Are you ready to break free from sexual shame and embark on a journey of sexual healing and pleasure?
Join me as I chat with Laura Usher, a skilled somatic counsellor who has dedicated her life to helping other heal and explore their sexuality with alternative methods.
Laura also runs an online women's sex store and is an incredible pole dancer.
Together, Laura and I delve into her unique path towards empowering women on their sexual journey by offering tools she's discovered on her own healing path.
We discuss the physical and emotional benefits of yoni eggs, along with the various types of crystals and their corresponding intentions.
We also venture into the importance of somatic therapy, boundaries, and safety in your nervous system, for a holistic approach towards healing and growth.
In this episode, you'll gain valuable insights on how cultivating internal safety in your body can open up new possibilities and opportunities in life.
0:00 - Intro
5:47 - Empowering Women's Sexual Health
10:43 - Sexual Healing With Crystal Yoni Eggs and Wands
23:27 - The Importance of Therapy and Boundaries
28:10 - Marketing Sex Toys and Somatic Therapy
36:40 - Somatic Counselling Explained
48:17 - Cultivating Internal Safety
52:03 - Internal Safety and Checking In With Yourself
56:06 - The Positive Impacts of Somatic Work
Connect with Laura:
La Loba Herbalism - Crystal Yoni Eggs
Instagram
Somatic Counselling
PS - Laura has generously offered Sex, Money & Rage listeners a discount on her online store, La Loba. Simply enter SMR15 at the checkout to get 15% off store wide (time to order that yoni egg!) ❤️
Past episodes and show notes are located here: https://www.sexmoneyrage.com/podcast
"Genuinely thank you for creating this space for people like-minded to talk openly and feel OK to talk about these things." Beau, Australia
Disclaimer:
I do not promote trying plant medicine or psychedelics (they are a whole other beast). All information provided is for general information and educational purposes only. Please consult with your doctor and do your own research before diving in. There are risks involved, it can interact with certain medications, and it's illegal in most Western countries.
I'm not a doctor, therapist, or counsellor, and nothing said on the podcast is a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or a professional therapeutic relationship. All content is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellie Goode (00:04):
Welcome to the Sex Money and Rage podcast.
Yeah, i think we're not reallytaught how to really be with our
sexual energy.
It's kind of the same thinglike oh no, we don't look at
that.
But then there's all this stuffhappening and I was kind of
wanting to explore that and it'ssuch a powerful energy And so I
didn't have great containment,i would say, or boundaries, or
(00:27):
even somatically kind of knowwhat was a yes and what was a no
in my body.
So, yeah, i ended up in a bunchof different situations that
probably weren't the greatestWhat's up, rages.
And welcome back to Sex Moneyand Rage.
I'm your host, ellie, and todaywas an awesome episode.
(00:49):
I mean I didn't record it today, obviously, but But it was
really cool.
There's so much good stuff inthis episode.
We talked about crystal yonieggs, crystal dildos, a whole
lot of sexual healing and how togo about that.
The power of the nervous system.
One of my favorite things inlife is the nervous system, as
(01:09):
you're probably all very wellaware by now.
But yeah, and Laura is just areally, really cool chick.
She has a wealth of knowledgeand experience and she's had a
really cool chat about sexualshame and how the body stores
and holds onto stress and someof the things you can do to
release survival stress fromyour body and heal your nervous
(01:29):
system.
So I am super excited.
I love, love, love this stuff.
If you've been listening andyou're enjoying the podcast,
please hit the subscribe orfollow button and make sure
notifications are ticked Andthen every week on Sunday when a
new episode goes live, you'llget a notification from yours
truly on your phone, customizedreminders.
(01:51):
I mean, you can't get betterthan that.
Well, i don't know, maybe youcan.
Anyway, i am doing really,really good.
Thank you so much for asking.
I hope you guys are doing wellas well, wherever you are in the
world, wherever you'relistening from, in whatever
device, whatever headphones.
Thank you so much for giving upyour time and listening to
these podcast episodes.
(02:11):
I don't know who you are.
I mean, i know who some of youare because you've told me, but
for a lot of you, i don't knowwho you are, and so I'm just
yeah, it's really awesome thatwe can connect in this way and,
you know, talk about thesethings that are considered taboo
, because they're totally normaland we all go through them, and
the more we can talk about itand share our stories, the more
power we give each other and wegive ourselves.
(02:32):
So I'm really passionate aboutit.
Thank you for coming along thejourney with me.
It has been about a year since Ifirst registered the domain for
SexMoneyRagecom and came outwith this idea of Sex Money Rage
.
Well, i didn't come up with it.
The idea just came to merandomly, as ideas do, and it's
almost been six months ofepisodes.
(02:52):
So on the 20, i think it's the21st of June will be officially
six months, so pretty freakingepic.
So that's it from me today.
Again, one more reminder Hitthe subscribe button.
You know you want to smash itreally hard.
It makes me feel great.
And please enjoy thisincredible episode with Laura
Asher.
We're good, we're good, we'regood.
(03:17):
Welcome everyone.
Today on Sex Money Rage, i'minterviewing Laura Asher, who is
a somatic counselor with a deepdesire to for people to
experience what is possible whenwe heal.
So she has combined a wholebunch of tools and learnings
from the last eight plus years,including a mixture of art
(03:38):
therapy, psychotherapy, somatictrainings and specialized
courses on understanding trauma,and she also has an incredible
online sex store.
I guess you call it a sex storein a commerce store selling
crystal dildos and crystal yonieggs, which is awesome.
So, yeah, we can jump in rightthere.
I think is a good point.
How did you get into sellingcrystal dildos and yoni eggs and
(04:01):
all that good stuff, yeah, soyeah, my it's kind of like it
started when I was quite young,i guess, with the crystal aspect
.
I'd like collected crystals andwas very interested, i guess,
in earth based, i don't know,like magic and earth, just like
(04:22):
what the earth kind of providesfor us.
And yeah, so my uncle gave memy first crystal And then my
like love of crystals just kindof grew from there, like I was
obsessed, like I knew, like Icould identify them and like
what their properties were, andyeah, so this sort of like bond
(04:42):
and curiosity with with crystalstarted there.
And then, you know, when I wasolder, even though I was quite,
i would say, like a sexuallycurious, like even child, you
know like I was always a reallyhorny kid I think most kids are
(05:06):
a bit horny Absolutely And youknow that's something that you
know I've done like a lot ofdifferent like you know,
retreats and like deep diveswith people and things, and it's
it actually.
It always comes up.
You know the things that we didsexually as children And yeah,
and I think there's for mostpeople that I speak to, like
there's often a lot of shame andstuff that's coupled in with
(05:30):
that, and so for me that wasn'tso much the case with the shame
as a child But, like, as I gotolder, my peers and like, i
guess, society, you know, like Ifelt shamed and around like my
sexual energy and my sexuality.
And yeah, i think, and I endedup in situations, you know,
(05:52):
because I didn't really have agreat understanding of like.
Yeah, i think like we're notreally taught how to really like
be with our sexual energy.
It's kind of this thing thatwe're like oh no, we like don't
look at that, but then, likethere's all this stuff happening
And I was kind of wanting toexplore that and it's such a
powerful energy.
So, you know, i didn't havegreat containment, i would say,
(06:15):
or like boundaries, or like evensomatically kind of know what
was a yes and what was a no inmy body.
So, yeah, i ended up in a bunchof different situations that
you know probably weren't thegreatest, and then with that
also, you know peer shaming andthat sort of thing, yeah, so
(06:35):
there was a lot of stuff like inme and that had kind of got
stuck in me around my sexualityand even around like my
menstrual cycles and things,things like that, and that's
still like something that I'mjourneying with now.
But yeah, so, so, like thathappens, i had this like love of
crystals And then I, when I wasabout 18, i kind of had my
(07:00):
spiritual awakening for like thelack of a better word Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
So yeah, i kind of becamecurious about like old some like
ways of healing.
Essentially, and you know, likemy doctors, you just get put on
the.
I got put on the pill when Iwas 16.
And, yeah, that was like a verylike Western approach, i think,
(07:23):
to women's sexuality andwomen's reproductive health, and
I just wanted to find, like Ijust kind of felt like there was
another way that I could kindof be approaching my mental, my
menstrual cycle and my sexualityand my pleasure and my body,
and yeah, so it was kind of likethis like little breadcrumb
(07:43):
trail of like you know, like thefirst thing I found out about
was moon kind of like you know,like about was moon cups, and I
was like, oh, because like Ialways had a lot of pain from
using tampons, and so I was like, okay, like there's this other
thing that I like didn't knowabout, and so I started like
using a moon cup.
And then, yeah, it was like oh,and then I like went to a thing
(08:04):
and they were talking aboutyour necks and it was just sort
of this like little progressive,like, yeah, trail that.
I was like pulling the threadand like finding all of these
things and all of these toolsthat essentially supported me
more as a woman, like with mymenstrual health and with my
sexuality, and, yeah, i think,just just being feeling safer in
(08:27):
my body and feeling safer in mypleasure and also not relying
on, you know, like for me, likeI'm a straight woman to like not
relying on a man for mypleasure, which is kind of all
that I really knew, and therewas a lot of stuff rolled into
that like being like feelingvalidated by men and, you know,
just like this relationship withmy sexual energy and the way
(08:50):
that I went about that, it waskind of like a perspective shift
and like, oh, okay, actually,like this is stuff that I can
explore with myself.
And you know, don't get mewrong Like I love, i love men
and I, you know, i love likebeing intimate in that way and
having up.
This is really beautiful tohave a partner and to experience
(09:10):
that.
But I think, yeah, it wasreally important for me to kind
of develop my own, i guess,pleasure, like practice, and to
learn what I liked and what Ididn't like and yeah, so I'm
kind of rambling, but that'ssort of how that's great.
And I said how it came aboutand you know I was like, okay,
this is really powerful and Ireally want to offer this, like
(09:33):
back to my community and, likeyou know, started just with my
friends and, yeah, and like evenmy mom, i was like you got to
try these things and I don'tknow, she wasn't that into it
but yeah, so just started thereand I started with a few, a few
products and then it just kindof like was my own journey and
then, like me reflecting thatback through my business and,
(09:55):
yeah, just like finding thingsthat worked for me and hoping
that they would, you know,support women and, you know,
help other other people.
So, yeah, that's so cool.
I love hearing stories of peoplegoing through business and and
especially when there's apersonal element of their story
where you know they've gonethrough something and then
they've, they've gone.
(10:15):
I want to help other people whoare going through this.
That's definitely a commontheme of people that I've
interviewed is along those lines, which is really cool, yeah,
yeah, and it's like, you know,it's its own entity, but like
there's a part of me that, yeah,i think these things kind of,
yeah, they, they, they comethrough us, you know.
So it's like it makes sensethat there's like a part of our
(10:36):
journey is kind of imbued in the, in the creation of it, or yeah
, yeah, yeah, amazing.
And, and just for people whodon't know, it's called la loba
herbalism, is it So?
that's the loba herbalism is myInstagram handle, but the
website's just la lobacomau.
Yeah, and the herbalism part isbecause I, like, i work with
(10:59):
herbs and yeah, as well.
So there's a like a medicinalaspect to to the business too.
Yeah, awesome, awesome.
And so I don't know too muchabout you any or your knee eggs.
I I've, yeah, i would love toexplore a bit about, i guess,
what they used for and whatthey're helpful for for people
(11:20):
who, like me, don't really knowtoo much about them.
Yeah, so there's like there's aphysical aspect to take to
using a young egg, and thenthere's also like a more somatic
and emotional, spiritual likeaspect to them as well.
So, you know, and and like Ithink what's great about them is
(11:42):
, you know, you can sort of bewanting them for more physical
support or, like you know, a lotof women are kind of wanting to
work through emotional stuffand it kind of really meets you
where you're at.
And so the physical stuff is,like I'm sure you've heard of
like pelvic floor exercises,kegel exercises, so every,
(12:03):
everything essentially sitsabove the pelvic floor.
It's like the base of our youknow body.
And so when I, when our pelvicfloor is healthy, everything's
kind of like sitting in itsright.
hopefully all of our organs andeverything are kind of like
sitting in their right places.
And then also, you know, forwomen who have, like, have had
(12:24):
babies and even likeincontinence and things like
that, like all my working withthe pelvic floor, it helps just
strengthen it And so, like postchild birth, you know it can
kind of help to bring everythingback into a healthy balance.
Yeah, and even for like corestrength and things like that,
like often, and especially inyoga too, like they talk about
like the bundles, and people arelike I don't even know what
(12:47):
that is, or like activating thepelvic floor and people kind of
like, okay, you know so yeah,yeah, exactly.
So it's really helpful likeeven to like get a somatic sense
of like what that is, and thenyou know, and it helps for like
core activation, like lower coreactivation too, so yeah, and
(13:09):
even for like women with likevaginismus or like that that get
pain during sex, it can be areally beautiful like physical
practice to kind of to gentlyexplore, you know, inserting an
egg and just sort of seeing whatthat's like.
And yeah, like even like havinga physical reference point to
(13:29):
like like we were just saying.
It's like people like I don'tknow what my pelvic floor is,
and so when it's, when you'vegot a physical reference point,
so the eggs, and then like youkind of squeeze, it's like, oh,
okay, actually I can feel that Ikind of know what that is, yeah
, and it also helps with likelubrication, building
sensitivity.
Yeah, it can help with likelike healing any sort of traumas
(13:56):
or like physical stuff thatwe've kind of got going on, and
then I guess that kind of linksinto the more like energetic and
spiritual aspects.
So people will choose differentcrystals depending on like what
it is they might want to beworking with.
Yeah, and like the most commonstones would be like the
Nephrite J that's the traditionor stone that was used, and
(14:23):
that's sort of it's like abeautiful dark green kind of
color, yeah, and it's like verygentle, a really lovely place to
start.
And then people that are a bitmore like hardcore the obsidian
is, sometimes people start whichis a bit more like you know,
working with shadow work andthings like that.
So it's quite cool.
You can kind of, yeah, feellike what you resonate with and
(14:46):
choose, choose a crystal basedon that, and then you're always
going to get the physical aspectof it.
But then, like, there's thesort of emotional and spiritual
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's so interesting.
I didn't even realize therewere like different types of
crystal and that, because I knowpeople who are into crystals
and I know like what you onlyeggs are.
(15:07):
But I didn't ever think, oh,like you could use a different
type of crystal to achievesomething different, depending
on what your intention is inthat space, which is it's really
cool.
Yeah, yeah, they're great.
Yeah, is the like the crystal,the crystal wand or the crystal
dildo, is that sort of similaror is that sort of.
(15:28):
You start with the, the yoni egg, and then you move on to the
more advanced practices, or,yeah, what does it work?
Yeah, yeah.
So the, the eggs, i would say,are more for like kegel kind of
practices, and so you can do alot of different exercises, like
when you've got them in, andlike with with our website, like
(15:50):
you get a little likeinstruction pamphlet and it
gives you different exercisesand stuff that you can do.
Or you can just like leave itin because essentially, like,
once it's in, the body is kindof doing like micro movements
around because there's somethingin there and it's like, oh,
what's this?
Hello, you know.
So you can also just like, yeah, like I don't know, yeah, yeah,
(16:12):
yeah.
Or like to yoga, or you know,you could just like whatever.
Yeah, it's good because youactually get that physical
reference point, like I wastalking about, and it's like, oh
, okay, yeah, i know what thatmeans, yeah, so that that's kind
of the yoni eggs and like thecrystal dildos, obviously you've
(16:34):
still got the crystals, so likeit's all.
It's got that like emotionaland spiritual kind of aspect to
it, but it's kind of more likenot that you can't have a
pleasure practice with the yoni,because you absolutely can, but
it's more like pleasure, moreof a pleasure practice, so yeah,
(16:55):
but like also in saying thatsome of the ones that I've got
on the website are designed forlike internal massage, so like a
trigger point, release kind ofstaff and dearmoring work, so
yeah, and that that's kind offor more like releasing.
If there's like held tensionand energy, then you can kind of
(17:19):
work with releasing that aswell, so, and it can be
pleasurable, but it can also belike quite an emotional
experience, so yeah.
So it kind of depends like whatyou're looking for, i think,
and like what style of wange youwould then like go for.
Yeah, and so what's dearmoring?
(17:40):
What does that mean?
So dearmoring is, i guess, likeif you think of like what arm is
for, it's like this protect,you know protection, and so like
with any sort of traumaticstuff that happens to us, like
our body kind of holds that andcan, you know, brace or create
(18:01):
like a patterning or like likephysical armoring.
You know, often emotional,energetic stuff will then turn
into like a physical, likeblockage or tension or yeah.
So it's just like, i guess, thearmor that our body creates to
keep us safe, essentially.
And so then when we're workingwith that, it's like we're yeah,
(18:22):
we're presencing ourselves towhat's happening there and and
breathing, and kind of likereparting and creating a safe
environment for our body to kindof release, you know, what
might be there and there mightbe memories and emotions and
that sort of thing, And theykind of just sort of helps to,
yeah, for us to pay attention tothat and for that to be
(18:44):
processed, yeah, and then andthen hopefully, you know, from
that there's more sensitivity,more receptivity, more pleasure,
more relaxation.
Yeah, yeah, that's that'sreally cool.
I really like that.
It's it's a very empoweringpractice where you know it's
it's not just about, i guess, anorgasm, or maybe it is for some
(19:06):
people and that that's totallycool too, but it's it's like
that dearmoring of getting, justgetting to know your body, you
know, getting to know how yourbody works and and really
building a relationship withyour body in that way, since
just sounds really cool, yeah,yeah.
And then it's like the morepleasure I think we have access
to, right, it's like the less,the less we're like holding and
(19:27):
the less we're like bracing for,for for life.
Really, you know, it's like themore access we have to joy and
and, yeah, and pleasure and youknow, and sexual pleasure too,
right, so, yeah, totally Yeah,it's a good, it's a good side
effect.
Yeah, definitely, yeah, soundsvery positive.
(19:48):
I mean, i'm sure it would bringup, you know, different
challenging stuff, like youmentioned.
But once you, you know youlearn to go through that and
hold space for yourself and, andyou know, be like okay,
something's going on, like thento move through that I'm sure
would, yeah, like then you haveall this joy and creativity and
and passion and, you know,pleasurable sex on the other
(20:09):
side of that, which is which issuper cool.
So, yeah, it sounds reallyinteresting.
Yeah, and like a deeper, ithink, connection with yourself
and like a sense of safety andself connection.
You know, it's like, i think,when we really can be with
ourselves, it, yeah, it kind ofcreates a foundation and
(20:29):
relationship within ourselves.
Yeah, but in saying that, youknow, like I just feel to name
that, like if people have gone,have had sexual trauma and
things like that, like it's goodto be mindful and just aware of
what might come up, and Ialways recommend for people to
have, you know, support.
I support like, whether that'sa systematic counselor or you
(20:53):
know a therapist or someone thatthey can kind of, yeah, have
there as like a co regulatorcontainment kind of piece.
I think that's that's reallyimportant as well, just to know
that.
You know it's not like, yeah,the Wild West was like, well,
good luck, you know all thestuff might come up.
(21:14):
Yeah, it's like, it's reallyyeah.
And if you notice and like thething with trauma is right,
sometimes we forget that thingshave happened.
So it's like, if you'renoticing that when you're
working with you know, with apractice like this, it's really
good to go slow and be like, ohokay, like that actually might
feel quite big, and to findsupport.
if you don't have support, yeah, do some research as well so
(21:38):
that you know what can happenand how to do it safely as well,
and it's and all of that, yeah,it's important.
Yeah, oh, cool, it's superinteresting And it's something
that I am a big believer in isgetting to know your own body,
you know, in both a sexual and anon sexual way, because the
more you can know your body, themore you can communicate to a
(21:59):
partner or to people you know,these are my boundaries, or this
is what I'm comfortable with,or this is what I'm not
comfortable with.
And you know, by exploring, youknow this stuff on your own, you
have a lot more confidence, ifeel, to be able to communicate
that, which is really cool Andreally important.
I feel as well, yeah, Yeah,absolutely.
And you know, sometimes we alsoget it wrong, and that's okay
(22:22):
as well.
You know it's like because Iknow for myself, i'm like you
know, like do all the work.
I'm like, yeah, okay, i feelreally good to myself.
And then, like you've actuallycome into a relationship with
someone or you're in a situation, and then it's like, okay, you
know, it's like, i thought I'dbe able to like say that and
like do this, and like, oh, youknow, totally, yeah, so, yeah,
(22:45):
it's very different when you'rein that situation.
You know, when you're like,okay, i yep, yep, this is harder
than I, yeah, totally, it'slike in my mind, i'm like, now
I'm here, i'm just like justhands, I love just hands, same
solution to everything.
Yeah, yeah, so I'm just going,i'm just gonna like back out of
(23:05):
this room now.
Yeah, it's so true, and it cansometimes happen when you least
expect it Like like I've hadexperiences where I'm like okay,
i am responding in a totallydifferent way than I thought I
would.
Yep, i'm going to get out ofhere.
You know, and I think it's it'ssuch an important point that
you made of having thatawareness of things can go
sideways, and it's okay And youcan leave.
(23:27):
You know, any sort of situation,whether you're on your own,
whether you're with people,whether you're with a partner,
you know you can always leaveand you can always say this is
too much.
And sometimes we don't, andthat's okay too.
And there's definitelylearnings in that as well, for
sure.
Yeah, it's like we kind oflearn where our edge is, i think
, in that and it's like, oh,actually, no, i stepped over
like that, pushed my boundarytoo far, and now I know what
(23:51):
that feels like for next time,you know, and, and hopefully you
know, for me anyway, it's likeI I only want to be in
relationship, like with friendsand and people, where it's like
we can come back and kind ofhave those conversations.
Or yeah, it's like I felt a bitawkward, but you know, blah,
blah, blah, and this is what wasgoing on for me and you know,
(24:12):
and hopefully there's like areceptivity there, you know, in
friendship, in relationship andwhatever, where you can kind of
bring that.
If it does happen, you can kindof bring it in at a later point
maybe, or yeah, definitelydefinitely.
And I think as well you.
I mean, you touched on a lot ofgood points especially.
But the having a therapist or asupport like this is not
(24:35):
related to sex.
But I was working with a somatictherapist and we were working
on on boundaries and just sayingno, because that was something
I really struggled with.
And we did this really simpleexercise where basically she
said you know, where do you feellike your boundary is?
and I sort of put my hands outand I said it's about a meter
around me, is sort of my space,you know.
So she was like okay, i'm goingto do this thing where I'm
(24:58):
going to start walking towardsyour space and I want you to put
your hand out at me and saystop.
And she did it really slowly.
She slowly walked towards me andcame to my circle and I just
froze and I couldn't, i couldn'tsay no and I couldn't put my
hand out because I felt so muchlike guilt, like I can't, can't
tell people no, and this waslike in a controlled scenario
(25:21):
where, like, we'd pre-agreedbeforehand this is okay, you
know, and and still, you know,like the body has these, i guess
, stored, you know, survivalresponses and and that was that
really, you know opened my eyesto just how deep some of this
body-based stuff can go and andhow we might think, oh, i'm
great in my head, but then ourbody is, it can freeze up or it
(25:44):
can respond in a way that you'rejust like, well, what just
happened there?
something as simple as puttingyour hand out and saying no to
your therapist.
you know it's, um, yeah, so soI was really grateful for that
experience because it it openedmy eyes to going okay, like I
need to work on my boundariesand work on saying no, and and
we did a lot of that worktogether, which was which was
(26:04):
really cool.
So I think it's reallyimportant to have a therapist,
yeah, that can help, support andguide you through all of this
stuff, for sure, yeah, and youcan bring things to them and
there might be threads thatyou've missed, you know, which
is like the beauty of likehaving a therapeutic container
that's like not just in your ownhead, you know, or like reading
(26:25):
books and things like that.
Yeah, it's like to be itbecause they, yeah, they can
catch things that you miss, youknow, and I think that's that's
such a beautiful, yeah, journeyto take and it's also just so
much like easier.
it's like why, why struggle?
or like why work twice as hard,you know, in your own, on your
(26:45):
own, if you can like bringthings to someone and kind of
have this, um, yeah, a differentperspective.
I think, as Laura said, the goodnews is you don't have to do
this journey alone.
So if you're listening and it'sresonating and you're like shit
, i'm so sick of doing this onmy own.
It's hard, it's it's rough,like I really just need a
community or some really solidnervous system tools.
(27:07):
Then go to sexmoneyracecom,sign up for my free emails.
I talk about all of this stuffand more how to get into your
body, how to silence youranxious mind because we all have
one of those and there'sthere's really cool nervous
system tools backed by sciencethat really work at at moving
this survival stress andreleasing it from our bodies,
(27:27):
our systems, so that we can livelife exactly the way we want
and feel great and feel joy.
And so if that sounds good toyou, go check it out
sexmoneyracecom, it's totallyfree.
I write three to five emails aweek about all of this stuff and
my own experiences and, yeah,love to have you on board and so
so, with your, i guess, onlineonline store, how long have you
(27:50):
been running that?
has it been like a few years orum, like what year are we in?
it's been maybe like nine yearsnow.
Uh, wow, yeah, nine years,maybe a bit even longer.
Yeah, yeah, so wow, and yeah,that's, that's awesome.
And what are some of, i guess,the challenges you faced in in
(28:14):
bringing that to life and in,like, i guess, marketing and
could be, or, you know, i guess,overcoming some of the stigma
that is around sex and sex toysand self pleasure, especially,
you know, for women.
I think men experienced it aswell.
What is, what are some of thechallenges you faced in that and
how did you overcome them?
Hmm, yeah, like a fewchallenges, i think.
(28:35):
Like the marketing piece, likeobviously we all know, like
Facebook and Instagram and youknow all of those sort of
platforms aren't very sexfriendly or like it's weird,
they kind of are in a way whereif it's like non educational,
like sexual stuff seems to kindof be okay, but then, like sex
(28:58):
educators and you know,businesses like mine, we kind of
get yeah like wrapped into likethe pornography kind of blanket
.
So it could be.
It can be hard to share thingsand you know, like I'm pretty
sure I'm shadow band at themoment, like it's just kind of
part of part of it And,unfortunately, like these are
(29:20):
the platforms that as a societywe kind of use to connect with
each other and to shareinformation.
So, yeah, that can be achallenge And I've got lots of
friends whose accounts have beenlike disabled and sex sex
educators and things like that.
And yeah, i think it's hardbecause we're trying to Yeah
(29:44):
like change people's mind aroundlike what sex is and like how
we can participate in our ownpleasure and how we can have a
healthy relationship with oursexuality.
And you know, i would say, onthe most part, society's
relationship with sex is prettyunhealthy, you know, and like
even what I shared with youabout like my childhood, like I
(30:04):
had no idea, you know, and myparents had no idea either.
And I just think, imagine if,like, parents were educated like
properly and children got got abetter education around
sexuality like how muchhealthier we would be, you know,
as a society, and yeah, so it'sa challenge.
It feels like things are, yeah,often blocked and that education
(30:26):
is not always, yeah, notappreciated but it's not always
welcomed, i think, in those sortof spaces.
Yeah, so that that has been abit of a challenge for me.
Can't say I've overcome it,because the guidelines are still
the same.
We kind of find ways around it,i guess.
(30:50):
Yeah, but yeah, and then also,you know, there's like a lot of
stuff happening at the moment,like I would say, around like
gender and, yeah, sexuality andI think, because my business is,
it's for women mostly.
(31:10):
You know there's some productson there that can be used, you
know, for men as well, but it'smostly for women.
And there's been a bit ofpushback And I've just received
like emails mostly just emailsfrom people saying that like my
website's not inclusive and yeah, also for like non binary
(31:32):
people and things like that, andyeah, and I'm just like it's a
website for women, like I don'tknow, don't buy things from me,
yeah, and I guess like advice tobusiness owners.
I think like, if you, yeah,people are always people are
always going to have somethingto say There's always going to
be haters.
(31:52):
I think, with like, no matterwhat you do and I know like you
can't appeal to everyone ExactlyTo every market Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah, i think you, likeyou just have to know, like
what your vision is and whatyour desire is, and like my
vision is What your desire isand like mine is, as a woman, to
support women.
So like that's my intention.
(32:15):
And there's other businessesthat are doing other things for,
like other people and othergenders and things like that,
and like that's fine.
I don't, i don't, you know, ithink people can, can be who
they want to be, just like mybusiness can be for who I want
it to be for you know.
So, yeah, that's been, it's beena challenge and sometimes
(32:37):
comical.
Just the emails and the kind ofhate mail that you get from
people getting upset aboutthings, and yeah, and it used to
, it used to upset me because,yeah, i'm a human, you know, and
receiving like hate fromsomeone that you don't know and
essentially like being shamedand abused is not, you know it's
(33:00):
not great, but yeah, forsomatic boundaries and just
think I'd be like get fucked.
No, actually, no, thanks, butno, it's like delete Marcus.
Yeah, yeah, literally like,yeah, and it's like and how does
that feel?
(33:20):
it's like, oh, this actuallyfeels really great to say, like
to do that, and then just tonotice that and you know, from a
somatic lens, it's like, yeah,actually it feels really good in
my body to do that and yeah.
So that they're probably thetwo, the two main challenges I
would say that I can think ofYeah, it's interesting one too.
(33:40):
It's like, you know, i mean,business is hard enough, you
know, just trying to to build abusiness and build something
that you're passionate about tohave.
Then people come in and andthrow hate at you and it's like,
you know, this is not reallymaking me want to market to you.
You know you're not doing avery good job of like changing
my mind, but uh huh, totally,and like I understand, you know,
(34:02):
like non binary people wouldwant, you know, sex toys and
stuff for them as well, and andI think there are, you know,
businesses out there that, likeyou said, are catering
Absolutely, which is really cool.
So it's like I guess, yeah,understanding, you know there's
different businesses that selldifferent things, you know, and
have different products andservices on offer, and you know
you, unless you're Amazon, youknow you can't appeal to every
(34:23):
market.
It's just impossible.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah,interesting, and so so you're
also a somatic counsellor.
So how did you sort of step intothat field?
what was that?
how did that come about?
Um, oh gosh, i guess it's justbeen like another like long
journey.
Like I started as an art.
(34:45):
I started, i started art therapywhen I was quite a bit younger
and I've always been interested,i guess, in therapeutic
practices and even, just youknow, i think a lot of
therapists kind of start with,like wanting to understand
themselves and um, yeah, so itwas like a journey of, i guess,
self inquiry and um, and then,yeah, again, like what worked
(35:10):
for me and um, somatic stuff,just really, yeah, i just found
that like such an incrediblelike healing, i guess modality,
if you'd call it that like, orjust a pathway, i think, to self
understanding and um, yeah,like I tried a lot of different
things, but I think like somaticwork has had the biggest impact
(35:32):
, um, and like long lastingimpact as well, because, as you
would know, it's like we'reactually reparting the nervous
system, which is just a profound, you know, a profound thing to
do, because it changes the waythat we interface with life and
ourselves and um, yeah, so itwas through like seeing a
(35:55):
somatic therapist for quite awhile and being like, wow, this
is amazing, and like she wasquite heavy with her psycho
education, like the way that shewould do her sessions, because
I was always so interested.
I'm like such a curious, likephilosophical human, so I'm like
I love to like understand why,and I'd always be asking
questions and, um, you know, istudied a lot of different
(36:17):
things and yeah, and I was likeno, this is like amazing
actually, and so then I started,decided to sort of study it
myself and, um, yeah, but it'sjust the best and like, i'm sure
, like John also, and you know,it's like it's just such an
incredible.
I love it.
Yeah, it's such an incredible.
Um, yeah, thing.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
(36:40):
And and so you have your ownclients now as well, which is
super cool that you work with.
Do you do more one in one onone in person, or do you do more
zoom sessions or what are yousort of doing at the moment?
So I do, yeah, i do one on onework.
Um, i do it in person and alsoonline, and so I've got quite a
few clients that we do onlinesessions with.
(37:03):
So zoom, like you said, um,yeah, i mean my favourite is in
person, because I just lovebeing out of, like you know, be
in a room with somebody.
but I think it's amazing thatyou know we've got the zoom
technology too, because it kindof just makes it so much more
accessible.
As for people that maybe theylive somewhere where they don't
um, you know, there's no onepracticing that, or yeah, and I
(37:27):
think a big part of it, too, isfinding someone that you really
resonate with and feel safe with, and contrast, because, like, i
think that's a crucial part oflike being in a therapeutic
relationship is actually havingthat, that safety, and to be
able to go into into, you know,the places that feel
uncomfortable and, um, yeah, soI think online gives people an
(37:50):
option to really find atherapist that they kind of gel
with, and yeah, and so forsomeone who say doesn't know
what somatic counseling is, howwould you, i guess, explain it
to them?
Yeah, well, like somatic work,not just counseling, it's like
we're working with, with thebody, but like the soma, but
(38:13):
also it's not just kind of thephysical body, like the way I
imagine it is like It's sort ofall of our bodies So like our
energetic body, our emotionalbody, you know, our spiritual
body, our mental body, it's likeall of the things that are kind
of yeah, it feels like aholistic kind of perspective on
on our and our, on our wholebeing in a way.
(38:34):
You know, so we're oftenworking with sensation in the
body, but there's also likememories, and you know we might
be sensing all the way I workanyway, it's like we might be
sensing things in like otherplaces that aren't just physical
, like it might be, yeah, itmight be something else there,
and so we're really just beingcurious about what, what's here
(38:55):
and in this moment now, and likewhat, what is our soma, i guess
, give giving us?
like, what information is itkind of giving to us and how can
we kind of follow, follow thatthread and sort of see what
wants to, wants to come out,yeah, yeah.
And so, like a physical, yousort of start with physical
sensations and sort of trackwith it and Mm-hmm, explore,
(39:18):
yeah, yeah.
So there's a lot of tracking andas a client, you're learning,
like interception, so you'relearning what's kind of
happening in your own body andyou know Well that feels there's
comfort there or that, you know, there's discomfort.
And we're kind of working,we're pendulating between
Something that's like morecomfortable and maybe like the
discomfort, like whatever that.
That might be a physicalsensation or it, you know, might
(39:40):
be like a memory or you knowwhatever it is.
We're sort of moving in and outand like widening the capacity
for the nervous system basicallyto be able to kind of face
whatever's there and sort of bewith what's there.
And Yeah, i know there's liketalk, a bit of talk therapy to.
You know, there's like what'sgoing on and The meaning making,
(40:00):
which can be helpful too.
And yeah, i really, yeah, ireally like the, the concept of
you mentioned it there.
I'm going into the, i guess,sensation or the memory or
whatever's coming up, and thencoming out, having a break, and
then going in and coming out andthat back and forth, which is
tight reading and and just howthat Somehow I don't totally
(40:23):
understand it, but it reallyhelps, i guess, because you're
not going into it gettingoverwhelmed, you're going in and
coming out and then going inand coming out, and so you're
growing, like you said, thiscapacity In your nervous system
to handle, i guess, bigger andbigger sensations as they come
through the body, and so that'ssomething I really love is, i
mean, i definitely have atendency to sort of go more into
(40:44):
it and stay, because I'm like,yeah, let's feel The band aid,
but but you know, i think, yeah,like a lot of the the power has
I found come from, you know,going in and then coming out and
(41:06):
and you know, going for a walkor having a cup of tea and then
and then, okay, let's go backand do a bit more.
Or, you know, in a session,obviously You know you might
just talk about somethingdifferent or go to a different
part of the body, change yourawareness to your big toe.
What's my big toe doing?
that's something that I like tocheck in and like, when I'm
sort of feeling all thedifferent things, i'm like,
how's my big toe?
Okay, we could Having like areference point to sort of pull
(41:31):
you out of, because some ofthese sensations and these
emotions can be so big and quiteoverwhelming at times,
especially, you know, as we Gointo this work.
It's you just don't know, likeyou said, what's gonna come up
and and so it's, yeah, havingthat, having that balance and
going.
I don't have to feel everythingat once.
I can.
I can do it in by size piecesand and that that's actually
(41:54):
like a really powerful way to doit, which is cool.
Yeah, and again, it like itbuilds trust and safety with our
without own like parts.
You know it's like These tendto.
You know, often it's likeyounger self parts that there's
like things going on and theydon't feel safe And it's like,
okay, actually can we just kindof touch the edge of that and
(42:14):
still be with?
you know, it's like be withthat younger part, and then we
kind of come out and it's likewe're not just like exposure
therapy, like you know, becauseit's like with trauma, as you
know, it's like too much, toosoon, too fast, and so if we're
going in quickly and we'retrying to like it's the same, i
guess, motion, it's the samekind of thread of energy that
often like set up that patternin the first place.
(42:36):
So it's like how can weactually do the opposite of that
?
and yeah, as you know, you knowsomatic book is very slow.
It's like, really, how do weslow down and like notice all
the little Intricacy is, ratherthan just like kind of getting
straight into like the intensity.
It's like oh, like what's Juston the edge of the intensity,
like what's to like to kind ofhang out there and what's
(42:57):
happening there.
And you know, often then thatwill dissipate, as he said, like
that, the more intense stuff,it kind of yeah, it kind of
gives it a chance to sort of airout, i guess an untangle,
instead of like being intenselykind of like poked at.
Yeah, yeah, it's like I think Idon't know who says it might
(43:21):
have been Peter living or Imight have been Irene Lyon, but
this whole idea of go slow to gofast, you know, it's like you
said, it's a slow practice andand it, if you slow it down, it
speeds it up Ironically, whichis cool, yeah.
And then, like you're out inlife and you like, you're like
oh, i don't do that thinganymore.
It's like there's things thatare like you know, it's like I
(43:41):
don't.
You know, and that's anotheramazing thing It's like often it
can just feel like you're notreally doing much in a semantic
session.
It's just like, oh, okay, likeyeah, it's very gentle and Yeah,
and then you can just be outliving your life and in a
situation where usually maybewould be socially anxious or
something like that, and you'relike, oh, that's just not here
anymore and, yeah, i love, ilove that.
(44:04):
Take the little surprises thatyou kind of get, get with it.
You're like, oh, my sister'sdoing something different, like
that's really great.
And I think it's so importantto like to celebrate those
things, you know, and I thinkplay in celebration is such a
beautiful way of healing towrite And a piece that I try and
kind of bring in, you know,with my sessions too, it's like
(44:24):
it doesn't have to be so seriousand, of course, like we can be
working with that quite, youknow, intense, serious content.
But it's like, how can weactually bring a bit of like
Lightness and celebration andlike, when we kind of, yeah,
when we experience something new, it's like, yeah, like can we
just hang out with that and like, really let ourselves, like,
(44:44):
appreciate ourselves for that,because it's big work.
But it's really it's, it's abig thing to look at oneself and
and to want to like, yeah, dothings differently.
And Yeah, so, totally, totally.
And do you find that, as peopledo this work, like, how does
(45:04):
that?
like you sort of mentioned, youknow, you go into situations
where you're like, oh, thisisn't triggering me like a you
store, i'm not having a panicattack.
Do you find that People'srelationships change, or their
business, or how they relate todo to different?
I guess situations that thatall changes.
Are they better at settingboundaries?
Are they better at because Iguess this, all this work is
(45:25):
about following your impulse andfollowing How you feel.
And so have you seen that inyour clients or in yourself?
Yeah, i mean absolutely, and Ithink even for myself.
Yeah, it's like just noticing,like noticing where there's like
Resistance around doing certainthings or like and and being
out alike.
Yeah, unpack that a bit and andbe with that.
(45:46):
And also, yeah, i think ittranslates across your whole
life, right, it's like so whenone thing changes, it kind of
it's a domino effect to kind ofchanges, changes everywhere.
I have one client That I'm thatsort of come to mind and Yeah,
like it's, it's literallychanged her life, like she used
(46:06):
to be a very socially anxiousperson and yeah, like I Would
say, quite introverted and, likeyou know, kind of kept to
herself a fair bit and wasn't avery social kind of outgoing
person, and now she's like Goingto dance classes and like going
out to parties and like just,yeah, it's incredible.
(46:30):
And just even her, like herface and her energy and the way
she interacts with life, andYeah, she's kind of, i guess, in
the flow of her own life andand like what we spoke about
before, like there's so muchmore joy and like receptivity
and openness and safety in herown system.
And so she's like ending up inall of these like Yeah, i guess,
(46:51):
in all of these amazing placesand meeting all of these amazing
people and just sort of like,yeah, life is has really opened
up for her and Yeah, things thatyou know she's shared it.
She's like I never, ever,thought this was possible.
Like she didn't.
Yeah, she just was.
Like I didn't know that, likelife could be this good.
And then I would like lovebeing in a room full of people
(47:12):
and like what that would give me, you know, so, so cool, yeah,
and it's, i guess, inspired herto then want to like with her
business stuff.
It's like inspired her toactually like take the step,
because there was a lot of feararound, you know, stepping into
it, and Then like what thatwould mean and and now she's
just kind of like, yep, she'sgot the momentum, she's got the
(47:33):
energy and like she's trustherself And she's it's like
really just like given her thismomentum that she hasn't had
before and Yeah, so it's justit's so incredible and like such
an honor, i think, to like be apart of that journey with
somebody and And yeah, it justmakes me so happy that you know
(47:54):
she's yeah the joy that she has,i think, in her life now and,
yeah, it's such a beautifulthing to be able to witness
Totally, totally.
I really, i really love thepiece you mentioned about a
safety.
We sort of touched on thatearlier as well, but learning to
feel safe and it's somethingthat I didn't even really
(48:14):
understand until a couple yearsago.
You know what is safety.
You know how do we feel safe inour own bodies And you know,
you look at, i guess, socialanxiety and not wanting to be in
a room full of people.
To me, that signals, you know,someone not feeling safe.
You know, and, and, because Iwas there, you know looking for
the exit.
You know having it, having mycar ready to go, you know, and
(48:35):
and having these exit strategiesbecause we don't feel safe in,
in a situation or an environment, in a relationship, and And and
that can really hold us back.
It's something it seems like.
A lot of stuff comes back tosafety.
You know, why do we care whatpeople think about us?
Because, you know, we want tofeel safe, we want to belong.
You know.
Why do we, you know, avoiddoing certain things?
(48:56):
because we don't feel safe.
And so, i guess, as we canbuild internal safety, you know,
by understanding our sensationsand impulses in our body and
going, okay, i don't like thatand and it's okay, like I'm
gonna notice that and I'm goingto look at my surroundings and
look at the walls and there's noone here, and letting your
(49:16):
system drop down and, yeah, likereally cultivating a sense of
safety which then allows you togo out and, yeah, like level up
in your business or go to go outpartying and dancing and all
these fun stuff, because all ofa sudden, you feel safe and so
you're not looking over yourshoulder or looking for a threat
, and all that energy that youspent looking outwards, you know
(49:36):
, for threats and for safety, isnow energy that you can use to
do other stuff and feel joyful,which is which is really really
cool.
Yeah, it's such a big piece, thesafety piece.
It's like really the foundation, because it's like, when we
know what that's like, it's likewe can feel, even like with the
boundaries, it's like we canfeel when something's pressing
up against that and it's like wekind of have more clarity on,
(49:58):
like, what's a yes and what's ano as well.
It's like, oh, actually, youknow, like having a real sense
of our internal safety and yeah,and then we know when it's like
, oh, that's not that you know,so it just gives us a greater
like language and understanding,i think, and it's yeah, it's
such a foundational piece and I,you know it's.
(50:18):
It's some, you know, somepeople don't have never known
what that feels like.
It's like what is that you know?
yeah, like what is safety?
Yeah, yeah, and yeah, somepeople didn't get that growing
up, you know, it's like from ourcaregivers and things like.
That's really like withattachment things.
(50:39):
It's like that's kind of wherewe learn that information and
sometimes people don't have areference point for that, and so
, you know, it's a really greatplace to start, i think.
So what is that, you know?
and even for the listeners it'slike like that questions like
what does safety feel like?
and yeah, and just to notice,maybe in the body, or yeah, and
(51:02):
to really get a sense of that.
And yeah, i think that's areally, really important place
to start.
Yeah, yeah, i think that'ssomething I've been playing with
lately is is when I'm in asituation or with a person
especially if there's someone Idon't know very well I just ask
myself, i asked my body, like doyou feel safe right now?
(51:23):
And it really just creates thisopening of bringing my
awareness into my body andlistening to this impulses,
because your gut will tell you.
Like, if something feels off,your gut will tell you and
you'll be like something youknow, of any kind, explain it.
But you know, you're picking upbody language and you're
picking up all these differentcues so much quicker than you
can consciously be aware of.
(51:44):
And so I've been finding itreally helpful to just ask the
question, like do you feel safe?
and then I look around and I,you know, look at the person and
I sort of go yes or no, andthen then I can choose how to
act out of that.
You know, if I don't, maybe Ineed to leave, or maybe I don't
want to hang out with thisperson, or if I do feel safe,
then cool, you know.
And so it's, yeah, like you said, like it's almost having this
(52:06):
conversation with yourself andcreating this opening where you
can build that internal safety,because, you know, i think we
will have, we will have capacity, we will have the
responsibility to say, to setboundaries and say, you know,
this is yeah, these are myboundaries, and it's cool And I
love that.
Like even just to check in,it's like that is just such a
(52:26):
beautiful process because, like,how often are we just looking
out, you know, and like doingthings and moving around and
just like living our lives?
and it's like, how often do wekind of actually be like, hey,
you know how you going like, hey, going in there, you know like
I have a body yeah, yeah, ithink it's a really, really
(52:48):
simple and beautiful practice to, yeah, it's like, do I feel
safe?
or even just like you know,like, how are you right now, you
know, and so kind of get usedto that checking in and having
that feedback and creating thatline of communication.
Yeah, and that's something thateveryone can kind of do.
And maybe, you know, for peoplethat I've gotten don't really
(53:10):
know, you know, haven't done itbefore might be a bit weird to
be like hey, you know it's liketalking to myself again, yeah,
but it's like, you know, justkind of like it's great to get
in the habit and like, even formy clients, that kind of
struggle with with maybe thatmight be a bit much.
It's like it's like okay, likelet's just take a like come
(53:31):
throughout the day, just take apause for a few minutes and just
stop, like between tasks maybeor whatever.
Take, take a moment and likeorient, look around, just like
take a breath and like let thesystem settle and then like
continue and do you know, likefeel your feet on the ground,
like if that's whatever'saccessible.
But I think introducing thoselittle like moments where we
(53:54):
remember to like check in andpause, i think that's yeah,
that's such such a helpful thing, because it's like if we set
that up for ourselves, then whenwe're in moments that are maybe
more intense, it's like, oh,that it's kind of like habitual
in a way, where we go, oh, okay,what's happening happening in
me now And like am I feelingsafe now?
(54:15):
you know, it's a good littlelike, yeah, habitual pattern, i
think, to set up and is, andit's helpful.
Then it's just kind of secondnature, which is really nice
when you kind of get to that,that point, yeah, like the magic
, yeah, yeah, it's so cool,especially when it happens Like
(54:36):
you, you'd like to say you'rebuilding that habit of that just
kind of pausing and thatawareness which which starts to
bring you into, i guess, more ofa rest digest slow, and then
you're going to be sick and yourheart starts racing and your
whole body goes into anactivated state and I was just
like breathing and theneventually I just started
imagining my kidneys dropping,which is so when you're
(55:14):
activated, or your kidneys getpulled up into your ribs.
And so one of the exercises I'dI'd been doing before that was
consciously like relaxing thekidneys and I just started doing
that automatically And itbrought my whole system down
just automatically And I thought, whoa, you know, it's just the
(55:34):
power of just bringing like sucha subtle awareness, like I
wasn't even consciously liketrying to bring them down.
I just like shifted myattention to my kidneys And it
was incredible just watching thewhole body and nervous system
just slow down and calm down.
It's really cool And that'ssomething you know, people can
do, you know, in personal lifeswear, when everything's crazy,
(55:57):
it's you know, and you'refeeling overwhelmed, and there's
a million things happening, canyou pause and can you bring
your system or allow your systemto come down as well?
Yeah, and then you know, forlike decision making and stuff
like that too, especially inbusiness, it's like okay, like
yeah, am I making this decisionfrom like a panicked, like
sympathetic, you know place, orit's like actually, can I just
(56:21):
take a minute and like leteverything settle and then kind
of make the decision from fromthere?
I think that's so helpful inbusiness too.
And yeah, and absolutely Yeah.
And also, like when you'reworking with people or
collaborating with people inbusiness and or like if you're
hiring people or things likethat, it's like really just
noticing like what's thelanguage, like what's the
(56:42):
nervous system language that'shappening here between our two
systems, and like again, it'slike, do I feel safe?
Can I trust this person?
Do I?
you know, like I think there'sso many cues happening in that
space too, and it's likeobviously you know it's it's a
business And so it's not alljust about like interpersonal
and emotional stuff.
(57:03):
And I don't know like I'm avery intuitive business person,
so for me I'm like it kind ofdoes govern a lot of it for me,
You know, but my dad, he's likevery like black and white, you
know businessy, but it's like,yeah, you can kind of
incorporate that.
I think you can still, yeah,have be business minded and like
logical and all that kind ofstuff.
But I think it's really helpfulto kind of have this other
(57:25):
language here too And, yeah, tojust get a sense of like sense
of other people and a sense ofyourself and then like how to
then move, you know, throughoutin a business aspect, like how
do you then kind of go fromthere?
and yeah, i mean, we are alwaysin relationship, like no matter
(57:47):
if it's like personal orbusiness, or there's always like
a relationship happening withsomething.
And so it's like how am I inrelationship to this thing?
And yeah, what's happening inme and what's happening here in
this space?
and yeah, yeah, i think that'sa really, really important point
you made, i think, just aboutthe decision making and then
(58:07):
also about, like, the more awareyou are of yourself and your
body, the more you're going tonotice when your employees
having a bad day or when yourcustomers upset, and then you're
going to be able to respond ina much more timely way because
you're aware of your own bodyand you're aware of your own
sensations and impulses.
So I think it just gives you agreater awareness of life and of
and business, and it's like yousaid, it's all connected, which
(58:30):
is really cool.
Yeah, yeah, and it's yeah, andI think people interact with you
differently.
You know it's like, and youdon't even have to say anything.
It's like when you're regulated, when you're in ventral and
you're regulated, it's like it'svery hard for people to be
angry with you.
Yeah, over on you, becauseyou'll see it coming.
(58:52):
Yeah, yeah, it's just like.
Oh, okay, you know, like, yeah,it can really down, like
escalate things, like when youif you're able to stay in there
and not get sucked into someoneelse's nervous system experience
and drama.
Yeah, yeah, like I had.
I had it happen, you know,sporadically, but I parked my
car somewhere in a car park thatthis lady there was a shop next
(59:16):
door and everyone must use thiscar park for the shop next door
because it was really busy Andshe kind of came out like guns
are blazing, like she was soangry and like screaming and I
was okay.
It was clearly like.
You know, it's not me, this islike she's triggered.
You know, people must alwayspark here, and I don't even know
(59:39):
what I said, but I, you know, iwas in a really good mood and I
was just feeling like, yeah,very regulated, and just kind of
like engage with her.
And you know, yeah, and I wasjust like you know, like I'm
just met her and was like I'm sosorry, like that must be really
frustrating, and just kind oflike had this dialogue with her
and and just kind of stayed openand stayed, you know, connected
(01:00:01):
and yeah, she like fully, likejust went from screaming and
being like you know, someonethat you would run the other way
from And then she, like calmdown, she was like oh, it's
alright if you park your carthere.
And yeah, you know, and shestill let me park my car there
and I was just going to get likea coffee.
so, like you know, i was likeI'm going to be like two minutes
(01:00:22):
and you know anyway, and shejust fully, like relaxed and
ended up like smiling and being,you know it ended up being like
this really beautifulinteraction and yeah, it's like
gosh, she just wanted to be thisperson, just wanted to actually
be heard and like was reallyfrustrated and and I still got
to park my car there and getyour coffee.
(01:00:49):
I did ask her I would havemoved it.
I said, look, like you know Ican, if that would feel good,
like I'm absolutely happy tomove the car.
But no, she was okay with itand anyway.
So, yeah, it's just sointeresting, like what kind of
happens in interactions when wecan kind of if we can stay in
our center and if we can kind ofyeah, and we can kind of be
like I don't know, and that'salso fine, you know, it's like
(01:01:09):
that's just the nature of beingin relationship.
Again, it's like we're oftenit's like we're picking up on
the other person and you know,and we can kind of become
escalated and and not realize it, and you know it's yeah, and I
think that's really cool too.
It's so receptive and soconnected with each other as
human beings and I think that'ssuch a beautiful thing that we
(01:01:30):
have that with each other, yeah,and so sometimes we kind of get
carried away, and that's allright as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're humansand we make mistakes and it's
okay.
Yeah, definitely, definitelyAwesome.
We're almost on time for today.
So where can people connectwith you and find out more if
(01:01:50):
they want to work with you Sofor, like the somatic work, they
can connect with me from mywebsite, so I think I probably
sent that to you, but it'ssomaticcounsellingcomau, so I
don't know if you've got likelinks and things that you have
(01:02:10):
for people to click on.
Yeah, i'll pop them in the shownotes, yeah, and then follow
Loba.
You can follow me on Instagram,which is the loba herbalism, or
the website which I mentionedearlier, which is the lobacomau,
and, yeah, that's they're theplaces to find me.
Amazing, amazing.
(01:02:31):
Well, thank you so much forcoming on.
It's been a super fun andinteresting conversation for
sure.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, anytime, and I'll have toget onto your online store and
order some crystal goodies toget shipped to crew.
Yeah, yeah, i can make you likefor your listeners too.
I can do like a little like adiscount code or something like
(01:02:55):
that Awesome, which we can make,i can give you and then we
could put that in the show notesas well.
Put it in the show notes, forsure.
Yeah, for sure, amazing, oh,thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you so so much forlistening.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeall about sexual healing and
the nervous system.
Thank you to everyone who hassubscribed And if you haven't
(01:03:15):
done it already, smash thesubscribe button.
Make my day And I'll catch youall next week.
Welcome to the Sex Money and Rage podcast.
Yeah, i think we're not reallytaught how to really be with our
sexual energy.
It's kind of the same thinglike oh no, we don't look at
that.
But then there's all this stuffhappening and I was kind of
wanting to explore that and it'ssuch a powerful energy And so I
didn't have great containment,i would say, or boundaries, or
(00:27):
even somatically kind of knowwhat was a yes and what was a no
in my body.
So, yeah, i ended up in a bunchof different situations that
probably weren't the greatestWhat's up, rages.
And welcome back to Sex Moneyand Rage.
I'm your host, ellie, and todaywas an awesome episode.
(00:49):
I mean I didn't record it today, obviously, but But it was
really cool.
There's so much good stuff inthis episode.
We talked about crystal yonieggs, crystal dildos, a whole
lot of sexual healing and how togo about that.
The power of the nervous system.
One of my favorite things inlife is the nervous system, as
(01:09):
you're probably all very wellaware by now.
But yeah, and Laura is just areally, really cool chick.
She has a wealth of knowledgeand experience and she's had a
really cool chat about sexualshame and how the body stores
and holds onto stress and someof the things you can do to
release survival stress fromyour body and heal your nervous
(01:29):
system.
So I am super excited.
I love, love, love this stuff.
If you've been listening andyou're enjoying the podcast,
please hit the subscribe orfollow button and make sure
notifications are ticked Andthen every week on Sunday when a
new episode goes live, you'llget a notification from yours
truly on your phone, customizedreminders.
(01:51):
I mean, you can't get betterthan that.
Well, i don't know, maybe youcan.
Anyway, i am doing really,really good.
Thank you so much for asking.
I hope you guys are doing wellas well, wherever you are in the
world, wherever you'relistening from, in whatever
device, whatever headphones.
Thank you so much for giving upyour time and listening to
these podcast episodes.
(02:11):
I don't know who you are.
I mean, i know who some of youare because you've told me, but
for a lot of you, i don't knowwho you are, and so I'm just
yeah, it's really awesome thatwe can connect in this way and,
you know, talk about thesethings that are considered taboo
, because they're totally normaland we all go through them, and
the more we can talk about itand share our stories, the more
power we give each other and wegive ourselves.
(02:32):
So I'm really passionate aboutit.
Thank you for coming along thejourney with me.
It has been about a year since Ifirst registered the domain for
SexMoneyRagecom and came outwith this idea of Sex Money Rage
.
Well, i didn't come up with it.
The idea just came to merandomly, as ideas do, and it's
almost been six months ofepisodes.
(02:52):
So on the 20, i think it's the21st of June will be officially
six months, so pretty freakingepic.
So that's it from me today.
Again, one more reminder Hitthe subscribe button.
You know you want to smash itreally hard.
It makes me feel great.
And please enjoy thisincredible episode with Laura
Asher.
We're good, we're good, we'regood.
(03:17):
Welcome everyone.
Today on Sex Money Rage, i'minterviewing Laura Asher, who is
a somatic counselor with a deepdesire to for people to
experience what is possible whenwe heal.
So she has combined a wholebunch of tools and learnings
from the last eight plus years,including a mixture of art
(03:38):
therapy, psychotherapy, somatictrainings and specialized
courses on understanding trauma,and she also has an incredible
online sex store.
I guess you call it a sex storein a commerce store selling
crystal dildos and crystal yonieggs, which is awesome.
So, yeah, we can jump in rightthere.
I think is a good point.
How did you get into sellingcrystal dildos and yoni eggs and
(04:01):
all that good stuff, yeah, soyeah, my it's kind of like it
started when I was quite young,i guess, with the crystal aspect
.
I'd like collected crystals andwas very interested, i guess,
in earth based, i don't know,like magic and earth, just like
(04:22):
what the earth kind of providesfor us.
And yeah, so my uncle gave memy first crystal And then my
like love of crystals just kindof grew from there, like I was
obsessed, like I knew, like Icould identify them and like
what their properties were, andyeah, so this sort of like bond
(04:42):
and curiosity with with crystalstarted there.
And then, you know, when I wasolder, even though I was quite,
i would say, like a sexuallycurious, like even child, you
know like I was always a reallyhorny kid I think most kids are
(05:06):
a bit horny Absolutely And youknow that's something that you
know I've done like a lot ofdifferent like you know,
retreats and like deep diveswith people and things, and it's
it actually.
It always comes up.
You know the things that we didsexually as children And yeah,
and I think there's for mostpeople that I speak to, like
there's often a lot of shame andstuff that's coupled in with
(05:30):
that, and so for me that wasn'tso much the case with the shame
as a child But, like, as I gotolder, my peers and like, i
guess, society, you know, like Ifelt shamed and around like my
sexual energy and my sexuality.
And yeah, i think, and I endedup in situations, you know,
(05:52):
because I didn't really have agreat understanding of like.
Yeah, i think like we're notreally taught how to really like
be with our sexual energy.
It's kind of this thing thatwe're like oh no, we like don't
look at that, but then, likethere's all this stuff happening
And I was kind of wanting toexplore that and it's such a
powerful energy.
So, you know, i didn't havegreat containment, i would say,
(06:15):
or like boundaries, or like evensomatically kind of know what
was a yes and what was a no inmy body.
So, yeah, i ended up in a bunchof different situations that
you know probably weren't thegreatest, and then with that
also, you know peer shaming andthat sort of thing, yeah, so
(06:35):
there was a lot of stuff like inme and that had kind of got
stuck in me around my sexualityand even around like my
menstrual cycles and things,things like that, and that's
still like something that I'mjourneying with now.
But yeah, so, so, like thathappens, i had this like love of
crystals And then I, when I wasabout 18, i kind of had my
(07:00):
spiritual awakening for like thelack of a better word Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
So yeah, i kind of becamecurious about like old some like
ways of healing.
Essentially, and you know, likemy doctors, you just get put on
the.
I got put on the pill when Iwas 16.
And, yeah, that was like a verylike Western approach, i think,
(07:23):
to women's sexuality andwomen's reproductive health, and
I just wanted to find, like Ijust kind of felt like there was
another way that I could kindof be approaching my mental, my
menstrual cycle and my sexualityand my pleasure and my body,
and yeah, so it was kind of likethis like little breadcrumb
(07:43):
trail of like you know, like thefirst thing I found out about
was moon kind of like you know,like about was moon cups, and I
was like, oh, because like Ialways had a lot of pain from
using tampons, and so I was like, okay, like there's this other
thing that I like didn't knowabout, and so I started like
using a moon cup.
And then, yeah, it was like oh,and then I like went to a thing
(08:04):
and they were talking aboutyour necks and it was just sort
of this like little progressive,like, yeah, trail that.
I was like pulling the threadand like finding all of these
things and all of these toolsthat essentially supported me
more as a woman, like with mymenstrual health and with my
sexuality, and, yeah, i think,just just being feeling safer in
(08:27):
my body and feeling safer in mypleasure and also not relying
on, you know, like for me, likeI'm a straight woman to like not
relying on a man for mypleasure, which is kind of all
that I really knew, and therewas a lot of stuff rolled into
that like being like feelingvalidated by men and, you know,
just like this relationship withmy sexual energy and the way
(08:50):
that I went about that, it waskind of like a perspective shift
and like, oh, okay, actually,like this is stuff that I can
explore with myself.
And you know, don't get mewrong Like I love, i love men
and I, you know, i love likebeing intimate in that way and
having up.
This is really beautiful tohave a partner and to experience
(09:10):
that.
But I think, yeah, it wasreally important for me to kind
of develop my own, i guess,pleasure, like practice, and to
learn what I liked and what Ididn't like and yeah, so I'm
kind of rambling, but that'ssort of how that's great.
And I said how it came aboutand you know I was like, okay,
this is really powerful and Ireally want to offer this, like
(09:33):
back to my community and, likeyou know, started just with my
friends and, yeah, and like evenmy mom, i was like you got to
try these things and I don'tknow, she wasn't that into it
but yeah, so just started thereand I started with a few, a few
products and then it just kindof like was my own journey and
then, like me reflecting thatback through my business and,
(09:55):
yeah, just like finding thingsthat worked for me and hoping
that they would, you know,support women and, you know,
help other other people.
So, yeah, that's so cool.
I love hearing stories of peoplegoing through business and and
especially when there's apersonal element of their story
where you know they've gonethrough something and then
they've, they've gone.
(10:15):
I want to help other people whoare going through this.
That's definitely a commontheme of people that I've
interviewed is along those lines, which is really cool, yeah,
yeah, and it's like, you know,it's its own entity, but like
there's a part of me that, yeah,i think these things kind of,
yeah, they, they, they comethrough us, you know.
So it's like it makes sensethat there's like a part of our
(10:36):
journey is kind of imbued in the, in the creation of it, or yeah
, yeah, yeah, amazing.
And, and just for people whodon't know, it's called la loba
herbalism, is it So?
that's the loba herbalism is myInstagram handle, but the
website's just la lobacomau.
Yeah, and the herbalism part isbecause I, like, i work with
(10:59):
herbs and yeah, as well.
So there's a like a medicinalaspect to to the business too.
Yeah, awesome, awesome.
And so I don't know too muchabout you any or your knee eggs.
I I've, yeah, i would love toexplore a bit about, i guess,
what they used for and whatthey're helpful for for people
(11:20):
who, like me, don't really knowtoo much about them.
Yeah, so there's like there's aphysical aspect to take to
using a young egg, and thenthere's also like a more somatic
and emotional, spiritual likeaspect to them as well.
So, you know, and and like Ithink what's great about them is
(11:42):
, you know, you can sort of bewanting them for more physical
support or, like you know, a lotof women are kind of wanting to
work through emotional stuffand it kind of really meets you
where you're at.
And so the physical stuff is,like I'm sure you've heard of
like pelvic floor exercises,kegel exercises, so every,
(12:03):
everything essentially sitsabove the pelvic floor.
It's like the base of our youknow body.
And so when I, when our pelvicfloor is healthy, everything's
kind of like sitting in itsright.
hopefully all of our organs andeverything are kind of like
sitting in their right places.
And then also, you know, forwomen who have, like, have had
(12:24):
babies and even likeincontinence and things like
that, like all my working withthe pelvic floor, it helps just
strengthen it And so, like postchild birth, you know it can
kind of help to bring everythingback into a healthy balance.
Yeah, and even for like corestrength and things like that,
like often, and especially inyoga too, like they talk about
like the bundles, and people arelike I don't even know what
(12:47):
that is, or like activating thepelvic floor and people kind of
like, okay, you know so yeah,yeah, exactly.
So it's really helpful likeeven to like get a somatic sense
of like what that is, and thenyou know, and it helps for like
core activation, like lower coreactivation too, so yeah, and
(13:09):
even for like women with likevaginismus or like that that get
pain during sex, it can be areally beautiful like physical
practice to kind of to gentlyexplore, you know, inserting an
egg and just sort of seeing whatthat's like.
And yeah, like even like havinga physical reference point to
(13:29):
like like we were just saying.
It's like people like I don'tknow what my pelvic floor is,
and so when it's, when you'vegot a physical reference point,
so the eggs, and then like youkind of squeeze, it's like, oh,
okay, actually I can feel that Ikind of know what that is, yeah
, and it also helps with likelubrication, building
sensitivity.
Yeah, it can help with likelike healing any sort of traumas
(13:56):
or like physical stuff thatwe've kind of got going on, and
then I guess that kind of linksinto the more like energetic and
spiritual aspects.
So people will choose differentcrystals depending on like what
it is they might want to beworking with.
Yeah, and like the most commonstones would be like the
Nephrite J that's the traditionor stone that was used, and
(14:23):
that's sort of it's like abeautiful dark green kind of
color, yeah, and it's like verygentle, a really lovely place to
start.
And then people that are a bitmore like hardcore the obsidian
is, sometimes people start whichis a bit more like you know,
working with shadow work andthings like that.
So it's quite cool.
You can kind of, yeah, feellike what you resonate with and
(14:46):
choose, choose a crystal basedon that, and then you're always
going to get the physical aspectof it.
But then, like, there's thesort of emotional and spiritual
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's so interesting.
I didn't even realize therewere like different types of
crystal and that, because I knowpeople who are into crystals
and I know like what you onlyeggs are.
(15:07):
But I didn't ever think, oh,like you could use a different
type of crystal to achievesomething different, depending
on what your intention is inthat space, which is it's really
cool.
Yeah, yeah, they're great.
Yeah, is the like the crystal,the crystal wand or the crystal
dildo, is that sort of similaror is that sort of.
(15:28):
You start with the, the yoni egg, and then you move on to the
more advanced practices, or,yeah, what does it work?
Yeah, yeah.
So the, the eggs, i would say,are more for like kegel kind of
practices, and so you can do alot of different exercises, like
when you've got them in, andlike with with our website, like
(15:50):
you get a little likeinstruction pamphlet and it
gives you different exercisesand stuff that you can do.
Or you can just like leave itin because essentially, like,
once it's in, the body is kindof doing like micro movements
around because there's somethingin there and it's like, oh,
what's this?
Hello, you know.
So you can also just like, yeah, like I don't know, yeah, yeah,
(16:12):
yeah.
Or like to yoga, or you know,you could just like whatever.
Yeah, it's good because youactually get that physical
reference point, like I wastalking about, and it's like, oh
, okay, yeah, i know what thatmeans, yeah, so that that's kind
of the yoni eggs and like thecrystal dildos, obviously you've
(16:34):
still got the crystals, so likeit's all.
It's got that like emotionaland spiritual kind of aspect to
it, but it's kind of more likenot that you can't have a
pleasure practice with the yoni,because you absolutely can, but
it's more like pleasure, moreof a pleasure practice, so yeah,
(16:55):
but like also in saying thatsome of the ones that I've got
on the website are designed forlike internal massage, so like a
trigger point, release kind ofstaff and dearmoring work, so
yeah, and that that's kind offor more like releasing.
If there's like held tensionand energy, then you can kind of
(17:19):
work with releasing that aswell, so, and it can be
pleasurable, but it can also belike quite an emotional
experience, so yeah.
So it kind of depends like whatyou're looking for, i think,
and like what style of wange youwould then like go for.
Yeah, and so what's dearmoring?
(17:40):
What does that mean?
So dearmoring is, i guess, likeif you think of like what arm is
for, it's like this protect,you know protection, and so like
with any sort of traumaticstuff that happens to us, like
our body kind of holds that andcan, you know, brace or create
(18:01):
like a patterning or like likephysical armoring.
You know, often emotional,energetic stuff will then turn
into like a physical, likeblockage or tension or yeah.
So it's just like, i guess, thearmor that our body creates to
keep us safe, essentially.
And so then when we're workingwith that, it's like we're yeah,
(18:22):
we're presencing ourselves towhat's happening there and and
breathing, and kind of likereparting and creating a safe
environment for our body to kindof release, you know, what
might be there and there mightbe memories and emotions and
that sort of thing, And theykind of just sort of helps to,
yeah, for us to pay attention tothat and for that to be
(18:44):
processed, yeah, and then andthen hopefully, you know, from
that there's more sensitivity,more receptivity, more pleasure,
more relaxation.
Yeah, yeah, that's that'sreally cool.
I really like that.
It's it's a very empoweringpractice where you know it's
it's not just about, i guess, anorgasm, or maybe it is for some
(19:06):
people and that that's totallycool too, but it's it's like
that dearmoring of getting, justgetting to know your body, you
know, getting to know how yourbody works and and really
building a relationship withyour body in that way, since
just sounds really cool, yeah,yeah.
And then it's like the morepleasure I think we have access
to, right, it's like the less,the less we're like holding and
(19:27):
the less we're like bracing for,for for life.
Really, you know, it's like themore access we have to joy and
and, yeah, and pleasure and youknow, and sexual pleasure too,
right, so, yeah, totally Yeah,it's a good, it's a good side
effect.
Yeah, definitely, yeah, soundsvery positive.
(19:48):
I mean, i'm sure it would bringup, you know, different
challenging stuff, like youmentioned.
But once you, you know youlearn to go through that and
hold space for yourself and, andyou know, be like okay,
something's going on, like thento move through that I'm sure
would, yeah, like then you haveall this joy and creativity and
and passion and, you know,pleasurable sex on the other
(20:09):
side of that, which is which issuper cool.
So, yeah, it sounds reallyinteresting.
Yeah, and like a deeper, ithink, connection with yourself
and like a sense of safety andself connection.
You know, it's like, i think,when we really can be with
ourselves, it, yeah, it kind ofcreates a foundation and
(20:29):
relationship within ourselves.
Yeah, but in saying that, youknow, like I just feel to name
that, like if people have gone,have had sexual trauma and
things like that, like it's goodto be mindful and just aware of
what might come up, and Ialways recommend for people to
have, you know, support.
I support like, whether that'sa systematic counselor or you
(20:53):
know a therapist or someone thatthey can kind of, yeah, have
there as like a co regulatorcontainment kind of piece.
I think that's that's reallyimportant as well, just to know
that.
You know it's not like, yeah,the Wild West was like, well,
good luck, you know all thestuff might come up.
(21:14):
Yeah, it's like, it's reallyyeah.
And if you notice and like thething with trauma is right,
sometimes we forget that thingshave happened.
So it's like, if you'renoticing that when you're
working with you know, with apractice like this, it's really
good to go slow and be like, ohokay, like that actually might
feel quite big, and to findsupport.
if you don't have support, yeah, do some research as well so
(21:38):
that you know what can happenand how to do it safely as well,
and it's and all of that, yeah,it's important.
Yeah, oh, cool, it's superinteresting And it's something
that I am a big believer in isgetting to know your own body,
you know, in both a sexual and anon sexual way, because the
more you can know your body, themore you can communicate to a
(21:59):
partner or to people you know,these are my boundaries, or this
is what I'm comfortable with,or this is what I'm not
comfortable with.
And you know, by exploring, youknow this stuff on your own, you
have a lot more confidence, ifeel, to be able to communicate
that, which is really cool Andreally important.
I feel as well, yeah, Yeah,absolutely.
And you know, sometimes we alsoget it wrong, and that's okay
(22:22):
as well.
You know it's like because Iknow for myself, i'm like you
know, like do all the work.
I'm like, yeah, okay, i feelreally good to myself.
And then, like you've actuallycome into a relationship with
someone or you're in a situation, and then it's like, okay, you
know, it's like, i thought I'dbe able to like say that and
like do this, and like, oh, youknow, totally, yeah, so, yeah,
(22:45):
it's very different when you'rein that situation.
You know, when you're like,okay, i yep, yep, this is harder
than I, yeah, totally, it'slike in my mind, i'm like, now
I'm here, i'm just like justhands, I love just hands, same
solution to everything.
Yeah, yeah, so I'm just going,i'm just gonna like back out of
(23:05):
this room now.
Yeah, it's so true, and it cansometimes happen when you least
expect it Like like I've hadexperiences where I'm like okay,
i am responding in a totallydifferent way than I thought I
would.
Yep, i'm going to get out ofhere.
You know, and I think it's it'ssuch an important point that
you made of having thatawareness of things can go
sideways, and it's okay And youcan leave.
(23:27):
You know, any sort of situation,whether you're on your own,
whether you're with people,whether you're with a partner,
you know you can always leaveand you can always say this is
too much.
And sometimes we don't, andthat's okay too.
And there's definitelylearnings in that as well, for
sure.
Yeah, it's like we kind oflearn where our edge is, i think
, in that and it's like, oh,actually, no, i stepped over
like that, pushed my boundarytoo far, and now I know what
(23:51):
that feels like for next time,you know, and, and hopefully you
know, for me anyway, it's likeI I only want to be in
relationship, like with friendsand and people, where it's like
we can come back and kind ofhave those conversations.
Or yeah, it's like I felt a bitawkward, but you know, blah,
blah, blah, and this is what wasgoing on for me and you know,
(24:12):
and hopefully there's like areceptivity there, you know, in
friendship, in relationship andwhatever, where you can kind of
bring that.
If it does happen, you can kindof bring it in at a later point
maybe, or yeah, definitelydefinitely.
And I think as well you.
I mean, you touched on a lot ofgood points especially.
But the having a therapist or asupport like this is not
(24:35):
related to sex.
But I was working with a somatictherapist and we were working
on on boundaries and just sayingno, because that was something
I really struggled with.
And we did this really simpleexercise where basically she
said you know, where do you feellike your boundary is?
and I sort of put my hands outand I said it's about a meter
around me, is sort of my space,you know.
So she was like okay, i'm goingto do this thing where I'm
(24:58):
going to start walking towardsyour space and I want you to put
your hand out at me and saystop.
And she did it really slowly.
She slowly walked towards me andcame to my circle and I just
froze and I couldn't, i couldn'tsay no and I couldn't put my
hand out because I felt so muchlike guilt, like I can't, can't
tell people no, and this waslike in a controlled scenario
(25:21):
where, like, we'd pre-agreedbeforehand this is okay, you
know, and and still, you know,like the body has these, i guess
, stored, you know, survivalresponses and and that was that
really, you know opened my eyesto just how deep some of this
body-based stuff can go and andhow we might think, oh, i'm
great in my head, but then ourbody is, it can freeze up or it
(25:44):
can respond in a way that you'rejust like, well, what just
happened there?
something as simple as puttingyour hand out and saying no to
your therapist.
you know it's, um, yeah, so soI was really grateful for that
experience because it it openedmy eyes to going okay, like I
need to work on my boundariesand work on saying no, and and
we did a lot of that worktogether, which was which was
(26:04):
really cool.
So I think it's reallyimportant to have a therapist,
yeah, that can help, support andguide you through all of this
stuff, for sure, yeah, and youcan bring things to them and
there might be threads thatyou've missed, you know, which
is like the beauty of likehaving a therapeutic container
that's like not just in your ownhead, you know, or like reading
(26:25):
books and things like that.
Yeah, it's like to be itbecause they, yeah, they can
catch things that you miss, youknow, and I think that's that's
such a beautiful, yeah, journeyto take and it's also just so
much like easier.
it's like why, why struggle?
or like why work twice as hard,you know, in your own, on your
(26:45):
own, if you can like bringthings to someone and kind of
have this, um, yeah, a differentperspective.
I think, as Laura said, the goodnews is you don't have to do
this journey alone.
So if you're listening and it'sresonating and you're like shit
, i'm so sick of doing this onmy own.
It's hard, it's it's rough,like I really just need a
community or some really solidnervous system tools.
(27:07):
Then go to sexmoneyracecom,sign up for my free emails.
I talk about all of this stuffand more how to get into your
body, how to silence youranxious mind because we all have
one of those and there'sthere's really cool nervous
system tools backed by sciencethat really work at at moving
this survival stress andreleasing it from our bodies,
(27:27):
our systems, so that we can livelife exactly the way we want
and feel great and feel joy.
And so if that sounds good toyou, go check it out
sexmoneyracecom, it's totallyfree.
I write three to five emails aweek about all of this stuff and
my own experiences and, yeah,love to have you on board and so
so, with your, i guess, onlineonline store, how long have you
(27:50):
been running that?
has it been like a few years orum, like what year are we in?
it's been maybe like nine yearsnow.
Uh, wow, yeah, nine years,maybe a bit even longer.
Yeah, yeah, so wow, and yeah,that's, that's awesome.
And what are some of, i guess,the challenges you faced in in
(28:14):
bringing that to life and in,like, i guess, marketing and
could be, or, you know, i guess,overcoming some of the stigma
that is around sex and sex toysand self pleasure, especially,
you know, for women.
I think men experienced it aswell.
What is, what are some of thechallenges you faced in that and
how did you overcome them?
Hmm, yeah, like a fewchallenges, i think.
(28:35):
Like the marketing piece, likeobviously we all know, like
Facebook and Instagram and youknow all of those sort of
platforms aren't very sexfriendly or like it's weird,
they kind of are in a way whereif it's like non educational,
like sexual stuff seems to kindof be okay, but then, like sex
(28:58):
educators and you know,businesses like mine, we kind of
get yeah like wrapped into likethe pornography kind of blanket
.
So it could be.
It can be hard to share thingsand you know, like I'm pretty
sure I'm shadow band at themoment, like it's just kind of
part of part of it And,unfortunately, like these are
(29:20):
the platforms that as a societywe kind of use to connect with
each other and to shareinformation.
So, yeah, that can be achallenge And I've got lots of
friends whose accounts have beenlike disabled and sex sex
educators and things like that.
And yeah, i think it's hardbecause we're trying to Yeah
(29:44):
like change people's mind aroundlike what sex is and like how
we can participate in our ownpleasure and how we can have a
healthy relationship with oursexuality.
And you know, i would say, onthe most part, society's
relationship with sex is prettyunhealthy, you know, and like
even what I shared with youabout like my childhood, like I
(30:04):
had no idea, you know, and myparents had no idea either.
And I just think, imagine if,like, parents were educated like
properly and children got got abetter education around
sexuality like how muchhealthier we would be, you know,
as a society, and yeah, so it'sa challenge.
It feels like things are, yeah,often blocked and that education
(30:26):
is not always, yeah, notappreciated but it's not always
welcomed, i think, in those sortof spaces.
Yeah, so that that has been abit of a challenge for me.
Can't say I've overcome it,because the guidelines are still
the same.
We kind of find ways around it,i guess.
(30:50):
Yeah, but yeah, and then also,you know, there's like a lot of
stuff happening at the moment,like I would say, around like
gender and, yeah, sexuality andI think, because my business is,
it's for women mostly.
(31:10):
You know there's some productson there that can be used, you
know, for men as well, but it'smostly for women.
And there's been a bit ofpushback And I've just received
like emails mostly just emailsfrom people saying that like my
website's not inclusive and yeah, also for like non binary
(31:32):
people and things like that, andyeah, and I'm just like it's a
website for women, like I don'tknow, don't buy things from me,
yeah, and I guess like advice tobusiness owners.
I think like, if you, yeah,people are always people are
always going to have somethingto say There's always going to
be haters.
(31:52):
I think, with like, no matterwhat you do and I know like you
can't appeal to everyone ExactlyTo every market Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah, i think you, likeyou just have to know, like
what your vision is and whatyour desire is, and like my
vision is What your desire isand like mine is, as a woman, to
support women.
So like that's my intention.
(32:15):
And there's other businessesthat are doing other things for,
like other people and othergenders and things like that,
and like that's fine.
I don't, i don't, you know, ithink people can, can be who
they want to be, just like mybusiness can be for who I want
it to be for you know.
So, yeah, that's been, it's beena challenge and sometimes
(32:37):
comical.
Just the emails and the kind ofhate mail that you get from
people getting upset aboutthings, and yeah, and it used to
, it used to upset me because,yeah, i'm a human, you know, and
receiving like hate fromsomeone that you don't know and
essentially like being shamedand abused is not, you know it's
(33:00):
not great, but yeah, forsomatic boundaries and just
think I'd be like get fucked.
No, actually, no, thanks, butno, it's like delete Marcus.
Yeah, yeah, literally like,yeah, and it's like and how does
that feel?
(33:20):
it's like, oh, this actuallyfeels really great to say, like
to do that, and then just tonotice that and you know, from a
somatic lens, it's like, yeah,actually it feels really good in
my body to do that and yeah.
So that they're probably thetwo, the two main challenges I
would say that I can think ofYeah, it's interesting one too.
(33:40):
It's like, you know, i mean,business is hard enough, you
know, just trying to to build abusiness and build something
that you're passionate about tohave.
Then people come in and andthrow hate at you and it's like,
you know, this is not reallymaking me want to market to you.
You know you're not doing avery good job of like changing
my mind, but uh huh, totally,and like I understand, you know,
(34:02):
like non binary people wouldwant, you know, sex toys and
stuff for them as well, and andI think there are, you know,
businesses out there that, likeyou said, are catering
Absolutely, which is really cool.
So it's like I guess, yeah,understanding, you know there's
different businesses that selldifferent things, you know, and
have different products andservices on offer, and you know
you, unless you're Amazon, youknow you can't appeal to every
(34:23):
market.
It's just impossible.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah,interesting, and so so you're
also a somatic counsellor.
So how did you sort of step intothat field?
what was that?
how did that come about?
Um, oh gosh, i guess it's justbeen like another like long
journey.
Like I started as an art.
(34:45):
I started, i started art therapywhen I was quite a bit younger
and I've always been interested,i guess, in therapeutic
practices and even, just youknow, i think a lot of
therapists kind of start with,like wanting to understand
themselves and um, yeah, so itwas like a journey of, i guess,
self inquiry and um, and then,yeah, again, like what worked
(35:10):
for me and um, somatic stuff,just really, yeah, i just found
that like such an incrediblelike healing, i guess modality,
if you'd call it that like, orjust a pathway, i think, to self
understanding and um, yeah,like I tried a lot of different
things, but I think like somaticwork has had the biggest impact
(35:32):
, um, and like long lastingimpact as well, because, as you
would know, it's like we'reactually reparting the nervous
system, which is just a profound, you know, a profound thing to
do, because it changes the waythat we interface with life and
ourselves and um, yeah, so itwas through like seeing a
(35:55):
somatic therapist for quite awhile and being like, wow, this
is amazing, and like she wasquite heavy with her psycho
education, like the way that shewould do her sessions, because
I was always so interested.
I'm like such a curious, likephilosophical human, so I'm like
I love to like understand why,and I'd always be asking
questions and, um, you know, istudied a lot of different
(36:17):
things and yeah, and I was likeno, this is like amazing
actually, and so then I started,decided to sort of study it
myself and, um, yeah, but it'sjust the best and like, i'm sure
, like John also, and you know,it's like it's just such an
incredible.
I love it.
Yeah, it's such an incredible.
Um, yeah, thing.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
(36:40):
And and so you have your ownclients now as well, which is
super cool that you work with.
Do you do more one in one onone in person, or do you do more
zoom sessions or what are yousort of doing at the moment?
So I do, yeah, i do one on onework.
Um, i do it in person and alsoonline, and so I've got quite a
few clients that we do onlinesessions with.
(37:03):
So zoom, like you said, um,yeah, i mean my favourite is in
person, because I just lovebeing out of, like you know, be
in a room with somebody.
but I think it's amazing thatyou know we've got the zoom
technology too, because it kindof just makes it so much more
accessible.
As for people that maybe theylive somewhere where they don't
um, you know, there's no onepracticing that, or yeah, and I
(37:27):
think a big part of it, too, isfinding someone that you really
resonate with and feel safe with, and contrast, because, like, i
think that's a crucial part oflike being in a therapeutic
relationship is actually havingthat, that safety, and to be
able to go into into, you know,the places that feel
uncomfortable and, um, yeah, soI think online gives people an
(37:50):
option to really find atherapist that they kind of gel
with, and yeah, and so forsomeone who say doesn't know
what somatic counseling is, howwould you, i guess, explain it
to them?
Yeah, well, like somatic work,not just counseling, it's like
we're working with, with thebody, but like the soma, but
(38:13):
also it's not just kind of thephysical body, like the way I
imagine it is like It's sort ofall of our bodies So like our
energetic body, our emotionalbody, you know, our spiritual
body, our mental body, it's likeall of the things that are kind
of yeah, it feels like aholistic kind of perspective on
on our and our, on our wholebeing in a way.
(38:34):
You know, so we're oftenworking with sensation in the
body, but there's also likememories, and you know we might
be sensing all the way I workanyway, it's like we might be
sensing things in like otherplaces that aren't just physical
, like it might be, yeah, itmight be something else there,
and so we're really just beingcurious about what, what's here
(38:55):
and in this moment now, and likewhat, what is our soma, i guess
, give giving us?
like, what information is itkind of giving to us and how can
we kind of follow, follow thatthread and sort of see what
wants to, wants to come out,yeah, yeah.
And so, like a physical, yousort of start with physical
sensations and sort of trackwith it and Mm-hmm, explore,
(39:18):
yeah, yeah.
So there's a lot of tracking andas a client, you're learning,
like interception, so you'relearning what's kind of
happening in your own body andyou know Well that feels there's
comfort there or that, you know, there's discomfort.
And we're kind of working,we're pendulating between
Something that's like morecomfortable and maybe like the
discomfort, like whatever that.
That might be a physicalsensation or it, you know, might
(39:40):
be like a memory or you knowwhatever it is.
We're sort of moving in and outand like widening the capacity
for the nervous system basicallyto be able to kind of face
whatever's there and sort of bewith what's there.
And Yeah, i know there's liketalk, a bit of talk therapy to.
You know, there's like what'sgoing on and The meaning making,
(40:00):
which can be helpful too.
And yeah, i really, yeah, ireally like the, the concept of
you mentioned it there.
I'm going into the, i guess,sensation or the memory or
whatever's coming up, and thencoming out, having a break, and
then going in and coming out andthat back and forth, which is
tight reading and and just howthat Somehow I don't totally
(40:23):
understand it, but it reallyhelps, i guess, because you're
not going into it gettingoverwhelmed, you're going in and
coming out and then going inand coming out, and so you're
growing, like you said, thiscapacity In your nervous system
to handle, i guess, bigger andbigger sensations as they come
through the body, and so that'ssomething I really love is, i
mean, i definitely have atendency to sort of go more into
(40:44):
it and stay, because I'm like,yeah, let's feel The band aid,
but but you know, i think, yeah,like a lot of the the power has
I found come from, you know,going in and then coming out and
(41:06):
and you know, going for a walkor having a cup of tea and then
and then, okay, let's go backand do a bit more.
Or, you know, in a session,obviously You know you might
just talk about somethingdifferent or go to a different
part of the body, change yourawareness to your big toe.
What's my big toe doing?
that's something that I like tocheck in and like, when I'm
sort of feeling all thedifferent things, i'm like,
how's my big toe?
Okay, we could Having like areference point to sort of pull
(41:31):
you out of, because some ofthese sensations and these
emotions can be so big and quiteoverwhelming at times,
especially, you know, as we Gointo this work.
It's you just don't know, likeyou said, what's gonna come up
and and so it's, yeah, havingthat, having that balance and
going.
I don't have to feel everythingat once.
I can.
I can do it in by size piecesand and that that's actually
(41:54):
like a really powerful way to doit, which is cool.
Yeah, and again, it like itbuilds trust and safety with our
without own like parts.
You know it's like These tendto.
You know, often it's likeyounger self parts that there's
like things going on and theydon't feel safe And it's like,
okay, actually can we just kindof touch the edge of that and
(42:14):
still be with?
you know, it's like be withthat younger part, and then we
kind of come out and it's likewe're not just like exposure
therapy, like you know, becauseit's like with trauma, as you
know, it's like too much, toosoon, too fast, and so if we're
going in quickly and we'retrying to like it's the same, i
guess, motion, it's the samekind of thread of energy that
often like set up that patternin the first place.
(42:36):
So it's like how can weactually do the opposite of that
?
and yeah, as you know, you knowsomatic book is very slow.
It's like, really, how do weslow down and like notice all
the little Intricacy is, ratherthan just like kind of getting
straight into like the intensity.
It's like oh, like what's Juston the edge of the intensity,
like what's to like to kind ofhang out there and what's
(42:57):
happening there.
And you know, often then thatwill dissipate, as he said, like
that, the more intense stuff,it kind of yeah, it kind of
gives it a chance to sort of airout, i guess an untangle,
instead of like being intenselykind of like poked at.
Yeah, yeah, it's like I think Idon't know who says it might
(43:21):
have been Peter living or Imight have been Irene Lyon, but
this whole idea of go slow to gofast, you know, it's like you
said, it's a slow practice andand it, if you slow it down, it
speeds it up Ironically, whichis cool, yeah.
And then, like you're out inlife and you like, you're like
oh, i don't do that thinganymore.
It's like there's things thatare like you know, it's like I
(43:41):
don't.
You know, and that's anotheramazing thing It's like often it
can just feel like you're notreally doing much in a semantic
session.
It's just like, oh, okay, likeyeah, it's very gentle and Yeah,
and then you can just be outliving your life and in a
situation where usually maybewould be socially anxious or
something like that, and you'relike, oh, that's just not here
anymore and, yeah, i love, ilove that.
(44:04):
Take the little surprises thatyou kind of get, get with it.
You're like, oh, my sister'sdoing something different, like
that's really great.
And I think it's so importantto like to celebrate those
things, you know, and I thinkplay in celebration is such a
beautiful way of healing towrite And a piece that I try and
kind of bring in, you know,with my sessions too, it's like
(44:24):
it doesn't have to be so seriousand, of course, like we can be
working with that quite, youknow, intense, serious content.
But it's like, how can weactually bring a bit of like
Lightness and celebration andlike, when we kind of, yeah,
when we experience something new, it's like, yeah, like can we
just hang out with that and like, really let ourselves, like,
(44:44):
appreciate ourselves for that,because it's big work.
But it's really it's, it's abig thing to look at oneself and
and to want to like, yeah, dothings differently.
And Yeah, so, totally, totally.
And do you find that, as peopledo this work, like, how does
(45:04):
that?
like you sort of mentioned, youknow, you go into situations
where you're like, oh, thisisn't triggering me like a you
store, i'm not having a panicattack.
Do you find that People'srelationships change, or their
business, or how they relate todo to different?
I guess situations that thatall changes.
Are they better at settingboundaries?
Are they better at because Iguess this, all this work is
(45:25):
about following your impulse andfollowing How you feel.
And so have you seen that inyour clients or in yourself?
Yeah, i mean absolutely, and Ithink even for myself.
Yeah, it's like just noticing,like noticing where there's like
Resistance around doing certainthings or like and and being
out alike.
Yeah, unpack that a bit and andbe with that.
(45:46):
And also, yeah, i think ittranslates across your whole
life, right, it's like so whenone thing changes, it kind of
it's a domino effect to kind ofchanges, changes everywhere.
I have one client That I'm thatsort of come to mind and Yeah,
like it's, it's literallychanged her life, like she used
(46:06):
to be a very socially anxiousperson and yeah, like I Would
say, quite introverted and, likeyou know, kind of kept to
herself a fair bit and wasn't avery social kind of outgoing
person, and now she's like Goingto dance classes and like going
out to parties and like just,yeah, it's incredible.
(46:30):
And just even her, like herface and her energy and the way
she interacts with life, andYeah, she's kind of, i guess, in
the flow of her own life andand like what we spoke about
before, like there's so muchmore joy and like receptivity
and openness and safety in herown system.
And so she's like ending up inall of these like Yeah, i guess,
(46:51):
in all of these amazing placesand meeting all of these amazing
people and just sort of like,yeah, life is has really opened
up for her and Yeah, things thatyou know she's shared it.
She's like I never, ever,thought this was possible.
Like she didn't.
Yeah, she just was.
Like I didn't know that, likelife could be this good.
And then I would like lovebeing in a room full of people
(47:12):
and like what that would give me, you know, so, so cool, yeah,
and it's, i guess, inspired herto then want to like with her
business stuff.
It's like inspired her toactually like take the step,
because there was a lot of feararound, you know, stepping into
it, and Then like what thatwould mean and and now she's
just kind of like, yep, she'sgot the momentum, she's got the
(47:33):
energy and like she's trustherself And she's it's like
really just like given her thismomentum that she hasn't had
before and Yeah, so it's justit's so incredible and like such
an honor, i think, to like be apart of that journey with
somebody and And yeah, it justmakes me so happy that you know
(47:54):
she's yeah the joy that she has,i think, in her life now and,
yeah, it's such a beautifulthing to be able to witness
Totally, totally.
I really, i really love thepiece you mentioned about a
safety.
We sort of touched on thatearlier as well, but learning to
feel safe and it's somethingthat I didn't even really
(48:14):
understand until a couple yearsago.
You know what is safety.
You know how do we feel safe inour own bodies And you know,
you look at, i guess, socialanxiety and not wanting to be in
a room full of people.
To me, that signals, you know,someone not feeling safe.
You know, and, and, because Iwas there, you know looking for
the exit.
You know having it, having mycar ready to go, you know, and
(48:35):
and having these exit strategiesbecause we don't feel safe in,
in a situation or an environment, in a relationship, and And and
that can really hold us back.
It's something it seems like.
A lot of stuff comes back tosafety.
You know, why do we care whatpeople think about us?
Because, you know, we want tofeel safe, we want to belong.
You know.
Why do we, you know, avoiddoing certain things?
(48:56):
because we don't feel safe.
And so, i guess, as we canbuild internal safety, you know,
by understanding our sensationsand impulses in our body and
going, okay, i don't like thatand and it's okay, like I'm
gonna notice that and I'm goingto look at my surroundings and
look at the walls and there's noone here, and letting your
(49:16):
system drop down and, yeah, likereally cultivating a sense of
safety which then allows you togo out and, yeah, like level up
in your business or go to go outpartying and dancing and all
these fun stuff, because all ofa sudden, you feel safe and so
you're not looking over yourshoulder or looking for a threat
, and all that energy that youspent looking outwards, you know
(49:36):
, for threats and for safety, isnow energy that you can use to
do other stuff and feel joyful,which is which is really really
cool.
Yeah, it's such a big piece, thesafety piece.
It's like really the foundation, because it's like, when we
know what that's like, it's likewe can feel, even like with the
boundaries, it's like we canfeel when something's pressing
up against that and it's like wekind of have more clarity on,
(49:58):
like, what's a yes and what's ano as well.
It's like, oh, actually, youknow, like having a real sense
of our internal safety and yeah,and then we know when it's like
, oh, that's not that you know,so it just gives us a greater
like language and understanding,i think, and it's yeah, it's
such a foundational piece and I,you know it's.
(50:18):
It's some, you know, somepeople don't have never known
what that feels like.
It's like what is that you know?
yeah, like what is safety?
Yeah, yeah, and yeah, somepeople didn't get that growing
up, you know, it's like from ourcaregivers and things like.
That's really like withattachment things.
(50:39):
It's like that's kind of wherewe learn that information and
sometimes people don't have areference point for that, and so
, you know, it's a really greatplace to start, i think.
So what is that, you know?
and even for the listeners it'slike like that questions like
what does safety feel like?
and yeah, and just to notice,maybe in the body, or yeah, and
(51:02):
to really get a sense of that.
And yeah, i think that's areally, really important place
to start.
Yeah, yeah, i think that'ssomething I've been playing with
lately is is when I'm in asituation or with a person
especially if there's someone Idon't know very well I just ask
myself, i asked my body, like doyou feel safe right now?
(51:23):
And it really just creates thisopening of bringing my
awareness into my body andlistening to this impulses,
because your gut will tell you.
Like, if something feels off,your gut will tell you and
you'll be like something youknow, of any kind, explain it.
But you know, you're picking upbody language and you're
picking up all these differentcues so much quicker than you
can consciously be aware of.
(51:44):
And so I've been finding itreally helpful to just ask the
question, like do you feel safe?
and then I look around and I,you know, look at the person and
I sort of go yes or no, andthen then I can choose how to
act out of that.
You know, if I don't, maybe Ineed to leave, or maybe I don't
want to hang out with thisperson, or if I do feel safe,
then cool, you know.
And so it's, yeah, like you said, like it's almost having this
(52:06):
conversation with yourself andcreating this opening where you
can build that internal safety,because, you know, i think we
will have, we will have capacity, we will have the
responsibility to say, to setboundaries and say, you know,
this is yeah, these are myboundaries, and it's cool And I
love that.
Like even just to check in,it's like that is just such a
(52:26):
beautiful process because, like,how often are we just looking
out, you know, and like doingthings and moving around and
just like living our lives?
and it's like, how often do wekind of actually be like, hey,
you know how you going like, hey, going in there, you know like
I have a body yeah, yeah, ithink it's a really, really
(52:48):
simple and beautiful practice to, yeah, it's like, do I feel
safe?
or even just like you know,like, how are you right now, you
know, and so kind of get usedto that checking in and having
that feedback and creating thatline of communication.
Yeah, and that's something thateveryone can kind of do.
And maybe, you know, for peoplethat I've gotten don't really
(53:10):
know, you know, haven't done itbefore might be a bit weird to
be like hey, you know it's liketalking to myself again, yeah,
but it's like, you know, justkind of like it's great to get
in the habit and like, even formy clients, that kind of
struggle with with maybe thatmight be a bit much.
It's like it's like okay, likelet's just take a like come
(53:31):
throughout the day, just take apause for a few minutes and just
stop, like between tasks maybeor whatever.
Take, take a moment and likeorient, look around, just like
take a breath and like let thesystem settle and then like
continue and do you know, likefeel your feet on the ground,
like if that's whatever'saccessible.
But I think introducing thoselittle like moments where we
(53:54):
remember to like check in andpause, i think that's yeah,
that's such such a helpful thing, because it's like if we set
that up for ourselves, then whenwe're in moments that are maybe
more intense, it's like, oh,that it's kind of like habitual
in a way, where we go, oh, okay,what's happening happening in
me now And like am I feelingsafe now?
(54:15):
you know, it's a good littlelike, yeah, habitual pattern, i
think, to set up and is, andit's helpful.
Then it's just kind of secondnature, which is really nice
when you kind of get to that,that point, yeah, like the magic
, yeah, yeah, it's so cool,especially when it happens Like
(54:36):
you, you'd like to say you'rebuilding that habit of that just
kind of pausing and thatawareness which which starts to
bring you into, i guess, more ofa rest digest slow, and then
you're going to be sick and yourheart starts racing and your
whole body goes into anactivated state and I was just
like breathing and theneventually I just started
imagining my kidneys dropping,which is so when you're
(55:14):
activated, or your kidneys getpulled up into your ribs.
And so one of the exercises I'dI'd been doing before that was
consciously like relaxing thekidneys and I just started doing
that automatically And itbrought my whole system down
just automatically And I thought, whoa, you know, it's just the
(55:34):
power of just bringing like sucha subtle awareness, like I
wasn't even consciously liketrying to bring them down.
I just like shifted myattention to my kidneys And it
was incredible just watching thewhole body and nervous system
just slow down and calm down.
It's really cool And that'ssomething you know, people can
do, you know, in personal lifeswear, when everything's crazy,
(55:57):
it's you know, and you'refeeling overwhelmed, and there's
a million things happening, canyou pause and can you bring
your system or allow your systemto come down as well?
Yeah, and then you know, forlike decision making and stuff
like that too, especially inbusiness, it's like okay, like
yeah, am I making this decisionfrom like a panicked, like
sympathetic, you know place, orit's like actually, can I just
(56:21):
take a minute and like leteverything settle and then kind
of make the decision from fromthere?
I think that's so helpful inbusiness too.
And yeah, and absolutely Yeah.
And also, like when you'reworking with people or
collaborating with people inbusiness and or like if you're
hiring people or things likethat, it's like really just
noticing like what's thelanguage, like what's the
(56:42):
nervous system language that'shappening here between our two
systems, and like again, it'slike, do I feel safe?
Can I trust this person?
Do I?
you know, like I think there'sso many cues happening in that
space too, and it's likeobviously you know it's it's a
business And so it's not alljust about like interpersonal
and emotional stuff.
(57:03):
And I don't know like I'm avery intuitive business person,
so for me I'm like it kind ofdoes govern a lot of it for me,
You know, but my dad, he's likevery like black and white, you
know businessy, but it's like,yeah, you can kind of
incorporate that.
I think you can still, yeah,have be business minded and like
logical and all that kind ofstuff.
But I think it's really helpfulto kind of have this other
(57:25):
language here too And, yeah, tojust get a sense of like sense
of other people and a sense ofyourself and then like how to
then move, you know, throughoutin a business aspect, like how
do you then kind of go fromthere?
and yeah, i mean, we are alwaysin relationship, like no matter
(57:47):
if it's like personal orbusiness, or there's always like
a relationship happening withsomething.
And so it's like how am I inrelationship to this thing?
And yeah, what's happening inme and what's happening here in
this space?
and yeah, yeah, i think that'sa really, really important point
you made, i think, just aboutthe decision making and then
(58:07):
also about, like, the more awareyou are of yourself and your
body, the more you're going tonotice when your employees
having a bad day or when yourcustomers upset, and then you're
going to be able to respond ina much more timely way because
you're aware of your own bodyand you're aware of your own
sensations and impulses.
So I think it just gives you agreater awareness of life and of
and business, and it's like yousaid, it's all connected, which
(58:30):
is really cool.
Yeah, yeah, and it's yeah, andI think people interact with you
differently.
You know it's like, and youdon't even have to say anything.
It's like when you're regulated, when you're in ventral and
you're regulated, it's like it'svery hard for people to be
angry with you.
Yeah, over on you, becauseyou'll see it coming.
(58:52):
Yeah, yeah, it's just like.
Oh, okay, you know, like, yeah,it can really down, like
escalate things, like when youif you're able to stay in there
and not get sucked into someoneelse's nervous system experience
and drama.
Yeah, yeah, like I had.
I had it happen, you know,sporadically, but I parked my
car somewhere in a car park thatthis lady there was a shop next
(59:16):
door and everyone must use thiscar park for the shop next door
because it was really busy Andshe kind of came out like guns
are blazing, like she was soangry and like screaming and I
was okay.
It was clearly like.
You know, it's not me, this islike she's triggered.
You know, people must alwayspark here, and I don't even know
(59:39):
what I said, but I, you know, iwas in a really good mood and I
was just feeling like, yeah,very regulated, and just kind of
like engage with her.
And you know, yeah, and I wasjust like you know, like I'm
just met her and was like I'm sosorry, like that must be really
frustrating, and just kind oflike had this dialogue with her
and and just kind of stayed openand stayed, you know, connected
(01:00:01):
and yeah, she like fully, likejust went from screaming and
being like you know, someonethat you would run the other way
from And then she, like calmdown, she was like oh, it's
alright if you park your carthere.
And yeah, you know, and shestill let me park my car there
and I was just going to get likea coffee.
so, like you know, i was likeI'm going to be like two minutes
(01:00:22):
and you know anyway, and shejust fully, like relaxed and
ended up like smiling and being,you know it ended up being like
this really beautifulinteraction and yeah, it's like
gosh, she just wanted to be thisperson, just wanted to actually
be heard and like was reallyfrustrated and and I still got
to park my car there and getyour coffee.
(01:00:49):
I did ask her I would havemoved it.
I said, look, like you know Ican, if that would feel good,
like I'm absolutely happy tomove the car.
But no, she was okay with itand anyway.
So, yeah, it's just sointeresting, like what kind of
happens in interactions when wecan kind of if we can stay in
our center and if we can kind ofyeah, and we can kind of be
like I don't know, and that'salso fine, you know, it's like
(01:01:09):
that's just the nature of beingin relationship.
Again, it's like we're oftenit's like we're picking up on
the other person and you know,and we can kind of become
escalated and and not realize it, and you know it's yeah, and I
think that's really cool too.
It's so receptive and soconnected with each other as
human beings and I think that'ssuch a beautiful thing that we
(01:01:30):
have that with each other, yeah,and so sometimes we kind of get
carried away, and that's allright as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're humansand we make mistakes and it's
okay.
Yeah, definitely, definitelyAwesome.
We're almost on time for today.
So where can people connectwith you and find out more if
(01:01:50):
they want to work with you Sofor, like the somatic work, they
can connect with me from mywebsite, so I think I probably
sent that to you, but it'ssomaticcounsellingcomau, so I
don't know if you've got likelinks and things that you have
(01:02:10):
for people to click on.
Yeah, i'll pop them in the shownotes, yeah, and then follow
Loba.
You can follow me on Instagram,which is the loba herbalism, or
the website which I mentionedearlier, which is the lobacomau,
and, yeah, that's they're theplaces to find me.
Amazing, amazing.
(01:02:31):
Well, thank you so much forcoming on.
It's been a super fun andinteresting conversation for
sure.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, anytime, and I'll have toget onto your online store and
order some crystal goodies toget shipped to crew.
Yeah, yeah, i can make you likefor your listeners too.
I can do like a little like adiscount code or something like
(01:02:55):
that Awesome, which we can make,i can give you and then we
could put that in the show notesas well.
Put it in the show notes, forsure.
Yeah, for sure, amazing, oh,thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you so so much forlistening.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeall about sexual healing and
the nervous system.
Thank you to everyone who hassubscribed And if you haven't
(01:03:15):
done it already, smash thesubscribe button.
Make my day And I'll catch youall next week.
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