May 23, 2025 • 20 mins
Have you ever felt lost in a world that constantly tells you who to be? In this eye-opening episode, join me Linton Bergsen as I dive deep into the powerful connection between understanding yourself and truly loving who you are. Discover whether self-awareness must come before self-love, or if it's possible to love yourself without truly knowing who you are.
What You'll Discover in This Episode:
- Why recognizing external influences is crucial for authentic self-discovery
- How social media, work environments, and relationships shape your self-perception
- Three essential questions that reveal what's truly driving your life choices
- Why self-love isn't selfish—it's necessary for living a balanced, fulfilling life
- Practical steps to start honoring your unique perspective today
Breaking Free from External Validation:
Like untangling a complicated knot, the path to genuine self-love requires patience as you examine what shapes your thoughts about yourself. Many often mistakenly believe self-worth comes from others' approval—whether through likes on social media, praise at work, or validation in relationships.
True freedom begins when you realize your will belongs only to you—not to be shaped by others' expectations or demands.
Three Life-Changing Questions to Ask Yourself Today:
- Who and what is really influencing my life decisions?
- Do these influences help me become a better version of myself?
- Which positive influences should I nurture to accelerate my self-love journey?
The Power of Authentic Self-Expression:
Self-love blooms when you embrace your uniqueness without apology. When you live according to what truly matters to you, not only will others respect your boundaries—you'll finally respect yourself.
Take Action Now:
Ready to unlock your authentic self? Take a moment today to reflect on what genuinely matters to you, separate from what others think. Your journey toward self-realization and self-love starts with one simple step, honoring your own voice.
Visit selfrealized.com for free resources to guide your personal development and join our supportive community of like-minded individuals on the path to authentic living.
Let me know your thoughts on this episode. Text me your feedback! 🙂
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Linton Bergsen (00:01):
Welcome to the Self-Realized Podcast with
Linton Bergsen where you willshatter your limits.
I am not much into theself-help industry as much as
I'm into the self-realizedindividual, which is you, what
matters most to you, how you getthere and the obstacles that
may be in your way.
If you would like to be part ofthis podcast and part of that
(00:22):
discussion, I welcome you herewith an open heart, open mind
and open arms.
So, without further ado, let'sget on with the podcast.
A very warm welcome to SelfRealized, Shatter Your Limits
(00:43):
Podcast.
This is episode number 101.
Unlocking You (00:50):
Self-Awareness, S elf-Love or both?
Let me pose a question to youin today's episode, which do you
think comes first,self-awareness or self-love?
Do you think that you can haveself-love and start on that
(01:12):
journey and understand what thatreally means to you if you
don't have self-awareness tobegin to unravel and discover
what self-love means to you?
Contemplate on that for amoment.
Would you agree with me thatyou have to be very self-aware,
(01:35):
become very self-aware of whatyou need in order to develop the
self-love that you would liketo have for yourself, because
self-awareness allows you tobegin the process of
investigating and beginning toobtain, with great meaning and
(01:59):
with great consequence in yourlife the journey of
self-development, personaldevelopment which then leads
into a greater understanding ofself, and the development then
of your self-love.
When you journey, when youbegin to move forward in your
(02:20):
life, there is an unravelingprocess that only you can begin
to journey through and unravelthe ball of string in your life
that has become tangled up.
It has knots in this ball ofstring.
(02:40):
You find yourself, as you do,with a shoelace, sometimes, that
got tied too tightly and you'restruggling to undo it, and you
find that you're picking at itand it's not coming undone.
But eventually, because youpersist, it becomes undone.
Now, obviously, you can removeyour shoes and continue on
(03:02):
walking barefoot or withwhatever shoe attire you decide
to continue your journey on,with moving forward one step at
a time.
The point is, is that, in orderfor you to be able to move
forward, there's going to be aprocess of unraveling, so you
(03:28):
can feel free to walk and moveforward in the journey of
self-love that you would like toexperience.
How do you begin to do that?
How does it begin to unravel inyour life?
Well, my suggestion is this.
Begin to become very self-awareof what it is within yourself
(03:49):
that is creating a barrierbetween you and your experience
of self-love within yourself.
What I mean by that is this.
Begin to make a list, get somequiet time, some solitude, some
solace, some introspection, andask yourself these three
(04:15):
questions.
Number one who and what isreally influencing my life?
Number two do those influenceshelp me to better myself and
make me more self-aware of whatit is that I need in my life?
(04:36):
Number three and if they do,which ones do I want to nurture,
prioritize and develop thatwould make the most immediate
impact on my life now, fasttracking my journey toward my
(04:57):
own self-love?
The reason I strongly suggestthat as a strong starting point
to discovering self-love withinyourself is because influences
around you play a huge part ofhow you develop yourself
(05:17):
inwardly, where all self-loveoriginates.
It never originates externally.
This is an important part ofbeing self-realized.
Realizing this for yourself,understanding what people say to
(05:37):
you, who is saying it, whereyou go to work every day, what
you watch every day they allaffect your environment.
Social media is an influence.
All these external influencesare causing you to have
different thoughts and feelingsabout yourself, so you become
(06:01):
self-aware dependent upon, to alarge extent of what it is your
external environments aresuggesting you become aware of.
Let me give an example of that.
If you spend enough time onsocial media, the suggestion
(06:23):
would be that how you feel aboutyourself is based upon how many
likes and dislikes that peoplecomment on when you put up a
post, or what your friends thinkabout you, or your influences
in the world based on money,based on how you look, what you
(06:45):
wear, what someone suggestedyour partner should look like or
be like.
These are all influences on youthat are making you more and
more aware, self-aware of whatyou think will make you happy,
feel good about yourself, loveyourself more, have greater
(07:09):
self-worth.
Awareness is a concept withinitself that is profound.
It is subtle.
It permeates and penetratesevery aspect of your life.
Contemplate on this for amoment.
Are you not aware 24-7, of whatis going on with you
(07:31):
consciously, subconsciously, allday long?
You're even aware that you wentto sleep.
You may not be aware of whatwent on when you went to sleep,
but you are aware that you wentto sleep.
You're aware that, when youwake up, what is around you?
All of that awareness iscausing you to have an inner
(07:59):
interaction, inner voice, innerexperience about how you feel
about you.
For example, if someone said toyou they don't like the way you
dress, they don't like the wayyou look, they don't like your
friends, that conversation isnow going to make you more aware
(08:22):
of how you dress, the friendsyou keep based upon you wanting
to make those people accept you.
Again, getting back to theawareness and understanding of
how you interact with others andyourself and the ongoing
(08:43):
influence they have on you willdetermine the amount of
self-love you have for you.
Why?
Ask yourself this question andcontemplate on it for a moment.
How can I truly love myself ifI spend my life looking for the
(09:09):
approval and acceptance ofothers to validate me?
When you've asked yourself thatquestion, contemplate on the
answer that you've come up with,and when you've come up with
the answer and you're honestwith yourself, you'll find that
(09:31):
there may be a shift in yourawareness.
Self-love is based uponself-acceptance.
If you really try to continueto please others, you're not
looking for self-love.
You're looking for externallove, external validation of who
you are.
(09:55):
That will never satisfy youbecause it is an endless pit
that can never be filled.
External validation depends onyou bowing and bending to other
people's will.
Self-love means you understandthat your will is not something
you have to bow or bend to.
(10:16):
It's yours, you embrace itwholeheartedly, with your heart
and your soul and everything inyou because your will is your
path to your self-love and yourfreedom.
It's internal, it is straightit is solid, it doesn't bend, it
(10:40):
doesn't bow and it doesn'tbreak, because you are in charge
of what's important to you,what matters to you, and you
love yourself enough to know andhave done the personal
development, self-development todiscover what internally drives
you into the self-realizationof.
(11:03):
These things matter to me, notto anyone else.
They may not conform, but theyare important to my well-being.
They are important to me andyou need to begin to write these
things down deliberately sothat you can begin to implement
(11:24):
them in your life, whatever theyare, whatever these things are
that matter to you and they needto be independent of anyone
else.
For example, if what mattersmost to you is that you go out
into the world and have freedomof expression, and you may want
to be an entrepreneur.
You may want to follow apathway that people don't
(11:47):
approve of.
You may want to date peoplethat people may not approve of.
You may want to live a lifethat people may not approve of,
but people approving of it isnot what's important to you.
You have enough self-love foryourself to understand that,
whatever career path you choose,whoever you choose to see,
(12:10):
whatever road you take down inlife, you're going to fail or
succeed by your own effort, byyour own energy.
Living by your own values.
Self-love meansself-determination.
You take the pathway and roadsthat mean the most to you.
(12:31):
Some will be less traveled, butyou love yourself enough to
explore them.
You have enough confidence inyourself to experiment and go to
places where others would not.
And because of that innateself-love, that innate awareness
(12:52):
within yourself that says Ineed to do this for me, because
it will open gateways andpathways that I would not be
able to access unless I tookthese personal journeys.
Because self-love is a personaljourney, it is a personal
self-realization of what yourinner spirit and soul is calling
(13:17):
you to do.
Self-love is not selfish.
Self-love is encompassing youso you can be better in
relationships and situations andcircumstances for other people
as well as yourself.
Because the more you discoverabout yourself, the more you
(13:37):
discover about your emotions,the more you discover about your
purpose and why you are here.
That self-love, thatself-discovery, that
self-realization then permeatesand penetrates and influences
everyone around you.
You become more balanced,because there is no other way
(14:01):
for you to become a balancedindividual than to take your own
inward journey, to discoveryourself through the self-love
that you have not based upon theinfluence or suggestions that
others may feel are importantfor you.
Self-love is a very importantconcept for you to begin to own
(14:23):
and experiment with on thedeepest level.
And the reason I say experimentwith on the deepest level is
because when you start on yourjourney of self-love,
self-motivation,self-realization, there may not
be a lot of people who want togo down that road with you,
because you might be shiftingthe status quo, because you love
(14:46):
yourself enough to say, as anaffirmation "y journey is
important to me now.
I choose to lead myself and notbe led by others.
That's it.
That's the affirmation.
It is a simple affirmation thatcan have a profound effect upon
(15:11):
your life.
You are designed to lookinwardly, as a self-realized
individual does on a regularbasis, introspect and reflect
upon who and what is having aneffect on your life, positively
(15:33):
or negatively.
It's not hard, it's notdifficult, it's just a habit
that you exercise on a regularbasis.
Self-love means that you aretaking constant inventory of how
you're feeling about you andhow you validate yourself to
yourself, so that you feel goodabout yourself and where your
(15:57):
life is headed in a positivedirection, without needing to
seek the approval of who maylike it or not.
Self-love, in essence, is theability for you to embrace your
unique self and express it inthe world without apology,
(16:22):
totally authentic, not wantingto hurt anyone, not being a
narcissist none of that.
You're just saying to the world.
Here I am.
This is my expression of me,based on my values and my
motivations, which I have takenthe time to discover, and
(16:46):
embracing that as a reality onan ongoing, daily basis.
As the episode is entitled, youwill unlock you through number
one your own self-awareness ofwhat matters most to you from
(17:06):
your own set of values andsystems that you internally own.
And once you own what mattersmost to you and you live what
matters most to you.
Other people will respect whatmatters most to you.
More importantly, you willrespect yourself, and that is
self-love.
Self-respect, self-love,self-worth all stem from the
(17:33):
self-awareness to establishyourself in your own
individuality and expressyourself accordingly.
Unlock you, throw away the keysto anything that has been
locking you up from your owntrue self-expression and become
(17:53):
very self-aware of who and whatyou truly are and embrace it
with every ounce of self-lovewithin you, which is indeed
divine love, spiritual love,working through you and
expressing itself in your living, everyday reality.
(18:17):
Because self-love has to bepractical, it has to be
realistic, it has to be tangible, it has to be something that
you feel within yourself, thatis part of the fabric of your
everyday life.
And embracing your ownself-love, you'll begin to
tangibly be aware of adifference in yourself and how
(18:43):
you relate to the world, becauseno one can relate to the world
in the way you can.
No one can experience the worldin the way you can.
And in loving that experience,that unique experience that only
you have about the world youlive in, answers the question
(19:10):
unlocking you self-awareness,self-love or both?
The The answer to the questionis both, because they give you
(19:30):
the freedom that you so verymuch deserve to express totally
who you truly are.
I sincerely appreciate youlistening to the podcast.
(19:53):
P lease subscribe so you do notmiss any upcoming episodes.
What ever platform you are onplease leave a rating and review
I would greatly appreciate it.
Any additional information onme Linton Bergsen and my five
star reviewed book PurposefulVision is available at
selfrealized.
com which is all one word.
You can also leave any commentsor suggestions on the website.
I look forward to connectingwith you very soon and take good
care of yourself.
Welcome to the Self-Realized Podcast with
Linton Bergsen where you willshatter your limits.
I am not much into theself-help industry as much as
I'm into the self-realizedindividual, which is you, what
matters most to you, how you getthere and the obstacles that
may be in your way.
If you would like to be part ofthis podcast and part of that
(00:22):
discussion, I welcome you herewith an open heart, open mind
and open arms.
So, without further ado, let'sget on with the podcast.
A very warm welcome to SelfRealized, Shatter Your Limits
(00:43):
Podcast.
This is episode number 101.
Unlocking You (00:50):
Self-Awareness, S elf-Love or both?
Let me pose a question to youin today's episode, which do you
think comes first,self-awareness or self-love?
Do you think that you can haveself-love and start on that
(01:12):
journey and understand what thatreally means to you if you
don't have self-awareness tobegin to unravel and discover
what self-love means to you?
Contemplate on that for amoment.
Would you agree with me thatyou have to be very self-aware,
(01:35):
become very self-aware of whatyou need in order to develop the
self-love that you would liketo have for yourself, because
self-awareness allows you tobegin the process of
investigating and beginning toobtain, with great meaning and
(01:59):
with great consequence in yourlife the journey of
self-development, personaldevelopment which then leads
into a greater understanding ofself, and the development then
of your self-love.
When you journey, when youbegin to move forward in your
(02:20):
life, there is an unravelingprocess that only you can begin
to journey through and unravelthe ball of string in your life
that has become tangled up.
It has knots in this ball ofstring.
(02:40):
You find yourself, as you do,with a shoelace, sometimes, that
got tied too tightly and you'restruggling to undo it, and you
find that you're picking at itand it's not coming undone.
But eventually, because youpersist, it becomes undone.
Now, obviously, you can removeyour shoes and continue on
(03:02):
walking barefoot or withwhatever shoe attire you decide
to continue your journey on,with moving forward one step at
a time.
The point is, is that, in orderfor you to be able to move
forward, there's going to be aprocess of unraveling, so you
(03:28):
can feel free to walk and moveforward in the journey of
self-love that you would like toexperience.
How do you begin to do that?
How does it begin to unravel inyour life?
Well, my suggestion is this.
Begin to become very self-awareof what it is within yourself
(03:49):
that is creating a barrierbetween you and your experience
of self-love within yourself.
What I mean by that is this.
Begin to make a list, get somequiet time, some solitude, some
solace, some introspection, andask yourself these three
(04:15):
questions.
Number one who and what isreally influencing my life?
Number two do those influenceshelp me to better myself and
make me more self-aware of whatit is that I need in my life?
(04:36):
Number three and if they do,which ones do I want to nurture,
prioritize and develop thatwould make the most immediate
impact on my life now, fasttracking my journey toward my
(04:57):
own self-love?
The reason I strongly suggestthat as a strong starting point
to discovering self-love withinyourself is because influences
around you play a huge part ofhow you develop yourself
(05:17):
inwardly, where all self-loveoriginates.
It never originates externally.
This is an important part ofbeing self-realized.
Realizing this for yourself,understanding what people say to
(05:37):
you, who is saying it, whereyou go to work every day, what
you watch every day they allaffect your environment.
Social media is an influence.
All these external influencesare causing you to have
different thoughts and feelingsabout yourself, so you become
(06:01):
self-aware dependent upon, to alarge extent of what it is your
external environments aresuggesting you become aware of.
Let me give an example of that.
If you spend enough time onsocial media, the suggestion
(06:23):
would be that how you feel aboutyourself is based upon how many
likes and dislikes that peoplecomment on when you put up a
post, or what your friends thinkabout you, or your influences
in the world based on money,based on how you look, what you
(06:45):
wear, what someone suggestedyour partner should look like or
be like.
These are all influences on youthat are making you more and
more aware, self-aware of whatyou think will make you happy,
feel good about yourself, loveyourself more, have greater
(07:09):
self-worth.
Awareness is a concept withinitself that is profound.
It is subtle.
It permeates and penetratesevery aspect of your life.
Contemplate on this for amoment.
Are you not aware 24-7, of whatis going on with you
(07:31):
consciously, subconsciously, allday long?
You're even aware that you wentto sleep.
You may not be aware of whatwent on when you went to sleep,
but you are aware that you wentto sleep.
You're aware that, when youwake up, what is around you?
All of that awareness iscausing you to have an inner
(07:59):
interaction, inner voice, innerexperience about how you feel
about you.
For example, if someone said toyou they don't like the way you
dress, they don't like the wayyou look, they don't like your
friends, that conversation isnow going to make you more aware
(08:22):
of how you dress, the friendsyou keep based upon you wanting
to make those people accept you.
Again, getting back to theawareness and understanding of
how you interact with others andyourself and the ongoing
(08:43):
influence they have on you willdetermine the amount of
self-love you have for you.
Why?
Ask yourself this question andcontemplate on it for a moment.
How can I truly love myself ifI spend my life looking for the
(09:09):
approval and acceptance ofothers to validate me?
When you've asked yourself thatquestion, contemplate on the
answer that you've come up with,and when you've come up with
the answer and you're honestwith yourself, you'll find that
(09:31):
there may be a shift in yourawareness.
Self-love is based uponself-acceptance.
If you really try to continueto please others, you're not
looking for self-love.
You're looking for externallove, external validation of who
you are.
(09:55):
That will never satisfy youbecause it is an endless pit
that can never be filled.
External validation depends onyou bowing and bending to other
people's will.
Self-love means you understandthat your will is not something
you have to bow or bend to.
(10:16):
It's yours, you embrace itwholeheartedly, with your heart
and your soul and everything inyou because your will is your
path to your self-love and yourfreedom.
It's internal, it is straightit is solid, it doesn't bend, it
(10:40):
doesn't bow and it doesn'tbreak, because you are in charge
of what's important to you,what matters to you, and you
love yourself enough to know andhave done the personal
development, self-development todiscover what internally drives
you into the self-realizationof.
(11:03):
These things matter to me, notto anyone else.
They may not conform, but theyare important to my well-being.
They are important to me andyou need to begin to write these
things down deliberately sothat you can begin to implement
(11:24):
them in your life, whatever theyare, whatever these things are
that matter to you and they needto be independent of anyone
else.
For example, if what mattersmost to you is that you go out
into the world and have freedomof expression, and you may want
to be an entrepreneur.
You may want to follow apathway that people don't
(11:47):
approve of.
You may want to date peoplethat people may not approve of.
You may want to live a lifethat people may not approve of,
but people approving of it isnot what's important to you.
You have enough self-love foryourself to understand that,
whatever career path you choose,whoever you choose to see,
(12:10):
whatever road you take down inlife, you're going to fail or
succeed by your own effort, byyour own energy.
Living by your own values.
Self-love meansself-determination.
You take the pathway and roadsthat mean the most to you.
(12:31):
Some will be less traveled, butyou love yourself enough to
explore them.
You have enough confidence inyourself to experiment and go to
places where others would not.
And because of that innateself-love, that innate awareness
(12:52):
within yourself that says Ineed to do this for me, because
it will open gateways andpathways that I would not be
able to access unless I tookthese personal journeys.
Because self-love is a personaljourney, it is a personal
self-realization of what yourinner spirit and soul is calling
(13:17):
you to do.
Self-love is not selfish.
Self-love is encompassing youso you can be better in
relationships and situations andcircumstances for other people
as well as yourself.
Because the more you discoverabout yourself, the more you
(13:37):
discover about your emotions,the more you discover about your
purpose and why you are here.
That self-love, thatself-discovery, that
self-realization then permeatesand penetrates and influences
everyone around you.
You become more balanced,because there is no other way
(14:01):
for you to become a balancedindividual than to take your own
inward journey, to discoveryourself through the self-love
that you have not based upon theinfluence or suggestions that
others may feel are importantfor you.
Self-love is a very importantconcept for you to begin to own
(14:23):
and experiment with on thedeepest level.
And the reason I say experimentwith on the deepest level is
because when you start on yourjourney of self-love,
self-motivation,self-realization, there may not
be a lot of people who want togo down that road with you,
because you might be shiftingthe status quo, because you love
(14:46):
yourself enough to say, as anaffirmation "y journey is
important to me now.
I choose to lead myself and notbe led by others.
That's it.
That's the affirmation.
It is a simple affirmation thatcan have a profound effect upon
(15:11):
your life.
You are designed to lookinwardly, as a self-realized
individual does on a regularbasis, introspect and reflect
upon who and what is having aneffect on your life, positively
(15:33):
or negatively.
It's not hard, it's notdifficult, it's just a habit
that you exercise on a regularbasis.
Self-love means that you aretaking constant inventory of how
you're feeling about you andhow you validate yourself to
yourself, so that you feel goodabout yourself and where your
(15:57):
life is headed in a positivedirection, without needing to
seek the approval of who maylike it or not.
Self-love, in essence, is theability for you to embrace your
unique self and express it inthe world without apology,
(16:22):
totally authentic, not wantingto hurt anyone, not being a
narcissist none of that.
You're just saying to the world.
Here I am.
This is my expression of me,based on my values and my
motivations, which I have takenthe time to discover, and
(16:46):
embracing that as a reality onan ongoing, daily basis.
As the episode is entitled, youwill unlock you through number
one your own self-awareness ofwhat matters most to you from
(17:06):
your own set of values andsystems that you internally own.
And once you own what mattersmost to you and you live what
matters most to you.
Other people will respect whatmatters most to you.
More importantly, you willrespect yourself, and that is
self-love.
Self-respect, self-love,self-worth all stem from the
(17:33):
self-awareness to establishyourself in your own
individuality and expressyourself accordingly.
Unlock you, throw away the keysto anything that has been
locking you up from your owntrue self-expression and become
(17:53):
very self-aware of who and whatyou truly are and embrace it
with every ounce of self-lovewithin you, which is indeed
divine love, spiritual love,working through you and
expressing itself in your living, everyday reality.
(18:17):
Because self-love has to bepractical, it has to be
realistic, it has to be tangible, it has to be something that
you feel within yourself, thatis part of the fabric of your
everyday life.
And embracing your ownself-love, you'll begin to
tangibly be aware of adifference in yourself and how
(18:43):
you relate to the world, becauseno one can relate to the world
in the way you can.
No one can experience the worldin the way you can.
And in loving that experience,that unique experience that only
you have about the world youlive in, answers the question
(19:10):
unlocking you self-awareness,self-love or both?
The The answer to the questionis both, because they give you
(19:30):
the freedom that you so verymuch deserve to express totally
who you truly are.
I sincerely appreciate youlistening to the podcast.
(19:53):
P lease subscribe so you do notmiss any upcoming episodes.
What ever platform you are onplease leave a rating and review
I would greatly appreciate it.
Any additional information onme Linton Bergsen and my five
star reviewed book PurposefulVision is available at
selfrealized.
com which is all one word.
You can also leave any commentsor suggestions on the website.
I look forward to connectingwith you very soon and take good
care of yourself.
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