Compromise: Winning Together or Losing Yourself?

In this episode of the Self Realized: Shatter Your Limits Podcast, join me, Linton Bergsen, as I unpack the delicate balance between compromise and self-preservation. From boardrooms to marriages, international negotiations to individual choices, compromise is often praised as the path to peace. But at what point does “meeting in the middle” become losing the core of who you are?

Walking the tightrope between compromise and self-preservation haunts every relationship we build. That delicate balance forms the heart of this compelling exploration into what it truly means to meet in the middle without losing yourself in the process.

Compromise wears many masks in our lives. Sometimes it appears as the noble virtue of give-and-take, the foundation of lasting relationships. Other times, it becomes the silent assassin of our authentic selves, gradually erasing who we are until we no longer recognize the person in the mirror. The crucial question remains: how do we know the difference?

Through powerful personal stories and practical frameworks, you’ll uncover the anatomy of healthy compromise. True compromise emerges when both parties walk away stronger, when trust deepens through mutual respect and active listening. I’ll share a simple yet transformative exercise: creating two columns—"what I must have" and "what they must have"—to visualize where meaningful overlap exists. This conscious approach to negotiation stands in stark contrast to the self-betrayal that occurs when you consistently prioritize others' needs at the expense of your own well-being.

The journey toward conscious compromise requires developing what I call a "compromise compass"—a clear understanding of your flex points and non-negotiables based on core values. By pausing before negotiating win-win scenarios, and regularly reflecting on decisions, you can honor relationships without violating personal integrity. Remember, shattering your limits isn't about standing alone—it's about standing true to yourself while creating space for genuine connection with others.

Ready to transform how you navigate life's inevitable compromises? Subscribe now and join the community of self-realized individuals committed to living with both courage and consciousness. Leave a rating and review to help others discover these powerful insights! 

Let me know your thoughts on this episode. Text me your feedback! 🙂

https://www.selfrealized.com

Episode Transcript

Linton Bergsen (00:01):
Welcome to the Self-Realized Podcast with
Linton Bergsen, where you willshatter your limits.
I am not much into theself-help industry as much as
I'm into the self-realizedindividual, which is you, what
matters most to you, how you getthere and the obstacles that
may be in your way.
If you would like to be part ofthis podcast and part of that

(00:22):
discussion, I welcome you herewith an open heart, open mind
and open arms.
So, without further ado, let'sget on with the podcast.
Today we will be unlocking avery powerful question that's

(00:46):
haunted leaders, lovers,dreamers for generations.
Can compromise help us wintogether or does it risk us
losing ourselves?
A very warm welcome to episodenumber 112, Compromise: Winning
Together or Losing Yourself.

(01:07):
Imagine the last time you saidyes to a compromise when every
part of you screamed no.
Did you grow in love, in yourcareer, in your relationships,
or did a part of you slowly fadeaway?

(01:28):
You felt you lost a part ofyourself in that compromise.
Today I am going to challengethe stories you tell yourself
about meeting in the middle.
So-called compromise Today, youwill leave with tools to shape

(01:49):
your life deliberately andauthentically.
My suggestion to you in thisepisode is for you to break free
from the ordinary, step intoyour own integrity and discover
what does it truly mean tocompromise?
Let me start out by definingour landscape.
Compromise is often painted asa virtue.

(02:13):
We use words like give and take.
Let's meet halfway, findingcommon ground.
It all sounds great, it allsounds noble, but there is a
flip side to this.
When does meeting halfwaybecome losing yourself along the
way, your soul, your essence,your being, your values, of who

(02:40):
you really are and what youtruly represent, for you to have
true meaning in your life?
That exact situation occurredwith an old coaching client of
mine that I remember.
She was high achieving, she wasvery generous and extremely
driven.
The problem was at work, withevery team request, she said yes

(03:05):
.
At home, with every familyfavor, she agreed.
In her relationship with hersignificant other, she was very
compromising.
The question is, was she infact a team player or just a
passenger on other people'strains?
Today, I would like you todiscover where healthy harmony

(03:30):
ends and self-betrayal begins.
Now, I am not suggesting thatcompromise cannot be a beautiful
thing and has to be part of ourlife in order for us to have
meaningful relationships On aprofessional level, and I've

(03:50):
seen this in many situationsthat I've been involved with in
organizations.
Sometimes some people want todream big, take big risks and
move forward very quickly, whenothers want to be involved in
more steady growth.
But if both parties take sometime to sit down, write down

(04:14):
their must-haves and theirmaybes and realize that if you
can merge ambition with caution,you can together create a plan
better than either envisionedalone.
The beauty of compromise iswhen it makes both people

(04:36):
stronger, not weaker, when bothparties walk away feeling that
they have been respected, theirvalues have been honored, and
there is the so-called win-win.
But it's much deeper than that.
There's a bonding of trust.
Both parties feel heard andboth parties feel respected.

(05:00):
In business and in life.
You cannot buy that.
That is something you earnthrough meaningful compromise
with the relationships that youbuild.
I'll give you an exercise thatyou can use when you're not
listening to the podcast.
Grab a paper, draw two columns.

(05:24):
On the left-hand side, put whatI must have.
On the right-hand side, putwhat they must have, fill both
in honestly and then discuss andsee where there's an overlap,
where there is compromise thatcan be made.

(05:45):
But make it a deliberate effortand really listen to each other
, without making a judgment orthinking about what you're going
to say before the other personhas finished.
This is a true exercise inthoughtful deliberation, active

(06:06):
listening and the willingness toallow yourself to be open to
another persons point of viewwether it's one person, wether
its professional or personalwether its a team when
compromise is conscious, alignedand mutual it is the absolute
fuel of thriving relationships,successful teams and
long-lasting relationships.

(06:37):
Now, what is the downside of notacknowledging how important
compromise is in your life andhow it affects you?
There's a shadow side thatexists.
For example, a lot of timesI've heard about other people's
relationships you may have aswell about marriages, about

(06:59):
careers, about familyrelationships, where most of the
individual's time is spent inpleasing other people their
spouse, their boss, theirfriends, their family and what
happens is they end up shelvingtheir career, they let go of
their close friends and whateventually happens is when that

(07:24):
person and I've heard this many,many times looks in the mirror.
They don't even recognizethemselves anymore.
The compromises they madetotally erased themselves.
They lost themselves in thelives of others.
That is not compromise.

(07:46):
That is annihilation of you andwho you are.
Think back to a recentcompromise.
Did you feel heard?
Did your values remain intactor did you quietly betray your
own needs?
Here's something useful thatyou can apply when you have time

(08:10):
and you're free, write downmoments you've said yes but felt
no.
Awareness is always the veryfirst step to reclaiming your
boundaries.
Remember, authentic compromisenever requires your

(08:30):
disappearance.
Let us do some inner reflection, because a self-realized
individual, which you are, isalways going inwardly to receive
the answers that they wouldlike to apply for their life,
outwardly, on an ongoing,everyday basis.

(08:52):
It is a reversal of energy.
Inward first, outward second.
Let's look inside.
When did you first learn theword compromise?
Ask yourself that.
Was it taught to you as awin-win or as a giving in?

(09:13):
For some, not compromisingfeels selfish.
For others, it's a boundary, astand for your own self-worth.
I'm going to give you asuggestion that you can apply
when you journal or meditate.
If you do and if you don't, Istrongly suggest you take up

(09:34):
both practices.
Ask what am I afraid of willhappen if I don't compromise
here?
Then just sit with the answerfor a while.
Don't rush it, just sit with itand then feel what you come up
with.
Feel it in the depth of you, inthe depth of your soul.

(09:54):
When you're journaling ormeditating or you can journal
and then meditate on it youmight notice different emotions
coming up.
There may be fear, there may beshame or perhaps relief, but
whatever comes up, listen tothis inner voice.

(10:15):
Your inner voice is yourguiding light.
Self-realized individuals ontheir journey to
self-realization are alwaysdeveloping that inner voice,
that strong, intuitive guidance,through meditation, through
journaling, throughintrospection.
It is the absolute cornerstoneof authentic decision making,

(10:40):
and you always want to be yourtrue, authentic self.
Compromise can have what wemight call a gray area, because
we are working between twodifferent paradigms, with people
and circumstances in ourpersonal and professional lives.
Now, there is no magic formula,but I'm going to give you some

(11:04):
powerful questions that you canask that might help you to come
to better compromises withpeople and situations in your
life.
One question you can ask isthis.
Does this agreement honor ourneeds, our values, along with

(11:25):
accomplishing what it is we aretrying to attain, or is one of
us suppressed?
A second question you can askis this.
Will I respect myself and theother party after this
compromise?
A third question.
Am I building trust.
A very important question toanswer or am I building and

(11:53):
sowing resentment?
Compromise can do both.
Which one it does is yourchoice.
True compromise honors therelationship of both parties
while not violating theintegrity of either.
If you don't maintain strongboundaries and realize for

(12:17):
yourself how important that is,when you are compromising, it
can cost you more than you think.
For example, I was working withan individual who wanted a
promotion and she got thepromotion, but how she got it
was consistently saying yes toher boss, meeting all of his

(12:41):
requests.
The problem with that is itplayed havoc with her mental
health and her physical health.
She had no time for her family,she had no time to take walks
in nature or go to the gym, andshe was consistently stressed
out.
That is what not trulyunderstanding compromise can do

(13:05):
in your life, and it is what Icall the silent assassin,
killing little by little yourfreedom, your mental health and
your physical health until, as Imentioned earlier, you are
completely erased.
Who you are, what matters toyou, doesn't matter anymore.

(13:30):
It's gone.
Why?
Because of the inability tocompromise effectively.
So if you find yourself in aplace where you have gone too
far out, you have compromisedtoo much.
It's going to take couragewhich it did with this
individual hard conversations toreclaim the time that she had

(13:55):
lost her evenings, get back thelife that she wanted, and she
came up with a new standard forherself, a new mantra, and it
was this I'll give extrasometimes, but I won't give away
all of myself all of the time.
Now, this isn't a story of herbeing selfish, but of self-trust

(14:21):
, self-respect, self-love,self-worth, and if you don't
have that for yourself, no oneis going to give it to you.
If you look at life and lookaround you, people who get taken
advantage of it is simplybecause they let themselves be

(14:42):
taken advantage of.
They don't have establishedboundaries that they operate
from.
In order for them to know whenand where to compromise, you
have to know where you'restarting from, what matters most
to you, your baseline.
Establish a strong baseline ofboundaries, and then you will

(15:07):
have a strong baseline ofcompromises, of what it is
you're prepared to give up, as Imentioned earlier, from your
list of what I must have andwhat they must have.
Once you have that in place,then you are ready to begin your

(15:27):
negotiation of compromise, andit is an negotiation.
I'm going to give you somepractical tools for conscious
compromise that you can applythis week, if you would like.
Number one pause before youpromise when faced with a

(15:49):
request, take a moment or two.
Ask yourself does this alignwith my values and my priorities
.
Negotiate the win-win.
Practice at the very beginning,stating your own needs clearly,
and invite the other person todo the same.

(16:12):
Review, reflect, revise.
After every big decision, askwas I true to myself and are
both sides respected?
You know, introspection andreview and going over things

(16:33):
once they have been accomplishedis a good thing to do on a
regular basis.
Sometimes people fail torealize that once you've
compromised and you havecompleted a negotiation and
everybody's walked away from thetable, it doesn't mean you
can't go back and say you know,I thought about the situation a

(16:57):
little more, a little bit moredeeply, and I came up with a
couple of other ideas that Ifeel may benefit us both.
Would you be open to hearingthem and perhaps renegotiate
some of what we have done before?
You can do that, and if theother party is as open-minded as

(17:17):
they should be, if you're in awin-win agreement and the
compromise is workingeffectively with trust and open
communication, they would atleast be able and willing to
hear your additional thoughts.
What's the downside?
Worst case scenario?
They say they're happy the waythings are.

(17:38):
You did not originallynegotiate from a bad place, so
you're happy with that too.
You know it's always good tohave some type of compass going
forward in life, to know whatyou're willing to compromise,
your flex point and you can callit your compromise compass if
you like and ongoing in yourlife things come up and they

(18:02):
give you a roadmap, a guidinglight, so to speak as a
self-realized individual, ofwhat it is that you're prepared
to flex on and what you'reprepared to not negotiate,
non-negotiables.
So, somewhere where you can seeit on a regular basis, start
making a list where you areconsciously aware of what it is

(18:25):
you're prepared to flex on inyour life and what you choose
not to compromise on, based onyour true, solid core values.
And once you become more andmore aware of that on a
conscious level every day, thencompromise becomes easier
because, again, your baseline isalready established deep within

(18:46):
your conscious thought and youknow what it is you're prepared
to compromise and what it is youare no t.
In your spiritual lifeprotecting that is critically
important because are youprepared to give up time from
your meditation, from yourprayer, whatever spiritual or
religious beliefs you hold, arethey foundational to your

(19:10):
well-being?
Then compromising time awayfrom that is a non-negotiable
item.
And that again gets back intoyour mental and physical
well-being.
My suggestion is protect thosetwo first and foremost, and then
everything else becomes easier.
Today, we have journeyed throughthe territory of compromise,

(19:33):
discussing its power to unite,the possibility of losing
yourself without the rightboundaries, and the necessity to
stand in the fullness of whoyou truly are.
Ask yourself this questionwhere can I pursue harmony
without losing my melody?
Is there an agreement I need torevisit that I have made to

(19:59):
myself?
It could have been a while ago,it can be current, but, if need
be, revisit it A boundary thatyou need to honor.
Shattering your limits isn'tabout you standing alone.
It's about you standing true toyourself.
Live courageously, compromiseconsciously and stay

(20:24):
self-realized.
If you do those three things,you will find that the meaning
of compromise doesn't mean youerasing yourself.
It means that you see clearlywho you are and appreciate
yourself fully.
You have come to theself-realization.

(20:47):
Compromise is about winningtogether, not losing yourself.
I sincerely appreciate youlistening to the podcast.
Please subscribe so you do notmiss any upcoming episodes.
Whatever platform you're on,please leave a rating and review
.
I would greatly appreciate it.

(21:07):
Any additional information onme, Linton Bergsen and my five
star reviewed book PurposefulVision is available at
selfrealized.
com which is all one word.
You can also leave any commentsor suggestions on the website.
I look forward to connectingwith you very soon and take good
care of yourself.