October 7, 2025 • 39 mins
Do you feel pressured to do more than you can handle? In this episode, I talk with Amber Bateman, LPC about the cultural pressures to be perfect and:
• How to soften these pressures to take better care of yourself every day
• The importance of creating a lifestyle and rhythm that embraces self-care
• Welcoming in curiosity, connection, and slow living to support your sensitive nervous system
Amber is a licensed professional counselor with a background in communications and religious studies. She has over 15 years of experience in the helping profession, working in a variety of settings including a therapeutic wilderness camp, sexual assault response program, university counseling center, and private practice. She is a foodie and world traveler; lover of hot tea, herb gardens, and Marvel's Endgame.
Keep in touch with Amber:
• Website: https://www.delvementalhealth.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amberbatemanlpc
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amber.bateman.586617
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@amberbatemanlpc
Resources Mentioned:
• Save Yourself Some Therapy: Four Modern Dangers to Mental Health & What To Do About It by Amber Bateman: https://www.delvementalhealth.com/book
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt: https://bookshop.org/a/63892/9780593655030
Thanks for listening! You can read the full show notes and sign up for my email list to get new episode announcements and other resources at:
https://www.sensitivestories.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amber Bateman (00:00):
We push ourselves and push ourselves until we're
just exhausted, and then we getirritable and then we're like we
need, I need the massage, Ineed the vacation, whereas I
think that if we could make itmore of a rhythm, more of a
lifestyle of self-care, andespecially for HSPs- welcome to
(00:36):
sensitive stories, the podcastfor the people who live with
hearts and eyes wide open.
April Snow (00:38):
I'm your host, psychotherapist and author,
april snow.
I invite you to join me as Ideep dive into rich
conversations with fellow highlysensitive people that will
inspire you to join me as I deepdive into rich conversations
with fellow highly sensitivepeople that will inspire you to
live a more fulfilling life asan HSP, without all the
overwhelm.
In this episode, I talk withAmber Bateman about the cultural
pressures to perform and beperfect, the importance of
(00:59):
slowing down and connectingauthentically with the people
around you, and welcoming incuriosity about yourself and
others.
Amber is a licensedprofessional counselor with a
background in communications andreligious studies.
She has over 15 years ofexperience in the helping
profession, working in a varietyof settings, including a
therapeutic wilderness camp,sexual assault response program,
(01:22):
university counseling Centerand a private practice.
She is a foodie and worldtraveler, lover of hot tea, herb
gardens and Marvel's Endgame.
For more HSP resources and tosee behind-the-scenes video from
the podcast, join me onInstagram, tiktok or YouTube at
Sensitive Strengths or sign upfor my email list.
Links are in the show notes andat sensitivestoriescom.
(01:45):
And just a reminder that thisepisode is for educational
purposes only and is notintended as a substitute for
treatment with a mental healthor medical professional.
Let's dive in.
So, amber, welcome to thepodcast.
(02:18):
I am so happy to have you heretoday to connect with you.
Amber Bateman (02:21):
Thank you, thanks for having me April, of course.
April Snow (02:24):
So I want to start off where we start every
conversation with your HSPdiscovery story.
Amber Bateman (02:29):
So if you remember how or when you
realized that you're highlysensitive, yes, so I was not
familiar with the term untilabout five years ago, I think
that's.
I've heard that from a lot ofHSPs that we didn't necessarily
know the term and I think I Ican't remember exactly where I
heard the term, but I think itwas through slow living YouTube
(02:52):
channel, cause I had discoveredthe cottage fairy and some of
those slow living YouTubechannels and they talked about
the term HSP and I just soresonated with that.
I was like that is me, like Iwas drawn to the idea of slow
living and being intentional andlike embracing all of the
(03:14):
senses, enjoying a hot cup oftea.
But you know, I can think backto when I was a child and, yeah,
like, absolutely I was verysensitive to textures and
clothing and so my mom would tryto put me in like lacy, frilly,
polyester dresses and I wouldjust be like itchy hate them.
(03:35):
I hated cold water and we swamin cold water springs in Florida
where I grew up, and all mysiblings and cousins would be
fine and I would break out inhives like literally have a
reaction to the cold water.
So there's things that Inoticed as a kid that I'm like,
I'm different, and actually mysisters had a joke.
(03:56):
They had this phrase acceptamber.
So they would say, all of uswant to go somewhere, or all of
us want to go get a soda, exceptamber, and it was a teasing
type thing.
I love them and we tease eachother.
So it's fine but it was likethey noticed you're different,
you're sensitive, you don't wantto do the things that the rest
of us want to do and I was oneof five kids and, yeah, it was
(04:19):
true.
Like I never denied it.
I was like, yeah, I amdifferent, like things that
don't bother you, like fireworksI never really cared for
fireworks because they were soloud and it was just too much,
and staying up late was like,yeah, and they were like what is
wrong with you?
But I think it was superhelpful to hear then this is a
trait and I don't need to changethis, but I need to figure out
(04:42):
how to live the best way that Ican and that it's not a
character flaw, it's not aweakness, it's a part of who I
am, and that there's strengthsand beauty that come with this.
And I think that was again.
I wish I would have discoveredit more early on, but no, I
appreciate the work that's beendone in that area.
April Snow (05:03):
Same.
I know there's so many of usthat had that similar experience
where there are these clueswhether it be sensory
sensitivity or feeling deeply orfeeling resistant to maybe
doing certain things.
We're like, oh, there'ssomething different about me.
I don't know what it is yet,but I know I'm different than my
siblings or my classmates or myfamily, and it sticks out.
Amber Bateman (05:25):
And then years later you realize, oh, it's a
trait yes, it's not my fault andthat there's actually beauty in
it and that I can't really evenchange it.
I can work with it and I canmake better choices with it, but
at the end of the day, I'mgoing to always be this way to
some extent.
But at the end of the day, I'mgoing to always be this way to
some extent, and I think thatwas very freeing for me to be
(05:48):
like.
This is who I am and how can Ibe the better version of it?
But it's not going away.
April Snow (05:55):
That's it.
I think that's so important torealize because a lot of people
do think, oh, I can ignore it, Ican push it away, I'll just put
the mask on and try to be whateveryone else is being.
But it's not possible.
And I appreciate you saying wecan work with it.
You can learn to regulate youremotions, you can work on
resilience, but you're notchanging how you're wired.
Amber Bateman (06:15):
No, yeah, yes, I think you summed it up perfectly
.
April Snow (06:20):
So along with you, you touched on that.
There's maybe some difficulties.
There's some joys in it.
Could you talk a little bitmore about the pressures that
you've experienced, not just asan HSP but as a multicultural
woman?
That intersection?
Amber Bateman (06:32):
Yeah, so a little bit about me and my family.
My father is Caucasian,european-american, some
Hungarian, some Lebanese,german-irish, hungarian, some
Lebanese, german, irish, and mygrandfather was an orphan who
(06:53):
was raised by Catholic nuns manyyears ago and so he had a very
tough personality.
Pick yourself up by your ownbootstraps, you just work hard,
you just push through things.
And he was a very strongpersonality and passed that on
to my father and my aunts, andso on that side of the family
there's a lot of pressure toperform right, to work really
(07:14):
hard to, and even from amorality standpoint, they're
very religious.
So like ethically and livingmorally, there's a lot of
pressure on that side.
Um, and then my mom is Colombian, from Colombia, south America.
She emigrated to the US when shewas a child with her and her
parents, her sister, and Latinculture is so different, yeah,
(07:39):
than what my father's culture is, and I get more of my mom's
looks from her side of thefamily.
But, personality wise, I'm morelike my dad, more driven, that
kind of personality, and so asan HSP I've wanted to lean into
the Latin side of my identity,but it's been challenging and I
(07:59):
don't know if any other, ifthere's any other Latin or
Hispanic, hispanic hsps outthere, but the culture can be
quite touchy, quite stimulating,quite.
Boundaries can be hard to setin that culture because they're
much more collectivist and lessindividualistic.
And so one example is my momand my aunts go to columbia to
(08:23):
visit extended relatives, andI've always wanted to go.
I love traveling in general butI find the idea super
overwhelming because my mom willsay things like oh, when we go,
we got to sleep wherever theyput us and we got to eat
whatever they give you, andwe're usually up till two in the
morning talking and I'm justlike, ah, like.
(08:45):
To me it just sounds likebasically she doesn't need it
this way.
But it sounds to me like you'renot allowed to have any
boundaries.
You're not allowed to say no,because you'll offend them.
And so I think it's beenchallenging as an HSP to be in
Hispanic culture where I feellike I need to say no, and it's
(09:05):
often interpreted as well.
What's wrong?
You don't like us, you don'twant to be with us, and it has
nothing to do with that.
It's that it's too much.
I can't stay up till 2 am.
I just can't.
I can't function the next dayif I do that.
So I think that has been hardto find what that looks like for
me.
April Snow (09:25):
For sure.
And first off, coming from kindof two opposing cultures or
different cultures or just kindof different energy and
expectations, and yeah, to haveto not know where you're
sleeping, to always have to gowith the flow, to not know what
you're eating, to stay up solate, I could see that could be
super dysregulating for an HSP.
You're not the first HSP I'veheard this from who's part of
(09:48):
that culture.
Yeah, definitely some overlapthere.
It's like how do I regulatemyself?
How do I maintain thoseconnections and not offend
anyone or hurt anyone?
It's not personal, it's morejust about trying to keep your
balance.
Amber Bateman (10:03):
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
So I think that can be hard,but there's joy in it too.
April Snow (10:08):
Right.
Amber Bateman (10:09):
I love my culture .
I love, I love beingmulticultural because I think it
just offers me so muchperspective in the other
people's world.
And I've traveled a lot.
I've been to 17 countriesforeign countries Amazing and
I've spent I've spent asignificant amount of time in
other cultures and I love it,but I do find like I have to
(10:32):
take care of myself.
I have to somehow work with thepressures of respecting culture
and also respecting myself andmy own needs, and that's
challenging.
April Snow (10:43):
Yeah, it sounds hard to find to try to balance the
two.
I'm curious, before we move onis there I'm wondering, like,
what are some of the joys ofbeing part of that culture that
you find are supportive for youas an HSP?
Amber Bateman (10:54):
Yes.
So for Latin culture, ah, thefood, the, yeah, the sensory
food thing.
I love food from differentcultures and Latin food is so
good.
I think about my grandma's foodand just going to her house and
like smelling the chickenboiling on the stove there.
My grandmother, my little Latingrandmother, was also a
(11:17):
gardener and I think I reallyget that from her.
I love gardening and she shecould grow anything in white
sugar sand in Florida she grewavocados and pineapples and all
kinds of stuff.
So I think the they also areslower too.
It's interesting.
They can be overstimulating inthe amount of people and the
(11:40):
noise, what's going on, butthey're slower in terms of pace.
Yeah, we have time to eat.
We may not eat till 10 pm.
We've got time.
Yeah, like we can slow down, wecan enjoy deep conversation.
Yeah, there's not this, whereasI think on my dad's side there's
(12:01):
much more of this push of wegot to get to the next thing, we
gotta be productive, we gottakeep going, and there's much
more of this push of we got toget to the next thing.
We got to be productive, we gotto keep going, and there's a
lot of stress that comes withthat side, even though that's
very much my natural bent.
I need the slow, more Hispanicside.
I need the side that sayspeople are just as important, if
(12:24):
not more important than task,than things that we need to get
done and I tend to be more of atask person naturally, but I
want to be and I appreciate thecultures that are more people
focused, because I think reallythat's more important.
They both have benefits.
But yeah, so I don't know ifthat answers your question.
April Snow (12:47):
Oh, I love that it's like helping me just feel into
the I don't know.
The save saver is the word thatcame up for me.
Yes, not just the food, but thetime with people and the space
that you have together, and Ican see how that's a nice
counterbalance.
Oh, let's slow it down.
Let's enjoy each other.
Let's enjoy this meal and insome ways it's sensory
overstimulating, but in otherways it's maybe sensory
(13:10):
nourishing.
Amber Bateman (13:11):
Yes, that's right .
I love that you're finding bothyeah and Latin cultures tend to
be a little bit more touchy too, and so again, more touchy too.
So again, that can beoverstimulating in some ways,
but also can be nourishing andcomforting and soothing as well.
Because yeah, frankly, I don'tthink we get enough positive
(13:33):
touch in our culture, in Westernculture we tend to sexualize
touch in general and I thinkthat's a miss for our culture,
because we need physical touch.
We do it's very regulating.
With our partners, with ourfriends, with children, with
pets, with people in thecommunity, and so I appreciate
(13:54):
that about Latin culture too,because people touch each other
Like it's not it's not, yeah, itdoesn't have to be sexualized,
it's just friendly and we'recommunity and we're family and
exactly yeah, it's a moment ofconnection of safety potentially
right especially for oursensitive people, it can be
really soothing to our nervoussystems.
April Snow (14:16):
Yes to norm.
Have that normalized.
I imagine is really helpful.
Amber Bateman (14:20):
Yeah, yeah.
And again, if you can developself-awareness and have the
self-care to know, okay, what doI need in this moment?
And it might be I need a break,I might need to step away, I
might need some time to myself.
April Snow (14:38):
That's, I think where the key lies.
I appreciate you sharing yourpersonal experience with these
pressures.
I'm wondering if there's othercultural pressures that you see
in your practice and the peoplethat you support, or are you
seeing this very thing?
Amber Bateman (14:51):
Yeah, yes for sure, and I'm currently taking a
little bit of a break fromcounseling because I've had a
rough year, yes, in seeingclients and in my friends and in
myself.
I think modern women are undera lot of pressure.
There's a lot of pressure to, Ithink, keep all the balls in
(15:13):
the air to keep everything going, and 100, 200 years ago women
didn't work as much outside ofthe home and I'm grateful that
we have that opportunity.
I'm glad that women have theopportunity now to have careers
I have one but I think that withthat comes a danger of too much
, because most modern women areworking either part-time or
(15:38):
full-time, and or even a sidejob like selling something on
etsy.
Sure, I don't.
I know very few women who arenot doing anything right most of
them are doing something toearn money financially and women
are still taking on themajority of the household chores
, the family obligations, thechild care.
(15:59):
I think it's starting to shift.
I don't know what it's like inCalifornia.
I feel like I'm seeing more men, like more other partners,
helping out with childcare andthat kind of thing, but I think
it's been slow in coming and Ithink we're feeling it as women
the, the, yeah, the pressuresare immense and I think that we
(16:28):
need to think about some thingsdifferently, it's true, yeah,
yeah, we're saying I say incalifornia there's maybe a
different feeling, but a lot ofwomen that I work with, who are
mothers, who are caregivers,they're especially being highly
sensitive.
April Snow (16:39):
They are very burned out, overwhelmed.
They think they're wearing somany hats and, even if their
partners are actively supportive, sometimes they're carrying a
large mental load.
They need to keep track ofeverything.
Even if someone else is doingthe task, they're still the one
making sure it's getting done,whether that's with kids or
partners or, yeah, family, yes,yeah, it's okay.
Amber Bateman (17:00):
Yeah, an example and's with kids or partners or,
yeah, family, yes, yeah, it'sokay.
Yeah, an example and I love myhusband.
He's a wonderful man.
He took the kids out to thepool but I was the one to get
all the food together beforethey went.
I was thinking ahead.
So the mental pressure of eventhings like birthday cards for
in-laws I feel like I hear a lotof women say that kind of thing
(17:23):
.
My partner, he doesn't careabout those things or think
about those things.
And yeah, I think, as womenagain, in general, we're
generalizing.
Of course, we're thinking abouta lot of different things at
once and trying to balance themall and the cultural
expectations are stillunbalanced, I think, for the way
that we've changed Again, likeif a woman is going to stay at
(17:45):
home full time and dotraditional homemaking things, I
think that's different.
But I have seen so many womenlike they're working part time
or full time jobs and yet thecultural expectation is that
they should be the primarycaregivers of the children.
If I take my kids to thegrocery store, nobody says
anything.
If my husband takes the kids tothe grocery store, everyone's
(18:07):
like oh, you're such a good dad,oh, it's so nice that you're
babysitting your kids, and it'slike wait a minute.
April Snow (18:15):
Right, the dad is also a parent.
Amber Bateman (18:18):
Yes, yes.
And again, if a woman isworking, then I think that that
expectation should be adjusted.
April Snow (18:26):
Yeah, and should be changed.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Just to try to talk aboutbalance earlier, there has to be
balance coming somewhere and Ithink I see sensitive women
being even more susceptible tothis.
Absolutely, this pressure.
Amber Bateman (18:42):
And.
April Snow (18:42):
I don't know if you see that too of oh, I have to
take care of everyone it'simpossible to say no.
I need to make sure everyoneelse is okay and there's no.
It's this compounded experience.
There's no room for me yes,it's pretty dangerous yeah, it
is.
Amber Bateman (18:55):
And I think, on top of that too, I don't think
modern women know how to takecare of themselves, because
there is a lot of talk aboutself-care, but I think for a lot
of modern women, they'reimagining like I'm getting a
massage or I'm drinking somewine or I'm sitting in a bubble
bath and those things might beokay, they might be part of your
(19:18):
self-care.
Might be okay, that might bepart of your self-care.
But sometimes self-care lookslike taking a 10-minute walk
after supper or chatting with afriend, or it can look like
different things, and so I thinksometimes women push themselves
, we push ourselves I'm in thiscategory too.
We push ourselves and pushourselves until we're just
(19:38):
exhausted and then we getirritable and then we're like we
need, I need the massage, Ineed the vacation, whereas I
think that if we could make itmore of a rhythm, more of a
lifestyle of self-care andespecially for HSPs, because we
need so much more of that like Ithink it's really hard because,
(20:01):
yeah, I, I'm a super drivenperson, I'm in the center on the
extroversion scale, so I'm like50% extrovert, so I love people
, I'm charismatic, a naturalleader, and so like I can just
push myself and push myself,because I think I feel the
cultural pressure of if you cando it, you should do it.
Right, and I don't think that'swritten anywhere, but I feel it
(20:24):
everywhere.
If you can do it, you should bedoing it.
If you're smart enough, youshould be running a business,
you should be going to school,you should be starting a YouTube
channel, you should be doingall the things.
And just because I can doesn'tnecessarily mean that I should
be or that.
I should be right now, at thismoment.
(20:44):
Oh, that's a good distinction,you know.
Yeah, because I think thatsometimes we can feel like at
least I'll speak for myself.
I feel like I've got to do itright now.
If I'm a licensed counselor andI have a book coming out which
we're going to talk about in aminute, I feel the pressure from
my editor, from friends andfamily, to be like you need to
be getting this book out, youneed to start a YouTube channel,
(21:06):
you need to do all this stuffand they're not wrong, like to
sell the book, like they'recorrect.
But I can't do all of that andraise my kids and do all the
things that I feel called to do.
Take care of my ever-changingneeds too, because my needs are
changing.
What I could do at 21, I can'tdo.
(21:27):
I'm almost 38 now.
I can't do the all-nightersthat I could do very rarely.
Even at 21, I could barely dothose, but I really can't do it
now.
April Snow (21:39):
Yeah, I resonate with what you're saying so much
because I'm also I'm in themiddle of I just finished my
first draft of the book andstarting the editing.
I'm like, I'm not a parent.
I can't imagine keeping up thatlevel of work and parenting
children at the same time.
There has you hit a breakingpoint, I imagine at some point
where I where maybe I innately,could I have the capacity, the
(22:02):
leadership skills, the charisma,whatever it is, to execute this
task.
But at what cost?
And is this the right time?
I think it's such importantdistinctions to make.
Amber Bateman (22:14):
Yeah, and our culture is so fast that I feel
this constant push like now yougot to do it now.
It's got to be done now becauseyou're going to miss the train,
you're going to miss the window, you're going to miss the
opportunity.
You got to pull a stragglerlead.
It's a full-time job, some ofthis marketing stuff, even alone
(22:35):
, and so, yeah, the expectationsare too much and we can't do it
all.
April Snow (22:42):
No, we really can't.
There's things that I have donethat took me five, 10 years to
do, when I probably could havedone it in a year, but I needed
to find the right timing for me.
That's right.
I'm curious.
I know that this is a side, butwith your book, I'm just
curious how long have you beenthinking about this book before
you actually started writing it?
Amber Bateman (23:02):
Yeah, yes.
So I started thinking andwriting this book it's two years
really, from right now, becausereally it was the end of the
summer what would that be?
2023, that I started gettingthe idea for it and started just
jotting some things down andreally it felt like an
(23:22):
inspiration from the Lord.
I'm a follower of Jesus no, noteveryone is who's listening to
the podcast, but for me itreally felt.
A divine calling is the onlyway I can really put it.
So I started just writing thisstuff down and I was like this
isn't going to go anywhere LikeI have self-published before,
but I've never beentraditionally published.
And I was like, yeah, thisisn't going to go anywhere.
Like I have self-publishedbefore, but I've never been
(23:43):
traditionally published.
And I was like, yeah, thisisn't going to happen.
I don't have money for an agent.
I didn't really even thinkabout it, but I had some friends
read it and they were all likethis needs to be published.
This is so good, it's so timely.
And I was like, okay, so Isubmitted it to a few different
places and got accepted.
So, yeah, it was reallysurprising and I think it was
(24:04):
such a joy writing it.
It was like flowing out of me,so naturally that I think that's
the only way I was able to doit, because, yeah, with work and
family, I look back and I'mlike I don't even know how I had
time to do it, but it reallydidn't feel like a burden.
I think it was just the righttime, like it was the right
space.
It was the right time and Ireally wasn't stressing about
(24:28):
perfectionism.
I was like I feel like this iscoming to me and so I'm just
writing it and seeing where itgoes.
April Snow (24:35):
I think that's such an important lesson of things
will unfold when it's the righttime.
Amber Bateman (24:40):
When you don't have and maybe that's a check-in
if you're really struggling, Ifeel like you're pushing
something uphill, maybe yesmaybe it's okay to set it aside
yes, and I think as hsps we'reintuitive and we know that kind
of I do because there was asecond project a second, a novel
that I've been working on andthat I was pushing myself too
(25:03):
hard for that.
It was not coming as naturallybut I was putting pressure on
myself.
It was like it's a good project, I want to get it done, and it
partly contributed to a severehormone imbalance earlier this
year and was really rough andand I think there's a lot of
pieces to what's happened, but alot of it was just pressure and
(25:28):
it wasn't even other people.
That's the crazy thing, april.
It's us, it's inside and we canblame it on other people.
I think culturally there is apiece to that, but I don't know
for me.
For me at least, a lot of it isjust internal oh yeah.
I want to get stuff done.
I want to be productive.
I want other people to thinkhighly of me yes, yeah it's.
It's crazy the kind of pressurewe can put on ourselves.
April Snow (25:52):
I know it's hard because there is that and, like
you're saying, it's the ether.
It's not always spoken, butthere is that pressure in
society, culturally, whereyou're supposed to be ambitious
and high achieving at all times,no matter the cost, and it's we
take that in and I think youand I seem to both be ambitious
HSPs.
We want to ride we want to dothings Make a difference.
(26:14):
Make a difference, make animpact, absolutely, but making
sure that we're not letting thatbe the sole driver And't.
And I just want to come back towhat you said about rhythmic
self-care, because I've never,heard it put that way and I
think that is so important.
And it's not just the one-offs,the occasional massage, the
occasional night out withfriends.
It's just talk to someoneactually just before this about
(26:38):
divinity and spirituality andhow okay it has it should be
part of everyday life.
And same sentiment Check inyour self-care.
They were saying spiritualityshould be Tiffany Green.
I'll just name her, she wassaying how spirituality and
religious practices need to comein every day or every week.
Frequency is really important.
Same thing with self-care yes.
(26:59):
What can we do that we canbring in regularly?
Amber Bateman (27:04):
Yes, because the pressures are regular.
We live in a culture where thepressures are constant.
Yes, I think if we lived in aculture where, once in a while,
we got stressed, then once in awhile, self-care would be nice.
But we don't.
We live in a culture that isstressful and constantly just
(27:27):
putting so much stress on ourbodies and minds, and so I think
we have to be continuouslykeeping up with the rhythms of
self-care, and they don't needto be big things.
I think that's why people getoverwhelmed.
A lot of my clients would getoverwhelmed with.
I don't have time for self-care.
I don't have time to do that.
You're just giving me somethingelse to do.
Exactly, it's like I feel thatI understand that, but it's
(27:51):
small everyday practices and Italk a lot in the book about
this.
I think a lot of it is sayingno to a lot of things, like we
have to make space to be able to, because if you're rushing out
the door every single day andthen you fall into bed exhausted
at 11 pm and you get up and doit all over again, yeah, there
(28:14):
is a time for self-care.
It's not going to be rhythmicbecause it's not a part of your
habit.
You don't have any margin to dothat.
And again, I'm very muchempathized with that.
I live in this culture too andso I know it's hard, but I think
that we need it because ourmental health is.
We're struggling as the country, young people, especially women
(28:37):
, especially everyone really.
But yeah, I think we'vedesperately need something
different, a slower pace of lifein general.
April Snow (28:48):
We really do.
Everything is moving way toofast, and not just for the HSPs,
for everyone.
That's right.
Everyone is feeling it, yes.
So I know this is a bigquestion, but how do we start to
work with those pressures?
How can we start to maybe undothem or take care of ourselves,
if you have any ideas about that?
Amber Bateman (29:07):
Yeah, I have a lot of ideas about it, but two
things I think that come to mind.
One, and for women especiallyone is reduce your time online.
We hear this, but it's so true.
I just finished reading theAnxious Generation and I'm like,
ah, like it is.
(29:28):
It's such a danger.
And I know that there'sbenefits to social media.
I know that there's where wewouldn't be writing and talking
if we weren't on the internet.
So I'm not saying it's all bad,but it's, in general, too much,
too frequent.
And for women he was saying inthe Anxious Generation book,
like girls and women are just,we're just so much more
(29:50):
susceptible to pressures, towanting to fit in, to wanting to
impress other people.
I still want to keep up with myfriends and have the cute house
(30:11):
and wear the cute clothes andbe a good parent or a good
therapist or, oh, truly spendingless time online and more time
with real people, with your realfriends.
Yes, having coffee, havingpeople over to your home, going
over to other people's homes,going for walks, like doing
those healthy self-care rhythmswith your people.
(30:34):
I really think that becausewhen we see each other in real
life, like when I go to myfriend's house and I see that
her house is just as messy asmine is, or or that her kids are
just as messy, or she doesn'talways look cute and put
together, it's healing for meBecause if all I see is her
curated Instagram picture.
(30:55):
I'm going to think that's howshe is every day, even though I
know it's not you need to see it.
I need to see it.
I need to see in real life, inreal time, that she's a real
human being, need to see in reallife, in real time, that she's
a real human being.
So that and then I thinksecondly is I think we need to
create a more safe culturewithin the community of women,
(31:16):
Because I know I'm speakinggenerally again, but in general
we can be mean.
We can be mean, yeah, in termsof I think it starts in middle
school and those mean girlstalking trashy about everybody
else and so, I think, notgossiping.
That's something that I havebeen so convicted about and I've
(31:38):
tried to grow in a lot over thelast 10 years really to not
talk negatively or even justevaluating other people, other
women, my friends and and ithappens all the time when I
started paying attention to it,I'm like, oh my goodness, like
everywhere you go, women aretalking about other women or
(32:00):
what her marriage is, what herchoice of this and that and what
she posted.
I think it creates this anxiousfeeling because we all know,
okay, if I'm participating andthis is happening, who's talking
about me?
April Snow (32:14):
Somebody's talking about me.
Amber Bateman (32:16):
I don't want them talking about me, and so I
think, on a real practical level, I'm committing and I would
invite other people to commit to.
Let's create a safer culturewhere we're not gossiping, we're
not evaluating other people'sperformance constantly.
April Snow (32:34):
let people be humans it's so true, I have both of
these pieces and in real lifeconnection, being mindful about
what you're saying about otherpeople.
It's yeah, there's permissionto be human, to be yourself, to
not have to live with thisconstant pressure to be perfect.
Yes, yeah, and how can wecontribute to that?
(32:55):
My wife and I just startedhaving a phrase.
We say process, don't speculate, because we're trying not to do
that.
Love it.
Let's not be part of that.
Yes, let's just be.
With our own experience, Ilived through that in middle
school the mean girl mentality.
It's so pervasive.
I love this invitation.
(33:15):
Can we just put that aside andbe kind and be generous with
people being kind and beingcurious about other people's
experiences like the curiositypiece.
Amber Bateman (33:25):
I think that changed me in becoming a
therapist.
Like just the curious piece,like I want to know about you
and I want to know what makesyou tick.
And you have different viewsthan me or you do life
differently, but I'm reallycurious about you and I want to
know.
And so I think being atherapist has taught me to do
that for other people as well,just in everyday life.
(33:46):
And, yeah, I think that's superimportant and something
practical that we really can alldo.
This it's hard, it sounds easy,but it's actually truly pretty
difficult, oh yeah.
April Snow (33:57):
It's hard, especially because, growing up
in a family, seeing whoever leftfirst was the person to be
talked about and so it's okay.
Yeah, it's hard to pull out ofthat because it's so normalized
yeah, everybody talks abouteverybody, and oh, let's just
talk about ourselves, that'sright our own experience.
Amber Bateman (34:15):
Yeah, and it puts us when we do that.
It puts us in defend mode.
Uh, jonathan in the anxiousgeneration book was talking
about like discovery mode versusdefend mode and that a lot of
us are in defend mode.
We're always defensive, we'realways like ready to be attacked
, and that's obviously not goodfor our nervous system, it's not
(34:36):
good for our health.
But I think it begs thequestion like am I doing that
for other people?
Am I providing safety andkindness and curiosity?
And it doesn't mean I can'tshare my opinion or share my
thoughts, but can I do it withcuriosity and respect?
And people know?
I think people know when you'rebeing genuine versus when
(34:59):
you're being pushy, mean,disrespectful.
April Snow (35:03):
Absolutely.
I appreciate that distinctionof yeah, can we cultivate
discovery versus putting peopleon the defensive.
Yes, that's something that I'mgonna start to look at more
myself too, like how can?
I make sure that I'm beingcurious and creating a safe
space for people, because yeah,there's.
There's enough of thathappening in the world there is,
and again, social media.
Amber Bateman (35:24):
I think we live in a very polarized culture and,
yeah, if you look on socialmedia, everybody's on defend
mode.
Somebody could say somethingwasn't supposed to be attack,
but immediately people are indefend mode.
And I understand.
People have convictions, peoplehave strong feelings I have
strong feelings, but noteverything is an attack exactly
(35:46):
and I think a lot of.
April Snow (35:47):
I've removed myself from a lot of engagement with
that because I think a lot ofpeople are just they want to
just fight, to fight and they'renot open to listening.
I asked someone this yesterdayI was like do you actually
change anyone's mind, do you?
Yeah, do you feel like, youknow, do it going into those
fights actually has an impact?
I'd rather do it like thisperson to person.
Amber Bateman (36:08):
Yeah, me too.
I'm with you on that April.
April Snow (36:11):
Amber, we're getting short on time and I really
appreciate this conversation,but just want to see if there's
any other thoughts or finalmessages you wanted to share
with folks about dealing withthese pressures and coming back
and being curious and connected.
Amber Bateman (36:25):
Yes, put a little plug in for my book that's
coming out.
April Snow (36:28):
Yes, absolutely.
Amber Bateman (36:31):
September 30th 2025.
I am.
My book is called Save YourselfSome Therapy.
Love it.
Four Modern Dangers to OurMental Health and what to Do
About it.
So I lay out four major dangersand hurriedness is one of the
touched on this that I think arereally detrimental to our
culture, to our mental health,and so I lay a case for these
(36:53):
four dangers, then some reallypractical steps for what to do
about it, what to do differently.
It's a very short, conciselittle book, so if you don't
have a lot of time to read, it'sa short little book.
It is intended for Christianaudiences.
There's some sections therethat are for Christians, but I
really think that anybody wouldget a lot from it.
(37:14):
If you're really uncomfortable,you could skip over the
Christian parts if you reallywant to, but there's a lot
packed into this tiny littlebook that I think a lot of
people would enjoy.
So, I'll put a little plug outthere for that.
But yeah, no, I'm super excitedfor your book too and look
forward to seeing that as wellwhenever it's time for it to
(37:38):
come out.
April Snow (37:38):
Yeah, it'll be another year for me, but excited
for your book, because hurryingand we as we know hurrying will
stress our nervous systems.
A lot of HSPs could benefitfrom slowing things down.
It's our natural rhythm.
We're wired to pause, toreflect and so that I think will
really resonate for folks Justthat unhooking from that
pressure to have to go so fastand do all the things.
(37:59):
Thank you so much.
I will definitely share that inthe show notes.
Also, your website, your socialmedia links yeah, I'm excited
for folks to connect with you.
Amber Bateman (38:11):
Thanks so much, april.
Really appreciate theopportunity to chat with you
today, for sure.
April Snow (38:17):
It was a joy.
Thank you, yeah, Thank you.
Thanks so much for joining meand Amber for today's
conversation.
What I hope you'll remember isthat you don't have to do
everything perfectly.
If you're ready to slow downand unhook from the pressure to
(38:37):
be perfect all the time, you canpick up Amber's book at the
link in the show notes or atdelvementalhealthcom.
If you enjoyed this episode,subscribe to the Sensitive
Stories podcast so you don'tmiss our upcoming conversations.
Reviews and ratings are alsohelpful and appreciated For
behind the scenes content andmore HSB resources.
(38:59):
You can sign up for my emaillist or follow Sensitive
Strengths on Instagram, TikTokand YouTube.
Check out the show notes orsensitivestoriescom for all the
resources from today's episode.
Thanks for listening.
We push ourselves and push ourselves until we're
just exhausted, and then we getirritable and then we're like we
need, I need the massage, Ineed the vacation, whereas I
think that if we could make itmore of a rhythm, more of a
lifestyle of self-care, andespecially for HSPs- welcome to
(00:36):
sensitive stories, the podcastfor the people who live with
hearts and eyes wide open.
April Snow (00:38):
I'm your host, psychotherapist and author,
april snow.
I invite you to join me as Ideep dive into rich
conversations with fellow highlysensitive people that will
inspire you to join me as I deepdive into rich conversations
with fellow highly sensitivepeople that will inspire you to
live a more fulfilling life asan HSP, without all the
overwhelm.
In this episode, I talk withAmber Bateman about the cultural
pressures to perform and beperfect, the importance of
(00:59):
slowing down and connectingauthentically with the people
around you, and welcoming incuriosity about yourself and
others.
Amber is a licensedprofessional counselor with a
background in communications andreligious studies.
She has over 15 years ofexperience in the helping
profession, working in a varietyof settings, including a
therapeutic wilderness camp,sexual assault response program,
(01:22):
university counseling Centerand a private practice.
She is a foodie and worldtraveler, lover of hot tea, herb
gardens and Marvel's Endgame.
For more HSP resources and tosee behind-the-scenes video from
the podcast, join me onInstagram, tiktok or YouTube at
Sensitive Strengths or sign upfor my email list.
Links are in the show notes andat sensitivestoriescom.
(01:45):
And just a reminder that thisepisode is for educational
purposes only and is notintended as a substitute for
treatment with a mental healthor medical professional.
Let's dive in.
So, amber, welcome to thepodcast.
(02:18):
I am so happy to have you heretoday to connect with you.
Amber Bateman (02:21):
Thank you, thanks for having me April, of course.
April Snow (02:24):
So I want to start off where we start every
conversation with your HSPdiscovery story.
Amber Bateman (02:29):
So if you remember how or when you
realized that you're highlysensitive, yes, so I was not
familiar with the term untilabout five years ago, I think
that's.
I've heard that from a lot ofHSPs that we didn't necessarily
know the term and I think I Ican't remember exactly where I
heard the term, but I think itwas through slow living YouTube
(02:52):
channel, cause I had discoveredthe cottage fairy and some of
those slow living YouTubechannels and they talked about
the term HSP and I just soresonated with that.
I was like that is me, like Iwas drawn to the idea of slow
living and being intentional andlike embracing all of the
(03:14):
senses, enjoying a hot cup oftea.
But you know, I can think backto when I was a child and, yeah,
like, absolutely I was verysensitive to textures and
clothing and so my mom would tryto put me in like lacy, frilly,
polyester dresses and I wouldjust be like itchy hate them.
(03:35):
I hated cold water and we swamin cold water springs in Florida
where I grew up, and all mysiblings and cousins would be
fine and I would break out inhives like literally have a
reaction to the cold water.
So there's things that Inoticed as a kid that I'm like,
I'm different, and actually mysisters had a joke.
(03:56):
They had this phrase acceptamber.
So they would say, all of uswant to go somewhere, or all of
us want to go get a soda, exceptamber, and it was a teasing
type thing.
I love them and we tease eachother.
So it's fine but it was likethey noticed you're different,
you're sensitive, you don't wantto do the things that the rest
of us want to do and I was oneof five kids and, yeah, it was
(04:19):
true.
Like I never denied it.
I was like, yeah, I amdifferent, like things that
don't bother you, like fireworksI never really cared for
fireworks because they were soloud and it was just too much,
and staying up late was like,yeah, and they were like what is
wrong with you?
But I think it was superhelpful to hear then this is a
trait and I don't need to changethis, but I need to figure out
(04:42):
how to live the best way that Ican and that it's not a
character flaw, it's not aweakness, it's a part of who I
am, and that there's strengthsand beauty that come with this.
And I think that was again.
I wish I would have discoveredit more early on, but no, I
appreciate the work that's beendone in that area.
April Snow (05:03):
Same.
I know there's so many of usthat had that similar experience
where there are these clueswhether it be sensory
sensitivity or feeling deeply orfeeling resistant to maybe
doing certain things.
We're like, oh, there'ssomething different about me.
I don't know what it is yet,but I know I'm different than my
siblings or my classmates or myfamily, and it sticks out.
Amber Bateman (05:25):
And then years later you realize, oh, it's a
trait yes, it's not my fault andthat there's actually beauty in
it and that I can't really evenchange it.
I can work with it and I canmake better choices with it, but
at the end of the day, I'mgoing to always be this way to
some extent.
But at the end of the day, I'mgoing to always be this way to
some extent, and I think thatwas very freeing for me to be
(05:48):
like.
This is who I am and how can Ibe the better version of it?
But it's not going away.
April Snow (05:55):
That's it.
I think that's so important torealize because a lot of people
do think, oh, I can ignore it, Ican push it away, I'll just put
the mask on and try to be whateveryone else is being.
But it's not possible.
And I appreciate you saying wecan work with it.
You can learn to regulate youremotions, you can work on
resilience, but you're notchanging how you're wired.
Amber Bateman (06:15):
No, yeah, yes, I think you summed it up perfectly
.
April Snow (06:20):
So along with you, you touched on that.
There's maybe some difficulties.
There's some joys in it.
Could you talk a little bitmore about the pressures that
you've experienced, not just asan HSP but as a multicultural
woman?
That intersection?
Amber Bateman (06:32):
Yeah, so a little bit about me and my family.
My father is Caucasian,european-american, some
Hungarian, some Lebanese,german-irish, hungarian, some
Lebanese, german, irish, and mygrandfather was an orphan who
(06:53):
was raised by Catholic nuns manyyears ago and so he had a very
tough personality.
Pick yourself up by your ownbootstraps, you just work hard,
you just push through things.
And he was a very strongpersonality and passed that on
to my father and my aunts, andso on that side of the family
there's a lot of pressure toperform right, to work really
(07:14):
hard to, and even from amorality standpoint, they're
very religious.
So like ethically and livingmorally, there's a lot of
pressure on that side.
Um, and then my mom is Colombian, from Colombia, south America.
She emigrated to the US when shewas a child with her and her
parents, her sister, and Latinculture is so different, yeah,
(07:39):
than what my father's culture is, and I get more of my mom's
looks from her side of thefamily.
But, personality wise, I'm morelike my dad, more driven, that
kind of personality, and so asan HSP I've wanted to lean into
the Latin side of my identity,but it's been challenging and I
(07:59):
don't know if any other, ifthere's any other Latin or
Hispanic, hispanic hsps outthere, but the culture can be
quite touchy, quite stimulating,quite.
Boundaries can be hard to setin that culture because they're
much more collectivist and lessindividualistic.
And so one example is my momand my aunts go to columbia to
(08:23):
visit extended relatives, andI've always wanted to go.
I love traveling in general butI find the idea super
overwhelming because my mom willsay things like oh, when we go,
we got to sleep wherever theyput us and we got to eat
whatever they give you, andwe're usually up till two in the
morning talking and I'm justlike, ah, like.
(08:45):
To me it just sounds likebasically she doesn't need it
this way.
But it sounds to me like you'renot allowed to have any
boundaries.
You're not allowed to say no,because you'll offend them.
And so I think it's beenchallenging as an HSP to be in
Hispanic culture where I feellike I need to say no, and it's
(09:05):
often interpreted as well.
What's wrong?
You don't like us, you don'twant to be with us, and it has
nothing to do with that.
It's that it's too much.
I can't stay up till 2 am.
I just can't.
I can't function the next dayif I do that.
So I think that has been hardto find what that looks like for
me.
April Snow (09:25):
For sure.
And first off, coming from kindof two opposing cultures or
different cultures or just kindof different energy and
expectations, and yeah, to haveto not know where you're
sleeping, to always have to gowith the flow, to not know what
you're eating, to stay up solate, I could see that could be
super dysregulating for an HSP.
You're not the first HSP I'veheard this from who's part of
(09:48):
that culture.
Yeah, definitely some overlapthere.
It's like how do I regulatemyself?
How do I maintain thoseconnections and not offend
anyone or hurt anyone?
It's not personal, it's morejust about trying to keep your
balance.
Amber Bateman (10:03):
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
So I think that can be hard,but there's joy in it too.
April Snow (10:08):
Right.
Amber Bateman (10:09):
I love my culture .
I love, I love beingmulticultural because I think it
just offers me so muchperspective in the other
people's world.
And I've traveled a lot.
I've been to 17 countriesforeign countries Amazing and
I've spent I've spent asignificant amount of time in
other cultures and I love it,but I do find like I have to
(10:32):
take care of myself.
I have to somehow work with thepressures of respecting culture
and also respecting myself andmy own needs, and that's
challenging.
April Snow (10:43):
Yeah, it sounds hard to find to try to balance the
two.
I'm curious, before we move onis there I'm wondering, like,
what are some of the joys ofbeing part of that culture that
you find are supportive for youas an HSP?
Amber Bateman (10:54):
Yes.
So for Latin culture, ah, thefood, the, yeah, the sensory
food thing.
I love food from differentcultures and Latin food is so
good.
I think about my grandma's foodand just going to her house and
like smelling the chickenboiling on the stove there.
My grandmother, my little Latingrandmother, was also a
(11:17):
gardener and I think I reallyget that from her.
I love gardening and she shecould grow anything in white
sugar sand in Florida she grewavocados and pineapples and all
kinds of stuff.
So I think the they also areslower too.
It's interesting.
They can be overstimulating inthe amount of people and the
(11:40):
noise, what's going on, butthey're slower in terms of pace.
Yeah, we have time to eat.
We may not eat till 10 pm.
We've got time.
Yeah, like we can slow down, wecan enjoy deep conversation.
Yeah, there's not this, whereasI think on my dad's side there's
(12:01):
much more of this push of wegot to get to the next thing, we
gotta be productive, we gottakeep going, and there's much
more of this push of we got toget to the next thing.
We got to be productive, we gotto keep going, and there's a
lot of stress that comes withthat side, even though that's
very much my natural bent.
I need the slow, more Hispanicside.
I need the side that sayspeople are just as important, if
(12:24):
not more important than task,than things that we need to get
done and I tend to be more of atask person naturally, but I
want to be and I appreciate thecultures that are more people
focused, because I think reallythat's more important.
They both have benefits.
But yeah, so I don't know ifthat answers your question.
April Snow (12:47):
Oh, I love that it's like helping me just feel into
the I don't know.
The save saver is the word thatcame up for me.
Yes, not just the food, but thetime with people and the space
that you have together, and Ican see how that's a nice
counterbalance.
Oh, let's slow it down.
Let's enjoy each other.
Let's enjoy this meal and insome ways it's sensory
overstimulating, but in otherways it's maybe sensory
(13:10):
nourishing.
Amber Bateman (13:11):
Yes, that's right .
I love that you're finding bothyeah and Latin cultures tend to
be a little bit more touchy too, and so again, more touchy too.
So again, that can beoverstimulating in some ways,
but also can be nourishing andcomforting and soothing as well.
Because yeah, frankly, I don'tthink we get enough positive
(13:33):
touch in our culture, in Westernculture we tend to sexualize
touch in general and I thinkthat's a miss for our culture,
because we need physical touch.
We do it's very regulating.
With our partners, with ourfriends, with children, with
pets, with people in thecommunity, and so I appreciate
(13:54):
that about Latin culture too,because people touch each other
Like it's not it's not, yeah, itdoesn't have to be sexualized,
it's just friendly and we'recommunity and we're family and
exactly yeah, it's a moment ofconnection of safety potentially
right especially for oursensitive people, it can be
really soothing to our nervoussystems.
April Snow (14:16):
Yes to norm.
Have that normalized.
I imagine is really helpful.
Amber Bateman (14:20):
Yeah, yeah.
And again, if you can developself-awareness and have the
self-care to know, okay, what doI need in this moment?
And it might be I need a break,I might need to step away, I
might need some time to myself.
April Snow (14:38):
That's, I think where the key lies.
I appreciate you sharing yourpersonal experience with these
pressures.
I'm wondering if there's othercultural pressures that you see
in your practice and the peoplethat you support, or are you
seeing this very thing?
Amber Bateman (14:51):
Yeah, yes for sure, and I'm currently taking a
little bit of a break fromcounseling because I've had a
rough year, yes, in seeingclients and in my friends and in
myself.
I think modern women are undera lot of pressure.
There's a lot of pressure to, Ithink, keep all the balls in
(15:13):
the air to keep everything going, and 100, 200 years ago women
didn't work as much outside ofthe home and I'm grateful that
we have that opportunity.
I'm glad that women have theopportunity now to have careers
I have one but I think that withthat comes a danger of too much
, because most modern women areworking either part-time or
(15:38):
full-time, and or even a sidejob like selling something on
etsy.
Sure, I don't.
I know very few women who arenot doing anything right most of
them are doing something toearn money financially and women
are still taking on themajority of the household chores
, the family obligations, thechild care.
(15:59):
I think it's starting to shift.
I don't know what it's like inCalifornia.
I feel like I'm seeing more men, like more other partners,
helping out with childcare andthat kind of thing, but I think
it's been slow in coming and Ithink we're feeling it as women
the, the, yeah, the pressuresare immense and I think that we
(16:28):
need to think about some thingsdifferently, it's true, yeah,
yeah, we're saying I say incalifornia there's maybe a
different feeling, but a lot ofwomen that I work with, who are
mothers, who are caregivers,they're especially being highly
sensitive.
April Snow (16:39):
They are very burned out, overwhelmed.
They think they're wearing somany hats and, even if their
partners are actively supportive, sometimes they're carrying a
large mental load.
They need to keep track ofeverything.
Even if someone else is doingthe task, they're still the one
making sure it's getting done,whether that's with kids or
partners or, yeah, family, yes,yeah, it's okay.
Amber Bateman (17:00):
Yeah, an example and's with kids or partners or,
yeah, family, yes, yeah, it'sokay.
Yeah, an example and I love myhusband.
He's a wonderful man.
He took the kids out to thepool but I was the one to get
all the food together beforethey went.
I was thinking ahead.
So the mental pressure of eventhings like birthday cards for
in-laws I feel like I hear a lotof women say that kind of thing
(17:23):
.
My partner, he doesn't careabout those things or think
about those things.
And yeah, I think, as womenagain, in general, we're
generalizing.
Of course, we're thinking abouta lot of different things at
once and trying to balance themall and the cultural
expectations are stillunbalanced, I think, for the way
that we've changed Again, likeif a woman is going to stay at
(17:45):
home full time and dotraditional homemaking things, I
think that's different.
But I have seen so many womenlike they're working part time
or full time jobs and yet thecultural expectation is that
they should be the primarycaregivers of the children.
If I take my kids to thegrocery store, nobody says
anything.
If my husband takes the kids tothe grocery store, everyone's
(18:07):
like oh, you're such a good dad,oh, it's so nice that you're
babysitting your kids, and it'slike wait a minute.
April Snow (18:15):
Right, the dad is also a parent.
Amber Bateman (18:18):
Yes, yes.
And again, if a woman isworking, then I think that that
expectation should be adjusted.
April Snow (18:26):
Yeah, and should be changed.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Just to try to talk aboutbalance earlier, there has to be
balance coming somewhere and Ithink I see sensitive women
being even more susceptible tothis.
Absolutely, this pressure.
Amber Bateman (18:42):
And.
April Snow (18:42):
I don't know if you see that too of oh, I have to
take care of everyone it'simpossible to say no.
I need to make sure everyoneelse is okay and there's no.
It's this compounded experience.
There's no room for me yes,it's pretty dangerous yeah, it
is.
Amber Bateman (18:55):
And I think, on top of that too, I don't think
modern women know how to takecare of themselves, because
there is a lot of talk aboutself-care, but I think for a lot
of modern women, they'reimagining like I'm getting a
massage or I'm drinking somewine or I'm sitting in a bubble
bath and those things might beokay, they might be part of your
(19:18):
self-care.
Might be okay, that might bepart of your self-care.
But sometimes self-care lookslike taking a 10-minute walk
after supper or chatting with afriend, or it can look like
different things, and so I thinksometimes women push themselves
, we push ourselves I'm in thiscategory too.
We push ourselves and pushourselves until we're just
(19:38):
exhausted and then we getirritable and then we're like we
need, I need the massage, Ineed the vacation, whereas I
think that if we could make itmore of a rhythm, more of a
lifestyle of self-care andespecially for HSPs, because we
need so much more of that like Ithink it's really hard because,
(20:01):
yeah, I, I'm a super drivenperson, I'm in the center on the
extroversion scale, so I'm like50% extrovert, so I love people
, I'm charismatic, a naturalleader, and so like I can just
push myself and push myself,because I think I feel the
cultural pressure of if you cando it, you should do it.
Right, and I don't think that'swritten anywhere, but I feel it
(20:24):
everywhere.
If you can do it, you should bedoing it.
If you're smart enough, youshould be running a business,
you should be going to school,you should be starting a YouTube
channel, you should be doingall the things.
And just because I can doesn'tnecessarily mean that I should
be or that.
I should be right now, at thismoment.
(20:44):
Oh, that's a good distinction,you know.
Yeah, because I think thatsometimes we can feel like at
least I'll speak for myself.
I feel like I've got to do itright now.
If I'm a licensed counselor andI have a book coming out which
we're going to talk about in aminute, I feel the pressure from
my editor, from friends andfamily, to be like you need to
be getting this book out, youneed to start a YouTube channel,
(21:06):
you need to do all this stuffand they're not wrong, like to
sell the book, like they'recorrect.
But I can't do all of that andraise my kids and do all the
things that I feel called to do.
Take care of my ever-changingneeds too, because my needs are
changing.
What I could do at 21, I can'tdo.
(21:27):
I'm almost 38 now.
I can't do the all-nightersthat I could do very rarely.
Even at 21, I could barely dothose, but I really can't do it
now.
April Snow (21:39):
Yeah, I resonate with what you're saying so much
because I'm also I'm in themiddle of I just finished my
first draft of the book andstarting the editing.
I'm like, I'm not a parent.
I can't imagine keeping up thatlevel of work and parenting
children at the same time.
There has you hit a breakingpoint, I imagine at some point
where I where maybe I innately,could I have the capacity, the
(22:02):
leadership skills, the charisma,whatever it is, to execute this
task.
But at what cost?
And is this the right time?
I think it's such importantdistinctions to make.
Amber Bateman (22:14):
Yeah, and our culture is so fast that I feel
this constant push like now yougot to do it now.
It's got to be done now becauseyou're going to miss the train,
you're going to miss the window, you're going to miss the
opportunity.
You got to pull a stragglerlead.
It's a full-time job, some ofthis marketing stuff, even alone
(22:35):
, and so, yeah, the expectationsare too much and we can't do it
all.
April Snow (22:42):
No, we really can't.
There's things that I have donethat took me five, 10 years to
do, when I probably could havedone it in a year, but I needed
to find the right timing for me.
That's right.
I'm curious.
I know that this is a side, butwith your book, I'm just
curious how long have you beenthinking about this book before
you actually started writing it?
Amber Bateman (23:02):
Yeah, yes.
So I started thinking andwriting this book it's two years
really, from right now, becausereally it was the end of the
summer what would that be?
2023, that I started gettingthe idea for it and started just
jotting some things down andreally it felt like an
(23:22):
inspiration from the Lord.
I'm a follower of Jesus no, noteveryone is who's listening to
the podcast, but for me itreally felt.
A divine calling is the onlyway I can really put it.
So I started just writing thisstuff down and I was like this
isn't going to go anywhere LikeI have self-published before,
but I've never beentraditionally published.
And I was like, yeah, thisisn't going to go anywhere.
Like I have self-publishedbefore, but I've never been
(23:43):
traditionally published.
And I was like, yeah, thisisn't going to happen.
I don't have money for an agent.
I didn't really even thinkabout it, but I had some friends
read it and they were all likethis needs to be published.
This is so good, it's so timely.
And I was like, okay, so Isubmitted it to a few different
places and got accepted.
So, yeah, it was reallysurprising and I think it was
(24:04):
such a joy writing it.
It was like flowing out of me,so naturally that I think that's
the only way I was able to doit, because, yeah, with work and
family, I look back and I'mlike I don't even know how I had
time to do it, but it reallydidn't feel like a burden.
I think it was just the righttime, like it was the right
space.
It was the right time and Ireally wasn't stressing about
(24:28):
perfectionism.
I was like I feel like this iscoming to me and so I'm just
writing it and seeing where itgoes.
April Snow (24:35):
I think that's such an important lesson of things
will unfold when it's the righttime.
Amber Bateman (24:40):
When you don't have and maybe that's a check-in
if you're really struggling, Ifeel like you're pushing
something uphill, maybe yesmaybe it's okay to set it aside
yes, and I think as hsps we'reintuitive and we know that kind
of I do because there was asecond project a second, a novel
that I've been working on andthat I was pushing myself too
(25:03):
hard for that.
It was not coming as naturallybut I was putting pressure on
myself.
It was like it's a good project, I want to get it done, and it
partly contributed to a severehormone imbalance earlier this
year and was really rough andand I think there's a lot of
pieces to what's happened, but alot of it was just pressure and
(25:28):
it wasn't even other people.
That's the crazy thing, april.
It's us, it's inside and we canblame it on other people.
I think culturally there is apiece to that, but I don't know
for me.
For me at least, a lot of it isjust internal oh yeah.
I want to get stuff done.
I want to be productive.
I want other people to thinkhighly of me yes, yeah it's.
It's crazy the kind of pressurewe can put on ourselves.
April Snow (25:52):
I know it's hard because there is that and, like
you're saying, it's the ether.
It's not always spoken, butthere is that pressure in
society, culturally, whereyou're supposed to be ambitious
and high achieving at all times,no matter the cost, and it's we
take that in and I think youand I seem to both be ambitious
HSPs.
We want to ride we want to dothings Make a difference.
(26:14):
Make a difference, make animpact, absolutely, but making
sure that we're not letting thatbe the sole driver And't.
And I just want to come back towhat you said about rhythmic
self-care, because I've never,heard it put that way and I
think that is so important.
And it's not just the one-offs,the occasional massage, the
occasional night out withfriends.
It's just talk to someoneactually just before this about
(26:38):
divinity and spirituality andhow okay it has it should be
part of everyday life.
And same sentiment Check inyour self-care.
They were saying spiritualityshould be Tiffany Green.
I'll just name her, she wassaying how spirituality and
religious practices need to comein every day or every week.
Frequency is really important.
Same thing with self-care yes.
(26:59):
What can we do that we canbring in regularly?
Amber Bateman (27:04):
Yes, because the pressures are regular.
We live in a culture where thepressures are constant.
Yes, I think if we lived in aculture where, once in a while,
we got stressed, then once in awhile, self-care would be nice.
But we don't.
We live in a culture that isstressful and constantly just
(27:27):
putting so much stress on ourbodies and minds, and so I think
we have to be continuouslykeeping up with the rhythms of
self-care, and they don't needto be big things.
I think that's why people getoverwhelmed.
A lot of my clients would getoverwhelmed with.
I don't have time for self-care.
I don't have time to do that.
You're just giving me somethingelse to do.
Exactly, it's like I feel thatI understand that, but it's
(27:51):
small everyday practices and Italk a lot in the book about
this.
I think a lot of it is sayingno to a lot of things, like we
have to make space to be able to, because if you're rushing out
the door every single day andthen you fall into bed exhausted
at 11 pm and you get up and doit all over again, yeah, there
(28:14):
is a time for self-care.
It's not going to be rhythmicbecause it's not a part of your
habit.
You don't have any margin to dothat.
And again, I'm very muchempathized with that.
I live in this culture too andso I know it's hard, but I think
that we need it because ourmental health is.
We're struggling as the country, young people, especially women
(28:37):
, especially everyone really.
But yeah, I think we'vedesperately need something
different, a slower pace of lifein general.
April Snow (28:48):
We really do.
Everything is moving way toofast, and not just for the HSPs,
for everyone.
That's right.
Everyone is feeling it, yes.
So I know this is a bigquestion, but how do we start to
work with those pressures?
How can we start to maybe undothem or take care of ourselves,
if you have any ideas about that?
Amber Bateman (29:07):
Yeah, I have a lot of ideas about it, but two
things I think that come to mind.
One, and for women especiallyone is reduce your time online.
We hear this, but it's so true.
I just finished reading theAnxious Generation and I'm like,
ah, like it is.
(29:28):
It's such a danger.
And I know that there'sbenefits to social media.
I know that there's where wewouldn't be writing and talking
if we weren't on the internet.
So I'm not saying it's all bad,but it's, in general, too much,
too frequent.
And for women he was saying inthe Anxious Generation book,
like girls and women are just,we're just so much more
(29:50):
susceptible to pressures, towanting to fit in, to wanting to
impress other people.
I still want to keep up with myfriends and have the cute house
(30:11):
and wear the cute clothes andbe a good parent or a good
therapist or, oh, truly spendingless time online and more time
with real people, with your realfriends.
Yes, having coffee, havingpeople over to your home, going
over to other people's homes,going for walks, like doing
those healthy self-care rhythmswith your people.
(30:34):
I really think that becausewhen we see each other in real
life, like when I go to myfriend's house and I see that
her house is just as messy asmine is, or or that her kids are
just as messy, or she doesn'talways look cute and put
together, it's healing for meBecause if all I see is her
curated Instagram picture.
(30:55):
I'm going to think that's howshe is every day, even though I
know it's not you need to see it.
I need to see it.
I need to see in real life, inreal time, that she's a real
human being, need to see in reallife, in real time, that she's
a real human being.
So that and then I thinksecondly is I think we need to
create a more safe culturewithin the community of women,
(31:16):
Because I know I'm speakinggenerally again, but in general
we can be mean.
We can be mean, yeah, in termsof I think it starts in middle
school and those mean girlstalking trashy about everybody
else and so, I think, notgossiping.
That's something that I havebeen so convicted about and I've
(31:38):
tried to grow in a lot over thelast 10 years really to not
talk negatively or even justevaluating other people, other
women, my friends and and ithappens all the time when I
started paying attention to it,I'm like, oh my goodness, like
everywhere you go, women aretalking about other women or
(32:00):
what her marriage is, what herchoice of this and that and what
she posted.
I think it creates this anxiousfeeling because we all know,
okay, if I'm participating andthis is happening, who's talking
about me?
April Snow (32:14):
Somebody's talking about me.
Amber Bateman (32:16):
I don't want them talking about me, and so I
think, on a real practical level, I'm committing and I would
invite other people to commit to.
Let's create a safer culturewhere we're not gossiping, we're
not evaluating other people'sperformance constantly.
April Snow (32:34):
let people be humans it's so true, I have both of
these pieces and in real lifeconnection, being mindful about
what you're saying about otherpeople.
It's yeah, there's permissionto be human, to be yourself, to
not have to live with thisconstant pressure to be perfect.
Yes, yeah, and how can wecontribute to that?
(32:55):
My wife and I just startedhaving a phrase.
We say process, don't speculate, because we're trying not to do
that.
Love it.
Let's not be part of that.
Yes, let's just be.
With our own experience, Ilived through that in middle
school the mean girl mentality.
It's so pervasive.
I love this invitation.
(33:15):
Can we just put that aside andbe kind and be generous with
people being kind and beingcurious about other people's
experiences like the curiositypiece.
Amber Bateman (33:25):
I think that changed me in becoming a
therapist.
Like just the curious piece,like I want to know about you
and I want to know what makesyou tick.
And you have different viewsthan me or you do life
differently, but I'm reallycurious about you and I want to
know.
And so I think being atherapist has taught me to do
that for other people as well,just in everyday life.
(33:46):
And, yeah, I think that's superimportant and something
practical that we really can alldo.
This it's hard, it sounds easy,but it's actually truly pretty
difficult, oh yeah.
April Snow (33:57):
It's hard, especially because, growing up
in a family, seeing whoever leftfirst was the person to be
talked about and so it's okay.
Yeah, it's hard to pull out ofthat because it's so normalized
yeah, everybody talks abouteverybody, and oh, let's just
talk about ourselves, that'sright our own experience.
Amber Bateman (34:15):
Yeah, and it puts us when we do that.
It puts us in defend mode.
Uh, jonathan in the anxiousgeneration book was talking
about like discovery mode versusdefend mode and that a lot of
us are in defend mode.
We're always defensive, we'realways like ready to be attacked
, and that's obviously not goodfor our nervous system, it's not
(34:36):
good for our health.
But I think it begs thequestion like am I doing that
for other people?
Am I providing safety andkindness and curiosity?
And it doesn't mean I can'tshare my opinion or share my
thoughts, but can I do it withcuriosity and respect?
And people know?
I think people know when you'rebeing genuine versus when
(34:59):
you're being pushy, mean,disrespectful.
April Snow (35:03):
Absolutely.
I appreciate that distinctionof yeah, can we cultivate
discovery versus putting peopleon the defensive.
Yes, that's something that I'mgonna start to look at more
myself too, like how can?
I make sure that I'm beingcurious and creating a safe
space for people, because yeah,there's.
There's enough of thathappening in the world there is,
and again, social media.
Amber Bateman (35:24):
I think we live in a very polarized culture and,
yeah, if you look on socialmedia, everybody's on defend
mode.
Somebody could say somethingwasn't supposed to be attack,
but immediately people are indefend mode.
And I understand.
People have convictions, peoplehave strong feelings I have
strong feelings, but noteverything is an attack exactly
(35:46):
and I think a lot of.
April Snow (35:47):
I've removed myself from a lot of engagement with
that because I think a lot ofpeople are just they want to
just fight, to fight and they'renot open to listening.
I asked someone this yesterdayI was like do you actually
change anyone's mind, do you?
Yeah, do you feel like, youknow, do it going into those
fights actually has an impact?
I'd rather do it like thisperson to person.
Amber Bateman (36:08):
Yeah, me too.
I'm with you on that April.
April Snow (36:11):
Amber, we're getting short on time and I really
appreciate this conversation,but just want to see if there's
any other thoughts or finalmessages you wanted to share
with folks about dealing withthese pressures and coming back
and being curious and connected.
Amber Bateman (36:25):
Yes, put a little plug in for my book that's
coming out.
April Snow (36:28):
Yes, absolutely.
Amber Bateman (36:31):
September 30th 2025.
I am.
My book is called Save YourselfSome Therapy.
Love it.
Four Modern Dangers to OurMental Health and what to Do
About it.
So I lay out four major dangersand hurriedness is one of the
touched on this that I think arereally detrimental to our
culture, to our mental health,and so I lay a case for these
(36:53):
four dangers, then some reallypractical steps for what to do
about it, what to do differently.
It's a very short, conciselittle book, so if you don't
have a lot of time to read, it'sa short little book.
It is intended for Christianaudiences.
There's some sections therethat are for Christians, but I
really think that anybody wouldget a lot from it.
(37:14):
If you're really uncomfortable,you could skip over the
Christian parts if you reallywant to, but there's a lot
packed into this tiny littlebook that I think a lot of
people would enjoy.
So, I'll put a little plug outthere for that.
But yeah, no, I'm super excitedfor your book too and look
forward to seeing that as wellwhenever it's time for it to
(37:38):
come out.
April Snow (37:38):
Yeah, it'll be another year for me, but excited
for your book, because hurryingand we as we know hurrying will
stress our nervous systems.
A lot of HSPs could benefitfrom slowing things down.
It's our natural rhythm.
We're wired to pause, toreflect and so that I think will
really resonate for folks Justthat unhooking from that
pressure to have to go so fastand do all the things.
(37:59):
Thank you so much.
I will definitely share that inthe show notes.
Also, your website, your socialmedia links yeah, I'm excited
for folks to connect with you.
Amber Bateman (38:11):
Thanks so much, april.
Really appreciate theopportunity to chat with you
today, for sure.
April Snow (38:17):
It was a joy.
Thank you, yeah, Thank you.
Thanks so much for joining meand Amber for today's
conversation.
What I hope you'll remember isthat you don't have to do
everything perfectly.
If you're ready to slow downand unhook from the pressure to
(38:37):
be perfect all the time, you canpick up Amber's book at the
link in the show notes or atdelvementalhealthcom.
If you enjoyed this episode,subscribe to the Sensitive
Stories podcast so you don'tmiss our upcoming conversations.
Reviews and ratings are alsohelpful and appreciated For
behind the scenes content andmore HSB resources.
(38:59):
You can sign up for my emaillist or follow Sensitive
Strengths on Instagram, TikTokand YouTube.
Check out the show notes orsensitivestoriescom for all the
resources from today's episode.
Thanks for listening.
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