Sexual Polarity & Alpha Consciousness in Long-Term Relationship - with Justin Patrick Pierce (Pt. 1) - Sex Upgraded

Episode Transcript
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Justin Patrick Pierce (00:00):
The biggest problems modern couples
face today is that they tend torelate to their intimate partner
more like a business partner ormore like a best friend, and
they don't realize they're doingit, and very quickly.
Sexual desire is not presentanymore.
They stop feeling attractionand they don't know where it
went or why it went and whathappened was they stopped

(00:20):
relating to each other as lovers?

Taylor Johnson (00:24):
Hello, friend, and welcome to the Sex Upgraded
Podcast, a podcast for men, allabout sex, where we'll combine
real, authentic anddown-to-earth conversations
about sex life and relationshipswith some pretty wild personal
stories and practical how-toepisodes, as well with guest
experts from around the world,to help you have the most
amazing sex life you canpossibly have.

(00:46):
My name is Taylor and I'll beyour host on this journey, and
it's my goal with each episodeto give you practical,
actionable things you can startdoing today to improve your sex
life and your entire life,because a thriving sex life will
help you thrive in all areas ofyour life.
So let's begin today's episodeby starting with a deep breath
in through the nose, into thebelly together, exhaling with an

(01:09):
audible sigh, and let's get into today's episode.
Hello friends, welcome back tothe show Today.

(01:31):
I'm so excited for thisconversation.
I'm joined here with JustinPatrick Pierce and we are going
to dive deep into the verycharged topic of sexual polarity
, and my partner, naima and Iwent to a workshop taught by
Justin and London, his partner,a couple months ago and it was a
really incredible experiencefor both of us.
It really just amplified ourrelationship and our sex lives

(01:52):
and it made me have a lot moreappreciation for the nuance and
the art of cultivating sexualpolarity, and I know when a lot
of people hear the term sexualpolarity, that might bring up
all kinds of concern or fear orexcitement or frustration.
And one of the cool things aboutwhat you, justin, and London
shared and we're going to getinto this in this episode is you

(02:12):
said in your workshop how, inthe effort to cultivate
masculine and feminine stylepolarity in your own
relationship, you kind ofactually went towards
relationship destruction andneeded to figure out a different
option.
So I'm excited to get into allthat today and excited to talk
about what is sexual polarity.
How do we actually cultivatethat in our relationships?

(02:34):
What does it look like?
How does it affect our sex life, romantic life, et cetera all
that good stuff.
So thank you, justin, so muchfor being here.
I'm grateful you're here and Iwant to start with just a simple
question opener what'ssomething that you know now
about sex that would have beenreally helpful for you to learn
earlier in life?

Well, it's great to see you again,
taylor, and thanks for reachingout and bringing me on
Appreciate being here with you.
Totally appreciate being herewith you totally.
When I was younger I wouldn'tsay that I was very skilled in
relationship or sex.
I had some steady girlfriendswhen I was young, but I went

(03:22):
through a phase through collegewhere I really wanted to explore
my freedom and I wanted to beable to have lots of partners
and really get to know what thisthing that is, sex, what it
really is, because I didn't wantto end up with one partner for
the rest of my life.
When I was like 16, I knewthere was this impulse in me
where I had to explore,otherwise I wouldn't be able to

(03:44):
settle down, and I knew thatabout myself early on.
So I wanted to figure out howdo I attract partners, how does
it work?
And in my younger years Ireally got into, like, um, the
pickup arts and all of that typeof thing.
That was very interesting to mewhen it first became popular
and came out.
I actually had ended up meetinga few of the top guys in the

(04:08):
pickup arts community when I wasyounger and learning quite a
bit from them, and so my idea ofintimacy was like OK, I could
put on this routine, this facade, I could play these games.
I could learn how to createbanter, use these lines and all
of that and it was fun and itwas working to a degree for me.

(04:33):
But there came a point in mylife where it started to feel
really empty.
And I just remember waking upone morning someone was in my
bed.
And I just remember waking upone morning someone was in my
bed and I just looked over and Ithought what is this person
doing in my bed?
And it just kind of struck mehow empty the whole thing was

(04:54):
and it felt very disconnectedfrom my heart, from my truth,
who I wanted to be as a man, howI wanted to live and what I
wanted to accomplish before Idied.
It just felt very absent fromthe routine and the facade I had

(05:15):
been creating around sex andrelationship.
So I didn't know what wasneeded, what shift I needed.
But I knew that putting on theact was not how I wanted to live
or engage in a relationship.
I wanted to find a way to beauthentically me and have a
relationship that felt deeplymeaningful and purposeful in my
life, that actually served theway I wanted to live, the

(05:39):
purpose I wanted to pursue, sue.
So, as I was introduced tosacred sexuality, sacred
intimacy through my partner, whois now London.
She brought me to my firstexperience.
What I began to learn there wasthat when we as men learn to

(06:02):
rest in our authentic essence,our core, unguarded, present,
unshakably confident in just ouressence of being not trying to
be something, not trying to bemacho, not trying to become
something, but just our essenceof being we can actually become

(06:26):
the most attractive version ofourselves.
And I think prior to thatmoment, realizing that and
experiencing it directly, Ialways imagined that to be
attractive you had to always puton some facade.
You had to always pretend youwere someone you were not.
You always had to put on a showor performance, and I just knew

(06:48):
that wasn't how I wanted tolive.
And I also knew thoseperformances don't last.
You can't keep up that facadeforever.
You could do it for a few weeksor a few months, but eventually
that all falls apart and comescrashing down.
So what is the way that we asmen can show up to intimate
relationship where it withstandsthe test of time?

(07:08):
And attraction in yourrelationship is something that
is present year after year afteryear after year.
So what is the thing that Iknow now that I wish I knew then
was I wish I knew how to trustmyself, relax into myself and

(07:30):
have the confidence to be myself, and know that that was not
only enough, but everything thatI needed to succeed not only in
love, but also in purpose.

Yeah, beautiful, let's all take a breath, just
let to let that land.
Yeah, thanks for that.
I'm really hearing a transitionfrom the doing and the chase
into the resting, as you, andit's sort of almost like a

(08:06):
leaning back into your ownfoundation, sort of.
And really how attractive thatis to other people and how that
actually probably just feels somuch different internally and
somatically too.
Yeah, absolutely yeah, cool,thank you.
Thank you for that.
And so to set the frame alittle bit more before we dive

(08:52):
into what is sexual polarity etcetera, it her, you have a child
together and you continue tohave sexual attraction in your
relationship.

Right?
That's absolutely correct.
And sexual attraction is hottertoday than it's ever been.
So London and I officially gottogether in 2010.
We met each other in 2009.
2010 is when we became a coupleand we had a child in 2018.
So our daughter is now turningsix this year.

(09:17):
So, as a committed couple, veryearly on in our relationship, we
began practicing sacred sex.
We got into this, so we builtthe foundation of our
relationship on.
We began practicing sacred sex.
We got into this, so we builtthe foundation of our
relationship on a lot of theseideas, philosophies, practices
and principles.
And so not only were we inrelationship for this period of
time and studying this art form,but we also had begun teaching

(09:40):
it after several years of reallyimmersing ourselves in the work
.
So we were assistant teachers,then became teachers ourselves.
So this body of work has alwaysbeen at the foundation of our
intimate relationship and it'sallowed us to really observe not
only what works for us as acommitted couple, also going
through parenthood and all ofthe challenges.

(10:02):
But what's unique about Londonand I is that not only are we
lovers, we're also businesspartners, so we work together,
and that was true even from thebeginning of our relationship,
when we were both physicaltrainers.
That was kind of where we metin that world, in the fitness
world.
But then we're also bestfriends and we have that dynamic
in our relationship and so aswe explored polarity practices,

(10:26):
what we were observing is thatthese ideas and these
technologies were excellent forgetting men and women together
for a weekend and having themexperience a lot of fiery sexual
energy, but the moment theywent home, no one knew how to
actually sustain the experienceat home.
No one knew how to actuallysustain the experience.

(10:47):
Everyone was so dependent uponthe teachers and the intensive
to actually experience polarityand have it in their lives.
And our exploration was how dowe maintain this?
How do we really bring thisinto our lives such that this is
our life, that this is thebasis of our relating and our
experience?
So much of our study was abouthow do we make these polarity

(11:16):
principles work as a moderncouple in a committed
relationship who's going throughall the ups and downs and
challenges of life where trustcan be lost constantly Through
these relations.
We're all human beings.
We're going to fall in and outof trust with our partner
constantly.
What are the tools thatactually allow us to have
harmony in our relationship asco-parents, as powerful partners

(11:39):
running a household together.
Also that dynamic of bestfriends but at the same time be
passionate lovers.
And what we discovered is theyare totally different art forms.
Relating to your intimatepartner as a business partner is
one style of relating.
Relating to your partner as abest friend is one style of
relating, and relating to themas a lover, where there's

(12:01):
actually sexual attractionpresent in your dynamic, is a
whole other way of relating.
So what London and I discoveredin our work was what we call the
three ways of relating, andthese are three different ways
where we intentionallyunderstand how we're connecting
with our partner at that momentand knowing the pros and cons of
interacting with them like that.

(12:21):
And I'll name that.
One of the biggest problemsmodern couples face today is
that they tend to relate totheir intimate partner more like
a business partner or more likea best friend and they don't
realize they're doing it andvery quickly, sexual desire is
not present anymore, they stopfeeling attraction and they
don't know where it went or whyit went, and what happened was

(12:43):
they stopped relating to eachother as lovers.
So a lot of our work is helpingcouples understand those
dynamics and know exactly whatto do, how to allow all of those
dynamics to thrive at the sametime, if that's the kind of
relationship you want to have.

Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful.
That's beautiful and this is oneof the reasons why, when I
started becoming familiar withyour work, I got so intrigued
because, well, just to share apersonal anecdote, like in my
own relationship and in my ownhistory of relationships and in
my own studying of all differentflavors of polarity and
masculine, feminine stuff, andspiritual sexuality, et cetera I

(13:22):
at some point got it into myhead that oh it's, it's not
going to be good for polarity inmy relationship If I talk with
my partner about business stuff.
Right, if I get to be too closefriends with her, I need to keep
our relationship purely in thecategory of sexual polarity all
the time, otherwise we're goingto lose sex or otherwise our

(13:43):
relationship is going to fallapart.
And what I have learned and I'mstill learning, still working
on this too is that well,actually, that cuts off the life
force that's available in theseother really important
categories.
Like I do want to be reallygood best friends with my
partner, like I do want to beable to talk about business and
I also want to have sex with her, and I don't want these

(14:05):
different categories to bemutually exclusive or take away
from the other ones.
So this art form.
Yeah, really, really drew me in.
They drew me in, and so whatI'm hearing from you and what
I've heard from you is that allthree are important and they're
all three different modes, andperhaps one shouldn't aim to be

(14:27):
in sexual polarity all the timein relationship.

I mean, the way that I approachthis body of work is I want to
empower men and women to be theco-creator of the relationship
they want to have.
So your relationship doesn'thave to look like mine, it can
look like anything you want itto.
But what I teach is I help youunderstand what it is that you

(14:57):
actually want it to look like.
First and foremost, get clearon what kind of relationship do
you want?
And then, are you doing thethings that creates that
relationship?
Are you co-creating thatexperience where your
relationship is that thing youhope and wish it would be?
And a lot of people one don'tknow the kind of relationship
they actually want and twocertainly don't have the tools

(15:21):
then to co-create thatexperience.
So for a lot of people,intimate relationship is
incredibly frustrating,bewildering, troubling,
agitating.
It can feel like one of thehardest challenges for men and
women in their lives harder thanwork, harder than career.
And the thing is, when we havethe intimate relationship that

(15:42):
we want and we feel thatconnection of love and trust
with another human being,particularly as men, we feel
like we could conquer the world.
It's unbelievable what happenswhen you have someone on your
team and in your corner,believing in you and loving you,
and that trust is there.
It's like you could take on anyproblem.
It's like you could take on anyproblem.

(16:07):
But the moment the home isruptured and there's a complete
loss of trust, there's acomplete absence of love in your
home, and that's the place youneed to come back to every day.
After a hard day of work,everything feels harder.
The weight of the world justgets heavier because our home

(16:32):
life is not in order.
So it's a remarkable differencebetween when we have a healthy,
thriving, intimate relationshipversus when our relationship is
broken or frustrated or asource of great pain and
suffering for us.
So the tools that I teach isabout one what's the
relationship you actually wantto have?
And then two what do you needto do to get it, to create it,
what do you need to keep doing?

(16:52):
So?
In that sense, some peoplemight say, hey, I want like a
really traditional stylerelationship, whereas the man I
work, I earn the money, shestays home, she raises the kids
and there's a polarity that'sconsistent through our
relationship in every facet.
Some people may choose that andthat's great.
You could be empowered aroundthat.

(17:13):
Just know what it takes tomaintain that dynamic in a
healthy and thriving way.
But for a lot of men and womenthat I meet, there are a lot of
women out there who have purpose, who want to pursue careers,
who want to earn, who want to dothese things that were
traditionally consideredexclusively masculine things up

(17:35):
until recently.
But as women step into thisrole in a whole different way, I
think what we're all waking upto is this is not actually a
masculine thing Having a careerand a purpose path and this is
not actually a masculine thing.
Having a career and a purposepath and earning money is not a
masculine feature.
So we're growing up to realizeno, women and men can actually
do those things together, and alot of women, as they find

(17:57):
purpose in the world they wantto have purpose and they want to
have love and that's the truthfor a lot of men too is like and
they want to have love, andthat's the truth for a lot of
men too it's like men.
I find that more men these dayswant to be part of their
children's lives and want tohelp raise their children.
I love being part of mydaughter's life.
I prioritize spending as muchtime with her and my wife as I

(18:20):
can possibly create, and that'sone of my highest priorities to
be there as a father for herevery day.
So not only do I have a purposepath, but my love is also a
critical piece to thisexperience for me.
So, as we consider what is thelandscape of most modern

(18:40):
relationships, they're not assimple, so to speak, as the
traditional model.
100% there's nuances to whenboth you and your partner have a
purpose path, and whetheryou're pursuing your purpose
separately or together on thesame team, that creates an
entirely different dynamic inyour household, whereas if it's

(19:00):
not held consciously, it willslowly sabotage your sex life
and your intimate relationship.
So what we teach is that youcan keep the purpose-purpose
dynamic, which we callalpha-alpha, alive and well and
thriving and be kick-asspartners, powerful partners, and
you can turn that off and alsohave an intimate life, a sexual

(19:25):
life, that is thriving as well.
And what does it take tomaintain both?

for those who want to assume that we're
talking to men who want to be insexual and friendship
relationship with their partnerand potentially business, even

(19:51):
in a way that you might notthink.
For example, like if you aregoing to live together, you're
entering into some sort ofbusiness dynamic.
If you're going to havechildren together, you're
entering into some sort oforganization, organizational,
like business type dynamic interms of, like, figuring out
schools, doctors, like all thesesorts of things.
Right, so for this conversation, let's, we're going to go

(20:11):
forward, assuming all three areon the table, brilliant, well,
that's my, that's my personalpreference for life and
relationship so you mentionedthe alpha, alpha and I do want
to go into your model of alpha,omega, omega, omega etc.
But first I'd like to justclarify a little bit more this
piece around using the termsmasculine and feminine and

(20:32):
perhaps why that was tricky inyour relationship, and just
highlight the thing you said too, that building a business and
creating money and havingpurpose isn't inherently a
masculine thing.
Right, and perhaps labeling itas such is problematic.
But I'm curious if you couldspeak to what were some of the
problems that you encountered inyour relationship using the

(20:54):
terms masculine and feminine inthe polarity lens.

Yeah, from my point of view, I
wouldn't see the terms masculine, feminine as being particularly
problematic.
What's even more significantfor me is that it's a half truth
.
It's not even the whole truth,it's a half truth.

(21:22):
It's a useful teaching toolwhere people can go oh, I get
that.
Oh, what does it mean to be aman?
What does it mean to be a woman?
I should do X, y and Z.
That's a useful model, becausemy dad didn't teach me how to be
a man or my mom didn'tdemonstrate how to be a woman.
So we need this language andthese ideas to kind of motivate
us and give us some kind ofdirection in a very

(21:43):
directionless time in history.
We seem to be in Inundated withinformation, but a lot of us
don't feel like we have theclarity of someone leading us
who we trust, someone teachingus how to be a man.
So a lot of us are in crisismode and we're trying to figure
out how do we be men, how do webe women, and just the
conversation in our world todayabout what it means to be a man

(22:06):
and woman.
There is so much uncertaintyaround these ideas and these
words right now.
So for many men and women, itcan be useful to do the
exploration.
Well, what does it mean to bemasculine?
What does it mean to befeminine?
So there's usefulness there.
Now we can stay in more theconventional ideas of masculine

(22:28):
and feminine and talk aboutthings that are pretty simple
for an audience to understand,but where I want to go with you
in particular, because I knowyou can have a little bit of a
deeper conversation and maybesome of your audience can also
follow along.
But let's talk about what theseterms masculine and feminine
are intended to communicate atthe deeper spiritual level,

(22:49):
because this isn't just intimacytechnology, this isn't just
therapy for relationship, thisis the spiritual practice.
So how does this become aspiritual practice?
And what's also important toknow about sacred sexuality is
it's intended to be a non-dualspiritual practice, a practice
of non-duality.

(23:11):
So when we get introduced tothis paradigm of polarity and
masculine, feminine, all of thatis duality, all of that is I'm
a man, I'm not a woman, you're awoman, not a man, right?
Am I masculine enough?
I don't know.
Can I become more masculine?
Are you feminine enough for me?
And so there's this sense ofseparation and it creates a kind

(23:34):
of competition and also anagitation and an insecurity in
men and women as a result,because what's the narrative
that most people adopt hearingthese teachings?
Well, what most commonlyhappens to men and women is one
the thought gets imprinted I'mnot masculine enough, I need to
be more masculine.

Or you're not masculine enough, or you're not
feminine enough for me.

That's exactly it.
And then we say to our partnerwell, I guess you're just not
feminine enough for me.
Or look at you, you can'thandle my emotions, you're not
masculine enough.
That is not a spiritualpractice.
There is nothing awake, thereis nothing enlightened about
that behavior or weaponizingthese ideas to defend your ego's

(24:22):
position.
And any use of that, any usewhere now you're weaponizing the
technology to judge or shameyour partner or to shame
yourself is a corruption of thework and a terrible
misunderstanding.
And so, particularly in our dayand where there's so many women

(24:44):
stepping into positions ofpower and leadership CEOs,
entrepreneurship, politics, allof these positions that were
considered exclusively for mennot so long ago we start to see
what a lot of people are callingthe masculinization of women,
women acting like men.

If you're listening and not seeing the
video, Justin did air quotes.
Yeah, those are not my words.

Those are the words of just what the
general population who talksabout these principles suggests.
There's a quote that I love,and the quote is biology enables

(25:36):
, culture forbids.
And this quote comes from abrilliant, a very intelligent
man historian, who studiesevolution, and what he is

(25:56):
pointing out here is that aswomen step into these roles in
the sciences, as lawyers, asdoctors, which men thought was
exclusively for them before, wefind, not only are they capable
of doing it, they can which menthought was exclusively for them
before, we find, not only arethey capable of doing it, they
can outperform men in many waysas well.
So our idea, our cultural ideathat women could only do this or

(26:17):
should only do this, it's beingrevealed day by day to not be
the absolute truth.
Because what is masculine atits essence, what are these
teachings trying to point at?
And if you understand thespiritual point of view, the
masculine is consciousnessitself, conscious awareness,

(26:37):
pure awareness, consciousnessitself.
And that consciousness allowsus to see with clarity.
That consciousness allows us tosee the present moment, the
past and the future and makepredictions and make plans and
create structures and systems tomanifest and penetrate the
world in order to get a man tothe moon, or to build a

(26:58):
skyscraper and so on and soforth, or to run a company and
to generate the money that itcreates, right?
But it's about leadership,creating structures and the
ability to guide, and that allcomes with vision, a clarity of
consciousness that's able to seepatterns, structures, and then
the courage to implement.
Women are demonstrating thatthey are consciousness too, and

(27:21):
they obviously are consciousnesstoo.
Women are aware Women haveconsciousness equal to men and
don't have some greaterconsciousness.
Men are not more consciousnessthan women, right?
So we start to see that beingdemonstrated in their ability.
So to continue to call thataspect of being masculine, I

(27:42):
find, is an actual error.
It's an old belief, an oldunderstanding that's not keeping
up with modern times.
Because if we really want tounderstand what consciousness is
, we have to recognizeconsciousness in ourself and
also to recognize thatconsciousness in other, that
consciousness in other, and soif the masculine is

(28:03):
consciousness itself, it hasnothing to do with manliness.
It is not limited to thebiology of a man.
The female biology and the malebiology are both capable of
consciousness.
They are consciousness, right?
So why reserve that quality orthat attribute, to say that's
exclusively for men, or ifyou're resting as consciousness,

(28:25):
you're in the masculine.
This is where the problembegins in the old language.
And again, these foundationalprinciples I'm talking about
between consciousness and we'llget to the other polarity in a
moment they're not wrong, butthey need to be updated so that
our understanding of what'shappening in our intimate

(28:46):
relationships and within usmakes sense to us.
Yes, right Is your.
When your intimate partner goesto work, let's say she's a CEO
and she walks around.
She's telling people what to doall day.
She's very angular and rigidbecause she needs to be
respected.
So she's not going to bewalking around the office like

(29:06):
this all day, like waving herhands and sliding her hips all
around.
She's going to put herselftogether because that's a
trustworthy embodiment, rightwhen we're learning to embody
consciousness, which is thetrustworthy seer.
So let's say she's doing thatall day.
And then she comes home.
Now, if she's not aware thatthat quality will depolarize you

(29:27):
when she gets in, meaning she'sangular she looks at you and
she says, hey, did you take outthe trash?
Hey, pass me the salt.
Hey, I need you to go pick upthis.
And she continues to command andgive orders that man might be
like wow, this doesn't feel sexy, this doesn't feel that great
to get this energy.
So what some men do who learnabout this work, they'll

(29:52):
suddenly say to that woman ahwell, you're in your masculine,
you're not in your feminine.
And then she suddenly goes ohno, am I too masculine?
And then she'll go to a women'sretreat and at the women's
retreat they'll say yeah, you'retoo masculine, you need to
practice your feminine.
And the woman goes I spent mywhole life going to college and
earning this career.

(30:12):
I'm making millions of dollarsin this position.
Maybe I need to quit all ofthat, because that was a man's
path, not my path, and she hasthis crisis around her own
identity that she was pursuing aman's path instead of what a
woman should be doing, which isdancing, moving, cooking and
adorning her body beautifully,right, yeah.
Now what my body of work says isthat you can have both and you

(30:35):
can do both.
Both of them are gifts, both ofthem are cultivations to
develop a strong alpha that isclear-minded and conscious,
trustworthy and able, able tocreate results in the world and
penetrate the world and manifestyour purpose.
Those are powerful qualitiesfor any man or woman to develop

(30:56):
right, and they are not limitedby our biology.
Only culture forbids us, right.
But then also to find, hey,well, maybe when I get home, I
don't want to be boss, I don'twant to be in charge.
I actually would love to takeoff my suit and unwind my body
and feel myself kind ofsurrender into your lead.

(31:19):
I would love for you to tell mewhat to do when I get home, so I
don't have to tell people whatto do anymore, and then you go
oh, that actually feelswonderful and sexy.
So now we're understanding thisbeautiful idea of what we call
energetic agility, that you canactually cultivate your alpha

(31:43):
and your omega and consciouslyflip between the two such that
you can have both.
And that's what our book, theAwakened Woman's Guide to
Everlasting Love, was writtenfor and we released this book
about six years ago now and ittalks about the woman who has a
purpose path, who can kick assin the world but also wants to
have a passionate, polarized,intimate relationship.
And what are the practice, whatare the teachings that she
could implement to create thatkind of life for herself?

(32:04):
So this is what becomespossible when we start
understanding the three ways ofrelating and also looking at
these polarities from the lensof alpha and omega, as opposed
to masculine, feminine.

Yeah, that's rich.
That is such good stuff.
Yeah, I love it.
I love it, so can you.
Can you flip it then for amoment?
Talk about the other side alittle bit.

Yeah, of course, and you're referring to
the Omega side of things, yeah,or let's see what is my question
.

I'll get specific with my question.
Yeah, let's talk.
Yeah, let's talk about theomega consciousness or the omega
side of things, because we justwent into alpha a little bit
just to kind of play it out andcreate some understanding in
your line of work.

Yeah, sure.
So let's go back to thefoundation of polarity and what
we're trying to describe here.
So, at the fundamental level ofexperience, of your experience
right now, in this moment, andanyone who's listening there's
the subject, that is this thingthat is called I, the seer that

(33:21):
is observing, and then there'severything that you observe in
the world.
There's your hand, there's yourbody, there's your thoughts,
your emotions.
You can observe all thosethings, just as you could
observe this microphone, thisdesk, you could observe other
people, you could observe thesun, you could observe the
cosmos, all of those things, ourthoughts, our perceptions,

(33:43):
sensations, our feelings, all ofthat are objects.
So, when we begin to explorewhat is our experience of life
as a living being, there's twofundamental components that we
find there's subject and there'sobject.
There's subject and there'sobject.
There is the witness and thereis that which is being witnessed

(34:04):
, right?
So all of the polaritypractices are based on that
fundamental understanding ofthese two primary polar forces
of existence.
That is your.
This isn't some esoteric, weirdthing that you like feel into
or like experience.
We're all already experiencingit right now.

(34:25):
If, if I ask you, are you aware?
What's your answer to thatquestion?
Are you?

aware in this moment?
I feel aware.
Yes, yes.

So whatever happens between the
moment I asked you that questionand when you actually said yes,
that experience of you placingyour awareness on awareness
itself and noticing, I am aware,yeah, I am aware that awareness
is consciousness.
That awareness is what wastraditionally called the

(35:00):
masculine, but in my work I callalpha, because all men and
women possess that sameawareness that is not exclusive
to male biology.
All men and women are thatawareness, that consciousness,
that thing we call I.
Everything else istraditionally the feminine,

(35:22):
everything else is what we wouldcall omega Omega.
So it is this light, it is thisform, it is this object that we
are constantly interacting with, whether it's the external
world or in our own experience,our thoughts, our emotions, our
body and so on.
Right, and what we start torealize is this part of you that

(35:44):
is pure awareness is neverchanging.
So if you were to kind of justreflect on the last several
years of your life, imagine whenyou were five years old and
maybe as a five-year-old.
Imagine kind of looking in themirror and seeing your face as a
five-year-old, maybe the kindof thoughts that were going in
your mind as a five-year-old,the kind of feelings you might

(36:06):
have had as a five-year-old.
And then imagine yourself as ateen, 12 years old or so,
looking in the mirror and theway your body has changed, your
face has changed, your hair haschanged, the way your mind works
changes, the feelings thatyou're having on a daily basis
change.
And then imagine now in your20s, looking in the mirror, and

(36:28):
so what's happening?
As you go through this span oftime, you observe that your body
is changing, your thoughts arechanging, your feelings are
changing, but it's the same youthat's been looking in that
mirror the whole time.
There's been this unchanging you, and it's the only aspect of

(36:50):
you that is unchanging, which isawareness itself, pure
awareness.
It has no features, it has nolimitations, it is just pure
awareness.
So part of the spiritual pathis waking up to the difference
between those two fundamentalthings, and we can call this the

(37:12):
inward facing path, where weexplore who am I and to
ultimately discover I amconsciousness or I am pure
awareness.
Everything else is omega.
Everything else is the oppositepolarity.
So your body is omega, yourfeelings, your thoughts are all

(37:33):
omega.
So this is one of the mostimportant reasons why I don't
use masculine, feminine language, because a lot of men who learn
this and they've been in yearsin this conversation.
They go.
Well, I'm not feminine at all,you know, I don't have anything.
And not even realizing.
You're missing the fundamentalteaching that your body is
feminine, your feelings are thefeminine, your mind is the

(37:55):
feminine Like, but I don't feelfeminine.
Yeah, it's because youmisunderstand the teaching.
You think we're actuallytalking about manliness and
womanliness, and we're not.
We're talking about manlinessand womanliness and we're not.
We're talking about thefundamental experience of life.
So, in that sense, this thingwe call me is our omega and this
thing we call I is our alpha.

(38:17):
And I'll describe this for youand everyone else, just so
everyone can get a sense of this, you and everyone else, just so
everyone can get a sense ofthis.
Do you know the part inside ofyou that knows what you want to
do, knows how you want to behave, knows where you want to go in
life?
But then, when you actually tryand do those things to show up
to the moment, your me alwaysseems to fail.

(38:37):
It always says the dumb thing,it's not motivated when it needs
to be.
Your I knows what you should do, but you're me, this wayward me
always seems to be getting itwrong.
So then what your eye does isit starts to judge and shame
your me say look at you, yourfailure, you're not enough.
And so we build this veryunloving relationship inside of

(39:00):
ourselves between this eye andthis me, and inside of ourselves
between this I and this me.
And you know you're in that ifyour inner voice is very unkind
to you and saying things likeyou're a failure, you don't
deserve to be loved, you're notenough, any version of that,
that is your own alpha speakingto your own omega through

(39:20):
judgment, through shame, throughblame.
That inner marriage that wehave between our own alpha and
omega.
Then we express that samerelationship externally to our
intimate partner.
And so if our judge judges us,then that toxicity and that

(39:41):
reactive pattern is going tobleed into our intimate
relationship, either with ourintimate partner being the judge
on us or us being the judge ofour intimate partner.
But one way it's going tomanifest.
So so much of this work isabout understanding what is my
alpha and my omega, what istheir relationship, and can I
heal the relationship between Iand me such that that is a

(40:02):
healthy dynamic and then Ibecome strong and in love with
both my alpha and omega.
There's no dividedness, andthen you bring that as a gift to
your partner.

Yeah, I'm really hearing that it's more than
just healing, but it's aboutbringing reverence to those
parts of self too, and alivenessand life and actually
celebrating those, celebratingboth, both and then bringing
that forward into the world andinto your relationship from that
place.
And that makes a lot of sensebecause a lot of people in my

(40:33):
younger self included I'll talkfor the male perspective again
like thought well, yeah, I'm notfeminine, like I'm not a woman,
I'm not going to do thesefeminine things but in the
process, I robbed myself of areally incredible gift of being
alive in a body and of dance andexpression and music and all of
these flow type states that arereally beautiful and

(40:55):
life-giving to experience,because, no, I need to be
masculine, no-transcript that,in addition to being

(41:38):
consciousness, just to be ableto feel the full spectrum of
being a healthy human, does that, does that land, is that right?

And one part of the spiritualpath, the inward facing path, is
developing a strong practice tosay I am not the body mind, I
am not my thoughts, I am not myemotions, and the practice is
traditionally called not that,not that, like a nitty-nitty
practice and we find the I andwe divorce ourselves from

(42:10):
body-mind completely andultimately say I am not the
body-mind.
That's not the complete path.
In the tantric teachings we nowhave the outward facing path,
where there's a return tobody-mind, there's a return to
life and this teaching of I amthat I know a lot of people have

(42:31):
heard that teaching I am that.
What does that mean?
That's when this awareness asconsciousness suddenly comes
back into body-mind.
This loving consciousness comesback through your form and
reaches out and extends andgives your gift of conscious
love to the world.
And not only does it movethrough in that way where your

(42:51):
gesture in relationship to bodymind is one of compassion, love,
trustworthiness, giving yourgift, but ultimately you begin
to understand that the world toois that same consciousness, is
that same self and there is noseparation.
And that's what completes thisprocess of the inward and
outward facing path.

(43:12):
We come inward to knowourselves as consciousness, not
that, not that.
But we have to make the returnto say no, I am the body-mind, I
am the feelings, I am thethoughts, I am the world.
I am the body mind, I am thefeelings, I am the thoughts, I
am the world.
This self that I now know andunderstand is the world, and it
creates a profound compassionfor our own humanity, our own

(43:33):
body, mind and everyone else'sas a result.
So it's this paradoxical pathof I'm not that, I'm not that,
and then I am that, I am that.
The inward facing path of I'mnot that could be thought of as
the alpha path, and then movinginto I am.
That would be the omega facingpath outward, which is based in

(43:53):
relationship and the receptivitythat you describe finding
expression in the world.
The creative force that movesus, all of that now moves into
the omega, and again, that's notlimited to women, right, and we
learned that a lot through the60s.
So, like the beatles come out,and then now there's like this

(44:16):
whole hippie movement followingthat, where men are growing
their hair long, they're smokingpot, they're dancing crazy,
they're wearing crazy clothes,and so men begin to liberate
themselves in the omega throughthat period of time as well.
And then we have the birth ofrock stars and musicians.
Right, that's healthy toexplore that to a degree.

(44:41):
What my work suggests is that wedon't want to go full alpha or
full omega and kind of haveresistance of the other so to
say, fuck all those alphasquares, you know, fuck being
responsible, fuck this.
I'm just going to go all intothis wild dance expression and
that's it.
And when people do that,there's a lot of gifts in that,

(45:04):
of course.
But there can also be a lot ofcons, like falling into drug
abuse, like not being able topenetrate the world, being an
untrustworthy human being.
So people can't rely on you toshow up on time to things,
people can't trust you to beyour word, because there's just
this carefully free flowiness.
And then you go to the otherextreme where it's like all

(45:27):
alpha world rigid, everything'scold, don't be artistic, don't
be expressive, you know, likegot to be buttoned up, and
there's just judgment oversensitivity and feeling and men
making fun of and mocking lookat these girly men crying, you
know, at a workshop, whatever itis that judgment that comes
through, where men in thatcategory and this is one of the

(45:52):
biggest reasons why I know menbenefit from doing omega
practice like we're describingand here let me describe one
these highly quote-unquote alphamacho men.
They have these tough guypersonalities where when it
comes to getting into a fight,they could do it.
When it comes to conflict, theycould do it.

(46:13):
When it comes to, like physicalpain, they can do it, but when
it comes to emotions they'recomplete weaklings.
They're complete weaklingsbecause you know they are,
because they're so reactive theyhave no ability to be with
feelings.
So now this big, tough guy,intimate partner shows a feeling

(46:34):
, or child shows a feeling, whatdoes he do?
He immediately stomps it out orshuts them down.
Shut up, you're fine, don't cry, be a man, you know, whatever
it is, it's just constantlysuppressing the feeling because,
in truth, he can't handleemotions.
He can't even handle his own,let alone anyone else's.
So he becomes very unskillfulin relationship and, as a result

(46:56):
, very untrustworthy.
Because a man who can't be withemotions is a highly reactive
person who ultimately can't betrusted, and he's going to do
one of two things is a highlyreactive person who ultimately
can't be trusted and he's goingto do one of two things he's
either going to becomeaggressive, which is dangerous,
or he's going to collapse andshut down and just collapse into
his weakness.
All of that is because he hasno capacity to feel.

(47:19):
So one of the biggest things wedevelop as men in Omega, is we
develop our capacity to feelemotions without reacting to
them.
So some people are imagining,when you feel your emotions,
you're just going to curl up ina ball and crying oh, I feel so
sad, I feel this, I feel this,and if that's part of the

(47:39):
process, that's fine.
But what I want to make sureeveryone is very clear about,
that's not what we're doing.
That's not the goal.
You might need to go throughthat process in order to touch
the feelings and feel them, butwhat you ultimately want to
become capable of is having astraight spine, maintaining eye
contact, having a deep breathand an open heart and saying to
your partner I feel crushedright now Because I'm telling

(48:05):
myself I'm a failure, becauseI'm not loving you the way that
I want to right now.
Now that communication of heart, of feeling your emotion so
deeply and communicating in away with loving consciousness,
that is polarizing, that is sexyand that is trustworthy, yeah,

(48:26):
and and.
And your ability to feel thatemotion without reacting or
collapsing, that is strength,and if you haven't practiced
feeling, you're not going to beable to do that.

Yeah, and one really important nuance too that
I heard in that is that whensitting tall, you know, eye
contact, really feeling it,there's an ownership there,
right, there's an ownership ofthe experience and there's not a
placing of the responsibilityof the emotions on the partner,

(48:59):
right.
So it's this sort of likeself-contained like oh, I feel
this, like this is me, this ismy authenticity, and they can
really be witnessed in that,versus what a lot of people will
do is like, yeah, maybe theycollapse or maybe they say it in
a way that kind of blames orpushes it externally, you know,
but I'm really hearing like theownership piece is part of the

(49:19):
piece that creates polarity inthat moment too, absolutely.

It creates an invitation, because
if we're blaming someone elsefor what we feel, we're already
in reactivity, yeah, we'realready in judgment, and that
doesn't inspire love or trust.
So you know a very brilliantman, marshall rosenberg, had
created non-violentcommunication, did a really deep
study on what it takes to knowwhat we feel and communicate it

(49:47):
in a way that is artful, and onething he found was saying I
feel because I is one of thoseincredible methods that stop the
pattern of blame and judgmentand criticism, which is if,
usually, when we have a feeling,usually when we have a feeling,
our immediate reaction is Ifeel pissed because you,

(50:10):
da-da-da.
I feel angry because they,da-da-da, because that, and
we're constantly pointing thefinger outwards as the source of
our suffering, as what iscausing us to feel so terrible.
And that is childish.
It is completely unaware andunawake.

(50:30):
There's nothing intelligentabout that reactive pattern that
wants to blame externally forour internal experience and how
we're internalizing thesefeelings.
So so long as we maintain inthat position of I feel because
you, I feel because they,because that there's no
ownership, as you say, of thefeeling itself and there's no

(50:52):
great awakening that occurs inus around our emotions the
moment we start practicing, Ifeel, because I we'll notice
it's even hard to say, or evenhard to come up with an answer
at first, because we're soconditioned not to think this
way, or even hard to come upwith an answer at first, because
we're so conditioned not tothink this way.
We're so conditioned by ourculture to be a culture of

(51:12):
control, of blame, of judgment,and we motivate people through
shame.
That's embedded in the languageof our culture.
So breaking that habit patterntakes a tremendous amount of
reprogramming and work.
So what you need to do is youneed to sit down and you need to
do the I feel practice byyourself.
And you could do it looking inthe mirror, with your eyes

(51:34):
closed, and you would just say Ifeel angry because I, and then
you just like don't even knowhow to answer.
You're like wait, because Iwhat, and that whole work of
going inside and illuminating toyourself.
I feel angry because I'm notliving up to my own standard.

(51:55):
I feel upset because I'mtelling myself I'm a failure,
not enough.
I feel frustrated because myneed to be seen, to be touched,
is not being met.
And now there's this awakeningprocess happening in us.
There's an ownership, as youdescribed, that capacity to

(52:17):
develop that skill is what Iwould call sensitivity, which is
commonly thought of as afeminine feature or a feature of
a weak man to be sensitive.
We all know that's nonsense atthis point.
But the question is, how do wedevelop sensitivity in a way
that is actually strong, that isactually trustworthy, that is

(52:39):
actually an expression of trueequanimity and love?
And this is the process andthis is how we started First,
internalize it with yourself andthen, once you have the clarity
to do it, you could begin thenexpressing that to your intimate
partner.
And what it does?

instead of pushing them away, it invites
them into your world yeah, andif you're listening to this and
you're thinking, like what doesthis have to do with sex?
Like I'm here to say, like allof this is a sexual practice,
right, like all of thiscontributes to the sexual
relationship between you andyour partner, and that's part of

(53:14):
the reasons.
One of the reasons why I likethis work so much is because
you're not just saying, okay,when you go into sex, do this
thing with your penis andsqueeze this thing and breathe
this thing here.
Like no, we all know how to dosex, right, but over the long
term, like, how are we showingup sexually and I like the term
sexual yoga even but how are weshowing up intimately in our

(53:34):
relationship on a regular basisin a way that either fosters
connection and the potential foreroticism or not, you know, and
all of that can be seen as asexual practice.

That's exactly it.
And if we don't have thesetools that I'm describing right
now, you could meet someone andhave a great sex life for a few
weeks or a few months, buteventually that's going to stop.
As resentments build, as trustis lost.
It doesn't matter how sexy youguys look, how good you are at
sex, if you don't have thesetools, your sex life is doomed

(54:08):
anyway.
You're going to have to findsomebody else because you
haven't learned what it takes tomaintain that relationship of
trust and vulnerability that'srequired to keep your sex alive.
And not only does it keep thesex alive, it deepens your
experience of sex, and at thebeginning of this podcast I said
very honestly I have better sexnow, 14 years into my

(54:33):
relationship, than I did for anyof the first few years, because
there is a depth to ourintimacy.
Imagine showing up to yourintimate partner every day and
being able to share what you seeand what you feel when you look
at them, being able to be sotransparent and honest.
And then being able to be sotransparent and honest about
what you desire sexually andsaying to your partner I want

(54:56):
you to get over here, I want youto sit on my lap, I want you to
take off my shirt, I want youto lie back, I want to hear you
sound on your exhale.
And now suddenly you'reexpressing your desires in real
time to your partner.
And then they get anopportunity to express what they
want with you.
And as you do that, you're notonly learning what you sexually

(55:18):
desire, but you're also learningwhat they sexually desire.
And if you do that regularlyfor years and years and years,
you start to recognize that sexis infinite.
There is no end to the play andthe adventure and the pleasure,
especially with one partner.
And when I was younger and I wasdoing all of my dating, I never

(55:38):
imagined I could be happy withone partner.
At one point I was dating 13women at the same time and I was
still unsatisfied.
And I was still unsatisfied andI say that not to brag but to
impress upon anyone that I wasin the mindset that I could be
fulfilled by variety in myrelationships.
And it was empty as anythingand I know some men have to

(56:02):
experience that for themselvesand ultimately come to their own
conclusion but I found in thosevariety I wasn't living a life
where I could concentrate mylife force into something that
truly felt purposeful andmattered to me.
I was so distracted by thedramas of those relationships.
But once you can consolidateand you can bring all of that

(56:24):
same sexual energy to one personin a way that is loving and
conscious, I discovered throughthese practices that I can have
a fully unleashed sexuality andremain fully committed to one
person at the same time.
And once these practicesallowed me to crack that code, I
was completely transformedsexually.

Boom, if there was a mic to drop, you could
drop it, but it's on the desk.
So we've got about 20 minutesleft here and I would love to
dive into a little bit of thespecific like sexually
generative things that you cando, and so I'll explain what I
mean by that in a moment.
But what I'm, what I'm hearingyou say well, I heard you say

(57:11):
like how amazing is it to bewith a partner for so long and
to be able to openly expresswhat I'm feeling and needing at
center on a regular basis?
Right, and yes, a hundredpercent.
And you're also not just doingthat.
If my understanding is correct,you're also doing sexually
generative practices in yourrelationship on a regular basis.
So I'd love to hear there's twothings, and we can go in one.

(57:34):
First, let's go back to thatscenario when the woman comes
home from work.
Right, I've heard a lot ofwomen say I really just want to
be like, held by, taken byishedby, loved by my man.
And I know there's a lot of menwho feel a lot of discomfort
with doing that because theydon't want to be the dangerous
man or they've seen all thestuff about toxic masculinity or

(57:57):
whatever.
And I'd love to hear you saylike, give some examples, like
what could you do in thatcontext?
Like what do you do to generatethat more alpha style
consciousness and sexuality sothey can drop into their more
omega?

Yeah, Every relationship is unique, so
you need to have a lot ofdifferent tools for these
moments in order to be effective.
So I'll name a couple and someof them will work for some
couples and some of themabsolutely won't work for other
couples, because it depends onthe level of trust, the level of

(58:35):
playfulness, the level of loveexchange that you have between
you and your partner.
If you don't have a high levelof trust, if you don't have a
high level of presence alreadyin your relationship, a lot of
these things will probably notwork.
But if you do have a lot oftrust and a lot of playfulness
in your relationship, thesethings will be the most fun,

(58:55):
ecstatic, sexually invitingthings that you could possibly
do.
So in my map that London and Ipresent in Playing With Fire,
the spiritual path of intimaterelationship.
That map breaks down all ofthese things that are needed to
have this relationship and themap also acts as a diagnostic so
you can look at the map and saywhat's missing from my
relationship and then what wouldI need to do to bring that

(59:19):
element into my relationship soI could have this thriving sex
life that is built on love andtrust.
So that whole book breaks itdown.
But let's take one look at whatsomeone can do when she walks in
the door.
So she walks in the door.
She's very angular, she's verykind of in her alpha mode, her
work mode, go mode.
One thing let's just play thisout Like what would I do?

(59:41):
So I know she's coming home,maybe I'll stand in the kitchen
and once I hear the door openI'll just kind of walk over into
the hallway so I could see thedoor open, and then I'll just
become really still, I'll standin a grounded way and I'll just
look at her and I'll just startto breathe her from a distance.
And she walks in, she takes onelook at me and she already kind

(01:00:03):
of knows, like, like thefeeling in her might be am I in
trouble?
What just happened?
You know like why are youstanding there just looking at
me?
But if you can stand there witha relaxed confidence and you're
breathing deeply into your body, you're already creating a
sexual moment, because you'recreating sexual tension, you're
not nervous, you're able to bestill and present in your body

(01:00:26):
and just breathe her, and thatpresence is already commanding.
Where you bring a presence toher, where she doesn't know if
she's about to get in trouble ifsomething's wrong or you're
about to ravish her.
She can't even tell what it is.
And that's playful.
That's the play that we want insex.
So I would just look at her.
She walks in the room and then,once she makes eye contact with

(01:00:53):
me, I would just kind of feelher.
Where is she at right now?
And then I would take a breathand I would look at her and I'd
say hey, you get over here.
Now I can say that because ofthe level of love and trust I
have in my relationship.
Some people you just say getover your partner.
Your partner is going to biteyour head off because you
haven't earned that say get overyour partner, your partner is
going to bite your head offbecause you haven't earned that.
But when you have a healthydynamic, you can playfully say
get over here.
And your partner goes oh, thisis fun.

(01:01:15):
And why does she say this isfun?
Because, as you described, allthe women say I just want to be
taken, I just want to be led.
So the first thing that I sayto her is a command hey, you get
over here.
So it's said with a slight darkedge, but it's also said with
humor.
I'm not mad, right, I'm playingwith her, yeah.
And then she starts to comeover and then maybe I'll put my

(01:01:39):
hand around her lower back andI'll pull her in and I'll just
press her belly into my bellyand I'll take a couple of
breaths with her.
And one thing men really want tolearn around sex is a lot of
men, once their sexuality turnson, all the energy goes up in
their shoulders and they startleaning in.
And this can be the mostrepulsive thing to a woman is to

(01:02:00):
feel your sex kind of come up,make your breath shallow and you
just kind of lean in.
It's a creepy kind ofsmothering energy.
She doesn't want that.
She wants to feel you be ableto rest back in your spine and
as you pull her into your belly,your belly gets big and presses
into her and you breathe her,slowing her body down with your
breath, slowing her down withyour breath, and then you can

(01:02:27):
run your hand up her spine, sothe whole spine holding her
lower back and supporting herlower back and holding her spine
makes her nervous system feelheld and that's the fastest way
to kind of get alpha energy outof her body is to create the
experience in her body, thatshe's being held now she's being
breathed and she's beingcommanded.

(01:02:47):
So I did that in a matter of 10seconds.
The only thing I said was hey,you get over here.
And already polarity is ripeand present in the moment.
So that's what's possible whenyou have love and trust and you
have a partner who's receptiveto your love and trust.
You might be in a situationwhere you say, hey, get over.

(01:03:08):
Your partner says screw you,I'm not, you know, like what are
you doing?
It's so weird, right?
You get those kinds ofreactions because it feels like
such a facade, so forced, andyou haven't done the
foundational work to be able tohave those kinds of experiences.
But when we show up to practice, this easily becomes available

(01:03:31):
to us and then it's just amatter of keeping the play up,
and what London and I call it iskeeping that pilot light of
intimacy alive.
So can you do littleinteractions every like three
times a day for 10 seconds,where you walk up to your
partner, you touch them in thisway, you breathe them and you
make a statement Like justsaying I want you, I want to

(01:03:57):
tear off your clothes and throwyou on the bed, but you don't do
it and you say something likenow get back to work.
And you just plant that seed ofteasing your partner.

Taylor Johnson (01:04:22):
Now get back to work and you just plant that
seed of teasing your partner.
This is the way you keep sexual.
The questions that I had onthis list that just fits right
now and we can just name it isthat sexual polarity,
cultivating sexual polarityisn't the answer for everything,
right, and sometimes you needto do the relational work, the
needing, the I feel, the I seestuff first to be able to then

(01:04:43):
go into those realms.
And so, yeah, I think that'syeah, beautifully said.
And so then there's a questionaround specific practice, like
sexual practice within a couple.
Let's say there's a couplelistening and they want to do

(01:05:05):
some kind of practice where theygenerate, they work on
generating these energiestogether.
I think it's my understandingthat you in London do some sort
of practice every morning thatgenerates this energy in your
relationship.
And I'm thinking of a scenario.
Let's say a man and a woman.
They live busy lives or whoever.
They live really busy lives andthey set a date and they want
to have a sexual date and thenthey show up at the end of the

(01:05:25):
day and they're not necessarilynecessarily feeling it and maybe
they feel tired, but they knowthat they want to be cultivating
these things.
So would the practice then beto well, what would you say to
that?

Justin Patrick Pierce (01:05:39):
First of all, mm-hmm let me start here by
saying that london and I havebeen practicing virtually every
day for over a decade and ourfavorite practice to start with

(01:06:02):
whenever we show up is the I seeI feel practice that we
describe in detail in PlayingWith Fire, that I see I feel
practice is so necessary to getboth partners back on the same
page.
And a lot of people don'trealize how important that piece
is.
Because what kills sex for alot of couples is harbored

(01:06:27):
resentments.
And why are those harboredresentments there is because you
don't feel seen or understoodby your partner.
You don't feel appreciated byyour partner.
You don't, and when that isabsent, you're not feeling seen
by the other.
It's very difficult to unlocksexually and have a great sexual
experience with somebody.

(01:06:48):
You can kind of ignore it and,just like you know, rub your
bodies together in an erotic wayand at least have orgasms and
all of that.
But this is a spiritual artform.
This is sacred sex we'retalking about.
So I'm not interested in justgetting two couples to
masturbate with each other.
Use each other's bodies to getoff.

(01:07:09):
That's not at all what we'repursuing here.
What we're pursuing here is howdo you establish such deep,
authentic connection where loveand trust is so palpable, your
body spontaneously want toembrace, you spontaneously want
to make love.
To embrace, you spontaneouslywant to make love.

(01:07:30):
You don't have to think aboutsex or force sex, because the
love and trust that is sopalpable in your connection is
already there.
That sex is just the naturalnext step, just like it was the
beginning of your relationship.
So one of the strongestpractices couples can do, and
most couples need to do, tostart, is they need to develop a
strong see I feel practice canI just speak to that?

speak to that for a moment, just briefly.
So, naima and I have beenplaying with this since we came
to your workshop a couple monthsago and I've been really
pleasantly surprised by howeffective it is, like infinity.
I just want to like explain itbriefly.
Like all we do, wherever we are, one of us of us like we agree,
okay, we're going to do thisthing now.
And one of us would startsaying I see, like I see, if I'm

(01:08:13):
doing this to her, like I see awoman who has worked really
hard today, who maybe wants ahug or a kiss, and then she'll
say just something simple likein response, like I feel that,
that, that, that, that, that.
And then I'll say I seesomething about her again.
Then she says I feel, and if wekeep doing that for a little
while, what starts to happen isreally palpable between us.

(01:08:35):
It's really actually magicalhow simple and potent that can
be.
And then flipping that as areally beautiful thing also to
experience being seen by her andto just go into my feeling body
, it it's.
It's surprisingly effective andI would highly encourage anyone
listening to try it with theirpartner.

It resolves all conflict.
And I mean that it resolves allconflict.
There is not a conflict that itdoes not resolve, and I know
that's an extreme statement.
But it's an extreme statementbecause these foundational
principles are embedded inspiritual practice that is 2,500
years old.
The spiritual practice ofseeing and feeling with

(01:09:18):
equanimity has been part of theenlightenment path for 2,500
years, so it's time, tested andproven.
The thing is, most peoplepractice it as one body by
themselves, of seeing, feelingwith equanimity.
What's unique that we'veintroduced with these practices
is now you are meditating twobodies as one the I see and I

(01:09:39):
feel.
So the technology isuniversally potent, tried and
true.
It resolves all conflict to thepoint of full enlightenment,
full liberation.

Yeah, and I'll say there's a skillful language
piece too that comes into it,and you mentioned marshall
rosenberg, and nvc has been amassive game changer in my life
and my partner's life too.
And so some people would mightsay like, oh, I feel like you're
just treating me like anasshole.
Well, that's a less skillfulway to say that you're going
outside of the feeling body,right, it's like I feel sad, or
I feel X, y and Z, you know.

Yeah Well , the the I see, I feel practice
reveals two things.
One the I see and I feelpractice is to reveal to anyone
who does it that you're alwaysseeing and you're always feeling
.
When you look at your partner,you're always seeing and
interpreting what they're doingand perceiving it in a certain
way.
Oh, I see he's being such anasshole right now.
He's so selfish.

(01:10:34):
Oh man, she's looking reallyugly right now, like whatever it
is your judgment and yourseeing, but it's happening so
unconsciously you don't evenrealize what it is you're seeing
and how you're interpretingwhat you're seeing.
The second piece is how we feel.
Just like you said, I feel likeyou're being a jerk, I feel

(01:10:54):
like you're an asshole, I feellike this is your fault, right?
Which, by the way, are notfeelings.
Not a single one of them is afeeling.
That's a perception and aprojection on your partner, but
you're always feeling that too.
That's the story that you'rereaffirming unconsciously in
your own body in terms of whatyou feel and see.
So the I see practice is firstto make you aware of and

(01:11:15):
sensitive to what it is you'reactually seeing and feeling in
the first place, and making yourealize you're always seeing and
feeling, and it's kind ofoverwhelming once you realize
you can't turn it off.
You're always seeing, you'realways feeling, and when I say
see, I don't even mean your eyesare open.
Seeing is symbolic of, like Isee, said, the blind man
Awareness.
I'm aware of this now.

(01:11:36):
So the seeing is, I am aware ofthis now.
You're always doing that.
The I see, I feel.
Practice is making that processconscious inside of you.
So as you do that, what you seeand what you feel doesn't
necessarily change, but how yousee it and how you feel, it

(01:11:57):
changes and becomes much moreskillful.
So let me give you a fewexamples.
You might sit down in front ofyour partner and see them and
say I see, you're in yourchildhood wound right now.
Now, is that going to open loveand trust?
To say that to your partner?
No, it's absolutely not.
It's going to shut them down,it's going to sound like a

(01:12:18):
judgment, which it is.
And so let's say your partneris doing that exact same thing,
where your mind is like oh look,they're in their childhood
wound, they're in their patternright now.
Right, but if you had thecompassion and skill to see them
in that moment and to see wow,I see that your heart is hurting
right now.
I see that you're in a lot ofpain.

(01:12:42):
I see that what I said earlierreally hurts you and made you
lose trust.
Now it's the same moment, butit's clarified with this ability
to see with equanimity, to seewith loving consciousness.
And now the nature of thatmoment is transformed completely

(01:13:02):
.
Because if you just said I seeyour childhood wound love and
trust you just sabotaged it.
If you say the second thing Isaid I see your childhood wound
love and trust you justsabotaged it.
If you say what I, the secondthing I said, there's this
restoration of love and trust,which is what both of you want
anyway.
But in order to get there, wehave to.

(01:13:25):
We have to learn to grow up outof the ego that wants to defend
itself and be right.
Yeah Well, I got to tell youwhat I see, because this is my
truth and in our culture today,we get attached to this idea of
my truth.
That's your reactive pattern,defending your ego position.
That is not your truth.
That is your reactivity,desperate to prove that you are
right, so you could feel safeagain in your world.

(01:13:46):
It is not an expression of love.
To feel and create love again.
We have to be willing to feelthe wounds of love without
retaliation, the vulnerability,to feel the hurt within us

(01:14:14):
without casting a dagger, and tosay I feel wrecked, I feel hurt
, I feel lost, because I'm dyingto be understood and I'm
telling myself that no oneunderstands me, like whatever it
is and that art form wedescribed of I feel, because I,
what you feel doesn't change,but how you interpret what you
feel, how you begin tounderstand what you feel, is
profoundly different and, as aresult, it invites love and

(01:14:37):
trust when you express it.
So that's what we learn throughI see, I feel.
And once a couple learns how todo that, their sex, their
attraction, their polarity willactually arise quite naturally
from the love and trust that'sfelt there and it doesn't need
to be forced to some performanceor acrobatic.
The sense like I'm safe withthis person, I'm attracted to

(01:15:00):
this person, I love that person,and what it starts to sound
like is like I'll sit down withLondon some days and I say I see
you're hurting, I see you feeloverwhelmed right now.
I see that.
And she starts to feel and feeland feel.
And as she softens and opens inher feeling, suddenly I say I
see how sexy you are, I see thewoman I love, I see thighs that

(01:15:24):
I want to lick.
I see the urge to pin you downis rising up in me and I can't
even hold it back anymore and itbecomes playful and sexy.
And that's how we take thisexperience of I see I feel, from
healing to hot, and that's acritical piece that a lot of
couples need to learn is youcould be in those deep emotions

(01:15:47):
and you can transition into anexperience that is incredibly
erotic and sexy sexy beautiful.

Yeah, so I'm really hearing similar to the
technique of nvc, the techniqueof the.
I feel I see it's reallyshowing up with a certain flavor
of consciousness and generativelove.
Like you, the, the energy youbring to that has a massive
impact and, yeah, I love thetransition from healing to hot.
Well, justin, thank you so muchfor this rich conversation.

(01:16:16):
So many good things here.
I really appreciate the workthat you're doing in the world
and I think this refinement,bringing this art to intimacy,
is so needed.
So thank you for this, thankyou for showing up, thank you
for being here with us and ifpeople want to work with you,
this, I actually this is goingto come out.
I don't know if there are stillspaces in your Kripalu event,
but is there any seed you wantto plant for people who might

(01:16:39):
want to work with you in London,going forward?

Yeah, if you're interested in our work,
you go to my website,justinpatrickpeircecom, and all
of the links to our onlineclasses and our live events will
be there.
London and I will be teachingour last in-person event at
Kripalu in Stockbridge,massachusetts.
That'll be August 22nd throughthe 27th and we have a public
event which will be three daysand then we have an extended

(01:17:05):
private intensive.
That's an add-on if people wantto stay five days and go deeper
into the polarity work with usAwesome.
So at this moment there's acouple seats left and if there's
still more, definitely check itout.
You could find the link on mywebsite and I'd love to work
with you guys in person.

Great, and we'll put all those links in the show
notes too.
Thank you for being here.
If you have any,

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Sexual Polarity & Alpha Consciousness in Long-Term Relationship - with Justin Patrick Pierce (Pt. 1)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sexual Polarity & Alpha Consciousness in Long-Term Relationship - with Justin Patrick Pierce (Pt. 1)