Defensiveness

I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.

As you listen to this episode, we’ll cover:

• Reasons you get defensive- whether it’s stemming from you or from your partner
• What to do when your partner or someone else seems defensive. 
• What to do when you feel unfairly attacked or accused
• How to calm down when either of you has gotten defensive

And more. 
E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.

“It's a tremendous challenge and opportunity to be fresh in today's conversation, rather than to call up that whole library of painful experiences that everybody, even in a good relationship, has over years and years together, because you're both human.”
-Michele Lisenbury Christensen

Hot Moments in This Episode:

• Why you should celebrate when defensiveness comes up [5:37]
• One of the best tools for dismantling defensiveness when bringing up an issue [15:25]
• Signs that your partner may be becoming defensive [17:35]
• What happens when you “throw in the kitchen sink” [26:40]

I wish for every couple listening today is to be able to talk about the most tender things, the most raw things, the deepest reactions you have to one another because those contain the gold of both your personal evolutions and the most intimate relationship that you can possibly have with each other.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Arbinger Institute books

Self-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze Response

Self-Regulation Toolkit Part 2: Fight or Flight

If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

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