September 23, 2023 • 28 mins
What do you do when it seems like all your friends are moving forward in life and you’re all but stagnant? What do you do when you’re everyone’s strength but your own strength starts to fail and you spiral into depression? In this episode, Sena opens up about her personal struggle with a quarter-life crisis. She discusses navigating anxiety, depression, stress, weight gain, and the overwhelming pressure of comparisons. Join her on a journey of self-discovery, finding strength, and rediscovering purpose with the help of God.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Holy spirit helped me.
(00:47):
Hey friends.
Well, it has been such a long,long, long time on this space.
And I mean, I took my microphonetoday and.
I was just like, what in theworld?
This thing is dusty.
Like Santa, you just sat downand almost let life get the best
(01:09):
of you.
But found good for good.
Honestly, thank.
For God who.
The matter will be due as alwaysjust there, ready to take our
hand.
He's always just waiting, sayingmy child.
Just give me your hand and I'mgoing to pull you right out.
So today I have finally.
(01:30):
Returned after almost eightweeks of.
Being absent.
Thing the last time I recordedan episode, or I guess the last
time I sat down to record anepisode was August 3rd.
I believe I had the last episodeyou're calling is unique to you.
I'm scheduled to go live thevery next day.
(01:51):
And since then, Life has justlife has been hitting me.
Okay.
I mean that very last episode,recording that thing.
Was honestly.
Such a huge, huge, huge push forme.
I was in no way, shape or formmentally ready to do the
recording, but I just pushedmyself.
(02:12):
You know, just to show up.
And in hindsight, I think it wasprobably a good thing to do.
And I think.
It depends on where you look atthis from.
I think that I should have keptpushing myself.
At least for a couple moreweeks.
Before school started.
But then again, it's like,That's what usually happens.
(02:32):
And then we have a bunch ofpeople now who we are here.
We are preaching the word.
I mean we're seven.
The Lord we are showing up onthe outside.
Very powerfully.
But then on the inside, we arebroking.
We are all just a bunch ofbroking, sows.
Seeking to do the will of thefather.
By showing up for other peoplewhile forgetting that.
(02:55):
The father is not pleased.
When we ourselves are broken onthe inside because when we are
hurting, our father is hurtingalso.
All that to say that it's goodto be back.
and I hope that I can get backto a place of consistency.
To be honest, when I took thismicrophone, the plan was to tell
you.
that this was going to be thelast episode for the season.
(03:16):
And I was just going to shut thewhole thing down.
And probably pick it back upagain at some point next year.
that was my intent.
And so I have no idea why I justsaid, I hope I get back to being
consistent.
But with that being said, wouldthat be in, said.
How are you guys do in of how abunch of you reach out to check
(03:38):
and ask what's going on?
Are we getting an episode thisweek?
Are we not?
And I just keep saying, yeah,I'm going to try to put
something out tomorrow.
And then I don't and then it'slike, oh my God, I keep making
promises and failing.
But at the end of the day.
Yeah.
I just, I could not do it.
I was just dealing with so much.
(03:59):
I was dealing with so muchanxiety, so much depression, and
it's kind of ironic to peoplewho know me.
And of course what this wholepodcast stands for.
Because I'm typically someonewho.
Is I'm the go getter in yourfriend group?
I'm the go getter?
I'm the overachiever.
I'm the one everyone comes tofor motivation, for
(04:21):
encouragement, for advicecounseling.
I am that friend.
To everyone and not just even inmy friendships, but even though
my family, my parents come to mefor advise, my sister is always
calling about one thing or theother.
People talk to me, people whoare way older than me talk to
(04:41):
me, they confiding me.
They told me things andsometimes I'm thinking.
Why is this presence only amoebastaying like I'm just a child.
You know, but.
That is just the doing of theLord.
And, and so this is the rolethat I play for many, many
people.
In this life.
But what happens when.
(05:02):
The one, everyone comes to needsomeone to go to and she does
not find anyone.
And that's basically you, whathappened to me?
I guess.
In my situation, it was more ofthe people that you would
typically go to.
When you are down.
I did not have access to themanymore in that capacity.
(05:25):
And so it was all a.
Sarah you're on your own.
It's all on you.
All these things are a cause ofoil, bad decisions, and you know
how the devil does go is, youknow, how the devil.
When he starts to remind you.
Of what you did 25 years agobefore you were even in your
mama's womb.
(05:46):
He would just start dragging allthese things up.
All the things you forgottenabout, they will start coming to
memory.
And it would seem as if you hadjust lived that day yesterday.
And so very quickly.
It just starts with maybe onedisappointment and then suddenly
you find yourself in a statewhere.
You feel.
Like you have no one to turn to.
(06:08):
And you feel very far from God,even though, you know, you can
just say, father, would you helpme?
You still feel very far.
And so instead of doing that,you just kind of sit back and
then you begin to hate God.
You're like got him.
I am angry at you.
I'm mad at you.
Like why do you keep lettingthis thing happen to me?
I thought I was your child.
(06:30):
Why does this keep happening?
I am.
I know where do you have thisam?
I know where the, of that.
And then at that moment alsocomparisons that's the coming
cause then you start to look atyourself and you start to
compare yourself with otherpeople, friends.
You grew up with people youattended school with life is
changing for everyone in yourjust seemingly stuck.
(06:53):
And this place.
That is no moving.
And one thing I've come torealize is that.
Growing up.
We always seem to be on the samelevel.
Almost everyone went to a schoolwhere there were probably the
rich kids and the poor kids, andthen the middle class trying to
act rich.
And then the middle class whojust didn't really can.
So they were okay.
(07:13):
Being passed over as the poorkids and.
You were all in the first grade.
Second grade, third grade,fourth grade.
A few exceptional people, maybeyou got promoted and things like
that, but once people gotpromoted, three weeks into the
new semester.
You don't even remember them.
No longer your friends.
And so you kind of just move onin life, you know?
(07:34):
But I feel like life reallystarts to change once she gets
to high school.
Almost everyone makes it to highschool.
you finished that.
And now it's time for union.
This is where the brick startsto happen.
Some people don't make it touni.
Some people.
And up maybe leaving if you, ifyou're a gun yet.
(07:54):
And some people ended up leavingthe country too.
Pursue the undergrad degrees inAmerica, UK, Canada.
Somewhere in Europe are very farfrom home.
Some people make it to theregular.
Schools and the cone tree.
University of Ghana, maybe somepeople who can afford maybe a
bit more, make it to theprivatized institutions.
(08:17):
For college.
And then some people just don'thave any of those options or
some people just also choose notto have those options.
Some go into doing their ownthing, starting your own
businesses or whatever it is.
And so you go through college,another four years passes by, at
that point, you start to see abit of a disconnect.
(08:39):
Right.
But it's not so strong because ahuge number of you are still in
university.
And so it's like, okay, are weall going through with first
year, second year, third year,fourth year.
Okay.
Now we done.
And that's where the dramastarts.
Once university is done guys,once university is done, oh my
(09:01):
God.
Some people go straight intograd school.
I'm talking maybe masters orsome even PhD level.
I have friends like that.
Right.
And then some people.
Parents, maybe got connectionsis again, as if you're back
home, parents got connections asa, you get into some good job up
to your national Savvis.
(09:22):
Oh, here in the us like me.
And pet the fever of God.
You find yourself in a goodcompany.
To just start working.
enter then after undergrad, andmaybe you give it a year or two.
And then suddenly you havepeople who went straight to
pursue their masters, begin tofinish that.
And so now it seems like they'vesort of come up on top of you.
(09:45):
the people pursuing their PhDs.
It kind of still sucks for thembecause they probably still got
like two more years of school togo.
Right.
And then you will, the workinggirl or the.
Yanno thinking, okay.
I need to start doing mymasters.
If you're back home.
You're probably starting to lookout schools and the us, UK,
Canada, again, anyway, in theera of, you're just trying to
(10:05):
get out of the country.
And then some people are alsogetting married and having
babies, I mean, life is justchanging.
People are dating all over theplace.
Relationship goes.
I mean, God is coming throughfor some and.
To you who is not experiencingmaybe all of that and just, you
just have so much happeningaround the same time.
(10:28):
Maybe like me, you're working.
Full-time you're in grad schoolfull time.
You're doing ministry full time.
You are doing your ownentrepreneurship thing on the
side food time.
It starts to really get a lot toreally, really quickly.
Oh, if you're not like me, thenmaybe you're done with uni, but
you haven't been able to securea job.
You're just there.
(10:48):
And we're not plan.
You have nothing going on.
And so there's like differenttiers to it.
There's different levels to it.
But for everyone in all thedifferent levels.
We're all going through somestuff.
We all going through some thingsthat we are not speaking about
and in some weird way.
As we begin to approach that ageof 25.
(11:10):
We suddenly begin to have aquarter life crisis.
And I never thought I would beone to experience this.
Because I sort of have my lifefigured out.
my friends.
Did you see, so now you haveyour life figured out, like
you've got things going on foryou.
And I'm like, eh, I do, Ishooed, right.
I should have my life figuredout.
(11:31):
I mean as a child of God and youknow, the scene, the way my life
is going, like it should befigured out.
But for some reason, that's not.
And so very quickly you beginto.
Decline and to the states ofdepression, because you are
beginning to compare yourself.
You're beginning to compare thestage in life.
They got at with where otherpeople at forgetting that.
(11:54):
Life is in stages and noteveryone travels the same stage
at the same time.
thank you.
Holy spirit.
If you look at a train, right.
If you look at a chain.
There is like different cars onthe train.
Right.
Whoever is in the first.
Car.
Let's call that stage one, forinstance.
(12:18):
And then the second car stagetwo and so on and so forth.
If you happen to be in the firstcar.
And there is a target line thatwe are supposed to reach.
That's the destination.
Whoever is in the first car.
Is going to get to that placefirst.
Correct?
(12:38):
And then followed by whoever'sin the second car.
At the end of the day, it doesknow much at the speed at which
you used to get to thatdestination.
It matters how well you traveledto get to that destination.
Because for those of you in thesecond car, Your journey is
different from that passing inthat first car.
(13:01):
And even just imagine if therewas another chain coming from a
whole other direction, come intothat point.
They would also have.
Different.
Pat's and so the person in car,one of the first train that we
were talking about, Travel's adifferent journey than even the
person in car.
One on the second train, that'straveling a different path.
(13:23):
But at the end of the day, weare all making it to that point.
And so we are suddenly at thispoint in life where someone is
in the first class, someone isin the second car because
someone is in the third car on awhole other train that's coming
from like maybe Bangladesh orsomething like that.
Someone is on a bicycle nowracing to get to the chain.
Someone's probably not evenwaking up.
(13:45):
To start the journey to thechain station.
But what matters is that?
By the grace of God.
We are going to get to thatfinish line.
Some would get to it quickerthan others.
But at the end, we are all goingto get to that point.
And so I was in this place whereI was beginning to.
Questioning a lots of things anddoubts and lots of things in my
(14:08):
life.
I goes, you said this about me.
I received this prophecy.
You spoke this word over me.
Your word has assured me of thiswhen I read the scripture.
I see.
So and so, and I see that thisis how my life should be moving.
But I'm not seeing that.
Like what's going on God.
what actually is going on.
(14:28):
Are you just playing mind gameswith me or.
I just, I don't understand, God,I need to understand.
so I began to go on thisdownward spiral.
Where I started to doubt theword of God that was spoken over
me because I felt like I shouldhave been at a certain point and
I wasn't there yet.
And even though it seems toothers, I'm doing well.
(14:50):
It just seemed to me like I hadaccomplished nothing.
And I just kept going down anddown and down.
Until I completely hit rockbottom.
And I could not even.
Liv to myself, even just alittle bit to show up on this
space, because I thought itwould be hypocritical for me to
come in and sit here and talk toyou about how to be the best
version of yourself When Imyself was.
(15:11):
somewhere.
I didn't even know where I was.
I was, I was so lost.
I was so far gone.
But thank God for good.
Hey, you guys good for good,because God is so patience with
us.
God is so-so patients with usand he truly loves us.
And when the word says that hewill leave the 99 to come up to
(15:32):
the one, it is so, so true.
And I've experienced thatheavily, especially in this last
week.
I started to get to a pointswhere.
I was stressed.
I was getting into much way.
if I mentioned that amount ofweight I have gained.
And just a few months.
You are just going to be like,what, like, what are you talking
(15:54):
about?
I woke up one day, I looked atmyself in the mirror and I
looked ugly to myself.
I was disgusted with myself.
I had slipped into bad habits.
I just looked, I was just like,what is this?
And then at that moment, Ithought, okay, to me and see
guys, this is why he needs toread the, where this is why he
needs to know this scripture.
(16:14):
So that's when you need it atthat time is when you know, life
is hitting.
You.
Something would just come off ofyour spirits.
I really began to feel verydisgusted at myself.
And then the scripture thattalks about a body being the
temple of God, came to mind.
And I was like, no, you knowwhat?
God has done too much for me.
(16:35):
He has done too much for me, forme to just sit down.
And just waste away.
And so I was like, you knowwhat, I'm going to hit that gym.
I'm going to start eatinghealthy.
I don't like fruits andvegetables, but I'm going to
find a way to include them moreand more into my food.
I'm going to get started onsmoothies.
(16:56):
And guys, when I tell you that Iprayed, I told God, I want to be
able to eat this thing because Iknow that it's as good for my
body.
I know that it is good for me.
Helped me.
Make it tasty so that I will beable to consume it.
so I went on Instacart, ordereda bunch of stuff from Costco.
I started working out.
(17:18):
the first week I went to the gymevery single day, John, Chris
moody every day, cut downheavily on calves today, eating
veggies, finding a way to sataya when God gives you wisdom.
Yeah.
Uh, things that never used totaste good suddenly started
these good, because now Yvonnelook, some recipe.
(17:38):
And there is a P is just, it'sjust hitting all the points.
And so I started to do that.
I started to get my groove onbasically.
But in the next point of attackcame, when it was like, okay,
I've sort of changed my life fora bed.
I've changed my eating habitsand all that.
But.
The scale.
It's not going down like, oh,what's going on here?
(18:00):
Let's kill us though.
Going down.
But thanks to people like growwith jo, who keeps saying don't
focus on the skill, just focuson how you feel.
I was like, okay, well theweights may not be going down,
but I'm feeling healthier.
I'm feeling lighter guys.
When I'm telling you that Iactually was feeling sick.
We saw prior to making thisdecision.
Like I was feeling likesomething was about to happen to
(18:23):
me, like my chest area.
and I've not shared this withanyone, but I was feeling so
sick.
I literally thought, you knowwhat, Santa, if you don't get
up, And do something with yourlife.
You're going to die.
Because I was just, I was notfeeding myself.
I was tired constantly.
I was depressed.
I had no enthusiasm for work.
(18:45):
I was just dragging myselfthrough the things that were
necessary for me to do.
AKA any the work, if not, I'mgoing to get kicked out and I'm
going to be homeless.
AKA.
I need to at least submit theassignments, if not, I'm going
to fill the class.
And I did not take that loan.
To fill the class.
And so just the energy to dothose things that I needed to
(19:09):
do.
It just took so much for me.
And I was like, you know what?
No.
This isn't the way God made meto have a fulfilling life on
this earth.
What am I doing?
And so I begun this journey andin the last week I have not been
to the gym yet because work andschool has just been crazy, but
I've made it a point to makesure that I have worked out
(19:29):
indoors.
The ride hammer pod, man.
Walking back and forth.
Then saying, you know, juststaying active, drinking more
water.
And when I tell you that I amfeeling great.
Or through and through.
Like God is just so fateful.
And once I began to make thesechanges and see, I didn't start
(19:51):
making the changes from thespiritual point.
I started from the physical.
And this is what has been sointeresting to me that God.
He truly cares about it, or Hecares about my physical
appearance.
He cares about every singlething about me.
Once I started to do thosethings.
He slowly began to encourage meto get back into doing my quiet
(20:11):
time.
You know, even if it's just fiveminutes a day, just read the
YouVersion plan, just getthrough it, pick something,
memorize a scripture for theday.
And so slowly I began to dothat.
And then as I began to do that,he begun to push me into a place
of prayer.
I would just be, then I'll justfeel like speaking in tongues.
I would just start, like, evenright now I'm feeling so much in
(20:33):
my sweat.
Like just, just praying.
And another thing he brought toyou was just praising him
dancing.
And there's a testimony I'mgoing to share maybe on the next
few episodes, because I see thatthis is already a like positive
20 minute amok.
and there's a painter edit whenit's a lot.
But.
I started to do.
These things slowly, justrejoicing in the Lord
(20:54):
fellowship.
And then him recognizing that.
No one on this, at this comingto save me.
No, man, no woman is coming tosave me.
Christ has already done thisevening, but it is up to me.
To see the Lord I'm opening upmy heart.
I'm acknowledging that you diedfor me.
I am accepting you into my lifeand I'm giving you the go ahead
(21:15):
to come into my life and disrupteverything that is not of you.
So that I can begin to betransformed into that, which you
made me.
it really took coming to thatplace.
For me to begin to find myselfagain.
Find myself in the Lord andbegin to answer the questions of
why am I here?
Why did the Lord put me here?
(21:36):
And so guys, I just want toencourage you.
I'm cutting this shortprematurely short, but.
I just want to encourage you.
Honestly, I don't remember how Ieven started this thing and how
we got here, but just know this.
God cares.
He cares about the little thingsHe cares about that thing you're
going through.
No matter how little, no.
How trivial it may seem to you.
See, He gets it.
(21:59):
But are you willing to let himin.
Are you willing to see the Lord?
Just just, just come and help mejust, just come in and take
over.
I can't do this thing on my own.
Like, God, you knew.
You know, I don't have to talk alot.
It's like, you know, you know,the things I'm dealing with, you
know, that the hidden sins, youknow, the things I'm battling,
you know, I'm battling withmasturbation, you know, I'm
(22:21):
battling with pornography,you're not be meeting that
married man in the corner.
You know, I've been doing thison my pastor.
You know, you know, you knowthat I'm, you're stealing small,
small from the church, likeLord, you know, But you have to
come to a point.
Where you are willing to letthose things go.
Because until you make up yourminds, actually let addictions
(22:43):
and things go.
You.
C lemonade and get into anothertopic.
Until you make up your mind tolet those things go.
It doesn't matter, which man ofGod, which uncle of God prays
for you.
Your main day.
And you continue to be disgustedwith yourself in your scene.
To just come to a place.
Where you number one,acknowledge that.
(23:04):
Okay.
I'm not where I want to be yet,but I recognize that God can
help me.
Number two, don't compareyourself to people around you.
See.
Everyone is on their differentgenu.
Everyone is in different stageand everyone is dealing with
their own bag of problems.
So just focus on you.
And focus on God.
(23:24):
Focus on God.
Focus on God and just ask him,Lord, what am I supposed to do
today?
Lord, what is the plan fortomorrow?
Lord.
What is the plan for my life?
Lord?
What do you want me doing today?
What would you have me doingtoday?
How can I get over this thing?
How can you heal me?
How can I get out of thisaddiction?
How can I break free?
And truly come into a place ofrepentance.
(23:47):
And allowing the holy spiritinto your life to do that,
which.
He is meant to do in your life.
And trust me, if you start totake the little steps that you
need to take.
You start to work out.
It's just 10 minutes, a day, 10minutes, Cod you in the morning.
Nothing, nothing crazy.
Just something just to get, youknow, your blood running, just
to get your juices running.
(24:07):
Just something small.
Spend five minutes with God.
See some of us we've made oursoaps too busy.
We are busier than.
Jesse.
I don't even know what we aredoing, but we are so busy.
We can't even find five minutesto spend with God.
Just find time.
Just find time if you make timefor good.
He will make time for you.
In fact, he has already madetime for you.
(24:29):
He's just waiting for you to seethat.
Good.
Okay.
Every morning, 6:00 AM to six,10:00 AM.
It's me or you let's talk.
Let's let let's talk.
One-on-one bestie to bestie.
Month to month who wants awoman?
God to this one.
Human for that child.
Let's talk.
Let's just, Just finding thelittle things, finding the
little things, making the smallchanges, eat healthy.
(24:52):
There's nothing wrong witheating junk once in a while.
Yeah.
But eat healthy, make littlechanges.
And talking to most of my femalefriends, I've realized that most
of us are struggling to wake upevery morning.
It's like when you have to wakeup, is this, but so you have to
fight.
But most of us, we, I just hadthe police will be as stressed.
Working out is going to changeyour life.
Trust me, working out, eatinghealthy.
(25:15):
Uh, the word of God.
Read a chapter in the Bible.
The Bible says.
Your word, have I hidden in myheart that I may not sin against
you?
So if the word of God is nothidden in.
if you don't know where the,where they're seeing means that
you will sin against God,because you don't even know what
thing pleases him and what thingdoes not pleasing.
(25:35):
So please guys.
I know it's been so long andthis is not even what I meant to
talk about.
I the plumbers come in and tellyou, I have not been here.
And you know, the fact that, eh,this is coming to be last
episode, blah, blah, blah.
But.
This God eh.
There's God.
He had his own way.
And so I just hope that you picksomething from this.
(25:55):
Hopefully in the next fewepisodes, we can talk more about
the rebranding that I'm thinkingabout for the podcast.
I believe that the Lord hasgiven me a word.
I believe that.
He shown me bits of my calling.
He's shown me a few specifics inthis past week.
And, um, just really meditating,praying over it, you know?
More on that's a combat.
(26:16):
This is already out there almost30 minute muck.
So I'm going to leave a hand.
I just prayed that.
Even as I've been able to findmy comeback with God, that
whatever situation you are goingthrough, you would trust God to
help you.
You would give him your yes.
So that you can begin a renewjourney with Him.
God bless you.
I love you guys.
And I'm so honored that youchoose.
(26:38):
To stick around, even thoughthings haven't been quite
consistent on my end.
I truly, truly appreciate youor.
Next episode, we're gonnacelebrate some of the milestones
that the podcast has received.
And I cannot wait.
I cannot wait to share that withyou all, but.
Yeah, God bless you.
if this has been another betterplace, I truly apologize.
(26:59):
I had no plan.
I wanted to sleep, but I waslike, you know what, let me just
pick up this mic and recordsomething.
So I hope that this blessed you.
I hope that the Lord who speaksto you, that, which He needs to
speak to you and that you wouldencounter him.
To this episode.
Until the next one, guys, keepit thriving.
Holy spirit helped me.
(00:47):
Hey friends.
Well, it has been such a long,long, long time on this space.
And I mean, I took my microphonetoday and.
I was just like, what in theworld?
This thing is dusty.
Like Santa, you just sat downand almost let life get the best
(01:09):
of you.
But found good for good.
Honestly, thank.
For God who.
The matter will be due as alwaysjust there, ready to take our
hand.
He's always just waiting, sayingmy child.
Just give me your hand and I'mgoing to pull you right out.
So today I have finally.
(01:30):
Returned after almost eightweeks of.
Being absent.
Thing the last time I recordedan episode, or I guess the last
time I sat down to record anepisode was August 3rd.
I believe I had the last episodeyou're calling is unique to you.
I'm scheduled to go live thevery next day.
(01:51):
And since then, Life has justlife has been hitting me.
Okay.
I mean that very last episode,recording that thing.
Was honestly.
Such a huge, huge, huge push forme.
I was in no way, shape or formmentally ready to do the
recording, but I just pushedmyself.
(02:12):
You know, just to show up.
And in hindsight, I think it wasprobably a good thing to do.
And I think.
It depends on where you look atthis from.
I think that I should have keptpushing myself.
At least for a couple moreweeks.
Before school started.
But then again, it's like,That's what usually happens.
(02:32):
And then we have a bunch ofpeople now who we are here.
We are preaching the word.
I mean we're seven.
The Lord we are showing up onthe outside.
Very powerfully.
But then on the inside, we arebroking.
We are all just a bunch ofbroking, sows.
Seeking to do the will of thefather.
By showing up for other peoplewhile forgetting that.
(02:55):
The father is not pleased.
When we ourselves are broken onthe inside because when we are
hurting, our father is hurtingalso.
All that to say that it's goodto be back.
and I hope that I can get backto a place of consistency.
To be honest, when I took thismicrophone, the plan was to tell
you.
that this was going to be thelast episode for the season.
(03:16):
And I was just going to shut thewhole thing down.
And probably pick it back upagain at some point next year.
that was my intent.
And so I have no idea why I justsaid, I hope I get back to being
consistent.
But with that being said, wouldthat be in, said.
How are you guys do in of how abunch of you reach out to check
(03:38):
and ask what's going on?
Are we getting an episode thisweek?
Are we not?
And I just keep saying, yeah,I'm going to try to put
something out tomorrow.
And then I don't and then it'slike, oh my God, I keep making
promises and failing.
But at the end of the day.
Yeah.
I just, I could not do it.
I was just dealing with so much.
(03:59):
I was dealing with so muchanxiety, so much depression, and
it's kind of ironic to peoplewho know me.
And of course what this wholepodcast stands for.
Because I'm typically someonewho.
Is I'm the go getter in yourfriend group?
I'm the go getter?
I'm the overachiever.
I'm the one everyone comes tofor motivation, for
(04:21):
encouragement, for advicecounseling.
I am that friend.
To everyone and not just even inmy friendships, but even though
my family, my parents come to mefor advise, my sister is always
calling about one thing or theother.
People talk to me, people whoare way older than me talk to
(04:41):
me, they confiding me.
They told me things andsometimes I'm thinking.
Why is this presence only amoebastaying like I'm just a child.
You know, but.
That is just the doing of theLord.
And, and so this is the rolethat I play for many, many
people.
In this life.
But what happens when.
(05:02):
The one, everyone comes to needsomeone to go to and she does
not find anyone.
And that's basically you, whathappened to me?
I guess.
In my situation, it was more ofthe people that you would
typically go to.
When you are down.
I did not have access to themanymore in that capacity.
(05:25):
And so it was all a.
Sarah you're on your own.
It's all on you.
All these things are a cause ofoil, bad decisions, and you know
how the devil does go is, youknow, how the devil.
When he starts to remind you.
Of what you did 25 years agobefore you were even in your
mama's womb.
(05:46):
He would just start dragging allthese things up.
All the things you forgottenabout, they will start coming to
memory.
And it would seem as if you hadjust lived that day yesterday.
And so very quickly.
It just starts with maybe onedisappointment and then suddenly
you find yourself in a statewhere.
You feel.
Like you have no one to turn to.
(06:08):
And you feel very far from God,even though, you know, you can
just say, father, would you helpme?
You still feel very far.
And so instead of doing that,you just kind of sit back and
then you begin to hate God.
You're like got him.
I am angry at you.
I'm mad at you.
Like why do you keep lettingthis thing happen to me?
I thought I was your child.
(06:30):
Why does this keep happening?
I am.
I know where do you have thisam?
I know where the, of that.
And then at that moment alsocomparisons that's the coming
cause then you start to look atyourself and you start to
compare yourself with otherpeople, friends.
You grew up with people youattended school with life is
changing for everyone in yourjust seemingly stuck.
(06:53):
And this place.
That is no moving.
And one thing I've come torealize is that.
Growing up.
We always seem to be on the samelevel.
Almost everyone went to a schoolwhere there were probably the
rich kids and the poor kids, andthen the middle class trying to
act rich.
And then the middle class whojust didn't really can.
So they were okay.
(07:13):
Being passed over as the poorkids and.
You were all in the first grade.
Second grade, third grade,fourth grade.
A few exceptional people, maybeyou got promoted and things like
that, but once people gotpromoted, three weeks into the
new semester.
You don't even remember them.
No longer your friends.
And so you kind of just move onin life, you know?
(07:34):
But I feel like life reallystarts to change once she gets
to high school.
Almost everyone makes it to highschool.
you finished that.
And now it's time for union.
This is where the brick startsto happen.
Some people don't make it touni.
Some people.
And up maybe leaving if you, ifyou're a gun yet.
(07:54):
And some people ended up leavingthe country too.
Pursue the undergrad degrees inAmerica, UK, Canada.
Somewhere in Europe are very farfrom home.
Some people make it to theregular.
Schools and the cone tree.
University of Ghana, maybe somepeople who can afford maybe a
bit more, make it to theprivatized institutions.
(08:17):
For college.
And then some people just don'thave any of those options or
some people just also choose notto have those options.
Some go into doing their ownthing, starting your own
businesses or whatever it is.
And so you go through college,another four years passes by, at
that point, you start to see abit of a disconnect.
(08:39):
Right.
But it's not so strong because ahuge number of you are still in
university.
And so it's like, okay, are weall going through with first
year, second year, third year,fourth year.
Okay.
Now we done.
And that's where the dramastarts.
Once university is done guys,once university is done, oh my
(09:01):
God.
Some people go straight intograd school.
I'm talking maybe masters orsome even PhD level.
I have friends like that.
Right.
And then some people.
Parents, maybe got connectionsis again, as if you're back
home, parents got connections asa, you get into some good job up
to your national Savvis.
(09:22):
Oh, here in the us like me.
And pet the fever of God.
You find yourself in a goodcompany.
To just start working.
enter then after undergrad, andmaybe you give it a year or two.
And then suddenly you havepeople who went straight to
pursue their masters, begin tofinish that.
And so now it seems like they'vesort of come up on top of you.
(09:45):
the people pursuing their PhDs.
It kind of still sucks for thembecause they probably still got
like two more years of school togo.
Right.
And then you will, the workinggirl or the.
Yanno thinking, okay.
I need to start doing mymasters.
If you're back home.
You're probably starting to lookout schools and the us, UK,
Canada, again, anyway, in theera of, you're just trying to
(10:05):
get out of the country.
And then some people are alsogetting married and having
babies, I mean, life is justchanging.
People are dating all over theplace.
Relationship goes.
I mean, God is coming throughfor some and.
To you who is not experiencingmaybe all of that and just, you
just have so much happeningaround the same time.
(10:28):
Maybe like me, you're working.
Full-time you're in grad schoolfull time.
You're doing ministry full time.
You are doing your ownentrepreneurship thing on the
side food time.
It starts to really get a lot toreally, really quickly.
Oh, if you're not like me, thenmaybe you're done with uni, but
you haven't been able to securea job.
You're just there.
(10:48):
And we're not plan.
You have nothing going on.
And so there's like differenttiers to it.
There's different levels to it.
But for everyone in all thedifferent levels.
We're all going through somestuff.
We all going through some thingsthat we are not speaking about
and in some weird way.
As we begin to approach that ageof 25.
(11:10):
We suddenly begin to have aquarter life crisis.
And I never thought I would beone to experience this.
Because I sort of have my lifefigured out.
my friends.
Did you see, so now you haveyour life figured out, like
you've got things going on foryou.
And I'm like, eh, I do, Ishooed, right.
I should have my life figuredout.
(11:31):
I mean as a child of God and youknow, the scene, the way my life
is going, like it should befigured out.
But for some reason, that's not.
And so very quickly you beginto.
Decline and to the states ofdepression, because you are
beginning to compare yourself.
You're beginning to compare thestage in life.
They got at with where otherpeople at forgetting that.
(11:54):
Life is in stages and noteveryone travels the same stage
at the same time.
thank you.
Holy spirit.
If you look at a train, right.
If you look at a chain.
There is like different cars onthe train.
Right.
Whoever is in the first.
Car.
Let's call that stage one, forinstance.
(12:18):
And then the second car stagetwo and so on and so forth.
If you happen to be in the firstcar.
And there is a target line thatwe are supposed to reach.
That's the destination.
Whoever is in the first car.
Is going to get to that placefirst.
Correct?
(12:38):
And then followed by whoever'sin the second car.
At the end of the day, it doesknow much at the speed at which
you used to get to thatdestination.
It matters how well you traveledto get to that destination.
Because for those of you in thesecond car, Your journey is
different from that passing inthat first car.
(13:01):
And even just imagine if therewas another chain coming from a
whole other direction, come intothat point.
They would also have.
Different.
Pat's and so the person in car,one of the first train that we
were talking about, Travel's adifferent journey than even the
person in car.
One on the second train, that'straveling a different path.
(13:23):
But at the end of the day, weare all making it to that point.
And so we are suddenly at thispoint in life where someone is
in the first class, someone isin the second car because
someone is in the third car on awhole other train that's coming
from like maybe Bangladesh orsomething like that.
Someone is on a bicycle nowracing to get to the chain.
Someone's probably not evenwaking up.
(13:45):
To start the journey to thechain station.
But what matters is that?
By the grace of God.
We are going to get to thatfinish line.
Some would get to it quickerthan others.
But at the end, we are all goingto get to that point.
And so I was in this place whereI was beginning to.
Questioning a lots of things anddoubts and lots of things in my
(14:08):
life.
I goes, you said this about me.
I received this prophecy.
You spoke this word over me.
Your word has assured me of thiswhen I read the scripture.
I see.
So and so, and I see that thisis how my life should be moving.
But I'm not seeing that.
Like what's going on God.
what actually is going on.
(14:28):
Are you just playing mind gameswith me or.
I just, I don't understand, God,I need to understand.
so I began to go on thisdownward spiral.
Where I started to doubt theword of God that was spoken over
me because I felt like I shouldhave been at a certain point and
I wasn't there yet.
And even though it seems toothers, I'm doing well.
(14:50):
It just seemed to me like I hadaccomplished nothing.
And I just kept going down anddown and down.
Until I completely hit rockbottom.
And I could not even.
Liv to myself, even just alittle bit to show up on this
space, because I thought itwould be hypocritical for me to
come in and sit here and talk toyou about how to be the best
version of yourself When Imyself was.
(15:11):
somewhere.
I didn't even know where I was.
I was, I was so lost.
I was so far gone.
But thank God for good.
Hey, you guys good for good,because God is so patience with
us.
God is so-so patients with usand he truly loves us.
And when the word says that hewill leave the 99 to come up to
(15:32):
the one, it is so, so true.
And I've experienced thatheavily, especially in this last
week.
I started to get to a pointswhere.
I was stressed.
I was getting into much way.
if I mentioned that amount ofweight I have gained.
And just a few months.
You are just going to be like,what, like, what are you talking
(15:54):
about?
I woke up one day, I looked atmyself in the mirror and I
looked ugly to myself.
I was disgusted with myself.
I had slipped into bad habits.
I just looked, I was just like,what is this?
And then at that moment, Ithought, okay, to me and see
guys, this is why he needs toread the, where this is why he
needs to know this scripture.
(16:14):
So that's when you need it atthat time is when you know, life
is hitting.
You.
Something would just come off ofyour spirits.
I really began to feel verydisgusted at myself.
And then the scripture thattalks about a body being the
temple of God, came to mind.
And I was like, no, you knowwhat?
God has done too much for me.
(16:35):
He has done too much for me, forme to just sit down.
And just waste away.
And so I was like, you knowwhat, I'm going to hit that gym.
I'm going to start eatinghealthy.
I don't like fruits andvegetables, but I'm going to
find a way to include them moreand more into my food.
I'm going to get started onsmoothies.
(16:56):
And guys, when I tell you that Iprayed, I told God, I want to be
able to eat this thing because Iknow that it's as good for my
body.
I know that it is good for me.
Helped me.
Make it tasty so that I will beable to consume it.
so I went on Instacart, ordereda bunch of stuff from Costco.
I started working out.
(17:18):
the first week I went to the gymevery single day, John, Chris
moody every day, cut downheavily on calves today, eating
veggies, finding a way to sataya when God gives you wisdom.
Yeah.
Uh, things that never used totaste good suddenly started
these good, because now Yvonnelook, some recipe.
(17:38):
And there is a P is just, it'sjust hitting all the points.
And so I started to do that.
I started to get my groove onbasically.
But in the next point of attackcame, when it was like, okay,
I've sort of changed my life fora bed.
I've changed my eating habitsand all that.
But.
The scale.
It's not going down like, oh,what's going on here?
(18:00):
Let's kill us though.
Going down.
But thanks to people like growwith jo, who keeps saying don't
focus on the skill, just focuson how you feel.
I was like, okay, well theweights may not be going down,
but I'm feeling healthier.
I'm feeling lighter guys.
When I'm telling you that Iactually was feeling sick.
We saw prior to making thisdecision.
Like I was feeling likesomething was about to happen to
(18:23):
me, like my chest area.
and I've not shared this withanyone, but I was feeling so
sick.
I literally thought, you knowwhat, Santa, if you don't get
up, And do something with yourlife.
You're going to die.
Because I was just, I was notfeeding myself.
I was tired constantly.
I was depressed.
I had no enthusiasm for work.
(18:45):
I was just dragging myselfthrough the things that were
necessary for me to do.
AKA any the work, if not, I'mgoing to get kicked out and I'm
going to be homeless.
AKA.
I need to at least submit theassignments, if not, I'm going
to fill the class.
And I did not take that loan.
To fill the class.
And so just the energy to dothose things that I needed to
(19:09):
do.
It just took so much for me.
And I was like, you know what?
No.
This isn't the way God made meto have a fulfilling life on
this earth.
What am I doing?
And so I begun this journey andin the last week I have not been
to the gym yet because work andschool has just been crazy, but
I've made it a point to makesure that I have worked out
(19:29):
indoors.
The ride hammer pod, man.
Walking back and forth.
Then saying, you know, juststaying active, drinking more
water.
And when I tell you that I amfeeling great.
Or through and through.
Like God is just so fateful.
And once I began to make thesechanges and see, I didn't start
(19:51):
making the changes from thespiritual point.
I started from the physical.
And this is what has been sointeresting to me that God.
He truly cares about it, or Hecares about my physical
appearance.
He cares about every singlething about me.
Once I started to do thosethings.
He slowly began to encourage meto get back into doing my quiet
(20:11):
time.
You know, even if it's just fiveminutes a day, just read the
YouVersion plan, just getthrough it, pick something,
memorize a scripture for theday.
And so slowly I began to dothat.
And then as I began to do that,he begun to push me into a place
of prayer.
I would just be, then I'll justfeel like speaking in tongues.
I would just start, like, evenright now I'm feeling so much in
(20:33):
my sweat.
Like just, just praying.
And another thing he brought toyou was just praising him
dancing.
And there's a testimony I'mgoing to share maybe on the next
few episodes, because I see thatthis is already a like positive
20 minute amok.
and there's a painter edit whenit's a lot.
But.
I started to do.
These things slowly, justrejoicing in the Lord
(20:54):
fellowship.
And then him recognizing that.
No one on this, at this comingto save me.
No, man, no woman is coming tosave me.
Christ has already done thisevening, but it is up to me.
To see the Lord I'm opening upmy heart.
I'm acknowledging that you diedfor me.
I am accepting you into my lifeand I'm giving you the go ahead
(21:15):
to come into my life and disrupteverything that is not of you.
So that I can begin to betransformed into that, which you
made me.
it really took coming to thatplace.
For me to begin to find myselfagain.
Find myself in the Lord andbegin to answer the questions of
why am I here?
Why did the Lord put me here?
(21:36):
And so guys, I just want toencourage you.
I'm cutting this shortprematurely short, but.
I just want to encourage you.
Honestly, I don't remember how Ieven started this thing and how
we got here, but just know this.
God cares.
He cares about the little thingsHe cares about that thing you're
going through.
No matter how little, no.
How trivial it may seem to you.
See, He gets it.
(21:59):
But are you willing to let himin.
Are you willing to see the Lord?
Just just, just come and help mejust, just come in and take
over.
I can't do this thing on my own.
Like, God, you knew.
You know, I don't have to talk alot.
It's like, you know, you know,the things I'm dealing with, you
know, that the hidden sins, youknow, the things I'm battling,
you know, I'm battling withmasturbation, you know, I'm
(22:21):
battling with pornography,you're not be meeting that
married man in the corner.
You know, I've been doing thison my pastor.
You know, you know, you knowthat I'm, you're stealing small,
small from the church, likeLord, you know, But you have to
come to a point.
Where you are willing to letthose things go.
Because until you make up yourminds, actually let addictions
(22:43):
and things go.
You.
C lemonade and get into anothertopic.
Until you make up your mind tolet those things go.
It doesn't matter, which man ofGod, which uncle of God prays
for you.
Your main day.
And you continue to be disgustedwith yourself in your scene.
To just come to a place.
Where you number one,acknowledge that.
(23:04):
Okay.
I'm not where I want to be yet,but I recognize that God can
help me.
Number two, don't compareyourself to people around you.
See.
Everyone is on their differentgenu.
Everyone is in different stageand everyone is dealing with
their own bag of problems.
So just focus on you.
And focus on God.
(23:24):
Focus on God.
Focus on God and just ask him,Lord, what am I supposed to do
today?
Lord, what is the plan fortomorrow?
Lord.
What is the plan for my life?
Lord?
What do you want me doing today?
What would you have me doingtoday?
How can I get over this thing?
How can you heal me?
How can I get out of thisaddiction?
How can I break free?
And truly come into a place ofrepentance.
(23:47):
And allowing the holy spiritinto your life to do that,
which.
He is meant to do in your life.
And trust me, if you start totake the little steps that you
need to take.
You start to work out.
It's just 10 minutes, a day, 10minutes, Cod you in the morning.
Nothing, nothing crazy.
Just something just to get, youknow, your blood running, just
to get your juices running.
(24:07):
Just something small.
Spend five minutes with God.
See some of us we've made oursoaps too busy.
We are busier than.
Jesse.
I don't even know what we aredoing, but we are so busy.
We can't even find five minutesto spend with God.
Just find time.
Just find time if you make timefor good.
He will make time for you.
In fact, he has already madetime for you.
(24:29):
He's just waiting for you to seethat.
Good.
Okay.
Every morning, 6:00 AM to six,10:00 AM.
It's me or you let's talk.
Let's let let's talk.
One-on-one bestie to bestie.
Month to month who wants awoman?
God to this one.
Human for that child.
Let's talk.
Let's just, Just finding thelittle things, finding the
little things, making the smallchanges, eat healthy.
(24:52):
There's nothing wrong witheating junk once in a while.
Yeah.
But eat healthy, make littlechanges.
And talking to most of my femalefriends, I've realized that most
of us are struggling to wake upevery morning.
It's like when you have to wakeup, is this, but so you have to
fight.
But most of us, we, I just hadthe police will be as stressed.
Working out is going to changeyour life.
Trust me, working out, eatinghealthy.
(25:15):
Uh, the word of God.
Read a chapter in the Bible.
The Bible says.
Your word, have I hidden in myheart that I may not sin against
you?
So if the word of God is nothidden in.
if you don't know where the,where they're seeing means that
you will sin against God,because you don't even know what
thing pleases him and what thingdoes not pleasing.
(25:35):
So please guys.
I know it's been so long andthis is not even what I meant to
talk about.
I the plumbers come in and tellyou, I have not been here.
And you know, the fact that, eh,this is coming to be last
episode, blah, blah, blah.
But.
This God eh.
There's God.
He had his own way.
And so I just hope that you picksomething from this.
(25:55):
Hopefully in the next fewepisodes, we can talk more about
the rebranding that I'm thinkingabout for the podcast.
I believe that the Lord hasgiven me a word.
I believe that.
He shown me bits of my calling.
He's shown me a few specifics inthis past week.
And, um, just really meditating,praying over it, you know?
More on that's a combat.
(26:16):
This is already out there almost30 minute muck.
So I'm going to leave a hand.
I just prayed that.
Even as I've been able to findmy comeback with God, that
whatever situation you are goingthrough, you would trust God to
help you.
You would give him your yes.
So that you can begin a renewjourney with Him.
God bless you.
I love you guys.
And I'm so honored that youchoose.
(26:38):
To stick around, even thoughthings haven't been quite
consistent on my end.
I truly, truly appreciate youor.
Next episode, we're gonnacelebrate some of the milestones
that the podcast has received.
And I cannot wait.
I cannot wait to share that withyou all, but.
Yeah, God bless you.
if this has been another betterplace, I truly apologize.
(26:59):
I had no plan.
I wanted to sleep, but I waslike, you know what, let me just
pick up this mic and recordsomething.
So I hope that this blessed you.
I hope that the Lord who speaksto you, that, which He needs to
speak to you and that you wouldencounter him.
To this episode.
Until the next one, guys, keepit thriving.
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