January 15, 2025 • 50 mins
“What a gift to help your partner heal wounds you didn’t create” - get real about the messy, beautiful journey of accepting your partner exactly as they are, even when it triggers the fuck out of you.
Fresh off their accidental holiday break (thanks Christmas chaos!), Meg and Jacob dive deep into what true acceptance looks like in partnership. From those subtle moments of trying to change your partner’s essence to the profound healing that happens when you let them be exactly who they are, this conversation gets raw about the practice of loving someone’s full expression - awkward dance moves, loud laughs, and all.
This isn’t your typical “just love them for who they are” chat - it’s a vulnerable exploration of what happens when we dare to feel our own discomfort instead of trying to change our partner. Whether you’re the one holding back your true self or the one secretly wishing your partner would “just dress better for family events,” this episode offers real talk about creating a relationship where both people feel free to be their messy, magnificent selves.
They also riff off on:
•The sneaky ways we try to control our partners
•Why saying “I accept you” is the easy part
•How to handle your triggers when your partner is fully expressed
•Creating safety for the “little boy” energy in men
•The difference between toxic behavior and authentic expression
•When it’s okay to speak up vs. when to practice acceptance
•The gift of healing through partnership
and so much more…
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#consciousrelationships #authenticity #acceptance #intimacy #healing #partnership #relationships #podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What a gift. What a gift toallow someone to heal wounds
(00:05):
that you didn't create. What agift like that's, to me, such a
beautiful experience. What agift it is to help your partner
heal their wounds that youdidn't actually create. You may
have perpetuated or you may havepoured a little salt into them,
but these wounds happen beforeyou, and that is a
responsibility, a sacred duty,that we can as practitioners of
(00:31):
devotion and love and polarityand intimacy, that we can commit
to Yo yo, yo. Lovers, welcome,welcome. Welcome to sex, love
and everything in between. We'rethe O'Neills. You're here with
Meg and Jacob, andthis is the place we have really
uncensored conversations aboutsex, intimacy and relationships.
(00:54):
We're super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode. Hello,love it, yo, yo. Welcome back.
We'vehad a few weeks off. We have
we're sorry, because Christmas,it was not silly season, it was
(01:16):
definitely not planned. No, wewe accidentally had a few weeks.
We accidentally didn't do whatwe were supposed to do.
Christmas, New Year's familyhaving a bait. Well, it was a
lot easier to podcast when wedid the birth series, when he
was like a newborn, and he sleptfor hours and hours and hours at
a time. So now he's a littlebit bigger. Yeah, and we're
(01:38):
all just finding our way withpodcasting and creating content
for you, becausewe work on our own schedule,
like holidays, aren't they? Whenpeople are other people on
holidays, it doesn't feel likeholidays for me, but yeah, it
was like trying to be onholidays as well. It's a really
funny sort of situation. So wewe dropped the ball, but we're
back.
We're here. Thanks for beingpatient. We've got, I like the
(02:00):
idea of like, if you like, Iknow podcasts I listen to and
like, know when they come out,and then when they don't come
out, I'm like, what? Or like, aTV series or something like, if
that was you, I love that. Ilove that you're so committed to
our podcast every week, butwe're sorry for not creating
content for you for like, two orthree weeks.
You want to get those TV seriesdone before we sell our TV. No,
(02:22):
okay, before we get into today'stopic, which is going to be all
about accepting your partner forwho they are. I saw this really
cute reel on Instagram lastnight, and it was this family
for Christmas had bought theirkids, or, like Santa had bought
their the kids, like, a 90sstyle TV, so one of those small,
like, box kind of things, andthen also the other big package
(02:44):
was, like, a huge amount ofVCRs, so like, videos, and I
don't know if they had a TV, butlike, the kids were really,
really excited. And then puttingall the VCs, they're all, like,
Disney movies and stuff. And Itold Jacob about it, and Jacob
was like, let's get rid of ourTV. Let's sell it. Let's sell
it. We're selling it. And we'realready not doing screens after
730 which is stretched a littleat 730 but now we're probably
(03:08):
gonna get rid of our TV. I'mexcited for it. We didn't have a
TV for the first like six yearsof our relationship. Yeah, it's
probably only been the lastthree or four years,
and we've really made up for it.
Yeah, we love someNetflix, don't we, and some Stan
and some Hulu to beanyway, we're getting rid of our
(03:29):
TV. And I love you. If you don'tknow this about Jacob, once
Jacob decides something, hedecides something,
and it's done. If anyone wants a50 inch Sony flat screen is
gonna be on a Facebookmarketplace. It's probably
already gone, actually, by thetime you missed out. Sorry,
you're out of the no andif you like, my love is blind
(03:49):
commentary on Instagram. I'msorry that's no longer gonna be
the case because we don't have aTV
and we will not be watching TVon our laptops. You've already
thought about that, haven't you?
I knew you'd already thoughtabout, okay, anyway, let's move
accept me for who I am, a trashTV loving gal. Yes, that is my
(04:10):
practice. Yeah, I'm goingpractice. I
was gonna really flow into that,but let's, let's just park that
there. And somuch for getting straight into
it. Well,also, now that we have a small
child, we have to, yes, we'rekind of on the clock with that
episode. So if you hear ustalking really quickly, it's
(04:31):
because we feel like our son isabout to wake up.
Polarity, masculine, feminine,no. We're going to talk about
weaponizing polarity later on inanother episode, yeah,
(04:52):
but this episode, this one rightnow, we're going to talk about
accepting your partner for whothey are. I'm. Oh, she's little
snores in the background. Are socute, right now, incredibly
cute. Anyway, accepting yourpartner for who they are. I feel
like this is one of the deepestgifts we can offer a partner in
(05:13):
relationship. This is like,truly, yeah, truly accepting.
Like, truly accepting who theycome to the relationship as this
is the ultimate like form oflike practicing unconditional
love. Not that any of us areactually fully capable of
unconditional love, becausewe're human. But there's this
(05:37):
like transcending of likeempathy, of like, Oh, I feel
what you're feeling too. Hey,I'm okay with who you are and
what you're feeling and how yoube in the world. And that's
like, compassion just isn't forwhen someone's having a hard
time. Compassion is when youcan, like, really see love and
accept someone for all of theirversions of themselves, all of
(05:58):
the ways in which they show up.
And this is like, by far, one ofthe most incredibly healing
things as well in arelationship, because that part
of your partner may never havebeen allowed to shine or present
itself to the world based on theinsecurities of their parents or
the bullying that they got whenthey were in school, or the way
(06:18):
in which they experienced lifeas a young child, when they
learned that who they werewasn't enough, or who they were
was too much.
And this is where if we I wasgoing to say if we nail this in
relationship, but if we devoteourselves to offering this to
our partner, because it truly isan offering to offer this
(06:41):
experience in partnership, whereour partner feels like they can
be themselves and they'reaccepted for bringing themselves
to the relationship when weoffer that to them this, this is
where relationships are deeplyfucking healing and life
changing andkind of what they're meant for.
In my opinion, I feel like thisis the whole premise of a
relationship is to be loved andseen for who you really are.
(07:07):
And there are so many spaces.
And maybe this isn't well, I'msure a lot of you listening to
this don't have as many spacesin your life where you don't
feel like you can show up as youlike. I'm just looking at
thinking of my life 1012, yearsago, there were so many places
in my life, probably every realmof my life, I didn't feel like
(07:28):
it could be me. You know, I hadto feel like I put masks on when
I went to work, and then whenI'm with these family members, I
couldn't show this part. Andwhen I was in this relationship,
I couldn't show this part. Andnow I look at my life and I'm
like, I feel like I can show upand bring the fullness of me in
every aspect. And if there is aplace or a room or a
relationship where I don't feelthat, I close that door, I do
not walk back into that room.
(07:52):
And so given, but given that wedo live in a world that we're
not really taught or we're notreally accepted for who we are,
again, we can create thisexperience for our partner,
where our relationship becomes aplace they can rest into
themselves like it comes a placewhere it feels rejuvenating and
(08:13):
life giving, because they're notexhausted by putting on all
these masks or caging up partsof themselves or diluting parts
of themselves or trying to besomething else, like this is
where relationship and and whowe are for our partner can
become replenishing, nourishing,nurturing, rejuvenating, life
(08:35):
giving,And in that like you, the person
that receives that then feedstheir energy back into the
relationship, and it's like thisbeautiful reciprocity. I'm just
like, really feeling like, whatit's like to have that level of
consistency in a relationship aswell. Where, like you said the
(08:56):
word devotion, can you bedevoted to the deep and profound
acceptance of who your partneris, to allow them the space to
remember who they were beforethe stories and beliefs that
they weren't enough if they're aman or if they're too much if
they're a woman, got installed.
(09:17):
And this is not a learning, thisis a remembering like for me, we
just had my my birthday thispast week, and for the first
time, I actually felt like Icould enjoy myself on my
birthday. I got to like I feltlike you loved me for who I was,
and not that you haven't in thepast, but it felt like you're in
this deep, almost acceptance ofhow I wanted to spend the day.
(09:44):
And this was like, it was such abeautiful moment for me to be
like, Ah, this is what this iswhat love feels like. This is
what home feels like. This isme, remembering the parts of me
that I had i. Not cut off, but Ihad, like, deactivated, I had
powered them down and put themon the shelf. And these are the
(10:07):
things that make me fun. Theseare the things that make me
Jacob. And that has allowed moreof my Yeah, more of my
expression in our relationship,but also in the world. I just
feel more more me, and I feellike I'm in my groove, and I
feel like I've got a little morefluidity in how I can, like,
(10:30):
move through life. I'm not sorigid, I'm not so stuck, I'm not
so weighed down by who I need tobe for you or who I need to be
for my clients, or who I need tobe for, oh sure, who I need to
be for my family, it's like, no,I'm me, and I'm the meest me of
all me, and you're the US you'veall used, and that's a beautiful
thing, and that's only reallybeen made available through the
(10:54):
deep acceptance that you'veoffered me In moments where I've
brought more of myself online.
And even though you might notunderstand it, even though it
might not be comfortable foryou, you've been able to be with
your discomfort and allow me thespace to be myself. I love that.
(11:19):
I really want to deepen intothat piece around discomfort
there, because it's one thing tosay, I accept my partner or I
accept you. That's a really easything to say, yes. It's so easy
to look into your partner's eyesand say, I accept you for who
you are. It's another thingentirely to embody that, yes,
(11:43):
like that's a moment to momentpractice. And no matter who you
are or and who your partner is,there will be a moment, no
fucking doubt, and I do notbelieve anyone could be the
exception to this. There will bea moment where your partner is
something behaves in a way,brings themself in a way that
(12:06):
makes you uncomfortable, thatmakes you want to change them,
that feels like, uh, maybe it'san outfit they wear and you want
to go, uh, I wish you wouldchange those pants. Or like, I
don't want you to wear that. Ormaybe it's the way they do their
hair, or maybe it's the way whenthey're with their friends from
(12:27):
their childhood, or the friendsthey hung out with as a
teenager, their voice changes,or that used to be one for me,
but all of these things, maybeit's The way she gets really
loud in a group, like, whateverit might be, there's there's
going to be a moment, no doubt.
And I know you, probably all ofyou, can feel this in your body
(12:47):
where, and I feel like a lot ofthe time, the discomfort, yes,
there's probably things you wantto change about your partner
around the home, but I think alot of the discomfort around the
things we want to change aboutour partners, expression and the
way they are, I feel like thathappens in other like, when
other people are involved inpublic spaces around maybe it's
(13:12):
like you don't like the thingyou're like, for example, no.
And I want to really speak intothis, because I used to be
really I used to probably lookyou in the eyes and say, I
accept and love you for who youare. And then there were so many
things in our relationship whereI was covertly, slimly trying to
change you, and I wasn't inintegrity with that statement.
(13:37):
And an example of, this is alunch we went to. This is
probably, like, six years agonow, it was the lunch I showed
you that photo of what I waswearing the other day. And I
remember getting dressed and Ifelt so sexy, and I felt so
good. And we were going out withmy, like, cousins and my my
sisters and, you know,South southern East Brisbane.
(13:58):
And,like everyone loves to dress up.
And it was at this fancyrestaurant, and I can't remember
what you wore, but you woresomething that I just felt
wasn't dressed up enough.
There'sthis really cool pair of vintage
Billabong bodies and a white tshirt, the plain white t shirt,
so board shorts and a white tshirt. And like, I knew everyone
else would like, the men wouldprobably be in college shirts
(14:20):
and all these things. And youwalked out and I told I told
you, I don't even remember. Ithink I know. I said, are you
wearing that? Isthat what you're wearing? Is
that what you're wearing? Andlike, underneath that was like,
I'm not okay with that. I don'taccept what you've chosen to
wear, and underneath that was, Idon't want to be perceived i I'm
(14:44):
attached to you, and I don'twant to be perceived I want to
be perceived in a certain way.
Yes, that's a huge piece. You'realready an extension of how I'm
perceived by the outside world.
So if you don't fit. How I wantto be seen. Therefore, I'm going
to feel uncomfortable, and ifI'm not aware, I'm going to try
(15:06):
and change you so I can beperceived in the way that I
want. Yes,so we have two options in that
situation, and we'll use this asthe example. Me wanting you to
change what you wear, buyingsome Birkenstocks, some nice
pants, beautiful. Just COVIDstuff, just cotton on sports.
(15:27):
We have two options in asituation like this. In that
example, I could have, and Idid, I was like, you're wearing
that. I was feelinguncomfortable with what you were
wearing. So instead of beingwith my discomfort, I decided to
I want you to change. So I don'thave to feel this feeling. I
(15:48):
want you to go and put on yournicest collared shirt and some
jeans or whatever the fuck Iwanted you to wear. I want you
to go and put on that outfit. SoI don't have to feel this
nervousness around how peopleare going to perceive you, or
how people are going to view youor what that's going to be like
that is not in integrity withthe statement, I accept you for
who you are. If we are trulydevoted to this practice of
(16:13):
accepting our partner for whothey are, we must be willing to
feel the discomfort in a momentlike that. We must be willing to
go, Ah, you want to wear this?
Okay? Wemight even voice it into the
space. Oh, I feel the part of methat wants to tell you to change
right now, but rock it like getit right. It's, it's this
devotion to, instead of lettingthe feeling of discomfort come
(16:36):
up and then letting that drivethis desire of change. Stop
doing that thing, stop behavingin that way. Stop dressing like
that. Stop wearing your hairlike that. Stop being so loud,
stop changing your voice, stopbehaving in that way. So I don't
have to feel this discomfort.
No, we go, I'm going to feel thediscomfort that arises when my
(16:58):
partner behaves like that, whenthey speak like that, when they
dress like that, when they cuttheir hair like that, whatever
the fuck it is, I'm gonna feelthat discomfort so that I can
give them the gift of feelingand being deeply held in this
field of acceptance. And I wannajust make a note here that, and
(17:18):
we'll speak into this in a bit.
We're not talking about reallytoxic behaviors or unsafe
behaviors or behaviors that aredisrespectful in relationship.
We're talking about your partnerjust being them, like this is,
yeah, I'llgive an example of what of like
a behavior that you're allowedto speak up about. So for
instance, if I'm on my phone inbed at night and I'm watching
(17:38):
reals, really I just need tosay, I don't like the word
allowed. You're allowed to speakawkward about anything, but in
terms of, like, yeah, sorry,this is one that, like, we've
given an example of you feelingdiscomfort and wanting to change
me. Here's an example of yourpartner, a part, a behavior that
your partner is displaying thatI feel is more appropriate for,
like, Hey, I this is, this isdishonoring, you know, our
(18:01):
shared space. Yeah? So if I'm onmy phone at night time,
scrolling, and we're in bed andthere's and every second reel is
some loud screeching reel, and,you know, we're powering down,
yeah, that, in itself, is a waylike that is, that isn't like,
I've just got to be with mydiscomfort. No, no, that's a
shared space. That's like, Hey,listen, that's, I feel as though
you're not respecting, you know,the bedroom, and that's a
(18:22):
completely differentconversation, whereas the one
that we're speaking about likehow I dress, how I express
myself, my unique essence andthat I want to bring through
that that in itself, issomething that we're here to
love and accept in each other.
Yes, another thing that I loveto do is sometimes I just love
to beep The horn on my carpeople, and that can be quite
(18:44):
annoying as well, but that Ilike doing that, and I'm gonna
keep doing it, and it'ssomething that I do. When have
you done I've done that a fewtimes, and yeah, and you haven't
liked it. I only remember thatsaying that's something that is
a part of your essence, and it'snot
part of my essence. It's like away that I it's kind of like a
dog barking. It's like myversion, like, if I see someone,
I'm beeping, and I might beep alot, I might be four or five
(19:06):
times, Oh, you do Yes, I do dothat, yeah. But that's a part of
who I am, and that can be alittle hard to accept, but it's
also just a bit the cheekinessin me, yes, and it's a part of
my expression. SoI want to, oh, that was
something I was going to say.
Then, I think I like the piecearound that essence piece then
(19:29):
and your expression, because,let's say I really gave up. It
was probably after thatexperience. I really gave up
having an opinion on what youwore. Yes, even for, like we do
photo shoots for our business. II personally want them to look a
certain way. You actually don'tgive a fuck. I never tell you
(19:49):
what to wear during a photoshoot, because I know, even
though my desire is for it tolook a certain way, I know your
brand or like who you are is.
Not. You're not curated. You'renot You're gonna rock up in
whatever fucking feels good. AndI know that is such a gift like
me, honoring that in you, me,for those listening to the audio
(20:13):
that is oh, she like me, holdingyou, me, me, letting go of any
part of me that wants to ortries to, because sometimes
there is still a part of me thatmight want to go like, I wish
you would just put on thefucking shirt when we're in a
(20:34):
photo shoot or that, but, butnot acting on that, not bringing
that forward, not trying tochange you so I feel a certain
way, or I can have my way. Yeah,what does that fucking feel
like?
That's like, it's like I canrelax. I can relax into the
moment, and I'm not constantlyfeeling like I'm about to be not
(20:58):
torn to shreds. That's not it,but that I'm not there's just
not going to be, like, a littledig or a little chip, like, for
me, it's not the big, like,you're gonna, like, Judge me or
shame me, but it's just thoselittle, those little ones that
are like, are you gonna wearthat? Or in, like, the
discomfort coming through inlike, little, like micro pieces,
(21:20):
they're the things that then putme on edge, and then I build
resentment, and I'm like, Idon't even want to be here. Why
I didn't choose what I meant.
And then I start to becomedefensive, because I'm not
allowed to be who I want to be,and I don't like getting dressed
up for certain things. Oh,little man, he might need a
little bit of booby. That'sfine, hey, little man. It's
like, Oh, give him this for alittle bit. There we go. I find
that when I'm accepted, I feelrelaxed. Hold on little man,
(21:45):
here we go, here we go, here wego. Big Boy, I we,
(22:06):
I feel relaxed to be who I trulyam, and therefore then I want to
engage, I want to connect, Iwant to be a part of the
experience. That's what I loveabout it like when I'm allowed
to be myself, I'm more excitedabout what's going on in the
environment. So if that's afamily barbecue, if I can rock
up and wear what I want and feellike I can be myself, then that
(22:28):
environment is a space. It's bigenough for me to be there. It's
there's enough room for me to bein that space as the version of
me. That's true, and I thinkthat that's really what, what I
feel everyone wants in theirlife is to be able to be who
they are, no matter wherethey're they're at, no matter
who they're with, no matter whatthey're doing. And
(22:51):
I think this is such a beautifulcontemplation for for anyone
listening, if you're inpartnership or future
partnership, or evencontemplating this in your past
partnership, where, where am Inot making my partner feel like
it's okay to be them and likethat might be really fucking
confronting. Yes, right? Whereare you covertly trying to
(23:13):
control them and their behaviorand their expression and their
essence and who they are in theworld, like, where? And this
might be really obvious orreally subtle, but the subtle
ones are still just as, youknow, controlling or harmful. I
would say, as you know, ustelling our partner, oh, don't
(23:33):
do that. Oh, don't say that. Oh,don't be like that. You know,
there can still be some covert,sneaky ways we do this, but
we're basically saying the samething. So yeah, where are you?
Where are you communicating toyour partner that it's not okay
for them to be them? And thenalso, if you're in partnership,
bring this to your partner. Askthe question, hey, I would love
(23:54):
to know when is there anycircumstances or any like or
when, when do, when do I makeyou feel like it's not okay to
be you? That's the question.
When do I make it feel when do Imake you feel like it's not okay
to be you?
Yeah, I'm just like, when do Imake you feel like, when do you
(24:16):
feel it's not okay to be you? Ithink that's like the essence of
it. Yeah, when do you feel it'snot okay to be you around me? I
reckon maybe you don't likethem. I don't like I don't think
you can make me feel anything.
But, um, yeah, when, yeah,that's um, I think that's a
but I think, you know, we'lltake this. We're not agreeing on
this. But I think there's a deepownership in that too, that like
(24:39):
when, um, when? Let's use theclothing example, if I wouldn't
have said, like, there weremoments where I continued to try
and control you, and thatcreated a feeling of you not
wanting, like, not feeling likeyou were free to be you in the
relationship. When don't youfeel free to be you in our
relationship? Yeah? Would thatbe a better question?
(24:59):
Yeah? Don't you feel free to beyou in our relationship? That's
a great question. That is anincredible question. We're going
to write that one down, say itagain.
When do you not feel free to beyou in our relationship? When
do you not feel free to be youin our relationship? Is he
asking that right now? No, I'mjoking.
(25:20):
I don't care.
That is such a beautifulinvitation to share vulnerably.
That is it i? That is theepitome of like that is such a
well framed question, and it'sdone with enough curiosity and
not done with any intention tofix, solve or change your
(25:40):
partner? Yes, it's a way of melearning to understand where I
can show up better for you inour relationship, which
inevitably is for us both.
And there is such like, I feellike we need a whole other
episode on this, but thehumility it takes to ask a
question like that to yourpartner, the level of ownership
(26:02):
and openness it takes to ask aquestion like that to your
partner and be open andreceptive to what comes through,
to be ready and willing to hearthem if they say, oh, when I'm
around your family, I alwaysleave feeling I'm Not good
enough, or when, when I'm aroundmy friends, you always make me
(26:23):
feel like I'm too loud or I'mtoo expressive, where I'm just
having a good time with mymates, like really hearing and
these are kind of all thingslike that. One is that's a very
real one from our relationship.
What did you say to me thenext morning after my 30s, Jacob
hadhis 30th like so this is five
years ago, and I'd never beenback home to your house. I had
been back home there, but not,not with, like, all your
(26:49):
friends, all you know, and Ididn't like we met when I wasn't
drinking. And like, um, not thatyou were like, yeah. Anyway, the
next day, I was like, Who wasthat? I don't even know.
Who do I even know who you are?
Again,don't recommend that. I've
learned a lot over the last fiveyears. Hello. But that was that
(27:11):
was basically saying, I'm notokay with what the behavior of
last night and none of thebehavior. You had some drinks,
but you weren't making me feelunsafe. You didn't make like
there wasn't behavior that feltdisrespectful or anything
like that was not aggressive orunhealthy help. There's no
(27:32):
unhealthy expression toward youor anyone who
big. You were loud, you werefully fucking expressed, and it,
it was like, whoa. It was partof me that was like, I just
wanted you to stand beside meand love me the whole night, and
I just wanted to be the centerof your world the whole night.
And so that was me wanting to belike, Hey, don't do that,
(27:54):
because I feel I don't feelspecial. Hey, don't do that,
because I don't feel like thecenter of your world. And now I
know, you know there'ssituations or experiences in our
relationship, maybe before oshi,where we'd be at parties, and I
know that you maybe your highestexcitement of that night is not
(28:16):
to just sit by my side and makeout with me. Maybe the highest
excitement for you is to just bealone on the dance floor, like
loving life, or, you know, to beoff somewhere like and that.
Yeah, me not trying to controlor make you wrong for how you
wanted to express that's I'velearned that so much in those
kind of settings, especially,yes, 100%
(28:42):
what else the piece that Iwanted to I was like, Oh, you've
given a lot of examples of howyou could do and I was like,
Well, how do I, how do Iapproach this from I found that
I like, even most recently,they're like, me like, making
jokes about certain things. Whatdid I make a joke about the
(29:02):
other day? And just, was it wasout of character, which just
wasn't. It was a more of my wayof, like, sort of saying I'm not
okay with that. I can't rememberwhat I what I what I said, but
essentially, I was, like, usinghumor as a way to, kind of like,
tell you that it wasn't okaywhat you were doing. I made a
joke around. I can't rememberexactly what it was, but I made
a joke, and it wasn't, it was itwas done not to incite
(29:26):
connection. It was done toalmost like make fun of you, to
kind of make you feel less thanor make you like that. Was like,
Oh, if I beneath what I wasdoing. Was like, hey, I want you
to change. And I don't know, Ican't directly ask for that or
project that directly. So I'mgoing to do it passively, which
is something that if you've hadthe nice guy or the people
(29:48):
pleaser mentality in your lifeas a man, you're more than
likely going to try tomanipulate or passively
aggressively change yourpartner, rather than directly
project. Something on to them,and it's more of a victim
mindset that I've I feel likeI've done it at times where
I've, like, tried to change youthrough more manipulation and
(30:12):
passive approaches, rather thanjust being like, straight up,
like you need to change becauseof this.
Totally yes, that I don't do.
You have any examples of that?
NotI'm trying to think of one, but
I don't have any, any exactexamples.
I feel like this has been a bigthing. I've probably been more
of the one in our relationship,whereas I've been like, I accept
(30:36):
you for who you are. But thenthere's like, for me, this has
never played out in a very overtway, it's always been very
covert in our relationship whereit's like, these small things
that I'm trying or like,control. For me, one of the big,
my biggest shadows in ourrelationship has been the part
of the controlling part of meand feeling how she wants to
(30:57):
work in and change the way, likethis came up huge in when we
started working together, theearly days before our podcast,
where we would do, you know,group, courses and things, and I
would, you would say things, andI would grab your leg, and it
was almost like, that's notokay. The way what you just said
(31:17):
was not You shouldn't say that.
You shouldn't Express like that,you should express like me. And
again, that made you feel in ourconversations. I'm sure you can
speak more into it, but like, ofcourse, that wasn't going to
make you feel free or excited towork with me, because I was
saying, Hey, don't do that.
Don't be like that.
Yeah, this is my thing. It'slike, oh yeah, we're working
(31:40):
together, but you do it how Iwant you to do it, yeah, and
what? Sorry, just to bring itback to, like, the practice of
this for me, then in our worktogether, even on the podcast,
sometimes there's things you saythat you know, bring up
discomfort in me. And insteadof, like, grabbing your leg or
asking you to stop the podcastand know what, I don't, I don't
want to, I don't want people tohear you say that, or I just now
(32:02):
have to be with my discomfortlike you're different to me and
that I feel like in my practice,in like being with my discomfort
around like not trying tocontrol how you express, not
dimming or like diluting youressence and your expression and
your gifts has truly thencreated a field where it's
(32:27):
evoked more of your gifts, thegifts and made you feel safe to
bring more of your essence andto deepen and make your your
expression more fierce andpotent in the world and in our
CO creations.
I just had a I just rememberedthe way in which I don't accept
me complete another asshole toyou, whenever you're playing
(32:49):
into like the you're playinginto the bigness of life, I
would inadvertently like try toshrink it, shrink your desire
for more. I would like my whole,my nervous system. Like, no, no,
no, and I would be like, Are yousure? Are you sure we should do
that? Like, I would like, secondguess you in that because I was
uncomfortable with the bignessof your, you know, your of how
(33:11):
you wanted to live, live lifelike you. You were always able
to see possibility. And in that,it would trigger my discomfort
of like, Oh, if we do that, thenwhat will my parents think if we
do that? What will my family myfriends think if I do that, that
seems reckless, that seemsimmature, that seems unreliable,
that doesn't seem like a verymature thing to do. So I would
(33:34):
shrink. I would I wouldpassively, passive, aggressively
try to shrink you and say that,hey, you're too much. I remember
doing that when we were talkingabout, like, back in the day,
when you were talking about,like, your sister going overseas
with her partner, and howexcited they were. And I was
like, No, I would never do that.
I would never go overseas with apartner. And they instantly just
(33:55):
shut you down when you weresharing excitedly about
something. And that is atendency that I feel like I've
played out many times sincethen, of like, you'll be excited
about something, and I can,like, become quite closed off to
the idea of it, because it meansmore work for me. It means I
have to, like, break, I have to,like, expand again. And I'm
like, gosh, just gettingcomfortable. Oh, now you want me
(34:16):
to be uncomfortable? How dareyou? I take it personally. And I
think I've, I'm definitely don'tdo that anywhere near as much,
but I feel like I have had timesthat's sort of the thing that
comes up for me. Yeah, isaround, like, our lifestyle,
like, I'm like, Oh, we just got,we just made it to here, and now
you want to go again. Oh, we'vejust done this. Now you want to
go again. There's always beenthis beautiful, like, expansive,
(34:38):
Renegade, part of you, andthat's been something that I had
to learn was okay to have in ourlife. It was more than okay. It
was actually inspiring. Andrather than being intimidated by
it, I could actually allow toshow me where I was still
holding on. Yeah, so that wouldbe my one. Do you feel that's
(35:03):
true?
I don't feel that at allanymore. I definitely felt that
at the beginning stages of ourrelationship, but I don't, I
don't feel that. I feel likeyou, one of your deepest gifts
has been to this has been deeplyhealing in our relationship,
that you've, you have felt heldan impeccable field of
acceptance for me, yeah, and Ithink that's one of one of your
(35:26):
gifts, and I think that is oneof my greatest gifts now. But I
was so not doing I thought I wasdoing it at the beginning, and
in many ways, maybe I was. Butfor the parts, whenever I felt
uncomfortable with yourexpression, I would do my very
best to change how you wereexpressing, yeah, in a very
slimy, passive Yeah. Don't dothat kind of way.
(35:49):
And this also is probably like adirect reflection about
childhoods as well. Like I wasthe oldest, and I was always
celebrated for being loud andexpressive and on show. Yeah,
yeah, bud. And for you, I don'tthink like you were more quiet,
contained, reserved, and I feellike, yeah, like, that part of
(36:12):
me was something that I wasloved and then not loved, and I
had to learn how to, like, bringthat back online through our
relationship, like find my powerto stand in who I was number
one, and know when you areprojecting something and
discomfort onto me, and thenalso allowing you to like,
allowing you to see those partsof me as well, and trusting that
(36:34):
you will love them or judgethem, and then love them like
that. We're going to movethrough these things.
I remember there was a time inour relationship. Can I see
that? Yeah, I remember there wasa time, and this was probably
around the time that I told youthat, that the story I said
before, about the the outfit andmy family event. There was a
(36:59):
time where something happenedand you, I didn't even know
what, what was the catalyst forthis, but I really realized how
much you in what at the time, Iwould call it your little boy
energy, but it was just yourexcitable energy, the part of
you that was like, like, anexcited Little kid, right?
(37:20):
Whenever you were in thatenergy,
I I would be like, don't dothat.
And I would, I don't, the wordrepulsed is too strong, but it
was this feeling of like, no,like, where's my man. I don't
want the excited boy, you know.
And how I how I would literallymake you feel wrong for being in
(37:42):
that energy. And so, forexample, it's like your 30th
birthday, you you were excited,you were just in the vibe. You
were dancing to the music youloved. You were like, just in
that. And I made you feel wrongfor being in that. I made you
feel like, who were you, I don'teven recognize you. Basically,
like, Who is the man that's notthe man that I love? Like, like,
(38:05):
I'm saying myself right now,like, and I was listening to a
John Wineland podcast the otherday, and he said something so
beautiful, and I might butcherit right now, but it was
basically like, don't.
(38:25):
You can't. You can't push awaythe boy and expect the king. We
can't make wrong the boy, yeah.
And it's like, demand the king,yeah. And that's what it felt
like. It was like me being like,be an impeccable King, like man,
but then reject the boy. Butdon't bring me that boy part of
(38:46):
you. Don't bring me that littleboy part of you. And it's like,
oh my gosh, like, andsimultaneously I was expecting
you to embrace and accept andhonor the fullness of me, all
parts of me, like, no, no, no,no, no, no.
(39:06):
Sounds a bit unfair. Totally.
And I really, if you're a womanlistening to this in a
heterosexual relationship, like,really, this might feel so
fucking confronting for youright now, because maybe you're
listening and being like, Oh, myGod, it would fit. This is like
the deepest thing that I cravefrom my man. I want him to
honor, honor me in my wildnessand my chaos and my my grief and
(39:28):
when the scared little girlcomes out, and I want him to
honor, and, you know, witness meand all of that, and be honest
with yourself, where are yourejecting parts of him? Where
are you going? Uh, don't bringme the boy. Bring me the man.
Where are you demanding him tobe in his king energy and in
(39:48):
such impeccable King energy, andyou're rejecting the parts of
him that are aching to be loved,like aching to be loved. And.
You let your practice becomeshining the light of your love
and acceptance on those parts.
And I know after that moment ofme seeing that like, oh my god
(40:11):
and rejecting your little boy,that has become one of my
deepest practices in ourrelationship over the past
probably four or five years, isto really intentionally let our
relationship be a place whereyou feel like you can bring and
be all of you. And I'm notdemanding you to be a certain
(40:31):
version of you, so I feelcomfortable and I feel always
looked after. It's like, No, I'mnot gonna, yes, I will call
forth these parts of you, butI'm not gonna demand you to be
something so I always feel good.
I'm gonna let you be the fullestexpression of you.
(40:57):
Thank you. That's a very goodlike, that's very good. There
really went for that's allright, yeah, that is, that is
the greatest gift like that tome, is what a relationship is
for. Yes, we've got a child, yeswe go and dates and yes we have
sex and all those things. Butthere's something so beautiful
(41:18):
about the transformation and thealmost like the remembering,
like bringing back these partsthat I literally disowned
because I didn't think they werevaluable, or they didn't think
that they brought value to otherpeople's lives, or that they
weren't they didn't bring valueto my life, like the fact that
you're helping me remembermyself like that is what a Gift,
(41:40):
what a gift to allow someone toheal wounds that you didn't
create. What a gift I'd be likethat's, to me, such a beautiful
experience. What a gift it is tohelp your partner heal their
wounds that you didn't actuallycreate. You may have perpetuated
or you may have poured a littlesalt into them, but these wounds
(42:01):
happen before you, and that is aresponsibility, a sacred duty,
that we can as practitioners ofdevotion and love and polarity
and intimacy, that we can committo. And this is something that a
lot of people don't necessarilysee. See relationships through
(42:22):
this lens. They see themthrough, how do I get what I
want? Or how do I give mypartner what they want? Or how
do we create more passion? Orhow do we create more
connection? How do we how do wecreate, you know, sacred union,
all of these things. But for me,like the deep healing, is what
brings those, all of thoseresults online, the great sex,
(42:43):
the belly laughing at midnight,the tears over breakfast as you
just you know, like taken overby gratitude for the
relationship with you. Have allthose things, those special
moments, I think, are built onthe foundation of, can I love
you for who you are in as manymoments as possible. So you
(43:03):
remember yourself.
I want to, like, bring this intoa close now, like we said, just
like coming full circle, it isso easy to look into your
partner's eyes and say, I acceptyou. It is a whole other thing
to practice that and live that.
And so if you are ready to be inthe devotional practice of this,
(43:27):
I invite you to notice themoments in your body where you
feel this contraction orrepulsion or ill or Ick. You
know, people talk about the icklike, no, like, start attuning
to that in your body. Andinstead of immediately feeling
that and then trying toexternalize that and, like, get
(43:50):
your partner to change thatthing so you stop feeling the
ick question, the ick go intothe ick own, the ick that's
yours, not theirs, right?
They're awakening something inyou, because this is a beautiful
practice. This isn't just a giftto your partner to allow them to
be themselves in yourrelationship. This is you
(44:13):
expanding into your capacity forlove, right? To love like the
verb of loving. And so, yeah,notice when that contraction,
repulsion, repulsion, it comesup. And instead of trying to
change them so you don't feelthat own, that be with that
discomfort, it can even bebrought into the conversation
(44:34):
like, oh, when you said thatthing, maybe your partner, you
went out to a social experience.
And usually you would want them,you'd be like, Oh, don't say
that. Or you'd grab them, oryou'd tell them to be quiet.
Like, be with that discomfort.
Can you sit at the table and bewith the discomfort? And when
you get home, can you say, Hey,I noticed this part of me when
(44:55):
we're out that wanted to tellyou to shut up, or wanted to
tell you, Oh, don't say. That,or wanted to tell you to be
quiet, and I don't. I don't likethat. I do that. I want to
really practice allowing you tobe in your fullness, right? You
can bring this into theconversation, so not just shame
your partner and COVID At least,like, kind of sneakily say, hey,
(45:16):
when we were out, I wanted youto be quiet, but I didn't say
it. But now,look at me. I'm such a good
person. No, but thisis like, this is the part where
you can, if it feels right to,like, make it your own practice,
first and foremost. But thenthese can be like, part of the
conversation where you'rereally, you're practicing
together, that you're you'relike, hey, I want to love you
(45:37):
better. Hey. And again, this,this piece around ownership. If
you can see already, before youeven ask your partner the
question, Where Don't you feelfree to be you in our
relationship? If you sit thereand go, Oh, my God, I can
already see all the ways inwhich I try and change my
partner and I don't accept them,go to your partner and fucking
(45:58):
own that. That that is such agift in itself to go and go,
Hey, I'm really fucking sorry.
I've just realized there are somany ways in which I try and
change you or dilute you or makeyou small. Oh, she you're
smiling to that one. Yeah. Whatdo you think? Yes. And own that,
(46:24):
like, own that there is nothinglike ownership in relationship.
I feel like that's somethingthat I've I really love
practicing that I really lovenoticing where I don't get it
right, and then coming to youand being like, fuck. I do that
all the time, hey. Or like,fuck, like I tried to control
you. Then, oh, my God, I do thatthere, there and there. Like,
(46:46):
it's just such a such a gift tohave our own awareness and then
to let our partner in on thatawareness.
Important note, if you catchyourself in the act, what you
can do is just say, Can I haveanother go with that? Just a
favorite line, can I haveanother go at that? Yeah, can I
(47:07):
have another go at that and giveyour partner the grace and honor
their humanity and know thatthey've got stories as well? And
be like, Yeah, let's haveanother go at that. And I've
been doing this here. I'm like,okay, scene two act, and we make
it fun, and we make it light,and we bring our hearts back
online through the lightnessthat, hey, we're both actually
(47:29):
invested in what's best for bothof us as individuals and as
partners. So let's, let's haveanother go at that. Oh, we're
right on timego and practice, not only saying
that you accept your partner,but truly being in integrity
with that, truly embodying thatchoosing to feel your own
(47:49):
discomfort instead of trying tochange your partner.
Okay, we love you,bless up. Is there anywhere that
we need to direct these guysright now
well as always come Best Placeto Work with me is full spectrum
woman the membership. Or if youWhat about the Yeah, full
spectrum on live, doing a liveevent on the Gold Coast on the
(48:10):
22nd of February, 2025 we'realready over halfway sold. I
think there's less than 50tickets left. There's going to
be 100 women in the room. You'regoing to want to be there. We'll
put the link below, or just headon over to my Instagram and DM
me the word live, and I'll sendyou all the
deets. It's the tea gom forwomen. Let's call it that
(48:31):
the tea gong for women,gathering, the gathering,
gathering of men for women. Yes,and how
about you? Anywhere you want tosend if
you want to do more men's work,we've built an academy that's
designed for guys who want toembrace their masculine
leadership, for themselves, fortheir relationships and for
their legacy. So shoot me a DM,or you can check the link in my
bio for that. But this is yetpurely designed to support men
(48:52):
to become the truest, fullestversion of themselves, which
then, you know, filters intotheir own personal practice,
into their relationship, andthen into what they're here to
give back to the world as well.
So hit us up, man, if you'reready to do the work. And as
always, if you love thispodcast, we would love you to
subscribe or review wherever youlisten to it. If it's YouTube,
(49:13):
if it's apple, if it's Spotify,rate it, review it. We love you.
And it just means Yeah, thiswork and yeah, this mission can
get into the ears of so manyother people. So we're grateful.
Thank you. We'll see you nextweek. Big Love. Peace,
yo, yo, yo. Thank you so muchfor tuning in to another episode
(49:35):
of sex, love and everything inbetween. Now if you'd like to
stay connected with Meg and Iyou can head on over to
Instagram and follow me at theJacob O'Neal. And where can
people find you? Lover, atB dot. Meg, dot. O amazing.
And yeah, guys, check out theshow notes for all other
information in regards to whatwe've got coming up. And yeah,
(49:57):
we're super, super grateful thatyou guys for taking. Of time to
listen in to this podcast. Ifyou do have any topics or any
questions like I said, hit us upon Instagram, and we'll see what
we can do. Apart from that, havea beautiful, beautiful rest of
your day. Thanks for being here.
Big, big. Love you.
What a gift. What a gift toallow someone to heal wounds
(00:05):
that you didn't create. What agift like that's, to me, such a
beautiful experience. What agift it is to help your partner
heal their wounds that youdidn't actually create. You may
have perpetuated or you may havepoured a little salt into them,
but these wounds happen beforeyou, and that is a
responsibility, a sacred duty,that we can as practitioners of
(00:31):
devotion and love and polarityand intimacy, that we can commit
to Yo yo, yo. Lovers, welcome,welcome. Welcome to sex, love
and everything in between. We'rethe O'Neills. You're here with
Meg and Jacob, andthis is the place we have really
uncensored conversations aboutsex, intimacy and relationships.
(00:54):
We're super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode. Hello,love it, yo, yo. Welcome back.
We'vehad a few weeks off. We have
we're sorry, because Christmas,it was not silly season, it was
(01:16):
definitely not planned. No, wewe accidentally had a few weeks.
We accidentally didn't do whatwe were supposed to do.
Christmas, New Year's familyhaving a bait. Well, it was a
lot easier to podcast when wedid the birth series, when he
was like a newborn, and he sleptfor hours and hours and hours at
a time. So now he's a littlebit bigger. Yeah, and we're
(01:38):
all just finding our way withpodcasting and creating content
for you, becausewe work on our own schedule,
like holidays, aren't they? Whenpeople are other people on
holidays, it doesn't feel likeholidays for me, but yeah, it
was like trying to be onholidays as well. It's a really
funny sort of situation. So wewe dropped the ball, but we're
back.
We're here. Thanks for beingpatient. We've got, I like the
(02:00):
idea of like, if you like, Iknow podcasts I listen to and
like, know when they come out,and then when they don't come
out, I'm like, what? Or like, aTV series or something like, if
that was you, I love that. Ilove that you're so committed to
our podcast every week, butwe're sorry for not creating
content for you for like, two orthree weeks.
You want to get those TV seriesdone before we sell our TV. No,
(02:22):
okay, before we get into today'stopic, which is going to be all
about accepting your partner forwho they are. I saw this really
cute reel on Instagram lastnight, and it was this family
for Christmas had bought theirkids, or, like Santa had bought
their the kids, like, a 90sstyle TV, so one of those small,
like, box kind of things, andthen also the other big package
(02:44):
was, like, a huge amount ofVCRs, so like, videos, and I
don't know if they had a TV, butlike, the kids were really,
really excited. And then puttingall the VCs, they're all, like,
Disney movies and stuff. And Itold Jacob about it, and Jacob
was like, let's get rid of ourTV. Let's sell it. Let's sell
it. We're selling it. And we'realready not doing screens after
730 which is stretched a littleat 730 but now we're probably
(03:08):
gonna get rid of our TV. I'mexcited for it. We didn't have a
TV for the first like six yearsof our relationship. Yeah, it's
probably only been the lastthree or four years,
and we've really made up for it.
Yeah, we love someNetflix, don't we, and some Stan
and some Hulu to beanyway, we're getting rid of our
(03:29):
TV. And I love you. If you don'tknow this about Jacob, once
Jacob decides something, hedecides something,
and it's done. If anyone wants a50 inch Sony flat screen is
gonna be on a Facebookmarketplace. It's probably
already gone, actually, by thetime you missed out. Sorry,
you're out of the no andif you like, my love is blind
(03:49):
commentary on Instagram. I'msorry that's no longer gonna be
the case because we don't have aTV
and we will not be watching TVon our laptops. You've already
thought about that, haven't you?
I knew you'd already thoughtabout, okay, anyway, let's move
accept me for who I am, a trashTV loving gal. Yes, that is my
(04:10):
practice. Yeah, I'm goingpractice. I
was gonna really flow into that,but let's, let's just park that
there. And somuch for getting straight into
it. Well,also, now that we have a small
child, we have to, yes, we'rekind of on the clock with that
episode. So if you hear ustalking really quickly, it's
(04:31):
because we feel like our son isabout to wake up.
Polarity, masculine, feminine,no. We're going to talk about
weaponizing polarity later on inanother episode, yeah,
(04:52):
but this episode, this one rightnow, we're going to talk about
accepting your partner for whothey are. I'm. Oh, she's little
snores in the background. Are socute, right now, incredibly
cute. Anyway, accepting yourpartner for who they are. I feel
like this is one of the deepestgifts we can offer a partner in
(05:13):
relationship. This is like,truly, yeah, truly accepting.
Like, truly accepting who theycome to the relationship as this
is the ultimate like form oflike practicing unconditional
love. Not that any of us areactually fully capable of
unconditional love, becausewe're human. But there's this
(05:37):
like transcending of likeempathy, of like, Oh, I feel
what you're feeling too. Hey,I'm okay with who you are and
what you're feeling and how yoube in the world. And that's
like, compassion just isn't forwhen someone's having a hard
time. Compassion is when youcan, like, really see love and
accept someone for all of theirversions of themselves, all of
(05:58):
the ways in which they show up.
And this is like, by far, one ofthe most incredibly healing
things as well in arelationship, because that part
of your partner may never havebeen allowed to shine or present
itself to the world based on theinsecurities of their parents or
the bullying that they got whenthey were in school, or the way
(06:18):
in which they experienced lifeas a young child, when they
learned that who they werewasn't enough, or who they were
was too much.
And this is where if we I wasgoing to say if we nail this in
relationship, but if we devoteourselves to offering this to
our partner, because it truly isan offering to offer this
(06:41):
experience in partnership, whereour partner feels like they can
be themselves and they'reaccepted for bringing themselves
to the relationship when weoffer that to them this, this is
where relationships are deeplyfucking healing and life
changing andkind of what they're meant for.
In my opinion, I feel like thisis the whole premise of a
relationship is to be loved andseen for who you really are.
(07:07):
And there are so many spaces.
And maybe this isn't well, I'msure a lot of you listening to
this don't have as many spacesin your life where you don't
feel like you can show up as youlike. I'm just looking at
thinking of my life 1012, yearsago, there were so many places
in my life, probably every realmof my life, I didn't feel like
(07:28):
it could be me. You know, I hadto feel like I put masks on when
I went to work, and then whenI'm with these family members, I
couldn't show this part. Andwhen I was in this relationship,
I couldn't show this part. Andnow I look at my life and I'm
like, I feel like I can show upand bring the fullness of me in
every aspect. And if there is aplace or a room or a
relationship where I don't feelthat, I close that door, I do
not walk back into that room.
(07:52):
And so given, but given that wedo live in a world that we're
not really taught or we're notreally accepted for who we are,
again, we can create thisexperience for our partner,
where our relationship becomes aplace they can rest into
themselves like it comes a placewhere it feels rejuvenating and
(08:13):
life giving, because they're notexhausted by putting on all
these masks or caging up partsof themselves or diluting parts
of themselves or trying to besomething else, like this is
where relationship and and whowe are for our partner can
become replenishing, nourishing,nurturing, rejuvenating, life
(08:35):
giving,And in that like you, the person
that receives that then feedstheir energy back into the
relationship, and it's like thisbeautiful reciprocity. I'm just
like, really feeling like, whatit's like to have that level of
consistency in a relationship aswell. Where, like you said the
(08:56):
word devotion, can you bedevoted to the deep and profound
acceptance of who your partneris, to allow them the space to
remember who they were beforethe stories and beliefs that
they weren't enough if they're aman or if they're too much if
they're a woman, got installed.
(09:17):
And this is not a learning, thisis a remembering like for me, we
just had my my birthday thispast week, and for the first
time, I actually felt like Icould enjoy myself on my
birthday. I got to like I feltlike you loved me for who I was,
and not that you haven't in thepast, but it felt like you're in
this deep, almost acceptance ofhow I wanted to spend the day.
(09:44):
And this was like, it was such abeautiful moment for me to be
like, Ah, this is what this iswhat love feels like. This is
what home feels like. This isme, remembering the parts of me
that I had i. Not cut off, but Ihad, like, deactivated, I had
powered them down and put themon the shelf. And these are the
(10:07):
things that make me fun. Theseare the things that make me
Jacob. And that has allowed moreof my Yeah, more of my
expression in our relationship,but also in the world. I just
feel more more me, and I feellike I'm in my groove, and I
feel like I've got a little morefluidity in how I can, like,
(10:30):
move through life. I'm not sorigid, I'm not so stuck, I'm not
so weighed down by who I need tobe for you or who I need to be
for my clients, or who I need tobe for, oh sure, who I need to
be for my family, it's like, no,I'm me, and I'm the meest me of
all me, and you're the US you'veall used, and that's a beautiful
thing, and that's only reallybeen made available through the
(10:54):
deep acceptance that you'veoffered me In moments where I've
brought more of myself online.
And even though you might notunderstand it, even though it
might not be comfortable foryou, you've been able to be with
your discomfort and allow me thespace to be myself. I love that.
(11:19):
I really want to deepen intothat piece around discomfort
there, because it's one thing tosay, I accept my partner or I
accept you. That's a really easything to say, yes. It's so easy
to look into your partner's eyesand say, I accept you for who
you are. It's another thingentirely to embody that, yes,
(11:43):
like that's a moment to momentpractice. And no matter who you
are or and who your partner is,there will be a moment, no
fucking doubt, and I do notbelieve anyone could be the
exception to this. There will bea moment where your partner is
something behaves in a way,brings themself in a way that
(12:06):
makes you uncomfortable, thatmakes you want to change them,
that feels like, uh, maybe it'san outfit they wear and you want
to go, uh, I wish you wouldchange those pants. Or like, I
don't want you to wear that. Ormaybe it's the way they do their
hair, or maybe it's the way whenthey're with their friends from
(12:27):
their childhood, or the friendsthey hung out with as a
teenager, their voice changes,or that used to be one for me,
but all of these things, maybeit's The way she gets really
loud in a group, like, whateverit might be, there's there's
going to be a moment, no doubt.
And I know you, probably all ofyou, can feel this in your body
(12:47):
where, and I feel like a lot ofthe time, the discomfort, yes,
there's probably things you wantto change about your partner
around the home, but I think alot of the discomfort around the
things we want to change aboutour partners, expression and the
way they are, I feel like thathappens in other like, when
other people are involved inpublic spaces around maybe it's
(13:12):
like you don't like the thingyou're like, for example, no.
And I want to really speak intothis, because I used to be
really I used to probably lookyou in the eyes and say, I
accept and love you for who youare. And then there were so many
things in our relationship whereI was covertly, slimly trying to
change you, and I wasn't inintegrity with that statement.
(13:37):
And an example of, this is alunch we went to. This is
probably, like, six years agonow, it was the lunch I showed
you that photo of what I waswearing the other day. And I
remember getting dressed and Ifelt so sexy, and I felt so
good. And we were going out withmy, like, cousins and my my
sisters and, you know,South southern East Brisbane.
(13:58):
And,like everyone loves to dress up.
And it was at this fancyrestaurant, and I can't remember
what you wore, but you woresomething that I just felt
wasn't dressed up enough.
There'sthis really cool pair of vintage
Billabong bodies and a white tshirt, the plain white t shirt,
so board shorts and a white tshirt. And like, I knew everyone
else would like, the men wouldprobably be in college shirts
(14:20):
and all these things. And youwalked out and I told I told
you, I don't even remember. Ithink I know. I said, are you
wearing that? Isthat what you're wearing? Is
that what you're wearing? Andlike, underneath that was like,
I'm not okay with that. I don'taccept what you've chosen to
wear, and underneath that was, Idon't want to be perceived i I'm
(14:44):
attached to you, and I don'twant to be perceived I want to
be perceived in a certain way.
Yes, that's a huge piece. You'realready an extension of how I'm
perceived by the outside world.
So if you don't fit. How I wantto be seen. Therefore, I'm going
to feel uncomfortable, and ifI'm not aware, I'm going to try
(15:06):
and change you so I can beperceived in the way that I
want. Yes,so we have two options in that
situation, and we'll use this asthe example. Me wanting you to
change what you wear, buyingsome Birkenstocks, some nice
pants, beautiful. Just COVIDstuff, just cotton on sports.
(15:27):
We have two options in asituation like this. In that
example, I could have, and Idid, I was like, you're wearing
that. I was feelinguncomfortable with what you were
wearing. So instead of beingwith my discomfort, I decided to
I want you to change. So I don'thave to feel this feeling. I
(15:48):
want you to go and put on yournicest collared shirt and some
jeans or whatever the fuck Iwanted you to wear. I want you
to go and put on that outfit. SoI don't have to feel this
nervousness around how peopleare going to perceive you, or
how people are going to view youor what that's going to be like
that is not in integrity withthe statement, I accept you for
who you are. If we are trulydevoted to this practice of
(16:13):
accepting our partner for whothey are, we must be willing to
feel the discomfort in a momentlike that. We must be willing to
go, Ah, you want to wear this?
Okay? Wemight even voice it into the
space. Oh, I feel the part of methat wants to tell you to change
right now, but rock it like getit right. It's, it's this
devotion to, instead of lettingthe feeling of discomfort come
(16:36):
up and then letting that drivethis desire of change. Stop
doing that thing, stop behavingin that way. Stop dressing like
that. Stop wearing your hairlike that. Stop being so loud,
stop changing your voice, stopbehaving in that way. So I don't
have to feel this discomfort.
No, we go, I'm going to feel thediscomfort that arises when my
(16:58):
partner behaves like that, whenthey speak like that, when they
dress like that, when they cuttheir hair like that, whatever
the fuck it is, I'm gonna feelthat discomfort so that I can
give them the gift of feelingand being deeply held in this
field of acceptance. And I wannajust make a note here that, and
(17:18):
we'll speak into this in a bit.
We're not talking about reallytoxic behaviors or unsafe
behaviors or behaviors that aredisrespectful in relationship.
We're talking about your partnerjust being them, like this is,
yeah, I'llgive an example of what of like
a behavior that you're allowedto speak up about. So for
instance, if I'm on my phone inbed at night and I'm watching
(17:38):
reals, really I just need tosay, I don't like the word
allowed. You're allowed to speakawkward about anything, but in
terms of, like, yeah, sorry,this is one that, like, we've
given an example of you feelingdiscomfort and wanting to change
me. Here's an example of yourpartner, a part, a behavior that
your partner is displaying thatI feel is more appropriate for,
like, Hey, I this is, this isdishonoring, you know, our
(18:01):
shared space. Yeah? So if I'm onmy phone at night time,
scrolling, and we're in bed andthere's and every second reel is
some loud screeching reel, and,you know, we're powering down,
yeah, that, in itself, is a waylike that is, that isn't like,
I've just got to be with mydiscomfort. No, no, that's a
shared space. That's like, Hey,listen, that's, I feel as though
you're not respecting, you know,the bedroom, and that's a
(18:22):
completely differentconversation, whereas the one
that we're speaking about likehow I dress, how I express
myself, my unique essence andthat I want to bring through
that that in itself, issomething that we're here to
love and accept in each other.
Yes, another thing that I loveto do is sometimes I just love
to beep The horn on my carpeople, and that can be quite
(18:44):
annoying as well, but that Ilike doing that, and I'm gonna
keep doing it, and it'ssomething that I do. When have
you done I've done that a fewtimes, and yeah, and you haven't
liked it. I only remember thatsaying that's something that is
a part of your essence, and it'snot
part of my essence. It's like away that I it's kind of like a
dog barking. It's like myversion, like, if I see someone,
I'm beeping, and I might beep alot, I might be four or five
(19:06):
times, Oh, you do Yes, I do dothat, yeah. But that's a part of
who I am, and that can be alittle hard to accept, but it's
also just a bit the cheekinessin me, yes, and it's a part of
my expression. SoI want to, oh, that was
something I was going to say.
Then, I think I like the piecearound that essence piece then
(19:29):
and your expression, because,let's say I really gave up. It
was probably after thatexperience. I really gave up
having an opinion on what youwore. Yes, even for, like we do
photo shoots for our business. II personally want them to look a
certain way. You actually don'tgive a fuck. I never tell you
(19:49):
what to wear during a photoshoot, because I know, even
though my desire is for it tolook a certain way, I know your
brand or like who you are is.
Not. You're not curated. You'renot You're gonna rock up in
whatever fucking feels good. AndI know that is such a gift like
me, honoring that in you, me,for those listening to the audio
(20:13):
that is oh, she like me, holdingyou, me, me, letting go of any
part of me that wants to ortries to, because sometimes
there is still a part of me thatmight want to go like, I wish
you would just put on thefucking shirt when we're in a
(20:34):
photo shoot or that, but, butnot acting on that, not bringing
that forward, not trying tochange you so I feel a certain
way, or I can have my way. Yeah,what does that fucking feel
like?
That's like, it's like I canrelax. I can relax into the
moment, and I'm not constantlyfeeling like I'm about to be not
(20:58):
torn to shreds. That's not it,but that I'm not there's just
not going to be, like, a littledig or a little chip, like, for
me, it's not the big, like,you're gonna, like, Judge me or
shame me, but it's just thoselittle, those little ones that
are like, are you gonna wearthat? Or in, like, the
discomfort coming through inlike, little, like micro pieces,
(21:20):
they're the things that then putme on edge, and then I build
resentment, and I'm like, Idon't even want to be here. Why
I didn't choose what I meant.
And then I start to becomedefensive, because I'm not
allowed to be who I want to be,and I don't like getting dressed
up for certain things. Oh,little man, he might need a
little bit of booby. That'sfine, hey, little man. It's
like, Oh, give him this for alittle bit. There we go. I find
that when I'm accepted, I feelrelaxed. Hold on little man,
(21:45):
here we go, here we go, here wego. Big Boy, I we,
(22:06):
I feel relaxed to be who I trulyam, and therefore then I want to
engage, I want to connect, Iwant to be a part of the
experience. That's what I loveabout it like when I'm allowed
to be myself, I'm more excitedabout what's going on in the
environment. So if that's afamily barbecue, if I can rock
up and wear what I want and feellike I can be myself, then that
(22:28):
environment is a space. It's bigenough for me to be there. It's
there's enough room for me to bein that space as the version of
me. That's true, and I thinkthat that's really what, what I
feel everyone wants in theirlife is to be able to be who
they are, no matter wherethey're they're at, no matter
who they're with, no matter whatthey're doing. And
(22:51):
I think this is such a beautifulcontemplation for for anyone
listening, if you're inpartnership or future
partnership, or evencontemplating this in your past
partnership, where, where am Inot making my partner feel like
it's okay to be them and likethat might be really fucking
confronting. Yes, right? Whereare you covertly trying to
(23:13):
control them and their behaviorand their expression and their
essence and who they are in theworld, like, where? And this
might be really obvious orreally subtle, but the subtle
ones are still just as, youknow, controlling or harmful. I
would say, as you know, ustelling our partner, oh, don't
(23:33):
do that. Oh, don't say that. Oh,don't be like that. You know,
there can still be some covert,sneaky ways we do this, but
we're basically saying the samething. So yeah, where are you?
Where are you communicating toyour partner that it's not okay
for them to be them? And thenalso, if you're in partnership,
bring this to your partner. Askthe question, hey, I would love
(23:54):
to know when is there anycircumstances or any like or
when, when do, when do I makeyou feel like it's not okay to
be you? That's the question.
When do I make it feel when do Imake you feel like it's not okay
to be you?
Yeah, I'm just like, when do Imake you feel like, when do you
(24:16):
feel it's not okay to be you? Ithink that's like the essence of
it. Yeah, when do you feel it'snot okay to be you around me? I
reckon maybe you don't likethem. I don't like I don't think
you can make me feel anything.
But, um, yeah, when, yeah,that's um, I think that's a
but I think, you know, we'lltake this. We're not agreeing on
this. But I think there's a deepownership in that too, that like
(24:39):
when, um, when? Let's use theclothing example, if I wouldn't
have said, like, there weremoments where I continued to try
and control you, and thatcreated a feeling of you not
wanting, like, not feeling likeyou were free to be you in the
relationship. When don't youfeel free to be you in our
relationship? Yeah? Would thatbe a better question?
(24:59):
Yeah? Don't you feel free to beyou in our relationship? That's
a great question. That is anincredible question. We're going
to write that one down, say itagain.
When do you not feel free to beyou in our relationship? When
do you not feel free to be youin our relationship? Is he
asking that right now? No, I'mjoking.
(25:20):
I don't care.
That is such a beautifulinvitation to share vulnerably.
That is it i? That is theepitome of like that is such a
well framed question, and it'sdone with enough curiosity and
not done with any intention tofix, solve or change your
(25:40):
partner? Yes, it's a way of melearning to understand where I
can show up better for you inour relationship, which
inevitably is for us both.
And there is such like, I feellike we need a whole other
episode on this, but thehumility it takes to ask a
question like that to yourpartner, the level of ownership
(26:02):
and openness it takes to ask aquestion like that to your
partner and be open andreceptive to what comes through,
to be ready and willing to hearthem if they say, oh, when I'm
around your family, I alwaysleave feeling I'm Not good
enough, or when, when I'm aroundmy friends, you always make me
(26:23):
feel like I'm too loud or I'mtoo expressive, where I'm just
having a good time with mymates, like really hearing and
these are kind of all thingslike that. One is that's a very
real one from our relationship.
What did you say to me thenext morning after my 30s, Jacob
hadhis 30th like so this is five
years ago, and I'd never beenback home to your house. I had
been back home there, but not,not with, like, all your
(26:49):
friends, all you know, and Ididn't like we met when I wasn't
drinking. And like, um, not thatyou were like, yeah. Anyway, the
next day, I was like, Who wasthat? I don't even know.
Who do I even know who you are?
Again,don't recommend that. I've
learned a lot over the last fiveyears. Hello. But that was that
(27:11):
was basically saying, I'm notokay with what the behavior of
last night and none of thebehavior. You had some drinks,
but you weren't making me feelunsafe. You didn't make like
there wasn't behavior that feltdisrespectful or anything
like that was not aggressive orunhealthy help. There's no
(27:32):
unhealthy expression toward youor anyone who
big. You were loud, you werefully fucking expressed, and it,
it was like, whoa. It was partof me that was like, I just
wanted you to stand beside meand love me the whole night, and
I just wanted to be the centerof your world the whole night.
And so that was me wanting to belike, Hey, don't do that,
(27:54):
because I feel I don't feelspecial. Hey, don't do that,
because I don't feel like thecenter of your world. And now I
know, you know there'ssituations or experiences in our
relationship, maybe before oshi,where we'd be at parties, and I
know that you maybe your highestexcitement of that night is not
(28:16):
to just sit by my side and makeout with me. Maybe the highest
excitement for you is to just bealone on the dance floor, like
loving life, or, you know, to beoff somewhere like and that.
Yeah, me not trying to controlor make you wrong for how you
wanted to express that's I'velearned that so much in those
kind of settings, especially,yes, 100%
(28:42):
what else the piece that Iwanted to I was like, Oh, you've
given a lot of examples of howyou could do and I was like,
Well, how do I, how do Iapproach this from I found that
I like, even most recently,they're like, me like, making
jokes about certain things. Whatdid I make a joke about the
(29:02):
other day? And just, was it wasout of character, which just
wasn't. It was a more of my wayof, like, sort of saying I'm not
okay with that. I can't rememberwhat I what I what I said, but
essentially, I was, like, usinghumor as a way to, kind of like,
tell you that it wasn't okaywhat you were doing. I made a
joke around. I can't rememberexactly what it was, but I made
a joke, and it wasn't, it was itwas done not to incite
(29:26):
connection. It was done toalmost like make fun of you, to
kind of make you feel less thanor make you like that. Was like,
Oh, if I beneath what I wasdoing. Was like, hey, I want you
to change. And I don't know, Ican't directly ask for that or
project that directly. So I'mgoing to do it passively, which
is something that if you've hadthe nice guy or the people
(29:48):
pleaser mentality in your lifeas a man, you're more than
likely going to try tomanipulate or passively
aggressively change yourpartner, rather than directly
project. Something on to them,and it's more of a victim
mindset that I've I feel likeI've done it at times where
I've, like, tried to change youthrough more manipulation and
(30:12):
passive approaches, rather thanjust being like, straight up,
like you need to change becauseof this.
Totally yes, that I don't do.
You have any examples of that?
NotI'm trying to think of one, but
I don't have any, any exactexamples.
I feel like this has been a bigthing. I've probably been more
of the one in our relationship,whereas I've been like, I accept
(30:36):
you for who you are. But thenthere's like, for me, this has
never played out in a very overtway, it's always been very
covert in our relationship whereit's like, these small things
that I'm trying or like,control. For me, one of the big,
my biggest shadows in ourrelationship has been the part
of the controlling part of meand feeling how she wants to
(30:57):
work in and change the way, likethis came up huge in when we
started working together, theearly days before our podcast,
where we would do, you know,group, courses and things, and I
would, you would say things, andI would grab your leg, and it
was almost like, that's notokay. The way what you just said
(31:17):
was not You shouldn't say that.
You shouldn't Express like that,you should express like me. And
again, that made you feel in ourconversations. I'm sure you can
speak more into it, but like, ofcourse, that wasn't going to
make you feel free or excited towork with me, because I was
saying, Hey, don't do that.
Don't be like that.
Yeah, this is my thing. It'slike, oh yeah, we're working
(31:40):
together, but you do it how Iwant you to do it, yeah, and
what? Sorry, just to bring itback to, like, the practice of
this for me, then in our worktogether, even on the podcast,
sometimes there's things you saythat you know, bring up
discomfort in me. And insteadof, like, grabbing your leg or
asking you to stop the podcastand know what, I don't, I don't
want to, I don't want people tohear you say that, or I just now
(32:02):
have to be with my discomfortlike you're different to me and
that I feel like in my practice,in like being with my discomfort
around like not trying tocontrol how you express, not
dimming or like diluting youressence and your expression and
your gifts has truly thencreated a field where it's
(32:27):
evoked more of your gifts, thegifts and made you feel safe to
bring more of your essence andto deepen and make your your
expression more fierce andpotent in the world and in our
CO creations.
I just had a I just rememberedthe way in which I don't accept
me complete another asshole toyou, whenever you're playing
(32:49):
into like the you're playinginto the bigness of life, I
would inadvertently like try toshrink it, shrink your desire
for more. I would like my whole,my nervous system. Like, no, no,
no, and I would be like, Are yousure? Are you sure we should do
that? Like, I would like, secondguess you in that because I was
uncomfortable with the bignessof your, you know, your of how
(33:11):
you wanted to live, live lifelike you. You were always able
to see possibility. And in that,it would trigger my discomfort
of like, Oh, if we do that, thenwhat will my parents think if we
do that? What will my family myfriends think if I do that, that
seems reckless, that seemsimmature, that seems unreliable,
that doesn't seem like a verymature thing to do. So I would
(33:34):
shrink. I would I wouldpassively, passive, aggressively
try to shrink you and say that,hey, you're too much. I remember
doing that when we were talkingabout, like, back in the day,
when you were talking about,like, your sister going overseas
with her partner, and howexcited they were. And I was
like, No, I would never do that.
I would never go overseas with apartner. And they instantly just
(33:55):
shut you down when you weresharing excitedly about
something. And that is atendency that I feel like I've
played out many times sincethen, of like, you'll be excited
about something, and I can,like, become quite closed off to
the idea of it, because it meansmore work for me. It means I
have to, like, break, I have to,like, expand again. And I'm
like, gosh, just gettingcomfortable. Oh, now you want me
(34:16):
to be uncomfortable? How dareyou? I take it personally. And I
think I've, I'm definitely don'tdo that anywhere near as much,
but I feel like I have had timesthat's sort of the thing that
comes up for me. Yeah, isaround, like, our lifestyle,
like, I'm like, Oh, we just got,we just made it to here, and now
you want to go again. Oh, we'vejust done this. Now you want to
go again. There's always beenthis beautiful, like, expansive,
(34:38):
Renegade, part of you, andthat's been something that I had
to learn was okay to have in ourlife. It was more than okay. It
was actually inspiring. Andrather than being intimidated by
it, I could actually allow toshow me where I was still
holding on. Yeah, so that wouldbe my one. Do you feel that's
(35:03):
true?
I don't feel that at allanymore. I definitely felt that
at the beginning stages of ourrelationship, but I don't, I
don't feel that. I feel likeyou, one of your deepest gifts
has been to this has been deeplyhealing in our relationship,
that you've, you have felt heldan impeccable field of
acceptance for me, yeah, and Ithink that's one of one of your
(35:26):
gifts, and I think that is oneof my greatest gifts now. But I
was so not doing I thought I wasdoing it at the beginning, and
in many ways, maybe I was. Butfor the parts, whenever I felt
uncomfortable with yourexpression, I would do my very
best to change how you wereexpressing, yeah, in a very
slimy, passive Yeah. Don't dothat kind of way.
(35:49):
And this also is probably like adirect reflection about
childhoods as well. Like I wasthe oldest, and I was always
celebrated for being loud andexpressive and on show. Yeah,
yeah, bud. And for you, I don'tthink like you were more quiet,
contained, reserved, and I feellike, yeah, like, that part of
(36:12):
me was something that I wasloved and then not loved, and I
had to learn how to, like, bringthat back online through our
relationship, like find my powerto stand in who I was number
one, and know when you areprojecting something and
discomfort onto me, and thenalso allowing you to like,
allowing you to see those partsof me as well, and trusting that
(36:34):
you will love them or judgethem, and then love them like
that. We're going to movethrough these things.
I remember there was a time inour relationship. Can I see
that? Yeah, I remember there wasa time, and this was probably
around the time that I told youthat, that the story I said
before, about the the outfit andmy family event. There was a
(36:59):
time where something happenedand you, I didn't even know
what, what was the catalyst forthis, but I really realized how
much you in what at the time, Iwould call it your little boy
energy, but it was just yourexcitable energy, the part of
you that was like, like, anexcited Little kid, right?
(37:20):
Whenever you were in thatenergy,
I I would be like, don't dothat.
And I would, I don't, the wordrepulsed is too strong, but it
was this feeling of like, no,like, where's my man. I don't
want the excited boy, you know.
And how I how I would literallymake you feel wrong for being in
(37:42):
that energy. And so, forexample, it's like your 30th
birthday, you you were excited,you were just in the vibe. You
were dancing to the music youloved. You were like, just in
that. And I made you feel wrongfor being in that. I made you
feel like, who were you, I don'teven recognize you. Basically,
like, Who is the man that's notthe man that I love? Like, like,
(38:05):
I'm saying myself right now,like, and I was listening to a
John Wineland podcast the otherday, and he said something so
beautiful, and I might butcherit right now, but it was
basically like, don't.
(38:25):
You can't. You can't push awaythe boy and expect the king. We
can't make wrong the boy, yeah.
And it's like, demand the king,yeah. And that's what it felt
like. It was like me being like,be an impeccable King, like man,
but then reject the boy. Butdon't bring me that boy part of
(38:46):
you. Don't bring me that littleboy part of you. And it's like,
oh my gosh, like, andsimultaneously I was expecting
you to embrace and accept andhonor the fullness of me, all
parts of me, like, no, no, no,no, no, no.
(39:06):
Sounds a bit unfair. Totally.
And I really, if you're a womanlistening to this in a
heterosexual relationship, like,really, this might feel so
fucking confronting for youright now, because maybe you're
listening and being like, Oh, myGod, it would fit. This is like
the deepest thing that I cravefrom my man. I want him to
honor, honor me in my wildnessand my chaos and my my grief and
(39:28):
when the scared little girlcomes out, and I want him to
honor, and, you know, witness meand all of that, and be honest
with yourself, where are yourejecting parts of him? Where
are you going? Uh, don't bringme the boy. Bring me the man.
Where are you demanding him tobe in his king energy and in
(39:48):
such impeccable King energy, andyou're rejecting the parts of
him that are aching to be loved,like aching to be loved. And.
You let your practice becomeshining the light of your love
and acceptance on those parts.
And I know after that moment ofme seeing that like, oh my god
(40:11):
and rejecting your little boy,that has become one of my
deepest practices in ourrelationship over the past
probably four or five years, isto really intentionally let our
relationship be a place whereyou feel like you can bring and
be all of you. And I'm notdemanding you to be a certain
(40:31):
version of you, so I feelcomfortable and I feel always
looked after. It's like, No, I'mnot gonna, yes, I will call
forth these parts of you, butI'm not gonna demand you to be
something so I always feel good.
I'm gonna let you be the fullestexpression of you.
(40:57):
Thank you. That's a very goodlike, that's very good. There
really went for that's allright, yeah, that is, that is
the greatest gift like that tome, is what a relationship is
for. Yes, we've got a child, yeswe go and dates and yes we have
sex and all those things. Butthere's something so beautiful
(41:18):
about the transformation and thealmost like the remembering,
like bringing back these partsthat I literally disowned
because I didn't think they werevaluable, or they didn't think
that they brought value to otherpeople's lives, or that they
weren't they didn't bring valueto my life, like the fact that
you're helping me remembermyself like that is what a Gift,
(41:40):
what a gift to allow someone toheal wounds that you didn't
create. What a gift I'd be likethat's, to me, such a beautiful
experience. What a gift it is tohelp your partner heal their
wounds that you didn't actuallycreate. You may have perpetuated
or you may have poured a littlesalt into them, but these wounds
(42:01):
happen before you, and that is aresponsibility, a sacred duty,
that we can as practitioners ofdevotion and love and polarity
and intimacy, that we can committo. And this is something that a
lot of people don't necessarilysee. See relationships through
(42:22):
this lens. They see themthrough, how do I get what I
want? Or how do I give mypartner what they want? Or how
do we create more passion? Orhow do we create more
connection? How do we how do wecreate, you know, sacred union,
all of these things. But for me,like the deep healing, is what
brings those, all of thoseresults online, the great sex,
(42:43):
the belly laughing at midnight,the tears over breakfast as you
just you know, like taken overby gratitude for the
relationship with you. Have allthose things, those special
moments, I think, are built onthe foundation of, can I love
you for who you are in as manymoments as possible. So you
(43:03):
remember yourself.
I want to, like, bring this intoa close now, like we said, just
like coming full circle, it isso easy to look into your
partner's eyes and say, I acceptyou. It is a whole other thing
to practice that and live that.
And so if you are ready to be inthe devotional practice of this,
(43:27):
I invite you to notice themoments in your body where you
feel this contraction orrepulsion or ill or Ick. You
know, people talk about the icklike, no, like, start attuning
to that in your body. Andinstead of immediately feeling
that and then trying toexternalize that and, like, get
(43:50):
your partner to change thatthing so you stop feeling the
ick question, the ick go intothe ick own, the ick that's
yours, not theirs, right?
They're awakening something inyou, because this is a beautiful
practice. This isn't just a giftto your partner to allow them to
be themselves in yourrelationship. This is you
(44:13):
expanding into your capacity forlove, right? To love like the
verb of loving. And so, yeah,notice when that contraction,
repulsion, repulsion, it comesup. And instead of trying to
change them so you don't feelthat own, that be with that
discomfort, it can even bebrought into the conversation
(44:34):
like, oh, when you said thatthing, maybe your partner, you
went out to a social experience.
And usually you would want them,you'd be like, Oh, don't say
that. Or you'd grab them, oryou'd tell them to be quiet.
Like, be with that discomfort.
Can you sit at the table and bewith the discomfort? And when
you get home, can you say, Hey,I noticed this part of me when
(44:55):
we're out that wanted to tellyou to shut up, or wanted to
tell you, Oh, don't say. That,or wanted to tell you to be
quiet, and I don't. I don't likethat. I do that. I want to
really practice allowing you tobe in your fullness, right? You
can bring this into theconversation, so not just shame
your partner and COVID At least,like, kind of sneakily say, hey,
(45:16):
when we were out, I wanted youto be quiet, but I didn't say
it. But now,look at me. I'm such a good
person. No, but thisis like, this is the part where
you can, if it feels right to,like, make it your own practice,
first and foremost. But thenthese can be like, part of the
conversation where you'rereally, you're practicing
together, that you're you'relike, hey, I want to love you
(45:37):
better. Hey. And again, this,this piece around ownership. If
you can see already, before youeven ask your partner the
question, Where Don't you feelfree to be you in our
relationship? If you sit thereand go, Oh, my God, I can
already see all the ways inwhich I try and change my
partner and I don't accept them,go to your partner and fucking
(45:58):
own that. That that is such agift in itself to go and go,
Hey, I'm really fucking sorry.
I've just realized there are somany ways in which I try and
change you or dilute you or makeyou small. Oh, she you're
smiling to that one. Yeah. Whatdo you think? Yes. And own that,
(46:24):
like, own that there is nothinglike ownership in relationship.
I feel like that's somethingthat I've I really love
practicing that I really lovenoticing where I don't get it
right, and then coming to youand being like, fuck. I do that
all the time, hey. Or like,fuck, like I tried to control
you. Then, oh, my God, I do thatthere, there and there. Like,
(46:46):
it's just such a such a gift tohave our own awareness and then
to let our partner in on thatawareness.
Important note, if you catchyourself in the act, what you
can do is just say, Can I haveanother go with that? Just a
favorite line, can I haveanother go at that? Yeah, can I
(47:07):
have another go at that and giveyour partner the grace and honor
their humanity and know thatthey've got stories as well? And
be like, Yeah, let's haveanother go at that. And I've
been doing this here. I'm like,okay, scene two act, and we make
it fun, and we make it light,and we bring our hearts back
online through the lightnessthat, hey, we're both actually
(47:29):
invested in what's best for bothof us as individuals and as
partners. So let's, let's haveanother go at that. Oh, we're
right on timego and practice, not only saying
that you accept your partner,but truly being in integrity
with that, truly embodying thatchoosing to feel your own
(47:49):
discomfort instead of trying tochange your partner.
Okay, we love you,bless up. Is there anywhere that
we need to direct these guysright now
well as always come Best Placeto Work with me is full spectrum
woman the membership. Or if youWhat about the Yeah, full
spectrum on live, doing a liveevent on the Gold Coast on the
(48:10):
22nd of February, 2025 we'realready over halfway sold. I
think there's less than 50tickets left. There's going to
be 100 women in the room. You'regoing to want to be there. We'll
put the link below, or just headon over to my Instagram and DM
me the word live, and I'll sendyou all the
deets. It's the tea gom forwomen. Let's call it that
(48:31):
the tea gong for women,gathering, the gathering,
gathering of men for women. Yes,and how
about you? Anywhere you want tosend if
you want to do more men's work,we've built an academy that's
designed for guys who want toembrace their masculine
leadership, for themselves, fortheir relationships and for
their legacy. So shoot me a DM,or you can check the link in my
bio for that. But this is yetpurely designed to support men
(48:52):
to become the truest, fullestversion of themselves, which
then, you know, filters intotheir own personal practice,
into their relationship, andthen into what they're here to
give back to the world as well.
So hit us up, man, if you'reready to do the work. And as
always, if you love thispodcast, we would love you to
subscribe or review wherever youlisten to it. If it's YouTube,
(49:13):
if it's apple, if it's Spotify,rate it, review it. We love you.
And it just means Yeah, thiswork and yeah, this mission can
get into the ears of so manyother people. So we're grateful.
Thank you. We'll see you nextweek. Big Love. Peace,
yo, yo, yo. Thank you so muchfor tuning in to another episode
(49:35):
of sex, love and everything inbetween. Now if you'd like to
stay connected with Meg and Iyou can head on over to
Instagram and follow me at theJacob O'Neal. And where can
people find you? Lover, atB dot. Meg, dot. O amazing.
And yeah, guys, check out theshow notes for all other
information in regards to whatwe've got coming up. And yeah,
(49:57):
we're super, super grateful thatyou guys for taking. Of time to
listen in to this podcast. Ifyou do have any topics or any
questions like I said, hit us upon Instagram, and we'll see what
we can do. Apart from that, havea beautiful, beautiful rest of
your day. Thanks for being here.
Big, big. Love you.
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