Why We Fail: The Hidden Triggers of Sabotage, Success & Change

What if the moment you “failed” was actually your mind trying to keep you safe? In this episode of the Self Realized, Shatter Your Limits Podcast Why We Fail: The Hidden Triggers of Sabotage, Success and Change, join me, Linton Bergsen, as you delve into the hidden triggers that push smart people to pull back right before a breakthrough, how the nervous system prefers familiarity, how old memories shape present choices, and why success can feel dangerous when it threatens identity and belonging. Instead of self-sabotage, I offer an approach to practical exercises, real stories, and daily practices that turn fear into forward motion, giving you honest solutions on how to stop self-sabotaging success.

I start by re-framing failure as a protective reflex, then trace it to early lessons about attention, visibility, and rejection. You’ll learn the Recalling the Pattern exercise to link current self- sabotage to past experiences, the Naming the Comfort prompt to uncover what your old habit won't supply you, and a simple way to replace that function with healthier behaviors. 

You’ll explore identity clashes—why abundance feels alien if your story is struggle—and how to script the “you who succeeds” with clear values, language, and decisions by rewiring your brain for success. Along the way, I share a candid case study on emotional eating solutions and a personal turning point that transformed a failure into purpose and success.

To make change prevail, you can lean on the Micro Victory Practice: one small stretch each day giving you daily micro-victories for growth that builds self-trust and momentum. Being self-aware opens the door, choice walks the path, and repetition rewires safety so growth no longer feels like danger. By the end of this episode, you’ll see failure as purification, not punishment, clarity, not condemnation. 

If you’re ready to stop repeating old sabotaging habits and start evolving, hit play, and subscribe for more thoughtful episodes. Leave a rating and review, and visit selfrealized.com for more resources including my five-star Amazon reviewed book "Purposeful Vision. What’s the one small risk you’ll take today? 

Let me know your thoughts on this episode. Text me your feedback! 🙂

https://www.selfrealized.com

Episode Transcript

Linton Bergsen (00:00):
Welcome to the self-realized podcast with
Linton Bergsen, where youwill shatter your limits.
I'm not much into the self-helpindustry, as much as I'm into
the self-realized individual,which is you, what matters most
to you, how you get there, andthe obstacles that may be in
your way.
If you would like to be part ofthis podcast and part of that

(00:22):
discussion, I welcome you herewith an open heart, open mind,
and open arms.
So without further ado let'sget on with the podcast.
Today I would like to ask yousomething very simple, yet

(00:45):
profound.
Why do we fail even when wewant nothing more than to
succeed?
We set goals, we make promises,chase visions, and yet,
somewhere between the startingline and the finish line, we
sabotage our own progress.
Not because we don't care, notbecause we are weak, but because

(01:08):
something deep inside usresists the very change that we
crave.
In today's episode number 116,Why We Fail: The Hidden Triggers
of Sabotage, Success, andChange, we are going to explore
that resistance, the hiddentriggers that quietly shape our

(01:28):
behavior, undermine ourconfidence, and reroute our
destiny.
Because failure isn't the endof your story, it's an
invitation to rewrite it.
Let's start by accepting thatinvitation and acknowledging
that failure is not a lack ofability.

(01:51):
Often, it's a conflict betweenwho you are and who you actually
believe you can be.
Our subconscious wants safety.
It is programmed that way.
It is part of the hiddentriggers of the subconscious
mind, which the title suggests.

(02:13):
Hidden triggers that we are notalways aware of.
Creating our own self-sabotage.
Such as safety, familiarity,predictability, but success
demands risk, change, andexposure.
Between those two is thebattlefield where self-sabotage

(02:37):
actually lives.
Think about the last time yougot close to something big, a
brand new opportunity, a greatrelationship, a major
breakthrough.
Maybe things started to work,then somehow you pulled back.
You told yourself the timingwasn't right, or you distracted

(02:57):
yourself with something else.
That moment of retreat wasn'tweakness, it was
self-protection.
Your mind decided that stayingwhere you were was safer than
becoming someone new.
Reinventing yourself so you canbe all that you were actually

(03:19):
born to be.
You were born to be great.
It is your divine birthright,your unique authenticity.
Grab it, don't let go of it,and don't be deterred by anyone
or anything that will try andconvince you that you are less

(03:42):
than you actually are.
Let your light shine brightlyand be all that you can be.
Why do we fail?
Because we choose to.

(04:39):
It's an option that we have in life. But you are not going to pick the option to fail. The self realized individual understands that. A man I once coached dreamed of starting his own business. He had the skill, the plan, the passion. But every time he took a step forward, he found a reason to step back— the logo wasn’t perfect, the market wasn’t ready, the risk was to high.The
truth?
He wasn't afraid of failing.
He was afraid of succeedingbecause success meant being
visible, responsible, andaccountable.
And deep inside he didn't yetsee himself as worthy of that
version of greatness.

(05:02):
Let me share something with youand contemplate on this for a
moment.
Self-sabotage is never born inthe present moment.
It is a child of the past.
Our earliest experiences taughtus when it's safe to shine and

(05:22):
when it's dangerous to standout.
If, as children, we learnedthat attention led to criticism
or rejection, we willunconsciously dim our light as
adults.
It's like an echo that lives inour habits.
You can't see it, but itdirects your choices

(05:43):
subconsciously, which is whereall habits live and breed.

Here's the reality (05:49):
no one consciously chooses to fail.
You don't, I don't.
That doesn't make any sensewhatsoever.
But when failure equals safety,the mind will choose safety
every time.
It is simply the way we areprogrammed.

(06:11):
You have to consciously beaware, self-aware, of
reprogramming the safety intosome element of risk and learn
to become comfortable with beinguncomfortable for a moment of
time, because that is where alltrue success lies.

(06:34):
The ability to becomeuncomfortable and work through
that uncomfortability to gainthe success that you are
striving for.
I am going to introduce you toan exercise when you are not
listening to the podcast thatyou can use and you have a

(06:55):
moment.
It's called Recalling thePattern.
Because essentially, our lifeis a series of repeated patterns
of behavior.
As Aristotle said, the famousancient Greek philosopher,
excellence is not an act but ahabit.

(07:15):
We are what we repeatedly do.
That is the quote.
This exercise will help youchange what you repeatedly do.
And what I'd like you to do isclose your eyes, take a deep
breath, think of a goal or adream you've wanted, one that

(07:36):
keeps resurfacing.
Now ask yourself, what emotionshows up right before I quit?
Or procrastinate?
Anxiety, fear, doubt.
Trace that emotion not to thegoal, but to its memory.
Maybe it's the voice of aparent who said, don't get your

(07:59):
hopes up.
Maybe it's a friend who mockedyour ambition.
That emotion didn't come fromthis very moment.
It's an echo from yesterday.
Deep seated in your past andnow living in your subconscious.

(08:19):
That just keeps replaying as ahabit over and over until you
choose to reprogram thatresponse by something else, new
behaviors and new habits thatyou can cultivate.
I am going to make a suggestionto you now that, if you

(08:41):
acknowledge and accept, can helpyou move forward in a very
positive way.
We live in a constant loop ofcomfort and fear.
Our brain is designed toconserve energy and minimize
threat.
That means every time we stepoutside of our comfort zone, it

(09:04):
activates alarm bells.
The body tightens up, I'm sureyou felt it, the mind races, and
before you know it, excusesstart forming.
But those excuses aren't lies,they're protection mechanisms in
disguise.
Breaking that loop starts withawareness, self-awareness, which

(09:29):
I talk about a lot in eachepisode.
You can't change what you'renot self-aware of, and the
self-realized individual isalways working on their
self-awareness.
They are aware of what theywant to change, how they want to
change it, why they want tochange it, and how they are

(09:49):
going to go about doing that.
You can't change what you don'tfirst see and what you are not
aware of.
Let me give you an example ofthat.
A woman I worked with wanted tolose weight.
She followed every plan for afew weeks, I'm sure you can
relate.
Then life happened.

(10:11):
Stress, work, social events,and she drifted off course,
which we all do.
She believed she lackeddiscipline.
But when we looked deeper, wediscovered that food had always
been a reward for her survivinghard times.
Losing that pattern meantlosing comfort.

(10:35):
We are aware that sometimesfood fulfills needs more than
just nutrition.
There is nervous eating,there's emotional eating,
there's binge eating.
For various reasons, people eatand have eating patterns to
fulfill different needs otherthan just nutrition.

(10:58):
What was happening was shewasn't failing at fitness.
She was using food foremotional stability when she was
stressed out and when lifehappened.
When she addressed that, shewas able to get more consistent
results with her workouts andher weight.

(11:22):
She wasn't failing at fitness,she was defending her emotional
stability.
She addressed, as today's titlesuggests, the hidden triggers
of her own self-sabotage andcreated the change that was
required for her own success.

(11:43):
When you're free and you havetime, I would like to suggest to
you that you do an exercisethat I call Naming the Comfort.
Write down one area where yousay you would like to change but
never sustain it.
Next to it, write down whatcomfort that old pattern

(12:06):
provides you.
Security, control, relief.
Understand this, you are notweak for holding on to what
comforts you.
You're human.
But once you name it, youunderstand it, and the role that
it is playing in your life, youcan begin to start reclaiming

(12:32):
your power as you beginaddressing the old patterns that
you no longer need to move youforward to the goals that you're
trying to achieve.
As I mentioned earlier, alittle discomfort is critical to
you moving your life forward inthe direction that you would

(12:53):
like it to grow, develop, andtransition.
And as you begin to move intothis new development in your
life, you may have a clash withyour own identity that you're
used to having.
Change always threatensidentity.
If you have built your storyaround struggle, abundance will

(13:18):
feel alien.
If your narrative is aboutrejection, acceptance can feel
undeserved.
Our success isn't defined bywhat we gain, it is limited by
what we are unwilling torelease.
So here's the truth.
To rise above failure, you mustoutgrow the identity that

(13:41):
created it.
And here's a simple truth.
Once you outgrow an oldidentity and create a new one,
your life will change and thepeople around you will change.
Let me give you an example ofthat.
Years ago, I met a man who wasfinally achieving the success he

(14:03):
had chased all of his life.
But as his business grew, hebecame uncomfortable.
Old friends distancedthemselves, his family said he
was changing, which is nothingunusual.
He began missing meetings,delaying responses, isolating,

(14:23):
self-sabotaging.
He wasn't afraid of failure.
He was afraid of no longerbelonging.
He was afraid of letting go hisold identity and adopting a new
one.
When your new self disrupts theworld you built around your old

(14:44):
one, you'll face a choice.
Shrink back or expand beyondwhere you are now.
When you have a moment, writethis down.

(15:07):
My identity I have when I fail is not the one I choose when I succeed. Writethat down and say it aloud.
Now describe who succeeds.
The you that succeeds.
What values guide you?
How do you think?
How do you speak?
How do you decide?
Because there is a differentlanguage from the person, an

(15:31):
identity that fails to the onethat succeeds.
You cannot step into newresults until you step into a
new identity.
I strongly suggest you own thatas an inner subconscious
programming, as anyself-realized individual does

(15:54):
when they're in transition.
They change affirmations andthe way they think and speak
about themselves in order tocreate the change that they
would like to have in theirlife.
Change your identity, changeyour life.
In order for you to change youridentity, you have to have a

(16:18):
conscious shift in the way youthink.
Your consciousness has tochange.
Your self-awareness has tochange.
Awareness is the doorway,choice is the path.
Every time you choose awarenessover reaction, you stop
repeating the old script thatyou have been telling yourself.

(16:40):
That's the transformationmoment by moment.
The triggers that once pulledyou into fear can now signal
your growth.
The doubt that once stopped youcan now remind you that you're
moving into unknown territory,and that's where your life truly
begins.

(17:00):
Contemplate on this for amoment.
You cannot change your life bystaying in the known.
You'll get the same results.
You can only change your lifeand transform it by stepping
into the unknown.
And you can do that by adoptingthe micro victory practice

(17:23):
technique.
Every day, do one small thingthat challenges your comfort.
Speak up when you wouldnormally stay silent.
Finish what you usually delay.
Take action before youoverthink it.
Small victories, build trustwith yourself, and that trust

(17:48):
becomes unstoppable momentum andbuilds faith in yourself.
Contemplate on this for amoment.
Transformation can occurthrough failure.
Every great transformationdemands a collapse first, the

(18:11):
collapse of illusion, limits,and old identities.
When things fall apart, it'snot a punishment.
It's not the end of the world.
It's a point of purification ifyou choose to see it that way.
Failure teaches clarity, itstrips away all the pretense.

(18:32):
It reveals to you what trulymatters.
What are you willing to fightfor and what you must finally
let go of.
The truth is you can't loseanything essential.
What's real in you doesn'tfail, it evolves, which is your

(18:52):
own self-realization that youare always enough, and any and
everything that you ever need inlife is already inside of you.
All you have to do isconstantly improve that knowing
and trust it.
There is a still small voice inyou, it is your intuition, and

(19:13):
it is guiding you to the pathwaythat you need to express
yourself in the most unique waypossible.
And in that realization liesyour true transformation in
understanding that failure isnever your enemy, it is always

(19:35):
your friend, giving you theopportunity to reinvent yourself
from a different perspectivewith greater power than you ever
had before.
Let me give you an example ofthat from my own life.
When I hit one of the lowestpoints in my life, I felt like

(19:58):
everything was breaking.
I thought I was losingdirection until I realized I was
losing the version of myselfthat had outgrown its purpose.
Something new was born,clarity, purpose, and a
commitment to help others findtheir own, which helped me

(20:21):
develop and start the company,Leadership Management, which
allowed me to help manyorganizations and many people
reinvent and activate deeperpotentials than they ever
thought possible before.
So why do we fail?

(20:43):
Which is the title of today'sepisode: The Hidden Triggers of
Sabotage, Success and Change.
Failure is simply a deeper corefor a deepening awakening
within you.
Failure, sabotage, resistance,they are not enemies.
They're mirrors reflecting whatwe still need to heal, release,

(21:05):
and realize.
You are not broken, you'realways in a state of becoming
more than you ever thoughtpossible.
If today's episode stirredsomething in you, don't run from
it.
Sit with it.
Whatever has been arousedwithin you, ask it what it's

(21:27):
trying to show you.
Because beyond that discomfortlies your unshakable power.
I invite you to take one steptoday, one choice that says, I'm
ready to stop repeating andstart evolving.
I would like to celebrate yourown evolution and thank you for

(21:49):
joining me on this episodetoday.
Until next time, keep rising,keep growing, and always be the
creator of your ownextraordinary life.
I sincerely appreciate youlistening to the podcast.
Please subscribe so you do notmiss any upcoming episodes.

(22:10):
Whatever platform you're on,please leave a rating and
review.
I would greatly appreciate it.
Any additional information onme, Linton Bergsen, and my five
star reviewed book, PurposefulVision, is available at
selfrealized.com, which is allone word.
You can also leave any commentsor suggestions on the website.

(22:31):
I look forward to connecting with you very soon. Takegood care of yourself.