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July 28, 2023 19 mins
As I reflect on the past week, I open up about the mixed emotions and challenges I faced. Join me on this candid journey as I navigate through feelings of doubt, stress, and imposter syndrome in the corporate world. I share a personal experience of receiving a promotion and how it left me questioning my capabilities. But amidst the uncertainty, I discovered the power of prayer and leaning on God for wisdom and guidance. Tune in to find encouragement, faith, and practical ways to combat imposter syndrome in your own life.

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Sena (00:00):
It is currently 7:15 PM staying on July 27th, 2023.

(00:07):
I'm not quite sure yet what I amgoing to be saying in this
episode, but hey, keeplistening.

(00:58):
Hey friend.
Welcome back to another episode.
Wow, it is episode six already.
I cannot believe it, but here weare.
I think this week we are goingto do another.
Recap, catch up miniseries here,and I hope you enjoyed this

(01:20):
episode, so let's delve rightin.
This past week has been veryinsightful.
It's been stressful.
It's been, I'm not really surewhat it's been, but I've had a
crappy mood for the most part ofthe week.

(01:41):
am still trying to pinpoint.
Exactly what the problem hasbeen, but for the most part,
I've been unusually irritated onalmost all the days of this
week.
But I guess it's just one ofthose weeks, one of those days
where things are going allright, it's not like things are

(02:02):
going a certain way.
It's not like things arehappening that I'm not happy
with.
It's just.
You just, you just feel so low,you just are not in the mood for
most things.
And that's how I've been feelingfor the most part of this week.
But today has been a better day,if I do say so myself today,

(02:25):
I've had a lot of differentinteractions with people at
work, um, personal life, andjust all over.
I'm not sure yet what directionthis is gonna go in, but I pray
that through this, whatever Isay, that someone will be
blessed, someone will learnsomething from it, and that

(02:46):
someone will pick something, andthat at the end of the day, what
the Lord wants me to say is whatI'll ultimately say here.
a few weeks ago I celebrated mytwo year work anniversary.
I don't know if you celebratedis the right word.

(03:07):
Well, celebrated is one of thewords that I would use to
describe what happened.
two years in corporate America,two years in this Fortune 100
FinTech company.
Two years doing something that Idon't think I particularly
enjoy, but I am getting betterat every day.

(03:28):
Two years of questioning myself,two years of doubting myself,
two years of, for the most part,hating some of the things that
have come with the job.
Two years of getting to knowpeople, Two years of learning
how to work with a certain groupof people.
And two years, quite honestly,of God's goodness, God's

(03:52):
faithfulness, and God justcoming through every day, every
angle.
In some way, in some form.
And.
I'm not that far into career atall.
I mean, hey, I'm just 24 andwow.
Oh my God, I'm growing old.
Every time I think about my age,I'm just, oh gosh, where are the

(04:13):
years flying?
You know, as much as the yearsare flying though, there are
also a lot of lessons that arecoming with it.
There are a lot of good times,there are a lot of bad times as
well, but ultimately, Those badtimes do end up working in my
favor, do end up working for mygood.
And so I would say that in allthe years are flying, but

(04:38):
they're coming with some goodthings along the way.
Lately at work, I guess, let mestart with this.
I got promoted at work a coupleof weeks back, well, a day or so
leading up to my two yearanniversary.
And to be quite honest, ithasn't sunk in that I was deemed

(05:01):
capable of.
Performing at that level, hencethe promotion.
It's actually taken me, I think,this week to actually realize
what has happened.
There's been a lot ofcongratulations, people saying,
Hey, you totally deserve it.
You really work for this, andI've really been questioning
myself.

(05:22):
Did I really work for this?
Do I really deserve it?
Because to be quite honest, Idoubt myself on the daily.
I can tell you how many days Ihave questioned myself, doubted
myself sitting behind thecomputer with my task in front
of me, but not even knowingwhere to start.

(05:44):
Let me not even go far.
I literally experienced that.
Today.
I work as an IT auditor, and ifyou're familiar with the
auditing process, we typically.
Write up a bunch of what we callwork papers, documenting testing
that we've done on certaincontrols, and it typically goes
through two to three levels ofreview And often than not, those

(06:09):
reviews come back with commentsthat you need to address, and
the whole goal is to make surethat the team is producing
quality work papers, right.
So today I got back somecomments for one of my work
papers, and if I tell you Ispent the first half of the day
just staring at the comments,going to do something else,

(06:30):
coming back to it and justthinking, what exactly am I
supposed to do?
I don't know where to start.
I don't know what I'm supposedto say to this person.
I don't know what answer I'msupposed to give This person
asking me this question like, AmI not the one who did this
initial documentation?
How come I suddenly cannot thinkon how to respond to some of

(06:55):
these review comments?
Some of which were honestly justquestions about the
documentation that I have done.
There have been many days likethat over the last two years,
many days where I felt like I'vesomehow cheated the system, that
I'm just here.
Maybe because God favored me andI don't really know what I'm

(07:16):
doing.
God, why would you put me here?
I am clearly not good enough.
I'm clearly not smart enough forthis.
Why am I here is the questionI've been asking myself since
day one, and I still do not knowthe answer, but I think that God
has been showing me in littleways every day that you are here

(07:39):
because I put you here.
And until I fully recognize myreason for being here, I'm going
to keep trusting.
I'm going to keep leaning on himevery step of the way because
honestly, I cannot do thisjourney
without him.
So in the midst of my doubting myself today, staring

(07:59):
at those review comments and noteven knowing where to begin,
this person who had left thosecomments on the said work paper
had reviewed another work paperof mine and.
That was the work paper that Ihonestly thought was the worst
work paper that I had done inthis last audit that we are just
trying to conclude.

(08:22):
In my mind, I felt like mydocumentation was all over the
place because had to kind ofrush it at the last minute.
I didn't really have time to putin my best efforts like I
would've wanted to.
and so once I realized thereviewer was gonna take a look
at that, I just prayed to God,God, please God, please And the

(08:44):
prayer I was just praying is,Make straight whatever crooked
path that I have in thatdocumentation.
And at the time, it didn'treally make sense to me how I
was even saying those wordsbecause what are you talking
about?
What path is in thedocumentation?
I, God is going to makestraight.
But in my spirit, I knew that Ihad not put my best work out

(09:05):
there.
I, I just felt like I had notdone my best because of the time
limitations that were attachedto that audit.
And so I was really nervous.
I thought, gosh, if this onethat I thought I had even done
to my best ability has come backwith these review comments that
I'm not even sure where to beginaddressing them, then how many

(09:25):
comments is this one that Idon't even think I did my best
on going to come back with?
And I kid you notes, it'scurrently still in the review
stages, but.
The reviewer came and asked me aquestion, and when I responded,
in summary, what he said to mewas, I really documented this

(09:47):
well, and this was a complicatedprocedure, but my documentation
flowed well, and I just saidThank you to him in that moment,
but knowing that God had indeedgone in there.
Straightening up the things thatI was worrying about was the

(10:07):
highlight of my day for me, notbecause I'm leaving my work for
God to do, or I just want to behandheld all the time, but
because once again God camethrough and show that he was
faithful and aside showing thathe was faithful in giving me the
favor that I need before men.

(10:29):
He also gave me the wisdom.
To do things in the way that Ihad done them, because the
process I used was not the usualprocess that would have been
used.
And just seeing that as I wasdocumenting that thing, even
though I was pressed for time, Iwas praying to God.
God gave me wisdom.
God gave me wisdom.
God gave me wisdom.

(10:50):
God gave me wisdom as I carrythis thing out.
Give me wisdom.
That God actually gave me thewisdom to approach my testing
and my documentation in a waythat has now stood out to be
worthy of the comment.
Great work center.
And I don't know if this meansanything to you, but to me, I

(11:14):
can tell you that it means a lotto me because each day that I go
to the office that I see allthese people, with all these
titles, I question myself, do Ideserve to be here?
And although I still don't thinkI deserve to be here, I know

(11:37):
that my father has put me here.
If he has put me here, thenthere must be a reason for it,
and I'm willing to let go of allthis imposter syndrome day and
then day out and just reallytrust and lean on him to guide
me every step of the way thatevery day.
Before I begin to work, I'mgoing to ask him, Lord, give me

(11:59):
the wisdom that I need to tackleeverything that is assigned to
me today.
And even as you're giving me thewisdom to tackle those things,
give me the favor before whoeveris going to look upon my work
that whatever they see will besomething that is reflective of
excellence, will be somethingthat is reflective of the wisdom

(12:19):
that you have poured into me.
Whoever makes any decision thataffects the grading of my work
that I'll find favor with thatperson.
And that is one prayer that I'vebeen praying that has really
been helping me combat thisimposter syndrome because truly
auditing auditing is notsomething that I've ever had an

(12:42):
interest in.
I never did.
Accounting in school It's stilllargely a mystery how I got into
this role, and it's a mysterybecause God orchestrated all
this and I don't know how.
I don't know why, but I'm here.
And so far, so far, he's beenworking through me so far.

(13:07):
He's been helping me each stepof the way, and even though I
doubt myself on the daily, He'sbeen holding my hand and he's
been guiding me and he's beenwriting those work papers with
me.
He's been processing thingstogether with me and we've been
doing it together, and I thinkthat is a thing that is helping

(13:28):
me stand out in this corporateAmerica world because if I did
not have God truly, I don't knowhow.
I would be standing, I don'tknow how I would be going
through most of the things.
I don't know how I would begetting all these quote unquote
praises from managers, fromdirectors, from people at the VP

(13:51):
level.
So I just wanna use this toencourage someone today.
I know that imposter syndrome isvery real.
It's something that most peoplethat I know have heard talk
about, and your job may not belike mine where you're
necessarily sitting behind thecomputer, but some way somehow.

(14:16):
Sometimes you still findyourself feeling like you are
not capable of carrying out atask that you have been carrying
out over the last five years,for instance, because you feel
like God put you in a certainplace and in your mind, You know
that you do not put yourselfthere, and so You are feeling

(14:39):
incapable of meeting theexpectations of that level that
you have been placed at, but canI tell you that if God put you
there, then he was not expectingyou to go at it alone.
He's expecting you to continueto lean on him the same way you
leaned on him.
To get you into that place, youhave to continue to lean on him.

(14:59):
To get you through that placeuntil the next assignment, until
the next placements that hegives you.
the highlights of my week hasreally been how simple prayers
that I have been praying eachnight before bed or each morning
before I log onto work.
How obscene those prayers cometo life.
Just little prayers.
there wasn't any speaking intongues, there wasn't anything

(15:22):
but just sincerely opening myheart up and telling God that,
you know something, I don'tthink I did my best on that work
paper, but I'm pleading with youthat you go before the reviewer
and you make straight everycrooked path in that
documentation that anything thatI missed, anything that I may
have overlooked.
that by your divine power, yousort it out for me and literally

(15:47):
in hours I saw God come through.
Now, is this to say that becauseof imposter syndrome, some days
you feel down and oh, you're notgonna put your best foot
forward?
No.
What I'm trying to say is that,On the days when you feel like
you just cannot do it, that youremember that you have a father,

(16:08):
that you remember that unlikethe other people that you're
seated with in that office, youare not like them.
You have a father in heaven whois willing to help you every
step of the way.
Can I challenge you?
I know this work week has ended,but as next week approaches when

(16:28):
you get to work, before youleave home, before you get to
the office, whether you'reworking from home, whatever your
working situation is.
That you would take a step offaith and that you would pray
and commit whatever task thatyou have to perform into God's
hands, that you will ask God forwisdom, to lead you, to direct
you, to show you how to go aboutthat thing, Now you would pray

(16:52):
and ask for the spirit ofexcellence to show forth in all
that you do, not so that you canhear well done and be pleased
with yourself, but so thatpeople can begin to see that
there is something differentabout you.
There is something extraordinary about you.
So that they can be drawn to youand begin to ask you, what is

(17:13):
your secret?
What is the thing that makes youthrive at what you do?
What is that thing that ismaking you produce such
excellent work papers?
And then you can share with themthat you know something.
I do indeed have a secret, butit is not a secret that is meant

(17:34):
to remain a secret.
It's a secret that I'm willingto share with you as long as
you're willing to listen.
Because it is not always throughus going and standing on the
streets and saying, Jesus isyour savior.
God loved you.
He came, he died for you andthis and this and that.
No, sometimes it is throughthese little ways that we begin

(17:56):
to.
Open up people to the gospelthat.
Because we begin to reflectJesus in all we do.
The gospel begins to become areality to the people around us
who are watching.
I, I don't know if I've made anysense, but I'm hoping that
you've picked something.
And the summary of what I'mhoping that you picked is that I

(18:17):
know it can get tough sometimesat work.
I know sometimes you feel likeyou can do this on your own, but
just call on God, lean on him,ask him to help you.
Trust me, he is going to helpyou and I pray that you find
peace at your workplace, thatthe Lord will teach you.

(18:39):
That the Lord will give youdiscernment of how to go about
each day, of which people todraw closer to, and that he
would open your eyes to what heneeds you to accomplish in that
workplace so that at the end ofthe day, we can return all the
glory to him.
Until next time.
Keep thriving.
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