How To Change Others

How To Change Others.

Transforming Others by Transforming Yourself—Practical Tools for Leadership, Family and Trust.

Too often, attempts to change others with arguments and pressure trigger resistance, defensiveness, or disengagement. This episode of the Self Realized, Shatter Your Limits Podcast with me, Linton Bergsen, reveals a radically different approach—activating real transformation through emotional presence, self-acceptance, and quiet leadership. Learn how your emotional state silently sets the tone others follow, impacting teams, family bonds, and personal relationships.

I re-frame the myth that change comes from convincing, controlling, or intense persuasion. Instead, discover the “mirror principle”: people reflect the energy you bring. Hear stories of a top performer redefining his relationships through calm intention, and a youth mentor unlocking breakthroughs by embodying belief—not anxiety. Explore a practical energy audit, a seven-day embodiment challenge, and a 24-hour experiment to reduce reactivity and spark authentic connection.

Find out why acceptance is the foundation of growth and how quiet certainty leads to breakthroughs in leadership, partnership, and parenting. Receive concrete prompts, transformation affirmations, and one re-framing question that shifts every interaction: Who am I inviting others to become through the way I show up?

If you’re ready to influence through presence, guide without pressure, and let your life become the quiet invitation for change, this episode is your blueprint. For meaningful growth, subscribe, share with someone seeking to spark transformation, and leave a review to help others discover the show. Your presence is the invitation—embody the message, and let’s grow together.

Visit selfrealized.com for more resources including my five-star Amazon reviewed book Purposeful Vision.

Let me know your thoughts on this episode. Text me your feedback! 🙂

https://www.selfrealized.com

Episode Transcript

Linton Bergsen (00:00):
Welcome to the Self-Realized Podcast with
Linton Bergsen, where you willshatter your limits.
I'm not much into the self-helpindustry, as much as I'm into
the self-realized individual,which is you, what matters most
to you, how you get there, andthe obstacles that may be in
your way.
If you would like to be part ofthis podcast and part of that

(00:22):
discussion, I welcome you herewith an open heart, open mind,
and open arms.
So without further ado let'sget on with the podcast.
Today we are going to exploreone of the most misunderstood

desires of human nature (00:46):
the yearning to change others.
We think if we could just helpthem to see what we see, believe
what we believe, act how weact, then everything would fall
into place.
But what if the only way tochange others and contemplate on

(01:06):
this for a moment was to stoptrying to.
Stay with me here on episodenumber 119, how to change
others, as we uncover the truthabout influence, transformation,
and how your energy, not yourargument, is what shifts the

(01:28):
world around you.
So let us begin.
Let's start out with the mythof change.
Every one of us has tried tochange someone.
Maybe a partner, it may be afriend, an employee, or even a
child.
We do it out of love,frustration, or fear, but here's

(01:49):
the myth that keeps us trapped.
We believe change happens byconvincing, correcting, or even
perhaps by controlling.
Years ago, I met a man namedThomas.
He was a top performer, had avery sharp mind, and extremely

(02:10):
high standards.
But unfortunately, he wasmiserable.
Not because of the results hewas getting in his life, but
because he felt no one aroundhim matched his standards or
abilities.
He complained his team wasn'tdriven enough, that his wife
didn't support his ambition, andthat his kids did not listen to

(02:36):
him.
He came to me saying, if theywould change, my life would be
fine.
What Thomas didn't see was thathis energy was trying to force
change, and force always createsresistance.
I asked him a question.

(03:06):
Thomas what would happen if you stopped managing their behavior and start mastering your own energy in their presence. Helaughed at first, but what came
next changed everything.
Thomas began practicingpresence instead of persuasion.
He found that every time heentered a meeting with calm,
curiosity, and patience, histeam mirrored that energy back

(03:26):
to him.
Human beings don't respond tojust words.
They respond to emotionalstates.
I call this the mirrorprinciple.
Whatever energy you bring intoa space, that is what reflects

(03:47):
back at you.
Change begins not when othersshift, but when you shift what
youreflect. Contemplate on this for a moment.
Do you think you can inspirepeace through frustration?
You can't awaken motivationthrough judgment.

(04:08):
You can't demand growth throughcontrol.
When you become what you wantto see, others feel it.
And that is the important pointto understand on a very deep
personal level.
Self-realized individuals havethe understanding that people

(04:31):
resonate emotionally with whoyou are and what you are
bringing energetically to thesituation that you are involved
in.
Others feel it.
When you have time and you arenot listening to the podcast, I
would like you to consider doingan energy audit.

(04:52):
It'll give you some idea ofyour own energy and where you
are coming from and what you arebroadcasting to the world.
The first thing to do is writedown three situations where you
often try to make others change.
The second, for each, identifythe energy you typically bring

(05:17):
frustration, fear, impatience,or love.
And thirdly, replace that oldpattern with the word presence.
For one week, enter those sameinteractions by quietly
repeating this affirmation.
I choose to mirror calm andhave this as my presence in any

(05:45):
situation.
That is the affirmation.
Watch what follows.
Because the energy you carry,whether it's family dynamics,
business leadership, or personalrelationships, the energy you
project becomes a silentbroadcast.

(06:08):
Others tune into itsubconsciously.
They feel your emotion beforeyou even speak a word.
I remember a young woman namedJulia who worked with at-risk
teens, trying desperately toreach them.
Every day she came homedrained, saying they don't

(06:32):
listen.
They just don't care.
But when we peeled back thelayers, we realized Julia
carried an unspoken energy ofdoubt.
She didn't fully believe thatthey could change.
Once she began embodyingbelief, rather than just

(06:56):
speaking it, everything shifted.
Teens that seemed that closedoff began opening.
They felt seen because Juliahad changed her energy from
worry to trust.
Take a moment of reflection.
Pause.

(07:16):
Ask yourself this question.
When I enter a room, what dopeople feel from me before I
speak?
That's the vibration thatdetermines whether others resist
you or resonate with you.

(07:38):
Let's discover a little bitmore about what I like to call
the Power of Allowing.
Here is a paradox.
The more you allow others to bewho they are, the faster they
evolve.
Acceptance is the oxygen oftransformation.

(08:00):
Think of your own growth.
Did you change when someonejudged you or when someone
believed in you?
People rise when they feelsafe, not when they feel shamed.
Thomas discovered this with histeenage son.
For years they clashed, butwhen Thomas replaced criticism

(08:24):
with curiosity, saying, Tell mewhat you're seeing that I'm
missing, his son bloomed.
Without manipulation, withoutlectures, and just with pure
allowance, change is contagiouswhen it is rooted in freedom.

(08:46):
I'd like to share an exercisewith you now, what I call the
Twenty-Four Hour Practice ofallowing.
For one full day, do notcorrect or control anyone.
Instead, observe and silentlyaffirm within they are on their

(09:08):
path, just as I am on mine.
Notice how the energy betweenyou begins to soften.
The conversations that you havewill be more deep and
meaningful because, in theprocess of allowing, you allow

(09:30):
freedom of expression to blossomin all of your relationships.
The easiest way for you tocreate change in people around
you is influenced by example.
When you become centered,consistent, and compassionate,

(09:51):
you don't need to convinceanyone.
Your life becomes its ownmessage.
There's an old principle thatsays the loudest voice in the
room is not always the calmestone.
Contemplate on that for amoment.
Imagine bringing a softer,quieter energy into every

(10:15):
interaction.
Not reactive, not defensive,but here's a phrase I really,
really like.
Quietly certain that's trueinfluence.
The people you most want tochange will sense something

(10:35):
different.
It may not happen overnight,but they will certainly start
asking why you seem lighter andmore at peace.
That question, that curiosityis the seed of their own
transformation.
Remember, changed modeled ismore powerful than change

(11:00):
demanded.
As Mahatma Gandhi said, thespiritual leader who led India
to its independence, advocatingnonviolence, as he did so, be
the change you wish to see inthe world.
Which really leads me into anexercise I would like to share

(11:23):
with you that I call Embodythe M essage.
Identify one quality you wishothers would develop patience,
confidence, gratitude, and thenfor the next seven days, embody
that quality fully yourself.

(11:44):
Reflect nightly on moments whenothers seemed to respond
differently.
You are the template throughwhich others transform.
It is a very simpleself-realization and
integration.
Everything we've explored comesdown to one truth you cannot

(12:09):
change others by force, but youcan by influence.
The entire field around you,energetic field, your
consciousness becoming theembodiment of what you seek.
Your family, your coworkers,your friends, they are

(12:31):
responding not to your advice,but what I like to call your
energy signature.
We all have an energysignature, an imprint, as
mentioned earlier in theepisode, that goes before us,
that leads into a room or into asituation before our voice or

(12:56):
our words do.
Transformation is less aboutwhat you tell people to do and
more about what they feel inyour presence.
That's the quiet power of theself-realized life.
The more you awaken yourself,the more the world around you

(13:19):
changes to meet that resonance,which is a very important
realization for theself-realized individual.
Let me suggest something thatyou can use.
It's called an IntegrationReflection that you can ask

(13:39):
yourself, which is this.
Who am I inviting others tobecome through the way I show
up?
That single question canreframe every relationship in
your life.
If today's episode stirredsomething in you, a realization,

(14:04):
a curiosity, a calm, carry itforward.
The only true way to changeothers is to become a living
example of your own evolution.
Remember, change travelsthrough energy, not words.
And the most powerful way toshift the world is by shifting

(14:28):
yourself.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who
has been trying to make adifference in another's life.
Through your own example, youcan not only change your world,
but the world around you.
Thank you for taking your timeto listen to today's episode.

(14:52):
I hope you'll join me for theupcoming episodes in the future.
Until then, keep awakening,keep allowing, and remember,
every moment you master yourenergy, you change the world
without saying a word.
I sincerely appreciate youlistening to the podcast.

(15:13):
Please subscribe so you do notmiss any upcoming episodes.
Whatever platform you're on,please leave a rating and
review.
I would greatly appreciate it.
Any additional information onme, Linton Bergsen, and my
five-star reviewed book,Purposeful Vision, is available
at selfrealized.com, which isall one word.
You can also leave any commentsor suggestions on the website.

(15:34):
Take good care of yourself.