, notdoing a pattern or making
something uneven.
And who was I saying that to?
This past weekend, at yourbirthday party, I was saying to
someone like I love a gallerywall but I can't do it.
(20:31):
I won't do it Like someone elsecan do it and I can appreciate
it and I can love it, like froma distance, but like for me, it
would it.
They would all be even and likeperfectly lined up.
That would be my gallery wall.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah.
So, I mean this gallery wall ispretty amazing.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Literally proving my point here.
I didn't do this.
Someone else had the fullcreative freedom for this, but,
um, let me, okay.
So I want to go back a littlebit too, because I think that
we're both in a season of liferight now where, um, life looks
different for us.
(21:11):
Yeah, um, one of the things thathappened this year is our
school took the bus buses away,and I don't think I've ever
talked about that on herebecause it has nothing to do
with, like psychedelics orhealing, um, but for the first
time ever, I am a carpool mom,and that, as you know, I'm in
(21:35):
the car so often and it's a lot,oh yeah, and while your boo is
working in Atlanta, my boo isstill in his second year of law
school, almost going into histhird year of law school.
He's gone three nights, threedays a week.
(21:57):
It's a lot, and I couldn't workright now even if I wanted to.
I think it's a blessing, though, because someone's got to
wrangle these kids and I'm ableto do that, with that being said
, when school started this yearand without the bus system and
(22:19):
me being in the car as often, Ihave a lot less free time than I
did last year, and so thethought of like here's another
thing.
I don't know if our listenersknow either, but like we do
everything from content toediting, to reaching out to
(22:43):
people, to scheduling Calls,calls, trip sitting.
We do all of it ourselves, andit was starting to feel
overwhelming, something thatused to be so easy to knock out
in a day or two, like now.
I'm like fuck, I just like, Iliterally just want to lay here
(23:05):
and do nothing because I'mexhausted.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, I've never not been on social media in some
capacity, because it was, ohyeah, that's what we were
talking about too.
Yeah, like managing a gym,being a personal trainer, owning
a gym, like, and it's you know.
I feel like if you are anentrepreneur, you're, you have a
social media presence.
You have to kind of you kind ofhave to, but it was.
I think it was getting reallyhard for the both of us to keep
(23:30):
up, show up, show up, becausesometimes I'm like I don't know
what I want to say, and now I'min this point where I've been
given a little bit of solitudeand alone time, and now I'm in
this place where I can't getenough of it.
I want more and more and moreof it.
So then showing up online feelseven more inauthentic.
(23:53):
And it's not to say we don'tlove our followers, or but
social media is a hard.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Like it's like you're forcing yourself to show up.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Kind of and and and.
Social media can be a hardthing place to be on and show up
.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I have a love hate relationship with social media
and I didn't even think aboutthis until you said it, but,
like you know, I had a waxingbusiness for 12 years and so I
had to keep that page up andrunning and posting before and
afters and keeping peopleengaged and and we have always
(24:30):
had multiple pages, which is anever.
I just want to have one page,like I never post my kids
because I don't have the time orthe energy.
Not saying that I should orshouldn't, but like I just want
to exist on my own page for onceand not have multiple pages.
Cause, you're right, like I'veall, like we've always had a
(24:54):
different page to have to manage.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah, and I don't know if you ever experienced
this, but it was starting to getto a point, too, where I
noticed like I would be tryingto come up with content or
trying to come up with somethingto say on social media and I'm
like, oh, mike, really kind of Icould be hanging out with my
(25:17):
child, but I'm like on my phonethinking of what to say or to
post and, um, I want to justgive myself a break from that.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Do you know how many times my kids have called me out
for being on my phone and I'vebeen like I'm literally editing
a post right now.
I'm not like scrolling and I Idon't even think about that, but
I'm like, I'm working, I'm notplaying on my phone, I'm working
.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
But they don't know the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
They don't know the difference and it is.
It is what it kind of did.
It was just like I'm just nowhaving that realization.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I think the way that things are with social media is
it.
It can be really toxic.
I like my algorithm, mypersonal algorithm.
I love it.
Same Like.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I and I love to see you on the other side's
algorithm as well.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, we have a good algorithm too.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Yeah, yeah, and it's, it's kind of wild because you
kind of build your own algorithm, you know, but like I like just
seeing what I want to see, yeah, but I also really really like
again the more time that I'vesat on this, I want to take like
a really really clean breakfrom social media, like I'm
(26:38):
dying to take it and I've justbeen waiting for us to record
this episode.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
So we can finally start.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
And finally be like OK, so we're like taking a
little break for you knowwhatever, but and just see how
that feels and and you know whatthat does and what the things
that I can do with my timewithout being on it and like
just I feel like people alwaysthink that something's wrong
because you take a break fromsocial media and sometimes I
(27:07):
actually think the completeopposite, it's the opposite so,
like, actually, I'm just, I'mjust, I'm vibing, vibing with my
show, with myself.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Another thing I was thinking about is um, damn it, I
lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Keep talking, you go um, I'll figure it out keep
talking you go um, I'll figureit out.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
What.
What are?
So we're obviously taking okay,go ahead.
I remember I said this to youthe other day.
Um, there is a a point you getto when you're on a healing
journey where it's like in thebeginning it becomes your
identity.
Yeah, like you're like I'm on ahealing journey, I'm on a
healing journey and this is whatI'm.
It's like in the beginning.
It becomes your identity.
Yeah, Like you're like I'm on ahealing journey, I'm on a
healing journey and this is whatI'm doing and there is nothing
wrong with that.
(27:58):
I think it's part of theprocess.
I really do.
I think it's part of theprocess.
But there also comes a pointwhere you're like I just want to
take a break.
I don't want to be learning allof this stuff.
I want to go down other likedifferent.
I want to go down some funrabbit holes.
I want to go.
I don't want to be learningabout, like narcissistic
(28:20):
behavior or you know, all ofthese ways to heal right now,
because I'm like this is goingto sound crazy, but where I am
in my life right now feels good.
I don't need to do like anayahuasca journey.
(28:41):
I don't need to to learn abouta different modality of healing,
Like, um I don't know if thatsounds bad or not no, I'm like I
did a breath work sessionrecently and they were like we
will get more benefits if you dolike once a week and I'm like,
but I don't need it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, and I'm glad you saidthat and my life is good right
(29:04):
now and peaceful, and it feelslike the last three years of
really hard work is like I'mreaping the benefits of that.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, when we had Megan Sylvester on.
Yeah, that was a really goodepisode because she brought that
up.
I'm going to have to re-listento that, because healing is not
just about doing like the heavyshit.
It also can be just likelearning to be taking a break
(29:35):
laughing joy Instead of readinga book about narcissism, you're
reading a smut book instead,Like I think I forgot about that
episode.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, and finding pleasure.
Um, so it is, it's.
It's this weird thing where Ifeel like we have like again, I
cannot stress enough the waythat we have we've interviewed
so many wonderful people.
I feel like each episode hasbeen integration and we learn
(30:04):
new things with each interviewwe have and each guest we have
on, and when it's just us and weget to laugh and all of those
things.
But I think there is alsosomething to say with not always
having to talk about that stuffand allowing yourself to have a
break to just be, don't talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Be it, Is that a thing?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So a thing, a saying don't, don't talk, about it Be
it.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Is that a thing, is that a saying?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Don't, don't talk about it, be about it, there it
is.
Thank you yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yeah, that's what it feels like.
It's like instead of likepreaching this stuff and and
like just existing in what we'velearned over the last three
years and and embodying it inour day-to-day life.
Yeah, it feels good, like it.
(30:57):
It feels and I know that, likeI feel I don't want to speak on
your behalf, but I do feel likethis past year, for the two of
us in our like lives has, liveshas, has felt good.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yes, we all have very parallel lives.
Have you ever noticed that?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
A hundred percent.
Yes, I've noticed it's likeit's kind of wild.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I'm dealing with a narcissist.
Congrats, you are too, let'sget through this together.
Your husband is in law school,congrats.
Mine's working in Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Right, oh, now we have a single time, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it is a lot of parallels,but it got to a point where okay
, I'm like you know you would.
You would send me things causeyou would go down these rabbit
holes and I'd be like, oh, Idon't want to read this book
about the DSM-5.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
And that is not a fun book, by the way.
I know that's a terrible book,that's not a book to read.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I don't want to read a book about psychedelics.
I don't want to read a bookabout narcissistic personality
disorder.
I want to read a book aboutfairies having sex with each
other.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Okay, allie, we've met some awesome.
I want to read a book aboutfairies having sex with each
other.
Okay, allie, we've met someawesome people on this journey.
Love you, allie.
That was not a dig, that was acompliment.
She knows that.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
But it is.
It's like I want to do somearts and crafts at my house when
we get us at school.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, I want to take a nap.
I don't want to have to like goto a sound bath or that does
sound fun.
If I want to go, I'll go.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
But I think there has maybe been a little bit of
pressure for us to continue toexperiment with those things.
Experiment and we were thego-tos where it's like okay,
they're going to do a mushroomjourney, and then we're going to
hear all about it.
And they're going to doayahuasca and we're going to
(32:54):
hear all about it, and thenthey're going to do Hoppe, and
then we're going to hear allabout how they were puking their
guts out, and then Christinefell asleep during the interview
afterwards that actuallyhappened.
It really did.
We didn't put that one outthere.
We should air it, though werescheduled.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
There's a part of me that thinks we should air it.
That would be hilarious.
It is on our YouTube.
It's just private.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
We should put it out there, we should make it public.
Make it public.
Jappe fucked my ass up.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
You're right.
And so now we've just kind ofreached this plateau where we're
like I don't want to have to doall of that right now yeah, it
doesn't mean I'm never going to,and maybe we do.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
It's we do it privately.
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe we do it's we do itprivately, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, but that's that'skind of where I'm at, and I feel
like we are leaving this veryopen ended.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I I, I do feel like that and I and I think that it's
not giving very many answers.
It's not, but we don't know theanswer.
We can't give an answer when wedon't know an answer.
It's not, but we don't know theanswer.
We can't give an answer when wedon't know an answer.
So, and I love that we're goingto kind of have to leave this
open ended.
This is what what go ahead.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
I was just going to say finish your thought, but I
want you to also share with ourlisteners something that you've
been up to during this time.
Okay, I think that's important.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Um I have been working on my human design
certificates, working through mytraining, the way that I'm
going to use you.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Oh my God, use me so hard.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I mean, here's the thing.
Like this is another like oh myGod.
I think back on like one of thefirst few episodes we did,
where we were just figuring outwhat human design was, and how
much I have like immersed myselfin that over the last three
years.
I am finally, finally, finallyand I started these classes like
(34:41):
in August, but like it's my ownpace I'll sit in the carpool
line.
I sit in carpool line for likean hour and a half to two hours
every day and I just like well,sometimes I have the capacity to
like listen and take notes, andother times I'm listening to a
podcast.
That's another thing too.
We I listened to a lot ofpodcasts to learn information to
bring to our podcast, and sonow it'll be really good to just
(35:05):
listen to like shit I want tolisten to.
That's not learning.
I don't want to learn.
I don't want to be learning allthe time.
So, yeah, I'm excited because Idon't know when I'll be done
because, like I said, it's likemy own pace.
But I think if you've been along time listener, you know
(35:27):
this is something that I'm likesuper passionate about and was
kind of afraid to do the jumpinto it.
I had a lot of impostersyndrome about it.
You do, I do and you you don't.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
You're right to piggyback off of off of what you
said earlier.
You do not like to do thingsalone.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I really don't, but bitch, you're the trailblazer.
You're going to do things alone.
I think that's the.
That's the scary part aboutbeing a manifester is that, like
you're, you don't have anybodyto follow and you don't have
anybody to hold your hand.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, so that's your conditioning.
It's now I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
It's a really weird place to be.
Yeah, why is that making me cry?
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I think, because I think, because if you've been
conditioned to like follow, yeah, and be a follower and cause,
manifestors are the biggestpeople pleasers, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Could the conditioned manifestor Right?
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Right, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
So and I still there are still parts of me that are
that way- Totally.
It's been.
It's been really hard to not be.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah, it's weird because you have this weird
thing with like sticking out oryou need somebody by your side
and I don't like to stick out.
Yeah, you with your pink hair.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Oh my God, First off, let me that doesn't stick out
at all.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
I no, but I think in those ways those are.
Those ways are safe for you.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah.
You know, yeah, it's hair, it'shair.
Everybody has pink hair.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
No, but it big steps.
Yeah, I think that it's harderfor you and you have like I
think I've been somebody who hasbeen great at like holding your
hand and being like bitch, youcan do this, like you're a
badass, like go get them.
But now I'm like go get themand I'm still going to be
rooting you on, but this is you.
(37:18):
Yeah, this is all you.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
This is all me.
Yeah, it's terrifying, totally.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
But how awesome is that.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Oh my God, are you like a guru or something.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I'm a projector bitch , bitch projector yeah, so I'm
your guide.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
I think that that's like that's what's next for me,
and I guess what I can say, whatI can leave our listeners with,
is we're still gonna hold on tothe platforms for now.
I think it'll be.
Really I don't want to letthose go.
I don't either.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
That's like that's our baby, like we built that,
and and what if we giveourselves some solitude and
we're like you know what?
Okay, so there's this person onTik TOK who is literally
running 500 miles on mushroomsand LSD.
Oh yeah, I'm like they're doinga documentary about it.
They're doing a documentary.
We've been talking to them andI'm like shit, leo, we're taking
(38:17):
a break, but this person soundsfascinating.
We might interview them, wemight, I don't know, but they
sound super interesting.
There might be a time where I'min my social media hibernation
and then I feel like postingsomething and I do, and it's not
about the likes, it's not aboutthe engagement, it's about like
(38:39):
I just not about like keepingup with, like the algorithm and
weekly posts and I love thepeople who have helped us along
the way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
but we have had there were a lot of rules.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We have had people who helped us with our social
media and that is what they weresupposed to do.
I totally understand that it'sit's definitely not a knock on
them, but it was like you haveto post this many times, three,
many times, three times a weekon Instagram and you have to
post at least once a day, and ithas to be engaging and you have
to do these hashtags you can,you need to post stories on
(39:12):
instagram, but not too manystories because then it's too
smothering, but not no stories,because you need engagement.
And it got to a point where I'mlike this isn't us, it doesn't
feel authentic.
It doesn't feel authentic andit's not us.
And also the entire point ofour podcast is learning to kind
of be you, do your own thing anddo your own thing and be the
(39:36):
most authentic version of you,and I don't want to follow a
fucking algorithm.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Okay, so here's what I can say to that Like I have
like wanted to post somethingevery now and then about like
psychedelics or healing and thatdoesn't live on my personal
page.
Like I don't want to put thaton.
Not that I don't put that stuffon a personal page I do but I'm
like you know what?
The co toast page would be agood place for this, but we're
(40:03):
taking a break right now so I'mnot gonna post it.
But you don't have to put ruleson it, that's what I'm saying,
even if I take, it'll feelreally good to just post just
whenever, randomly often or notoften at all, and have no rules
or expectations around it.
You know, um, I will say likemaybe we're probably not going
to be checking the dms as much,but that got sometimes got
(40:26):
overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
overwhelmingming Because we did.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
We got a.
There were some deep, heavyconversations in there, yeah,
where the responses would belike a mile long and I love that
, but it would get to the likeit started to get overwhelming
because it happened so oftenwith a lot of people, not just
one or two.
So no rules, no expectations.
(40:51):
We are not rule followerseither.
We might show up and we mightnot, but what I would encourage
all of our listeners to do,because we're both kind of doing
our own things right now followour personal pages to.
If you are curious about wherewe are and where we're going
(41:12):
next.
Is that a good way to say that?
Yeah, okay, do you haveanything you want to say?
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Um, if you do follow me personally and I'm, am I on
Instagram.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Oh yeah, you're taking a break.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
It's because I'm hibernating and I'm crafting and
doing the things, but I'm good,I promise, um, but yeah, doing
the things, but I'm good, Ipromise, but yeah, like I.
I think the biggest thing thatI want to say is we've known
each other for a minute now.
(41:44):
It's been like a decade.
It's been a decade and I wantyou to hold my hand.
Oh God, no, I really am sograteful for, like this journey
Cause it has it's been like afucking trip and to have a
friend in this space whereyou're doing mushrooms, you're
(42:06):
doing ayahuasca, you're you'regoing on retreats, you're having
these conversations, you'redoing integration work with
somebody who you consider yourbest friend, Like not many.
A lot of messages that we'vegotten have been like I don't
have anybody to do this with,yeah, and the fact that I get to
do this with you, like I get tocome to your house and have
(42:28):
these conversations, I get to dohot bay with you and you watch
me like fall asleep during aninterview, like I get to do all
this stuff, I really am like sograteful for this friendship
because it is unlike any otherfriendship that I have ever had
and that is so special to me andI hope that you know that, like
(42:49):
I would not have done any ofthis stuff without you.
But I really mean that I loveyou for that and I really like I
think about all of the growththat we have had in just these
three years.
And I looked up to you and Isaw, like this version of you,
(43:14):
and I'm like, oh my God, I wantto do this, I want to be this,
and like, but you are all ofthem, I know, I know I am, and
but now it's like we aretogether, you know, and not very
many people have friendshipslike that on this level, where
it's like we've, we've we'vegone through some deep shit in
this last three years, causeit's a lot of healing and a lot
(43:36):
of work that we've done, andlike, really, like I'm so
grateful where I'm at and I'vedone that journey with you.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
So I feel like you are so much better at words than
I am right now.
I don't know about that.
I don't know about that.
Well, I take I need some timeto think about what to say.
That's what happens with me.
But, like Dr Sheely in our lastinterview said something about
having a journey partner andactually I don't even think he
said it in the interview, Ithink he said it like after we
stopped recording.
Oh yeah, and I am using thatbecause the last three years
(44:17):
with you have been life changing, incredible, and I didn't even
know that journey partner waslike a word or a phrase.
I love that.
I feel like you've been myjourney partner through all of
this, and hopefully we can belifelong journey partners.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Fuck Tony and Jason.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
No like they don't journey with me.
Like this Like you want to godo some ayahuasca, Jason's like
I don't know, I'll think aboutit and I'm like yeah, when sign
me up, let's go.
Let's go right now, dmt, okay,Right, like, whatever you want
to do, babe, I got you.
So I I feel like you wereforever, like you were locked in
(45:00):
with me Sorry, anything newthat comes up like I'm.
You're the first person I'mcalling to see.
If you want to go, do itAbsolutely, and it doesn't even
have to be like it doesn't haveto just be psychedelics.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
No, but no.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
We go in.
I just want to experience lifeman.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Yeah, all the good, all the bad.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And I also think in the last three years we've
really seen each other in someof our lowest lows but also our
highest highs, and those havebeen incredible to like witness
and to watch.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
um, I do have a surprise hold on, oh my god it's
not a table oh, my, oh, my godhold on, hold mine okay what is
(45:59):
it?
What is it?
What is it?
Speaker 2 (46:04):
hell, yes, we're gonna do.
We're gonna do a toast, sincewe don't drink.
Yeah, we're to do a toast.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Since we don't drink.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Yeah, we're going to do a toast with the psychedelic
water Link in bio.
What flavor is it?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Raspberry blackberry yuzu.
Okay, sounds amazing.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
I want this to be a toast for our community too.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Jesus.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Sorry, that's a lot.
This is like a very big toast.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
God, what do you want me to?
Fucking chug this, yeah, chugit.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
We'll have so much gas.
Don't drink it yet.
Don't drink it yet.
I'm not going to Okay.
Okay, we have met someincredible people in the last
three years.
We fucking have.
We have had some incredibleconversations with amazing
(47:04):
people.
Um, we have witnessed eachother's growth, which is, I hope
, one day, everybody canexperience that, because that
has been like the best part forme, like watching someone grow
with you, and I think the thingthat's been incredible about
(47:27):
that is that we also know thaton this journey, you lose a lot
of people.
That is that we also know thaton this journey, you lose a lot
of people.
So thank you for like keepingit going, for keeping on growing
.
So this is to the last threeyears to see you on the other
(47:49):
side, to who knows what comesnext, who fucking knows?
To being curious, to stayingopen, and to our listeners and
the community that we've built,and we hope you guys stick
around for whatever comes.
That's all I got.
That was beautiful.
See you guys on the other side.
Aw, I love you, love you.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
I hope everyone finds if you're a golden retriever,
their feral cat, and if you're agolden retriever, their feral
cat, and then if you're a feralcat, their golden retriever,
where you can kind of meet inthe middle.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah, because I think you've become a little bit of a
golden retriever, a little bit,I mean A little bit, maybe, a
little bit Maybe I got a littlebit of feral cat in me.
Yeah, you got some Cali energy.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
You know Lydia Leah, she is not one to be fucked with
.
Don't fuck with Lydia.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Leah, do not fuck with Lydia.
Leah, and we'll leave it atthat.
Okay, thank you guys.
We love you.
We'll see what happens.
Yeah, see you guys on the otherside, all right, cheers.
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