Selfed 60: The Challenge of Liberation in a Man’s World

In this episode of Selfed, I reflect on what it means to be a straight Black man in queer spaces—without trying to fix, take, or define the room. I explore how anime characters like Tanjiro from Demon Slayer model a version of masculinity that isn’t about dominance or ego, but alignment, empathy, and rhythm. I talk about presence as an offering, about learning from queer communities and Black women, and about how I’m navigating my identity without trying to prove it. This is a raw stream of thought about challenge, liberation, performance, and how we create from the friction of opposites.

Some additional notes and quotes:

• On masculinity & ideals:

“I think that what society misses in terms of what it means to be a man is those intangible aspects of self—those virtues, values, those ideals, that drive consciousness forward.”

• On queerness & presence:

“I’ve become more comfortable being in the spaces, right? And it’s been practice for me to experience queerness without like making it mine or trying to like take it or take it over.”

• On anime & purpose (Tanjiro):

“Tanjiro’s purpose is so fucking clear—he wants to make his sister human again. He wants to save his sister, and that puts him in an environment that reinforces what his purpose is.”

• On identity & possibility:

“I think that a lot of us know who we are at the expense of being able to find out who we could be.”

• On emotional survival & performance:

“There wasn’t room for how like, that fucking hurt. Don’t do that again. It was ‘yo bitch ass up, get—walk it off,’ right? There wasn’t room for the intention behind things because everything was performed.”

• Shoutout to Dr. Donna Oriowo—sex therapist and author of Drink Water and Mind Your Business—whose AASECT presentation helped me name a lot of what I’ve been processing around identity, embodiment, and emotional honesty.