November 19, 2025 • 19 mins
Holiday magic can feel heavy when you’re juggling aging parents, scattered schedules, and tight budgets. We dive into what actually makes the season hard for older adults—loneliness, mobility limits, chronic conditions, grief, and the quiet pressure to spend—and we share straightforward ways to make celebrations safer, calmer, and more meaningful without overhauling your plans. From thoughtful seating and shorter visits to familiar music and low-stimulation spaces, you’ll get practical ideas you can use this week.
We also talk about money stress on fixed incomes, why “I’m fine” can hide real barriers, and how a single follow-up question often opens the door to real inclusion. For caregivers, we map out how to split duties, tap respite resources, and set realistic expectations so the load doesn’t crush the joy. And because memories matter, we offer a simple approach to honoring legacy: ask your parent or grandparent for the one tradition that matters most and build around it, even if other rituals fade.
By the end, you’ll know how to invite with intention, adapt with empathy, and create connection that lasts—whether that means a dedicated chair for grandma, a quick FaceTime during present opening, or a 30-minute visit that means the world. If you found value here, subscribe, share this episode with someone supporting an older loved one, and leave a review to help more families find practical senior care guidance.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
Welcome back to Senior Care Academy.
Today's episode, we're going tobe talking about holidays and
how they can affect seniorsbecause while holidays are a
time of joy and connection, theyalso can bring emotional,
physical, financial strain, anda lot of the times, especially
for older adults and if they andtheir caregivers if they have
family caregivers.
(00:29):
So in this episode, we're goingto talk about why holidays can
be challenging for seniors,provide some strategies to try
to reduce some stress, and thentalk about ways that you can
pretty simply create meaningfulcelebrations while also making
sure that your elderly lovedones are accounted for and that
they're also enjoying it.
We're going to also talk aboutsome national trends to try to
(00:52):
better understand thechallenges.
So if you're looking forpractical tips to make this
holiday season enjoyable foreveryone, yourself and your
elderly loved ones, and tune in.
It's going to be a solo pod, soit'll just be a little bit of a
shorter one.
So first I want to talk aboutthe reasons why holidays can be
(01:12):
really stressful for seniors ordifficult.
So a lot of seniors live alone,especially if their spouse has
passed, or even and evensometimes we try to mentally
stuff them away.
Like they move, oh, they're inan assisted living, they have
(01:32):
all these friends, but evenwithin the facility, they do
their best to make it not feellonely.
Um but during the holidayseason, it's difficult because
they're missing loved ones.
Even if they have friends, theyhave other seniors that are
living around them within theirfacility.
They might be missing their kidsand their grandkids or their
great-grandkids thinking aboutthem on the holiday because they
(01:54):
might not be able to visit them.
Um because families have a hardtime struggling to make time for
their elderly loved ones.
Like myself included, I wish Iwas not a part of this.
But like every other year, um,you know, I'm able to swing by
for a little bit to Thanksgivingdinners with my grandparents.
Um, you know, Christmas, I tryto call them, but at this point
(02:17):
I'm married.
Um, so I've got my family, mywife's family.
We have two kids of our own, sowe want to have our own thing.
And it just gets really busy.
So it's not uncommon, even forseniors that are incredibly
loved throughout the entireyear, to feel lonely during like
the holiday season because it'sjust hard.
Families keep multiplying.
Um there's a national study doneby the National Institute of
(02:40):
Aging that talks about that umone in four older adults in the
U.S.
experience social isolation, um,which we've talked about this a
lot on this podcast, wheresocial isolation itself, while
it's a huge bummer, it also hasserious health implications like
depression, uh, higher risk ofdementia, high risk of heart
(03:01):
disease, high risk of apremature death.
And so it just gets exacerbated.
Like if you think abouteverybody, the rest of the
population, like the um seasonaldepression, like all of these
things are present and sometimeseven more so with older adults.
The next reason why holidays canbe really tough for older adults
(03:22):
is health and mobilitychallenges, especially if you
live in a state like Utah or onethat has all four seasons where
it gets a little bit more slickand scarier to drive.
Um, so things like limitedmobility, cognitive illnesses,
um, cognitive decline can makeit really difficult for them to
fully participate, right?
Like if you're trying to do afamily get together on
(03:44):
Thanksgiving, but it snowed andthey feel uneven or uneasy
walking to their vehicle to getto the dinner, um, that can
limit them.
Or if they want to go to dinnerbut they know there's gonna be a
ton, a ton of sweets and theyhave diabetes, um, there's just
all these little things that wedon't think about a lot of the
(04:06):
time.
We send the invite, um, if thathappens.
Sometimes the invite doesn'teven happen.
But if we do, um, we're notthinking about all of the other
implications of getting to thisuh event if it's a Thanksgiving
dinner or Christmas morning orsomething like that.
Um there's a nationalperspective.
So according to the CDC, 80% ofolder adults in the US have at
(04:30):
least one chronic condition.
So, like arthritis, diabetes,heart disease, other things like
that, that affects their abilityto engage in holiday um
activities.
And you probably know your agingloved ones um if they have one.
I mean, four out of five peopledo, so they probably do, and if
you don't, you should see ifthey do.
(04:51):
And then try to makeaccommodations for it um to just
make it adaptable so they cancelebrate with you more than
like if they're able to come outto celebrate with you, it's
awesome.
Um, and if not, then go and youryour adaptation might just be
spending 30 minutes with them attheir place instead.
Um, the next is financialconcerns, is another reason why
(05:14):
the holidays are difficult.
Um, like if they're on a fixedincome, it can make holidays
super expensive gifts for alltheir kids and grandkids and
friends and spouse, and thentraveling if you live even two
hours away if they have to drivethese days.
That's like a couple hundredbucks in gas, potentially.
Um, and then special meals, likeoutside of what they normally
(05:39):
are purchasing their groceries.
And so it's also if you putyourself in their perspective,
their shoes, you know, for eighthowever many years, 18 years of
your life, you they were the onethat made the holiday special.
They got all the gifts, theymade all the dinner, they spent
all the money to make it cool,and now um, you know, if they're
(06:00):
retired, and hopefully umthey're not part of the the
majority of people that retirewithout sufficient savings that
are just living on a fixedincome.
But if they are, then now thereis this tinge of embarrassment
if you're in their perspectiveof like, oh, you know, I I was
the one that made all thesegifts for forever, and now I
(06:21):
can't do anything.
Um, and so it is tough there.
And then the last like big onethat makes the holidays tough
for older adults is the grief ornostalgia, um, which are
interesting, they're both in thesame vein, but different.
So grief is they're reminded ofa loved one that they used to
have around, and maybe they usedto love Christmas or love this
(06:45):
holiday, and now they're nothere with them anymore.
Um, but it also I like to thinkabout nostalgia and how that is
also difficult, where grief isyou are you're missing
something.
Um, and nostalgia is you'remissing something, but for the
opposite.
Like maybe you have a reallyhappy memory, they have a happy
memory of 30 years ago when youwere still at home and they were
(07:10):
the one running Christmas or 40or 50 years ago.
And it's just like it fills themwith happiness because they're
thinking about this memory, butthen after that memory's gone,
it fills them with sadness oflike, oh my gosh, that was you
know 50 years ago.
I'm 80 years old now, my kidsaren't around.
Um, and so it's really aninteresting um emotion,
(07:32):
nostalgia is, I think.
And so they're trying to managetheir own grief while also
trying to be excited for you astheir kid or grandkid, being
able to experience the holidayslike they used to experience it.
Um so it's an interesting thing.
So, like being able toacknowledge their emotion and
their reality, like watching youexperience the holidays as as
(07:55):
their kid or grandkid.
Um, and so while alsoencouraging storytelling and
trying to help honor them.
So now the pivot a little bittalking about how can we help
these things, how can weovercome some of these barriers
that are making it really toughfor seniors to um enjoy the next
(08:20):
six to eight weeks.
Um so first is encourage socialinteractions.
Um obviously this is prettybasic, but um I think a lot of
people are always nervous toencourage things because like,
oh, it's mom, they're she'sfine, like, or it's grandma,
she's fine, and there's likethis um feeling like we don't
(08:40):
want to cross the line.
But it's key to emotionalwell-being, and so just little
nudges.
So make the effort to um, youknow, say, hey, there's this
thing going on, um or it couldbe even like in my example.
So I'm one of ten kids.
Uh my mom's an empty nester now.
She's not old by any means,she's uh just turned 60, but she
(09:05):
is an empty nester.
She has like however manygrandkids are right now, like
eight or nine.
Um, and all of her kids havetheir different like holiday and
Christmas things going on, andshe's alone.
And the effort that my wife andI made, we just said, hey mom, I
don't know if you have plans onChristmas morning, but if you'd
like, um, we have a guestbedroom, you can come and you
(09:28):
know be a part of it with us andour little boys.
So always try to invite them,make an effort to help them feel
included.
Even if they say no, um, andmaybe dig once, you know, if
they say no, I don't want tomake I can't make it to
Thanksgiving dinner, be like,oh, what's going on?
What other plans do you have?
And position it that way oflike, oh, that's so exciting.
What are you doing?
And if they say, Oh, well,nothing, I just don't think I
(09:51):
can make it, then you can say,Oh, why?
And then, oh, because the car,it's hard to get out of bed,
it's hard to whatever.
Um, because a lot of times theymight say no because of that
second health and mobilityissue.
And they'll just say, No, no,no, I don't want to bother,
whatever.
So always ask the secondquestion to see if they have
other plans, which isincredible, or if they're just
(10:14):
saying no because they have adifferent concern.
So um, and then there's alsolike national resources.
If maybe, maybe uh it's yourin-laws' year, like my sister,
her in-laws live in one of theMidwestern Wisconsin, maybe, um,
they're gonna be gone this year.
(10:35):
And so you can say, hey, there'sAARP, um, has online community
stuff, or hey, I saw that ourlocal senior center is having a
Thanksgiving lunch, um, and justtry to help connect and break
the ice for a local thing ifyou, as their loved one, aren't
able to like involve them.
Um, the next tip is to adapt thecelebration to meet their needs.
(10:59):
So depending on, again, wetalked a little bit about um
their health concerns, so likechronic illnesses or mobility or
whatever.
Um, there's also emotionalconcerns, so maybe they don't
like large gatherings.
Um if you have yourself and ifyou're doing this huge
Friendsgiving and there's gonnabe 40 people, um, that might be
(11:20):
a turnoff for them.
So maybe think, oh, let's dothis big Friendsgiving in the
day after Thanksgiving.
We'll have a little, you know,uh after party dinner where it
can just be you and them.
If travel's difficult, maybemail them their Christmas
present and then jump on Zoom oruh FaceTime.
(11:41):
Um just something adapting it towhat they're capable of doing um
is easier than you'd thinkwithout totally like just
re-overhauling all of your plansof oh, now we have to go out of
state to go visit mom becausewhatever, we're gonna go to
Christmas at her house, which isawesome.
That's like best case scenario.
But just including mom bysending her a gift and saying,
(12:05):
hey, let's FaceTime Christmasmorning while my kids open
presents, um, just goes a reallylong way for.
Next is to kind of manage theholiday-related anxiety.
So try to um this is more, Iguess, for dementia type things,
but over stimulation.
If there's too much noise, toomuch decorations, it's super
(12:26):
hectic, it can be kind of scaryfor those that are experiencing
memory loss.
And so if you have an elderlyloved one that has dementia or
they're going through um adifferent kind of memory decline
or cognitive decline, playfamiliar music.
Um, try to stick if you havelifelong traditions that they've
(12:48):
been doing ever since they wereseven, you know, stick with that
tradition.
Um, and then just try to keep itreally simple to make it so that
way it's not a stressful thing,especially for those with um
cognitive decline.
But even those that don't havethat, there's still
holiday-related stress of like,oh, what if they don't like my
gift, or oh, this or that, andjust like think about them as
(13:11):
you're setting up the party.
Um try to make it.
I just think about my wife'sgrandma.
She has a really hard timegetting in and out of chairs,
and also like just a regularkitchen table chair is not good
for her.
And thinking about herholiday-related anxiety, coming
(13:33):
to a Thanksgiving dinner andbeing like, I can't sit in that
chair, and I don't want toburden anybody, and like that's
something that might be goingthrough her head.
So managing that and just havingit set up where there's a
comfortable chair or there'ssomething that's special.
Oh, that's grandma's chair.
It also makes it fun.
I remember having that when Iwas younger at family functions
(13:54):
where there was like a specialchair.
We always wanted it, and it'slike, no, that's that's for
grandma.
Um and so it can make it so theydon't even have to think about
it, they could just get to showup and have fun.
Um other things is supportingcaregivers.
So if you are the caregiver orif you have a sibling that you
know is a caregiver, um, theyjust take on a lot of
(14:17):
responsibility during theholidays.
Like if one person's responsiblefor getting mom to all these
different parties um andwatching her nonstop, it makes
it so the holiday is not a funexperience.
Um, so try to share among familymembers, even if there's a
primary caregiver throughout therest of the year during the
holidays, maybe say, Hey,sister, um, you know, I can sub
(14:40):
out for this week or whatever.
Um, so that way you can givethem a break uh and then
encourage respite care.
There's a lot of organizationsout there that um have resources
for respite care to make it freethrough insurance.
And if it's not free throughinsurance, it's worth you know
spending the hundred and hundredto three hundred dollars to give
(15:04):
that family caregiver the fullmorning with their family, you
know.
Um, and then also just try tohelp them set realistic
expectations, like it's gonna bea lot of work, and you have to
schedule out and decide whenyou're gonna have self-care
throughout the next six weeks inthe holiday season when there's
Christmas parties andThanksgiving dinners and um
(15:28):
friend parties, and everybodywants to come visit grandpa
during that time.
Um, so just doing that.
And then the last little thingthat I want to talk about is
trying to during this time honortraditions while also making
one.
So this is something that I'vewrestled with a lot.
Um, because I've my wife and I,we now have two little boys, and
we're trying to like figure outwhat traditions we want to have.
(15:51):
Um, I grew up with traditions,she grew up with traditions, my
mom uh has traditions, herparents grew up with different
traditions, and trying torespect the traditions that
we've had that mean so much toour elderly loved ones, our mom,
our parents, and ourgrandparents, um, but also can
be overwhelming, especially aswe're trying to come up with our
(16:13):
own.
So ask, um imagine that, ask,just use your words, like I tell
my four-year-old all the time,use your words.
Um, and just ask them, say,like, what's your favorite
holiday tradition?
What's the one that's the mostimportant to you?
Um, you know, if you had to pickonly one Christmas tradition,
(16:34):
what would you want it to be?
And then just find ways toincorporate that one because
traditions can be overwhelmingif you have 17 different things
that you try to do on Christmasmorning to make it special.
Um, but finding the one thatthey really like and then just
incorporate that big piece oftheir past celebrations.
Uh, favorite meal could be one,or favorite decorations, or like
(16:57):
my family, one that I broughtfrom my childhood to my
marriage, um, is when we comedown the stairs on Christmas
morning, everybody we line upand full cover each other's
eyes.
The person behind you coversyour eyes, walk into the living
room, and then we all look at itat the same time.
That was like one that I reallyenjoyed as a kid that we decided
to carry on and not.
There's a lot of other ones thatwe kind of sprinkle in.
(17:18):
But um so kind of just goingover it again, it's difficult.
It can be difficult to gothrough the holiday season, even
for the most loved and supportedolder adults in our lives
because of loneliness, you know,health, physical or mental
health, um, grief, nostalgia,financial concerns.
(17:39):
And there's pretty um, there's alot of simple ways to help it be
a little bit less lonely, alittle bit less full of grief or
sadness, um, without totally uhoverturning and uprooting all
the plans that you had for yourfamily um and your kids or your
(18:00):
grandkids if you're if you'relike my mom, where she still
wants to go and visit herparents, but now she has set 11
grandkids that she also wants toparticipate with.
So just the word of advice isalways to put yourself in their
shoes and say, okay, imagine I'm80, you know, I've had a good 25
(18:23):
years of holidays with my kidsin the house, and then I had
another like 25 years ofholidays with grandkids, and now
you know I'm older, everybody'sdoing their own thing.
I don't want to be a burden.
I also don't have the means tobe able to spoil all my loved
ones like I did when I was, youknow, working normal.
Um, and just with that frame ofmind, say, okay, how can I do
(18:46):
one thing to make it special formy elderly loved one?
And that is my advice today.
So if this episode was helpful,share it with somebody that you
know that has an elderly lovedone that is stressed about this
holiday season coming up becausethey want it to be special for
them.
Um, and then follow us to learnmore about how to help the most
valuable generation, the seniorsin our community, so we can
(19:10):
ensure together that our elderlyloved ones experience the
holiday season and just the restof their life and in a joyful
way.
Because aging should be a goodthing.
Welcome back to Senior Care Academy.
Today's episode, we're going tobe talking about holidays and
how they can affect seniorsbecause while holidays are a
time of joy and connection, theyalso can bring emotional,
physical, financial strain, anda lot of the times, especially
for older adults and if they andtheir caregivers if they have
family caregivers.
(00:29):
So in this episode, we're goingto talk about why holidays can
be challenging for seniors,provide some strategies to try
to reduce some stress, and thentalk about ways that you can
pretty simply create meaningfulcelebrations while also making
sure that your elderly lovedones are accounted for and that
they're also enjoying it.
We're going to also talk aboutsome national trends to try to
(00:52):
better understand thechallenges.
So if you're looking forpractical tips to make this
holiday season enjoyable foreveryone, yourself and your
elderly loved ones, and tune in.
It's going to be a solo pod, soit'll just be a little bit of a
shorter one.
So first I want to talk aboutthe reasons why holidays can be
(01:12):
really stressful for seniors ordifficult.
So a lot of seniors live alone,especially if their spouse has
passed, or even and evensometimes we try to mentally
stuff them away.
Like they move, oh, they're inan assisted living, they have
(01:32):
all these friends, but evenwithin the facility, they do
their best to make it not feellonely.
Um but during the holidayseason, it's difficult because
they're missing loved ones.
Even if they have friends, theyhave other seniors that are
living around them within theirfacility.
They might be missing their kidsand their grandkids or their
great-grandkids thinking aboutthem on the holiday because they
(01:54):
might not be able to visit them.
Um because families have a hardtime struggling to make time for
their elderly loved ones.
Like myself included, I wish Iwas not a part of this.
But like every other year, um,you know, I'm able to swing by
for a little bit to Thanksgivingdinners with my grandparents.
Um, you know, Christmas, I tryto call them, but at this point
(02:17):
I'm married.
Um, so I've got my family, mywife's family.
We have two kids of our own, sowe want to have our own thing.
And it just gets really busy.
So it's not uncommon, even forseniors that are incredibly
loved throughout the entireyear, to feel lonely during like
the holiday season because it'sjust hard.
Families keep multiplying.
Um there's a national study doneby the National Institute of
(02:40):
Aging that talks about that umone in four older adults in the
U.S.
experience social isolation, um,which we've talked about this a
lot on this podcast, wheresocial isolation itself, while
it's a huge bummer, it also hasserious health implications like
depression, uh, higher risk ofdementia, high risk of heart
(03:01):
disease, high risk of apremature death.
And so it just gets exacerbated.
Like if you think abouteverybody, the rest of the
population, like the um seasonaldepression, like all of these
things are present and sometimeseven more so with older adults.
The next reason why holidays canbe really tough for older adults
(03:22):
is health and mobilitychallenges, especially if you
live in a state like Utah or onethat has all four seasons where
it gets a little bit more slickand scarier to drive.
Um, so things like limitedmobility, cognitive illnesses,
um, cognitive decline can makeit really difficult for them to
fully participate, right?
Like if you're trying to do afamily get together on
(03:44):
Thanksgiving, but it snowed andthey feel uneven or uneasy
walking to their vehicle to getto the dinner, um, that can
limit them.
Or if they want to go to dinnerbut they know there's gonna be a
ton, a ton of sweets and theyhave diabetes, um, there's just
all these little things that wedon't think about a lot of the
(04:06):
time.
We send the invite, um, if thathappens.
Sometimes the invite doesn'teven happen.
But if we do, um, we're notthinking about all of the other
implications of getting to thisuh event if it's a Thanksgiving
dinner or Christmas morning orsomething like that.
Um there's a nationalperspective.
So according to the CDC, 80% ofolder adults in the US have at
(04:30):
least one chronic condition.
So, like arthritis, diabetes,heart disease, other things like
that, that affects their abilityto engage in holiday um
activities.
And you probably know your agingloved ones um if they have one.
I mean, four out of five peopledo, so they probably do, and if
you don't, you should see ifthey do.
(04:51):
And then try to makeaccommodations for it um to just
make it adaptable so they cancelebrate with you more than
like if they're able to come outto celebrate with you, it's
awesome.
Um, and if not, then go and youryour adaptation might just be
spending 30 minutes with them attheir place instead.
Um, the next is financialconcerns, is another reason why
(05:14):
the holidays are difficult.
Um, like if they're on a fixedincome, it can make holidays
super expensive gifts for alltheir kids and grandkids and
friends and spouse, and thentraveling if you live even two
hours away if they have to drivethese days.
That's like a couple hundredbucks in gas, potentially.
Um, and then special meals, likeoutside of what they normally
(05:39):
are purchasing their groceries.
And so it's also if you putyourself in their perspective,
their shoes, you know, for eighthowever many years, 18 years of
your life, you they were the onethat made the holiday special.
They got all the gifts, theymade all the dinner, they spent
all the money to make it cool,and now um, you know, if they're
(06:00):
retired, and hopefully umthey're not part of the the
majority of people that retirewithout sufficient savings that
are just living on a fixedincome.
But if they are, then now thereis this tinge of embarrassment
if you're in their perspectiveof like, oh, you know, I I was
the one that made all thesegifts for forever, and now I
(06:21):
can't do anything.
Um, and so it is tough there.
And then the last like big onethat makes the holidays tough
for older adults is the grief ornostalgia, um, which are
interesting, they're both in thesame vein, but different.
So grief is they're reminded ofa loved one that they used to
have around, and maybe they usedto love Christmas or love this
(06:45):
holiday, and now they're nothere with them anymore.
Um, but it also I like to thinkabout nostalgia and how that is
also difficult, where grief isyou are you're missing
something.
Um, and nostalgia is you'remissing something, but for the
opposite.
Like maybe you have a reallyhappy memory, they have a happy
memory of 30 years ago when youwere still at home and they were
(07:10):
the one running Christmas or 40or 50 years ago.
And it's just like it fills themwith happiness because they're
thinking about this memory, butthen after that memory's gone,
it fills them with sadness oflike, oh my gosh, that was you
know 50 years ago.
I'm 80 years old now, my kidsaren't around.
Um, and so it's really aninteresting um emotion,
(07:32):
nostalgia is, I think.
And so they're trying to managetheir own grief while also
trying to be excited for you astheir kid or grandkid, being
able to experience the holidayslike they used to experience it.
Um so it's an interesting thing.
So, like being able toacknowledge their emotion and
their reality, like watching youexperience the holidays as as
(07:55):
their kid or grandkid.
Um, and so while alsoencouraging storytelling and
trying to help honor them.
So now the pivot a little bittalking about how can we help
these things, how can weovercome some of these barriers
that are making it really toughfor seniors to um enjoy the next
(08:20):
six to eight weeks.
Um so first is encourage socialinteractions.
Um obviously this is prettybasic, but um I think a lot of
people are always nervous toencourage things because like,
oh, it's mom, they're she'sfine, like, or it's grandma,
she's fine, and there's likethis um feeling like we don't
(08:40):
want to cross the line.
But it's key to emotionalwell-being, and so just little
nudges.
So make the effort to um, youknow, say, hey, there's this
thing going on, um or it couldbe even like in my example.
So I'm one of ten kids.
Uh my mom's an empty nester now.
She's not old by any means,she's uh just turned 60, but she
(09:05):
is an empty nester.
She has like however manygrandkids are right now, like
eight or nine.
Um, and all of her kids havetheir different like holiday and
Christmas things going on, andshe's alone.
And the effort that my wife andI made, we just said, hey mom, I
don't know if you have plans onChristmas morning, but if you'd
like, um, we have a guestbedroom, you can come and you
(09:28):
know be a part of it with us andour little boys.
So always try to invite them,make an effort to help them feel
included.
Even if they say no, um, andmaybe dig once, you know, if
they say no, I don't want tomake I can't make it to
Thanksgiving dinner, be like,oh, what's going on?
What other plans do you have?
And position it that way oflike, oh, that's so exciting.
What are you doing?
And if they say, Oh, well,nothing, I just don't think I
(09:51):
can make it, then you can say,Oh, why?
And then, oh, because the car,it's hard to get out of bed,
it's hard to whatever.
Um, because a lot of times theymight say no because of that
second health and mobilityissue.
And they'll just say, No, no,no, I don't want to bother,
whatever.
So always ask the secondquestion to see if they have
other plans, which isincredible, or if they're just
(10:14):
saying no because they have adifferent concern.
So um, and then there's alsolike national resources.
If maybe, maybe uh it's yourin-laws' year, like my sister,
her in-laws live in one of theMidwestern Wisconsin, maybe, um,
they're gonna be gone this year.
(10:35):
And so you can say, hey, there'sAARP, um, has online community
stuff, or hey, I saw that ourlocal senior center is having a
Thanksgiving lunch, um, and justtry to help connect and break
the ice for a local thing ifyou, as their loved one, aren't
able to like involve them.
Um, the next tip is to adapt thecelebration to meet their needs.
(10:59):
So depending on, again, wetalked a little bit about um
their health concerns, so likechronic illnesses or mobility or
whatever.
Um, there's also emotionalconcerns, so maybe they don't
like large gatherings.
Um if you have yourself and ifyou're doing this huge
Friendsgiving and there's gonnabe 40 people, um, that might be
(11:20):
a turnoff for them.
So maybe think, oh, let's dothis big Friendsgiving in the
day after Thanksgiving.
We'll have a little, you know,uh after party dinner where it
can just be you and them.
If travel's difficult, maybemail them their Christmas
present and then jump on Zoom oruh FaceTime.
(11:41):
Um just something adapting it towhat they're capable of doing um
is easier than you'd thinkwithout totally like just
re-overhauling all of your plansof oh, now we have to go out of
state to go visit mom becausewhatever, we're gonna go to
Christmas at her house, which isawesome.
That's like best case scenario.
But just including mom bysending her a gift and saying,
(12:05):
hey, let's FaceTime Christmasmorning while my kids open
presents, um, just goes a reallylong way for.
Next is to kind of manage theholiday-related anxiety.
So try to um this is more, Iguess, for dementia type things,
but over stimulation.
If there's too much noise, toomuch decorations, it's super
(12:26):
hectic, it can be kind of scaryfor those that are experiencing
memory loss.
And so if you have an elderlyloved one that has dementia or
they're going through um adifferent kind of memory decline
or cognitive decline, playfamiliar music.
Um, try to stick if you havelifelong traditions that they've
(12:48):
been doing ever since they wereseven, you know, stick with that
tradition.
Um, and then just try to keep itreally simple to make it so that
way it's not a stressful thing,especially for those with um
cognitive decline.
But even those that don't havethat, there's still
holiday-related stress of like,oh, what if they don't like my
gift, or oh, this or that, andjust like think about them as
(13:11):
you're setting up the party.
Um try to make it.
I just think about my wife'sgrandma.
She has a really hard timegetting in and out of chairs,
and also like just a regularkitchen table chair is not good
for her.
And thinking about herholiday-related anxiety, coming
(13:33):
to a Thanksgiving dinner andbeing like, I can't sit in that
chair, and I don't want toburden anybody, and like that's
something that might be goingthrough her head.
So managing that and just havingit set up where there's a
comfortable chair or there'ssomething that's special.
Oh, that's grandma's chair.
It also makes it fun.
I remember having that when Iwas younger at family functions
(13:54):
where there was like a specialchair.
We always wanted it, and it'slike, no, that's that's for
grandma.
Um and so it can make it so theydon't even have to think about
it, they could just get to showup and have fun.
Um other things is supportingcaregivers.
So if you are the caregiver orif you have a sibling that you
know is a caregiver, um, theyjust take on a lot of
(14:17):
responsibility during theholidays.
Like if one person's responsiblefor getting mom to all these
different parties um andwatching her nonstop, it makes
it so the holiday is not a funexperience.
Um, so try to share among familymembers, even if there's a
primary caregiver throughout therest of the year during the
holidays, maybe say, Hey,sister, um, you know, I can sub
(14:40):
out for this week or whatever.
Um, so that way you can givethem a break uh and then
encourage respite care.
There's a lot of organizationsout there that um have resources
for respite care to make it freethrough insurance.
And if it's not free throughinsurance, it's worth you know
spending the hundred and hundredto three hundred dollars to give
(15:04):
that family caregiver the fullmorning with their family, you
know.
Um, and then also just try tohelp them set realistic
expectations, like it's gonna bea lot of work, and you have to
schedule out and decide whenyou're gonna have self-care
throughout the next six weeks inthe holiday season when there's
Christmas parties andThanksgiving dinners and um
(15:28):
friend parties, and everybodywants to come visit grandpa
during that time.
Um, so just doing that.
And then the last little thingthat I want to talk about is
trying to during this time honortraditions while also making
one.
So this is something that I'vewrestled with a lot.
Um, because I've my wife and I,we now have two little boys, and
we're trying to like figure outwhat traditions we want to have.
(15:51):
Um, I grew up with traditions,she grew up with traditions, my
mom uh has traditions, herparents grew up with different
traditions, and trying torespect the traditions that
we've had that mean so much toour elderly loved ones, our mom,
our parents, and ourgrandparents, um, but also can
be overwhelming, especially aswe're trying to come up with our
(16:13):
own.
So ask, um imagine that, ask,just use your words, like I tell
my four-year-old all the time,use your words.
Um, and just ask them, say,like, what's your favorite
holiday tradition?
What's the one that's the mostimportant to you?
Um, you know, if you had to pickonly one Christmas tradition,
(16:34):
what would you want it to be?
And then just find ways toincorporate that one because
traditions can be overwhelmingif you have 17 different things
that you try to do on Christmasmorning to make it special.
Um, but finding the one thatthey really like and then just
incorporate that big piece oftheir past celebrations.
Uh, favorite meal could be one,or favorite decorations, or like
(16:57):
my family, one that I broughtfrom my childhood to my
marriage, um, is when we comedown the stairs on Christmas
morning, everybody we line upand full cover each other's
eyes.
The person behind you coversyour eyes, walk into the living
room, and then we all look at itat the same time.
That was like one that I reallyenjoyed as a kid that we decided
to carry on and not.
There's a lot of other ones thatwe kind of sprinkle in.
(17:18):
But um so kind of just goingover it again, it's difficult.
It can be difficult to gothrough the holiday season, even
for the most loved and supportedolder adults in our lives
because of loneliness, you know,health, physical or mental
health, um, grief, nostalgia,financial concerns.
(17:39):
And there's pretty um, there's alot of simple ways to help it be
a little bit less lonely, alittle bit less full of grief or
sadness, um, without totally uhoverturning and uprooting all
the plans that you had for yourfamily um and your kids or your
(18:00):
grandkids if you're if you'relike my mom, where she still
wants to go and visit herparents, but now she has set 11
grandkids that she also wants toparticipate with.
So just the word of advice isalways to put yourself in their
shoes and say, okay, imagine I'm80, you know, I've had a good 25
(18:23):
years of holidays with my kidsin the house, and then I had
another like 25 years ofholidays with grandkids, and now
you know I'm older, everybody'sdoing their own thing.
I don't want to be a burden.
I also don't have the means tobe able to spoil all my loved
ones like I did when I was, youknow, working normal.
Um, and just with that frame ofmind, say, okay, how can I do
(18:46):
one thing to make it special formy elderly loved one?
And that is my advice today.
So if this episode was helpful,share it with somebody that you
know that has an elderly lovedone that is stressed about this
holiday season coming up becausethey want it to be special for
them.
Um, and then follow us to learnmore about how to help the most
valuable generation, the seniorsin our community, so we can
(19:10):
ensure together that our elderlyloved ones experience the
holiday season and just the restof their life and in a joyful
way.
Because aging should be a goodthing.
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