January 24, 2024 • 12 mins
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Join me as I break down what it's like for sensitive folks dealing with the challenges of perfectionism.
Discover simple strategies and heartfelt insights to accept your imperfections and get along with your inner perfectionist. If you're figuring out how to balance being sensitive and loving yourself, this episode is a must-listen.
Don't miss out on this talk made for those who wear their hearts on their sleeves.
Chapters
0:00 - Intro
1:43 - How perfectionism affects HSPs or sensitives
5:29 - Strategies to manage perfectionism
10:44 - It's time to reflect on your perfectionism
11:49 - Outro
Connect with me on Instagram @fridakabo and share your thoughts on this episode!
***
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
But as sensitives, we can reallybe prone to be perfectionist
(00:04):
as we are noticing thosesubtleties and those little
things that other people mightmiss, and we have a gift of
not only feeling into whatwe feel and what we thing,
but also what other peoplemight think when they see it.
So yeah, hello, perfectionist.
(00:26):
Welcome to the sensitivesuccess podcast, where we
explore the unique challengesand opportunities that comes
with being a sensitive changemaker in today's world.
I'm your host, Frida Kahlo,and I have spent the last
decade recreating my life.
I moved from Sweden to NewZealand and now live in the
beautiful bush with my husbandand two kids, homeschooling and
(00:46):
creating a life and businessthat works for me with the
help of my sensitivity andsupport others to do the same.
I'm excited to shareconversations with Experts
thought leaders and fellowsensitive people who also see
the world through the lensof sensitivity Thank you so
much for being here becauseit means that you're creating
sensitive success, too Which isprecisely what the world needs.
(01:08):
Let's get startedHello, it's frida koppel here.
And today I wanted to talkabout our perfectionist, and
it's something that has beencoming up a lot lately with my
clients, and I just wanted toaddress it here, and to give
our perfectionists some love.
Can you feel that it needs that?
(01:31):
Because, really, A perfectionistcan be such a gift if we allow
it to be that, and I'm goingto go through what I mean about
that and, and some strategiesthat can help us with that,
but as sensitives we can reallybe prone to be perfectionist
as we are noticing thosesubtleties and those little
(01:51):
things that other people mightmiss, and we have um, gift
of not only feeling into whatwe feel and what we think,
but also what other peoplemight think when they see it.
So there's a lot ofthings going on for us.
And also we're detail oriented.
(02:11):
So yeah, hello, perfectionist.
And we don't have to beperfectionist to be sensitive,
but it is a As I said that Isee in a lot of my clients that
is coming up and I feel it'simportant to talk about it.
So one thing we can startto investigate and explore
is where does it come from?
Where does thisperfectionist come from?
(02:34):
Who wants it to be perfect?
And what part ofyou is asking this?
What part of you wantsthings to be perfect?
And why?
What is the need for?
for everything to beperfect and correct, right?
So that is something that we canreally investigate and see that
(02:55):
it's usually, uh, something thatwant, is wanting to protect you.
It's something that wants toprotect you from criticism
or from Like, you want todo your best, you want to
do the best you can, right?
And we know thatwe can do so much.
And we see so much that canchange, and like, our emotional
(03:15):
reactivity and the empathy,when the, our mirror neurons
are lighting up in our brain,not only do we feel what other
people feel, but we also wantto do something about it.
And I think that's where theperfectionist comes in again,
because we know that we cando something about it, and
we know that we, we want to.
create that change and wewant to tweak things because
(03:35):
we see those tiny details.
So it's really there to protectus and there to, to show us
that things can be better.
But it can also really holdus back from doing the things
we do and we want to do.
And from, getting things outin the world that we know would
benefit other people as well.
(03:57):
So that's why I think it'sso important to give the
perfectionist some loveand to really embrace it
as the gift that it is.
And I also want to say thatsometimes if someone else
is saying, Oh, you're sucha perfectionist, or that can
actually be their trigger.
That can be their perfectionistspeaking is not allowed to
be seen and is not allowedto come out and play, right?
(04:19):
So just because someone elseis saying, Oh, he's such
a perfectionist, it's notnecessarily a bad thing.
Just take your time and thinkabout, Okay, is that something
that I want to take to heart?
Do I feel like I'mbeing too much of a
perfectionist right now?
Or do I want it this way?
Because sometimes, especiallyas sensitives, things
can take a bit longerfor us in the beginning.
(04:42):
Before we, when we're doingsomething new or when we
haven't done things beforeit can take a bit longer
for us to get it out andsometimes that, that is okay.
We can, we can take a bitlonger and then when we've
done it, we're faster, right?
Because then we learned andwe can do it even faster.
So really, reallyinvestigate where does this.
(05:02):
need to change comefrom if it's there.
Otherwise, just giveit a laugh, right?
So if this is causing youtrouble, if you feel like the
perfectionist is holding youback from doing what you want,
if you feel like everythingneeds to be perfect before you
do what you want to do, thenhere are some tips that has
(05:24):
really helped me and I see thatit helps my clients as well.
So one thing that I see thatthat we can do is that we,
for example, if we're doinga webinar or a podcast or
whatever we want to put out,we see that as the big goal.
So if we, for example,a workshop, we see that
(05:45):
as the goal and we wantthat to be perfect.
If we move the goal a bit,what is really the goal?
What's behind that?
What is more?
So, is the goal really tohave, to do one workshop?
Not really, right?
The goal might be to begood at holding workshops,
(06:07):
because if you're doing itfor the first time, it's
going to be tricky, right?
There's so many differentthings that you want to put
together and you want tomake it but It's not going
to be perfect the first time.
So move the goal from thisworkshop has to be perfect to
yeah, I'm learning to create andhold workshops so I can do the
(06:29):
perfect workshop in 10 years.
Feel into that, feel intothat shift from yeah, this
is my first one I'm goingto do perfect to yeah, I'm
starting here now, this ismy starting point and in 10
years I might do it perfect.
Right?
So really help the perfectionistand help yourself by moving
the end goal, moving thatgoal where it's supposed
(06:53):
to be perfect, right?
To see that, and yeah,we all know, like,
what is perfect anyway?
Is there really such a thing?
Right?
So another tip is the 8020 rule that I really like.
And, and it's like, ifyou're 80% Uh, satisfied.
If you're 80 percent okaywith it, then it's probably
(07:13):
okay because other peoplewon't notice those 20%.
So we're doing all thiswork and those 20 percent
doesn't matter as much.
So when you're 80percent satisfied.
That's okay.
Push it out.
Just go there.
Do it.
And also with theperfectionist as, as a
gift, know where to use it.
(07:33):
Because you don't have to bea perfectionist everywhere.
Maybe you are a graphic designerand you want, uh, one graphic to
be perfect, but not everythingthat you do or everything that
you put out needs to be perfect.
So really look into that.
Where can, where can you use it?
Where is it a gift?
And, and where isit holding you back?
(07:56):
And another thing that hashelped me, and I see that it's
helping, is really play more.
See it as exploration.
See it as, and I guess itgoes into moving the goal,
but also, okay, is this,Is the goal to be perfect?
Is the goal to grow?
Is the goal to explore?
(08:16):
Is the goal to see what,what you actually can do or
see what, what differenceyou can make in the world?
Then the perfectionist mightnot be as helpful there, but
it might be helpful in, indoing other things, right?
And for me, leaning to trust,I've talked about it a lot,
but leaning to that partof you, because we usually,
(08:38):
especially as sensitives, I'venoticed is that we usually
have two voices quite high.
And maybe the perfectionist ison one shoulder and trust is on
the other, because perfectionistcan stem from fear, fear
of not being accepted, fearof not, like it protects
you from all those things.
And then on the othershoulder, you can have trust.
(08:58):
So listen to that.
Lean into that other voicethat knows it's going to be all
right, knows that you're enough,that knows that you can trust
that it's going to work out.
And that's a practice.
It's, you, you're not goingto quiet all the other
voices immediately, right?
If ever, I don't know yet.
Really feel into that.
(09:19):
Cause did my perfectionist,um, come up when I went
online and, and startedcreating this podcast episode.
Yes, yes it did.
Yes, it did come up whenI just fixed my hair, and
yeah, it's there, and I knowit's there, and therefore,
if I were to listen to it, Iwould never put anything out,
(09:40):
because I don't see anythingthat I do that's perfect, and
that is not the goal, right?
For me, it's not the goal.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
I, yeah, I want tobe professional.
I want to have integrity.
I want to, it to lookgood and feel good.
I want it to besupportive to you.
But also, I lean into that sideof me that knows that if this
(10:05):
is something that I'm thinkingabout, if there's something that
I'm seeing, if there's somethingthat I have on my heart to say,
I really need to trust that,yeah, this needs to be said.
So thank you, The Perfectionist,for showing up and showing
me that I can be betterand that I can, that
(10:25):
you're protecting myself.
But also, it's okay, I can leaninto trust, I know that I can
do this, I know that perfectis a state that doesn't really
exist, it's a state where I'mperfectly imperfect, right?
That's how it is.
So yeah, really take some timeto reflect on this episode and
(10:48):
reflect on what came up for you.
Are you giving yourperfectionist some love?
Are you choosingwhere you use it?
Because yeah, it can make usexhausted if we listen to it
all the time because there'salways so much to do, right?
So let it rest as well.
Take some time to think aboutwhere is my perfectionist
not helpful and where is myperfectionist really helpful
(11:13):
and then you can choose to useit and then you can say okay,
okay this is not your area, uh,you can come into that area,
that's your working prescriptionfor you, that's where you
need to work, not here.
This is, uh, trust, right?
So really give yourselvessome love and give love to
all the parts of you thatare there, that are there
(11:34):
for a reason and we are suchcomplex humans and we're here
for the human experience.
Thank you so much for listening.
I hope this was helpful to you.
Have a wonderful day.
Hi.
Thank you for listeningto Sensitive Success.
If you enjoyed this episode,please leave a review and
(11:56):
share it with someone who couldbenefit from this message.
And come over and connect withme on Instagram at Brita Karpo.
And remember, sensitivityis neither good or bad.
It's what we make of it.
Embrace your sensitivityand use it to create
sensitive success your way.
But as sensitives, we can reallybe prone to be perfectionist
(00:04):
as we are noticing thosesubtleties and those little
things that other people mightmiss, and we have a gift of
not only feeling into whatwe feel and what we thing,
but also what other peoplemight think when they see it.
So yeah, hello, perfectionist.
(00:26):
Welcome to the sensitivesuccess podcast, where we
explore the unique challengesand opportunities that comes
with being a sensitive changemaker in today's world.
I'm your host, Frida Kahlo,and I have spent the last
decade recreating my life.
I moved from Sweden to NewZealand and now live in the
beautiful bush with my husbandand two kids, homeschooling and
(00:46):
creating a life and businessthat works for me with the
help of my sensitivity andsupport others to do the same.
I'm excited to shareconversations with Experts
thought leaders and fellowsensitive people who also see
the world through the lensof sensitivity Thank you so
much for being here becauseit means that you're creating
sensitive success, too Which isprecisely what the world needs.
(01:08):
Let's get startedHello, it's frida koppel here.
And today I wanted to talkabout our perfectionist, and
it's something that has beencoming up a lot lately with my
clients, and I just wanted toaddress it here, and to give
our perfectionists some love.
Can you feel that it needs that?
(01:31):
Because, really, A perfectionistcan be such a gift if we allow
it to be that, and I'm goingto go through what I mean about
that and, and some strategiesthat can help us with that,
but as sensitives we can reallybe prone to be perfectionist
as we are noticing thosesubtleties and those little
(01:51):
things that other people mightmiss, and we have um, gift
of not only feeling into whatwe feel and what we think,
but also what other peoplemight think when they see it.
So there's a lot ofthings going on for us.
And also we're detail oriented.
(02:11):
So yeah, hello, perfectionist.
And we don't have to beperfectionist to be sensitive,
but it is a As I said that Isee in a lot of my clients that
is coming up and I feel it'simportant to talk about it.
So one thing we can startto investigate and explore
is where does it come from?
Where does thisperfectionist come from?
(02:34):
Who wants it to be perfect?
And what part ofyou is asking this?
What part of you wantsthings to be perfect?
And why?
What is the need for?
for everything to beperfect and correct, right?
So that is something that we canreally investigate and see that
(02:55):
it's usually, uh, something thatwant, is wanting to protect you.
It's something that wants toprotect you from criticism
or from Like, you want todo your best, you want to
do the best you can, right?
And we know thatwe can do so much.
And we see so much that canchange, and like, our emotional
(03:15):
reactivity and the empathy,when the, our mirror neurons
are lighting up in our brain,not only do we feel what other
people feel, but we also wantto do something about it.
And I think that's where theperfectionist comes in again,
because we know that we cando something about it, and
we know that we, we want to.
create that change and wewant to tweak things because
(03:35):
we see those tiny details.
So it's really there to protectus and there to, to show us
that things can be better.
But it can also really holdus back from doing the things
we do and we want to do.
And from, getting things outin the world that we know would
benefit other people as well.
(03:57):
So that's why I think it'sso important to give the
perfectionist some loveand to really embrace it
as the gift that it is.
And I also want to say thatsometimes if someone else
is saying, Oh, you're sucha perfectionist, or that can
actually be their trigger.
That can be their perfectionistspeaking is not allowed to
be seen and is not allowedto come out and play, right?
(04:19):
So just because someone elseis saying, Oh, he's such
a perfectionist, it's notnecessarily a bad thing.
Just take your time and thinkabout, Okay, is that something
that I want to take to heart?
Do I feel like I'mbeing too much of a
perfectionist right now?
Or do I want it this way?
Because sometimes, especiallyas sensitives, things
can take a bit longerfor us in the beginning.
(04:42):
Before we, when we're doingsomething new or when we
haven't done things beforeit can take a bit longer
for us to get it out andsometimes that, that is okay.
We can, we can take a bitlonger and then when we've
done it, we're faster, right?
Because then we learned andwe can do it even faster.
So really, reallyinvestigate where does this.
(05:02):
need to change comefrom if it's there.
Otherwise, just giveit a laugh, right?
So if this is causing youtrouble, if you feel like the
perfectionist is holding youback from doing what you want,
if you feel like everythingneeds to be perfect before you
do what you want to do, thenhere are some tips that has
(05:24):
really helped me and I see thatit helps my clients as well.
So one thing that I see thatthat we can do is that we,
for example, if we're doinga webinar or a podcast or
whatever we want to put out,we see that as the big goal.
So if we, for example,a workshop, we see that
(05:45):
as the goal and we wantthat to be perfect.
If we move the goal a bit,what is really the goal?
What's behind that?
What is more?
So, is the goal really tohave, to do one workshop?
Not really, right?
The goal might be to begood at holding workshops,
(06:07):
because if you're doing itfor the first time, it's
going to be tricky, right?
There's so many differentthings that you want to put
together and you want tomake it but It's not going
to be perfect the first time.
So move the goal from thisworkshop has to be perfect to
yeah, I'm learning to create andhold workshops so I can do the
(06:29):
perfect workshop in 10 years.
Feel into that, feel intothat shift from yeah, this
is my first one I'm goingto do perfect to yeah, I'm
starting here now, this ismy starting point and in 10
years I might do it perfect.
Right?
So really help the perfectionistand help yourself by moving
the end goal, moving thatgoal where it's supposed
(06:53):
to be perfect, right?
To see that, and yeah,we all know, like,
what is perfect anyway?
Is there really such a thing?
Right?
So another tip is the 8020 rule that I really like.
And, and it's like, ifyou're 80% Uh, satisfied.
If you're 80 percent okaywith it, then it's probably
(07:13):
okay because other peoplewon't notice those 20%.
So we're doing all thiswork and those 20 percent
doesn't matter as much.
So when you're 80percent satisfied.
That's okay.
Push it out.
Just go there.
Do it.
And also with theperfectionist as, as a
gift, know where to use it.
(07:33):
Because you don't have to bea perfectionist everywhere.
Maybe you are a graphic designerand you want, uh, one graphic to
be perfect, but not everythingthat you do or everything that
you put out needs to be perfect.
So really look into that.
Where can, where can you use it?
Where is it a gift?
And, and where isit holding you back?
(07:56):
And another thing that hashelped me, and I see that it's
helping, is really play more.
See it as exploration.
See it as, and I guess itgoes into moving the goal,
but also, okay, is this,Is the goal to be perfect?
Is the goal to grow?
Is the goal to explore?
(08:16):
Is the goal to see what,what you actually can do or
see what, what differenceyou can make in the world?
Then the perfectionist mightnot be as helpful there, but
it might be helpful in, indoing other things, right?
And for me, leaning to trust,I've talked about it a lot,
but leaning to that partof you, because we usually,
(08:38):
especially as sensitives, I'venoticed is that we usually
have two voices quite high.
And maybe the perfectionist ison one shoulder and trust is on
the other, because perfectionistcan stem from fear, fear
of not being accepted, fearof not, like it protects
you from all those things.
And then on the othershoulder, you can have trust.
(08:58):
So listen to that.
Lean into that other voicethat knows it's going to be all
right, knows that you're enough,that knows that you can trust
that it's going to work out.
And that's a practice.
It's, you, you're not goingto quiet all the other
voices immediately, right?
If ever, I don't know yet.
Really feel into that.
(09:19):
Cause did my perfectionist,um, come up when I went
online and, and startedcreating this podcast episode.
Yes, yes it did.
Yes, it did come up whenI just fixed my hair, and
yeah, it's there, and I knowit's there, and therefore,
if I were to listen to it, Iwould never put anything out,
(09:40):
because I don't see anythingthat I do that's perfect, and
that is not the goal, right?
For me, it's not the goal.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
I, yeah, I want tobe professional.
I want to have integrity.
I want to, it to lookgood and feel good.
I want it to besupportive to you.
But also, I lean into that sideof me that knows that if this
(10:05):
is something that I'm thinkingabout, if there's something that
I'm seeing, if there's somethingthat I have on my heart to say,
I really need to trust that,yeah, this needs to be said.
So thank you, The Perfectionist,for showing up and showing
me that I can be betterand that I can, that
(10:25):
you're protecting myself.
But also, it's okay, I can leaninto trust, I know that I can
do this, I know that perfectis a state that doesn't really
exist, it's a state where I'mperfectly imperfect, right?
That's how it is.
So yeah, really take some timeto reflect on this episode and
(10:48):
reflect on what came up for you.
Are you giving yourperfectionist some love?
Are you choosingwhere you use it?
Because yeah, it can make usexhausted if we listen to it
all the time because there'salways so much to do, right?
So let it rest as well.
Take some time to think aboutwhere is my perfectionist
not helpful and where is myperfectionist really helpful
(11:13):
and then you can choose to useit and then you can say okay,
okay this is not your area, uh,you can come into that area,
that's your working prescriptionfor you, that's where you
need to work, not here.
This is, uh, trust, right?
So really give yourselvessome love and give love to
all the parts of you thatare there, that are there
(11:34):
for a reason and we are suchcomplex humans and we're here
for the human experience.
Thank you so much for listening.
I hope this was helpful to you.
Have a wonderful day.
Hi.
Thank you for listeningto Sensitive Success.
If you enjoyed this episode,please leave a review and
(11:56):
share it with someone who couldbenefit from this message.
And come over and connect withme on Instagram at Brita Karpo.
And remember, sensitivityis neither good or bad.
It's what we make of it.
Embrace your sensitivityand use it to create
sensitive success your way.
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