Self Talk #137: Building Your Foundation of Self—Mastering Self-talk

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Be mindful of your self-talk, it’s a conversation with the Universe.
—David James Lees

This podcast episode focuses on negative self-talk, exploring how destructive internal dialogues are learned, not inherent. 

Rachel provides a four-step process to transform negative self-talk:

1.        Awareness without judgment: Notice the critical inner voice without self-criticism

2.        Identify the source: Recognize that negative thoughts often come from external influences, not your true self

3.        Call in the Highest Self: Connect with your inner wisdom and eternal consciousness

4.        Rewrite the script: Replace negative thoughts with compassionate, validating statements

The episode emphasizes that the inner critic is not bad, but scared, and should be met with curiosity and compassion. 

Rachel uses the Cherokee tale of two wolves to illustrate how we choose which internal voice to "feed"—the one of fear or the one of love.

Key Message

You are not your negative thoughts. Your highest self is wise, loving, and connected to collective consciousness.

 

Link to Rachel's Substack, Foundation of Self

Link to 3-month free paid subscription.

"The Story of Two Wolves" courtesy of Lakota Circles of Hope 

Music: "Journey Circle Song" written and performed by Rachel Astarte

 

• • •

Timeline:

0:00:00 - Introduction begins, quote about self-talk
0:00:21 - Rachel Astarte welcomes listeners to the episode
0:01:21 - Explanation of how negative self-talk is learned
0:02:34 - Step one: Awareness without judgment
0:03:31 - Transition to step two
0:03:37 - Step two: Identify the source of negative self-talk
0:04:51 - Step three: Calling in the foundation of self
0:05:16 - Detailed explanation of the highest self
0:07:09 - Step four: Rewriting the script
0:08:38 - Cherokee tale of two wolves begins
0:10:29 - Conclusion of the two wolves story
0:11:05 - Wrapping up the main discussion
0:11:14 - Mention of August break
0:12:28 - Final closing remarks
0:12:30 - End of podcast

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Music:
"Ave Marimba"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be mindful of your self-talk.
It's a conversation with theuniverse.
David James Lees, welcome toSelf-Talk.

(00:23):
I'm Rachel Estarte.
Thank you for being here as wecontinue on the theme of
building our foundation of self.
We're going to talk today aboutone of the issues that comes up
for so many of us at one pointor another Negative self-talk.
It's that restricting voicethat says you're not good enough

(00:45):
, you'll never get it right.
Why even try?
We'll cut right to the chase.
That voice is not yours.
It's the ghostly echo of themessages we received as children
, whether from parents,caregivers, family members,
teachers, parents, caregivers,family members, teachers,
spiritual leaders or even otherchildren.

(01:07):
So today we're going to focuson sifting through all that past
stuff to remember who it isthat's really speaking and what
voice to listen to.
Instead, let's start with sometruth.
Negative self-talk is learned.
We are not born thinking thatwe aren't worthy.

(01:30):
That has to be taught.
Over time we absorb messagesfrom caregivers and our culture
and peers and painfulexperiences.
These messages create aninternal narrative that feels
real because it's familiar, it'scomfortable to us.
But just because it's familiardoesn't mean it's true.

(01:56):
Remember that even the mostself-critical thoughts began as
a misguided attempt to protectus.
That inner critic isn't bad,it's scared.
It's a part of us that's scaredand it's trying to keep us safe
.
That happens often by trying tomake us small.

(02:17):
So, instead of pushing it away,we bring it closer.
We meet it with curiosity andcompassion.
And there's a simple way to dothat.
So grab your favorite notebookand your favorite pen and let's
get started.
We'll start with step oneawareness without judgment.

(02:39):
As we've discussed in previousepisodes, non-judgment is the
lifeblood of foundation ofself-work, and awareness is the
first manifestation of this work.
It's the first tool we apply toour inner investigations.
So we begin by noticing,becoming aware of the voice.

(03:03):
That's it.
Just take note of how you speakto yourself.
So maybe that voice is sayingI'm such a mess, I'm stupid, I'm
always behind, whatever it is.
Pause and say to yourself ah,okay, I noticed the voice of not
enough is speaking.
Hey, I noticed the voice of notenough is speaking.

(03:24):
That alone shifts us from beingthe voice to witnessing it, and
that is a very, very powerfulthing.
So that's step one.
Step two identify the source.
Ask yourself who does thissound like?
At first you might think itsounds like you, because it's in

(03:48):
the echo sound of your voice.
But the truth is it is not you.
It's a learned phrase, it's alearned thought.
So where is that coming from?
Is it your mother's voice?
Is it a strict teacher, ayounger version of you trying to
survive?
It's not who you are now.

(04:16):
So who is it?
Often these voices are borrowed.
They're echoes of somebodyelse's fear.
Remember, if someone isprojecting their fear onto you,
it has nothing to do with you.
If you're told growing up thatyou're ugly, that's not because
you're ugly.
It's because the person who issaying it feels ugly themselves
and feels insecure and needs tomake you small.
These are echoes of somebodyelse's fear, and recognizing

(04:40):
that makes the space for you tomake a choice about whether or
not to listen to this voice.
Step three call in thefoundation of self.
So you can do this very simplyRub your hands together, place
one hand on your heart and oneon your belly, just take a slow

(05:03):
breath, long, slow and deepbreath, and imagine that you're
inviting your highest selfforward.
Let's take a moment to talkabout the highest self, what
that is.
First of all, the highest selfis not separate from you.
It is you.
The highest self is that wise,loving, grounded presence within

(05:27):
you.
It's always been there, andalthough we call this entity the
highest self, it's not born ofyour individual self at all.
It's actually an iteration ofcollective consciousness, as you
are, so it's your through lineto collective consciousness.

(05:47):
So when we say it's always beenthere, what we mean is that it
has always been right.
It is part of the eternal, asare you.
You come from pureconsciousness itself.
We all do so, do the trees andthe animals, and the insects,
and rocks and rivers.
You are a spark of the universe.

(06:09):
You carry within you theeternal great mind of creation.
The highest self, then, is yourtrue self, your true voice,
unfettered by mundane narratives, these stories that you've told
yourself or that others havetold you about who you are.

(06:29):
Your highest self is eternallyrooted to pure consciousness.
That's the through line, andyou hear that voice all the time
.
It's often just a quiet knowing, or it may be the voice that
told you to listen to thispodcast, or urged you to get

(06:50):
therapy, or, as you were sittingpeacefully in the woods, that
voice told you this is good, domore of this.
So, as you revise yourself-talk, let the voice of your
highest self take the lead.
Step four, rewrite the scriptFrom this anchored place.

(07:14):
Revisit the original negativethought.
Then ask what would my highestself say instead?
So, instead of I'm a failure,you could try.
No one's a failure until yougive up.
You're human, you're learningand I love you.
Instead of nothing ever worksout for me, you could try.

(07:41):
Not everything has worked outin the past, but you're still
here and you're growing.
These aren't affirmations, bythe way.
I want to make that very clear.
These are not affirmations.
Sometimes, when we hearaffirmations, they just don't
ring true.
I love myself, but if you don'tlove yourself in that moment,
that's going to seem false.
What these phrases are arevalidations.

(08:03):
We are recalibrating the voiceof the wounded self so that it
becomes supportive.
Note we are not pushing it away, we are changing it, we're
transforming it.
We choose the voice of truth,not fear.
This is the voice of yourhighest self, or your capital S

(08:24):
self, which we've talked aboutin the past.
Why does the highest selfmatter?
Because the voice you listen tothe most becomes the story you
live inside.
Many of you know the Cherokeetale of the two wolves.
Here it is, as shared by LakotaCircles of Hope.

(08:46):
A grandfather from the CherokeeNation was talking with his
grandson.
A fight is going on inside me,he said to the boy.
It is a terrible fight and itis between two wolves.
One wolf is and arrogance.

(09:26):
The other wolf is beautiful andgood.
The other wolf is beautiful andgood, he is friendly, joyful
peace, love, hope, serenity,humility, kindness, benevolence,
justice, fairness, empathy,generosity true empathy,

(09:59):
generosity, true compassion,gratitude and deep vision.
This same fight is going oninside you and inside every
other human as well.
The grandson paused in deepreflection because of what his
grandfather had just said.
Then, finally, he cried out Oy,grandfather, which wolf will

(10:24):
win?
The elder Cherokee replied thewolf that you feed.
The more we practice hearing andtrusting our truest self, the
more we respond from loveinstead of reacting from fear.
That's feeding the good wolf.
It changes how we relate notonly to ourselves, but to others

(10:48):
and to the world.
You don't need to get rid ofthe inner critic, you just need
to stop mistaking it.
For you, the you you are ismuch bigger than that, much
wiser.
It's the one who's just nowsaying yeah, that sounds right.
It's your highest self, yourtrue self.

(11:11):
That's the voice to listen to.
And that's it for today.
I'm off for my birthday month ofAugust.
I invite you to use this timeto be with and listen truly
listen to your highest self.
You may wish to pop over to mysub stack, which also has all of

(11:32):
these Foundation of Selfpodcasts with audio text and
lovely visuals, and there arealso extra exercises for each
topic.
The sub stack is calledFoundation of Self and you can
find it atrachelastartesubstackcom dot.
Substack dot com, and if you'reinterested in a three-month

(11:54):
paid subscription for free, justvisit the same address
rachelestartesubstackcom.
Backslash self-talk.
The paid subscription has a lotof perks, including more
personal and intimate postsabout my life and my personal
journey, to self guidedmeditations from my private

(12:15):
podcast, which is based on myongoing workshop Write Yourself
Open, and more opportunities towork together privately.
If you're interested in that, Iwill add all these links to the
show notes.
Until next time, be gentle withyourself.