Ep 99: Our Birth Story - Part 4: Post Partum - Sex, Love & Everything In Between

Episode Transcript
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Meg O'Neill (00:00):
For me, motherhood feels life giving. For me,

(00:03):
motherhood hasn't taken and yes,technically it has, but I don't
I'm not feeling that it's takingfrom me. It is giving to me. I
feel so much more full of love.
I feel energized. I feel sofucking joyful. I'm I'm thinking
about myself so much less, and Ilove that, like I it's it's a
relief not to have to thinkabout that my day doesn't just

(00:25):
evolve around me and my businessand like what I want like that
is glorious to me, and it feelsso good. So yeah, the the
transition from maiden to motheror saying goodbye to the maiden,
has felt almost like a relief.

Jacob O'Neill (00:48):
Yo, yo yo.
Lovers. Welcome, welcome,welcome to sex, love and
everything in between. We're theO'Neills. You're here with Meg
and Jacob, and this

is the place we have really uncensored
conversations about sex,intimacy and relationships.
We're super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode.

Hey, lovers, hello, hello, hello.

Little ocean, little Oh, she's just, this is
our second podcast for the day,and he's just woken up. You're
awake, mate. You're gonna wantsome baby thing. What are you
doing, little

man, how are you my love?

I'm great. Yeah, we are here to talk postpartum.
Yep, you guys have sent in allthe questions. Yeah, we're gonna
be answering them.

But all in all, postpartum, pretty nourishing.
So

deeply nourishing.
I've had an, I'm what, seven anda half weeks postpartum. Yeah, I
have felt deeply nourished. Thishas been an this has been a
very, very easeful in terms ofwhat I was preparing like I had
no fear around birth, but postpart motherhood, I was thinking
we wouldn't be getting anysleep. I thought we would feel I

(02:03):
honestly thought we would feelreally disconnected through this
time. Yeah, I just thought itwas gonna be really fucking
hard. And it's not that therehasn't been hard moments, and
our life has completely changed,but I'm so fucking in love with

(02:23):
it, and I don't feel depleted. Idon't feel I feel like having a
baby has added and nourished mein my life, and that and this
episode, we're going to betalking about how, again, that
wasn't just luck or that didn'taccidentally happen, that we
really curated like I felt thatway because of you and our

(02:50):
relationship and the way you'vesupported me postpartum. I felt
that way because of how ourcommunity has showed up for us.
We're almost eight weekspostpartum. I'm always almost
eight weeks postpartum, we stillhave food in our freezer. You've
cooked meat for yourself. You

have, you haven't. I haven't cooked you a
meal yet. No, I've cooked myselfa meal because I wanted, didn't
want another bowl of slow cookedfood. I wanted steak or
sausages. I wanted somethinglike fresh

off, slow cooked meat and rice. And I am all
about it, and it's so good,

but yeah, for eight weeks or seven and a half
weeks, you haven't, I haven'tcooked anything, cooked
anything. I haven't cookedanything for you.

I've heated things up a few times because I want to
feel normal. Even this morning,you're like, I'll heat your
breakfast up. And I was like,No, I just want to go into the
kitchen and I want to do itmyself. But yeah. And again, I
think this is actually somethingthat I've had a lot of people in
our life reflect back to meduring this time, like, Wow, you

(03:49):
look and maybe this is whatpeople just say to a new mother,
you look so radiant. But no,I've had people genuinely say,
Oh, wow, you feel and just seemreally nourished. And again, I
said this on the last episodethat so much I think our culture
teaches parents to be that theonly preparation they should
really be doing is likepreparing the nursery and like

(04:12):
painting the wall and makingeverything look pretty and
getting all the things and it'slike, no, like, Do you have a
fucking meal Train who's goingto be supporting you. What
structures do you need aroundyour family? Who do you need
around your family that's goingto bring a sense of ease to this
journey? Not so it looksesthetically beautiful, but

(04:33):
like, if you're into thatperfect but like, what we care
for more is we're not reallyhuge on esthetics. No, we're
huge on how does it fuckingfeel? I want to feel nourished.
And so, yeah, we were really,really fucking intentional about
that. Yeah,

and once again, it's the prep work, like all of
the ways, it's all the valuesthat we hold and how we move
through the other areas of ourlife that have developed this
kind of experience for us aswell. You know. Community piece
that trusting the birth keeper,trusting the birth keeper,
journey that we went on, andthen also, just like our ability
to receive, which is a wholeother piece, rather than feeling

(05:10):
like we have to do it allourselves, that's really

big. Remember when aunt was over here recently, and
he was like, wow, you've had somany people giving to you. And I
think he said, You guys arereally good at receiving I was
like, Yeah, I am. But that islike, I graciously have received
all of this. And when peoplehave come over and be like, I
want to I want to rub your feet,I want to massage you, I'm like,

(05:35):
yes, come over to my house andcook all day for me. Come over
to my house and ask me what youwant me to do, and I will, like,
you know, and I think that'sprobably a huge piece that come
up. Maybe you're a womanlistening to this, and we've had
a few questions about, like, ohmy gosh, how did you get your
community to support you in away? I think another piece to
that is, what would it feel likeif people showed up for you in

(05:58):
that way? Would it actually beuncomfortable? There's got to be
an openness to receiving that aswell. Yes,

and I also want to honor that we've given deeply
to our community, like we'vehave continually given to our
community in a way that is now,like nothing goes one way.
There's reciprocity here. Youknow, we've always been
extremely giving, like alwayswithout, with our space, without
our food, with our time, withour energy. We've never, once,

(06:24):
I've never once felt as thoughwe've, we've like, I don't feel
scarcity when it comes tocommunity. No, yeah, that's that
is, that is very true. That'spart like, that's a cornerstone
for us. It's like, if you cometo our house, you you eat with
us. If you come to our house andyou need to, it's late, you need
a place to stay. Yeah, you wanta towel. There's towels in the
cupboard you need. You knowthere's, there's always, there's
always going to be a place atthe table for when people come

(06:46):
to our home. And that's a valueof mine, a value of yours, and
our family value, and one of ourfamily values. And that then
gives us the opportunity to thenreceive from community, and we
get the choice whether or not wesay yes to it or we push people
over. Oh no, no, we're fine, andthat's what you said. Just see
where you might be feelinguncomfortable about receiving

(07:06):
and that might be the thingthat's stopping you, not the
fact that you don't havecommunity. Yeah.

Okay, let's dive into these questions. Or do you
want to, do you want to speakinto what postpartum has been
like for you? Do you? Are youpostpartum? Or am I just, I

don't even know how long, how long? How long
does postpartum go for? Well,

some people would say postpartum is your interest,
your life for the rest of thelife? Yeah,

I don't love the word postpartum.

What would you say?
How is fatherhood for you? Yeah.
How is early, the early days offatherhood?

Great.

How is your

my journey is open. Like, energetic. My
energetic journey, no, like, thefirst month was, like, towards
the end of the first month, itwas hectic for me, like, I was
feeling at capacity by the endof the first month. Of like,
yeah, I wanted to get back intowork and I wanted to, like, kind
of like, re, re, engage withlife in that way. And you needed

(08:05):
me, and I had to kind of reallystart to the transition. There
was probably the only wobbly bitthe first couple of weeks. I was
like, Yeah, cool. I can get yourwater. Yeah, I can feed you. I
can do this and do it. And itwas again, I was like, don't get
the don't want to have to fillyour water bottle up. And like,
I was holding your water bottlefor you to drink out. I was
like, I think you can hold thewater. Was like, I think you can
hold the water bottle now. And Iwas like, you would be like,

(08:27):
you, you would embrace it. I'msorry. I'm

Unknown (08:30):
like, the toxic end of receivership,

yes. But then I realized, oh, there's a point
here where, if I keep you like,like you said, you went, made
your breakfast, and I thinkthere's a point where you where
there's a transition out of,like, the bubble of of that
specific season. And I startedto feel that a little towards
the end of the first four weeks.

Even today, I went out. I think it was the first
time. I didn't even realize thisuntil I got home. That was the
first time I was by myself, withhim. Yeah, I drove by myself. No
one met me out. You

only drove and met your mom once. Yeah, so this
is the first time you went outand had him by yourself,

yeah? So before that, so a lot of the time,
anytime we were leaving thehouse after the first month you
were with me, but I'm realizing,in the last few weeks when I've
gone out with other friends ortoday by myself, I'm like, Oh, I
can do this. Like, because,yeah, there is a point,
especially those first few weekswhen my body was recovering, I
couldn't really do a lot. Andalso I didn't want to do a lot,

(09:26):
because I really wanted to heal,and I really wanted to honor, I
really love in I think it's inChinese medicine, or the Chinese
culture, they're very muchabout, like, the first 40 days,
and, you know, honoringpostpartum, and they talk about
the first 40 days, determinesafter birth, determines the next

(09:47):
40 years of a woman's life, andso how she's nourished. In
China, they practice, like,traditionally, like containment,
like a woman not leaving herhouse, like usually, her mother
or grandmother coming andfeeding her and nourishing her.
And all of these things. Soyeah, there was a I was
consciously wanting to notoverextend myself. But yeah,
there did come a point whereit's like, Okay, now what does

(10:11):
life look like? You're back.
You're doing work. I'm kind ofintegrating little bits of work
and like, yeah, you're not gonnagrab my water bottle and hold
the water bottle to my mouthevery time I need a drink of
water, there

becomes a point where it's like, okay, this is
enabling. Yes, oh, we're holdingon to a certain stage totally.
And I can get, I can understandwhy you'd want because it's
special. It's so special. Yeah,but I was starting

to feel some grief every like, when I would be
like, Oh my God. Now we're aweek from when the birth
happened. Now we're two weeksfrom when the birth happened,
like, this grief of like, we'regetting further and further away
from that beautiful ceremony inthat time that, you know, we
shared, and

that's different for me, because I'm like, Oh,
we're getting closer and closertill he, like, wants to hang out
with me, wants to talk to me,and wants to come and hang out
with me. So yeah, that would bethe only sticky that was that
that and just knowing how ourlevel of communication has to
develop, as has had to develop,our home life has had to

(11:10):
develop, and all of thosethings, it's like it's just
asking me to be more conscious,more more more present with what
it is that I'm doing and I don'thave as much room to to fuck
about, which is kind of good forMe. I like to be not busy, but I
like to have things that areimportant and a specific amount
of time to do them, rather thanjust being, oh, whenever I get
to it, I'll get to it, yeah. Oh,excuse me. Okay,

let's dive in.
We'll start with the communityquestions. We've had questions
around, how did you reach out toyour community for support? Did
your community just show up, ordid you tell them beforehand
what you wanted. So I think I'veknown women that have had meal
trains before, and I know thatis something that you know I
wanted. But then also, when wehad our first birth keeper, and

(11:52):
then Leslie both were sharing,hey, I can we can I can support
you guys to have a meal train.
So when Leslie came into ourbirth keeper came into our life,
she she set up the meal train,you just invited people. And we
already had, we already had, Ialready had a bunch of people

(12:16):
reaching out and being like,when I saw them, say, at the
markets, or, you know, a widercommunity being like, Hey, I
would love to cook for you whenyour baby comes and I would just
say, Oh, my birth keeper isorganizing a meal train. So I'll
send, I'll get Jacob to send youthe link. So where we already do
we're blessed to find ourselvesin a community where people were
already wanting to give in thatway, and already had that

(12:37):
awareness, yes, but also we didreach out. I think you sent the
meal train to people that mightnot have specifically said, Hey,
but you just said, Hey, this isone of the ways that you can
support us.

Yeah, okay, if you want to support us, this is
how you do it. Like, yeah, whatare they going to say no or not
answer? Unfriend people want toI will. You've got to give
people the opportunity to sayyes to it, like, if they don't
know that you've got that there,then if they don't know that
you're open to it, how can theygive to you? Like you've got to
be willing to put yourself outthere

and people, and not all people. But I know when I've
had people around me give birth,I want to support and I want to
be directed in how to supportthem, yes, and so don't Yeah.
Like, actually, yeah. We knewpeople wanted to love on us and
support us, and so we created,or Leslie created, the meal

(13:32):
train, to make it very usefulfor people to support us. And so
the meal train, she wrote up awhole thing, and it was like
they chose a day and a time todrop off the meal. We had an
esky out the front. They weren'tit just said, you know, just
leave it in the esky and go, Megand Jacob aren't taking, like,
having visitors right now. Andyeah. And then people that

(13:53):
weren't even on the meal trainwould just drop things off or,
like, yeah, weeks later be like,hey, I want to cook for you. Can
I come drop something off? And,yeah,

definitely, and it's so nice. Like, what I found
was, like, our community,whether they had children or
not, were really, really giving.
And then what I noticed waspeople in our like, not what
other people that were close tous, but not necessarily, like,
had we been friends with foryears, these people who had had
children, they were like, I'mdropping a meal around, like,

(14:24):
Nick or amber and Ryan and the

way Amber, Amber dropped like, three meals around
Kevin massage my feet, yeah? AndI know now that I've had a
chart, like, I've cooked forwomen before. I've sent women
meal vouchers and things likethat. Like, I know that's a
thing to do, yeah, but now I ama mother.

It's like, oh.

I'm like, Oh, wow.
Like, how I'm excited for thewomen, especially the women that
are close to me, to give birth,because I now I'm really aware
of how to show up even more.
Yeah. And even my reallybeautiful friend and close
friend, Ray, she has two sons.
She lives in. Hour and a halfaway, but she came down that was
such a good day, like four weeksin, or he was four or five weeks

(15:04):
old, and she just stayed at herhouse for the entire day. She
cooked, like a week's worth ofmeals, a week's worth of
cookies, which is a lot ofcookies, because I'm really into
cookies right now. Yes, um, shemassaged she did a foot bath for
both of us. She massaged me,yeah, what else she held Oh, she
for a while and, like, rockedhim to sleep, like, just

(15:26):
absolutely

glorious. And then cooked us dinner. We had
snack and potatoes on,

sat down. Oh my gosh, that was fucking
phenomenal. Shout out. Ray, ifyou're listening, yeah, we love
you. Ray, so yeah, it was acombination of directing people
and guiding people on this isthe best way to support us, and
then also just graciously sayingyes, when people would reach

(15:53):
out, even, you know, a monthafter giving birth, and be like,
hey, I want to drop food overjust continuing to say yes and
allow ourselves to be supported.
And

the question that I asked myself was, like, if
someone asked me to cook them ameal, what would I say? It'd be
a no brainer. Like, yeah, ofcourse, of course. Already know
another guy, he and his partnerare due soon. And I'm like, I
caught up with those guys when Iwent out to number. His name's
Charlie, and his partner. I waslike, oh, like, I know they're

(16:24):
probably gonna give birth in thenext two or three. So, like, Oh,
I could easily make them a meal.
Like, it's now, like, I'm nowseeing how giving and receiving
and feeding the community withwith these generous with
generosity is such an importantpiece. It always comes back. And
I don't think that you know it'sall well and good to have
friends that you like doingthings with, but like generosity
and supporting each other inthese moments to, like, create

(16:47):
nourishment and like, reallylean on each other. It creates
this, um, it then, like, allowsfor there to be more space for
intimacy with like, thosechallenges that would normally
come about because two peopleare really tired. Those things
don't need to happen becauseyou're allowing the community,
you're allowing these peoplearound you to actually hold you

(17:07):
guys in your bubble. Yeah,

it's not that we couldn't have cooked, no, but we
would have felt more stretchedif we had to cook. And we have
been able to have such beautifulintimacy in terms of, like,
connectedness, as we've beenparenting, because, yeah, all of
those things have been there,and also you've I don't, I don't
think we've spoken into thisright now I'm blurring with the

(17:32):
other podcasts we just recorded.
But we didn't suddenly click ourfingers during pregnancy and go,
Oh, look at all these peoplearound us like we've been
building out community for yearsand years here on the Gold
Coast. And like you said, wehave been generously opening our
home and putting ourselves intothe community, building

(17:54):
relationships, all of anintimacy with the people around
us. So yeah, I think if, again,these things don't just happen
once you've had a baby. Theseare things that you know, build
up before pregnancy and birthtoo. Yeah, um, someone said it
sounds like you had an on call.

(18:18):
I think that's how you pronounceit. On Call birth, when the baby
was born in the sack. And shesaid it has very special
meanings. So, yeah, I think, Idon't know if he came out in the
sack, but he was definitely inthe sack until right at the very
last minute. Yeah, I looked itup and it means, like, it's
like, called a veiled birth. So

he's a shaman.
He's

very Yeah, he's going to be a shaman. Yes,

Unknown (18:42):
tell us

about your pelvic floor care routine. It's 24
hours old because I just went tothe pelvic floor physio
yesterday.

Mine is wonderful, and I've

got to do some more pelvic floor stuff, and before I
can go back to Pilates, how isthe process of saying goodbye to
the maiden? I thought I wouldfeel a lot of grief becoming a
mother. I thought my postpartumwould be, um, I thought grief

(19:18):
would be a very present feelingthat I'm I would be having right
now, and it hasn't. There wasone day where I was sitting
exactly here, but nestled uphere, I remember, and I cried
and cried and cried. I think itwas about, I think he was
probably a week old, and it wasthe first time I'd felt like
really big grief and really bigemotion. And it was one of those

(19:39):
days where he was just on me allday, and I just handed him over
to you, and I just took a walkin the backyard, and I I
remember feeling grief. Then oflike, oh my gosh, my body isn't
mine anymore. And oh my gosh,this is all consuming. And I was
grieving my relationship withDjango, and I was out walking
the garden, just looking at. Andgo from Django is following me.

(20:01):
And I was like, oh my god, Ican't cuddle you on the couch
anymore. And I thought that wasgonna be a daily feeling of
like, oh my gosh, look what I'vehad to give up. And I I'm not
free anymore, and I'm not thisanymore. But I wrote an
Instagram post on this like, forme before. For me, motherhood

(20:26):
feels life giving. For me,motherhood hasn't taken and yes,
technically it has, but I don'tI'm not feeling that it's taking
from me. It is giving to me. Ifeel so much more full of love.
I feel energized. I feel sofucking joyful. I'm I'm thinking
about myself so much less, and Ilove that, like I it's, it's a

(20:50):
relief not to have to thinkabout that my day doesn't just
evolve around me and my businessand like, what I want, like that
is glorious to me, and it feelsso good. So, yeah, the the
transition from maiden tomother, or saying goodbye to the
maiden, has felt almost like arelief, and maybe I'm sure once,

(21:10):
not sure, but potentially, Iknow I'm very early in my
motherhood journey, so I'm surethere's going to be layers of
grief that unfold. But I thinkthat's something also I was very
aware of and I reckoned with. Iknew we knew we wanted a child
for years and years and years.
And I remember probably eventhree years ago when I thought
of becoming a mother, it alwaysfilled me with terror, not about

(21:32):
giving birth, not about Yeah,not about giving birth. It was
I'm terrified of what becoming amother is going to take from me.
Yeah, I'm terrified that I'm notgoing to have any freedom.
Terrified I'm going to wake upand not be able to do whatever I
want on that day. I'm terrifiedthat I'm not going to be able to
be in my business. And thenthere was, and again, that's the

(21:54):
maiden it's like, oh my gosh,I'm not going to be able to free
and roam around and just frolicwhenever I want to wherever I
want to and then there was apoint just before we got, maybe
a year or six months before weconceived, where I just started
to be so pulled towardsmotherhood, and I wasn't focused
on what it's going to take fromme, or what will it give to me.

(22:16):
And you used to point that out.
You're like, hey, when we talkabout becoming parents, you only
really talk about what it'sgoing to take instead of what
it's going to give. And myexperience so far is it has
given me be transitioning intomother has has been so deeply

(22:36):
expansive,

two things love, all that.

How's your transition from made into other?

Unknown (22:44):
Is that what you mean?

No, I just want to, like, what I've found is
like this. Like, the simplicityof it is, is, what is life
giving? It's so simple, yeah,and like looking, and I just
hanging out and looking at him,like, waking up, and he's just,
like, cuddled into you. Like,those things are just like,
like, I don't know how toreplicate. I don't know how to
replicate that in any other way.
I don't think you can bereplicated. Yeah, the second
thing, and you don't have toanswer this, if you don't want

(23:09):
to, but like, how does it feelto be in, like, your your
current body, like, physically,like, I feel like that's a
transition from maiden to motherthat you haven't really, we've
had a few little things. I don'twant to force it, yeah, force
you to comment. But I feel likethat's a really important thing
that a lot of women probably canfeel. What I've noticed is it's
either like, I'm now, I've nowgot a new body and I can't do

(23:30):
anything about it, or women,like, rush back into, like,
training their body to get backtheir body, which is which I
don't from witnessing you gothrough birth and what your body
has to experience to bring ababy through like nourishment,
healing, rest, all of that stuffis more important than getting
back to being a certain level offitness, in my opinion. But um,

(23:52):
what? What is your relationshipwith your body been like since
maiden to mother?

I love this question. Um, probably for the
first month. And I answeredthis. Someone asked this on an
Instagram Q and A I did, and itwas in the first month that I
answered it, and it was like,How are you feeling about your
postpartum body? And I said, Idon't have a moment to be
insecure, like I'm learning tobe a mother. I'm in the beauty
and intensity of earlymotherhood. And it's like I

(24:19):
hadn't thought about my body inthat way. But the last few
weeks, and we did a no, what'sit called this maternity, we did
a newborn photo shoot, and I gotsome photos out in the garden,
and I'm, like, hardly wearinganything, yeah, and when I
looked at those photos, it was abit, it was confronting to look

(24:42):
at, because I was like, thatjust didn't feel like me, you
know. And I was pregnant fornine months, so then you're
getting used to another body.
But I looked at these photos andI'm like, That body that I was
looking back at just felt soforeign and Like. Uh, how is
that me? How would how are thosethick thighs me? How are those

(25:02):
dimples all over my leg and mybutt? Me like I've never had
that before. How is that soft,like curvy stomach mine and I
could feel the part of me thatthe conditioned part of me
that's like you should rush tochange that, you know, get back
to Pilates ASAP, you know, sothat you can go back and be the

(25:25):
way you were before. And youknow, this part of me that that
can, can really feel thatpresent in my body, and is
confronted by this, likepostpartum body, and then also
the part of me that's that'slike, Wow, can I can I love this
softness? Can I embrace thisbody that is necessary to now

(25:50):
feed my baby, and this extraweight and curves and softness
that's that was needed to bringmy baby into the world, but it's
also needed to nourish my baby.
And like you said, it's likehealing and nourishment. My job
isn't to go out and fucking losea few kilos. My job is to

celebrate it too, right? Like women getting, oh,
wow, it doesn't even look likeyou've had a bouncing back.
Yeah. I don't think that's mean,like, that's your journey, but
for me, it's like, where are youlike, Where, where is that being
driven by I need to get whatI've lost totally.

Yes, that's, I didn't think of the made into
mother being like a physicallike, yes, a physical
transition, but also the body wenow find ourselves in as
mothers.

And that's where women are obviously like,
because their perceived valueis, you know, how they look.
Yes, and that could be a reallyrough if you do not experience
the rite of passage and actuallygo through it and feel it. And
like you try to rush back to getthat body so people don't only
associate you as mother anymore.
Like that can be you just tryingto get what you've lost.

Uh huh. There was something I was gonna say that
oh. And like, I don't fit a lotof my clothes, yeah. And during
pregnancy, that was fine,because it's like, yeah,
obviously my belly is gettingbigger. I can't fit them. But
now there's a confronting thingto Oh, like, like, because it
was part of me in my head that,and I'm I've always been a tall,
lanky human, and I've alwaysbeen like, if you look at my

(27:22):
mom, I have the same body as mymom, and she's just like, she
finds it hard to put on weight,so that's just my metabolism,
that's just my genes, that'sjust my body. So it was part of
me that was like, Oh, I'm I'mjust gonna pop this baby out and
be able to fit all my clothesagain. And that's been a bit
confronting for me. I fit like afew of my clothes. And also,

(27:43):
with breastfeeding, there'sthings that don't I can't easily
breastfeed in, so I'm verylimited in what I can wear now.
So that's been, that's been abit like, oh, a bit gritty. But
also I really love that you'reobsessed. I'm you're more
obsessed with my body now thanwhen I was pregnant. Yeah, and
you're so obsessed with my bodyright now, I did, so that's very

(28:06):
helpful. Yes,

I didn't. I found it really hard to be like,
wasn't that I wasn't attractedto you? Is that there was
something overriding thatattraction when you were
pregnant? What do you meanoverriding? What was overriding
the attraction? Like, there wasother things that were more
important than than beingattracted to you, what like, I
wanted to make sure not take onlike, you didn't you. You're the

(28:28):
one that wouldn't shut up aboutit, like, well, when's it
happening? Is this gonna beokay? No, I feel that like you
were pregnant, and I felt therewas a fragility to you. I was
like, there wasn't, therewasn't, like, a I didn't feel
like in my yearn for you or mylust for you, I didn't, I felt
like you were not fragile, butlike, I couldn't, I couldn't

(28:53):
engage with you in that waybecause of what your body and I
was like, Yo, your body's like,growing human. And

there was in like, end of, probably, well, most of
the trimester I had that pelvicpain, and also roll it like,
Yeah,

and again, sex felt clumsy, and it wasn't, it
wasn't the it was really hard tobe in the deep attraction, and I
think that you were reallypassionate, you were really
horny, and wanted was reallyfunny, yeah, wanted The one of
the orgasms, but I was morefocused on you're growing a
baby, and also I'm tending toall of these other things that

(29:26):
need to happen. And I think Ihad so many things I was
thinking about, that attractionwasn't really at the top of my
list, yes, but now, like that,he's separate from you, and it's
almost like, I've got it's like,I've got you now. And it's like,
and then this body's like, It'sall new. It's a whole new
landscape. So it's kind of like,yeah, so it's kind of like, I
was saying this to today, and Iwas like, it kind of feels like,

(29:48):
kind of feels like, I'm like,I'm like, it's like, we've just
gotten together, like, the froma physical point, and my my
pussy looks and your pussy looksso. Different, yeah. So it's
like, oh, this is like, yeah,

guys, no one talks about this, but, well, people
talk about it. People go, Oh,your vagina is going to be
ruined when you have a baby,which I don't buy into. But my
vulva, not, not my internalvagina, my vulva looks
different. It is smaller, yeah,my inner my inner labia is
tucked in. Now I had more of anAudi now you can't see and then

(30:29):
my clitoris is further down andfeels smaller. And I'm someone
that looks at my pussy a lot, soI know what I was expecting to
see, and it looked verydifferent, yes. And then you I
was sitting on the couch andbeing I think this is probably a
week postpartum, after thepuffiness and everything went
down the swelling, and I said toyou, hey, I think my pussy looks

(30:52):
different. I'm gonna show youtomorrow. And you were like,
show me now. I was like, Okay.
And then I just pull myunderwear down, and you go, Oh
my god, it's so tiny. I waslike, okay, it is different
because I thought, because Ihadn't really been able, not
able to see my pussy whilepregnant, but it kind of gets
puffier when you're pregnant. Ithought I'd forgotten what it
looked like. But no, maybe thisis a good moment to go into. How

(31:15):
is my precious Yoni feeling?
That was a question. Is it soreto walk, sit, be touch. So,
yeah, it was really tender. Itreally tender for a good week,
and I was bleeding for a while.
You know, anyone that's had ababy knows you wear, you got to

(31:35):
wear nappies. And, yeah, yeah,it's the healing. Postpartum
healing is legit. It's a wholething that I don't probably
think you hear about or knowabout until you're in it. And
that's also why rest was soimportant. I didn't journey. My
only journey for the first fewdays was like, from our bed to

(31:56):
our bathroom, which is only afew meters, and then when you
wash the sheets. I'd come outhere, but it would take me a
long time to get out to mynursing chair. So yeah, it was
really tender, because I didn'thave anyone checking me. I
didn't know if I'd torn oranything, but I kind of knew
that I didn't, because it didn'tsting or hurt. But then, a few

(32:17):
days after he was born, thepuffiness had gone down, and I
was beginning to be like, Oh, Iwas beginning to just feel, and
I hadn't looked yet, and I waslike, maybe what I'm feeling is
a little bit of a tear. I don'tknow, but I don't want to know,
because even if I have torn, I'mnot going to do anything about
it. I'm just going to rest, andI trust that it would heal. And

(32:38):
then after a day of that, I wasjust like, Hey, Jacob, can you
look at my pussy? And then youlooked, and you were like, oh,
it's the tiniest. I had a littlegraze down the bottom near my
perineum, and then in inside myvagina, just little grazes, and
they stung. And I just putmanuka honey on them, manuka
honey on them. You put manukahoney on them. And then I was
putting it on after my showers.

(33:01):
Yeah. So, and now Pussy issmaller, but healed. Great,
glorious.

Okay,

what other questions do we have sleep?
People want to know about sleep.
What positions we're sleeping inas I'm as we're co sleeping and
nursing. Yeah, give us all thesleep, deeds.

Oh, great, tired now. Yeah, I think you're
nailing it like it's really youthat's co sleeping. He doesn't
want to sleep with me ever.
Well, you're in the bed, butyou're not when I'm over by
myself lonely, but you're like,you're sleeping on your side.
He's nestled in, yeah, suckingon your boob, suckling on your
boob, and we wed your pillow upagainst your back, so you've got

(33:52):
that support. So I'm

in side lying position, so we co sleep. And
have from day one, even, like Iwas thinking about this the
other day. He was born at 10 atnight, three, and then we
probably went to bed at 3am andwe just like, popped him in the
bed. Leslie left, and we're justlike, both staring at him, and
it's just crazy that thisthing's born, and then you're
like, Okay, let's

go to sleep.

I remember being not terrified of it. I remember
like, going, you fell asleepthat night or that morning, and
I was just watching him becauseI was like, I just want to watch
that he's breathing. And Ididn't sleep, I don't think for
those first few hours, but yeah,from day one, just sideline
position with my bottom nipplein his mouth. And then I just

(34:36):
fall asleep. And we have a redlight in our room, and we just
put it on a really low setting,and we just keep the red light
on all night, and then I justroll over onto the other side
and switch sides. So I'm up fora maximum of maybe 10 minutes in
the night, like a wake and maybeit's a few minutes split over a

(34:59):
few wake ups. But we have nothad one night where we have been
up for hours. I don't think he'seven cried in the night unless
we've changed his nappies.
Changing nappies. Yeah, he justkind of and when I when he's
hungry, I'll be asleep, but Ican feel him nuzzling on my
breast, and he I just wake up alittle, put his mouth on my
nipple, and then go back tosleep. So sleeping has been,

(35:19):
like, I am just 1,000% advocatefor co sleeping,

yeah. So good, yeah. And it's just, and then
you wake up and they're there,and it's fun, and he's there,
and

we just sleep in and we know, like, oh, it's the
best. So, yeah, I was expectingsleeping to be a big challenge.
And I thought, and I think mysuggestion for anyone, and
again, you know, I've been doingthis for seven weeks, so who
knows, but we've been gettinggreat sleep because we don't get
up in the night. We don't turn alight on. I get up to go to the

(35:53):
toilet sometimes, but I'm notgetting up. I'm not sitting up
to feed. I'm just literallyputting my nipple in his mouth,
so where I'm not activatingmyself during the night and
coming kind of out of a fullsleep cycle, I think, yeah,
yeah, that that's mean we feelreally rested,

yeah? And I think, like, there's been a few
nights where, like, we I've hada few nights of light sleep,
like I've been getting thehours, but I've been having
light sleep, so it's but on, an,like, an average over the last
seven weeks, I feel like we'vebeen getting more than enough
sleep. And, like, been really,really, like, intentional with,
like, okay, cool. Like, let'smake sure that the room's set up

(36:30):
so we can get that kind of sleepand that and that. Now we're
finding an even better, like,even more of a routine around
our afternoons where, like, hehas a feed and then give him a
little bath, and then, like, gethim, get him sort of relaxed,
and then another little feed,and then to bed. And it's like,
oh, this is super, like, there'sa rhythm here. We're finding a

(36:51):
rhythm rather than a routine.
There's a rhythm here, and we'rejust honoring the rhythm that
serves him the most and servesus. And it's, yeah, I think if
you're listening to the pulse.
It's very it's much easier thantrying to force, force it to be
something, yeah,

yeah. We knew, coming into, like, I knew we
wanted to co sleep. I startedfollowing one or two co sleeping
accounts in my pregnancy, justto know, like, how to do it
safely. Yeah. But also, even ifI didn't follow that, you know,
like, instinctually, I knew toget into that position. Yeah, I
knew, like, instinct when peopleI when I tell people, we co

(37:30):
sleep, I've had multiple peoplesay, Aren't you scared of
rolling on your baby? No, like,instinctually, unless, again,
if, if you drink, and that's abig thing with co sleeping, if
you're a drinker or you're doinganything to shift your
consciousness, of course, but ifyou're a conscious human being,
that's going to sleepinstinctually, you know? Yeah,

(37:53):
right, I wake up and I haven'tmoved, and my baby's there, and
I know this from when we gotDjango and he started sleeping
in between my legs, I would wakeup and like, not have moved a
muscle.

No. Thank you, Jenga for being for prepping us.
Yeah, good. He's not allowed inthe bed anymore, though he's

still in the room, and then he just contact naps
most of the day. Yeah, so do wehave a carrier that I've got on
right now, and he just sleeps inthis when we ever try and put
him down, he doesn't like that.
So he likes

the adipo, out of Pope,

out of Pope, out of pop. Okay, done with sleep. No,

I would like more sleep now please. What other
questions we got?

Did you have baby blues? What's that? It's like a
people talk about just feelingespecially on like even Leslie
shared with me, like, the daythree, your hormones go through
a big shift as your milk comesin, and just being aware that
your it can bring a low energyand a low feeling. So baby

(38:57):
blues, you know, some peoplehave then postpartum depression.
So baby blues is just almostlike a low feeling around that
time. I don't know whether

I even like that term, to be honest, I kind of
feel like you had emotions thatwere, yeah, I agree. I don't
like the term baby blues, to be

honest, I definitely felt in not in the
first week. I remember justfeeling really high and
connected to I wanted toFaceTime. Was FaceTiming all our
family all the time, and justfeeling really just so in love
with him, and just feelingreally good. It was probably
seven days to maybe like sevento 10 days around that time, and

(39:33):
I felt you, you felt a bit wefelt a bit disconnected for a
few days. And that's always forme, if we feel disconnected,
that ripples out into my entirebeing. And yeah, I just had some
low. It would get to theafternoon, and I would feel low.
And also, at that time, I wasn'tleaving the house, yeah, and I

(39:53):
think I just felt, by theafternoon, a bit house bound,
and I just felt a bit low fromlike, oh my gosh, I've just. In
sitting on this chair all day.
And yeah, because now I'm out inthe world, I don't feel that
energy. So yeah, I definitelyfelt some emotions that were
low. And again, the way we workwith emotions and feel emotions

(40:15):
isn't really labeling them. It'sjust like, oh, okay, they're
here. I feel them. I meet them.
Is there anything when youadjust to support

Unknown (40:25):
this? Yeah, perfect.

How are you feeling emotionally, and how are you
being supported emotionally? Iwould say you support me
emotionally. Always. I am the

greatest at emotional support.

I've had, you know, having Leslie here for
postpartum. Leslie's come, Ithink we had five sessions with
her postpartum. So she wasalways asking, you know how
we're doing? She's texting everysecond day, especially early on,
to check in. And we have a lotof people around us. We have the

(41:04):
kind of people around us thatcome and visit and ask us how
we're doing that. Ask me mybirth story that I'm just going
to give you my mic for a bit.
You keep talking. What do youwelcome. We have the kind of
people that asked us our birthstory and asked me how I was,

(41:24):
and so I always felt supportedby the people that came into our
space. And also that's probablyan important piece. I didn't
think we'd have visitors for awhile, but then immediately I
wanted people, I wanted peopleto come and meet. Oh, I wanted,
I wanted to feel supported, andhere you go.

Just remember, we're going to be putting this
on YouTube. Yeah, that's fine,yeah.

Um, YouTube's allowed to see my breastfeeding
nipple. Oh, really, yeah, okay,

so can you put?
Is it like, I didn't realize youcan you put, but I

think it's, I think you can breastfeeding nipples
are allowed. Oh, really,

Unknown (42:03):
I think cool.

But yeah, we were very intentional with the people
that came into our space, and weset really good bound. And this
is actually important to speakabout, we were very we set
boundaries with our familiesleading up saying, Hey, we
probably won't have guests fortwo weeks. We ended up having
them, yeah, but it was just morethat communication of, hey,
don't just expect that. As soonas the baby's here, you get

(42:28):
ownership of the baby, and youget to come

whenever you want. Yeah, you'll be invited
in, yeah, when we are ready. Andit wasn't.

And we just said it really beautifully. So there was
the thing of, like, this issomething to honor with the
bubble that we've created, andwhat we're experiencing is
something to honor. When youcome into our

you said to your parents, no, I said to my
parents, get out of here. Getoff the front lawn. Stop
peeking, baby's not here yet.
Get out. What are you doing hereagain? You did seven

Unknown (42:57):
hours. They came like multiple times in the last week,
but

it all felt, I think what I took from that is
like setting those boundariescreates a power dynamic that
gives you the power like we setthose boundaries and then we
could choose to either enforcethem or welcome people in to

(43:22):
that two week bubble, yeah, andthat kind of set the tone. And
when people came in, they weresuper respectful. They didn't
come in loud, noisy or just asif they were they they were
entitled. And that's what Iloved about it, both, both your
parents and my parents, weresuper respectful. And really, I
was really grateful that theyboth like came into the space in
the way that they did.

Yeah, um, two more things I want to talk about,
because I know that you've got acall in 15 calls. One is, we
spoke about this in all thebirth podcasts as well. So this
is just like rippling on fromthat, but we didn't listen. We
didn't listen. We didn't have alot of noise in our postpartum
environment. I wasn't watchingthings of being like, how do I

(44:06):
do this? And how what routineshould be my baby be on, and how
many hours should my baby besleeping? And what are the rules
for this thing? Like, we didn'thave anyone telling us what to
do, which meant that I coulddeeply connect into my instincts
in motherhood, even when, youknow, in the pool, when he

(44:26):
latched within the first, like,15 minutes, and then, you know,
I didn't really tell then I justwent. When we went to bed, it
was just like, Okay, I just puthim I'll just put him to bed,
and I guess he pops on my boob,and let's see what happens next.
And there wasn't, like, a, okay,like, you should be drinking
this much milk, and should I getthe colostrum out? And, like,
there was just a, let's, let's,I'm just going to trust myself

(44:50):
and know that. I'm going toknow, you know how it unfolds.
That, being said, Leslie had ledme to a breastfeeding course.
She said to do it before. Well,I actually had said I'd heard
many women come to me. Well, notcome to me, but many women that
had struggled withbreastfeeding. And one friend

(45:10):
was like, oh, make sure you havesome support in breastfeeding.
So I just asked Leslie. I waslike, What do you think of that?
She was like, Oh, here's acourse you could do just to
watch up on it. So I did. I dida bit of the course before,
before giving birth, and thenwe're probably a week in, and I
was like, I'm gonna watch moreof the course and just see if

(45:31):
there's anything else I need toknow. I was breastfeeding, fine.
Um, that night I got mastitis, atiny bit of mastitis, like it
didn't fully, I didn't. I wasgetting hot and cold, and then
my boob was sore, and it onlylasted, like half a day or half
a night, but I know, and then Iand then we just had the most
challenging, one of the onlychallenging nights we've had,

(45:53):
where I didn't feel like he waslatching, and he was crying a
lot, and I know that is becauseI watched that fucking
breastfeeding thing, and it gotin my head because she was
saying, you know, your baby'sgetting enough food if he's
pooping at least three times aday at a certain age. And I was
like, he hasn't pooped in like,24 hours. Oh my gosh, him. Does
he not? Is he hungry? Is he notgetting fed enough? And I know

(46:16):
it was like the thing of methinking that I wasn't doing it
right, that created themastitis, and had that me
feeling like you had a really,he could feel, he could feel my
nervous system. And we had areally unsettled evening. And
then the next day, I was like,fuck that. That's just because I
was trying to listen to that.
And I had through pregnancy andbirth, I had nothing like that.
I wasn't listening to anyone. SoI was just remembering, oh,

(46:39):
like, I just need to come backto my instincts. And so, yes,
that was just really cool for meto see that and to also honor,
like, yeah, where does the noiseand people telling us what to
do, whether it's our mother oran account we're following on
Instagram or whatever it is,actually disconnecting us from
our instincts as mother, andthat's what I've been really

(47:02):
focused on in postpartum, islike no one knows my baby like I
do, no fucking Instagram reeltelling me that it he should
sleep X amount of hours a day,or go to bed at this time, or
No. Nothing. Nothing can nothingknows my baby like I do. Oh,
okay, the other thing I wantedto say is, I know a huge Did you

(47:25):
want your voice to be known inthis space? I know a huge part
of why we've had such an easefulpostpartum is because of the
birth experience and because wehad an undisturbed birth that
honored the physiology of mybody and the hormonal cascade of

(47:47):
my body, which then allowed forhis nervous system to be very
settled. He's a very settledbaby. Our nervous systems to
feel very settled

Unknown (48:03):
for the physiological

process of breastfeeding and and just like
our instincts and parents tokick in, because nothing got in
the way of that cascade of ofyou know, events. Yeah. Yeah. So
yeah, it was all the otherpreparation and all the support,
but it was also birthing in ourhome, birthing undisturbed,

(48:28):
birthing unassisted, thatenabled all of our nervous
systems, yes, and his nervoussystem, to be really settled and
really yeah, really, reallysettled, yeah,

the birth experience, I think, yeah, will
dictate the postpartumexperience to a degree, right?
So that's that's important to beaware of him. I'm in such a
weird position.

There you go. Um, yeah. Is there anything else you
want to add on that? I

just want to big up like, Leslie again and be
like, you know, having someonethat isn't just like the birth
she she's a birth keeper. Yeah,she's there for the birth, but
she's there for the postpartumexperience. Like, if she really
set the tone for it, she really,like, she led the way in that
she like, would show up,flowers, food, oh

my gosh, Matt. She would massage my feet. She would
stay for like three hours everytime she came to visit. And she
would, you know, whatever neededto be done in our home. Yeah,
she would do

and like she has the the only steam thing. And
she would make sure that you hadyour Perry bottle filled with
herbs. And she would make surethat builds fresh flowers on
your bedside table. About all ofthat carry herbs and everything.
She was always making sure thatyou felt like nourished, yeah,
and that your space wasappropriate for nourishment to
be just naturally occurring,yes. So she really set the tone,

(49:50):
and then, like, making sure thatour community was like in
support of us and knew how tosupport us appropriately. Our
parents knew what the what theboundaries were and how we were
welcoming. Them into the space.
And then we also, you know, it'dbeen pretty clear with our
businesses and our structurearound work to make sure that we
were able to be present as well,and all of those things for two
people that probably don't do alot of planning or preparation.

(50:11):
I think we planned and preparedthis beautifully. And the
postpartum is like the result ofall of the work that we've done
leading into it. And the piecethat I kind of want to like
finish on, because I've got togo jump on a call, is when
people look at a person who isin business, and then all of a
sudden, they're an overnightsuccess. The person that is

(50:32):
running that business that's anovernight success. Will say that
overnight success was 10 yearsin the making. It wasn't just
that one business deal, that onesale, that got them to become an
overnight success. It was the 10years leading up to that. And I
feel that the birth of O'Shea,the postpartum experience that

(50:52):
we've all had, is not just, it'snot just it didn't just happen
by chance. It wasn't just thatbecause we were lucky. It's the
10 years of work that we've doneindividually and together to be
able to arrive at this momentwhere we've had, you know, this,
this, this degree of of ease andgrace in what can be one of the,

(51:13):
you know, biggest moments ofanyone's life. Should they
choose to, you know, become aparent,

I 1,000% agree, yeah, I love that you brought
that Yeah. So

I yeah, not to be grandiose about it, but like we
put in the work to arrive atthis moment, ready, courageous
and, and, you know, and andwilling to to embrace every
feeling, emotion, expressionthat was gifted to us in the

(51:53):
space

and yeah, part of the reason why we chose, or I
chose unassisted birth, and thebirth we had was because I knew
it was setting our son up forthe best and us up for the best
start. Our son up for the beststart to life, and us up for the
best start to parenthood. Yes,knowing that his nervous system,
like he wasn't coming into aspace with bright lights or

(52:17):
other hands weren't going to beon him, or there wasn't going to
be hit for noise, or someonewasn't going to grab him and
take him a going to grab him andtake him away to measure him and
do all these things like that.
He got to be on my chest in thewater for an hour, and no one,
no one moved me until I wantedto move. And that, we got to be
in our own bed, and that, yeah,all of those pieces, I think we
compartmentalize. It's like, oh,the birth and then the

(52:41):
postpartum. And like, no, it allripples into like, of course,
the way a baby enters the worlddetermines, or deeply, not
determines, but deeplyinfluences, you know, how
settled their nervous system is,and how they feed, and how that,
like, all of that. And, yeah, Ijust think, yeah, so that that
was, you know, a huge part ofwhy there's been an easefulness

(53:05):
in in this experience, too,because of what, you know, the
choices we made about how theenvironment we were birthing in,
and how intentional we were inthat I also just want to speak
into. I into we didn't leave thehouse. I didn't leave the house
for the first, I think, was 24weeks. So 28 days, we went out,

(53:26):
and I left the house a few timesto go for a little walk to the
creek. But that was somethingtoo, like I was really
intentional and not going torush back into life. We had
visitors. And we were havingvisitors like most days or every
second day, and all visitorsthat we felt wanted the space,
yes, and that was really lifegiving for me to just like, have

(53:47):
people in our home supporting

us for a window of time here, they weren't here
all day. No, no, they'd juststay like

an hour or two. And most of them were always like,
giving back to us in some way aswell. But yeah, that was really,
I didn't leave. I just like,settled into the bubble of the
home, and I was so fucking readyto get out of the house when I
did get out of the house. But Ithink that was, again, one of
the reasons why I felt reallynourished. Because I wasn't

(54:16):
like, energetically and him, hewas settled because
energetically, he wasn't goingout and being, you know, highly
stimulated in the world. Andthen also me, you cracked the
fuck open after birth. So justlike, yeah, being in, just being
in the confines of the home,which got fucking boring
sometimes, but, you know, it wasworth it. It was

part of the discipline and the devotion to,
you know, honoring the nervoussystem of this little guy and
your, you know, the healingprocess for you as well. Totally
right on, okay, postpartumepisode, done. Thank you for
your questions. And yeah,

we love this. This is now a birth podcast.

No, no, we're still gonna talk. Talk about
anal and sex and all the dirtythings that you guys love and

how and we need to talk about how to creatively
have sex when you're a parent.
Well, yeah,

because we are, we've had sex once.

We've done other things

once already, yeah, and I felt like a virgin.
Yeah, we're back, baby.

Okay, big love guys. Love you guys. Thank you.
Bye, peace,

yo, yo, yo. Thank you so much for tuning in to
another episode of sex, love andeverything in between. Now, if
you'd like to stay connectedwith Meg and I, you can head on
over to Instagram and follow meat the Jacob O'Neill and where
can people find you lover

at B dot, Meg, dot.
O

amazing. And yeah, guys, check out the show
notes for all other informationin regards to what we've got
coming up. And yeah, we'resuper, super grateful that you
guys for taking the time tolisten in to this podcast. If
you do have any topics or anyquestions, like I said, hit us
up on Instagram and we'll seewhat we can do. Apart from that,
have a beautiful, beautiful restof your day. Thanks for being

(56:05):
here. Big, big. Love you.

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Ep 99: Our Birth Story - Part 4: Post Partum

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep 99: Our Birth Story - Part 4: Post Partum