May 14, 2025 • 54 mins
Could your skincare routine be healing your mind or secretly harming it? Licensed therapist Alicia Racine Fink joins Nicky and Sandro to unpack the fascinating psychological dimensions of our beauty rituals.
When approached mindfully, skincare can serve as a powerful gateway to self-care and l. Alicia shares brilliant "habit stacking" techniques to transform your routine – like humming while cleansing to stimulate the vagus nerve, or listening to affirming messages during your regimen. These simple additions can elevate skincare from superficial to deeply nurturing.
But there's a shadow side to our beauty obsessions that rarely gets discussed. Contrary to its name, body dysmorphia affects the neck up 90% of the time, with people seeing their faces in fragmented pieces rather than as a whole. Alicia candidly shares her own struggles during the pandemic when skincare videos became a compulsion, and how easily self-care can transform into self-criticism under the influence of homogenized beauty standards.
The conversation takes a profound turn discussing "the fat attack" – how we often interject anger and direct it at ourselves instead of addressing our true feelings. This psychological insight provides a powerful lens for understanding those days when we suddenly feel "ugly" or "fat" despite nothing having changed.
Whether you're a skincare minimalist or enthusiast, this episode offers valuable tools for checking whether your beauty routine is serving your mental health. How do you feel after your routine? Are you avoiding mirrors or checking them obsessively? The answers reveal whether you're practicing genuine self-care or falling into harmful patterns.
Tune in for this beautifully honest conversation about finding balance in beauty, accepting ourselves as whole beings, and creating rituals that genuinely nourish both skin and soul.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are listening to, watching, hearing, smelling,
tasting and feeling.
Sex, drugs and skincare.
Like and subscribe.
Hey, welcome back to Sex, drugsand Skincare.
I'm Nikki Davis Jr.
I am a licensed comedianstand-up esthetician.
Thank you for laughing at that.
You're the only one.
It never gets new.
(00:21):
I say it every week, but it'snice that's why you do it.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
You do it because one out of a hundred and six will
laugh at it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
That's right.
This is episode a hundred andsix.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
No way that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Alex was saying what he laughs every episode.
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh, okay, good, I just we couldn't hear you, yeah
and being on 106 means that,like every other person we
weeded through, now we know thepeople who are on the podcast.
Everyone else was just blech.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, right, now we're finally.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
You're like finally ready, dear friends of ours,
dear friends of ours, practicerun 105, you know, get those are
all rehearsals, yeah, and thenonce we're 106 on, that's the
yeah, yeah, so we're golden.
We're good, we're good.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I've been doing natural skincare buckle massage,
structural facelift for over 25years.
And Sandro is here Sandro,yocolano, boyfriend, sherpa, set
decorator, co-patient with ourcouples counseling um what's
that?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
co-client?
Co-client.
Ironically, I am not trained inbuckle massage or facial
massage or am licensed inanything that's true so isn't
that weird, isn't that ironic?
No is it ironic, do you?
Don't?
You think I don't feel like Idon't think it's a little too?
Ironic don't you think?
(01:49):
What are you talking?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
about, I don't know, alex got it.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
That's why I said it okay, you gotta be subtle with
this stuff.
You can't just say people, it'sthat's how a good comedian
works.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
They're so subtle that you don't even yeah, it's
not even funny.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
No, because it's like I mean yeah, that's how I work
anyway more set it's.
It's the way it is.
Yeah, everything is an insidejoke for me.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Only I get it yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
And.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I say it inside You're so stupid, I know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Well, thanks for cutting it out.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well, you don't want to say an inside joke outdoors?
People look like you're anidiot.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
That idiot.
It's so true we're camping.
Don't tell a joke that we couldhave said inside, speaking of
setting aside.
Yeah, let's stop talking.
No, it's okay, we don't have to.
Um, do you have anything youwant to talk about?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I mean, I had a pretty good week.
I, um, I started sweating morebecause it got a little hotter
out, yeah, so that that feltgood.
And uh, other than that, no,I've been good.
I've been, uh, I've beentrading.
Um, I've been trading, I'vebeen trading.
I've been trading not goinginto the market for making money
, cash wise, so things are goingpretty well, perfect.
I've been selling otherpeople's bitcoin, hacking into
(02:54):
their accounts.
I have no idea that I'm doingit.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Things are going fine okay sounds good yeah but I'm
excited for today's guestbecause good yeah, but I'm
excited for today's uh guest,because me too we should
probably just get to it.
That's what I was gonna say,but I just want to point out
because I don't ever mentionthis is sondra was a paid
regular at the comedy store.
Oh yeah, um, I'm going to be.
I'm just gonna x out.
I'm gonna cross out nikkiglazer's last name and put my
name after it right, your phonewants to spell your first name
that way anyways that's true italways wants to put two k's
(03:20):
instead of the ck.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, but yes, if you're ever driving by on sunset
, he's right in the, he's rightbehind the parking sign yeah, so
if you drive by on sunset andyou see my name behind the park,
you see move the parking signs,you see my name yeah the
producers have done that onmultiple occasions and I
appreciate it very sweet um,yeah, and then nicky's, we're
advocating vandalism yeah, yeah,that's it, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Well, today we are going to talk about psych.
Is it psychology?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We don't know Mental health, mental health, that's
what it was we're going to talkabout mental health and skincare
.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
This is a first for us.
We have never combined the two.
We've done some somatic things,we've done like you know, but
we haven't done this much oflike you know.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Like parallels right to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And the good and the bad.
We're going to get to the goodside of it and focus, sort of
like taking a look at, you know,the way people are seeing
themselves.
Yeah, maybe in a bad way.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
That's fascinating to me because there's days that I
see myself completely differentin the mirror or I see myself
completely different in my head,and it's good or bad, and it
completely shifts.
So I'm I'm very curious on howthat actually affects.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm really excited.
Um, okay, cool, so let's bringher out.
So, um, she is a licensedtherapist.
Um, was there some?
Um, I'm just a licensedtherapist, okay, yeah, she's a
licensed therapist, I mean she'sgot a lot more to her than that
.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I'm sure, I'm sure I do, I probably do.
Okay, but I think we talkedabout I have a practice yes, she
has a practice A group onewhere people work underneath me,
and I have a podcast too.
Oh, and she has a podcast too,what's it called Zannyland?
Zannyland.
Yeah, it's mental health too,but I talk to comedians
specifically about, not you?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
oh, that's fine.
Yeah, I'm busy.
I'm busy, whatever day that is.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah well, someone told me you're a licensed
therapist, so I didn't want youon the show.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
No, it makes sense, you just want licensed comedians
by the way, I'm not a doctor,in case you're wondering.
Uh, I lost my license on thatand so I I don't give a medical
advice.
Anything you receive from me isis um, don't believe it yeah,
it's just, it's just an opinion.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, entertainment purposes, only.
It's only, you know, just makeskincare into an art form, you
know?
Yeah, yeah, that's all we dothat's it all right.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So I'm gonna bring, I'm gonna bring you out, I'm
gonna say your name, we're gonnaswitch and it's gonna be like
that.
So, uh, coming to the couchright now, alicia racine Fink
yes, alicia Fink, no, okay,alicia Racine Fink, yes, sorry,
yes.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Okay, got it.
That was so good and your nameis Nikki.
Yeah, that's right, perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
See, she got yours the first time she got it right
off.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Oh wow, With a CK.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, with a CK.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Nice thanks for coming.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, like louis ck, my favorite comedian yeah, it's
not louis kk no, okay, I'm soexcited to have to be on and I
love your earrings oh thank youthe pizza yeah it's their, uh,
they're festive they're so cool.
I have watermelon earrings.
I wish I had known oh yeah, weshould we.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Next time you come on , we'll do food based.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, okay,perfect um, you're wearing a
very cute outfit, by the way.
Uh, it's like a little eyelet,is that what that's called?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
I think this is called eyelet.
I love it, but you know what itfelt nice to me Like you were
talking about how it's gettingwarm and you're starting to
sweat again.
I got really excited because Iwas like I feel like I can wear
a tank.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
It looks like a very springtime outfit.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Synthetic stuff which I'm decked out in right now.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You're just wearing spun plastic.
When I sneeze, just like bluefuzz comes out of my nose Um.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I know spun plastic.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
That's it.
That's really what it is, um,but thank you so much for being
here.
Yeah, I'm excited, um, so yeah,so let's talk about that.
Like, let's talk about theconnection between skincare and
mental health.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Uh well, first I wanted to.
I mean, how do I even startright?
It's like skin care is the best.
I wish it was my other career.
It could be my other career.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I spent way too much time on it for good and bad
reasons, is why I'm here today.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But in general, I thought we could start with
talking about skin care routinesand the ritual.
I know you teach skincareroutines and I sort of wanted to
add this little fun element ofit can be a gateway drug, if you
will, to a self care practicethat I feel like most of us need
(07:39):
, right.
I mean, we really need rightnow.
Yeah, and I wanted to talkmaybe a little bit about what I
do in my skincare routine andhow I've sort of used if
anybody's, did anybody read thatbook?
Was it Habit?
What was the book that came out?
Everybody read it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Everybody but me.
I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Anyway, we won't talk about that.
But habit stacking is somethingwhere, like, you already have
one good habit, one ritual, andthen you add on to it, have one
good habit, one ritual, and thenyou add on to it, so maybe
you're already washer in yourface and, for example, like
every night I will hum likewhile I'm doing right because
(08:16):
that automatically stimulatesthe vagus nerve did you know
that?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I didn't?
Well, I know humming was goodfor you.
I didn't really know exactlyHis mom just got here from
Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
She hums, all day long, constantly humming, and
she's just always in a good mood.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
No, she's always liked to sing and play the piano
, but she just loves humming.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, it's a really cool one.
It's not one you maybe want todo at the grocery store but this
is why I think it's good.
In your bathroom at night whereyou add in a little humming, it
stimulates that vagus nerve andthen we're already telling our
body it can downregulate.
Right, we're activating thisparasympathetic nervous system
again and we kind of really weneed that throughout the day.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And so it's just a great somatic.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I know you brought up having someone somatic on here.
It's a great easy somatic termor practice that you can just
add like lovingly to whatever itis.
You know you teach people to doand what I do at night, so it
was a fun thought yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I love that.
I was just going to say I dowhen I take a shower, I put on
my sexy body affirmations at thesame time, so I go.
And it accidentally went to hiscar the other day and it's like
I am hot as hell.
No, I put hot as hell, no, Iput it like on my phone.
I turn it on while I'm taking ashower and it's just like eight
minutes of just like uh everyday.
No, it's like some other lady.
(09:33):
She's like maybe, um, likeLatina, oh, and she's like, uh,
I receive lots of compliments,but it's like it just goes on
and on and I just repeat it asI'm doing it and it's uh, I
think it's helping this isexactly what I'm talking about
right.
That's what I'm saying amazing,that's I didn't even know.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I'm gonna add that to my routine.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Perfect, you should add humming yeah, oh, I'm going
to, for sure, I'm going to wait.
I want sexy body I'll send itto you.
I'll send it to you yeah, thatthat's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So you do that while you're showering, you're doing
your thing, you're smelling yoursmells.
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It just kills two birds with one stone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's perfect.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I mean, you could do any kind of meditation while
you're in the shower.
Mindfulness Basically, we'retalking about creating a
mindfulness practice withskincare, and then I think
people are already reallygetting into skincare nowadays,
which is really cool.
And yeah, I mean, when you doyour skincare ritual, how does
(10:29):
it feel, or what do you teachpeople?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Um, what do I?
Well, there's, that's, twodifferent things yeah.
My skincare ritual probably asmuch isn't as much as you might
think.
I'm kind of lazy, oh, um, soyeah, yeah, ok, but what I would
tell somebody is you know youwould want to.
If you're going to wash yourface, wash it at night.
(10:52):
Yeah Right, did I say?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
that before.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, wash it at night.
You don't need to wash it inthe morning, right yeah, because
you're washing the dirt up atnight and then you don't want to
wash it in the morningnecessarily.
I did that, right, yes, oh good.
Yeah, people are over washing,yeah, and it's uh do you double
cleanse at night?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Um, you can, yeah, absolutely yeah, it just depends
, yeah, and how, like, if you'rewearing a lot of makeup, it's
probably a good idea.
I'm just like a skincare.
No sunscreen lather because ofthis.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
So you're going to need double cleanse.
Yeah, I double cleanse becauseof that for sure.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Um, yeah, and then also yeah, then, like a like I
like a nice hydrating serumunderneath some, maybe something
a spray with like hydrogenwater, like molecular mist, like
deuterium oxide with d2o.
That's just like, if you'refancy, it's just yeah you didn't
say dmt, did you?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
no, I did not say dmt , that's a different one.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
That's why I was in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So long there's a little green man in a different
one.
That's why I was in thebathroom.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
So long there's a little green man standing on my
shoulder, I'm in a differentdimension.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
She never comes out again.
Yeah, got it.
She fell into the tub, what Idon't know.
She took the ritual reallyseriously, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And it became like an ayahuasca ceremony.
Yeah, exactly, I'm throwing up.
We're not saying that.
There, I got the shaman inthere with me.
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
My skincare ritual.
I take ayahuasca on my skincareritual every night.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That's perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Oh, wow, yeah that'd be awesome, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Too much money on ayahuasca.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
That's so funny, yeah .
And then what else?
Just, you know, like a lightmoisturizer, depending on what
kind of skin you have, orsunscreen, sunblock, sunscreen,
especially if it's chemical.
Yeah, if they're super fair,yes, use mineral sunblock.
That's what I think.
And if you're, yeah, and Ithink it's just nice to not have
(12:31):
it on.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Oh, it's so nice.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I actually check my weather app to see what the UV
index is.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I do that too.
Oh, you do.
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
me.
I'm obsessed.
That's her favorite app.
The weather app is her favoriteapp.
It is actually amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I know, I didn't know that it's fascinating, but I
just check it because I'm likedo I have to wear sunblock today
?
Is there any chance I can?
Get away, I'm not sunblockpermanent, like I need my skin
to breathe yeah, just otherwisewear a big hat yeah, I do.
I'm not really a big hat personI wish I was.
Should I start that?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
yes, you know it's way easier and it's like it's
just so much nicer on your skin.
It's so much nicer on your skin, yeah he's a big hat person, in
fact one of the first times wewere hanging out.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
He had a big hat on.
We were hiking and she justwalked right into a tree.
I watched her do it.
I watched her do it you didthat.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That wasn't me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, that was you I remember you walked into it and
I actually said out loud I waslike are you serious?
Yeah, because I thought she wasjoking.
Did you do it on purpose?
I'm like did?
Speaker 3 (13:26):
you do it on purpose.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
You guys need a big hat line now you need to just
like add that to the whole thing.
That would be great, you guysmake your own hats.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
We all wear them.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Is that a hat or an eclipse?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I really should get into hats, but I'm really into.
I wear sunblock like it's myskin.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
But I have to.
My mom has had melanoma liketoo many times yeah.
And so I'm really protective ofmy skin.
But I do check to go like we'reat like a one or a two.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And I'm like I'm not doing this today.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
No, no, no, yeah, no, no, no, yeah exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
What do you think?
Is that okay?
One, two, three, what do you?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
say You're not going to get burned for sure.
Uva rays I don't believe thatthe strength really decreases
much when the sun's up or downOkay, so as long as the sun is.
If you're getting sun right toyour face, I'm not a hundred
percent sure of this, but Ithink you might still be getting
the rays that penetrate yourskin and can sort of corrupt
(14:25):
your dna and make you older.
So I wouldn't.
I wouldn't sit and bake at sixo'clock even and just having the
sun right in your face oh, forsure but um, but yeah, if you're
just going out and just likegetting into your car, you're
going somewhere where you're notjust going to be like sitting
with the sun on you or yeah, ifit's like a super gray day,
level two, two, I'm okay.
Well, yeah but also 80% of thesun's rays still come through on
(14:46):
a cloudy day, oh God.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
I know right, I should actually be wearing it
every single day, I know itsucks.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I heard of a lady.
This girl Sadie something.
She was like wear it inside andI put on the comments.
I was like why Is it because ofthe windows?
Windows or not stand in thewindow, because it does come
(15:12):
through your window.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I mean in the car I know it's areally big deal.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I know that, like you really should,
especially in the car, actuallyhave, because one side of my
face will have like morefreckles than the other.
Oh yeah, but I, I try, I try togive myself a break, but I will
tell you from the computer too,Like we have to.
I'm on the computer all day.
We have to sort of protectourselves from that.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I literally just changed my phone to the to the
like the the amber color.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh, is it constantly?
Can you do that?
Yeah, you can oh.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And it's better, for it's not as addictive.
There's a whole other addictionof people with that's true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, wherepeople get addicted to the blue
light for some reason, and itwas something.
Somebody came up with something, something, something, and then
it ended up in Vegas.
And no, in Vegas they want youto be like nee, nee, nee, nee
nee, oh yeah, with like the theypump the oxygen in and they
(16:03):
pump in the blue light in Like.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I'm never going home.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Free alcohol, basically steer them to where
you want them to go and whereyou want them to be with it,
just by the blue light, just bytriggering parts of the brain.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
So crazy, it's amazing so that's why, when, as
soon as I heard that, I was likeno, I just changed it last
night.
Yeah, yeah, so, anyway, yeah,so you know what.
You can interrupt me by any,any, anytime you need to.
I'm serious because I need youto keep on track, because I
don't know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Keep me we're keeping on track, yeah, but I am really
excited we talked aboutsunblock.
Yeah, I think sunblock isreally important and it is
really important to me.
It is authentically somethingthat I should talk about, that I
wear it all the time.
I try to check the UV.
I have like a filter on mycomputer.
I'm going to make it all ambernow.
I do use mineral because Iheard that like that helps
balance it as opposed to justyeah.
(16:53):
But, also, you're not gettingso many chemicals.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
It baked into your skin, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
And it's thick, so I have to wash it off twice at
night.
Yeah, and that's a greatopportunity to do things like
mindfulness listen to sexy assaffirmations.
Do your humming while you'remassaging your face, maybe
massage your little lobes ofyour ears and even like right
here in your ears, and wheneverI do this I'm like, oh my god,
it feels so good.
Um, that also stimulates yourvagus nerve.
(17:19):
So really, just sort of addingthat on to like let's say, if
you're, you were teaching amassage routine to the face um
which I know you do right onyour pantheon or whatever um on
my patreon.
I do the um uh and I teach it atthe pantheon.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
She's at the Pantheon in Rome In Rome.
Go there, yeah, absolutely noone has shown up yet.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I feel so good now.
No, but I'm saying like weshould go to the Pantheon now.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
We definitely should go to that, don't ever apologize
for bringing up Rome.
No, and I wash my hair withPantene.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Pigs.
You mean Just just.
Oh really, is that what you'rereferring to?
A little bit.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
No, I just heard that men are obsessed with Rome
these days.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Oh really, they're what.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
They're just obsessed with Rome.
Oh, men are obsessed with Rome.
Oh, interesting Roman history.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Probably because they think it's like a conquering
thing.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
And maybe men realized it like, oh, there were
a lot of men don't want toadmit that they want men or men
relationships, so they just say,hey, are you roman?
Yeah, and it's like, and thenthey wink and they know it's
like, oh yeah, and then they gettogether.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I'm not sure if he's he could be lying about I'm 100
bullshitting, but it could makesense, right, yes, okay, that's
all I'm saying so cute I'm not alawyer, so what were we talking
about?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
um, so we were talking about oh you, you
massaging, oh I teach aself-massage class at the
Pantheon.
You can get great tickets rightnow on Expedia.
But yeah, we do the face withour hands and we also we do work
on the ears.
Yeah, I do everything.
I do everything.
Also, I would put my handsbehind my it's to sort of
(18:56):
release the part of the vagusnerve that's back here.
Oh yeah, I think it's reallyimportant.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
yeah, the exactly now that's all mental health right
there, for sure.
Yeah, yeah, because thatanything that you can do to
self-relax, self-soothe, isreally important yeah um, so, so
, basically yeah, and then, andso I think, integrating and
habit, stacking all these thingsinto your routine, but also
just having the ritual, I think,even though you said you're
lazy, it doesn't sound that lazy.
(19:20):
It still sounds like you haveyou wash off your makeup and put
on some things at night, and doyou massage too at night, or is
that a different part of theday?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
To yourself you know, what I do is I sit and I watch
TV and I, like you know, I playwith my lips, or you know, or
like I'll you know, just do someit's mindless sort of massaging
, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you know, and then I'lldo like neck exercises and
things like that, but I don't dolike a full on massage, okay.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I'm trying to find something to do it to.
So basically you do.
It's kind of what happens to,right.
We're just like yes, yeah,we're just like but you have
like your nighttime routine.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
You definitely take care of yourself.
You make sure that you're allset, like put you know, but like
take stock in yourself and likeyeah, I think it's really
important.
It creates self-worth I thinkthat it's a ritual is really
great before bed I'd love it um,so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Maybe we're saying obvious things in a sense, but I
feel like any woman that reallywants to get invested in this
or wants to take time to learnthis massage, or then wants to
add on any type of routine whereyou can have vagus nerve or
mindfulness, is really fantastic.
And if you really can focus on,I think, skincare as a way of
self-care and as a way toenhance or make yourself feel
(20:30):
good, it can be really positive.
And then there's the other part.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Let's talk about the and then.
That's the fascinating part forme is the and then.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Well, it's interesting because when I first
suggested it to you, I was likeis she going to want me to talk
about this?
Because in some ways it isgoing like whoa hold on Skincare
is awesome.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, but it can go too far.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
absolutely, I agree with you a hundred percent, yeah
, and we are living in a worldwhere women are.
It is like I think there's amed spa on every corner.
Um, I don't even know.
People are like only talkingabout the tariffs because they
now can't get their koreanskincare.
I hadn't even know.
People are like only talkingabout the tariffs because they
now can't get their koreanskincare I hadn't even thought
about that.
Oh, it's been everywhere andit's only because I follow it,
(21:20):
because I'm also right an addictof skincare and so, um, and I
know a lot about this actually,because I've had my own stuff.
Funny enough, I um wanted to do, during the pandemic, a YouTube
called the Drunk Esthetician.
And it was me playing acharacter where I was pretending
(21:42):
to be an esthetician and myname was not Alicia, it was
Alicia, and Alicia had a Bostonaccent because that's where I'm
from, and she would talk aboutskincare, but like while drunk
and like you know, kind of justlike I, like I love that kind of
teaching real stuff, but likeeffing it up at the same time
yeahand I started it out and, um, it
was the pandemic.
So we were all not well duringthis time and I started to
(22:07):
really dig deep into skincarevideos and to skincare
everything videos, end ofskincare everything and it
became kind of compulsive yeah,where I was doing it to learn at
first, but then I startedwatching and watching, and
watching, and watching, andwatching and unfortunately the
beauty industry believes inhomogenized beauty where we all
(22:29):
are supposed to essentially lookthe same like a Kardashian,
apparently, or an alien orwhatever it's supposed to be.
Look the same like a kardashian, apparently, yeah, or an alien
or whatever it's supposed to beyeah and um, I had already had
some sensitivities around thisjowling.
That's like happening right here.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I'm 47 oh my god, you don't look at and come see me
anyway.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah, 100 right, but like I'm really I start I I
already had sensitivity aroundthis part of my face and I
always have, because I've alwayshad a bit of a chubbier face
here, and this was.
You know, I'm mostly IrishCatholic and like this is just.
This is what we look like right, I mean and so um my
great-grandmother, I think shehad, like you know, she
(23:09):
developed these like little kindof hangy job right things so
I've always had this sensitivityaround it.
Um, I fought it, I have alreadyfought it a lot and then, with
that sensitivity, aligned with,I think, some of the isolation
of the pandemic, aligned withjust the addictiveness of the
blue light, we're all staring atour faces on every app too zoom
(23:31):
.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
You're looking at yourself all day long yep and
and and.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Honestly, facetime is cruel what is facetime doing?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I look, so I actually kind of like luck.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
I like how I look on zoom.
I think I get kind of hot onzoom, but when I get to facetime
it's like oh no, facetime isscary.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, I look like abe lincoln.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
He was hot like and every young person I know wants
to call me on that including mydaughter, and then I like get
off and I just hate it's hard.
You answer it like this yeahyeah, um, and so I really
personally even as a therapist,with everything that I've worked
through didn't realize that,that the videos were becoming
(24:13):
compulsive.
I didn't know.
So I started to really struggle.
Also, aging is hitting me, so alot of things were hitting at
once and I myself started to golike, okay, I'm really not
feeling well about how I look,and the skincare routine isn't
necessarily the skincare routine, because I associate with some
(24:33):
positive things, but the wantingto change, the wanting to um.
So essentially, what I foundout is that it was body
dysmorphia.
Body dysmorphia is based off ofperceived flaws.
Perceived flaws are associatedwith this homogenized beauty,
because it's something thatdoesn't fit, and this is such an
(24:56):
interesting, fun fact.
I thought everyone should knowwhen people think about body
dysmorphia they're thinkingabout the body Really?
Actually, no, it's, 90% is neckup.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
So many men come body dysmorphia around hair loss.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh my God, I hadn't even thought about that.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah, I mean, and it's perceived hair loss,
sometimes they're not evenreally losing it, or losing it
at a rapid rate.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
So what you're saying is, my face isn't the problem,
it's my body.
So I don't have I have bodydysmorphia about my body, but my
body's gross.
My face is okay, oh you'regoing.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I don't have body dysmorphia yeah, I don't have
body dysmorphia you're notworried about yeah well, you
know, you could be the 10, youcould be the 10, I don't know.
But but yeah, I think it's, Ithink it's great because I don't
think people are realizing thatlike it mostly does affect the
neck up.
It's called body dysmorphia, butit's mostly the neck up and the
neck up.
I think.
Obviously there's a lot goingon with the body and there's so
(25:52):
many other diagnoses that gowith that, and there's eating
disorders and there's all theseother things.
But I think it's reallyimportant for us to address here
, because we're mostly talkingabout the face.
And I think mostly what you workwith is the face, and again I
think that it's a great, it canbe a great routine.
But also, like, what I want totalk about is when do we cross
(26:14):
the line and how do we cross theline?
And also just even give theinsight alone of like it's 90%
neck up yeah it's aboutperceived flaws.
This is a perceived flaw.
Yeah, that the world is tellingme I should not be getting
exactly and I do still want youto work on them so so I also
want to say like how do we alsohold the dialectic of can I
(26:36):
accept and how do we do that?
Can I accept?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
But can I also work on it, right?
And what does this mean aboutme and all these other layered
things?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Do you find that you beat yourself more up if you're
having like a bad day?
I noticed that I have bodydysmorphia too.
I've had eating issues like wayback in the past and I think my
body looks terrible and fatwhich is why I'm doing the
affirmations.
But and then I'm like wait aminute, I can't really like I'll
look at myself from the side.
I'm like there's nowhere elsefor me to go with the skinniness
(27:11):
what.
What's going on in my life thatI'm beating myself up for?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
right now.
Why am I hating myself?
You are so intuitive.
Honestly, when did you learnthat?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I just, I don't know, maybe a few years ago I started
putting it together.
I'm like this is weird, becauseI don't have anywhere else to
go.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, and like the interesting part is and this
happens with my clients all thetime is that like'll they'll
remember because I'll ask them,like how did you feel two days
ago?
And they might have felt hotand now, today they feel fat,
okay, yeah and so I call it thefat attack, and so I mean, this
is not a clinical term, but Icall the fat attack, and what
the fat attack is is exactlythat.
(27:47):
It's that, as I'm gonna say,women right now, but it's not
only women.
We often don't feel safe aboutour anger, and so we do a thing
called interject it.
We turn it in on ourselves.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
You just gave me the goosebumps.
You just gave me goosebumps.
This is so right on the money.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Take that anger and we go right back in Yep and this
is a safe place.
Unfortunately, it's not a safeplace, but we think this is the
safe vessel for us back inwardsRight, and so interjected anger
for you and me becomes aboutsomething wrong with us.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And then we're already sensitive about this.
And then all of a sudden I lookin the mirror that day and I
have a complete breakdown that Inow have jowls.
Or you have a completebreakdown that you're like have
jowls.
Or you have a completebreakdown that you're like, oh
my god, I am so fat yeah, yeah,absolutely you couldn't be
fatter it'll ruin my day yeah,but it really is.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
You're probably mad at him it's very likely that you
could say that probably about alot of different things I do.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Universe, you're just here, so I took it out on you,
but no for sure no, it's me,definitely for me, definitely
from you and she probably in themoment doesn't know how to feel
it hold it, contain it addressit speak to it, because women
are really not taught to do thatand we're very, very vulnerable
to this.
And then the industry at thesame time is constantly telling
(29:13):
us that there are things wrong,and so we get really stuck in
this vulnerable position of likeI have this anger, it's turned
inward.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, it must be that I'm bad yep, I can fix that I could.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Yeah, I can control that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, I think I can control that.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, you think, and that's why more women die of
eating disorders than anythingelse no way more than addiction.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Guys.
That says so much about oursociety and no one's talking
about it because it's women.
Yeah, exactly, oh my god nosorry.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I mean there are lots of men that deal with this too,
and it's unfortunately at a.
It's a growing rate, which isso, but you know I'm.
I'm coming from my own personalexperience and most of the
people that I work with arewomen.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, yeah, I mean they target us.
I mean the algorithms are justsending us more and more and
more and more of what we, whatwe think we're supposed to look
like.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Yeah, yeah, and I can't just like walk around and
go like, oh my God, I made it to47.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm doing fun things
that I like I happen to havelike a little slight jowl, okay,
that you think you have.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
That you think you have Right, exactly Because we
don't see it.
Yeah, but again, it's aperceived, absolutely Right.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
These are perceived and you know, I know that I'm
not completely crazy, like Iknow, like I said, my great
grandmother has it.
You know it's happening and Ican see the littlest bits of it
happening, but to the amountthat it makes me crazy in my
head, to the amount that I thinkabout it and wanted to change
it.
So after the Drunk Esthetician,I ended up having to shut it
(30:44):
down, which is sad because itwas a fun project and I had
hired a therapist because I waslike, okay, this is what is
happening to me, I work withthis, with other people.
But what I didn't actually knowat the time, because I mostly
worked in eating disorders, thatit was 90% neck up.
I actually learned that myselfin like 2021 or something.
(31:05):
And he was like we need toidentify some compulsions.
And I was like, okay, toidentify some compulsions.
And I was like, okay, and Ididn't know.
And then I was like, oh, I'mwatching.
I'm going to bed every nightwatching skincare videos, one
after another, after anotherafter another, and not just
skincare.
I had moved into filler, botox,plastic surgery.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Solutions for what you think that you have
Solutions for what's wrong withme and they're right there to
give them to you too, to makeyou think you need them.
They do.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Playing on loop while you're sleeping, oh my.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
God, yes, going right into your subconscious.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
And I want to say right now I support anybody and
anything that they want to do.
So if I have a client who'slike I've hated this nose my
whole life, do so.
If I have a client who's likeI've hated this nose my whole
life, I want to get a nose job.
I am not going to tell them no.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
What we do do is we we make conscious what's
happening, why they're doing it,setting like appropriate
intentions um knowing that likeit's probably not going to help
their depression but it mightmake them feel a little bit
better about their nose Causesome people think that, like if
I change my nose, I'm not nolonger going to help their
depression, but it might makethem feel a little bit better
about their nose, because somepeople think that like, oh, if I
change my nose, I'm not.
(32:13):
no, longer going to be depressed, yeah, or I no longer am going
to interject anger, no, you'vebeen learning that for 40
something years.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Right, yeah, we have to actually learn how to not do
that.
But I don't stop women and I'vedone my own stuff.
Like I have a little bit of lipfiller, I'll talk about it.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I'm okay with it.
I like it.
Yeah, it looks fantastic.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Thank you, I um get the number I got it for my
wedding and I loved it, and youknow I don't want to stop anyone
from that, but at the same andthat's what I'm seeing I'm
saying like the dialectic well,I can't talk right now the
dialectic of how do we holdacceptance, not buy into
homogenized beauty.
Let ourselves be unique, letourselves age, use skincare as
(32:57):
self-care, right All thesethings, and not fall into the
trap of I need to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, I'm not enough.
I'm not enough is so huge, huge.
I need to buy more um and notbecome.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
You know a person that once sat on my couch that
had like 48 plastic surgeryroutines.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Oh my god, surgeries, yeah I mean, I feel like when
you buy stuff too online, youget that dopamine rush because
you know that thing that youthink is going to fix your whole
life is coming.
And then you get it and you'relike oh man, that didn't fix my
life.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
It didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That lipstick didn't fix my life, lip plumber no.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
But it feels good when you do it, it does feel
good.
Yeah, Do you have any thoughtson it?
Like just just from your ownpersonal experience, like how do
we continue to lean intoskincare in a really healthy and
safe, fun good way and avoidthe rest?
How do we stay away from it?
Speaker 1 (34:00):
My way of doing it is I don't look in the mirror all
the time and I think we look inthe mirror way too much.
I'm not even sure we'resupposed to be looking in the
mirror as human beings.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, are we supposed to knowwhat we look like?
I remember when I was a kid youdon't know what you look like.
You just think you just youlook, you're just you.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
And then suddenly you're told you're fat, you're,
you know you're this or that andthen you start add like a other
side to that coin because Ithink that's important.
But I do agree when you gocamping, like I feel super
beautiful when I'm camping.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Exactly that's a very good point.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Yeah, when I'm out there.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
I don't ever look at any reflection of myself, I just
feel good.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
You can't even tell how ugly you are when you're out
there.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Absolutely not.
When I'm looking at a mountain,I'm like man I'm unattractive.
But I'm saying it with a bigsmile on my face.
Yeah, yeah, so it's so true,right?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
I mean, you just feel so good when you're out there
breathing the air and you'removing around.
You wake up in the morning andyou just feel super beautiful.
Yeah, so I agree.
And then I, and then I will sayin the body dysmorphia world,
though, um, some people startavoiding looking at their face
completely I do that with mybody and not with my face yeah,
(35:16):
and and so sometimes theexposures are to not shut off
your, your view on your zoomevery time or not avoid the the
mirror.
Um, and actually doing my ownpodcast and being filmed and
seeing my face all the timeactually really helped within a,
within a um structured way.
(35:36):
So I'm not body checking orchecking the mirror all the time
, but kind of regularly I haveto sit and edit my my videos and
look at my face and go like,okay, that's who I am and also,
more importantly, I care aboutwhat I'm doing, I love what I'm
doing and I'm so much more thanmy face anyway, absolutely, but
this exposure is good for peoplewhen they're avoiding.
(35:57):
And yeah you know if you'reavoiding your body, because
either people body check or theyavoid.
Yeah, did you ever do the bodychecking?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Oh, constantly, yeah, oh yeah, it would be this, yeah
and then.
But also I wouldn't look in themirror and I still, to this day
, like have a very difficulttime looking at myself straight
on because of the perceivedflaws that I have, which is why
I do the body affirmations.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Really really beautiful yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
So it's helping.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Do you ever go like, nope, you're looking, I'm
looking at my body, I'm going toaccept it myself today.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Sometimes it's hard, I don't, yeah it's, it's, it's
like I have to back into themirror sometimes and then just
be like okay, you know what Imean.
Like it's it's not like, it'snot easy.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
sometimes I'm like no , it's not easy.
It's not easy for me.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah.
It's not easy with all the workthat I've done and all the
stuff that I know.
Algorithm is bikinis, so youknow, I love bathing suits.
I just love bathing suits.
I just think they're so cute.
They are so cute.
I love the ads, though, whenthey have girls that actually
look like real people, yeah.
But then sometimes I'll getones where it's just like super,
(37:01):
super skinny girls, and thenI'm like I don't think I can do
that like, and if I do, I'm likethat means I'm not gonna be
able to eat, and you know what Imean and it gets in your head.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
It does get in your head, yeah, yeah, I mean I would
say social media needs to becracked down on a little bit For
individuals.
I don't want to be anyone outthere that's telling people they
can't make content or docontent Right right right.
I don't want to be part ofthose people, but I do think for
ourselves, it's important forus to maybe look at what we're
(37:33):
following and but then again,like you said, you could just
look at something for twoseconds and they're gonna start
selling you ads every day everyday, so maybe it's how much time
we spend on social media Idon't know but we do need to
crack down on it a bit.
Um, and then what did help mewas he was like okay, so don't
watch it.
For like an hour to two hoursStarted to get crazy.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
What the podcast?
It was the pandemic.
No watching videos.
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
And it didn't mean that I couldn't watch videos.
It meant that I, you know,needed to crack down a little
bit on how much I was watchingthe videos, and just knowing it
was a compulsion was helping.
It's just accountable to it,being accountable, knowing that
avoiding the mirror was nothelping me, obviously not
(38:19):
overlooking in the mirror, right, um, and those things started
to become really helpful.
And then we started to talkabout what my views were about
my beauty and how I had grown upthinking that was like really a
part of my self-worth and therelationship between feelings
(38:42):
and beauty, which I had alreadyknown about fat attacks from the
eating disorder world, sort ofkind of understanding this
introduction of anger even more,and how to address feelings so
that when I felt on the days Ifelt really ugly, to start to
get suspicious with that andstart to go, I might be feeling
something else that I'm notaddressing Absolutely.
That was really helpful.
And then, finally, one of themain things I worked on was who
(39:08):
loves me the relationships thatI have and who loves me despite
my beauty, like they could givetwo flying bucks if I look good
that day or not they don't evensee what they don't know.
They barely even look at youthey're barely.
You know what I mean like mysister, for the love of god, she
does not give a flying buck.
Oh my god, no, how I look rightyeah she just wants to like
(39:29):
spend time with me and laugh orwhatever you know.
And so how many people that youhave that are in your life and
making those relationships moreimportant than any of the
relationships that are based onyour looks.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I feel like, unless you're like super sick or like
there's like a huge change inlike your face or whatever they
see you, the same always.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
They don't see like oh no she's having a weird face
day, Like no, it's just like yo,hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
They like you look the same, but to you you're just
knocking yourself down.
Or you're like oh, they mustsee me like this.
Or but no, they just love youfor who you are.
That's amazing.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
Yeah, it's really cool.
And then also, when people getreally sick, the occipital bone
we're talking about that.
So the reason why I'm sayingthat is because they've actually
text tested women with eatingdisorders, body dysmorphia, and
they actually start seeingseeing differently.
The brain shifts and they startto see differently.
Oh, wow.
(40:25):
As in, if someone is really deepin, when she let's say she's
looking at you, okay, I'm sheand you're you.
Yeah, that was easy.
She's going.
She's seeing glasses, the hair,your, your chin.
She's breaking it up intopieces and not seeing you as a
(40:45):
whole.
Like you were saying, peoplefill it in.
Yeah, when you get, when peopleget sicker, their brain doesn't
fill it in, it focuses on allthe pieces.
And so some of the work thatthey do, some of the you know,
the neuro work that they doSomeone take that word back,
please.
Whatever I said, the work thatthey do with the brain really is
(41:06):
to try to give them picturesand have them look at the whole
piece.
So just look at Nikki as awhole, look at the room as a
whole, look at the structures,whatever they're showing the
person as a whole, and then tothe face.
Look at your face as a whole,as opposed to a bunk nose, you
know what I mean Like a weirdjowl.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Yeah, and I have.
I'm not an expert in that?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
um, does that make sense?
Did I explain?
No, yeah, and I have.
I'm not an expert in that.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
It's something I learned once, okay, my, I grew
up with that.
My mother, um, would what we'dwatch tv and she'd be like you
know, she's got like a weirdratio from like her nose to her
lip or like you know like herears are strange or you know
what I mean.
and then I would start to lookfor that and be like, and then I
took it into my adult lifewhere I would be feeling
self-conscious or like insecureabout myself and I'd be in like
(41:56):
an open mic and then a new girlwould come and all the guys
would be like, oh hey, and youknow like paying attention, and
I'd look over and I'd be like,oh, one of her socks is like
wrapped around, like likehanging down, like guys don't
like that, like, and I'm noteven kidding you that was like
one of the things I immediatelygo like okay, that's the thing
that my boyfriend's not going tobe, you know, attracted to her
(42:16):
because of this one thing thatonly I am seeing.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
So, yeah, I mean, it's just.
I wish I was an expert in thisone.
I had a cool term for this.
Yeah for this.
Yeah, but I don't.
But I know it's true, yeah, andI and I've never heard anybody
talking about it like that,though.
So when you're sick, you'relooking at the pieces, right,
and you're breaking them up asopposed to, which is more
healthy visual, just like seeingthings as a whole and putting
(42:41):
all those pieces together and,like you said, filling them in
and taking in the essence.
Yeah, as opposed to what?
what's all the things that arebroken, but it's crazy that the
brain actually changes and thatthe sight actually changes and
the way it buyers togetherchanges based off of how a
person has been thinking andlooking at things their whole
(43:02):
life.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
So you take it from looking at yourself that way and
now you're looking outwardslike that.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And I think, yeah, and then it's like you're like
well, if they have that then see.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
The world is how we see ourselves oh, that's true,
like I believe that, like thatbuddhist, that's a really good
point, yeah is that why peoplethat's I mean one of the reasons
maybe that what people havelike a lot of plastic surgery,
or they do a lot of work andyou're like, oh, are they just
trying to like balance it, or dothey only see their face in
pieces?
Speaker 3 (43:26):
I think that, like that, in that move, like I think
that, like that in that move,like I think that they well, we
don't know.
I don't want to say everyonethat's got plastic surgery has
anything wrong with them, but Iwill say that most likely they
were fixing things that they sawin pieces as opposed to a whole
, and again they're beinginfluenced by the homogenized
(43:47):
beauty and there's and, and also, who knows, when I first
started hating my face it's hadwas when I was 27 and I started
to look like my dad and my dadleft when I was eight.
so go figure, it's not justgrandma's jowls, it's also the
fact that, like these, these theway we look means things.
We have to learn about thosethings, as opposed to getting
(44:08):
caught up in our consumersociety and down this rabbit
hole.
And down this rabbit hole oflike I need to be fixed and
they'll create the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
It's right there for you if you're ready I'll step
right into it.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Yeah, so I guess we're just saying do a skincare
routine yeah fucking hum yeah,listen to affirmations.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I love that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
And also notice if it's making you feel better or
worse.
And why Focus on you knowobviously you, I get it.
You want shiny, glowing glassskin.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Like that's okay.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
We're not saying don't get that Cause.
I mean, that's why I joined too, but um, you know where is it
getting you?
How do you feel?
Are you feeling more betterabout yourself as you're doing
it, or are you feeling you knowless than?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Are these things coming up?
Is it not good enough?
Now do you need another product, Now do you need another.
You know procedure, yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yeah, so what would you say?
Okay, so, um, is there a way tolike put it into just like a
short phrase that somebody canbe like?
Um, like I'm looking in themirror, I'm feeling shitty about
myself right now.
What inventory can, how do youtake that?
I mean, you know, just be like,all right, I got to need to
take inventory on what thehell's going on in my head, just
(45:24):
to sort of you know, scan andsee what's happening in your
life and make a note of it.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
And see what's happening in your life and make
a note of it, inventory on allthe things we talked about.
I like it, though I wish we hadlike a specific word for it,
where all the letters stood forsomething.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need one of those.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
I feel like everything you're saying is like
as a lesson in like beingpresent and being mindful,
because you do have to bepresent and mindful to notice
those things, because payingattention to yourself when
you're doing it, it's such acool way to meditate while
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
yeah I think, first of all, the question is like
does this make me feel betterafterwards or not?
When you lay down in bed, inbed after you did it, when
you're humming and all thisstuff, do you feel like cool and
good about yourself, or are yougoing to bed and thinking like
about the piece of the part ofyour face that you don't like,
right?
So maybe that would be a clue.
(46:15):
I think everyone should be intherapy.
I know we all are here I agreewith you.
That's really helpful too,because the insight that you had
just that you know that you'renot really fat that day.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
That you're probably angry is because you've done so
much work.
You have so much insight now toknow that you can be suspicious
of your feelings and thoughts.
I think that's a big part of itis we need to be suspicious of
how we feel about things.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
I don't think people know that you, that your
feelings, aren't real all thetime.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
They aren't.
They can be validated, but theydon't need to be acted on Right
, right or we can get curiousabout them, like where is this
coming from or like why?
But I still love your idea oflike there being like a thing in
the routine where you can go.
Is this working or am I gettingsicker?
Speaker 1 (47:00):
I think that's probably enough, Like take a
check at the end and just belike am I feeling better or
worse than I did before Istarted doing this?
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Yeah, maybe it's just that simple.
Yeah, does this started doingthis?
Yeah, maybe it's just thatsimple.
Yeah, does this make me feelgood?
And maybe even weekly, like amI feeling good about this or am
I feeling worse?
Is my glass skin benefiting meor is it just making, making me
notice my nose more right?
Um, am I avoiding or am I overchecking?
Right, those are really bigthings.
Um, am I buying skincare withinmy budget?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
that's a big one.
Yeah, that'll tell you rightoff the bat that you're an
addict.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
At that point, you're , you're and I know this because
I buy way out.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
I should have tried to sell you some stuff when you
came over.
Oh yeah, I will buy it um butyou know what actually has
happened.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
I've gotten lazierier too because I was able to cut
myself off a bit.
I look every once in a whileand go like I want to look at
some skincare videos.
I actually really like it and Ilove facial massage and I want
more.
And I still am going tosomewhat fight, like honestly,
somewhat fight some of the likeaging that I know my family is
(48:13):
prone to, for example.
You know which is possible, youknow cancer.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Or you know the fact that, like our faces don't have
these, don't have like wide jaws, so it just sort of melts
forward Like that's fine.
I'm going to probably fightthat a little bit, also knowing
that, like, aging is beautifuland it's going to happen no
matter what, and no one thatloves me, really cares
absolutely.
Um, but I had a point that Iwas going to say before.
(48:44):
I said that anyway and I thinkthat, uh, what was?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
I saying um, it's sort of like you're looking at
yourself and trying to accept umthe things that you have, that
you have in your head.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
I think this is a good sign that even my brain is
trying to protect me from thisinformation.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Wow, that's interesting, that is really
interesting.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Well, that's a thing that happens.
Yeah, we like block it.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
That's so crazy.
Yeah, you just like yeah, I'vebeen in therapy where she's been
like wait, where did you go?
Speaker 3 (49:15):
I'm like, oh shit, I forget, I don't know I was gone
yeah, because our brain's tryingto protect us all the time and
so when we say the wrong thingor when we block out, like that,
I don't even know what I wastalking about, but I know I love
skincare.
I want you to love skincare.
I want you to love skincarebecause you do yeah but I think,
yeah, it's really importantthat we keep taking note of
these things and that we makesure we're doing it in like a
(49:38):
loving, beautiful way.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
I think even just bringing awareness to it as we
wrap up is so important.
What a dud I ended it like that.
No, no, here you have somethingelse?
Speaker 3 (49:51):
No, give me something else to say Use your closer,
it's my closer.
Go to therapy, everyone needsit.
Yeah, who do?
Speaker 1 (49:58):
yeah, absolutely I agree, and it's so much more
accessible now than it was.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
You know, even a few years ago I knew what I was
gonna say oh okay, great, I wasjust gonna say I got lazier
because now I pulled back and Ijust have my products now that I
love, yeah, and I just likekind of stick to those and
sometimes every once in a whileI let someone add something
Right, if I trust them and otherthan that, I just like it makes
(50:24):
me feel good at this point.
I think that's what's important.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
I think that's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
And I am just so glad , like I said, that there has
been an awareness brought tothis and, uh, it's it needs to
be talked about more honestly.
I definitely want to have youback and talk about it more I
would love to talk about it more.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Yeah, and maybe we can even like go.
What do we want to talk aboutin terms of it or, like you know
, how it affects women of ourage?
Speaker 1 (50:50):
yeah, or we could just go on Instagram and just
pick people apart you mentionedtherapy.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, that could be therapy.
Yeah, that's very therapeuticdoes?
Speaker 3 (51:02):
she realize that she doesn't look like herself
anymore.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I'm meditating.
She sucks.
Speaker 3 (51:08):
Yeah, you just keep going down the line, yeah and I
and I, you know, and I lovetalking about this type of stuff
because, as you know, on my'sdoing it wrong or right.
But how can we get betterguidance, not from just like a
(51:39):
random sorry, gen Z, gen X, genZ kid you know what I mean Just
like on TikTok, going like youknow whatever, but like just
some licensed people going okay,skin care is rad Also, be
careful of this.
Yeah, just like anything, justlike anything, just like
anything.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Well, I think you're I know I can tell just by
talking to you.
You're a fabulous therapist,alicia, yeah, and I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you came tosee me.
I'm so excited from jessica,yes, and her podcast, and then,
and then I was like well, ifit's good, she's good enough for
jessica.
She's kind of for me, so she'sgood enough for me.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
So yeah, you're like, I guess, yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
No, and then you brought up the topic and I was
like, yes, that's, we haven'tcovered that and I think that's
so fabulous.
So I just want to thank you somuch for coming and being with
us today.
Speaker 3 (52:26):
Thank you for having me.
We're for sure going to haveall the parts that I blanked out
on.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
I'm just too busy just finding your flaws, right
now no right.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
I need to accept my flaws right in front of you all
you think they're flaws, andwhen people hear you they're
just like oh, they're having aconversation.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
They're human.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
They're not picking apart your ums and ahs and stuff
like that.
Speaker 3 (52:50):
Exactly, and if you are picking apart our ums and
ahs, you have something wrongwith you exactly and go to
therapy, yeah, I didn't evennotice anything, but that's just
me all right.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Well, you guys, uh, this will be out, uh, next
wednesday oh wow, we'll find youon social media.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Oh yes, thank you.
Yes, oh my god please.
Speaker 3 (53:08):
okay, so please follow my podcast as well, zany
land, because it is so.
It's a project that is so nearand dear to my heart and it is
always talking to comedians andit's always about mental health.
Okay, that's number one.
Number two I am aliciaracinecom.
If you want to look at mywebsite and you want to learn
about my practice some of thepeople that work for me if
(53:28):
you're interested in therapy orwant to help support finding
therapy, I also have a sub stack.
Want to help support findingtherapy?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
I also have a sub stack um.
Speaker 3 (53:39):
Is that enough?
I'm alicia, I'm alicia, racine.
Okay with a is actually thelike infrasan sign.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
Okay, okay, and then zany land, you can also follow
on any social media I feel likeif you just typed in your all
three names, you're gonna findthat all of that stuff if you
put alicia racine Fink, it's allgoing to be there, yeah.
No one else has been named thatname before.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
It just used to be Alicia Racine, but I got married
.
What a Fink that's my add whata Fink right All right, well,
thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah, this will be out at 3 am on Wednesday.
That's fast.
Me in the bank.
We burned through them when Iwent away for a little while, so
uh, yeah, we need to catch upon that.
But, um, so, we we'll see youguys next week, so take care.
So nice to see you.
You are listening to, watching, hearing, smelling,
tasting and feeling.
Sex, drugs and skincare.
Like and subscribe.
Hey, welcome back to Sex, drugsand Skincare.
I'm Nikki Davis Jr.
I am a licensed comedianstand-up esthetician.
Thank you for laughing at that.
You're the only one.
It never gets new.
(00:21):
I say it every week, but it'snice that's why you do it.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
You do it because one out of a hundred and six will
laugh at it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
That's right.
This is episode a hundred andsix.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
No way that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Alex was saying what he laughs every episode.
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh, okay, good, I just we couldn't hear you, yeah
and being on 106 means that,like every other person we
weeded through, now we know thepeople who are on the podcast.
Everyone else was just blech.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, right, now we're finally.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
You're like finally ready, dear friends of ours,
dear friends of ours, practicerun 105, you know, get those are
all rehearsals, yeah, and thenonce we're 106 on, that's the
yeah, yeah, so we're golden.
We're good, we're good.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I've been doing natural skincare buckle massage,
structural facelift for over 25years.
And Sandro is here Sandro,yocolano, boyfriend, sherpa, set
decorator, co-patient with ourcouples counseling um what's
that?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
co-client?
Co-client.
Ironically, I am not trained inbuckle massage or facial
massage or am licensed inanything that's true so isn't
that weird, isn't that ironic?
No is it ironic, do you?
Don't?
You think I don't feel like Idon't think it's a little too?
Ironic don't you think?
(01:49):
What are you talking?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
about, I don't know, alex got it.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
That's why I said it okay, you gotta be subtle with
this stuff.
You can't just say people, it'sthat's how a good comedian
works.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
They're so subtle that you don't even yeah, it's
not even funny.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
No, because it's like I mean yeah, that's how I work
anyway more set it's.
It's the way it is.
Yeah, everything is an insidejoke for me.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Only I get it yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
And.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I say it inside You're so stupid, I know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Well, thanks for cutting it out.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well, you don't want to say an inside joke outdoors?
People look like you're anidiot.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
That idiot.
It's so true we're camping.
Don't tell a joke that we couldhave said inside, speaking of
setting aside.
Yeah, let's stop talking.
No, it's okay, we don't have to.
Um, do you have anything youwant to talk about?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I mean, I had a pretty good week.
I, um, I started sweating morebecause it got a little hotter
out, yeah, so that that feltgood.
And uh, other than that, no,I've been good.
I've been, uh, I've beentrading.
Um, I've been trading, I'vebeen trading.
I've been trading not goinginto the market for making money
, cash wise, so things are goingpretty well, perfect.
I've been selling otherpeople's bitcoin, hacking into
(02:54):
their accounts.
I have no idea that I'm doingit.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Things are going fine okay sounds good yeah but I'm
excited for today's guestbecause good yeah, but I'm
excited for today's uh guest,because me too we should
probably just get to it.
That's what I was gonna say,but I just want to point out
because I don't ever mentionthis is sondra was a paid
regular at the comedy store.
Oh yeah, um, I'm going to be.
I'm just gonna x out.
I'm gonna cross out nikkiglazer's last name and put my
name after it right, your phonewants to spell your first name
that way anyways that's true italways wants to put two k's
(03:20):
instead of the ck.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, but yes, if you're ever driving by on sunset
, he's right in the, he's rightbehind the parking sign yeah, so
if you drive by on sunset andyou see my name behind the park,
you see move the parking signs,you see my name yeah the
producers have done that onmultiple occasions and I
appreciate it very sweet um,yeah, and then nicky's, we're
advocating vandalism yeah, yeah,that's it, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Well, today we are going to talk about psych.
Is it psychology?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We don't know Mental health, mental health, that's
what it was we're going to talkabout mental health and skincare
.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
This is a first for us.
We have never combined the two.
We've done some somatic things,we've done like you know, but
we haven't done this much oflike you know.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Like parallels right to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And the good and the bad.
We're going to get to the goodside of it and focus, sort of
like taking a look at, you know,the way people are seeing
themselves.
Yeah, maybe in a bad way.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
That's fascinating to me because there's days that I
see myself completely differentin the mirror or I see myself
completely different in my head,and it's good or bad, and it
completely shifts.
So I'm I'm very curious on howthat actually affects.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm really excited.
Um, okay, cool, so let's bringher out.
So, um, she is a licensedtherapist.
Um, was there some?
Um, I'm just a licensedtherapist, okay, yeah, she's a
licensed therapist, I mean she'sgot a lot more to her than that
.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I'm sure, I'm sure I do, I probably do.
Okay, but I think we talkedabout I have a practice yes, she
has a practice A group onewhere people work underneath me,
and I have a podcast too.
Oh, and she has a podcast too,what's it called Zannyland?
Zannyland.
Yeah, it's mental health too,but I talk to comedians
specifically about, not you?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
oh, that's fine.
Yeah, I'm busy.
I'm busy, whatever day that is.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah well, someone told me you're a licensed
therapist, so I didn't want youon the show.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
No, it makes sense, you just want licensed comedians
by the way, I'm not a doctor,in case you're wondering.
Uh, I lost my license on thatand so I I don't give a medical
advice.
Anything you receive from me isis um, don't believe it yeah,
it's just, it's just an opinion.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, entertainment purposes, only.
It's only, you know, just makeskincare into an art form, you
know?
Yeah, yeah, that's all we dothat's it all right.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So I'm gonna bring, I'm gonna bring you out, I'm
gonna say your name, we're gonnaswitch and it's gonna be like
that.
So, uh, coming to the couchright now, alicia racine Fink
yes, alicia Fink, no, okay,alicia Racine Fink, yes, sorry,
yes.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Okay, got it.
That was so good and your nameis Nikki.
Yeah, that's right, perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
See, she got yours the first time she got it right
off.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Oh wow, With a CK.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, with a CK.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Nice thanks for coming.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, like louis ck, my favorite comedian yeah, it's
not louis kk no, okay, I'm soexcited to have to be on and I
love your earrings oh thank youthe pizza yeah it's their, uh,
they're festive they're so cool.
I have watermelon earrings.
I wish I had known oh yeah, weshould we.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Next time you come on , we'll do food based.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, okay,perfect um, you're wearing a
very cute outfit, by the way.
Uh, it's like a little eyelet,is that what that's called?
Speaker 3 (06:26):
I think this is called eyelet.
I love it, but you know what itfelt nice to me Like you were
talking about how it's gettingwarm and you're starting to
sweat again.
I got really excited because Iwas like I feel like I can wear
a tank.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
It looks like a very springtime outfit.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Synthetic stuff which I'm decked out in right now.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You're just wearing spun plastic.
When I sneeze, just like bluefuzz comes out of my nose Um.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I know spun plastic.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
That's it.
That's really what it is, um,but thank you so much for being
here.
Yeah, I'm excited, um, so yeah,so let's talk about that.
Like, let's talk about theconnection between skincare and
mental health.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Uh well, first I wanted to.
I mean, how do I even startright?
It's like skin care is the best.
I wish it was my other career.
It could be my other career.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I spent way too much time on it for good and bad
reasons, is why I'm here today.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But in general, I thought we could start with
talking about skin care routinesand the ritual.
I know you teach skincareroutines and I sort of wanted to
add this little fun element ofit can be a gateway drug, if you
will, to a self care practicethat I feel like most of us need
(07:39):
, right.
I mean, we really need rightnow.
Yeah, and I wanted to talkmaybe a little bit about what I
do in my skincare routine andhow I've sort of used if
anybody's, did anybody read thatbook?
Was it Habit?
What was the book that came out?
Everybody read it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Everybody but me.
I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Anyway, we won't talk about that.
But habit stacking is somethingwhere, like, you already have
one good habit, one ritual, andthen you add on to it, have one
good habit, one ritual, and thenyou add on to it, so maybe
you're already washer in yourface and, for example, like
every night I will hum likewhile I'm doing right because
(08:16):
that automatically stimulatesthe vagus nerve did you know
that?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I didn't?
Well, I know humming was goodfor you.
I didn't really know exactlyHis mom just got here from
Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
She hums, all day long, constantly humming, and
she's just always in a good mood.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
No, she's always liked to sing and play the piano
, but she just loves humming.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, it's a really cool one.
It's not one you maybe want todo at the grocery store but this
is why I think it's good.
In your bathroom at night whereyou add in a little humming, it
stimulates that vagus nerve andthen we're already telling our
body it can downregulate.
Right, we're activating thisparasympathetic nervous system
again and we kind of really weneed that throughout the day.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And so it's just a great somatic.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I know you brought up having someone somatic on here.
It's a great easy somatic termor practice that you can just
add like lovingly to whatever itis.
You know you teach people to doand what I do at night, so it
was a fun thought yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I love that.
I was just going to say I dowhen I take a shower, I put on
my sexy body affirmations at thesame time, so I go.
And it accidentally went to hiscar the other day and it's like
I am hot as hell.
No, I put hot as hell, no, Iput it like on my phone.
I turn it on while I'm taking ashower and it's just like eight
minutes of just like uh everyday.
No, it's like some other lady.
(09:33):
She's like maybe, um, likeLatina, oh, and she's like, uh,
I receive lots of compliments,but it's like it just goes on
and on and I just repeat it asI'm doing it and it's uh, I
think it's helping this isexactly what I'm talking about
right.
That's what I'm saying amazing,that's I didn't even know.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I'm gonna add that to my routine.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Perfect, you should add humming yeah, oh, I'm going
to, for sure, I'm going to wait.
I want sexy body I'll send itto you.
I'll send it to you yeah, thatthat's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So you do that while you're showering, you're doing
your thing, you're smelling yoursmells.
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It just kills two birds with one stone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's perfect.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I mean, you could do any kind of meditation while
you're in the shower.
Mindfulness Basically, we'retalking about creating a
mindfulness practice withskincare, and then I think
people are already reallygetting into skincare nowadays,
which is really cool.
And yeah, I mean, when you doyour skincare ritual, how does
(10:29):
it feel, or what do you teachpeople?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Um, what do I?
Well, there's, that's, twodifferent things yeah.
My skincare ritual probably asmuch isn't as much as you might
think.
I'm kind of lazy, oh, um, soyeah, yeah, ok, but what I would
tell somebody is you know youwould want to.
If you're going to wash yourface, wash it at night.
(10:52):
Yeah Right, did I say?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
that before.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, wash it at night.
You don't need to wash it inthe morning, right yeah, because
you're washing the dirt up atnight and then you don't want to
wash it in the morningnecessarily.
I did that, right, yes, oh good.
Yeah, people are over washing,yeah, and it's uh do you double
cleanse at night?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Um, you can, yeah, absolutely yeah, it just depends
, yeah, and how, like, if you'rewearing a lot of makeup, it's
probably a good idea.
I'm just like a skincare.
No sunscreen lather because ofthis.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
So you're going to need double cleanse.
Yeah, I double cleanse becauseof that for sure.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Um, yeah, and then also yeah, then, like a like I
like a nice hydrating serumunderneath some, maybe something
a spray with like hydrogenwater, like molecular mist, like
deuterium oxide with d2o.
That's just like, if you'refancy, it's just yeah you didn't
say dmt, did you?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
no, I did not say dmt , that's a different one.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
That's why I was in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So long there's a little green man in a different
one.
That's why I was in thebathroom.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
So long there's a little green man standing on my
shoulder, I'm in a differentdimension.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
She never comes out again.
Yeah, got it.
She fell into the tub, what Idon't know.
She took the ritual reallyseriously, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And it became like an ayahuasca ceremony.
Yeah, exactly, I'm throwing up.
We're not saying that.
There, I got the shaman inthere with me.
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
My skincare ritual.
I take ayahuasca on my skincareritual every night.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That's perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Oh, wow, yeah that'd be awesome, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Too much money on ayahuasca.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
That's so funny, yeah .
And then what else?
Just, you know, like a lightmoisturizer, depending on what
kind of skin you have, orsunscreen, sunblock, sunscreen,
especially if it's chemical.
Yeah, if they're super fair,yes, use mineral sunblock.
That's what I think.
And if you're, yeah, and Ithink it's just nice to not have
(12:31):
it on.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Oh, it's so nice.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I actually check my weather app to see what the UV
index is.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I do that too.
Oh, you do.
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
me.
I'm obsessed.
That's her favorite app.
The weather app is her favoriteapp.
It is actually amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I know, I didn't know that it's fascinating, but I
just check it because I'm likedo I have to wear sunblock today
?
Is there any chance I can?
Get away, I'm not sunblockpermanent, like I need my skin
to breathe yeah, just otherwisewear a big hat yeah, I do.
I'm not really a big hat personI wish I was.
Should I start that?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
yes, you know it's way easier and it's like it's
just so much nicer on your skin.
It's so much nicer on your skin, yeah he's a big hat person, in
fact one of the first times wewere hanging out.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
He had a big hat on.
We were hiking and she justwalked right into a tree.
I watched her do it.
I watched her do it you didthat.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That wasn't me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, that was you I remember you walked into it and
I actually said out loud I waslike are you serious?
Yeah, because I thought she wasjoking.
Did you do it on purpose?
I'm like did?
Speaker 3 (13:26):
you do it on purpose.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
You guys need a big hat line now you need to just
like add that to the whole thing.
That would be great, you guysmake your own hats.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
We all wear them.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Is that a hat or an eclipse?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
I really should get into hats, but I'm really into.
I wear sunblock like it's myskin.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
But I have to.
My mom has had melanoma liketoo many times yeah.
And so I'm really protective ofmy skin.
But I do check to go like we'reat like a one or a two.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And I'm like I'm not doing this today.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
No, no, no, yeah, no, no, no, yeah exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
What do you think?
Is that okay?
One, two, three, what do you?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
say You're not going to get burned for sure.
Uva rays I don't believe thatthe strength really decreases
much when the sun's up or downOkay, so as long as the sun is.
If you're getting sun right toyour face, I'm not a hundred
percent sure of this, but Ithink you might still be getting
the rays that penetrate yourskin and can sort of corrupt
(14:25):
your dna and make you older.
So I wouldn't.
I wouldn't sit and bake at sixo'clock even and just having the
sun right in your face oh, forsure but um, but yeah, if you're
just going out and just likegetting into your car, you're
going somewhere where you're notjust going to be like sitting
with the sun on you or yeah, ifit's like a super gray day,
level two, two, I'm okay.
Well, yeah but also 80% of thesun's rays still come through on
(14:46):
a cloudy day, oh God.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
I know right, I should actually be wearing it
every single day, I know itsucks.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I heard of a lady.
This girl Sadie something.
She was like wear it inside andI put on the comments.
I was like why Is it because ofthe windows?
Windows or not stand in thewindow, because it does come
(15:12):
through your window.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I mean in the car I know it's areally big deal.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I know that, like you really should,
especially in the car, actuallyhave, because one side of my
face will have like morefreckles than the other.
Oh yeah, but I, I try, I try togive myself a break, but I will
tell you from the computer too,Like we have to.
I'm on the computer all day.
We have to sort of protectourselves from that.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
I literally just changed my phone to the to the
like the the amber color.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh, is it constantly?
Can you do that?
Yeah, you can oh.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And it's better, for it's not as addictive.
There's a whole other addictionof people with that's true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, wherepeople get addicted to the blue
light for some reason, and itwas something.
Somebody came up with something, something, something, and then
it ended up in Vegas.
And no, in Vegas they want youto be like nee, nee, nee, nee
nee, oh yeah, with like the theypump the oxygen in and they
(16:03):
pump in the blue light in Like.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I'm never going home.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Free alcohol, basically steer them to where
you want them to go and whereyou want them to be with it,
just by the blue light, just bytriggering parts of the brain.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
So crazy, it's amazing so that's why, when, as
soon as I heard that, I was likeno, I just changed it last
night.
Yeah, yeah, so, anyway, yeah,so you know what.
You can interrupt me by any,any, anytime you need to.
I'm serious because I need youto keep on track, because I
don't know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Keep me we're keeping on track, yeah, but I am really
excited we talked aboutsunblock.
Yeah, I think sunblock isreally important and it is
really important to me.
It is authentically somethingthat I should talk about, that I
wear it all the time.
I try to check the UV.
I have like a filter on mycomputer.
I'm going to make it all ambernow.
I do use mineral because Iheard that like that helps
balance it as opposed to justyeah.
(16:53):
But, also, you're not gettingso many chemicals.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
It baked into your skin, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
And it's thick, so I have to wash it off twice at
night.
Yeah, and that's a greatopportunity to do things like
mindfulness listen to sexy assaffirmations.
Do your humming while you'remassaging your face, maybe
massage your little lobes ofyour ears and even like right
here in your ears, and wheneverI do this I'm like, oh my god,
it feels so good.
Um, that also stimulates yourvagus nerve.
(17:19):
So really, just sort of addingthat on to like let's say, if
you're, you were teaching amassage routine to the face um
which I know you do right onyour pantheon or whatever um on
my patreon.
I do the um uh and I teach it atthe pantheon.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
She's at the Pantheon in Rome In Rome.
Go there, yeah, absolutely noone has shown up yet.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I feel so good now.
No, but I'm saying like weshould go to the Pantheon now.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
We definitely should go to that, don't ever apologize
for bringing up Rome.
No, and I wash my hair withPantene.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Pigs.
You mean Just just.
Oh really, is that what you'rereferring to?
A little bit.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
No, I just heard that men are obsessed with Rome
these days.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Oh really, they're what.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
They're just obsessed with Rome.
Oh, men are obsessed with Rome.
Oh, interesting Roman history.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Probably because they think it's like a conquering
thing.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
And maybe men realized it like, oh, there were
a lot of men don't want toadmit that they want men or men
relationships, so they just say,hey, are you roman?
Yeah, and it's like, and thenthey wink and they know it's
like, oh yeah, and then they gettogether.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I'm not sure if he's he could be lying about I'm 100
bullshitting, but it could makesense, right, yes, okay, that's
all I'm saying so cute I'm not alawyer, so what were we talking
about?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
um, so we were talking about oh you, you
massaging, oh I teach aself-massage class at the
Pantheon.
You can get great tickets rightnow on Expedia.
But yeah, we do the face withour hands and we also we do work
on the ears.
Yeah, I do everything.
I do everything.
Also, I would put my handsbehind my it's to sort of
(18:56):
release the part of the vagusnerve that's back here.
Oh yeah, I think it's reallyimportant.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
yeah, the exactly now that's all mental health right
there, for sure.
Yeah, yeah, because thatanything that you can do to
self-relax, self-soothe, isreally important yeah um, so, so
, basically yeah, and then, andso I think, integrating and
habit, stacking all these thingsinto your routine, but also
just having the ritual, I think,even though you said you're
lazy, it doesn't sound that lazy.
(19:20):
It still sounds like you haveyou wash off your makeup and put
on some things at night, and doyou massage too at night, or is
that a different part of theday?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
To yourself you know, what I do is I sit and I watch
TV and I, like you know, I playwith my lips, or you know, or
like I'll you know, just do someit's mindless sort of massaging
, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you know, and then I'lldo like neck exercises and
things like that, but I don't dolike a full on massage, okay.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I'm trying to find something to do it to.
So basically you do.
It's kind of what happens to,right.
We're just like yes, yeah,we're just like but you have
like your nighttime routine.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
You definitely take care of yourself.
You make sure that you're allset, like put you know, but like
take stock in yourself and likeyeah, I think it's really
important.
It creates self-worth I thinkthat it's a ritual is really
great before bed I'd love it um,so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Maybe we're saying obvious things in a sense, but I
feel like any woman that reallywants to get invested in this
or wants to take time to learnthis massage, or then wants to
add on any type of routine whereyou can have vagus nerve or
mindfulness, is really fantastic.
And if you really can focus on,I think, skincare as a way of
self-care and as a way toenhance or make yourself feel
(20:30):
good, it can be really positive.
And then there's the other part.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Let's talk about the and then.
That's the fascinating part forme is the and then.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Well, it's interesting because when I first
suggested it to you, I was likeis she going to want me to talk
about this?
Because in some ways it isgoing like whoa hold on Skincare
is awesome.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, but it can go too far.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
absolutely, I agree with you a hundred percent, yeah
, and we are living in a worldwhere women are.
It is like I think there's amed spa on every corner.
Um, I don't even know.
People are like only talkingabout the tariffs because they
now can't get their koreanskincare.
I hadn't even know.
People are like only talkingabout the tariffs because they
now can't get their koreanskincare I hadn't even thought
about that.
Oh, it's been everywhere andit's only because I follow it,
(21:20):
because I'm also right an addictof skincare and so, um, and I
know a lot about this actually,because I've had my own stuff.
Funny enough, I um wanted to do, during the pandemic, a YouTube
called the Drunk Esthetician.
And it was me playing acharacter where I was pretending
(21:42):
to be an esthetician and myname was not Alicia, it was
Alicia, and Alicia had a Bostonaccent because that's where I'm
from, and she would talk aboutskincare, but like while drunk
and like you know, kind of justlike I, like I love that kind of
teaching real stuff, but likeeffing it up at the same time
yeahand I started it out and, um, it
was the pandemic.
So we were all not well duringthis time and I started to
(22:07):
really dig deep into skincarevideos and to skincare
everything videos, end ofskincare everything and it
became kind of compulsive yeah,where I was doing it to learn at
first, but then I startedwatching and watching, and
watching, and watching, andwatching and unfortunately the
beauty industry believes inhomogenized beauty where we all
(22:29):
are supposed to essentially lookthe same like a Kardashian,
apparently, or an alien orwhatever it's supposed to be.
Look the same like a kardashian, apparently, yeah, or an alien
or whatever it's supposed to beyeah and um, I had already had
some sensitivities around thisjowling.
That's like happening right here.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I'm 47 oh my god, you don't look at and come see me
anyway.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah, 100 right, but like I'm really I start I I
already had sensitivity aroundthis part of my face and I
always have, because I've alwayshad a bit of a chubbier face
here, and this was.
You know, I'm mostly IrishCatholic and like this is just.
This is what we look like right, I mean and so um my
great-grandmother, I think shehad, like you know, she
(23:09):
developed these like little kindof hangy job right things so
I've always had this sensitivityaround it.
Um, I fought it, I have alreadyfought it a lot and then, with
that sensitivity, aligned with,I think, some of the isolation
of the pandemic, aligned withjust the addictiveness of the
blue light, we're all staring atour faces on every app too zoom
(23:31):
.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
You're looking at yourself all day long yep and
and and.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Honestly, facetime is cruel what is facetime doing?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I look, so I actually kind of like luck.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
I like how I look on zoom.
I think I get kind of hot onzoom, but when I get to facetime
it's like oh no, facetime isscary.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, I look like abe lincoln.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
He was hot like and every young person I know wants
to call me on that including mydaughter, and then I like get
off and I just hate it's hard.
You answer it like this yeahyeah, um, and so I really
personally even as a therapist,with everything that I've worked
through didn't realize that,that the videos were becoming
(24:13):
compulsive.
I didn't know.
So I started to really struggle.
Also, aging is hitting me, so alot of things were hitting at
once and I myself started to golike, okay, I'm really not
feeling well about how I look,and the skincare routine isn't
necessarily the skincare routine, because I associate with some
(24:33):
positive things, but the wantingto change, the wanting to um.
So essentially, what I foundout is that it was body
dysmorphia.
Body dysmorphia is based off ofperceived flaws.
Perceived flaws are associatedwith this homogenized beauty,
because it's something thatdoesn't fit, and this is such an
(24:56):
interesting, fun fact.
I thought everyone should knowwhen people think about body
dysmorphia they're thinkingabout the body Really?
Actually, no, it's, 90% is neckup.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
So many men come body dysmorphia around hair loss.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh my God, I hadn't even thought about that.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Yeah, I mean, and it's perceived hair loss,
sometimes they're not evenreally losing it, or losing it
at a rapid rate.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
So what you're saying is, my face isn't the problem,
it's my body.
So I don't have I have bodydysmorphia about my body, but my
body's gross.
My face is okay, oh you'regoing.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I don't have body dysmorphia yeah, I don't have
body dysmorphia you're notworried about yeah well, you
know, you could be the 10, youcould be the 10, I don't know.
But but yeah, I think it's, Ithink it's great because I don't
think people are realizing thatlike it mostly does affect the
neck up.
It's called body dysmorphia, butit's mostly the neck up and the
neck up.
I think.
Obviously there's a lot goingon with the body and there's so
(25:52):
many other diagnoses that gowith that, and there's eating
disorders and there's all theseother things.
But I think it's reallyimportant for us to address here
, because we're mostly talkingabout the face.
And I think mostly what you workwith is the face, and again I
think that it's a great, it canbe a great routine.
But also, like, what I want totalk about is when do we cross
(26:14):
the line and how do we cross theline?
And also just even give theinsight alone of like it's 90%
neck up yeah it's aboutperceived flaws.
This is a perceived flaw.
Yeah, that the world is tellingme I should not be getting
exactly and I do still want youto work on them so so I also
want to say like how do we alsohold the dialectic of can I
(26:36):
accept and how do we do that?
Can I accept?
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
But can I also work on it, right?
And what does this mean aboutme and all these other layered
things?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Do you find that you beat yourself more up if you're
having like a bad day?
I noticed that I have bodydysmorphia too.
I've had eating issues like wayback in the past and I think my
body looks terrible and fatwhich is why I'm doing the
affirmations.
But and then I'm like wait aminute, I can't really like I'll
look at myself from the side.
I'm like there's nowhere elsefor me to go with the skinniness
(27:11):
what.
What's going on in my life thatI'm beating myself up for?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
right now.
Why am I hating myself?
You are so intuitive.
Honestly, when did you learnthat?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I just, I don't know, maybe a few years ago I started
putting it together.
I'm like this is weird, becauseI don't have anywhere else to
go.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, and like the interesting part is and this
happens with my clients all thetime is that like'll they'll
remember because I'll ask them,like how did you feel two days
ago?
And they might have felt hotand now, today they feel fat,
okay, yeah and so I call it thefat attack, and so I mean, this
is not a clinical term, but Icall the fat attack, and what
the fat attack is is exactlythat.
(27:47):
It's that, as I'm gonna say,women right now, but it's not
only women.
We often don't feel safe aboutour anger, and so we do a thing
called interject it.
We turn it in on ourselves.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
You just gave me the goosebumps.
You just gave me goosebumps.
This is so right on the money.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Take that anger and we go right back in Yep and this
is a safe place.
Unfortunately, it's not a safeplace, but we think this is the
safe vessel for us back inwardsRight, and so interjected anger
for you and me becomes aboutsomething wrong with us.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And then we're already sensitive about this.
And then all of a sudden I lookin the mirror that day and I
have a complete breakdown that Inow have jowls.
Or you have a completebreakdown that you're like have
jowls.
Or you have a completebreakdown that you're like, oh
my god, I am so fat yeah, yeah,absolutely you couldn't be
fatter it'll ruin my day yeah,but it really is.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
You're probably mad at him it's very likely that you
could say that probably about alot of different things I do.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Universe, you're just here, so I took it out on you,
but no for sure no, it's me,definitely for me, definitely
from you and she probably in themoment doesn't know how to feel
it hold it, contain it addressit speak to it, because women
are really not taught to do thatand we're very, very vulnerable
to this.
And then the industry at thesame time is constantly telling
(29:13):
us that there are things wrong,and so we get really stuck in
this vulnerable position of likeI have this anger, it's turned
inward.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, it must be that I'm bad yep, I can fix that I could.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Yeah, I can control that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, I think I can control that.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, you think, and that's why more women die of
eating disorders than anythingelse no way more than addiction.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Guys.
That says so much about oursociety and no one's talking
about it because it's women.
Yeah, exactly, oh my god nosorry.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I mean there are lots of men that deal with this too,
and it's unfortunately at a.
It's a growing rate, which isso, but you know I'm.
I'm coming from my own personalexperience and most of the
people that I work with arewomen.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, yeah, I mean they target us.
I mean the algorithms are justsending us more and more and
more and more of what we, whatwe think we're supposed to look
like.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Yeah, yeah, and I can't just like walk around and
go like, oh my God, I made it to47.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm doing fun things
that I like I happen to havelike a little slight jowl, okay,
that you think you have.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
That you think you have Right, exactly Because we
don't see it.
Yeah, but again, it's aperceived, absolutely Right.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
These are perceived and you know, I know that I'm
not completely crazy, like Iknow, like I said, my great
grandmother has it.
You know it's happening and Ican see the littlest bits of it
happening, but to the amountthat it makes me crazy in my
head, to the amount that I thinkabout it and wanted to change
it.
So after the Drunk Esthetician,I ended up having to shut it
(30:44):
down, which is sad because itwas a fun project and I had
hired a therapist because I waslike, okay, this is what is
happening to me, I work withthis, with other people.
But what I didn't actually knowat the time, because I mostly
worked in eating disorders, thatit was 90% neck up.
I actually learned that myselfin like 2021 or something.
(31:05):
And he was like we need toidentify some compulsions.
And I was like, okay, toidentify some compulsions.
And I was like, okay, and Ididn't know.
And then I was like, oh, I'mwatching.
I'm going to bed every nightwatching skincare videos, one
after another, after anotherafter another, and not just
skincare.
I had moved into filler, botox,plastic surgery.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Solutions for what you think that you have
Solutions for what's wrong withme and they're right there to
give them to you too, to makeyou think you need them.
They do.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Playing on loop while you're sleeping, oh my.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
God, yes, going right into your subconscious.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
And I want to say right now I support anybody and
anything that they want to do.
So if I have a client who'slike I've hated this nose my
whole life, do so.
If I have a client who's likeI've hated this nose my whole
life, I want to get a nose job.
I am not going to tell them no.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
What we do do is we we make conscious what's
happening, why they're doing it,setting like appropriate
intentions um knowing that likeit's probably not going to help
their depression but it mightmake them feel a little bit
better about their nose Causesome people think that, like if
I change my nose, I'm not nolonger going to help their
depression, but it might makethem feel a little bit better
about their nose, because somepeople think that like, oh, if I
change my nose, I'm not.
(32:13):
no, longer going to be depressed, yeah, or I no longer am going
to interject anger, no, you'vebeen learning that for 40
something years.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Right, yeah, we have to actually learn how to not do
that.
But I don't stop women and I'vedone my own stuff.
Like I have a little bit of lipfiller, I'll talk about it.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I'm okay with it.
I like it.
Yeah, it looks fantastic.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Thank you, I um get the number I got it for my
wedding and I loved it, and youknow I don't want to stop anyone
from that, but at the same andthat's what I'm seeing I'm
saying like the dialectic well,I can't talk right now the
dialectic of how do we holdacceptance, not buy into
homogenized beauty.
Let ourselves be unique, letourselves age, use skincare as
(32:57):
self-care, right All thesethings, and not fall into the
trap of I need to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, I'm not enough.
I'm not enough is so huge, huge.
I need to buy more um and notbecome.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
You know a person that once sat on my couch that
had like 48 plastic surgeryroutines.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Oh my god, surgeries, yeah I mean, I feel like when
you buy stuff too online, youget that dopamine rush because
you know that thing that youthink is going to fix your whole
life is coming.
And then you get it and you'relike oh man, that didn't fix my
life.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
It didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That lipstick didn't fix my life, lip plumber no.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
But it feels good when you do it, it does feel
good.
Yeah, Do you have any thoughtson it?
Like just just from your ownpersonal experience, like how do
we continue to lean intoskincare in a really healthy and
safe, fun good way and avoidthe rest?
How do we stay away from it?
Speaker 1 (34:00):
My way of doing it is I don't look in the mirror all
the time and I think we look inthe mirror way too much.
I'm not even sure we'resupposed to be looking in the
mirror as human beings.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, are we supposed to knowwhat we look like?
I remember when I was a kid youdon't know what you look like.
You just think you just youlook, you're just you.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
And then suddenly you're told you're fat, you're,
you know you're this or that andthen you start add like a other
side to that coin because Ithink that's important.
But I do agree when you gocamping, like I feel super
beautiful when I'm camping.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Exactly that's a very good point.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Yeah, when I'm out there.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
I don't ever look at any reflection of myself, I just
feel good.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
You can't even tell how ugly you are when you're out
there.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Absolutely not.
When I'm looking at a mountain,I'm like man I'm unattractive.
But I'm saying it with a bigsmile on my face.
Yeah, yeah, so it's so true,right?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
I mean, you just feel so good when you're out there
breathing the air and you'removing around.
You wake up in the morning andyou just feel super beautiful.
Yeah, so I agree.
And then I, and then I will sayin the body dysmorphia world,
though, um, some people startavoiding looking at their face
completely I do that with mybody and not with my face yeah,
(35:16):
and and so sometimes theexposures are to not shut off
your, your view on your zoomevery time or not avoid the the
mirror.
Um, and actually doing my ownpodcast and being filmed and
seeing my face all the timeactually really helped within a,
within a um structured way.
(35:36):
So I'm not body checking orchecking the mirror all the time
, but kind of regularly I haveto sit and edit my my videos and
look at my face and go like,okay, that's who I am and also,
more importantly, I care aboutwhat I'm doing, I love what I'm
doing and I'm so much more thanmy face anyway, absolutely, but
this exposure is good for peoplewhen they're avoiding.
(35:57):
And yeah you know if you'reavoiding your body, because
either people body check or theyavoid.
Yeah, did you ever do the bodychecking?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Oh, constantly, yeah, oh yeah, it would be this, yeah
and then.
But also I wouldn't look in themirror and I still, to this day
, like have a very difficulttime looking at myself straight
on because of the perceivedflaws that I have, which is why
I do the body affirmations.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Really really beautiful yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
So it's helping.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Do you ever go like, nope, you're looking, I'm
looking at my body, I'm going toaccept it myself today.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Sometimes it's hard, I don't, yeah it's, it's, it's
like I have to back into themirror sometimes and then just
be like okay, you know what Imean.
Like it's it's not like, it'snot easy.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
sometimes I'm like no , it's not easy.
It's not easy for me.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah.
It's not easy with all the workthat I've done and all the
stuff that I know.
Algorithm is bikinis, so youknow, I love bathing suits.
I just love bathing suits.
I just think they're so cute.
They are so cute.
I love the ads, though, whenthey have girls that actually
look like real people, yeah.
But then sometimes I'll getones where it's just like super,
(37:01):
super skinny girls, and thenI'm like I don't think I can do
that like, and if I do, I'm likethat means I'm not gonna be
able to eat, and you know what Imean and it gets in your head.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
It does get in your head, yeah, yeah, I mean I would
say social media needs to becracked down on a little bit For
individuals.
I don't want to be anyone outthere that's telling people they
can't make content or docontent Right right right.
I don't want to be part ofthose people, but I do think for
ourselves, it's important forus to maybe look at what we're
(37:33):
following and but then again,like you said, you could just
look at something for twoseconds and they're gonna start
selling you ads every day everyday, so maybe it's how much time
we spend on social media Idon't know but we do need to
crack down on it a bit.
Um, and then what did help mewas he was like okay, so don't
watch it.
For like an hour to two hoursStarted to get crazy.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
What the podcast?
It was the pandemic.
No watching videos.
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
And it didn't mean that I couldn't watch videos.
It meant that I, you know,needed to crack down a little
bit on how much I was watchingthe videos, and just knowing it
was a compulsion was helping.
It's just accountable to it,being accountable, knowing that
avoiding the mirror was nothelping me, obviously not
(38:19):
overlooking in the mirror, right, um, and those things started
to become really helpful.
And then we started to talkabout what my views were about
my beauty and how I had grown upthinking that was like really a
part of my self-worth and therelationship between feelings
(38:42):
and beauty, which I had alreadyknown about fat attacks from the
eating disorder world, sort ofkind of understanding this
introduction of anger even more,and how to address feelings so
that when I felt on the days Ifelt really ugly, to start to
get suspicious with that andstart to go, I might be feeling
something else that I'm notaddressing Absolutely.
That was really helpful.
And then, finally, one of themain things I worked on was who
(39:08):
loves me the relationships thatI have and who loves me despite
my beauty, like they could givetwo flying bucks if I look good
that day or not they don't evensee what they don't know.
They barely even look at youthey're barely.
You know what I mean like mysister, for the love of god, she
does not give a flying buck.
Oh my god, no, how I look rightyeah she just wants to like
(39:29):
spend time with me and laugh orwhatever you know.
And so how many people that youhave that are in your life and
making those relationships moreimportant than any of the
relationships that are based onyour looks.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I feel like, unless you're like super sick or like
there's like a huge change inlike your face or whatever they
see you, the same always.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
They don't see like oh no she's having a weird face
day, Like no, it's just like yo,hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
They like you look the same, but to you you're just
knocking yourself down.
Or you're like oh, they mustsee me like this.
Or but no, they just love youfor who you are.
That's amazing.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
Yeah, it's really cool.
And then also, when people getreally sick, the occipital bone
we're talking about that.
So the reason why I'm sayingthat is because they've actually
text tested women with eatingdisorders, body dysmorphia, and
they actually start seeingseeing differently.
The brain shifts and they startto see differently.
Oh, wow.
(40:25):
As in, if someone is really deepin, when she let's say she's
looking at you, okay, I'm sheand you're you.
Yeah, that was easy.
She's going.
She's seeing glasses, the hair,your, your chin.
She's breaking it up intopieces and not seeing you as a
(40:45):
whole.
Like you were saying, peoplefill it in.
Yeah, when you get, when peopleget sicker, their brain doesn't
fill it in, it focuses on allthe pieces.
And so some of the work thatthey do, some of the you know,
the neuro work that they doSomeone take that word back,
please.
Whatever I said, the work thatthey do with the brain really is
(41:06):
to try to give them picturesand have them look at the whole
piece.
So just look at Nikki as awhole, look at the room as a
whole, look at the structures,whatever they're showing the
person as a whole, and then tothe face.
Look at your face as a whole,as opposed to a bunk nose, you
know what I mean Like a weirdjowl.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (41:28):
Yeah, and I have.
I'm not an expert in that?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
um, does that make sense?
Did I explain?
No, yeah, and I have.
I'm not an expert in that.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
It's something I learned once, okay, my, I grew
up with that.
My mother, um, would what we'dwatch tv and she'd be like you
know, she's got like a weirdratio from like her nose to her
lip or like you know like herears are strange or you know
what I mean.
and then I would start to lookfor that and be like, and then I
took it into my adult lifewhere I would be feeling
self-conscious or like insecureabout myself and I'd be in like
(41:56):
an open mic and then a new girlwould come and all the guys
would be like, oh hey, and youknow like paying attention, and
I'd look over and I'd be like,oh, one of her socks is like
wrapped around, like likehanging down, like guys don't
like that, like, and I'm noteven kidding you that was like
one of the things I immediatelygo like okay, that's the thing
that my boyfriend's not going tobe, you know, attracted to her
(42:16):
because of this one thing thatonly I am seeing.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
So, yeah, I mean, it's just.
I wish I was an expert in thisone.
I had a cool term for this.
Yeah for this.
Yeah, but I don't.
But I know it's true, yeah, andI and I've never heard anybody
talking about it like that,though.
So when you're sick, you'relooking at the pieces, right,
and you're breaking them up asopposed to, which is more
healthy visual, just like seeingthings as a whole and putting
(42:41):
all those pieces together and,like you said, filling them in
and taking in the essence.
Yeah, as opposed to what?
what's all the things that arebroken, but it's crazy that the
brain actually changes and thatthe sight actually changes and
the way it buyers togetherchanges based off of how a
person has been thinking andlooking at things their whole
(43:02):
life.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
So you take it from looking at yourself that way and
now you're looking outwardslike that.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And I think, yeah, and then it's like you're like
well, if they have that then see.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
The world is how we see ourselves oh, that's true,
like I believe that, like thatbuddhist, that's a really good
point, yeah is that why peoplethat's I mean one of the reasons
maybe that what people havelike a lot of plastic surgery,
or they do a lot of work andyou're like, oh, are they just
trying to like balance it, or dothey only see their face in
pieces?
Speaker 3 (43:26):
I think that, like that, in that move, like I think
that, like that in that move,like I think that they well, we
don't know.
I don't want to say everyonethat's got plastic surgery has
anything wrong with them, but Iwill say that most likely they
were fixing things that they sawin pieces as opposed to a whole
, and again they're beinginfluenced by the homogenized
(43:47):
beauty and there's and, and also, who knows, when I first
started hating my face it's hadwas when I was 27 and I started
to look like my dad and my dadleft when I was eight.
so go figure, it's not justgrandma's jowls, it's also the
fact that, like these, these theway we look means things.
We have to learn about thosethings, as opposed to getting
(44:08):
caught up in our consumersociety and down this rabbit
hole.
And down this rabbit hole oflike I need to be fixed and
they'll create the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
It's right there for you if you're ready I'll step
right into it.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Yeah, so I guess we're just saying do a skincare
routine yeah fucking hum yeah,listen to affirmations.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I love that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
And also notice if it's making you feel better or
worse.
And why Focus on you knowobviously you, I get it.
You want shiny, glowing glassskin.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Like that's okay.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
We're not saying don't get that Cause.
I mean, that's why I joined too, but um, you know where is it
getting you?
How do you feel?
Are you feeling more betterabout yourself as you're doing
it, or are you feeling you knowless than?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Are these things coming up?
Is it not good enough?
Now do you need another product, Now do you need another.
You know procedure, yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yeah, so what would you say?
Okay, so, um, is there a way tolike put it into just like a
short phrase that somebody canbe like?
Um, like I'm looking in themirror, I'm feeling shitty about
myself right now.
What inventory can, how do youtake that?
I mean, you know, just be like,all right, I got to need to
take inventory on what thehell's going on in my head, just
(45:24):
to sort of you know, scan andsee what's happening in your
life and make a note of it.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
And see what's happening in your life and make
a note of it, inventory on allthe things we talked about.
I like it, though I wish we hadlike a specific word for it,
where all the letters stood forsomething.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need one of those.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
I feel like everything you're saying is like
as a lesson in like beingpresent and being mindful,
because you do have to bepresent and mindful to notice
those things, because payingattention to yourself when
you're doing it, it's such acool way to meditate while
you're doing.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
yeah I think, first of all, the question is like
does this make me feel betterafterwards or not?
When you lay down in bed, inbed after you did it, when
you're humming and all thisstuff, do you feel like cool and
good about yourself, or are yougoing to bed and thinking like
about the piece of the part ofyour face that you don't like,
right?
So maybe that would be a clue.
(46:15):
I think everyone should be intherapy.
I know we all are here I agreewith you.
That's really helpful too,because the insight that you had
just that you know that you'renot really fat that day.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
That you're probably angry is because you've done so
much work.
You have so much insight now toknow that you can be suspicious
of your feelings and thoughts.
I think that's a big part of itis we need to be suspicious of
how we feel about things.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
I don't think people know that you, that your
feelings, aren't real all thetime.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
They aren't.
They can be validated, but theydon't need to be acted on Right
, right or we can get curiousabout them, like where is this
coming from or like why?
But I still love your idea oflike there being like a thing in
the routine where you can go.
Is this working or am I gettingsicker?
Speaker 1 (47:00):
I think that's probably enough, Like take a
check at the end and just belike am I feeling better or
worse than I did before Istarted doing this?
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Yeah, maybe it's just that simple.
Yeah, does this started doingthis?
Yeah, maybe it's just thatsimple.
Yeah, does this make me feelgood?
And maybe even weekly, like amI feeling good about this or am
I feeling worse?
Is my glass skin benefiting meor is it just making, making me
notice my nose more right?
Um, am I avoiding or am I overchecking?
Right, those are really bigthings.
Um, am I buying skincare withinmy budget?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
that's a big one.
Yeah, that'll tell you rightoff the bat that you're an
addict.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
At that point, you're , you're and I know this because
I buy way out.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
I should have tried to sell you some stuff when you
came over.
Oh yeah, I will buy it um butyou know what actually has
happened.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
I've gotten lazierier too because I was able to cut
myself off a bit.
I look every once in a whileand go like I want to look at
some skincare videos.
I actually really like it and Ilove facial massage and I want
more.
And I still am going tosomewhat fight, like honestly,
somewhat fight some of the likeaging that I know my family is
(48:13):
prone to, for example.
You know which is possible, youknow cancer.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Or you know the fact that, like our faces don't have
these, don't have like wide jaws, so it just sort of melts
forward Like that's fine.
I'm going to probably fightthat a little bit, also knowing
that, like, aging is beautifuland it's going to happen no
matter what, and no one thatloves me, really cares
absolutely.
Um, but I had a point that Iwas going to say before.
(48:44):
I said that anyway and I thinkthat, uh, what was?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
I saying um, it's sort of like you're looking at
yourself and trying to accept umthe things that you have, that
you have in your head.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
I think this is a good sign that even my brain is
trying to protect me from thisinformation.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Wow, that's interesting, that is really
interesting.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Well, that's a thing that happens.
Yeah, we like block it.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
That's so crazy.
Yeah, you just like yeah, I'vebeen in therapy where she's been
like wait, where did you go?
Speaker 3 (49:15):
I'm like, oh shit, I forget, I don't know I was gone
yeah, because our brain's tryingto protect us all the time and
so when we say the wrong thingor when we block out, like that,
I don't even know what I wastalking about, but I know I love
skincare.
I want you to love skincare.
I want you to love skincarebecause you do yeah but I think,
yeah, it's really importantthat we keep taking note of
these things and that we makesure we're doing it in like a
(49:38):
loving, beautiful way.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
I think even just bringing awareness to it as we
wrap up is so important.
What a dud I ended it like that.
No, no, here you have somethingelse?
Speaker 3 (49:51):
No, give me something else to say Use your closer,
it's my closer.
Go to therapy, everyone needsit.
Yeah, who do?
Speaker 1 (49:58):
yeah, absolutely I agree, and it's so much more
accessible now than it was.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
You know, even a few years ago I knew what I was
gonna say oh okay, great, I wasjust gonna say I got lazier
because now I pulled back and Ijust have my products now that I
love, yeah, and I just likekind of stick to those and
sometimes every once in a whileI let someone add something
Right, if I trust them and otherthan that, I just like it makes
(50:24):
me feel good at this point.
I think that's what's important.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
I think that's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
And I am just so glad , like I said, that there has
been an awareness brought tothis and, uh, it's it needs to
be talked about more honestly.
I definitely want to have youback and talk about it more I
would love to talk about it more.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Yeah, and maybe we can even like go.
What do we want to talk aboutin terms of it or, like you know
, how it affects women of ourage?
Speaker 1 (50:50):
yeah, or we could just go on Instagram and just
pick people apart you mentionedtherapy.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, that could be therapy.
Yeah, that's very therapeuticdoes?
Speaker 3 (51:02):
she realize that she doesn't look like herself
anymore.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I'm meditating.
She sucks.
Speaker 3 (51:08):
Yeah, you just keep going down the line, yeah and I
and I, you know, and I lovetalking about this type of stuff
because, as you know, on my'sdoing it wrong or right.
But how can we get betterguidance, not from just like a
(51:39):
random sorry, gen Z, gen X, genZ kid you know what I mean Just
like on TikTok, going like youknow whatever, but like just
some licensed people going okay,skin care is rad Also, be
careful of this.
Yeah, just like anything, justlike anything, just like
anything.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Well, I think you're I know I can tell just by
talking to you.
You're a fabulous therapist,alicia, yeah, and I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you came tosee me.
I'm so excited from jessica,yes, and her podcast, and then,
and then I was like well, ifit's good, she's good enough for
jessica.
She's kind of for me, so she'sgood enough for me.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
So yeah, you're like, I guess, yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
No, and then you brought up the topic and I was
like, yes, that's, we haven'tcovered that and I think that's
so fabulous.
So I just want to thank you somuch for coming and being with
us today.
Speaker 3 (52:26):
Thank you for having me.
We're for sure going to haveall the parts that I blanked out
on.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
I'm just too busy just finding your flaws, right
now no right.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
I need to accept my flaws right in front of you all
you think they're flaws, andwhen people hear you they're
just like oh, they're having aconversation.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
They're human.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
They're not picking apart your ums and ahs and stuff
like that.
Speaker 3 (52:50):
Exactly, and if you are picking apart our ums and
ahs, you have something wrongwith you exactly and go to
therapy, yeah, I didn't evennotice anything, but that's just
me all right.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Well, you guys, uh, this will be out, uh, next
wednesday oh wow, we'll find youon social media.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Oh yes, thank you.
Yes, oh my god please.
Speaker 3 (53:08):
okay, so please follow my podcast as well, zany
land, because it is so.
It's a project that is so nearand dear to my heart and it is
always talking to comedians andit's always about mental health.
Okay, that's number one.
Number two I am aliciaracinecom.
If you want to look at mywebsite and you want to learn
about my practice some of thepeople that work for me if
(53:28):
you're interested in therapy orwant to help support finding
therapy, I also have a sub stack.
Want to help support findingtherapy?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
I also have a sub stack um.
Speaker 3 (53:39):
Is that enough?
I'm alicia, I'm alicia, racine.
Okay with a is actually thelike infrasan sign.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
Okay, okay, and then zany land, you can also follow
on any social media I feel likeif you just typed in your all
three names, you're gonna findthat all of that stuff if you
put alicia racine Fink, it's allgoing to be there, yeah.
No one else has been named thatname before.
Speaker 3 (53:58):
It just used to be Alicia Racine, but I got married
.
What a Fink that's my add whata Fink right All right, well,
thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah, this will be out at 3 am on Wednesday.
That's fast.
Me in the bank.
We burned through them when Iwent away for a little while, so
uh, yeah, we need to catch upon that.
But, um, so, we we'll see youguys next week, so take care.
So nice to see you.
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