June 25, 2025 • 66 mins
“If we don’t define roles with love, we inherit them with resentment.”
We got fired up by a viral reel floating around online recently…
A young man was proudly sharing how he wants to “provide” for his woman—so she can spend her days going on “hot girl walks” and avoid life’s challenges.
Sweet, right?
Kind of…
Because in the same breath, he spoke about how men desire a woman who is “relaxed” and “calm” at the end of the day.
Aka:
“I’ll provide for you… as long as you behave.”
“I’ll give you a comfortable life… as long as you make mine easy.”
That’s not real provision.
That’s control disguised as care.
That’s conditional love dressed up as devotion.
So yeah… we had a LOT to say. And we recorded a whole episode unpacking it.
🔥 Here’s What We Dive Into:
- Why that viral reel about “providing for a woman” sparked something in us
- Self-serving provision vs. provision rooted in devotion & love
- When providership can be used to control a woman
- The difference between financial provision & emotional provision
- What a deep woman is truly yearning for
- How we personally navigate gender roles in our relationship
- And so much more.
This one’s big. Let’s go there.
🔥 Love this episode?
Don't forget to subscribe and share your thoughts in a review. We love hearing from our listeners!
🔥 Let's stay connected:
Follow Meg: @the.meg.o
Follow Jacob: @thejacoboneill
Follow the podcast: @sexloveandeverythinginbetween
🔥 Want more?
⚡ Grab our relationship freebie: https://meg-oneill.com/relationship-freebie
⚡ Join CLAIMED: https://meg-oneill.com/claimed-immersion
⚡ Join DESIRE DATE: https://meg-oneill.com/desire-date
Ready to dive deeper?
We work with individuals and couples - slide into our DMs to learn more!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I've gotten to meet somany amazing versions of you,
(00:02):
so many amazing parts of you,through trusting
that all of you is welcome.
Even if I don't know whatall of you looks like,
if I don't know whatall of you is,
and then when to witnessyou give birth.
There was no there wasone part of me that didn't
trust thefull expression of you,
the full capacityfor you to meet a pain
(00:22):
that I will never know.
A challengethat I will never know.
A. Place outside of the known.
The mysterythat I will never go to.
Because I don't have a woman.
And I don't know what it's liketo grow a child in my belly.
To feed it, to grow an organ andthen birth a child like
I'll never know that.
(00:43):
Therefore, how can I expect toput you in a box?
Yo yo yo lovers.
Welcome, welcome,welcome to sex, love
and everything in between.
Where the O'Neals.
You're here with Meg and Jacob.
And this is the placewe have really uncensored
(01:06):
conversationsabout sex, intimacy
and relationships.
Well, super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode.
It.
Hey, lovers.
Hi. Beautiful people.
Welcome back.
We are on the podcast.
(01:26):
We are.
That's where we are.
How are you, my love?
I'm great.
I'm excitedfor this conversation.
Yeah.
I think we're going to geta little fired up.
I know I'm going to geta little fired up.
And then my favoritekind of podcast episode.
I'm going to remainvery grounded. And fiery, ranty.
Deeply present.
I offer a transmissionthat is very fair and balanced.
(01:48):
I've been getting,I've been whenever
something like this, the topicthat we're talking about today,
I get it.
I know when I'm like,really, really meeting something
because I get knotted up insideabout how
I want to communicate it.
And this is such a, I thinkbecause of the nuance
of of relationshipsand what we believe.
And just having livedrelating for the last ten,
(02:11):
ten years, and then even moreso, having a child
the last seven months is like,oh, this there's so much to it.
And it's can be boiled downinto just these simple formulas
that can sometimesbe a little bit, basic.
And that'swhere we're really headed today.
You know, we've been seeingsome content online around
(02:36):
traditional gender roles and,yeah, traditional gender roles,
traditional relationships.
And yeah, I feel likeonce we've seen this content,
we've been showing each otherthis content and just having
lots of discussions in our ownmarriage and out just together.
And yeah, we wanted to bringthis conversation through
and just speak into more ofthe nuance around.
(02:58):
Yeah.
Partnership.
And I think somethingI want to speak into
before we go anywhere is that.
Yeah.
Like you said,I think sometimes online
relationships can be boiled downinto such a black and white
formula.
And you know sometimesthat's for views,
sometimes that's the likes.
I can see why people do that.
(03:20):
And we really wantto bring some nuance
into the conversation today.
And one thingI really want to speak into
is that we truly believeevery relationship is unique
and has its own blueprintand has its own, like truth.
And so any time you're seeingformulas online or something
and saying your relationshipshould look like this, or,
(03:42):
you know,the woman should do this
and the man should do this,or whatever it might be,
just noticehow that feels in your body.
If that feels constricting,or if that feels
like not true for youor your partnership.
Listen to that.
Like attuned to that.
And yeah, really trusting.
I think this is thelike beyond polarity,
beyond the masculineand feminine,
(04:02):
beyond all of that.
What's most importantas a foundation is what's the
truth of the moment,like what's true for me, right.
And what's truein our partnership
that trumps fucking everything.
Everything.
And obviously,to be able to attune to that
takes rooting downinto your body
and being embodied and workingthrough your trauma and,
(04:23):
you know, becoming consciousof your wounds and,
you know, the relational woundsyou have in all of those pieces
and all of that is so important.
And, you know,an integral piece to the puzzle
of being able to attune towhat is true.
Right?
It's not just that simple.
But I truly believe thatthat trumps everything.
That trumps polarity,that trumps everything.
Like this isthat's that's the core.
(04:46):
The emerging truth.
Yeah. What's beneath the words?
What's beneath? What's the.
What's the thingthat is rising up to be men
in relationship?
And just an exampleto make it really real.
You knowwe're going to be talking about
gender rolesand traditional roles.
If you're a woman and you,you know, looking at
lots of content that's sayingthat you should desire a man
(05:07):
that provides for youand to take care of you
and all of these things,but you fucking love working
and making moneyand creating in the world
and receivingfrom those creations
like the truthof your experience
to the truth of what you desire,and potentially
the truth of your partnership,is not necessarily
(05:27):
his financial provision.
That can be provisionin many other ways,
but may be the truth of you.
And your partnershipin that moment
is for you to be the provideror for you
to be the breadwinner, right?
And not trying tomake yourself wrong
or feel like less of a woman,or that you're
not in your femininebecause of that, like, oh.
(05:52):
It's almost as ifif a man provides,
he then has thewithout saying it.
But potentiallythis is the energetic tone
if I provide there for you.
Under the guise of my control.
Yes.
And I think just from some of.
(06:12):
Did you want to deepen that?
Sorry, I don't know.
I, I believe men can be like,no, that's not what I want.
I'm actually sayingI want to provide for her
so she can dowhatever she wants.
I'm like, yeah, I love you, bro.
And I also believethat the energetic tone beneath
that is it.
I want to be in control of you.
And you will and you will be.
(06:32):
You will not upsetthe apple cart.
If I'm providing for you,then you will
not necessarily do as you told,but you will do as you told.
Yes.
And I feel like there's genuine,like eye witness within you,
a genuine desireto provide for me
and our family.
What I think we're talking aboutand bringing the nuance in here
is that, you know, again, we'vewe've witnessed
(06:54):
some content online,which is very much, you know,
like the man must providethe woman should not work in
or, you know, awoman shouldn't have to work.
And that, you know,there was this one
particular video.
She doesn't have to workif she doesn't want to.
Is there correct termlike I like the way he went.
That was quite well.
(07:15):
But then that.
Piece was beautifuland I get that. And beautiful.
And then there was another pieceto this particular video
that then said,I want her to be able
to do what she wantsduring the day.
Go on,hot girl walks with her friends,
post postcards or whatever.
Like postcards.
Yeah, something like that.
Because a manthat's going after his mission
(07:36):
wants to come home to a womanthat's calm
and peaceful and happy.
And this is the pieceyou showed me this video.
And before you evenbrought your opinion
in, I just felt likejust like fire within me
because that on the surfaceI can see how that
when a man believesthat he thinks that's
a beautiful, kind,loving perspective
(07:59):
to hold and desire to hold.
I don't wantmy woman to have to work.
She doesn't have to work hard.
That was also partof the conversation he brought.
She doesn't.
I don't want herto have to go through challenge
and pain.
I want her to have an easefullife.
I want her to go and, like, walkand hang out
with her girlfriendsand everything during the day.
But underneath that wasa deeper yearning.
(08:23):
That was the disguisethat was like,
I want this for her.
But underneath that was like,I'll give this to her.
So when I come homefrom my long day at work
getting after it,I have a happy woman.
I have a calm woman.
I have a woman.
That's not going to bea burden of me.
It's not going to askmore from me
than I want to give.
(08:44):
And the truth is, that'snot what a woman is, right.
That's not what the feminine is.
You cannotif you want to deeply experience
a woman, if you want to givea woman permission
to be the fullness of herself,you cannot bring this
expectation of,I will give you this,
(09:05):
let me provide for you,but be happy
fit in this fucking little boxand I just need you to behave.
I need you to be thisbecause I'm giving you this.
Like thatwas the undertone of that video.
I don't think them thatI was going to say, boy,
that man,I knew that he was doing that.
But that was reallywhat I was feeling as a woman.
(09:28):
And I think this isthis is what can be inextricably
weaved into the fieldof some of these conversations
about traditional roles.
I see this from menteaching this
sometimes that it can beI want you as this
and I want to provide for youso I don't have
to deal with you.
So no, I don't have to dealwith your depth
(09:50):
and your full spectrum andand the truth of what it means
to be with a womanin the depth of her feminine.
Because when not convenient.
When are you going to relate?
You can't just payus to be convenient.
You can't just go.
He's 200 grand a year now.
Be fitting a littlebox and be convenient.
Anything else?
No.
I told youI'd get fiery and ranty,
(10:11):
like, yes, I'm.
You can relate from a biologicaland formulated perspective
and use your little spreadsheetif you want,
but relationships area spiritual practice.
You don't have to see themas a spiritual practice.
You can play intothe traditional roles
and live life in that way.
(10:31):
You're more than welcome to.
However, if you really, trulywant to access something
greater through union,then you will call in a partner
that is here to traversethe depths with you.
And if you're a man and you saythat you want to
provide for a woman.
Are you saying you wantto provide for her,
(10:53):
or are you just saying thatyou don't want to actually have
to deal with her fullness?
So just check yourself therebecause your words might say,
I want to provideand you might want to be
the hero of the story.
But deep down,are you just saying that
I just want to go to workand do what I want to do,
and then when I come home,I don't want to be challenged.
I don't want to be called deeperinto intimacy.
(11:13):
Am I actually like,this is like,
is this actually a wayfor me to avoid deeper
opening in love?
Is this a way for me to containand control
and manage how love is giftgiven and received?
Am I actually being a gatekeeperto the flow of love
between our two hearts?
And have I really sanitizedand created
(11:36):
a transactional experience?
Because that'swhat's comfortable.
Because as men, wewant to know what is
fair, equal, and value.
Because we in societyand I speak, we as collectively,
we see ourselvesthrough the lens of the value
that we have to offer.
Our identity is normallywrapped up in that.
So if we bring thatto a relationship,
then of course we going tosee it through that lens.
(11:58):
Of course, younglike young men in their 20s
are going to come onand they're going to learn from
other peopleand they're going to
jump on their podcastbecause I'm going
to have a woman.
I'm going to let her go on hotgirl walks,
because I made $280,000this month, and it's like.
Like, your woman'sgoing to experience pain.
You no one'sgoing to experience suffering.
She's going to go through herown rites of passage.
You cannot stop that.
(12:19):
I just want to jump inthere because I think.
What happens out of.
What also felt,disrespectful about that video.
And I don't knowif disrespectful
is the correct word,but it felt like
that, that, that that man wasn'tseeing the initiatory path
(12:41):
that is womanhood.
This makes me emotional, like,to feel like a man is the only
being that gets to experienceinitiation and challenge
and like, go out in the worldand be creative and like,
do hard shit.
It's likethat's actually embedded
into a woman's designand into our biology.
The way we bleed and birthand, you know, move
(13:03):
through menopause.
And like all of thesedifferent things, we have,
you know,embedded biological rites
of passage, unlike men.
And so I love when fuck up men.
I love when Leon talks aboutwhat's that story he tells,
I and John.
I and John and he speaks about,the what he said some beautiful
(13:26):
line when I, when we went in,Just I Loveland.
Went and watched him,tell the story line.
John and he said something like,men will always be
trying to recreate.
What women experienceand like to try and, like,
give them blood in some way.
(13:47):
And yeah, that we as women,like we do, we just innately
have these rites of passagesand, innately
initiated through our bodyinto deeper levels of power.
And men, mengo to war to experience
that same kind of like sensationor initiatory experience.
And so that felt.
(14:08):
So as a woman,I felt so unseen by that video.
And I also felt likeyou're a boy
and you've never beenwith a true woman, and you don't
you haven't had a tasteof what it means to be you.
You were yet to experiencethe depth and width and
breadth of what a woman is,because that is, you.
A woman is naturally goingto move through challenge
(14:31):
and painand all these different things,
and your job isn'tto take that away from her.
Your job is to witness herin not like thinking of birth
like you didn't try.
And if and this is whereif a boy.
If a boy in a man's bodyis a birth partner to a woman,
he's going to try and save herfrom that.
He's going to think with thatsame perspective.
(14:52):
Oh my God.
My job is to have hernot experience that right now,
my job is to have hernot go through pain,
or I need to save herfrom this initiation
or this challenge.
Now you don't.
You need a witness. Her.
You must stand in awe of herin a fucking Ballard.
Her bowed down to her.
(15:15):
A woman's biology iswired for sacrifice.
Her body goes through a cycleevery month.
Like gives blood. Yeah.
In service to humanity, toboil that down, to.
I just want herto not have to worry
or her for her to just be free.
(15:36):
And comments like where youactually starving her
of what feeds her, the,the, the cycles of nature
that move through her body,her innate intelligence, like,
where are you as a mantaking control of the household?
That actually completely missingthe mark,
(15:57):
completely missing the depth oflike what a woman is here
to bring through for the world.
And that is what you know.
And Leon speaks about thiswhen we speak about
this is like we as men, we bleedto, to, to, to,
to attempt to feel equal.
We, we find ways.
And unfortunately, this is thethis is the culture
of a lot of these men that arehopping on the podcasts
(16:19):
and having very,very learned opinions,
not lived, experiencedopinions on relationships
and on what it meansto be with woman
is that they getlocked into these regulated
physical experiences.
They're the ice bathsaddicts, the high rocks heroes.
They're the guys.
They can lift the same weightover and over again,
(16:40):
and they create very, very,regimented
windows of tolerances.
They have incredible capacityfor a very small window
for thesevery specific parameters.
And if anything operatesoutside of those parameters
that's wrong or that'sthat's not how it's meant to be.
So a lot of these guys haveincredible tolerance,
but none of them haveany resilience.
(17:01):
And so fortification for whatlife is going to be
bringing them.
Which is to be in relationshipwith a woman, like a woman
that is no longer contortingor fawning or, you know,
and any of those pieces to be.
Putting on the corset ofthe societal corset,
the jets forces herinto a posture
that isn't truly her.
(17:23):
That to come across as desirableand behaved in relationship.
And this is a way,how I have to be to be loved.
When you aren'twith a woman, that when you're
with a womanwho is no longer subscribing
to that idea of woman, thatthat way of woman ING right,
that is not a convenientwoman to be with.
She is going to ask more of you,again and again
(17:47):
and again and again.
She isn't going to be peacefuland happy and behaved
every time you comehome from work.
But she's going to be ridingthe wave of
being a fucking force of nature.
And this is where she isinitiating you.
Right.
(18:07):
And I'd like tobring the nuance here
in terms of thisdoesn't give women just this
free ride and full permissionslip to be, you know, projecting
all over them in and, you know,doing all those things.
There's a differencebetween feminine testing
and beingjust completely and utterly rude
and disrespectful.
Deeply or just in the expressionof feminine,
(18:29):
like in the, in the,the true expression
of what's alive andyeah, like we as women,
I truly believe,are here to initiate our men
into more of themselves.
We are part of that challenge.
And when not,and this is I see the the
the spiritual practice of unionmen.
(18:50):
We're playing in theselike masculine
and feminine dynamics is thatwhen a woman devotes herself
to bringing throughall the phases of the goddess
like a full spectrum,she's also saying yes to being
the aninitiating, inviting her man
into deeper levels of himselfbecause it's going to widen
(19:11):
and expand his capacitywhen she's bringing those
different phasesof herself through.
And so I would say that energythat we're talking about
and maybe witnessing is likethe man that doesn't want to be
or is afraid of initiation.
Once conveniencewants to just stay
in the window of toleranceand, like,
(19:31):
not have to be burdenedor inconvenienced
in his relationship,thinking that a woman
should just be solelya place of nourishment and calm.
Yes, a womanis a place of deep nourishment
and I am all for womenlining to work that muscle more
and remember thatand reclaim that.
And this has been a big partof our relationship, me
(19:53):
becoming a morenourishing space for you
and becoming a morenourishing woman.
And for thatto be the expectation
of what it is to have a wifefor what it is to have a woman,
that she should be enrichingpresence all the time and
that's not reality.
100%.
Yeah.
(20:16):
Sorry.
I feel like I interrupted youand went on a little rest and.
I think andand and I want to, like,
really reiteratethat a lot of this
is coming from like, the, the,you know, even though there's
the energetic undertone of like,I don't want to be
a woman that'shard to deal with,
even though that is thethe energetic undertone
that I'm picking up on.
(20:37):
There is actuallya genuine desire to serve.
And this is somethingthat men are wired for.
Men are wired for service.
We and what we want to dois we want to package up
how our service can bestfit into
something that creates certaintyand routine for us,
because that is somethingthat we as men gravitate toward.
Discipline.
(20:57):
Okay, if I show upand I make this money and I do
this joband I provide for her, then
my life is going to be calmand peaceful,
and I'm going to feel fulfilledbecause I'm adding value
and impact to the world.
And I come homeand I'm getting the nourishing
love that I want. However,that is still a there's still
a level of sanitizationgoing on there.
There's still a level ofI need to control everything.
(21:24):
When we do thatand we create rigidity
that leads to fragility.
So the rigid becomes fragileand eventually
the cracks start to happenand the stress starts to,
I will, overwhelm the,the the container and it
inevitably will fall apart.
And that isn't to say thatthat wasn't meant.
Yeah, what's meant to happenwill always happen, of course,
(21:46):
butif we're really looking at this
relationships as a spiritualpractice, relationship
as a way of learningmore about ourselves,
we must be willing to engagewith all aspects of self
and bring all of our selvesto the relationship,
and not just pick and choosewhat is traditionally
or biologicallyor what makes sense.
(22:08):
And you know well thatquite often doesn't make sense.
I can see why young menget it into their head.
Actually I want toprovide for you, I want to
I want my womb to feel safe.
I want my woman toto be provided for.
Yes, brother. Yes.
And I want you to take herto deeper places than she's ever
gone through your presenceand your undeniable depth,
and your ability to allow herto dance on your chest
(22:31):
as she bleeds L-o-v-e likelet her take up space.
She's not just going to wantto go on HoCo walks
and collect postcards.
She's going to ask to devourevery ounce of story
that is not true,that is flowing through your
being.
She's going to devourall the non truths
(22:52):
and bring forthmore than your nervous system
can handle.
And their in-lawsyour work in relationship.
I'm not sayingthat you have to be in process
every single night,like there's a difference
between a womanthat brings it through as a gift
and a woman whois fighting against you,
and you get to be discerningwith that.
(23:12):
And normallythere will be a trend
and it might be thatyou need to set boundaries.
But realistically,like a lot of these guys
there actually dowhat they wanting to do
is they wanting to serve,but they've
pigeonholed themselvesinto something that makes sense
and is comfortablefor their current identity.
And they just go aroundand they keep having
conversations withguys that reaffirm that no one
(23:32):
that challengesthat point of view.
So a lot of guys arejumping on me.
Yeah, biologically,this is what it should be.
Yes, women are this,yes, men are this.
And I, you know,I'm a realist, I get that.
But I've looked atmy grandparents relationships
and I've looked at themand I've,
I sit down and I observe.
And what I see is that there isa missing piece
(23:55):
in those traditional roles,and it's the spiritual practice.
It's the deepeningand allowing the other person's
soul to take flightwithin the container
that you've created for Union.
That is,that will keep the aliveness
in your lifefor the rest of your life.
(24:15):
If youcontinually lean into that.
I've gotten to meetso many amazing versions of you,
so many amazing parts of you,through trusting
that all of you is welcome.
Even if I don't know whatall of you looks like,
if I don't know whatall of you is,
and then when to witnessyou give birth.
There was no there wasone part of me that didn't
trust thefull expression of you,
(24:38):
the full capacityfor you to meet a pain
that I will never know.
A challenge thatI will never know. A.
Place outside of the known.
The mysterythat I will never go to.
Because I don't have a woman.
And I don't know what it's liketo grow a child in my belly.
(25:00):
To feed it, to grow an organand then birth a child like
I'll never know that.
Therefore, how can I expect toput you in a box?
Sort of waiting like you like.
And I'm just so gratefulthat we had journeyed
so deeply togetherand that I didn't get stuck in.
I'm just here to provide for youfinancially.
(25:22):
Because if I had of,I wouldn't have.
I would not have been ableto experience
what I've experienced.
I would not have got to meetthe parts of myself
that I was stillhiding away from the world,
because I was scaredthat they were not worthy.
Oh.
That was really beautiful.
Yeah.
(25:42):
I feel that there's like justthis part of me is like,
yeah, cool.
Like for instance,like I don't know the dynamics
for these guys that are speakingbecause of maybe, maybe,
maybe they saw their mumfucking suffer.
Maybe they saw their momreally fucking struggle
and have to work fucking hardjust to put food on the table.
Maybe these, maybe there's like,maybe these guys
have single mothersthat were abandoned by men.
Maybe they're trying to rightthe wrongs
(26:03):
of the generation before.
And we do thisin like we in sacred rage
every monthwhen we run it, we we
we say to men,you don't have to right
the wrongs of the menthat came before you.
You get to be you.
You get to be you.
You don't have tonot be your dad.
Oh, you get to be you.
You don't have tonot be your dad.
(26:25):
So many menthink that beliefs are
what you think you are.
A lot of men's beliefsof what they think they're not.
And for so many men,I'm not like my father.
I'm not my dad.
I'm not like them.
It's like, dude,you don't have to be.
You get to be you.
And that's the that's the paththat we take them to.
(26:46):
We down there, like,remind them of who
they get to be,whoever they want to be.
They don't have to.
Right the wrongs of the menthat came before them,
and they don't have tonot be their father.
So a lot of menare trying to right the wrongs.
They're tryingto swing the pendulum.
They're trying to pay the debtsof their fathers
because they sawtheir mothers suffer.
They saw their aunt suffer.
They saw women suffer.
Therefore they don'twant that to happen,
(27:07):
which is a beautiful thing.
So I, my, my like I love andrespect these young men
that are fired up.
I love and respectthat they want to stand up and
feel the bankaccount with money,
and make sure that there'sa roof over the head
and that she's in a safe.
Kind of likelike, thank you for your heart,
but now bring your depth.
(27:28):
Yeah.
Thank youfor your heart in your head.
But your depth is nowrequired, brother.
Like you're.
There's a deeper part of youthat is waiting to be accessed.
So get out of the ice bath,get out of the podcast room
and come into thecome into the wild
and meet the Great Mother.
Yeah, come out and meetsomething that is so far
beyond what you thoughtwas available
that you can come backand bring a depth to your woman
(27:50):
so she feels safeto bring a deeper
part of herself.
That's the actual provisionthat I'm interested in.
That's the provision.
Can you provide depth,not just financial security?
Can you provide depthso that she can access
a part of herselfthat is here to give the world
something trulyand utterly unique,
that only the feminine can,through a woman's body.
(28:14):
That was so beautiful.
Okay. I'm complete.
What would you like.
I just loved being in.
Yeah.
And I love these young men.
I love these like young bullsbecause I know what it's like
to feel that like I've,I've been
that I've been like I'm goingto fucking save the world.
And I thinkwe need more men like that
where I don't wantto put that fire out.
Like, I've seen so many womenliterally.
(28:37):
You know,we talk about the witch
hunt for women,which I've seen so many people
try to tear thisyoung dude down.
I'm like, bro,you actually need to come
and spend some timewith some men
that are in relationship.
And I'm like, hey, man,I love where you're coming from.
Let me give youa few little tips.
I love what you're about, man.
Like, fuck yeah,let's build on this.
Let's not put your fire out.
Let's teach you how to use it.
Yeah.
And I felt thatwhen I watched that video,
(28:57):
it was like, oh,I can see I did.
I could feel this hotand I can feel the pot
like it is beautiful.
And I think,let's speak into that.
Like the desireto provide for a woman.
We're not saying that there isanything wrong with that.
That is beautiful.
And I know many womenthat desire yearn
to be provided for.
As for that, as an option,whether it's
(29:18):
financial provision, I would sayevery single woman
that comes into my work desiresdeep emotional provision or like
where a mancan hold her in her depth
and providethat depth of presence, and she
can, like, press into her and,and feel
she can feel his containerin the relationship.
I would say for many women,sometimes
(29:41):
they have financial provisionand it doesn't feel enough
because the presenceis not there
and that that type of provision,but we're not saying that
the desire, the yearningto provide or the desire
to be provided for is wrong.
What we're really speaking intois to just think
that's all a woman wants.
And if a woman was to befinancially provided for,
(30:04):
she shouldn'twant for anything else.
And once you feed a woman withfinancial provision,
then she's going to just bewhoever you need her
to be and behaveand be a pretty little trophy.
Okay?
Calm, whatever he said, calm,happy every time,
you know, he walks in the door.
So that's the piecewe're really speaking into that
(30:24):
you can't.
So almost an element of youcan't just pay
a woman to then behavein the way
you want her to behave,and then be
a convenient part of your life.
That isn't that isn'twhat a woman is to truly love.
And I know that thatthat statement came from love,
from this young man.
But I think it's so important.
(30:47):
And this is why we wantedto have this conversation, is to
look what's underneath that.
And what is mostloving to a woman is,
you know, yes,if if that's the option
to be provided for.
But for that to comefrom a place of
without conditionsfor that to come,
if you deeply desire to providefor a woman, that it's
I will provide for you,because that's
(31:10):
how I want to serve you,not I will provide for you
with the unspoken expectationthat you then are X, Y, and Z.
For me.
Right? Yeah.
And so that's the piecethat we're really speaking into
and I think can just bevery subtly or not
so subtly weavedinto these kind of conversations
(31:30):
and yes,I think it speaks so deeply
to the part of a woman thatwants to be looked after.
I would say, again, I'll justspeak into the women
that come into my spaceand listen to this
and their podcast.
I would sayall women that come into my work
really want to be looked after.
And this isn't alwaysand sometimes it includes.
(31:51):
But this isn't alwaysfinancial provision.
It's so much more than that.
Right. Andyeah, so I think sometimes
these traditional role,gender, role
kind of conversations,the black and white ness of them
can, kind of what,what am I looking for,
not exposebut like Poland or like, reveal.
(32:17):
No.
No, it's like they kind of usethis desire of a woman of, like,
you want to be provided for.
Okay, but then I just want womento really know that they
they can have that desireand that yearning,
and a man can provide for themif that's the deepest,
like, you know,if he wants to serve in that way
and it doesn't have tothen put them in a box
of if that's,you know, I have to be, then.
(32:38):
I now owe him something.
I have to hidethis part of me because he's
if he doesn't,he doesn't like this.
I can't bring itbecause then if I do
and he doesn't like it,then I might not
get looked after.
And I think thisI did a post on this ages ago,
and we've spoken into thisa lot in in our relationship,
not innot that this is the dynamic
of our relationship.
And just we've hadthese conversations drill down,
(33:00):
and I like how, you know,I talk a lot about the desire
to be claimed.
And, you know,we speak a lot into polarity
in the masculine, the feminine,and often a woman's desire
or a feminine being'sdesire to be led and to feel
that like provision,but also like leadership and,
direction of her man and.
(33:26):
That can alsowhen a man practices
that on a surface level,without the compass of love
and service.
Right.
When it'scoming from self-serving
that can be controlling,he can take the seat
more of a dictator than,you know, in embodied
(33:48):
love and in service to love.
And so on the outsideit might look the same.
They might be doing the samethings, might be
even saying the same things.
But the energeticis so important. Right.
You know, we don'tuse those roles or play
with those energies of polarity.
(34:08):
Or if you do right,it can be played
with on a surface leveland a man can just be using
that to control a womanto make his life
more convenient to.
It's not deeply in serviceto her. Like. And this is where
yeah.
Again, the nuance and like the,the mastery of this comes in.
(34:28):
It's like when we practiceor when I, when I feel you
telling me what to doin our relationship,
it's never to make your lifemore fucking convenient.
It's because you, you see thatin telling me what to do, right?
I'm going.
You're inviting meto let go of having
to make that decisionor soften into my body
(34:52):
a little more.
Do you have an example of this?
Maybe just so we can, like.
Oh, like the car seatjust before
you came in and you're like,oh, can we.
Oh, just let me check.
I'm just going to buy it,my love.
Like, get out of myget out of my office
buying it as bought.
I'm going to gopick it up after the
the podcast. Yes.
What I, what I wantmen to understand is like
providing is providing a spacefor a woman
(35:13):
to really allow herselfto be connected to her body.
Like like this is the comingfrom the head down
into the body.
If a woman is being provided forand she has to think about
what is allowed,what she has to be for you
to feel calm,cool and collected.
I've got to be this for himwhen he gets home
because he's had a big day.
(35:34):
Oh my God.
Like there is a level of I'mhaving to be something
that may not be actually truein my body, and like to think
that a man can go to workand then come home
and get the sameversion of woman every night,
that's not going to happenif she's connected to her body,
because her body every 28 daysis going through
the four seasons,the cycle, like you're
you're very different personat each stage of your cycle.
(35:58):
And if I'm not attunedand if I'm just locked
into a rhythmthat only honors me
and my rule and my conditions,yes, I can create
a very comfortable life for us.
But is it true?
So like theexample of that, like.
Oh cool.
Let me justthis pump on the car seat
and it's at the shopand I'm going to pick it up
(36:19):
and you're like, oh,what if we can get this.
I was like, now that's cool.
All right. Yeah. We could. Yep.
No we're not going to look ondifferent sides.
I'm just buying it from this onebecause I know
where to get it from.
I'm going to get it.
It's going to be herethis afternoon.
And then you leftand it was done.
And I know thatthat's not coming.
Like it'snot as if you're being like
fuck off.
Like I've got it.
It's like it's likeyou being like my love.
(36:40):
This is not somethingyou have to think about.
Your your eyes, your brain doesnot have to be on this.
You know, I've got you.
And I think that is provision.
I've got I've got you,I've got this.
Yeah, I've got you,I've got this.
That's about. Us. Yes.
And that's really,you know underneath financially
providing underneath,you know, holding things
(37:01):
in the homethat maybe your woman, you know,
doesn't have to hold likeI've got us
like that's when I, that'sthat's provision,
you know, in termsof our finances, we I,
I contribute to the home I like.
That's notwe don't work in that way
in terms oftraditional gender roles.
But you fucking provide for melike I feel
(37:25):
very fucking provided for.
And it's not providedyou bring 100%
of the income in, it'sbecause you there is so much
in our home, in our familyand in our life
that I don't have to holdand I don't have to think about.
And I would say that thisis like super important, like,
you can go on the journeyof discovering
(37:46):
who you are alongsidea really fucking awesome human,
and discovering who you are.
There's going to be timeswhere you don't actually live up
to the expectationsof those traditional roles.
There's been many timesI've been at the fucking
down to nothing being the red,and that's a very,
very vulnerable place to be.
(38:07):
When I've told myselfI need to be this
to receive love,I need to be this.
Otherwise she's going to leavethat condition
of I'm the provider.
You have to be a certain way.
Then got flippedbecause when I wasn't feeling
like I could provide because ofmy own shit, my own demise,
my own Dark knight of the soul,I then had to.
(38:28):
I had to come toyou and be like,
do you still love me?
Essentially.
Like, are you going to leave me?
What's going to happen?
And you're like, no, I love you.
You've got this.
Even if you fail.
Even if I fail,and I'll probably fail
like another.
I don't know how many times.
And what I believe is that,like when you're both journeying
together, you get to learn to.
(38:50):
You get to learnto love the parts of yourself
that you've hidden.
Because in a relationship,you're going to get the like.
If you go onthe journey together,
you're going to getthe opportunity to be seen,
by someone outside of youthat has the opportunity
to either push that downor welcome that into the space.
(39:11):
Yeah, like shine loveor amplify shame.
Yes.
And this was the piecethat I think,
like a lot of young men,they think they have to have
their shit together.
They have to havebought the house.
And it's just another form ofand ironically, it's
just the entrepreneurship.
It's just another 9to 5 mindset.
So I need to haveall everything sorted so I can
so you can fit into my life.
Yes.
(39:31):
And you know,I want to speak into how
this is played outin our relationship that I,
you and you did this podcastor it came out yesterday
with Cardi Micallefand what was it called?
Something like,reckless, the courage
to be reckless in businessor something like that.
Reckless leadership or.
Reckless leadership and really,from the little snippet
(39:51):
that I've watched so far,I really want to listen
to that episode.
But, you speak into likesome of the things,
some of the courageous movesyou've made in business,
even like holding tea gone,like the gathering of men
and having that huge visionand literally calling
so many men into it to like,you know, get it.
200 men on the landthat other people
(40:12):
would have justcalled that reckless,
like taking onthat amount of risk,
all these different things.
There's been many times,even in both of our businesses,
you know,if some people were to look
at our financesand the moves we're making
and just be like, what the fuck?
Why are you doing that?
That doesn't make sense.
That's not safeor that's not X, Y, and Z.
But that part of you,that's, that's
(40:32):
more devoted to the truththan to security.
That's actually whyI fucking trust you as a man.
Yeah, it's not becauseof the amount of money
that you're bringing inor the amount of, savings that,
you know, is always there in,you know, in our bank account.
No fucking way.
That's not how we live.
But I trust you because you'reyou're a man devoted to mission,
(40:54):
devoted to truth, devoted towhat's moving you.
That feels more, quote unquote,secure or safe to me
or trustworthy to methan if you were to be devoted
to keeping a certain levelof financial security
in a bank account at all times.
Now, I know that it can be both.
And, you know, we can have both.
(41:14):
Yeah.
But I but what I've.
Yeah, what I appreciate isthe devotion to.
Yeah the devotion to truth.
And for me, that's whyI feel so provided for
because you're aman on a mission
and you're a man devoted toGod, spirit, life.
There's a shared value there.
And I really want to speak tothere's a shared value.
(41:36):
And this is what I believea lot of these men speaking
that I want a woman to be thisso I can be this.
There's going to bea conflicting set of values
there.
If you want to grow and buildand be a part of a vision,
and a woman doesn'twant to just play
happy house wife,naturally there there will be
a growing apart like for you.
(41:56):
Like,I think the shared value we have
is that we both wantto grow and expand
and be of service,which is beautiful.
And we know thatthe bank accounts
are going to eventuallyfill up more and more and more.
We just trust thatthat is going to be a reflection
of our devotion to the truth.
And when we're devotedto the truth over
safety, over certainty, overbecause the truth is, is
that life is uncertain.
(42:17):
Like we don't knowwhat tomorrow brings.
We don't we can pray,we can hope, we can put it
in the Google calendar,but we have no fucking clue.
So let us set the coursefor the general direction
of the greater vision.
The greater prayer of our lifeas individuals and as lovers,
and as a beautiful young family.
And let's set the world on fire.
(42:39):
Let's go there.
And to to do anythingless would be reckless.
To do anythingless than that would be
would be torture.
To do anythingless would be to play a game
that is safe,therefore soul crushing.
And when the souldoesn't want to be safe,
the soul wants to be free.
(43:01):
I will say that again.
The soul doesn'twant to be safe.
The soul wants to be free.
The deepestdesire of man is to be free.
And if you want to bein relationship,
freedom is the answer.
A deep responsibilityto the truth.
The truthbeneath the words, beneath
the comfort, beneath the calm.
I was just going to saythis doesn't mean that safety
(43:22):
isn't a partof the conversation.
And oftentimeslike how our physical, you know,
animal self, human body, self,you know, safety is important,
I think, especiallyfor women in partnership.
And but this is also being ableto almost expand,
expand our capacityfor discomfort. Yeah.
(43:43):
And you know,learn learn a wide, a wider
a wider expanse of safety,being able to expand
into deeper levels of safety.
Yeah.
And this is and I didI really spoke into this
at claimed.
And there was a little snippetfrom claim
that I post on Instagramthe other day, and I said,
(44:04):
A man is willing,like a true man is willing to,
to make a woman uncomfortable,not unsafe, but uncomfortable.
And a woman,if she's really devoted
to loving him in really well,is willing to be uncomfortable.
And I think this is,you know, in
many way, shape or form.
I told the story of youwanting to get a tattoo
and me being like,I don't want you
(44:26):
to get that tattoo,but that doesn't make me unsafe.
It makes me uncomfortable.
And can I be willing to to,you know, know the difference?
Yeah.
And not try and stopyou doing things that make me
a little uncomfortable,but be able to advocate
for myself when it feels unsafe.
Totally.
And I think that like menthat want safety,
they want completion.
They want to feel likecreate completion in their life.
(44:48):
So I'm not saying to be free,go and pedal your money
on a blackjack tableand try to win it.
Win winwin win your retirement time.
You you I love you. It.
I'm not saying you have to goand you know,
go shooting every dayto like really,
you know, experience freedom.
I think there is a genuine partof like men who go
seeking adrenalineinducing experiences because
(45:09):
they actually don't know how torelax in their own bodies.
Yes, yes.
But what I'm saying is,like when I say that
like your soul wants to be freeand freedom
is to be in alignmentwith the truth of who you are
and to be relatingwith the truth that is emerging.
And if you try toregulate over that and create
safety over thatwhich is just more
control, it's not actual safety.
(45:29):
It's false security.
If you're trying to create moreand more security
by controlling the external,you are going to end up
so rigid that you become fragileand all that
you've worked so hardto create and provide
for financially will eventuallystart to fall away.
Because you haven'tbeen present,
you haven't been attunedto what's going on.
You haven't had your,you know, your
(45:50):
your finger on the pulse.
You haven't been able to feelthe rhythm and hear
with your heart what is actuallygoing on in the space
because you're sofocused on controlling
the externalworld from a place of
I provide this there for you.
Are this,like asking yourself what?
What is here?
(46:11):
And can I be with this?
What is the moment asking of me?
And like I want you.
I just think to like,how do I press myself
into this moment and feelwhat's really going on
and then trust myself,even if it doesn't
feel comfortableto lean in a little more?
And that's been, you know, ahuge part of our journey.
It's like I yeah I could easilyleave the house,
go for a walk and hope thatwhatever you're
(46:33):
feeling gets swept off.
Hopefully when I get backyour sleep and I don't have
to deal with it,I don't know how many
times I felt that countlesstime.
Whereas you're like,I can feel a disconnection.
We have what's what is it?
It's a it's let's meet it.
And I'm like,I want to, I want to get
I want to go to Egypt right now.
And I get away because I don'twant to deal with this
(46:56):
because it'sgoing to take something from me.
But then when Iactually lean in, I'm like,
oh, there's something here.
There's beauty here.
There's something deeper here.
I want to speak into that,because I already
had this questionformulating in my head.
And then you took itto the most perfect place.
A woman inside full spectrumwoman asked this question
in a last relationshipQ&A when you were in the space,
and it was something to theto the formas.
(47:18):
What does a manget out of holding space
for a woman.
Like so in those momentswhat what is a man.
And I'm saying that we'd likequotation marks. Get out of
instead of going for awalk, choosing to lean in
when his woman is asking for itor he can feel that
something's there.
What is a what is a man get?
I'd love youto just speak into that.
(47:39):
He gets to provide herwhat he used to provide
her soul, a safe spaceto express something
that it has not been safeto express in the past.
Based on whatever experienceshe had that told her
she was not allowed to.
So what you're giving heris access to a part of her
that is being caged.
(48:00):
And when you will out,you choose to bring your depth
to her and say it's safefor you to be free.
This part of you, it's safefor you to be free.
Come out, reveal yourself.
I'm not going anywhere.
He then gets to fortifyhis posture of consciousness.
He used to fortify thatand the value
(48:22):
that you feel in your bones,the contentment
that you feel as you createan experience
that no one else can createfor that woman, because you are
there in service to her youtoday, you put
your head down on the pain.
Like, if I die in my sleep,I don't care.
I don't give a fuckbecause I provided something
that trulycould not have been provided
(48:44):
in any other wayby any other man.
In this moment.
I was here and I chose to stay.
And there's so many menthat don't
see that as an opportunity,because they have so committed
to regulating themselvesor going and going to another
tool of regulation tool.
I need to go and regulate myselfso I can come back
the by the timeyou've come back,
(49:05):
the moment is past.
The moment is asking youto be with it, not to regulate,
to actually go into it.
Yeah. To expand.
And this is why yourwork of initiation
is so beautiful,even like the medicine work
we've done,or just all the initial
free experiences you've done,you know,
you've got to fucking meetthe darkness.
The only way out is like throughthe icky stickiness,
(49:26):
through like stayingand holding in that and,
you know, I think sobeautifully just
just the way that questionwas worded
in full spectrum womanaround what is a man get?
Firstly that a woman is askingthat is really
I think this is really likestage two of David datas
relating model. Yeah.
(49:46):
So it's likeoh it has to be this
equal exchange.
And if and if he's, if I'm,if I'm
getting the experience of himholding space, he must,
he must get as much out of itas I do.
And I need to explain to himwhat he's going to
get out of thereso that he does this
and this, like, almost like,it causes
(50:08):
addiction to a quality,an addiction to, like,
it must be this equal exchangewhere it's
actually a whole differentconsciousness
to be able to practicethis thing.
Yeah, it's it'sa whole different consciousness
literally of existingbecause it's
the consciousness ofthis is a spiritual practice
and I'mas, as the masculine or a man.
(50:29):
I'm stay.
I'm choosing to stay and holdand not try and run away
to a more convenient moment,not try and get
more comfortable.
I'm going to stay in holdand see this as an initiation,
an initiatory moment ofcan I be with my discomfort?
Can I be with the parts of methat want to run?
Can I be with the parts of methat just want to?
Oh, can you just deal with ityourself?
(50:50):
Like to be with all of thatis initiatory for a man.
This is thespiritual practice of relating.
This is how a man forges himselfhis backbone.
His strength is unwavering.
This more and more and more.
And I've witnessed this in you.
Not that I have been thethe reason or the portal
to who you are in the world,but your devotion
(51:13):
to meeting me in those momentsI think, is a huge part of why
you're able to holdso much in your business
and to hold so much in life,and to lead in the ways
you do because you practice iton the motherfucking daily.
In our partnership,you're not trying to escape
me or. The work.
(51:33):
Of our union so that you can goand lead outside of that.
You know that that's in service,it's forging you.
It's deepening youand that that is then
you know, informingand deepening you as a man
and as a leader and as,you know, a facilitator.
So, yeah, it's a differentconsciousness altogether.
(51:54):
It's not what you get.
It's who am I?
Who do I become through this?
What is this inviting me into?
Who is thisinviting me to become?
Yeah, but as a man,get the opportunity
to fulfill his sacred role,his sacred duty.
And in that,what does he get from that?
He gets to experiencethat a new level
of capacity for life.
(52:15):
And then he can experiencethat in his relationship.
That business is notthere's nothing.
Got this.
Let's go.
When you, you knowI feel that we've
all nervous systemshave been continually, expanding
rather than regulating.
And now that we've gota solid cycle like he does
want to sleep right now.
(52:35):
Awesome. I got him.
And we're going tobe continually like,
I feel that we're better parentsbecause of how we've
loved each other and stayed,yeah.
And I said this to a brotherthat I caught up
with this morning, his, going infor round two with his
(52:56):
second child on the way.
And I said, we don't teach.
We teach our childrenhow to love by how
we receive love,not by how we give it.
And I think that'sa real huge paradox
for a lot of men,because a lot of us men
believe that,we're only worthy of love
by the valuethat we give others.
Yeah, so that's not true.
(53:17):
How we receive loveis how we teach others to love.
Especially our children.
And for me, like.
Yeah, it's all about usin relation and.
But, yeah, for me, like,there's a huge part of this
is I'm doing this work. Yes.
For meand for, for for my life and
but I'm like, I really wantmy child to thrive.
(53:38):
I want him to feel so secureand capable
and prepared to face off withand have a, you know, beautiful,
beautiful trajectoryfor for his life.
I really want to set him upand provide him
the opportunity to to thrive.
And in that, there'sa deep vulnerability
of not wanting to get it wrong.
So I can totally understandfor men who are stepping
(54:00):
into relationship or seeing thethe next step for them
is, is a relationshipthat they're going to
not want to get it wrong.
Therefore they're going to tryand do what is right. Yeah.
And that's where,you know, statements like that
one on the podcast is from a browho's just wanting
to get it right. Yeah.
But the truth is you can'tget it wrong, man.
You can't get it right.
You just have to actually bewith what is.
(54:22):
There's still a paradoxthere of that.
This is right. This is wrong.
We collapse thatand we actually move
beyond the second stagerelating of what's fair,
what's equal tothis is an opportunity to meet
deeper parts of myself and callforth deeper parts of you.
And in that,we're going to experience
something thatwe could never truly
have experienced on our own.
(54:44):
Then we start to seethat this is going to be
a beautiful journeyfor the rest of our lives,
that we get to choose.
Do you feel complete or.
I have one more question and I.
Bring them all the way up to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have time.
But here's the time whencrushing podcast.
I feel like we'vewe used to get like an hour
(55:04):
and 20.
Now we're not even. Yeah.
We're just comingup to the hour.
So yeah. Efficient.
Parents.
One more questionfor you getting. It done.
There.
This is and this is kind of likecircling back to,
earlier conversation.
But what do you say towhat's your thoughts on
the school of thought thatbelieves men shouldn't bring
(55:29):
their emotions to that woman?
Yeah.
This is a, I, I believeif you have not individuated
from your mother,then you will not
fully understandhow to bring your emotions
to a relationshipin an appropriate way.
As a man, you will either avoidbringing them all together,
(55:50):
or they will come out in a leakyor destructive
or manipulative way.
Yes.
So for me, there's a reallyimportant piece here
that you have to be ableto communicate and share.
And even for me, like,what was it last night
that we had a little fracture?
What happened?
I think something happened.
(56:10):
And you took ocean to the bathand I said, I'm
not feeling good right now.
Yeah.
I don't even rememberwhat happened.
Something happened.
I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd spilled a lotof what I was moving through.
Yeah. Over you.
And then I realizedthat I probably. Yeah. Yeah.
And I felt myself shut down.
And in that moment, I said.
(56:32):
And you what?
What do you.
What's going on?
I was like,I'm just not feeling very good
right now.
And I don't have theI would like to
just clean the kitchen,but I don't have
the capacity to.
And I part of mewanted to make you wrong
for what you said and blameyou and point the finger.
I was like, hey,I'm just not feeling
good right nowand I need to be with this.
I wash dishes and I was like,I love her, dammit.
(56:59):
I don't want to fight tonight.
I love that bitch.
I love that dang girl back then.
Gum girl.
So I was just like,okay, cool, what's here?
I was like, oh, cool.
I suggested somethingand I got rejected.
Call that hurt.
Did she ask for meto suggest anything?
No. Why did I suggest it?
Because I thought I was brought.
I thought I had the answer.
Did I have the answer?
(57:20):
No. Did she?
Actually, one night,she just wanted to be heard.
Okay, cool.
Did I actually want to hearall of that right now?
No. Not really.
I didn't want to havea conversation
around business at 8 (57:27):
00 at night.
Okay, cool.
You could have said,hey, my love, let's just,
I trust that you've got it.
I don't actuallywant to talk about that tonight.
This is actually gotnothing to do with her
I love her.
So for me,a man has to have an ability
to self inquireto be able to internally digest
(57:49):
what's going on for himso he can bring his emotions
in a clean and articulate way.
Yes.
Which I feel, you know, at someand I know
we've been in discussion of thisin certain
relationship teachingsand very again, this is a
of the moretraditional gender roles
(58:11):
kind of teachings, is that aman should not
bring his emotions, discusshis emotions,
be in emotions around his woman.
That's not something thatyou know he should be in.
If he wants his womanto respect him.
I don't know, I justI have certain
thoughts around that.
I just don't think youif you can't look at a sunrise
(58:32):
and have itmove you to tears, then you're
not really relatingwith the feminine in a way that,
like is servingthe depth of your being.
So like sometimeswhen you move through the home,
it like it brings melike ridiculous amounts of joy
and gratitudeto the point where I'm like,
it'll move meto the point of emotions.
Like it'll draw meout of consciousness
into my feeling.
And I've come outof observing to,
oh my God, I'm feelingsomething like watching.
(58:54):
Every morningI wake up and I see,
I wish cuddled up to you.
I'm just like, 0000, I,I want to feel emotion
in my relationship.
I want to feelmoments of vulnerability
because it means to methat this has weight.
There's something herethat I'm allowing myself to
be attached to,to be connected to, to feel.
(59:17):
And if I'm not giving myself thepermission to feel that, then
I'm still withholding my heart.
And I think that that's,you know,
a lot of men will be like,you know, men don't
show emotions in front of women.
I'm like,this isn't fucking war, man.
We're not.
We're not at war.
Like, I don't know whywe have to treat ourselves
like fucking military,soldiers in our relationship,
(59:39):
we should be able tobring our hearts
and reveal our emotionsand also not become a wet rag,
not becomenot not use our partner
as a vomit bucketfor our emotional processes.
Which is whyI believe in brotherhood.
So strongly.
Yes.
And I do understandthat piece in that also,
like you are someone and you'reprobably on
(01:00:00):
the other end of the spectrum oflike your invitation
in our partnershiphas to feel more safe to,
to be witnessed in your emotionsand bring more emotions. Yeah.
But this is whyI don't think that like
hard and fast rule ofdo not let your partner witness
you cry or witnessyou in emotion.
We have had, I think,some of the most healing moments
for you, full stop in your life,have been when I have
(01:00:24):
ruthlessly been devotedto staying and holding
and witness,like not leaving a room
when you want to runand you know, have, you know,
emotion aloneand not be witnessed.
I'm like, I'm stayingand I'm, I'm teaching you
that this part of youis unlovable.
And I'm going to shine my loveon this part of you,
(01:00:45):
this part of you, that'sthat's grieving or or,
you know, wounded or whateverit might be.
And so I just, I, I feel like.
Men, Thinking that, that theyshouldn't ever bring emotion.
I shouldn't ever I don't know,I just think that that
that's been, that losing outfrom being being loved,
(01:01:09):
in, in a very deeplyhealing way, and also honoring
the fact that a man,if we're looking
at the masculine and feminine,like every human, you know,
a man still has feminine. Yeah.
You know, energetics within him.
And so knowing that there'sand why the dynamic
that we hold in partnershipis that
(01:01:30):
I hold the pole of the femininethat feels more enlivening
to me, and you feel moreenlivened in the masculine.
But that's not a hard and fastevery fucking moment
should be that.
Or else we're fucking it upor something's wrong.
There have been deeplyhealing moments
where I have heldthat I'm staying.
(01:01:50):
I'm being unwavering.
I'm being a container for youright now.
I'm shining my light of like,even last year when that
was that moment of likethat fear of failure
or failure for you.
And I stood thereand I was like,
even if you fucking fail,I'm not going anywhere.
Even if you fuck thisall up, I'm staying.
I'm not going anywhere.
(01:02:11):
And like, that was reallyit was that.
Where was it? In the bedroom.
Oh, yes.
That to methat's that's deeply felt.
That's deeply nurturing.
What these mental that I wantI want to be nourishing
and nurturinglike she's going to
she's going torub Elvira on the wounds
of the little boy.
(01:02:32):
Yeah.
And, andand look after him in ways
that youhave no fucking clue who
is going to fucking,you know, heal you.
And at this. Sorry.
You can.
And I thinkletting her love that
those parts of youwill teach you
how to love those partsof yourself. Yes.
And for me, like our weddingwas a beautiful,
(01:02:54):
beautiful experience that I.
I let myself feel chosen.
That makes me emotional.
I allowed myself to think,oh, she's choosing me.
She said yes to me.
That must mean thatI'm good enough.
Fucking hell.
And it hit me like aI remember like
(01:03:16):
like seeing you. What?
I was like, I think deep down,there was still a part of me
that thought you weren'tgoing to choose me.
I was like, Holy shit.
And I truly believe that there'san element of most men
that want to be the provider.
That's like, it'snot safe for me
to be in a relationshipunless I have.
(01:03:36):
Unless I'm giving morethan I'm receiving.
I'm that. I'm giving this.
I'm giving in this way, in this,in this, in this dynamic.
And it's actuallysafe for me to be here.
And that.
Yeah, that is fucking mental.
So for men and I rememberlike so many
of my brothers came up to meand they're like,
what the fuck was thatat our wedding?
(01:03:58):
Because I let myself just,I just let myself go there.
And so many my friends came upand I was just like, thank you.
Thank you for showing uswhat it's what it means
to have a straight spineand an open heart.
So many men want to be stoic,but they don't want to
take the armor off.
Yeah.
And I think for me, I was like,yeah, stand straight,
(01:04:18):
fade on the earth,soften your belly
and open your heartand allow life
to move through you.
Allow this love toto wash over you
and allow this womanto deeply choose you.
All of you,not just the parts of you
that provide moneyand buy the things
like allow this womanto wash over and rub Olivia
(01:04:38):
into the woundsof the little boy
that that was toldhe wasn't valuable,
that he wasn't worthy of loveunless he did this, this,
this and this.
And that, my friends, iswhat a relationship can be
when you don'tforce yourself into the
box of traditional roles.
This was epic.
I loved this conversation.
(01:04:58):
We wouldn't even get a podcastanywhere and.
I literally thought that before.
Thank you my man.
I adore you and I love,I love doing life with you
and I lovehaving these conversations.
Listen to this.
I love your emotion.
I love your ability.
I love your continual devotionto opening
and opening an openingbecause that's something
that hasn't.
(01:05:18):
Yeah, it's a devotion for youand it's a practice for you
and for all of us.
But it's it's an honorto witness you in that
and continueto receive more of you
because of thatdevotion to opening.
I love you.
I love you.
Thanks for loving me.
Anything else?
I feel complete.
We'll see you guys next week.
(01:05:39):
Bless up and big love y'all.
Love you.
Yo yo yo.
Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of sex,
love and Everything in between.
Now, if you'd liketo stay connected with Megan,
you can head on overto Instagram and follow me
at the Jacob O'Neil.
And where can people find you?
Love her at the dot, Megan O.
(01:06:03):
Amazing.
And yeah, guys,check out the show notes
for all other informationin regards
to what we've got coming up.
And yeah, we're super,super grateful that you guys
have taken the timeto listen in to this podcast.
If you do have any topicsor any questions, like I said,
hit us up on Instagramand we'll see what we can do
apart from that.
Have a beautiful,beautiful rest of your day.
Thanks for being. Here.
(01:06:23):
Big, big love.
I've gotten to meet somany amazing versions of you,
(00:02):
so many amazing parts of you,through trusting
that all of you is welcome.
Even if I don't know whatall of you looks like,
if I don't know whatall of you is,
and then when to witnessyou give birth.
There was no there wasone part of me that didn't
trust thefull expression of you,
the full capacityfor you to meet a pain
(00:22):
that I will never know.
A challengethat I will never know.
A. Place outside of the known.
The mysterythat I will never go to.
Because I don't have a woman.
And I don't know what it's liketo grow a child in my belly.
To feed it, to grow an organ andthen birth a child like
I'll never know that.
(00:43):
Therefore, how can I expect toput you in a box?
Yo yo yo lovers.
Welcome, welcome,welcome to sex, love
and everything in between.
Where the O'Neals.
You're here with Meg and Jacob.
And this is the placewe have really uncensored
(01:06):
conversationsabout sex, intimacy
and relationships.
Well, super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode.
It.
Hey, lovers.
Hi. Beautiful people.
Welcome back.
We are on the podcast.
(01:26):
We are.
That's where we are.
How are you, my love?
I'm great.
I'm excitedfor this conversation.
Yeah.
I think we're going to geta little fired up.
I know I'm going to geta little fired up.
And then my favoritekind of podcast episode.
I'm going to remainvery grounded. And fiery, ranty.
Deeply present.
I offer a transmissionthat is very fair and balanced.
(01:48):
I've been getting,I've been whenever
something like this, the topicthat we're talking about today,
I get it.
I know when I'm like,really, really meeting something
because I get knotted up insideabout how
I want to communicate it.
And this is such a, I thinkbecause of the nuance
of of relationshipsand what we believe.
And just having livedrelating for the last ten,
(02:11):
ten years, and then even moreso, having a child
the last seven months is like,oh, this there's so much to it.
And it's can be boiled downinto just these simple formulas
that can sometimesbe a little bit, basic.
And that'swhere we're really headed today.
You know, we've been seeingsome content online around
(02:36):
traditional gender roles and,yeah, traditional gender roles,
traditional relationships.
And yeah, I feel likeonce we've seen this content,
we've been showing each otherthis content and just having
lots of discussions in our ownmarriage and out just together.
And yeah, we wanted to bringthis conversation through
and just speak into more ofthe nuance around.
(02:58):
Yeah.
Partnership.
And I think somethingI want to speak into
before we go anywhere is that.
Yeah.
Like you said,I think sometimes online
relationships can be boiled downinto such a black and white
formula.
And you know sometimesthat's for views,
sometimes that's the likes.
I can see why people do that.
(03:20):
And we really wantto bring some nuance
into the conversation today.
And one thingI really want to speak into
is that we truly believeevery relationship is unique
and has its own blueprintand has its own, like truth.
And so any time you're seeingformulas online or something
and saying your relationshipshould look like this, or,
(03:42):
you know,the woman should do this
and the man should do this,or whatever it might be,
just noticehow that feels in your body.
If that feels constricting,or if that feels
like not true for youor your partnership.
Listen to that.
Like attuned to that.
And yeah, really trusting.
I think this is thelike beyond polarity,
beyond the masculineand feminine,
(04:02):
beyond all of that.
What's most importantas a foundation is what's the
truth of the moment,like what's true for me, right.
And what's truein our partnership
that trumps fucking everything.
Everything.
And obviously,to be able to attune to that
takes rooting downinto your body
and being embodied and workingthrough your trauma and,
(04:23):
you know, becoming consciousof your wounds and,
you know, the relational woundsyou have in all of those pieces
and all of that is so important.
And, you know,an integral piece to the puzzle
of being able to attune towhat is true.
Right?
It's not just that simple.
But I truly believe thatthat trumps everything.
That trumps polarity,that trumps everything.
Like this isthat's that's the core.
(04:46):
The emerging truth.
Yeah. What's beneath the words?
What's beneath? What's the.
What's the thingthat is rising up to be men
in relationship?
And just an exampleto make it really real.
You knowwe're going to be talking about
gender rolesand traditional roles.
If you're a woman and you,you know, looking at
lots of content that's sayingthat you should desire a man
(05:07):
that provides for youand to take care of you
and all of these things,but you fucking love working
and making moneyand creating in the world
and receivingfrom those creations
like the truthof your experience
to the truth of what you desire,and potentially
the truth of your partnership,is not necessarily
(05:27):
his financial provision.
That can be provisionin many other ways,
but may be the truth of you.
And your partnershipin that moment
is for you to be the provideror for you
to be the breadwinner, right?
And not trying tomake yourself wrong
or feel like less of a woman,or that you're
not in your femininebecause of that, like, oh.
(05:52):
It's almost as ifif a man provides,
he then has thewithout saying it.
But potentiallythis is the energetic tone
if I provide there for you.
Under the guise of my control.
Yes.
And I think just from some of.
(06:12):
Did you want to deepen that?
Sorry, I don't know.
I, I believe men can be like,no, that's not what I want.
I'm actually sayingI want to provide for her
so she can dowhatever she wants.
I'm like, yeah, I love you, bro.
And I also believethat the energetic tone beneath
that is it.
I want to be in control of you.
And you will and you will be.
(06:32):
You will not upsetthe apple cart.
If I'm providing for you,then you will
not necessarily do as you told,but you will do as you told.
Yes.
And I feel like there's genuine,like eye witness within you,
a genuine desireto provide for me
and our family.
What I think we're talking aboutand bringing the nuance in here
is that, you know, again, we'vewe've witnessed
(06:54):
some content online,which is very much, you know,
like the man must providethe woman should not work in
or, you know, awoman shouldn't have to work.
And that, you know,there was this one
particular video.
She doesn't have to workif she doesn't want to.
Is there correct termlike I like the way he went.
That was quite well.
(07:15):
But then that.
Piece was beautifuland I get that. And beautiful.
And then there was another pieceto this particular video
that then said,I want her to be able
to do what she wantsduring the day.
Go on,hot girl walks with her friends,
post postcards or whatever.
Like postcards.
Yeah, something like that.
Because a manthat's going after his mission
(07:36):
wants to come home to a womanthat's calm
and peaceful and happy.
And this is the pieceyou showed me this video.
And before you evenbrought your opinion
in, I just felt likejust like fire within me
because that on the surfaceI can see how that
when a man believesthat he thinks that's
a beautiful, kind,loving perspective
(07:59):
to hold and desire to hold.
I don't wantmy woman to have to work.
She doesn't have to work hard.
That was also partof the conversation he brought.
She doesn't.
I don't want herto have to go through challenge
and pain.
I want her to have an easefullife.
I want her to go and, like, walkand hang out
with her girlfriendsand everything during the day.
But underneath that wasa deeper yearning.
(08:23):
That was the disguisethat was like,
I want this for her.
But underneath that was like,I'll give this to her.
So when I come homefrom my long day at work
getting after it,I have a happy woman.
I have a calm woman.
I have a woman.
That's not going to bea burden of me.
It's not going to askmore from me
than I want to give.
(08:44):
And the truth is, that'snot what a woman is, right.
That's not what the feminine is.
You cannotif you want to deeply experience
a woman, if you want to givea woman permission
to be the fullness of herself,you cannot bring this
expectation of,I will give you this,
(09:05):
let me provide for you,but be happy
fit in this fucking little boxand I just need you to behave.
I need you to be thisbecause I'm giving you this.
Like thatwas the undertone of that video.
I don't think them thatI was going to say, boy,
that man,I knew that he was doing that.
But that was reallywhat I was feeling as a woman.
(09:28):
And I think this isthis is what can be inextricably
weaved into the fieldof some of these conversations
about traditional roles.
I see this from menteaching this
sometimes that it can beI want you as this
and I want to provide for youso I don't have
to deal with you.
So no, I don't have to dealwith your depth
(09:50):
and your full spectrum andand the truth of what it means
to be with a womanin the depth of her feminine.
Because when not convenient.
When are you going to relate?
You can't just payus to be convenient.
You can't just go.
He's 200 grand a year now.
Be fitting a littlebox and be convenient.
Anything else?
No.
I told youI'd get fiery and ranty,
(10:11):
like, yes, I'm.
You can relate from a biologicaland formulated perspective
and use your little spreadsheetif you want,
but relationships area spiritual practice.
You don't have to see themas a spiritual practice.
You can play intothe traditional roles
and live life in that way.
(10:31):
You're more than welcome to.
However, if you really, trulywant to access something
greater through union,then you will call in a partner
that is here to traversethe depths with you.
And if you're a man and you saythat you want to
provide for a woman.
Are you saying you wantto provide for her,
(10:53):
or are you just saying thatyou don't want to actually have
to deal with her fullness?
So just check yourself therebecause your words might say,
I want to provideand you might want to be
the hero of the story.
But deep down,are you just saying that
I just want to go to workand do what I want to do,
and then when I come home,I don't want to be challenged.
I don't want to be called deeperinto intimacy.
(11:13):
Am I actually like,this is like,
is this actually a wayfor me to avoid deeper
opening in love?
Is this a way for me to containand control
and manage how love is giftgiven and received?
Am I actually being a gatekeeperto the flow of love
between our two hearts?
And have I really sanitizedand created
(11:36):
a transactional experience?
Because that'swhat's comfortable.
Because as men, wewant to know what is
fair, equal, and value.
Because we in societyand I speak, we as collectively,
we see ourselvesthrough the lens of the value
that we have to offer.
Our identity is normallywrapped up in that.
So if we bring thatto a relationship,
then of course we going tosee it through that lens.
(11:58):
Of course, younglike young men in their 20s
are going to come onand they're going to learn from
other peopleand they're going to
jump on their podcastbecause I'm going
to have a woman.
I'm going to let her go on hotgirl walks,
because I made $280,000this month, and it's like.
Like, your woman'sgoing to experience pain.
You no one'sgoing to experience suffering.
She's going to go through herown rites of passage.
You cannot stop that.
(12:19):
I just want to jump inthere because I think.
What happens out of.
What also felt,disrespectful about that video.
And I don't knowif disrespectful
is the correct word,but it felt like
that, that, that that man wasn'tseeing the initiatory path
(12:41):
that is womanhood.
This makes me emotional, like,to feel like a man is the only
being that gets to experienceinitiation and challenge
and like, go out in the worldand be creative and like,
do hard shit.
It's likethat's actually embedded
into a woman's designand into our biology.
The way we bleed and birthand, you know, move
(13:03):
through menopause.
And like all of thesedifferent things, we have,
you know,embedded biological rites
of passage, unlike men.
And so I love when fuck up men.
I love when Leon talks aboutwhat's that story he tells,
I and John.
I and John and he speaks about,the what he said some beautiful
(13:26):
line when I, when we went in,Just I Loveland.
Went and watched him,tell the story line.
John and he said something like,men will always be
trying to recreate.
What women experienceand like to try and, like,
give them blood in some way.
(13:47):
And yeah, that we as women,like we do, we just innately
have these rites of passagesand, innately
initiated through our bodyinto deeper levels of power.
And men, mengo to war to experience
that same kind of like sensationor initiatory experience.
And so that felt.
(14:08):
So as a woman,I felt so unseen by that video.
And I also felt likeyou're a boy
and you've never beenwith a true woman, and you don't
you haven't had a tasteof what it means to be you.
You were yet to experiencethe depth and width and
breadth of what a woman is,because that is, you.
A woman is naturally goingto move through challenge
(14:31):
and painand all these different things,
and your job isn'tto take that away from her.
Your job is to witness herin not like thinking of birth
like you didn't try.
And if and this is whereif a boy.
If a boy in a man's bodyis a birth partner to a woman,
he's going to try and save herfrom that.
He's going to think with thatsame perspective.
(14:52):
Oh my God.
My job is to have hernot experience that right now,
my job is to have hernot go through pain,
or I need to save herfrom this initiation
or this challenge.
Now you don't.
You need a witness. Her.
You must stand in awe of herin a fucking Ballard.
Her bowed down to her.
(15:15):
A woman's biology iswired for sacrifice.
Her body goes through a cycleevery month.
Like gives blood. Yeah.
In service to humanity, toboil that down, to.
I just want herto not have to worry
or her for her to just be free.
(15:36):
And comments like where youactually starving her
of what feeds her, the,the, the cycles of nature
that move through her body,her innate intelligence, like,
where are you as a mantaking control of the household?
That actually completely missingthe mark,
(15:57):
completely missing the depth oflike what a woman is here
to bring through for the world.
And that is what you know.
And Leon speaks about thiswhen we speak about
this is like we as men, we bleedto, to, to, to,
to attempt to feel equal.
We, we find ways.
And unfortunately, this is thethis is the culture
of a lot of these men that arehopping on the podcasts
(16:19):
and having very,very learned opinions,
not lived, experiencedopinions on relationships
and on what it meansto be with woman
is that they getlocked into these regulated
physical experiences.
They're the ice bathsaddicts, the high rocks heroes.
They're the guys.
They can lift the same weightover and over again,
(16:40):
and they create very, very,regimented
windows of tolerances.
They have incredible capacityfor a very small window
for thesevery specific parameters.
And if anything operatesoutside of those parameters
that's wrong or that'sthat's not how it's meant to be.
So a lot of these guys haveincredible tolerance,
but none of them haveany resilience.
(17:01):
And so fortification for whatlife is going to be
bringing them.
Which is to be in relationshipwith a woman, like a woman
that is no longer contortingor fawning or, you know,
and any of those pieces to be.
Putting on the corset ofthe societal corset,
the jets forces herinto a posture
that isn't truly her.
(17:23):
That to come across as desirableand behaved in relationship.
And this is a way,how I have to be to be loved.
When you aren'twith a woman, that when you're
with a womanwho is no longer subscribing
to that idea of woman, thatthat way of woman ING right,
that is not a convenientwoman to be with.
She is going to ask more of you,again and again
(17:47):
and again and again.
She isn't going to be peacefuland happy and behaved
every time you comehome from work.
But she's going to be ridingthe wave of
being a fucking force of nature.
And this is where she isinitiating you.
Right.
(18:07):
And I'd like tobring the nuance here
in terms of thisdoesn't give women just this
free ride and full permissionslip to be, you know, projecting
all over them in and, you know,doing all those things.
There's a differencebetween feminine testing
and beingjust completely and utterly rude
and disrespectful.
Deeply or just in the expressionof feminine,
(18:29):
like in the, in the,the true expression
of what's alive andyeah, like we as women,
I truly believe,are here to initiate our men
into more of themselves.
We are part of that challenge.
And when not,and this is I see the the
the spiritual practice of unionmen.
(18:50):
We're playing in theselike masculine
and feminine dynamics is thatwhen a woman devotes herself
to bringing throughall the phases of the goddess
like a full spectrum,she's also saying yes to being
the aninitiating, inviting her man
into deeper levels of himselfbecause it's going to widen
(19:11):
and expand his capacitywhen she's bringing those
different phasesof herself through.
And so I would say that energythat we're talking about
and maybe witnessing is likethe man that doesn't want to be
or is afraid of initiation.
Once conveniencewants to just stay
in the window of toleranceand, like,
(19:31):
not have to be burdenedor inconvenienced
in his relationship,thinking that a woman
should just be solelya place of nourishment and calm.
Yes, a womanis a place of deep nourishment
and I am all for womenlining to work that muscle more
and remember thatand reclaim that.
And this has been a big partof our relationship, me
(19:53):
becoming a morenourishing space for you
and becoming a morenourishing woman.
And for thatto be the expectation
of what it is to have a wifefor what it is to have a woman,
that she should be enrichingpresence all the time and
that's not reality.
100%.
Yeah.
(20:16):
Sorry.
I feel like I interrupted youand went on a little rest and.
I think andand and I want to, like,
really reiteratethat a lot of this
is coming from like, the, the,you know, even though there's
the energetic undertone of like,I don't want to be
a woman that'shard to deal with,
even though that is thethe energetic undertone
that I'm picking up on.
(20:37):
There is actuallya genuine desire to serve.
And this is somethingthat men are wired for.
Men are wired for service.
We and what we want to dois we want to package up
how our service can bestfit into
something that creates certaintyand routine for us,
because that is somethingthat we as men gravitate toward.
Discipline.
(20:57):
Okay, if I show upand I make this money and I do
this joband I provide for her, then
my life is going to be calmand peaceful,
and I'm going to feel fulfilledbecause I'm adding value
and impact to the world.
And I come homeand I'm getting the nourishing
love that I want. However,that is still a there's still
a level of sanitizationgoing on there.
There's still a level ofI need to control everything.
(21:24):
When we do thatand we create rigidity
that leads to fragility.
So the rigid becomes fragileand eventually
the cracks start to happenand the stress starts to,
I will, overwhelm the,the the container and it
inevitably will fall apart.
And that isn't to say thatthat wasn't meant.
Yeah, what's meant to happenwill always happen, of course,
(21:46):
butif we're really looking at this
relationships as a spiritualpractice, relationship
as a way of learningmore about ourselves,
we must be willing to engagewith all aspects of self
and bring all of our selvesto the relationship,
and not just pick and choosewhat is traditionally
or biologicallyor what makes sense.
(22:08):
And you know well thatquite often doesn't make sense.
I can see why young menget it into their head.
Actually I want toprovide for you, I want to
I want my womb to feel safe.
I want my woman toto be provided for.
Yes, brother. Yes.
And I want you to take herto deeper places than she's ever
gone through your presenceand your undeniable depth,
and your ability to allow herto dance on your chest
(22:31):
as she bleeds L-o-v-e likelet her take up space.
She's not just going to wantto go on HoCo walks
and collect postcards.
She's going to ask to devourevery ounce of story
that is not true,that is flowing through your
being.
She's going to devourall the non truths
(22:52):
and bring forthmore than your nervous system
can handle.
And their in-lawsyour work in relationship.
I'm not sayingthat you have to be in process
every single night,like there's a difference
between a womanthat brings it through as a gift
and a woman whois fighting against you,
and you get to be discerningwith that.
(23:12):
And normallythere will be a trend
and it might be thatyou need to set boundaries.
But realistically,like a lot of these guys
there actually dowhat they wanting to do
is they wanting to serve,but they've
pigeonholed themselvesinto something that makes sense
and is comfortablefor their current identity.
And they just go aroundand they keep having
conversations withguys that reaffirm that no one
(23:32):
that challengesthat point of view.
So a lot of guys arejumping on me.
Yeah, biologically,this is what it should be.
Yes, women are this,yes, men are this.
And I, you know,I'm a realist, I get that.
But I've looked atmy grandparents relationships
and I've looked at themand I've,
I sit down and I observe.
And what I see is that there isa missing piece
(23:55):
in those traditional roles,and it's the spiritual practice.
It's the deepeningand allowing the other person's
soul to take flightwithin the container
that you've created for Union.
That is,that will keep the aliveness
in your lifefor the rest of your life.
(24:15):
If youcontinually lean into that.
I've gotten to meetso many amazing versions of you,
so many amazing parts of you,through trusting
that all of you is welcome.
Even if I don't know whatall of you looks like,
if I don't know whatall of you is,
and then when to witnessyou give birth.
There was no there wasone part of me that didn't
trust thefull expression of you,
(24:38):
the full capacityfor you to meet a pain
that I will never know.
A challenge thatI will never know. A.
Place outside of the known.
The mysterythat I will never go to.
Because I don't have a woman.
And I don't know what it's liketo grow a child in my belly.
(25:00):
To feed it, to grow an organand then birth a child like
I'll never know that.
Therefore, how can I expect toput you in a box?
Sort of waiting like you like.
And I'm just so gratefulthat we had journeyed
so deeply togetherand that I didn't get stuck in.
I'm just here to provide for youfinancially.
(25:22):
Because if I had of,I wouldn't have.
I would not have been ableto experience
what I've experienced.
I would not have got to meetthe parts of myself
that I was stillhiding away from the world,
because I was scaredthat they were not worthy.
Oh.
That was really beautiful.
Yeah.
(25:42):
I feel that there's like justthis part of me is like,
yeah, cool.
Like for instance,like I don't know the dynamics
for these guys that are speakingbecause of maybe, maybe,
maybe they saw their mumfucking suffer.
Maybe they saw their momreally fucking struggle
and have to work fucking hardjust to put food on the table.
Maybe these, maybe there's like,maybe these guys
have single mothersthat were abandoned by men.
Maybe they're trying to rightthe wrongs
(26:03):
of the generation before.
And we do thisin like we in sacred rage
every monthwhen we run it, we we
we say to men,you don't have to right
the wrongs of the menthat came before you.
You get to be you.
You get to be you.
You don't have tonot be your dad.
Oh, you get to be you.
You don't have tonot be your dad.
(26:25):
So many menthink that beliefs are
what you think you are.
A lot of men's beliefsof what they think they're not.
And for so many men,I'm not like my father.
I'm not my dad.
I'm not like them.
It's like, dude,you don't have to be.
You get to be you.
And that's the that's the paththat we take them to.
(26:46):
We down there, like,remind them of who
they get to be,whoever they want to be.
They don't have to.
Right the wrongs of the menthat came before them,
and they don't have tonot be their father.
So a lot of menare trying to right the wrongs.
They're tryingto swing the pendulum.
They're trying to pay the debtsof their fathers
because they sawtheir mothers suffer.
They saw their aunt suffer.
They saw women suffer.
Therefore they don'twant that to happen,
(27:07):
which is a beautiful thing.
So I, my, my like I love andrespect these young men
that are fired up.
I love and respectthat they want to stand up and
feel the bankaccount with money,
and make sure that there'sa roof over the head
and that she's in a safe.
Kind of likelike, thank you for your heart,
but now bring your depth.
(27:28):
Yeah.
Thank youfor your heart in your head.
But your depth is nowrequired, brother.
Like you're.
There's a deeper part of youthat is waiting to be accessed.
So get out of the ice bath,get out of the podcast room
and come into thecome into the wild
and meet the Great Mother.
Yeah, come out and meetsomething that is so far
beyond what you thoughtwas available
that you can come backand bring a depth to your woman
(27:50):
so she feels safeto bring a deeper
part of herself.
That's the actual provisionthat I'm interested in.
That's the provision.
Can you provide depth,not just financial security?
Can you provide depthso that she can access
a part of herselfthat is here to give the world
something trulyand utterly unique,
that only the feminine can,through a woman's body.
(28:14):
That was so beautiful.
Okay. I'm complete.
What would you like.
I just loved being in.
Yeah.
And I love these young men.
I love these like young bullsbecause I know what it's like
to feel that like I've,I've been
that I've been like I'm goingto fucking save the world.
And I thinkwe need more men like that
where I don't wantto put that fire out.
Like, I've seen so many womenliterally.
(28:37):
You know,we talk about the witch
hunt for women,which I've seen so many people
try to tear thisyoung dude down.
I'm like, bro,you actually need to come
and spend some timewith some men
that are in relationship.
And I'm like, hey, man,I love where you're coming from.
Let me give youa few little tips.
I love what you're about, man.
Like, fuck yeah,let's build on this.
Let's not put your fire out.
Let's teach you how to use it.
Yeah.
And I felt thatwhen I watched that video,
(28:57):
it was like, oh,I can see I did.
I could feel this hotand I can feel the pot
like it is beautiful.
And I think,let's speak into that.
Like the desireto provide for a woman.
We're not saying that there isanything wrong with that.
That is beautiful.
And I know many womenthat desire yearn
to be provided for.
As for that, as an option,whether it's
(29:18):
financial provision, I would sayevery single woman
that comes into my work desiresdeep emotional provision or like
where a mancan hold her in her depth
and providethat depth of presence, and she
can, like, press into her and,and feel
she can feel his containerin the relationship.
I would say for many women,sometimes
(29:41):
they have financial provisionand it doesn't feel enough
because the presenceis not there
and that that type of provision,but we're not saying that
the desire, the yearningto provide or the desire
to be provided for is wrong.
What we're really speaking intois to just think
that's all a woman wants.
And if a woman was to befinancially provided for,
(30:04):
she shouldn'twant for anything else.
And once you feed a woman withfinancial provision,
then she's going to just bewhoever you need her
to be and behaveand be a pretty little trophy.
Okay?
Calm, whatever he said, calm,happy every time,
you know, he walks in the door.
So that's the piecewe're really speaking into that
(30:24):
you can't.
So almost an element of youcan't just pay
a woman to then behavein the way
you want her to behave,and then be
a convenient part of your life.
That isn't that isn'twhat a woman is to truly love.
And I know that thatthat statement came from love,
from this young man.
But I think it's so important.
(30:47):
And this is why we wantedto have this conversation, is to
look what's underneath that.
And what is mostloving to a woman is,
you know, yes,if if that's the option
to be provided for.
But for that to comefrom a place of
without conditionsfor that to come,
if you deeply desire to providefor a woman, that it's
I will provide for you,because that's
(31:10):
how I want to serve you,not I will provide for you
with the unspoken expectationthat you then are X, Y, and Z.
For me.
Right? Yeah.
And so that's the piecethat we're really speaking into
and I think can just bevery subtly or not
so subtly weavedinto these kind of conversations
(31:30):
and yes,I think it speaks so deeply
to the part of a woman thatwants to be looked after.
I would say, again, I'll justspeak into the women
that come into my spaceand listen to this
and their podcast.
I would sayall women that come into my work
really want to be looked after.
And this isn't alwaysand sometimes it includes.
(31:51):
But this isn't alwaysfinancial provision.
It's so much more than that.
Right. Andyeah, so I think sometimes
these traditional role,gender, role
kind of conversations,the black and white ness of them
can, kind of what,what am I looking for,
not exposebut like Poland or like, reveal.
(32:17):
No.
No, it's like they kind of usethis desire of a woman of, like,
you want to be provided for.
Okay, but then I just want womento really know that they
they can have that desireand that yearning,
and a man can provide for themif that's the deepest,
like, you know,if he wants to serve in that way
and it doesn't have tothen put them in a box
of if that's,you know, I have to be, then.
(32:38):
I now owe him something.
I have to hidethis part of me because he's
if he doesn't,he doesn't like this.
I can't bring itbecause then if I do
and he doesn't like it,then I might not
get looked after.
And I think thisI did a post on this ages ago,
and we've spoken into thisa lot in in our relationship,
not innot that this is the dynamic
of our relationship.
And just we've hadthese conversations drill down,
(33:00):
and I like how, you know,I talk a lot about the desire
to be claimed.
And, you know,we speak a lot into polarity
in the masculine, the feminine,and often a woman's desire
or a feminine being'sdesire to be led and to feel
that like provision,but also like leadership and,
direction of her man and.
(33:26):
That can alsowhen a man practices
that on a surface level,without the compass of love
and service.
Right.
When it'scoming from self-serving
that can be controlling,he can take the seat
more of a dictator than,you know, in embodied
(33:48):
love and in service to love.
And so on the outsideit might look the same.
They might be doing the samethings, might be
even saying the same things.
But the energeticis so important. Right.
You know, we don'tuse those roles or play
with those energies of polarity.
(34:08):
Or if you do right,it can be played
with on a surface leveland a man can just be using
that to control a womanto make his life
more convenient to.
It's not deeply in serviceto her. Like. And this is where
yeah.
Again, the nuance and like the,the mastery of this comes in.
(34:28):
It's like when we practiceor when I, when I feel you
telling me what to doin our relationship,
it's never to make your lifemore fucking convenient.
It's because you, you see thatin telling me what to do, right?
I'm going.
You're inviting meto let go of having
to make that decisionor soften into my body
(34:52):
a little more.
Do you have an example of this?
Maybe just so we can, like.
Oh, like the car seatjust before
you came in and you're like,oh, can we.
Oh, just let me check.
I'm just going to buy it,my love.
Like, get out of myget out of my office
buying it as bought.
I'm going to gopick it up after the
the podcast. Yes.
What I, what I wantmen to understand is like
providing is providing a spacefor a woman
(35:13):
to really allow herselfto be connected to her body.
Like like this is the comingfrom the head down
into the body.
If a woman is being provided forand she has to think about
what is allowed,what she has to be for you
to feel calm,cool and collected.
I've got to be this for himwhen he gets home
because he's had a big day.
(35:34):
Oh my God.
Like there is a level of I'mhaving to be something
that may not be actually truein my body, and like to think
that a man can go to workand then come home
and get the sameversion of woman every night,
that's not going to happenif she's connected to her body,
because her body every 28 daysis going through
the four seasons,the cycle, like you're
you're very different personat each stage of your cycle.
(35:58):
And if I'm not attunedand if I'm just locked
into a rhythmthat only honors me
and my rule and my conditions,yes, I can create
a very comfortable life for us.
But is it true?
So like theexample of that, like.
Oh cool.
Let me justthis pump on the car seat
and it's at the shopand I'm going to pick it up
(36:19):
and you're like, oh,what if we can get this.
I was like, now that's cool.
All right. Yeah. We could. Yep.
No we're not going to look ondifferent sides.
I'm just buying it from this onebecause I know
where to get it from.
I'm going to get it.
It's going to be herethis afternoon.
And then you leftand it was done.
And I know thatthat's not coming.
Like it'snot as if you're being like
fuck off.
Like I've got it.
It's like it's likeyou being like my love.
(36:40):
This is not somethingyou have to think about.
Your your eyes, your brain doesnot have to be on this.
You know, I've got you.
And I think that is provision.
I've got I've got you,I've got this.
Yeah, I've got you,I've got this.
That's about. Us. Yes.
And that's really,you know underneath financially
providing underneath,you know, holding things
(37:01):
in the homethat maybe your woman, you know,
doesn't have to hold likeI've got us
like that's when I, that'sthat's provision,
you know, in termsof our finances, we I,
I contribute to the home I like.
That's notwe don't work in that way
in terms oftraditional gender roles.
But you fucking provide for melike I feel
(37:25):
very fucking provided for.
And it's not providedyou bring 100%
of the income in, it'sbecause you there is so much
in our home, in our familyand in our life
that I don't have to holdand I don't have to think about.
And I would say that thisis like super important, like,
you can go on the journeyof discovering
(37:46):
who you are alongsidea really fucking awesome human,
and discovering who you are.
There's going to be timeswhere you don't actually live up
to the expectationsof those traditional roles.
There's been many timesI've been at the fucking
down to nothing being the red,and that's a very,
very vulnerable place to be.
(38:07):
When I've told myselfI need to be this
to receive love,I need to be this.
Otherwise she's going to leavethat condition
of I'm the provider.
You have to be a certain way.
Then got flippedbecause when I wasn't feeling
like I could provide because ofmy own shit, my own demise,
my own Dark knight of the soul,I then had to.
(38:28):
I had to come toyou and be like,
do you still love me?
Essentially.
Like, are you going to leave me?
What's going to happen?
And you're like, no, I love you.
You've got this.
Even if you fail.
Even if I fail,and I'll probably fail
like another.
I don't know how many times.
And what I believe is that,like when you're both journeying
together, you get to learn to.
(38:50):
You get to learnto love the parts of yourself
that you've hidden.
Because in a relationship,you're going to get the like.
If you go onthe journey together,
you're going to getthe opportunity to be seen,
by someone outside of youthat has the opportunity
to either push that downor welcome that into the space.
(39:11):
Yeah, like shine loveor amplify shame.
Yes.
And this was the piecethat I think,
like a lot of young men,they think they have to have
their shit together.
They have to havebought the house.
And it's just another form ofand ironically, it's
just the entrepreneurship.
It's just another 9to 5 mindset.
So I need to haveall everything sorted so I can
so you can fit into my life.
Yes.
(39:31):
And you know,I want to speak into how
this is played outin our relationship that I,
you and you did this podcastor it came out yesterday
with Cardi Micallefand what was it called?
Something like,reckless, the courage
to be reckless in businessor something like that.
Reckless leadership or.
Reckless leadership and really,from the little snippet
(39:51):
that I've watched so far,I really want to listen
to that episode.
But, you speak into likesome of the things,
some of the courageous movesyou've made in business,
even like holding tea gone,like the gathering of men
and having that huge visionand literally calling
so many men into it to like,you know, get it.
200 men on the landthat other people
(40:12):
would have justcalled that reckless,
like taking onthat amount of risk,
all these different things.
There's been many times,even in both of our businesses,
you know,if some people were to look
at our financesand the moves we're making
and just be like, what the fuck?
Why are you doing that?
That doesn't make sense.
That's not safeor that's not X, Y, and Z.
But that part of you,that's, that's
(40:32):
more devoted to the truththan to security.
That's actually whyI fucking trust you as a man.
Yeah, it's not becauseof the amount of money
that you're bringing inor the amount of, savings that,
you know, is always there in,you know, in our bank account.
No fucking way.
That's not how we live.
But I trust you because you'reyou're a man devoted to mission,
(40:54):
devoted to truth, devoted towhat's moving you.
That feels more, quote unquote,secure or safe to me
or trustworthy to methan if you were to be devoted
to keeping a certain levelof financial security
in a bank account at all times.
Now, I know that it can be both.
And, you know, we can have both.
(41:14):
Yeah.
But I but what I've.
Yeah, what I appreciate isthe devotion to.
Yeah the devotion to truth.
And for me, that's whyI feel so provided for
because you're aman on a mission
and you're a man devoted toGod, spirit, life.
There's a shared value there.
And I really want to speak tothere's a shared value.
(41:36):
And this is what I believea lot of these men speaking
that I want a woman to be thisso I can be this.
There's going to bea conflicting set of values
there.
If you want to grow and buildand be a part of a vision,
and a woman doesn'twant to just play
happy house wife,naturally there there will be
a growing apart like for you.
(41:56):
Like,I think the shared value we have
is that we both wantto grow and expand
and be of service,which is beautiful.
And we know thatthe bank accounts
are going to eventuallyfill up more and more and more.
We just trust thatthat is going to be a reflection
of our devotion to the truth.
And when we're devotedto the truth over
safety, over certainty, overbecause the truth is, is
that life is uncertain.
(42:17):
Like we don't knowwhat tomorrow brings.
We don't we can pray,we can hope, we can put it
in the Google calendar,but we have no fucking clue.
So let us set the coursefor the general direction
of the greater vision.
The greater prayer of our lifeas individuals and as lovers,
and as a beautiful young family.
And let's set the world on fire.
(42:39):
Let's go there.
And to to do anythingless would be reckless.
To do anythingless than that would be
would be torture.
To do anythingless would be to play a game
that is safe,therefore soul crushing.
And when the souldoesn't want to be safe,
the soul wants to be free.
(43:01):
I will say that again.
The soul doesn'twant to be safe.
The soul wants to be free.
The deepestdesire of man is to be free.
And if you want to bein relationship,
freedom is the answer.
A deep responsibilityto the truth.
The truthbeneath the words, beneath
the comfort, beneath the calm.
I was just going to saythis doesn't mean that safety
(43:22):
isn't a partof the conversation.
And oftentimeslike how our physical, you know,
animal self, human body, self,you know, safety is important,
I think, especiallyfor women in partnership.
And but this is also being ableto almost expand,
expand our capacityfor discomfort. Yeah.
(43:43):
And you know,learn learn a wide, a wider
a wider expanse of safety,being able to expand
into deeper levels of safety.
Yeah.
And this is and I didI really spoke into this
at claimed.
And there was a little snippetfrom claim
that I post on Instagramthe other day, and I said,
(44:04):
A man is willing,like a true man is willing to,
to make a woman uncomfortable,not unsafe, but uncomfortable.
And a woman,if she's really devoted
to loving him in really well,is willing to be uncomfortable.
And I think this is,you know, in
many way, shape or form.
I told the story of youwanting to get a tattoo
and me being like,I don't want you
(44:26):
to get that tattoo,but that doesn't make me unsafe.
It makes me uncomfortable.
And can I be willing to to,you know, know the difference?
Yeah.
And not try and stopyou doing things that make me
a little uncomfortable,but be able to advocate
for myself when it feels unsafe.
Totally.
And I think that like menthat want safety,
they want completion.
They want to feel likecreate completion in their life.
(44:48):
So I'm not saying to be free,go and pedal your money
on a blackjack tableand try to win it.
Win winwin win your retirement time.
You you I love you. It.
I'm not saying you have to goand you know,
go shooting every dayto like really,
you know, experience freedom.
I think there is a genuine partof like men who go
seeking adrenalineinducing experiences because
(45:09):
they actually don't know how torelax in their own bodies.
Yes, yes.
But what I'm saying is,like when I say that
like your soul wants to be freeand freedom
is to be in alignmentwith the truth of who you are
and to be relatingwith the truth that is emerging.
And if you try toregulate over that and create
safety over thatwhich is just more
control, it's not actual safety.
(45:29):
It's false security.
If you're trying to create moreand more security
by controlling the external,you are going to end up
so rigid that you become fragileand all that
you've worked so hardto create and provide
for financially will eventuallystart to fall away.
Because you haven'tbeen present,
you haven't been attunedto what's going on.
You haven't had your,you know, your
(45:50):
your finger on the pulse.
You haven't been able to feelthe rhythm and hear
with your heart what is actuallygoing on in the space
because you're sofocused on controlling
the externalworld from a place of
I provide this there for you.
Are this,like asking yourself what?
What is here?
(46:11):
And can I be with this?
What is the moment asking of me?
And like I want you.
I just think to like,how do I press myself
into this moment and feelwhat's really going on
and then trust myself,even if it doesn't
feel comfortableto lean in a little more?
And that's been, you know, ahuge part of our journey.
It's like I yeah I could easilyleave the house,
go for a walk and hope thatwhatever you're
(46:33):
feeling gets swept off.
Hopefully when I get backyour sleep and I don't have
to deal with it,I don't know how many
times I felt that countlesstime.
Whereas you're like,I can feel a disconnection.
We have what's what is it?
It's a it's let's meet it.
And I'm like,I want to, I want to get
I want to go to Egypt right now.
And I get away because I don'twant to deal with this
(46:56):
because it'sgoing to take something from me.
But then when Iactually lean in, I'm like,
oh, there's something here.
There's beauty here.
There's something deeper here.
I want to speak into that,because I already
had this questionformulating in my head.
And then you took itto the most perfect place.
A woman inside full spectrumwoman asked this question
in a last relationshipQ&A when you were in the space,
and it was something to theto the formas.
(47:18):
What does a manget out of holding space
for a woman.
Like so in those momentswhat what is a man.
And I'm saying that we'd likequotation marks. Get out of
instead of going for awalk, choosing to lean in
when his woman is asking for itor he can feel that
something's there.
What is a what is a man get?
I'd love youto just speak into that.
(47:39):
He gets to provide herwhat he used to provide
her soul, a safe spaceto express something
that it has not been safeto express in the past.
Based on whatever experienceshe had that told her
she was not allowed to.
So what you're giving heris access to a part of her
that is being caged.
(48:00):
And when you will out,you choose to bring your depth
to her and say it's safefor you to be free.
This part of you, it's safefor you to be free.
Come out, reveal yourself.
I'm not going anywhere.
He then gets to fortifyhis posture of consciousness.
He used to fortify thatand the value
(48:22):
that you feel in your bones,the contentment
that you feel as you createan experience
that no one else can createfor that woman, because you are
there in service to her youtoday, you put
your head down on the pain.
Like, if I die in my sleep,I don't care.
I don't give a fuckbecause I provided something
that trulycould not have been provided
(48:44):
in any other wayby any other man.
In this moment.
I was here and I chose to stay.
And there's so many menthat don't
see that as an opportunity,because they have so committed
to regulating themselvesor going and going to another
tool of regulation tool.
I need to go and regulate myselfso I can come back
the by the timeyou've come back,
(49:05):
the moment is past.
The moment is asking youto be with it, not to regulate,
to actually go into it.
Yeah. To expand.
And this is why yourwork of initiation
is so beautiful,even like the medicine work
we've done,or just all the initial
free experiences you've done,you know,
you've got to fucking meetthe darkness.
The only way out is like throughthe icky stickiness,
(49:26):
through like stayingand holding in that and,
you know, I think sobeautifully just
just the way that questionwas worded
in full spectrum womanaround what is a man get?
Firstly that a woman is askingthat is really
I think this is really likestage two of David datas
relating model. Yeah.
(49:46):
So it's likeoh it has to be this
equal exchange.
And if and if he's, if I'm,if I'm
getting the experience of himholding space, he must,
he must get as much out of itas I do.
And I need to explain to himwhat he's going to
get out of thereso that he does this
and this, like, almost like,it causes
(50:08):
addiction to a quality,an addiction to, like,
it must be this equal exchangewhere it's
actually a whole differentconsciousness
to be able to practicethis thing.
Yeah, it's it'sa whole different consciousness
literally of existingbecause it's
the consciousness ofthis is a spiritual practice
and I'mas, as the masculine or a man.
(50:29):
I'm stay.
I'm choosing to stay and holdand not try and run away
to a more convenient moment,not try and get
more comfortable.
I'm going to stay in holdand see this as an initiation,
an initiatory moment ofcan I be with my discomfort?
Can I be with the parts of methat want to run?
Can I be with the parts of methat just want to?
Oh, can you just deal with ityourself?
(50:50):
Like to be with all of thatis initiatory for a man.
This is thespiritual practice of relating.
This is how a man forges himselfhis backbone.
His strength is unwavering.
This more and more and more.
And I've witnessed this in you.
Not that I have been thethe reason or the portal
to who you are in the world,but your devotion
(51:13):
to meeting me in those momentsI think, is a huge part of why
you're able to holdso much in your business
and to hold so much in life,and to lead in the ways
you do because you practice iton the motherfucking daily.
In our partnership,you're not trying to escape
me or. The work.
(51:33):
Of our union so that you can goand lead outside of that.
You know that that's in service,it's forging you.
It's deepening youand that that is then
you know, informingand deepening you as a man
and as a leader and as,you know, a facilitator.
So, yeah, it's a differentconsciousness altogether.
(51:54):
It's not what you get.
It's who am I?
Who do I become through this?
What is this inviting me into?
Who is thisinviting me to become?
Yeah, but as a man,get the opportunity
to fulfill his sacred role,his sacred duty.
And in that,what does he get from that?
He gets to experiencethat a new level
of capacity for life.
(52:15):
And then he can experiencethat in his relationship.
That business is notthere's nothing.
Got this.
Let's go.
When you, you knowI feel that we've
all nervous systemshave been continually, expanding
rather than regulating.
And now that we've gota solid cycle like he does
want to sleep right now.
(52:35):
Awesome. I got him.
And we're going tobe continually like,
I feel that we're better parentsbecause of how we've
loved each other and stayed,yeah.
And I said this to a brotherthat I caught up
with this morning, his, going infor round two with his
(52:56):
second child on the way.
And I said, we don't teach.
We teach our childrenhow to love by how
we receive love,not by how we give it.
And I think that'sa real huge paradox
for a lot of men,because a lot of us men
believe that,we're only worthy of love
by the valuethat we give others.
Yeah, so that's not true.
(53:17):
How we receive loveis how we teach others to love.
Especially our children.
And for me, like.
Yeah, it's all about usin relation and.
But, yeah, for me, like,there's a huge part of this
is I'm doing this work. Yes.
For meand for, for for my life and
but I'm like, I really wantmy child to thrive.
(53:38):
I want him to feel so secureand capable
and prepared to face off withand have a, you know, beautiful,
beautiful trajectoryfor for his life.
I really want to set him upand provide him
the opportunity to to thrive.
And in that, there'sa deep vulnerability
of not wanting to get it wrong.
So I can totally understandfor men who are stepping
(54:00):
into relationship or seeing thethe next step for them
is, is a relationshipthat they're going to
not want to get it wrong.
Therefore they're going to tryand do what is right. Yeah.
And that's where,you know, statements like that
one on the podcast is from a browho's just wanting
to get it right. Yeah.
But the truth is you can'tget it wrong, man.
You can't get it right.
You just have to actually bewith what is.
(54:22):
There's still a paradoxthere of that.
This is right. This is wrong.
We collapse thatand we actually move
beyond the second stagerelating of what's fair,
what's equal tothis is an opportunity to meet
deeper parts of myself and callforth deeper parts of you.
And in that,we're going to experience
something thatwe could never truly
have experienced on our own.
(54:44):
Then we start to seethat this is going to be
a beautiful journeyfor the rest of our lives,
that we get to choose.
Do you feel complete or.
I have one more question and I.
Bring them all the way up to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have time.
But here's the time whencrushing podcast.
I feel like we'vewe used to get like an hour
(55:04):
and 20.
Now we're not even. Yeah.
We're just comingup to the hour.
So yeah. Efficient.
Parents.
One more questionfor you getting. It done.
There.
This is and this is kind of likecircling back to,
earlier conversation.
But what do you say towhat's your thoughts on
the school of thought thatbelieves men shouldn't bring
(55:29):
their emotions to that woman?
Yeah.
This is a, I, I believeif you have not individuated
from your mother,then you will not
fully understandhow to bring your emotions
to a relationshipin an appropriate way.
As a man, you will either avoidbringing them all together,
(55:50):
or they will come out in a leakyor destructive
or manipulative way.
Yes.
So for me, there's a reallyimportant piece here
that you have to be ableto communicate and share.
And even for me, like,what was it last night
that we had a little fracture?
What happened?
I think something happened.
(56:10):
And you took ocean to the bathand I said, I'm
not feeling good right now.
Yeah.
I don't even rememberwhat happened.
Something happened.
I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd spilled a lotof what I was moving through.
Yeah. Over you.
And then I realizedthat I probably. Yeah. Yeah.
And I felt myself shut down.
And in that moment, I said.
(56:32):
And you what?
What do you.
What's going on?
I was like,I'm just not feeling very good
right now.
And I don't have theI would like to
just clean the kitchen,but I don't have
the capacity to.
And I part of mewanted to make you wrong
for what you said and blameyou and point the finger.
I was like, hey,I'm just not feeling
good right nowand I need to be with this.
I wash dishes and I was like,I love her, dammit.
(56:59):
I don't want to fight tonight.
I love that bitch.
I love that dang girl back then.
Gum girl.
So I was just like,okay, cool, what's here?
I was like, oh, cool.
I suggested somethingand I got rejected.
Call that hurt.
Did she ask for meto suggest anything?
No. Why did I suggest it?
Because I thought I was brought.
I thought I had the answer.
Did I have the answer?
(57:20):
No. Did she?
Actually, one night,she just wanted to be heard.
Okay, cool.
Did I actually want to hearall of that right now?
No. Not really.
I didn't want to havea conversation
around business at 8 (57:27):
00 at night.
Okay, cool.
You could have said,hey, my love, let's just,
I trust that you've got it.
I don't actuallywant to talk about that tonight.
This is actually gotnothing to do with her
I love her.
So for me,a man has to have an ability
to self inquireto be able to internally digest
(57:49):
what's going on for himso he can bring his emotions
in a clean and articulate way.
Yes.
Which I feel, you know, at someand I know
we've been in discussion of thisin certain
relationship teachingsand very again, this is a
of the moretraditional gender roles
(58:11):
kind of teachings, is that aman should not
bring his emotions, discusshis emotions,
be in emotions around his woman.
That's not something thatyou know he should be in.
If he wants his womanto respect him.
I don't know, I justI have certain
thoughts around that.
I just don't think youif you can't look at a sunrise
(58:32):
and have itmove you to tears, then you're
not really relatingwith the feminine in a way that,
like is servingthe depth of your being.
So like sometimeswhen you move through the home,
it like it brings melike ridiculous amounts of joy
and gratitudeto the point where I'm like,
it'll move meto the point of emotions.
Like it'll draw meout of consciousness
into my feeling.
And I've come outof observing to,
oh my God, I'm feelingsomething like watching.
(58:54):
Every morningI wake up and I see,
I wish cuddled up to you.
I'm just like, 0000, I,I want to feel emotion
in my relationship.
I want to feelmoments of vulnerability
because it means to methat this has weight.
There's something herethat I'm allowing myself to
be attached to,to be connected to, to feel.
(59:17):
And if I'm not giving myself thepermission to feel that, then
I'm still withholding my heart.
And I think that that's,you know,
a lot of men will be like,you know, men don't
show emotions in front of women.
I'm like,this isn't fucking war, man.
We're not.
We're not at war.
Like, I don't know whywe have to treat ourselves
like fucking military,soldiers in our relationship,
(59:39):
we should be able tobring our hearts
and reveal our emotionsand also not become a wet rag,
not becomenot not use our partner
as a vomit bucketfor our emotional processes.
Which is whyI believe in brotherhood.
So strongly.
Yes.
And I do understandthat piece in that also,
like you are someone and you'reprobably on
(01:00:00):
the other end of the spectrum oflike your invitation
in our partnershiphas to feel more safe to,
to be witnessed in your emotionsand bring more emotions. Yeah.
But this is whyI don't think that like
hard and fast rule ofdo not let your partner witness
you cry or witnessyou in emotion.
We have had, I think,some of the most healing moments
for you, full stop in your life,have been when I have
(01:00:24):
ruthlessly been devotedto staying and holding
and witness,like not leaving a room
when you want to runand you know, have, you know,
emotion aloneand not be witnessed.
I'm like, I'm stayingand I'm, I'm teaching you
that this part of youis unlovable.
And I'm going to shine my loveon this part of you,
(01:00:45):
this part of you, that'sthat's grieving or or,
you know, wounded or whateverit might be.
And so I just, I, I feel like.
Men, Thinking that, that theyshouldn't ever bring emotion.
I shouldn't ever I don't know,I just think that that
that's been, that losing outfrom being being loved,
(01:01:09):
in, in a very deeplyhealing way, and also honoring
the fact that a man,if we're looking
at the masculine and feminine,like every human, you know,
a man still has feminine. Yeah.
You know, energetics within him.
And so knowing that there'sand why the dynamic
that we hold in partnershipis that
(01:01:30):
I hold the pole of the femininethat feels more enlivening
to me, and you feel moreenlivened in the masculine.
But that's not a hard and fastevery fucking moment
should be that.
Or else we're fucking it upor something's wrong.
There have been deeplyhealing moments
where I have heldthat I'm staying.
(01:01:50):
I'm being unwavering.
I'm being a container for youright now.
I'm shining my light of like,even last year when that
was that moment of likethat fear of failure
or failure for you.
And I stood thereand I was like,
even if you fucking fail,I'm not going anywhere.
Even if you fuck thisall up, I'm staying.
I'm not going anywhere.
(01:02:11):
And like, that was reallyit was that.
Where was it? In the bedroom.
Oh, yes.
That to methat's that's deeply felt.
That's deeply nurturing.
What these mental that I wantI want to be nourishing
and nurturinglike she's going to
she's going torub Elvira on the wounds
of the little boy.
(01:02:32):
Yeah.
And, andand look after him in ways
that youhave no fucking clue who
is going to fucking,you know, heal you.
And at this. Sorry.
You can.
And I thinkletting her love that
those parts of youwill teach you
how to love those partsof yourself. Yes.
And for me, like our weddingwas a beautiful,
(01:02:54):
beautiful experience that I.
I let myself feel chosen.
That makes me emotional.
I allowed myself to think,oh, she's choosing me.
She said yes to me.
That must mean thatI'm good enough.
Fucking hell.
And it hit me like aI remember like
(01:03:16):
like seeing you. What?
I was like, I think deep down,there was still a part of me
that thought you weren'tgoing to choose me.
I was like, Holy shit.
And I truly believe that there'san element of most men
that want to be the provider.
That's like, it'snot safe for me
to be in a relationshipunless I have.
(01:03:36):
Unless I'm giving morethan I'm receiving.
I'm that. I'm giving this.
I'm giving in this way, in this,in this, in this dynamic.
And it's actuallysafe for me to be here.
And that.
Yeah, that is fucking mental.
So for men and I rememberlike so many
of my brothers came up to meand they're like,
what the fuck was thatat our wedding?
(01:03:58):
Because I let myself just,I just let myself go there.
And so many my friends came upand I was just like, thank you.
Thank you for showing uswhat it's what it means
to have a straight spineand an open heart.
So many men want to be stoic,but they don't want to
take the armor off.
Yeah.
And I think for me, I was like,yeah, stand straight,
(01:04:18):
fade on the earth,soften your belly
and open your heartand allow life
to move through you.
Allow this love toto wash over you
and allow this womanto deeply choose you.
All of you,not just the parts of you
that provide moneyand buy the things
like allow this womanto wash over and rub Olivia
(01:04:38):
into the woundsof the little boy
that that was toldhe wasn't valuable,
that he wasn't worthy of loveunless he did this, this,
this and this.
And that, my friends, iswhat a relationship can be
when you don'tforce yourself into the
box of traditional roles.
This was epic.
I loved this conversation.
(01:04:58):
We wouldn't even get a podcastanywhere and.
I literally thought that before.
Thank you my man.
I adore you and I love,I love doing life with you
and I lovehaving these conversations.
Listen to this.
I love your emotion.
I love your ability.
I love your continual devotionto opening
and opening an openingbecause that's something
that hasn't.
(01:05:18):
Yeah, it's a devotion for youand it's a practice for you
and for all of us.
But it's it's an honorto witness you in that
and continueto receive more of you
because of thatdevotion to opening.
I love you.
I love you.
Thanks for loving me.
Anything else?
I feel complete.
We'll see you guys next week.
(01:05:39):
Bless up and big love y'all.
Love you.
Yo yo yo.
Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of sex,
love and Everything in between.
Now, if you'd liketo stay connected with Megan,
you can head on overto Instagram and follow me
at the Jacob O'Neil.
And where can people find you?
Love her at the dot, Megan O.
(01:06:03):
Amazing.
And yeah, guys,check out the show notes
for all other informationin regards
to what we've got coming up.
And yeah, we're super,super grateful that you guys
have taken the timeto listen in to this podcast.
If you do have any topicsor any questions, like I said,
hit us up on Instagramand we'll see what we can do
apart from that.
Have a beautiful,beautiful rest of your day.
Thanks for being. Here.
(01:06:23):
Big, big love.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!