Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome to the
Absolute Dog Text in a Squirrel
podcast.
I'm Lauren Langman.
I'm one of the world's leadingdog trainers, and it's my
mission to help owners becometheir dog's top priority.
In each episode, you'll discoverhow to gain trust and
communicate with your dog likenever before, creating
unbreakable bonds that make youthe most exciting part of their
world.
No pressure.
No pressure.
(00:30):
No pressure.
Immediately, what happens whenyou get told no pressure?
We feel pressure.
There's so much pressure.
What was I feeling pressuredabout?
What we got to do?
I'm feeling pressured.
I think we put on what we put somuch pressure on ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (00:43):
We do.
SPEAKER_00 (00:43):
And actually, it's
not other people that put the
pressure on because people say,Oh, yeah, but they were watching
me.
Yeah, I get that they werewatching you.
But you know what?
They're probably in their ownlittle world thinking about
their own things, and you'rejust like entertainment.
Like, don't panic.
You're of no importance toeverybody else.
Most people are so self-absorbedand so in their own.
I think it foot orbits theirtheir world.
They've got their own world.
And pressure is such a massivething in dog training.
(01:05):
Pressure is such a massive thingin the dog sports world, in the
dog world generally.
I see it in the horse world.
Pressure can really upset therelationship with your dog.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (01:14):
Yeah, really get
undermine how you are with your
dog and undermine the successyou can have with your dog and
the fun you can have.
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Now, whether that's
at pet level, and I know you're
teaching a lot of the time lotsof pet owners, as am I, or
whether it's at competitivesports level, which again you're
teaching people at competitivesports level, as am I, and right
up to sort of ticket and worldchampionship level for me, my
students, I see them put so muchpressure on themselves to the
(01:42):
point it almost ruins whatthey're they're doing and their
experience.
I can actually see it really diddehabilitate like their ability
to have a good time.
And people say, Yeah, I'm justtrying to have fun.
And I'm like, No, this reallyisn't fun.
And actually, you've completelyupset the balance of what could
be fun, haven't you?
Yes, by doing that.
SPEAKER_01 (02:00):
You have.
And and it's I always try tothink of it in terms of doing,
looking at a situation andsaying, what is it that I can do
in this situation?
Not what I imagine is expectedof me, or what are the what's
the dream, or what do I thinkother people want?
SPEAKER_00 (02:21):
I that's a huge one.
What do I think other peoplewant?
Number one, you'll never knowbecause it's guesswork.
And number two, actually, that'snot what you want.
So why why even there's abrilliant saying, isn't there?
Comparison is the thief of joy.
So comparison is the thief ofjoy, that's one of them.
And the second one for me iswhether you think you can or you
think you can't, you're probablyright.
And I would actually say you'reright, not even probably.
And so, and that's Henry Ford.
(02:41):
And so for me, when we thinkabout pressure and when we think
about our relationship with ourdogs, none of us got in this to
feel pressure.
None of us got involved here tohave a hard time, none of us got
involved here to feelinadequate.
And I think actually, when wetalk about no pressure, I think
with pressure comes all of thosethings: feeling inadequate,
(03:01):
feeling not able to uh be thebest you can be for your dog,
feeling that you're notachieving the right results.
Now, both of us recently havehad experiences of feeling
inadequate, I suppose, or alevel of pressure.
Uh, mine was a competitiveexperience.
I was running an end line, I wascoming to the end.
My dog had had just such a coolrun.
She's a young dog, she'd hadlike the perfect round.
(03:23):
Everything about her run, therewas nothing I disliked, really
good run.
And it's all coming together,and then it starts to get near
the end, and you're bottling itup and you're getting excited,
but you're also getting a bitmanaging and scared.
And she runs past the last jump.
And in that moment, I smilebecause she's done such a great
job, and I'm so proud of her,and I'm so pleased for her in
(03:43):
what she's doing.
She's showing me raw potentialthat is just phenomenal.
At the same time, I am kickingmyself.
I'm like, why were you notbetter for her in that moment?
Why did you not step up?
Why did you not do a better job?
And then I think there's thatsaying, it is what it is.
Let's not fight with like youcan't go back in time, and what
you're going to do and what youlearn from the experience.
It's the learning.
SPEAKER_01 (04:04):
And that's the
lesson I always go.
What of what do I need to learnfrom this so that I'm better
prepared next time to do abetter job?
Rather than going, I'm stupid,I'm an idiot, I can't do it,
etc.
SPEAKER_00 (04:19):
I'm inadequate, my
dog needs a better handler.
I hear that all the time, I'msure you do.
My dog, with a better handler,yeah, but this is your dog.
Now, mindset plays a massivepart in pressure, doesn't it?
Now, you've got probably adifferent take on mindset to
most.
Explain why.
SPEAKER_01 (04:32):
Because I used to be
a psychotherapist, so I see so
much from the person's point ofview, and constantly hear people
creating their own story,telling themselves stories, and
they are stories.
We might as well put them on thechildren's story book shelf.
They are stories that we tellourselves, and they are not
(04:56):
true.
SPEAKER_00 (04:57):
And and and I think
that's the thing is be aware.
Uh the truth is an interestingthing, I think.
Let's let's just go back astage.
Truth is an interesting thing.
My truth and your truth, and oneof the students out in the
group's truth, they can all beyour truth and they can be the
truth, but they can all bedifferent truths.
Because they often relate tobeliefs and to um our own our
(05:17):
own stories.
And so I think it's reallyimpactful to know that what you
say out loud matters, what yousay in your head matters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So if you say to yourselfconstantly, I'm not able to do
this, or I'm not good enough forthis dog, or my dog's way better
than I am, or um this dog shouldhave had a better handler, or
um, I'm trying to think I can'tdo this.
I can't do this.
That that's constantly, youknow.
SPEAKER_01 (05:38):
I'm I'm no good at
this.
Whatever.
SPEAKER_00 (05:41):
And and it's one of
those things that you you
repeat, you repeat, you repeat,you repeat enough times that it
actually becomes the way youare, it becomes your truth.
Now you've watched handlers bothhere and at other centres and
and different places all overthe country put pressure on
themselves and put pressure ontheir dogs.
What happens when that happens,in your opinion, with some of
these scenarios?
(06:02):
And I'm gonna say there's aspace for healthy pressure.
I work a little dog calledSheba, she's a great friend of
mine's dog, and I've run a fewdogs actually for other people.
And I've been very fortunate inmy own dog blink, um, Shiba, and
then another um another dog, allthree of them loved and thrived
on pressure.
Like if you pushed up a gear andyou said, Come on, let's win
(06:22):
this, let's go.
What's your next gear?
They were like, Bring it on.
Whereas if you pressured alittle dog like Wild, I actually
think she'd crumble.
And I think that's important toacknowledge.
Now, you're watching pet dogowners learn some obedience here
this week.
We're teaching in the group,it's a lovely week to be here.
It's the sun's out, andeveryone's enjoying themselves,
having banana bread and enjoyinggreat community and company.
(06:45):
But some of these owners put alot of pressure on themselves.
They do.
And what happens in thatpressure?
SPEAKER_01 (06:49):
So a lot of the that
comes from comparison, for
instance.
So there might be people in thegroup who are a little more
advanced than other people are,or people already come with some
lack of belief in their abilityor their ability to train their
dog, and that does that that canbecome a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
And so we can end up going downand down and down a spiral where
(07:10):
these people pull away from thegroup, for instance.
And I'm very conscious of alwaysfinding the good.
Because if I find the good inwhat's going on, then they'll
begin to find the good in what'sgoing on, and we'll start to
lose some of the yes, but yes,but it didn't do this, this,
this, and this.
SPEAKER_00 (07:30):
Yes, but it did do
this, this, this, and this.
And and there's a really goodone, actually.
Replace butt with and when youreplace butt with and it stops
it, it stops a lot of negativenegative talk for me.
Now, I'm gonna give you anotherexample.
Matt and I were at a competitionand I said recently, yeah, but I
can't do that.
And he said, yet.
And I just thought it's such abrilliant addition to my
terrible sentence.
Like, I can't do that.
(07:51):
And he went, yet.
And I went, yet.
Yes.
Not in my toolkit yet.
Yes, yes, yet.
And when you when you said thatabout the pressure and the
owners, and then they backtrack,I think there was one point you
said there that I think isreally important and impactful
if you're an instructor,particularly if you're an
instructor, but also if you're astudent, to realize that a lot
(08:11):
of the time we don't just comehere wanting dog training.
We come here with baggage, wecome here with maybe a bad day,
a bad week.
I've got a brilliant student ofmine right now who's had some
problems with her employment.
I've had another brilliantstudent who actually um has has
huge bereavement in their lifeand and is struggling with that
right now, and understandablyso.
And so often people turn up withother baggage going on, right?
(08:32):
There's other stuff going on,there's other life.
Let's say it's it's it's living,isn't it?
Life happens.
And and I know that I've been ina group here with my lovely,
lovely wonderful group here.
And I'd recently lost my dog andI I barely could speak.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't even like my eyeswould even now they well up if I
think about it.
And so often those things comeas well, and then that almost
(08:54):
adds additional emotionaldynamic and additional pressure,
doesn't it, to try and getaround, especially when you see
someone seemingly thriving andyou're not like that's a that's
a hard space to be, isn't it?
When you're not thriving,someone else is thriving, you
want to be happy for them, butyou're also seriously annoyed at
where you are.
SPEAKER_01 (09:10):
Well, the the the
the mark of a good coach, in my
opinion, is that they can coachsomebody to be better than they
can.
SPEAKER_00 (09:17):
Oh, massive,
massive.
And I remember one of my, I haveto say, I do have favorite
students.
I try not to have favoritestudents, but I do have favorite
students.
One of my favorite students, whonow often is my trainer, she
went to world championships andshe went alongside me.
And I love seeing that, and Iloved seeing that she took it up
a notch and really got therewith me.
(09:39):
And at the same time, I'dprobably say sometimes she can
be a better trainer than mebecause she's very, very
diligent.
Whereas I'd like to jump aroundand and sometimes miss a stage
because I want to get therequicker.
Whereas how you play games, howyou play life, I'm gonna do that
quick.
Whereas I would say I'm a bettercompetitor than her because I've
probably got a bit more fight inme and spirit in me and a bit
more fire.
And so actually, you complimenteach other very, very well.
(10:01):
Uh and at the same time, I thinkyou're right, a great coach can
teach someone to exceed whatthey've done potentially.
Absolutely can.
But get back to that pressurething with the students.
What fallout do you see, or whatproblems do you see when let's
say one owner in the group orone owner that you're teaching
starts to either actaccidentally really pressure
(10:22):
themselves or pressure theirdog?
What sort of problems might yousee?
What sort of things might seepout?
SPEAKER_01 (10:26):
Well, first of all,
you might see them withdrawing,
so they don't want to exposethemselves to failure because
they they're going to see it.
You might see them being morequiet in the group.
You might you might they mightbe, I always do some exercises
and then ask for feedback, andyou might notice that they're
not giving you the feedback,even though you've observed some
(10:47):
good things that they've done.
And so you'll see dynamicschange, and then you'll you'll
you'll also notice that thestronger members of the group
will start to fill the spacethat those people have vacated,
and you and you must manage thatdynamic.
It's it's like groupfacilitation.
SPEAKER_00 (11:06):
It's like it's like
kids in a playground at times, I
think.
And I think we need to rememberthat I I certainly know I can be
a bit of a kid, and and thatfrustration.
I again I was talking to abrilliant, brilliant sports
psychologist, and he said to me,because I said I'm so
frustrated.
I was like, I'm so frustrated.
He said, good.
He said, good, because thatfrustration tells me how much
you care.
(11:26):
And that frustration is activelyhealthy.
And if you're not frustratedlike that, you probably are in
the wrong game.
So he said, frustration, he saidthe only issue is we've got to
have an outlook for it, andwhere does that go?
And so for me, with thatfrustration, I don't know about
you, and I'd love to hear whatyou do, but when I get
frustrated, like I did withmyself for letting this run
down, and I definitely did.
I I just didn't quite read thescenario correctly.
(11:47):
And we do that, we're human, sogive yourself the grace of being
human.
And for me, what I do is come upwith a plan.
And if I have a plan, I'm fine.
I just need a plan.
So I've written the plan, I knowwhat I'm doing, I know what I'm
training, I know how I'mtraining it, and then I know how
I got from here to here becauseI've put the plan off together.
And for me, the comparison toother people I have to knock on
(12:08):
the head because actually it'snot helpful.
No, it's not.
So I've I've worked out thatdoesn't help me.
So it's actually almost gonnastop me learning well, and it's
gonna stop me progressingbecause it isn't about me, and
it's something I it's completelyout of your control how someone
else does.
SPEAKER_01 (12:22):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (12:22):
So stop trying to
like look at it and control it
and be involved in it, or not beinvolved in it, or whatever
you're doing.
Yeah.
And I know when I've beenwinning a ticket class or when
I've been at the top ofsomething, I was winning, like
you want to like almost hex thenext dog, and you shouldn't
really do that, but you kind ofwant to because you want to be
there.
You know what?
Focus on your own getting.
You can do nothing about whatthey're doing.
Stay in your own lane.
Stay in your own lane.
And I think lots of people won'tbe that honest.
They'll be like, No, no, I'mreally happy for everyone to
(12:43):
win.
No, seriously, everyone wants towin.
Like, we all want to win.
Winning is a lovely feeling,isn't it?
I like the red ones.
Oh, it's just a great feeling.
Like any someone said to me, um,what what colour spaniel do you
like?
And and what and I'm like, anycolour looks good in red.
Like it does, doesn't it?
They all look good in red.
Red is a great colour, and atthe same time, I feel like you
can't look at what everyone elseis doing.
(13:04):
You have to do your best.
What else might you see in thedog when pressures become too
much?
Because I think this is reallytelling for me.
SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
So the dogs will
displace, so they'll go and have
happen to sniff somewhere elseor look somewhere else or
whatever.
They may shut down, so they maysuddenly not be able to do
something and fail at doing itor not engage in doing it.
They they may throw in somerandom behaviors, so they'll do
(13:34):
something completely otherbecause they don't understand,
or you might see frustration, soyou'll see them start to get
agitated, you'll see them startto bark or vocalize, and so they
can go in all sorts of differentdirections when when put under
pressure.
So for my dogs in dog sports, ifI put too much pressure on, then
(13:57):
they will underperform.
It won't be so when I'm in thering and I'm performing with my
dogs, uh, there is a zone that Ican get into with them.
I don't know whether you everget there in agility, but
certainly in obedience, becausewe're so closely connected to
the dog, then we can we can bein in flow with them.
(14:17):
And and I know that if I move ina way that is a right for that
dog, and we are completely inharmony and in step, it will all
be absolutely wonderful.
And when you get that, it's it'sa it's a dream.
SPEAKER_00 (14:34):
And flow is one of
those spaces that we all want to
get into as often as we can.
It's the time, it's it's whenyou forget time.
Yes, it's when everything kindof stands still, and and I've
definitely been in agility, andalso on horses, and also often
for me, it involves animals.
So often that's one of my bestflow spaces.
It could be feeding fish, evenlike it's often in much feeding
chickens, it often involvesanimals, but flow space for me
(14:56):
is you lose all sense of timeand you're just connected and
you're at one and you can forgeteverything, like you're just in
that space, very, very presentspace.
Yeah, for me, what I see in infallout in competition dogs in
particular is they can leave thering, they can actually try and
avoid being near the handler.
I watched a dog only thisweekend, went wrong, and the
handler went, Well, that's notgood enough, and the dog just
(15:17):
bolted out of the ring.
And that for me makes me reallysad because I don't think the
owner intends that to happen,and I don't think the dog enjoys
that experience, and soultimately let's not let that
happen and let's manage ouremotions enough to not ever let
the dog feel like they wereinadequate there.
And at the end of the day,they're dogs and they're they're
participating in something thatwe're choosing for them, not
their choosing.
And I also feel that I see a lotof dogs go over arousal as well.
(15:41):
The pressure can kick them up agear, and I've had to learn to
manage my own arousal withSkittle.
So actually, to just roundmyself a little before I run
her, because if not, I'm high asa kite, she's high in a high as
a kite, and actually it's cameraparty.
And so I think you can see themgo up in reactivity, or you can
see them just want to leave andactually get out of the space.
And I've seen dogs leave whenthey go wrong.
And I know a really brilliantdog, actually, fast, fast dog,
(16:03):
and you watch her go slow, oranother one I see on pressure is
they start their round slow.
So instead of coming out andgoing wham, bam, here I am, they
come out and be like, littlething like wallflower shrinking.
And I hate seeing that.
I really hate seeing that, and Ithink that that's where we need
to do better.
And someone like you or me wouldprep the dog for those
environments and keep preppingand bang and teach them up and
the toys and frisbees and keepthe energy up.
(16:26):
Whereas you'll see a lot ofhandlers accept that level to
the point that it becomesaccustomed to that level.
I don't want the dog to becomeaccustomed to that level of I
suppose, compliance.
They're complying, but they'renot actually enjoying the
experience.
I don't want that.
They're repressed, just the sameas children used to be.
SPEAKER_01 (16:43):
That the they get
squashed down by the pressure
put on them by the handler.
SPEAKER_00 (16:49):
It's interesting
that when you say squash, like
Liza, when she goes out tocompete, like we have zero
expectations, and she puts somuch on herself, she's like, I'm
winning this.
We're like, Are you?
She's like, Yes, I am.
So yeah, it's it's aninteresting one, isn't it?
Like, actually, and where thatcomes from.
I think the biggest thing,Linda, and you would understand
this better from yourbackground.
Most of all, we need tounderstand understand ourselves
(17:09):
better and why we are doingthis, and sometimes what we're
doing it for, and sometimes weneed to manage ourselves a bit
better.
Like sometimes if I'm annoyed, Imight even need to give the dog
to Matt.
Not because I'm gonna behorrible, just because that all
of that tension goes straightdown that lead.
And or if I'm really, reallyit's not going well, put the dog
back in the van.
And I I have never ever been atthe point where I think badly of
(17:31):
the dog, but at the same time,you're so frustrated that that
can still come through, I think.
SPEAKER_01 (17:36):
Yes, and it's
protecting the dog from whatever
stuff we need to deal with.
So sometimes I will out and I'mgonna do a training session with
my dogs.
I'm not really in the mood,yeah, but something tells me
that that's what I should bedoing.
I I get the ginotonic.
Where's the vodka?
No, I I take I get go to thefield, I get I park the van up,
(17:59):
and I sit, I just sit.
I just sit with myself for awhile.
I might scroll for a bit ofFacebook or I might answer some
emails, I might just, but I justgo into a sort of a me time,
yeah.
Just and then at some point I'llknow I'm ready.
And but I don't put that, Idon't really want to be doing
(18:19):
this onto the dock.
SPEAKER_00 (18:20):
Yeah, good.
SPEAKER_01 (18:20):
I've got to be
ready, I've got to be there so
that I can give them a hundredpercent of myself.
It's the same as when I'mteaching, and I've been uh
teaching to talking to peoplethis week about it.
When I when when you're trainingyour dog, train your dog.
When you're talking to a friend,talk to a friend, but don't
expect your dog to stay engagedwith you if you've started
(18:44):
talking to your trainer ortalking to a friend.
SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
Absolutely, 100%.
That's where I love um yourcollar where you've got the
handle on it, or where I justput a finger in the collar.
So if I'm talking to someone,finger in the collar, unless
I've got a dog who really isvery established and knows their
job inside out and they can justhave their toy and mess about.
Yeah, and like some of mine,I'll just give them a tennis
ball for a minute and they'llrun around and keep themselves
warm.
But that is a dog who's got thatright.
SPEAKER_01 (19:06):
But you can't be
rude.
If I'm if I was talking to youone minute and saying, No, let's
talk about this Lauren, and thenI turn around and talk to
somebody else over here.
Completely blank me for this.
I feel like well, you'lldisengage, right?
And you'd go, and then I'll youwould go off and do your own
thing.
Well, if you're going to be likethat, I'll go and find something
else to do.
SPEAKER_00 (19:23):
And that's what we
do to our dogs a lot.
Especially, especially inobedience, I would see it,
because the longevity of the theround, it takes such a long time
that there's so many differentelements to teach.
I think it's really hard.
SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
But it's been even
if you're doing some training
sessions with your helps athome, yeah, and you've been
doing some boundary work oryou've been you've been doing
some orientation game orwhatever, tell the dog you're
doing it, yeah, do it, yeah, andthen tell them it's over.
Yeah, we're done now.
And then they can go and dothat.
I love that with the sheeplocks.
That'll do.
SPEAKER_00 (19:50):
That'll do.
That'll do.
That'll do.
That'll do.
That's what mine have.
I go, that'll do.
That'll do.
That'll do.
We're done.
That'll do.
That'll do now.
So pressure.
I think for me, it's largelyabout you.
It's not actually so much aboutthe dog.
I actually think it's largelyabout you and managing our own
emotions in a space where weunderstand for our dogs.
Let's look at emotionalintelligence.
Like, we want to understand forour dogs where our dogs are and
(20:12):
meet them where they're at.
Some of my dogs love pressureand they thrive on it.
Blink would be a great example.
And some of the dogs I've run inthe past, Sheba currently,
phenomenal little dog to rununder pressure, enjoys it.
I look at her and like ready,and she's cute as a button.
Like she's got the cutest face.
And I'm like, ready?
And she's like, Bring it on.
And I'm like, good.
And we're on a championshipfinal start line, and she's
going, yep, yep, yep.
And I just love that littleface, like that face of I like
(20:34):
it.
Whereas some of my dogs, youneed to be much calmer with and
just take them and meet themwhere they're at.
Yeah.
Pressure, I feel is mostly aboutthe handler.
I feel the dog will do the rightthing if you do the right thing.
And I feel like we need tomanage our own, you, Linda.
So and it's about ourexpectations that we put on the
dog.
SPEAKER_01 (20:51):
Managing them
appropriately.
When you're you're trying toteach them something new, for
instance, or teach themsomething that you want them to
do and they haven't yet got it100%.
Don't keep on and on and on andon until they go, I can't do
this.
You've got to be sensitive towhat you're expecting off them.
SPEAKER_00 (21:07):
Slowly, slowly,
catchy monkey.
I love that saying.
I think it's just give it aminute and um gradually.
SPEAKER_01 (21:12):
Tiny bits at a time,
small steps, small steps, and
you will get to the when peoplesay to me, Ask Skittles, what
grade is she now?
SPEAKER_00 (21:18):
Is she championship?
And I said, No, no, she's gradefive.
And the reason she's grade fiveis that I actually think that's
the right place for her.
She's growing her skills, she'sbuilding her skills, and by the
end of the year, yeah, we'llpush her up.
But actually, right now it'sit's get the it's get the
expectations right for both thedog and the handler.
SPEAKER_01 (21:32):
Yes, yes.
I've I've seen too many dogsscoop through all the classes to
championship and then and thenuh yeah, blow up.
Can't cope.
SPEAKER_00 (21:40):
And I think the big
thing for all of you to know is
when we're talking no pressure,think carefully on your company.
Think carefully on the companyyou keep and the people that are
around you, and think carefullyon on how you feel around the
pressure, pressure there.
Most of all, manage yourexpectations, manage your
circle, and you know that theabsolute dog space is here for
you in all.
Thank you, Linda.
Bye bye.
(22:01):
It's been a blast.
We'll see you guys next week.