May 15, 2024 • 39 mins
Navigating the multifaceted terrains of identity has never felt more intimate and empowering than in our conversation with Delfin Bautista. As the director of the Cantu Queer Center at UC Santa Cruz, Delfin brings a wealth of experience, blending their Cuban and Salvadoran heritage with a passion for social justice and community building. This episode takes you beyond the textbook definitions, offering a heartfelt exploration into the life of a queer and trans individual whose journey intersects with faith, activism, and the pursuit of creating nurturing environments for marginalized voices in academia. Delfin's candidness about their 22-year relationship, the ability to remain resilient, and the art of self-expression provides a rich backdrop for understanding the complexities of living authentically.
The dialogue unfolds into a candid discussion about the challenges and triumphs of being an LGBTQ+ elder and role model, addressing delicate issues like imposter syndrome and cultural stigmas surrounding mental health. Delfin's vulnerability in sharing their experiences highlights the importance of connection and understanding in our communities. Furthermore, we engage in a thought-provoking discourse on redefining self-care in professional spaces, moving past commercialized norms to embrace practices that truly resonate with cultural and individual identities. Join us as we acknowledge the evolution of care within our work environments and celebrate the courage it takes to maintain authenticity amidst the pressures of our careers, facilitated by the insightful and inspiring narrative of Delfin Bautista.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
And how we're going to do this by first showing you
the filtered, pretty version ofsuccess and then the real
struggles, real work and rawgrit it took to get there, how
they took care of themselves andalso achieved their goals while
doing it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Together, we will work with you to improve and
maintain your internal healthand growth, while helping you
achieve your external goals andyour next professional
achievement in life.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And we're excited to show you how to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have,
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Welcome to the Self-CareSociety podcast.
I'm Keri Shaw, and with me thisweek we have my good friend,
(01:08):
Delphine Bautista.
Welcome to our podcast,Delphine.
Thank you for having me.
So, Delphine, we'd like tostart out by just learning a
little bit about our guests.
So if you would like to share afew words, so if you would like
to share a few words.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And so again, muchas gracias for this opportunity, as
was shared.
My name is Dilping my pronounsin English are they them or
simply my name and I currentlyserve as the director for the
Cantu Queer Center at UC SantaCruz.
I am originally from Miami,florida.
Born and raised, I'm Cuban andSalvadoran.
(01:49):
I identify as both queer andtrans and often use the phrase
queer and trans diva of sacredsex, and have focused a lot of
my work, professionally andpersonally, at the intersections
of faith, religion and queerand trans justice.
(02:10):
And then, lastly, I have amaster's in social work as well
as a master's in divinity, and Iwill be celebrating 22 years,
23 years Jamie's going to killme 22 years together.
And yeah, that's just a littleabout me in a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Fantastic and felicidades Gracias.
So, delfina, as you know, wetalked a little bit about the
structure of this podcast, butwe like to talk about the real
to real person um with ourguests.
So we're gonna start out withquestions about how, who you are
on the outside, how how you ummaybe present to the world, how
(03:02):
the world sees you in theR-E-E-L sense.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That is a good question that I've been
reflecting on for a little bitnow and I think how the world
perceives me, how the world alsoengages me, is as a social
worker and it is my frame ofreference when it comes to
looking at social justice issues, when it comes to just looking
(03:32):
at the work that happens inhigher ed and it's been exciting
here, more so than at previousinstitutions that I've been at
that there's a group of socialworkers that we've come together
in a group of MSWs where we'vecome together to support each
other, which has been excitingand so perceived as a social
(03:52):
worker, as an activist, as atroublemaker and hopefully the
good sense of that a person whodoesn't back down from asking
questions, but politely so, andso asking questions to challenge
(04:15):
folks to think about things ina different way or in a new way,
but not from a place of tryingto undermine or attack.
A place of trying to undermineor attack.
I am mindful when it comes tomy queerness and my transness.
I can be very colorful.
I'm not wearing them today, butI do have a pair of rainbow
(04:37):
glasses and I can be sort ofextremely just, sort of out
there and some days I'm excitedabout that and some days I just
want to go about my day and nothave to answer questions about
gender and sexuality and otherthings.
But just being able to beperceived as an out queer person
(05:00):
is both exciting but also alittle scary.
When I moved to Santa Cruz, whenmy partner and I did the the
drive from the Midwest here,being able to travel across the
the country and having a rainbowmask uh, having a rainbow bag
with with trans pins uh, was alittle scary in in some parts of
(05:23):
the country, but also reallyhealing.
We had folks come up to us like,oh, I'm a non-binary person and
today's non-binary visibilityday, or where did you get your
rainbow mask?
We don't have those here in XYZtown and so embracing what it
means to be visible, both withthe challenges and opportunities
(05:46):
that brings and the seeds thatare planted along the way.
Lastly, as a person of faith,folks are always intrigued by
that intersection of mybackground, always intrigued by
that intersection of mybackground.
Having been a hospital chaplain, having a degree in ministry,
(06:14):
and feeling comfortable talkingabout religion and spirituality
from a queer perspective, from afeminist perspective, and just
being perceived as the queerreligious one is an interesting
role or I often see it as a formof ministry to live into, just
being able to create spaces forfolks just to be who they are
(06:35):
and ask questions, and so Ithink those are some of the ways
that I am perceived.
My mother would say I'm a painin the butt but she says it more
colorfully in Spanish, but ingeneral.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
That is, I think, how I'm perceived.
I know that from my perspective, knowing you and we have some
overlap in some of these areasand that spirituality piece for
(07:26):
me has always been reallyfascinating that you have been
able to really be in this spaceas a social worker and as
someone who's really engaged inreligion and super in
spirituality like some.
That is just sometimes anintersection that we don't see,
because there's also.
There's always um, not always,but oftentimes are real
separation or um.
I mean it's.
It's almost like a separationof church and state kind of
perspective.
I think in social work that we,we just don't go there.
So I think that I learned a lotabout how to be in that space
(07:46):
from you, thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
So, gosh, I feel like I wishthis were like a call-in podcast
, because I think people you'reprobably hitting a lot of
buttons that people are like, oh, I want to talk about this.
So I guess I mean, my nextquestion is really, if that's
(08:12):
who you are on the outside, howis the inside Delphine or the
more internal Delphine differentand what does that mean for you
and what does that?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
mean for you.
That is an amazing, complicatedwhirlwind of a question In some
of the thoughts that come tomind.
When I lived in community, whenmy partner and I lived in
community in Minneapolis, we metour house, our soon-to-be
(08:45):
housemates.
Jason is still recovering fromthe experience.
The first thing out of theirmouths to the two of us who they
were meeting for the first timeover Zoom was oh, you are, our
elders, are elders, uh, andJason's like WTF, I'm only in my
(09:11):
40s.
Like elder, um, but um, one ofthem shared like yeah, for a
trans person to reach their 40sin some places is inspiring, uh,
and and so to embrace thistitle, mantle calling of being
an elder and what that means andthe responsibility that that
carries.
(09:31):
And then here in Santa Cruz,students looking to me as one of
their elders and calling methat and wanting to embrace that
with humility, also like I'malso only in my 40s, but okay,
this is an honor and somethingto embrace and take seriously.
(09:56):
Some of the things that are notoften visible is a lot of the
insecurity around navigatingcertain spaces as a queer person
, as a trans person, as a personof color, as a person who asks
(10:19):
questions, and not feeling goodenough and having to justify or
prove my credentials and myexperience, especially in the
world of higher ed.
And thankfully my nowsupervisor has my first year
(10:43):
basically in all our touch bases, reminding me that I hired you.
I know you can do this job.
You have nothing to prove,you've done that already.
But still I know folks areframing it from imposter
syndrome to imposter phenomena,just just feeling that I'm not
(11:03):
good enough and that I have tosomehow prove my enoughness to
the world.
And again, that's not astruggle.
That is always visible.
I do live with depression andsome days it's impossible to get
(11:24):
out of bed.
Some days it's impossible toget out of bed, and those are
things that my still.
At Ohio university I shared areflection that I wrote for um.
(11:48):
A student group came togetherto talk about suicide awareness
and so I shared a reflectionwhere I talk about my struggles
with suicide and my motherfreaked out.
She's like you can't talk aboutthat, they're going to fire you
.
That's not acceptable, um, thatpeople are going to look down
on you and and so the culturalstigma cultural stigma to
(12:10):
talking about mental healthrealities and not that I share
those things for people to feelbad for me or to look up to me,
but just being able to sharethat.
This queer trans, frumpy diva,is also a person who is
experiencing things similar tothem, and we often talk about
(12:30):
coming out and being out from anLGBT perspective, but there are
other forms of coming out andbeing out and navigating the
world.
The last thing that comes tomind is I've been labeled the
head queer in many institutionsthat that I I've worked in.
Uh, here some people refer tome as the head queer in charge.
(12:53):
Uh, like, I'm not in charge, um, and sometimes the, the, the
insecurity, the, the fear thatthat I experienced.
Uh, you know what does it meanto wear a skirt in public?
What does it mean to get mynails done at the salon and to
(13:14):
have a group of individuals justsort of stare at me as I'm
getting acrylics both the nailtechnician and all of those
around the nail technician, thenail technician being able to
(13:34):
see students live into theirjourneys of affirmation as they
transition and sometimes feelingjealous like I wish I could do
that.
They're looking to me forinspiration, but I'm looking to
them for inspiration justbecause part of me would like to
have a conversation with ahealthcare provider about
hormones, but am I ready to havethat conversation with my
partner?
Am I ready to have thatconversation with my family?
(13:56):
Am I ready to have thatconversation with my coworkers?
And so just having to the fear,insecurity, doubt, confusion,
of externalizing a lot of theinternal questions and doubts
(14:17):
that I experienced At the sametime that I experienced those
things, being extremely mindfulthat that doesn't make me less
of a person, it doesn't make meless trans, it doesn't make me
less queer.
I do need to start practicing mySpanish more.
You know, the fact thatsometimes I forget a word in
(14:37):
Spanish doesn't make me lessLatine, and so, yeah, but again,
sort of that imposter phenomenathat exists professionally but
also personally, is somethingthat I've become very good at
hiding through laughter, throughsnark, through sarcasm, through
(15:01):
jokes, and have started torecognize that it's okay to be
vulnerable, it's okay to sharethese things with others, but
it's not easy.
Yeah, yeah, that was a lot, Iapologize.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
It is a lot.
I mean, I think that I'm notalone in saying that you are
just this natural leader, thatyou are just this natural leader
and and what you know.
What does that?
What does that mean, and whatkind of responsibility or burden
do we put on people that we seeas leaders and oftentimes don't
give them that space to bevulnerable?
(15:41):
Like you know, we, we have kindof rigid definitions of what
that means, and sometimes, and Ithink that, um, I'm glad to see
you feel, feeling like you'removing towards a place of being
vulnerable and being vulnerableout loud, Right, Um, because
(16:02):
that's leading to, um, I mean, I, in some ways, I think that
that is, um, that feministleadership style, you know,
leaning into that more so thanbeing a certain, I don't know,
like managing all of youremotions in a box and I remember
(16:25):
having a conversation with astudent who just extreme mental
health realities for them.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They were struggling with depression, they were
concerned about harmingthemselves, and when I shared
with them I was like, look, Iwant to keep the focus on you,
but just speaking from my ownself, having been committed to
psychiatric ward for a week ofmy life in grad school, was a
(17:01):
very scary thing but also a verywhole-lizing thing, and I don't
want to fill you with falsehope that things are going to
automatically get better.
But you need to take a week off.
You need to take a week off andeverything, things will come
together, and the ways that theyneed to come together.
And from there the studentcalled and admitted themselves,
(17:25):
just because they're like, ohokay, the thing may not have it
all together and is, you know,falling apart, but like you can
also rebuild.
And if they can do it, I can doit.
And so recognizing the impactand the ripple effect that being
vulnerable has, especially withthe communities that we serve,
(17:50):
helps them embrace their ownvulnerability to then be able to
seek the support that they need.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Absolutely, yeah.
Yeah, that's a great example ofhow powerful vulnerability is
and how it just opens up thatspace for others is, and how it
(18:16):
just opens up that space forothers.
And it's a great segue into mynext question about self-care,
because this is a self-caresociety and I think you've
talked a little bit about howsome other people have embraced
and take care of you, but how doyou take care of you, delphine?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
That is ongoing mystery of my life, Consistent
professional goal in myassessments and evaluations,
it's a struggle.
As much as I am a strongadvocate for others to take care
(18:52):
of themselves, Taking care ofme is not as a handful and is a
full-time job, and so what Ilearned after the experience I
had in grad school about beingin a psychiatric ward for a
weekend and being committed Wasthat asking for help is not
(19:16):
going to make my head pop up andI'm not going to explode into a
glittery you know firework byasking Carrie, you know I'm
having a hard time.
Can we just grab coffee?
Or I don't know what to do forthis social work Instead of
teaching.
Can I get ideas?
Or reaching out to mutualfriends like Michelle and
(19:38):
Winsome?
Sometimes reaching out to myfamily is a little challenging
just because, like me, theyautomatically go into fixer mode
, like, oh, oh, you need to dothis to fix this and it's just
like no, I just want to complainand vent and process and not
have everything fixed and youshould do this, you should do
(19:58):
this.
Um, my dear beloved jason hasgrown a lot, I think early on in
our relationship.
Um, anytime either of us had achallenge, we automatically went
into fix-it mode and now we'rejust learning to create space,
for I just need to vent for alittle bit.
We can then figure out if Ineed to do anything, but for
(20:19):
right now just need to vent orbe angry or cry or just watch
cartoons and not answer all ofthe questions that I know you
have.
And so finding those people,finding my people along the
journey, being in a unit herewithin UC Santa Cruz where not
(20:46):
just myself but my supervisor,my fellow directors, the folks
that we supervise, even ourinterns, are like you need to
make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, so you take
care of us.
But you know, I remember astudent asking me in supervision
.
I asked them like oh, what areyou doing to take care of
(21:07):
yourself?
And then they answered and thenthey're like and how are you
taking care of yourself?
And I was like who's thesupervisor here?
And so that there is thisculture and commitment to
self-care and communal care.
But at the same time it's hard.
(21:28):
I think for me it's a part ofbeing Cuban and sort of Latina,
Latinx culture that you work,work, work, work, work, because
you have to prove yourself tothis culture and this country
and how you do that is byworking to the point that you
(21:49):
can't work anymore.
I think part of it also comesfrom experiences of gender
dysphoria in terms of why am Itaking care of a body that I
don't feel connected to?
And working on that more andmore and recognizing the need to
(22:09):
take care of myself and but Ithink, for a long time
struggling with like, oh, Idon't feel this is like my body,
it's not the body that I wantto inhabit or to express to the
world I'm just going to treat itlike garbage, and recognizing
that that's not wholizing or orhealthy, and so the need to that
(22:32):
I do need to take care ofmyself so that one day, if I do
decide to medically transition,my body can take it.
Uh and and so um, a lot of theself-care is reminding myself of
the reminders that I giveothers, and so I often tell my
(22:52):
team you need to make sureyou're drinking water, that
you're sleeping, that you'retaking time to disconnect from
social media, that here in SantaCruz, you know, go to the ocean
, hug a tree.
Like there are things here thatwe can do and that I need to do
(23:13):
myself and not just nudge myteam and those around me to do,
but that I need to practicethose things myself.
Lastly and this has taken a lotof work, a lot of kicks in the
(23:35):
butt, especially, I don't haveto prove myself anymore.
I am proud of myaccomplishments, of work that I
did while I was at OhioUniversity, work that I'm
(23:55):
starting to do here at UC SantaCruz, work that I've done in
other spaces.
I am not an expert.
I know what I know and knowthat there's a lot that I don't
know.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I lost you, delphine.
I think you're back, okay, oh,yes, Okay, it's okay, we can
just edit that, but you weretalking about not having to
prove yourself and that youthere's not an, not an expert,
but you know things.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Yeah, I think for a long time I was like, oh, you
know, I need to be grateful as aperson of color that I have a
seat at the table, or as a queerand trans person that I have a
seat at the straight table.
And it's not about like sayinga few to everyone, uh, or
dismissing folks or or, or beingmean, um or unkind to to others
(24:53):
, but it really is like.
You know, I'm going to own itfor myself, uh, and I'm going to
share what I know, I'm going toask questions and I'm going to
center my comfort rather thanthe comfort of others.
Intellectually, I understandthat Embodying that every day is
a whole other story.
(25:15):
Just because we fall into thosetropes again, we fall into those
messages that we'veinternalized that take a lot of
time to crack and deconstructand reconstruct.
Friends of mine have sharedthat we often talk about oh, we
need a seat at the table, butwhat if we burn the table down
(25:39):
and create something new?
Just because that table, thereis still a power dynamic there,
and so not just saying that, butfinding ways to actually live
it and to reach the point whereI feel a lot of these things, I
was like, yes, I'm not going tocenter white supremacy and I'm
(26:00):
going to challenge this whitenormativity that exists.
Thank you, chancellor.
So-and-so, thank you for givingus a closet to work out of and
so having those moments of justsort of fieriness, fierceness,
feistiness, and then being like,oh no, I need to keep my job,
(26:28):
and so that some days it's alittle easier said than done,
but at least creating a spacewhere I can at least think about
certain things that before Iwas very scared of.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, I want to go back because this is something
I've been thinking a lot about.
Now that we are elders, we haveworked in spaces that maybe did
not support self-care, and I'mwondering if you're seeing a
shift in the way self-care looksor is talked about in
(27:04):
workspaces, the way self-carelooks or is talked about in
workspaces in higher ed or inother spheres that you're in.
Just wondering if you have anyperspective on that.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah, I have seen a shift.
I think early on in my careerand in my life, the focus was
like oh, go, get your nails done, get a mani-pedi, go for a
massage, go to the spa.
And I started to realize thatthat's not sustainable.
It's nice, but not everyone hasaccess to those resources, and
(27:37):
so I've appreciated thereframing of self-care to focus
on things like eating and makingsure you have access to food
that you're getting, rest thatyou know.
Sleeping for eight hours isn'tnecessarily the solution, but
making sure that you are restingwhen you sleep.
Again, connecting with naturein whatever ways one can connect
(28:03):
with nature, whether it's justsitting on the beach and looking
at the ocean here with theredwoods and the sequoias, you
know, literally hugging them, orjust taking a moment to walk
away from our screens for alittle bit.
One of the things thingsactually, earlier today, we had
(28:27):
a conversation with somecoworkers about creating a
healing community care circlenext week for everything that's
happening on campus, and one ofthe things that came up is
sometimes a healing event for acommunity is creating an altar
and being able to lift up thenames of folks not only who have
(28:50):
died, but lift up the names andmemories of folks who inspire
us, and just creating a communalaltar can be a form of
self-care and healing.
And so decolonizing andde-whiting self-care and looking
(29:12):
as Latinos, as Latinex folk,for us the smallest unit of self
is community, and so sometimesit means going to a dance and,
yes, our music can be veryexhausting to dance to, but just
being in community and in thatspace around food music, just
(29:34):
sort of the sabor of being inthat space.
Sometimes it's sending a Slackmessage to my fellow directors
and being like you know what?
I'm not feeling it today, andthis is why, uh, and making
snarky jokes, uh, and with eachother, uh, because we have that
trust and confianza with witheach other, Um, and so I've
(29:56):
appreciated how the conversationaround self-care has started to
expand, uh and and to be more,to be more inclusive of our
realities.
Sometimes that means that athing is going to get into drag
and perform to the queen of thenight aria sung by a chicken,
(30:17):
which happened two weeks ago andis happening tomorrow, and it's
, it's work, it's, but it's alsojust fun to let loose, and, and
so I, it's, it's work, uh, it's, uh, but it's also just fun to
to let loose, Uh and.
And so I've appreciated againhow self-care conversations have
evolved.
Uh, because initially it wasjust like I don't have money to
get a massage, I don't havemoney to spend the day at the
(30:38):
spa, Um, and getting a mani pediis, is, is fun, but that's also
gets to be quite expensive.
And getting a mani-pedi is fun,but that also gets to be quite
expensive.
And so I have appreciated thesort of reclaiming of things
that many of our communitieshave done for centuries and just
relifting them up again.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I love that.
I love that and I think it'sgoing to continue to evolve and
to become more of an integratedpart of how we work and how we
don't work while we're incommunity with our coworkers
right, because otherwise I thinkthat we operate at a pace that
(31:23):
is not sustainable.
We operate at a pace that isnot sustainable and I think part
of that was just one of theoutcomes.
I thought that COVID reallydrove home was if we don't shift
the way that we're, the waythat we're working we're, we're
just going down a bad path.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
So I've also have told my coworkers-workers and
mindful other nights that wehave to pull an all-nighter to
get XYZ task done.
Yes, but have learned doingthat every night is not
sustainable.
And so if an expense reportgets turned in a day late, an
(32:03):
expense report gets turned in aday late.
An expense report gets turnedin a day late If responding to
an email at midnight is notgoing to drastically change the
world, and so it'll be there at10 o'clock the next day.
And so, recognizing that wedon't have to do overdo it every
(32:24):
day, but hearing like, oh, thisis late, there's a deadline,
productivity, we need to produce, we need to produce, we need to
produce.
Challenging that and being likeyou know what, again, there
will be nights that, okay, I dohave to hunker down and pull in
all nighter to put together apresentation for the next day.
(32:45):
Doing that every once in awhile is okay, doing that every
day not so much.
And so one of the things havingan accountability partner in my
partner who has shared with methat he appreciates that now I'm
getting home between six andseven, which is totally
(33:07):
different from previous jobswhere I was getting home at
midnight and then going to workthe next day at nine and that
when that is needed, we do it.
But that can't be the norm.
And so, I agree, covid hasshifted a lot of things.
What does it mean to workremotely?
And right now I'm sitting on acouch and it's a little bit more
(33:31):
comfortable to sit on my couchand have this type of
conversation than it is sittingat a desk.
And so also thinking about ourwork environments and that going
to the office nine to five maynot be what's most productive,
and you know, sometimes workingfrom home is a little nicer.
Sometimes, I mean, in my case Ihave to tell Jason baby, you
(33:54):
don't have to come up to meevery five minutes to ask me if
I need anything, just give metime to work.
But you know, just being ableto work in a space where one
feels safe can totallyrevolutionize how we do our work
(34:15):
and also how we take care ofourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Jason is getting better.
Oh, but it's so sweet, and Imean that.
What an atmosphere to work in,where someone is just really
caring for you and and wants tomake sure you have what you need
to.
Um, so is there anything thatwe haven't touched on that you
(34:45):
would like to say, or any wordsof wisdom that you would like to
share, dolphin, that we haven'ttalked about?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
pressure.
Um no, I I think we've covereda lot and I've rambled and
babbled a lot.
I think I didn't coin the phrase, but it's become associated
(35:14):
with me just to tell folks to doit to it when it comes to
self-care and to do whatever isauthentic, that this isn't about
perfection, this isn't aboutmeeting the standards that have
been imposed on us by others,but really carving out a space
where we can be ourselves.
(35:35):
And mindful that it's easy forme to say that than for a person
who is struggling to reallyinternalize that and believe it,
and so I'm mindful of theprivilege that I have in terms
of saying that, but hoping thatin whatever ways we can carve
out space for ourselves to justfeel whole.
(35:59):
Sometimes that means and I'msure, and after listening to
this, my family now may be on tome.
Sometimes that means and I'msure, and after listening to
this, my family now may be on tome Um, sometimes it means
taking bathroom breaks, like, oh, I'm not feeling well, I need
to go to the bathroom, uh, justto disconnect for a little bit.
And you know, text message mypartner, text message a friend,
and be like I don't know what'shappening right now.
(36:21):
I just need to have a fewmoments to myself.
And I'm sure my family thinks Ihave all of these strange
stomach problems.
But you know, whatever it isthat we can do to take care of
ourselves is what we can do totake care of ourselves, and that
there's not a standard thatfolks have to live up to.
It really is whatever isauthentic and gives us joy.
(36:43):
I often use the phrase fromMarie Kondo what is sparking joy
?
What is sparking joy in you?
How are you sparking joy inothers?
And just really reflecting onthat, and it can be something as
simple as getting a random textmessage from a friend.
It can be just sitting outsidefor a little bit.
(37:06):
I remember at OU there's thisbig push for us to get standing
desks and I resisted it.
One because the cost wasastronomical, but two, I was
like I understand being able tostand up throughout the day.
That's important, but this iskeeping me at my desk in a
healthier way, but it's keepingme at my desk.
(37:28):
No, I need to get away from mydesk for a little bit.
Uh, and and so, yeah, there'svery simple things that we can
do that really pack a wallop andand so, um, whatever I've
shared in this time hopefullywill spark some ideas for folks
to find their own way ofsparking joy for themselves and
(37:51):
ultimately sparking joy inothers country and planting
rainbow seeds and sharing yourflags all across the US really
(38:12):
brought a big smile to my face.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It was a great image.
So thank you so much, delphine.
You're welcome.
We miss you in the Midwest, butwe're glad to hear that you're
doing well over on the WestCoast and yeah, we will visit
soon.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
We will visit soon.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Fantastic, fantastic.
Well, thank you all forlistening.
This is the Self-Care Societypodcast.
I'm Keri Shaw with my guest,delphine Bautista, and we hope
you join us next time for ourpodcast.
Remember, self-care is notselfish, it's an investment.
(38:47):
Thank you.
That concludes this week'sepisode.
And remember, it's not selfish,it's self-care.
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
And how we're going to do this by first showing you
the filtered, pretty version ofsuccess and then the real
struggles, real work and rawgrit it took to get there, how
they took care of themselves andalso achieved their goals while
doing it.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Together, we will work with you to improve and
maintain your internal healthand growth, while helping you
achieve your external goals andyour next professional
achievement in life.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And we're excited to show you how to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have,
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Welcome to the Self-CareSociety podcast.
I'm Keri Shaw, and with me thisweek we have my good friend,
(01:08):
Delphine Bautista.
Welcome to our podcast,Delphine.
Thank you for having me.
So, Delphine, we'd like tostart out by just learning a
little bit about our guests.
So if you would like to share afew words, so if you would like
to share a few words.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And so again, muchas gracias for this opportunity, as
was shared.
My name is Dilping my pronounsin English are they them or
simply my name and I currentlyserve as the director for the
Cantu Queer Center at UC SantaCruz.
I am originally from Miami,florida.
Born and raised, I'm Cuban andSalvadoran.
(01:49):
I identify as both queer andtrans and often use the phrase
queer and trans diva of sacredsex, and have focused a lot of
my work, professionally andpersonally, at the intersections
of faith, religion and queerand trans justice.
(02:10):
And then, lastly, I have amaster's in social work as well
as a master's in divinity, and Iwill be celebrating 22 years,
23 years Jamie's going to killme 22 years together.
And yeah, that's just a littleabout me in a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Fantastic and felicidades Gracias.
So, delfina, as you know, wetalked a little bit about the
structure of this podcast, butwe like to talk about the real
to real person um with ourguests.
So we're gonna start out withquestions about how, who you are
on the outside, how how you ummaybe present to the world, how
(03:02):
the world sees you in theR-E-E-L sense.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That is a good question that I've been
reflecting on for a little bitnow and I think how the world
perceives me, how the world alsoengages me, is as a social
worker and it is my frame ofreference when it comes to
looking at social justice issues, when it comes to just looking
(03:32):
at the work that happens inhigher ed and it's been exciting
here, more so than at previousinstitutions that I've been at
that there's a group of socialworkers that we've come together
in a group of MSWs where we'vecome together to support each
other, which has been excitingand so perceived as a social
(03:52):
worker, as an activist, as atroublemaker and hopefully the
good sense of that a person whodoesn't back down from asking
questions, but politely so, andso asking questions to challenge
(04:15):
folks to think about things ina different way or in a new way,
but not from a place of tryingto undermine or attack.
A place of trying to undermineor attack.
I am mindful when it comes tomy queerness and my transness.
I can be very colorful.
I'm not wearing them today, butI do have a pair of rainbow
(04:37):
glasses and I can be sort ofextremely just, sort of out
there and some days I'm excitedabout that and some days I just
want to go about my day and nothave to answer questions about
gender and sexuality and otherthings.
But just being able to beperceived as an out queer person
(05:00):
is both exciting but also alittle scary.
When I moved to Santa Cruz, whenmy partner and I did the the
drive from the Midwest here,being able to travel across the
the country and having a rainbowmask uh, having a rainbow bag
with with trans pins uh, was alittle scary in in some parts of
(05:23):
the country, but also reallyhealing.
We had folks come up to us like,oh, I'm a non-binary person and
today's non-binary visibilityday, or where did you get your
rainbow mask?
We don't have those here in XYZtown and so embracing what it
means to be visible, both withthe challenges and opportunities
(05:46):
that brings and the seeds thatare planted along the way.
Lastly, as a person of faith,folks are always intrigued by
that intersection of mybackground, always intrigued by
that intersection of mybackground.
Having been a hospital chaplain, having a degree in ministry,
(06:14):
and feeling comfortable talkingabout religion and spirituality
from a queer perspective, from afeminist perspective, and just
being perceived as the queerreligious one is an interesting
role or I often see it as a formof ministry to live into, just
being able to create spaces forfolks just to be who they are
(06:35):
and ask questions, and so Ithink those are some of the ways
that I am perceived.
My mother would say I'm a painin the butt but she says it more
colorfully in Spanish, but ingeneral.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
That is, I think, how I'm perceived.
I know that from my perspective, knowing you and we have some
overlap in some of these areasand that spirituality piece for
(07:26):
me has always been reallyfascinating that you have been
able to really be in this spaceas a social worker and as
someone who's really engaged inreligion and super in
spirituality like some.
That is just sometimes anintersection that we don't see,
because there's also.
There's always um, not always,but oftentimes are real
separation or um.
I mean it's.
It's almost like a separationof church and state kind of
perspective.
I think in social work that we,we just don't go there.
So I think that I learned a lotabout how to be in that space
(07:46):
from you, thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
So, gosh, I feel like I wishthis were like a call-in podcast
, because I think people you'reprobably hitting a lot of
buttons that people are like, oh, I want to talk about this.
So I guess I mean, my nextquestion is really, if that's
(08:12):
who you are on the outside, howis the inside Delphine or the
more internal Delphine differentand what does that mean for you
and what does that?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
mean for you.
That is an amazing, complicatedwhirlwind of a question In some
of the thoughts that come tomind.
When I lived in community, whenmy partner and I lived in
community in Minneapolis, we metour house, our soon-to-be
(08:45):
housemates.
Jason is still recovering fromthe experience.
The first thing out of theirmouths to the two of us who they
were meeting for the first timeover Zoom was oh, you are, our
elders, are elders, uh, andJason's like WTF, I'm only in my
(09:11):
40s.
Like elder, um, but um, one ofthem shared like yeah, for a
trans person to reach their 40sin some places is inspiring, uh,
and and so to embrace thistitle, mantle calling of being
an elder and what that means andthe responsibility that that
carries.
(09:31):
And then here in Santa Cruz,students looking to me as one of
their elders and calling methat and wanting to embrace that
with humility, also like I'malso only in my 40s, but okay,
this is an honor and somethingto embrace and take seriously.
(09:56):
Some of the things that are notoften visible is a lot of the
insecurity around navigatingcertain spaces as a queer person
, as a trans person, as a personof color, as a person who asks
(10:19):
questions, and not feeling goodenough and having to justify or
prove my credentials and myexperience, especially in the
world of higher ed.
And thankfully my nowsupervisor has my first year
(10:43):
basically in all our touch bases, reminding me that I hired you.
I know you can do this job.
You have nothing to prove,you've done that already.
But still I know folks areframing it from imposter
syndrome to imposter phenomena,just just feeling that I'm not
(11:03):
good enough and that I have tosomehow prove my enoughness to
the world.
And again, that's not astruggle.
That is always visible.
I do live with depression andsome days it's impossible to get
(11:24):
out of bed.
Some days it's impossible toget out of bed, and those are
things that my still.
At Ohio university I shared areflection that I wrote for um.
(11:48):
A student group came togetherto talk about suicide awareness
and so I shared a reflectionwhere I talk about my struggles
with suicide and my motherfreaked out.
She's like you can't talk aboutthat, they're going to fire you
.
That's not acceptable, um, thatpeople are going to look down
on you and and so the culturalstigma cultural stigma to
(12:10):
talking about mental healthrealities and not that I share
those things for people to feelbad for me or to look up to me,
but just being able to sharethat.
This queer trans, frumpy diva,is also a person who is
experiencing things similar tothem, and we often talk about
(12:30):
coming out and being out from anLGBT perspective, but there are
other forms of coming out andbeing out and navigating the
world.
The last thing that comes tomind is I've been labeled the
head queer in many institutionsthat that I I've worked in.
Uh, here some people refer tome as the head queer in charge.
(12:53):
Uh, like, I'm not in charge, um, and sometimes the, the, the
insecurity, the, the fear thatthat I experienced.
Uh, you know what does it meanto wear a skirt in public?
What does it mean to get mynails done at the salon and to
(13:14):
have a group of individuals justsort of stare at me as I'm
getting acrylics both the nailtechnician and all of those
around the nail technician, thenail technician being able to
(13:34):
see students live into theirjourneys of affirmation as they
transition and sometimes feelingjealous like I wish I could do
that.
They're looking to me forinspiration, but I'm looking to
them for inspiration justbecause part of me would like to
have a conversation with ahealthcare provider about
hormones, but am I ready to havethat conversation with my
partner?
Am I ready to have thatconversation with my family?
(13:56):
Am I ready to have thatconversation with my coworkers?
And so just having to the fear,insecurity, doubt, confusion,
of externalizing a lot of theinternal questions and doubts
(14:17):
that I experienced At the sametime that I experienced those
things, being extremely mindfulthat that doesn't make me less
of a person, it doesn't make meless trans, it doesn't make me
less queer.
I do need to start practicing mySpanish more.
You know, the fact thatsometimes I forget a word in
(14:37):
Spanish doesn't make me lessLatine, and so, yeah, but again,
sort of that imposter phenomenathat exists professionally but
also personally, is somethingthat I've become very good at
hiding through laughter, throughsnark, through sarcasm, through
(15:01):
jokes, and have started torecognize that it's okay to be
vulnerable, it's okay to sharethese things with others, but
it's not easy.
Yeah, yeah, that was a lot, Iapologize.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
It is a lot.
I mean, I think that I'm notalone in saying that you are
just this natural leader, thatyou are just this natural leader
and and what you know.
What does that?
What does that mean, and whatkind of responsibility or burden
do we put on people that we seeas leaders and oftentimes don't
give them that space to bevulnerable?
(15:41):
Like you know, we, we have kindof rigid definitions of what
that means, and sometimes, and Ithink that, um, I'm glad to see
you feel, feeling like you'removing towards a place of being
vulnerable and being vulnerableout loud, Right, Um, because
(16:02):
that's leading to, um, I mean, I, in some ways, I think that
that is, um, that feministleadership style, you know,
leaning into that more so thanbeing a certain, I don't know,
like managing all of youremotions in a box and I remember
(16:25):
having a conversation with astudent who just extreme mental
health realities for them.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They were struggling with depression, they were
concerned about harmingthemselves, and when I shared
with them I was like, look, Iwant to keep the focus on you,
but just speaking from my ownself, having been committed to
psychiatric ward for a week ofmy life in grad school, was a
(17:01):
very scary thing but also a verywhole-lizing thing, and I don't
want to fill you with falsehope that things are going to
automatically get better.
But you need to take a week off.
You need to take a week off andeverything, things will come
together, and the ways that theyneed to come together.
And from there the studentcalled and admitted themselves,
(17:25):
just because they're like, ohokay, the thing may not have it
all together and is, you know,falling apart, but like you can
also rebuild.
And if they can do it, I can doit.
And so recognizing the impactand the ripple effect that being
vulnerable has, especially withthe communities that we serve,
(17:50):
helps them embrace their ownvulnerability to then be able to
seek the support that they need.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Absolutely, yeah.
Yeah, that's a great example ofhow powerful vulnerability is
and how it just opens up thatspace for others is, and how it
(18:16):
just opens up that space forothers.
And it's a great segue into mynext question about self-care,
because this is a self-caresociety and I think you've
talked a little bit about howsome other people have embraced
and take care of you, but how doyou take care of you, delphine?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
That is ongoing mystery of my life, Consistent
professional goal in myassessments and evaluations,
it's a struggle.
As much as I am a strongadvocate for others to take care
(18:52):
of themselves, Taking care ofme is not as a handful and is a
full-time job, and so what Ilearned after the experience I
had in grad school about beingin a psychiatric ward for a
weekend and being committed Wasthat asking for help is not
(19:16):
going to make my head pop up andI'm not going to explode into a
glittery you know firework byasking Carrie, you know I'm
having a hard time.
Can we just grab coffee?
Or I don't know what to do forthis social work Instead of
teaching.
Can I get ideas?
Or reaching out to mutualfriends like Michelle and
(19:38):
Winsome?
Sometimes reaching out to myfamily is a little challenging
just because, like me, theyautomatically go into fixer mode
, like, oh, oh, you need to dothis to fix this and it's just
like no, I just want to complainand vent and process and not
have everything fixed and youshould do this, you should do
(19:58):
this.
Um, my dear beloved jason hasgrown a lot, I think early on in
our relationship.
Um, anytime either of us had achallenge, we automatically went
into fix-it mode and now we'rejust learning to create space,
for I just need to vent for alittle bit.
We can then figure out if Ineed to do anything, but for
(20:19):
right now just need to vent orbe angry or cry or just watch
cartoons and not answer all ofthe questions that I know you
have.
And so finding those people,finding my people along the
journey, being in a unit herewithin UC Santa Cruz where not
(20:46):
just myself but my supervisor,my fellow directors, the folks
that we supervise, even ourinterns, are like you need to
make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, so you take
care of us.
But you know, I remember astudent asking me in supervision
.
I asked them like oh, what areyou doing to take care of
(21:07):
yourself?
And then they answered and thenthey're like and how are you
taking care of yourself?
And I was like who's thesupervisor here?
And so that there is thisculture and commitment to
self-care and communal care.
But at the same time it's hard.
(21:28):
I think for me it's a part ofbeing Cuban and sort of Latina,
Latinx culture that you work,work, work, work, work, because
you have to prove yourself tothis culture and this country
and how you do that is byworking to the point that you
(21:49):
can't work anymore.
I think part of it also comesfrom experiences of gender
dysphoria in terms of why am Itaking care of a body that I
don't feel connected to?
And working on that more andmore and recognizing the need to
(22:09):
take care of myself and but Ithink, for a long time
struggling with like, oh, Idon't feel this is like my body,
it's not the body that I wantto inhabit or to express to the
world I'm just going to treat itlike garbage, and recognizing
that that's not wholizing or orhealthy, and so the need to that
(22:32):
I do need to take care ofmyself so that one day, if I do
decide to medically transition,my body can take it.
Uh and and so um, a lot of theself-care is reminding myself of
the reminders that I giveothers, and so I often tell my
(22:52):
team you need to make sureyou're drinking water, that
you're sleeping, that you'retaking time to disconnect from
social media, that here in SantaCruz, you know, go to the ocean
, hug a tree.
Like there are things here thatwe can do and that I need to do
(23:13):
myself and not just nudge myteam and those around me to do,
but that I need to practicethose things myself.
Lastly and this has taken a lotof work, a lot of kicks in the
(23:35):
butt, especially, I don't haveto prove myself anymore.
I am proud of myaccomplishments, of work that I
did while I was at OhioUniversity, work that I'm
(23:55):
starting to do here at UC SantaCruz, work that I've done in
other spaces.
I am not an expert.
I know what I know and knowthat there's a lot that I don't
know.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I lost you, delphine.
I think you're back, okay, oh,yes, Okay, it's okay, we can
just edit that, but you weretalking about not having to
prove yourself and that youthere's not an, not an expert,
but you know things.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Yeah, I think for a long time I was like, oh, you
know, I need to be grateful as aperson of color that I have a
seat at the table, or as a queerand trans person that I have a
seat at the straight table.
And it's not about like sayinga few to everyone, uh, or
dismissing folks or or, or beingmean, um or unkind to to others
(24:53):
, but it really is like.
You know, I'm going to own itfor myself, uh, and I'm going to
share what I know, I'm going toask questions and I'm going to
center my comfort rather thanthe comfort of others.
Intellectually, I understandthat Embodying that every day is
a whole other story.
(25:15):
Just because we fall into thosetropes again, we fall into those
messages that we'veinternalized that take a lot of
time to crack and deconstructand reconstruct.
Friends of mine have sharedthat we often talk about oh, we
need a seat at the table, butwhat if we burn the table down
(25:39):
and create something new?
Just because that table, thereis still a power dynamic there,
and so not just saying that, butfinding ways to actually live
it and to reach the point whereI feel a lot of these things, I
was like, yes, I'm not going tocenter white supremacy and I'm
(26:00):
going to challenge this whitenormativity that exists.
Thank you, chancellor.
So-and-so, thank you for givingus a closet to work out of and
so having those moments of justsort of fieriness, fierceness,
feistiness, and then being like,oh no, I need to keep my job,
(26:28):
and so that some days it's alittle easier said than done,
but at least creating a spacewhere I can at least think about
certain things that before Iwas very scared of.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, I want to go back because this is something
I've been thinking a lot about.
Now that we are elders, we haveworked in spaces that maybe did
not support self-care, and I'mwondering if you're seeing a
shift in the way self-care looksor is talked about in
(27:04):
workspaces, the way self-carelooks or is talked about in
workspaces in higher ed or inother spheres that you're in.
Just wondering if you have anyperspective on that.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah, I have seen a shift.
I think early on in my careerand in my life, the focus was
like oh, go, get your nails done, get a mani-pedi, go for a
massage, go to the spa.
And I started to realize thatthat's not sustainable.
It's nice, but not everyone hasaccess to those resources, and
(27:37):
so I've appreciated thereframing of self-care to focus
on things like eating and makingsure you have access to food
that you're getting, rest thatyou know.
Sleeping for eight hours isn'tnecessarily the solution, but
making sure that you are restingwhen you sleep.
Again, connecting with naturein whatever ways one can connect
(28:03):
with nature, whether it's justsitting on the beach and looking
at the ocean here with theredwoods and the sequoias, you
know, literally hugging them, orjust taking a moment to walk
away from our screens for alittle bit.
One of the things thingsactually, earlier today, we had
(28:27):
a conversation with somecoworkers about creating a
healing community care circlenext week for everything that's
happening on campus, and one ofthe things that came up is
sometimes a healing event for acommunity is creating an altar
and being able to lift up thenames of folks not only who have
(28:50):
died, but lift up the names andmemories of folks who inspire
us, and just creating a communalaltar can be a form of
self-care and healing.
And so decolonizing andde-whiting self-care and looking
(29:12):
as Latinos, as Latinex folk,for us the smallest unit of self
is community, and so sometimesit means going to a dance and,
yes, our music can be veryexhausting to dance to, but just
being in community and in thatspace around food music, just
(29:34):
sort of the sabor of being inthat space.
Sometimes it's sending a Slackmessage to my fellow directors
and being like you know what?
I'm not feeling it today, andthis is why, uh, and making
snarky jokes, uh, and with eachother, uh, because we have that
trust and confianza with witheach other, Um, and so I've
(29:56):
appreciated how the conversationaround self-care has started to
expand, uh and and to be more,to be more inclusive of our
realities.
Sometimes that means that athing is going to get into drag
and perform to the queen of thenight aria sung by a chicken,
(30:17):
which happened two weeks ago andis happening tomorrow, and it's
, it's work, it's, but it's alsojust fun to let loose, and, and
so I, it's, it's work, uh, it's, uh, but it's also just fun to
to let loose, Uh and.
And so I've appreciated againhow self-care conversations have
evolved.
Uh, because initially it wasjust like I don't have money to
get a massage, I don't havemoney to spend the day at the
(30:38):
spa, Um, and getting a mani pediis, is, is fun, but that's also
gets to be quite expensive.
And getting a mani-pedi is fun,but that also gets to be quite
expensive.
And so I have appreciated thesort of reclaiming of things
that many of our communitieshave done for centuries and just
relifting them up again.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I love that.
I love that and I think it'sgoing to continue to evolve and
to become more of an integratedpart of how we work and how we
don't work while we're incommunity with our coworkers
right, because otherwise I thinkthat we operate at a pace that
(31:23):
is not sustainable.
We operate at a pace that isnot sustainable and I think part
of that was just one of theoutcomes.
I thought that COVID reallydrove home was if we don't shift
the way that we're, the waythat we're working we're, we're
just going down a bad path.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
So I've also have told my coworkers-workers and
mindful other nights that wehave to pull an all-nighter to
get XYZ task done.
Yes, but have learned doingthat every night is not
sustainable.
And so if an expense reportgets turned in a day late, an
(32:03):
expense report gets turned in aday late.
An expense report gets turnedin a day late If responding to
an email at midnight is notgoing to drastically change the
world, and so it'll be there at10 o'clock the next day.
And so, recognizing that wedon't have to do overdo it every
(32:24):
day, but hearing like, oh, thisis late, there's a deadline,
productivity, we need to produce, we need to produce, we need to
produce.
Challenging that and being likeyou know what, again, there
will be nights that, okay, I dohave to hunker down and pull in
all nighter to put together apresentation for the next day.
(32:45):
Doing that every once in awhile is okay, doing that every
day not so much.
And so one of the things havingan accountability partner in my
partner who has shared with methat he appreciates that now I'm
getting home between six andseven, which is totally
(33:07):
different from previous jobswhere I was getting home at
midnight and then going to workthe next day at nine and that
when that is needed, we do it.
But that can't be the norm.
And so, I agree, covid hasshifted a lot of things.
What does it mean to workremotely?
And right now I'm sitting on acouch and it's a little bit more
(33:31):
comfortable to sit on my couchand have this type of
conversation than it is sittingat a desk.
And so also thinking about ourwork environments and that going
to the office nine to five maynot be what's most productive,
and you know, sometimes workingfrom home is a little nicer.
Sometimes, I mean, in my case Ihave to tell Jason baby, you
(33:54):
don't have to come up to meevery five minutes to ask me if
I need anything, just give metime to work.
But you know, just being ableto work in a space where one
feels safe can totallyrevolutionize how we do our work
(34:15):
and also how we take care ofourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Jason is getting better.
Oh, but it's so sweet, and Imean that.
What an atmosphere to work in,where someone is just really
caring for you and and wants tomake sure you have what you need
to.
Um, so is there anything thatwe haven't touched on that you
(34:45):
would like to say, or any wordsof wisdom that you would like to
share, dolphin, that we haven'ttalked about?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
pressure.
Um no, I I think we've covereda lot and I've rambled and
babbled a lot.
I think I didn't coin the phrase, but it's become associated
(35:14):
with me just to tell folks to doit to it when it comes to
self-care and to do whatever isauthentic, that this isn't about
perfection, this isn't aboutmeeting the standards that have
been imposed on us by others,but really carving out a space
where we can be ourselves.
(35:35):
And mindful that it's easy forme to say that than for a person
who is struggling to reallyinternalize that and believe it,
and so I'm mindful of theprivilege that I have in terms
of saying that, but hoping thatin whatever ways we can carve
out space for ourselves to justfeel whole.
(35:59):
Sometimes that means and I'msure, and after listening to
this, my family now may be on tome.
Sometimes that means and I'msure, and after listening to
this, my family now may be on tome Um, sometimes it means
taking bathroom breaks, like, oh, I'm not feeling well, I need
to go to the bathroom, uh, justto disconnect for a little bit.
And you know, text message mypartner, text message a friend,
and be like I don't know what'shappening right now.
(36:21):
I just need to have a fewmoments to myself.
And I'm sure my family thinks Ihave all of these strange
stomach problems.
But you know, whatever it isthat we can do to take care of
ourselves is what we can do totake care of ourselves, and that
there's not a standard thatfolks have to live up to.
It really is whatever isauthentic and gives us joy.
(36:43):
I often use the phrase fromMarie Kondo what is sparking joy
?
What is sparking joy in you?
How are you sparking joy inothers?
And just really reflecting onthat, and it can be something as
simple as getting a random textmessage from a friend.
It can be just sitting outsidefor a little bit.
(37:06):
I remember at OU there's thisbig push for us to get standing
desks and I resisted it.
One because the cost wasastronomical, but two, I was
like I understand being able tostand up throughout the day.
That's important, but this iskeeping me at my desk in a
healthier way, but it's keepingme at my desk.
(37:28):
No, I need to get away from mydesk for a little bit.
Uh, and and so, yeah, there'svery simple things that we can
do that really pack a wallop andand so, um, whatever I've
shared in this time hopefullywill spark some ideas for folks
to find their own way ofsparking joy for themselves and
(37:51):
ultimately sparking joy inothers country and planting
rainbow seeds and sharing yourflags all across the US really
(38:12):
brought a big smile to my face.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It was a great image.
So thank you so much, delphine.
You're welcome.
We miss you in the Midwest, butwe're glad to hear that you're
doing well over on the WestCoast and yeah, we will visit
soon.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
We will visit soon.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Fantastic, fantastic.
Well, thank you all forlistening.
This is the Self-Care Societypodcast.
I'm Keri Shaw with my guest,delphine Bautista, and we hope
you join us next time for ourpodcast.
Remember, self-care is notselfish, it's an investment.
(38:47):
Thank you.
That concludes this week'sepisode.
And remember, it's not selfish,it's self-care.
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