January 17, 2024 • 28 mins
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Dive deep into the realm of sensitivity, trauma, and healing with Charlie McLachlan in this enlightening podcast series.
Join us as we explore the unique experiences of sensitives and navigate the path to healing. Charlie shares profound insights and practical strategies to empower sensitives on their journey to emotional well-being.
Tune in to embark on a transformative exploration of trauma and healing for sensitive.
Your path to emotional resilience begins here.
Chapters
00:00 - Intro
02:38 - You can't be a trauma coach without living a life of trauma
07:38 - Success is equal to freedom
10:54 - Why is it important to talk about trauma
12:42 - What trauma truly means
15:25 - Does everyone have trauma?
16:48 - How trauma and emotional strength go together
18:41 - How do we know that trauma is holding us back?
20:16 - How to start the trauma healing journey
21:44 - Here's a bonus for people who are highly sensitive
25:18 - Healing has been conditioned to be scary
27:44 - Outro
Know more about Charli's work at:
https://www.charlimclachlan.com
Connect on her social media account:
Instagram: Charli McLachlan
***
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Validating the fact that whatwe go through is real and
huge and it's putting powerfullanguage to basically what
words that we haven't had.
So understanding things likegenerational trauma, looking at
the family patterns and, and notjust having to show up and do
tradition because that's whatthe family dictates of you.
(00:20):
But when we can understandthings a bit broader,
then we have space to haveconversations, have very
courageous conversations.
Welcome to the SensitiveSuccess Podcast, where we
explore the unique challengesand opportunities that
comes with being a sensitivechangemaker in today's world.
(00:40):
I'm your host, Frida Kahlbo,and I have spent the last
decade recreating my life.
I moved from Sweden to NewZealand and now live in
the beautiful bush withmy husband and two kids.
Homeschooling and creatinga life and business that
works for me with thehelp of my sensitivity.
I'm excited to shareconversations with experts,
(01:00):
thought leaders, and fellowsensitive people who also
see the world throughthe lens of sensitivity.
Thank you so much for beinghere because it means that
you're creating sensitivesuccess too, which is
precisely what the world needs.
Let's get started.
Welcome to the firstconversation for the year
(01:20):
of sensitive success, andI'm excited to say welcome
to Charlie McLaughlin.
Welcome, Charlie.
Hi.
Yes.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to have you here.
And Charlie is a mom of twoyoung teens and emotional
strength and trauma coach.
gets excited about seeingpeople take control over
their own healing and wellbeing no matter what they've
(01:42):
journeyed through and steppinginto their own identity,
strength and freedom from thenarratives they conditioned
to believe about themselves.
I love that.
And that is so aligned withwhat I'm doing as well.
So that's why I wanted tohave you here on the podcast.
So start a little bit abouttelling about your journey and
how you come to do what you do.
Yeah.
(02:02):
Thank you.
Yeah.
So Emotional Strengthand Trauma Coach.
That's the, I guess, thetitle that I kind of Took me
a while to even figure out howdo you put all of that into a
label, but to make it easy forpeople, that's where I landed.
It's not like I just woke upone day and thought, Oh, this is
what I want to do with my life.
It ended up being amidst,you know, the journey of life
(02:26):
itself for me kind of ledme already doing and how I'm
already supporting people.
Maybe I just puta label on it and.
You know, step into that.
So I did that andit did come through.
Like I often say, you can't bea trauma coach without living
a life of trauma as reallyas confronting as that is.
But it's not one of those thingsyou can go and learn about and
(02:47):
sort of think, Oh yeah, cool.
Take that off.
And now I'm a trauma coach.
You really come in withyour full experience and I'm
sure you can relate to it,especially with, you know,
the sensitivity and highlysensitive aspect as well.
You don't just learn aboutit and then, and then
think, you know, stuff.
It's really the lived journey.
So.
Very, very long story short,I guess 38 year story short, I
(03:08):
did live through and experiencea lot of trauma in my life,
but without even knowing whatit was, I just, especially
as a child, you look aroundand you think, Oh yeah,
well, this is normal, right?
This is what happens.
It's what we believeabout ourselves.
And then we keep growing anddoing life and, and we kind of
just start to sort of think,well, what, you know, we take
in the world around us andthink, well, is this normal?
Is this my normal?
(03:29):
And we sort of start to goinwards within ourselves.
And, and then in the last fewyears, I went through a really
horrific and painful divorce.
I had been married for 14 yearsand then went for a very painful
divorce, very ugly, kind ofall the things that you don't
want to have happen happened.
And so it was really my journeythrough that as to how I
(03:50):
picked myself back up, how Igot myself out of bed, how I
refocused and set my intentiontowards my children, making
sure they got through thishealthy and safely and well.
I guess that was theculmination of all the trauma.
And there was a lot of religioustrauma in amongst, I guess, both
the childhood and the growingup and the marriage as well.
So just a lot of that.
(04:11):
Things that I neverhad the words for.
I didn't know what I wasexperiencing and it wasn't
until I started healingand then hindsight started
to give me the language topiece together my experience.
A bit of my personal backgroundis that, you know, my background
is in education and psychology,um, a bit of social work and
homelessness and I was bothdragged through the family court
(04:33):
and commissioned to work for thefamily court, so I've had sort
of inside and outside view andperspective of courts as well.
So that's a lot of very diverse,um, environments and traumatic
induced Environments as well.
So I guess with all of thatcombined and with the journey,
this just happened, I didn'tknow how to sort of, you know,
(04:55):
run business or formalizeanything, but just, there's been
this beautiful, I guess, gracein my life that has allowed
me to put myself out there.
And through the types ofrelationships and connections
that I had had from all thearenas I just shared, allowed
something really beautiful tosort of just grow in this space.
So in this space, I used myknowledge, I worked one on one
(05:16):
with people who are coming outof abuse or narcissistic abuse
or coercive control, religion.
But then I also run like groupsfor women who are healing.
So there's a community ofwomen to heal together.
And then I run training for likeLeaders and organizations so
that they're aware of what theirpeople are showing up with.
So it's, it's very varied,but it all comes down to
(05:39):
that language of trauma.
I try to take the heatout of that word trauma.
It's not a tag word for me.
It's or a fad word, you know,that people throw around.
It's really the humanexperience and we can do
this so much differently.
So that's what I bringto the arena of trauma.
Yeah, I love that.
And obviously, sorry that youhad to go through all this
(06:01):
hardship, but also seeinghow that can transform into
something this beautifuland helping others must
feel really meaningful.
Yeah, really, really healing.
I heal a lot through thatas well in taking the
power back for myself.
But supporting others totake their power back in
that situation and to kindof alchemize the situation
(06:22):
into something beautiful andhealing, despite the, you know,
at times horrific experiencesthat people have experienced.
And this is everyday people.
It's not like anyspecial people.
We've all beenthrough some stuff.
You know, we go to thesupermarket, you don't know
what the person next to youis carrying or journeying.
So it's that it's just creatingspace for people to be.
(06:45):
Yeah, themselves and thatand to alchemize into a more
powerful, powerful meaning.
Love that.
And I want to talk aboutmore about trauma, but what
does success mean to you?
That's such a good question.
Because I've done a lotof work on that, because
I guess, especially in oursociety, we're conditioned
(07:06):
to believe that success is.
Earn lots of money, bevery popular and well known
and buy all the trimmings,you know, have the house,
have the cars, have theboats, have the holidays.
And that just wasn't it.
I was leaning into that andthere's actually been, you know,
versions of me and stages ofme where I've had all of it.
You know, I've traveledthe world, I've owned the
homes, I've done the things.
And I realized that was notsuccess for me, but it left
(07:28):
me in a place of, well,what the hell is success?
And I did not know.
I don't think I necessarilya hundred percent know.
Maybe.
However, for me right now,success for me is freedom and
the autonomy to be myself andmake decisions based on what
I need, when I need them.
So, to work in a way that IHonours my soul and my needs
(07:51):
first, which is very nontraditional and it's outside of
the typical nine to five box andsitting in traffic both ways.
That's not success to me.
It's that self pride andthat self knowing that what
I'm doing, I show up in fullintegrity and honour in the
spaces that I do show up.
And knowing that I cancompletely, yeah, have that
autonomy and that senseof control over myself and
(08:12):
that arena success is likehaving those joy moments.
It's not to say that all of lifeis joyful because it's not or
easy again, it's not, but it'sknowing that in this space, I'm
creating what this needs to befor me and I can find joy in,
you know, The atmosphere orthe environment that I set up
(08:33):
around here, I can find joy inthe types of connections that
I'm that I attract and peoplethat come to me, I find a hell
of a lot of joy when I chooseto set my office up at the
beach, you know, often take mypeople often see me working.
At the beach, my local beachand just sit there and do
all my admin and my officework like that, because
(08:54):
that to me is success.
And I think lastly, likeabundance, I've done a lot of
work on like being abundantis a part of success for me.
However, abundant doesn'tnecessarily mean the dollar
figures and the numbers.
That's not to say I dohave it or I don't have it.
It's more to say that I findabundance in many other ways.
You know, a frienddropped in and bought me
(09:15):
flowers the other day.
And.
That to me speaks volumes.
You know, I've had, you know,people reach out and want to
offer services or connect orswitch services or offer a
holiday home for me and thekids to go and stay in for a
weekend, you know, it's thoselittle beautiful things that I
attract that are so incrediblyabundant that I don't have to
pour over literally numbers to.
(09:38):
To justify it's likeactually when I pause and
look out there, this is howI measure success for me.
I'm seeing all thesethings in my life.
Love that.
Love that.
And yeah, I agreefor me as well.
Success is really linked withfreedom and to really create
the lives that we want tolive and to, to be who we are.
(09:59):
Yeah.
So do you feel likeyou're successful?
Do you feel like you're there?
A hundred percent.
I absolutely feellike I'm successful.
And again, I guess inthe early stages, I was
really confused because Ithought, Oh, maybe success.
I'm not doing it rightbecause I come out of the
corporate world as well.
So it took me a little whileto adjust my brain and my heart
(10:19):
to, to get comfortable withsuccess being different to what
the mainstream had taught me.
Yeah.
I think it's the brave choice.
When we step out and dothis, it's Definitely.
And as you say, it's areprogramming of ourselves,
like what is really importantto me and not look so
much as at everyone else.
And if we go back to thetrauma, I feel like I'm
(10:41):
seeing trauma all over theplace on social media and
everyone is talking about it.
I'm actually doing acertification to be trauma
informed as a coach.
And, and why do youthink it's so important
to talk about trauma?
Honoring the human experience,I think, and I mean, I can only
speak from Kiwi culture, likebeing brought up in New Zealand,
(11:03):
but it was really ingraineda part of our culture to just
sort of shut up and put up, doas you're told, do what I say
when I say, don't ask questions.
So we've been conditionedto really shove a lot of
ourselves and our lifeexperience, um, to shove it
away, to shut it down, to.
Gaslight ourselves, you know,when we cry, like, you know,
growing up, the saying wasvery popular, you know, stop
(11:26):
crying, I'll give you somethingto really cry about, you know,
and Yeah, it's a hard one.
So we really, for me, it's, it'ssimply honoring the humanness
in us and validating thefact that what we go through
is real and huge and it'sputting powerful language to.
Basically what words that wehaven't had, so understanding
(11:48):
things like generationaltrauma, looking at the family
patterns and, and not justhaving to show up and do
tradition because that's whatthe family dictates of you.
But when we can understandthings a bit broader,
then we have space to haveconversations, have very
courageous conversations,choose for ourselves, choose
what freedom feels likeand what autonomy feels
like, validate each other,heal through relationships.
(12:12):
Yeah.
And then hopefully,you know, we have an
opportunity to do this right.
And if we can get this right.
We can make massive changes tothe generations coming after us.
You know, I often sayto clients, particularly
parent clients that I'mwith, like, you're healing
your life and your lineage.
(12:32):
Yeah.
Love that.
Gave me goosebumps.
So powerful.
So if someone listening in andthey're not really sure what
this trauma actually mean.
That's a good question.
There's no one sort ofdefinitive, like, you
know, in the dictionary.
However, trauma really iswhat happens inside of us.
(12:54):
As a result of whathappens outside of us.
So people will often think, youknow, like I had a car accident,
they'll think, oh, that, thatwas traumatic, but the trauma
wasn't the car accident.
The trauma was what happenedinside of us as a result
of the car accident.
So where our needs meet,where we abandoned, did we,
did the ambulance turn upon time or where we left?
(13:15):
Did people supportus in our healing?
Did people validatethe stress of that?
What has it led us to believeabout ourselves inside?
Yeah.
So it really is thatinternal experience of
the external factors.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
(13:36):
And one thing that thatI've discovered is I've
been thinking about trauma.
And if I've had some traumathat I can't remember
or anything like that,because my body have felt.
Well, you put a post out theother day about the somatic
experience of trauma andI like tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick on all of thosethings, but I don't have that
(13:59):
traumatic event in my life.
Um, So it was like a revelationto see that it doesn't
have to be that big thing.
It can be those smallthings that you store up.
I hear that a lot.
People will say to me,Oh, I don't have trauma.
And I'm just like, okay,that's not true, but okay.
I don't say it to them, youknow, if they're not ready
(14:19):
to hear it, but, um, becauseoften people are on their own
timeline and just through gentleand very kind exposure to the
truth about what's out there.
And you're bringing again,that language and that
awareness to the fact that,yeah, we experienced trauma.
In our bodies, like I said, mybackground was in psychology
and for me, I moved away fromthat into the more whole body
(14:40):
being because we experiencetrauma in ourselves, cells,
in our nervous system, notjust in our thoughts and
memories and thinking patterns.
In fact, that would be the leastway that we experienced trauma.
We experienced itvery somatically and
very much in our body.
And people don't even sometimesrealize that that's what
they're experiencing, you know,especially if they, they get a
fright from something or they.
(15:02):
They're in a relationshipin the way that they're
responding to something and,and their personal responses
are in fact, you know, thestress responses in our body.
And so unconsciously ourbodies switching into survival
mode and doing what itknows and then consciously
we don't even recognizethat that's what it is.
So yeah, it's really thewhole, whole being experience.
(15:26):
So do you think thateveryone has trauma?
It's a broad and bravegeneralization and it can
come across a bit judgy.
So I don't like tosay, yeah, sure.
Everyone's experienced trauma,but in my experience and what
I'm learning, the more I learn,the more I connect with people.
Yes.
But it doesn't have to be thatbig heated, Oh, well, I haven't
(15:48):
had a car accident or my parentshad a happy marriage or I never
went through anything hard.
If we can come into honoringthe body experience and
knowing it's okay, it's safe.
Then yes, I think people mightrealize that it's not this
big overwhelming monster.
It is somethingthat we all share.
It's something weall have in common.
(16:08):
And when we look aroundthe world at everything
happening, how can we not?
How can we not have it?
You know, especially whenwe're sensitive, we pick up
on all the things that canreally, really affect us.
So I think if we make it notthe big scary thing and we make
it the gentle human experience,then, then yes, I do think
that all humans experienceit to different degrees.
(16:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that shift from thishuge, overwhelming, scary
experience to somethingthat we can take one step
to heal and to look at.
So you talk about traumaand emotional strength.
How do you see they go together?
Very much so in terms of, youknow, our emotions and the
(16:52):
way that we experience life.
I think for me, it's justequipping people with,
again, the language.
And the awareness of allthese things, you know,
when we start to realizewe have emotions, like in
the English language alone,we've got over 150 emotions.
When you start to look atother languages, they, they
have beautiful words todescribe even more, even
(17:15):
more than 150 human emotions.
And yet when it comes toemotions, humans will often
just go happy, sad, afraid.
And.
Or angry, it's like thefour kind of common ones,
but actually underneathall of those is just huge.
So I think it's justequipping with language.
And then once again, cominginto that somatic space,
(17:35):
realizing that, Oh, I'm notjust, I'm not just like angry.
So therefore I'll say I'm angry.
How are youexperiencing that anger?
What is that doing in your body?
How are you feeling?
Where are you feelingheat and inflammation?
Where are you feeling muscletension and a lack of control?
Where are you feeling like youwant to just go and have this
burst of adrenaline and energy?
And what's driving that?
(17:55):
And why is it in thatpart of your body?
And you know, and all of that.
So it's more than justthinking through the thing.
It's experiencing the thing.
So I guess I support peopleto learn how to support
that in their bodies.
And often I won't, Iwon't say to someone like,
what are you feeling?
I'll say, where are you feeling?
You know, and that changesthe dynamic completely.
(18:17):
So to me, the trauma healingexperience and the emotional
strength experience, theygo hand in hand and sort
of support each other.
Yeah.
Powerful combination.
Definitely.
So how, how do we know iftrauma is holding us back
from creating the life or thebusiness that we want to create?
That's a good way ofasking the question.
(18:41):
I guess when it's affectedus, you know, on the inside
and how we show up and whatwe now believe about ourselves
and what we believe about theworld or what we believe about
people and relationships.
As we start to heal, all ofthat stuff starts to change.
So.
We start to back ourselves more.
We start to know ourselves more.
We start to prioritize ourselvesmore, love ourselves more.
(19:05):
So I think as we start tohave that healing growth and
awareness, it kind of createsthis path in front of us of
what do I want to choose?
Do I want to stay stuckin the nine to five rut?
Or do I want to pursuesomething for me?
Because now I know I'mworthy of pursuing something.
I'm worthy of my creative ideasbeing out there in this world.
And I want to move into that.
(19:26):
So I think that the traumajust creates these roadblocks
and sometimes we don't knowwe have them and that's fine.
However, another part ofthe human experience is
connection and learning andunderstanding and awareness.
And I think as we startto have all of this and
allow it into our lives.
You know, very gently.
(19:49):
Yeah, we start to seethat path kind of open up.
And I guess the roadblocks comeup and we then figure out, Oh,
do I want to deal with this?
And maybe we don't.
Maybe it's too hardand we walk away.
Or maybe we say, okay,okay, I'm going to get the
skills to deal with thisroadblock and move this one.
Heal a little bit, moveon to the next one.
(20:09):
So if someone is listening tothis and feeling, yes, I feel
like I need to work on this.
Where do you recommendthem to start?
Well, I absolutely believe that.
Yeah.
Everybody.
Start with, withfeeling, what do I feel?
Where do I feel it?
Just get really curiousabout that and have a play
with it in your own life.
And that's going to revealsome answers and some
backgrounds and some reasons,and you can deal with that.
(20:31):
However you like to process thatfor yourself, get some support.
Get some therapy.
There's so manyoptions of therapy.
So in my mind, therapy isnot going and sitting down
with a counselor for an hour.
It can be that, andthat's really good.
I have done that attimes in my life.
And there are many othertypes of therapy as well.
So if there's serious traumathere, you can get some
(20:53):
serious trauma therapy work.
If there's other stuffthat you just need a little
bit, it might be differenttypes of modalities.
That you want to indulge in,it can even be, you know,
like getting into boxing orart or climbing the mountains
or, you know, anythingthat's going to allow your
body to process freely.
Dance is another good one.
(21:13):
Breath work is a powerful one.
There's so manymodalities out there.
Be really courageous, be reallyself compassionate, and just
know that as you do start toreach out and piece all of
this together for you, thereare going to be hard days.
And that's okay.
So know that it's okay tofeel a little bit challenged.
(21:34):
That's good.
When there's a challenge,reach out and get the
support that you need.
Honor your boundaries.
That's a really hard one.
I work with peoplea lot on boundaries.
It's so hard.
It changes who you attract.
It changes who's in your circle.
It changes the voicesthat are echoing.
You know, if you're stuck ina circle of family or friends
(21:54):
that are not encouraging.
Then you're not probablygoing to succeed at pursuing
this as easily as if youhave now attracted people who
are going to have your back.
Women who are goingto say your name.
People who are going to supportthe hell out of you and praise
your amazing gifts that youhave to bring into this world.
Yeah, knowing your worth.
(22:15):
Getting into nature,all of these things that
actually echo who you are.
And if you're ready todo the work, take a deep
breath, hold on for the ride.
And know that when you stepout, there are incredible and
powerful people like us outthere that will, you know,
catch you and hold your handand journey this with you.
(22:39):
Beautiful.
So is there somethingspecial that we should think
of as highly sensitive?
Maybe something that is reallybeneficial to us or something
that is not so beneficial?
I think the things that arebeneficial is learning to
trust your own gut, especiallyas a highly sensitive.
(22:59):
As a highly sensitive, yourgut is incredibly trustworthy.
You know, you know it in yourbody and in your being, and it's
actually your brain That makesyou second guess everything
So if we can do some of thesebeautiful powerful Somatic
experiences like getting intonature likes of being surrounded
(23:21):
by peaceful people who feelsafe like doing breath work
and movement and somatic thingsYoga is another good one.
Anything that allows us toreally, truly connect with
ourself and our body andincrease that self knowing and
that self trusting and thenhonoring that step by step,
again, surrounded by peoplewho get it and who are similar.
(23:43):
Yeah.
I think being highlysensitive, we often attract
people who like to controlor exploit that sensitivity.
It benefits them greatly.
You do get controllers andabusers who They really get
off on your sensitivity becauseit completely benefits them.
So I often, I teach it like aself compassion module in my
(24:06):
eMERGE course, and I often sayto people like everything that
you have to give to others,because you're incredible
at this, you've got themost incredible compassion
skills and sensitivityskills and support skills.
And you do that so beautifullyfor other people, friends,
bosses, colleagues, partners.
Do it for you first, youknow, you know, you can
(24:30):
do it because you're doingit for other people, but
allow yourself to know thatyou can give it to you.
So, uh, yeah, it takes alittle bit of practice, but
keep going and know thatyou're freaking worthy of it.
Love that.
Yeah, definitely.
We need to be ourown best supporters.
(24:50):
If we're not, no oneelse will either.
So yeah, definitely.
So is there something that youwish everyone knew about trauma?
It's okay.
And it's going to be okay.
You know, it's not to say thatwhatever happened is okay.
But your experienceof this is real.
Your experience and howit affected you is a
(25:13):
hundred percent real.
No matter what anybody elsesays or accuses or judges.
And healing is really scary.
It's been made to be scary.
I believe it's beenconditioned to be scary.
So know that if you stepinto this arena, that
you are already brave.
You're creating safetyfor yourself and you
(25:34):
are so worthy of it.
Yeah.
Trauma doesn't have tobe your whole story.
Yeah.
And if anyone wants to knowmore about your work, where
is the best place to find you?
Thank you.
I am on all socials.
It's 2024.
So you got to be thereeven if you don't love it.
(25:54):
Um, Instagram, I am there,Facebook, I am there,
LinkedIn, I am there andI have a website too.
So it'd be all.
You can look up CharlieMcLaughlin and these things
should come up or emotionalstrength and trauma coach,
um, depending on theflip of the platform is
where the name changes.
And yeah, I offer the, like Isaid before, the one on one.
(26:18):
Work, which you can reachout any time to book in.
And then I run my coursesthroughout the year.
So I've got onestarting in February.
That's the Emergecourse for women.
That's a small group for womenhealing after trauma, abuse,
burnout, or who are just readyto claim their identity back.
It's an eight week course.
And then I run my workshopsfor training on trauma
(26:39):
informed practice sporadicallythroughout the year as well.
So they're just advertisedon those platforms.
Perfect.
And we'll put the link inthe show notes here as well.
Anything else that youwould like to say to the
sensitives that are listening?
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for allowing yoursensitivity into the world
(26:59):
and into our relationships.
Often what we think is like,You know, a soft thing is
actually a powerful, powerfulthing that we have to offer.
So as parents, as partners, asbusiness people, as friends, as
intuitives, as animal lovers.
(27:21):
as creatives.
It's an incredible tool.
So thank you for being you.
And please keep leaninginto that beautiful part of
you and bring it into theworld even more beautiful.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for coming on,on the podcast and, and for the
work that you do in the world.
It's so important.
So thank you so much.
(27:42):
My pleasure.
Thank you.
Thank you for listeningto Sensitive Success.
If you enjoyed this episode,please leave a review and
share it with someone who couldbenefit from this message and
come over and connect with meon Instagram at Frida Karpel.
And remember, sensitivityis neither good or bad.
It's what we make of it.
Embrace your sensitivityand use it to create
(28:04):
sensitive success your way.
Validating the fact that whatwe go through is real and
huge and it's putting powerfullanguage to basically what
words that we haven't had.
So understanding things likegenerational trauma, looking at
the family patterns and, and notjust having to show up and do
tradition because that's whatthe family dictates of you.
(00:20):
But when we can understandthings a bit broader,
then we have space to haveconversations, have very
courageous conversations.
Welcome to the SensitiveSuccess Podcast, where we
explore the unique challengesand opportunities that
comes with being a sensitivechangemaker in today's world.
(00:40):
I'm your host, Frida Kahlbo,and I have spent the last
decade recreating my life.
I moved from Sweden to NewZealand and now live in
the beautiful bush withmy husband and two kids.
Homeschooling and creatinga life and business that
works for me with thehelp of my sensitivity.
I'm excited to shareconversations with experts,
(01:00):
thought leaders, and fellowsensitive people who also
see the world throughthe lens of sensitivity.
Thank you so much for beinghere because it means that
you're creating sensitivesuccess too, which is
precisely what the world needs.
Let's get started.
Welcome to the firstconversation for the year
(01:20):
of sensitive success, andI'm excited to say welcome
to Charlie McLaughlin.
Welcome, Charlie.
Hi.
Yes.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to have you here.
And Charlie is a mom of twoyoung teens and emotional
strength and trauma coach.
gets excited about seeingpeople take control over
their own healing and wellbeing no matter what they've
(01:42):
journeyed through and steppinginto their own identity,
strength and freedom from thenarratives they conditioned
to believe about themselves.
I love that.
And that is so aligned withwhat I'm doing as well.
So that's why I wanted tohave you here on the podcast.
So start a little bit abouttelling about your journey and
how you come to do what you do.
Yeah.
(02:02):
Thank you.
Yeah.
So Emotional Strengthand Trauma Coach.
That's the, I guess, thetitle that I kind of Took me
a while to even figure out howdo you put all of that into a
label, but to make it easy forpeople, that's where I landed.
It's not like I just woke upone day and thought, Oh, this is
what I want to do with my life.
It ended up being amidst,you know, the journey of life
(02:26):
itself for me kind of ledme already doing and how I'm
already supporting people.
Maybe I just puta label on it and.
You know, step into that.
So I did that andit did come through.
Like I often say, you can't bea trauma coach without living
a life of trauma as reallyas confronting as that is.
But it's not one of those thingsyou can go and learn about and
(02:47):
sort of think, Oh yeah, cool.
Take that off.
And now I'm a trauma coach.
You really come in withyour full experience and I'm
sure you can relate to it,especially with, you know,
the sensitivity and highlysensitive aspect as well.
You don't just learn aboutit and then, and then
think, you know, stuff.
It's really the lived journey.
So.
Very, very long story short,I guess 38 year story short, I
(03:08):
did live through and experiencea lot of trauma in my life,
but without even knowing whatit was, I just, especially
as a child, you look aroundand you think, Oh yeah,
well, this is normal, right?
This is what happens.
It's what we believeabout ourselves.
And then we keep growing anddoing life and, and we kind of
just start to sort of think,well, what, you know, we take
in the world around us andthink, well, is this normal?
Is this my normal?
(03:29):
And we sort of start to goinwards within ourselves.
And, and then in the last fewyears, I went through a really
horrific and painful divorce.
I had been married for 14 yearsand then went for a very painful
divorce, very ugly, kind ofall the things that you don't
want to have happen happened.
And so it was really my journeythrough that as to how I
(03:50):
picked myself back up, how Igot myself out of bed, how I
refocused and set my intentiontowards my children, making
sure they got through thishealthy and safely and well.
I guess that was theculmination of all the trauma.
And there was a lot of religioustrauma in amongst, I guess, both
the childhood and the growingup and the marriage as well.
So just a lot of that.
(04:11):
Things that I neverhad the words for.
I didn't know what I wasexperiencing and it wasn't
until I started healingand then hindsight started
to give me the language topiece together my experience.
A bit of my personal backgroundis that, you know, my background
is in education and psychology,um, a bit of social work and
homelessness and I was bothdragged through the family court
(04:33):
and commissioned to work for thefamily court, so I've had sort
of inside and outside view andperspective of courts as well.
So that's a lot of very diverse,um, environments and traumatic
induced Environments as well.
So I guess with all of thatcombined and with the journey,
this just happened, I didn'tknow how to sort of, you know,
(04:55):
run business or formalizeanything, but just, there's been
this beautiful, I guess, gracein my life that has allowed
me to put myself out there.
And through the types ofrelationships and connections
that I had had from all thearenas I just shared, allowed
something really beautiful tosort of just grow in this space.
So in this space, I used myknowledge, I worked one on one
(05:16):
with people who are coming outof abuse or narcissistic abuse
or coercive control, religion.
But then I also run like groupsfor women who are healing.
So there's a community ofwomen to heal together.
And then I run training for likeLeaders and organizations so
that they're aware of what theirpeople are showing up with.
So it's, it's very varied,but it all comes down to
(05:39):
that language of trauma.
I try to take the heatout of that word trauma.
It's not a tag word for me.
It's or a fad word, you know,that people throw around.
It's really the humanexperience and we can do
this so much differently.
So that's what I bringto the arena of trauma.
Yeah, I love that.
And obviously, sorry that youhad to go through all this
(06:01):
hardship, but also seeinghow that can transform into
something this beautifuland helping others must
feel really meaningful.
Yeah, really, really healing.
I heal a lot through thatas well in taking the
power back for myself.
But supporting others totake their power back in
that situation and to kindof alchemize the situation
(06:22):
into something beautiful andhealing, despite the, you know,
at times horrific experiencesthat people have experienced.
And this is everyday people.
It's not like anyspecial people.
We've all beenthrough some stuff.
You know, we go to thesupermarket, you don't know
what the person next to youis carrying or journeying.
So it's that it's just creatingspace for people to be.
(06:45):
Yeah, themselves and thatand to alchemize into a more
powerful, powerful meaning.
Love that.
And I want to talk aboutmore about trauma, but what
does success mean to you?
That's such a good question.
Because I've done a lotof work on that, because
I guess, especially in oursociety, we're conditioned
(07:06):
to believe that success is.
Earn lots of money, bevery popular and well known
and buy all the trimmings,you know, have the house,
have the cars, have theboats, have the holidays.
And that just wasn't it.
I was leaning into that andthere's actually been, you know,
versions of me and stages ofme where I've had all of it.
You know, I've traveledthe world, I've owned the
homes, I've done the things.
And I realized that was notsuccess for me, but it left
(07:28):
me in a place of, well,what the hell is success?
And I did not know.
I don't think I necessarilya hundred percent know.
Maybe.
However, for me right now,success for me is freedom and
the autonomy to be myself andmake decisions based on what
I need, when I need them.
So, to work in a way that IHonours my soul and my needs
(07:51):
first, which is very nontraditional and it's outside of
the typical nine to five box andsitting in traffic both ways.
That's not success to me.
It's that self pride andthat self knowing that what
I'm doing, I show up in fullintegrity and honour in the
spaces that I do show up.
And knowing that I cancompletely, yeah, have that
autonomy and that senseof control over myself and
(08:12):
that arena success is likehaving those joy moments.
It's not to say that all of lifeis joyful because it's not or
easy again, it's not, but it'sknowing that in this space, I'm
creating what this needs to befor me and I can find joy in,
you know, The atmosphere orthe environment that I set up
(08:33):
around here, I can find joy inthe types of connections that
I'm that I attract and peoplethat come to me, I find a hell
of a lot of joy when I chooseto set my office up at the
beach, you know, often take mypeople often see me working.
At the beach, my local beachand just sit there and do
all my admin and my officework like that, because
(08:54):
that to me is success.
And I think lastly, likeabundance, I've done a lot of
work on like being abundantis a part of success for me.
However, abundant doesn'tnecessarily mean the dollar
figures and the numbers.
That's not to say I dohave it or I don't have it.
It's more to say that I findabundance in many other ways.
You know, a frienddropped in and bought me
(09:15):
flowers the other day.
And.
That to me speaks volumes.
You know, I've had, you know,people reach out and want to
offer services or connect orswitch services or offer a
holiday home for me and thekids to go and stay in for a
weekend, you know, it's thoselittle beautiful things that I
attract that are so incrediblyabundant that I don't have to
pour over literally numbers to.
(09:38):
To justify it's likeactually when I pause and
look out there, this is howI measure success for me.
I'm seeing all thesethings in my life.
Love that.
Love that.
And yeah, I agreefor me as well.
Success is really linked withfreedom and to really create
the lives that we want tolive and to, to be who we are.
(09:59):
Yeah.
So do you feel likeyou're successful?
Do you feel like you're there?
A hundred percent.
I absolutely feellike I'm successful.
And again, I guess inthe early stages, I was
really confused because Ithought, Oh, maybe success.
I'm not doing it rightbecause I come out of the
corporate world as well.
So it took me a little whileto adjust my brain and my heart
(10:19):
to, to get comfortable withsuccess being different to what
the mainstream had taught me.
Yeah.
I think it's the brave choice.
When we step out and dothis, it's Definitely.
And as you say, it's areprogramming of ourselves,
like what is really importantto me and not look so
much as at everyone else.
And if we go back to thetrauma, I feel like I'm
(10:41):
seeing trauma all over theplace on social media and
everyone is talking about it.
I'm actually doing acertification to be trauma
informed as a coach.
And, and why do youthink it's so important
to talk about trauma?
Honoring the human experience,I think, and I mean, I can only
speak from Kiwi culture, likebeing brought up in New Zealand,
(11:03):
but it was really ingraineda part of our culture to just
sort of shut up and put up, doas you're told, do what I say
when I say, don't ask questions.
So we've been conditionedto really shove a lot of
ourselves and our lifeexperience, um, to shove it
away, to shut it down, to.
Gaslight ourselves, you know,when we cry, like, you know,
growing up, the saying wasvery popular, you know, stop
(11:26):
crying, I'll give you somethingto really cry about, you know,
and Yeah, it's a hard one.
So we really, for me, it's, it'ssimply honoring the humanness
in us and validating thefact that what we go through
is real and huge and it'sputting powerful language to.
Basically what words that wehaven't had, so understanding
(11:48):
things like generationaltrauma, looking at the family
patterns and, and not justhaving to show up and do
tradition because that's whatthe family dictates of you.
But when we can understandthings a bit broader,
then we have space to haveconversations, have very
courageous conversations,choose for ourselves, choose
what freedom feels likeand what autonomy feels
like, validate each other,heal through relationships.
(12:12):
Yeah.
And then hopefully,you know, we have an
opportunity to do this right.
And if we can get this right.
We can make massive changes tothe generations coming after us.
You know, I often sayto clients, particularly
parent clients that I'mwith, like, you're healing
your life and your lineage.
(12:32):
Yeah.
Love that.
Gave me goosebumps.
So powerful.
So if someone listening in andthey're not really sure what
this trauma actually mean.
That's a good question.
There's no one sort ofdefinitive, like, you
know, in the dictionary.
However, trauma really iswhat happens inside of us.
(12:54):
As a result of whathappens outside of us.
So people will often think, youknow, like I had a car accident,
they'll think, oh, that, thatwas traumatic, but the trauma
wasn't the car accident.
The trauma was what happenedinside of us as a result
of the car accident.
So where our needs meet,where we abandoned, did we,
did the ambulance turn upon time or where we left?
(13:15):
Did people supportus in our healing?
Did people validatethe stress of that?
What has it led us to believeabout ourselves inside?
Yeah.
So it really is thatinternal experience of
the external factors.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
(13:36):
And one thing that thatI've discovered is I've
been thinking about trauma.
And if I've had some traumathat I can't remember
or anything like that,because my body have felt.
Well, you put a post out theother day about the somatic
experience of trauma andI like tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick on all of thosethings, but I don't have that
(13:59):
traumatic event in my life.
Um, So it was like a revelationto see that it doesn't
have to be that big thing.
It can be those smallthings that you store up.
I hear that a lot.
People will say to me,Oh, I don't have trauma.
And I'm just like, okay,that's not true, but okay.
I don't say it to them, youknow, if they're not ready
(14:19):
to hear it, but, um, becauseoften people are on their own
timeline and just through gentleand very kind exposure to the
truth about what's out there.
And you're bringing again,that language and that
awareness to the fact that,yeah, we experienced trauma.
In our bodies, like I said, mybackground was in psychology
and for me, I moved away fromthat into the more whole body
(14:40):
being because we experiencetrauma in ourselves, cells,
in our nervous system, notjust in our thoughts and
memories and thinking patterns.
In fact, that would be the leastway that we experienced trauma.
We experienced itvery somatically and
very much in our body.
And people don't even sometimesrealize that that's what
they're experiencing, you know,especially if they, they get a
fright from something or they.
(15:02):
They're in a relationshipin the way that they're
responding to something and,and their personal responses
are in fact, you know, thestress responses in our body.
And so unconsciously ourbodies switching into survival
mode and doing what itknows and then consciously
we don't even recognizethat that's what it is.
So yeah, it's really thewhole, whole being experience.
(15:26):
So do you think thateveryone has trauma?
It's a broad and bravegeneralization and it can
come across a bit judgy.
So I don't like tosay, yeah, sure.
Everyone's experienced trauma,but in my experience and what
I'm learning, the more I learn,the more I connect with people.
Yes.
But it doesn't have to be thatbig heated, Oh, well, I haven't
(15:48):
had a car accident or my parentshad a happy marriage or I never
went through anything hard.
If we can come into honoringthe body experience and
knowing it's okay, it's safe.
Then yes, I think people mightrealize that it's not this
big overwhelming monster.
It is somethingthat we all share.
It's something weall have in common.
(16:08):
And when we look aroundthe world at everything
happening, how can we not?
How can we not have it?
You know, especially whenwe're sensitive, we pick up
on all the things that canreally, really affect us.
So I think if we make it notthe big scary thing and we make
it the gentle human experience,then, then yes, I do think
that all humans experienceit to different degrees.
(16:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that shift from thishuge, overwhelming, scary
experience to somethingthat we can take one step
to heal and to look at.
So you talk about traumaand emotional strength.
How do you see they go together?
Very much so in terms of, youknow, our emotions and the
(16:52):
way that we experience life.
I think for me, it's justequipping people with,
again, the language.
And the awareness of allthese things, you know,
when we start to realizewe have emotions, like in
the English language alone,we've got over 150 emotions.
When you start to look atother languages, they, they
have beautiful words todescribe even more, even
(17:15):
more than 150 human emotions.
And yet when it comes toemotions, humans will often
just go happy, sad, afraid.
And.
Or angry, it's like thefour kind of common ones,
but actually underneathall of those is just huge.
So I think it's justequipping with language.
And then once again, cominginto that somatic space,
(17:35):
realizing that, Oh, I'm notjust, I'm not just like angry.
So therefore I'll say I'm angry.
How are youexperiencing that anger?
What is that doing in your body?
How are you feeling?
Where are you feelingheat and inflammation?
Where are you feeling muscletension and a lack of control?
Where are you feeling like youwant to just go and have this
burst of adrenaline and energy?
And what's driving that?
(17:55):
And why is it in thatpart of your body?
And you know, and all of that.
So it's more than justthinking through the thing.
It's experiencing the thing.
So I guess I support peopleto learn how to support
that in their bodies.
And often I won't, Iwon't say to someone like,
what are you feeling?
I'll say, where are you feeling?
You know, and that changesthe dynamic completely.
(18:17):
So to me, the trauma healingexperience and the emotional
strength experience, theygo hand in hand and sort
of support each other.
Yeah.
Powerful combination.
Definitely.
So how, how do we know iftrauma is holding us back
from creating the life or thebusiness that we want to create?
That's a good way ofasking the question.
(18:41):
I guess when it's affectedus, you know, on the inside
and how we show up and whatwe now believe about ourselves
and what we believe about theworld or what we believe about
people and relationships.
As we start to heal, all ofthat stuff starts to change.
So.
We start to back ourselves more.
We start to know ourselves more.
We start to prioritize ourselvesmore, love ourselves more.
(19:05):
So I think as we start tohave that healing growth and
awareness, it kind of createsthis path in front of us of
what do I want to choose?
Do I want to stay stuckin the nine to five rut?
Or do I want to pursuesomething for me?
Because now I know I'mworthy of pursuing something.
I'm worthy of my creative ideasbeing out there in this world.
And I want to move into that.
(19:26):
So I think that the traumajust creates these roadblocks
and sometimes we don't knowwe have them and that's fine.
However, another part ofthe human experience is
connection and learning andunderstanding and awareness.
And I think as we startto have all of this and
allow it into our lives.
You know, very gently.
(19:49):
Yeah, we start to seethat path kind of open up.
And I guess the roadblocks comeup and we then figure out, Oh,
do I want to deal with this?
And maybe we don't.
Maybe it's too hardand we walk away.
Or maybe we say, okay,okay, I'm going to get the
skills to deal with thisroadblock and move this one.
Heal a little bit, moveon to the next one.
(20:09):
So if someone is listening tothis and feeling, yes, I feel
like I need to work on this.
Where do you recommendthem to start?
Well, I absolutely believe that.
Yeah.
Everybody.
Start with, withfeeling, what do I feel?
Where do I feel it?
Just get really curiousabout that and have a play
with it in your own life.
And that's going to revealsome answers and some
backgrounds and some reasons,and you can deal with that.
(20:31):
However you like to process thatfor yourself, get some support.
Get some therapy.
There's so manyoptions of therapy.
So in my mind, therapy isnot going and sitting down
with a counselor for an hour.
It can be that, andthat's really good.
I have done that attimes in my life.
And there are many othertypes of therapy as well.
So if there's serious traumathere, you can get some
(20:53):
serious trauma therapy work.
If there's other stuffthat you just need a little
bit, it might be differenttypes of modalities.
That you want to indulge in,it can even be, you know,
like getting into boxing orart or climbing the mountains
or, you know, anythingthat's going to allow your
body to process freely.
Dance is another good one.
(21:13):
Breath work is a powerful one.
There's so manymodalities out there.
Be really courageous, be reallyself compassionate, and just
know that as you do start toreach out and piece all of
this together for you, thereare going to be hard days.
And that's okay.
So know that it's okay tofeel a little bit challenged.
(21:34):
That's good.
When there's a challenge,reach out and get the
support that you need.
Honor your boundaries.
That's a really hard one.
I work with peoplea lot on boundaries.
It's so hard.
It changes who you attract.
It changes who's in your circle.
It changes the voicesthat are echoing.
You know, if you're stuck ina circle of family or friends
(21:54):
that are not encouraging.
Then you're not probablygoing to succeed at pursuing
this as easily as if youhave now attracted people who
are going to have your back.
Women who are goingto say your name.
People who are going to supportthe hell out of you and praise
your amazing gifts that youhave to bring into this world.
Yeah, knowing your worth.
(22:15):
Getting into nature,all of these things that
actually echo who you are.
And if you're ready todo the work, take a deep
breath, hold on for the ride.
And know that when you stepout, there are incredible and
powerful people like us outthere that will, you know,
catch you and hold your handand journey this with you.
(22:39):
Beautiful.
So is there somethingspecial that we should think
of as highly sensitive?
Maybe something that is reallybeneficial to us or something
that is not so beneficial?
I think the things that arebeneficial is learning to
trust your own gut, especiallyas a highly sensitive.
(22:59):
As a highly sensitive, yourgut is incredibly trustworthy.
You know, you know it in yourbody and in your being, and it's
actually your brain That makesyou second guess everything
So if we can do some of thesebeautiful powerful Somatic
experiences like getting intonature likes of being surrounded
(23:21):
by peaceful people who feelsafe like doing breath work
and movement and somatic thingsYoga is another good one.
Anything that allows us toreally, truly connect with
ourself and our body andincrease that self knowing and
that self trusting and thenhonoring that step by step,
again, surrounded by peoplewho get it and who are similar.
(23:43):
Yeah.
I think being highlysensitive, we often attract
people who like to controlor exploit that sensitivity.
It benefits them greatly.
You do get controllers andabusers who They really get
off on your sensitivity becauseit completely benefits them.
So I often, I teach it like aself compassion module in my
(24:06):
eMERGE course, and I often sayto people like everything that
you have to give to others,because you're incredible
at this, you've got themost incredible compassion
skills and sensitivityskills and support skills.
And you do that so beautifullyfor other people, friends,
bosses, colleagues, partners.
Do it for you first, youknow, you know, you can
(24:30):
do it because you're doingit for other people, but
allow yourself to know thatyou can give it to you.
So, uh, yeah, it takes alittle bit of practice, but
keep going and know thatyou're freaking worthy of it.
Love that.
Yeah, definitely.
We need to be ourown best supporters.
(24:50):
If we're not, no oneelse will either.
So yeah, definitely.
So is there something that youwish everyone knew about trauma?
It's okay.
And it's going to be okay.
You know, it's not to say thatwhatever happened is okay.
But your experienceof this is real.
Your experience and howit affected you is a
(25:13):
hundred percent real.
No matter what anybody elsesays or accuses or judges.
And healing is really scary.
It's been made to be scary.
I believe it's beenconditioned to be scary.
So know that if you stepinto this arena, that
you are already brave.
You're creating safetyfor yourself and you
(25:34):
are so worthy of it.
Yeah.
Trauma doesn't have tobe your whole story.
Yeah.
And if anyone wants to knowmore about your work, where
is the best place to find you?
Thank you.
I am on all socials.
It's 2024.
So you got to be thereeven if you don't love it.
(25:54):
Um, Instagram, I am there,Facebook, I am there,
LinkedIn, I am there andI have a website too.
So it'd be all.
You can look up CharlieMcLaughlin and these things
should come up or emotionalstrength and trauma coach,
um, depending on theflip of the platform is
where the name changes.
And yeah, I offer the, like Isaid before, the one on one.
(26:18):
Work, which you can reachout any time to book in.
And then I run my coursesthroughout the year.
So I've got onestarting in February.
That's the Emergecourse for women.
That's a small group for womenhealing after trauma, abuse,
burnout, or who are just readyto claim their identity back.
It's an eight week course.
And then I run my workshopsfor training on trauma
(26:39):
informed practice sporadicallythroughout the year as well.
So they're just advertisedon those platforms.
Perfect.
And we'll put the link inthe show notes here as well.
Anything else that youwould like to say to the
sensitives that are listening?
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for allowing yoursensitivity into the world
(26:59):
and into our relationships.
Often what we think is like,You know, a soft thing is
actually a powerful, powerfulthing that we have to offer.
So as parents, as partners, asbusiness people, as friends, as
intuitives, as animal lovers.
(27:21):
as creatives.
It's an incredible tool.
So thank you for being you.
And please keep leaninginto that beautiful part of
you and bring it into theworld even more beautiful.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for coming on,on the podcast and, and for the
work that you do in the world.
It's so important.
So thank you so much.
(27:42):
My pleasure.
Thank you.
Thank you for listeningto Sensitive Success.
If you enjoyed this episode,please leave a review and
share it with someone who couldbenefit from this message and
come over and connect with meon Instagram at Frida Karpel.
And remember, sensitivityis neither good or bad.
It's what we make of it.
Embrace your sensitivityand use it to create
(28:04):
sensitive success your way.
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