Sex Transmutation Explained - (Practical Examples + How To Guide) - Sex Upgraded

Episode Transcript
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Taylor Johnson (00:00):
sex transmutation will elevate
people to the level of genius.
And how does that actuallyhappen?
It's through creative,inspirational energy.
Right, if you're sexuallydepleted, you can still do
manual labor, you can still, youknow, shovel things, bang
things with a hammer, but thatedge of extra inspiration and
stimulation and thought andingenuity and inventiveness like

(00:23):
that's not so much there.
Hello friend, and welcome tothe Sex Upgraded Podcast, a
podcast from an all about sex,where we'll combine real,
authentic and down to earthconversations about sex, life
and relationships with somepretty wild personal stories and
practical how-to episodes aswell with guest experts from
around the world to help youhave the most amazing sex life

(00:47):
you can possibly have.
My name is Taylor and I'll beyour host on this journey, and
it's my goal with each episodeto give you practical,
actionable things you can startdoing today to improve your sex
life and your entire life,because a thriving sex life will
help you thrive in all areas ofyour life.
So let's begin today's episodeby starting with a deep breath
in through the nose, into thebelly together, exhaling with an

(01:12):
audible sigh, and let's getinto today's episode Sex
transmutation.
It's kind of like breathing weall do it, but most of us don't

(01:35):
actually do it that well, and wecould stand to improve a lot,
and if we optimized it it wouldimprove everything about our
entire lives.
That's kind of how I like tothink about it.
Have you ever heard of sextransmutation?

Jon Handelman (01:48):
I think I've heard of it, but if you asked me
to define it, I wouldn't knowhow to define it.

Yeah, there's not actually that many good
resources out there on this, soI decided why not make a podcast
and a video on YouTube?
And if you're listening to this, I would actually recommend
watching this one on YouTube,because I'm going to demo a
couple of things.
You could listen until we getto those points and then switch
over and check out the YouTubevideo, but I'm going to give you
some practical tools in thisepisode for how to actually

(02:12):
transmute your sexual energy.
It's a really useful thing.
But well before we get there Iwant to introduce this is my
friend, john.
John is a.
We've been friends for a longtime, he's in my men's group and
he's also a life coach inAsheville, and I love doing
these episodes with you becauseyou ask great questions and it's
fun to have a conversation withsomebody in real time.

Well, I really love being asked to do them too,
cause I always learnedsomething that I had never
thought about and always walkaway with some insight on sex.
So I appreciate the work you doand the conversations we get to
have.

Yeah, man, thank you.
Thanks for being here.

Sex transmutation .
Yeah, I didn't even know wewere going to talk about this,
until we're right here right nowso that's, you take what this
desire for sex and turn it intosomething you want.

Close.
I thought you said you didn'tknow.
Well, I was thinking about itas we were talking, and then I
was like, oh, maybe, maybe,that's it.
Yeah, there's a book behind youon the shelf we don't need to
get it out right now butNapoleon Hill and his book Think
and Grow Rich.
He devoted an entire chapter tosex transmutation.
He says all the most successfulmen of time have figured out
how to do this and it's a reallygood idea and you should do it
too, but he doesn't actually sayhow to do it.

(03:17):
So let's start with the basicdefinition of sexual
transmutation.
It's turning your sexual desireinto fuel that you can use for
anything else that you want toin life.
That might sound a littleobscure, so let's make a
practical example, because I'msure you've done this plenty of
times, if you're watching thisor listening to this like you've

(03:38):
also done this plenty of timesin your life.
Basic example have you everseen somebody who you felt
attracted to and you thought,wow, there's so like, I want
them.
And then, because of that, youchanged something about yourself
, or you improved your life, oryou dressed better, or you
worked out more, or you didsomething to appear or up level

(04:00):
your worth or value in some wayso you could appear more
attractive to this person?

Man you're reminding me of every day in my
20s.
But yeah, many times, manytimes from appearance towards to
doing something in front ofthem so they'd notice me, or
something like this, totally sothat is a basic form of sex
transmutation.

You're noticing, when you see this person
there's an inspiration, there'ssome sort of physiological
process that happens in the body.
It always starts as a sensationand if you really tune in you
can pay attention to it and feelit, and it's really interesting
to do that.
But when that happens, there'san inspiration there, there's a
motivation towards action.
I would guess that the firstinitial motivation for most

(04:42):
people, myself included, is togo up to the person where
there's a desire for connection,like, oh, I want them.
And following that impulsedoesn't always the best choice
in that moment.

Right, it's also scary, totally.

Yeah, totally, and sometimes it's not actually
the best option.
Sometimes it is the best optionand we do that and talk to them
and it works out great.
But that's not sextransmutation.
So sex transmutation is thereis this desire, this attraction
that happens and then, oh youknow what, instead of just like
going home and whacking off toporn, I'm going to go work out.
So next time I see them I feelbetter.

(05:17):
You know, basic, basic level ofform.
Okay, that makes sense to me.
Yeah, just a couple otherpractical examples, because I
think it's really useful.
Let's take sex, for example.
So you're having sex withsomebody and you get the urge to
ejaculate, and the urge happenspretty early on and you think,
like not quite ready for thatyet, like I want to keep having

(05:37):
sex with this person for a whilelonger.
So you pause or you do whateveryou need to to prolong the
sexual experience.
That could be a form of sexualenergy transmutation.
The flip side, or the thing tobe aware of here in the
definition, is that it's notsuppression, right?
So there's a difference.
So I'm not pushing down sexualurges, I'm not pushing down

(06:01):
desire, I'm not shoving it underthe rug, I'm not pretending it
doesn't exist.
I'm noticing it, bringingmindfulness there, becoming
aware of it and then doingsomething productive and
creative with it.
So, for example, in the sexthing, to make that make a
little bit more sense, if I'mhaving sex with somebody and
it's two minutes in and I feelthe desire to ejaculate, I'm not
going to think about likebaseball and spoiled food or

(06:25):
whatever the fuck to distractmyself and I'm not going to like
like tense up and like push itdown.
I'm going to breathe with thatand I'm going to let that
inspiration fuel me and move itthroughout my whole body,
circulating the sexual energy.
There's all kinds of techniquesto do that and we'll get into
some of that in this episode.
But it's very different fromjust like holding it back,

(06:46):
holding it back, holding it back, which ultimately will lead to
ejaculation for most guys anyway.

Okay, so you're not denying it, you're
acknowledging it and thenworking with it.
Is that right?

Totally yeah.
So this practical episodehere's what.

here's what yeah, take notes everyone.

Here's what this thing is.
Here's kind of how it works.
Here's how you can do it inreal time.
A couple more practicalexamples.
One of them is the desire towatch porn, right, something
most guys can relate to.
A lot of guys have realizedthat watching porn and
masturbating to it regularlyisn't actually that great for
their life, but the desire stillhappens, and myself included,

(07:24):
just actually earlier today, outof nowhere.
I was here by myself, I had justfinished eating some lunch and
I had the desire to watch porn.
I was like, oh, I could just gomasturbate and whack off and
how great would that be.
It's like this drug responseand even though, like I've done
so much work from my pornaddiction in the past, like
every once in a while that stillcomes into you and I can feel

(07:45):
it trying to hook me.
I'm like wow.
And so I paid attention and Inoticed there were sensations
around my throat and around mychest and a little bit of
heightened somatic activation.
And when I say somatic, Ibasically just mean sensations
in the body, right.
But I felt that and I sat withit and I just paid attention to

(08:06):
it, and that's not what I wouldrecommend most people do at
first it's more like an advancedthing to do, because usually
it's helpful to actually dosomething with that.
So what I ended up doing wasspending a couple of moments
just being aware of it.
And then I did a bunch ofpushups and then jumping jacks
and I was like cool on to thenext thing.
So for me in that moment,instead of pursuing the desire

(08:30):
to masturbate and watch porn, Iharnessed that, sat with it,
brought mindfulness into my life, which I believe anytime you do
something mindful, it's anoverall net positive in your
life.
And then I did some physicalexercise, which is also a net
positive, and then I felt better.
Right, so it's using theenergetic, emotional, physical
stimulus, transmuting that intosomething else.

Right.
So you felt this urge happen inyour body and you're like, if I
go with a logical extension ofthis urge, I'm going to deplete
myself Totally and instead I'llgo with mindfulness and then
I'll go with action and boththese things are going to build
me.
Yeah, totally.

It's choosing, being intentional, to build
something with A couple morejust, quick examples.
Say you're really attracted tosomebody at work.
It's not the context to pursuesexual attraction.
Say you're really attracted toyour friend's partner Cool,
they're together.
You're not going to pursue that.
So there can be.

(09:31):
You have the option to go oneof two directions.
You can suppress that, which Ibelieve ultimately leads to
dis-ease and lack of harmoniousinteractions with other people,
or you can acknowledge it and bereal and be like okay, yeah,
I'm attracted to this person.
Let me feel that.
All right, that is actually myown aliveness, feeling attracted

(09:55):
to them.
Maybe I can do something elsewith it.
It's a more intentional andskillful way to interact with
that and transmute that stimulusand use it for good.

I'm noticing that it's a hard thing for me to
ever acknowledge to myself, muchless anyone else, that I would
have attraction to a friend'spartner, and so, yeah, I'm
curious any steps that wouldtake also to just acknowledge
these urges that I guess societyhas taught us that are shameful
or no good or bad or anythinglike that Totally.

Well, number one , I'm not saying necessarily
it's a good idea to tell yourfriend's partner that you're
attracted to them, or to tellyour friend.
Sometimes, actually, it'sreally nuanced thing.
Sometimes talking about it canactually be a shadow way of
adding fuel to the fire ofattraction.

(10:47):
Right, yeah, like you can makeit come true, yeah for sure, and
it can make things awkward when, in fact, the more skillful
thing to do would be to justnotice it, breathe with it and
be honest with yourself.
But then choose intentionalaction and use that stimulus to
make your life better.
And what is the ultimate desirethere?
Oh, I want a sexy partner.
Cool, how do I become somebodywho can get a sexy partner?

(11:09):
Oh, these are the things I needto do until I feel like I'm
solid in myself.
I'm going to do those thingsnow because I see this is what I
want.
It's the fuel to the actiontransmutation.

Okay.
So what I'm noticing is curiousfrom me is this idea of being
honest with yourself.
I'm curious, in your ownexperience, anything to say
about the process of learning tobe honest with your own desires
and your own self before youcan, because in this process you
got to be honest with yourselffirst, right and go like I

(11:40):
actually do want these things.
Any tips for anyone listeningon how to be honest with
yourself?

Totally.
I also want to just side note,astrick, we're going to come
back around to it there areactual more specific sexual
techniques to do to delayejaculation, to do all that sort
of stuff that we're going toget into in a little bit.
So we're talking about theinterpersonal sexual energy
stuff now and we're going to getinto the legit sex stuff too.
But what you're talking aboutis super, super important and

(12:14):
it's interesting.
When you look out on theinternet and read different
books and things, you'll seethat when a lot of people are
talking about sex transmutation,sexual energy transmutation,
there's this flavor ofshamefulness with desire.
That's really interesting.
I think it comes frompuritanical culture.
It comes from.
Whatever it comes from, it iswhat it is.

(12:34):
Switching that up.
I don't think desire is bad.
I think desire is healthy, andso what I would say is that
desire is something that shouldbe celebrated.
Desire isn't necessarilysomething we should follow and
make happen, but that desire islife force moving within us.
If you experience desire, thinkof something you desire right

(12:57):
now and you listening to whenyou really.
It has to be something youreally desire.
When you think about this, whathappens for you?
Does anything happen for youand your body?

Yeah, my whole body feels alive and yeah,
there's energy, particularly inmy heart and a little bit of my
cock.

Yeah.

What does it feel like?
I never thought of such a thing.
Hold on, or like to describe itin more intense ways, a flood
of energy there some heat, atickle of some type?
Yeah, something like that.
Colors.
That's what I got for now, andwithout sharing what it is.

Yeah, without sharing what it is here, is
there also, can you see in yourlife?
Is there like a pathway forwardthat you see, that's clear, for
going towards this thing?
Yeah, yeah, Do you feel like?

you're on that path?

Yeah Okay, yeah Cool.
Is there also fear associatedwith it?

Yeah, fear won't happen.
Fear won't happen.
Yeah, and that's in my stomach,mm-hmm.

I'd say and is there any way that you might?
We'll just use the basic wordslike self-sabotage.
Is there any way that you mightchoose some sort of instant
gratification in your lifesomehow, in any way that might
prevent this thing fromhappening Like short-term
pleasure rewards?

Yeah, I think there's a thought in my head
that's like no, it's probablynot going to happen, so just
don't go for it.
And just it's demotivating togo for this thing that I'm
wanting and it didn't.
You know, it didn't occur to meuntil you said it to say like,
hey, every time you have desire,I, I, I, maybe I'm rephrasing

(14:39):
Every time you have desire,celebrate it.
It's desire, it's life force.
Yeah, like, first thing to dois acknowledge it, accept it and
reframe it as a beautiful thing.
That's happening.
And I was like, oh cool,because there's part of this
desire I'm having that's I'm notframing it that way.
Framing it is a bad thing andthat's something I should get
rid of.
Yeah, mm-hmm.

Yeah, so that's.
That's really nuanced andawesome.
Thanks for bringing that up,mm-hmm.
Yeah, and you said there's thispart of you that thinks like,
oh, it's not going to happen,none of that, I'll like push it
away that sort of thing.
Yeah, if you were to push itaway one day, even just
temporarily, sounds like, if I'mhearing you correctly, like

(15:20):
there would be some sort ofrelaxation that would happen
with that Right and ease, maybea letting go, like.
I'm getting a visual of you,just like yeah, laying back on a
couch Right.

This is like kind of defeated Totally, which
meets certain needs Right, andit meets needs, I guess, for
ease and takes like the pressureoff, right, yeah, but it's not
motivating, right, right it's.
I feel like I didn't noticethere's judgments coming in.
I'm like, oh, you're just notgoing for what you want, yeah.

Yeah, but I think it's interesting.
It's useful to acknowledge,like, what are the things that
you would get by choosing thepath that would lead to the
instant gratification, versusthe transmuting of that towards
going after what you want Right,and being honest with yourself
about that too?

Yeah, I think it's like ease and I don't have
to acknowledge like a failure.
I can say like oh, I didn't gofor it, but like I didn't go for
it, so I can't not get itreally Totally.

Something like that, yeah, yeah, for sure Makes
sense, I think the before wemove on, just to recap and say
it's useful to just bringawareness to all this stuff.
And also, desire is not bad.
Sexual desire is not bad.
Sexual desire for somebody whoyou're not able to or allowed to
have sex with because ofwhatever societal situations is

(16:44):
not bad.
Just acknowledge it, celebrateit as life force, moving through
, do something else intentionalwith it.
Desire to look at porn isn'tbad, it's life force.
Do something else with it.
One other really interestingexample that's also a form of
sexual energy transmutation isif somebody say, for example,
there's somebody who I findreally attractive, they are
available and I'm pursuing themregularly, but they're not

(17:07):
reciprocating that interest.
This can be a huge energy suckfor a lot of people and they
think, oh, maybe if I'd make mylife better, or maybe if I work
out in this way, or maybe if Ishow them that I can do this
thing or whatever like, they'llfinally like me and it just
sucks energy and sucks energyand it sucks sexual energy away
from people.
So actually knowing when to sayno to somebody who's not

(17:28):
reciprocating interest andswitching tactics or going to
somebody else, that's also aform of this sex transmutation.

That makes sense.
I can imagine or I can remembermany times of spending a lot of
energy towards someone who justwasn't interested and going
like, oh, what am I doing withthis energy?
Actually, Totally.

All right.
So I have actually a model thatI worked out to get really
practical with it, and thenwe'll get into the sex stuff in
this.
I'm going to put my laptop onmy lap here, so I have it all in
front of me.
Pause me at any point ifsomething doesn't make sense,
okay.
Okay, so there's two differentmodels that I came up with, and
I think one day I might putthese into some sort of visual

(18:07):
thing, but for now, the firstone is the reactive model,
because the first one isbasically like, as you're going
around in your life, you willencounter people or certain
things that you feel aroused byor that give you a sexual
stimulus.
Like, say, you're at thegrocery store, you see somebody
that's really attractive, likewhoa.
Immediately, again, there issome sort of stimulation

(18:29):
internally.
How do you react to that?
Do you suppress it or do youintegrate it, transmute it, that
sort of thing.
The second one is the proactivemodel, and this is for somebody
who's wanting to actually justbuild up and generate their
sexual energy and then use thatfor whatever they want creative
projects, business,entrepreneurial entrepreneurship
, et cetera.
So two kind of differentpathways that end at a similar

(18:51):
result.
The first one, the reactivemodel.
Number one is the stimulus.
The desire happens.
So we'll use the grocery storeexample.
Right For me, this issemi-common in Asheville.
A lot of beautiful women here.

A lot of beautiful women here.

Yeah, I'm not gonna have sex with them.
That's the way it is.
That's the way it is.
It's great.
I don't want to.
Well, part of me, I'llacknowledge, part of me wants to
, but another part of me knowsand that that's a horrible idea
and I don't actually wanna dothat.
But I acknowledge the part ofme that wants to have sex with
beautiful people and I celebratethat and that's life and that
feels fun.

(19:30):
So I see this person right andinstead of getting hooked by
that which happens to some guysand they think like, ooh, I'm
gonna fantasize about fuckingher, I'm gonna like go
masturbate, I'm gonna see if Ican go to the bathroom and rub
one out real quick All this kindof stuff like happens to guys
and it hooks them.
Instead of that, I'm gonnaimmediately, once I see this
person and notice a reaction tomy body, I'm gonna bring

(19:52):
awareness to my body, kind oflike we just did, because there
is always some sort ofphysiological,
sensation-oriented thing thathappens when the sexual desire
comes up.
Learning to pay attention tothat is super empowering and can
help switch things up.
Like they say, freedom is itcomes in the moment between

(20:13):
stimulus and response, right.

So freedom comes in the moment between stimulus
and response.

Yeah, I didn't come up with that saying, we've
all heard it, but it's a greatone, right?
So how does that moment getexpanded?
Awareness, Right, okay,Mindfulness, you know.
So I'm aware of this.
Usually there's in this grocerystore example.
There's a sensation in my heartand my belly, usually my
genitals as well.
Usually my mind becomes activetoo.
It's oftentimes a full bodysort of thing.

(20:40):
And then there's a decisionpoint too.
The decision point is like am Igoing to follow this into the
fantasy realm or am I going tojust notice this woman and
breathe with it?
And so, in this example, totransmute it, I'll just take a
breath, Hmm, and keep moving,Like I don't have to close my

(21:05):
eyes or do that.
I can do that while I'm walking.
I take a breath.
Couple of other things I do.
I squeeze my pelvic floor,because the pelvic floor longer
story, but I basically do akegel, Because a lot of
traditions see that as a pump, asexual energy pump, where you
can use it to pump arousal orenergy up throughout your entire
body, either up through yourwe'll use some esoteric terms

(21:27):
either through your chakras orthrough your microcosmic orbit,
or even if you don't want to useany of those terms.
You can just imagine that it'sa pump moving your sexual energy
up into the rest of your body,into your heart and your head,
Right.
So I squeeze my pelvic floorand I've also done a lot of work
with this thing called themicrocosmic orbit.
I'll put a graphic on screenjust so you can kind of see it.
It comes from the Taoistlineage and it's basically it's

(21:50):
just an orbit that goes aroundyour body that you can move
sexual energy through.
So I do that, I take a breathin, I do an orbit, and then I'm
good, I'm good to go.
It's not a very strong stimulus,so it doesn't take me very long
to work with it, but I do and Iharness that and then I smile,
go around my day and like, afterthat moment I just feel better

(22:12):
Because I'm like I'm receivingstimulation from the experience,
right, and I'm turning it intouseful life stimulation
internally that I don'tnecessarily even have to do
anything with, I can just enjoythat too.
It's like a sizzle, you know, orteaming with energy or that
sort of thing, and then whateverI go into next will be infused
with and fueled by that energy.

(22:34):
That's in my system, right.
So maybe I run into somebodyelse in the grocery store that I
know or don't know so well.
But then I have a conversationwith them and I feel a little
bit ex-cessed full, because Itook that moment to integrate
that sexual arousal, that sexualresponse.
And then I have a betterconversation with them.
That leads to some door openingI never could have imagined.
And then something else happens.

(22:55):
And then all of a sudden, thatpinpoint moment when I made a
choice to transmute that energyopens up so many doors into the
future that I never kind ofimagined.

So you're using it to give yourself a boost.
In what you're saying is hey, Inoticed that boost after that
moment you use it.
I take that energy, I pumpmyself up and then when I'm
talking to other people I noticeit's there.
There's a type of life that I'mbringing to that conversation
that's led to otheropportunities.
Is that what you're sayingTotally?

yeah.
So number one is the stimulus,number two is the awareness of
the stimulus, number three isthe decision point and number
four is the integration, and somy integration is the breath,
the kegel and the microcosmicorbit in this particular
scenario.
And then number five ispositive discharge or positive
creation.
Right, and so for me, thepositive creation would be

(23:44):
walking around in the storefeeling great and we're having a
conversation from that point.
Or maybe another thing that Ilike to do is just have my phone
notes app open sometimes andI'll just have moments of
inspiration that hit me out ofthe blue and I'll take a little
note like ooh, make a videoabout this, make a podcast about
this.
And I notice, when I'minteracting with my sexual
energy in an intentional way andbuilding it in these scenarios,

(24:06):
inspiration comes so much moreeasily.
That's a huge thing.
That's a huge reason.
A lot of guys practice semenretention, which we'll talk
about.
A lot of guys do the nofapthing.
Whenever anybody says semenretention or nofap, they're
really talking about sexualenergy transmutation.
Right and back from the bookwith Napoleon Hill and Think and
Grow Rich, his whole chapter.
He says sex transmutation willelevate people to the level of

(24:30):
genius.
And how does that actuallyhappen?
It's through creative,inspirational energy.
Right, if you're sexuallydepleted, you can still do
manual labor, you can stillshovel things, bang things with
a hammer.
But that edge of extrainspiration and stimulation and
thought and ingenuity andinventiveness like that's not so

(24:52):
much there.
That comes through sexualintegration, sexual
transmutation.

Okay, cool, it's that extra.
It just levels you up a littlebit Totally and if you do it
intentionally, you're saying,hey, the ideas that you're gonna
have are gonna have a clearchannel to come through.
Absolutely, is that right?
Yeah, that's super interesting,yeah more clear, more clear.

So and then when I say positive discharge there,
that'll make sense with adifferent example.
But say, for example, thestimulation was so intense that
even when I'm practicingtransmutation I can't quite do
it all.

Right, you're still there.

Yeah, so that's when things like jumping jacks
come in or pushups or doingsomething in the body to release
the extra charge.
It's very hard to do that justby sitting.
Still, you can do it over time,but it's much easier just to do
something in your body.

And you're saying that, as opposed to like
rubbing one out, which woulddeplete your energy, you're
saying, hey, pushups will fuelthat inspiration, it won't
deplete you.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
How come In the?

same way.
It's a good question.
So using the term depleting ofenergy can be tricky for a lot
of people.
So I'll just say, in thisparticular context instead of
rubbing one out, well, let'stalk about what that means.
You rub one out, you masturbate, you have an ejaculation.
Usually it's within a couple ofminutes.
If you're rubbing one out,you're not getting into the
experience of pleasure, you'renot really allowing that to take

(26:15):
over your nervous system andshift your brain and cognition
and physiology into this otherstate.
You just do relief using it asa drug.
When you do that, you'retelling your nervous system,
your physiology, your body andyour brain oh, I have just
achieved my peak goal as a human, as a creature, as a being to
procreate.

(26:35):
Now you can show the fuck outand take a nap.
Now you don't have toaccomplish anything.
You just won, you justperpetuated a species.
You don't need to go out and bemotivated, you don't need to be
creative.
Eat some food, take a rest,chill out.
This is the refractory period,and it usually, for guys, lasts
much longer than the five to 20minutes that we normally think

(26:56):
of.
There are subtle layers of thatthat last for days for most
guys.
So when we, instead of winning,choosing the easy reward of
ejaculation, we delay thatgratification and harness that
stimulation to do something else, intentional.
That's life giving Okay cool, Igot it.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

I'll outline these in the show notes as well.
And number six, after thepositive discharge or positive
creative action, is just bow toyourself, thank yourself for
doing that and then go aboutyour life.

Which is something you probably don't do
after you ejaculate Most people.
You're just too depleted andeveryone just conks out.
But in this way you can kind ofacknowledge the efforts you're
taking.
That's probably going to giveyou some type of fuel.
Yeah, that's nice, yeah.

Totally.
This podcast is brought to youby all the men who've gone
through my trainings over theyears.
Thank you, and I'm sure you arethe sponsors of this show.
It could not happen without you.
Two things I want to share withyou real quick.
Number one is my orgasmicmastery course.
It's a 10 week journey for mento become the best lovers they
can possibly be, to master theirsexual energy in the bedroom,

(28:11):
to overcome prematureejaculation, overcome erectile
dysfunction, experience fullbody orgasms full body non
ejaculatory orgasms and to bethe man who blows his lovers
minds.
The second course is semenretention mastery.
This is an intelligent lifestyledesign course where you get to
master the art of sexual energytransmutation and really build
up your life force and direct itinto your business, your

(28:33):
creative projects, your mission,whatever it is that you want to
really excel at and thrive inyour life so you can live the
life you truly want.
So if you want to check thoseout, there are links in the
episode description and, withall that being said, thank you
again.
Let's get back to today'sepisode.
So let's do an example aroundsex, sure, yeah, and then after

(28:59):
that we'll go into the proactivemodel.
So I was sexual with my partnera few days ago in this very
room.
Actually, congrats Right overthere.

Hey.

This is a hybrid bedroom and studio and I did
not ejaculate for the first I'dsay hour and a half hour and 45
minutes, something like that.
We had an extended sexualsession.
It's really beautiful.
We prioritized exploration, weprioritized taking our time and
just being really in theexperience.
Interestingly, right around the30 minute mark I was super

(29:34):
aroused and we were in thisreally sexy position and she
asked me, like do you want tocome?
Do you want to ejaculate?
And I could tell like there'sthis animalistic part of me that
was like fuck, yeah, I do.
Like right here, like right now, like that would be so good,
you know, and I considered itand in my previous days, even
just her asking me if I wantedto come would push me over the

(29:57):
edge because it would be so sexy, right.
But now I have that awareness.
It's the freedom in betweenstimulus and response.
So I'm like, cool, you justaroused me a lot more, where I
feel a lot more aroused by you.
But I'm actually going to pauseand feel into this Okay, that
would feel good.
I'm not aware of how, you knowthat would reward me, right.
But I'm also paying attentionto what are my deeper desires

(30:19):
here.
My deeper desires are to havean extended love making
experience with my partner,where we really get to be in it
together for an extended periodof time.
And I know that if I ejaculate,sure I can like take a little
bit of time and get back into it, but my presence is going to
drop, my arousal is going todrop, all this stuff is going to
drop and I'm not going to beconsistently there for the
experience.

(30:41):
So instead I chose to transmutethat desire and we switched
positions and I did somebreathing, squeezed my pelvic
floor, did some more of themicrocosmic orbit, and we
continued kissing and beingsexual during this time.
But I needed to take a pausefrom direct stimulation so I
could actually breathe and dothis stuff, because it was so

(31:01):
intense at that moment.
By the way, pausing is fine,pausing is great.
So I did that and then wecontinued to be sexual For like
another hour plus and in thattime it was the most magical
connection.
It was beautiful.
In the time after I decided notto ejaculate but instead to

(31:21):
transmute that desire toejaculate into an extended,
beautiful presence, filledsexual experience.
That's when the multipleorgasms happened.
That's when this amazing, deep,powerful, profound connection
and just like the art of lovemaking.
The art of love making happenedPrior to that.
I was in the sort of like Iwouldn't quite say the fucking

(31:45):
mindset, but the sort of likeejaculatory focused sex mindset
which is like somewhat goaloriented.
Even though I know about that,I still get into that.
But it took that consciousdecision point to integrate that
into the rest of my body andthen just let that sizzle and
just be without arousal afterthat and then that was a really

(32:05):
beautiful, rewarding experiencethat brought us much closer
together and made our weekamazing.
It really seeded our week withgoodness and I did eventually
choose to ejaculate, but at thatpoint it had been so long and I
had done so much integration.
I didn't feel a big depletionafterwards and it had been such
a long time since my previousejaculation that it just felt
great.

It sounds like, though, a helpful aspect, which
is similar to what you're sayingbefore, is this intention
beforehand to say like hey, whenI see this person in the
grocery store or when I'm goingto make love, I'm not going for
the quick fix, I'm going forthis long-term gain.
Totally Right, cool.

Yeah.
So part of the model after thissection is to go into those
sorts of things to kind of prepall this.
It's kind of useful to thinkabout the model first.
I think We'll see.
This is kind of an experimenttalking it out right now, but
that's a very important part, isthe why, and we're going to get
into that.
So then after sex, after beingsexual, we did just sort of lay
there and enjoy the sizzling ofenergy in our systems and there

(33:08):
was a bowing and there was athanking.
It was really beautiful.
We didn't actually do this toeach other, if you're listening.
I bowed and put my handstogether and that sort of thing,
but we energetically bowed andwe said thank you and just sat
in that gratitude and it wasbeautiful.
Then we moved on.
Life is good, right?
So that is the reactive model.

(33:30):
You're reacting to a stimulus,whether it's somebody at the
grocery store, the desire towatch porn, the desire to
ejaculate, whatever it is Like.
This thing comes in from out ofthe blue.
You deal with it intentionally.
You use that as fuel to goabout your life.
Right?
The proactive model is tointentionally make a decision to

(33:51):
build your sexual arousal forthe sake of building your sexual
energy and not letting that gothrough an ejaculatory orgasm,
but then harnessing that.

It's saying at the start I'm going to turn
myself on to build energyspecifically to make my dreams
come true.
Yeah, Is that right?
Totally Okay.

Yeah, this kind of like fucks with a lot of
people's brains.
It definitely fucked with myyounger brain.
If somebody said you can havesex and not ejaculate and feel
great, I would be like fuck you,no way, You're crazy.
And then I read all these bookson the topic and started to
experiment with it and turns outit's actually true.
But my younger self I just wantto acknowledge and if you're

(34:33):
listening to this and you feellike that, like I get it, Like I
was there too but I will sayit's possible to have sexual
experiences and not ejaculateand feel amazing.
So number one is make a decisionto build the sexual energy.
Number two is to commit toyourself to build it without
ejaculatory release.
Number three you can build itwith masturbation or sex or

(34:54):
fantasy.
You know you could actuallyintentionally do this just with
a fantasy if you wanted to, andthis is almost taking it to the
realms of meditation, Right.
Just go into the fantasy andthink about something super
erotic and you'll notice thatthe body starts to get impacted.
There's some sort of sensationthat happens, and then you can
breathe with that and circulatethat and not get caught up and

(35:14):
swept up in the fantasy, butwork with that and bring it into
your body and then go aboutyour day.
Net positive gain Right, so youcan masturbate.
Sex flirtation even Flirtationis an interesting one, but it's
nuanced.
But I figured I would talkabout it too.
Have you ever had a flirtatiousinteraction with somebody that
felt like you were fueled upfrom it?

afterwards Totally, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, but you weren't using them for that
experience, right, it just kindof happened.
Yeah, there's a dance there.
It's like a subconsciouslysocietally agreed upon dance
that we're doing of sexualenergy without being sexual,
right, we don't acknowledge it,right, but it's there, but
there's a life force givingthing that can happen from that
too.
So say I'm at a party or sayyou're at a party and you're

(35:59):
like you know what, I kind ofwant to feel a little aroused,
like I think I'm going to goflirt with some people, and it's
again.
It's super fucking nuanced andtricky, because here we're
talking about playing withsexual energy, right, and
there's a lot of like weirdleaky boundaries that can happen
in sort of conscious communityplaces where this could go very

(36:21):
wrong and it could feel likeyou're taking from somebody.
And that's not what I'm sayinghere.
I'm saying don't go take fromsomebody, say go out, and if
there is somebody you feel likeflirting with, like great, go
for it, notice the impact onyour body and integrate that
without needing anything fromthem.
Super, be super clear, like youdon't need anything from

(36:43):
anybody, you're just in thisdance.
And if they don't want to flirt, like go and go somewhere else,
you know that's great, and thenmove about your life.

Hmm.

Interesting Right, this is not something I
do regularly.
I have played with it a coupletimes and I just kind of put it
in here because it's like thenerdy, geek part of me is like
this also technically works.
You know, my main way of doingthis is masturbation without
ejaculation.
That's something I do a lot of.

It's a fun idea for me to go up to someone and
say, hey, do you want to buildsome sexual energy between us
and then use it to make ourdreams come true.

Totally.
That is totally different,though, for me, from just
flirting Right, like I assumeyou wouldn't just go up to
somebody random and be like hey,you want to build some sexual
energy with me Not someonerandom, that's for sure.
Yeah, you don't.
That's not what we're saying,in fact.

I've never done the former, which is go up to
even like a friend or someone Iwas attracted to, to even bring
up this concept.
But as we're talking about it,it's an.
It's kind of inspiring to me togo like, oh, you can build your
sexual energy and then aim ittowards something Right.

Yeah, but I'm not just to clarify, I'm not
saying to aim it at a person.

Yeah, right.

Then like, then go about your life and put that
into whatever it is that youwant to do.
Maybe it's a creative project,or playing music, or dancing, or
building your business,whatever that sort of thing,
yeah.
Yeah, makes sense, totally Cool.
So for this next example, likeI masturbate 20 minutes, I don't
ejaculate.
I do different sorts ofexercises to integrate my sexual
arousal, so I don't get blueballs, because that would be

(38:14):
stagnation, that'd be sort ofpushing it down.

Right, there'd be some repression.
That's the other end of thespectrum, right?
So you're acknowledging allthese sensations that you just
built up Totally, rather thansay like, okay, I'm just going
to pretend they're not?

there and just go about my day yeah, merging
them through my body, feelinggreat, and then I go and do
whatever it is I want to do.
That is a net positive If I'vedone it correctly.
If I get blue balls, that's avery clear sign that I haven't
done enough.
Sexual integration.
Okay, and now I want to showwhat I would call the sexual
energy integration exercise.
It's very simple.
Okay, I'll put a graphic up oncamera and I'll just.

(38:48):
Well, I stand up.
No, I'll put a graphic up oncamera and I'll just describe it
, because I have other videos ofme doing this.
But whenever I have master,whenever I have masturbate,
whenever I have masturbate,whenever I masturbate and I
don't ejaculate, or sometimeswhen I have sex and I don't want
to ejaculate, and just almostevery day anyway, I'll do this.
I stand, I take both of myhands this is the exercise.

(39:10):
I place them, cup them aroundmy testicles, with a little bit
of pressure, I squeeze my pelvicfloor and I breathe a deep
inhale while drawing my hands upto my chest, and then I'll
release my pelvic floor and thenrelease my hands and do a
little shake like that, and whenI'm squeezing my hands and

(39:32):
pelvic floor up my body, runningthem up to my heart and
breathing in.
I'm also visualizing some sortof energy moving up.
Maybe it's an energy ball,maybe it's sexual energy, maybe
it's orange, maybe it's red andmaybe whatever the color it is,
I'm also using the power ofvisualization to affect sexual
energy.
So do that 10 times.
I guarantee you will feeldifferent.

It's amazing what that can do.

And so the breathing in, you're
accomplishing two things theshake is the discharge and the
breathing in is the integrationpiece that accomplishes both of
those.
So if you're having sex and youdon't want to ejaculate and
you're feeling the urge toejaculate, you can actually say
hey, baby, I want to pause for amoment and do this thing.

(40:18):
It might look really weird, butit'll help me keep having sex
with you for longer.
Ultimately, it will be morepleasure for both of us.
Okay, cool, I've done that withlovers before and with the
right communication upfront,they super appreciate it.

Getting to maybe bring up before you have sex,
Totally yeah totally, or you cando it skillfully.

If you haven't talked about it beforehand, you
just have to own it.
Own that this is what you'redoing, this is your desire and
ultimately it's because you wantto have a deeper, more
pleasurable, connectedexperience with them and express
that with words.

So you're saying you consciously masturbate in an
attempt to generate sexualenergy, to use this inspiration
towards your nonsexual dreams?

I have done that .
I'm not saying I do thatregularly, but I'm saying it's
an avenue of doing it.
What I do do is masturbateregularly without ejaculating,
and I harness that energy andintegrate it into my body and
then do whatever.
I don't always think aboutwhatever it is that I'm wanting
to do.
A lot of times I do that at theend of the day.

(41:23):
It's a nice relaxation practicefor me and I'll breathe and
I'll go into this sort ofmeditative space and then just
feel that and then I can relaxinto it and I feel charged up,
but not in a way that preventsme from sleeping.
It's just sort of like it'slike drinking a glass of water
when you need one and you haveit in a while, except with some

(41:43):
sexual arousal mixed in there.
That's the best way I candescribe it.
Wow, yeah, so not everyone'scup of tea, but for me it really
works and I feel like I'mpretty stoked about what I've
accomplished in life so far.

And you're like hey, part of that is because I'm
using this sexual energy inthat direction.

Oh, 100%.
Yeah, I mean there's a previouspodcast you can listen to about
how specifically this practicehelped me make more money in my
previous business before I evenstarted teaching about sex stuff
.
So like it's very concrete inmy experience 100%.
So Sexual breath work,microcosmic orbit, sexual energy
integration, exercise, movingyour whole body like all this

(42:24):
stuff you can do during sex withanother person to integrate, to
transmute this desire toejaculate into embodied, aroused
energy that you can then use togo about and do whatever you
want.
Again, remember the first timeI did this I felt like I got the
gold star in Super MoriaBrothers.
It was amazing, right.
I had sex with my partner atthe time and I didn't ejaculate

(42:45):
intentionally.
I did these practices and thenI went out and I went to the
grocery store and I was like, ohmy God this is what they're
talking about.

Right, that's so good.
Okay, yeah, cool, it soundslike something definitely worth
trying.

Totally.

And something that requires a lot of
commitment beforehand and a lotof discipline.
For sure, yeah, and I'mguessing it took you a lot of
discipline and I'm guessing,throughout your journey with it,
you blew your load a couple oftimes.
Oh, totally Right, as you'relooking towards that.
Maybe, two or three.

Yeah, right, right, yeah.
It's definitely something thattakes practice.
I mean, this is why I teachwhat I teach now.
I teach this stuff becausethere weren't any good resources
for it when I was younger and Iwant to help guys realize like,
hey, you can do this too in amuch shorter amount of time than
it took me.
Right, get this guide, get thisfree guide.

(43:35):
There's tons of resources inthe description of this episode.
So that's the sex piece, theintentional building model, the
proactive model.
Just one quick note if you'regoing to have sex with somebody
and intentionally not ejaculate,the question comes up like well
, how do you know when sex isdone?
All genders ask this questionif they're having sex with a man

(43:56):
, because like sex is usuallyover when the man ejaculates
Right, right, you know.
So my favorite way to end sexwith a partner if I'm not
ejaculating is to get intowhat's called a yob yom position
, basically like if you're thepenetrating person.
Your partner is sitting on topof you, facing each other, with
your legs wrapped around eachother.
I'll put a graphic on screenright now and you hold each

(44:17):
other, you look into eachother's eyes, heart to heart,
and I'll take 10 to 15 or 20breaths there, slow breaths,
together with the intention ofintegration.
You know, either spoken to orunderstood with my partner.
It's understood now becausewe've had sex so many times like
this.
But either spoken to or justhappens.
We do that and then we're good.

(44:38):
We're good, okay, so I'm goingto do my pelvic floor.
Maybe afterwards I'll like givemyself a tistic there, massage
or pelvic massage to help movethat energy in that area.
But it brings closure to theexperience for both of us.

It's nice to give sex an intentionally heart
opening close, as opposed to thestandard.
Come and sleep.
Yeah, you know Totally.

Totally Cool.
Coming and sleep is still great, right I?

think it's coming and sleeping yeah.
Not trying to bash them.

We do that with intention and not on autopilot,
it becomes so much better, somuch more pleasurable and
connective for everybody.
So I think we covered somereally good ground here.
Yeah, I learned a couple ofthings.
There's two more things that Iwant to go into.
There's the question of it's,like you know, conservation
versus cultivation.

(45:30):
Right, this is part of thewhole semen retention or nofap
thing.
Sex transmutation Right, we havea certain amount of sexual
energy.
If I were to masturbate andejaculate right now, I would
feel like I have less charge,you know.
So I'm not doing that.
Here we are having thisconversation.
So, technically, right now I'mconserving my energy, I'm

(45:55):
conserving my arousal,conserving my wakefulness, my
attention, my presence, etcetera.
Right, by not doing that thing.
The other side of that coin isthe cultivation.
So I'm also not doing somethingright now that builds my
arousal, but I could later on,and that would be the building
so I talked about.
There's the sex, there's themasturbation, there's the

(46:16):
fantasy, there's the flirtation.
Those are things that can buildsexual energy.
But the other side of that, too,how to build sexual energy is
just living a lifestyle of goodhealth, right, like a lot of
guys will think, like, oh, if Ijust have sex without
ejaculating or if I just dosemen retention or nofap or
whatever, then I'll have all thesexual energy, I'll feel great.

(46:38):
But that's not how it worksBecause, like, meanwhile they're
eating shit food, they're notworking out, they're not
exercising, they're not havinggood community connections, and
then they wonder why they're notfeeling aroused.
So I just like to put that inthere, because that piece is
crucially, crucially importantas well.
That builds sexual arousal overtime.
It's not the sort of thingwhere you go to the gym, you

(46:59):
lift some weights and you feelaroused, but if you do that for
a couple of weeks, then yourspontaneous arousal on the third
week is going to be muchstronger than if you hadn't done
that.
Does that make sense Totally.

I think it's a long-term gain when you're
talking about it, right yeah,and saying, hey, what you eat
and how you move, all thatmatters about your sex life, all
that matters about your energy,and pay attention to it,
because if you're doing thesethings in isolation and you're
part of a connected system, it'snot going to be as effective.

Totally so.
The last piece to close thisout is and this is potentially
the most important piece of allof it is how do you increase the
size of your container forholding sexual energy?
And what do I mean by that?
I mean that people havedifferent thresholds.
When I talked about having sexearlier I'll put this over here

(47:55):
when I mentioned that, mypartner said do you want to come
now?
And when I mentioned in myprevious like 10 years ago, that
would have pushed me over theedge, right, I had a much
smaller capacity, much smallercontainer.
It's a whole sexual arousal atthat point.
So any sort of sexualstimulation like that, it would
have pushed me over the edge.
But I have since increased mycapacity, or you could call it
my container to hold more.

Therefore, it's much more difficult to push me
over the edge because it'sbigger, like my reservoir is
just larger if that makes senseyeah right, so you've learned to
grow this capacity, and I'mguessing you're going to give us
a tip on how to grow thiscapacity, or how does one start
growing a capacity like this?

Yeah, I mean doing some of the practices I
talked about here.
I will say also learning how tomasturbate for an extended
period of time minimum of 20minutes at a time before you
ejaculate and even withoutejaculating is one of the best
ways you can do this, becausethen your system 20 minutes is
long enough that your systemrealizes after minute nine or 10

(48:57):
that ejaculation isn't theimmediate goal.
Then you can sort of relax intothe experience a little bit
more and then, if you edge,bring yourself to the edge and
come back for some of that, youcan start to build familiarity
with the ejaculatory responseand you can come back into this
deeper, relaxed reservoir thatover time will build your
capacity.
And I have a whole freeejaculation control guide that I

(49:18):
definitely recommend checkingout.
It's in the description of thisthat will give you a bunch of
tips.
Probably not.
No tips but tips and techniquesto really optimize that.
But perhaps the most importantone out of all the things we'll
circle back around to thatquestion that you talked about a
while ago is the why Coming upwith a personal mission

(49:42):
statement.
A mission statement or a reallyclear vision for the life that
you want or for the desires thatyou want to have come to
fruition and become clear on whyyou would want to transmit your
sexual energy in the firstplace.
That is so profoundly importantand will be impactful to this
whole thing.

(50:02):
If you don't have that, what'syour motivation going to be?
To not ejaculate to porn?
When you get that stimulus Notgoing to have that strong of a
one, but if your life vision oryour mission statement is
something to the effect of Iwant to create the most amazing
business I possibly can so thatI can feel more alive and so
that I can support my family andso that I can support my

(50:22):
friends or do whatever it is tohave a better world, that is
going to be my anchor, that'sgoing to be my guiding light,
and so it's going to become themetric that I can measure all my
different decisions againstwhen the stimulus comes up, if I
get the urge to look at datingapps.
I could go on there and swipefor hours.
Those things are designed bythe same people who designed

(50:43):
social media to hook us and keepus there for a long time.
So that's a form of sexualenergy transmutation.
No, I don't want to go ondating apps, I'm just going to.
Oh yeah, here are the thingsthat are important to me in life
.
I'm going to go work on thisproject because this creates the
world that I want to see thatsort of a thing.
So some questions to askyourself what's really important

(51:08):
to you?
What do you care about?
You don't have to answer thison the podcast, but that desire
that you have have you everactually took some time with it
and journaled about it?

Not in terms of that type of.
I hadn't thought of to takeattraction in that way and in
this direction, but it's a superinteresting concept to me.

I'm excited to play with it, Just to sit with
it and cultivate it and becomeattuned to it and familiar with
it and make friends with it Tothe point of like, okay, this is
what I want.
Cool, I own that.
That feels really sweet.
Now, as I go forward in my life, everything I do is going to be
oriented towards this.
I'm not going to get distractedby all the bullshit that would

(51:52):
take me away from doing thisthing that's really important to
me.
That's what taking a littletime with the desires can help
to do.
Cool, how's that sound?

Yeah, I think it's a good Christmas gift for
everyone you know, to take theirdesires and make their dreams
realities, and using the energyinside of them, cultivating it,
growing it and then using it tomake happen what they want to
happen.
I think it's a beautifuloffering.
Yeah, thanks for sharing allthis stuff.

Yeah, thanks for the questions, thanks for being
here for the conversation.
I realized there's one otherpiece I want to just add at the
end is like we're all thedifferent methods that you could
use to transmute sexual energy.
We talked about some of themhere, but some of the other ones
are dance, like playing music,going out and socializing.
Working out, going for a walkin nature, going to just lay

(52:45):
down in nature, meditating,meditating on the desire itself
internally can be a reallyprofound thing to do, just
meditating on those sensationsthat you felt.
If you took 20 minutes and justsat with those sensations and
observed them I'm not saying youshould do this all the time,
but for the sake of growth andexperimentation over those 20

(53:06):
minutes you would experiencesomething pretty profound.
Those sensations would haveexpanded and integrated into
your body just through thepractice of putting awareness on
them over time.
Just the biggest thing here isyou can do anything with
intention after the moment ofawareness and decision to

(53:27):
transmute your energy, and thatcan be an act of transmutation
if it's done with intention.

It's good food for thought.
Yeah, yeah.

So what are you going to do?

tonight I tell you what I definitely am going
to take out a journal.
I think it's a great idea, yeah, especially as we're
approaching the start of a newyear, I know that it's a great
time to lock in your head thebeginnings of things and ends of
things.
People lock into a little moreand to go, oh, what are my
intentions this year?
And then maybe make a littlelist and say, hey, when I'm

(54:03):
feeling those certain desires,certain desires, which desires
would I like to transmutetowards this direction?
Yeah, thanks for theinspiration to start thinking of
things in that way, totally,yeah.

Thanks for your questions, for sure, and thank
you for listening and watchingon YouTube.
If you have any questions aboutany of this stuff, please leave
a comment on YouTubespecifically.
That's the best place for me.
It's the easiest place to keepthe whole conversation in one
point and I'll get back to you.
I'm totally stoked about thisconversation and this topic and
it was kind of an experiment todo this in podcast setup versus,

(54:37):
like me, sharing a longpersonal story or something like
that, but I think it worked outpretty well and, yeah, I feel
stoked about it.
So let me know if you have anyquestions and I'll see you next
time.
Thanks so much, john.

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Sex Transmutation Explained - (Practical Examples + How To Guide)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sex Transmutation Explained - (Practical Examples + How To Guide)