July 16, 2025 • 36 mins
Beauty culture isn't just about looking good – it's sometimes a sophisticated coping mechanism for avoiding deeper pain. When licensed therapist Alicia Racine Fink returns for her second appearance, our conversation quickly moves beyond skincare into the fascinating psychological territory where beauty meets trauma.
What happens when self-care transforms into something darker? We explore how post-breakup "glow-ups" and revenge bodies often serve as armor against truly feeling our grief. "People should grieve the fuck out of a loss before they actually go glow up," Alicia notes, highlighting how our cultural obsession with transformation often masks an inability to process difficult emotions.
The discussion takes a particularly fascinating turn when examining how filtering has warped our perception of ourselves. We're now so accustomed to seeing enhanced versions of our faces that encountering our natural reflection can feel jarring or even traumatic. This creates what therapists call "ego dystonic" responses – where even when loved ones compliment our appearance, we simply cannot believe them because their perception doesn't match our internal narrative.
Perhaps most provocatively, we question whether beauty standards themselves have created a "compound complex trauma" affecting us daily. For women especially, appearance remains intrinsically linked to credibility and worth. This raises essential questions about motivation: "Am I doing this because I love myself, or am I trying to avoid feeling something deeper?"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are listening to, watching, hearing, smelling,
tasting and feeling sex drugsand skin care.
Like and subscribe.
Hey, welcome back to Sex Drugsand Skin Care.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I got scared.
I was like whoa, what's goingon?
No, you're here, we're here,okay, yeah, cool, that was cool
yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Here we are.
Here we are again.
Oh man, this is episode.
I think it's like episode 115,.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I think it's something like that yeah, 115,
115.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, we just guess at everyepisode.
This could be number one.
We have no idea.
That's very.
This isn't the first episode,is it?
No, okay.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm Nikki Davis Jr Of the Davis Juniors, the West
Hollywood Davis Juniors.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh really, I didn't realize you were a West
Hollywood Davis Junior.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, I don't like to put it out there too much.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Oh, you're not part of the Glendale Seniors are you?
I will be someday the GlendaleSeniors are.
I mean, they think they'reDavises, but they're not Davises
.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
No, they're Davies.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
They're Davies, exactly, there's a big
difference.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
We're the only skincare um podcast and it's
comedy and I know you we cantalk about scabs and, um, maybe
that'll be our next topic scabswhat are they like that?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
I don't know.
Yeah, and scabies, and scabies.
I know we need to know moreabout that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I thought maybe I had it because I had this rash that
kept recurring and I was like Imean what else could it
possibly be?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It's actually starting to go away.
Do you have rickets?
No, you're not a pirate, areyou?
No, you have scurvy.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I love how you scabies I would have been like
never, and will this ever bescabies?
Never, ever.
It'd be new, something new.
I need something new.
I know rashes are so boring, um, so yeah.
So this is the only comedyskincare or the only comedy plus
skincare podcast that's outthere that I'm aware of, and I
am a licensed comedian stand-upesthetician, and we cover topics
(02:09):
of beauty, sometimes sex anddrugs as well, sometimes all
three, and with me, as usual, isSandro Iocolano, that's right
Of the Sicily Iocolanos.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
My favorite's from Brentwood.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Brentwood, Italy.
I wish I had done that.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
You wish you'd done that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, because then we could have just visited
Brentwood instead of Sicily.
I know, oh my.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
God, my dad falling down 3,000 miles.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I'm so sorry, but I made you laugh.
It would have been nicer if itwas down the street.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It would have been much easier.
Oh my God, family, that was afun trip Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I love them all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Your sister-in-law looked at me when they were.
They're Italian, so they have alot of animated conversations.
There's always yelling andcrying.
It's very much like an opera.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, I'm so tired of people saying oh, you're
Italian, you must be yelling.
No, let's just get to the rootof Italy, get your shit together
and go to therapy.
Go to therapy, every one of you.
I'm tired of living like this.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
The whole family is like that.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's just yeah, but you're Italian.
No, get some help.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Nobody ever works anything out.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
No, that's why they're conquered constantly.
That's a good point.
I hadn't thought about that.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
They're just emotionally immature.
Yeah, we love our food.
Here's our butts.
You know, that's the sex partbut I love that your
sister-in-law looked at me aftereverything, this is all going
on and she just goes.
Welcome to the family vacationoh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, she
goes.
Yeah, welcome to vacation withthe family like she.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
She'd been through this before yeah this was my
first experience yeah, I don'tremember her being uh going
through with her before, butdefinitely it was something that
I've gone through before so,yeah, I make a point never to go
on vacation with anybody'sfamily from now on.
Oh yeah, yeah, I'll do the same, not even mine not even,
especially not mine no, I wouldnever be around your family.
No, I love my family.
(03:55):
I just don't want to go onvacation with them.
No, vacation and family don'tsound like.
We've all seen europeanvacation.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
We've seen your national lampoon's vacation
everybody's a documentary,everybody's on different timing
yeah you know, like everybody'sjust like.
There's always like people thatwalk a little slower than
everybody else.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, it's like, yeah , you just want to walk slower
than everybody else.
You want to get moving.
Some people want to see otherthings here.
I am a teenage boy.
I want to masturbate.
I just want to go out and seethe city.
You know, I'm 45 years old, I'ma teenager, I want to go out
there, and yeah it's.
You know, it's just better, Ithink, to have a couple of
family members maybe come to youor you go to them and then
(04:35):
that's nice.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I like it.
You don't have to get togethera bunch of people.
No, oh, my phone's going off.
Sorry, I'm getting junk spamDid you want to answer that?
No, I'm good, so let's just getright to the guest.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I'm excited this is another repeat guest.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Another repeat guest because we thought she was so
fascinating.
We actually stopped during thelast podcast because we had more
to say.
Right, she's a licensedtherapist, I am.
She's a comedian.
She's a licensed therapist, Iam.
She's also been a.
She's a comedian.
She's a very funny person.
I'm a funny person, yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
We'll say that.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
She's very confident.
I like that too.
That's cool.
She's pretty, oh, thank youDon't worry, I'm not trying to
trap you.
No, no, we have a housetogether, I think I'm so tied to
you now.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
It's a lot.
Yeah, I know A lot of paperwork.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I'm excited for you guys though.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Do you need some couples?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
counseling.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
We need two couples counselors.
We need them to be a couple.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That's hilarious.
A couple of counselors, yeah,so yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yeah, Last time we talked about well, we'll just
bring her out Alicia Racine Fink.
Yay, Thank you so much forbeing here.
Thank you for having me.
We had so much fun last time wehad too much fun.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Honestly, it went by so fast and then when we left,
we were like we have so muchmore to talk about.
Yeah, and now I'm back here totalk about it and I don't
remember what it was.
She was just telling me I'mconcerned, that I'm not gonna
have enough to talk about.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Oh my goodness and I also.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah, we're showing some skin today, yeah she did it
first, I'm just copying.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah well, it looks nice.
I think it draws viewers inright, it also it's.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
You know, it's getting to be summertime and
it's a skincare podcast, asalicia pointed out in the break
right, you should show a skin soI took out the rash side.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Maybe I should do the non-rash side.
I don't think so because as acomedian, you're just.
You don't want to be rash,let's see, I don't know, that's
a good joke it is that's a goodjoke.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, and when a joke doesn't work, you go.
That's a good joke oh yeah,that's right.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm sorry that was a really good joke, that you're
fine.
It's kind of like when you justplay music over and over again.
So, yeah, don't you love this?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
it's like oh god, are these people dying?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
like isn't it good?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
oh, my goodness, okay .
So we're here and I just got afacial from you you did, which I
think we should talk about Ithink.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
First of all, I'm just I'm amazed that she's able
to even speak after doing this.
Not only did she have a facialwith me where I rubbed her face
into oblivion, then sheliterally went from my apartment
into her car.
I did.
I'm sorry if your patient iswatching.
I hope that they watch this.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
I think I will tell them to watch this so they can
see this yes, I was in the cartherapizing someone very special
Right after, though she's very,very special right after,
though, very special right afterand then I had to answer some
questions, and now I'm here andI'm supposed to talk and my
brain is not operating at normallevel because you massage the
shit that's nikki's tagline.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, massage the shit out of your face, does she?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
massage your face.
Have you ever felt, felt this?
This is better than drugs.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
It is.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And sex.
I should do it more.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, bring itall together, maybe for him Well
when you for me yeah, when shedoes the massaging, yeah, that's
.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
It's just unbelievably relaxing and then
getting the spots where it hurtsand I'm like to get into your
jaw too the inside part rightit's so nice, okay, so I loved
it and I do love facials and Ilove massage.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Anyway, what were you doing to me?
And and is it helpful forpeople on the podcast to know?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
because I think it should be I probably should talk
about it more, but I don't.
Yeah, um, it's a structuralfacelift massage.
There's very little productinvolved.
Um, it's, it's, it's uh,lymphatic drainage, acupressure
massage.
So I start you off withlymphatic drainage to make sure
that all the channels are clearI felt that and she even like,
did no, no, here.
Yeah, like underneath yoursternum, I got there yeah, that
(08:39):
was amazing okay yeah, and soeverything's moving, yeah, um,
so there's no like blockages.
Then I get into the deepermassage.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
There were lots of blockages when we started.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Yeah, and then what else do I do?
There's some acupressureinvolved.
And then what were you going tosay?
No, you did a lot of like this,oh, like a lot of lifting and
toning.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah, okay, with the massage to put the muscles.
There's no elbows involved.
You don't use, there's noelbows no in the face.
That'd be so funny if she goton top and she was just like
because I see like a massage,like a lot of people will do,
like you know, like the massageon a body on the body, but never
on the face, right, you don'tlike massage somebody's
cheekbone with your?
Okay, well, I don't knowtechniques, I could try it.
(09:21):
Yeah, see if maybe there's atechnique you need to master or
something.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Well, what I'm trying to do and what we are doing is
not only are we bringingcirculation to the skin and the
muscle and the fascia which issuper important, right and then
I'm also keeping all thosemuscles stretched and relaxed
and the fascia as well, liketrying to break up adhesions,
like so, when I'm in your mouth,I'm trying to break up
(09:48):
adhesions so that like helpswith the, you know, like
parentheses, stuff, what do youcall these things?
Nasolabial folds?
Yeah, yeah, any adhesionsanytime you have a wrinkle, it's
almost always an adhesion ofsomething pulling down people.
And then you just cause youkeep making that same face over
and over again.
So, and then you, just becauseyou keep making that same face
over and over again, so yourbody actually makes like almost
like a, it's like almost like ascar and it sticks down, got it.
(10:08):
So it's better to prevent it,but I can definitely help it,
okay.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
And then we go inside your jaw and then I yeah, she
puts gloves on and goes inside.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
With your consent.
Yeah With that.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yes, and I consented.
I was like get it oh yeah, yeah, you did.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I did that.
You're using new gloves now.
Right, You're not reusinggloves again?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, okay, oh Lord, yeah, I just turn them inside
out like my underwear.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
They're like burlap sack ones.
They're really good, they lasta long time.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Do you ever do that?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
underwear inside out.
Oh, I have done that.
Yeah, let's be honest here.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Yes, it's not as fun wearing.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
You know it's not underwear, now, no, I'm not,
yeah, yeah, I wish I was, though, because I would have been
fucking funny sometimes I justlook down and I'm like, oh my
god, my underwear is inside out.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That makes so much sense.
Why it's like scratchy?
Because it's like lace on theoutside, oh my it's like an
exfoliant.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
This did end up coming off I I am hot now.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah, you are hot.
You were hot when you walked in.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh, you're so sweet.
You guys are.
I really do come for thecompliments.
It's so nice.
I got called confident today Igot called I can't remember
because of your massage.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
She's good at what she does.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I don't know what we said either, because I don't
even know what you said it wasall positive, though that's the
most important it was reallypositive and I feel good about
myself now if you subscribe tothe podcast, you could watch it.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, you can even watch it.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I'm not subscribed.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I have no idea you might, I don't, I don't look to
see what, what the 10 people'snames are how would I know?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I should subscribe if I'm not subscribed.
If you're, yeah, but you?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
can watch it, even if you don't, obviously, but
subscribe you guys.
Oh, that's the other thing.
Hit the subscribe button andalso hit the notification button
so that when these coolpodcasts come out, they'll let
you know.
We're also doing a shorterformat right now so that it's
more digestible and it's goingto take up less of your work
time.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Also write podcasts in the comments.
Remember all um also writepodcasts in the comments.
Remember all this in your body.
Remember all this in your body,right podcast.
And then we're doing anabundance seminar.
Um should we talk about?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
that are you doing an abundance seminar?
No we're not, but there's a guyon instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, he's, he's fantastic he up spirals your
life yeah michael hunter.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
He's fantastic.
What's his?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
name michael hunter michael hunter he's so good, but
he always does.
The thing was like like youknow, he'll be like be calm,
write calm in the comments, toremember this in your body yeah
which is a very nice way to belike hey, stay engaged yes in
the comments to keep this inyour body right and then it also
makes him, you know, get more.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Uh, I don't know, whatever it up, spirals his life
yeah, yeah, exactly, wow, I'llforward you some of his stuff
it's really good, good anduplifting.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Yeah, let's just talk about other people.
What's that?
Let's just talk about otherpeople and their successful
podcast.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
That sounds good, I have a podcast.
Oh, you do yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Tell me about your podcast.
It's called.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Zannyland, uh-huh, and it's kind of like similar to
your podcast, only in that it'slike completely natural, but
also like what?
So it's mental health andcomedy that's so cool in a
podcast, and I specificallyinterview comedians I'm gonna.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
We still have to do.
Oh yeah, yeah, I'd love to.
I would love to.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
that's a nice pairing .
Mental health comedians are incomedy.
It's really been lovely yeah, Ijust did.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
The one that came out this week is with drew dunn, if
you guys know him, um, and I'mreally proud of it.
It's really been lovely.
Yeah, I just did.
The one that came out this weekis with Drew Dunn, if you guys
know him and I'm really proud ofit.
It's new though we're not at150 whatever podcasts episode.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
This is you'll get there, we're at like 6, yeah, 6,
alright, or it's like 8.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I don't officially know either, I've already lost
track and we haven't even madeit to 10 so you've committed to
doing it yeah, I love it.
It's really fun.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Podcasting is really fun I'm gonna check it out yeah,
please, oh please check us outand subscribe and like it and
like it and it is fun to justput it together like you kind of
almost it's like the secondpart is like kind of being like
are people watching?
This is just such a fun thingto do to get to kind of open up
conversation and then you knowit's a bonus if others, if
someone else is watching it's abonus.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah this part is so fun I just
enjoy and I've said that fromthe very beginning and maybe I
shouldn't have.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
I don't care if anybody watches it, so I need to
be more specific yeah I care ifa lot of people watch it
michael hunter, be okay withwhat you just said wait, who's
michael hunter?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
again, I don.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I don't know.
Is that the?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
guy the spiral guy.
Oh, the spiral guy.
Write Michael Hunter in thecomments and remember his name
in your body.
Probably not.
Yeah, I think absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, I just what I meant was I love it so much?
It's just like me, like asix-year-old in my bedroom with
my friends coming over and justtalking about fun stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Until I don't have fun with it, I'm just going to
keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
It's really fun to be here, soI'm assuming everyone loves to
be on it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It's comfy, it's nice .
It's super comfy and nice,we're going to wash this tonight
.
We were already talking aboutit.
I was like we're going to takethe set home tonight in the
suitcase, all right time whenyou were.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm sorry, I have the rash, I'm, it's scabies,
scabies, scabies anybody'spirate out there.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yes, you know it's like yeah, we were here, right
yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
and we talked about what we were supposed to just
talk about.
The original concept was howskincare can be self-care, right
but then it transitioned intothis more juicy topic of how, of
how the beauty industry has adark side.
Very much so, and which isexciting, because you're
promoting skincare, I'm assuming, but now I hear I was being
(15:32):
like well, to a point wouldn'twe love that?
like it's.
It's saying like skincare isamazing and it, if it's serving
you, it's fantastic.
And then it is self-care it'sfantastic.
But a lot of people slip andslide, not by their fault.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
By this, I think, the world's fault oh, you mean like
, in terms of like seeingthemselves, comparing themselves
yeah, they slip inside intolike a dark world.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
There's like a dark side of this beauty world like
self-care becomes almost like anobsession or something to try
to like, try to to like, becomemore and more An obsession, a
compulsion yeah, You're ahundred percent right.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
And so we sort of got into there and that got really
juicy.
And then we were like we got totalk again.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
We have to talk about that for sure.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So my thought was think it was you know we could
keep talking about like too manyprocedures or whatever is sort
of where we landed on last time.
But I was actually thinkinglike we as a culture identify
things like after a breakup as,like you know, your glow up
(16:36):
after a breakup Hell like theamazing glow up that you get
after a breakup.
I used to break up with guysjust so I could be like I'm
ready to lose some weight.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You know what I mean Revenge body.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Revenge body Exactly, and what they're saying, you
know.
What I'm here to say is that,like, in some ways, glow up is
trauma, is a trauma response.
It's sort of like whensomething bad happens to you.
Sometimes, instead of us dealingwith our emotions, we put on
the armor of the revenge bodyright right people like turn to
(17:09):
I'm just gonna look better, Idon't care if I feel better, I'm
just gonna look better.
We're kind of like a fake ittill you make it society anyway,
sure, and so I sort of wantedto lean into like looking at is
some beauty doings.
Yeah, trauma is ituma.
Is it a compulsion, is it aresponse?
And is it always the healthyresponse?
(17:30):
And like, how do we ask thequestion?
How do we go like is thismaking me my most happy and
authentic self?
Am I doing this because I lovemyself or am I doing this
because I'm trying to avoid afeeling?
Am I doing this because I wantrevenge?
Am I doing this because I'vebeen comparing myself and I want
to seem like someone else?
Yeah, why am I actually?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
doing it.
That's a really good question.
That should be askedimmediately when they walk in
the office.
But then it won't, oh, it won'tever?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Oh, because they're getting money.
But, yeah, before someone walksinto an office, they should go.
Why am I doing this?
Yeah, and honestly I thinkpeople should grieve the fuck
out of a loss before theyactually go glow up.
That's a really good like goglow up yeah yeah, glow up as
hell, but like get your revenge,but like after you fully
(18:20):
process the grieving.
And that's the problem, I think, is that we just don't tend to
do that.
We don't know how to grieve.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
I think that's the problem I think is that we just
don't tend to do that.
We don't know how to grieve.
I think.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
That's a good, that's a great topic.
We don't know how to grieveGrief is like.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I mean, we've both been through grief recently.
You know, like even just withdeath.
It's like it's so nonlinear,it's so just out of nowhere,
just comes and hits you.
It's just it's, but you don'tknow what to do with it.
And then it comes out in otherways and you try to fill the
hole with other things akaplastic surgery and things like
(18:53):
that.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Yeah, all we know what to do is to get lips.
Thank you, Dr Ciroc I love mylips.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I'll be seeing you soon.
We love you.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
But yeah, that's all we know how to do nowadays.
It feels and then with thebeauty standards it just keeps
going, and also our lifestylesbeing presented on TikTok and
all these things right, we likehave all these standards to live
up to.
So everything is about how itseems.
And skincare can, I think, likefall.
Maybe not skincare as much canlike fall into that?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Do you think beauty is a skincare can be a gateway
to something dangerous.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I yeah, I think that people get obsessed with it.
I think people get obsessedwith products.
I'm not, I mean, I don't notlike products, but like we're
not sponsored by products.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
We need to bleep that the last 30 minutes out.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
So like.
But I've seen people who haveeverything like they, literally
anything they see they buy.
If it's now it's tiktok, it'slike now they buy everything
they see on tiktok, that's right, everything on instagram, and,
and they're targeting you so Imean, and they're going into
debt, I mean that's.
And then on top of that, withthe plastic surgery and stuff
like that.
So, yeah, I do feel like Ithink, especially with I guess
(20:06):
we're more, let's see withskincare itself, yeah, because
there are people who out therewho are trying every single
thing, yeah, and spendinghundreds of thousands of dollars
to make their skin lookdifferent than it does I think
that's one of my points actuallyyeah I think one of my points
is one of the questions we couldlike, we could, you know, we
could present.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Is this making you feel more like you're happy you,
or is this making you, or areyou doing this to feel like
someone else or something elseor change?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Or to not feel whatever it is, or to just to
not feel, just to not feel thatUnderneath it all, yeah, no
that's so smart.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Yeah, it's to not feel the thing at all.
And I think the same thing goeswith filtering Like isn't
filtering a trauma response?
I mean, aren't we lookingaround comparing ourselves to
other filtered bodies and thenfiltering ourselves?
And then you know, if I see myphone and it happens to like
open and I look over, like this.
I'm like, ah, that's trauma.
Who is that?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
monster.
I haven't seen her in years.
Just that's strong.
Who is that monster?
I haven't seen her in years.
Just you know, no filtermirrors have no filters and I, I
have.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
I have no time for that.
No, you have no time formirrors.
I have to look at my phone.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I love it through the .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I have to filter it I did not, by the way, this is
slightly off topic, but we wereum.
You know, we were movingbecause we just got a house, as
we were selling it yeah, um Ididn't look in the mirror for
about three days and then wewere going to go pick up
something from FacebookMarketplace and I realized I had
eye makeup all underneath myeyes.
I looked I look like I live inthe desert really so yeah, but
(21:39):
it was just kind of interesting,like I really just didn't care
about looking in the mirror.
Yeah, and you look great.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
You didn't do anything.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I'm not looking great , but yeah Was it nice, did it
feel freeing for you?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
It did.
When I realized it, I was likeholy shit, I have not even
looked in the mirror.
I didn't take a shower eitherso there's that that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
So it has it.
And you've brought this up acouple times where, like, you
feel like when you take a breakfrom your own vanity, right in a
sense, or like looking at amirror, it gives you relief,
absolutely, yeah, you're just,you can come back to it and
you're like, oh my god, wow, Itook a break for a minute and I
felt like my authentic selfbecause I let it go we're so
identified with what we see inthe mirror looking back at us.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I don't want to look at that and say that that's what
I am, and I only feel good ifit looks a certain way.
I know I'd rather just walkpast the mirror if possible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that'salso probably a trauma response
too.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Well, yeah, I mean, we kind of touched on that last
time Like, a lot of people willavoid looking in the mirror
because they're avoiding thethreat, and the saddest thing is
is that the threat is justtheir own face right, and part
of that, I think, is becausewe're over filtering everything
and we don't really know what welook like anymore, I mean, and
we get like addicted to it.
Like I noticed myself, I usedto love how I looked on.
(22:59):
uh, I work on zoom sorry yeahand you know, there's that
little like fix your parentsthing, I didn't know about for a
long time.
Then some motherfucker told meabout it, so I pushed it up a
little bit and I was like oh mylord, I look so good on zoom.
I'm I'm getting sick from itnow, because I now look at it
and it's like not filteredenough, in a weird way.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
You started to get used to that thing.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I started to actually get used to it Like it's that
bad.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
That makes sense Totally.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Because our brains just automate things.
They don't know that they'redoing it, they're supposed to do
it.
It's a survival technique wherewe make things that we see in
our environment normalized Rightand then so we're seeing this
filtered images of ourselves andthen it becomes normalized and
then we see the real human usfor like a second and it's so
(23:50):
sad because it's horrifying it'slike trying to look for the
little thing that put on themirror to go like that.
So like yeah, yeah, I want topush it up more and more until
I'm just like a blob and they'relike, they're talking to me and
I'm just like, hello, I'm notAI, but I look like I am yeah
it's just pixels, exactly.
Oh, my God, what were you goingto say?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
No, I was going to say it's kind of like they're
going to I feel like that's thenext thing is like a mirror
that's going, or just giveeverybody glasses for them.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
when they look at you Say I would like everyone to go
ahead and put on their.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
These glasses so they can see me how I want you to
see me Holy shit Put on Paris.
This is some dark mirror shit.
I was going to say that's abetter idea than I had.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I was going to walk up to everybody and smear
Vaseline in their eyes.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
And be like, oh, is that.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And they're like oh my God, and oh my god.
I'm like yeah, aren't I glowingit's like a 70s yeah, like
murder mystery.
It's like we watched, do you?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
think that's why, as old people, we start to get a
little blind probably, probablyso that we can like, tolerate
each other as like real peopleand we forget and we forget
things.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
People stay together on purpose.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
We forget things on purpose because we're like oh
well you know, like 92.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Those aren't warts on his back.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, those are his freckles.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I forgot, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
They're like when there's no warts.
What are they?
Birth marks?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Birth marks.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I love that people.
It's a birth mark.
It's like, yeah, you weren't,you were born a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Just say it's an adult mark now.
Adult mark.
Yeah, I'm going campingtomorrow.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Are you going camping tomorrow?
Yes, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Sequoia National Park for the next three days.
Oh my God, I'm actuallyterrified because I read
something about bears.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Oh, Okay, and now I'm in this space, read one more
thing about bears before youread.
Don't read just something.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Read more something.
Read more things, because it'llscare the shit out of you.
I read one thing and then Istarted reading a lot of things.
Um, and so now I'm actually kindof terrified to go, but I am
excited for the beautyexperience of not caring about
how I look or smell for a coupledays and just like kayaking and
hiking, and I I actually wantedto say as like another point,
and I don't know if it's likelooking in the mirror or not
looking in the mirror, because Ithink that's different for
(26:02):
different people but I do thinkthat making beauty an important
part of our lives because we dohave to take care of ourselves,
obviously, but maybe making itlike 10 to 20% of our lives is
probably a good goal.
So it's like going camping, it'sgoing to be a very little part
of my life and I just get toexplore and be, you know, an
(26:25):
aging hippie and for a couple ofdays and you know, and I and I
can come back and I can go towork and I can worry about my
appearance again, but I'm givingmyself space from it and it
sounds like that's what you'vegot to is a little space from it
.
I like that and you put it inits place.
You're like I do beauty all thetime, but I can put it in my
place too yeah, I'm okay withnot seeing it.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Um, what was I gonna say about that too?
Uh, um, oh, being with somebodythat you know likes the way
that you look, um, is veryhelpful too, because and he'll
like the pictures that where Ilook the worst he's like oh, you
look so pretty in that.
I'm like are you fuckingserious?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm fucking serious yeah my husband does that too,
and I always got mad at himbefore yeah, I should not you're
well, because you're, I wouldget mad, because is that how you
see me?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
that's what I look like.
Yeah, but they, I think they'refilling in the blanks.
But that just or or or.
You see yourself completely,they're filling in the blanks,
or you see yourself completelydifferent.
They're seeing the filtered you?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Yes, totally.
Oh, my God, I'm pre-filteredThrough their beer-goggled bell
eyes.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I turn around and I have Vaseline on my face.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Oh my God, you love me, I love you so much, oh my
God, but I feel comfortable notbrushing my hair or washing my
face or doing whatever, becauseI, my hair or you know washing
my face or doing whatever, andbecause I know that it doesn't
turn him off um, and so that'sreally helpful.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
It's more like a dimmer switch it's a that's
hilarious they do actually sayfor people that have body
dysmorphia to like to identifythe people in your life that
really would love you, despitewhat you look like or like or
that, or even just find you sexyas you are, the essence of you
plus how you look but also in anunlike, in an not in like, a
(28:09):
somewhat unbiased way, where weare so overly critical and
biased of ourselves.
Yeah, I think that's reallybeautiful.
I think it's good for us toidentify that and have partners
that love us for who we are andlove our ugly pictures.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah, Do you think people struggle, though, with
when they have somebody thatsays something like hey, that's
a good picture of you, or youlook so pretty and you really
don't feel it, or your bodylooks hot and you're like, I
feel fat, there's a certaindegree of disbelief, yeah, and
so I don't even.
I mean, I believe you now, youknow after 13 years, but, like,
(28:49):
sometimes I just don't believeit.
You know, like if somebody sayssomething or like, or even if I
think they believe it, I stilldon't believe it, and so, like
it's not affecting me in a goodway necessarily, because it's
just sort of bouncing off me.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
So you're saying if you don't believe something
yourself, if somebody gives youa compliment or whatever?
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yeah, I'm like you're stupid.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah, people are definitely stupid.
You're right on that.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
So we call that ego dystonic, Okay what's that you?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
guys like these words ?
Right, I do.
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
So how you've identified it in your ego, is
that like it has to be this way?
So your ego says it's like, hasto be this way, and so what the
person is saying, or what thethought is, or the belief is, is
dystonic, right, or like.
We love that word, god.
What's happening to?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
me right now.
It keeps drying here.
Please clear your throat beforewe record.
I'm so tired of people clearingtheir throat, you know what I'm
going to do.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I'm going to do.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I'm going to do a normal adult thing Take a little
sip of water.
Yeah, go for it.
Maybe I'll try that.
I feel like when I was a kid Inever blew my nose and people
are like just blow your nose.
I'm like, no, I don'tunderstand Just clear your
throat, blow your nose.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Just go to the bathroom.
Why are you?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
holding it all day so egotistonic.
Sometimes people criticize CBTtherapy, which is cognitive
behavioral therapy, which is thetherapy where you reframe your
thoughts.
People call it sometimesgaslighting, because essentially
you're just going like you know, you're changing the thought to
a positive one and it's likethat doesn't feel true for my
(30:13):
narrative or for my life or whoI believe I am.
So there's some criticism aroundthat type of therapy for those
reasons.
But I would say if it issomeone you trust and you, if it
is someone that you have anyrespect for, you should try your
best.
And this is not easy, because Ido the same thing.
(30:34):
If my husband says I look goodin the picture, that I think I
look like Shannon yeah.
I'm like what is wrong with you?
I hate you for thinking thatand I really shouldn't, because
I respect him and I respect his.
I actually like the things thathe likes and I think that he
has great taste.
So if he likes me, then maybeI'm kind of great right, and so
(30:56):
I think you could try to empowerthat person in your mind.
Give them a little morerevenants.
Give them a little bit you knowwhat I mean Like revere the
fact that he thinks it Go like.
You know what I could be wrong,yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
That's interesting, it's hard to admit.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Well, because I mean you're saying that I could be
wrong.
Once your brain is like no,that's it.
As much as you want to let thatin, you're still defaulted back
to like no.
This is not the way I seemyself.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I can't see myself like this that's right, but
ultimately in therapy, that'swhat we're trying to do all the
time we're trying to change howyou see yourself a lot of the
time, how you think of yourself,how you narrate the story yeah
and so usually half the time isme trying to get people to feel
like I am a an ally, in orderfor them to trust what I'm
(31:48):
saying.
Okay, yeah, right, and so he'san ally.
So if he says that you lookgood, maybe maybe you could be
wrong, maybe you can make somespace for it.
What do you think You're like?
Nope, nevermind, no.
Like nope, never mind, no, no.
I do.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Here's what I do, though in the meantime.
Though, yeah, I look okay, so Imay not look at myself and see
what he sees, but I'll look forit in another place where, like
it's, it's all body related.
For me it's not face yeah, solike if, because I have
something in my head that says,like you, I can't have a certain
, you know, I have to have aflat stomach, which I can't
(32:22):
because of this.
We talked about this, yeah, soum nikki was born with another
head.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Down there got it instead of a belly button she
has.
Uh, uh.
Actually it's a baby with hishands going like this and jazz
hands so she's reallyself-conscious about it.
I do that, yeah, oh my god I dowish I could put like a little
piano under and play the pianowhile we're.
That's not what I was thinking,but yeah, oh, oh that's
disgusting yeah, no, it's notwe've all seen total recall
(32:50):
right oh, with three boobs,quattro, no, come on man, okay.
No, it's been a while I thoughtit was alien alien came out of
here.
But then there was the I thinkthe guy turns into.
He comes out like this aliencomes out.
So anybody, if anybody'swatched Total Recall, write it
in the comments and rememberthis, just feel it in your body.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Feel it in your body.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
That's so funny, alright, so let me, let me just
get this out.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Let's get this, do it , it's hard because it's hard
for me to actually verbalizewhat I'm trying to say.
So I get a lot of ads in myalgorithm for bathing suits.
I don't know if we mentionedthat before.
I used to get it.
It was all skinny.
I was all skinny girls inbathing suits.
Yeah, I, I stopped liking.
I don't like it even I wouldjust like stop paying attention
to it.
It I guess it figures it out.
(33:34):
And then I start spending moretime looking at the ones where
it's like a girl with a realbody who might kind of look like
me and I'm like looking at themgoing.
Well, I think she's attractiveand that looks like this.
So now I can believe that thisis attractive.
If I believe it if I see it onsomebody else.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
I like that.
So you want to see real bodies.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I want to see real bodies and especially like to
see someone that has somethingthat I think I have not.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
You're exactly.
You're talking about what Isaid earlier.
Basically, the filtering is atrauma response to like other
filtering.
You're saying that, like modelswearing bathing suits has
traumatized you.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I think that's right
?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I think that is absolutely right.
I think that a lot of beautyand a lot of our compulsions to
do things are because we havebeen traumatized by beauty in
general and it's kind ofnormalized, so it almost seems
like it's like you can't betraumatized by that, because
it's like an everyday thing.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
But if you're inundated with something
continuously, that becomes anormal.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Well, yeah, and it's making people money for you to
be traumatized.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Well, yeah, yeah, and it's a compound complex trauma,
daily compound, complex trauma,that's happening.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, where we shouldn't?
Speaker 3 (34:46):
we're not supposed to feel our feelings?
I think last time I taught youthat we often will feel feelings
and then interject them ontoour own bodies.
Remember that, like if you'reangry a lot of times, women
can't be angry at like theperson.
Yes, they turn it inward right.
So we're now?
We're avoiding grief, we'returning in our, our anger, we're
not addressing any of ourfeelings.
And then also, what gives usany credibility in this world?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
it's our looks, at least we think, that's what we
think, yeah what do you thinkdifferent men is it?
Speaker 3 (35:14):
is it there?
Is it growing?
How do you feel about yourcredibility in your looks space,
or do you feel free there?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
I kind of almost feel like there's not much I can do
other than like be healthymyself that that's what really
changes it, because I don'treally like, I don't wash my
face no, I don't wash my face.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I just, men, just don't feel the same pressure
yeah, I don't feel this.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I kind of feel the pressure that I feel unless
they're gay to do?
Yes, well, I haven't I haven'tbeen gay for a long time yeah,
yeah, so you got out of it.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
I love that yeah, well, I didn't get out of it
once it's in you, it's always inyou.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I didn't mean that.
I meant I meant people thatI've been with, no um, but no, I
feel like like my body itself,like I'll be like, oh, I need to
lose weight, because that'snever the thing, like I'm always
, but as far as like face goes,I never really am concerned with
it because I'm like there's notmuch I can do other than either
, you know, exercise, take careof myself physically, and then I
(36:07):
feel better about myself, andthen I feel like you, practice
acceptance.
I guess, yeah, I guess Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I'm going to stop you just for one second so no,
we're going to do a part two onthis, so we're going to take a
quick break.
Saunders going to put money inthe meter yeah and then we're
going to actually start part twoand then, if anybody needs to
pee, we'll do that.
So, um, it was great seeing youand we'll see you next week for
part two.
Bye.
You are listening to, watching, hearing, smelling,
tasting and feeling sex drugsand skin care.
Like and subscribe.
Hey, welcome back to Sex Drugsand Skin Care.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I got scared.
I was like whoa, what's goingon?
No, you're here, we're here,okay, yeah, cool, that was cool
yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Here we are.
Here we are again.
Oh man, this is episode.
I think it's like episode 115,.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I think it's something like that yeah, 115,
115.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, we just guess at everyepisode.
This could be number one.
We have no idea.
That's very.
This isn't the first episode,is it?
No, okay.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm Nikki Davis Jr Of the Davis Juniors, the West
Hollywood Davis Juniors.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh really, I didn't realize you were a West
Hollywood Davis Junior.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, I don't like to put it out there too much.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Oh, you're not part of the Glendale Seniors are you?
I will be someday the GlendaleSeniors are.
I mean, they think they'reDavises, but they're not Davises
.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
No, they're Davies.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
They're Davies, exactly, there's a big
difference.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
We're the only skincare um podcast and it's
comedy and I know you we cantalk about scabs and, um, maybe
that'll be our next topic scabswhat are they like that?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
I don't know.
Yeah, and scabies, and scabies.
I know we need to know moreabout that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I thought maybe I had it because I had this rash that
kept recurring and I was like Imean what else could it
possibly be?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It's actually starting to go away.
Do you have rickets?
No, you're not a pirate, areyou?
No, you have scurvy.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I love how you scabies I would have been like
never, and will this ever bescabies?
Never, ever.
It'd be new, something new.
I need something new.
I know rashes are so boring, um, so yeah.
So this is the only comedyskincare or the only comedy plus
skincare podcast that's outthere that I'm aware of, and I
am a licensed comedian stand-upesthetician, and we cover topics
(02:09):
of beauty, sometimes sex anddrugs as well, sometimes all
three, and with me, as usual, isSandro Iocolano, that's right
Of the Sicily Iocolanos.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
My favorite's from Brentwood.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Brentwood, Italy.
I wish I had done that.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
You wish you'd done that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, because then we could have just visited
Brentwood instead of Sicily.
I know, oh my.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
God, my dad falling down 3,000 miles.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I'm so sorry, but I made you laugh.
It would have been nicer if itwas down the street.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It would have been much easier.
Oh my God, family, that was afun trip Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I love them all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Your sister-in-law looked at me when they were.
They're Italian, so they have alot of animated conversations.
There's always yelling andcrying.
It's very much like an opera.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, I'm so tired of people saying oh, you're
Italian, you must be yelling.
No, let's just get to the rootof Italy, get your shit together
and go to therapy.
Go to therapy, every one of you.
I'm tired of living like this.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
The whole family is like that.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's just yeah, but you're Italian.
No, get some help.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Nobody ever works anything out.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
No, that's why they're conquered constantly.
That's a good point.
I hadn't thought about that.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
They're just emotionally immature.
Yeah, we love our food.
Here's our butts.
You know, that's the sex partbut I love that your
sister-in-law looked at me aftereverything, this is all going
on and she just goes.
Welcome to the family vacationoh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, she
goes.
Yeah, welcome to vacation withthe family like she.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
She'd been through this before yeah this was my
first experience yeah, I don'tremember her being uh going
through with her before, butdefinitely it was something that
I've gone through before so,yeah, I make a point never to go
on vacation with anybody'sfamily from now on.
Oh yeah, yeah, I'll do the same, not even mine not even,
especially not mine no, I wouldnever be around your family.
No, I love my family.
(03:55):
I just don't want to go onvacation with them.
No, vacation and family don'tsound like.
We've all seen europeanvacation.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
We've seen your national lampoon's vacation
everybody's a documentary,everybody's on different timing
yeah you know, like everybody'sjust like.
There's always like people thatwalk a little slower than
everybody else.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, it's like, yeah , you just want to walk slower
than everybody else.
You want to get moving.
Some people want to see otherthings here.
I am a teenage boy.
I want to masturbate.
I just want to go out and seethe city.
You know, I'm 45 years old, I'ma teenager, I want to go out
there, and yeah it's.
You know, it's just better, Ithink, to have a couple of
family members maybe come to youor you go to them and then
(04:35):
that's nice.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I like it.
You don't have to get togethera bunch of people.
No, oh, my phone's going off.
Sorry, I'm getting junk spamDid you want to answer that?
No, I'm good, so let's just getright to the guest.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I'm excited this is another repeat guest.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Another repeat guest because we thought she was so
fascinating.
We actually stopped during thelast podcast because we had more
to say.
Right, she's a licensedtherapist, I am.
She's a comedian.
She's a licensed therapist, Iam.
She's also been a.
She's a comedian.
She's a very funny person.
I'm a funny person, yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
We'll say that.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
She's very confident.
I like that too.
That's cool.
She's pretty, oh, thank youDon't worry, I'm not trying to
trap you.
No, no, we have a housetogether, I think I'm so tied to
you now.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
It's a lot.
Yeah, I know A lot of paperwork.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I'm excited for you guys though.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Do you need some couples?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
counseling.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
We need two couples counselors.
We need them to be a couple.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That's hilarious.
A couple of counselors, yeah,so yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yeah, Last time we talked about well, we'll just
bring her out Alicia Racine Fink.
Yay, Thank you so much forbeing here.
Thank you for having me.
We had so much fun last time wehad too much fun.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Honestly, it went by so fast and then when we left,
we were like we have so muchmore to talk about.
Yeah, and now I'm back here totalk about it and I don't
remember what it was.
She was just telling me I'mconcerned, that I'm not gonna
have enough to talk about.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Oh my goodness and I also.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah, we're showing some skin today, yeah she did it
first, I'm just copying.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah well, it looks nice.
I think it draws viewers inright, it also it's.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
You know, it's getting to be summertime and
it's a skincare podcast, asalicia pointed out in the break
right, you should show a skin soI took out the rash side.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Maybe I should do the non-rash side.
I don't think so because as acomedian, you're just.
You don't want to be rash,let's see, I don't know, that's
a good joke it is that's a goodjoke.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, and when a joke doesn't work, you go.
That's a good joke oh yeah,that's right.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm sorry that was a really good joke, that you're
fine.
It's kind of like when you justplay music over and over again.
So, yeah, don't you love this?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
it's like oh god, are these people dying?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
like isn't it good?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
oh, my goodness, okay .
So we're here and I just got afacial from you you did, which I
think we should talk about Ithink.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
First of all, I'm just I'm amazed that she's able
to even speak after doing this.
Not only did she have a facialwith me where I rubbed her face
into oblivion, then sheliterally went from my apartment
into her car.
I did.
I'm sorry if your patient iswatching.
I hope that they watch this.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
I think I will tell them to watch this so they can
see this yes, I was in the cartherapizing someone very special
Right after, though she's very,very special right after,
though, very special right afterand then I had to answer some
questions, and now I'm here andI'm supposed to talk and my
brain is not operating at normallevel because you massage the
shit that's nikki's tagline.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, massage the shit out of your face, does she?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
massage your face.
Have you ever felt, felt this?
This is better than drugs.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
It is.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And sex.
I should do it more.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, bring itall together, maybe for him Well
when you for me yeah, when shedoes the massaging, yeah, that's
.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
It's just unbelievably relaxing and then
getting the spots where it hurtsand I'm like to get into your
jaw too the inside part rightit's so nice, okay, so I loved
it and I do love facials and Ilove massage.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Anyway, what were you doing to me?
And and is it helpful forpeople on the podcast to know?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
because I think it should be I probably should talk
about it more, but I don't.
Yeah, um, it's a structuralfacelift massage.
There's very little productinvolved.
Um, it's, it's, it's uh,lymphatic drainage, acupressure
massage.
So I start you off withlymphatic drainage to make sure
that all the channels are clearI felt that and she even like,
did no, no, here.
Yeah, like underneath yoursternum, I got there yeah, that
(08:39):
was amazing okay yeah, and soeverything's moving, yeah, um,
so there's no like blockages.
Then I get into the deepermassage.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
There were lots of blockages when we started.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Yeah, and then what else do I do?
There's some acupressureinvolved.
And then what were you going tosay?
No, you did a lot of like this,oh, like a lot of lifting and
toning.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah, okay, with the massage to put the muscles.
There's no elbows involved.
You don't use, there's noelbows no in the face.
That'd be so funny if she goton top and she was just like
because I see like a massage,like a lot of people will do,
like you know, like the massageon a body on the body, but never
on the face, right, you don'tlike massage somebody's
cheekbone with your?
Okay, well, I don't knowtechniques, I could try it.
(09:21):
Yeah, see if maybe there's atechnique you need to master or
something.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Well, what I'm trying to do and what we are doing is
not only are we bringingcirculation to the skin and the
muscle and the fascia which issuper important, right and then
I'm also keeping all thosemuscles stretched and relaxed
and the fascia as well, liketrying to break up adhesions,
like so, when I'm in your mouth,I'm trying to break up
(09:48):
adhesions so that like helpswith the, you know, like
parentheses, stuff, what do youcall these things?
Nasolabial folds?
Yeah, yeah, any adhesionsanytime you have a wrinkle, it's
almost always an adhesion ofsomething pulling down people.
And then you just cause youkeep making that same face over
and over again.
So, and then you, just becauseyou keep making that same face
over and over again, so yourbody actually makes like almost
like a, it's like almost like ascar and it sticks down, got it.
(10:08):
So it's better to prevent it,but I can definitely help it,
okay.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
And then we go inside your jaw and then I yeah, she
puts gloves on and goes inside.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
With your consent.
Yeah With that.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yes, and I consented.
I was like get it oh yeah, yeah, you did.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I did that.
You're using new gloves now.
Right, You're not reusinggloves again?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, okay, oh Lord, yeah, I just turn them inside
out like my underwear.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
They're like burlap sack ones.
They're really good, they lasta long time.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Do you ever do that?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
underwear inside out.
Oh, I have done that.
Yeah, let's be honest here.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Yes, it's not as fun wearing.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
You know it's not underwear, now, no, I'm not,
yeah, yeah, I wish I was, though, because I would have been
fucking funny sometimes I justlook down and I'm like, oh my
god, my underwear is inside out.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That makes so much sense.
Why it's like scratchy?
Because it's like lace on theoutside, oh my it's like an
exfoliant.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
This did end up coming off I I am hot now.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah, you are hot.
You were hot when you walked in.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh, you're so sweet.
You guys are.
I really do come for thecompliments.
It's so nice.
I got called confident today Igot called I can't remember
because of your massage.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
She's good at what she does.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I don't know what we said either, because I don't
even know what you said it wasall positive, though that's the
most important it was reallypositive and I feel good about
myself now if you subscribe tothe podcast, you could watch it.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, you can even watch it.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
I'm not subscribed.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I have no idea you might, I don't, I don't look to
see what, what the 10 people'snames are how would I know?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I should subscribe if I'm not subscribed.
If you're, yeah, but you?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
can watch it, even if you don't, obviously, but
subscribe you guys.
Oh, that's the other thing.
Hit the subscribe button andalso hit the notification button
so that when these coolpodcasts come out, they'll let
you know.
We're also doing a shorterformat right now so that it's
more digestible and it's goingto take up less of your work
time.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Also write podcasts in the comments.
Remember all um also writepodcasts in the comments.
Remember all this in your body.
Remember all this in your body,right podcast.
And then we're doing anabundance seminar.
Um should we talk about?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
that are you doing an abundance seminar?
No we're not, but there's a guyon instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, he's, he's fantastic he up spirals your
life yeah michael hunter.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
He's fantastic.
What's his?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
name michael hunter michael hunter he's so good, but
he always does.
The thing was like like youknow, he'll be like be calm,
write calm in the comments, toremember this in your body yeah
which is a very nice way to belike hey, stay engaged yes in
the comments to keep this inyour body right and then it also
makes him, you know, get more.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Uh, I don't know, whatever it up, spirals his life
yeah, yeah, exactly, wow, I'llforward you some of his stuff
it's really good, good anduplifting.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Yeah, let's just talk about other people.
What's that?
Let's just talk about otherpeople and their successful
podcast.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
That sounds good, I have a podcast.
Oh, you do yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Tell me about your podcast.
It's called.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Zannyland, uh-huh, and it's kind of like similar to
your podcast, only in that it'slike completely natural, but
also like what?
So it's mental health andcomedy that's so cool in a
podcast, and I specificallyinterview comedians I'm gonna.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
We still have to do.
Oh yeah, yeah, I'd love to.
I would love to.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
that's a nice pairing .
Mental health comedians are incomedy.
It's really been lovely yeah, Ijust did.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
The one that came out this week is with drew dunn, if
you guys know him, um, and I'mreally proud of it.
It's really been lovely.
Yeah, I just did.
The one that came out this weekis with Drew Dunn, if you guys
know him and I'm really proud ofit.
It's new though we're not at150 whatever podcasts episode.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
This is you'll get there, we're at like 6, yeah, 6,
alright, or it's like 8.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I don't officially know either, I've already lost
track and we haven't even madeit to 10 so you've committed to
doing it yeah, I love it.
It's really fun.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Podcasting is really fun I'm gonna check it out yeah,
please, oh please check us outand subscribe and like it and
like it and it is fun to justput it together like you kind of
almost it's like the secondpart is like kind of being like
are people watching?
This is just such a fun thingto do to get to kind of open up
conversation and then you knowit's a bonus if others, if
someone else is watching it's abonus.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah this part is so fun I just
enjoy and I've said that fromthe very beginning and maybe I
shouldn't have.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
I don't care if anybody watches it, so I need to
be more specific yeah I care ifa lot of people watch it
michael hunter, be okay withwhat you just said wait, who's
michael hunter?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
again, I don.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I don't know.
Is that the?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
guy the spiral guy.
Oh, the spiral guy.
Write Michael Hunter in thecomments and remember his name
in your body.
Probably not.
Yeah, I think absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, I just what I meant was I love it so much?
It's just like me, like asix-year-old in my bedroom with
my friends coming over and justtalking about fun stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Until I don't have fun with it, I'm just going to
keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
It's really fun to be here, soI'm assuming everyone loves to
be on it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It's comfy, it's nice .
It's super comfy and nice,we're going to wash this tonight
.
We were already talking aboutit.
I was like we're going to takethe set home tonight in the
suitcase, all right time whenyou were.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm sorry, I have the rash, I'm, it's scabies,
scabies, scabies anybody'spirate out there.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yes, you know it's like yeah, we were here, right
yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
and we talked about what we were supposed to just
talk about.
The original concept was howskincare can be self-care, right
but then it transitioned intothis more juicy topic of how, of
how the beauty industry has adark side.
Very much so, and which isexciting, because you're
promoting skincare, I'm assuming, but now I hear I was being
(15:32):
like well, to a point wouldn'twe love that?
like it's.
It's saying like skincare isamazing and it, if it's serving
you, it's fantastic.
And then it is self-care it'sfantastic.
But a lot of people slip andslide, not by their fault.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
By this, I think, the world's fault oh, you mean like
, in terms of like seeingthemselves, comparing themselves
yeah, they slip inside intolike a dark world.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
There's like a dark side of this beauty world like
self-care becomes almost like anobsession or something to try
to like, try to to like, becomemore and more An obsession, a
compulsion yeah, You're ahundred percent right.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
And so we sort of got into there and that got really
juicy.
And then we were like we got totalk again.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
We have to talk about that for sure.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So my thought was think it was you know we could
keep talking about like too manyprocedures or whatever is sort
of where we landed on last time.
But I was actually thinkinglike we as a culture identify
things like after a breakup as,like you know, your glow up
(16:36):
after a breakup Hell like theamazing glow up that you get
after a breakup.
I used to break up with guysjust so I could be like I'm
ready to lose some weight.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You know what I mean Revenge body.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Revenge body Exactly, and what they're saying, you
know.
What I'm here to say is that,like, in some ways, glow up is
trauma, is a trauma response.
It's sort of like whensomething bad happens to you.
Sometimes, instead of us dealingwith our emotions, we put on
the armor of the revenge bodyright right people like turn to
(17:09):
I'm just gonna look better, Idon't care if I feel better, I'm
just gonna look better.
We're kind of like a fake ittill you make it society anyway,
sure, and so I sort of wantedto lean into like looking at is
some beauty doings.
Yeah, trauma is ituma.
Is it a compulsion, is it aresponse?
And is it always the healthyresponse?
(17:30):
And like, how do we ask thequestion?
How do we go like is thismaking me my most happy and
authentic self?
Am I doing this because I lovemyself or am I doing this
because I'm trying to avoid afeeling?
Am I doing this because I wantrevenge?
Am I doing this because I'vebeen comparing myself and I want
to seem like someone else?
Yeah, why am I actually?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
doing it.
That's a really good question.
That should be askedimmediately when they walk in
the office.
But then it won't, oh, it won'tever?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Oh, because they're getting money.
But, yeah, before someone walksinto an office, they should go.
Why am I doing this?
Yeah, and honestly I thinkpeople should grieve the fuck
out of a loss before theyactually go glow up.
That's a really good like goglow up yeah yeah, glow up as
hell, but like get your revenge,but like after you fully
(18:20):
process the grieving.
And that's the problem, I think, is that we just don't tend to
do that.
We don't know how to grieve.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
I think that's the problem I think is that we just
don't tend to do that.
We don't know how to grieve.
I think.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
That's a good, that's a great topic.
We don't know how to grieveGrief is like.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I mean, we've both been through grief recently.
You know, like even just withdeath.
It's like it's so nonlinear,it's so just out of nowhere,
just comes and hits you.
It's just it's, but you don'tknow what to do with it.
And then it comes out in otherways and you try to fill the
hole with other things akaplastic surgery and things like
(18:53):
that.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Yeah, all we know what to do is to get lips.
Thank you, Dr Ciroc I love mylips.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I'll be seeing you soon.
We love you.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
But yeah, that's all we know how to do nowadays.
It feels and then with thebeauty standards it just keeps
going, and also our lifestylesbeing presented on TikTok and
all these things right, we likehave all these standards to live
up to.
So everything is about how itseems.
And skincare can, I think, likefall.
Maybe not skincare as much canlike fall into that?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Do you think beauty is a skincare can be a gateway
to something dangerous.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I yeah, I think that people get obsessed with it.
I think people get obsessedwith products.
I'm not, I mean, I don't notlike products, but like we're
not sponsored by products.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
We need to bleep that the last 30 minutes out.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
So like.
But I've seen people who haveeverything like they, literally
anything they see they buy.
If it's now it's tiktok, it'slike now they buy everything
they see on tiktok, that's right, everything on instagram, and,
and they're targeting you so Imean, and they're going into
debt, I mean that's.
And then on top of that, withthe plastic surgery and stuff
like that.
So, yeah, I do feel like Ithink, especially with I guess
(20:06):
we're more, let's see withskincare itself, yeah, because
there are people who out therewho are trying every single
thing, yeah, and spendinghundreds of thousands of dollars
to make their skin lookdifferent than it does I think
that's one of my points actuallyyeah I think one of my points
is one of the questions we couldlike, we could, you know, we
could present.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Is this making you feel more like you're happy you,
or is this making you, or areyou doing this to feel like
someone else or something elseor change?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Or to not feel whatever it is, or to just to
not feel, just to not feel thatUnderneath it all, yeah, no
that's so smart.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Yeah, it's to not feel the thing at all.
And I think the same thing goeswith filtering Like isn't
filtering a trauma response?
I mean, aren't we lookingaround comparing ourselves to
other filtered bodies and thenfiltering ourselves?
And then you know, if I see myphone and it happens to like
open and I look over, like this.
I'm like, ah, that's trauma.
Who is that?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
monster.
I haven't seen her in years.
Just that's strong.
Who is that monster?
I haven't seen her in years.
Just you know, no filtermirrors have no filters and I, I
have.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
I have no time for that.
No, you have no time formirrors.
I have to look at my phone.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I love it through the .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I have to filter it I did not, by the way, this is
slightly off topic, but we wereum.
You know, we were movingbecause we just got a house, as
we were selling it yeah, um Ididn't look in the mirror for
about three days and then wewere going to go pick up
something from FacebookMarketplace and I realized I had
eye makeup all underneath myeyes.
I looked I look like I live inthe desert really so yeah, but
(21:39):
it was just kind of interesting,like I really just didn't care
about looking in the mirror.
Yeah, and you look great.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
You didn't do anything.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I'm not looking great , but yeah Was it nice, did it
feel freeing for you?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
It did.
When I realized it, I was likeholy shit, I have not even
looked in the mirror.
I didn't take a shower eitherso there's that that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
So it has it.
And you've brought this up acouple times where, like, you
feel like when you take a breakfrom your own vanity, right in a
sense, or like looking at amirror, it gives you relief,
absolutely, yeah, you're just,you can come back to it and
you're like, oh my god, wow, Itook a break for a minute and I
felt like my authentic selfbecause I let it go we're so
identified with what we see inthe mirror looking back at us.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
I don't want to look at that and say that that's what
I am, and I only feel good ifit looks a certain way.
I know I'd rather just walkpast the mirror if possible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that'salso probably a trauma response
too.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Well, yeah, I mean, we kind of touched on that last
time Like, a lot of people willavoid looking in the mirror
because they're avoiding thethreat, and the saddest thing is
is that the threat is justtheir own face right, and part
of that, I think, is becausewe're over filtering everything
and we don't really know what welook like anymore, I mean, and
we get like addicted to it.
Like I noticed myself, I usedto love how I looked on.
(22:59):
uh, I work on zoom sorry yeahand you know, there's that
little like fix your parentsthing, I didn't know about for a
long time.
Then some motherfucker told meabout it, so I pushed it up a
little bit and I was like oh mylord, I look so good on zoom.
I'm I'm getting sick from itnow, because I now look at it
and it's like not filteredenough, in a weird way.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
You started to get used to that thing.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I started to actually get used to it Like it's that
bad.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
That makes sense Totally.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Because our brains just automate things.
They don't know that they'redoing it, they're supposed to do
it.
It's a survival technique wherewe make things that we see in
our environment normalized Rightand then so we're seeing this
filtered images of ourselves andthen it becomes normalized and
then we see the real human usfor like a second and it's so
(23:50):
sad because it's horrifying it'slike trying to look for the
little thing that put on themirror to go like that.
So like yeah, yeah, I want topush it up more and more until
I'm just like a blob and they'relike, they're talking to me and
I'm just like, hello, I'm notAI, but I look like I am yeah
it's just pixels, exactly.
Oh, my God, what were you goingto say?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
No, I was going to say it's kind of like they're
going to I feel like that's thenext thing is like a mirror
that's going, or just giveeverybody glasses for them.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
when they look at you Say I would like everyone to go
ahead and put on their.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
These glasses so they can see me how I want you to
see me Holy shit Put on Paris.
This is some dark mirror shit.
I was going to say that's abetter idea than I had.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
I was going to walk up to everybody and smear
Vaseline in their eyes.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
And be like, oh, is that.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And they're like oh my God, and oh my god.
I'm like yeah, aren't I glowingit's like a 70s yeah, like
murder mystery.
It's like we watched, do you?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
think that's why, as old people, we start to get a
little blind probably, probablyso that we can like, tolerate
each other as like real peopleand we forget and we forget
things.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
People stay together on purpose.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
We forget things on purpose because we're like oh
well you know, like 92.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Those aren't warts on his back.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, those are his freckles.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I forgot, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
They're like when there's no warts.
What are they?
Birth marks?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Birth marks.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I love that people.
It's a birth mark.
It's like, yeah, you weren't,you were born a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Just say it's an adult mark now.
Adult mark.
Yeah, I'm going campingtomorrow.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Are you going camping tomorrow?
Yes, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Sequoia National Park for the next three days.
Oh my God, I'm actuallyterrified because I read
something about bears.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Oh, Okay, and now I'm in this space, read one more
thing about bears before youread.
Don't read just something.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Read more something.
Read more things, because it'llscare the shit out of you.
I read one thing and then Istarted reading a lot of things.
Um, and so now I'm actually kindof terrified to go, but I am
excited for the beautyexperience of not caring about
how I look or smell for a coupledays and just like kayaking and
hiking, and I I actually wantedto say as like another point,
and I don't know if it's likelooking in the mirror or not
looking in the mirror, because Ithink that's different for
(26:02):
different people but I do thinkthat making beauty an important
part of our lives because we dohave to take care of ourselves,
obviously, but maybe making itlike 10 to 20% of our lives is
probably a good goal.
So it's like going camping, it'sgoing to be a very little part
of my life and I just get toexplore and be, you know, an
(26:25):
aging hippie and for a couple ofdays and you know, and I and I
can come back and I can go towork and I can worry about my
appearance again, but I'm givingmyself space from it and it
sounds like that's what you'vegot to is a little space from it
.
I like that and you put it inits place.
You're like I do beauty all thetime, but I can put it in my
place too yeah, I'm okay withnot seeing it.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Um, what was I gonna say about that too?
Uh, um, oh, being with somebodythat you know likes the way
that you look, um, is veryhelpful too, because and he'll
like the pictures that where Ilook the worst he's like oh, you
look so pretty in that.
I'm like are you fuckingserious?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm fucking serious yeah my husband does that too,
and I always got mad at himbefore yeah, I should not you're
well, because you're, I wouldget mad, because is that how you
see me?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
that's what I look like.
Yeah, but they, I think they'refilling in the blanks.
But that just or or or.
You see yourself completely,they're filling in the blanks,
or you see yourself completelydifferent.
They're seeing the filtered you?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Yes, totally.
Oh, my God, I'm pre-filteredThrough their beer-goggled bell
eyes.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I turn around and I have Vaseline on my face.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Oh my God, you love me, I love you so much, oh my
God, but I feel comfortable notbrushing my hair or washing my
face or doing whatever, becauseI, my hair or you know washing
my face or doing whatever, andbecause I know that it doesn't
turn him off um, and so that'sreally helpful.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
It's more like a dimmer switch it's a that's
hilarious they do actually sayfor people that have body
dysmorphia to like to identifythe people in your life that
really would love you, despitewhat you look like or like or
that, or even just find you sexyas you are, the essence of you
plus how you look but also in anunlike, in an not in like, a
(28:09):
somewhat unbiased way, where weare so overly critical and
biased of ourselves.
Yeah, I think that's reallybeautiful.
I think it's good for us toidentify that and have partners
that love us for who we are andlove our ugly pictures.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah, Do you think people struggle, though, with
when they have somebody thatsays something like hey, that's
a good picture of you, or youlook so pretty and you really
don't feel it, or your bodylooks hot and you're like, I
feel fat, there's a certaindegree of disbelief, yeah, and
so I don't even.
I mean, I believe you now, youknow after 13 years, but, like,
(28:49):
sometimes I just don't believeit.
You know, like if somebody sayssomething or like, or even if I
think they believe it, I stilldon't believe it, and so, like
it's not affecting me in a goodway necessarily, because it's
just sort of bouncing off me.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
So you're saying if you don't believe something
yourself, if somebody gives youa compliment or whatever?
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yeah, I'm like you're stupid.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah, people are definitely stupid.
You're right on that.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
So we call that ego dystonic, Okay what's that you?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
guys like these words ?
Right, I do.
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
So how you've identified it in your ego, is
that like it has to be this way?
So your ego says it's like, hasto be this way, and so what the
person is saying, or what thethought is, or the belief is, is
dystonic, right, or like.
We love that word, god.
What's happening to?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
me right now.
It keeps drying here.
Please clear your throat beforewe record.
I'm so tired of people clearingtheir throat, you know what I'm
going to do.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I'm going to do.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I'm going to do a normal adult thing Take a little
sip of water.
Yeah, go for it.
Maybe I'll try that.
I feel like when I was a kid Inever blew my nose and people
are like just blow your nose.
I'm like, no, I don'tunderstand Just clear your
throat, blow your nose.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Just go to the bathroom.
Why are you?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
holding it all day so egotistonic.
Sometimes people criticize CBTtherapy, which is cognitive
behavioral therapy, which is thetherapy where you reframe your
thoughts.
People call it sometimesgaslighting, because essentially
you're just going like you know, you're changing the thought to
a positive one and it's likethat doesn't feel true for my
(30:13):
narrative or for my life or whoI believe I am.
So there's some criticism aroundthat type of therapy for those
reasons.
But I would say if it issomeone you trust and you, if it
is someone that you have anyrespect for, you should try your
best.
And this is not easy, because Ido the same thing.
(30:34):
If my husband says I look goodin the picture, that I think I
look like Shannon yeah.
I'm like what is wrong with you?
I hate you for thinking thatand I really shouldn't, because
I respect him and I respect his.
I actually like the things thathe likes and I think that he
has great taste.
So if he likes me, then maybeI'm kind of great right, and so
(30:56):
I think you could try to empowerthat person in your mind.
Give them a little morerevenants.
Give them a little bit you knowwhat I mean Like revere the
fact that he thinks it Go like.
You know what I could be wrong,yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
That's interesting, it's hard to admit.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Well, because I mean you're saying that I could be
wrong.
Once your brain is like no,that's it.
As much as you want to let thatin, you're still defaulted back
to like no.
This is not the way I seemyself.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I can't see myself like this that's right, but
ultimately in therapy, that'swhat we're trying to do all the
time we're trying to change howyou see yourself a lot of the
time, how you think of yourself,how you narrate the story yeah
and so usually half the time isme trying to get people to feel
like I am a an ally, in orderfor them to trust what I'm
(31:48):
saying.
Okay, yeah, right, and so he'san ally.
So if he says that you lookgood, maybe maybe you could be
wrong, maybe you can make somespace for it.
What do you think You're like?
Nope, nevermind, no.
Like nope, never mind, no, no.
I do.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Here's what I do, though in the meantime.
Though, yeah, I look okay, so Imay not look at myself and see
what he sees, but I'll look forit in another place where, like
it's, it's all body related.
For me it's not face yeah, solike if, because I have
something in my head that says,like you, I can't have a certain
, you know, I have to have aflat stomach, which I can't
(32:22):
because of this.
We talked about this, yeah, soum nikki was born with another
head.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Down there got it instead of a belly button she
has.
Uh, uh.
Actually it's a baby with hishands going like this and jazz
hands so she's reallyself-conscious about it.
I do that, yeah, oh my god I dowish I could put like a little
piano under and play the pianowhile we're.
That's not what I was thinking,but yeah, oh, oh that's
disgusting yeah, no, it's notwe've all seen total recall
(32:50):
right oh, with three boobs,quattro, no, come on man, okay.
No, it's been a while I thoughtit was alien alien came out of
here.
But then there was the I thinkthe guy turns into.
He comes out like this aliencomes out.
So anybody, if anybody'swatched Total Recall, write it
in the comments and rememberthis, just feel it in your body.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Feel it in your body.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
That's so funny, alright, so let me, let me just
get this out.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Let's get this, do it , it's hard because it's hard
for me to actually verbalizewhat I'm trying to say.
So I get a lot of ads in myalgorithm for bathing suits.
I don't know if we mentionedthat before.
I used to get it.
It was all skinny.
I was all skinny girls inbathing suits.
Yeah, I, I stopped liking.
I don't like it even I wouldjust like stop paying attention
to it.
It I guess it figures it out.
(33:34):
And then I start spending moretime looking at the ones where
it's like a girl with a realbody who might kind of look like
me and I'm like looking at themgoing.
Well, I think she's attractiveand that looks like this.
So now I can believe that thisis attractive.
If I believe it if I see it onsomebody else.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
I like that.
So you want to see real bodies.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I want to see real bodies and especially like to
see someone that has somethingthat I think I have not.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
You're exactly.
You're talking about what Isaid earlier.
Basically, the filtering is atrauma response to like other
filtering.
You're saying that, like modelswearing bathing suits has
traumatized you.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I think that's right
?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I think that is absolutely right.
I think that a lot of beautyand a lot of our compulsions to
do things are because we havebeen traumatized by beauty in
general and it's kind ofnormalized, so it almost seems
like it's like you can't betraumatized by that, because
it's like an everyday thing.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
But if you're inundated with something
continuously, that becomes anormal.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Well, yeah, and it's making people money for you to
be traumatized.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Well, yeah, yeah, and it's a compound complex trauma,
daily compound, complex trauma,that's happening.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, where we shouldn't?
Speaker 3 (34:46):
we're not supposed to feel our feelings?
I think last time I taught youthat we often will feel feelings
and then interject them ontoour own bodies.
Remember that, like if you'reangry a lot of times, women
can't be angry at like theperson.
Yes, they turn it inward right.
So we're now?
We're avoiding grief, we'returning in our, our anger, we're
not addressing any of ourfeelings.
And then also, what gives usany credibility in this world?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
it's our looks, at least we think, that's what we
think, yeah what do you thinkdifferent men is it?
Speaker 3 (35:14):
is it there?
Is it growing?
How do you feel about yourcredibility in your looks space,
or do you feel free there?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
I kind of almost feel like there's not much I can do
other than like be healthymyself that that's what really
changes it, because I don'treally like, I don't wash my
face no, I don't wash my face.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I just, men, just don't feel the same pressure
yeah, I don't feel this.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I kind of feel the pressure that I feel unless
they're gay to do?
Yes, well, I haven't I haven'tbeen gay for a long time yeah,
yeah, so you got out of it.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
I love that yeah, well, I didn't get out of it
once it's in you, it's always inyou.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I didn't mean that.
I meant I meant people thatI've been with, no um, but no, I
feel like like my body itself,like I'll be like, oh, I need to
lose weight, because that'snever the thing, like I'm always
, but as far as like face goes,I never really am concerned with
it because I'm like there's notmuch I can do other than either
, you know, exercise, take careof myself physically, and then I
(36:07):
feel better about myself, andthen I feel like you, practice
acceptance.
I guess, yeah, I guess Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I'm going to stop you just for one second so no,
we're going to do a part two onthis, so we're going to take a
quick break.
Saunders going to put money inthe meter yeah and then we're
going to actually start part twoand then, if anybody needs to
pee, we'll do that.
So, um, it was great seeing youand we'll see you next week for
part two.
Bye.
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