May 30, 2024 • 15 mins
What if preparing for the unexpected could be your greatest act of self-love? In this episode of the Self-Care Society podcast, Lashanna offers transformative insights on how to manage stress and prioritize self-care amidst life's uncertainties. Lashanna deepens our understanding of 'paying yourself first' by extending this principle beyond financial stability to encompass mental and emotional readiness. Through mindfulness practices, she guides us on staying present and recognizing how our bodies respond to stress. Learn how meditation and positive affirmations can foster inner peace and resilience, equipping you to handle life's unforeseen challenges more effectively.
Ever noticed how harsh your self-talk can be during stressful times? Lashanna sheds light on this common issue and encourages replacing those negative thoughts with uplifting and positive self-talk. She emphasizes the importance of engaging in joyful and relaxing activities, such as walking, biking, or roller skating, as a means to emotionally brace for the unexpected. By tuning in, you'll gain practical tips and strategies for enhancing your mental wellness and emotional resilience. Remember, self-care is not a luxury—it's essential for your well-being.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
And how we're going to do this?
(00:22):
By first showing you thefiltered, pretty version of
success, and then the realstruggles, real work and raw
grit it took to get there, howthey took care of themselves and
also achieve their goals whiledoing it together.
We will work with you toimprove and maintain your
internal health and growth,while helping you achieve your
(00:42):
external goals and your nextprofessional achievement in life
, and we're excited to show youhow to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Welcome back everyone to the self-care podcast.
I am Lashana Alfred, and todayI want to share with you this
whole idea of preparing for lifeunexpected events.
Preparing for life, unexpectedevents.
It reminds me of when myhusband used to always tell me
(01:24):
to pay myself first.
Right, he wanted me to paymyself first, just in case you
know anything happened.
In the case of an emergency, Iwill have finances available.
And usually, when you hearabout being prepared for life
unexpected things, we have,we're prepared for financial
setbacks or maybe job loss andthose type of things, but no one
(01:49):
ever really talks to us.
How do we prepare ourselves foran unexpected diagnosis, health
(02:10):
diagnosis?
How do we prepare ourselves?
And today I really want toshare with you ways that we can
prepare ourselves from lifeunexpected events.
Not just saving up for a rainyday, but literally using skills,
techniques, methods to help usprepare ourselves mentally and
(02:32):
emotionally for some of theunexpected things that will
surely happen in this thingcalled life.
And number one is what we callstress management stress
management.
So, just like with thisself-care group, this whole
thing designed for you to makesure you're taking care of self
(02:54):
oh yeah, we're good at takingcare of everyone else.
We will stay up late.
You know, go wake up early,making sure we get kids off to
school, making sure we meetdeadlines and all of that.
And we fail to put in the sameenergy, the same effort when it
comes to us taking care ofourselves.
(03:14):
And so everything about thisself-care group, the podcast, is
designed to help you make sureyou put the oxygen mask on you
first.
Yes, you heard me.
Everything about this self-caregroup, the self-care podcast,
is literally designed to helpyou make sure that, while you're
(03:37):
helping everyone else, youdon't forget yourself.
We're teaching you how to putthe oxygen mask on yourself
first.
And that, my friend, is notselfish.
Taking care of you is notselfish.
So how do we prepare for lifeunexpected events from a mental
(03:59):
and emotional standpoint?
So, when we're looking atstress management, a couple of
things we want to do.
When it comes to stressmanagement, we want to practice
mindfulness.
A lot of people try to stayaway from it because they're so
used to their minds racing thatwhen we find ourselves having
(04:19):
quiet time, we don't know whatto do, right, maybe some, you
know, suppressed trauma beginsto come and overwhelm us.
But in order for us to prepareourselves mentally and
emotionally for life, unexpectedevents.
We have to make sure wecultivate a practice of
(04:41):
mindfulness in our dailyactivity, and mindfulness
doesn't have to be anything deepor anything you know, spooky
right.
Really, what it is is just yousitting still and paying
attention to every aspect of you, not allowing your mind to race
into deadlines and what youhave to do or really be stuck in
(05:05):
the past of what has alreadyhappened, but literally allowing
yourself to be present in themoment and noticing what's
happening with you right now, inthis moment, and even as I'm
talking, I want you to justreally practice that.
As you're listening to me,whether you're driving in your
car, whether you're at home orat work, I want you to really
(05:28):
pause and see how is your body,what's your body's posture,
what's happening?
Where's your mind at?
Is your mind racing?
Is it more external or is itinternal?
Are you having an internaldialogue, what's happening right
now?
And really allowing yourself tojust be aware of what's
(05:50):
happening right now, in thismoment?
Are you noticing any tension inyour shoulder area?
Maybe there's a feeling in yourpit, the pit of your stomach,
because maybe you just got somenews, some news, whatever it is,
it's just you recognizing inthis moment what's happening.
(06:11):
How is your body responding tostress?
If you're happy, and how do youknow that if you're sad, what's
telling you that you're sad?
Being right here in this moment, what's telling you that you're
angry?
What are you noticing?
(06:31):
And so, when we cultivate thispractice of mindfulness, it
helps us to be present, and inbeing present, we're able to
kind of navigate through thisthing called life and really be
as prepared as possible for theunexpected.
Along with that same line ofstress management is meditation.
(06:54):
All of us meditate.
It's just a lot of us meditateon the wrong thing.
A lot of us are eithermeditating on things that is not
going right, things that hasalready happened to us, things
that has not yet happened.
But when I'm talking aboutmeditation, I'm talking about
(07:15):
literally being intentional,about where your focus is.
And so if you want to be atpeace, then when you're
meditating, you're meditating onthings that help you be at
peace.
Maybe you'll find yourself atthe beach, or you know and just
meditating on theaccomplishments that you've made
(07:38):
so far.
Maybe you're going to meditateon a positive quote, an
affirmation.
You're going to meditate on apositive quote, an affirmation,
Whatever it is.
You want to make sure you'remeditating on things that will
help you feel good about you.
Meditate on things that willremind you of how awesome you
(08:01):
are, how reliable.
Meditate on those things.
And there's a lot of differentrelaxation techniques.
Maybe try yoga, going to thegym, maybe just a walk around
(08:26):
the neighborhood or in the park.
These are things that will helpus manage stress, and so we
need to practice these thingsbefore the unexpected happens,
because when the unexpectedhappens, we're going to go to
what we naturally go to, right?
(08:48):
So, and what do I mean by thatwhen the unexpected happens, if
my natural go to when I'mstressed or feeling overwhelmed
is to maybe drink alcohol or,you know, go to sleep, or if
that's my natural go to whenlife unexpected events happen,
that's what I'm going to do.
(09:09):
But when I cultivate thispractice of mindfulness and
meditation and other relaxationtechniques, when I cultivate
that on a regular basis whenlife unexpected events happen,
then I'm going to go to what Iknow bring me peace and calm.
Also, therapy and counseling.
(09:31):
Seek professional help whendealing with anxiety, depression
or any other mental illness.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Again, life comes with a loadof unexpected events and, just
(09:54):
like you may save up for a rainyday.
I want you, or encourage you,to practice some of these stress
management skills.
So, when life happensunexpectedly, you won't lose it,
you won't throw in the towel,you won't quit, you will make up
in your mind that you're goingto make it through, whatever
(10:17):
this difficulty is, that you'regoing to survive, and not just
survive, but you're going tothrive.
Before these things happen, getinvolved in some hobbies or
identify some interests that youmay have.
Engage in activities that bringjoy and relaxation.
I remember, you know, a fewyears back, when my son was shot
(10:42):
.
Prior to that happening, I wasat the gym every morning 6 am,
and after the incident happened,I continued to go to the gym
every morning 6 am.
And after the incident happened, I continued to go to the gym
and although I was crying and Iwas overwhelmed, it was
something about that regularactivity that I had already
(11:03):
incorporated into my life.
It helped me survive thatseason of my life.
It helped me survive thatseason of my life.
It helped me manage my emotionsduring that season.
So, whatever it is, you want toengage in activities that bring
you joy and relaxation.
So when life unexpected eventshappen, you won't lose it.
(11:31):
You won't get so depressed.
And don't get me wrong, we'llbe sad, and sadness is in order
when we lose a loved one orwe're faced with the unexpected.
Those things, those emotions,are in order.
It is okay to not be okay.
What we want to make sure isthat we don't stay there,
(12:04):
because there are some peoplethat have not been okay for
years.
So there's nothing wrong withnot being at your you know, the
top of your game or feeling justjoy and free all the time.
It's nothing.
You may not have that every day.
So when you do have thosemoments, those seasons where
things just don't seem to begoing right, embrace it.
(12:28):
Don't judge it.
Recognize it and allow yourselfto continue to move forward.
So I encourage you, identifysome things that you could be
interested in.
If it's going to yoga, if it'sgetting involved in a group
exercise team, if it's going ona walk or a swim team, whatever
(12:53):
activity that you can getinvolved in that brings you joy
and relaxation, make up in yourmind that you're going to start
that now, not next year, not amonth from now, but now, because
why put off for tomorrow whatwe can literally do today?
(13:14):
The second thing is seekcounseling, get into therapy so
you can establish relationships,so when life unexpected things
happen, you have someone thatyou trust, that you can kind of
process with.
And then the other thing waspractice mindfulness, practice
(13:35):
mindfulness.
You can do it in your car, youcan do it at home.
You don't need a guide.
All you have to do is literallysit wherever you are and just
bring your attention to thedifferent parts of you.
And just bring your attentionto the different parts of you,
just noticing what's happening.
If your mind is racing, insteadof judging it, just notice it.
(13:56):
If you're finding yourselffeeling anxious, just notice it.
Don't judge it.
Pay attention to the harsh talk.
Pay attention to harsh talk.
A lot of us speak harshly toourselves internally.
(14:17):
Pay attention to that.
Get rid of it and practicepositive self-talk, encouraging
yourself, self-talk, encouragingyourself and other relaxation
techniques.
Go on walks, ride a bike, goroller skating, rotor blade, but
(14:54):
identify an activity thatbrings you joy and relaxation
and this will help you preparefor life unexpected events.
An emotional standpoint.
Again, this is Lashana Alfred.
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm going to talk to you soon.
That concludes this week'sepisode.
And remember, it's not selfish,it's self-care.
Welcome to the Self-Care Society podcast with
your hosts Celia Williamson,ashley Kuchar, louie Guardiola
and Keri Shaw, a podcast devotedto those whose job it is to
help others get or remainmentally, physically and
emotionally healthy, but whoalso need to take care of
themselves.
And how we're going to do this?
(00:22):
By first showing you thefiltered, pretty version of
success, and then the realstruggles, real work and raw
grit it took to get there, howthey took care of themselves and
also achieve their goals whiledoing it together.
We will work with you toimprove and maintain your
internal health and growth,while helping you achieve your
(00:42):
external goals and your nextprofessional achievement in life
, and we're excited to show youhow to follow your own
individual and unique path andachieve the dreams you have
while taking good care ofyourself.
So let's get started.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Welcome back everyone to the self-care podcast.
I am Lashana Alfred, and todayI want to share with you this
whole idea of preparing for lifeunexpected events.
Preparing for life, unexpectedevents.
It reminds me of when myhusband used to always tell me
(01:24):
to pay myself first.
Right, he wanted me to paymyself first, just in case you
know anything happened.
In the case of an emergency, Iwill have finances available.
And usually, when you hearabout being prepared for life
unexpected things, we have,we're prepared for financial
setbacks or maybe job loss andthose type of things, but no one
(01:49):
ever really talks to us.
How do we prepare ourselves foran unexpected diagnosis, health
(02:10):
diagnosis?
How do we prepare ourselves?
And today I really want toshare with you ways that we can
prepare ourselves from lifeunexpected events.
Not just saving up for a rainyday, but literally using skills,
techniques, methods to help usprepare ourselves mentally and
(02:32):
emotionally for some of theunexpected things that will
surely happen in this thingcalled life.
And number one is what we callstress management stress
management.
So, just like with thisself-care group, this whole
thing designed for you to makesure you're taking care of self
(02:54):
oh yeah, we're good at takingcare of everyone else.
We will stay up late.
You know, go wake up early,making sure we get kids off to
school, making sure we meetdeadlines and all of that.
And we fail to put in the sameenergy, the same effort when it
comes to us taking care ofourselves.
(03:14):
And so everything about thisself-care group, the podcast, is
designed to help you make sureyou put the oxygen mask on you
first.
Yes, you heard me.
Everything about this self-caregroup, the self-care podcast,
is literally designed to helpyou make sure that, while you're
(03:37):
helping everyone else, youdon't forget yourself.
We're teaching you how to putthe oxygen mask on yourself
first.
And that, my friend, is notselfish.
Taking care of you is notselfish.
So how do we prepare for lifeunexpected events from a mental
(03:59):
and emotional standpoint?
So, when we're looking atstress management, a couple of
things we want to do.
When it comes to stressmanagement, we want to practice
mindfulness.
A lot of people try to stayaway from it because they're so
used to their minds racing thatwhen we find ourselves having
(04:19):
quiet time, we don't know whatto do, right, maybe some, you
know, suppressed trauma beginsto come and overwhelm us.
But in order for us to prepareourselves mentally and
emotionally for life, unexpectedevents.
We have to make sure wecultivate a practice of
(04:41):
mindfulness in our dailyactivity, and mindfulness
doesn't have to be anything deepor anything you know, spooky
right.
Really, what it is is just yousitting still and paying
attention to every aspect of you, not allowing your mind to race
into deadlines and what youhave to do or really be stuck in
(05:05):
the past of what has alreadyhappened, but literally allowing
yourself to be present in themoment and noticing what's
happening with you right now, inthis moment, and even as I'm
talking, I want you to justreally practice that.
As you're listening to me,whether you're driving in your
car, whether you're at home orat work, I want you to really
(05:28):
pause and see how is your body,what's your body's posture,
what's happening?
Where's your mind at?
Is your mind racing?
Is it more external or is itinternal?
Are you having an internaldialogue, what's happening right
now?
And really allowing yourself tojust be aware of what's
(05:50):
happening right now, in thismoment?
Are you noticing any tension inyour shoulder area?
Maybe there's a feeling in yourpit, the pit of your stomach,
because maybe you just got somenews, some news, whatever it is,
it's just you recognizing inthis moment what's happening.
(06:11):
How is your body responding tostress?
If you're happy, and how do youknow that if you're sad, what's
telling you that you're sad?
Being right here in this moment, what's telling you that you're
angry?
What are you noticing?
(06:31):
And so, when we cultivate thispractice of mindfulness, it
helps us to be present, and inbeing present, we're able to
kind of navigate through thisthing called life and really be
as prepared as possible for theunexpected.
Along with that same line ofstress management is meditation.
(06:54):
All of us meditate.
It's just a lot of us meditateon the wrong thing.
A lot of us are eithermeditating on things that is not
going right, things that hasalready happened to us, things
that has not yet happened.
But when I'm talking aboutmeditation, I'm talking about
(07:15):
literally being intentional,about where your focus is.
And so if you want to be atpeace, then when you're
meditating, you're meditating onthings that help you be at
peace.
Maybe you'll find yourself atthe beach, or you know and just
meditating on theaccomplishments that you've made
(07:38):
so far.
Maybe you're going to meditateon a positive quote, an
affirmation.
You're going to meditate on apositive quote, an affirmation,
Whatever it is.
You want to make sure you'remeditating on things that will
help you feel good about you.
Meditate on things that willremind you of how awesome you
(08:01):
are, how reliable.
Meditate on those things.
And there's a lot of differentrelaxation techniques.
Maybe try yoga, going to thegym, maybe just a walk around
(08:26):
the neighborhood or in the park.
These are things that will helpus manage stress, and so we
need to practice these thingsbefore the unexpected happens,
because when the unexpectedhappens, we're going to go to
what we naturally go to, right?
(08:48):
So, and what do I mean by thatwhen the unexpected happens, if
my natural go to when I'mstressed or feeling overwhelmed
is to maybe drink alcohol or,you know, go to sleep, or if
that's my natural go to whenlife unexpected events happen,
that's what I'm going to do.
(09:09):
But when I cultivate thispractice of mindfulness and
meditation and other relaxationtechniques, when I cultivate
that on a regular basis whenlife unexpected events happen,
then I'm going to go to what Iknow bring me peace and calm.
Also, therapy and counseling.
(09:31):
Seek professional help whendealing with anxiety, depression
or any other mental illness.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Again, life comes with a loadof unexpected events and, just
(09:54):
like you may save up for a rainyday.
I want you, or encourage you,to practice some of these stress
management skills.
So, when life happensunexpectedly, you won't lose it,
you won't throw in the towel,you won't quit, you will make up
in your mind that you're goingto make it through, whatever
(10:17):
this difficulty is, that you'regoing to survive, and not just
survive, but you're going tothrive.
Before these things happen, getinvolved in some hobbies or
identify some interests that youmay have.
Engage in activities that bringjoy and relaxation.
I remember, you know, a fewyears back, when my son was shot
(10:42):
.
Prior to that happening, I wasat the gym every morning 6 am,
and after the incident happened,I continued to go to the gym
every morning 6 am.
And after the incident happened, I continued to go to the gym
and although I was crying and Iwas overwhelmed, it was
something about that regularactivity that I had already
(11:03):
incorporated into my life.
It helped me survive thatseason of my life.
It helped me survive thatseason of my life.
It helped me manage my emotionsduring that season.
So, whatever it is, you want toengage in activities that bring
you joy and relaxation.
So when life unexpected eventshappen, you won't lose it.
(11:31):
You won't get so depressed.
And don't get me wrong, we'llbe sad, and sadness is in order
when we lose a loved one orwe're faced with the unexpected.
Those things, those emotions,are in order.
It is okay to not be okay.
What we want to make sure isthat we don't stay there,
(12:04):
because there are some peoplethat have not been okay for
years.
So there's nothing wrong withnot being at your you know, the
top of your game or feeling justjoy and free all the time.
It's nothing.
You may not have that every day.
So when you do have thosemoments, those seasons where
things just don't seem to begoing right, embrace it.
(12:28):
Don't judge it.
Recognize it and allow yourselfto continue to move forward.
So I encourage you, identifysome things that you could be
interested in.
If it's going to yoga, if it'sgetting involved in a group
exercise team, if it's going ona walk or a swim team, whatever
(12:53):
activity that you can getinvolved in that brings you joy
and relaxation, make up in yourmind that you're going to start
that now, not next year, not amonth from now, but now, because
why put off for tomorrow whatwe can literally do today?
(13:14):
The second thing is seekcounseling, get into therapy so
you can establish relationships,so when life unexpected things
happen, you have someone thatyou trust, that you can kind of
process with.
And then the other thing waspractice mindfulness, practice
(13:35):
mindfulness.
You can do it in your car, youcan do it at home.
You don't need a guide.
All you have to do is literallysit wherever you are and just
bring your attention to thedifferent parts of you.
And just bring your attentionto the different parts of you,
just noticing what's happening.
If your mind is racing, insteadof judging it, just notice it.
(13:56):
If you're finding yourselffeeling anxious, just notice it.
Don't judge it.
Pay attention to the harsh talk.
Pay attention to harsh talk.
A lot of us speak harshly toourselves internally.
(14:17):
Pay attention to that.
Get rid of it and practicepositive self-talk, encouraging
yourself, self-talk, encouragingyourself and other relaxation
techniques.
Go on walks, ride a bike, goroller skating, rotor blade, but
(14:54):
identify an activity thatbrings you joy and relaxation
and this will help you preparefor life unexpected events.
An emotional standpoint.
Again, this is Lashana Alfred.
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm going to talk to you soon.
That concludes this week'sepisode.
And remember, it's not selfish,it's self-care.
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