April 17, 2024 • 13 mins
In this episode we tackle the tough "whys" that beckon a deeper look into our professional satisfaction and dare to ask when it might be time to embrace change for a healthier work-life harmony. Transition periods can be as tricky as a high-wire act, especially when the leap is from a less-than-ideal situation. In this candid conversation, we underscore the virtue of professionalism, even when the odds—or the employers—don’t play fair. We discuss living up to our full potential amidst trials and maintaining dignity in the face of adversity. As we unpack these themes, we'll leave you with the resilience and poise to sail through your own professional transitions, ready to rise above and set sail towards new horizons.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
And how we're going to do this?
(00:22):
By first showing you thefiltered, pretty version of
success, and then the realstruggles, real work and raw
grit it took to get there, howthey took care of themselves and
also achieved their goals whiledoing it Together.
We will work with you toimprove and maintain your
internal health and growth,while helping you achieve your
(00:42):
external goals and your nextprofessional achievement in life
.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And we're excited to show you how to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have,
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Good morning and welcome to theself-care podcast.
My name is Isabel Matosian andI will be your host today.
(01:08):
Our theme for this month isCoping Skills 101.
So let's talk a bit about whatthat means and what to do when
the time comes where the copingskills aren't helping, because
that can happen.
Sometimes the coping skillsaren't enough and we're forced
to make difficult changes anddecisions.
Today, we're going tospecifically focus on topics
(01:30):
related to stress and depressionin our work and lives.
Work has ups and downs, justlike life does, and when life
gets hard, we turn to the copingskills that work for us.
So we try the same thing forwork coping skills that work for
us, so we try the same thingfor work.
When things get busy, I like totake the first step of making
sure that I'm organized, both atwork and at home.
(01:51):
At work, I make lists andprioritize what needs to be done
first.
For example, at home, I clearout clutter and make sure my
space is organized in order tohelp my mind stay uncluttered.
Sometimes this is the only stepI need to take to help me feel
like I'm getting back on track,but then there are times when
you need to do more, and atthose times I do more.
(02:14):
I organize my schedule as well,so I can make sure that I'm
prioritizing exercise, mealplanning and rest.
I wash my water bottle out andfill it with ice water, which
feels like a reset for gettingenough hydration in my day.
If that's still enough, noproblem.
I have more coping mechanismsthat I can use.
(02:34):
I can journal or reach out tofriends and make sure I'm
spending time outside.
I can make sure I'm gettinghealthy sleep habits and waking
up early and eating a goodbreakfast.
Another thing that we do and Ifeel like this is the last step
when work gets busy or hard, atleast in my experience is to
(02:54):
turn to our support in theworkplace.
That could be a friend or amanager or HR department.
Many people are fortunate tohave leadership at work that is
understanding and supportivewhen life gets hard, but not
everyone is so lucky.
Sometimes the people in chargenot necessarily maliciously
(03:15):
don't have the capacity orappropriate training and skills
to provide the support thattheir employees need.
So when we've tried everythingand all of our basic coping
skills don't work.
What does that mean?
Does it mean we're in a biglifetime low, with no hope?
Not necessarily.
Maybe we're in a depressiveepisode, but maybe we need to
(03:39):
take a step back and look at thebigger picture, the big, scary
whys that we like to avoid.
Why am I struggling more thanusual to get back on track?
Why is it so hard to manage mystress?
Why do I feel like I'm notgetting anywhere in life or in
my career?
See what I mean.
(04:01):
These are big whys.
According to Forbes magazine,there are several signs that
it's time to move on, severalsigns that bring on these big
whys.
One is getting the Sundayscaries.
Being anxious on Sunday abouthaving to go back to work the
next day.
It starts before the work weekeven begins.
(04:24):
You sit at home and you dreadwhat's to come During the week.
You start showing up late or,when you do get to work, you're
counting down the hours untilit's time to go home.
The second is feeling worthless.
By this they mean feeling likeyour work isn't meaningful or
your presence isn't beneficialto the company or your
(04:44):
organization.
It may also feel like thethings that inspired you or that
you initially enjoyed start tobore you.
It may also include feelinglike your efforts aren't
appreciated and your skillsaren't being put to use.
The third thing they mentionedis increased irritation or more
(05:05):
frequent breakdowns.
We all know the normal workweek breakdown and the abnormal
work breakdown.
The abnormal ones feel likethey last a little longer and
seem to have no cause at all andno end in sight.
Number four is feeling likeyour responsibilities are too
(05:26):
simple and the rest of your timeyou're just trying to stay busy
.
It'll feel like you've outgrownyourself and your boss or
company is in no hurry to raiseyour status.
And the fifth thing that theymention is feeling like you have
a growing degree ofresponsibility that isn't
reflected in your salary, yourprofessional development or your
(05:49):
vacations.
Basically, you're getting moreand more work and becoming more
and more skilled, but withoutany of the appreciation that you
deserve.
It also may feel this way ifthe company doesn't have the
possibility of salary or careergrowth.
Feel this way if the companydoesn't have the possibility of
salary or career growth, nomatter how good you are, for
(06:12):
example with grant-fundedpositions, you may be limited in
your growth and opportunitiesat your current workplace.
Lastly, if you find yourselfchoosing between work and family
, when you can't balance betweenwork and personal life, or you
constantly have urgent tasks,unplanned business trips or
working late, also having togive up your other interests,
(06:35):
things like hobbies or sports.
Fortunately, the big whysresulting from these signs can
lead us to something better.
They can open our eyes to abigger issue which may require a
more drastic intervention.
That is, of course, after theylead us through some major
anxiety and stress and potentialpanic over the future and
(06:58):
whatnot.
But once we get through it, wedecide that it's time to move on
.
It's time to move on from arelationship that's no longer
benefiting you, time to move onfrom a job that's keeping you
frozen in place and time to moveon from toxic friendships that
you've held on to.
(07:19):
A bad job can be like a badrelationship.
When your needs aren't beingmet, you know it's time to go.
It could be that you're scaredto ask for more, or that you
feel obligated to stay becauseyou've been there for a long
time, or you haven't been therevery long and think you just
need to give it more time.
But then the worst thinghappens For your employer, that
(07:43):
is, and you realize your worth.
You recognize what's happeningand finally understand that you
deserve more.
You deserve better.
You're a smart professional whohas given everything you could
give and you are no longerbenefiting from your efforts,
nor are they necessarily beingrecognized.
You realize that you are givinghours and hours of your life to
(08:07):
something that is causing youharm and keeping you from a
healthy work-life balance.
That's not fair to you.
Whatever the breaking point is,it will be hard and it's going
to throw you for a loop, butultimately those events will
lead you to take the big stepand move on.
(08:29):
Moving on can be hard and scary,and for a while things might
get worse.
You'll have to keep workingyour dud job while trying to
find a new one and managing thestresses that are coming up at
work, while trying to maintainsome semblance of the self-care
skills that you've learned.
Take a deep breath You've gotthis.
(08:50):
On the other side is a wholenew adventure.
It won't all be sunshine andrainbows, don't get me wrong.
You'll doubt yourself andquestion your next steps and run
yourself in circles until youcan't tell.
Up from down.
You might think is this reallyso bad that I have to go through
this?
Or you'll feel sad because evenwith all of the bad things,
(09:12):
there was some good.
When you started the toxic job,you were hopeful and excited
for the new opportunity, and forit to turn sour can be really
hard.
You don't have to lose sight ofthe good things or the positive
experiences when you're movingon.
You can bring those with youand learn from the things that
(09:34):
were hard.
Now you know the signs and whatto look for next time to
prevent it from getting to sucha difficult point.
It's true when they say youlive and you learn If you do
choose to leave.
The Forbes article also includesfive actions to focus on.
The first is to personally saygoodbye to your boss.
(09:57):
Write a letter or an email youneed to be remembered better
than others Thank them for theuseful experience, interesting
projects and everything youlearned from them.
This will elevate your image inthe eyes of your former boss
and help you to maintainprofessional connections.
The second is saying goodbye tothose who were important to you
(10:18):
.
Like colleagues you'd like tothank, let them be the first to
know that you're leaving and besincere to help generate a
long-lasting support group.
Number three is to remainpositive with everyone.
Don't speak poorly about youremployer or colleagues.
Leave in peace if you can say afew nice words about the
(10:39):
company and the team to leave alasting positive memory of you.
Four is to put things in order.
Resolve work issues beforeclosing the door.
Protect your reputation by notleaving your workplace with a
mess that others will have tonavigate.
Prepare a detailed action planfor your colleagues in case
(11:00):
something goes wrong after youleave.
And lastly, keep in touch,congratulate bosses and
colleagues on achievements orbirthdays.
You never know how you willbenefit later if you maintain
positive connections, especiallywhen it comes time to call past
colleagues to act as references.
A first impression matters, buta last impression can also last
(11:25):
, so choose positivity as muchas you can.
These five things can be hard,especially while dealing with
your own burnout.
It can feel like adding to yourload, but do it for yourself.
Don't walk out and burn theplace down behind you like in a
super cool action movie.
Remember the excitement you hadfor your job and help the
(11:46):
person who comes after you tosucceed with as much support as
possible.
Sometimes we have to move on,but it doesn't have to be a
resentful or painful experience.
It can be positive andencouraging, and I know that it
can't always be that way.
Sometimes it's the employer orthe company that is failing to
be professional as you leaveyour role.
(12:06):
Maybe they are not allowing itto be a peaceful transition for
you.
These cases don't happen often,especially when you maintain
your professionalism.
But when they do happen, myadvice is to let it roll off of
you.
You're leaving anyway.
Stay professional and cordialand let them be the problem Rise
(12:28):
above it as well as you're ableto, and leave it behind.
Before we go, I want to leaveyou with a quote by Nelson
Mandela there is no passion tobe found playing small, in
settling for a life that is lessthan the one you are capable of
living.
Thank you all for listeningtoday.
(12:49):
Take care.
Thank you all for listeningtoday.
Take care.
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
And how we're going to do this?
(00:22):
By first showing you thefiltered, pretty version of
success, and then the realstruggles, real work and raw
grit it took to get there, howthey took care of themselves and
also achieved their goals whiledoing it Together.
We will work with you toimprove and maintain your
internal health and growth,while helping you achieve your
(00:42):
external goals and your nextprofessional achievement in life
.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And we're excited to show you how to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have,
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Good morning and welcome to theself-care podcast.
My name is Isabel Matosian andI will be your host today.
(01:08):
Our theme for this month isCoping Skills 101.
So let's talk a bit about whatthat means and what to do when
the time comes where the copingskills aren't helping, because
that can happen.
Sometimes the coping skillsaren't enough and we're forced
to make difficult changes anddecisions.
Today, we're going tospecifically focus on topics
(01:30):
related to stress and depressionin our work and lives.
Work has ups and downs, justlike life does, and when life
gets hard, we turn to the copingskills that work for us.
So we try the same thing forwork coping skills that work for
us, so we try the same thingfor work.
When things get busy, I like totake the first step of making
sure that I'm organized, both atwork and at home.
(01:51):
At work, I make lists andprioritize what needs to be done
first.
For example, at home, I clearout clutter and make sure my
space is organized in order tohelp my mind stay uncluttered.
Sometimes this is the only stepI need to take to help me feel
like I'm getting back on track,but then there are times when
you need to do more, and atthose times I do more.
(02:14):
I organize my schedule as well,so I can make sure that I'm
prioritizing exercise, mealplanning and rest.
I wash my water bottle out andfill it with ice water, which
feels like a reset for gettingenough hydration in my day.
If that's still enough, noproblem.
I have more coping mechanismsthat I can use.
(02:34):
I can journal or reach out tofriends and make sure I'm
spending time outside.
I can make sure I'm gettinghealthy sleep habits and waking
up early and eating a goodbreakfast.
Another thing that we do and Ifeel like this is the last step
when work gets busy or hard, atleast in my experience is to
(02:54):
turn to our support in theworkplace.
That could be a friend or amanager or HR department.
Many people are fortunate tohave leadership at work that is
understanding and supportivewhen life gets hard, but not
everyone is so lucky.
Sometimes the people in chargenot necessarily maliciously
(03:15):
don't have the capacity orappropriate training and skills
to provide the support thattheir employees need.
So when we've tried everythingand all of our basic coping
skills don't work.
What does that mean?
Does it mean we're in a biglifetime low, with no hope?
Not necessarily.
Maybe we're in a depressiveepisode, but maybe we need to
(03:39):
take a step back and look at thebigger picture, the big, scary
whys that we like to avoid.
Why am I struggling more thanusual to get back on track?
Why is it so hard to manage mystress?
Why do I feel like I'm notgetting anywhere in life or in
my career?
See what I mean.
(04:01):
These are big whys.
According to Forbes magazine,there are several signs that
it's time to move on, severalsigns that bring on these big
whys.
One is getting the Sundayscaries.
Being anxious on Sunday abouthaving to go back to work the
next day.
It starts before the work weekeven begins.
(04:24):
You sit at home and you dreadwhat's to come During the week.
You start showing up late or,when you do get to work, you're
counting down the hours untilit's time to go home.
The second is feeling worthless.
By this they mean feeling likeyour work isn't meaningful or
your presence isn't beneficialto the company or your
(04:44):
organization.
It may also feel like thethings that inspired you or that
you initially enjoyed start tobore you.
It may also include feelinglike your efforts aren't
appreciated and your skillsaren't being put to use.
The third thing they mentionedis increased irritation or more
(05:05):
frequent breakdowns.
We all know the normal workweek breakdown and the abnormal
work breakdown.
The abnormal ones feel likethey last a little longer and
seem to have no cause at all andno end in sight.
Number four is feeling likeyour responsibilities are too
(05:26):
simple and the rest of your timeyou're just trying to stay busy
.
It'll feel like you've outgrownyourself and your boss or
company is in no hurry to raiseyour status.
And the fifth thing that theymention is feeling like you have
a growing degree ofresponsibility that isn't
reflected in your salary, yourprofessional development or your
(05:49):
vacations.
Basically, you're getting moreand more work and becoming more
and more skilled, but withoutany of the appreciation that you
deserve.
It also may feel this way ifthe company doesn't have the
possibility of salary or careergrowth.
Feel this way if the companydoesn't have the possibility of
salary or career growth, nomatter how good you are, for
(06:12):
example with grant-fundedpositions, you may be limited in
your growth and opportunitiesat your current workplace.
Lastly, if you find yourselfchoosing between work and family
, when you can't balance betweenwork and personal life, or you
constantly have urgent tasks,unplanned business trips or
working late, also having togive up your other interests,
(06:35):
things like hobbies or sports.
Fortunately, the big whysresulting from these signs can
lead us to something better.
They can open our eyes to abigger issue which may require a
more drastic intervention.
That is, of course, after theylead us through some major
anxiety and stress and potentialpanic over the future and
(06:58):
whatnot.
But once we get through it, wedecide that it's time to move on
.
It's time to move on from arelationship that's no longer
benefiting you, time to move onfrom a job that's keeping you
frozen in place and time to moveon from toxic friendships that
you've held on to.
(07:19):
A bad job can be like a badrelationship.
When your needs aren't beingmet, you know it's time to go.
It could be that you're scaredto ask for more, or that you
feel obligated to stay becauseyou've been there for a long
time, or you haven't been therevery long and think you just
need to give it more time.
But then the worst thinghappens For your employer, that
(07:43):
is, and you realize your worth.
You recognize what's happeningand finally understand that you
deserve more.
You deserve better.
You're a smart professional whohas given everything you could
give and you are no longerbenefiting from your efforts,
nor are they necessarily beingrecognized.
You realize that you are givinghours and hours of your life to
(08:07):
something that is causing youharm and keeping you from a
healthy work-life balance.
That's not fair to you.
Whatever the breaking point is,it will be hard and it's going
to throw you for a loop, butultimately those events will
lead you to take the big stepand move on.
(08:29):
Moving on can be hard and scary,and for a while things might
get worse.
You'll have to keep workingyour dud job while trying to
find a new one and managing thestresses that are coming up at
work, while trying to maintainsome semblance of the self-care
skills that you've learned.
Take a deep breath You've gotthis.
(08:50):
On the other side is a wholenew adventure.
It won't all be sunshine andrainbows, don't get me wrong.
You'll doubt yourself andquestion your next steps and run
yourself in circles until youcan't tell.
Up from down.
You might think is this reallyso bad that I have to go through
this?
Or you'll feel sad because evenwith all of the bad things,
(09:12):
there was some good.
When you started the toxic job,you were hopeful and excited
for the new opportunity, and forit to turn sour can be really
hard.
You don't have to lose sight ofthe good things or the positive
experiences when you're movingon.
You can bring those with youand learn from the things that
(09:34):
were hard.
Now you know the signs and whatto look for next time to
prevent it from getting to sucha difficult point.
It's true when they say youlive and you learn If you do
choose to leave.
The Forbes article also includesfive actions to focus on.
The first is to personally saygoodbye to your boss.
(09:57):
Write a letter or an email youneed to be remembered better
than others Thank them for theuseful experience, interesting
projects and everything youlearned from them.
This will elevate your image inthe eyes of your former boss
and help you to maintainprofessional connections.
The second is saying goodbye tothose who were important to you
(10:18):
.
Like colleagues you'd like tothank, let them be the first to
know that you're leaving and besincere to help generate a
long-lasting support group.
Number three is to remainpositive with everyone.
Don't speak poorly about youremployer or colleagues.
Leave in peace if you can say afew nice words about the
(10:39):
company and the team to leave alasting positive memory of you.
Four is to put things in order.
Resolve work issues beforeclosing the door.
Protect your reputation by notleaving your workplace with a
mess that others will have tonavigate.
Prepare a detailed action planfor your colleagues in case
(11:00):
something goes wrong after youleave.
And lastly, keep in touch,congratulate bosses and
colleagues on achievements orbirthdays.
You never know how you willbenefit later if you maintain
positive connections, especiallywhen it comes time to call past
colleagues to act as references.
A first impression matters, buta last impression can also last
(11:25):
, so choose positivity as muchas you can.
These five things can be hard,especially while dealing with
your own burnout.
It can feel like adding to yourload, but do it for yourself.
Don't walk out and burn theplace down behind you like in a
super cool action movie.
Remember the excitement you hadfor your job and help the
(11:46):
person who comes after you tosucceed with as much support as
possible.
Sometimes we have to move on,but it doesn't have to be a
resentful or painful experience.
It can be positive andencouraging, and I know that it
can't always be that way.
Sometimes it's the employer orthe company that is failing to
be professional as you leaveyour role.
(12:06):
Maybe they are not allowing itto be a peaceful transition for
you.
These cases don't happen often,especially when you maintain
your professionalism.
But when they do happen, myadvice is to let it roll off of
you.
You're leaving anyway.
Stay professional and cordialand let them be the problem Rise
(12:28):
above it as well as you're ableto, and leave it behind.
Before we go, I want to leaveyou with a quote by Nelson
Mandela there is no passion tobe found playing small, in
settling for a life that is lessthan the one you are capable of
living.
Thank you all for listeningtoday.
(12:49):
Take care.
Thank you all for listeningtoday.
Take care.
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